Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
0
00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:00,883
There are moments in
life, you never truly forget.
1
00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:02,966
Like your first school massacre.
2
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,716
Your first demonic possession...
3
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:11,550
or your first suicide attempt.
4
00:01:12,883 --> 00:01:15,883
My name is Beth Connor,
and for the past 17 years.
5
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:18,258
My life has gone straight to video..
6
00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:20,508
Figuratively and literally.
7
00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:23,258
I know what you're thinking.
8
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:26,258
Teenage suicide is such a cliche in horror.
9
00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:29,258
They say that life is one great big movie.
10
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:32,925
But no matter what I do, I
can't seem to pick my genre.
11
00:01:33,258 --> 00:01:35,216
I've tried everything.
12
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:36,633
Self mutilation.
13
00:01:36,883 --> 00:01:38,008
Poisoning.
14
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:39,966
And even hanging.
15
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,425
And I still end up in another horror movie.
16
00:01:45,008 --> 00:01:47,276
I think the only way to erase
your existence in this genre
17
00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:49,925
is by blowing your fucking brains out!
18
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:53,716
Well, Bottoms Up for a romantic comedy.
19
00:01:53,925 --> 00:01:56,966
And don't worry. It's vegan milk.
20
00:01:57,300 --> 00:02:01,050
No animals were harmed in
ones self-righteous suicide.
21
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:09,258
You know, I always imagined
date rape pills tasted like candy.
22
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:10,675
Not like ass!
23
00:02:10,966 --> 00:02:13,258
I mean, what's the
incentive to even take them?
24
00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:17,341
Well, remember kids, it's
down the road not across the street!
25
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:22,758
Well, I guess I'm stuck
in another horror movie.
26
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,758
With 30 somethings
portraying high school students.
27
00:02:25,966 --> 00:02:28,800
Nonsensical-violence and
edgy social commentary.
28
00:02:29,050 --> 00:02:31,466
God, I hate low budget movies.
29
00:02:31,758 --> 00:02:33,758
You know, what I wouldn't
give for a happy ending?
30
00:02:33,925 --> 00:02:36,008
And by happy ending, I mean...
31
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,800
Let's shoot this straight to
DVD piece of shit already!
32
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:43,633
Fuck you!
33
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:53,133
♪ “S.A.S.S.” by Hands off Gretel ♪
34
00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:23,341
♪ "Do You Dare" by Die So Fluid ♪
35
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:28,008
I'm sorry, Dad never visits mum.
36
00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:33,133
You know, they say I get my looks from you.
37
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:40,133
And I'm trying to abide by the mantra: live fast,
die young and leave a good-looking corpse behind.
38
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,425
You know, just like Diana...
39
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:45,758
The Princess of Wales.
40
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:52,925
God, please prick my arm with heroin and blow my
fucking brains out like the patron Saint Kurt Cobain
41
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,091
Beth! Beth Conner!
42
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:56,675
Never mind.
Yoohoo!
43
00:03:57,050 --> 00:03:59,175
Beth!
Fucksake I'm coming!
44
00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:04,925
Beth! Sport! We got here just in the
nick of time. You forgot your packed-lunch!
45
00:04:05,091 --> 00:04:07,466
So you followed me all
the way from our house?
46
00:04:07,633 --> 00:04:12,133
And another nutritious lunch,
I'm sure! I'm vegan, remember!
47
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:16,133
And let's not forget, your
18th birthday is next week.
48
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:22,341
I'd hate to break it to you, but you are a
lousy stepmom substitute... Frankie Sullivan.
49
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,633
Beth Conner. We've been through this.
50
00:04:25,883 --> 00:04:28,258
Mommy Conner is dead and buried
51
00:04:28,508 --> 00:04:30,883
#nostalgia is cancer!
52
00:04:31,216 --> 00:04:35,425
#don't make me stick those 17 characters up your...
- Ladies!
53
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:38,883
Beth, please.
54
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,466
Take your lunch.
55
00:04:42,050 --> 00:04:44,216
Must we ask twice?
56
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:48,883
I don't know Dad? How about we grab a couple
of shovels and get a fourth opinion!?
57
00:04:49,258 --> 00:04:52,008
Have a splendid day at school, sport!
58
00:04:58,716 --> 00:05:01,716
♪ “DTH FLG” by The Black Halos ♪
59
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:23,216
Well, welcome to purgatory...
60
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:46,258
Every student deserves to experience a school
massacre, at least once in their lives.
61
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:51,925
It's a right of passage. Why
deny them of their God-given right?
62
00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:55,175
I didn't ask you Nancy, I asked him!
63
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:56,300
TUSK!
64
00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:01,800
Let's talk about the
tragedies of 1999, shall we?
65
00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:07,216
NATO bombed Yugoslavia, Clinton was acquitted
in the senate, Family Guy premiered on FOX...
66
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:11,966
and, Henenlotter High experienced
it's first school massacre.
67
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:17,258
Resulting in loss of revenue and the
closure of this very academic institution.
68
00:06:17,425 --> 00:06:19,425
Meanwhile back in America.
69
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:24,008
We not only survived, but
thrived. Making Columbine...
70
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,050
A household name.
71
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:34,258
Look at it this way! The school board no
longer has to worry about - lack of funding!
72
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:41,800
On-demand streaming channels will pay a handsome
seven figures for an .. 'academic faux-pas'
73
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:44,925
Like, I don't know!?
74
00:06:45,133 --> 00:06:48,341
Gee-wizz. A school shooting!?
75
00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:55,716
And of course before any student gets trigger happy at our proposal, we of
course need to make sure all the correct sponsorship and marketing are in place.
76
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:59,050
After all, controversy creates cash.
77
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:03,258
Mark my words Everbone, I'll do
everything and anything in my power
78
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:07,258
to prevent another tragedy
happening here at Henenlotter High.
79
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:12,258
Why don't we introduce the brand spanking
new headmaster of Henenlotter High?
80
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,966
A new headmaster!?
81
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:17,300
Remember the "Reams for Less Massacre"!?
82
00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:24,758
When Henenlotter High alum Peltzer Arbuckle summoned his
imaginary friend Ronnie to shoot up the school, back in 1999?
83
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,258
The British school board did nothing.
84
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:32,800
And then 15 years later. The duo returned
to assassinate a stationary company in
85
00:07:33,258 --> 00:07:37,466
the infamously-titled
"Reams for Less Massacre".
86
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:41,966
And still, the people of
Henenlotter did nothing.
87
00:07:42,466 --> 00:07:44,425
Except for one.
88
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:51,341
Marcus, Henenlotter High has hired the one American
who put a stop to that Drop-dead-Fred bullshit.
89
00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:56,841
Please, everyone, welcome the
new headmaster of Henenlotter High!
90
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:05,841
Allow me to re-introduce myself...
91
00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:08,216
My name is Mr Sawyer.
92
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:12,050
And Marcus, I hear you're the best.
93
00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:16,966
In fact, I hear that
you're the best... by par!
94
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:21,425
I am having so much fun!
95
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,216
Students!
96
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:39,216
Greetings and salutations Beth Conner!
97
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:44,258
Tell me, do goth vegans masturbate
with cucumbers or crucifixes these days?
98
00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:47,258
Give me a fucking break
Mr Auteur Filmmaker.
99
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:50,091
The power of the pickle compels you!
100
00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:55,258
That's Ethan Rembrandt,
Henenlotter High's resident date rapist.
101
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:59,258
And the brother of the late
narcissistic dickhead Stiles Rembrandt.
102
00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:02,925
And you know what they say?
Like brother, like date rapist!
103
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:08,008
Everyone knows the token goth girl is a
school massacre cliche waiting to happen!
104
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:10,140
All you need is a trench
coat, and hey presto!
105
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,609
You could be the premature
love child of Harris and Klebold!
106
00:09:12,633 --> 00:09:14,550
Why subvert the expectation?
107
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:18,883
Trench coats are so 1999.
Didn't you get the memo?
108
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,550
#nostalgia is cancer.
109
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:26,466
Anyway, please allow me to introduce...
110
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:35,216
Please give a warm welcome, and
put your hands together for Mr Sawyer!
111
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:37,675
Wahhh!
112
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:39,966
Woah!! Yes, sir.
113
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:46,258
Ooh.. Thank you so
much for that introduction.
114
00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:49,258
Come on people, give it up
for Clyde, my number one guy!
115
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:50,883
Yes, sir!
116
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:54,925
Good morning Henenlotter Hamsters…
117
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:59,258
Now I'd like to speak to you
all regarding a very, very...
118
00:09:59,675 --> 00:10:01,800
controversial subject.
119
00:10:02,175 --> 00:10:03,675
Now...
120
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:19,050
No, you didn't.
121
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,341
FUCK!
122
00:10:35,258 --> 00:10:38,925
Fucker, Fucker, Motherfucker!
123
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:44,258
Well, that's one way to deal with unruly
students dressed up as former presidents.
124
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:50,008
And let us return to the American precept that every
individual is accountable for his own actions.
125
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:55,050
I love it when you quote Ronnie
Reagan. It makes me so moist...
126
00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:56,758
Naturally.
127
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,258
Whoopsie fucking daisy!
128
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:08,258
WHOOPSIE FUCKING DAISY!
129
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,425
Whoopsie fucking daisy!
130
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:21,050
Now, my home country has a long
and rich history of school massacres...
131
00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:24,258
We know a thing about a thing or two.
132
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:29,258
So I thought. Why not bring a slice
of Americana here to the British isles.
133
00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:31,091
That's right folks!
134
00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:34,258
We here at Henenlotter
High will host the very first.
135
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:37,133
ALL YOU CAN EAT MASSACRE!
136
00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:40,258
What's wrong, Ethan?
137
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:44,258
Ran out of potential victims so you have
to lower your standards for the goth girl.
138
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:47,675
But Beth... it's the All
You Can Eat Massacre!
139
00:11:50,925 --> 00:11:54,883
Ooh!
No no no no no.
140
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:59,425
Take a look, in wonder, Deetz Montgomery.
141
00:11:59,675 --> 00:12:04,216
My love, my life, my everything.
142
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:08,675
WOOF!
- Okay, we need to talk about Deetz Montgomery.
143
00:12:08,758 --> 00:12:10,300
School secretary by day...
144
00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:13,383
And nymphomaniac
banjo-snapping mega bitch by night.
145
00:12:13,716 --> 00:12:18,925
Not to mention, the significant other of our
brand spanking new headmaster Mr Sawyer.
146
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:22,258
And whilst Mr Sawyer
only has eyes for Deetz.
147
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:25,258
Deetz has eyes for that dickhead
sitting behind me, Ethan Rembrandt.
148
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:30,966
And together, Deetz and Ethan became Henenlotter's
answer to Gislane Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein.
149
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:35,883
Grooming and sodomizing vulnerable
students in exchange for top grades.
150
00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:41,800
Whilst Deetz and Ethan live out their sordid
fantasies, unbeknownst to poor Mr Sawyer.
151
00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:44,716
Poetic and fucked up, right!?
152
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:52,258
Now at the inaugural All
You Can Eat Massacre.
153
00:12:53,091 --> 00:12:54,841
Sweet suicide.
154
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:58,258
Imagine blowing your fucking
brains out with that thing?
155
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:00,175
God it's beautiful..
156
00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:05,258
Students will have the option to
binge and purge as they see fit.
157
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:09,883
So the winner either gets
the chance to commit suicide, blah!
158
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,258
Or shoot up Henenlotter High!
159
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:14,091
Kinda like pro choice!
160
00:13:14,175 --> 00:13:15,591
Or pro death!
161
00:13:15,758 --> 00:13:17,133
Prolapse!
162
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:22,258
And now to paraphrase
Big Willy Shakespeare:
163
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:26,758
"To kill yourself, or to
kill your classmates!?
164
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:30,175
That is the motherfucking question!"
165
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:33,258
And now an instructional
video from Dr. Samuel Weil...
166
00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:34,966
Kill the lights!
167
00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:43,966
Alec Baldwin... nrrrgh!
168
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,091
Wasn't that riveting!?
169
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:50,883
Very riveting! Very riveting!
170
00:13:51,050 --> 00:13:55,091
Now, I would like to introduce you to
the new English teacher, Miss Campbell.
171
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:57,966
A fellow American, so give it up!
172
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:03,133
Thank you, Mr Sawyer for
that eloquent introduction.
173
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:10,258
Today is a new beginning
for us here at Henenlotter High.
174
00:14:10,508 --> 00:14:13,425
So remember, be kind to each other...
175
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:16,883
Or I'll kill ya!
176
00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:19,633
Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pewwww!
177
00:14:26,841 --> 00:14:28,425
Tough crowd.
178
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:40,925
Alfred Packer also known
as the Colorado Cannibal...
179
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:45,258
was an American prospector and self
proclaimed professional wilderness guide.
180
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:50,175
Who confessed to cannibalism
during the winter of 1874.
181
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:56,258
You totally have a boner
for Miss Campbell?
182
00:14:56,508 --> 00:14:58,925
Something wrong, Miss Conner?
183
00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:07,716
Beth...
184
00:15:07,966 --> 00:15:10,383
would you eat me?
185
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:12,966
Boy... would I?
186
00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:19,425
Wake up! Sleeping beauty!
187
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:26,050
Now Miss Conner, I would appreciate it if you
didn't take up all your time doodling in my class.
188
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:29,258
Do we have an understanding, Miss Conner?
189
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,758
Yes, ma'am.
190
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:32,341
Good!
191
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:39,258
Now, when Packer returned to town, he claimed
that he'd been abandoned by his party…
192
00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:43,020
but he eventually confessed that his party had
resorted to cannibalism in order to stay alive.
193
00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:47,258
You know, if you don't have a boner for Miss
Campbell, you can always attend to mine!
194
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:50,258
How about a five knuckle shuffle, Beth?
195
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:52,841
And I'll Jackson Pollock
your desk with my love goo!
196
00:15:52,883 --> 00:15:54,841
You are a fucking pig!
197
00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:56,800
Oink! Oink!
198
00:15:57,300 --> 00:16:00,091
Chill out, Beth. I got you covered.
199
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:04,258
All you goth girls really
need is a damn good...
200
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:05,800
Fingering!
201
00:16:09,716 --> 00:16:11,008
Arrgh! Why?
202
00:16:11,091 --> 00:16:14,675
Why me!? Fuck me Jesus on a pogo stick!
203
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:32,883
Beth!?
204
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,258
Miss Campbell called earlier...
205
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:57,008
regarding an incident,
with Ethan Rembrandt?
206
00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:59,300
Do we care to explain?
207
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:06,258
She wanted to let us know that he
not going to be pressing charges!
208
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,550
Charges? He forced
his finger into my mouth!
209
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:12,883
It wasn't finger food, Beth!
210
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:16,258
And what was I supposed to do?
Ask him to stop?
211
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:21,258
"OMG Ethan, stop mouth raping me with
your index finger! This isn't consensual!"
212
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:26,091
Nevertheless, we have been
discussing things, Frankie... and myself!
213
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:32,050
And we would like you
a, to invite him around...
214
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,800
For dinner.
215
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:37,258
You've got to be fucking kidding me!?
216
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:39,258
Let's try that again shall we?
217
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:43,258
That would be nice. We'll see
you tomorrow at dinner, Frankie.
218
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,841
Come on Beth. What's the line?
219
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,258
Go fuck yourself, Frankie!
220
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:03,925
Heavenly Miss Campbell,
please show me the way.
221
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:07,258
I know it will be sinful
to end a man's life.
222
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:11,258
But Ethan Rembrandt is the
epitome of toxic masculinity.
223
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:16,591
Sexually assaulting girls and getting off scott free just
because the school secretary has a life affirming rape kink?
224
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:20,008
Please, just give me a sign.
225
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,258
If you want me to kill the cunt?
226
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:27,633
Any... sign... at all?
227
00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:30,883
Destroy all men!
228
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:34,258
The sisterhood of the coven have spoken.
229
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:36,175
Fuck the patriarchy!
230
00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:40,341
♪ “Let's Get Rid of Elizabeth”
by Wasted Prospects ♪
231
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:45,258
Ethan, I really am so
sorry about yesterday.
232
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:48,258
Do you really mean it? I mean I hold no...
233
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:49,591
Grudges.
234
00:18:49,883 --> 00:18:53,258
Of course, I mean my parents
would love to have you over...
235
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,966
What you doing?
236
00:18:55,091 --> 00:18:56,466
Cara mia.
237
00:18:56,633 --> 00:19:00,216
No, Ethan. That's not
appropriate. Not in public.
238
00:19:00,383 --> 00:19:02,341
Eww, gross. Clarissa, look!
239
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:05,258
Eww, Sabrina. Do you see what I see?
240
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:06,675
Melissa!?
241
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:12,258
Well, I never thought Henenlotter High
would approve of inter-clique erotica.
242
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:14,175
In fact, Clarissa...
243
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,716
Please stop with the
generic bullying stereotypes.
244
00:19:16,883 --> 00:19:19,550
And 90s TV character name checks.
245
00:19:20,008 --> 00:19:21,425
It's painful.
246
00:19:21,550 --> 00:19:23,258
Interesting take, Beth.
247
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,258
You know, I'm surprised
you're still hungry.
248
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:29,050
Especially after you chowed down
on Ethan's poor finger yesterday.
249
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,050
You have no idea.
250
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:33,091
Don't worry, ladies.
251
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:36,258
Tonight I'll be converting her
into a full-blown preppy carnivore.
252
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:44,258
In fact, we saw you making eyes
at the new English teacher earlier...
253
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:47,260
planning on inviting Miss Campbell to
the All You Can Eat Massacre contest?
254
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:51,258
Don't give her ideas, Clarissa. You
said we were going to win that contest.
255
00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:54,258
I. I said that I was
going to win that contest.
256
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:59,258
Check your station, Sabrina and understand
where you are in this pecking order.
257
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:00,966
I'm the lead.
258
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:05,258
And Beth, when I win that contest,
you'll be the first person on my kill list.
259
00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:08,050
Please, please. Kill me now...
260
00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:12,050
I'm going to exterminate all the
freaks and goths at Henenlotter High.
261
00:20:12,258 --> 00:20:15,966
Like it's 1940's Nazi
Germany, move over Schindler,
262
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:20,258
Clarissa's list only has room
for the elite student body!
263
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:24,258
Imagine if she did invite Miss
Campbell to the eating contest.
264
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,258
I bet she would quite literally.
265
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:29,508
Eat... her... out.
266
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:39,300
♪ “Get Through the Day” by Twiztid ♪
267
00:20:44,716 --> 00:20:45,925
Sabrina
268
00:20:46,008 --> 00:20:47,216
Melissa.
269
00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:48,883
And Clarissa
270
00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:51,091
aka: The Mean Girls
271
00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:55,258
who wanted to be "Heathers" but
we're too busy sucking on "Jawbreakers".
272
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:58,258
And obsessing over the Tyler
McIntyre movie "Tragedy Girls".
273
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:01,258
Not to mention causing school
buses to "Crash and Burn" -
274
00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:04,258
and I ain't talking 'bout no
Charles Band movie, either...
275
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:08,258
Did you forget!? Henenlotter
High ain't your jurisdiction.
276
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:11,258
Yeah! We're The Mean
Girls around here, Mister.
277
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:14,258
For fucksake, try and make it
sound less scripted next time.
278
00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:17,258
You're a 30 year old woman,
playing a high school student, okay!?
279
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:19,841
Come on, Clarissa, let me go...
280
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:22,175
Without an apology!?
281
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:32,258
This is going to hurt you, a lot
more than it's going to hurt me.
282
00:21:33,466 --> 00:21:34,591
Ahhhhh!
283
00:21:36,550 --> 00:21:37,675
Ahhhhh!
284
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,258
And how about the time they!?-
285
00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:47,258
- Enough with the exposition,
Beth Conner. They get it...
286
00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:52,716
Meta and self aware foreshadowing
is so fucking pretentious...
287
00:21:53,883 --> 00:21:57,258
Maybe this woke princess
needs a taste of other white meat.
288
00:21:57,300 --> 00:21:59,716
Instead of this vegan slop...
289
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:09,966
Let's fucking go!
290
00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:13,258
♪ “Never Coming Back” by Our Last Enemy ♪
291
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:25,258
Eat me, Gomez Addams, I fucking dare you!
292
00:22:26,925 --> 00:22:28,800
You think that's edgy!?
293
00:22:28,883 --> 00:22:30,841
Explain this, Clarissa..
294
00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:41,633
On the contrary, Mr Conner.
295
00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:46,841
What the fuck am I supposed
to explain to Clarissa's parents?
296
00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:49,633
I'm sorry, your daughter
was an art class this afternoon
297
00:22:49,758 --> 00:22:52,258
studying Van Gogh, and lost a fucking ear!?
298
00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:54,258
Let Clarissa explain it all...
299
00:22:56,300 --> 00:22:58,508
Listen, Mr S.
300
00:22:59,091 --> 00:23:01,758
Soy.
Sawyer.
301
00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:05,758
We are deeply and sincerely apologetic
302
00:23:06,008 --> 00:23:09,966
for the way our dear daughter
has reacted to this situation.
303
00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:13,258
I can assure you. We
didn't bring her up like this.
304
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:14,966
Did we, Mark?
305
00:23:15,300 --> 00:23:18,216
What can I say? She's a hungry girl...
306
00:23:18,883 --> 00:23:20,175
Clyde...
307
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:22,258
What Mr Sawyer is trying to say,
308
00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:25,175
is that we feel your daughter,
309
00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:26,966
enjoys the old...
310
00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:35,258
Guys, she's one horror movie
away from shooting up the school.
311
00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:37,758
Columbine 2: Electric Boogaloo
312
00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:43,550
Are you fucking kidding me?
313
00:23:43,841 --> 00:23:45,800
This school is enabling school massacres
314
00:23:45,883 --> 00:23:49,841
by allowing students to choose between
killing their friends or killing themselves.
315
00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:53,091
Beth, you need to broaden your mind
316
00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:55,276
about zero percent of
fucking kids out there right now
317
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:57,258
are gonna actually amount to anything.
318
00:23:57,550 --> 00:24:00,883
I'm giving them the
option to binge and purge
319
00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:06,341
so they have no one else
to blame but themselves
320
00:24:06,716 --> 00:24:09,276
but it's students like you that
want to ruin it for everybody else.
321
00:24:09,300 --> 00:24:11,258
You want to blame Marilyn Manson
322
00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:16,425
violent video games, Child's
Play 3, imaginary friends...
323
00:24:16,925 --> 00:24:21,091
How dare you judge our
sweet little dumpling like that?
324
00:24:21,383 --> 00:24:24,591
I mean, just look at her,
325
00:24:24,841 --> 00:24:26,550
she wouldn't harm a fly.
326
00:24:26,675 --> 00:24:28,258
Now Miss Sullivan, I expect Beth to
327
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:33,258
make a formal apology to the entire
school for her unorthodox outbursts.
328
00:24:33,508 --> 00:24:35,591
She's just a child.
329
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:39,841
Has she not apologised enough? See!
330
00:24:41,050 --> 00:24:44,008
If there's one more incident
involving your daughter, Mr Conner.
331
00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:47,258
I'm afraid the school
will have to suspend her.
332
00:24:47,300 --> 00:24:50,133
I can see we're not
going to see eye to eye...
333
00:24:50,175 --> 00:24:53,508
Or mouth to ear!
Hey, that's not funny!
334
00:24:53,883 --> 00:24:56,341
Nope!
335
00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:23,966
Please come in.
336
00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:26,966
Miss Campbell?
337
00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:28,300
Yes!
338
00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:32,216
Clyde Toulon, head of human resources.
339
00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:36,050
Sorry for the intrusion,
but I just saw you in here,
340
00:25:36,300 --> 00:25:39,091
all alone, and...
341
00:25:44,300 --> 00:25:47,925
And well, it's getting rather late.
342
00:25:48,300 --> 00:25:51,675
Yes, sorry. I was just
finishing up some work.
343
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:54,633
It's been all go here today.
344
00:25:55,300 --> 00:25:57,175
I'll see myself out.
345
00:25:58,300 --> 00:26:00,841
How disappointing.
346
00:26:01,300 --> 00:26:04,800
Well you see, I got
you an induction day gift.
347
00:26:05,300 --> 00:26:08,050
A little surprise, shall we say...
348
00:26:08,425 --> 00:26:13,258
That's very sweet of you. But I
really need to finish my work, Clyde.
349
00:26:13,300 --> 00:26:15,425
Perhaps some other time.
350
00:26:16,300 --> 00:26:18,258
It will be worth your while...
351
00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:20,841
A surprise?
352
00:26:37,300 --> 00:26:41,133
Ethan. I'm Beth's father, Mark Conner.
353
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:43,258
It's a pleasure to finally meet you.
354
00:26:43,300 --> 00:26:45,258
Pleasure is all mine, Mr Conner.
355
00:26:45,300 --> 00:26:47,258
Sorry about the finger.
356
00:26:47,300 --> 00:26:51,258
Still. I hope it won't prevent you from scoring
for the Henenlotter Hamsters this season?
357
00:26:51,300 --> 00:26:56,258
No need for apologies Mr Connor. I can still
fit two in the pink and one in the stink, so…
358
00:26:56,300 --> 00:26:59,258
Ethan Rembrandt will always
score if you know what I'm saying?
359
00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:03,258
The youth of
today are quite something.
360
00:27:03,300 --> 00:27:05,258
Please, do take a seat.
361
00:27:05,300 --> 00:27:07,758
Beth will be down momentarily.
362
00:27:10,300 --> 00:27:14,258
I have to say I'm truly humbled by
your hospitality Mr and Mrs Conner.
363
00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:16,258
It's Miss Sullivan, actually...
364
00:27:16,300 --> 00:27:19,258
Mr Conner and I are in a civil partnership.
365
00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:23,216
Well, actually, I guess you
could say it was Beth that
366
00:27:23,300 --> 00:27:25,175
brought us together.
367
00:27:33,008 --> 00:27:36,091
Well my appetite just
flew over the cuckoo's nest.
368
00:27:36,341 --> 00:27:38,008
Mother of fuck!
369
00:27:38,300 --> 00:27:40,841
Good evening to you too, Ethan.
370
00:27:47,300 --> 00:27:48,966
Before I forget.
371
00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:50,966
This is for you.
372
00:27:51,300 --> 00:27:53,258
I don't drink on a school night.
373
00:27:53,300 --> 00:27:55,883
Beth, dear, we're British.
374
00:27:56,050 --> 00:27:57,633
We drink every night.
375
00:27:57,841 --> 00:28:00,841
Well, before we say grace, Ethan.
376
00:28:01,175 --> 00:28:06,175
I'd like to say what a beautiful addition
you're going to make to our family.
377
00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:07,966
I can just tell.
378
00:28:08,091 --> 00:28:10,258
A toast, to Beth Conner
379
00:28:10,300 --> 00:28:13,550
another notch on Ethan Rembrandt's bedpost.
380
00:28:14,883 --> 00:28:16,925
A-fucking-men.
381
00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:34,341
Testify, Mr Rembrandt.
382
00:28:36,300 --> 00:28:37,800
Okie dokie!
383
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:42,008
Let me know when I can
remove this blindfold, okay?
384
00:28:42,300 --> 00:28:44,425
Okay... Ready.
385
00:28:47,966 --> 00:28:49,341
Surprise!
386
00:28:50,091 --> 00:28:55,091
I'm sorry. I don't remember
signing up to this after school special.
387
00:28:56,216 --> 00:28:57,800
Well..
388
00:28:59,300 --> 00:29:00,883
Don't worry.
389
00:29:01,300 --> 00:29:05,966
I'll make sure you're very
well... financially compensated.
390
00:29:08,300 --> 00:29:10,883
Now, kneel before Toulon.
391
00:29:11,300 --> 00:29:13,883
Well, when you put it like that.
392
00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:19,550
I wouldn't want to be a problem, Mr Toulon.
393
00:29:33,300 --> 00:29:34,425
Mommy!
394
00:29:46,925 --> 00:29:49,883
Now I want you to get on your knees
395
00:29:50,008 --> 00:29:51,383
and pray.
396
00:30:03,258 --> 00:30:07,091
That's right. Pray to your
Weinstein God to save you.
397
00:30:08,341 --> 00:30:12,341
Harvey, Bob, little baby Jesus, help me...
398
00:30:12,633 --> 00:30:14,300
I'm sorry, Clyde.
399
00:30:14,425 --> 00:30:18,133
But your time in this
Dimension, has Miramaxed out!
400
00:30:38,300 --> 00:30:39,966
Wakey! Wakey!
401
00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:44,341
Beth?
402
00:30:45,300 --> 00:30:48,258
What are you doing? How did I get up here?
403
00:30:48,591 --> 00:30:51,716
Fuck yes!
404
00:30:52,425 --> 00:30:54,550
Thank you baby Jesus.
405
00:30:55,341 --> 00:30:58,591
I had no idea you
were into this kinky shit.
406
00:31:00,300 --> 00:31:01,966
Is that right?
407
00:31:02,300 --> 00:31:08,008
Beth, it would be an honour,
nay, a privilege, to be your victim.
408
00:31:08,300 --> 00:31:11,258
Do you feed that line to all your victims?
409
00:31:11,300 --> 00:31:13,258
I mean, potential suitors?
410
00:31:13,300 --> 00:31:16,258
You're the only one I
have eyes for, Beth Conner.
411
00:31:16,300 --> 00:31:20,425
Speaking of eyes, I noticed this evening.
You have the same eyes as Miss Sullivan
412
00:31:20,550 --> 00:31:23,258
you two could easily pass
as mother and daughter.
413
00:31:23,300 --> 00:31:25,425
She is not, my fucking...
414
00:31:25,508 --> 00:31:26,716
MOTHER!
415
00:31:58,300 --> 00:31:59,341
Fuck!
416
00:32:00,300 --> 00:32:03,258
Beth, honey, everything alright in there?
417
00:32:03,300 --> 00:32:06,258
Yeah, yeah, it's fine!
We're just finishing up.
418
00:32:06,300 --> 00:32:08,258
I hope you're not raping him?
419
00:32:08,300 --> 00:32:09,966
Rape
420
00:32:10,300 --> 00:32:15,258
Beth if you don't open this door right
now, I'm going to call the fucking police!
421
00:32:15,300 --> 00:32:17,341
Okay! Okay! I'm coming...
422
00:32:18,300 --> 00:32:20,216
Sport, what happened?
423
00:32:22,300 --> 00:32:23,966
Is Ethan alright?
424
00:32:24,300 --> 00:32:27,716
Ethan is just A-OK!
425
00:32:28,008 --> 00:32:30,050
So, how do you explain...
426
00:32:30,758 --> 00:32:34,091
Err... I was on my period?
427
00:32:35,300 --> 00:32:38,591
Okay...
428
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,050
Well, I wasn't expecting that.
429
00:32:41,300 --> 00:32:44,258
No, I could smell the
metallically coppery smell.
430
00:32:44,300 --> 00:32:47,258
Frankie! Frankie! Honey, that's enough!
431
00:32:47,300 --> 00:32:49,966
Okay! Well, I'm gonna go wash up.
432
00:32:50,091 --> 00:32:51,758
Love you, Daddy!
433
00:32:55,300 --> 00:32:58,925
♪ “Goth Girls Are Easy”
by Lesbian Bed Death ♪
434
00:33:00,300 --> 00:33:01,425
Bingo!
435
00:33:11,675 --> 00:33:14,300
♪ Goth girls are easy ♪
436
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:20,133
♪ Dark lips, big tits..
Goth girls are easy ♪
437
00:33:20,550 --> 00:33:25,966
♪ Goth boots, cat suit..
Goth girls are easy ♪
438
00:33:26,425 --> 00:33:31,800
♪ Black hair, death
stare.. Goth girls are easy ♪
439
00:33:40,925 --> 00:33:46,300
♪ Black hair, death
stare.. Goth girls are easy ♪
440
00:33:46,675 --> 00:33:49,716
♪ Dark lips, big tits.. ♪
441
00:33:51,300 --> 00:33:56,258
I believe that I speak for my fellow
female students here at Henenlotter High.
442
00:33:56,300 --> 00:34:01,175
When I say that, Ethan Rembrandt
was taken from us far, far too soon.
443
00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:05,800
We may have woke up in a ditch or passed out outside
the door of our estranged parents' household...
444
00:34:05,966 --> 00:34:11,883
but the fact still remains Ethan Rembrandt
had a hell of a lot of love left to give.
445
00:34:12,300 --> 00:34:15,258
He did the deed and
indeed he spread his seed
446
00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:19,258
before taking part in his favourite
pastime of ding dong ditch. In fact-
447
00:34:19,300 --> 00:34:21,258
Am I hearing this bullshit correctly?
448
00:34:21,300 --> 00:34:24,258
Beth Conner, will you
please show some respect!?
449
00:34:24,300 --> 00:34:29,466
You of all people should understand the pain and
sorrow your fellow sisters are feeling right now…
450
00:34:29,550 --> 00:34:32,258
Besides, you were
scheduled to be his next victim!
451
00:34:33,841 --> 00:34:36,258
I'm sorry, but what I meant to say was...
452
00:34:36,300 --> 00:34:39,258
You were due to be Ethan
Rembrandt's next conquest!
453
00:34:39,300 --> 00:34:41,758
In fact, I am glad he is dead!
454
00:34:41,966 --> 00:34:45,258
He's probably down there in hell
right now, roasting marshmallows whilst
455
00:34:45,300 --> 00:34:48,258
watching horror movies produced
by those fucking Weinstein brothers!
456
00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:50,175
That's enough, Beth!
457
00:34:50,300 --> 00:34:54,258
I won't hear you say another sacrilegious
word about the Weinstein brothers.
458
00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:56,216
Yes, Miss Montgomery...
459
00:35:00,300 --> 00:35:03,258
Well, who doesn't love
the Scream franchise?
460
00:35:03,300 --> 00:35:05,050
Am I right, girls?
461
00:35:05,300 --> 00:35:06,966
I love Scream 3...
462
00:35:08,300 --> 00:35:10,550
Consider yourself cancelled.
463
00:35:17,300 --> 00:35:21,966
Well, if it isn't the carpet munching
vegan goth-cannibal herself.
464
00:35:23,300 --> 00:35:25,758
Bit off more than we can chew?
465
00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:27,800
Come again?
466
00:35:28,300 --> 00:35:29,966
You heard me.
467
00:35:30,300 --> 00:35:34,675
I'm sorry Clarissa, I couldn't “ear” you...
468
00:35:35,300 --> 00:35:38,258
Are we auditioning for
the Henenlotter Hamsters
469
00:35:38,300 --> 00:35:40,841
cheerleading contest, Beth?
470
00:35:43,300 --> 00:35:47,008
Beth. We know your dark little secret.
471
00:35:47,300 --> 00:35:50,258
Ethan's parents phoned
the school to say that
472
00:35:50,300 --> 00:35:52,800
he was dropped off last night...
473
00:35:53,050 --> 00:35:54,175
Eaten.
474
00:35:54,758 --> 00:35:58,258
Not to mention, someone ripped
off Clyde Toulon's fucking head!
475
00:35:58,300 --> 00:36:01,258
What are the chances of that, hey!?
476
00:36:01,300 --> 00:36:05,258
After attending the Conner household,
Ethan ends up as the main course...
477
00:36:05,300 --> 00:36:09,133
And then Beth fancied
herself a little head...
478
00:36:10,591 --> 00:36:13,258
You better come clean, Beth.
479
00:36:13,300 --> 00:36:16,175
Before we tell Deetz and Mr Sawyer.
480
00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:22,216
And that would be a fate
far worse than death...
481
00:36:25,300 --> 00:36:29,008
Death? You say that like
it's a bad thing, Melissa.
482
00:36:40,300 --> 00:36:43,550
Too bad your Mommy's not alive...
483
00:36:44,300 --> 00:36:47,883
To see what a freak her
cunting daughter has turned into
484
00:36:48,008 --> 00:36:50,216
on her 18th birthday.
485
00:37:14,300 --> 00:37:16,258
Did anyone ever tell you:
486
00:37:16,300 --> 00:37:18,258
You look kinda sexy when you bleed?
487
00:37:18,300 --> 00:37:22,258
That's kind of inappropriate
for a teacher to say to a student.
488
00:37:33,300 --> 00:37:37,258
Can we order another round of
pancakes for Miss Gluttony over here?
489
00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:40,258
And just another refill of your
damn fine Henenlotter coffee.
490
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,258
We close in five minutes.
491
00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:46,633
Don't worry, with the appetite
she has she'll be done in two.
492
00:37:48,300 --> 00:37:50,550
I'm sorry, you were saying?
493
00:37:52,425 --> 00:37:55,716
Well, I may have eaten Ethan...
494
00:37:58,300 --> 00:38:01,258
What do you mean you
“may have eaten Ethan?”
495
00:38:01,300 --> 00:38:05,966
Something came over
me, this like.. primal urge.
496
00:38:06,716 --> 00:38:08,091
Prove it.
497
00:38:08,300 --> 00:38:09,758
Excuse me?
498
00:38:09,883 --> 00:38:12,258
Prove it to me right here, right now.
499
00:38:12,300 --> 00:38:15,758
What's the matter? Am I
not good enough to eat?
500
00:38:16,300 --> 00:38:21,258
You have no fucking idea.
501
00:38:22,300 --> 00:38:26,800
You've eaten every pancake in the diner.
502
00:38:27,300 --> 00:38:29,883
I recognise a cry for help when I see one.
503
00:38:30,300 --> 00:38:32,258
Do you wanna know my secret?
504
00:38:32,300 --> 00:38:33,341
Sure.
505
00:38:34,300 --> 00:38:35,966
What secret!?
506
00:38:40,300 --> 00:38:44,258
Everybody seems to be
falling for you lately, Beth!?
507
00:38:44,300 --> 00:38:45,675
Bye! Bye!
508
00:38:46,300 --> 00:38:47,800
What the fuck!?
509
00:38:48,091 --> 00:38:51,175
Beth? Beth! Do you wanna
know my secret or not?
510
00:38:51,633 --> 00:38:52,675
Sure?
511
00:38:54,050 --> 00:38:57,675
I suffer from something
known as erotophonophilia...
512
00:38:58,300 --> 00:38:59,966
Erono-nono-who?
513
00:39:00,300 --> 00:39:02,091
The lust for death!
514
00:39:02,300 --> 00:39:06,258
You remember the human resources
representative at Henenlotter High right?
515
00:39:06,300 --> 00:39:08,716
Clyde Toulon, of course, why?
516
00:39:14,300 --> 00:39:17,258
You know how we both
love animals right, Beth?
517
00:39:17,300 --> 00:39:18,258
Adore them.
518
00:39:18,300 --> 00:39:23,258
Well, you know how humans send animals off to the
slaughter without a conscience in the world?
519
00:39:23,300 --> 00:39:26,258
Well that's what I did to Clyde right here.
520
00:39:26,716 --> 00:39:28,258
You know, Miss Campbell, I -
521
00:39:28,300 --> 00:39:33,300
I've waited a long time to find
someone who truly understands me, Beth.
522
00:39:33,675 --> 00:39:37,258
Together we could rid the world of
this toxic self-appointed patriarchy
523
00:39:37,300 --> 00:39:41,800
that serves nothing to
womankind but pain and grief.
524
00:39:42,300 --> 00:39:45,425
But we're only going
to kill bad people, right?
525
00:39:47,300 --> 00:39:48,966
Pinkie promise.
526
00:39:51,300 --> 00:39:55,800
Consider this my peace
offering, and understanding.
527
00:39:57,550 --> 00:39:58,758
Eat up!
528
00:40:09,300 --> 00:40:10,675
Whoops!
529
00:40:31,300 --> 00:40:36,341
Miss Campbell, I think this is the
beginning of a beautiful relationship.
530
00:40:38,300 --> 00:40:42,591
♪ “Dancer in the Dark”
by Dylan Mars Greenberg ♪
531
00:42:06,300 --> 00:42:09,091
Wait, you sure we won't get caught?
532
00:42:09,425 --> 00:42:11,925
Would I lie to you, Beth?
533
00:42:13,300 --> 00:42:17,258
Trust me Tusk, the All You Can
Eat Massacre will be a grand success.
534
00:42:17,300 --> 00:42:22,175
Thus, guaranteeing yours truly,
another year as Headmaster.
535
00:42:22,300 --> 00:42:24,258
Am I right? I'm right!
536
00:42:24,300 --> 00:42:27,258
Just, hold your horses and
let's wait for the ratings, okay?
537
00:42:29,300 --> 00:42:32,258
Who is that woman over there
making out with that student?
538
00:42:32,300 --> 00:42:37,216
That's Miss Campbell, another
American member of the faculty...
539
00:42:39,966 --> 00:42:41,966
Doh! BETH!
540
00:42:47,008 --> 00:42:48,800
Mark my words Beth.
541
00:42:48,966 --> 00:42:52,258
No longer will you be groomed
here by a teacher at Henenlotter High.
542
00:42:52,300 --> 00:42:55,050
Again, I wasn't groomed.
543
00:42:55,300 --> 00:42:58,258
Nonsense, that's the
Stockholm Syndrome talking.
544
00:43:00,300 --> 00:43:02,883
Stockholm? I remember Stockholm...
545
00:43:03,300 --> 00:43:06,258
I once spent a weekend
skiing in Stockholm...
546
00:43:06,300 --> 00:43:07,800
with Clyde.
547
00:43:08,300 --> 00:43:11,258
Miss Campbell was hired under your watch.
548
00:43:11,300 --> 00:43:14,258
Do you have anything
to say about this Sawyer?
549
00:43:14,300 --> 00:43:16,258
I know what it's like to lose someone...
550
00:43:16,300 --> 00:43:17,800
Come again?
551
00:43:18,300 --> 00:43:20,216
That's what she said.
552
00:43:21,300 --> 00:43:24,258
Now look, Beth. You got to share
some of the responsibility here.
553
00:43:24,300 --> 00:43:27,050
Sawyer, she was sexually molested.
554
00:43:27,300 --> 00:43:33,008
Bullshit! I'm just calling it as I see it, fingers,
ears, decapitated heads of football players.
555
00:43:33,300 --> 00:43:35,425
My number one boy, Clyde!
556
00:43:37,300 --> 00:43:41,133
Get your shit together.
557
00:43:44,300 --> 00:43:49,341
We're in Henenlotter, the United
Kingdom, the age of consent is sixteen.
558
00:43:49,841 --> 00:43:53,258
And after all, I'm seventeen,
going on eighteen...
559
00:43:53,300 --> 00:43:55,258
Alright, Sound of Music!
560
00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:59,633
The Sound of Music is my all
time favourite film about Nazis!
561
00:44:04,591 --> 00:44:06,341
SIEG HEIL!
562
00:44:06,841 --> 00:44:08,216
What the fuck, Nancy?
563
00:44:08,300 --> 00:44:09,883
What the fuck, Nancy!?
564
00:44:10,008 --> 00:44:15,258
Beth, there's no reason to speak to the
rag sheets about this isolated incident.
565
00:44:15,300 --> 00:44:19,258
My significant other Nancy
has taken care of everything.
566
00:44:19,300 --> 00:44:21,091
Taken care of what?
567
00:44:21,300 --> 00:44:24,216
Miss Campbell has been sent on a plane
568
00:44:24,300 --> 00:44:27,883
back to the greatest
country on God's flat earth.
569
00:44:30,133 --> 00:44:31,175
What?
570
00:44:31,300 --> 00:44:35,508
Teachers shouldn't be gallivanting with
students, it just isn't cricket, darling.
571
00:44:35,591 --> 00:44:39,258
But it's okay for the school
secretary to fuck underaged students?
572
00:44:39,300 --> 00:44:40,466
Excuse me?
573
00:44:40,675 --> 00:44:44,258
Ethan Rembrandt was 17 years old, and
based on Henenlotter High's jurisdiction,
574
00:44:44,300 --> 00:44:49,925
that brands you Miss Montgomery, a paedophile,
a kiddie fiddler, a child fucker!
575
00:44:50,300 --> 00:44:52,841
A Serbian hanky-panky!
576
00:44:53,300 --> 00:44:56,258
Pay no attention to
this edge lord centennial.
577
00:44:56,300 --> 00:44:58,258
She's just trying to push the envelope.
578
00:44:58,300 --> 00:45:00,258
Speaking of envelopes...
579
00:45:00,300 --> 00:45:05,800
Mr Everbone, Miss Campbell asked me
to deliver this envelope directly to you.
580
00:45:07,300 --> 00:45:10,258
And now you've taken,
the only thing I truly love.
581
00:45:10,300 --> 00:45:14,258
I hereby announce my official entry
into the All You Can Eat Massacre contest.
582
00:45:14,300 --> 00:45:16,966
And mark my words, I'm
going to win that handgun,
583
00:45:17,050 --> 00:45:21,258
blow my fucking brains out, and escape
this shitty horror movie once and for all.
584
00:45:21,300 --> 00:45:24,258
No longer will I have to put up
with you loser characters again!
585
00:45:24,300 --> 00:45:27,091
Romantic comedy genre, here I come!
586
00:45:27,300 --> 00:45:32,175
Atta girl! That's the kinda
passion I'm talking about!
587
00:45:32,300 --> 00:45:39,008
Pro-choice suicide! But anybody can shoot
up a school, there's no talent in that!
588
00:45:41,300 --> 00:45:46,425
You want to take your own life?
Or partake in a school massacre?
589
00:45:47,300 --> 00:45:49,425
But you have to earn it.
590
00:45:50,300 --> 00:45:51,591
Earn it.
591
00:45:59,300 --> 00:46:00,966
Binge and purge.
592
00:46:01,300 --> 00:46:03,300
BINGE AND PURGE, BABY!
593
00:46:03,466 --> 00:46:04,591
Yeah!!
594
00:46:06,300 --> 00:46:08,758
That girls got talent. Pizzazz!
595
00:46:10,008 --> 00:46:11,716
I see big things coming!
596
00:46:11,841 --> 00:46:14,216
It's a scream, baby!
597
00:46:14,466 --> 00:46:16,133
Woooh!
598
00:46:16,508 --> 00:46:20,675
Its a screaaaammmmmm.
599
00:46:22,300 --> 00:46:27,258
I've been looking for a girl
just like you all my life, Beth Conner...
600
00:46:27,300 --> 00:46:32,550
Someone that truly
loves and accepts me for the person I am...
601
00:46:33,300 --> 00:46:37,966
I would be
completely lost without you, my darling.
602
00:46:38,300 --> 00:46:43,341
Promise that you'll
never leave me, Beth? Pinkie promise?
603
00:46:48,300 --> 00:46:51,591
You should have seen the
look on that goth girl's face,
604
00:46:51,716 --> 00:46:55,550
when I told her I sent back
Miss Campbell on a plane.
605
00:46:56,300 --> 00:46:58,175
On 9/11 nonetheless.
606
00:46:58,300 --> 00:47:01,050
Pew! Pew! Pew! Kaboom!
607
00:47:01,300 --> 00:47:03,508
I know! I know
608
00:47:04,425 --> 00:47:06,050
the irony.
609
00:47:07,300 --> 00:47:11,133
And who says jet fuel
can't melt poisoned hearts?
610
00:47:27,300 --> 00:47:28,841
Cottonmouth.
611
00:47:30,300 --> 00:47:33,800
Rather have a cottonmouth
than a cotton eye joe.
612
00:47:34,300 --> 00:47:37,925
Campbell? What the
howdy-doody are you doing here?
613
00:47:38,300 --> 00:47:42,258
I booked you first class
tickets on that hijacked flight.
614
00:47:42,300 --> 00:47:45,425
9/11 is a national holiday for our people.
615
00:47:48,300 --> 00:47:51,550
Do you find this
titillating, Miss Campbell?
616
00:47:52,300 --> 00:47:55,258
We all know nudity in
the horror genre is only
617
00:47:55,300 --> 00:47:58,258
there to appeal to the
lowest common denominator.
618
00:47:58,300 --> 00:48:01,258
You donut bashers are
all the same, and I'm just-
619
00:48:01,300 --> 00:48:06,216
If this was an A24 film, it would be
classed as brave and progressive.
620
00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:09,258
Now, open up your virgin mouth
like a Criterion Collection cuck boy.
621
00:48:09,300 --> 00:48:11,425
And say Ahhhhhhh.
622
00:48:11,591 --> 00:48:12,800
Ahhhhh.
623
00:48:23,716 --> 00:48:27,216
Jiminy cricket! We gotta
get you to a hospital, lickity-split!
624
00:48:33,300 --> 00:48:35,633
Nancy has left the building.
625
00:48:56,966 --> 00:49:01,258
So ladies, Miss Goth Cheeks thinks she's
going to win the All You Can Eat Massacre.
626
00:49:01,300 --> 00:49:05,175
But, once the food turns out
to be non-vegan, she'll forfeit.
627
00:49:05,216 --> 00:49:09,216
Then I'll win the All You Can Eat Massacre, and
be awarded a shiny gun by The Midnight Rose.
628
00:49:09,300 --> 00:49:14,258
And send all the freaks and geeks at Henenlotter
High to my own personal concentration camp.
629
00:49:15,300 --> 00:49:16,966
Any questions?
630
00:49:17,300 --> 00:49:18,966
Clarissa.
631
00:49:19,300 --> 00:49:21,175
What is it, Melissa?
632
00:49:21,300 --> 00:49:24,258
Don't you think it's about time that
we won something for a change?
633
00:49:24,300 --> 00:49:28,841
Yeah, Clarissa. Why do you always
want to have your cake and eat it too?
634
00:49:33,341 --> 00:49:38,300
I'm going to ruin Beth Connor's life and put
an end to her ridiculous American Pie fetish.
635
00:49:38,341 --> 00:49:41,301
Underrated franchise, I particularly
love those straight to video sequels.
636
00:49:42,050 --> 00:49:47,008
I think she means the pie, as in
the poontang pie, as in the pussy.
637
00:49:47,175 --> 00:49:48,216
Cunt.
638
00:49:48,300 --> 00:49:50,050
Ok thank you Sabrina.
639
00:49:50,091 --> 00:49:51,841
That good pie.
640
00:49:52,300 --> 00:49:53,966
Shut up, Sabrina.
641
00:49:54,300 --> 00:49:55,966
It's Mellisa.
642
00:49:56,300 --> 00:49:57,883
I'm Sabrina.
643
00:50:02,300 --> 00:50:04,425
And who the fuck is this?
644
00:50:05,300 --> 00:50:09,258
Well sir, that's The Midnight Rose,
greatest wrestling manager of all time!
645
00:50:09,300 --> 00:50:12,258
And the host to the All
You Can Eat Massacre.
646
00:50:12,300 --> 00:50:13,966
Of course it is.
647
00:50:15,300 --> 00:50:19,050
Mr Braxton, can you please send in Mr Law?
648
00:50:23,300 --> 00:50:27,383
Sawyer, meet Byron Law,
head of the British school board.
649
00:50:28,300 --> 00:50:31,508
This won't take long, Tusk. Please proceed.
650
00:50:32,300 --> 00:50:34,258
What's happening here?
651
00:50:34,300 --> 00:50:38,966
Well, we've heard all about your
colourful history with Reams for Less.
652
00:50:39,008 --> 00:50:44,008
And your current tenure
with Henenlotter High is...
653
00:50:44,341 --> 00:50:47,758
for lack of a better term, problematic.
654
00:50:48,133 --> 00:50:51,050
Problematic? What is this woke shit!?
655
00:50:51,300 --> 00:50:53,758
Do you know what lies in here?
656
00:50:58,300 --> 00:51:01,258
We didn't know you were an accomplice to...
657
00:51:01,300 --> 00:51:03,341
child grooming, Sawyer?
658
00:51:19,383 --> 00:51:24,925
He he he.. This, this can't
be right. There must be a mistake.
659
00:51:25,300 --> 00:51:29,258
The only mistake I see in this
room is the one sat in front of me.
660
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:30,841
What?
661
00:51:30,966 --> 00:51:33,091
You're fired. Get the fuck out!
662
00:51:33,300 --> 00:51:35,258
Wait a second. You're firing me, Tusk!?
663
00:51:35,300 --> 00:51:37,175
That's Mr Everbone!
664
00:51:37,300 --> 00:51:40,258
And where should I begin? Student
teacher relationships running rampant.
665
00:51:40,300 --> 00:51:44,258
Your partner, the school secretary,
sleeping with an underaged student.
666
00:51:44,300 --> 00:51:51,466
We are going to have a public
relations nightmare, all because of you!
667
00:51:52,300 --> 00:51:56,341
Listen, Tusk. Mr Everbone.
668
00:51:59,591 --> 00:52:02,175
You're canceling me!
669
00:52:02,300 --> 00:52:04,258
You're not firing me, you're canceling me!
670
00:52:04,300 --> 00:52:07,258
Would be better if you
killed me, then cancel me!
671
00:52:07,300 --> 00:52:10,050
I mean, I had no idea, I had
no idea what was going on!
672
00:52:10,133 --> 00:52:12,258
I swear on the lives of
these kids, I had no idea!
673
00:52:12,300 --> 00:52:16,258
What happened to the man
who ruled with an iron... golf club?
674
00:52:16,300 --> 00:52:18,800
You've become nothing more
than a caricature of yourself.
675
00:52:18,883 --> 00:52:21,841
Relying on your cute little catch
phrases to pop an audience.
676
00:52:22,300 --> 00:52:25,675
What happened to the man who was Reams
for Less regional manager of the year,
677
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:27,966
five years in a row?
678
00:52:28,300 --> 00:52:31,258
Or did the Sawyer we all know and love die?
679
00:52:31,300 --> 00:52:35,258
And what sits before me is
a figment of my imagination.
680
00:52:35,508 --> 00:52:40,008
Mr Sawyer, on behalf of Henenlotter High...
681
00:52:41,300 --> 00:52:43,425
We wish you all the best,
682
00:52:44,300 --> 00:52:46,425
in your future endeavours.
683
00:53:06,758 --> 00:53:08,425
And Sawyer.
684
00:53:10,300 --> 00:53:12,341
Whoopsie fucking daisy!
685
00:53:18,300 --> 00:53:19,966
No you didn't!
686
00:53:35,300 --> 00:53:39,050
♪ “Devil” by Delilah Bon ♪
687
00:53:44,300 --> 00:53:46,508
Good morning, goth cheeks!
688
00:53:50,300 --> 00:53:53,133
Poor pancake princess.
689
00:53:53,300 --> 00:53:56,008
I always knew she would
make a good cheerleader
690
00:53:56,091 --> 00:53:58,383
for the Henenlotter Hamsters football team.
691
00:54:00,050 --> 00:54:01,341
Get her!
692
00:54:04,300 --> 00:54:06,258
Hold still, Beth Conner.
693
00:54:06,300 --> 00:54:09,258
You flinch again and I
won't hesitate to cut you.
694
00:54:09,300 --> 00:54:12,800
You should thank Clarissa
for doing your makeup.
695
00:54:13,300 --> 00:54:15,175
It's so you.
696
00:54:20,341 --> 00:54:21,800
Let me go!
697
00:54:22,300 --> 00:54:23,883
Beth Conner,
698
00:54:24,300 --> 00:54:25,966
we meet again.
699
00:54:30,300 --> 00:54:32,258
I didn't mean to eat him.
700
00:54:32,300 --> 00:54:35,258
So you admit it? You ate Ethan Rembrandt?
701
00:54:35,300 --> 00:54:37,716
We told you Miss Montgomery.
702
00:54:40,300 --> 00:54:43,091
Poor Mr Sawyer.
703
00:54:43,591 --> 00:54:46,175
Look who's come to save the day.
704
00:54:46,300 --> 00:54:51,175
You know, the school board frowns upon members
of staff sleeping with students, Miss Campbell
705
00:54:51,300 --> 00:54:52,508
#me too.
706
00:54:53,300 --> 00:54:54,758
Excuse me?
707
00:54:54,883 --> 00:54:57,841
I wonder what Mr Sawyer
would have to say about a very
708
00:54:58,008 --> 00:55:01,466
senior member of staff
sleeping with a student?
709
00:55:02,883 --> 00:55:04,841
Prepare to resign Miss Campbell.
710
00:55:04,925 --> 00:55:06,216
I agree.
711
00:55:06,300 --> 00:55:07,341
BANG!
712
00:55:24,300 --> 00:55:26,258
Miss Campbell, what are you doing here?
713
00:55:26,300 --> 00:55:28,258
Have you forgotten what day it is, Beth?
714
00:55:28,883 --> 00:55:33,258
I had this awful dream that Clarissa,
Melissa and Sabrina kidnapped me.
715
00:55:33,300 --> 00:55:35,216
And you killed Deetz.
716
00:55:35,300 --> 00:55:37,966
Are you sure it was just a dream?
717
00:55:40,300 --> 00:55:44,091
Hey! I've got a surprise for you!
718
00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:46,050
For your birthday.
719
00:55:46,300 --> 00:55:48,175
Am I still dreaming?
720
00:55:52,300 --> 00:55:54,175
You wish.
721
00:55:58,300 --> 00:56:00,258
Welcome home, Miss Campbell.
722
00:56:00,300 --> 00:56:03,258
We weren't expecting you back so early.
723
00:56:03,300 --> 00:56:07,258
Wait, how do you know Miss
Campbell? And why is the house so dark?
724
00:56:07,300 --> 00:56:11,258
Well, sport. We wouldn't want to
spoil anything for you would we?
725
00:56:11,300 --> 00:56:14,425
That's right, Mark. Shall I do the honours?
726
00:56:15,300 --> 00:56:17,258
Or should Miss Campbell?
727
00:56:17,300 --> 00:56:19,258
Wait, how do you three know each other?
728
00:56:23,508 --> 00:56:26,425
It's just like Ethan...
729
00:56:27,300 --> 00:56:29,425
it's only a little prick.
730
00:56:42,300 --> 00:56:44,758
What did they say? They said..
731
00:56:45,300 --> 00:56:49,550
Mr Sawyer, forget Reams for Less.
732
00:56:50,300 --> 00:56:54,466
You're the one to bring
prestige back to Henenlotter High.
733
00:56:57,300 --> 00:57:02,008
These students, they they will
respect you, they will love you.
734
00:57:03,300 --> 00:57:05,091
And I'll love them.
735
00:57:08,008 --> 00:57:09,675
What happened?
736
00:57:12,216 --> 00:57:13,883
What happened?
737
00:57:16,300 --> 00:57:21,966
I fed them discipline,
respect, pride in education.
738
00:57:23,300 --> 00:57:26,175
And they bit the hand that fed them.
739
00:57:27,300 --> 00:57:30,258
They killed my number one boy, Clyde...
740
00:57:33,300 --> 00:57:36,550
And you, deserted me, Deetz.
741
00:57:39,300 --> 00:57:42,758
Was I not enough? Was I not enough?
742
00:57:44,300 --> 00:57:46,508
Were we missing something?
743
00:57:48,300 --> 00:57:51,633
I love... I loved you, Deetz...
744
00:57:55,300 --> 00:57:58,091
And you fucked a child. You fu...
745
00:57:58,300 --> 00:58:01,300
I can't forgive that, I can't...
746
00:58:03,550 --> 00:58:04,841
I can't.
747
00:58:08,300 --> 00:58:10,716
And these motherfucking kids...
748
00:58:11,300 --> 00:58:14,091
spitting in my face.
749
00:58:15,716 --> 00:58:18,966
Spitting in Mr Motherfucking Sawyer's face!
750
00:58:31,300 --> 00:58:34,216
Time to put the dogs in the pool area.
751
00:59:40,758 --> 00:59:47,966
A toast to our main course this evening.
752
00:59:48,300 --> 00:59:52,466
My daughter, Beth Conner.
753
00:59:52,675 --> 00:59:54,716
Crowd: Beth Conner.
754
00:59:58,300 --> 01:00:00,216
Can we eat her now, Mark? Can we?
755
01:00:01,091 --> 01:00:02,466
In due time...
756
01:00:03,633 --> 01:00:06,216
Miss Campbell, would you do the honours?
757
01:00:07,300 --> 01:00:09,883
It would be my absolute
pleasure, Mr Conner.
758
01:00:11,300 --> 01:00:15,466
The Conner clan has been
waiting for this moment for
759
01:00:16,050 --> 01:00:17,300
18 years.
760
01:00:18,175 --> 01:00:19,800
The last time we were all here...
761
01:00:21,425 --> 01:00:22,425
was for your mother.
762
01:00:23,633 --> 01:00:26,425
Your mother tasted so good Beth.
763
01:00:27,050 --> 01:00:30,716
Thankfully you both share
the same blood type, delicious.
764
01:00:31,633 --> 01:00:35,758
And we've been waiting a good 12
years to all be reunited once more...
765
01:00:36,091 --> 01:00:37,091
as a family.
766
01:00:39,050 --> 01:00:42,591
It was an absolute honour Mr
Conner to put an end to your wife.
767
01:00:43,425 --> 01:00:46,550
Thanks for inviting me back to
Henenlotter to tie up loose ends.
768
01:00:47,175 --> 01:00:52,591
Not to mention helping fatten your
daughter up on Henenlotter prime meat.
769
01:00:53,383 --> 01:00:55,675
You could say this is the...
770
01:00:55,883 --> 01:00:58,300
♪ CIRCLE OF LIFEEEEEE! ♪
771
01:01:00,425 --> 01:01:01,425
Meow!
772
01:01:02,008 --> 01:01:04,758
Think nothing of it, Miss Campbell.
773
01:01:08,466 --> 01:01:09,466
In fact...
774
01:01:10,300 --> 01:01:11,591
we have a special guest,
775
01:01:12,466 --> 01:01:13,550
don't we Frankie!?
776
01:01:21,216 --> 01:01:24,508
Do you believe in miracles, Beth?
777
01:01:33,716 --> 01:01:35,550
There we go,
778
01:01:36,883 --> 01:01:38,591
there we go, Momma.
779
01:01:41,300 --> 01:01:44,716
Don't you just love a family reunion?
780
01:01:46,300 --> 01:01:49,341
This feels just like old times...
781
01:01:57,716 --> 01:01:59,383
Ahhhhhh!
782
01:02:01,300 --> 01:02:04,758
Where do you think you're
going dressed like that, dear?
783
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:06,067
To the All You Can Eat Massacre.
784
01:02:06,091 --> 01:02:08,050
Don't you like my dress, Frankie?
785
01:02:08,300 --> 01:02:12,341
Your dress? Well, it's
cute dumpling, but...
786
01:02:12,508 --> 01:02:15,425
I much prefer your plump flesh.
787
01:02:20,300 --> 01:02:23,091
Beth! Beth! Beth! Beth! Beth!
788
01:02:23,591 --> 01:02:27,716
Sport! This is a sacred family ritual.
789
01:02:28,300 --> 01:02:31,216
Think of it as quality time.
790
01:02:31,883 --> 01:02:35,133
Try not to take any of this personally.
791
01:02:37,300 --> 01:02:41,883
Now, now. That's not very ladylike is it?
792
01:02:42,300 --> 01:02:44,550
What would your mother say?
793
01:02:49,633 --> 01:02:52,050
You're right, Dad.
794
01:02:52,216 --> 01:02:54,175
Make room for daddy.
795
01:02:54,300 --> 01:02:58,841
There, there, easy does it.
796
01:02:59,300 --> 01:03:02,591
Arrrgh!
797
01:03:03,758 --> 01:03:07,466
I think she'd be fucking
proud of me! Daddy!
798
01:03:15,508 --> 01:03:20,466
You're too late, Beth. Henenlotter
High is about to have their eating contest.
799
01:03:20,508 --> 01:03:23,258
School massacres will no longer see colour.
800
01:03:23,300 --> 01:03:26,550
We are one big melting pot of death!
801
01:03:26,716 --> 01:03:28,675
Don't fight it, Beth.
802
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:32,050
You're the millennial product of
the American High School Trope.
803
01:03:32,300 --> 01:03:34,383
And what's more poetic and American than...
804
01:03:34,508 --> 01:03:37,675
♪ a high school massacre? ♪
805
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:40,716
Nostalgia is fucking cancer!
806
01:03:43,008 --> 01:03:44,050
BANG!
807
01:03:59,300 --> 01:04:04,133
Don't go far now. I'll be
returning for y'all soon!
808
01:04:12,300 --> 01:04:15,466
Nancy! Where have you been?
809
01:04:15,716 --> 01:04:22,883
The British school board has signed an exclusive
multi-year extension based on tonight's projected ratings.
810
01:04:23,883 --> 01:04:26,050
Sawyer has finally fucked off!
811
01:04:26,091 --> 01:04:32,050
And I, Tusk Everbone, control the intellectual
property rights to the All You Can Eat Massacre brand.
812
01:04:32,300 --> 01:04:34,550
And we, my little dumpling.
813
01:04:35,300 --> 01:04:38,882
Bask in all the glory,
illuminated by a hail of gunfire.
814
01:04:38,883 --> 01:04:42,091
Goddammit! Sandy Hook ain't got shit on us!
815
01:04:44,008 --> 01:04:45,341
I ain't Nancy.
816
01:04:46,300 --> 01:04:49,216
Tell me, do you have pride?
817
01:04:50,216 --> 01:04:52,008
Pride?
818
01:04:52,091 --> 01:04:55,050
I asked you a question, Tusk!
Do you have motherfucking pride...
819
01:04:56,133 --> 01:04:57,800
in education?
820
01:04:58,300 --> 01:04:59,507
Sawyer?
821
01:04:59,508 --> 01:05:01,716
That's Mr Sawyer.
822
01:05:03,925 --> 01:05:06,716
Please listen! You must listen!
823
01:05:07,383 --> 01:05:09,758
We can rebuild Henenlotter High together.
824
01:05:10,300 --> 01:05:13,508
Think of the students. Think of the future.
825
01:05:16,716 --> 01:05:18,383
That's right.
826
01:05:19,508 --> 01:05:24,675
Think of the dollars invested into
this institution and into this tragedy.
827
01:05:26,383 --> 01:05:29,966
Planning for the future,
when there is no future.
828
01:05:30,383 --> 01:05:34,341
Selling silver dollar fantasies
and pocketing the gold.
829
01:05:35,300 --> 01:05:38,966
Discarding the damage
and fist fucking the youth.
830
01:05:39,008 --> 01:05:42,341
That's what you do!
That's what you believe in.
831
01:05:43,300 --> 01:05:45,799
Mr Sawyer, I...
832
01:05:52,383 --> 01:05:55,258
Whoopsie fucking daisy!
833
01:05:56,300 --> 01:05:59,258
And how's your 18th birthday going, Beth?
834
01:05:59,341 --> 01:06:02,050
Fucking terrible, thanks for asking!
835
01:06:02,091 --> 01:06:06,175
Not only have I discovered that my father and his
girlfriend help kill my mother many years ago,
836
01:06:06,300 --> 01:06:08,550
but that they're also homicidal cannibals.
837
01:06:08,591 --> 01:06:12,633
And, my one true love, 1:
Helped them kill my mom.
838
01:06:12,716 --> 01:06:17,758
Helped fatten me up to be served as
the main course of my own 18th birthday.
839
01:06:17,800 --> 01:06:18,966
Fat chance!
840
01:06:19,508 --> 01:06:24,966
And 3: Wants my problematic high school to
implode into one big high school massacre.
841
01:06:25,300 --> 01:06:27,591
Well, not on my fucking watch!
842
01:06:27,675 --> 01:06:29,875
I am going to win the All You
Can Eat Massacre contest.
843
01:06:30,300 --> 01:06:32,550
Be awarded that gun.
Blow my fucking brains out!
844
01:06:32,800 --> 01:06:36,466
And say goodbye to the cast and
crew of Eating Miss Campbell for good.
845
01:06:36,591 --> 01:06:39,799
So, yeah, happy 18th birthday to me, right?
846
01:06:39,800 --> 01:06:43,966
And before I forget,
SCREW TROMA MOVIES!
847
01:06:45,008 --> 01:06:49,966
♪ “Ash” by Unquiet Dead ♪
848
01:07:53,383 --> 01:07:55,008
Sawyer, sweetie.
849
01:07:55,300 --> 01:07:57,091
Don't fucking move!
850
01:07:58,300 --> 01:08:00,091
I don't understand?
851
01:08:00,883 --> 01:08:02,966
After everything we've been through!
852
01:08:03,216 --> 01:08:07,550
You've been working long nights on
the All You Can Eat Massacre event.
853
01:08:07,716 --> 01:08:09,091
What do you expect a girl to do?
854
01:08:11,841 --> 01:08:12,925
Ethan?
855
01:08:13,091 --> 01:08:16,925
Ethan Rembrandt? Please, that's absurd.
856
01:08:20,300 --> 01:08:23,008
I saw the polaroid photos.
857
01:08:23,383 --> 01:08:26,841
He was a child. A fucking child.
858
01:08:31,216 --> 01:08:32,758
I love you.
859
01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:36,633
I'll always love you...
860
01:08:47,508 --> 01:08:50,050
But I fucking hate paedophiles...
861
01:08:57,508 --> 01:09:04,966
♪ Yankee doodle went to
town, a-riding on a donkey ♪
862
01:09:05,591 --> 01:09:11,716
♪ Stuck a feather in his
hat and called it macaroni ♪
863
01:09:13,508 --> 01:09:15,175
Someone there?
864
01:09:30,383 --> 01:09:32,883
Still hungry, Beth?
865
01:09:33,383 --> 01:09:36,508
I have so many delicacies to offer.
866
01:09:37,091 --> 01:09:39,050
Why did you kill her?
867
01:09:39,216 --> 01:09:40,300
Who, honey?
868
01:09:40,383 --> 01:09:41,550
My mother!
869
01:09:41,800 --> 01:09:45,508
Why does anybody do anything, Beth?
870
01:09:46,300 --> 01:09:48,883
Your father had a taste
for human flesh after he
871
01:09:49,008 --> 01:09:50,966
had an affair with Frankie, of course.
872
01:09:51,383 --> 01:09:54,300
He sought me out and the rest is history.
873
01:09:54,508 --> 01:09:56,966
That is such a fucked up excuse!
874
01:09:57,133 --> 01:10:03,091
Now Beth, is it fair to judge other people's
kinks when yours are morally questionable?
875
01:10:03,300 --> 01:10:05,716
I mean, look at us.
876
01:10:07,383 --> 01:10:10,258
We're just the product of
what society made us into.
877
01:10:10,716 --> 01:10:15,716
Do you really think society,
much less the audience,
878
01:10:15,841 --> 01:10:19,382
cares about a confused suicidal goth girl,
879
01:10:19,383 --> 01:10:23,008
with an insatiable love for human flesh?
880
01:10:28,383 --> 01:10:30,091
You've got a point.
881
01:10:31,508 --> 01:10:34,050
Remember when I said that
you looked sexy when you bled?
882
01:10:43,383 --> 01:10:44,925
I meant it.
883
01:10:50,383 --> 01:10:52,175
You're horribly mistaken, Miss Campbell.
884
01:10:52,383 --> 01:10:54,466
It's not my time of the month!
885
01:11:10,508 --> 01:11:13,758
Give it up for Ochie and Friends!
886
01:11:28,300 --> 01:11:31,758
Look at what we've got
here, a late contestant.
887
01:11:32,383 --> 01:11:35,591
Put your hands together for Beth Conner!
888
01:11:45,508 --> 01:11:47,800
One for you.
889
01:11:48,383 --> 01:11:50,966
Yum, yum, yum.
890
01:11:58,383 --> 01:12:02,633
Snap into that, oooh yeah!
891
01:12:03,633 --> 01:12:05,966
Ooooh, spicy!
892
01:12:08,091 --> 01:12:09,883
What are we eating?
893
01:12:10,383 --> 01:12:12,091
Miss Campbell.
894
01:12:12,591 --> 01:12:20,591
Remember, the winner of the All You Can Eat Massacre
will win this beautiful handgun and choose...
895
01:12:21,300 --> 01:12:23,175
Whether to shoot up their school!
896
01:12:23,300 --> 01:12:25,175
Or shoot themselves!
897
01:12:26,383 --> 01:12:28,383
On your marks!
898
01:12:29,216 --> 01:12:30,591
Get set!
899
01:12:30,716 --> 01:12:32,133
Chow down!
900
01:13:12,133 --> 01:13:16,300
♪ “Far 2 Young 2 Die” by Tom Green ♪
901
01:14:00,300 --> 01:14:05,841
And the winner of the All
You Can Eat Massacre!
902
01:14:06,008 --> 01:14:08,883
Beth Conner!
903
01:14:09,300 --> 01:14:12,716
Ho! Ho! Ho!
904
01:14:19,300 --> 01:14:20,883
Beth, give me the gun.
905
01:14:21,300 --> 01:14:22,966
You know how this should end...
906
01:14:23,591 --> 01:14:27,966
mass genocide the likes
this town has never seen.
907
01:14:28,716 --> 01:14:30,550
On a curricular level.
908
01:14:31,508 --> 01:14:34,925
Clarissa. School shootings are so 1999.
909
01:14:35,258 --> 01:14:40,133
Beth's right. We need to learn from this. Grow
as characters. School shootings are wrong!
910
01:14:40,383 --> 01:14:44,050
Yeah, Clarissa. Nostalgia is AIDS.
911
01:14:44,383 --> 01:14:46,091
Shut up, Sabrina.
912
01:14:46,508 --> 01:14:48,800
It's Melissa!
913
01:14:49,300 --> 01:14:50,966
No one cares...
914
01:14:51,091 --> 01:14:53,883
♪ “Eaten Alive By Fucking
Crabs” by Bodach ♪
915
01:15:09,133 --> 01:15:12,300
Run and hide motherfuckers!
916
01:15:15,383 --> 01:15:18,008
Binge and purge, motherfuckers!
917
01:15:20,383 --> 01:15:22,383
Changed the rules on ya?
918
01:15:22,508 --> 01:15:24,882
You're not stealing this
moment away from me!
919
01:15:24,883 --> 01:15:26,883
I won this fucking contest!
920
01:15:31,508 --> 01:15:34,758
Whoopsie fucking daisy!
921
01:15:38,508 --> 01:15:40,591
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!
922
01:15:40,800 --> 01:15:45,425
You are a spectacle of teenage darkness!
923
01:15:46,883 --> 01:15:54,841
Only through tragedy, do we
truly understand each other.
924
01:15:55,800 --> 01:15:57,008
Don't you get that?
925
01:15:58,508 --> 01:16:01,341
That's what all this has been about!
926
01:16:10,300 --> 01:16:12,675
This is Mr Sawyer,
927
01:16:14,008 --> 01:16:15,091
wishing you...
928
01:16:15,758 --> 01:16:17,383
good health.
929
01:16:31,008 --> 01:16:33,300
Mr Sawyer...
930
01:16:34,508 --> 01:16:37,383
has left the building, motherfuckers!
931
01:16:46,508 --> 01:16:48,091
Beth Conner!
932
01:16:48,383 --> 01:16:51,800
The winner of the All You Can Eat Massacre!
933
01:16:52,508 --> 01:16:56,466
Now you have binged! You must purge!
934
01:16:56,591 --> 01:16:59,133
What shall your choice be?
935
01:17:02,008 --> 01:17:04,258
Well, I guess this is goodbye.
936
01:17:09,216 --> 01:17:10,633
Well...
937
01:17:10,716 --> 01:17:12,675
bottoms up for end credits!
938
01:17:41,383 --> 01:17:43,883
Greetings and salutations, Beth Conner.
939
01:17:44,300 --> 01:17:47,175
Do goth vegans masturbate
with cucumbers or-
940
01:17:47,383 --> 01:17:50,466
It's just a dream, it isn't real...
941
01:18:05,383 --> 01:18:08,383
I fucking hate low budget horror movies.
942
01:18:08,591 --> 01:18:11,591
♪ “Through” by Wheatus ♪
943
01:19:54,050 --> 01:19:58,966
♪ "Fellatio on the 4th of July"
by SomeWhere OutHere ♪
944
01:23:32,300 --> 01:23:33,883
Beth Conner!
945
01:23:34,133 --> 01:23:36,425
What the fuck
74809
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.