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1
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In the beginning there was only darkness.
2
00:00:19,761 --> 00:00:23,001
And in the darkness was born the demon Zaal, -
3
00:00:23,306 --> 00:00:25,506
- Ruler of the Underworld -
4
00:00:25,767 --> 00:00:28,967
- And the oppressor of humans.
5
00:00:32,774 --> 00:00:37,494
But from the shadows came Crane,
the warrior of warriors -
6
00:00:37,862 --> 00:00:41,302
- and bearer of the God Sword.
7
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:48,432
He liberated man -
8
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,851
- and led them to victory.
9
00:01:23,657 --> 00:01:25,937
But the price of victory was high.
10
00:01:26,202 --> 00:01:29,122
For Crane suffered a wound
through the heart, -
11
00:01:29,413 --> 00:01:33,253
- which bled for seven days
and seven nights.
12
00:01:33,584 --> 00:01:37,144
And a hundred warriors
drank his blood.
13
00:01:39,131 --> 00:01:42,051
And were given his strength.
14
00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:53,353
And Crane looked at them
and saw that all was good.
15
00:01:54,438 --> 00:01:57,278
And then he died.
16
00:02:00,402 --> 00:02:03,682
Thus, the barbarians were created, -
17
00:02:03,989 --> 00:02:06,389
- Sons of Crane.
18
00:02:38,773 --> 00:02:42,173
Oh, yeah.
19
00:03:02,463 --> 00:03:03,863
Yes.
20
00:03:06,592 --> 00:03:11,552
Listen, guys.
Strength! Courage! Fearlessness!
21
00:03:11,931 --> 00:03:15,571
That is what
Crane gave to our people.
22
00:03:15,893 --> 00:03:19,333
For thousands of generations,
generation after generation, -
23
00:03:19,647 --> 00:03:22,847
- his blood has rushed
undiluted through our veins.
24
00:03:23,150 --> 00:03:27,470
This is what we celebrate every year,
before we go on quests.
25
00:03:27,821 --> 00:03:31,261
But first and foremost
is the blood of Crane, that makes us, -
26
00:03:31,575 --> 00:03:36,055
- The barbarians,
the greatest warriors throughout Metalonia.
27
00:03:36,413 --> 00:03:38,893
Okay, Ronal, it's your turn.
28
00:03:39,208 --> 00:03:41,888
Ronal is sick ...
29
00:03:42,169 --> 00:03:44,489
Ronal is sick today.
30
00:03:44,755 --> 00:03:46,835
Ronal!
31
00:03:47,674 --> 00:03:50,634
Can't you pass over me?
I have a sore elbow.
32
00:03:50,927 --> 00:03:54,087
Maybe I'm getting
dry skin ... or ...
33
00:03:54,389 --> 00:03:58,269
- Joint Inflammation.
- Dammit, Ronal.
34
00:03:59,311 --> 00:04:02,111
Put all your strength into it.
35
00:04:04,941 --> 00:04:08,581
I'm looking
forward to this.
36
00:04:30,675 --> 00:04:34,155
Oh, for God's sake, Ronal, man.
37
00:04:35,513 --> 00:04:36,993
One.
38
00:04:37,223 --> 00:04:38,583
Can't ...
39
00:04:38,808 --> 00:04:40,648
...do ...
40
00:04:40,893 --> 00:04:43,013
...more!
41
00:04:43,271 --> 00:04:45,951
You must get
in shape before the quest.
42
00:04:46,232 --> 00:04:49,672
A barbarian who can't
swing an ax, is ... uh ...
43
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:52,185
Anyway, not a real barbarian.
44
00:04:52,446 --> 00:04:55,606
What do I need to quest for?
I'll just get in the way.
45
00:04:55,908 --> 00:04:58,708
- Can't I hang out here?
- You are a Son of Crane.
46
00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:03,194
A Son of Crane goes on quests and
kills monsters and returns in glory.
47
00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:07,900
- It is the essence of being a barbarian.
- Uncle, look at me.
48
00:05:08,253 --> 00:05:14,133
What should I do to monsters? Buckle on a
muscle suit and hope they die of laughter?
49
00:05:14,551 --> 00:05:17,791
What then, Ronal?
Have you got any better ideas?
50
00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,840
Fucking funny. Have you got
any brain cells?
51
00:05:22,142 --> 00:05:27,302
What? Where? If there is one on my back,
can you press it out?
52
00:05:27,689 --> 00:05:31,849
Listen here, kid. When you go on quests,
it is more about big balls -
53
00:05:32,194 --> 00:05:34,754
- not arms. Heroism.
54
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:39,630
Once you've grasped it, you'll have
no problem crushing the enemy.
55
00:05:39,993 --> 00:05:44,553
I just find it hard to overlook,
that we can die!
56
00:05:44,915 --> 00:05:46,875
Just shut up and train.
57
00:05:56,176 --> 00:05:58,216
What is it?
58
00:06:09,105 --> 00:06:13,025
The alarm. Everyone to arms!
At your posts! Move!
59
00:06:15,945 --> 00:06:18,825
- Get to it!
- Yes, yes!
60
00:06:19,115 --> 00:06:21,275
Barricade the gate!
61
00:06:26,163 --> 00:06:28,443
Come on! Pull!
62
00:06:31,252 --> 00:06:34,652
Up on the barricades, stand ready!
63
00:06:42,596 --> 00:06:46,996
Quiet.
64
00:06:51,438 --> 00:06:56,758
Wait.
65
00:06:58,737 --> 00:07:01,057
Quiet!
66
00:07:01,990 --> 00:07:03,990
Who's there?
67
00:07:10,207 --> 00:07:13,767
Hail, noble barbarians.
We are Master Florian, -
68
00:07:14,086 --> 00:07:16,326
- a bard and our music.
69
00:07:16,588 --> 00:07:19,908
We simply want,
for humble payment, of course, -
70
00:07:20,258 --> 00:07:25,058
- to enrich your banquet
and your spectacular muscles -
71
00:07:25,472 --> 00:07:30,752
- with noble sonatas of your past
heroes and heroines.
72
00:07:45,658 --> 00:07:48,098
Attack!
73
00:07:49,454 --> 00:07:53,454
- Songs. They sing songs at feasts.
- Feasts?
74
00:07:53,791 --> 00:07:58,111
Check out their incredibly
dangerous tuba on the roof.
75
00:07:58,463 --> 00:08:00,023
Let them in.
76
00:08:00,256 --> 00:08:01,976
- No!
- Damn.
77
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:06,856
It's a bloody hundred years ago,
since I last split some skulls.
78
00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:10,381
How the hell should I know
it was a tuba?
79
00:08:16,355 --> 00:08:19,475
Yo, girls. How about
you wash my sick, virile, -
80
00:08:19,775 --> 00:08:22,255
- resilient, filthy -
81
00:08:22,528 --> 00:08:24,408
- awesome lute?
82
00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:28,695
There shall be only practice, nothing frivolous,
young Alibert. The art calls.
83
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,596
We have to be ready.
84
00:08:30,828 --> 00:08:34,748
Isn't there just a little bit of time
to walk around and look?
85
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:39,202
A true bard
remembers all the songs perfectly.
86
00:08:39,545 --> 00:08:43,185
How perfect does it need to be?
Shouldn't we be on quests?
87
00:08:43,507 --> 00:08:46,507
The barbarians are leaving tomorrow.
We could go with them.
88
00:08:46,802 --> 00:08:50,122
Go with the flow.
I have to meet girls, man.
89
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:53,350
Maybe,
write some heroic poem.
90
00:08:53,642 --> 00:08:56,962
Or something like that,
You know, with those verses.
91
00:08:57,270 --> 00:09:00,630
Oh, young Alibert.
Only when you learn all the songs, -
92
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:03,381
- can you make that kind of poem.
93
00:09:03,652 --> 00:09:08,852
- What? That'll take a hundred years.
- Nonsense. It won't take that long.
94
00:09:09,241 --> 00:09:13,481
I was only 57 when I finished
my apprenticeship.
95
00:09:13,828 --> 00:09:15,988
Ouch! Fucking great.
96
00:09:16,247 --> 00:09:19,447
Can Rikke, can Rikke,
can Rikke drink beer?
97
00:09:19,751 --> 00:09:23,191
Can Rikke,
can Rikke, can Rikke drink beer?
98
00:09:27,217 --> 00:09:29,217
Oh, it's good, man.
99
00:09:30,929 --> 00:09:35,249
Can any one of you little children
guzzle a small pint of beer?
100
00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:42,216
Alibert!
101
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,482
So I was on the hunt -
102
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:48,614
- And then I just run into
an ork and killed it.
103
00:09:48,946 --> 00:09:52,626
- Here you go, honey. Wear it.
- Oh, how cute.
104
00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:56,590
Yes, it brings out your eyes.
You have to see this too.
105
00:09:56,912 --> 00:10:00,112
This is a real
invisibility lotion.
106
00:10:00,416 --> 00:10:03,376
I used it,
when I snuck into a harem.
107
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:06,189
Cool, right? Total chick magnet.
108
00:10:06,463 --> 00:10:09,743
So you can't see
who is attacking you.
109
00:10:10,050 --> 00:10:13,010
What was that? Hey, there it is again.
And now it stopped.
110
00:10:13,345 --> 00:10:16,825
- There it is again.
- Ouch, Gorak. Let me be.
111
00:10:17,141 --> 00:10:20,941
- It will not stop.
- For God's sake, stop it!
112
00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:24,110
Oh, Ronal, damn man.
113
00:10:57,931 --> 00:11:01,211
All sons of Crane are here,
Prince Volcazar.
114
00:11:01,518 --> 00:11:03,758
Then it's time.
115
00:11:24,916 --> 00:11:28,996
- Can I take the watch for a bit?
- What about the feast?
116
00:11:29,337 --> 00:11:32,577
I'm just kind of ... a little tired.
117
00:11:32,882 --> 00:11:37,002
Okay, then. Remember to blow the horn,
if you see something suspicious.
118
00:11:37,345 --> 00:11:41,265
- Do you think you can handle that?
- I'm not an idiot.
119
00:11:41,599 --> 00:11:44,399
- I want to be alone.
- It's a large horn.
120
00:11:44,685 --> 00:11:49,045
Remember, breathe in.
Deep down in the stomach. And ...
121
00:11:49,398 --> 00:11:53,038
Damn, Uncle.
Who would attack us?
122
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,920
We're fucking barbarians.
We smash everything.
123
00:11:57,239 --> 00:12:00,759
- We've never been attacked.
- That may well be.
124
00:12:01,076 --> 00:12:04,316
But it's the principle,
which is important.
125
00:12:05,456 --> 00:12:08,336
That boy will be the end of me one day.
126
00:12:11,336 --> 00:12:13,776
QUEST-MAGAZINE
127
00:12:14,047 --> 00:12:17,087
Fucking barbarians, man.
128
00:12:31,815 --> 00:12:34,135
What the hell is this?
129
00:13:08,392 --> 00:13:11,352
We're being attacked?
We're being attacked!
130
00:13:15,233 --> 00:13:17,553
Get your weapons!
131
00:13:26,786 --> 00:13:28,266
No, no!
132
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,880
- We're ready to attack!
- Let hell rain down.
133
00:13:38,047 --> 00:13:39,607
Fuck! Fuck!
134
00:13:42,009 --> 00:13:44,409
Fire!
135
00:13:47,598 --> 00:13:50,918
Attack! Show no mercy!
136
00:13:55,355 --> 00:13:59,075
- Look! Fireworks!
- Did we order that?
137
00:14:10,787 --> 00:14:14,107
We're being attacked!
Barbarians, defend yourselves!
138
00:14:14,416 --> 00:14:16,336
Hup, hup, hup!
139
00:14:23,675 --> 00:14:26,875
Oh, thank heavens.
They're saved.
140
00:14:27,178 --> 00:14:30,418
This is a mad, fucking sick party, man.
141
00:14:32,851 --> 00:14:35,251
- Bummer!
- No!
142
00:14:38,273 --> 00:14:40,713
Help! Help!
143
00:14:57,542 --> 00:14:59,822
Punch! Smack!
144
00:15:00,711 --> 00:15:03,031
Bash! Muscles!
145
00:15:18,729 --> 00:15:21,769
I don't think
there are any more.
146
00:15:22,066 --> 00:15:24,466
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
147
00:15:26,487 --> 00:15:28,607
He's mine.
148
00:15:32,451 --> 00:15:35,611
We're done for.
Why didn't you blow the horn?
149
00:15:35,913 --> 00:15:38,233
- I tried!
- You tried?
150
00:15:38,498 --> 00:15:41,538
"Trying" isn't good enough, Ronal.
151
00:15:41,835 --> 00:15:44,115
Get up. We must rescue the others.
152
00:16:01,354 --> 00:16:04,594
The famous sons of Crane.
153
00:16:05,567 --> 00:16:08,487
How pathetic.
154
00:16:09,946 --> 00:16:13,626
Put them in chains.
Leave no one behind.
155
00:16:18,621 --> 00:16:21,301
We Barbarians shall never surrender!
156
00:16:48,109 --> 00:16:50,829
Everyone must bow to me ...
157
00:16:54,323 --> 00:16:55,803
No!
158
00:16:56,033 --> 00:16:57,873
...or die!
159
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,318
No!
160
00:17:00,579 --> 00:17:04,619
- Take them away.
- You heard Prince Volcazar!
161
00:17:04,959 --> 00:17:08,479
Get the last barbarians in the cart.
Come on!
162
00:17:08,796 --> 00:17:11,396
Put him in! Move!
163
00:17:11,673 --> 00:17:14,233
- Come here!
- No, I won't ...
164
00:17:14,510 --> 00:17:17,230
- In with them!
- What the hell?
165
00:17:17,513 --> 00:17:19,833
Remember your shoes and bags ... axes!
166
00:17:20,098 --> 00:17:22,538
We will not come back
and get them!
167
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:26,009
General? This prisoner
doesn't fit in the shackles.
168
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:30,073
- Should I just throw him away?
- That's not a barbarian.
169
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:34,200
- Drag him over there and kill him.
- Oh, thank you.
170
00:17:34,529 --> 00:17:37,489
- Lucky son of a bitch.
- He's always the one who get to do it.
171
00:17:37,783 --> 00:17:42,263
- Kicking ass feels good
- Kicking ass feels good
172
00:17:42,621 --> 00:17:47,701
- as a bonus, it is really nice
- as a bonus, it is really nice
173
00:17:48,084 --> 00:17:51,124
sits well
feels good
174
00:17:53,757 --> 00:17:57,917
No, I can't die. Help! Help!
175
00:18:05,894 --> 00:18:08,894
Shut up,
this is really exciting.
176
00:18:12,775 --> 00:18:16,375
Oh, man. Shit, it's night, man.
177
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:20,136
My head, man.
The town is torn up, what happened?
178
00:18:20,449 --> 00:18:23,609
Where did everyone go?
179
00:18:23,911 --> 00:18:27,471
Did they go to the afterparty?
Hey, you, wait!
180
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:45,882
Ro ... Ronal.
181
00:18:47,101 --> 00:18:49,941
Uncle. You're alive.
182
00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:52,269
Not for long.
183
00:18:52,523 --> 00:18:55,643
Crane ... calls to me.
184
00:18:55,943 --> 00:19:00,343
No, uncle,
it's probably just a ... flesh wound.
185
00:19:00,697 --> 00:19:04,857
Ronal when your parents died,
I swore to take care of you.
186
00:19:05,202 --> 00:19:10,362
And I've kept that promise. But now
it's your turn to promise something.
187
00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:15,229
Promise me that you will save the others.
You owe it to them.
188
00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:19,427
- What? I can't save them.
- Promise me!
189
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:23,878
- But ...
- Travel north to the oracle.
190
00:19:24,221 --> 00:19:28,981
- He will help you.
- Oracle? How?
191
00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:36,144
You are our only hope, Ronal.
192
00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:39,401
The last of the barbarians.
193
00:19:43,239 --> 00:19:46,679
Uncle? Uncle?
194
00:19:48,536 --> 00:19:50,976
Uncle?
195
00:20:12,101 --> 00:20:15,141
Gorak's invisibility lotion.
196
00:20:17,398 --> 00:20:19,478
Yo.
197
00:20:19,734 --> 00:20:24,414
- What happened? Going on a quest?
- Uh, no. I must find the others.
198
00:20:24,780 --> 00:20:26,660
Well, okay.
199
00:20:26,907 --> 00:20:31,387
- It's a quest. You are going on a quest!
- No. I have to find my people.
200
00:20:31,745 --> 00:20:34,585
Awesome, this is a quest.
Wait a minute.
201
00:20:34,873 --> 00:20:38,073
- Who are you?
- Hey. Alibert, the bard.
202
00:20:38,377 --> 00:20:40,817
Damn nice to be joining you.
203
00:20:41,088 --> 00:20:45,008
You can't say no;
I'll just follow you anyway.
204
00:20:45,342 --> 00:20:49,302
Now we are on our way, shall we
go through the Amazon land?
205
00:20:49,638 --> 00:20:53,278
- No.
- The girls down there would be lovely.
206
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,520
- We should investigate.
- Listen to me.
207
00:20:56,812 --> 00:21:00,772
- Don't follow me.
- Those girls are super horny.
208
00:21:01,108 --> 00:21:04,308
- No!
- Fuck, you're boring, man.
209
00:21:05,904 --> 00:21:10,344
Now I know where we're going. We're headed
to Berylia. They have ladies with tails.
210
00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:13,580
And four breasts! This could be
awesome, man!
211
00:21:13,870 --> 00:21:17,430
- No, it's not.
- Come on. Why are we here?
212
00:21:18,583 --> 00:21:22,783
- I need to talk to an oracle.
- Is that a kind of travel agent?
213
00:21:27,967 --> 00:21:30,447
Sick crib.
214
00:21:37,727 --> 00:21:39,807
Hello?
215
00:21:43,107 --> 00:21:46,107
- Hello?
- It's about time.
216
00:21:46,402 --> 00:21:49,642
I've been sitting here since last Wednesday.
Are you coming or what?
217
00:21:49,947 --> 00:21:54,587
- Sorry, what?
- Heck, I need to be wiped.
218
00:21:54,952 --> 00:21:57,152
You aren't the home care?
219
00:21:57,413 --> 00:21:59,173
- No, we ...
- Wait!
220
00:22:01,917 --> 00:22:05,557
Gundar has sent me ...
221
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:10,360
That's it. You came just in time.
And be careful with my hemorrhoids.
222
00:22:18,726 --> 00:22:23,286
He is a mighty warlord,
this Prince Volcazar, that you're talking about.
223
00:22:23,647 --> 00:22:27,247
Dark forces from the underworld protect him.
224
00:22:29,278 --> 00:22:33,798
I'm not really
interested in fighting with him.
225
00:22:34,157 --> 00:22:37,797
Volcazar is looking for power
throughout Metalonia.
226
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:41,640
So far, no one has
been able to stop him.
227
00:22:43,834 --> 00:22:45,914
Wow.
228
00:23:09,234 --> 00:23:15,354
He wears an impenetrable armor over
his body. No weapon can harm him.
229
00:23:16,532 --> 00:23:20,292
Only one sword has the strength
to crush him.
230
00:23:20,620 --> 00:23:22,580
Watch.
231
00:23:31,422 --> 00:23:35,222
- Oh, sick.
- What's so special about it?
232
00:23:35,551 --> 00:23:40,671
It should especially be known to you, barbarian.
This is the sword of Crane.
233
00:23:46,645 --> 00:23:48,845
That's a joke, right?
234
00:23:51,150 --> 00:23:55,270
Honestly, it doesn't exist.
Everybody has been looking for the damn sword -
235
00:23:55,613 --> 00:23:58,773
- for thousands of years,
and no one has found it.
236
00:23:59,074 --> 00:24:01,474
It's just a silly story.
237
00:24:01,744 --> 00:24:06,504
Crane's sword is not a myth.
Only it can damage Prince Volcazar.
238
00:24:06,874 --> 00:24:10,954
You can never save your people
without killing him first.
239
00:24:11,295 --> 00:24:12,735
But I can't.
240
00:24:12,963 --> 00:24:17,523
Only a great warrior without fear
in his heart will be able to use it.
241
00:24:17,926 --> 00:24:21,086
Without a great warrior
you will not defeat Volcazar.
242
00:24:21,388 --> 00:24:25,428
And without a great warrior
your people are damned!
243
00:24:30,021 --> 00:24:33,861
But I could be wrong.
I'm just an oracle.
244
00:24:34,192 --> 00:24:39,192
It's not your fault the
barbarians were captured, is it?
245
00:25:25,826 --> 00:25:28,546
Gu'ra zul!
246
00:25:28,829 --> 00:25:31,109
Wizard!
247
00:25:31,373 --> 00:25:35,653
Lord, time is fast approaching. The resurrection
at the underworld temple must begin soon.
248
00:25:36,003 --> 00:25:40,163
Otherwise it will be impossible to carry out
the ritual. Have we caught the sons of Crane?
249
00:25:40,507 --> 00:25:45,587
- The mission is complete.
- Fantastic. Now nothing can stop us.
250
00:25:45,971 --> 00:25:50,491
Mighty Zaal. The sons of Crane are assembled.
251
00:25:50,851 --> 00:25:53,051
Awake from your slumber!
252
00:25:55,230 --> 00:25:57,830
What is happening?
253
00:25:58,108 --> 00:26:00,428
Finally.
254
00:26:11,163 --> 00:26:13,123
- What?
- What now?
255
00:26:13,373 --> 00:26:17,533
The mighty Zaal is not satisfied.
We're missing a Son of Crane.
256
00:26:17,878 --> 00:26:21,878
- Impossible. Unless ...
- I don't understand ...
257
00:26:22,215 --> 00:26:24,975
- We left none alive.
- Fool!
258
00:26:25,260 --> 00:26:30,340
I need the blood of all living
barbarians, and you let one escape.
259
00:26:30,724 --> 00:26:35,724
- I don't understand.
- Find him for me. Now!
260
00:26:37,313 --> 00:26:41,073
For they are on a quest,
Alibert and Ronal
261
00:26:41,401 --> 00:26:45,841
the greatest heroes
in Metalonia
262
00:26:46,197 --> 00:26:49,597
ooh-ooh
it's going so well
263
00:26:52,078 --> 00:26:54,398
and the girls they say
264
00:26:54,664 --> 00:26:57,264
Alibert
you're so sexy
265
00:26:57,542 --> 00:27:02,902
My village has been burned,
and I must find the sword of Crane.
266
00:27:03,297 --> 00:27:07,497
Can't you be quiet, for God's sake,
just five minutes, so I can think?
267
00:27:09,345 --> 00:27:13,585
- I'll sing a barbarian song instead.
- For God's sake, no.
268
00:27:13,933 --> 00:27:18,213
And Crane drew his proud sword
and drove with all his force
269
00:27:18,562 --> 00:27:21,762
the blade deep in Zaal
and Zaal's skull burst
270
00:27:22,066 --> 00:27:25,146
Wait a minute. The song.
What was it?
271
00:27:25,444 --> 00:27:27,404
"The Epic of Crane".
272
00:27:27,696 --> 00:27:31,176
There are 2073 verses,
and I know them all by heart.
273
00:27:31,492 --> 00:27:34,092
Crane gets tons of pussy.
274
00:27:34,369 --> 00:27:37,729
- Why didn't you say this before?
- That he gets pussy?
275
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,000
No, about the song. It's about Crane.
276
00:27:41,293 --> 00:27:46,613
You just sang a verse about his sword.
Is there one that says where it is?
277
00:27:47,007 --> 00:27:51,207
From the chest of Crane the blood flowed
it bled day and night
278
00:27:51,553 --> 00:27:53,953
No no. After he dies. Come on. Sing.
279
00:27:54,222 --> 00:27:57,702
In his tomb was placed the sword
the place is now forgotten
280
00:27:58,018 --> 00:28:02,298
only the Book of Wisdom in Elfland
knows where it is stored
281
00:28:02,647 --> 00:28:05,887
The Book of Wisdom in Elfland.
That's it.
282
00:28:06,192 --> 00:28:08,632
- We need to go to Elfland.
- What do you think?
283
00:28:08,903 --> 00:28:12,863
- This is how we find the sword!
- Elf girls are crazy sexy.
284
00:28:13,199 --> 00:28:16,279
This will be a great quest.
285
00:28:16,578 --> 00:28:21,218
Okay, I have two rules for the
quest. One: This is not a quest.
286
00:28:21,583 --> 00:28:27,463
And two: we see something that is even
the least bit unsafe, we go around.
287
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,320
- Is that a deal?
- Got it.
288
00:28:38,641 --> 00:28:42,641
Is it rule number one or two,
that we just violated?
289
00:28:43,896 --> 00:28:46,136
Run for your life.
290
00:28:47,149 --> 00:28:50,309
Shit! What the hell happened?
291
00:28:58,285 --> 00:29:00,205
What the hell did this?
292
00:29:14,551 --> 00:29:16,271
No! No!
293
00:29:19,264 --> 00:29:21,144
Ouch!
294
00:29:26,230 --> 00:29:29,910
- Who are you? Are you one of them?
- My ... my neck.
295
00:29:30,233 --> 00:29:32,393
Answer me!
296
00:29:32,653 --> 00:29:36,213
I'm just a random
passer-by. I swear.
297
00:29:36,531 --> 00:29:39,851
It was not my intention
to disturb you in the middle of your ...
298
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:44,760
- Slaughter of random men.
- They challenged me to a duel.
299
00:29:45,123 --> 00:29:47,523
Oh no, not again.
300
00:29:54,507 --> 00:29:57,707
Get out of here.
I'll let you live.
301
00:30:01,097 --> 00:30:04,657
She is like, the warrior,
we need for the sword of Crane.
302
00:30:04,976 --> 00:30:08,616
What? Are you insane?
She is a fucking violent psychopath.
303
00:30:08,938 --> 00:30:11,858
- Yes, exactly. Ask her.
- No.
304
00:30:12,150 --> 00:30:16,790
Wanker. Yo, beautiful. My friend Ronal
would like to ask you something.
305
00:30:17,155 --> 00:30:19,875
We could use a killer like you -
306
00:30:20,158 --> 00:30:24,118
- on our quest, you know.
In order to save his people.
307
00:30:24,453 --> 00:30:30,853
And as a little bonus, I would
let you play on my lute.
308
00:30:31,294 --> 00:30:34,134
I don't know what he's talking about.
309
00:30:34,422 --> 00:30:38,942
Put your hand on my lute
and let me teach you to suck
310
00:30:39,301 --> 00:30:42,421
I don't want to learn to play
your instrument.
311
00:30:42,721 --> 00:30:46,641
- You are extremely uptight.
- I said it wasn't a good idea.
312
00:30:46,976 --> 00:30:49,376
Another must rescue the barbarians.
313
00:30:49,645 --> 00:30:53,245
- Did you say barbarians?
- Um, yes.
314
00:30:53,565 --> 00:30:56,725
- The barbarians, those are your people?
- Uh, of course.
315
00:30:57,027 --> 00:31:00,947
Those, that they say,
are the greatest warriors in Metalonia?
316
00:31:01,281 --> 00:31:03,321
Yes.
317
00:31:04,284 --> 00:31:07,604
That's a worthy cause.
I'll go with you.
318
00:31:07,913 --> 00:31:09,433
What?
319
00:31:09,665 --> 00:31:12,625
I'm Zandra from the shield maiden clan.
320
00:31:12,918 --> 00:31:15,398
- Where are you headed?
- Elfland.
321
00:31:15,671 --> 00:31:18,671
- We need to find out where it is.
- We will need a guide.
322
00:31:18,965 --> 00:31:22,965
- There is a town nearby. Come.
- No, wait. You can't just ...
323
00:31:23,345 --> 00:31:26,705
- Do you have a problem with that?
- Now ... uh, no.
324
00:31:28,058 --> 00:31:32,098
- Super. Come.
- I swear, you scored her, man.
325
00:31:44,073 --> 00:31:47,113
Son of Crane! Son of Crane!
326
00:31:49,537 --> 00:31:52,097
Come on! Faster!
327
00:32:10,099 --> 00:32:12,299
Oh, cool.
328
00:32:17,606 --> 00:32:22,566
Shave my legs and call me Susan,
if this is not the coolest place.
329
00:32:25,448 --> 00:32:28,368
- Okay, we're here.
- Uh, okay.
330
00:32:28,659 --> 00:32:30,899
What's up, assholes?
331
00:32:31,161 --> 00:32:34,881
Can I trouble one of you
to call me a taxi?
332
00:32:35,207 --> 00:32:37,967
- Fuck.
- Sweet. It's happy hour.
333
00:32:38,252 --> 00:32:41,532
There are a lot in there today.
Stay behind me.
334
00:32:41,839 --> 00:32:45,279
We'll enter quietly,
find a guide -
335
00:32:45,592 --> 00:32:48,552
- and then leave
before anyone notices us.
336
00:32:48,846 --> 00:32:51,846
And without a fight, okay?
337
00:32:54,184 --> 00:32:56,264
Please?
338
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,760
- As you wish.
- Thank you.
339
00:33:03,276 --> 00:33:06,956
Bing, bing-li-bing-bing.
In your ass.
340
00:33:15,956 --> 00:33:19,156
Son of Crane! Son of Crane!
341
00:33:19,459 --> 00:33:24,019
So I said to her: "Your breasts
look tired. Should I hold them?"
342
00:33:24,380 --> 00:33:27,740
Your mother has always
had the largest tits.
343
00:33:29,177 --> 00:33:32,537
Hey! Hey! Stop that, buddy.
344
00:33:33,264 --> 00:33:36,144
I'll tell you.
She was angry, man.
345
00:33:36,434 --> 00:33:40,834
You can't win them all.
But you can try.
346
00:33:47,862 --> 00:33:51,622
- What do you want?
- We're looking for a guide.
347
00:33:53,576 --> 00:33:58,136
There is only one left. Down by the
bathroom. Ask for Elric.
348
00:33:58,497 --> 00:34:02,177
Hey, who ordered a pint
and a double Manhattan?
349
00:34:02,501 --> 00:34:04,061
Okay. Thanks.
350
00:34:11,802 --> 00:34:14,682
Uh, hey. Uh, are you Elric?
351
00:34:14,972 --> 00:34:18,812
The voice of the wind
lights the evening sun's embrace.
352
00:34:19,143 --> 00:34:23,543
Stellar Children,
great Mother Sun now rests.
353
00:34:23,897 --> 00:34:27,817
The darkness comes as a
pensive sigh.
354
00:34:29,444 --> 00:34:33,204
I sensed you would come. We
elves are connected with all living things.
355
00:34:33,532 --> 00:34:36,612
Let our souls meet.
356
00:34:38,245 --> 00:34:41,765
You bear the dreams of an eagle
and the will of a mouse.
357
00:34:42,082 --> 00:34:46,842
Mighty blood dwells in your heart.
Kormamin lindua ka'elja.
358
00:34:47,212 --> 00:34:51,692
Yes, that sounds exciting. My name is
Ronal, and I have some place ...
359
00:34:57,347 --> 00:35:00,227
Names have no meaning.
360
00:35:00,517 --> 00:35:05,317
- I need ...
- Spiritual or physical guidance?
361
00:35:05,688 --> 00:35:07,888
We need to find Elfland.
362
00:35:08,149 --> 00:35:12,349
The wind's voice shall tell me,
whether I should help you. Stand still!
363
00:35:12,737 --> 00:35:18,537
Let me penetrate your aura.
Kormamin lindua ka'elja.
364
00:35:18,993 --> 00:35:21,553
Kormamin lindua ...
365
00:35:21,829 --> 00:35:27,029
The wind says, I shall follow you.
My bow will sing with your sword.
366
00:35:29,545 --> 00:35:31,345
Okay ...
367
00:35:34,550 --> 00:35:36,870
Damn.
368
00:35:37,136 --> 00:35:40,776
- Hey, I found him.
- My bow will sing with your sword.
369
00:35:41,098 --> 00:35:43,938
Yes. Come, let's get out of here.
370
00:35:46,353 --> 00:35:49,633
Hey, shield maiden, you're leaving already?
371
00:35:49,940 --> 00:35:53,100
What do you say to a little dance?
372
00:35:59,450 --> 00:36:03,010
Hey, guys, sorry,
we were just leaving.
373
00:36:04,496 --> 00:36:07,256
- I accept your challenge.
- What?
374
00:36:07,541 --> 00:36:09,821
He must defeat me or die.
375
00:36:10,085 --> 00:36:13,605
- We shouldn't create any problems.
- He challenged me.
376
00:36:13,922 --> 00:36:17,402
You promised. In and out, without fighting.
377
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,720
Okay. So, you take care of it yourself.
378
00:36:22,014 --> 00:36:25,134
Hey, shield maiden, what's it gonna be?
379
00:36:25,434 --> 00:36:27,394
Listen ...
380
00:36:27,644 --> 00:36:31,804
Friend, I know,
it's super cool to fight, -
381
00:36:32,149 --> 00:36:38,389
- but we're in a bit of a hurry, and there
are probably plenty of others here who would fight, -
382
00:36:38,822 --> 00:36:42,942
- so if it's okay with you,
I think we'll just leave.
383
00:36:49,165 --> 00:36:52,245
- Zandra!
- Not supposed to fight.
384
00:36:56,172 --> 00:36:58,972
That'll make a nice soup base.
385
00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:03,205
Learn to ride!
386
00:37:08,017 --> 00:37:11,097
Have you seen this before?
I can teach you to play it.
387
00:37:11,395 --> 00:37:14,115
Does it make you horny?
388
00:37:17,151 --> 00:37:20,271
I sense
much aggression in the room.
389
00:37:23,824 --> 00:37:26,824
Any last words, chump?
390
00:37:27,244 --> 00:37:30,124
- He's dead.
- What the hell?
391
00:37:30,414 --> 00:37:33,094
I'm gonna make you pay
for throwing up on me.
392
00:37:33,375 --> 00:37:37,655
- Now you're gonna get a new asshole.
- That's enough. Let him be.
393
00:37:45,095 --> 00:37:47,295
Black Riders.
394
00:37:59,067 --> 00:38:01,467
Son of Crane! Son of Crane!
395
00:38:01,737 --> 00:38:04,697
- Take him!
- No! Help!
396
00:38:10,328 --> 00:38:12,128
Zandra!
397
00:38:13,457 --> 00:38:17,537
Nobody stands up to Prince
Volcazar's riders and lives!
398
00:38:19,796 --> 00:38:22,116
It's gonna explode!
399
00:38:22,382 --> 00:38:24,102
Move!
400
00:38:29,639 --> 00:38:33,999
Hey! Who is it that ordered
the double Manhattan?
401
00:38:34,352 --> 00:38:36,712
Ouch, my ass!
402
00:38:36,980 --> 00:38:38,020
110 % ALCOHOL
403
00:38:38,231 --> 00:38:39,431
Goddamn!
404
00:38:53,329 --> 00:38:57,969
Fabulous, my lord. One more shot,
and then you've beaten the record.
405
00:38:58,334 --> 00:39:02,734
But we have to find the last
Son of Crane before the next full moon.
406
00:39:03,089 --> 00:39:06,889
- You're ruining my concentration.
- I'm sorry.
407
00:39:10,888 --> 00:39:13,808
- Hello?
- He escaped, sir.
408
00:39:14,100 --> 00:39:18,460
The task is more difficult than we thought.
He has the help of a strong warrior.
409
00:39:18,813 --> 00:39:21,373
We'll need reinforcements.
410
00:39:21,649 --> 00:39:24,169
I will not tolerate any more failures!
411
00:39:24,443 --> 00:39:28,043
Bring them to me. Both of them.
412
00:39:41,418 --> 00:39:44,778
Do you know where we are?
It seems like we're going in circles.
413
00:39:45,088 --> 00:39:49,328
The wind speaks to my soul.
We will soon be in the elvish realm.
414
00:39:49,676 --> 00:39:53,476
You said that two days ago.
We're lost, damn it.
415
00:39:53,805 --> 00:39:55,805
We're gonna die of thirst.
416
00:39:56,057 --> 00:39:58,897
- Ha.
- What's so funny?
417
00:39:59,186 --> 00:40:03,266
I have heard that barbarians are strong and
quick to fight, but you're neither.
418
00:40:03,648 --> 00:40:06,248
You just bitch and whine.
419
00:40:06,526 --> 00:40:09,966
It's really funny when you consider
the heritage you come from.
420
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:13,760
Why are you with us
if you think all I do is whine?
421
00:40:14,075 --> 00:40:17,035
- What's your deal with the barbarians?
- None of your business.
422
00:40:17,328 --> 00:40:19,968
Stop! See.
423
00:40:24,377 --> 00:40:28,137
- And that means ...?
- We elves can communicate with everything.
424
00:40:28,464 --> 00:40:32,984
I will unite myself with its soul
and get it to show us the way.
425
00:40:33,344 --> 00:40:40,744
Kormamin lindua ka'elja.
426
00:40:41,227 --> 00:40:43,707
Kormamin lindua ...
427
00:40:43,980 --> 00:40:47,660
Ouch! My beautiful elf lip!
428
00:41:00,704 --> 00:41:04,664
There. On the other side. There is no
labyrinth on the other side.
429
00:41:08,337 --> 00:41:11,417
The entrance to Elfland.
430
00:41:11,715 --> 00:41:14,275
I did it.
431
00:41:23,435 --> 00:41:26,475
Elf gate, I greet you.
432
00:41:28,941 --> 00:41:31,941
You didn't know it was here?
433
00:41:53,256 --> 00:41:56,096
- Oh! Wild!
- Come on.
434
00:41:56,384 --> 00:42:00,584
Stop! First, our souls are weighed
by the Gate Keepers.
435
00:42:03,641 --> 00:42:07,681
Only those with the right character
may be allowed to go through.
436
00:42:08,021 --> 00:42:11,061
What about those
who do not have the right character?
437
00:42:11,357 --> 00:42:14,557
Who? Well.
They are crushed by the rock wall.
438
00:42:14,861 --> 00:42:18,141
- Well, shall we go?
- I can't.
439
00:42:18,448 --> 00:42:21,928
- What?
- I'm a miserable barbarian.
440
00:42:22,243 --> 00:42:24,843
I don't have
the right character.
441
00:42:25,121 --> 00:42:29,801
- You've misunderstood the meaning.
- Forget it. We'll go around.
442
00:42:30,167 --> 00:42:33,167
When you're on a quest,
follow the guide.
443
00:42:33,462 --> 00:42:37,022
The only thing we get out of that,
is being killed.
444
00:42:37,341 --> 00:42:41,381
But now you call it a quest,
so, remember that it is my quest.
445
00:42:41,720 --> 00:42:45,880
And I've decided that we go around
this ridiculous gate. Come on!
446
00:42:54,984 --> 00:42:58,744
See. No booby traps, no gates,
nothing.
447
00:42:59,071 --> 00:43:03,751
This quest-nonsense is so predictable.
If you just think a bit outside ...
448
00:43:10,999 --> 00:43:14,359
- Ouch, my tailbone, man.
- What the hell was that?
449
00:43:14,670 --> 00:43:18,310
We have offended the Gate Keepers.
I sense ...
450
00:43:18,632 --> 00:43:20,832
...great danger!
451
00:43:21,093 --> 00:43:23,173
Run!
452
00:43:28,934 --> 00:43:30,814
Faster!
453
00:43:34,189 --> 00:43:36,149
Ronal!
454
00:43:40,695 --> 00:43:42,255
Come!
455
00:43:50,371 --> 00:43:52,091
Ouch, man.
456
00:43:52,332 --> 00:43:55,932
Fool! Your stupid idea almost
got us all killed.
457
00:43:56,252 --> 00:44:00,452
I just tried
to steer us away from trouble.
458
00:44:00,798 --> 00:44:04,798
You tried? Well, "trying"
isn't good enough, Ronal.
459
00:44:05,136 --> 00:44:08,376
On any quest
there's bound to be problems.
460
00:44:08,681 --> 00:44:11,841
Solve them instead of going around.
461
00:44:22,778 --> 00:44:25,418
There's the Temple of the Elves.
462
00:44:25,698 --> 00:44:29,378
The focal point
of all wisdom in the world.
463
00:44:32,538 --> 00:44:36,258
The Book of Wisdom lies
in the tower's upper chamber -
464
00:44:37,626 --> 00:44:41,266
- so the moon can read
on his voyage across the night sky.
465
00:44:41,588 --> 00:44:44,468
It is the holiest of holy books.
466
00:44:44,758 --> 00:44:48,078
- Fair enough. So we'll just go on up and grab it.
- Quiet!
467
00:44:48,387 --> 00:44:50,027
Look.
468
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:56,720
No one from the outside is allowed in. The King's
archers have eyes like hawks.
469
00:45:08,490 --> 00:45:11,450
- Shit.
- They kill everything they see.
470
00:45:23,129 --> 00:45:27,129
So we'll have to do it the hard way.
I'll take these two.
471
00:45:27,467 --> 00:45:29,987
No.
472
00:45:30,261 --> 00:45:32,421
- I'll do it.
- What?
473
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:34,720
Alone.
474
00:45:34,974 --> 00:45:38,094
Think about it. They'll kill you,
as soon as they see you.
475
00:45:38,394 --> 00:45:40,354
I know, -
476
00:45:40,605 --> 00:45:43,725
- they're not going to see me.
477
00:45:44,025 --> 00:45:48,265
There isn't much left
and I'm the smallest. Wait here.
478
00:45:48,613 --> 00:45:52,533
I could have used
that in high school.
479
00:45:52,867 --> 00:45:55,947
How do I look? Invisible, right?
480
00:45:58,914 --> 00:46:01,634
- What?
- You missed a spot.
481
00:46:04,253 --> 00:46:07,293
Fuck! It's empty.
Fuck, so typical.
482
00:46:07,590 --> 00:46:11,910
Relax, Ronal. They're small dumplings,
nobody will notice.
483
00:46:12,261 --> 00:46:15,981
- Wait here.
- Good luck, Ronal. Don't get killed.
484
00:46:20,269 --> 00:46:22,349
Ouch!
485
00:46:22,604 --> 00:46:29,564
"I have a headache," "I'm tired"
"The kids will wake up!", and blah, blah, blah.
486
00:46:30,028 --> 00:46:32,588
Having such a wife is a bummer,
man.
487
00:46:32,865 --> 00:46:34,185
Bitch!
488
00:46:34,408 --> 00:46:35,728
Ouch!
489
00:46:35,951 --> 00:46:37,991
Who's there?
490
00:46:42,374 --> 00:46:45,174
Hmm, nothing there.
491
00:46:45,460 --> 00:46:49,740
- Where were we? Are you ready for this Saturday?
- Are you crazy? I was born ready!
492
00:46:50,090 --> 00:46:53,650
- Hell yeah!
- I must be a crazy psycho!
493
00:47:05,271 --> 00:47:07,351
That's open.
494
00:47:12,695 --> 00:47:14,695
Ouch!
495
00:47:28,753 --> 00:47:31,553
Fuck, I'm in bad shape.
496
00:47:51,609 --> 00:47:53,929
Oh!
497
00:47:59,909 --> 00:48:02,029
Ah!
498
00:48:08,125 --> 00:48:10,845
Cursed rats!
499
00:48:21,263 --> 00:48:22,823
Oh!
500
00:48:31,731 --> 00:48:34,131
Wow. There it is.
501
00:48:42,033 --> 00:48:44,993
So where is it?
Sword of Crane, -
502
00:48:45,287 --> 00:48:49,367
- Sword of Crane,
how the hell do I find the Sword of Crane?
503
00:48:51,084 --> 00:48:52,644
There it is.
504
00:48:52,877 --> 00:48:56,677
The Sword of Crane.
Well, that was easy enough.
505
00:48:58,383 --> 00:49:01,103
It's like no one
can see me.
506
00:49:06,182 --> 00:49:09,382
- A killer rat!
- Kill the rat!
507
00:49:10,770 --> 00:49:13,250
Use the poisoned arrows.
508
00:49:15,108 --> 00:49:16,348
After it!
509
00:49:18,152 --> 00:49:20,832
Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!
510
00:49:23,032 --> 00:49:25,312
Faster!
Shoot it down!
511
00:49:27,119 --> 00:49:30,239
- Ow, damn it!
- Yes! The pig is down!
512
00:49:41,300 --> 00:49:44,620
Well, how much
are you gonna drink?
513
00:49:44,929 --> 00:49:48,929
- Nothing. I'll smoke instead.
- Did you get Elrond's mother's weed?
514
00:50:14,166 --> 00:50:15,886
Ouch.
515
00:50:19,546 --> 00:50:25,186
The page says that Crane was
buried in the Eternal Mountain.
516
00:50:25,594 --> 00:50:28,914
My elfin soul feels,
that it is far, far away ...
517
00:50:29,264 --> 00:50:31,344
Isn't that it right there?
518
00:50:31,599 --> 00:50:35,439
...that it is nearby.
Destiny is on our side.
519
00:50:35,770 --> 00:50:37,850
Ouch.
520
00:50:38,106 --> 00:50:39,506
No more.
521
00:50:42,527 --> 00:50:44,887
- I was wrong about you.
- What?
522
00:50:45,154 --> 00:50:47,914
There in the temple. You did it.
523
00:50:48,199 --> 00:50:51,879
Yes, more or less in any case.
You make the barbarians proud.
524
00:50:53,121 --> 00:50:55,241
Uh. Thanks.
525
00:50:57,083 --> 00:51:00,643
Well, um ... I have to
polish my axe.
526
00:51:00,962 --> 00:51:03,242
I was thinking ...
527
00:51:03,506 --> 00:51:06,946
I've never really said ...
528
00:51:07,260 --> 00:51:10,740
...thank you for coming with me.
529
00:51:11,055 --> 00:51:15,055
Actually, I don't know how I would
have made it this far without you.
530
00:51:15,393 --> 00:51:17,873
Uh ... okay.
531
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:24,840
Well, we'd better get some sleep.
Maybe we'll find the Sword of Crane tomorrow.
532
00:51:25,236 --> 00:51:29,716
I'll keep watch. We elves need
no sleep. You can sleep safely.
533
00:51:30,866 --> 00:51:35,746
- Can I ask you something, Ronal?
- Uh, yes, of course.
534
00:51:36,121 --> 00:51:38,841
What are the barbarians like?
535
00:51:39,124 --> 00:51:42,764
- They're not very clever.
- I thought more ...
536
00:51:43,086 --> 00:51:45,926
What are they like in here?
537
00:51:47,341 --> 00:51:49,781
Well.
538
00:51:50,052 --> 00:51:51,732
Uh.
539
00:51:51,970 --> 00:51:56,690
A barbarian is always ready to help
those that need it.
540
00:51:57,059 --> 00:52:01,419
Regardless of how dangerous or difficult
it is. And they go on quests all the time.
541
00:52:01,771 --> 00:52:06,651
They're not afraid of anything.
Hard to believe I'm one of them, right?
542
00:52:07,027 --> 00:52:11,907
- And they're great warriors?
- Yep. The best in the world.
543
00:52:12,282 --> 00:52:15,722
It's just so difficult
to find a proper warrior.
544
00:52:16,036 --> 00:52:18,276
Yeah. Uh, what?
545
00:52:18,538 --> 00:52:22,218
I come from
an ancient clan of shield maidens.
546
00:52:22,542 --> 00:52:25,102
Far, far away from here.
547
00:52:26,754 --> 00:52:31,274
Our religion requires that I only
marry the warrior that can defeat me.
548
00:52:36,139 --> 00:52:38,979
Many have tried
to defeat me -
549
00:52:39,267 --> 00:52:41,347
- but I'm too strong.
550
00:52:41,602 --> 00:52:45,842
And for every duel I won,
I just got stronger.
551
00:52:46,190 --> 00:52:50,110
Meanwhile, I could only watch as
the others found themselves a mate.
552
00:52:50,444 --> 00:52:54,564
One by one. Eventually I was
the only one left.
553
00:52:54,907 --> 00:52:59,307
It took longer and longer
for anyone to challenge me.
554
00:52:59,662 --> 00:53:03,462
Then the suitors just
stopped coming.
555
00:53:03,791 --> 00:53:06,911
The head of the clan
became impatient.
556
00:53:07,211 --> 00:53:12,251
They told me to go forth, into
the world, to find a worthy husband.
557
00:53:12,633 --> 00:53:16,273
A warrior with the strength
to defeat me.
558
00:53:18,430 --> 00:53:22,350
If I am defeated, I must
obey his slightest command.
559
00:53:22,684 --> 00:53:25,524
There have been none,
who are strong enough.
560
00:53:25,812 --> 00:53:30,652
But everywhere I've been, it is said,
barbarians are the strongest warriors, -
561
00:53:31,026 --> 00:53:34,346
- so maybe a barbarian from
your village can defeat me.
562
00:53:34,655 --> 00:53:38,215
- That's why I went with you.
- Uh ... Okay.
563
00:53:38,533 --> 00:53:40,773
- Okay, what?
- Well, that's ...
564
00:53:41,036 --> 00:53:44,876
What you just said,
what does it have to do with love?
565
00:53:45,207 --> 00:53:49,967
It will be love that defeats me.
I've waited so long.
566
00:53:51,546 --> 00:53:54,426
Wow.
567
00:53:54,716 --> 00:53:59,316
I've never
told this to anyone before.
568
00:53:59,679 --> 00:54:04,719
It feels so ... nice.
569
00:54:10,607 --> 00:54:15,407
You know what, Ronal? It's actually
nice talking to you.
570
00:54:17,322 --> 00:54:19,282
You're so lovely.
571
00:54:19,532 --> 00:54:22,732
- Uh, to talk with, I mean.
- Well.
572
00:54:23,035 --> 00:54:28,075
And if I had meant it the
other way, we'd have to fight.
573
00:54:28,457 --> 00:54:33,657
- No, I wouldn't be so fortunate.
- Yeah, that would be a little strange.
574
00:54:38,009 --> 00:54:40,409
- What was that?
- I don't know.
575
00:54:40,678 --> 00:54:43,918
Hey, Elric.
576
00:54:46,225 --> 00:54:48,785
Elves do not sleep.
577
00:54:49,061 --> 00:54:54,621
- What is it, what's making that sound?
- I sense a terrible voice.
578
00:54:59,988 --> 00:55:03,828
No one escapes
Prince Volcazar's anger!
579
00:55:04,159 --> 00:55:06,039
Ronal, watch out!
580
00:55:08,372 --> 00:55:09,932
Zandra!
581
00:55:15,879 --> 00:55:19,119
- Curses!
- Ronal, wait for me!
582
00:55:30,060 --> 00:55:32,660
Ronal!
583
00:55:32,938 --> 00:55:34,858
Oh, fuck!
584
00:55:52,248 --> 00:55:53,888
Shit!
585
00:55:58,296 --> 00:56:00,056
They're gone.
586
00:56:00,298 --> 00:56:03,058
Damn! Let's move!
587
00:56:04,927 --> 00:56:06,927
Zandra!
588
00:56:09,390 --> 00:56:12,150
- No, no, no.
- We'll find her.
589
00:56:12,435 --> 00:56:15,875
If we go now,
we can find them. Come.
590
00:56:19,191 --> 00:56:22,351
- What did you do?
- It wasn't me.
591
00:56:27,533 --> 00:56:29,373
The Amazons.
592
00:56:48,887 --> 00:56:52,127
- It stuck.
- Congratulations, honey.
593
00:56:52,432 --> 00:56:56,712
...can't get too much sun.
594
00:56:57,062 --> 00:57:00,342
See my new shoes.
Aren't they fantastic?
595
00:57:00,649 --> 00:57:04,009
- It's only women.
- I've died and gone to heaven.
596
00:57:06,196 --> 00:57:10,276
- Hey, girls. What's going on?
- What's that?
597
00:57:10,617 --> 00:57:15,137
- Oh, totally botched stomach pouch.
- Hello. Good to see you.
598
00:57:24,839 --> 00:57:28,239
High Queen, we've captured
these women in the jungle.
599
00:57:28,551 --> 00:57:32,751
We have brought them to you,
so you can decide their fate.
600
00:57:33,097 --> 00:57:35,857
Stand them up. Let me see.
601
00:57:49,655 --> 00:57:53,935
What remarkable women.
I've never seen anything like it.
602
00:57:54,285 --> 00:57:56,925
- What's this?
- Ow!
603
00:57:57,204 --> 00:58:01,084
- One even has hair on his chin.
- How clumsy!
604
00:58:01,417 --> 00:58:05,057
- High Queen.
- Quiet, ugly girl.
605
00:58:05,379 --> 00:58:09,299
- Who asked you to speak?
- We're not women.
606
00:58:09,633 --> 00:58:14,193
- Well, we're men, you know?
- Men?
607
00:58:14,555 --> 00:58:17,955
- Or nearly so.
- Men?
608
00:58:21,312 --> 00:58:27,752
Heaven be praised. The gods have heard
our prayers and sent us two men.
609
00:58:30,487 --> 00:58:34,527
Finally, the time has come,
when we can grow our tribe.
610
00:58:34,867 --> 00:58:38,147
Take them to the sacred mating cabins.
611
00:58:39,329 --> 00:58:41,529
- What?
- What!
612
00:58:48,964 --> 00:58:53,044
We'll take the thin one first.
And save him for tomorrow.
613
00:58:53,385 --> 00:58:56,065
No, help.
No, I won't!
614
00:58:58,098 --> 00:59:02,378
Honestly, man. Why can't it be me.
I'd be more than willing to do it.
615
00:59:02,727 --> 00:59:05,647
That's so fucking typical.
616
00:59:07,190 --> 00:59:09,310
No!
617
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,080
- Lord.
- You have them?
618
00:59:20,370 --> 00:59:24,650
We have caught the warrior who
helped the barbarian escape.
619
00:59:38,763 --> 00:59:40,803
Let me see.
620
00:59:43,059 --> 00:59:45,219
A shield maiden.
621
00:59:46,103 --> 00:59:51,383
- And a very sexy one.
- Give me a weapon and let me fight.
622
00:59:51,776 --> 00:59:54,416
In time.
623
00:59:56,822 --> 00:59:59,782
No one lays a hand on me without suffering.
624
01:00:00,075 --> 01:00:02,635
So die then!
625
01:00:46,162 --> 01:00:51,002
Impressive.
You are my type of woman.
626
01:00:51,376 --> 01:00:55,096
Too bad I have to
to kill you!
627
01:01:13,981 --> 01:01:15,741
What?
628
01:01:22,240 --> 01:01:25,040
Foolish woman.
629
01:01:43,135 --> 01:01:48,935
I know your rules, shield maiden.
You must obey me now.
630
01:01:50,893 --> 01:01:53,493
It is your destiny.
631
01:01:53,771 --> 01:01:56,371
You have defeated me.
632
01:02:01,278 --> 01:02:04,478
Single piercing is not cool.
633
01:02:04,781 --> 01:02:06,901
Double piercing is the shit.
634
01:02:17,794 --> 01:02:20,634
Yes! It's about time.
Is it my turn?
635
01:02:20,922 --> 01:02:23,882
The ceremony is over.
We will use you tomorrow.
636
01:02:24,175 --> 01:02:27,215
- What? Tomorrow?
- It's the Queen's order.
637
01:02:27,512 --> 01:02:31,552
Come back!
I want to be abused!
638
01:02:33,309 --> 01:02:36,029
- Did you remember to lock the door?
- Of course.
639
01:02:38,982 --> 01:02:41,222
Hey, what are you doing?
640
01:02:43,319 --> 01:02:46,839
- We have to leave.
- What about all the Amazons?
641
01:02:47,156 --> 01:02:50,676
Zandra is in danger. We must find
the Sword of Crane and help her.
642
01:02:50,994 --> 01:02:54,394
- That can wait a week.
- We can't leave her behind.
643
01:02:54,706 --> 01:02:58,266
- We can find another warrior?
- I want Zandra!
644
01:02:58,584 --> 01:03:02,744
Hey, you didn't want
her help to start with.
645
01:03:03,130 --> 01:03:07,650
Fuck you! I'll be right here
making sweet love with hot babes.
646
01:03:08,010 --> 01:03:11,330
That's the only reason
I came on this quest.
647
01:03:11,639 --> 01:03:16,599
Oh, I forgot. You're not
on a quest. You're just fucking boring.
648
01:03:17,728 --> 01:03:20,328
Fine. Stay here.
649
01:03:22,066 --> 01:03:25,346
You're not
any damn help anyway.
650
01:03:36,246 --> 01:03:39,246
Oh, I just love that song.
651
01:03:44,213 --> 01:03:47,733
Damn! Fucking shit!
652
01:04:00,395 --> 01:04:03,955
Oh, what the fuck am I doing, man?
Ronal, I'm coming.
653
01:04:13,908 --> 01:04:18,548
- Madam Queen?
- I just had to see you.
654
01:04:19,497 --> 01:04:24,377
Ever since I saw you the first time,
my body trembles with longing.
655
01:04:24,752 --> 01:04:28,832
I know it's against the rules,
but I must have you.
656
01:04:29,173 --> 01:04:33,733
- If I may ...
- I cannot control myself. Take me!
657
01:04:34,095 --> 01:04:36,575
Take me! Oh! Yes!
658
01:04:43,020 --> 01:04:45,540
Take me!
659
01:04:45,815 --> 01:04:48,055
Stop!
660
01:04:48,317 --> 01:04:52,237
Unfortunately I can't, Madam Queen.
My friend needs me.
661
01:04:52,613 --> 01:04:53,653
What?
662
01:04:53,864 --> 01:04:57,144
Perhaps I can be taken
prisoner again on the way back.
663
01:04:57,451 --> 01:04:59,971
Alarm!
664
01:05:04,458 --> 01:05:09,458
- Pigs! Men are pigs!
- Insane bitches, man!
665
01:05:12,549 --> 01:05:16,669
- He was your responsibility!
- And I locked the door!
666
01:05:17,012 --> 01:05:20,212
Hang him from his balls!
667
01:05:35,447 --> 01:05:36,967
Elric?
668
01:06:38,759 --> 01:06:42,319
It's the first barbarians.
669
01:06:50,604 --> 01:06:52,484
Wow.
670
01:06:57,861 --> 01:07:00,101
Hello.
671
01:07:00,364 --> 01:07:05,204
I need your sword.
I'll take good care of it.
672
01:07:11,917 --> 01:07:14,317
That was easy. Wow.
673
01:07:23,261 --> 01:07:25,861
Yeah. I apologize.
674
01:07:33,605 --> 01:07:35,845
Zandra.
675
01:07:36,107 --> 01:07:37,827
I'm sorry.
676
01:07:38,068 --> 01:07:42,508
Time after time you escaped
my best riders, barbarian.
677
01:07:42,864 --> 01:07:47,904
And then we find you up here, just as
my shield maiden said we would.
678
01:07:51,998 --> 01:07:55,438
The Sword of Crane. The only weapon
in the world that can harm you.
679
01:07:55,752 --> 01:07:57,192
Zandra?
680
01:07:57,420 --> 01:08:02,100
Excellent. You've served me well.
681
01:08:04,010 --> 01:08:08,130
- As you have commanded me, lord.
- What the hell is going on?
682
01:08:10,892 --> 01:08:16,932
Lets move! We have to get this
barbarian to my wizard.
683
01:08:34,498 --> 01:08:37,818
I sense,
that Ronal is in great danger.
684
01:08:44,216 --> 01:08:48,696
- Do what you must, wizard.
- With pleasure, Lord.
685
01:08:49,054 --> 01:08:51,894
- Ronal?
- Gorak?
686
01:09:03,443 --> 01:09:06,043
- Here he is.
- No, no, no!
687
01:09:12,327 --> 01:09:17,407
Finally! Mighty Zaal,
listen to your humble servant!
688
01:09:17,791 --> 01:09:21,511
The blood has been collected from the Sons of Crane.
689
01:09:21,836 --> 01:09:25,476
Grant us access to your temple!
690
01:09:34,140 --> 01:09:36,500
What are you doing?
691
01:09:36,768 --> 01:09:42,168
Only once every ten thousand years, is it
possible for Zaal, ruler of the underworld, -
692
01:09:42,565 --> 01:09:49,405
- to come to our world.
I offer the ultimate sacrifice.
693
01:09:49,864 --> 01:09:54,944
The sons of the warrior, who sent
him from this world.
694
01:09:55,328 --> 01:10:00,928
And as a reward he will bestow upon me
his divine power.
695
01:10:01,334 --> 01:10:05,094
All will bow to me -
696
01:10:05,421 --> 01:10:07,781
- or die!
697
01:10:19,018 --> 01:10:23,418
Shit. We can't go any further
without being noticed.
698
01:11:03,728 --> 01:11:05,448
Ronal!
699
01:11:05,689 --> 01:11:09,969
What the hell's the matter with you?
Come on! Lift your feet!
700
01:11:10,318 --> 01:11:12,878
Come on! Get up the stairs!
701
01:11:13,947 --> 01:11:15,907
Wait here.
702
01:11:20,245 --> 01:11:22,485
- Ronal.
- Alibert!
703
01:11:22,747 --> 01:11:25,707
- What?
- Take it easy.
704
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,320
Keep moving, you wretch.
705
01:11:30,088 --> 01:11:32,888
Ronal, where's the
Sword of Crane?
706
01:11:33,174 --> 01:11:38,214
There's nothing you can do. It's
on the altar below. Get away from here.
707
01:11:56,071 --> 01:12:00,111
I will not be satisfied,
until they scream like the pigs they are!
708
01:12:05,247 --> 01:12:09,567
Mighty Zaal we give to you the
blood from the Sons of Crane.
709
01:12:09,918 --> 01:12:12,998
Let your darkness bless us.
710
01:12:15,758 --> 01:12:18,558
Soon I will be mightier than a god -
711
01:12:18,886 --> 01:12:22,766
- and you shall be my queen
in the after life.
712
01:12:35,819 --> 01:12:38,179
Hey! What are you doing here?
713
01:12:39,114 --> 01:12:41,954
- Uh ...
- Kill him.
714
01:12:42,242 --> 01:12:45,882
No, wait. I am master Alibert.
715
01:12:46,204 --> 01:12:48,484
The bard!
716
01:12:48,748 --> 01:12:53,508
I'm here to play at
the feast ... the occult ritual.
717
01:12:53,878 --> 01:12:56,318
Here's a song you might know.
718
01:12:57,465 --> 01:13:00,625
Your muscles
they make me crazy
719
01:13:00,927 --> 01:13:04,167
on the dance floor
you can see it
720
01:13:04,472 --> 01:13:07,352
your skull charm
it makes me hot
721
01:13:07,642 --> 01:13:11,762
little cuddles
sweet treasure
722
01:13:13,690 --> 01:13:16,730
- Shut up, that's crap.
- Oh!
723
01:13:17,026 --> 01:13:20,186
- Later.
- Come back, you little shit!
724
01:13:24,033 --> 01:13:27,633
Let the Chosen One step forward!
725
01:13:40,382 --> 01:13:42,942
- Hey, Ronal.
- The Sword of Crane.
726
01:13:43,219 --> 01:13:45,939
- I'll get you free.
- We must liberate the others.
727
01:13:46,222 --> 01:13:49,742
- I'm hurrying as fast as I can.
- What the hell?
728
01:13:57,191 --> 01:14:00,671
Drop it, pip-squeak.
You don't have a chance.
729
01:14:00,986 --> 01:14:03,906
Come on. Give me your best shot.
730
01:14:11,246 --> 01:14:13,766
Very nice. It was really ...
731
01:14:20,130 --> 01:14:23,210
- What the hell?
- Sorry.
732
01:14:23,508 --> 01:14:32,588
What?
733
01:14:40,567 --> 01:14:43,447
I've totally been
looking forward to this!
734
01:14:51,411 --> 01:14:53,411
Oh yeah!
735
01:15:00,920 --> 01:15:03,120
- Kill them.
- But ...
736
01:15:03,381 --> 01:15:05,621
- That's an order!
- Zandra!
737
01:15:05,883 --> 01:15:10,603
You belong to me, shield maiden!
Don't forget.
738
01:15:10,972 --> 01:15:13,252
Yes, my Lord.
739
01:15:21,816 --> 01:15:24,696
- Ronal.
- You don't have to do this.
740
01:15:24,985 --> 01:15:29,105
Volcazar has defeated me in a duel.
It is my destiny.
741
01:15:40,876 --> 01:15:43,516
Zandra, it's me.
742
01:15:43,796 --> 01:15:47,716
This is completely ridiculous.
Is this really your destiny -
743
01:15:48,050 --> 01:15:50,930
- to kill the only one,
who loves you, to death, -
744
01:15:51,219 --> 01:15:55,419
- just because some maniac
has beaten you in a fight?
745
01:16:00,687 --> 01:16:02,647
Watch out!
746
01:16:03,440 --> 01:16:05,440
Ronal!
747
01:16:07,569 --> 01:16:09,009
Zandra.
748
01:16:18,121 --> 01:16:20,201
Let me go!
749
01:16:27,338 --> 01:16:31,058
Lord, drink it up,
before it's too late.
750
01:16:33,886 --> 01:16:37,046
Clever Lord. Drink it all up.
751
01:16:41,811 --> 01:16:44,091
Oh, shit.
752
01:16:48,234 --> 01:16:50,994
Die!
753
01:16:54,073 --> 01:16:55,673
No!
754
01:17:20,808 --> 01:17:24,288
The darkness must be awakened in Metalonia.
755
01:17:24,603 --> 01:17:29,403
The sound of screams
must rise to the sky.
756
01:17:29,775 --> 01:17:33,575
All must bow to me -
757
01:17:33,904 --> 01:17:36,504
- or die!
758
01:17:54,174 --> 01:17:56,294
Fuck!
759
01:18:00,680 --> 01:18:04,600
The Epic of Crane! "Crane drew his proud sword
and drove with all his force -
760
01:18:04,934 --> 01:18:08,774
- the blade deep in Zaal
and Zaal's skull burst."
761
01:18:09,105 --> 01:18:13,425
You have to strike him in the forehead.
It is his weak point, man!
762
01:18:16,613 --> 01:18:18,853
That's impossible!
763
01:18:24,912 --> 01:18:28,672
There's nothing you can do here.
Save yourself!
764
01:18:29,041 --> 01:18:32,161
- What?
- This is no place for you.
765
01:18:32,461 --> 01:18:34,061
Run!
766
01:18:34,297 --> 01:18:38,257
No. I'm done
running away.
767
01:18:42,763 --> 01:18:45,603
Now you better behave yourself.
768
01:18:49,520 --> 01:18:52,440
Yes, do it! Stab him in the forehead!
769
01:18:55,609 --> 01:18:58,129
- In the forehead.
- What do you think I'm trying to do?
770
01:18:58,404 --> 01:19:02,124
I'll crush you like a bug!
771
01:19:10,541 --> 01:19:12,741
He's fucking dead.
772
01:19:13,001 --> 01:19:14,841
Oh, damn!
773
01:19:19,174 --> 01:19:23,254
May my aim be sharp as a hawk's
and as perfect as the great breast.
774
01:19:33,021 --> 01:19:35,501
Stand still!
775
01:19:45,075 --> 01:19:46,875
No!
776
01:19:48,578 --> 01:19:50,538
Now I have you!
777
01:19:52,999 --> 01:19:54,759
Eat lute, you bitch!
778
01:20:18,649 --> 01:20:21,009
No, no. No!
779
01:20:29,702 --> 01:20:35,982
- Zandra!
- My queen! Kill these fleas.
780
01:20:44,883 --> 01:20:50,523
What are you doing? Your honor commands
you to serve me!
781
01:20:50,931 --> 01:20:53,371
No! No more!
782
01:20:54,810 --> 01:20:57,690
Then die!
783
01:21:06,947 --> 01:21:08,507
Zandra!
784
01:21:08,740 --> 01:21:13,460
Okay, guys, let's show them
how barbarians really fight!
785
01:21:20,252 --> 01:21:21,932
Gorak!
786
01:21:27,133 --> 01:21:29,533
- Come on, guys!
- Muscles!
787
01:21:34,766 --> 01:21:38,726
I am invincible!
788
01:21:51,532 --> 01:21:54,692
- What?
- This one's for Uncle Gundar!
789
01:21:59,248 --> 01:22:00,928
Uh?
790
01:22:23,647 --> 01:22:27,527
Holy shit.
My g-string is so high up my ass.
791
01:22:28,861 --> 01:22:30,741
Ronal?
792
01:22:36,368 --> 01:22:37,848
Ronal!
793
01:22:42,624 --> 01:22:44,424
Oh no.
794
01:22:58,849 --> 01:23:03,089
Here lies Ronal.
The greatest barbarian of us all.
795
01:23:27,126 --> 01:23:31,086
- What happened?
- Damn, he lives, man!
796
01:23:34,550 --> 01:23:37,630
I sense great love.
797
01:23:38,596 --> 01:23:40,436
It's so beautiful.
798
01:23:44,477 --> 01:23:47,757
I haven't challenged you
to a duel, right?
799
01:23:48,105 --> 01:23:49,545
You ...
800
01:23:49,774 --> 01:23:53,654
You have already
conquered my heart, Ronal.
801
01:23:56,697 --> 01:23:58,657
Now it becomes cheesy.
802
01:23:58,908 --> 01:24:02,748
It's time for ale and lager,
ale and lager.
803
01:24:03,078 --> 01:24:06,038
Ale and lager, ale and lager.
804
01:24:13,130 --> 01:24:15,170
You wanna see something sick?
805
01:24:15,424 --> 01:24:17,224
Wow!
806
01:24:19,386 --> 01:24:21,066
Cool.
807
01:24:21,305 --> 01:24:25,705
- Oh, that's good.
- I sense much tension in your muscles.
808
01:24:26,059 --> 01:24:29,259
I've been tied up on
a cross all week.
809
01:24:29,563 --> 01:24:33,483
Just shut up, man.
I want to say something important.
810
01:24:35,318 --> 01:24:38,878
To Ronal,
the thirstiest barbarian in the world.
811
01:24:40,490 --> 01:24:42,410
Cheers!
812
01:24:42,659 --> 01:24:47,339
- Why the hell aren't you drinking?
- Fucking barbarians, man.
62294
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