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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:16,860 In the beginning there was only darkness. 2 00:00:19,761 --> 00:00:23,001 And in the darkness was born the demon Zaal, - 3 00:00:23,306 --> 00:00:25,506 - Ruler of the Underworld - 4 00:00:25,767 --> 00:00:28,967 - And the oppressor of humans. 5 00:00:32,774 --> 00:00:37,494 But from the shadows came Crane, the warrior of warriors - 6 00:00:37,862 --> 00:00:41,302 - and bearer of the God Sword. 7 00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:48,432 He liberated man - 8 00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,851 - and led them to victory. 9 00:01:23,657 --> 00:01:25,937 But the price of victory was high. 10 00:01:26,202 --> 00:01:29,122 For Crane suffered a wound through the heart, - 11 00:01:29,413 --> 00:01:33,253 - which bled for seven days and seven nights. 12 00:01:33,584 --> 00:01:37,144 And a hundred warriors drank his blood. 13 00:01:39,131 --> 00:01:42,051 And were given his strength. 14 00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:53,353 And Crane looked at them and saw that all was good. 15 00:01:54,438 --> 00:01:57,278 And then he died. 16 00:02:00,402 --> 00:02:03,682 Thus, the barbarians were created, - 17 00:02:03,989 --> 00:02:06,389 - Sons of Crane. 18 00:02:38,773 --> 00:02:42,173 Oh, yeah. 19 00:03:02,463 --> 00:03:03,863 Yes. 20 00:03:06,592 --> 00:03:11,552 Listen, guys. Strength! Courage! Fearlessness! 21 00:03:11,931 --> 00:03:15,571 That is what Crane gave to our people. 22 00:03:15,893 --> 00:03:19,333 For thousands of generations, generation after generation, - 23 00:03:19,647 --> 00:03:22,847 - his blood has rushed undiluted through our veins. 24 00:03:23,150 --> 00:03:27,470 This is what we celebrate every year, before we go on quests. 25 00:03:27,821 --> 00:03:31,261 But first and foremost is the blood of Crane, that makes us, - 26 00:03:31,575 --> 00:03:36,055 - The barbarians, the greatest warriors throughout Metalonia. 27 00:03:36,413 --> 00:03:38,893 Okay, Ronal, it's your turn. 28 00:03:39,208 --> 00:03:41,888 Ronal is sick ... 29 00:03:42,169 --> 00:03:44,489 Ronal is sick today. 30 00:03:44,755 --> 00:03:46,835 Ronal! 31 00:03:47,674 --> 00:03:50,634 Can't you pass over me? I have a sore elbow. 32 00:03:50,927 --> 00:03:54,087 Maybe I'm getting dry skin ... or ... 33 00:03:54,389 --> 00:03:58,269 - Joint Inflammation. - Dammit, Ronal. 34 00:03:59,311 --> 00:04:02,111 Put all your strength into it. 35 00:04:04,941 --> 00:04:08,581 I'm looking forward to this. 36 00:04:30,675 --> 00:04:34,155 Oh, for God's sake, Ronal, man. 37 00:04:35,513 --> 00:04:36,993 One. 38 00:04:37,223 --> 00:04:38,583 Can't ... 39 00:04:38,808 --> 00:04:40,648 ...do ... 40 00:04:40,893 --> 00:04:43,013 ...more! 41 00:04:43,271 --> 00:04:45,951 You must get in shape before the quest. 42 00:04:46,232 --> 00:04:49,672 A barbarian who can't swing an ax, is ... uh ... 43 00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:52,185 Anyway, not a real barbarian. 44 00:04:52,446 --> 00:04:55,606 What do I need to quest for? I'll just get in the way. 45 00:04:55,908 --> 00:04:58,708 - Can't I hang out here? - You are a Son of Crane. 46 00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:03,194 A Son of Crane goes on quests and kills monsters and returns in glory. 47 00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:07,900 - It is the essence of being a barbarian. - Uncle, look at me. 48 00:05:08,253 --> 00:05:14,133 What should I do to monsters? Buckle on a muscle suit and hope they die of laughter? 49 00:05:14,551 --> 00:05:17,791 What then, Ronal? Have you got any better ideas? 50 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,840 Fucking funny. Have you got any brain cells? 51 00:05:22,142 --> 00:05:27,302 What? Where? If there is one on my back, can you press it out? 52 00:05:27,689 --> 00:05:31,849 Listen here, kid. When you go on quests, it is more about big balls - 53 00:05:32,194 --> 00:05:34,754 - not arms. Heroism. 54 00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:39,630 Once you've grasped it, you'll have no problem crushing the enemy. 55 00:05:39,993 --> 00:05:44,553 I just find it hard to overlook, that we can die! 56 00:05:44,915 --> 00:05:46,875 Just shut up and train. 57 00:05:56,176 --> 00:05:58,216 What is it? 58 00:06:09,105 --> 00:06:13,025 The alarm. Everyone to arms! At your posts! Move! 59 00:06:15,945 --> 00:06:18,825 - Get to it! - Yes, yes! 60 00:06:19,115 --> 00:06:21,275 Barricade the gate! 61 00:06:26,163 --> 00:06:28,443 Come on! Pull! 62 00:06:31,252 --> 00:06:34,652 Up on the barricades, stand ready! 63 00:06:42,596 --> 00:06:46,996 Quiet. 64 00:06:51,438 --> 00:06:56,758 Wait. 65 00:06:58,737 --> 00:07:01,057 Quiet! 66 00:07:01,990 --> 00:07:03,990 Who's there? 67 00:07:10,207 --> 00:07:13,767 Hail, noble barbarians. We are Master Florian, - 68 00:07:14,086 --> 00:07:16,326 - a bard and our music. 69 00:07:16,588 --> 00:07:19,908 We simply want, for humble payment, of course, - 70 00:07:20,258 --> 00:07:25,058 - to enrich your banquet and your spectacular muscles - 71 00:07:25,472 --> 00:07:30,752 - with noble sonatas of your past heroes and heroines. 72 00:07:45,658 --> 00:07:48,098 Attack! 73 00:07:49,454 --> 00:07:53,454 - Songs. They sing songs at feasts. - Feasts? 74 00:07:53,791 --> 00:07:58,111 Check out their incredibly dangerous tuba on the roof. 75 00:07:58,463 --> 00:08:00,023 Let them in. 76 00:08:00,256 --> 00:08:01,976 - No! - Damn. 77 00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:06,856 It's a bloody hundred years ago, since I last split some skulls. 78 00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:10,381 How the hell should I know it was a tuba? 79 00:08:16,355 --> 00:08:19,475 Yo, girls. How about you wash my sick, virile, - 80 00:08:19,775 --> 00:08:22,255 - resilient, filthy - 81 00:08:22,528 --> 00:08:24,408 - awesome lute? 82 00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:28,695 There shall be only practice, nothing frivolous, young Alibert. The art calls. 83 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,596 We have to be ready. 84 00:08:30,828 --> 00:08:34,748 Isn't there just a little bit of time to walk around and look? 85 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:39,202 A true bard remembers all the songs perfectly. 86 00:08:39,545 --> 00:08:43,185 How perfect does it need to be? Shouldn't we be on quests? 87 00:08:43,507 --> 00:08:46,507 The barbarians are leaving tomorrow. We could go with them. 88 00:08:46,802 --> 00:08:50,122 Go with the flow. I have to meet girls, man. 89 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:53,350 Maybe, write some heroic poem. 90 00:08:53,642 --> 00:08:56,962 Or something like that, You know, with those verses. 91 00:08:57,270 --> 00:09:00,630 Oh, young Alibert. Only when you learn all the songs, - 92 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:03,381 - can you make that kind of poem. 93 00:09:03,652 --> 00:09:08,852 - What? That'll take a hundred years. - Nonsense. It won't take that long. 94 00:09:09,241 --> 00:09:13,481 I was only 57 when I finished my apprenticeship. 95 00:09:13,828 --> 00:09:15,988 Ouch! Fucking great. 96 00:09:16,247 --> 00:09:19,447 Can Rikke, can Rikke, can Rikke drink beer? 97 00:09:19,751 --> 00:09:23,191 Can Rikke, can Rikke, can Rikke drink beer? 98 00:09:27,217 --> 00:09:29,217 Oh, it's good, man. 99 00:09:30,929 --> 00:09:35,249 Can any one of you little children guzzle a small pint of beer? 100 00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:42,216 Alibert! 101 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,482 So I was on the hunt - 102 00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:48,614 - And then I just run into an ork and killed it. 103 00:09:48,946 --> 00:09:52,626 - Here you go, honey. Wear it. - Oh, how cute. 104 00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:56,590 Yes, it brings out your eyes. You have to see this too. 105 00:09:56,912 --> 00:10:00,112 This is a real invisibility lotion. 106 00:10:00,416 --> 00:10:03,376 I used it, when I snuck into a harem. 107 00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:06,189 Cool, right? Total chick magnet. 108 00:10:06,463 --> 00:10:09,743 So you can't see who is attacking you. 109 00:10:10,050 --> 00:10:13,010 What was that? Hey, there it is again. And now it stopped. 110 00:10:13,345 --> 00:10:16,825 - There it is again. - Ouch, Gorak. Let me be. 111 00:10:17,141 --> 00:10:20,941 - It will not stop. - For God's sake, stop it! 112 00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:24,110 Oh, Ronal, damn man. 113 00:10:57,931 --> 00:11:01,211 All sons of Crane are here, Prince Volcazar. 114 00:11:01,518 --> 00:11:03,758 Then it's time. 115 00:11:24,916 --> 00:11:28,996 - Can I take the watch for a bit? - What about the feast? 116 00:11:29,337 --> 00:11:32,577 I'm just kind of ... a little tired. 117 00:11:32,882 --> 00:11:37,002 Okay, then. Remember to blow the horn, if you see something suspicious. 118 00:11:37,345 --> 00:11:41,265 - Do you think you can handle that? - I'm not an idiot. 119 00:11:41,599 --> 00:11:44,399 - I want to be alone. - It's a large horn. 120 00:11:44,685 --> 00:11:49,045 Remember, breathe in. Deep down in the stomach. And ... 121 00:11:49,398 --> 00:11:53,038 Damn, Uncle. Who would attack us? 122 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,920 We're fucking barbarians. We smash everything. 123 00:11:57,239 --> 00:12:00,759 - We've never been attacked. - That may well be. 124 00:12:01,076 --> 00:12:04,316 But it's the principle, which is important. 125 00:12:05,456 --> 00:12:08,336 That boy will be the end of me one day. 126 00:12:11,336 --> 00:12:13,776 QUEST-MAGAZINE 127 00:12:14,047 --> 00:12:17,087 Fucking barbarians, man. 128 00:12:31,815 --> 00:12:34,135 What the hell is this? 129 00:13:08,392 --> 00:13:11,352 We're being attacked? We're being attacked! 130 00:13:15,233 --> 00:13:17,553 Get your weapons! 131 00:13:26,786 --> 00:13:28,266 No, no! 132 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,880 - We're ready to attack! - Let hell rain down. 133 00:13:38,047 --> 00:13:39,607 Fuck! Fuck! 134 00:13:42,009 --> 00:13:44,409 Fire! 135 00:13:47,598 --> 00:13:50,918 Attack! Show no mercy! 136 00:13:55,355 --> 00:13:59,075 - Look! Fireworks! - Did we order that? 137 00:14:10,787 --> 00:14:14,107 We're being attacked! Barbarians, defend yourselves! 138 00:14:14,416 --> 00:14:16,336 Hup, hup, hup! 139 00:14:23,675 --> 00:14:26,875 Oh, thank heavens. They're saved. 140 00:14:27,178 --> 00:14:30,418 This is a mad, fucking sick party, man. 141 00:14:32,851 --> 00:14:35,251 - Bummer! - No! 142 00:14:38,273 --> 00:14:40,713 Help! Help! 143 00:14:57,542 --> 00:14:59,822 Punch! Smack! 144 00:15:00,711 --> 00:15:03,031 Bash! Muscles! 145 00:15:18,729 --> 00:15:21,769 I don't think there are any more. 146 00:15:22,066 --> 00:15:24,466 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 147 00:15:26,487 --> 00:15:28,607 He's mine. 148 00:15:32,451 --> 00:15:35,611 We're done for. Why didn't you blow the horn? 149 00:15:35,913 --> 00:15:38,233 - I tried! - You tried? 150 00:15:38,498 --> 00:15:41,538 "Trying" isn't good enough, Ronal. 151 00:15:41,835 --> 00:15:44,115 Get up. We must rescue the others. 152 00:16:01,354 --> 00:16:04,594 The famous sons of Crane. 153 00:16:05,567 --> 00:16:08,487 How pathetic. 154 00:16:09,946 --> 00:16:13,626 Put them in chains. Leave no one behind. 155 00:16:18,621 --> 00:16:21,301 We Barbarians shall never surrender! 156 00:16:48,109 --> 00:16:50,829 Everyone must bow to me ... 157 00:16:54,323 --> 00:16:55,803 No! 158 00:16:56,033 --> 00:16:57,873 ...or die! 159 00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,318 No! 160 00:17:00,579 --> 00:17:04,619 - Take them away. - You heard Prince Volcazar! 161 00:17:04,959 --> 00:17:08,479 Get the last barbarians in the cart. Come on! 162 00:17:08,796 --> 00:17:11,396 Put him in! Move! 163 00:17:11,673 --> 00:17:14,233 - Come here! - No, I won't ... 164 00:17:14,510 --> 00:17:17,230 - In with them! - What the hell? 165 00:17:17,513 --> 00:17:19,833 Remember your shoes and bags ... axes! 166 00:17:20,098 --> 00:17:22,538 We will not come back and get them! 167 00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:26,009 General? This prisoner doesn't fit in the shackles. 168 00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:30,073 - Should I just throw him away? - That's not a barbarian. 169 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:34,200 - Drag him over there and kill him. - Oh, thank you. 170 00:17:34,529 --> 00:17:37,489 - Lucky son of a bitch. - He's always the one who get to do it. 171 00:17:37,783 --> 00:17:42,263 - Kicking ass feels good - Kicking ass feels good 172 00:17:42,621 --> 00:17:47,701 - as a bonus, it is really nice - as a bonus, it is really nice 173 00:17:48,084 --> 00:17:51,124 sits well feels good 174 00:17:53,757 --> 00:17:57,917 No, I can't die. Help! Help! 175 00:18:05,894 --> 00:18:08,894 Shut up, this is really exciting. 176 00:18:12,775 --> 00:18:16,375 Oh, man. Shit, it's night, man. 177 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:20,136 My head, man. The town is torn up, what happened? 178 00:18:20,449 --> 00:18:23,609 Where did everyone go? 179 00:18:23,911 --> 00:18:27,471 Did they go to the afterparty? Hey, you, wait! 180 00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:45,882 Ro ... Ronal. 181 00:18:47,101 --> 00:18:49,941 Uncle. You're alive. 182 00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:52,269 Not for long. 183 00:18:52,523 --> 00:18:55,643 Crane ... calls to me. 184 00:18:55,943 --> 00:19:00,343 No, uncle, it's probably just a ... flesh wound. 185 00:19:00,697 --> 00:19:04,857 Ronal when your parents died, I swore to take care of you. 186 00:19:05,202 --> 00:19:10,362 And I've kept that promise. But now it's your turn to promise something. 187 00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:15,229 Promise me that you will save the others. You owe it to them. 188 00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:19,427 - What? I can't save them. - Promise me! 189 00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:23,878 - But ... - Travel north to the oracle. 190 00:19:24,221 --> 00:19:28,981 - He will help you. - Oracle? How? 191 00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:36,144 You are our only hope, Ronal. 192 00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:39,401 The last of the barbarians. 193 00:19:43,239 --> 00:19:46,679 Uncle? Uncle? 194 00:19:48,536 --> 00:19:50,976 Uncle? 195 00:20:12,101 --> 00:20:15,141 Gorak's invisibility lotion. 196 00:20:17,398 --> 00:20:19,478 Yo. 197 00:20:19,734 --> 00:20:24,414 - What happened? Going on a quest? - Uh, no. I must find the others. 198 00:20:24,780 --> 00:20:26,660 Well, okay. 199 00:20:26,907 --> 00:20:31,387 - It's a quest. You are going on a quest! - No. I have to find my people. 200 00:20:31,745 --> 00:20:34,585 Awesome, this is a quest. Wait a minute. 201 00:20:34,873 --> 00:20:38,073 - Who are you? - Hey. Alibert, the bard. 202 00:20:38,377 --> 00:20:40,817 Damn nice to be joining you. 203 00:20:41,088 --> 00:20:45,008 You can't say no; I'll just follow you anyway. 204 00:20:45,342 --> 00:20:49,302 Now we are on our way, shall we go through the Amazon land? 205 00:20:49,638 --> 00:20:53,278 - No. - The girls down there would be lovely. 206 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,520 - We should investigate. - Listen to me. 207 00:20:56,812 --> 00:21:00,772 - Don't follow me. - Those girls are super horny. 208 00:21:01,108 --> 00:21:04,308 - No! - Fuck, you're boring, man. 209 00:21:05,904 --> 00:21:10,344 Now I know where we're going. We're headed to Berylia. They have ladies with tails. 210 00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:13,580 And four breasts! This could be awesome, man! 211 00:21:13,870 --> 00:21:17,430 - No, it's not. - Come on. Why are we here? 212 00:21:18,583 --> 00:21:22,783 - I need to talk to an oracle. - Is that a kind of travel agent? 213 00:21:27,967 --> 00:21:30,447 Sick crib. 214 00:21:37,727 --> 00:21:39,807 Hello? 215 00:21:43,107 --> 00:21:46,107 - Hello? - It's about time. 216 00:21:46,402 --> 00:21:49,642 I've been sitting here since last Wednesday. Are you coming or what? 217 00:21:49,947 --> 00:21:54,587 - Sorry, what? - Heck, I need to be wiped. 218 00:21:54,952 --> 00:21:57,152 You aren't the home care? 219 00:21:57,413 --> 00:21:59,173 - No, we ... - Wait! 220 00:22:01,917 --> 00:22:05,557 Gundar has sent me ... 221 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:10,360 That's it. You came just in time. And be careful with my hemorrhoids. 222 00:22:18,726 --> 00:22:23,286 He is a mighty warlord, this Prince Volcazar, that you're talking about. 223 00:22:23,647 --> 00:22:27,247 Dark forces from the underworld protect him. 224 00:22:29,278 --> 00:22:33,798 I'm not really interested in fighting with him. 225 00:22:34,157 --> 00:22:37,797 Volcazar is looking for power throughout Metalonia. 226 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:41,640 So far, no one has been able to stop him. 227 00:22:43,834 --> 00:22:45,914 Wow. 228 00:23:09,234 --> 00:23:15,354 He wears an impenetrable armor over his body. No weapon can harm him. 229 00:23:16,532 --> 00:23:20,292 Only one sword has the strength to crush him. 230 00:23:20,620 --> 00:23:22,580 Watch. 231 00:23:31,422 --> 00:23:35,222 - Oh, sick. - What's so special about it? 232 00:23:35,551 --> 00:23:40,671 It should especially be known to you, barbarian. This is the sword of Crane. 233 00:23:46,645 --> 00:23:48,845 That's a joke, right? 234 00:23:51,150 --> 00:23:55,270 Honestly, it doesn't exist. Everybody has been looking for the damn sword - 235 00:23:55,613 --> 00:23:58,773 - for thousands of years, and no one has found it. 236 00:23:59,074 --> 00:24:01,474 It's just a silly story. 237 00:24:01,744 --> 00:24:06,504 Crane's sword is not a myth. Only it can damage Prince Volcazar. 238 00:24:06,874 --> 00:24:10,954 You can never save your people without killing him first. 239 00:24:11,295 --> 00:24:12,735 But I can't. 240 00:24:12,963 --> 00:24:17,523 Only a great warrior without fear in his heart will be able to use it. 241 00:24:17,926 --> 00:24:21,086 Without a great warrior you will not defeat Volcazar. 242 00:24:21,388 --> 00:24:25,428 And without a great warrior your people are damned! 243 00:24:30,021 --> 00:24:33,861 But I could be wrong. I'm just an oracle. 244 00:24:34,192 --> 00:24:39,192 It's not your fault the barbarians were captured, is it? 245 00:25:25,826 --> 00:25:28,546 Gu'ra zul! 246 00:25:28,829 --> 00:25:31,109 Wizard! 247 00:25:31,373 --> 00:25:35,653 Lord, time is fast approaching. The resurrection at the underworld temple must begin soon. 248 00:25:36,003 --> 00:25:40,163 Otherwise it will be impossible to carry out the ritual. Have we caught the sons of Crane? 249 00:25:40,507 --> 00:25:45,587 - The mission is complete. - Fantastic. Now nothing can stop us. 250 00:25:45,971 --> 00:25:50,491 Mighty Zaal. The sons of Crane are assembled. 251 00:25:50,851 --> 00:25:53,051 Awake from your slumber! 252 00:25:55,230 --> 00:25:57,830 What is happening? 253 00:25:58,108 --> 00:26:00,428 Finally. 254 00:26:11,163 --> 00:26:13,123 - What? - What now? 255 00:26:13,373 --> 00:26:17,533 The mighty Zaal is not satisfied. We're missing a Son of Crane. 256 00:26:17,878 --> 00:26:21,878 - Impossible. Unless ... - I don't understand ... 257 00:26:22,215 --> 00:26:24,975 - We left none alive. - Fool! 258 00:26:25,260 --> 00:26:30,340 I need the blood of all living barbarians, and you let one escape. 259 00:26:30,724 --> 00:26:35,724 - I don't understand. - Find him for me. Now! 260 00:26:37,313 --> 00:26:41,073 For they are on a quest, Alibert and Ronal 261 00:26:41,401 --> 00:26:45,841 the greatest heroes in Metalonia 262 00:26:46,197 --> 00:26:49,597 ooh-ooh it's going so well 263 00:26:52,078 --> 00:26:54,398 and the girls they say 264 00:26:54,664 --> 00:26:57,264 Alibert you're so sexy 265 00:26:57,542 --> 00:27:02,902 My village has been burned, and I must find the sword of Crane. 266 00:27:03,297 --> 00:27:07,497 Can't you be quiet, for God's sake, just five minutes, so I can think? 267 00:27:09,345 --> 00:27:13,585 - I'll sing a barbarian song instead. - For God's sake, no. 268 00:27:13,933 --> 00:27:18,213 And Crane drew his proud sword and drove with all his force 269 00:27:18,562 --> 00:27:21,762 the blade deep in Zaal and Zaal's skull burst 270 00:27:22,066 --> 00:27:25,146 Wait a minute. The song. What was it? 271 00:27:25,444 --> 00:27:27,404 "The Epic of Crane". 272 00:27:27,696 --> 00:27:31,176 There are 2073 verses, and I know them all by heart. 273 00:27:31,492 --> 00:27:34,092 Crane gets tons of pussy. 274 00:27:34,369 --> 00:27:37,729 - Why didn't you say this before? - That he gets pussy? 275 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,000 No, about the song. It's about Crane. 276 00:27:41,293 --> 00:27:46,613 You just sang a verse about his sword. Is there one that says where it is? 277 00:27:47,007 --> 00:27:51,207 From the chest of Crane the blood flowed it bled day and night 278 00:27:51,553 --> 00:27:53,953 No no. After he dies. Come on. Sing. 279 00:27:54,222 --> 00:27:57,702 In his tomb was placed the sword the place is now forgotten 280 00:27:58,018 --> 00:28:02,298 only the Book of Wisdom in Elfland knows where it is stored 281 00:28:02,647 --> 00:28:05,887 The Book of Wisdom in Elfland. That's it. 282 00:28:06,192 --> 00:28:08,632 - We need to go to Elfland. - What do you think? 283 00:28:08,903 --> 00:28:12,863 - This is how we find the sword! - Elf girls are crazy sexy. 284 00:28:13,199 --> 00:28:16,279 This will be a great quest. 285 00:28:16,578 --> 00:28:21,218 Okay, I have two rules for the quest. One: This is not a quest. 286 00:28:21,583 --> 00:28:27,463 And two: we see something that is even the least bit unsafe, we go around. 287 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,320 - Is that a deal? - Got it. 288 00:28:38,641 --> 00:28:42,641 Is it rule number one or two, that we just violated? 289 00:28:43,896 --> 00:28:46,136 Run for your life. 290 00:28:47,149 --> 00:28:50,309 Shit! What the hell happened? 291 00:28:58,285 --> 00:29:00,205 What the hell did this? 292 00:29:14,551 --> 00:29:16,271 No! No! 293 00:29:19,264 --> 00:29:21,144 Ouch! 294 00:29:26,230 --> 00:29:29,910 - Who are you? Are you one of them? - My ... my neck. 295 00:29:30,233 --> 00:29:32,393 Answer me! 296 00:29:32,653 --> 00:29:36,213 I'm just a random passer-by. I swear. 297 00:29:36,531 --> 00:29:39,851 It was not my intention to disturb you in the middle of your ... 298 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:44,760 - Slaughter of random men. - They challenged me to a duel. 299 00:29:45,123 --> 00:29:47,523 Oh no, not again. 300 00:29:54,507 --> 00:29:57,707 Get out of here. I'll let you live. 301 00:30:01,097 --> 00:30:04,657 She is like, the warrior, we need for the sword of Crane. 302 00:30:04,976 --> 00:30:08,616 What? Are you insane? She is a fucking violent psychopath. 303 00:30:08,938 --> 00:30:11,858 - Yes, exactly. Ask her. - No. 304 00:30:12,150 --> 00:30:16,790 Wanker. Yo, beautiful. My friend Ronal would like to ask you something. 305 00:30:17,155 --> 00:30:19,875 We could use a killer like you - 306 00:30:20,158 --> 00:30:24,118 - on our quest, you know. In order to save his people. 307 00:30:24,453 --> 00:30:30,853 And as a little bonus, I would let you play on my lute. 308 00:30:31,294 --> 00:30:34,134 I don't know what he's talking about. 309 00:30:34,422 --> 00:30:38,942 Put your hand on my lute and let me teach you to suck 310 00:30:39,301 --> 00:30:42,421 I don't want to learn to play your instrument. 311 00:30:42,721 --> 00:30:46,641 - You are extremely uptight. - I said it wasn't a good idea. 312 00:30:46,976 --> 00:30:49,376 Another must rescue the barbarians. 313 00:30:49,645 --> 00:30:53,245 - Did you say barbarians? - Um, yes. 314 00:30:53,565 --> 00:30:56,725 - The barbarians, those are your people? - Uh, of course. 315 00:30:57,027 --> 00:31:00,947 Those, that they say, are the greatest warriors in Metalonia? 316 00:31:01,281 --> 00:31:03,321 Yes. 317 00:31:04,284 --> 00:31:07,604 That's a worthy cause. I'll go with you. 318 00:31:07,913 --> 00:31:09,433 What? 319 00:31:09,665 --> 00:31:12,625 I'm Zandra from the shield maiden clan. 320 00:31:12,918 --> 00:31:15,398 - Where are you headed? - Elfland. 321 00:31:15,671 --> 00:31:18,671 - We need to find out where it is. - We will need a guide. 322 00:31:18,965 --> 00:31:22,965 - There is a town nearby. Come. - No, wait. You can't just ... 323 00:31:23,345 --> 00:31:26,705 - Do you have a problem with that? - Now ... uh, no. 324 00:31:28,058 --> 00:31:32,098 - Super. Come. - I swear, you scored her, man. 325 00:31:44,073 --> 00:31:47,113 Son of Crane! Son of Crane! 326 00:31:49,537 --> 00:31:52,097 Come on! Faster! 327 00:32:10,099 --> 00:32:12,299 Oh, cool. 328 00:32:17,606 --> 00:32:22,566 Shave my legs and call me Susan, if this is not the coolest place. 329 00:32:25,448 --> 00:32:28,368 - Okay, we're here. - Uh, okay. 330 00:32:28,659 --> 00:32:30,899 What's up, assholes? 331 00:32:31,161 --> 00:32:34,881 Can I trouble one of you to call me a taxi? 332 00:32:35,207 --> 00:32:37,967 - Fuck. - Sweet. It's happy hour. 333 00:32:38,252 --> 00:32:41,532 There are a lot in there today. Stay behind me. 334 00:32:41,839 --> 00:32:45,279 We'll enter quietly, find a guide - 335 00:32:45,592 --> 00:32:48,552 - and then leave before anyone notices us. 336 00:32:48,846 --> 00:32:51,846 And without a fight, okay? 337 00:32:54,184 --> 00:32:56,264 Please? 338 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,760 - As you wish. - Thank you. 339 00:33:03,276 --> 00:33:06,956 Bing, bing-li-bing-bing. In your ass. 340 00:33:15,956 --> 00:33:19,156 Son of Crane! Son of Crane! 341 00:33:19,459 --> 00:33:24,019 So I said to her: "Your breasts look tired. Should I hold them?" 342 00:33:24,380 --> 00:33:27,740 Your mother has always had the largest tits. 343 00:33:29,177 --> 00:33:32,537 Hey! Hey! Stop that, buddy. 344 00:33:33,264 --> 00:33:36,144 I'll tell you. She was angry, man. 345 00:33:36,434 --> 00:33:40,834 You can't win them all. But you can try. 346 00:33:47,862 --> 00:33:51,622 - What do you want? - We're looking for a guide. 347 00:33:53,576 --> 00:33:58,136 There is only one left. Down by the bathroom. Ask for Elric. 348 00:33:58,497 --> 00:34:02,177 Hey, who ordered a pint and a double Manhattan? 349 00:34:02,501 --> 00:34:04,061 Okay. Thanks. 350 00:34:11,802 --> 00:34:14,682 Uh, hey. Uh, are you Elric? 351 00:34:14,972 --> 00:34:18,812 The voice of the wind lights the evening sun's embrace. 352 00:34:19,143 --> 00:34:23,543 Stellar Children, great Mother Sun now rests. 353 00:34:23,897 --> 00:34:27,817 The darkness comes as a pensive sigh. 354 00:34:29,444 --> 00:34:33,204 I sensed you would come. We elves are connected with all living things. 355 00:34:33,532 --> 00:34:36,612 Let our souls meet. 356 00:34:38,245 --> 00:34:41,765 You bear the dreams of an eagle and the will of a mouse. 357 00:34:42,082 --> 00:34:46,842 Mighty blood dwells in your heart. Kormamin lindua ka'elja. 358 00:34:47,212 --> 00:34:51,692 Yes, that sounds exciting. My name is Ronal, and I have some place ... 359 00:34:57,347 --> 00:35:00,227 Names have no meaning. 360 00:35:00,517 --> 00:35:05,317 - I need ... - Spiritual or physical guidance? 361 00:35:05,688 --> 00:35:07,888 We need to find Elfland. 362 00:35:08,149 --> 00:35:12,349 The wind's voice shall tell me, whether I should help you. Stand still! 363 00:35:12,737 --> 00:35:18,537 Let me penetrate your aura. Kormamin lindua ka'elja. 364 00:35:18,993 --> 00:35:21,553 Kormamin lindua ... 365 00:35:21,829 --> 00:35:27,029 The wind says, I shall follow you. My bow will sing with your sword. 366 00:35:29,545 --> 00:35:31,345 Okay ... 367 00:35:34,550 --> 00:35:36,870 Damn. 368 00:35:37,136 --> 00:35:40,776 - Hey, I found him. - My bow will sing with your sword. 369 00:35:41,098 --> 00:35:43,938 Yes. Come, let's get out of here. 370 00:35:46,353 --> 00:35:49,633 Hey, shield maiden, you're leaving already? 371 00:35:49,940 --> 00:35:53,100 What do you say to a little dance? 372 00:35:59,450 --> 00:36:03,010 Hey, guys, sorry, we were just leaving. 373 00:36:04,496 --> 00:36:07,256 - I accept your challenge. - What? 374 00:36:07,541 --> 00:36:09,821 He must defeat me or die. 375 00:36:10,085 --> 00:36:13,605 - We shouldn't create any problems. - He challenged me. 376 00:36:13,922 --> 00:36:17,402 You promised. In and out, without fighting. 377 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,720 Okay. So, you take care of it yourself. 378 00:36:22,014 --> 00:36:25,134 Hey, shield maiden, what's it gonna be? 379 00:36:25,434 --> 00:36:27,394 Listen ... 380 00:36:27,644 --> 00:36:31,804 Friend, I know, it's super cool to fight, - 381 00:36:32,149 --> 00:36:38,389 - but we're in a bit of a hurry, and there are probably plenty of others here who would fight, - 382 00:36:38,822 --> 00:36:42,942 - so if it's okay with you, I think we'll just leave. 383 00:36:49,165 --> 00:36:52,245 - Zandra! - Not supposed to fight. 384 00:36:56,172 --> 00:36:58,972 That'll make a nice soup base. 385 00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:03,205 Learn to ride! 386 00:37:08,017 --> 00:37:11,097 Have you seen this before? I can teach you to play it. 387 00:37:11,395 --> 00:37:14,115 Does it make you horny? 388 00:37:17,151 --> 00:37:20,271 I sense much aggression in the room. 389 00:37:23,824 --> 00:37:26,824 Any last words, chump? 390 00:37:27,244 --> 00:37:30,124 - He's dead. - What the hell? 391 00:37:30,414 --> 00:37:33,094 I'm gonna make you pay for throwing up on me. 392 00:37:33,375 --> 00:37:37,655 - Now you're gonna get a new asshole. - That's enough. Let him be. 393 00:37:45,095 --> 00:37:47,295 Black Riders. 394 00:37:59,067 --> 00:38:01,467 Son of Crane! Son of Crane! 395 00:38:01,737 --> 00:38:04,697 - Take him! - No! Help! 396 00:38:10,328 --> 00:38:12,128 Zandra! 397 00:38:13,457 --> 00:38:17,537 Nobody stands up to Prince Volcazar's riders and lives! 398 00:38:19,796 --> 00:38:22,116 It's gonna explode! 399 00:38:22,382 --> 00:38:24,102 Move! 400 00:38:29,639 --> 00:38:33,999 Hey! Who is it that ordered the double Manhattan? 401 00:38:34,352 --> 00:38:36,712 Ouch, my ass! 402 00:38:36,980 --> 00:38:38,020 110 % ALCOHOL 403 00:38:38,231 --> 00:38:39,431 Goddamn! 404 00:38:53,329 --> 00:38:57,969 Fabulous, my lord. One more shot, and then you've beaten the record. 405 00:38:58,334 --> 00:39:02,734 But we have to find the last Son of Crane before the next full moon. 406 00:39:03,089 --> 00:39:06,889 - You're ruining my concentration. - I'm sorry. 407 00:39:10,888 --> 00:39:13,808 - Hello? - He escaped, sir. 408 00:39:14,100 --> 00:39:18,460 The task is more difficult than we thought. He has the help of a strong warrior. 409 00:39:18,813 --> 00:39:21,373 We'll need reinforcements. 410 00:39:21,649 --> 00:39:24,169 I will not tolerate any more failures! 411 00:39:24,443 --> 00:39:28,043 Bring them to me. Both of them. 412 00:39:41,418 --> 00:39:44,778 Do you know where we are? It seems like we're going in circles. 413 00:39:45,088 --> 00:39:49,328 The wind speaks to my soul. We will soon be in the elvish realm. 414 00:39:49,676 --> 00:39:53,476 You said that two days ago. We're lost, damn it. 415 00:39:53,805 --> 00:39:55,805 We're gonna die of thirst. 416 00:39:56,057 --> 00:39:58,897 - Ha. - What's so funny? 417 00:39:59,186 --> 00:40:03,266 I have heard that barbarians are strong and quick to fight, but you're neither. 418 00:40:03,648 --> 00:40:06,248 You just bitch and whine. 419 00:40:06,526 --> 00:40:09,966 It's really funny when you consider the heritage you come from. 420 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:13,760 Why are you with us if you think all I do is whine? 421 00:40:14,075 --> 00:40:17,035 - What's your deal with the barbarians? - None of your business. 422 00:40:17,328 --> 00:40:19,968 Stop! See. 423 00:40:24,377 --> 00:40:28,137 - And that means ...? - We elves can communicate with everything. 424 00:40:28,464 --> 00:40:32,984 I will unite myself with its soul and get it to show us the way. 425 00:40:33,344 --> 00:40:40,744 Kormamin lindua ka'elja. 426 00:40:41,227 --> 00:40:43,707 Kormamin lindua ... 427 00:40:43,980 --> 00:40:47,660 Ouch! My beautiful elf lip! 428 00:41:00,704 --> 00:41:04,664 There. On the other side. There is no labyrinth on the other side. 429 00:41:08,337 --> 00:41:11,417 The entrance to Elfland. 430 00:41:11,715 --> 00:41:14,275 I did it. 431 00:41:23,435 --> 00:41:26,475 Elf gate, I greet you. 432 00:41:28,941 --> 00:41:31,941 You didn't know it was here? 433 00:41:53,256 --> 00:41:56,096 - Oh! Wild! - Come on. 434 00:41:56,384 --> 00:42:00,584 Stop! First, our souls are weighed by the Gate Keepers. 435 00:42:03,641 --> 00:42:07,681 Only those with the right character may be allowed to go through. 436 00:42:08,021 --> 00:42:11,061 What about those who do not have the right character? 437 00:42:11,357 --> 00:42:14,557 Who? Well. They are crushed by the rock wall. 438 00:42:14,861 --> 00:42:18,141 - Well, shall we go? - I can't. 439 00:42:18,448 --> 00:42:21,928 - What? - I'm a miserable barbarian. 440 00:42:22,243 --> 00:42:24,843 I don't have the right character. 441 00:42:25,121 --> 00:42:29,801 - You've misunderstood the meaning. - Forget it. We'll go around. 442 00:42:30,167 --> 00:42:33,167 When you're on a quest, follow the guide. 443 00:42:33,462 --> 00:42:37,022 The only thing we get out of that, is being killed. 444 00:42:37,341 --> 00:42:41,381 But now you call it a quest, so, remember that it is my quest. 445 00:42:41,720 --> 00:42:45,880 And I've decided that we go around this ridiculous gate. Come on! 446 00:42:54,984 --> 00:42:58,744 See. No booby traps, no gates, nothing. 447 00:42:59,071 --> 00:43:03,751 This quest-nonsense is so predictable. If you just think a bit outside ... 448 00:43:10,999 --> 00:43:14,359 - Ouch, my tailbone, man. - What the hell was that? 449 00:43:14,670 --> 00:43:18,310 We have offended the Gate Keepers. I sense ... 450 00:43:18,632 --> 00:43:20,832 ...great danger! 451 00:43:21,093 --> 00:43:23,173 Run! 452 00:43:28,934 --> 00:43:30,814 Faster! 453 00:43:34,189 --> 00:43:36,149 Ronal! 454 00:43:40,695 --> 00:43:42,255 Come! 455 00:43:50,371 --> 00:43:52,091 Ouch, man. 456 00:43:52,332 --> 00:43:55,932 Fool! Your stupid idea almost got us all killed. 457 00:43:56,252 --> 00:44:00,452 I just tried to steer us away from trouble. 458 00:44:00,798 --> 00:44:04,798 You tried? Well, "trying" isn't good enough, Ronal. 459 00:44:05,136 --> 00:44:08,376 On any quest there's bound to be problems. 460 00:44:08,681 --> 00:44:11,841 Solve them instead of going around. 461 00:44:22,778 --> 00:44:25,418 There's the Temple of the Elves. 462 00:44:25,698 --> 00:44:29,378 The focal point of all wisdom in the world. 463 00:44:32,538 --> 00:44:36,258 The Book of Wisdom lies in the tower's upper chamber - 464 00:44:37,626 --> 00:44:41,266 - so the moon can read on his voyage across the night sky. 465 00:44:41,588 --> 00:44:44,468 It is the holiest of holy books. 466 00:44:44,758 --> 00:44:48,078 - Fair enough. So we'll just go on up and grab it. - Quiet! 467 00:44:48,387 --> 00:44:50,027 Look. 468 00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:56,720 No one from the outside is allowed in. The King's archers have eyes like hawks. 469 00:45:08,490 --> 00:45:11,450 - Shit. - They kill everything they see. 470 00:45:23,129 --> 00:45:27,129 So we'll have to do it the hard way. I'll take these two. 471 00:45:27,467 --> 00:45:29,987 No. 472 00:45:30,261 --> 00:45:32,421 - I'll do it. - What? 473 00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:34,720 Alone. 474 00:45:34,974 --> 00:45:38,094 Think about it. They'll kill you, as soon as they see you. 475 00:45:38,394 --> 00:45:40,354 I know, - 476 00:45:40,605 --> 00:45:43,725 - they're not going to see me. 477 00:45:44,025 --> 00:45:48,265 There isn't much left and I'm the smallest. Wait here. 478 00:45:48,613 --> 00:45:52,533 I could have used that in high school. 479 00:45:52,867 --> 00:45:55,947 How do I look? Invisible, right? 480 00:45:58,914 --> 00:46:01,634 - What? - You missed a spot. 481 00:46:04,253 --> 00:46:07,293 Fuck! It's empty. Fuck, so typical. 482 00:46:07,590 --> 00:46:11,910 Relax, Ronal. They're small dumplings, nobody will notice. 483 00:46:12,261 --> 00:46:15,981 - Wait here. - Good luck, Ronal. Don't get killed. 484 00:46:20,269 --> 00:46:22,349 Ouch! 485 00:46:22,604 --> 00:46:29,564 "I have a headache," "I'm tired" "The kids will wake up!", and blah, blah, blah. 486 00:46:30,028 --> 00:46:32,588 Having such a wife is a bummer, man. 487 00:46:32,865 --> 00:46:34,185 Bitch! 488 00:46:34,408 --> 00:46:35,728 Ouch! 489 00:46:35,951 --> 00:46:37,991 Who's there? 490 00:46:42,374 --> 00:46:45,174 Hmm, nothing there. 491 00:46:45,460 --> 00:46:49,740 - Where were we? Are you ready for this Saturday? - Are you crazy? I was born ready! 492 00:46:50,090 --> 00:46:53,650 - Hell yeah! - I must be a crazy psycho! 493 00:47:05,271 --> 00:47:07,351 That's open. 494 00:47:12,695 --> 00:47:14,695 Ouch! 495 00:47:28,753 --> 00:47:31,553 Fuck, I'm in bad shape. 496 00:47:51,609 --> 00:47:53,929 Oh! 497 00:47:59,909 --> 00:48:02,029 Ah! 498 00:48:08,125 --> 00:48:10,845 Cursed rats! 499 00:48:21,263 --> 00:48:22,823 Oh! 500 00:48:31,731 --> 00:48:34,131 Wow. There it is. 501 00:48:42,033 --> 00:48:44,993 So where is it? Sword of Crane, - 502 00:48:45,287 --> 00:48:49,367 - Sword of Crane, how the hell do I find the Sword of Crane? 503 00:48:51,084 --> 00:48:52,644 There it is. 504 00:48:52,877 --> 00:48:56,677 The Sword of Crane. Well, that was easy enough. 505 00:48:58,383 --> 00:49:01,103 It's like no one can see me. 506 00:49:06,182 --> 00:49:09,382 - A killer rat! - Kill the rat! 507 00:49:10,770 --> 00:49:13,250 Use the poisoned arrows. 508 00:49:15,108 --> 00:49:16,348 After it! 509 00:49:18,152 --> 00:49:20,832 Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! 510 00:49:23,032 --> 00:49:25,312 Faster! Shoot it down! 511 00:49:27,119 --> 00:49:30,239 - Ow, damn it! - Yes! The pig is down! 512 00:49:41,300 --> 00:49:44,620 Well, how much are you gonna drink? 513 00:49:44,929 --> 00:49:48,929 - Nothing. I'll smoke instead. - Did you get Elrond's mother's weed? 514 00:50:14,166 --> 00:50:15,886 Ouch. 515 00:50:19,546 --> 00:50:25,186 The page says that Crane was buried in the Eternal Mountain. 516 00:50:25,594 --> 00:50:28,914 My elfin soul feels, that it is far, far away ... 517 00:50:29,264 --> 00:50:31,344 Isn't that it right there? 518 00:50:31,599 --> 00:50:35,439 ...that it is nearby. Destiny is on our side. 519 00:50:35,770 --> 00:50:37,850 Ouch. 520 00:50:38,106 --> 00:50:39,506 No more. 521 00:50:42,527 --> 00:50:44,887 - I was wrong about you. - What? 522 00:50:45,154 --> 00:50:47,914 There in the temple. You did it. 523 00:50:48,199 --> 00:50:51,879 Yes, more or less in any case. You make the barbarians proud. 524 00:50:53,121 --> 00:50:55,241 Uh. Thanks. 525 00:50:57,083 --> 00:51:00,643 Well, um ... I have to polish my axe. 526 00:51:00,962 --> 00:51:03,242 I was thinking ... 527 00:51:03,506 --> 00:51:06,946 I've never really said ... 528 00:51:07,260 --> 00:51:10,740 ...thank you for coming with me. 529 00:51:11,055 --> 00:51:15,055 Actually, I don't know how I would have made it this far without you. 530 00:51:15,393 --> 00:51:17,873 Uh ... okay. 531 00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:24,840 Well, we'd better get some sleep. Maybe we'll find the Sword of Crane tomorrow. 532 00:51:25,236 --> 00:51:29,716 I'll keep watch. We elves need no sleep. You can sleep safely. 533 00:51:30,866 --> 00:51:35,746 - Can I ask you something, Ronal? - Uh, yes, of course. 534 00:51:36,121 --> 00:51:38,841 What are the barbarians like? 535 00:51:39,124 --> 00:51:42,764 - They're not very clever. - I thought more ... 536 00:51:43,086 --> 00:51:45,926 What are they like in here? 537 00:51:47,341 --> 00:51:49,781 Well. 538 00:51:50,052 --> 00:51:51,732 Uh. 539 00:51:51,970 --> 00:51:56,690 A barbarian is always ready to help those that need it. 540 00:51:57,059 --> 00:52:01,419 Regardless of how dangerous or difficult it is. And they go on quests all the time. 541 00:52:01,771 --> 00:52:06,651 They're not afraid of anything. Hard to believe I'm one of them, right? 542 00:52:07,027 --> 00:52:11,907 - And they're great warriors? - Yep. The best in the world. 543 00:52:12,282 --> 00:52:15,722 It's just so difficult to find a proper warrior. 544 00:52:16,036 --> 00:52:18,276 Yeah. Uh, what? 545 00:52:18,538 --> 00:52:22,218 I come from an ancient clan of shield maidens. 546 00:52:22,542 --> 00:52:25,102 Far, far away from here. 547 00:52:26,754 --> 00:52:31,274 Our religion requires that I only marry the warrior that can defeat me. 548 00:52:36,139 --> 00:52:38,979 Many have tried to defeat me - 549 00:52:39,267 --> 00:52:41,347 - but I'm too strong. 550 00:52:41,602 --> 00:52:45,842 And for every duel I won, I just got stronger. 551 00:52:46,190 --> 00:52:50,110 Meanwhile, I could only watch as the others found themselves a mate. 552 00:52:50,444 --> 00:52:54,564 One by one. Eventually I was the only one left. 553 00:52:54,907 --> 00:52:59,307 It took longer and longer for anyone to challenge me. 554 00:52:59,662 --> 00:53:03,462 Then the suitors just stopped coming. 555 00:53:03,791 --> 00:53:06,911 The head of the clan became impatient. 556 00:53:07,211 --> 00:53:12,251 They told me to go forth, into the world, to find a worthy husband. 557 00:53:12,633 --> 00:53:16,273 A warrior with the strength to defeat me. 558 00:53:18,430 --> 00:53:22,350 If I am defeated, I must obey his slightest command. 559 00:53:22,684 --> 00:53:25,524 There have been none, who are strong enough. 560 00:53:25,812 --> 00:53:30,652 But everywhere I've been, it is said, barbarians are the strongest warriors, - 561 00:53:31,026 --> 00:53:34,346 - so maybe a barbarian from your village can defeat me. 562 00:53:34,655 --> 00:53:38,215 - That's why I went with you. - Uh ... Okay. 563 00:53:38,533 --> 00:53:40,773 - Okay, what? - Well, that's ... 564 00:53:41,036 --> 00:53:44,876 What you just said, what does it have to do with love? 565 00:53:45,207 --> 00:53:49,967 It will be love that defeats me. I've waited so long. 566 00:53:51,546 --> 00:53:54,426 Wow. 567 00:53:54,716 --> 00:53:59,316 I've never told this to anyone before. 568 00:53:59,679 --> 00:54:04,719 It feels so ... nice. 569 00:54:10,607 --> 00:54:15,407 You know what, Ronal? It's actually nice talking to you. 570 00:54:17,322 --> 00:54:19,282 You're so lovely. 571 00:54:19,532 --> 00:54:22,732 - Uh, to talk with, I mean. - Well. 572 00:54:23,035 --> 00:54:28,075 And if I had meant it the other way, we'd have to fight. 573 00:54:28,457 --> 00:54:33,657 - No, I wouldn't be so fortunate. - Yeah, that would be a little strange. 574 00:54:38,009 --> 00:54:40,409 - What was that? - I don't know. 575 00:54:40,678 --> 00:54:43,918 Hey, Elric. 576 00:54:46,225 --> 00:54:48,785 Elves do not sleep. 577 00:54:49,061 --> 00:54:54,621 - What is it, what's making that sound? - I sense a terrible voice. 578 00:54:59,988 --> 00:55:03,828 No one escapes Prince Volcazar's anger! 579 00:55:04,159 --> 00:55:06,039 Ronal, watch out! 580 00:55:08,372 --> 00:55:09,932 Zandra! 581 00:55:15,879 --> 00:55:19,119 - Curses! - Ronal, wait for me! 582 00:55:30,060 --> 00:55:32,660 Ronal! 583 00:55:32,938 --> 00:55:34,858 Oh, fuck! 584 00:55:52,248 --> 00:55:53,888 Shit! 585 00:55:58,296 --> 00:56:00,056 They're gone. 586 00:56:00,298 --> 00:56:03,058 Damn! Let's move! 587 00:56:04,927 --> 00:56:06,927 Zandra! 588 00:56:09,390 --> 00:56:12,150 - No, no, no. - We'll find her. 589 00:56:12,435 --> 00:56:15,875 If we go now, we can find them. Come. 590 00:56:19,191 --> 00:56:22,351 - What did you do? - It wasn't me. 591 00:56:27,533 --> 00:56:29,373 The Amazons. 592 00:56:48,887 --> 00:56:52,127 - It stuck. - Congratulations, honey. 593 00:56:52,432 --> 00:56:56,712 ...can't get too much sun. 594 00:56:57,062 --> 00:57:00,342 See my new shoes. Aren't they fantastic? 595 00:57:00,649 --> 00:57:04,009 - It's only women. - I've died and gone to heaven. 596 00:57:06,196 --> 00:57:10,276 - Hey, girls. What's going on? - What's that? 597 00:57:10,617 --> 00:57:15,137 - Oh, totally botched stomach pouch. - Hello. Good to see you. 598 00:57:24,839 --> 00:57:28,239 High Queen, we've captured these women in the jungle. 599 00:57:28,551 --> 00:57:32,751 We have brought them to you, so you can decide their fate. 600 00:57:33,097 --> 00:57:35,857 Stand them up. Let me see. 601 00:57:49,655 --> 00:57:53,935 What remarkable women. I've never seen anything like it. 602 00:57:54,285 --> 00:57:56,925 - What's this? - Ow! 603 00:57:57,204 --> 00:58:01,084 - One even has hair on his chin. - How clumsy! 604 00:58:01,417 --> 00:58:05,057 - High Queen. - Quiet, ugly girl. 605 00:58:05,379 --> 00:58:09,299 - Who asked you to speak? - We're not women. 606 00:58:09,633 --> 00:58:14,193 - Well, we're men, you know? - Men? 607 00:58:14,555 --> 00:58:17,955 - Or nearly so. - Men? 608 00:58:21,312 --> 00:58:27,752 Heaven be praised. The gods have heard our prayers and sent us two men. 609 00:58:30,487 --> 00:58:34,527 Finally, the time has come, when we can grow our tribe. 610 00:58:34,867 --> 00:58:38,147 Take them to the sacred mating cabins. 611 00:58:39,329 --> 00:58:41,529 - What? - What! 612 00:58:48,964 --> 00:58:53,044 We'll take the thin one first. And save him for tomorrow. 613 00:58:53,385 --> 00:58:56,065 No, help. No, I won't! 614 00:58:58,098 --> 00:59:02,378 Honestly, man. Why can't it be me. I'd be more than willing to do it. 615 00:59:02,727 --> 00:59:05,647 That's so fucking typical. 616 00:59:07,190 --> 00:59:09,310 No! 617 00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,080 - Lord. - You have them? 618 00:59:20,370 --> 00:59:24,650 We have caught the warrior who helped the barbarian escape. 619 00:59:38,763 --> 00:59:40,803 Let me see. 620 00:59:43,059 --> 00:59:45,219 A shield maiden. 621 00:59:46,103 --> 00:59:51,383 - And a very sexy one. - Give me a weapon and let me fight. 622 00:59:51,776 --> 00:59:54,416 In time. 623 00:59:56,822 --> 00:59:59,782 No one lays a hand on me without suffering. 624 01:00:00,075 --> 01:00:02,635 So die then! 625 01:00:46,162 --> 01:00:51,002 Impressive. You are my type of woman. 626 01:00:51,376 --> 01:00:55,096 Too bad I have to to kill you! 627 01:01:13,981 --> 01:01:15,741 What? 628 01:01:22,240 --> 01:01:25,040 Foolish woman. 629 01:01:43,135 --> 01:01:48,935 I know your rules, shield maiden. You must obey me now. 630 01:01:50,893 --> 01:01:53,493 It is your destiny. 631 01:01:53,771 --> 01:01:56,371 You have defeated me. 632 01:02:01,278 --> 01:02:04,478 Single piercing is not cool. 633 01:02:04,781 --> 01:02:06,901 Double piercing is the shit. 634 01:02:17,794 --> 01:02:20,634 Yes! It's about time. Is it my turn? 635 01:02:20,922 --> 01:02:23,882 The ceremony is over. We will use you tomorrow. 636 01:02:24,175 --> 01:02:27,215 - What? Tomorrow? - It's the Queen's order. 637 01:02:27,512 --> 01:02:31,552 Come back! I want to be abused! 638 01:02:33,309 --> 01:02:36,029 - Did you remember to lock the door? - Of course. 639 01:02:38,982 --> 01:02:41,222 Hey, what are you doing? 640 01:02:43,319 --> 01:02:46,839 - We have to leave. - What about all the Amazons? 641 01:02:47,156 --> 01:02:50,676 Zandra is in danger. We must find the Sword of Crane and help her. 642 01:02:50,994 --> 01:02:54,394 - That can wait a week. - We can't leave her behind. 643 01:02:54,706 --> 01:02:58,266 - We can find another warrior? - I want Zandra! 644 01:02:58,584 --> 01:03:02,744 Hey, you didn't want her help to start with. 645 01:03:03,130 --> 01:03:07,650 Fuck you! I'll be right here making sweet love with hot babes. 646 01:03:08,010 --> 01:03:11,330 That's the only reason I came on this quest. 647 01:03:11,639 --> 01:03:16,599 Oh, I forgot. You're not on a quest. You're just fucking boring. 648 01:03:17,728 --> 01:03:20,328 Fine. Stay here. 649 01:03:22,066 --> 01:03:25,346 You're not any damn help anyway. 650 01:03:36,246 --> 01:03:39,246 Oh, I just love that song. 651 01:03:44,213 --> 01:03:47,733 Damn! Fucking shit! 652 01:04:00,395 --> 01:04:03,955 Oh, what the fuck am I doing, man? Ronal, I'm coming. 653 01:04:13,908 --> 01:04:18,548 - Madam Queen? - I just had to see you. 654 01:04:19,497 --> 01:04:24,377 Ever since I saw you the first time, my body trembles with longing. 655 01:04:24,752 --> 01:04:28,832 I know it's against the rules, but I must have you. 656 01:04:29,173 --> 01:04:33,733 - If I may ... - I cannot control myself. Take me! 657 01:04:34,095 --> 01:04:36,575 Take me! Oh! Yes! 658 01:04:43,020 --> 01:04:45,540 Take me! 659 01:04:45,815 --> 01:04:48,055 Stop! 660 01:04:48,317 --> 01:04:52,237 Unfortunately I can't, Madam Queen. My friend needs me. 661 01:04:52,613 --> 01:04:53,653 What? 662 01:04:53,864 --> 01:04:57,144 Perhaps I can be taken prisoner again on the way back. 663 01:04:57,451 --> 01:04:59,971 Alarm! 664 01:05:04,458 --> 01:05:09,458 - Pigs! Men are pigs! - Insane bitches, man! 665 01:05:12,549 --> 01:05:16,669 - He was your responsibility! - And I locked the door! 666 01:05:17,012 --> 01:05:20,212 Hang him from his balls! 667 01:05:35,447 --> 01:05:36,967 Elric? 668 01:06:38,759 --> 01:06:42,319 It's the first barbarians. 669 01:06:50,604 --> 01:06:52,484 Wow. 670 01:06:57,861 --> 01:07:00,101 Hello. 671 01:07:00,364 --> 01:07:05,204 I need your sword. I'll take good care of it. 672 01:07:11,917 --> 01:07:14,317 That was easy. Wow. 673 01:07:23,261 --> 01:07:25,861 Yeah. I apologize. 674 01:07:33,605 --> 01:07:35,845 Zandra. 675 01:07:36,107 --> 01:07:37,827 I'm sorry. 676 01:07:38,068 --> 01:07:42,508 Time after time you escaped my best riders, barbarian. 677 01:07:42,864 --> 01:07:47,904 And then we find you up here, just as my shield maiden said we would. 678 01:07:51,998 --> 01:07:55,438 The Sword of Crane. The only weapon in the world that can harm you. 679 01:07:55,752 --> 01:07:57,192 Zandra? 680 01:07:57,420 --> 01:08:02,100 Excellent. You've served me well. 681 01:08:04,010 --> 01:08:08,130 - As you have commanded me, lord. - What the hell is going on? 682 01:08:10,892 --> 01:08:16,932 Lets move! We have to get this barbarian to my wizard. 683 01:08:34,498 --> 01:08:37,818 I sense, that Ronal is in great danger. 684 01:08:44,216 --> 01:08:48,696 - Do what you must, wizard. - With pleasure, Lord. 685 01:08:49,054 --> 01:08:51,894 - Ronal? - Gorak? 686 01:09:03,443 --> 01:09:06,043 - Here he is. - No, no, no! 687 01:09:12,327 --> 01:09:17,407 Finally! Mighty Zaal, listen to your humble servant! 688 01:09:17,791 --> 01:09:21,511 The blood has been collected from the Sons of Crane. 689 01:09:21,836 --> 01:09:25,476 Grant us access to your temple! 690 01:09:34,140 --> 01:09:36,500 What are you doing? 691 01:09:36,768 --> 01:09:42,168 Only once every ten thousand years, is it possible for Zaal, ruler of the underworld, - 692 01:09:42,565 --> 01:09:49,405 - to come to our world. I offer the ultimate sacrifice. 693 01:09:49,864 --> 01:09:54,944 The sons of the warrior, who sent him from this world. 694 01:09:55,328 --> 01:10:00,928 And as a reward he will bestow upon me his divine power. 695 01:10:01,334 --> 01:10:05,094 All will bow to me - 696 01:10:05,421 --> 01:10:07,781 - or die! 697 01:10:19,018 --> 01:10:23,418 Shit. We can't go any further without being noticed. 698 01:11:03,728 --> 01:11:05,448 Ronal! 699 01:11:05,689 --> 01:11:09,969 What the hell's the matter with you? Come on! Lift your feet! 700 01:11:10,318 --> 01:11:12,878 Come on! Get up the stairs! 701 01:11:13,947 --> 01:11:15,907 Wait here. 702 01:11:20,245 --> 01:11:22,485 - Ronal. - Alibert! 703 01:11:22,747 --> 01:11:25,707 - What? - Take it easy. 704 01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,320 Keep moving, you wretch. 705 01:11:30,088 --> 01:11:32,888 Ronal, where's the Sword of Crane? 706 01:11:33,174 --> 01:11:38,214 There's nothing you can do. It's on the altar below. Get away from here. 707 01:11:56,071 --> 01:12:00,111 I will not be satisfied, until they scream like the pigs they are! 708 01:12:05,247 --> 01:12:09,567 Mighty Zaal we give to you the blood from the Sons of Crane. 709 01:12:09,918 --> 01:12:12,998 Let your darkness bless us. 710 01:12:15,758 --> 01:12:18,558 Soon I will be mightier than a god - 711 01:12:18,886 --> 01:12:22,766 - and you shall be my queen in the after life. 712 01:12:35,819 --> 01:12:38,179 Hey! What are you doing here? 713 01:12:39,114 --> 01:12:41,954 - Uh ... - Kill him. 714 01:12:42,242 --> 01:12:45,882 No, wait. I am master Alibert. 715 01:12:46,204 --> 01:12:48,484 The bard! 716 01:12:48,748 --> 01:12:53,508 I'm here to play at the feast ... the occult ritual. 717 01:12:53,878 --> 01:12:56,318 Here's a song you might know. 718 01:12:57,465 --> 01:13:00,625 Your muscles they make me crazy 719 01:13:00,927 --> 01:13:04,167 on the dance floor you can see it 720 01:13:04,472 --> 01:13:07,352 your skull charm it makes me hot 721 01:13:07,642 --> 01:13:11,762 little cuddles sweet treasure 722 01:13:13,690 --> 01:13:16,730 - Shut up, that's crap. - Oh! 723 01:13:17,026 --> 01:13:20,186 - Later. - Come back, you little shit! 724 01:13:24,033 --> 01:13:27,633 Let the Chosen One step forward! 725 01:13:40,382 --> 01:13:42,942 - Hey, Ronal. - The Sword of Crane. 726 01:13:43,219 --> 01:13:45,939 - I'll get you free. - We must liberate the others. 727 01:13:46,222 --> 01:13:49,742 - I'm hurrying as fast as I can. - What the hell? 728 01:13:57,191 --> 01:14:00,671 Drop it, pip-squeak. You don't have a chance. 729 01:14:00,986 --> 01:14:03,906 Come on. Give me your best shot. 730 01:14:11,246 --> 01:14:13,766 Very nice. It was really ... 731 01:14:20,130 --> 01:14:23,210 - What the hell? - Sorry. 732 01:14:23,508 --> 01:14:32,588 What? 733 01:14:40,567 --> 01:14:43,447 I've totally been looking forward to this! 734 01:14:51,411 --> 01:14:53,411 Oh yeah! 735 01:15:00,920 --> 01:15:03,120 - Kill them. - But ... 736 01:15:03,381 --> 01:15:05,621 - That's an order! - Zandra! 737 01:15:05,883 --> 01:15:10,603 You belong to me, shield maiden! Don't forget. 738 01:15:10,972 --> 01:15:13,252 Yes, my Lord. 739 01:15:21,816 --> 01:15:24,696 - Ronal. - You don't have to do this. 740 01:15:24,985 --> 01:15:29,105 Volcazar has defeated me in a duel. It is my destiny. 741 01:15:40,876 --> 01:15:43,516 Zandra, it's me. 742 01:15:43,796 --> 01:15:47,716 This is completely ridiculous. Is this really your destiny - 743 01:15:48,050 --> 01:15:50,930 - to kill the only one, who loves you, to death, - 744 01:15:51,219 --> 01:15:55,419 - just because some maniac has beaten you in a fight? 745 01:16:00,687 --> 01:16:02,647 Watch out! 746 01:16:03,440 --> 01:16:05,440 Ronal! 747 01:16:07,569 --> 01:16:09,009 Zandra. 748 01:16:18,121 --> 01:16:20,201 Let me go! 749 01:16:27,338 --> 01:16:31,058 Lord, drink it up, before it's too late. 750 01:16:33,886 --> 01:16:37,046 Clever Lord. Drink it all up. 751 01:16:41,811 --> 01:16:44,091 Oh, shit. 752 01:16:48,234 --> 01:16:50,994 Die! 753 01:16:54,073 --> 01:16:55,673 No! 754 01:17:20,808 --> 01:17:24,288 The darkness must be awakened in Metalonia. 755 01:17:24,603 --> 01:17:29,403 The sound of screams must rise to the sky. 756 01:17:29,775 --> 01:17:33,575 All must bow to me - 757 01:17:33,904 --> 01:17:36,504 - or die! 758 01:17:54,174 --> 01:17:56,294 Fuck! 759 01:18:00,680 --> 01:18:04,600 The Epic of Crane! "Crane drew his proud sword and drove with all his force - 760 01:18:04,934 --> 01:18:08,774 - the blade deep in Zaal and Zaal's skull burst." 761 01:18:09,105 --> 01:18:13,425 You have to strike him in the forehead. It is his weak point, man! 762 01:18:16,613 --> 01:18:18,853 That's impossible! 763 01:18:24,912 --> 01:18:28,672 There's nothing you can do here. Save yourself! 764 01:18:29,041 --> 01:18:32,161 - What? - This is no place for you. 765 01:18:32,461 --> 01:18:34,061 Run! 766 01:18:34,297 --> 01:18:38,257 No. I'm done running away. 767 01:18:42,763 --> 01:18:45,603 Now you better behave yourself. 768 01:18:49,520 --> 01:18:52,440 Yes, do it! Stab him in the forehead! 769 01:18:55,609 --> 01:18:58,129 - In the forehead. - What do you think I'm trying to do? 770 01:18:58,404 --> 01:19:02,124 I'll crush you like a bug! 771 01:19:10,541 --> 01:19:12,741 He's fucking dead. 772 01:19:13,001 --> 01:19:14,841 Oh, damn! 773 01:19:19,174 --> 01:19:23,254 May my aim be sharp as a hawk's and as perfect as the great breast. 774 01:19:33,021 --> 01:19:35,501 Stand still! 775 01:19:45,075 --> 01:19:46,875 No! 776 01:19:48,578 --> 01:19:50,538 Now I have you! 777 01:19:52,999 --> 01:19:54,759 Eat lute, you bitch! 778 01:20:18,649 --> 01:20:21,009 No, no. No! 779 01:20:29,702 --> 01:20:35,982 - Zandra! - My queen! Kill these fleas. 780 01:20:44,883 --> 01:20:50,523 What are you doing? Your honor commands you to serve me! 781 01:20:50,931 --> 01:20:53,371 No! No more! 782 01:20:54,810 --> 01:20:57,690 Then die! 783 01:21:06,947 --> 01:21:08,507 Zandra! 784 01:21:08,740 --> 01:21:13,460 Okay, guys, let's show them how barbarians really fight! 785 01:21:20,252 --> 01:21:21,932 Gorak! 786 01:21:27,133 --> 01:21:29,533 - Come on, guys! - Muscles! 787 01:21:34,766 --> 01:21:38,726 I am invincible! 788 01:21:51,532 --> 01:21:54,692 - What? - This one's for Uncle Gundar! 789 01:21:59,248 --> 01:22:00,928 Uh? 790 01:22:23,647 --> 01:22:27,527 Holy shit. My g-string is so high up my ass. 791 01:22:28,861 --> 01:22:30,741 Ronal? 792 01:22:36,368 --> 01:22:37,848 Ronal! 793 01:22:42,624 --> 01:22:44,424 Oh no. 794 01:22:58,849 --> 01:23:03,089 Here lies Ronal. The greatest barbarian of us all. 795 01:23:27,126 --> 01:23:31,086 - What happened? - Damn, he lives, man! 796 01:23:34,550 --> 01:23:37,630 I sense great love. 797 01:23:38,596 --> 01:23:40,436 It's so beautiful. 798 01:23:44,477 --> 01:23:47,757 I haven't challenged you to a duel, right? 799 01:23:48,105 --> 01:23:49,545 You ... 800 01:23:49,774 --> 01:23:53,654 You have already conquered my heart, Ronal. 801 01:23:56,697 --> 01:23:58,657 Now it becomes cheesy. 802 01:23:58,908 --> 01:24:02,748 It's time for ale and lager, ale and lager. 803 01:24:03,078 --> 01:24:06,038 Ale and lager, ale and lager. 804 01:24:13,130 --> 01:24:15,170 You wanna see something sick? 805 01:24:15,424 --> 01:24:17,224 Wow! 806 01:24:19,386 --> 01:24:21,066 Cool. 807 01:24:21,305 --> 01:24:25,705 - Oh, that's good. - I sense much tension in your muscles. 808 01:24:26,059 --> 01:24:29,259 I've been tied up on a cross all week. 809 01:24:29,563 --> 01:24:33,483 Just shut up, man. I want to say something important. 810 01:24:35,318 --> 01:24:38,878 To Ronal, the thirstiest barbarian in the world. 811 01:24:40,490 --> 01:24:42,410 Cheers! 812 01:24:42,659 --> 01:24:47,339 - Why the hell aren't you drinking? - Fucking barbarians, man. 62294

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