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1
00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:30,447
I am fascinated by last words.
2
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,699
Like Oscar Wilde who said,
3
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:37,162
"Either that wallpaper goes,
or I do,"
4
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:40,874
and then died.
5
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,134
Or Humphrey Bogart,
6
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,095
whose final words were
7
00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:55,889
"I never should've switched
from scotch to martinis."
8
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,478
James Dean said,
9
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:02,854
"They've gotta see us"...
10
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,985
Just before slamming
his Porsche into another car.
11
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,534
My favorite last words ever,
12
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,995
the French poet
Francois Rabelais,
13
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:22,791
who said, "I go to seek
a Great Perhaps,"
14
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,669
because that's
what I was after too.
15
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:43,562
Except I wanted to find
my Great Perhaps
16
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:47,190
before I died.
17
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:12,090
It's not even 5:00.
18
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,635
I'm sure your classmates
will show.
19
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,094
They're just running
fashionably late.
20
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,138
Yeah, Mom.
21
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,098
I've been keeping
my popularity a secret
22
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,976
all these years.
23
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,230
Couples Fear Factor.
24
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,315
You're okay.
25
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,483
You're okay.
26
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,985
Is this why you wanna leave?
27
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,571
No, honey,
it's because of me.
28
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:38,575
Miles has heard all the stories
about his father being
29
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,243
quite the legend
at Culver Creek
30
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,620
Well, notnot exactly.
31
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:44,331
I mean, there are lots of
other places
32
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:48,418
I could dream of going,
but you would have said no.
33
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,712
But why do you have to
go now?
34
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,255
That's what college is for.
35
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:53,799
I've told you why.
36
00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:56,510
'Cause of some
French poet's last words,
37
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,428
"The Great Perhaps"?
38
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,514
What does that even mean?
39
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:05,894
That's what I need
to find out.
40
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:37,467
41
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:40,846
See ya, Raisin.
42
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:44,266
If he asks, I left for school.
43
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:49,980
You are my witness.
44
00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,372
Alaska!
45
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,540
Oh!
46
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,754
I thought my mom would
never leave.
47
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,506
So much crying, hugging,
and carrying on.
48
00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:58,548
Tell me about it.
49
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,175
That's why I drive myself,
50
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,635
to get all the hugs and tears
out of the way.
51
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,220
Do you wanna catch up
on the road?
52
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,263
Coosa's cashiers have
a shift change in 20,
53
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:07,182
and trust me, we want
Gus manning that register.
54
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,476
I can't just let Paul
move me in on his own.
55
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,894
Sure you can, Paul.
56
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,395
You don't mind finishing up
57
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,730
while your lovely girlfriend
and I go pick up
58
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,398
some sundry items.
59
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,650
Only if she promises
to make it up to me later.
60
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,068
What the fuck, Paul?
61
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,694
She should not
have to leverage her body
62
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,238
so you'll be a good boyfriend.
63
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,781
That kind of sexist bullshit
is why we need
64
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,074
to dismantle the patriarchy.
65
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,493
Jesus, Alaska, I said yes.
66
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:27,911
It's not just your words,
Paul.
67
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:29,663
It's what's in your mind
and your heart.
68
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,957
You think about that
while we're gone.
69
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,208
What the fuck?
70
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,052
It's your Da Vinci surprise.
71
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:55,438
So you know
when I was there,
72
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:58,108
we weren't coed.
73
00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:00,652
You're gonna
have girls there now.
74
00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:03,864
You know what STDs are?
75
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:07,200
It stands for
sexually transmitted diseases,
76
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,453
like gonorrhea or...
77
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,454
Chlamydia...
78
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,497
Herpes...
79
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,207
Warts...
80
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,625
It's not just like
your finger wart,
81
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,168
but other places.
82
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,254
Really the best protection is
83
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,506
just keep your pecker
in your pants, son.
84
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:22,966
That's right.
85
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,813
Are you cool if I have
the room to myself
86
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,315
for a couple hours tonight?
87
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,733
May I ask why?
88
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,318
Paul and I agreed
89
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,111
if we stayed together
long distance all summer,
90
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,655
then the first night back
we would have...
91
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,198
the sex.
92
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,742
You don't have to
if you don't want to.
93
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:52,078
I want to.
94
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:55,707
They grow up so fast.
You coming?
95
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:58,043
I'm too chickenshit.
96
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,522
97
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,024
This says you're 28.
98
00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:23,568
I can't believe it either.
Time, right?
99
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,989
I believe it was the great
Theodor Geisel who said,
100
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:30,367
"How did it get so late
so soon?
101
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,285
"It's night before
it's afternoon.
102
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,079
"December's here
before it's June.
103
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,164
My goodness,
how the time has flown."
104
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,417
You might know him
as Dr. Seuss.
105
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,461
Life goes fast.
106
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,797
Ask me, it feels like
I was just in high school.
107
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,966
'Cause you are
in high school?
108
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,717
I wish.
109
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,552
My adolescence would have
no doubt been greatly enhanced
110
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:52,889
by the anesthetizing effects of
Coosa Liquors'
111
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,058
Strawberry Hill rosé.
112
00:07:57,519 --> 00:08:01,189
You don't sound like
you're in high school.
113
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,066
And that, Gus,
is the whole point.
114
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,615
This is right.
115
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,034
No, we're right.
Almost there.
116
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,786
Only time for one more chapter.
117
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,163
Looks just like it did
the day I left.
118
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,331
It is beautiful.
119
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:04,252
And you get used to no AC.
120
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,046
Wait, there's
no air conditioning?
121
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,714
It's not too late
to change your mind.
122
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,215
We got you a fan.
123
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,926
Sweat builds character, boy.
124
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:14,220
Oh, check it out.
125
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:18,641
The bell tower.
That's the bell we stole.
126
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,935
It took six of us to get
that sucker down
127
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:23,313
before we buried it
in the cemetery.
128
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:27,776
Still the greatest prank
in Culver history.
129
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:29,235
Oh, hey.
I've got that, Mom.
130
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,237
At least let me
fold your pants.
131
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,822
No, I'm good.
132
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,116
And don't forget to call
every Sunday.
133
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,327
Well, I don't have
a cell phone.
134
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,245
That's what
the payphone's for, pal.
135
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,414
We are gonna miss you
so much.
136
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,049
Can I help you make your bed?
137
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,759
I'm good.
138
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:56,763
I'm gonna be okay, guys.
139
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,556
Promise.
140
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,144
Hey!
141
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:07,482
After the unpacking
comes the adventure, right?
142
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,692
Right.
143
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,298
You must be the new roommate.
144
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,883
I see you decorated the place.
145
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,843
Name's Chip.
Chip Martin.
146
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,720
I would shake your hand,
147
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:22,473
but I think it's best if you
just hang on to that towel.
148
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:24,517
I'm Miles.
Miles Halter.
149
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,687
Miles, as in,
"to go before I sleep"?
150
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,814
It's a Robert Frost poem.
Ever read him?
151
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,482
No.
152
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,985
Consider yourself lucky.
Oh, no one class me Chip.
153
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,361
I thought you just said
your name
154
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,113
Call me the Colonel.
155
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:40,825
We'll call you Pudge.
156
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:41,993
157
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,328
Pants on, Pudge.
158
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:49,083
That's a unique way
of unpacking.
159
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,168
Oh, let me guess.
160
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,711
You must be one of those guys
161
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,338
who can't let your socks
touch your underpants.
162
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:54,631
That's not true.
163
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,758
Oh, really?
164
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,676
You got ten seconds
to surprise me
165
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:00,220
before I write you off
as ordinary.
166
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,474
Um...
167
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:07,143
well, I know
a lot of people's last words.
168
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,937
Example.
169
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:11,564
Henrik Ibsen.
He was a playwright.
170
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,900
I know who Henrik Ibsen was.
171
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:17,237
1828 to 1906, considered
the father of realism.
172
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,571
Never read him.
173
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,281
But he had been sick
for a while,
174
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:22,033
and his nurse said to him,
175
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,744
"You seem to be feeling better
this morning,"
176
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,789
and Ibsen said,
"On the contrary."
177
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:31,084
And then he died.
178
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,465
That's morbid.
I like it.
179
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:44,097
Come on, Pudge.
We got shit to do.
180
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,640
So you're a reader, Pudge?
181
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:49,811
Uh, biographies mostly...
or only.
182
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,187
They're my dad's.
183
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,897
My dad used to beat me
with my books,
184
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,899
so I started carrying
paperbacks around the house,
185
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,859
the odd novella,
all short and soft.
186
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,778
That's why I came here.
187
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,155
So I can read longass books
without getting my ass whooped.
188
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,573
Oh, hey, it's the Colonel.
189
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:03,658
What's up, scrub?
190
00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:05,034
You grow this summer, bud?
191
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,703
What are you,
four feet now?
192
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,541
Hello, Longwell,
fellow shit rags.
193
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,668
You know, I always said
there's nobody better
194
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,253
at cradling Kevin's balls
than you.
195
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:16,879
Why don't you say that
to my face?
196
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,715
I literally just did,
you human frat paddle.
197
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:21,009
You wanna go right here?
Okay, come on, Kev.
198
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,510
Come on.
199
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:23,761
We both know the Colonel's
not gonna put
200
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,305
that scholarship at risk,
right?
201
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,889
You'll have to excuse them,
Pudge.
202
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,433
It's not their fault they had
203
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,726
every goddamn thing in life
handed to 'em.
204
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,477
Pudge?
What kind of name is that?
205
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:34,063
I think it's
supposed to be ironic.
206
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,398
I'll have you know
207
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:36,899
I worked my ass off
this summer,
208
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,818
valeted at the country club
and caddied.
209
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,653
No golf cart either.
Wow.
210
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,655
You know, you might be
the only person who could
211
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,033
spend all summer in the sun
and somehow end up whiter.
212
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:48,119
Is it possible to be
150% Caucasian?
213
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,580
That'sthat's...
that's racist.
214
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,088
Sleep with one eye open,
boys.
215
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,594
Come on, Pudge.
216
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,597
Um, it's 'cause I'm skinny.
Never mind.
217
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,015
You're dead.
218
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,309
Yeah, you sleep with one eye.
219
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,435
Are they friends of yours?
220
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:13,895
Weekday Warriors,
221
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,438
rich assholes who leave
every weekend
222
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,523
for their airconditioned
Birmingham mansions.
223
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,025
They also the cool kids.
224
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,735
I don't like them.
They don't like me.
225
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:24,280
So if you came here
hoping to be hot shit, Pudge,
226
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,408
you best not be seen with me.
227
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:28,826
Come on.
228
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,040
Miles Halter.
Orlando, Florida.
229
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,875
Attendant of
Doctor Phillips High School.
230
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,418
Interesting side note about
Doctor Phillips High School,
231
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,670
named after a guy
named Doctor Phillips.
232
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,839
Didn't have a PhD or anything,
just as an adult,
233
00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:44,884
changed his name to Doctor.
234
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,761
Welcome to Culver Creek, Miles.
235
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:48,054
I call him Pudge.
236
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:51,391
Ah, the Colonel
and his irony.
237
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,767
How did you know all that?
238
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,143
Takumi knows everything.
239
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,937
Starting with
never let the Colonel
240
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,772
rope you into helping him move.
241
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,232
He's immune to fatigue.
242
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,109
His anger is
a renewable energy source.
243
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,194
And you did make
a commitment.
244
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,696
I did?
Time to get to work.
245
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,416
246
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,589
Oh, shit.
Smile big, it's the Eagle.
247
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:24,966
The what?
248
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,718
Mr. Starnes,
so nice to see you.
249
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,178
How was your summer?
250
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,139
It was terrible.
How are you, Mr. Martin?
251
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,390
Great.
252
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,474
Just exploiting
my roommate here
253
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:34,892
for some manual labor, sir.
254
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:37,228
Ah, well,
I expect nothing less.
255
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:41,232
Ah, you must be Mr. Halter,
son of Walter.
256
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:44,068
Our paths never crossed,
but when I was a student here,
257
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,486
he was something of a legend.
258
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:46,863
So he tells me.
259
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,739
Your dad's name is
Walter Halter?
260
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:54,954
If you are hoping
to live up to his reputation,
261
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:59,375
remember, you're given a large
measure of freedom here.
262
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:03,588
Abuse it and you will
regret it.
263
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,631
You seem like a nice young man.
264
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:06,966
As the dean of Culver Creek,
265
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,261
I'd hate to have
to bid you farewell.
266
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:16,934
Um, thank you.
You're welcome.
267
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:25,443
Mr. Starnes,
codename the Eagle,
268
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:28,029
former student, current dick.
269
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,572
When I first got here,
270
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,240
the Eagle was just
a lowly history teacher
271
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,993
till our prior dean,
Mr. Harris, dropped dead.
272
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,830
Body wasn't even cold yet,
and he was already moving in.
273
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:41,250
They say it was a heart attack,
but I have my suspicions.
274
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,377
You're saying that
the Eagle committed murder
275
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,421
to become
a school administrator?
276
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,840
You saw his face.
It's the stuff of nightmares.
277
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,967
I felt like he was staring
into my soul.
278
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:53,804
Next time you see that look,
you busted.
279
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,974
Alaska calls it
"the look of doom."
280
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:58,518
Alaska?
281
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,145
Our next stop,
'cause she has the cigarettes.
282
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,647
You got money?
283
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:05,399
Um, yeah, but II don't
really smoke.
284
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,944
Perfect, 'cause I do.
285
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:11,155
There, done.
286
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:15,076
Classy and sensible.
287
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:19,789
That is me, Pudge.
That is me to a fucking tee.
288
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:26,045
You ever hear three knocks,
it's the Eagle.
289
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,339
Always knock once.
290
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,343
Oh, my God!
291
00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:34,136
Is that the Colonel?
292
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:36,639
Get on in here!
293
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,724
Ah!
294
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:42,478
Ah!
295
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:44,272
Alaska.
296
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:46,023
Oh, soso get this.
What?
297
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,441
Okay, first day of summer,
298
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,569
I'm in grand ol'
Vine Station, Alabama...
299
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:50,861
Exciting.
300
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:52,196
I'm with this guy Justin.
301
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:53,656
I'm sitting on his couch
watching TV.
302
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,324
Mind you,
I'm already dating Jake, right?
303
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,034
I'm still dating him,
miraculously enough.
304
00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:58,494
Oh.
305
00:17:58,494 --> 00:17:59,495
But Justin and I,
we've been friends
306
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:00,913
since we were kids.
307
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:01,914
So, we're just sitting
on the couch,
308
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,291
watching the The Office,
309
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,834
talking about SATs
or something.
310
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,419
So we're just chatting.
311
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,212
And I'm in the middle of
a sentence about analogies
312
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,965
when all of a sudden,
he just honks my boob.
313
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,009
No.
Just like that.
314
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,011
Just like a muchtoofirm
two, three second honk.
315
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:16,470
Can you believe it?
316
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,055
And the first thing
I thought was
317
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:21,017
"Okay, how do I extricate
this claw from my boob
318
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,852
before it leaves
permanent marks?"
319
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,395
And the second thing
I thought was
320
00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:26,272
"I cannot wait to tell
Takumi and the Colonel."
321
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,316
That's crazy.
322
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:32,320
You can let go now.
323
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,741
Who's this guy
not laughing at my story?
324
00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:39,452
My roommate,
Miles "to go" Halter,
325
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,870
aka Pudge.
326
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,331
Pudge memorizes
people's last words.
327
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,291
He also has money
for your cigarettes.
328
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:50,171
Pudge, this is Alaska.
329
00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,464
She got her boob honked
this summer,
330
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,342
which you are now well aware.
331
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,926
You really memorize
last words?
332
00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:59,555
Yeah.
You wanna quiz me?
333
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:01,057
JFK.
334
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,516
"That's obvious."
335
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,560
Oh, shit.
Is it now?
336
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,313
Oh, no.
Those are his last words.
337
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,107
Someone said,
"Mr. President, you can't say
338
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:11,359
Dallas doesn't love you."
339
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:15,237
And he said, "That's obvious,"
340
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:18,282
and then he got shot.
341
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,454
God, that's awful.
342
00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:25,206
Nice meeting you, Pudge.
343
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:27,750
Next time laugh at my story.
344
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:30,753
Meet you boys in a few.
Uhhuh.
345
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:35,675
You walk very quickly.
346
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,051
Not everyone's gifted
347
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,886
with longass chicken legs,
Pudge.
348
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,055
I compensate.
349
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,725
You see that?
350
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:47,144
Wow.
351
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:48,521
Is that a swan?
352
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,898
That swan is
the spawn of Satan.
353
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,527
Never get closer to it
than we are right now.
354
00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:59,782
It will rip you
to fucking pieces.
355
00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:02,076
But it's so beautiful.
356
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:04,870
The dangerous ones
always are.
357
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:48,581
Come on, go!
358
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,487
Her name's Alaska Young.
359
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:21,071
She's from Vine Station.
360
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:22,615
You could drive past it
without noticing it,
361
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,325
and from what I understand,
you ought to.
362
00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:30,998
And she mentioned
something about a boyfriend?
363
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:32,374
Jesus.
364
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:35,252
You touch one boob,
and you obsessed.
365
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:38,672
His name's Jake, college boy,
366
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:40,299
handsome son of a bitch.
367
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,468
He's a feminist.
368
00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:45,596
She hasn't cheated on him yet,
which is a first.
369
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:55,773
Pudge, I'd like to welcome
you to the Smoking Hole.
370
00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:09,203
371
00:22:09,203 --> 00:22:12,581
So, we're allowed to smoke
down here?
372
00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:14,208
Of course not.
373
00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:17,920
374
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,464
That was a barelysmoked
Hurricane.
375
00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:21,841
That's just plain ungrateful.
376
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:23,592
Oh, I just can't
get in trouble.
377
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:26,011
My parents would kill me,
especially my mom.
378
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,013
You're gonna get in trouble.
379
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:32,142
Now the question is,
what do you do when it happens?
380
00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:33,811
I'll tell you
what you can't do.
381
00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:35,813
Rat.
382
00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:38,732
I hate the Weekday Warriors
with a fiery passion
383
00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:40,359
reserved for dental work
and my father,
384
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,820
but I would never rat on them.
385
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:46,323
If you learn anything from me
today, Pudge, let it be this.
386
00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:52,955
Never, never, never rat.
387
00:22:55,916 --> 00:22:58,377
You got me?
388
00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,503
Are you sure?
389
00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:00,796
Yeah, I got it.
390
00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:06,135
This school is important
to people.
391
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:09,179
It may look like a summer camp
patrolled by a killer swan,
392
00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:12,182
but to the people who go here,
it matters.
393
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:15,644
Unfortunately,
we've reached the hour
394
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:18,105
where I'm obligated
to see my girlfriend.
395
00:23:18,105 --> 00:23:20,608
Wait,
you've got a girlfriend?
396
00:23:20,608 --> 00:23:22,401
Don't remind me.
I can't stand her.
397
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:25,070
But then again,
she can't stand me.
398
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,781
I guess that's what I get
for dating a Weekday Warrior.
399
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,533
Didn't you just say
you hated them
400
00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:30,659
as much as dental work?
401
00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:32,953
I contain multitudes, Pudge.
402
00:23:39,710 --> 00:23:41,253
You coming?
403
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:44,465
Wasn't Alaska gonna meet us?
404
00:23:44,465 --> 00:23:47,051
I feel like it might be rude
if she showed up,
405
00:23:47,051 --> 00:23:49,261
and we were both gone.
406
00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:51,555
One boob, Jesus.
407
00:23:51,555 --> 00:23:53,140
It's Alaska.
408
00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:55,643
Who the hell knows
what she's gonna do.
409
00:24:03,067 --> 00:24:05,110
410
00:24:29,385 --> 00:24:30,844
No.
411
00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:36,016
It's still not good.
412
00:24:40,521 --> 00:24:44,525
Okay, Mr. Famous Last Words,
I have one for you.
413
00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:48,612
Okay.
414
00:24:59,081 --> 00:25:02,334
The General in His Labyrinth,
Gabriel García Márquez.
415
00:25:04,378 --> 00:25:07,047
You ever read him?
416
00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:08,674
It's about Simón Bolívar.
417
00:25:08,674 --> 00:25:11,552
In the book, you know what
his last words are?
418
00:25:11,552 --> 00:25:13,721
No, you don't,
but I'm about to tell you,
419
00:25:13,721 --> 00:25:17,099
Señor Parting Remarks.
420
00:25:17,099 --> 00:25:20,227
"He was shaken by
the overwhelming revelation
421
00:25:20,227 --> 00:25:22,563
"that the headlong race
between his misfortunes
422
00:25:22,563 --> 00:25:24,023
"and his dreams
was at that moment,
423
00:25:24,023 --> 00:25:26,900
"reaching the finish line.
424
00:25:26,900 --> 00:25:28,861
"'Damn it,' he sighed.
425
00:25:28,861 --> 00:25:31,697
"'How will I ever get out of
this labyrinth?'"
426
00:25:33,949 --> 00:25:37,995
Those are some
seriously great last words.
427
00:25:37,995 --> 00:25:39,747
No shit.
428
00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:43,167
What do they mean?
429
00:25:45,878 --> 00:25:48,255
That's the mystery, isn't it?
430
00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:54,261
Is the labyrinth living
or dying?
431
00:25:56,764 --> 00:25:59,016
And which is
he trying to escape,
432
00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:02,102
the world or the end of it?
433
00:26:02,102 --> 00:26:03,353
I don't know.
434
00:26:05,189 --> 00:26:07,191
And here I thought you were
the one who's finally
435
00:26:07,191 --> 00:26:09,234
going to deliver me
the answers.
436
00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:10,694
We've only just met,
437
00:26:10,694 --> 00:26:12,571
and you're already
disappointing me, Pudge.
438
00:26:17,367 --> 00:26:19,536
Have you read all the books
in your room?
439
00:26:19,536 --> 00:26:22,289
God, no,
but I'm gonna read them all.
440
00:26:22,289 --> 00:26:25,793
I call it my Life's Library.
441
00:26:25,793 --> 00:26:27,419
Every summer
since I was little,
442
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,671
I would go to
all the garage sales,
443
00:26:29,671 --> 00:26:33,759
and I'd buy all the books
that looked interesting,
444
00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:35,844
just so I would always have
something to read.
445
00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:38,889
But there's so much to do,
you know?
446
00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:42,643
I'll have more time for reading
when I'm old and boring.
447
00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:44,812
Hard to imagine
you'd ever be boring.
448
00:26:48,941 --> 00:26:50,692
You remind me a lot of
the Colonel
449
00:26:50,692 --> 00:26:52,903
when he first came to
Culver Creek.
450
00:26:52,903 --> 00:26:55,030
When we first met,
we were just a couple of
451
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:59,868
scholarship kids
with a shared interest in...
452
00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:01,829
let's just call it
booze and mischief.
453
00:27:01,829 --> 00:27:05,249
I'm interested
in those things too.
454
00:27:05,249 --> 00:27:06,792
455
00:27:06,792 --> 00:27:08,335
And something tells me
456
00:27:08,335 --> 00:27:09,753
you haven't experienced
a whole lot either,
457
00:27:09,753 --> 00:27:11,338
which is exactly my point.
458
00:27:11,338 --> 00:27:14,633
By Thanksgiving,
I got him his first girlfriend,
459
00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:17,302
and later that year,
we pulled our first prank.
460
00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:18,887
I provide the vision,
461
00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:21,932
and he provides
the militarylevel planning.
462
00:27:21,932 --> 00:27:24,726
So that's how Chip became
the Colonel?
463
00:27:24,726 --> 00:27:27,187
You're smart like him,
cute too.
464
00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:33,193
But I didn't just say that,
because I love my boyfriend.
465
00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:39,867
Well, you're much smarter
than both of us,
466
00:27:39,867 --> 00:27:41,952
and much more attractive.
467
00:27:41,952 --> 00:27:45,455
But I didn't just say that,
because I love my girlfriend.
468
00:27:49,001 --> 00:27:52,212
Who does not exist,
because I don't have one.
469
00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:56,633
Well, don't worry, Pudge.
470
00:27:56,633 --> 00:27:57,968
If there's one thing
I can get you,
471
00:27:57,968 --> 00:27:59,928
it's a girlfriend.
472
00:28:07,936 --> 00:28:09,980
Let's make a deal.
473
00:28:13,275 --> 00:28:15,944
You figure out
what the labyrinth is
474
00:28:15,944 --> 00:28:19,031
and how to get out of it,
475
00:28:19,031 --> 00:28:21,575
and I'll get you laid...
476
00:28:21,575 --> 00:28:26,246
by a sexuallyliberated
intellectual equal, of course.
477
00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:28,165
Deal?
478
00:28:32,628 --> 00:28:34,630
Deal.
479
00:28:53,357 --> 00:28:56,193
When you're walking at night,
480
00:28:56,193 --> 00:28:58,570
do you ever get creeped out
481
00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:00,781
and even though it's silly
and embarrassing,
482
00:29:00,781 --> 00:29:02,783
you just wanna run home?
483
00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:11,875
Yeah.
484
00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:13,252
Totally.
485
00:29:18,799 --> 00:29:20,300
Run, Pudge!
486
00:30:14,146 --> 00:30:15,856
Shit.
487
00:30:32,122 --> 00:30:34,041
Get out, get out!
Come on.
488
00:30:34,041 --> 00:30:35,125
What, what's going on?
489
00:30:35,125 --> 00:30:36,877
Are you serious?
490
00:30:45,260 --> 00:30:46,720
I knew something was up.
491
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:48,680
Hurry up, hurry up!
492
00:30:51,683 --> 00:30:53,060
Go back to your rooms.
493
00:30:53,060 --> 00:30:55,270
The fuck are you looking at?
494
00:30:56,855 --> 00:30:58,482
This is bullshit, man.
Guys, come on.
495
00:30:58,482 --> 00:31:00,192
Go back to your rooms.
It's late.
496
00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,152
This doesn't concern you.
Let's go.
497
00:31:02,152 --> 00:31:03,528
I'm sorry.
We didn't meant to
498
00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:05,197
All right,
just go back in.
499
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:06,406
Just go back inside
and get dressed, all right?
500
00:31:06,406 --> 00:31:07,949
I don't get it.
501
00:31:07,949 --> 00:31:09,117
I mean, you're good,
but you're not that good.
502
00:31:09,117 --> 00:31:10,994
Somebody ratted.
503
00:31:10,994 --> 00:31:12,537
Expulsion's gonna
be the least of your worries
504
00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:13,914
Who's the rat?
Inside.
505
00:31:13,914 --> 00:31:15,290
Huh?
I knew it was somebody!
506
00:31:15,290 --> 00:31:17,209
Alaska!
You're not gonna believe it.
507
00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:19,461
Ms. Young, please go
help your roommate get packed.
508
00:31:19,461 --> 00:31:20,962
Paul, let's go.
509
00:31:20,962 --> 00:31:23,215
Who ratted?
I know it was somebody!
510
00:31:23,215 --> 00:31:24,508
Was it you, man?
Paul.
511
00:31:24,508 --> 00:31:25,926
Who ratted?
512
00:31:25,926 --> 00:31:28,678
Was it you?
Was it?
513
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:45,946
Yes.
514
00:31:45,946 --> 00:31:47,781
First official day of
classes,
515
00:31:47,781 --> 00:31:49,950
we've already
suffered casualties.
516
00:31:49,950 --> 00:31:51,493
Here's what I know.
517
00:31:51,493 --> 00:31:52,786
I told you Takumi would know.
518
00:31:52,786 --> 00:31:54,204
Takumi always knows.
519
00:31:54,204 --> 00:31:55,997
Apparently,
Paul and Marya hit
520
00:31:55,997 --> 00:31:58,125
the Culver Creek
rule breaking trifecta.
521
00:31:58,125 --> 00:32:01,086
One, genital contact
while, two, smoking pot
522
00:32:01,086 --> 00:32:02,587
and, three, already drunk.
523
00:32:02,587 --> 00:32:04,589
Though, Paul was attempting
to use a condom,
524
00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:06,967
so kudos for being
sexually responsible.
525
00:32:06,967 --> 00:32:08,593
They are fucked.
526
00:32:08,593 --> 00:32:10,303
Well, they were gone
before the sun came up.
527
00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:12,431
No way the Eagle
just got lucky.
528
00:32:12,431 --> 00:32:15,809
I hate to agree with Paul,
but he wasn't working alone.
529
00:32:29,156 --> 00:32:30,532
Oh, sorry.
530
00:32:30,532 --> 00:32:32,117
II did not mean
to take your seat.
531
00:32:32,117 --> 00:32:36,163
Oh, notnot mine,
never sat here before.
532
00:32:36,163 --> 00:32:38,123
Are you new?
533
00:32:38,123 --> 00:32:40,292
So am I.
Um, Lara.
534
00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:41,668
Miles.
535
00:32:41,668 --> 00:32:44,045
Call him Pudge.
536
00:32:44,045 --> 00:32:45,797
Oh.
537
00:32:45,797 --> 00:32:47,591
Did you hear about the students
who were kicked out?
538
00:32:47,591 --> 00:32:49,426
Marya is Alaska's roommate.
539
00:32:49,426 --> 00:32:50,802
Was.
540
00:32:50,802 --> 00:32:52,262
Oh, what happened?
541
00:32:52,262 --> 00:32:53,638
I don't know.
542
00:32:53,638 --> 00:32:57,225
But just to be safe,
trust no one.
543
00:33:15,619 --> 00:33:18,205
Old man only has one lung.
544
00:33:31,134 --> 00:33:35,180
Religion is important
whether you believe it or not.
545
00:33:35,180 --> 00:33:36,806
Just like history is important
546
00:33:36,806 --> 00:33:38,600
whether you've lived
through it or not.
547
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:41,978
In my case, I probably have.
548
00:33:41,978 --> 00:33:45,190
This year, we will be studying
three religious traditions
549
00:33:45,190 --> 00:33:49,986
Islam, Christianity,
and Buddhism.
550
00:33:49,986 --> 00:33:53,240
We'll tackle three more
next year.
551
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:56,618
Gives me something to live for.
552
00:33:56,618 --> 00:33:58,787
My name is Dr. Hyde.
553
00:33:58,787 --> 00:34:03,416
You may be smart,
but I've been smart longer.
554
00:34:03,416 --> 00:34:07,712
Therefore, I will talk,
and you will listen.
555
00:34:07,712 --> 00:34:09,714
Our time together may be short,
556
00:34:09,714 --> 00:34:14,010
but we are engaged in the most
important pursuit of all
557
00:34:14,010 --> 00:34:17,055
the search for meaning.
558
00:34:17,055 --> 00:34:19,933
What is the nature of
being human?
559
00:34:19,933 --> 00:34:23,186
What is the best way to live?
560
00:34:23,186 --> 00:34:26,356
How did we come to be?
561
00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:29,359
And what will become of us
when are no longer?
562
00:34:53,758 --> 00:34:56,845
563
00:35:40,305 --> 00:35:43,099
Maureen, you are a genius.
564
00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:46,478
Don't I know it.
Every day, living the dream.
565
00:35:46,478 --> 00:35:48,021
What exactly is this?
566
00:35:48,021 --> 00:35:51,441
A fried burrito,
aka "bufriedo."
567
00:35:51,441 --> 00:35:55,362
Invented by aforementioned
culinary genius Maureen,
568
00:35:55,362 --> 00:35:57,364
named by Alaska.
569
00:35:57,364 --> 00:36:01,117
You know, you can say a lot
of bad things about Alabama,
570
00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:05,038
but you cannot say that
the Alabamans as a people
571
00:36:05,038 --> 00:36:07,123
are unduly afraid
of deep fryers.
572
00:36:11,252 --> 00:36:13,254
Don't eat that zucchini.
573
00:36:18,968 --> 00:36:21,805
Oh, my God.
574
00:36:21,805 --> 00:36:24,140
This is the greatest thing
I've ever tasted.
575
00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:26,017
That tastes so good.
576
00:36:26,017 --> 00:36:27,852
Nothing like seeing
a man eat his first bufriedo.
577
00:36:27,852 --> 00:36:30,772
Oh, you get any more intel?
578
00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:33,149
I did, but, uh,
I think it's best
579
00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:35,402
if we talked privately.
580
00:36:35,402 --> 00:36:36,778
You guys don't trust me?
581
00:36:36,778 --> 00:36:38,988
We don't really know you,
582
00:36:38,988 --> 00:36:41,074
and chances can't be taken
with this information.
583
00:36:50,250 --> 00:36:51,876
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
584
00:36:51,876 --> 00:36:53,461
You do not wanna put
that poison
585
00:36:53,461 --> 00:36:55,547
in your body, homeslice.
586
00:36:55,547 --> 00:36:57,298
But it's so delicious.
587
00:36:57,298 --> 00:36:59,175
Kev, come on.
588
00:36:59,175 --> 00:37:01,010
Everyone needs to try a friend
burrito once in their life.
589
00:37:01,010 --> 00:37:02,429
Once?
590
00:37:02,429 --> 00:37:04,139
Why would I only have this
once?
591
00:37:05,265 --> 00:37:06,891
It's all good, Miles.
592
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:08,560
No, we're just offering
some friendly advice,
593
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,479
'cause you look like
you could use some friends.
594
00:37:11,479 --> 00:37:13,148
You guys wanna be friends?
595
00:37:13,148 --> 00:37:15,108
We don't want you falling
in with the wrong crowd.
596
00:37:15,108 --> 00:37:17,193
Yeah, you're cooler
than those other losers.
597
00:37:17,193 --> 00:37:19,154
Really?
Yeah.
598
00:37:19,154 --> 00:37:23,575
I mean, from Florida.
That's cool.
599
00:37:23,575 --> 00:37:25,285
Even Orlando?
600
00:37:25,285 --> 00:37:26,911
Well, look
you wouldn't have left
601
00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:30,165
if you didn't have
some ambition.
602
00:37:34,753 --> 00:37:38,047
You know what that means?
No.
603
00:37:38,047 --> 00:37:40,049
No, that's right, because
you don't speak Mandarin,
604
00:37:40,049 --> 00:37:42,635
global language of tomorrow,
but I do.
605
00:37:42,635 --> 00:37:45,221
That's what we do here,
Miles, plan for the future.
606
00:37:45,221 --> 00:37:48,683
A person in your position
could be very helpful to us,
607
00:37:48,683 --> 00:37:50,435
letting us know what
the Colonel's thinking
608
00:37:50,435 --> 00:37:52,353
and when he's thinking it.
609
00:37:52,353 --> 00:37:56,065
Oh, so...so you want me
to be a rat?
610
00:37:56,065 --> 00:37:59,235
No, we're just asking you
to do a solid for your friends.
611
00:37:59,235 --> 00:38:02,030
"A journey of thousand miles
begins with one step."
612
00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:05,575
That's the translation
of what I said to you.
613
00:38:05,575 --> 00:38:07,994
I meant it.
614
00:38:07,994 --> 00:38:09,329
Walk with us, son.
615
00:38:09,329 --> 00:38:10,955
We're seniors, Miles.
616
00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:13,374
I mean, we gotta leave
this school to someone,
617
00:38:13,374 --> 00:38:16,127
and that could be you.
618
00:38:16,127 --> 00:38:19,214
I mean, I could just
stay out of it.
619
00:38:19,214 --> 00:38:21,758
You know, why pick a side?
I could be like Switzerland.
620
00:38:21,758 --> 00:38:23,551
I've heard that place
is really, really nice.
621
00:38:23,551 --> 00:38:24,803
Not possible, bro.
622
00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:27,514
Here,
everyone chooses a side.
623
00:38:36,189 --> 00:38:37,524
Come on, man.
624
00:38:37,524 --> 00:38:38,650
Why isn't this water
coming out?
625
00:38:38,650 --> 00:38:42,111
I can't wear this bullshit.
626
00:38:42,111 --> 00:38:44,739
Thank, God.
Pudge, it's an emergency.
627
00:38:44,739 --> 00:38:46,449
I have dinner
with Sara's parents.
628
00:38:46,449 --> 00:38:48,576
Please tell me
you know how to iron.
629
00:38:48,576 --> 00:38:51,162
I didn't even know
we had an iron.
630
00:38:51,162 --> 00:38:52,914
We don't.
631
00:38:52,914 --> 00:38:55,667
It's Takumi's, not that
he knows how to iron either.
632
00:38:55,667 --> 00:38:57,544
When I asked Alaska,
she started yelling,
633
00:38:57,544 --> 00:38:58,795
"You're not gonna impose
634
00:38:58,795 --> 00:39:00,129
the patriarchal paradigm
on me."
635
00:39:00,129 --> 00:39:01,381
The what?
636
00:39:01,381 --> 00:39:02,966
Alaska,
among her many qualities,
637
00:39:02,966 --> 00:39:05,009
is a third wave feminist.
638
00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:07,053
They have waves?
639
00:39:07,053 --> 00:39:09,806
Uh, Pudge, maybe you should
try and read
640
00:39:09,806 --> 00:39:12,767
some biographies of women.
641
00:39:12,767 --> 00:39:14,352
God damn.
642
00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:16,020
I need to smoke,
643
00:39:16,020 --> 00:39:18,815
but I can't reek of smoke
when I see Sara's parents.
644
00:39:18,815 --> 00:39:21,276
They smell like sandalwood
and money.
645
00:39:23,945 --> 00:39:26,990
One thing my lousy father
taught me
646
00:39:26,990 --> 00:39:29,200
was how to tie a tie.
647
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:30,952
Which is odd,
'cause I can't imagine
648
00:39:30,952 --> 00:39:34,372
when he'd ever
have to wear one.
649
00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:37,292
Too bad this tie is
so goddamn ugly.
650
00:39:37,292 --> 00:39:39,419
I bought you that tie,
you asshole.
651
00:39:39,419 --> 00:39:40,712
It was a birthday present.
652
00:39:40,712 --> 00:39:42,297
And one I will never forget.
653
00:39:42,297 --> 00:39:44,007
You must be Sara.
654
00:39:44,007 --> 00:39:46,217
Nice to meet you.
I've heard so much about you.
655
00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:48,011
Yeah, I can imagine.
656
00:39:48,011 --> 00:39:50,179
Can't you at least press
your goddamn shirt?
657
00:39:50,179 --> 00:39:51,931
I freaking tried, okay?
658
00:39:51,931 --> 00:39:54,392
We can't all have our maids
doing our ironing for us.
659
00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:55,768
Wow, Chip,
that chip on your shoulder
660
00:39:55,768 --> 00:39:57,145
makes you look even shorter.
661
00:39:57,145 --> 00:39:58,855
What difference
does it make, Sara?
662
00:39:58,855 --> 00:40:00,773
I could be wearing a tuxedo
with a little top hat,
663
00:40:00,773 --> 00:40:02,775
and your parents
would still hate me.
664
00:40:02,775 --> 00:40:05,653
Right, because you antagonize
them as you do all humans
665
00:40:05,653 --> 00:40:06,988
who walk the earth.
666
00:40:06,988 --> 00:40:08,489
Hey, you know what.
667
00:40:08,489 --> 00:40:10,408
Um, I'm so sorry
that this is your roommate.
668
00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:11,659
You deserve a lot better.
669
00:40:11,659 --> 00:40:13,494
He ain't the only one.
Cute.
670
00:40:13,494 --> 00:40:15,079
Look, we either go now
or we're not going.
671
00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:16,539
Fuck it.
Fine.
672
00:40:16,539 --> 00:40:18,291
Whatever.
Asshole.
673
00:40:18,291 --> 00:40:20,418
674
00:40:27,175 --> 00:40:30,595
So, that's Sara.
675
00:40:32,138 --> 00:40:35,725
She seems...sweet.
676
00:40:35,725 --> 00:40:37,477
Yeah.
677
00:40:37,477 --> 00:40:40,688
Neither one of us had
a lot of positive role models
678
00:40:40,688 --> 00:40:43,024
when it comes to
adult relationships.
679
00:40:50,573 --> 00:40:52,241
Are you drinking sour milk?
680
00:40:52,241 --> 00:40:55,078
It ain't milk
well, not just.
681
00:40:55,078 --> 00:40:57,872
It's five parts milk,
one part vodka.
682
00:40:57,872 --> 00:41:01,167
I call it ambrosia,
drink of the gods.
683
00:41:02,669 --> 00:41:04,462
You can barely smell
the alcohol,
684
00:41:04,462 --> 00:41:08,049
so the Eagle can never catch me
unless he took a sip.
685
00:41:08,049 --> 00:41:09,550
Only downside is,
686
00:41:09,550 --> 00:41:12,845
is it tastes like sour milk
and alcohol.
687
00:41:12,845 --> 00:41:15,139
But what the hell, Pudge?
688
00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:18,184
Gotta dull the pain somehow.
689
00:41:18,184 --> 00:41:20,812
You wanna try some?
Oh, no, I'm good.
690
00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:28,736
You gonna go get that?
691
00:41:34,283 --> 00:41:36,995
Hello?
Can you get Chip for me?
692
00:41:36,995 --> 00:41:39,664
Sara, yeah, hold on.
Yeah?
693
00:41:39,664 --> 00:41:41,040
Can we go now?
694
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,960
Yes.
695
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:47,213
I'm a bad boyfriend.
She's a bad girlfriend.
696
00:41:47,213 --> 00:41:49,841
We deserve each other.
697
00:41:49,841 --> 00:41:51,926
Don't wait up.
698
00:42:10,445 --> 00:42:12,572
699
00:42:12,572 --> 00:42:14,032
Let's go!
Now, Halter!
700
00:42:14,032 --> 00:42:16,034
Ouch!
Okay.
701
00:42:16,034 --> 00:42:17,410
Now!
702
00:42:17,410 --> 00:42:18,828
Don't make us kick your ass!
703
00:42:18,828 --> 00:42:19,996
Okay, okay.
704
00:42:19,996 --> 00:42:21,205
Can I put some pants on first?
705
00:42:21,205 --> 00:42:22,206
That won't be necessary.
706
00:42:22,206 --> 00:42:23,750
Move!
707
00:42:30,965 --> 00:42:32,091
Whoa!
Go!
708
00:42:32,091 --> 00:42:33,426
Oh, I get it.
709
00:42:33,426 --> 00:42:35,386
You're gonna handcuff me
to the flagpole.
710
00:42:35,386 --> 00:42:36,596
Very funny.
711
00:42:36,596 --> 00:42:38,681
You wish, turd.
Come on.
712
00:42:41,559 --> 00:42:43,061
Come on.
Go.
713
00:42:43,061 --> 00:42:45,146
Move.
Speed it up, guys.
714
00:42:45,146 --> 00:42:47,482
Oh, a good ol' fashioned
dunking.
715
00:42:47,482 --> 00:42:49,108
Yeah, that sounds
really refreshing.
716
00:42:49,108 --> 00:42:50,818
Shut up, arms at your sides.
717
00:42:50,818 --> 00:42:53,446
Wait, why do I need
to do that?
718
00:42:53,446 --> 00:42:55,198
Isn't that gonna make it
hard for me to swim?
719
00:42:55,198 --> 00:42:58,159
You had your chance
to be on our side.
720
00:42:58,159 --> 00:43:00,078
I told you,
I'm on nobody's side.
721
00:43:00,078 --> 00:43:02,038
That means
you're with the Colonel.
722
00:43:02,038 --> 00:43:03,539
And this is for him.
723
00:43:03,539 --> 00:43:04,582
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't do that.
724
00:43:04,582 --> 00:43:05,958
Wait
725
00:43:05,958 --> 00:43:07,210
For what he did to one of us.
726
00:43:07,210 --> 00:43:08,711
Legs.
727
00:43:08,711 --> 00:43:10,046
Wait.
You guys, please!
728
00:43:10,046 --> 00:43:11,464
Please, guys, don't!
729
00:43:11,464 --> 00:43:13,132
No!
730
00:43:13,132 --> 00:43:14,717
Wait, "Please, guys, don't"
are terrible last words.
731
00:43:14,717 --> 00:43:16,385
Three!
732
00:43:52,255 --> 00:43:53,840
Oh, shit!
733
00:44:01,180 --> 00:44:02,849
Ah!
734
00:45:57,797 --> 00:45:59,674
You okay?
735
00:46:03,052 --> 00:46:05,388
Better than you.
736
00:46:11,894 --> 00:46:13,604
Someone go for a swim?
737
00:46:13,604 --> 00:46:16,941
Uh, it was less than a swim,
738
00:46:16,941 --> 00:46:19,652
more of a drowning...
the Weekday Warriors
739
00:46:19,652 --> 00:46:22,196
Yeah, well, you
better be tough now, Pudge.
740
00:46:22,196 --> 00:46:23,906
Mommy's not here
to help anymore.
741
00:46:23,906 --> 00:46:25,908
Not for any of us.
742
00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:09,410
Where the hell you been?
743
00:47:11,245 --> 00:47:12,330
Oh.
744
00:47:12,330 --> 00:47:14,874
You got tossed in the lake.
745
00:47:14,874 --> 00:47:16,625
Culver Creek tradition.
746
00:47:16,625 --> 00:47:17,793
Attempted homicide
747
00:47:17,793 --> 00:47:19,670
is Culver Creek tradition?
748
00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:21,088
Don't be dramatic.
749
00:47:21,088 --> 00:47:23,174
It happens to all the new kids.
750
00:47:23,174 --> 00:47:24,925
They toss you in, you swim out
751
00:47:24,925 --> 00:47:26,719
and try not
to wake your roommate.
752
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:28,679
I couldn't just swim out.
753
00:47:28,679 --> 00:47:30,431
Shit, you can't swim, Pudge?
754
00:47:30,431 --> 00:47:32,266
Not without my arms and legs.
755
00:47:32,266 --> 00:47:34,935
They wrapped my whole body up.
756
00:47:34,935 --> 00:47:36,187
What?
757
00:47:36,187 --> 00:47:37,646
What do you mean? How?
758
00:47:37,646 --> 00:47:40,024
They plasticwrapped
my entire body.
759
00:47:40,024 --> 00:47:42,902
Jesus, you had to swim out
like a mermaid?
760
00:47:42,902 --> 00:47:44,612
Merman, but yeah.
761
00:47:45,613 --> 00:47:46,697
Shit.
762
00:47:46,697 --> 00:47:48,657
You could've drowned.
763
00:47:48,657 --> 00:47:49,867
They just supposed
to toss you in
764
00:47:49,867 --> 00:47:51,243
in your underwear and run.
765
00:47:51,243 --> 00:47:53,371
They said
it was because of you.
766
00:47:55,039 --> 00:47:57,458
They said that?
767
00:47:57,458 --> 00:47:58,417
Shit.
768
00:47:58,417 --> 00:47:59,835
Takumi was right.
769
00:47:59,835 --> 00:48:01,545
Right about what?
770
00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:03,005
Maybe you could tell me
what the hell is going on.
771
00:48:03,005 --> 00:48:04,256
Or I could just go talk
to the Eagle.
772
00:48:04,256 --> 00:48:06,509
No.
No way, Pudge.
773
00:48:06,509 --> 00:48:08,135
You are not a rat,
774
00:48:08,135 --> 00:48:09,804
and that is not how things
get dealt with here.
775
00:48:09,804 --> 00:48:12,598
Well, I've had it
with how things happen here.
776
00:48:12,598 --> 00:48:14,517
Andand what's wrong
with Alaska?
777
00:48:14,517 --> 00:48:17,436
She was really mean to me.
778
00:48:17,436 --> 00:48:20,856
Yeah, well,
she's moody, dude.
779
00:48:23,442 --> 00:48:26,779
I'm sorry, Pudge,
about everything.
780
00:48:28,406 --> 00:48:30,032
Turn off the lights.
781
00:48:39,125 --> 00:48:41,335
God damn it!
782
00:48:41,335 --> 00:48:43,295
Those bastards.
783
00:48:43,295 --> 00:48:44,839
Before they grabbed you
last night,
784
00:48:44,839 --> 00:48:46,715
they pissed in my shoes.
785
00:48:46,715 --> 00:48:48,050
Are you sure?
786
00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:49,385
Do you want
to smell it?
787
00:48:49,385 --> 00:48:50,886
Because if there's
one thing I know,
788
00:48:50,886 --> 00:48:53,597
it's the smell of warm piss
in my new shoes!
789
00:48:55,850 --> 00:48:57,476
It's like my mom always said.
790
00:48:57,476 --> 00:48:59,019
"You think
you're walking on water,
791
00:48:59,019 --> 00:49:01,272
when it turns out
you got piss in your shoes."
792
00:49:03,399 --> 00:49:04,567
Do you have
a pair of flipflops
793
00:49:04,567 --> 00:49:06,068
or anything I could borrow?
794
00:49:11,282 --> 00:49:13,534
Hey, Pudge.
795
00:49:13,534 --> 00:49:15,119
Heard what they did
to you last night.
796
00:49:15,119 --> 00:49:16,787
Alaska's pissed.
797
00:49:16,787 --> 00:49:19,540
Didn't seem like it.
798
00:49:19,540 --> 00:49:21,167
Look, Pudge.
799
00:49:21,167 --> 00:49:23,335
You're collateral damage
in a larger battle.
800
00:49:23,335 --> 00:49:25,463
One that's been going on
since the beginning of time.
801
00:49:25,463 --> 00:49:28,007
Or since we were freshmen.
802
00:49:28,007 --> 00:49:31,135
It's us versus
the Weekday Warriors.
803
00:49:31,135 --> 00:49:32,386
Usually it's just
fun and games,
804
00:49:32,386 --> 00:49:34,054
but not after last night.
805
00:49:34,054 --> 00:49:35,181
Things have changed.
806
00:49:35,181 --> 00:49:36,515
What changed?
807
00:49:36,515 --> 00:49:39,185
They think the Colonel
is the rat.
808
00:49:39,185 --> 00:49:41,770
I can't believe it.
809
00:49:41,770 --> 00:49:43,439
I mean, I hated
that dick weasel,
810
00:49:43,439 --> 00:49:44,899
but I would never rat on him.
811
00:49:44,899 --> 00:49:46,317
If they think
the Colonel's the rat,
812
00:49:46,317 --> 00:49:47,359
then they're dumber
than they look.
813
00:49:47,359 --> 00:49:49,069
Thank you.
814
00:49:49,069 --> 00:49:50,529
Probably one of those
pukashelled Backstreet Boys
815
00:49:50,529 --> 00:49:51,947
ratted and said it was me.
816
00:49:51,947 --> 00:49:53,407
Which is why
we need to figure out
817
00:49:53,407 --> 00:49:55,367
how to ruin
their shitty little lives.
818
00:49:55,367 --> 00:49:58,829
After class, we start drawing
up plans for a counterattack.
819
00:49:58,829 --> 00:50:00,372
Looks like
we're going to war.
820
00:50:00,372 --> 00:50:02,708
I promise you, Pudge,
821
00:50:02,708 --> 00:50:06,170
they will regret messing
with one of our friends.
822
00:50:06,170 --> 00:50:07,463
Trust.
823
00:50:09,298 --> 00:50:10,674
Hey.
824
00:50:16,764 --> 00:50:19,225
Last night, I didn't realize
how bad it was.
825
00:50:20,851 --> 00:50:23,729
I'm sorry.
826
00:50:23,729 --> 00:50:25,689
It's okay.
827
00:50:27,149 --> 00:50:29,527
Do we still have our deal?
828
00:50:31,445 --> 00:50:33,155
Yeah.
829
00:51:00,975 --> 00:51:03,352
Miles?
Miles, what's wrong?
830
00:51:03,352 --> 00:51:06,397
Why does
something have to be wrong?
831
00:51:06,397 --> 00:51:07,898
It's not Sunday
I thought
832
00:51:07,898 --> 00:51:09,441
you were gonna call
on Sundays.
833
00:51:09,441 --> 00:51:11,485
Is that Miles?
What's wrong?
834
00:51:11,485 --> 00:51:13,404
Nothing is wrong.
835
00:51:13,404 --> 00:51:15,114
He says nothing.
836
00:51:15,114 --> 00:51:17,074
It's not Sunday.
837
00:51:21,704 --> 00:51:24,832
I wasI was just
calling to say thank you.
838
00:51:26,959 --> 00:51:28,544
For letting me go.
839
00:51:28,544 --> 00:51:30,379
For sending me here.
840
00:51:30,379 --> 00:51:32,089
He's calling to say
how much happier he is
841
00:51:32,089 --> 00:51:33,257
without his parents.
842
00:51:33,257 --> 00:51:34,383
Oh, good.
843
00:51:34,383 --> 00:51:36,051
That's not what I'm saying.
844
00:51:36,051 --> 00:51:38,053
I know, honey.
845
00:51:38,053 --> 00:51:41,473
I just hope you find whatever
it is you're looking for.
846
00:51:41,473 --> 00:51:43,976
Your Great Perhaps.
847
00:51:45,477 --> 00:51:48,689
Um, II think I have.
55181
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