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1
00:00:01,784 --> 00:00:04,221
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:57,405
[muttering, chuckling]
3
00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:59,276
[knocking]
4
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,322
-RADAR: Colonel?
-[chuckling continues]
5
00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:03,672
Good, I'm glad you're awake.
6
00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:05,282
Sir, I hate to interrupt you
7
00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,502
while you're
in a good mood, but--
8
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:10,287
-Colonel? Ohh!
-Oh, my--What the--
9
00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:13,247
-Ohh, Radar!
-Sir, I'm sorry.
10
00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:15,118
I thought you were awake.
I heard you laughing.
11
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:17,164
Laughing?
12
00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:19,166
Oh, yeah. Heh!
13
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:21,646
I dreamt I came homefrom the war,
14
00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:26,086
and there there was Mildredwearing Hunnicutt's mustache.
15
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,652
Why would you be laughing?
16
00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:28,871
Because it tickled.
17
00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:30,264
Is this important,
18
00:01:30,264 --> 00:01:32,179
or are you just goingaround waking people?
19
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,006
No, there's a phone call.It's I-Corps. General Imbrie.
20
00:01:34,006 --> 00:01:35,486
Bill Imbrie?
21
00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:38,272
What's that old windbagdoin' in-country?
22
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:39,925
I don't know. You couldalways ask the old windbag.
23
00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:42,102
-Zip it, sonny.
-Right.
24
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,975
Maybe if Mildred waxed it.
25
00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:49,892
[Charles wheezing]
26
00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:53,113
[coughing, snorting]
27
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:57,595
[mutters]
Oh, dear.
28
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,426
[groans]If only I could breathe.
29
00:02:02,426 --> 00:02:05,081
Oh, if only I could sleep.
30
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:06,952
Why should you rest
when my sinuses
31
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,780
are pounding out
the "Anvil Chorus"?
32
00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:10,652
Charles, you're blowinga good night's sleep
33
00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:11,870
for us all.
34
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:15,047
Drip, drip, drip.
35
00:02:15,047 --> 00:02:17,615
This is making a shambles
of my throat.
36
00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:20,792
-[clattering]
-B.J.: Now what?
37
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:22,142
[gargling]
38
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,926
Oh, good. He's drowning.
39
00:02:23,926 --> 00:02:25,971
Evening, boys.
40
00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:27,756
Same to you, Winchester.
41
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:29,758
You're just the manI want to see.
42
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:33,065
-Can you see him outside?-You'll want to hear this too.
43
00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:34,893
There's been a big
shake-up at I-Corps.
44
00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:38,288
General Imbrie hasreplaced General Hammond,
45
00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:39,811
and Imbrie wants a powwow
46
00:02:39,811 --> 00:02:42,727
with all the major officersin his command tomorrow.
47
00:02:42,727 --> 00:02:44,555
That's fascinating,
Colonel,
48
00:02:44,555 --> 00:02:46,514
especially at this hour
of the night.
49
00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:48,255
What makes you think
I could find this
50
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:50,822
of the remotest
possible interest?
51
00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:53,303
Just this, Señor Hoity-toity.
52
00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:56,263
As of 0600, I will be
en route to Seoul,
53
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:59,004
and you will be interimcommander of this post.
54
00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:00,180
Congratulations.
55
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,443
Charles in command?
56
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:05,446
That's like givingCaptain Bligh his own fleet.
57
00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:07,491
Colonel, I'm touched
that you thought of me,
58
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:08,840
but it's
out of the question.
59
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:10,755
It wasn't an offer.It was an order.
60
00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:12,235
And under ordinary
circumstances
61
00:03:12,235 --> 00:03:13,976
I would be happy to comply,
62
00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:16,370
but my sinuses are clogged,and they're ready to burst.
63
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:17,719
Here. Feel that.
Feel that right there.
64
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:19,111
-Feel--
-Ehh! Major!
65
00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:21,810
We don't know each otherthat well.
66
00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:24,813
All right, Winchester.You're off the hook.
67
00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,771
Pierce, you're temporary C.O.
68
00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:29,252
-I'm who?
-There goes the war.
69
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:32,255
Oh, no! No, you don't!I'm unfit for command.
70
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:33,778
You have a cold?
Hangnail? Warts?
71
00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:35,040
And scurvy.
72
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,781
-You're still it.
-What about B.J.?
73
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:38,870
-I don't want it.-That's good enough for me.
74
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:41,177
-What?-You've got seniority, Pierce.
75
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:44,659
But I'm a coward. My insigniais a cringing chicken.
76
00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:45,703
I don't knowhow to give orders.
77
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,227
That's all right.
78
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,229
No one around here
knows how to take 'em.
79
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:53,276
Don't worry.
Radar knows the routine.
80
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:54,625
Colonel, how longwill you be gone?
81
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,061
No idea.
82
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:57,889
I've seen these thingstake an hour or three days.
83
00:03:57,889 --> 00:03:59,369
We'll leave a markerwhere the camp was.
84
00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:00,849
Get some sleep, Commander.
85
00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:04,244
0600 gets here early.
Night, boys.
86
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,723
[hacking]
87
00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:07,290
Courage, Camille.
88
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:10,075
Hawk,I'm truly happy for you.
89
00:04:10,075 --> 00:04:11,599
So am I. It's like
one of those Westerns
90
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:13,862
where the town drunk
becomes sheriff.
91
00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:17,300
All right, here's my firstcommand. You, bubble-cheeks.
92
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,868
Get your steam roomand your gargle out of here
93
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,609
and into post-opon the double!
94
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,872
-I will not.-You will for your commander!
95
00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:26,657
Ten-hut! Hut, hut, hut,
hut, hut, hut, hut!
96
00:04:26,657 --> 00:04:28,398
I will to get away
from my commander.
97
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:30,182
Good! Left, left!
Right, right!
98
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,272
Left, left! Right, right!
99
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,317
Well, that wasn't so bad.
100
00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:35,927
[whistling]
101
00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:40,671
-[groans]
-Ah, welcome to
your new job, sir.
102
00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:43,413
Now I know why they shoot
people at sunrise.
103
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,285
Who wants to live
at 6:00 in the morning?
104
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,069
Hey, Hawkeye, you're
not even dressed.
105
00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:48,766
I have my bars on, don't I?
106
00:04:48,766 --> 00:04:50,812
I know, but it doesn't look
good you know, for the--
107
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,814
From now on, I want the middleof this desk kept clear.
108
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:53,858
Hey!
109
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:56,818
Don't disturb me until lunch.
110
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:59,168
Lunch is disturbing enough.
111
00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:01,039
How am I doing so far?
112
00:05:01,039 --> 00:05:02,911
Thank you.
113
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:05,130
Come on. Will you
please be serious once?
114
00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:06,697
We've got work to do here.
115
00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:09,004
All right. The first orderof the day is a drink.
116
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:10,440
Where's the key?
117
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,355
With the colonel,
I'm happy to say.
118
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:15,053
Potter took the key?He doesn't trust me?
119
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:17,360
Well, if you were him
and he was you, would you?
120
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,841
That's catchy. Set thatto music right away.
121
00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:21,321
Radar, cut an order.
122
00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:25,368
"Cut an order."That's pretty good.
123
00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:29,285
The Officers Club bar willremain open daily from 0500.
124
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:30,330
0500.
125
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,896
And it will never close.
126
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,597
Corporal Klinger
reporting as ordered, sir.
127
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:38,512
-Who ordered you?-My sense of duty, sir.
128
00:05:38,512 --> 00:05:40,557
A soldier's intuition
that his new commandant
129
00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:42,429
would like to know howthat soldier feels about him.
130
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:45,649
-Oh, boy.-And I feel just great, sir,
131
00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:46,998
knowing at last
there's somebody
132
00:05:46,998 --> 00:05:48,913
behind this desk
who understands.
133
00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:50,480
-Klinger...-Have I told you lately
134
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:51,916
how splendid
you're looking, sir?
135
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,832
Did I say splendid?
Handsome is the word.
136
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:56,225
Oh, boy, you couldcut it with a fork.
137
00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,619
Oh, you were built
for command.
138
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,621
Those shoulders,broad enough for four stars.
139
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:02,927
That height.Commanders should be tall.
140
00:06:02,927 --> 00:06:05,147
Look down on his men.
141
00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:06,844
Napoleon didn't do so bad.
142
00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:08,716
Klinger, I'm afraidit is not within my purview
143
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,282
to grant you a discharge.
144
00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:13,547
I know that, sir.But you do have the authority.
145
00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,766
Let me put it another way:I'm not allowed.
146
00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:17,986
Good try, though.It shows initiative,persistence,
147
00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:21,032
and a total graspof unreality.
148
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:23,339
-Does this mean you won't?
-In spades.
149
00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:25,254
I should've known.
150
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:27,735
The higher the brass,
the lower the class.
151
00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:29,301
Sorry, sir. That's just
the way I see it.
152
00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:31,216
I look forward
to your demotion, sir.
153
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:32,653
That makes two of us.
154
00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:35,873
My door is always closed.
155
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:38,310
Would you like to look at
the duty roster now, sir?
156
00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:40,748
You know what's wrong withthis job? I'm too accessible.
157
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:44,012
From now on, I want
a 24-hour palace guard
outside these doors.
158
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:46,318
Would you like to look atthe duty roster now, sir?
159
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:47,755
Also,I want a peasant costume
160
00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:49,452
so I can slip inamongst my subjects
161
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,019
and find out what they'resaying about me.
162
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:52,412
Hawkeye,
you gotta sign this!
163
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,631
-You sign it.
-That's forgery!
164
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,894
Well, forge ahead, Corporal.Good night.
165
00:06:56,894 --> 00:07:00,028
Margaret, I'm out of water.
166
00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:02,160
-And you want me
to get you some.
-Please?
167
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,728
Forget it. There arereal patients herewith real problems.
168
00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,817
They're wounded. I'm sick.
169
00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:08,993
I'll be by laterwith a fresh pacifier.
170
00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:12,040
Webster, Webster.
171
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,346
Oh, yes. I loved your book,
172
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:16,827
especially the chase scenewhere L was following K.
173
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:18,394
You're doing just fine--
174
00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:20,918
so fine that you won'tneed this drain anymore.
175
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:23,443
You're gonna take it out?Here? Now?
176
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,619
And it won't hurt a bit.
177
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:27,447
Doc, could you
give me something?
178
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,057
I don't want to see.
179
00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:32,147
-Too late. It's already out.-Oh, really?
180
00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:34,410
Good. Boy, was I scared.
181
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,281
Now I just have to take outa couple of stitches.
182
00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:37,674
Oh, no.
183
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,328
Klinger. More water.
184
00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:40,851
I'm a little busy,
Major.
185
00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:43,375
Now, you insubordinatedesert riff.
186
00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:45,203
Riff?
187
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:46,944
With all due respect, sir,
188
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:49,773
may a pregnant camelgive birth in your bunk.
189
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:53,821
Levantine thug!
[Wheezing]
190
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:55,257
-Doc-Whoa. Take it easy, Webster.
191
00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:57,041
I'll be finishedin a second.
192
00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:58,956
Will someone please
bring me some water?
193
00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:00,784
Klinger, get thatwheelchair over here
194
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,438
and roll him out of here.
195
00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:04,658
Your command is my wish,O Temporary King of the Hill.
196
00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:07,269
Come, second banana.Into the chair.
197
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:11,273
Pierce, you order me in,you order me out.
198
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,623
[wheezes] Make up your mind.Where do you want me?
199
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:15,799
Black Hole of Calcutta
and step on it.
200
00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:17,584
My flag is down, sir.
201
00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:21,022
Despot!
202
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:23,633
-Excuse me, sir,
I hate to bother you
-Then don't.
203
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:25,983
Uh, just-just, easy now.I'm almost there.
204
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,637
Sir, you haven't doneyour status reports.
205
00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:29,160
Every morningyou gotta fill out
206
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,728
-your DD-5 and your DD-5-A's.-I DD-do?
207
00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:34,514
Unless youfill out your DD-5-A'sfrom the day before.
208
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,081
Radar, put all that garbage onmy desk. I'll ignore it later.
209
00:08:37,081 --> 00:08:39,606
The pile on your deskis almost as high as me.
210
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,911
Well, how bad can that be?
211
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:44,741
Uh, Hawkeye?
212
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:47,135
Whoever said it waslonely at the top?
213
00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:49,833
-All right, Father.
What's your problem?
-Uh, well, uh,
214
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:53,402
the fact of the matter is--You see, uh--You look busy.
215
00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:54,795
I am! What do you want?
216
00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:56,274
I don't want
to sound critical.
217
00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,581
I mean, after all,you are new at the job.
218
00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:01,323
Still, it is turning colder,
and we do need them.
219
00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:03,194
And now seems as good
a time as any to--
220
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,413
Need what?
221
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:07,329
Blankets.
We're low on blankets.
222
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:09,331
Every time we send
a man back to Seoul,
223
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:10,637
he goes in a blanket.
224
00:09:10,637 --> 00:09:13,248
Sure. They sendthe soldiers back here
225
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:14,945
-but never the blankets.-Huh.
226
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:16,904
All right, Father.I'll get right to it.
227
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:19,254
The temperature's supposed todrop down 20 degrees tonight.
228
00:09:19,254 --> 00:09:20,864
Okay, okay.
229
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:23,301
Remember, my son,
patience is a virtue.
230
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,781
And you're taxing my virtue.
231
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:27,436
But you will get
right on it, won't you?
232
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:29,264
Are you telling meI don't get the blankets
233
00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:31,005
until I fill outthe requisitions?
234
00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:35,749
Look, Major, we're
pretty cold up here.
235
00:09:35,749 --> 00:09:38,012
I'll fill 'em out right away.
236
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:40,014
Plus what else?
237
00:09:40,014 --> 00:09:42,320
Oh, yeah. The DD-5-Ds.
238
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,801
-Center pile.-Right. Those are in the mail.
239
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:47,587
Hey, you can't lie
to I-Corps!
240
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,197
Now, what about
those blankets?
241
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,156
Look, I'm the commandingofficer here,
242
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:53,636
and I'm not sendinganything else out
243
00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:56,813
until I see those blankets,and that's final!
244
00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:59,599
All right! Don't yell!You'll get your requisitions.
245
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,165
Let's not get into a snit.
246
00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:03,603
You'll drive yourself
into a perfect tizzy.
247
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,779
Bye.
248
00:10:05,779 --> 00:10:07,432
I tell ya if I weren'tthe boss here,
249
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:09,304
I would've told that guy off.
250
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:11,698
Welcome
to the trenches, sir.
251
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:14,135
This wouldn't have happenedif you'd handed me these things
252
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:15,832
instead of piling themon my desk.
253
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,355
You told me to pile them
on your desk!
254
00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:19,009
Well, don't listen to me.
255
00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:21,795
Boy, I hate breaking in
a new man!
256
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:27,670
-Howdy, chief.
-Whatever you want,
you got it.
257
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,846
Just allow three days
for paperwork.
258
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,152
I just wanted
to say hello.
259
00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:32,414
In that case,two days.
260
00:10:32,414 --> 00:10:34,198
In your honor, sir,
a new delicacy--
261
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:35,722
chicken à la commandant.
262
00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:37,941
Klinger, with all thetemporary power vested in me,
263
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,247
no discharge.
264
00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:40,988
Before you say no, sir,
please,
265
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:43,555
try the commandant sauce--dress green.
266
00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:46,950
Kellye,I gotta get off tonight.
267
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:48,560
Take my late duty,and then I'll takeyours tomorrow night.
268
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,258
Yeah, sure, no problem.
269
00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:52,086
Baker, you can't tradeshifts for tomorrow night.
270
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:53,696
You've already got
a shift--mine.
271
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,829
I worked yourslast Thursday.
272
00:10:55,829 --> 00:10:59,223
[overlapping chatter]
273
00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,182
No, it doesn't! You saidyou would work mine--
274
00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:02,836
Nurses, what's
the problem here?
275
00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:05,273
[chattering continues]
276
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:08,450
All right, all right. At ease.I'll settle this right now.
277
00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:11,105
As of now, there'll be nomore trading off of shifts.
278
00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:15,065
-The duty roster
is the final word.
-[chattering]
279
00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:17,677
-The final word!
-Hello, I'm your
commanding officer,
280
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,896
and I must warn you,if this arguing keeps up,
281
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:22,203
you'll all be confined tomy quarters one at a time.
282
00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:24,074
Excuse me, Commander.
283
00:11:24,074 --> 00:11:26,511
These are my nurses, andI'll handle the situation.
284
00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:28,688
I know, Margaret, but there'san easy way to solve this.
285
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,646
-I don't want to butt in---But he can't resist.
286
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,039
You've gotta compromise.
287
00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:34,215
Baker and Bigelow,take a half night off each.
288
00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:35,782
Kellye, you work
a third of a shift,
289
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:37,784
Baker a third,
Bigelow a third.
290
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,437
Then tomorrow youreverse the whole thing.
291
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:41,048
There. Can I rise
to an occasion?
292
00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:43,398
That's the dumbest
schedule I ever heard.
293
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:44,921
-Sure is.
-[chattering]
294
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,488
MAN [on P.A.]: Attention, all personnel.
295
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:47,707
Incoming wounded.
296
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,447
Choppers and ambulances loaded.
297
00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:51,623
That settles it.
You're all on duty.
298
00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:55,366
Plasma stat.
Type and cross match
299
00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:56,672
for two units
of whole blood.
300
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:57,760
Can you get a fullcasualty count?
301
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,109
I'll get a full
casualty count.
302
00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:00,720
Radar, please.
Don't talk while I talk.
303
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,765
-Okay. I gotcha.-Just do what I ask, okay?
304
00:12:02,765 --> 00:12:03,897
I'll doexactly what you say.
305
00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:05,420
That's better.
306
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:06,943
How you doing?
307
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,118
You wouldn't happen
to be carrying around
308
00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:09,467
an extra surgeon,
would you?
309
00:12:09,467 --> 00:12:11,252
Sorry. He'sin my other jacket.
310
00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:12,688
Margaret, how 'bout oneof your nurses over here?
311
00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:14,777
Oh, now they're my nurses.
312
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:17,301
Always ready with
the wisecracks, aren't you?
313
00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:18,955
Charles, come on,move it, will ya?
314
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,914
Pierce, please.
I'm going through hell.
315
00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:22,742
Well, go througha little faster.
316
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,744
Radar, what aboutthose blankets?
317
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,137
I mailed the requisitions.
They'll probably
be here tomorrow.
318
00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:28,573
Tomorrow?What's wrong with today?
319
00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:30,575
These things
take time, Captain.
320
00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:32,273
Tell that to these guyswho are out here freezing.
321
00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:34,579
I feel bad
about it too, sir.
322
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:38,888
Hawk, go easy on the kid.He's on your side.
323
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,237
Yeah, I know.
324
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:42,979
-Sponge. [groans]
-Sponge.
325
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:45,373
-Clamp. [snorts]
-Clamp.
326
00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:48,115
-Hanky.
-[sneezes]
327
00:12:48,115 --> 00:12:49,594
Blow and wipe.
328
00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:52,815
Hunnicutt, I have met a lotof people in my life.
329
00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:55,165
You are not among them.[Sneezes]
330
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:56,688
Bless you anyway, creep.
331
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:59,300
I think the expression
is "God bless you, creep."
332
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,823
Amen, Father.
333
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,738
Can we hold it down, please?
334
00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:05,349
How can I be expected to drainthese miserable sinuses
335
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:07,047
if they keep sending memore wounded?
336
00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:09,397
I wouldn't
take it, Charles.
Send them back.
337
00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:11,529
Why doesn't somebodytie off his tongue?
338
00:13:11,529 --> 00:13:12,879
Why doesn't somebody
stand on yours?
339
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:13,880
Clamp.
340
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:14,924
Clamp.
341
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:16,360
For your mouth.
342
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,580
-Will you dry up?
-I would love to.
343
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,625
Will you all shut up?
344
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,279
Ah, another countyheard from.
345
00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:24,760
Can we be serious?I want it quiet in here.
346
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,544
All right. Knock offthe loud bleeding.
347
00:13:26,544 --> 00:13:28,720
Come on, Hunnicutt.I got enough to worry about
348
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,766
with a room full of woundedand a camp full of headaches.
349
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:33,160
Not to mention
a couple of CCs
of self-pity.
350
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,075
Look, if you thinkit's so easy, you do it.
351
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:36,903
Why? You're doing
so well.
352
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,295
At least I'm trying.
353
00:13:38,295 --> 00:13:40,341
Meantime, you stay
in the backseat
354
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:41,516
where you belong.
355
00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:44,345
ALL: Whoa-ho-ho!
356
00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:55,791
[phone ringing]
357
00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:58,489
I'm comin', I'm comin',I'm comin'.
358
00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:02,189
[ring]
359
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:07,411
Yeah, what?No, I mean, 4077th MASH.
360
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:12,068
No, Colonel Potter's not--
Colonel, is that you?
361
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,548
Oh, what are you doing
up so late, sir?
362
00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:14,854
Is it an officers' conference?
363
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,159
[laughing]
364
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:18,640
Well, General Imbrie
runs a tight ship,
365
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,642
so we're all pretty tight.
366
00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:22,383
How are things at home?
367
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:24,689
Fine. Mom's gonna enter hercucumbers in the county fair,
368
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:26,126
and Uncle Ed's
one of the judges,
369
00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:27,954
so she might win.
[chuckle]
370
00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:33,481
No, Radar. Home where you areat the 4-0 double natural.
371
00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:36,701
-How-How are things?
-Oh, uh, great.
372
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:40,053
Fine. Pretty good.When you coming back, sir?
373
00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:41,706
Oh, any time now.
374
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:43,534
How's, uh...
How's Hawkeye doin'?
375
00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:46,102
Uh... Uh, he's
trying real hard.
376
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,669
When did you say
you're coming back?
377
00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:49,149
I don't know.
378
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,325
We been listening
to Imbrie for two days,
379
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:55,459
and, uh, all he's done so faris-is clear his throat.
380
00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:57,418
Well, hurry.
Everybody misses you.
381
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,376
They keep saying, "When'sColonel Potter coming back?"
382
00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:01,988
Well, give my best
to everybody.
383
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:04,599
I'll talk t--
talk to you tomorrow.
384
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,731
Good night, son.
385
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,777
[laughter]
386
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,262
Nah. I think I'll sleep here.
387
00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:18,221
MAN [on P.A.]: Attention. A jeep with single patient
388
00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:20,920
wants to meet single doctor on the double.
389
00:15:22,704 --> 00:15:25,315
-Is it bad? Is it bad?
-Easy, pal, easy.
390
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:26,926
No, it's not too bad.
391
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,492
I can get those shell fragmentsout with eyebrow tweezers.
392
00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:30,625
-I'll take it, sir.
-How'd it happen?
393
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:34,237
Mortar. I was helping my buddyat the battalion aid station.
394
00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:36,152
Direct hit. Got us both.It killed the aid surgeon.
395
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:37,632
Geez, what aboutyour buddy?
396
00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:39,199
I think he's hurt
worse than I am.
397
00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:42,202
But I was the one bleeding,so they shipped me.
398
00:15:42,202 --> 00:15:43,638
What makes you thinkyour buddy's hurt so bad?
399
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:46,206
Well, he's not cut or nothin',
400
00:15:46,206 --> 00:15:48,121
but he's sweatin',and he looks gray, ya know?
401
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:49,818
-His stomach hurt?
-Yeah, yeah.
402
00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:50,993
Yeah, I touched it,
and he screamed.
403
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,299
But they thought
he was fakin'.
404
00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:53,996
Fakin', huh?Radar, get him inside.
405
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:56,390
-I'm goin' back up there.-Hey, hey! Wait a minute!
406
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,435
Don't you think you'dbetter tell Captain Piercewhere you're going?
407
00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,524
You tell him.I can't get an appointment.
408
00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,962
Hey, wait a minute!
That's not S.O.P.!
409
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,180
This the man who just came in?
410
00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:06,356
Yes, sir. This is
Corporal Hough.
411
00:16:06,356 --> 00:16:07,792
-Hi, Doc.
-Hi.
412
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,142
All right, get B.J.
on him right away.
413
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:10,708
Tell him to hurry.
I just got a call.
414
00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:12,145
There's a lot more
casualties coming in.
415
00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:13,668
We're gonna be
very busy very soon.
416
00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:15,148
Uh, sir? Excuse me,
417
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,540
but about Captain Hunnicutt.
418
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:18,368
-Yeah, what about him?
-Don't yell,
419
00:16:18,368 --> 00:16:20,066
but you know that jeep
that just come in?
420
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:21,893
It just went out again
with B.J. in it.
421
00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:23,939
-Why?-Well, he went after his buddy.
422
00:16:23,939 --> 00:16:25,854
He's hurt real bad, and theyleft him at the aid station,
423
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,421
so he went to get him.
424
00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:29,336
Well, what does he thinkwe get in here, shaving nicks?
425
00:16:29,336 --> 00:16:31,468
Look, he didn't know we hadmore casualties coming in.
426
00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:33,296
Well, he would have if he'dchecked with me first.
427
00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:36,604
This is great. Fantastic.
428
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:38,954
Potter's not here,B.J.'s not here,
429
00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:40,912
Charles has never been here,and I'm left holding the bag.
430
00:16:40,912 --> 00:16:42,697
Nothing personal.
431
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:46,483
Attention, all personnel. Choppers incoming.
432
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,398
Remember, you heard it here first.
433
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:53,490
Superficial. He can wait.Margaret, I'm gonna scrub.
434
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:55,884
-You finish out here.-This one has a bad chestwound. He's shocky.
435
00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:57,842
-He better go in now.
-No, he can't.
436
00:16:57,842 --> 00:16:59,670
I got two that are worse off,and Charles is already working.
437
00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,324
All right. I'll start himon whole blood
438
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:02,630
and try to get himstabilized.
439
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:03,848
We'll managetill you're ready.
440
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,459
Come on, Corpsman!
441
00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:07,156
You know you're beautifulwhen you're overworked?
442
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:08,679
Hey, Hawkeye, Colonel Potter'son the phone for you.
443
00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:10,203
Tell him I'm busy.
444
00:17:10,203 --> 00:17:12,292
But I brought him allthe way out here for you.
445
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:14,772
Hello! Oh,
Colonel Potter, it's you.
446
00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:16,905
It's been so long, I didn't
recognize your voice.
447
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:19,168
There's a litter over there.Get him into pre-op right away.
448
00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:21,475
How's everything in Seoul?
Having fun?
449
00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:23,825
-Captain Pierce!-Yeah, I'll be right there.
450
00:17:23,825 --> 00:17:25,435
I gotta run,
but I just want to say
451
00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:27,829
I'm thrilled with the hustleand bustle of command,
452
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:31,267
the thousand details that clogmy days and waste my nights,
453
00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:32,964
and, time permitting,I even tend to a few wounded.
454
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:34,183
Captain Pierce!
455
00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:36,098
Gotta run. Been nice
chatting with you.
456
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,752
Why don't you drop inif you're in the neighborhood?
457
00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:43,410
I gotta get back home.
458
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,761
Gentlemen, tell the general
459
00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:50,025
we should do this againsometime after the war.
460
00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:58,077
Well, Doctor, as much
as I hate to admit it,
461
00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,687
you ran that siege
pretty well.
462
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:01,341
We were greatfor half a staff.
463
00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:05,910
Damn that Hunnicutt.Where is he?
464
00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:08,348
Technically he's AWOL, ya know?I could throw the book at him.
465
00:18:08,348 --> 00:18:10,132
I don't believe
what I'm hearing.
466
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,829
Since when did you
join the Army?
467
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,527
Since it was left to me.
468
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:17,008
If only Frank Burns
could see you now.
469
00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:18,619
It's not so easy
to play the clown
470
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:20,316
when you have to run
the circus, is it?
471
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,710
-You finished, Major?
-Just one more thing.
472
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:25,365
Permission to say
it serves you right, sir.
473
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:28,324
Permission denied.Dismissed.
474
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:30,109
Easy with him.If the ride didn't kill him,
475
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,240
he's still got a chance.
476
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,329
-Prep him fast.
-How is he?
477
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:35,418
-Severe internal bleeding.-Are you okay?
478
00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:37,725
-Yeah.-Good. Now what the hellwere you doing?
479
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:39,814
You think you can just waltzout of here anytime you want?
480
00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:41,381
-Not now, Hawk.-Don't give me "Not now."
481
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,165
While you were driving
around playing hero,
482
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:45,167
we were trying to patchtogether a whole platoon
483
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,343
-with only two doctors.-Hey, I wasn't joy riding.
484
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:49,258
When I go up to an aid station,it's because I'm needed.
485
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:51,434
You should've checked with mefirst. What you did was wrong.
486
00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:53,871
I did exactly what CaptainPierce would have done.
487
00:18:53,871 --> 00:18:55,395
I don't knowabout Commander Pierce.
488
00:18:55,395 --> 00:18:57,353
I don't even knowCommander Pierce,
489
00:18:57,353 --> 00:18:58,746
and I'm not sure I want to.
490
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,010
[door opens]
491
00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:15,937
So that's how I look
behind that desk. Yuck.
492
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:18,896
Ah, returning tothe scene of the crime.
493
00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:21,551
I hereby give backyour command, sir.
494
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,858
If you're interested, I'veprepared a detailed report
495
00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:25,120
on what you can do with it.
496
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,861
I'll wait till
the movie comes out.
497
00:19:26,861 --> 00:19:28,645
Have a good timewith the boys in Seoul?
498
00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:31,518
Lots of parties? Generals
jumping out of cakes?
499
00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:32,954
Well, while you were
out gallivanting,
500
00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,782
I was cooped up here
with the children.
501
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:36,914
The young clerk
with the paper fetish.
502
00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:39,569
The Lebanese Machiavelli
in a garter belt.
503
00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:41,049
Not to mention my roomie,
504
00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:42,398
who can't just wait
for business to come in.
505
00:19:42,398 --> 00:19:43,834
He's gotta go out
and find it.
506
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:45,532
They are a pesky bunch,aren't they?
507
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:48,099
If you let these people
have dessert tonight,
you're crazy.
508
00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:49,971
Can we water downthat temper tantrum?
509
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:52,016
I don't want to.
I like being mad.
510
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:53,888
But you're notin charge anymore. I am.
511
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:55,716
And that's another thing!
You could have at least
512
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:57,326
left me the key
to the liquor cabinet.
513
00:19:57,326 --> 00:20:00,851
Are you kidding?Look what you're like sober.
514
00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:02,897
To a job well done.
515
00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:04,507
Don't try to make up to me.
516
00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:07,597
Want another?
517
00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:09,469
I've wanted another for days.
518
00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:12,341
Down this one. We'll takethe bottle with us.
519
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:14,125
-Where?
-To your place.
520
00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,476
Hunnicutt couldprobably use a belt.
521
00:20:16,476 --> 00:20:18,739
No, thank you! One thingI've learned on this job:
522
00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:20,697
Never fraternizewith your subordinates.
523
00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:22,438
It leads to insubordination.
524
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,484
Will you relax?
You're gonna throw a shoe.
525
00:20:24,484 --> 00:20:26,225
You don't knowwhat's been going on here!
526
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,270
Oh, don't I?
527
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,881
Come on. To the 4077th.
528
00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:32,100
They're all yours.
529
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,493
Hi, Hunnicutt. I'm home.
530
00:20:33,493 --> 00:20:34,885
Colonel, come on in.
531
00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:36,626
-Brought you a snort.
-Hey, thanks.
532
00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:37,845
A little change
533
00:20:37,845 --> 00:20:39,586
from Uncle Ben's
perverted rice juice.
534
00:20:39,586 --> 00:20:40,674
Hm!
535
00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:44,330
You two do know each other,don't you?
536
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:45,940
-Yeah, we've met, yeah.-Oh, yeah.
537
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,637
Colonel,I'm glad you're back.
538
00:20:47,637 --> 00:20:50,118
I can't tell you how gladI am you're back.
539
00:20:50,118 --> 00:20:51,511
What's that
supposed to mean?
540
00:20:51,511 --> 00:20:52,947
It meansI'm glad he's back.
541
00:20:52,947 --> 00:20:54,209
Down the hatch.
542
00:20:55,732 --> 00:20:56,951
You just won't admit
543
00:20:56,951 --> 00:20:58,082
that going out there
without telling me
544
00:20:58,082 --> 00:20:59,301
was the wrong
thing to do.
545
00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:01,042
I did what I thoughtwas right.
546
00:21:01,042 --> 00:21:03,000
You're only angry becausesomebody else made a decision.
547
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,959
It's my job to make
the decisions.
548
00:21:04,959 --> 00:21:06,308
Was your job.
549
00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:07,527
Up the rebels!
550
00:21:09,790 --> 00:21:11,792
I think the real reasonyou did it was to spite me.
551
00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:14,534
Spite you?I don't believe this.
552
00:21:14,534 --> 00:21:16,753
How do you get your headthrough doorways with that ego?
553
00:21:16,753 --> 00:21:18,233
You just won't admityou couldn't handle it.
554
00:21:18,233 --> 00:21:19,974
You see what I've
been putting up with?
555
00:21:19,974 --> 00:21:21,410
Do you have any ideawhat he's been like
556
00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:22,542
the last couple of days?
557
00:21:22,542 --> 00:21:23,934
Genghis Khanwas bigger laughs.
558
00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:25,153
In your eye!
559
00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:28,983
Considering what I
had to work with,
560
00:21:28,983 --> 00:21:30,463
I think I did
a damn good job.
561
00:21:30,463 --> 00:21:32,552
-Well, that makes one of you.-Oh, yeah?
562
00:21:32,552 --> 00:21:34,510
If you weren't so busy tryingto undermine my authority--
563
00:21:34,510 --> 00:21:36,730
-Ha ha!-Why aren't you helping me?
564
00:21:36,730 --> 00:21:38,601
You should be right
in the middle of this.
565
00:21:38,601 --> 00:21:40,342
-You're the commander.-And I'm acting like one,
566
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:41,996
staying out of it
till I'm needed.
567
00:21:41,996 --> 00:21:43,650
It's all in the timing, son.
568
00:21:43,650 --> 00:21:46,609
There's a time to step inand a time to back off.
569
00:21:46,609 --> 00:21:49,308
Pull the reins too tight,and the horse'll buck.
570
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,918
You had good people under you.
571
00:21:50,918 --> 00:21:54,487
You should've let 'emgo through their paces.
572
00:21:54,487 --> 00:21:56,097
You know, this is pretty good.
573
00:21:56,097 --> 00:21:58,534
Someone should be
writing this down.
574
00:21:58,534 --> 00:22:00,623
To my golden tongue!
575
00:22:02,930 --> 00:22:06,063
Okay, okay. Let's say
I overreacted a little.
576
00:22:06,063 --> 00:22:07,151
Let's say a lot.
577
00:22:07,151 --> 00:22:09,502
-Amen.
-And you.
-Yeah!
578
00:22:09,502 --> 00:22:12,418
You're lucky you didn'trun off when I was here,
579
00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:16,117
or your fanny'd be hangingfrom the flagpole.
580
00:22:16,117 --> 00:22:19,381
Well, don't sit therelike a couple of moon calves.
581
00:22:19,381 --> 00:22:21,992
Drink up and shake hands
already.
582
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,256
That's an order, boys.
583
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:34,004
Do you know how ridiculousyou two look?
584
00:22:35,745 --> 00:22:37,747
You wanna make nice?
585
00:22:42,752 --> 00:22:44,450
Well, next time,
I'll know what to do.
586
00:22:44,450 --> 00:22:45,625
Hopefully there won'tbe a next time.
587
00:22:45,625 --> 00:22:47,061
What's that
supposed to mean?
588
00:22:47,061 --> 00:22:48,889
-Oh, no.
-Oh, come on.
589
00:22:48,889 --> 00:22:50,412
Will you get off it?
590
00:22:50,412 --> 00:22:51,674
No, no, no, no, no.
591
00:22:51,674 --> 00:22:53,067
You meant
something by that.
592
00:22:53,067 --> 00:22:54,329
-What was it?
-I--
593
00:22:54,329 --> 00:22:55,722
-Come on. What was it?
-Nothing!
594
00:22:55,722 --> 00:22:57,506
For cryin' out loud!You are really a pip.
595
00:22:57,506 --> 00:22:58,812
You know that?
596
00:22:58,812 --> 00:23:01,336
All that good whiskey
shot to hell.
597
00:23:01,336 --> 00:23:03,512
-I'm a pip?
-You are a pip.
598
00:23:03,512 --> 00:23:05,732
Because I don't want you
to talk to me like--
599
00:23:05,732 --> 00:23:07,516
Generalissimo BenjaminFranklin Pierce
600
00:23:07,516 --> 00:23:08,952
-is what you--
-Just a minute!
601
00:23:13,479 --> 00:23:15,089
I'm sorry about
all these forms, sir,
602
00:23:15,089 --> 00:23:16,569
but Captain Pierce got us
about two days behind.
603
00:23:16,569 --> 00:23:18,527
Don't hold a grudge,Radar.
604
00:23:18,527 --> 00:23:20,181
Colonel, we have
to do something about
the shower schedule.
605
00:23:20,181 --> 00:23:22,052
The men are always
booked in first,
606
00:23:22,052 --> 00:23:24,577
and by the time
my nurses get in, there
isn't any hot water.
607
00:23:24,577 --> 00:23:26,796
And besides, they leave
the place a shambles.
608
00:23:26,796 --> 00:23:28,450
Are you listening to me?
609
00:23:28,450 --> 00:23:29,973
Your nurses aretaking cold showers,
610
00:23:29,973 --> 00:23:31,497
and the men are leavingthe place a mess.
611
00:23:31,497 --> 00:23:33,063
What are you gonna
do about it, Colonel?
612
00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:34,630
As soon as I can,
613
00:23:34,630 --> 00:23:36,502
I'll look into the ladies'shower, so to speak.
614
00:23:36,502 --> 00:23:37,807
I hope so.
615
00:23:37,807 --> 00:23:39,766
And thank God
you're back, sir.
616
00:23:39,766 --> 00:23:42,116
Dismissed, and thank you,Margaret.
617
00:23:42,116 --> 00:23:44,118
-Colonel, I missed you.-No.
618
00:23:44,118 --> 00:23:46,163
-About my heart
murmurs, sir--
-No.
619
00:23:46,163 --> 00:23:47,991
-My double vision
is coming back.
-No.
620
00:23:47,991 --> 00:23:50,080
-I've fallen in love
with a goat.
-No.
621
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,865
Glad to have you back, sir.
622
00:23:51,865 --> 00:23:53,301
Well, that just about
does it, sir.
623
00:23:53,301 --> 00:23:55,259
I'll send these
right off. Well done.
624
00:23:55,259 --> 00:23:56,522
Don't mention it.
625
00:23:56,522 --> 00:23:58,698
Oh, and, Radar,one other thing.
626
00:23:58,698 --> 00:24:02,005
Bring me backa tall bicarbonate of soda.
627
00:24:02,005 --> 00:24:04,617
This place is gonnadrive me nuts.
628
00:24:04,617 --> 00:24:05,879
Yes, sir.
629
00:24:17,978 --> 00:24:19,588
[theme music playing]
46929
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