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1
00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:01,960
(GRUNTS)
2
00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:04,560
(GRUNTS)
3
00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:06,920
(BROOM SCRAPES)
4
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:08,320
(GRUNTS)
5
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,240
(GRUNTS)
6
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,720
- (GRUNTS)
- (BROOM CONTINUES SCRAPING)
7
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:16,160
(GRUNTS)
8
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,640
(GRUNTS)
9
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:23,920
(GRUNTS)
10
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,200
Oh! F-f...fuck!
11
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,960
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck!
12
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,360
- Arggh, fuck!
- (DOORKNOB RATTLES)
13
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:33,840
(GASPS)
14
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,800
Oh! (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
15
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,040
(ON PHONE) My grandson, he have a...
16
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,560
- (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
- ..er, accident. Si.
17
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,200
While sweeping.
18
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,240
Diego fucked a broom!
19
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,000
Urrggggghhhh!
20
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,320
(SIGHS)
21
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,360
That was, um...
22
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,520
- A woman giving birth to triplets.
- (CHUCKLES)
23
00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,000
So, she's already pushed out two
and then she's on the third,
24
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,680
so she's like... (INHALES DEEPLY)
.."Urrrrgggghhhh!"
25
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,280
That was, um...
26
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,480
- Beautiful.
- Beautiful, yeah. Mmm.
27
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,640
OK, what about "ssssssss"?
28
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,120
- Do it again.
- "Ssssssss."
29
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,800
"Sssssssss..."
A golf ball to the teeth?
30
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,360
"I dunno, I wasss on the ssssecond
31
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,480
"and he sssssliced it
into my incissssors."
32
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,600
- (CHUCKLES)
- Uh, nice try, but no.
33
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:43,200
It's the melodious sound of a needle
decompressing a punctured lung.
34
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:44,880
- (BLOWS)
- No, it's like...
35
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:49,880
(BOTH HISS SOFTLY)
36
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:51,360
- Oh, yeah!
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
37
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,080
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, OK, I got one...
38
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,640
- What the fuck?
- What? Are you OK?
39
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,960
SmokinHotSiren's got 100k likes.
40
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,320
- Wild, yeah?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, OK.
41
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,920
Uh, I've got a good one. What's this?
42
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:03,400
- (GRUNTS)
- Um...
43
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,360
Ooh. Uh, um...
irritable bowel syndrome.
44
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:06,880
It's your cum face.
45
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,760
DALE: (ON RADIO) Car 984?
46
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,040
This is Car 984.
47
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:11,400
- Hey, what's this sound?
- (CRUNCH)
48
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,560
- Compound fracture.
- Ooh, lucky guess.
49
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:18,160
Alright, how about,
"Urrrrrrggggghhhhh"?
50
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,400
Third triplet. How about... (SLURPS)
51
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,000
Oh. That one's easy.
That's something going up a butt.
52
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,600
Yeah. So, we've got
an insertion job for you.
53
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,640
Young male,
possible internal lacerations.
54
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:33,000
50 bucks says I can tell you
what he's put up there
55
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,040
and his excuse.
56
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:38,080
Don't take it, mate.
She knows her rectal mishaps.
57
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,600
- Ha!
- Hmm.
58
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,240
(SIREN WAILS)
59
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:47,920
DIEGO: Just...get it out!
60
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:50,920
My grandson, he cleaning...
61
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,360
..and fall. Very bad.
62
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,080
It's the first time
he's ever touched a broom.
63
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:56,440
- Sofia!
- What?
64
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,880
Just taking the vacuum
to a safe space.
65
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,560
Basta!
66
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:04,160
I was, er, just out,
you know, doing the shopping,
67
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,040
and my grandson...he...
68
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,880
He had a nasty Quidditch accident.
69
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,440
- Sofia! What I say?
- (LAUGHS) What?
70
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,000
(PHONE CHIMES)
71
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,280
Cate.
72
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,240
Oh, sorry. Yes, on silent.
73
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:19,600
It's... Trust me, it's OK.
I-it happens all the time.
74
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,320
Cleaning's...slippery.
It's no biggie.
75
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,240
- Diego, mate, how's the pain?
- I just want it out.
76
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,400
Yeah, I know, but it needs to happen
at the hospital.
77
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,840
Just do it now!
78
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,800
Oh, please.
No-one can see him like this.
79
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,560
- I'm sure, if I can...
- No, no, no, no, no!
80
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,640
You could seriously injure
your grandson like that.
81
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,000
Oh. Sorry.
82
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,200
Trust me.
83
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,360
My specialty is saving people's arses
84
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,880
and...I've been where you are before.
85
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,680
The short end of the stick,
so to speak.
86
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,560
Hospital's better, OK?
87
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:51,880
OK.
88
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,600
Alright, almost there.
Just try to keep still, mate.
89
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,720
Fuck. It's the Morrisons.
90
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,320
Che palle. I got you, bro.
91
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,080
Oh, what?! As if you don't all
have sticks up YOUR arses!
92
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,280
Sofia! Sheet!
93
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,280
I'm sure the Morrisons love a bit of
butt play. There's no shame in it!
94
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:13,720
Ow! Don't make me laugh.
95
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,440
Madonna mia! The good broom!
96
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:26,840
- Just hurry up.
- CATE: Nearly there, Diego.
97
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:28,760
Any, uh, plans for the weekend?
98
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,080
Have we met before?
99
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,040
Uh...I don't think so.
100
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,400
Yeah, you look familiar.
101
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,760
- Ladies night at the Slip Inn.
- No.
102
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,360
Bitches Bar.
103
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,960
- Pussy Party.
- No.
104
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,280
- Cuntry Club.
- What?
105
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:43,960
- Scissor Sisters Saloon.
- Never been there.
106
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,280
- The Lickher Lounge.
- Ew.
107
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,960
- Only a...couple of times.
- (CHUCKLES)
108
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,720
Not... Yeah! Oh...
109
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:53,840
On Insta. You're the hot ambo chick
from the car crash.
110
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,880
- You saw that?
- SmokinHotSiren.
111
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,440
Yeah, you totally saved
that guy's life.
112
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,520
Can't believe they've got you
on a shit job like this one.
113
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,640
- Stai zitta, Sofia!
- Stronzino!
114
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,480
- Sofia!
- What?
115
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,200
- It's 'little arsehole'.
- Oh.
116
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,560
- It's obviously true.
- Oh! Cristo santo!
117
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:11,640
- (BROOMSTICK CLATTERS)
- Ow!
118
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,560
No, no. No-one's coming.
119
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,800
Oh. He's gonna be fine. (CHUCKLES)
120
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,000
Where do you think you're going?
121
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,480
Well, I need an expert opinion
on my butt too.
122
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,480
A pineapple.
123
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,000
- What? It's so spiky!
- Mm-hm.
124
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,040
- How does it, like, get up there?
- (CHUCKLES)
125
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,520
Making fruit salad, apparently.
126
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,280
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
127
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,000
- Uh, an eel.
- No way.
128
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,160
- Still alive.
- (LAUGHS)
129
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,840
A fishing rod.
130
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:44,040
- Hey, fishing is slippery.
- Yeah.
131
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:45,120
Oh!
132
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,080
- Wedding rings.
- (CHUCKLES)
133
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,000
So, um, it was two of them -
it was a married couple -
134
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,320
and it was their anniversary.
135
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,240
- Aw! So romantic.
- Mmm.
136
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,920
(BOTH LAUGH)
137
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,080
Um, you, uh...
138
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,520
..you just have some...
139
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,880
DALE: (ON RADIO) Car 984?
140
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,120
What? We're off duty.
141
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,680
Yeah, we've just had some
media requests come through.
142
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,360
Oh. OK.
143
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,120
We've lined up an interview.
About the MVA.
144
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,560
Saving that kid from the car fire?
Amazing work!
145
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,360
Thank you!
146
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,040
OK.
147
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,560
(CHUCKLES) I haven't
been interviewed before.
148
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,080
Uh, when?
149
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:26,680
Mate, they don't want you.
They want Cate.
150
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,720
You good for it, Cate?
10390