All language subtitles for MASH (1972) - S04E08 - The Kids (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track4_[eng]

♪♪ [theme]

B.J.:
Give me another clamp.

[chatter]

Mmm.

Golden, golden.

Ahh.

Ah, 17 straight
hours of surgery.

Anybody seen my back?

I could sleep
for a week.

You promised
to do my toenails.

Tick a lock.

Does he really
do her toenails?

His father was a
world-famous manicurist.

[chuckle] Son of a gun.

You're always
full of comebacks.

Thank you.

Kellye, I want
an hourly report

on that arterial
transplant patient.

Yes, Doctor.

Colonel Potter? Uh, Colonel.

Oh, we just got a radio
message from Nurse Cratty.

What's a Nurse Cratty?

Meg Cratty. Runs
a civilian orphanage

about 30 miles
north of here.

Uh, sir, she said
they're being shelled

and they've got
to evacuate.

Good Lord,
all those children.

Happened last year, too.
They bunked with us.

Some of the kids are sick,

and she's got a pregnant woman
who's gonna have a baby.

Oh, no! Are we gonna have
to go through that again?

-They steal!
-Burns, shut your face.

Last year, they took a roll
of my best toilet paper.

They just wanted to
look at the pictures.

Let's get cuttin'.

Major, break out the extra
cots, blankets, pillows,

-whatever we need.
-Yes, sir.

Corporal,
I'll need a detail.

All right, everybody.

We're getting company
from the orphanage.

I need the mattresses.
Bill, please.

Klinger, put that down.
I need you.

-You just said pick it up!
-We need supplies.

Mattresses, cots, extra
blankets, extra pillows.

WOMAN: Got any of
those little towels?

Get those mattresses
outta here.

Put those two cots
in Colonel Potter's tent.

Those two in
Colonel Potter's tent.

Put these two cots in,
uh, Major Burns' tent.

Major Burns' tent.
Those two.

-Put these two in my tent.
-Those two in her tent.

Are you gonna stand
there clowning around,

or are you gonna help me?

Major, I guess
you haven't noticed!

-This is not a house dress.
-Go get in your fatigues.

-Fatigues? In the evening?
-Move it!

-Isn't she beautiful?
-FRANK: Margaret!

Put that in my tent. I have
to get this done, Frank.

Margaret.
Margaret. Come here,
come here, come here.

What is it?

I wanna show you
something.

Not here!

No, this came in a box,
when we were working.

Okay, keep it moving.
Keep it moving.

-It's a Purple Heart.
-Yeah!

-Well, who's it for?
-Me, silly!

You? How? When?

How-- When were
you wounded?

Oh, you know,
last month,

when those two snipers
infiltrated.

-You never told me.
-Well...

I know. You didn't
want to worry me.

Oh, well, when have I ever
asked for sympathy, hmm?

Resisting the pain.

-Yeah.
-Holding it back.

Keeping that tiny
little chin firm.

Laugh, clown, laugh.

-[wincing]
-Oh, I'm sorry.

-Wanna get that side?
-Yeah, I got it.

I'll do this.
Why don't you start
the other one?

Ah, shame you decided
to become a doctor.

You'd have made
a great chambermaid.

-I've done both in my time.
-Hmm.

Worked in a resort hotel to
help my way through pre-med.

Ten dollars a week

and all the pride
I could swallow.

Oh, caramba!

Don't tell me we're
having two foreigners

sleeping in here.

Frank, this is
their country.

We're the ones
from out of town.

Oh, always attacking us
and defending them.

If you like it so much,
why don't you live here?

I do live here, Frank.

You know, you really
ought to see

a proctologist about
possible brain damage.

What's that
you're wearing, Frank?

Just my citation.

Citation, Gracie?

That's a Purple Heart.

Yeah, it's a Purple Heart.

You were never wounded.

I most certainly was!

When?

During the sniper attack
a month ago.

I got a shell fragment
in my eye.

Hold the phone, Central!

I'm the one
who treated that eye.

That was an eggshell
fragment.

Nevertheless,
it was the result of combat,

and it's on my service
record as "shell fragment."

You were breaking
open a boiled egg
and got nervous.

Those are for kids
who really get shot up.

-I could have lost my eye!
-Oh, yeah.

There are hundreds of
cases of losing an eye

from a three-minute egg!

-Give it back, Frank.
-Not on your Nellie!

Frank, you don't get medals
for other people's blood.

RADAR:
She's here, sirs,
Nurse Cratty.

-They're here.
-Come on.

Sir?

Uh, Major?

I know,
I'm not "deef!"

Hi.

Okay.

-Hiya, Meg.
-Oh,

would you believe
they're bombin' us again?

War is no fun if you
don't bomb orphans.

This is, uh,
Dr. Hunnicutt.

Trapper John's
gone Stateside.

My sympathies
to both of ya.

Thanks.

Well, Colonel.

-You look terrific.
-Well, of course I do.

I just came from
the beauty parlor.

Is this your
whole bunch?

All except the
little mother-to-be.

We dropped her down the road
to visit her in-laws.

She'll be along.

Hi. I remember you.

-Well, Father.
-Lovely.

I just washed.

Mama san, Mama san.
Mama san.

-She thinks I'm a woman.
-Never dreaming.

I gave you jockey shorts
for Mother's Day.

Okay, open your mouth.

I hope you like this.

Some of it was cooked
before you were born.

MARGARET:
Right this way.

You got a little
passenger here.

I'll take him
from you.

Come on.

Hmm, eyes clear.

Got two bits, Joe?

My name is Major Burns,
not Joe.

And I'm going to pretend
I didn't hear that, Jasper.

-Next.
-Frank, give the poor
child a quarter.

-No!
-Frank,

stick a crowbar in your wallet
and give it to him!

-Here.
-Thanks.

-You're welcome.
-Match you double
or nothing, Joe?

See?

Well, you don't have
to play with him.

Hmm, I'm gonna
teach him a lesson.

All right.

Thanks.

Next!

Little cheat.

Oh, Frank,
how did he cheat?

Oh, they have
their ways.

How'd he lose
his leg?

Oh, they pick up shells
to sell for brass.

Once in a while,
they get a live one.

Oh, God.

Okay.

You've already
had your inoculation.

Four bits?
Double or nothing?

-Am-scray!
-[sputter]

-We wanna hear a story.
-I don't know any stories.

-Come on, tell us a story.
-Honest, I don't
know any stories.

You tell a story.
You gotta practice
for your little girl.

Well, I could
tell them, um,

about "Jack
and the Beanstalk,"

but I have a
fear of heights.

Freud says that has
something to do with sex.

My wife's only 5'1".

-Aw, give us a story.
-Story.

Okay, okay. Once
there was an army doctor--

a bad, bad major.

What did he do?

He pretended
he deserved something

that only certain
soldiers can have.

He accepted a medal
that he wasn't entitled to.

If you think I don't know
who you're talking about,
you're a dumb Dora.

[laughs]

Okay, okay.
I'll give it a try.

Once upon a time...

You're a natural.

A long, long time ago,

there lived a young man...

named Androcles.

Now, Androcles was a very kind,
very gentle young man.

One day he was taking
a walk in the wilds,

and he came upon a great big...

ferocious-looking lion.

[roars]

[laughing]

Well, that's it,
thought Androcles.

"He's gonna
have me for lunch."

But instead of eating him,
the lion held out his paw

to show him that there
was a great big thorn

stuck right in his paw.

Now, Androcles realized
that he could run away

because the lion was in so much
pain, he couldn't chase him.

But instead,
you know what he did?

Androcles very gently

removed that thorn
from the lion's paw...

and the lion was so happy,
he just walked right away.

Androcles thought no more
about that lion for years,

until one day he was arrested

by some guys
called the Romans

who wanted to punish him
for his faith.

You see, Androcles
was not only very kind,

he was also very Gentile.

And, uh, these Roman guys,
they threw him into an arena

and let out--
to tear him to pieces--

a gigantic, ferocious lion.

Well, sir--

They're asleep.

-Yeah, so?
-So what?

So what happened
to Androcles and the lion?

You know what happened.

You're not gonna finish?

I think your senility's
here ahead of schedule.

Okay, okay.

Just for that, I'm not
gonna tell you the version

where the papa bear
comes home alone.

-[knock on door]
-Yo.

-Hi, Meg.
-Hi, guys.

-You got any tea
left in this kettle?
-Comin' up.

-[sigh]
-Kids all bedded down?

Mm-hmm. I'm a little worried
about Sung Lee, though.

That's my expectant mother.
She should be here by now.

-Bubble gum?
-Mm-hmm. Want some?

Uh-uh. But please
don't blow any bubbles.

It scares the kids.

They think your stomach's
comin' out.

[sigh] You know,
that stuff's a lot better
than it used to be.

It's our aging process.

We let it sit a full
20 minutes now.

POTTER:
You sure you want
more of this story?

You really don't
understand.

You want more?

You do want more.
Okay, here we go.

"Field stripping, cleaning,
and routine maintenance

"of Garand rifles,
Section 22.

"Repeated disassembly
and assembly

"causes excessive
wear of parts,

"and will eventually reduce
the accuracy of the weapon.

See Figure 57."

Oh, pictures
and everything.

"To disassemble piece
into above groups,

"place butt
against left thigh,

"sights to the left.

"With thumb and
forefinger of right hand,

"pull downward and outward

"on rear of
trigger guard.

"Swing trigger guard out
as far as it will go

and remove trigger
housing assembly."

And so they lived
happily ever after.

[mumbling]
Assembly.

-Halt!
-Aah!

-Sorry.
-It's okay.

Sorry.
Going to the latrine?

Yeah, both of us.

Mention my name.
Take good care of him.

[distant clanging]

What's that?

Nurse Cratty.
Nurse Cratty!

RADAR: Hey!

Oh, my God!
That's the pregnant girl.
She's been shot!

-Medic! Medic!
-Hey, hey!

Hey, medic!

Aah! Hey, somebody!

Help! Somebody!

♪♪ [playing Mozart on piano]

Shh.

[whispering] You've
got to stop, honey.

Sack time.

You were terrific.

You can play
in the morning.

Hey, you're real good.

I betcha you know
"Chopsticks," huh?

There you are.
Nice and warm.

Mama san.

No. No mama san.
Corporal Klinger.

Mama san.

G.I. Joe.

Look.

See? No McGuffies.

Everybody sleep.

[fake snore]

♪♪

She took a bullet through
the lower abdomen.

Blood pressure's 80 over 40.

Baby's heartbeat's
audible.

-[woman groaning]
-It-- It's 90.

We gotta get in there,
see what's bleeding,

and then do
a Caesarian section.

Otherwise, we'll
lose them both.

-Doctor?
-Only thing to do.

Pump in some
more plasma,

and let's get some
whole blood up here.

-I've already sent for it.
-Prep her, Major.

-Midline incision.
Stem to stern.
-Yes, Doctor.

Anybody done
a Caesarian lately?

Uh, damned arthritis is eating
up my knuckles.

-Hawkeye?
-I haven't delivered a kid

since I drove my nephew
over to his grandmother's.

-That's close enough.
-What are the heart rates?

Maternal, 140.

Baby, 75.

B.J.'s fresh out
of residency.

Just a kidney stone's
throw away.

-It's up to you, B.J.
-Right.

You deal, we'll kibitz.

Patient's ready, Doctor.

Fine, Major.
Shall we make a baby?

MAN [on P.A.]: Attention,
all surgical staff.

Heavy night patrol action.

Stand by for
incoming wounded.

Wounded. 4:30 a.m.

Terrific.

You could set your watch
by this war.

-Corporal.
-Sir.

Did you see a Slicky Boy
come through here?

Sir, you'll wake her.

I saw that little thief

hanging around
officers' country.

Something missing from
your tent, Major?

Oh, it's only
a matter of time. Hmm.

Stealing isn't even
considered a crime

in this godforsaken country.

It's because
they're poor, Major.

They have to steal
to survive.

Well, there's no reason
for being poor!

And if they had any gumption,

they'd be out
looking for a job

instead of always
scrounging around

in our garbage cans
for food.

Yes, sir.

Where are the rest
of the children?

Can you see
that bleeder?

I think so.

Looks like
the uterine artery.

Clamp.

-Sponge that, Margaret.
-Sponge.

Send his X-rays
to his draft board

in case they like
horror pictures.

Let's get some of this
blood off the floor.

Corpsman.

What's wrong
with wall-to-wall
blood, Colonel?

Steady, Hawkeye.

Clamp.

I'll give you
more retraction.

I'll clamp
the uterine off

and try not to
get the ureter.

Then I'll go
after the baby.

Her blood pressure's
dropping, doctor.

70 over 30.

More blood.
Pump it in.

Close this for me, Margaret.

I've got 20 parties
waiting for this table.

Fresh gloves!

Something in a blue suede.

Hawkeye,
take a look at this.

Better do
a nephrectomy.

Gimme a retractor.

May I be of any help?

Everybody has, Father.

Might as well bring in
the Chairman of the Board.

Clamp.

♪♪

Oh, stop behaving
like a child.

Retract a little more
of it.

What's the story, B.J.?

Bleeding's controlled.

Terrific.

I'm going
after the baby.

-Classical section.
-Kellye?

Pressure's barely holding.

The rotten snipers.

It's their job
to be rotten.

The bullet came awfully
close to the baby.

Cross your fingers.

Good luck, B.J.

Here we are.

See the place
I fixed up for you?

Oh.

What a big girl.

There. Now listen,
don't worry.

They're not gonna
move you from in here.

You gonna go back
to sleep, huh?

Gonna try?

♪ Bye-lo baby

♪ Bye-lo baby

♪ Bye-lo baby

♪ Bye-lo baby bye

♪ Daddy still loves you

♪ Daddy still loves you

♪ Daddy still loves you

♪ Though he's gone to war

Colonel, I'd like
to talk to you.

Get on a table.

Has that Slicky Boy
been in here?

Scrub, Major.
We need your hands.

Well, heaven only knows what
he's filched around here.

All these people are
such a bunch of crooks!

That one down there
is smuggling bullets

-in her abdomen.
-Oh, fun-ny.

Father, will you help
Major Burns scrub up?

Yes, Colonel.

Now just a minute!

You give these
people an inch,

and they'll take a mile!

-Father, you're
hurting my arm.
-Come, my son.

Hey!

Let me help you
scrub, Major!

[grunt] What are you doing?

Priests aren't supposed
to hurt people!

I did a bit
of boxing before I
joined the Jesuits.

I was a featherweight.

They wanted me in
Willie Pep's stable.

That feels nice, Father.

These are tough times
for all of us,

you know, Frank.

Nice and soapy.

How's she doin', Father?
The Korean girl.

Poor little thing.

She's having a very
difficult time of it.

[baby crying]

Hey, a baby!

It's okay!

Another soul
among the living.

Now, my friends,

may I suggest
we all bow our heads

in silent prayer
for the mother.

Klinger, I thought
you were an atheist.

I gave it up for Lent.

How's the mother?

She's weak, but she's
gonna be just fine.

Oh, great.

Is it a boy or a girl?

If the pictures
were right in school,

-it's a boy.
-Gee.

Bullet went through
the mother's abdomen.

He's got a nick
in his little butt.

Wow.

He's gonna be
all right, though.

-Nurse Cratty?
-Hmm?

I got something I'd like
to give the mother.

It's a bed jacket
that's too small for me.

It's quilted.

Aquamarine with
off-white brocade.

And right here,
there are violet sequins

arranged in a stunning
fleur-de-lis.

I gotta get him
that discharge.

Now, just one minute,
Margaret!

Oh, well, now I won't
even have time for coffee.

I'm due in post-op.

Well, it's just
that I'll feel safer

if I have it with me.

How do you live
with them?

Oh, I know, I know.

[shrieking]

Oh, that's terrible!

-Sacrilege.
-What is it?

It's a picture of General
MacArthur in the nude!

-It's gone.
-What?

My Purple Heart.

-Stolen!
-Oh, Frank.

I knew it!
They're all crooks!

We should give this country
back to the Indians!

Wait, Frank. Frank!

FRANK:
Stop him!
Stop him!

Don't lie to me!

Well, where is it?

No. Maybe some
other boy.

We all look the
same to you.

I saw you hanging
around my quarters.

Now where is it?

I warn you,

I've had two judo lessons.

-Knock it off, Frank.
-You let him get away!

He swiped
something of mine!

-No, he didn't.
-How do you know?

You don't even know
what I'm talking about!

That makes two of us.

-Come on.
-What?

As commanding officer
of MASH 4077,

and as authorized
by the president of
the United States,

Harry S. Truman,

I hereby award
this Purple Heart medal

for wounds received
in line of duty

to the child of, uh...

-Sung Lee.
-Right.

And it's a privilege
to honor the little guy.

Where did you
get this?

I bet I know.

Bite your tongue,
Margaret.

Or better yet,
let me do it.

[speaking Korean]

[baby cooing, laughing]

FRANK:
That's my medal.

You can get another
one, Frank.

They're staying up nights
making Purple Hearts.

Well, I really
would like one.

Well, with any
luck at all...

Hawkeye, it was a
nice thing you did.

-It sure was.
-Well, he deserved it.

It's lousy to get shot
on your birthday.

-Oh.
-Thanks a lot, Colonel.

Any time, Meg.

[burbling] Zoom.

You oughta deliver
babies more often.

I'm afraid I'm in
the wrong neighborhood.

-Mama san!
-Yeah, okay, mama san.

Klinger.

Hawkeye, if I was
40 years younger.

-I thought you were.
-Ha.

-Thanks a lot, Father.
-Nurse Cratty.

Oh, and thanks for all
your good help, Major.

Oh, thank you.

Now, sit down flat
on the bottom.

Where you goin', Radar?

Hey, come on.

Come on.

Okay?

[speaking Korean]

CHILDREN: Bye!

Bye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Bye.

♪♪ [theme]