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00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:04,047
♪♪ [theme]
2
00:00:54,793 --> 00:00:57,753
-[instruments clattering]
-[chattering]
3
00:00:57,796 --> 00:00:59,363
NURSE: Doctor, do you want me
to hold that for you?
4
00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:00,538
[chatter continues]
5
00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:07,502
Corpsman!
Another case closed, Watson.
6
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,852
Care to join me in my digs
on Baker Street?
7
00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:12,681
-For what?
-A little seductive reasoning.
8
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,030
Sorry, Sherlock.
9
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,684
-Can't win 'em all.
-Drat!
10
00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:20,384
Another evening alone
with my pipe and dirty robe.
11
00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:22,473
Got that belly wound finished
yet, Moriarty?
12
00:01:22,517 --> 00:01:26,347
-All sewn up. Corpsman.
-[chatter continues]
13
00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:29,176
Ah, here's our next couple.
14
00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:31,656
-Welcome to
"Who Bet Your Life."
-Will you cut it out?
15
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:34,485
-There's nothing
to joke about here.
-Oh, let him go, Major.
16
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:37,793
Sometimes a little humor helps
break the tension in a war zone.
17
00:01:37,836 --> 00:01:39,882
Lap sponge.
18
00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:43,277
During World War I,
we used to dress a mule up
in a petticoat
19
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,670
and charge the fellas
a dime a dance.
20
00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:47,672
Fifteen cents
if they wanted to lead.
21
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:51,198
No!
[grunts]
22
00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,025
Put that mask back on him.
He's not under enough.
23
00:01:53,069 --> 00:01:54,592
I'm trying, Major,
24
00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:56,768
-but he keeps pushing it away.
-Push back harder!
25
00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:58,857
Don't start a fight,
or we'll all be sent
to the principal's office.
26
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,208
-I can't stop it.
-I'll do it.
27
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:03,210
I'll do it. If your doctor
has to do your job for you,
28
00:02:03,253 --> 00:02:04,907
he'll have to reglove.
29
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:07,039
If you can't follow
an order, call for help.
30
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:08,171
I'm sorry, Major.
31
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,477
Hey, Margaret, take it easy.
32
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:10,913
She just doesn't like
a guy who grabs.
33
00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:12,219
Nobody asked you! Butt out!
34
00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:13,698
Bell, you're on report.
35
00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:15,135
For this? You're kidding.
36
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:17,572
No. Add talking back
to a superior officer.
37
00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:20,444
-Margaret, wait a minute.
-Carry on!
38
00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:22,185
Major, why don't you
reconsider?
39
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,405
She didn't do anything
but ruffle your fetlocks.
40
00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:26,102
Colonel, am I within my
authority as head nurse
41
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,451
if I put her on report?
42
00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:28,713
-Yes, but...
-Thank you.
43
00:02:28,757 --> 00:02:29,975
Margaret, as an officer
and a gentleman,
44
00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:31,455
you should forgive and forget.
45
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:33,414
If she's forgiving,
I'm forgetting.
46
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:35,198
Major, I, for one,
applaud
47
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:37,200
your sense of discipline
in the midst of chaos.
48
00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:40,421
-Go stuff it, balloon brain!
-Now I applaud that.
49
00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:43,772
[grunts, sighs]
Oh, Margaret,
let me give you a hand.
50
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:46,122
This may take a minute.
I'm used to doing this
in the dark.
51
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,690
-Go away.
-Don't panic. I'll have you
out of there in no time.
52
00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:50,822
I just wish you people
would leave me alone!
53
00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:53,173
Oh, yeah? Like the way
you left Nurse Bell alone?
54
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:55,218
I was doing my job!
55
00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:57,655
You never fall on
a nurse that hard
for such a nitpicky mistake.
56
00:02:57,699 --> 00:03:01,093
-You're too good for that.
What's eating you?
-Nothing!
57
00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:04,488
Come on. If you can't tell
your number-one nemesis,
who can you tell?
58
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:07,187
I can't.
59
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:09,711
-Can't even imagine
that it's true.
-What's true?
60
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:12,670
-Would you lower your voice?
-Is this low enough? I'm sorry.
61
00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:17,458
I'm using my larynx
as a subway station.
What is it?
62
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:20,243
Well, I was with Donald
63
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,289
about six weeks ago
in Tokyo, and...
64
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:23,942
Yeah?
65
00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:26,249
-Well, I think...
-What?
66
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:29,339
I'm pretty sure
that I'm pregnant.
67
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:31,385
-Pregnant?
-Shhh!
68
00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:33,604
-You mean with child?
-Shhh!
69
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,824
Expecting? Our little major
is gonna have a minor?
70
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:38,348
That's wonderful! Sorry.
71
00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:41,656
-There's nothing
wonderful about it.
-Are you kidding?
72
00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:45,094
All we see around here
is death and destruction.
73
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:46,530
Now, in the middle
of an inferno
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00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:48,184
that even Dante wouldn't
buy tickets to,
75
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,534
there's a little glimmer
of life, thanks to you.
76
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:53,798
That's not wonderful.
That's a miracle.
77
00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:56,236
You know Donald and I
are having problems.
78
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:58,194
This isn't gonna solve them.
79
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,370
It's only gonna add to them.
80
00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:02,416
And you know what it means,
don't you?
81
00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:04,374
Automatic discharge.
82
00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:06,463
My whole army career kaput!
83
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,510
It's all Donald's fault.
84
00:04:09,553 --> 00:04:12,077
Well, I wouldn't
put it all on Donald.
85
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:15,124
I mean, you were probably
there at the time.
86
00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:17,735
-What made you so sure?
-I have all the symptoms.
87
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:20,695
-Morning sickness, nausea.
-We all have that...
88
00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:22,958
-from the Mess Tent
takeout window.
-There's more.
89
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:24,264
I've been irritable lately.
90
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,874
Well, if you count
irritability,
91
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:29,443
you've been pregnant
since I've known you.
92
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,358
Captain,
that time of the month
93
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:33,185
hasn't been that time
of the month yet.
94
00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:35,840
-And that was last month.
-Maybe your watch stopped.
95
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:39,148
Look. Look. Have you
verified this medically?
96
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:41,672
-Well, no lab tests--
-Well, then what are you
guessing for?
97
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:45,197
Why don't we go see
Colonel Potter
and set up a test?
98
00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:47,461
Come on. Come on.
99
00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:50,594
You know, I hate you men.
100
00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:52,727
Now she tells us.
101
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:55,077
How's that shoulder feel,
Martinson?
102
00:04:57,384 --> 00:05:00,343
I think I did a bang-up job
on your bang-up...
103
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,302
even if I do say so myself.
104
00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:04,216
You're gonna send me
back up there, aren't ya, Doc?
105
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:05,696
You're ambulatory now.
106
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,656
You'll be out of here
by noon Thursday.
107
00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:11,528
You're lucky.
That's when our rates change.
108
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,313
[forced laugh]
109
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,360
I don't remember. Did I
remove your sense of humor?
110
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:21,408
Knock it off, Doc.
This morning I was leading
111
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:25,020
35 men down a hill
and retreated smack
into a minefield.
112
00:05:25,063 --> 00:05:26,761
That shrapnel you removed
from my shoulder
113
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,197
is what's left of
my sergeant's helmet.
114
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:31,026
He was right next to me
when the mine went up.
115
00:05:32,506 --> 00:05:35,944
I am not going back.
I won't go back.
116
00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,859
I know how you must feel.
117
00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:39,426
You think it's because
I'm scared, don't you?
118
00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:42,516
If you are, you're
not alone, soldier.
119
00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:43,865
I am not a soldier.
120
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:46,563
I never was a soldier.
121
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:48,696
I thought R.O.T.C. would
keep me out of active duty.
122
00:05:48,739 --> 00:05:50,741
Should've read the fine print.
123
00:05:50,785 --> 00:05:52,526
I thought they'd put me into
something I was prepared for.
124
00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:53,962
Like?
125
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,399
Art history-- I was
an art history major.
126
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,967
I think the Marines
are the only ones with
an art history division.
127
00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:01,056
I'm not kidding!
128
00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:03,363
They are not sending me
back into action.
129
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:06,061
I don't have what it takes
to lead men into combat.
130
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:08,542
That sergeant would still
be alive if it hadn't been
for me.
131
00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:11,240
Look, Martinson, you can't
blame yourself for that.
132
00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:13,416
Get out of here, will you?
133
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:16,071
Just leave me alone.
134
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,339
Bedside manner
failing you, Hunnicutt?
135
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,863
-Lay off, Winchester.
-What's this?
136
00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:27,604
"Attila the Pun" has lost
his sense of good humor?
137
00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:28,866
Drop it, Charles.
138
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:33,262
-Touchy.
-[door slams]
139
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:45,405
Colonel, I'd like to talk
to you about my family.
140
00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:46,710
It's--
141
00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:48,451
Excuse me for saying so.
142
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:49,931
Your mail is leaking,
Colonel.
143
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,193
Honey.
144
00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:53,674
Your mail is leaking,
honey.
145
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,240
Don't crack wise, Klinger.
146
00:06:55,284 --> 00:06:56,503
The missus knows
147
00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:58,418
how hard this stuff is
to get over here.
148
00:06:58,461 --> 00:06:59,984
She tried sending me a jar,
149
00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:02,726
but those mail jockeys cancel
packages with their boots.
150
00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:05,642
You're telling me.
Try to mail order
an atomizer of perfume
151
00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:06,948
and see what happens.
152
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:08,645
You mentioned something
about your family.
153
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:09,907
Oh. Oh. Yes, sir.
154
00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:11,692
It's been on my mind
for years now,
155
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,824
and I must get it
off my chest.
156
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:15,391
What is it this time?
157
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,915
[sigh] I've been
hiding it till now.
158
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,482
But these...
159
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,441
are my children.
160
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:24,531
I didn't want to burden
anyone with my troubles.
161
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,184
All nine of them.
162
00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:28,491
I've always
liked big families.
163
00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:30,319
How did this happen?
164
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:32,539
Well, you're a doctor, sir.
You ought to know.
165
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,018
I mean who's the mother?
166
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:35,193
Mothers.
167
00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:36,847
I see.
168
00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:39,328
I've finally given in
to my tortured conscience
169
00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:42,549
and decided to take full
financial responsibility.
170
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:44,202
That'll cost you a fortune.
171
00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:46,117
Exactly. It'll mean
172
00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:49,077
I'll require a hardship
discharge, of course,
173
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,382
but it's for the kids.
174
00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:51,949
Of course.
175
00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:54,343
Little Santos here
needs new shoes.
176
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:57,172
And Ellen will have
to have braces soon.
177
00:07:57,215 --> 00:07:58,782
And then
there's the twins--
178
00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:01,176
Achmed and Irene.
179
00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:04,701
This one is swarthy,
and the other is blonde.
180
00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:06,703
Fraternal twins.
181
00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:09,053
Klinger, none of these
kids look like you.
182
00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:10,838
They don't even look
like each other.
183
00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:12,361
Well, of course not.
184
00:08:12,404 --> 00:08:14,798
Their mothers raised them
to be individuals.
185
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:16,713
Who's the tall one?
186
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:18,628
That's Santos.
187
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,326
But you said
this was Santos.
188
00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:23,546
Uh, well, uh...
189
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,895
he is, too.
190
00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:26,767
I ran out of names.
191
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:29,204
This kid has got to be
at least 19.
192
00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:32,424
That would mean
you were a father at 11.
193
00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:34,818
Well, what's so unusual
about that?
194
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,559
I had a mustache
when I was 3.
195
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:38,256
Klinger, this is
the worst one yet.
196
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,998
In the first place,
I know half these kids.
197
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:42,783
This is Erin Hunnicutt.
198
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:45,220
Sergeant Zale's daughter
Zelda.
199
00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:47,918
And this is
my grandson Cory.
200
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,833
I knew it, I knew it!
201
00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:51,487
I shouldn't have gone
to Radar for these.
202
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,662
[splatter]
203
00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:56,840
Margaret,
will you sit down?
204
00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:58,712
I got holes in my shoes
just looking at you.
205
00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:01,323
-What's keeping that old coot?
-The old coot's here.
206
00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:03,020
-Oh, Colonel--
-I know.
207
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:04,587
It was said with affection.
208
00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:06,371
Colonel, Margaret may have
a little problem.
209
00:09:06,415 --> 00:09:08,069
-Is it you, Winchester,
or the nurses?
-I'm pregnant.
210
00:09:08,112 --> 00:09:10,941
Pregnant?
Well, zip-a-dee-doo-dah!
211
00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:13,117
I used "wonderful"
and "miracle."
212
00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:15,685
-Did you tell Donald yet?
-No.
213
00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:20,081
-Should you?
-Yes!
214
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:23,432
Then tell him.
I remember when
our son was born.
215
00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:26,348
Made me prouder
than a stallion out to stud.
216
00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:27,871
Colonel, I don't think
you're getting it.
217
00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:29,917
Uh, Margaret and Donald...
218
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,136
aren't, uh, uh-- [stammering]
219
00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:33,747
They're not, uh...
220
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,836
What he's trying
not to say, Colonel,
221
00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:38,708
is that Donald
and I are not...
222
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,928
I think I've got it now.
223
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:43,495
Not to mention the fact that
the army would make Margaret
224
00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:44,932
trade in her boots
for booties.
225
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:47,151
Isn't there some way
around that?
226
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:49,719
Can't we bend the rule
just a little bit?
227
00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:52,940
Only if you stay
just a little bit pregnant.
228
00:09:52,983 --> 00:09:54,768
We'll be sorry to lose you,
Margaret.
229
00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,552
Wait a minute.
We're not even sure
if she's pregnant.
230
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,728
-How about a lab test?
-Sure. I'll let her go
to Tokyo.
231
00:09:58,772 --> 00:10:01,296
No. Can't we do it here?
I don't want anyone else
to know.
232
00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:04,429
-We'd need a rabbit for that.
-Then get one!
233
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,954
What about, uh...
234
00:10:06,997 --> 00:10:08,956
-Radar?
-No. He'd never go for it.
235
00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:10,566
That rabbit's his pet.
236
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,220
He lives with it.
He reads to it.
237
00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:14,048
He'd even marry it
if it was the same religion.
238
00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:16,224
If it's a choice between his
rabbit and our head nurse--
239
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,182
-Then I outrank him!
-Who, the rabbit?
240
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,793
You sirs call me, sir?
241
00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:21,838
-Have a seat, son.
-A seat, sir?
242
00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:23,927
Yeah, here. There you go.
243
00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:26,321
-Uh, care for a drink?
-Uh, no, thank you, sir.
244
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,453
-Makes my ears wider.
-Still a growing boy.
245
00:10:28,497 --> 00:10:30,717
-Well, I sure could use one.
-A drink?
246
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,937
Yeah, you bet.
247
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:37,811
-Son, we need a favor from you.
-Oh, anything, sir.
248
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:41,379
-I think.
-Radar, you have
a female rabbit, don't you?
249
00:10:41,423 --> 00:10:44,992
-You mean Fluffy?
-Yeah, we'd like to, uh...
250
00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:46,863
borrow her for a while.
251
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,430
For a pregnancy test.
252
00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:50,432
Oh, no, sir. That couldn't be.
253
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:53,087
See, I keep her and Bongo
in separate cages.
254
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:56,481
If I didn't... Well, you know
what they say about rabbits.
255
00:10:56,525 --> 00:10:58,701
-That's just talk.
-[chuckles]
256
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,572
Can we get on with this?
257
00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:03,097
Yeah. Yeah.
The pregnancy test is for--
258
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:04,402
Captain!
259
00:11:04,446 --> 00:11:06,056
Well, on behalf of Fluffy,
260
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,058
he has a right to know.
261
00:11:08,102 --> 00:11:10,539
The test is
for Major Houlihan.
262
00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:11,975
You're gonna be
a mother, sir?
263
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:13,411
Well, we don't know yet.
264
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:14,804
That's why
we need the rabbit.
265
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:16,545
Oh.
266
00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:18,329
What does Fluffy
have to do in this test?
267
00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:20,375
She doesn't have to do anything.
It's very simple.
268
00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:23,030
We inject her with some fluid
from Major Houlihan.
269
00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:25,641
Then, about 48 hours later,
we check the rabbit's ovaries,
270
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,383
and if there's any change,
then the test is positive,
271
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:31,647
and Margaret is a mother-to-be
and a major-that-was.
272
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,431
Well, that doesn't
sound so bad.
273
00:11:33,475 --> 00:11:35,346
Radar, to check the ovaries,
274
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:37,784
we have to put them
under a magnifying glass.
275
00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:39,350
Uh-huh. So?
276
00:11:39,394 --> 00:11:41,918
We don't put all of her
under the glass,
277
00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:43,877
just the ovaries.
278
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,967
Oh, no!
279
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:49,317
Oh, no!
No-no, no-no, no-no!
280
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,450
You're not gonna kill
my Fluffy.
281
00:11:52,494 --> 00:11:55,192
You're not gonna use
my rabbit as a guinea pig!
282
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:57,368
Why, I-- That would be murder!
283
00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:00,415
There you go, Bongo.
284
00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:02,939
I know you'll be lonely
without Fluffy.
285
00:12:02,983 --> 00:12:05,420
Don't eat too much.
You'll get too big
for your house.
286
00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:07,770
-Wish you hadn't done that.
-Yeah, well,
287
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,729
I figured I'd rather let her
go than to see her killed.
288
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:11,600
Radar, I know how much
you love her,
289
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:13,428
but we wouldn't have asked
if it wasn't so important.
290
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:15,386
-Yeah, but why do
you have to kill her?
-I told you.
291
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:16,997
The ovaries have
to be examined.
292
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,302
Can't you just take 'em
out of her
293
00:12:18,346 --> 00:12:20,609
and then let her stay alive?
294
00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:24,047
-Operate on a rabbit?
-Yeah!
295
00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:26,658
I've never done that before,
not even on a chocolate one.
296
00:12:26,702 --> 00:12:29,531
-But it's possible.
-Yeah, theoretically, sure.
297
00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:31,925
But it's all academic now.
298
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:35,015
Well. Yeah.
299
00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,451
No, it's not.
300
00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:40,107
Houdini O'Reilly, I caught
your act at the Palladium.
301
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:41,456
No. No. No.
302
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:43,110
You promise you'll take good
care of her?
303
00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:44,502
I'll do my best.
304
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:46,200
Yeah, and you'll be
real gentle with her
305
00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:48,289
and talk to her when
you're putting her under.
306
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:51,205
-I'll read to her
from Uncle Wiggily.
-Yeah, well...
307
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:54,686
-Okay. I guess
that's all right.
-Okay. Come on.
308
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:58,038
-Okay.
-She'll still be able
to have kids, won't she?
309
00:12:58,081 --> 00:12:59,648
-Radar.
-Yeah, well...
310
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,482
-HAWKEYE: Clamp.
-MARGARET: Clamp.
311
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:09,049
More suction, Margaret.
312
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:11,573
I'm trying.
It's so small in there.
313
00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:13,618
Nonsense.
There's nothing to it.
314
00:13:13,662 --> 00:13:16,708
-Tweezers.
-Tweezers.
315
00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:18,580
Radar, you don't have
to wait outside.
316
00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:21,670
-What'd you say, sir?
-I said you can come in!
317
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:24,368
There are still seats available
for season ticket holders.
318
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:27,154
-Uhh. No thanks.
-MARGARET: Oh, come on!
319
00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:29,330
You've seen hundreds
of people operated on.
320
00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:30,940
Yeah, but people bad stuff
321
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,594
isn't as bad
as rabbit bad stuff.
322
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:34,030
I'll just wait out here.
323
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,292
Why don't you and Bongo
read a magazine
324
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:36,337
in the waiting room?
325
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,860
Right.
326
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:42,082
And... there we are.
327
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:45,476
Great. Can we take a look?
328
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,652
Uh-uh. We gotta get our patient
back on her paws.
329
00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:49,263
Hey, doc, what's the verdict?
330
00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:50,481
Do I get to live?
331
00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:52,483
Can I go home to Buffalo?
332
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:54,050
Well, there's no
internal damage.
333
00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:56,966
As for your going home,
I'd say in about a week.
334
00:13:57,010 --> 00:14:01,014
And as for your
living in Buffalo,
335
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,929
I'd call that
a contradiction in terms,
336
00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:04,060
you know?
337
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,457
Why don't they leave me
alone? I...
338
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,460
-Let me go home.
-Look, Tom.
339
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:15,898
I hate this place, this war,
just as much as you do.
340
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,509
But there really isn't
a whole hell of a lot
we can do about it
341
00:14:18,553 --> 00:14:20,468
except cope with the situation
as best we can.
342
00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:21,948
That or rent a room
in Leavenworth.
343
00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:24,341
No. I have to get
out of here.
344
00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:25,342
Come here.
345
00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:30,347
-There is another way.
-All right. What is it?
346
00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:33,394
I can recommend you be sent
to Tokyo for psychiatric
observation.
347
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:35,396
Oh, no, I'm not
letting those headhunters
348
00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:37,833
get ahold of me and put in
my record that I'm nuts.
349
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,356
"This is to certify
that Tom Martinson,
350
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,880
Associate Professor
of Art History,
351
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,142
went bonkers in Korea"?
352
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,491
Tom, they're not there
to brand you.
353
00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:44,622
They're there to help you.
354
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:45,797
Oh, don't you lie to me!
355
00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:47,321
I spent four years at Yale.
356
00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:49,062
I took all those courses.
It's bull.
357
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:51,020
I'll tell you
what they'll say.
358
00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:53,501
"Neurotic tendencies,
severe paranoia,
manic-depressive."
359
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:55,285
Will you slow down?
360
00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:56,939
Hunnicutt, would you mind if
I talked to him for a moment?
361
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,636
-It might help.
-Be my guest.
362
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,987
Well, now, don't--
don't go away.
363
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,510
I think it's important
you observe this.
364
00:15:02,553 --> 00:15:05,382
What class were you in,
Lieutenant?
365
00:15:05,426 --> 00:15:08,081
-Yale '48.
-Harvard '43.
366
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,083
Major Charles Emerson
Winchester.
367
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:12,215
I could tell at once--
Sit down. I could-- Go ahead.
368
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:15,349
I could tell at once
that you were a man
of education and breeding.
369
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:18,482
I guess the army is no place
for a couple of Ivy Leaguers
like us.
370
00:15:18,526 --> 00:15:19,788
-Is it, Lieutenant?
-No.
371
00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:21,790
Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.
372
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:26,229
-No. It surely isn't.
-The daily grind.
The stupidity.
373
00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:29,450
The riffraff that one
is forced to associate with.
374
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:32,801
-Would you hand me that pack?
-Surely.
375
00:15:32,844 --> 00:15:36,326
If I were in your shoes,
Lieutenant, and I am,
376
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:37,762
I'd feel exactly
the same way that you do,
377
00:15:37,806 --> 00:15:39,634
which I do. [laughs]
378
00:15:39,677 --> 00:15:40,940
I understand completely.
379
00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:43,290
I'm glad to hear that,
Major.
380
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:48,164
'Cause I know
you'll understand this.
381
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,557
-I'm goin' home. Don't move.
-Oh, well, now,
382
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:50,993
when I said
I understand completely,
383
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,821
I didn't mean that I
completely understand.
384
00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:54,388
Obviously, there are things
that I don't understand at all.
385
00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:55,606
Hunnicutt,
do something, please?
386
00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:57,695
-Tom...
-Stand back. Stand back.
387
00:15:57,739 --> 00:16:00,307
-I'll shoot this man
if I have to.
-Okay. Not that okay.
388
00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:03,136
-You take me to your C.O.
-I should've expected this
from a Yale man.
389
00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:07,618
-Where is he?
-Colonel Potter!
390
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:09,707
Colonel Potter!
Is that too loud?
391
00:16:09,751 --> 00:16:11,535
-Just get him!
-Colonel Potter, would you
mind stepping out here
392
00:16:11,579 --> 00:16:12,841
for a moment, sir, please?
393
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,234
This better be good,
Winchester.
394
00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:15,931
Oh, it is, Colonel.
Colonel Potter,
395
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,020
-this is Lieutenant Martinson.
-Are you the C.O.?
396
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:20,327
-What do you think
you're doing, son?
-Getting out of here.
397
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:22,372
And I'll shoot this man
if I don't get what I want.
398
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:24,418
Let's just talk about this,
nice and easy.
399
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,028
My boy,
I'm Father Mulcahy.
400
00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:28,596
He is. He really is.
He's wearing pajamas now,
401
00:16:28,639 --> 00:16:30,815
-but he's a real father.
-[Mulcahy] Please, Major!
402
00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:34,428
Son, right now, this may
seem like the road to freedom.
403
00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:36,778
But in reality, it's a pathway
to self-destruction!
404
00:16:36,821 --> 00:16:40,608
I want a chopper,
a transport to the States,
405
00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:42,262
food and clothing
to get me back to Ohio.
406
00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:43,872
I think you ought to
give it to him, Colonel.
407
00:16:43,915 --> 00:16:47,049
Okay. You got it. Let
Major Winchester go now,
408
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:49,182
and I'll personally
guarantee your safety.
409
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:50,531
-I got my guarantee right here.
-Ow!
410
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:52,359
Now let's see
that chopper!
411
00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:54,622
We'll have to call one in.
He'll be here at dawn.
412
00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:57,146
-POTTER: Radar!
-No good! I want one now!
413
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:59,235
Colonel, don't put him
on a waiting list.
414
00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:01,237
I'd get one for you
if I could.
415
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:02,717
But choppers
can't fly at night.
416
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,458
It's not like they
have headlights.
417
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:05,981
B.J.: You're gonna have
to wait till morning, Tom.
418
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,809
He better be
telling the truth.
419
00:17:07,852 --> 00:17:09,071
Do something.
420
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:10,420
Listen, you can
wait in my office
421
00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:12,335
until the chopper
gets here.
422
00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:14,250
-No harm'll come
to ya. I promise.
-Just stay back!
423
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:16,339
-[murmuring]
-It's a trick. Get over here.
424
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:18,124
They're trying to confuse me.
Get back, all of you!
425
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:20,865
Get back, get back, get back!
That's an order!
426
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,084
That's an urgent
request to you, sir.
427
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:23,651
Now, don't try
and follow me.
428
00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:25,696
-Right. I'll stay here.
-Move it. Come on.
429
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:26,915
Let's go. Come on!
430
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,879
You did a fine job,
Captain.
431
00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:37,795
I've never seen
such delicate work.
432
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:41,451
-So small.
-So round, so firm,
so fully packed.
433
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:42,931
Is it over yet?
434
00:17:42,974 --> 00:17:45,281
Okay, Daddy.
You can look now.
435
00:17:45,325 --> 00:17:48,676
Ooh! Aw, Fluffy!
Ooh, you're gonna be okay.
436
00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:50,765
-Oh, thank you, sir.
-No problem, Radar.
437
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:52,723
Couple of days, she'll be
the queen of the hop.
438
00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:54,682
-Can we run the
test now, please?
-Yeah.
439
00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:56,423
Yeah. Let's put the specimen
under the glass.
440
00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:58,120
I'll get it.
441
00:17:58,164 --> 00:17:59,774
Charles, learn to knock first.
442
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,123
We have a naked bunny in here.
443
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,864
And he has a loaded pistol
back here.
444
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:03,908
Oh, my God! He does.
445
00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:05,432
-Cripes!
-Quiet!
446
00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:07,129
You're supposed to be
on our side, fella.
447
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,522
Please forgive him.
He's an idiot.
448
00:18:08,565 --> 00:18:10,263
Get over there.
The rest of you, outside.
449
00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:12,134
Keep your hands up
where I can see 'em.
450
00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:13,614
She doesn't have hands.
She's a rabbit.
451
00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:15,094
Please do as he says!
452
00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:16,269
We're going. We're going.
453
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:18,009
[overlapping chatter]
454
00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:19,707
Uh-oh. Your shoulder's
bleeding.
455
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:21,100
Can I fix that for you?
456
00:18:21,143 --> 00:18:24,320
So I can put the gun down,
huh? No way! Out!
457
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,714
Or that man's life
isn't worth a dime.
458
00:18:26,757 --> 00:18:29,020
-We were just going anyway.
-Come on! Move it! Go!
459
00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:31,153
-Okay. We're moving it.
-Move!
460
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:33,068
-I just need my specimen.
-Get out!
461
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,157
-Out!
-Get out!
462
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:37,072
Don't be nervous.
463
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:40,815
RADAR: Wild look in his eye.
464
00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:42,730
He's holding my specimen!
465
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:45,080
-I mean, a gun on Charles.
-Who is that guy?
466
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,343
-Patient of mine.
Wants to go home.
-Via Hostage Airlines?
467
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,737
-That's the ticket.
-Radar, get on the horn
to Dispatch.
468
00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:51,173
Tell 'em to get
a chopper here by dawn.
469
00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:52,957
Tell 'em to clear
a flight to Ohio.
470
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:54,307
Did I hear Ohio?
471
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,396
A patient is holding
Major Winchester hostage
472
00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:58,180
until they get to Ohio!
473
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:00,356
Why is everybody standing
around like a bunch of ducks?
474
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,966
Somebody go in there
and get him!
475
00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:03,664
Colonel, I volunteer.
476
00:19:03,707 --> 00:19:05,187
Klinger, come back!
You'll get killed!
477
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,189
Now, there goes
a real man!
478
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:09,409
Hey, buddy, take me!
I'll go with you.
479
00:19:09,452 --> 00:19:12,325
-Stay back, lady.
-Klinger, you moron.
480
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:15,850
-Okay. Take it easy.
Just wanna talk.
-Are you armed?
481
00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:17,634
You kidding?
Where would I put it?
482
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:18,896
Did they get the chopper?
483
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:21,160
Nah. Somethin' better.
484
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:24,032
-Me!
-What?
485
00:19:24,075 --> 00:19:26,208
Take me instead of him.
I got your escape plan.
486
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:28,167
I got my own plan...
487
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,386
a chopper to Seoul,
a plane back to Ohio.
488
00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:32,562
I'm from Toledo.
I know people there.
489
00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:34,390
I could make it easy for you.
490
00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:37,001
Take him! He's got a plan!
491
00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:40,831
I would be lost in Ohio.
Take him, please? Please.
492
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:42,790
Please. I've never
even been to Ohio.
493
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:44,618
He was born and raised
there. He's...
494
00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:47,360
Okay! Okay! Get out of here!
Anything's better than you!
495
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:49,492
He's absolutely right about
that, isn't he, Klinger?
496
00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:51,190
Oh, yes, sir. Anything.
497
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:53,148
-Thank you, Klinger.
-Go on. Get out of here.
498
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,889
Right. Just a sec.
499
00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:57,239
Klinger, I deeply appreciate
your sacrifice for my safety
500
00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,328
and I sincerely hope that
you survive this ordeal.
501
00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:02,157
-Get lost!
-All right. Getting lost.
502
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:06,335
-[chattering]
-Charles!
503
00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:08,207
MARGARET:
Charles! Thank goodness.
504
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,078
Ladies and gentlemen--
505
00:20:10,121 --> 00:20:11,122
Are you all right, Major?
506
00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:12,907
Of course I'm all right.
507
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,480
-Now, we've gotta save Klinger.
-Tag team kidnapping.
508
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,395
The best thing to do
in a situation like this
509
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,353
is to give the kid
what he asks for.
510
00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:25,920
Look. Can't we talk him
out of there?
511
00:20:25,963 --> 00:20:27,661
Tranquilize him, anything?
512
00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:29,097
If talking hasn't done
any good this far,
513
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,620
he's beyond
rational thinking.
514
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:32,100
I don't think Klinger's
in any danger,
515
00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:33,754
unless we make
some grandstand play.
516
00:20:33,797 --> 00:20:35,843
We'll just sit tight
and wait for that chopper.
517
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:37,540
I'm starting
to feel sick again.
518
00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:39,934
Take it easy, Margaret.
When all this is over,
519
00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:41,849
we'll go for a walk
through the looking glass.
520
00:20:41,892 --> 00:20:44,721
Believe you me, buddy...
521
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:47,985
as soon as we hit downtown
Toledo, we're home free!
522
00:20:48,029 --> 00:20:52,120
I know enough shady people
and places there to keep us
out of daylight for years.
523
00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:55,515
But we'll make it.
Even if we have to struggle,
524
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,821
live on pita bread and water,
sleep with the rats!
525
00:20:57,865 --> 00:21:00,868
We... We... Kid, kid!
Come on! Come on!
526
00:21:00,911 --> 00:21:03,436
Look alive! You gotta look alive
if our scheme's gonna work.
527
00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:06,830
-Okay. All right.
-POTTER: Klinger,
you still all right?
528
00:21:06,874 --> 00:21:09,920
Oh, uh, fine, sir, just fine!
529
00:21:09,964 --> 00:21:11,661
-[groans]
-But this guy,
530
00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:14,316
he's got a real mean look
in his eyes, though.
531
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,796
You better get that chopper.
532
00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:17,667
POTTER: It's here!
Anytime you're ready!
533
00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:20,496
And tell Martinson there'll be
no attempt to stop him.
534
00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:22,890
-Do you hear that?
We're almost home!
-Yeah.
535
00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:25,109
-Come on. Come on,
now walk tall.
-Okay.
536
00:21:25,153 --> 00:21:28,722
-Okay. Okay, Lieutenant.
Let's... Let's move me out.
-[groans]
537
00:21:28,765 --> 00:21:32,595
-Hut, two, three, four!
-[mutters]
538
00:21:32,639 --> 00:21:35,816
Oh, come on, kid.
Kid, you can do it.
You can do it.
539
00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:39,123
So let's get out there
and win one for the ol' Gipper!
540
00:21:39,167 --> 00:21:42,431
So, kid, huh? That's it.
Hut, two, three, four.
541
00:21:42,475 --> 00:21:44,477
-Hut...
-Hut, two, three, four.
542
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,522
-Hut...
-Hut, two, three, four.
That's it, kid.
543
00:21:46,566 --> 00:21:48,437
Ooh, you got it.
Now, you got it.
544
00:21:48,481 --> 00:21:51,135
-KLINGER: All right,
everybody. Stay back!
-[murmuring]
545
00:21:51,179 --> 00:21:53,486
He's not afraid
to use that thing.
He'll fill me full of lead.
546
00:21:53,529 --> 00:21:55,096
-Take it easy, Klinger.
-I don't mind, sir.
547
00:21:55,139 --> 00:21:56,967
I'll go all the way
to Ohio if I have to.
548
00:21:57,011 --> 00:21:58,534
It's in the line of duty.
549
00:21:58,578 --> 00:22:00,754
Keep the gun up, kid.
You're doing great.
550
00:22:02,582 --> 00:22:04,714
Wait a minute.
I'll be right back.
551
00:22:04,758 --> 00:22:07,543
All right, get back!
Get back. Don't rush him.
552
00:22:07,587 --> 00:22:09,850
He could come to any second.
553
00:22:09,893 --> 00:22:12,287
He's lost a lot of blood.
We'd better get him to O.R.
554
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,463
-POTTER: Stretcher
for this man. Pronto!
-Oh, come on, kid.
555
00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:16,422
You can't do this to me.
You can't!
556
00:22:16,465 --> 00:22:20,208
-Well?
-Oh, my God.
This is incredible.
557
00:22:20,251 --> 00:22:21,514
What? What?
558
00:22:21,557 --> 00:22:22,863
I never knew
my thumb was this big.
559
00:22:22,906 --> 00:22:24,386
Oh, will you cut it out?
560
00:22:24,430 --> 00:22:26,127
All right. Wait a minute.
561
00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:28,129
-There.
-What?
562
00:22:28,172 --> 00:22:31,088
-And the winner is...
-Pierce!
563
00:22:31,132 --> 00:22:33,526
-Negative.
-Negative?
564
00:22:33,569 --> 00:22:35,919
-Negative.
-Congratulations.
565
00:22:35,963 --> 00:22:38,052
You're still a major,
Major.
566
00:22:38,095 --> 00:22:41,925
Yeah. I guess I still am.
Thank you.
567
00:22:41,969 --> 00:22:44,841
-Thank you very much.
-I'm glad it turned out
the way you wanted it to.
568
00:22:44,885 --> 00:22:47,540
So am I.
569
00:22:47,583 --> 00:22:48,932
I'm also sorry.
570
00:22:51,544 --> 00:22:52,893
So am I.
571
00:23:01,075 --> 00:23:04,426
Okay, Fluffy.
One more time. Easy now.
572
00:23:04,470 --> 00:23:07,777
Actually, it's not all bad,
you know.
573
00:23:07,821 --> 00:23:11,694
Now you and Bongo can live
in the same cage. [giggles]
574
00:23:11,738 --> 00:23:13,957
-Corporal?
-Yes, ma'am.
575
00:23:14,001 --> 00:23:16,395
Uh, excuse me for not
saluting. She needs me.
576
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:18,005
Uh, that's okay.
577
00:23:18,048 --> 00:23:19,833
Corporal, I just
stopped by to, uh,
578
00:23:19,876 --> 00:23:21,400
well, to thank you again.
579
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,402
Now that it's over,
that is.
580
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:25,447
Ooh. You mean,
you're not, uh...
581
00:23:25,491 --> 00:23:26,883
Uh...
582
00:23:26,927 --> 00:23:28,494
[chuckles]
No, I'm not pregnant.
583
00:23:28,537 --> 00:23:30,365
-Oh.
-Just a little
gallbladder trouble.
584
00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:31,758
-Oh.
-I want you to know
585
00:23:31,801 --> 00:23:33,499
I appreciate what you
and Fluffy did--
586
00:23:33,542 --> 00:23:35,457
sacrificing her ovaries
587
00:23:35,501 --> 00:23:38,329
-so that I could find out.
-Oh, that's okay, ma'am.
588
00:23:38,373 --> 00:23:40,201
I know you'd do
the same for Fluffy.
589
00:23:41,332 --> 00:23:43,422
♪♪ [theme]
45014
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