All language subtitles for The.Conners.512

♪♪

Look at us,

getting up early
to do our homework.

This way, we're not
in Aunt Darlene and
Uncle Ben's way,

and they can enjoy
their new house.

Honey.

Where's your
clay dinosaur?

I don't know.
It was here a minute ago.

It's okay,
we can fix it.

Okay.

Uh, you know what?

Let's just call this a rock
and move on.

Mommy's got a lot of work
to do on her psych paper.

Okay, I get it.

You don't like me
working in bed.

Is it really
that big a deal?

Yeah, because you
leave the lights on

half the night, too.

I had a dream the cops were
trying to get me

to confess
to something.

I-I told them
I did it

just so I could go to prison
where it's dark.

Look, it's my bed, too,
so, I don't know,

can't you just
wear a sleep mask?

No, because I can hear
you typing, too.

Well, then
wear earplugs.
Oh, really?

Well, why don't I just
shove a rag in my mouth

so that
I can't complain?

That would be terrible.

And it's not about that.

It's about catching up
at the end of the day.

[ Sighs ]
That's the time where
we're supposed to be

talking to each other.

Come on, sweetie.

Let's leave Aunt Darlene
and Uncle Ben alone

before you start thinking

this is what a normal marriage
looks like.

The computer on the bed

isn't the only thing
that's annoying me.

There's other stuff,
too, you know.

Whoa, just what I love
in an argument -- add-ons.

And -- And I almost
killed myself

tripping over
your sweater.

You know, we've got
a brand-new house,

and you're just
throwing stuff on the floor.

I bet even Beverly Rose
wouldn't throw her stuff

all over the floor.

I don't want to be
a part of this.

You see? Even children
know you're wrong

and don't want to be
anywhere near you.

♪♪

Where's Ben?

He loves weird, old movies
like "Urban Cowboy."

He's still at
the hardware store.

We're keeping it open
till 9:00 now.

Hm.

You see Travolta
and Debra Winger in bed?

You notice neither of them
are working.

Did all those country bars
really have mechanical bulls?

Was that a thing?

Oh, not only
country bars.

They had 'em
at county fairs.

They even had one
at the mall.

They took it out
after some drunk woman

got thrown into
a fountain.

I rode one once
at the county fair.

Stayed on for the full ride
and then some.

Broke the record.

Hmm, you were
pretty big back then.

Uh, are you sure the bull
was actually moving,

or did it drop to its knees
and beg for mercy?

Actually, they set it on high
and put it in reverse,

and they still couldn't
throw me off.

I think you're remembering
it wrong.

Mom told me
you were so drunk,

you fell off the bull
before it even started

and just laid
on the mat going,

"Get a picture!
I'm doing it!"

Not true.

Your mom was just trying
to get you guys to laugh.

Or maybe you're remembering
what she said wrong.

I was there.
I know it happened.

Oh, it's okay, Dad.

You're getting older.

It's natural to
look back on your life

and feel like you wasted it
and make up a lot of crap.

I'm not
doing that.

Your mom took a video
of me riding the bull,

if you need to see it
for proof.

I-It's not a big deal,
Grandpa.

I'm sure you
rode the bull...

and you were a hero
in World War II,

and you invented
the cotton gin.

I mean, those are
really cool stories,

even if they
aren't true.

You know
I wasn't in World War II.

Wow, that's a huge thing
to forget, Grandpa.

Alright, you've all
had your fun.

Now I'm gonna prove I'm right
by showing you

that video
your mom took.

I got
a whole box of 'em

right back here
in this closet somewhere.

I'm sure I put that box
in here.

You sure you didn't leave it on
the beaches of Normandy?

What are you doing?

I'm getting this all on video
'cause, later on,

you are gonna say
that you knew exactly

where the box was
the whole time.

♪♪

- - Captions by VITAC --

"The Conners" is recorded

in front of a live
studio audience.

Hey, I really
need your help.

You got a minute?
Becky: No.

I've got a paper on
the moralities of everyday life

due by midnight, and it counts
for two-thirds of my grade.

Sorry.
Oh.

Well, this definitely
is about that.

Your sister put
a parental lock

on my computer.

And I can't log in to work
after 11:00 p. m.

Looks like that's
your new bedtime.

I told you
she was nuts.

Byyye.

I have to work in bed.

I can't do my paperwork
at the hardware store.

There's too many
interruptions.

I mean,
when I get into bed,

I can really focus.

You know, I'm already
staying open longer hours,

but I'm trying to find
other ways to increase profits.

Anyway, do you know
Darlene's passwords?

Is it birthdays,
uh, names, what?

That'd be way too obvious.

Have you tried
"flannel-bitch-queen"?

Ooh, no.

That's all lowercase,
no spaces?

No! Man!

Now I'm locked out
for 15 minutes.

Look, I'm trying
to finish this paper.

You gotta go.

Oh, of course. I'm sorry.
You go ahead.

If you don't mind,
I'm just going to sit here

and cool off,

keep trying things
when this thing opens back up.

That's fine.

[ Sighs ] Damn it!

I mean, there are so many
other things to worry about,

and this is what
she picks?

Sorry.
Do your thing.

I don't know
what her problem is!

It's like, look at us.
Look at us.

You need to work,
and I'm leaving you alone.

Why can't she
do that for me?!

♪♪

Let me guess --
Somebody hid a KitKat bar,

and now he can't remember
where he put it.

No, I'm looking for
the damn family movies.

Don't you have someone
waiting for you at home?

I told Louise
I'd check on you

while she's on tour.

So, are you
feeling dizzy?

Have blurred vision?
Shortness of breath?

Slurred speech?

Only since
you walked in.

Alright, well,
then you're fine

and I'm on
a beer break.

You could take
your beer break at home,

'cause I'm not some
doddering old-timer

that needs to be
checked on.

Yeah. You know,
you really ought to get

all those tapes
and movies digitized.

It's 2023, Nana.

Hold it.

I've heard that
somewhere before.

You!

You said that, like,
four years ago,

and I gave you
the movies to digitize!

No, you didn't.
Must be somebody else.

No, I know I gave them
to you, Nana.

And I need that tape of me
riding the mechanical bull

to show the kids.

That's nice,
but I don't have them.

I hate those bulls.

One of them --

One of them threw me
in the fountain at the mall.

Is this about you
worrying about your memory

because of everything
going on with my mom?

No, this is about losing
all our family's memories.

You have to have
that stuff, Jackie.

I don't.

I went through
everything before

I moved in
with Neville, Dan.

Then you lost them!

You're always doing crap
like this!

You didn't
give me anything!

And I'm tired of you
blaming me for everything!

That's what you've been doing
for the past 40 years!

And how come
it's always because

I'm some
flibberty-jibbit

and it's never
because you're wrong?!

Because I'm not wrong!

You've been doing stuff
without thinking for years,

like when you took Darlene
to see "The Exorcist"

when she was 10.

That's why
she's the way she is.

I didn't know what
the movie was about!

And by the time I did,

that devil thing
had obviously

flown off the screen

and embedded itself
in her soul.

But you weren't careful!

And now you've lost
our entire family history --

everything
I had of Roseanne,

everything of the kids.

It's like
we never existed.

No, I would never.

I would guard
every painful, pathetic,

impoverished moment
with my life.

You're remembering
things wrong,

And I'm
remembering it right.

No!
Yeah!

Now your feelings
are hurt, too!

♪♪

♪♪

What part
of my caffeine shakes

and cortisol-induced BO
says to you,

"Come sit for a spell"?

I-I need to talk.

Ben made me
unlock his computer,

and now he's hiding away
from me in the basement

instead of
coming to bed.

Problem solved.
Byyye!

I think he's avoiding me.
You know what?

He spends a lot of time
with you.

Has he said anything
about avoiding me?

No, but I'm sure he is.
We all are.

Look, I really need
to finish this paper.

Oh, my God, I only have
two minutes to send it in.

Alright,
I only need one.

Do you think that
Ben is avoiding me

because he's not
attracted to me anymore?

Well, it's not like
you let yourself go.

You let yourself go
in kindergarten, so no.

Yeah,
I didn't think so.

So then what is it?

Is he avoiding me
because I've been

so fanatical
about the house?

That's gotta be it.
Byyye!

Because you know what?

It could also be
that I pressured --

Nope! Get out!

[ Cellphone alarm rings ]

Oh. Oh.

Send, send, send, send,
send, send, send,

send, send,
send, send, send!

Oh!

You're not getting
any work done.

Stop playing Wordle.

Nobody cares
if you get it in three.

I'm not
playing Wordle.

I'm checking
the school portal

for the grade
on my paper.

Damn!

Nothing yet.

I know my professor's
gonna drop it a grade

for being late,
but please make it be

a "B" and not a "C."

Why was it late?

[ Sighs ]
Now that it's just me,

Darlene, and Ben
in the house,

they've started dumping
all their problems on me

instead of working it out
with each other.

Ugh!
Childish.

Grown-ups have
to have the guts

to say
what's on their mind.

I'm not
talking to you!

Please tell your aunt

that I am the one
not talking to her.

Well, ask your father
what he's doing here, then.

You know, sound does not
stop at me.

The two of you
can hear each other.

I only came in here
because I have a tab.

Hopefully, Jackie didn't
send my burger

to get digitized

and serve my home movies
to a different customer.

Here's your
dumb burger.

You know why I didn't
lose the order?

Because this time,
you actually gave it to me.

What is going on?

[ Sighs ] Jackie lost all our
family pictures and home movies.

Ugh, your memory is going,
old man.

This was all you.

Oh, my God,
you guys lost everything

from our childhood?

I-I was gonna show
Beverly Rose all that

to prove that Darlene
has always looked like
a sad little rag doll

and I've been
stunning since birth.

Well, maybe if
your aunt realized

she has the memory
of an old prizefighter,

she'd take responsibility
and start looking for them.

I don't care
who's to blame.

Not counting Bev,
you guys are the oldest two

living members
of this family.

You need to sit down
and record our family history

before it's gone forever.

Tell your father,

if he's willing to do it,
I will.

Oh, my God.

Are you serious?

You want your kid to know
you were a hot baby or not?

Fine.

Jackie says,

if you're willing
to do it, she is.

Tell her
I'll do it, too,

but don't make it sound like
I rolled over too easy.

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Oh, God bless America!
Ugh!

This whole Darlene and Ben thing
has gotta stop.

What happened?

My professor did not accept
my late paper,

and now I have to take
the whole damn class over again.

Well, when you start out
as a hot baby,

it's all downhill
from there.

♪♪

Hey, could you
come in here?

[ Door closes ]

No.

Both of you
on the couch, now.

Okay, I'm not even
going to comment

that Ben's clothes
are all over the couch,

but why don't we go
talk in his closet?

It's probably empty.

Well, that's a fun idea.
Let's do it.

I'll meet you there.

If you hear the car starting,
just ignore it.

Because you both
kept yammering at me,

I have to take my entire class
all over again!

Oh, man.
Sorry about that.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Becky.

Is there
anything I can do?

Yeah!

You two clowns
can sit there

while I help you
work through this.

What's going on
with you guys

is textbook stuff,
literally.

Right here,
page 142 --

"subconscious blaming."

You're working late
and doing paperwork in bed

to punish Darlene.

I knew it was
his fault.

How can we fix him?

We have to get
to the root of why

he's punishing you.

Ben.

Hmm?

You're working
longer hours,

and you told me that

you're trying
to increase profits.

Mm-hmm.
How dare you?

Wait, I think I need
to hear more.

Is it possible that you resent
having to work so hard

because Darlene isn't
making as much money?

Is that it?

[ Sighs ]
Because when
I quit Wellman,

you said you were okay
with me delivering food

while I looked for
the right management position.

Yes,
I did say that.

But it isn't true,
is it?

No.
[ Exhales deeply ]

This is good.

Tell Darlene how
you really feel.

Well, I meant what I said
at the time,

but now, I feel like
I'm the only one

that's freaking out
about money.

And, look, I'm so stressed,
I've become sloppy.

Well, I'm just trying
to be optimistic.

Well, stop.

Oh, my God, so you've just
been lying in bed hating me?

Yes.
Kinda.

Well, why didn't you
tell me?

Well, I didn't wanna
come off like an ass.

Well, Ben, we have to be
totally honest with each other,

even if you think that
makes you the bad guy.

Alright, look,
I promise to find something

as quickly as I can.

And then
it will be my turn

to resent you
for making me settle.

Aww, see,
that's all I'm asking.

See this?

We're talking,
we're resenting.

We're leaving Becky
the hell alone.

So, uh...

resentful sex?

Well, that's how I always
have it, but okay.

♪♪

Thank you for the setup.
I will start.

I do remember
one of the movies

was all of us
on vacation

at Sault Ste. Marie,
Michigan.

Dan: Oh, yeah.

We stayed at that place

with the cool
miniature golf course

they built
underground.

It was like having fun

waiting for
nuclear winter to pass.

Yes, and I remember
that we all

had to split
a small cheese pizza

because,
according to him,

I should've
pushed my way

through
the children's orchestra

to grab
the last large.

As someone who was
in a children's orchestra,

I can tell you,
they don't get out a lot,

and you wouldn't have
won that fight.

No,
that was the Dells.

We didn't eat
at the mini-golf place

'cause we were trying
to get D. J. unstuck

from the giant
clown's mouth.

Oh, yeah!
Now I remember that.

I remember.

We could've
got him out faster,

but it looked like
the clown was eating a kid,

so we just let
everybody take pictures.

Um, Aunt Jackie,

I remember seeing a picture of
you in a giant snowstorm.

Did you guys take
any movies of that?

Oh, no.
Thank God.

That was the day
I stole my dad's car

and I got stuck out
by the forest preserve.

I was lucky that
AAA got to me.

AAA?

Who in this family

you think
could afford that?

That was me
and my buddy, JR.

He had a tow truck.

Oh, my God, that's right.
That was you!

Oh, my God.

I can't believe
I forgot that.
[ Chuckles ]

I can.

You're 0 for 2.

And you're all over me,
saying that I'm losing it.

Maybe
you're the old guy

that can't
remember anything.

Uh, can you kids
give us a minute?

Okay?

[ Sighs ]
Okay, this is enough.

We're fighting in front
of the kids.

I'm willing to admit

that I'm capable
of forgetting things.

I was being overly defensive
about you blaming me

because I'm not
that much younger than you,

and I'm just
as worried about

losing my memory
as you are.

Alright, well,
if we're being honest,

I'm only 99% sure
I gave you the home movies.

And when I say 99,
I mean 50.

Really?

You know how it is
when you get older.

You're afraid that
every little thing

means something bigger
is coming.

Yeah, or maybe
it's just that,

you know,
you just don't remember,

and that's all it is.

I mean, the -- the one thing
that we're sure of

is that one of us
forgot something.

So maybe it doesn't matter
who lost the tapes, right?

Between the two of us,

we've got
one good working brain,

and we can help the kids
remember some of the fun things

that happened
on the home movies.

Yeah, I...

I think we're done.

Most of the other movies
were of us eating at the table.

Oh, no.

You're saying that
because,

while Roseanne was trying to
create a childhood for the kids,

you were mostly
eating at the table.

You know what?

Roseanne wrote all kinds
of crap down in her diary.

Maybe something in there
would remind us.

You know
where that's at?

That I do know.

It's in a box on the top shelf
of the cabinet

where the mugs
and glasses are.

I never looked
through it

'cause I thought
it'd be kinda rough.

Well, okay.

Alright, well,
I promise

I won't read
any of the sex stuff

she wrote about you,
although she did say

it took you a while
to get the hang of it.

Hey, you're --
you're 12 feet tall.

Reach for that box,
would you?

It's the least
I can do

after you spent so much time
on that clever insult.

Okay.
Okay.

I'm look--
Oh, holy crap.

He does
have this stuff.

Wow!
Oh.

After the hard time
he gave you,

you can really shove this
down Grandpa's throat

and make him
choke on it.

[ Sighs ]
Look what's become of me.

This is what happens
when you're raised by wolves.

No, no.

Slow down, Stretch.

I'm not gonna shame him

just so I can prove
that I was right.

I want you to put that stuff
in my trunk.

Dan, you're not
gonna believe it.

What?
I just remembered.

You did give me
all of the movies and tapes.

They're in
my hall closet.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, thank God!
I knew it!

I knew I wasn't
losing my mind!

Yeah, see, it could have been
either one of us.

This time,
it was me.

It's gonna be you
next time, too.

My brain is still
sharp as ever.

Well, we're both
getting older,

but the important thing is
we found them,

and I'll bring them by
tomorrow.

Are you gonna remember
to do that?

Do you need to write it
on your hand or something?

Well, I thought we agreed
it didn't matter.

That was when
there was a chance

it could've been me.

Yeah, but, you know,
it could've been you.

I could've gone in the kitchen
and found them in there.

But you didn't.

But I could have.
But you didn't.

Uh, you know what, Dan?

I didn't.

And I'm happy it was me
who forgot and not you.

Don't be so hard
on yourself.

Leave that for me.

Yeah. Okay.

Well, I gotta go.

Uh, by the way,

I might not have
all of them, okay?

I think the one of you
riding the bull

is probably
gonna be missing.

♪♪

Did you and Aunt Jackie find
any good stories in the diary?

I can't bring myself
to read it.

You want me
to read it to you?

I can just skip anything
I think might hurt you.

That'd be great.
Yeah.

Okay.

Alright, let's see.

Um, this is from
January 1985.

You had meatloaf
that night.

Um, that's about
all I can tell you.

Okay. Uh, thanks,
but read me the good stuff.

I wanna hear that.

Okay.

Stop!

We had meatloaf.

That's good enough
for me.