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[theme music playing]
2
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♪ [whistling "Mona Lisa"]
3
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Colonel, can I interruptyour creative painting?
4
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Not when I'm workingwith the fine tip, Radar.
5
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I think you're gonna wannahear this when I tell you why.
6
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-Okeydokey.-Okay. I-Corps called and--
7
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-What do you think?
-Hmm?
8
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Oh, uh, that's you, sir.
9
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The only thing in camp
I haven't painted yet.
10
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I just wish I could find someonewith healthy cuticles.
11
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-Okay. What's the poop?-Yeah.
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I-Corps reportsthat there's a big storm
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on the way down
from Manchuria,
14
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and it should be here tonight.
15
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We could expect heavy windsand temperatures closeto freezing.
16
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All right. We've gottabatten everything down.
17
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-Let's make out a checklist.-I made out a checklist.
18
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-Good boy.What about the water tower?-There's the water tower.
19
00:01:50,066 --> 00:01:53,678
Uh-huh. All right,
get a bunch of people
to reinforce it.
20
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In a storm, that thing swaysout there like Little Egypt.
21
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-Now, what about--
-The tent flaps need
to be secured.
22
00:01:58,248 --> 00:01:59,641
-Aha!
-What?
23
00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:01,164
I gotcha!
24
00:02:01,164 --> 00:02:04,820
I was gonna say nail downthe windows in post-op.
25
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-Rats.
-[chuckling]
26
00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:07,605
Colonel, where--
27
00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:09,781
Colonel, where is
my chopper to Seoul?
28
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:11,957
You got me.Did you look under your bunk?
29
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-[chuckles] That's a good one.-[Charles clears throat]
30
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Colonel, I have wasted
an entire hour
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of my first vacation
from hell
32
00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:21,445
waiting for my propellered
chariot to freedom.
33
00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:24,144
Will you call--please--
call the dispatcher
34
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,320
and find out what's
holding up that goofball?
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-Major, can I drop these?-Yes!
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-[loud clatter]
-Gently! You idiot.
37
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My guess is your chopperain't comin', Major.
38
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:36,068
There's a big windexpected from the north.
39
00:02:36,068 --> 00:02:41,335
-Seoul probably groundedeverything in its path.
-No, no! No!
40
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,424
They can't do this to me.I have reservations in Tokyo.
41
00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:46,688
I have a suite
with a king-size bed,
my own bathroom!
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That's why you packed
all the magazines.
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-Don't let it cometo tears, Major. Radar.-Yes, sir?
44
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:54,391
-Sign him out a jeep to Seoul.-Right away, sir.
45
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If you can beat the storm,the Japan shuttle may stillbe flying.
46
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Yes, of course!
Inspired, Colonel.
47
00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:03,487
Klinger, get the bags.
You'll drive.
48
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,794
Hey, wait a minute.
I ain't crazy.
49
00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:07,578
If like--You didn't hear that, sir.
50
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If I drive you to Seoul,
51
00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:10,929
that means I gotta comeback in the storm. Uh-uh.
52
00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:12,627
Klinger, we are wasting time.
53
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Twenty dollars.
It's my final offer.
54
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,413
-No.
-All right. 300.
55
00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:17,849
Klinger, get him
out of my hair,
56
00:03:17,849 --> 00:03:19,721
and you can stay in Seoulovernight.
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Now you're talking.
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I can finally pick upthose Junior Miss patterns.
59
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:23,855
-Whatever.
-I'll drive.
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00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:25,074
There is a God.
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Come on, Klinger.
Get packing.
62
00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:28,904
-Thanks, Colonel.
-Wait a minute.
63
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,298
Nah. Too hairy.
64
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:34,126
That takes care of the stakes.
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00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:35,345
HAWKEYE:Don't bring 'em in yet.
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00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:36,520
I haven't made the coleslaw.
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00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,174
Are you gonna come
out here and help?
68
00:03:38,174 --> 00:03:40,611
I can't. I'm hiding undera giant paperweight.
69
00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:41,917
You're gonna be sorry.
70
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:43,788
I only tied down my halfof the tent.
71
00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:46,138
Don't knock yourself out.
72
00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:48,532
Beej, relax, enjoy yourself.
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This windstormis nature's cease-fire.
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00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:52,580
The war will be calledon account of bad weather.
75
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:55,104
-They still give rain checks.
-[knocking]
76
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You can huff, you can puff,
77
00:03:56,497 --> 00:03:58,499
-but you'll never--
-Come in.
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00:03:58,499 --> 00:04:02,242
-Hi there, guys.-Ah! Bigelow, step on in.
79
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,201
Beej, I'm ready to facethe storm. Secure me to her.
80
00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:08,248
I've only got a second.Major Houlihan's got me
on a detail.
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00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,858
And she's a stickler
for details.
82
00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:12,077
Hawkeye, I'm planninga little get-together later.
83
00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:14,166
Hot chocolate and marshmallows.Would you like to come by?
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-Oh, let me see.
Who else is invited?
-No one.
85
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Your kind of crowd.
86
00:04:19,389 --> 00:04:21,478
I'll be there with bells on.You'll love me in bells.
87
00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:22,827
Shall we say about 8:00?
88
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,568
7:30. I like a half hourto warm up.
89
00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:26,614
[chuckling]
Gotta run.
90
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,182
I envy her tonight.
91
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,184
Bigelow!
92
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:33,490
Major, I was just about--
93
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,100
About to go on report,
Lieutenant!
94
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,581
I put you on a detail
to help secure this camp.
95
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,061
Oh, Major.
96
00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:40,628
We're preparing for
a crisis, Lieutenant!
97
00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:42,847
That is the worst time
to "Oh, Major" me.
98
00:04:42,847 --> 00:04:45,067
My nurses are gonna pull theirweight through this.
99
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:48,462
Is that understood?
Good! Then move!
100
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Oh, Margaret, it's you.
101
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:51,203
I thought it was the storm.
102
00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:52,727
[grunts]
103
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CHARLES: Klinger,
104
00:04:54,163 --> 00:04:55,686
we are not on our wayto Grandmother's house.
105
00:04:55,686 --> 00:04:58,036
-Cook it!-Major, there's a reason
106
00:04:58,036 --> 00:05:00,822
why you never see these thingsracing at Indianapolis.
107
00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:02,780
Don't give me excuses.Give me speed.
108
00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,695
-We gotta make time.
-What do you want?
109
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:06,784
I'm doing 25,
and my foot's bleeding.
110
00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:10,397
Oh, fine! Run it, Klinger.Run it. Run it. Come on!
111
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Coward.
112
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:17,882
How could we possiblybe speeding?
113
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You gentlemen
on your way to Seoul?
114
00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:22,844
No. Chicago![forced laugh]
115
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:24,411
What seems to bethe problem?
116
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:25,977
If you stay on this road,
117
00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:27,718
you're gonna have to
follow a large convoy
118
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that just went through.
119
00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,721
You better allow yourselfthree hours.
120
00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:32,723
[shrieks]
121
00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:34,769
Don't mind him. He just losthis reason for living.
122
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:36,858
I can give you
an alternate route.
123
00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:39,077
We'll go by jungle vine.What is it?
124
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-You wanna write this down?-No, no, no, no, no.
125
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:43,081
We gotta make time.Gotta make time.
126
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:46,258
Okay. Go back about a mile,make a right.
127
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:48,696
Continue on until you hita cluster of huts.
128
00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:51,829
Make another right.Keep going until you cometo a fork.
129
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:54,397
Bear left around the mountain.
130
00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:57,357
On the other side
of the mountain,you pick up a main road.
131
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Take you right into Seoul.
Got it?
132
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:01,665
Right. Now, where
do we go from here?
133
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,363
Klinger, I've got it.Come on. Gotta make time.
134
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,668
Any truck stops
along the way
135
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,278
where we can grab
something to eat?
136
00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:09,586
-Klinger!
-Gotta make time.
Gotta make time.
137
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:13,068
Don't let this
scare you, guys.
138
00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:14,896
Just think of it
as getting dark early.
139
00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:20,597
Come on, Babette.Will you give me a break once?
140
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,643
Bongo, can't you
quiet her down?
141
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,603
[sighs]
Okay.
142
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:30,694
Okay. I know, I know.
Come on.
143
00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:37,788
♪ Rock-a-bye, Babsie
144
00:06:37,788 --> 00:06:40,400
♪ On the treetop
145
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,054
♪ When the wind blows
146
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:46,057
♪ The cradle will rock
147
00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:48,408
♪ When the bough breaks
148
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,931
-♪ The cra--
-Radar!
149
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,020
You know the rest.
150
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:54,631
Radar, can you help mestrike the bulletin boards?
151
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,372
I'd hate to see anyof my bingo announcements
152
00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:58,679
-blow into the wrong hands.-Oh, sure, Father.
153
00:06:58,679 --> 00:07:01,856
Father, uh, you think
they'll be okay?
154
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:04,075
Well, uh,let's make sure, huh?
155
00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:08,602
[murmuring In Latin]
156
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,995
[chuckles]
That ought to do it.
157
00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:14,564
See you Sunday.
158
00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:18,307
Major, we're lost, as in
159
00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:20,309
"Officer,
have you seen my mommy?"
160
00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:22,398
Klinger, why didn't youlisten to the directions?
161
00:07:22,398 --> 00:07:25,096
Me? You're the one who said
"I got it, I got it."
162
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,098
Come on now. We're gonna
get caught in the storm.
163
00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:29,274
-Let's turn back.
-Turn back?
164
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:32,190
Klinger, if you utter tho--Keep your eyes on the road!
165
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:33,801
If you utter those wordsone more time,
166
00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:36,891
I will place you under arrest.Drive on.
167
00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:38,893
We should be rollingup to those huts anytime now.
168
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:42,462
Yeah, if we don't fall offthe edge of the Earth first.
169
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,202
[wind blowing]
170
00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:46,074
Looks like we're infor a quiet evening, Sheriff.
171
00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:49,469
Yep, a real "Doc Holiday."
172
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,515
Well, how's Private Yeagerin his semi-private room?
173
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:56,084
[loud crash]
174
00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:58,086
-What's that?
-I don't know.
175
00:07:58,086 --> 00:08:00,523
The water tower blew over.Come on. There's people hurt.
176
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:02,003
Our quiet night.
177
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:04,571
[chatter]
178
00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:06,877
-Set him down over there, boys.-I think we got everybody.
179
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,749
POTTER: All right, Hernandez,we'll close that up
180
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,272
-with a couple of stitches.-Pretty shocky.
181
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:11,752
Whole blood
and get him into O.R.
182
00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:13,188
He was on top of that thingwhen it gave.
183
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,581
-Hawk!-What do you have, Margaret?
184
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:15,886
-It's Bigelow.
Take a look, please!
185
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,845
-Oh, God.
-Hi, Hawkeye.
186
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,760
Hi, yourself. What were youdoing out there?
187
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,110
I detailed her
and some of the nurses
to help out on the tower.
188
00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:23,590
They were handing up ropes--
189
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,982
All right, Margaret.She's gonna be all right.
190
00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:27,028
-[groans]
-HAWKEYE: Where?
191
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,509
-My left side.
-Her left side.
192
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,467
-My left shoulder.
-Her left shoulder.
193
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:33,600
-Thank you.
-[groaning]
194
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,341
-All right. Take it easy.-[groans]
195
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:39,519
She's bleeding internally.We're gonna have to operate.
196
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,217
-I think it's a rupturedspleen. Let's prep her.-I'm assisting you.
197
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,740
Right. Play hard to get.
198
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:47,831
Major, this wind is blowingright up my skirt.
199
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:49,441
Keep moving!
200
00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:52,270
I'd turn back if I knew
which way that was.
201
00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:55,709
A hut! Is that a hut?
202
00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:58,494
No, it can't be.What is that?
203
00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:00,496
What on earth is that thing?
204
00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:05,109
-That's a six-by.-Oh, that's what it is.Keep going.
205
00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:08,069
-Wait a minute.-[man shouts, indistinct]
206
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:11,202
-I think I hear someone.
-[shouting continues]
207
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:13,335
[sighs]Go ahead.
208
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:21,952
Major! There's three guys backhere, and they're hurt!
209
00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:25,521
Of course. What else?
210
00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:29,003
-There's another one up here!-[groaning]
211
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:33,050
-[groaning]-They're not Americans.
212
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:36,140
-[speaking foreign language]-Sounds like Greek to me.
213
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:37,577
Don't they know how to drive?
214
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,492
I'm gonna help this guy
up front.
215
00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:42,494
That's a swell idea.
216
00:09:42,494 --> 00:09:45,149
Aw, this is great.
We're lost...
217
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:47,195
there's a freezing stormon its way...
218
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:49,153
and no one knows
we're missing.
219
00:09:49,153 --> 00:09:51,242
We'll be lucky if we make itthrough the night.
220
00:09:51,242 --> 00:09:53,244
How wonderful it isto travel with you.
221
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:01,862
[breathing heavily]
222
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:12,699
All right. This shouldmake you more comfortable,
223
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,178
if you overlook the fact
224
00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:16,137
that none of us aregonna see our homes again.
225
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:19,488
[speaking Greek]
226
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:21,795
Do you by chance speak oneof the Romance languages?
227
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:24,493
[Greek]
228
00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:26,713
All right, I'm coming.
Klinger?
229
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:28,410
That's the lastof your luggage, sir.
230
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,759
Will you be changingfor dinner?
231
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,326
Ah, wonderful.
232
00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:34,808
All the years of travel,training, education.
233
00:10:34,808 --> 00:10:37,854
Where do I spendmy final hours? In a truck.
234
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:40,074
Major, you can't just give up.
235
00:10:40,074 --> 00:10:43,120
Sure, right now, things looka little bad, lousy maybe.
236
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,949
Okay, hopeless.
But you can't give up.
237
00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:47,951
Klinger, come here.
Displaced shoulder.
238
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:50,911
-Hold him down.This is gonna be painful.-Oh, gotcha.
239
00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,956
-Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.-Okay.
240
00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:55,437
-[screams, gasping]
-Okay, pal. Okay.
241
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:58,309
There we go.Easy, easy. Easy, easy.
242
00:10:58,309 --> 00:11:00,398
All right, Klinger, I willplay your little charade.
243
00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:03,837
-[soldier groaning]
-Everything is going
to be just grand.
244
00:11:03,837 --> 00:11:06,317
-[continues groaning]-Good Lord. What's this?
245
00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:09,190
-What's wrong?
-[gasping]
246
00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:12,367
Traumatic chest.
Possible pneumothorax.
247
00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:14,021
-What?
-Chest wound.
248
00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:15,370
We may need a chest tube.
249
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:17,720
-Help me raise him.
-I'm here, sir.
250
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,766
-Come on, son.
-[groaning]
251
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:22,507
That's it. Easy, easy.
Good Lord.
252
00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:23,987
What I wouldn't giveto be back
253
00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,163
in that little cheese boxof an operating room.
254
00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:29,123
This guy's shoulder
is cut pretty bad.The bleeding isn't stopping.
255
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:31,865
All right. Give me
the second-largest
alligator valise.
256
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:34,389
-With "C.E.W."
embossed in gold?
-That's the one.
257
00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:36,565
A far cry from my setof matched shopping bags.
258
00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:39,437
-All right.
-[groaning]
259
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:41,831
We'll make bandages
out of my shirts.
Bind his shoulder.
260
00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:45,139
That should hold himuntil we're found--Hah!And other dreams.
261
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:49,099
Oh, sir! 100% silk!
Could I keep a swatch?
262
00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:51,145
All right, Klinger,I'm gonna close my eyes now.
263
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:55,889
I want you to rip those shirts
into bandage strips.
264
00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:58,369
[yelps, groans]
265
00:11:58,369 --> 00:11:59,719
-Sorry, sir.
-Go ahead.
266
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,372
-I'll be all right.
-Oh, boy.
267
00:12:01,372 --> 00:12:03,984
-Major, you know, I'm thinking.-[shirt ripping]
268
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:06,595
-Maybe I should go out
and find some help.
-Bad idea.
269
00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:09,467
No. Absolutely not.
270
00:12:09,467 --> 00:12:13,167
You're much better staying here,helping me through this ordeal.
271
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:16,823
You see, I'm afraid, Klinger.
272
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:20,522
Okay, yes, there it is,out in the open for all to hear.
273
00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:24,395
I'm afraid. Never had to dealwith anything like this before.
274
00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:28,138
Here, another strip.
No, no. You stay here.
275
00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:29,966
I was hoping
you'd say that, sir.
276
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:34,884
It's okay, everybody.It's just me.
277
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:38,366
Oh, yeah, I know. I know.
278
00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:40,020
It'll be all rightin the morning.
279
00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:42,065
I'm just doin'a bed check now.
280
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,461
Babette, where are you?
281
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:49,856
Oh, my gosh! Bongo,how did this cage get open?
282
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:53,468
Oh, gee! Okay, don't worryabout it. I'll get her.
283
00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:56,384
Babette! Babette!
284
00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:59,169
Here, Babsy!
[whistles]
285
00:12:59,169 --> 00:13:00,910
Babsy? Babsy!
286
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:03,565
It's closing time.
287
00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:05,915
That was a pretty-good-sizebleeder there, Bigelow,
288
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,917
but I think we got you
under control.
289
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:10,833
-You can relax now, Margaret.-Set up another pint of blood!
290
00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,966
Hey, I'm supposed to say that.Set up another pint of blood.
291
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,882
-Get some A.B.D.s for bandages.-You're reading my mind.
292
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:18,667
Margaret, your nurse
is gonna pull through,
293
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,234
but you have to let me
be the doctor.
294
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:22,018
You're right. I guessI'm just a little edgy.
295
00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:24,586
-No problem. Scis--
-Scissors!
296
00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:27,328
RADAR: Excuse me! Sirs?Have any of you seen
my guinea pig?
297
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:28,808
I went out to check her cage,
298
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,287
and he wasn't there.
And he's a she.
299
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:31,898
Whoa, Radar,
slow down, will you?
300
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,464
You're making less
sense than usual.
301
00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:35,466
My guinea pig Babsyis missing.
302
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:37,904
-Babsy?-It's short for Babette.
303
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:39,470
That's different. Margaret,has anything crawled up your leg
304
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:41,081
in the last few minutes?
305
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:42,430
That animal better not
be in here!
306
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:44,214
It'll contaminate everything!
307
00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:46,260
Contaminate?
I bathe her every day.
308
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:47,609
She's cleaner than me.
309
00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:49,829
-What isn't?-Radar, relax, will ya?
310
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,570
She's probably hidingin some nice warm cornerdoing her nails.
311
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:55,443
Okay, but listen.If you see her,let me know, will ya?
312
00:13:55,443 --> 00:13:57,445
Geez, you feed 'em,you raise 'em,
313
00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:59,186
and then, one day,they're just gone.
314
00:13:59,186 --> 00:14:00,665
My guess is Babette's
looking for a judge
315
00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:01,971
to have her name changed.
316
00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:03,233
There you are, pal.
317
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:04,931
You and your leg are all set.
318
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,671
If you'll stop by thegift shop on your way out,
319
00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:08,238
you can pick up yourcomplimentary fountain pen.
320
00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:10,501
Okay, time to bandage,
Margaret.
321
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:12,764
Excuse me, Doctor.
322
00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:14,854
Finish up here,
will ya, Kell?
323
00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:24,037
-Are you all right?
-I'm fine.
324
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:27,257
-Try again.
-[sighs]
325
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:29,346
-[vehicle arrives]
-I'm sorry.
326
00:14:29,346 --> 00:14:31,871
It's just that I never hadone of my nurses hurt before.
327
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,873
-Margaret, she's gonna be okay.-[vehicle door slams]
328
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:37,093
-[sighs]
-P.S. Thanks to you.
329
00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:38,834
Oh, no. Hey, come on.
You gotta be kidding.
330
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,749
Just came in. A chopper pilotand his spotter.
331
00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:42,359
They went down in the wind.
332
00:14:42,359 --> 00:14:44,057
The question is what werethey doing up in the wind?
333
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:45,710
Seems the Greeks
lost a troop truck.
334
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,321
They went out scanning.
335
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:50,150
-Let's scrub up again.
-Let's get to it.
336
00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,542
Look, it could be worse.
337
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:54,023
We could be stuck in Tokyolike Charles.
338
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:55,677
Right now, that poor
guy's probably lying
339
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:57,505
in a steaming geisha bath.
340
00:14:57,505 --> 00:14:59,507
[wind howling]
341
00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:09,343
You know, Major, it's funny.
342
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:12,389
Here we are, two guys clingingtogether for dear life,
343
00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:14,957
and we don't know a singlething about each other.
344
00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:18,091
Except that we're both
about to die.
345
00:15:18,091 --> 00:15:20,049
Glad I brought it up.
346
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:26,621
I was born in my grandmama'shouse on Beacon Hill.
347
00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:29,189
Oh, yeah."The Battle of."
348
00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:32,322
That was Bunker Hill,
quiz kid.
349
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:34,150
I was talking
about Beacon Hill,
350
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:36,152
where, at one time,
351
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:39,286
you would not have been
allowed to walk.
352
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,070
Natch.
353
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:43,594
My parents were wonderful.
354
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:46,597
Gave me everything
a child could need.
355
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:49,470
Nannies,
boarding schools...
356
00:15:50,558 --> 00:15:53,517
stock portfolio.
357
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,824
I was always
an inquisitive child.
358
00:15:55,824 --> 00:15:57,739
-You were, huh?
-Mm-hmm.
359
00:15:57,739 --> 00:16:00,698
By the age of seven, I wasalready dissecting frogs.
360
00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:03,223
-Well, every kid does that.-Ah.
361
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:06,095
I could
put them back together.
362
00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,531
No wonder I graduated
363
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,490
first in my med-school
class from Harvard.
364
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:13,189
-Hmm. Some life.
-Mm-hmm.
365
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:14,886
Now would you liketo hear about mine?
366
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,671
Not particularly.
367
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,716
Oh.
368
00:16:20,892 --> 00:16:22,503
I was always
a voracious reader.
369
00:16:22,503 --> 00:16:23,808
[loud gasp]
370
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:26,942
-[gasping]-Oh, he sounds pretty bad.
371
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,988
Thank you, Klinger.
That's very perceptive.
372
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,773
[gasping, groaning]
373
00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:34,950
Oh, damn!Tension pneumothorax.
374
00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,952
-The whole lung has collapsed.-Can you do anything?
375
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:39,302
No. I would have to suckthe air out of the chest cavity.
376
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,304
give the lung a chanceto re-expand.
377
00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:43,959
-So do it!-Out here in the middleof nowhere, with nothing?
378
00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:45,961
-You got no choice.-Klinger, you don't understand.
379
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:50,226
-I don't have the proper
instruments.
-[speaking Greek]
380
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:53,273
-Very complicated
situation here.
-Let's do it, Major.
381
00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:55,318
[gasping, groaning]
382
00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:59,801
Give me the biggest needleand syringe you've got.
383
00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:02,847
-Here you are, sir.-I feel like an auto mechanic.
384
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:05,241
You'll pull him through.You're gifted.
You can do anything.
385
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:08,766
Yes, I am cursed.Get in there! Get in there!
386
00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:10,855
-Get in there!
-[gasping]
387
00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:12,814
[speaking Greek]
388
00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:15,295
This thing isn't big enough.Klinger, look back in that kit.
389
00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,601
See if there isn't anythingresembling a tube.
390
00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:20,126
I got a catheter and a--
and a clamp, sir.
391
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:21,997
-Good. Give me those.
-Here you are, sir.
392
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:24,565
-And the sharpest cuttingedge you can find.
-Yes, sir.
393
00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:27,133
-Sharpest... [muttering]-Come on, Klinger!
394
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,222
-Ah! Pocketknife.
-Good.
395
00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:31,224
There you are, sir.
What are you gonna do?
396
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:34,836
Well, we'll need an incisionin the chest cavity.
397
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:36,620
-[screams]
-We'll give him room
to breathe.
398
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:38,013
-[groaning]
-Hold him!
399
00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,884
Got him, sir.
Made it across, Major!
400
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:43,105
-Take the knife.Take this clamp, please.-Yes, sir.
401
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:45,281
All right. Mmm!
402
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:47,849
All right,give me a syringe--anything to suck air.
403
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:50,156
All right, sir.
Uh, syringe, syringe.
404
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,201
-I've got one, sir.
-Good.
405
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,116
Pinch the skin around
the end of the tube.
406
00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:57,598
I'm gonna need that clampback in a moment. Hold it.
407
00:17:57,598 --> 00:17:59,774
This isn't gonna work.
408
00:17:59,774 --> 00:18:01,950
This can't work.
409
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:03,691
How can anyone be
expected to operate
410
00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:04,996
under conditions like this?
411
00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:08,522
[gasping subsides]
412
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:10,001
-Good heavens!
-What's the matter?
413
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:11,394
I think it's working.
414
00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:13,570
This thing is sucking air.
415
00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:16,182
[breathing eases]
416
00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,706
He's doing better.
He's breathing easier.
417
00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:21,012
Indeed he is. Stay with me,old man. Steady on.
418
00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:23,232
Steady, steady.
419
00:18:23,232 --> 00:18:25,669
-Klinger, give me
some tape, please.
-Yes, sir.
420
00:18:25,669 --> 00:18:28,107
[speaking Greek]
421
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,850
You did it, Major!
You did it!
422
00:18:32,850 --> 00:18:34,809
More than that, Klinger.
423
00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:37,986
I did it here.
424
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:40,249
HAWKEYE:Korea, land of surprises.
425
00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:43,731
Snipers, shelling. Just whenyou think you've seen it all...
426
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:47,082
along comes a lovely,
destructive Manchurian
windstorm.
427
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:48,910
Trulyan enchanted land.
428
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:50,781
Yeah, maybe Mildred and Iwill retire here.
429
00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:52,870
-Scalpel.
-Scalpel.
430
00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:54,916
MULCAHY: Colonel?
431
00:18:54,916 --> 00:18:56,918
We've got a villager whose hutcollapsed around him,
432
00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:58,615
and-- [sighs]--
433
00:18:58,615 --> 00:19:01,096
a young boy who chasedhis frightened livestock
434
00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:02,315
into a minefield.
435
00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:05,056
-Dear God.
-He's been alerted.
436
00:19:05,056 --> 00:19:07,972
-I'll take the boy, Father.-Right away.
437
00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:10,323
HAWKEYE: Margaret,
get out of my light.I can't see the patient.
438
00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:13,935
POTTER: Father,get 'em to crank up thatemergency generator, pronto.
439
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:15,502
MULCAHY:Soon as I can find the door.
440
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:17,721
-[door clatters]
-Found it.
441
00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,984
B.J.: Colonel,
I'd like to complainabout the working conditions.
442
00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:22,639
-Quiet, Hunnicutt.
-It wasn't me.Somebody that looked like me.
443
00:19:22,639 --> 00:19:24,163
MARGARET:
I don't believe this.
444
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,599
B.J.: Anyone for a quick
game of charades?
445
00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:27,166
Come on already!
446
00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:30,386
Boy, you're some commander.
447
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,695
Bad news, Major.
We're still here.
448
00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:36,218
From the soundof that wind last night,
449
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,177
I was certainwe'd be in Oz by now.
450
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,049
[groans] Nothing likea good two-minute sleep
451
00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:44,705
to prepare you foranother glorious day hereat Camp Who Knows Where.
452
00:19:44,705 --> 00:19:48,448
I'd say... that direction.
Yeah.
453
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:50,363
So would I. Why?
454
00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:52,103
Because you're going
for help, Klinger.
455
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,409
You might be able
to get your bearings
456
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:54,802
from the top of that
ridge over there.
457
00:19:54,802 --> 00:19:56,107
Me? But last night,
458
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:57,805
you said you were afraidto be left alone.
459
00:19:57,805 --> 00:20:00,634
Last night is over.We've lived through the storm.
460
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:03,158
Now it's time to get out ofhere, and we're gonna make it.
461
00:20:03,158 --> 00:20:05,987
-I know we are.-Good. Then why don't you go?
462
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:09,164
Me? Someone has tolook after these Greeks,
463
00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:11,732
and I think I proved last nightwho the qualified party is.
464
00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:14,474
-All right, all right.
I'll go. I'll go.
-Marvelous idea.
465
00:20:14,474 --> 00:20:17,390
But if I don't come back,you're gonna have to callmy parents.
466
00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:19,435
And they're gonna hatehearing that I'm dead.
467
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:22,264
[muttering]
468
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:24,310
[imitating chittering]
Come on, honey.
469
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:25,789
Come on. It's Radar.
470
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:27,965
Why don't you help me outand get found?
471
00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:30,272
-[smacking lips]
-No luck, huh, Radar?
472
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:32,492
It's been about eight hours,sir. I'm a wreck.
473
00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:34,711
Why don't you crawl
into your hutch
and get some rest?
474
00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:36,713
There's no time.I gotta find her.
475
00:20:36,713 --> 00:20:39,020
Listen, I know how much
she meant to you, but--
476
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,935
you know, I mean,
means to you.
477
00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:43,807
You just may have to facesome not-too-pleasant facts.
478
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:45,766
Sir, I've kept her alive
through a whole war.
479
00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:48,203
I'm not gonna give up now.
480
00:20:48,203 --> 00:20:51,380
Babette? Here, honey.[imitating chittering]
481
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,652
-Bigelow.
-Major.
482
00:21:02,652 --> 00:21:04,785
I brought you a few things.
483
00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:08,267
I--I thought you mightwant to repair your face.
484
00:21:12,009 --> 00:21:15,230
Major.That's very sweet of you.
485
00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:18,625
Just get better.
We need you.
486
00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:20,104
Good morning, ladies and germs.
487
00:21:20,104 --> 00:21:21,715
The ambulance stoppedwith a jerk, and I got off.
488
00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:23,456
Will you serious up!
489
00:21:23,456 --> 00:21:25,022
You're absolutely right.Let's be serious.
490
00:21:27,764 --> 00:21:29,331
Pulse 96?
491
00:21:29,331 --> 00:21:31,202
Nurse, pull
his corpuscles over
492
00:21:31,202 --> 00:21:32,552
and give them a ticket
for speeding.
493
00:21:32,552 --> 00:21:34,989
-[laughing]
-[giggling]
494
00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:37,296
Now, you're gonna say
you're a kid who's had
all the bad breaks.
495
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:39,559
We'll, we cleaned and tightenedthose brakes,
496
00:21:39,559 --> 00:21:41,343
but you're gonna have to stayin the garage until Tuesday.
497
00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:43,345
-[laughing]
-[laughing]
498
00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,913
Imagine the laughs I'd getif he could understand English.
499
00:21:45,913 --> 00:21:48,002
Hello, young lady.
500
00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:50,309
I just stopped by to tell youI stop at nothing.
501
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:52,006
[laughing]
502
00:21:52,006 --> 00:21:54,965
I have a wonderful recovery
program planned for you.
503
00:21:54,965 --> 00:21:58,447
Plenty of rest, exercise,
fresh air...
504
00:21:58,447 --> 00:22:00,014
and a visit from me
after every meal...
505
00:22:00,014 --> 00:22:01,885
and one before bedtime.
506
00:22:01,885 --> 00:22:04,018
-[excited squealing]-What--What--What is this?
507
00:22:04,018 --> 00:22:08,718
-[Bigelow laughing]-Well, hello there, miss.
508
00:22:08,718 --> 00:22:11,112
Your name wouldn't happento be Babette, would it?
509
00:22:11,112 --> 00:22:12,983
-[chittering]
-I thought so.
510
00:22:12,983 --> 00:22:16,335
-[laughing]
-He loves a class act.
511
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,815
[muttering]
512
00:22:22,123 --> 00:22:24,734
He's gonna be sorry
when I'm lost forever.
513
00:22:24,734 --> 00:22:27,084
No, he won't.
514
00:22:27,084 --> 00:22:31,872
Oh, no! No!
515
00:22:31,872 --> 00:22:34,004
It can't be!
516
00:22:39,967 --> 00:22:42,186
KLINGER:We've been riding in circles.
517
00:22:42,186 --> 00:22:45,451
We almost froze to death
in our own backyard.
518
00:22:45,451 --> 00:22:47,322
Oh, Major!
519
00:22:47,322 --> 00:22:50,107
Major...
520
00:22:50,107 --> 00:22:52,893
I got a little surprisefor you.
521
00:22:59,247 --> 00:23:01,249
Looks like we had a wild partyhere last night.
522
00:23:01,249 --> 00:23:04,078
-All the damagewithout any of the fun.-[horn honking]
523
00:23:04,078 --> 00:23:07,211
-Look at this.
-[honking]
524
00:23:07,211 --> 00:23:10,476
-B.J.: Charles is back.-HAWKEYE: And he broughtsouvenirs.
525
00:23:10,476 --> 00:23:12,042
B.J.:What you got here, Charles?
526
00:23:12,042 --> 00:23:14,175
Don't stand there.Get these men into pre-op.
527
00:23:14,175 --> 00:23:15,872
What happened to you,Winchester?
528
00:23:15,872 --> 00:23:19,572
Klinger took a wrong turn.He got us hopelessly lost.
529
00:23:19,572 --> 00:23:21,878
I was obliged to savethese wounded sons of Greece
530
00:23:21,878 --> 00:23:24,141
during one of the most brutal
nights imaginable.
531
00:23:24,141 --> 00:23:27,754
-End of report.
-Uh, Major,
you forgot to mention
532
00:23:27,754 --> 00:23:29,712
we were only 200 yards
from the camp.
533
00:23:29,712 --> 00:23:32,585
-200 yards?-I hit the high points,Klinger.
534
00:23:32,585 --> 00:23:34,021
Charles, you were
in the neighborhood,
535
00:23:34,021 --> 00:23:35,675
you didn't drop by?
Shame on you.
536
00:23:35,675 --> 00:23:38,025
Klinger, you look like you wentthrough a mop squeezer.
537
00:23:38,025 --> 00:23:40,854
-Why don't you get some rest?-Thank you, O CompassionateKingpin.
538
00:23:40,854 --> 00:23:42,856
Winchester, I guessyou'll be on your way
539
00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:44,945
while you've stillgot some R & R left.
540
00:23:44,945 --> 00:23:46,250
Precisely.
541
00:23:47,556 --> 00:23:48,992
Where are you goin'?
542
00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:55,129
Be it ever so crumbled,there is no place like home.
543
00:24:08,055 --> 00:24:09,622
[theme music playing]
41433
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