All language subtitles for Family Guy - S09E01 - And Then There Were Fewer (Uncensored)-ing

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:17,849 Attention, everyone, mail call! 2 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:21,119 Meg, Teen People, Chris, Amazing Spider-Man, Lois, Redbook, 3 00:00:21,171 --> 00:00:23,672 World War II Army Guy, a letter from your gal. 4 00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:26,792 Open that one up, buddy. 5 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,421 All right, at ease, at ease. 6 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:31,008 "Dear Willy, it's been awful lonesome since you've been away." 7 00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:32,672 Hey, you hear that, fellas? She misses me! 8 00:00:33,984 --> 00:00:35,150 You're all wet. 9 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:39,338 Hey, check this out. We got invited to a party. 10 00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:42,708 "Peter Griffin, you and your family are cordially invited 11 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:46,010 "to a gala dinner in your honor at Rocky Point Manor." 12 00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:48,146 What? What are they honoring you for? 13 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,942 Who cares? It says here it's for the whole weekend. 14 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,127 And it's free. 15 00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:52,545 Well, who's the invitation from? 16 00:00:52,569 --> 00:00:53,913 I don't know, it doesn't say. 17 00:00:53,937 --> 00:00:55,214 Wait, you're not gonna go, are you? 18 00:00:55,238 --> 00:00:56,783 It's clearly some kind of scam. 19 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:59,169 Oh, well, then maybe we just go, and you go to the kennel. 20 00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:02,010 Oh, not the kennel. Last time you left me there for an hour. 21 00:01:02,078 --> 00:01:04,212 Or 10 years, I don't know. There's no clock there! 22 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,315 You stink when you come out of there. 23 00:01:06,383 --> 00:01:07,777 Look, we're going and that's that. 24 00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:08,978 I'm going to resevep. 25 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,201 You mean "RSVP"? 26 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:11,481 Hillary Clinton's the VP. 27 00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:12,705 No, she's secretary of state. 28 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:13,972 Rhode Island. 29 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,418 What? I don't understand what's happening. 30 00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:17,258 We're going to a party. Yay! 31 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:14,059 Boy, who the hell lives all the way out here, huh? 32 00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,195 Lois. Oh, you're asleep. 33 00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:18,630 Kids, anybody awake? 34 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,900 Just me? Well, I'm the only one awake. 35 00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:25,003 Just me, Peter. I can do whatever I want. 36 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,239 Maybe I'll try out some of my funny voices. 37 00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:28,685 "Hi, pardner. 38 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:31,643 I'm a cattle-rustler. I rustle cattle." 39 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,713 Wow, that's turning out good. Gotta use that. 40 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,881 "Aye. Aye, aye, mate. 41 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:40,485 "It sure is not so very nice in this part of London." 42 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,722 Oh, wow! That one's really good. 43 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,557 Go ahead and keep that one to myself. 44 00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,371 How bad would I kick myself if someone ran off and made millions with that? 45 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,495 I ain't no dummy. Hey... 46 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,731 "Hey! Hey, everybody. Hey." 47 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,445 Ah! What's this one? Who's this guy? 48 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,813 "Who am I? 49 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:59,338 "I need a character. I need a backstory. 50 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,641 "I'm a... I'm a pie-man. I sell pies." 51 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:05,711 Oh, man. See, this is why I wish I had more time to myself. 52 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,263 I know these are good, 'cause I'm my toughest critic. 53 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,114 Dad, are we almost there? 54 00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,383 Shit. 55 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,372 Yeah. No, according to the map, we're pretty close. 56 00:04:15,706 --> 00:04:17,956 Peter, look! 57 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:16,898 My God, this is absolutely beautiful. 58 00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:19,701 I bet Jeff Probst has a house like this. 59 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,616 Joe? Peter? 60 00:05:24,675 --> 00:05:26,302 What the hell are you guys doing here? 61 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,893 Well, we got an invitation to a dinner in my honor. 62 00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:32,230 I assumed it was for all those arrests I made last month. 63 00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,844 That's weird. My invitation said it was in my honor. 64 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,013 I assumed it was for being able to fart the alphabet, 65 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,415 which I almost did, till I pooped on the "S." 66 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:42,840 Oh, well. Everybody on the bus was upset long before that anyway. 67 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,045 What the... 68 00:05:48,698 --> 00:05:50,081 Derek and Jillian? 69 00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:51,800 Wow! Hi, Brian! 70 00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:53,001 Hey, kiddo. 71 00:05:53,069 --> 00:05:54,713 What, what are you guys doing here? 72 00:05:54,737 --> 00:05:58,439 I got a card that says they're throwing a dinner in my honor. 73 00:05:58,508 --> 00:05:59,752 Wait a minute, what the hell's going on here? 74 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,587 Everybody got the same invitation? 75 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:04,841 Muriel, if you're not gonna eat your half of the cheeseburger, 76 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,777 I'll see if they have a freezer so I can keep it nice. 77 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:10,368 I'm gonna walk around, I think my vagina's asleep. 78 00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:19,060 Oh! Hey. 79 00:06:19,562 --> 00:06:20,673 Uh... 80 00:06:20,697 --> 00:06:22,759 Didn't think I'd see anyone I knew here. 81 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:25,200 This... This is Stephanie. 82 00:06:25,268 --> 00:06:30,071 Hi, everybody! Oh, my gosh! I never thought I'd meet Glenn's friends! 83 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,717 Yeah. I figured, why not? 84 00:06:31,741 --> 00:06:34,520 You know, you, we, you and I see each other from time to time. 85 00:06:34,544 --> 00:06:38,680 Oh, my God! We, like, never see each other! This guy! 86 00:06:38,748 --> 00:06:41,633 You, like, disappear for a month and then you call me? 87 00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:43,268 So silly! 88 00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,370 You're lucky I like you so much. 89 00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:48,417 Okay, why don't you go ahead and take the bags in? 90 00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:51,325 Wow, it looks like the whole town got invited. 91 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,077 Mr. Peter. 92 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,778 Mr. Joe. 93 00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,130 Mr. Bonnie. 94 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:31,160 She doesn't know what "Mr." means. 95 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,600 Mr. Mort. 96 00:07:32,669 --> 00:07:34,385 Mr. Muriel. 97 00:07:34,437 --> 00:07:36,304 Mayor West, Mr. 98 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,967 Oh, my God, seriously. 99 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:41,042 I know what you're all thinking, but fear not, citizens. 100 00:07:41,111 --> 00:07:44,246 While I'm enjoying myself at this festive get-together, 101 00:07:44,314 --> 00:07:49,451 I've left the city in the capable hands of the Mayor-O-Matic 5000. 102 00:07:49,519 --> 00:07:51,559 Take a letter. Hold my calls. 103 00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:53,922 That's a matter for the Parks Department. 104 00:07:53,990 --> 00:07:56,952 If you will all please follow me to third floor, 105 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,954 I show you to your rooms. 106 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:02,163 You are all expected for dinner at 8:00. 107 00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:03,948 Oh, good! I'm starved! 108 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,937 Settle down, will ya? 109 00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:27,322 None of this makes any sense. 110 00:08:27,391 --> 00:08:30,091 Everyone got invitations, from an anonymous source, 111 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,528 for a dinner in their honor, when that's clearly not the case. 112 00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:35,596 Now we're here, where the hell's our host? 113 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,265 Well, at least you all had eveningwear provided for you. 114 00:08:38,334 --> 00:08:39,912 I thought this was going to be a lawn party. 115 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,269 I don't have one pair of long pants. 116 00:08:42,338 --> 00:08:45,217 Boy, it's kinda awkward seeing Jillian here with Derek. 117 00:08:45,241 --> 00:08:46,586 I wonder if she's thinking about me. 118 00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,843 I don't know. Are you a pony or the color blue? 119 00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,630 Derek, look! 120 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,249 Ha, how do you like that? 121 00:08:54,318 --> 00:08:56,746 Have you guys ever seen Jim Henson's Labyrinth? 122 00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,870 No. Have you ever seen the Channel Five News? 123 00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:00,098 No. 124 00:09:00,156 --> 00:09:02,557 Labyrinth has teenage Jennifer Connelly. 125 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,677 Channel Five News has file footage of pills being sorted. 126 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,829 Some people think Jennifer Connelly's old now, 127 00:09:07,897 --> 00:09:10,265 and that her hands look like two bags of snakes. 128 00:09:10,334 --> 00:09:11,466 I think that's bogus. 129 00:09:11,534 --> 00:09:13,217 I don't think we have much in common. 130 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,568 You watch NCIS? 131 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,282 Yes, sir. Yes, I do. 132 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,072 CBS knows what we want. 133 00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,219 Yeah, they get our generation. 134 00:09:20,243 --> 00:09:23,177 They do, they really do. I switch over for the Leno, though. 135 00:09:23,246 --> 00:09:26,114 Yeah. Me, too. I'm glad he's back. 136 00:09:26,182 --> 00:09:29,382 I don't know who that month-old jack-o'-lantern was, 137 00:09:29,419 --> 00:09:31,630 but I didn't get his brand of humor. 138 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,172 Good heavens, Meg, you're sprouting up like a weed! 139 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,285 I know, she's growing every day. 140 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,087 Meg, you remember Dr. Hartman. 141 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:41,162 Of course she does! I performed her very first pelvic exam! 142 00:09:41,231 --> 00:09:43,131 Unless I'm confusing you with someone else. 143 00:09:44,401 --> 00:09:47,002 Nope. That was... That was you. 144 00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:59,363 Good evening, everyone. 145 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,649 James Woods! 146 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,698 Thank you for joining me at my humble manor. 147 00:10:05,722 --> 00:10:09,090 I'd like to introduce you to my lovely companion, Priscilla. 148 00:10:09,159 --> 00:10:10,374 Nice to meet you all. 149 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,459 Who's he? 150 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:12,638 James Woods. 151 00:10:12,662 --> 00:10:14,295 Oh, I thought he was a shark. 152 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,209 No, he was on a show called Shark. 153 00:10:16,233 --> 00:10:17,565 But he's made of wood? 154 00:10:17,634 --> 00:10:20,602 No, his last name is Woods, but he's not made of wood. 155 00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:21,790 Nobody is. 156 00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:28,126 This truly is a night to celebrate, especially for me. 157 00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,710 Hey, what's going on here, Woods? 158 00:10:29,779 --> 00:10:32,129 The invitation said this was a dinner in my honor. 159 00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:33,998 That's what mine said, too. Yeah, me, too! 160 00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:35,210 Mine, too. Same here! 161 00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:36,428 - Aye. - Where's the food? 162 00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:39,621 Well, actually, this dinner honors all of you. 163 00:10:39,689 --> 00:10:41,138 Where should I begin? 164 00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:44,225 You see, recently I've become a born-again Christian, 165 00:10:44,293 --> 00:10:47,479 thanks to this beautiful little angel. 166 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:49,898 She came into my life as if out of nowhere, 167 00:10:49,966 --> 00:10:52,433 enchanted me beyond my wildest dreams, 168 00:10:52,502 --> 00:10:57,221 and opened my eyes to the cleansing truth of Jesus Christ's love. 169 00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,825 No, honey, it was always within you. I just helped you find it. 170 00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:04,045 Um... What does all this gay stuff have to do with us? 171 00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:05,657 Well, the fact of the matter is, 172 00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:09,167 I have wronged each and every one of you in some way. 173 00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:13,237 And, since I am a man of God now, I am truly repentant. 174 00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:16,224 So, I invited you all here to make amends. 175 00:11:16,292 --> 00:11:17,837 And why the hell should we trust you? 176 00:11:17,861 --> 00:11:20,189 Yeah, you've been terrorizing our family for years. 177 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,715 I understand that there is some healing to do here tonight, 178 00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:26,217 and I am prepared to be patient. 179 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,403 Please, won't you just give me a chance? 180 00:11:29,472 --> 00:11:31,667 And I promise you won't be disappointed. 181 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,309 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll just go check on dinner. 182 00:11:34,377 --> 00:11:36,497 Oh, I'll help you, sweetheart. 183 00:11:39,749 --> 00:11:41,198 This is all very strange. 184 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,196 I agree. Something's not right. 185 00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:45,815 I don't know, maybe we should give him a chance. 186 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,750 Maybe he really is born again. 187 00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:48,974 Well, he could be. 188 00:11:49,025 --> 00:11:51,626 It all depends on what his astrological sign is. 189 00:11:51,694 --> 00:11:54,329 Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. 190 00:11:54,397 --> 00:11:56,414 I'm very intuitive with these things. 191 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:59,601 Maybe if I sit in his chair I can get a reading on his energy. 192 00:11:59,669 --> 00:12:03,037 I mean, if he's an Aquarius, a rebirth would not be unexpected. 193 00:12:03,106 --> 00:12:04,717 That's enough, Stephanie. 194 00:12:04,741 --> 00:12:07,781 You know, it's like when I did Glenn's star chart... 195 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,749 Did the... Did the cork hit me? 196 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,022 My God! She's dead. 197 00:12:21,758 --> 00:12:22,941 She's been shot! 198 00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:28,580 I can't help feeling this would be sadder if she wasn't heavy. 199 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,209 Oh, my God. It was him! 200 00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:32,733 It was James Woods! He killed her! 201 00:12:32,802 --> 00:12:35,603 Jesus, I knew he was crazy, but I didn't think he was a murderer! 202 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:38,034 Oh, he must've brought us here to kill us all! 203 00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:39,824 Run! Run for your lives! 204 00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:44,522 Quick! We gotta get out of here! 205 00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,836 Come on, get in the car! 206 00:13:09,572 --> 00:13:11,522 Oh, my God, Peter, back it up! 207 00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:13,368 Oh, really, Lois? I thought I might drive forward. 208 00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:14,870 I thought that might be a fun thing to do. 209 00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:16,493 Stop fighting! 210 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,520 Oh, my God! Quick, Peter, get in the back! 211 00:13:34,331 --> 00:13:36,364 Oh, thank God. We made it. 212 00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:41,952 My neck! You backed into me, and now... 213 00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:43,188 And your back! 214 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,889 And my back! My back, yes! 215 00:13:50,613 --> 00:13:52,708 All right, it looks like we're stuck here. 216 00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:55,716 Storm has flooded the causeway, and the bridge is destroyed. 217 00:13:55,785 --> 00:13:58,002 For the moment, there's no way out. 218 00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:01,055 No Way Out. Great film. Sean Young naked in the limo? 219 00:14:01,123 --> 00:14:03,407 Well, maybe the storm will let up soon. 220 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,037 I don't know. It's a hard rain. 221 00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:07,823 Christian Slater, Morgan Freeman. "We just want the money." 222 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,575 We should've known this weather was coming. 223 00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:11,199 There's been three days of thunder. 224 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,935 Tom Cruise, race cars. Those are my bedsheets. 225 00:14:14,003 --> 00:14:15,264 What are we gonna do? 226 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,066 We can't just stay here with James Woods 227 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,835 lurking somewhere in the house! 228 00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:20,859 All right, does anyone have a cell phone? 229 00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:23,261 I'm not getting any reception! 230 00:14:23,313 --> 00:14:24,974 Me neither! No bars! 231 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:28,238 It's all right. I'll put a message in a bottle. 232 00:14:31,654 --> 00:14:34,221 Now, we wait. 233 00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:36,035 Look, he's got a landline we can use! 234 00:14:36,059 --> 00:14:38,542 Oh, no. You know, I wouldn't feel right about that. 235 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,178 We're guests, and it's long distance. 236 00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:43,326 Doesn't matter. The line's dead. 237 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:44,598 Oh, my God! 238 00:14:46,369 --> 00:14:47,963 Whoa, whoa, whoa, all right. Look. 239 00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:50,120 Everybody but Chris, just keep your pants on 240 00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:52,067 and let's figure a way out of this. 241 00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:54,136 He's right. We just gotta stay calm. 242 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,554 With a killer in the house? 243 00:14:55,578 --> 00:14:57,011 Killer in the house. 244 00:14:57,079 --> 00:14:59,296 Oh, my God. I just realized something. 245 00:14:59,349 --> 00:15:01,498 James Woods hates me the most. 246 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,612 That means he's probably gonna kill me next. 247 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:06,164 Well, I reckon if I was a cattle-rustler, 248 00:15:06,188 --> 00:15:07,622 I wouldn't be afeared. 249 00:15:07,690 --> 00:15:09,557 Oh, Peter, that's good. 250 00:15:09,626 --> 00:15:10,841 I know, Lois. 251 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,038 Hey, guys, has anybody seen James? 252 00:15:13,062 --> 00:15:15,380 Sweetheart, you may want to sit down for this. 253 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,049 Who want little tiny tacos? 254 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,901 Oh, little taco. I'll have one of those. 255 00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,820 It's him! Sorry I took so long. 256 00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:26,223 I was going to the bathroom, and I just couldn't stop looking at my penis, 257 00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:28,037 'cause it's, you know, so fantastic. 258 00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,789 You're a monster... Yeah, I heard it's fantastic. 259 00:15:29,813 --> 00:15:31,546 You're a monster, James Woods! 260 00:15:31,614 --> 00:15:33,974 You think you can just commit murder and get away with it? 261 00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:35,073 Quagmire loved that girl! 262 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,467 Easy. 263 00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:38,530 Murder? What are you talking about? 264 00:15:38,554 --> 00:15:40,921 You're going away for a long time, pal. 265 00:15:40,990 --> 00:15:42,668 Jimmy, what does he mean? 266 00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:44,537 Look, I honestly don't know what's going on here. 267 00:15:44,561 --> 00:15:46,077 Oh, really? 268 00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,722 Well, maybe that dead pile of cookie dough in the next room 269 00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:49,129 will refresh your memory. 270 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:52,358 What do you mean? There's nothing in the next room. 271 00:15:57,940 --> 00:15:59,606 It's gone! 272 00:15:59,675 --> 00:16:01,837 Where is she, Woods? What'd you do with the body? 273 00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,177 What body? 274 00:16:03,245 --> 00:16:05,107 You know, maybe she wasn't dead. 275 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,292 I'll admit it, I'm not great with that stuff sometimes. 276 00:16:07,316 --> 00:16:09,196 All right, I don't know what's happening here, 277 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:10,934 but look, I'm a lot of things. 278 00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:13,571 A member of Mensa, a huge hit with the ladies, 279 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,518 someone who, you know, would have broken out bigger 280 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:18,543 if he weren't so impossible to work with. Right. But a murderer? 281 00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,578 I only just found God. 282 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,930 Why would I jeopardize my entrance into heaven? 283 00:16:22,998 --> 00:16:26,267 If I were you, I'd keep your mouth shut till you talk to a lawyer. 284 00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:27,685 I didn't kill anybody! 285 00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:31,906 Oh, my God! 286 00:16:31,974 --> 00:16:34,975 Is this what black people see all the time? 287 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,632 Look! 288 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,221 He's dead. 289 00:16:47,289 --> 00:16:48,623 Oh, my God! 290 00:16:48,691 --> 00:16:50,208 Nice. 291 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:53,055 Nobody touch the knife! There could be fingerprints on it. 292 00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:56,997 So James Woods murdered Stephanie and then he murdered himself. 293 00:16:57,066 --> 00:16:58,232 Criss-cross. 294 00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,561 No, Peter. Don't you see? 295 00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:02,498 He didn't kill himself and he didn't kill Stephanie. 296 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,754 What are you saying? 297 00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:06,742 I'm saying James Woods isn't the murderer. 298 00:17:07,076 --> 00:17:08,842 The murderer 299 00:17:08,911 --> 00:17:10,111 is one of us! 300 00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:15,066 And someone ate the last goat cheese tartlet. 301 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,536 Now I hope I die next. 302 00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:30,075 Okay, everyone, it's important that we all stay calm. 303 00:17:30,099 --> 00:17:33,484 How are we supposed to stay calm? There's a killer in the room! 304 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,798 We all gotta get out of here! We're all gonna die! 305 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:38,256 Mr. Mayor, pull yourself together! 306 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:42,039 Wait a minute. Joe, look! 307 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,604 Oh, my God. 308 00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:55,284 Stephanie was an accident. 309 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,523 That's a way of putting it. 310 00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:57,825 What do you mean, Joe? 311 00:17:57,894 --> 00:18:00,377 This gun was timed to fire directly at that chair, 312 00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:02,646 where James Woods would have been sitting. 313 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:06,651 But he left, and Stephanie was in the wrong place at the wrong time. 314 00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:08,559 So whoever the murderer is, 315 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,289 they were after James Woods, not Stephanie. 316 00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:15,509 The question is, who here wanted James Woods dead? 317 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:25,469 Let's look around and see if we can find any more clues. 318 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:35,462 Oh, my God! 319 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:40,317 Brian, I feel like everyone's wondering why I'm wearing shorts. 320 00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:42,131 Nobody's even looking at you. That's what I mean. 321 00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,054 The fact that no one has said anything 322 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,290 makes it even more obvious that everyone has noticed. 323 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,858 Brian, look what I found! 324 00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:50,911 Check it out! I'm a robot from outer space! 325 00:18:50,980 --> 00:18:52,112 Hang on. I'm coming down. 326 00:18:52,181 --> 00:18:54,081 Go, go, gadget skis! 327 00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,338 Uh-oh. 328 00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:03,903 All right, since it's my fault that Joe got knocked out, 329 00:19:03,927 --> 00:19:07,178 it is now my responsibility to take over the investigation. 330 00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,007 I don't know if that actually follows. 331 00:19:09,031 --> 00:19:10,430 Oh, it does follow, Brian, 332 00:19:10,499 --> 00:19:13,584 because I'm the one with the giant magnifying glass. 333 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,419 Is my eye big? Yeah. 334 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:16,903 Good. Good. 335 00:19:16,972 --> 00:19:18,322 That means progress. 336 00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:20,035 All right, let's figure out what we know here. 337 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,309 The gun was clearly meant to kill Jimmy Woods, 338 00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:24,005 but Stephanie got in the way. 339 00:19:24,029 --> 00:19:26,730 So the murderer had to improvise and finish the job 340 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,148 by stabbing Jimmy Woods. 341 00:19:28,217 --> 00:19:29,345 What? What? What is that? 342 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:30,901 What? 343 00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,432 Don't call him Jimmy Woods. Like you're in the Hollywood set. 344 00:19:33,456 --> 00:19:35,184 Yeah. Brian did one TV pilot 345 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:38,342 and he thinks he can call the star of Cape Fear Bobby De Niro. 346 00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:39,521 Hey, who's the director, Brian? 347 00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:40,744 Marty Scorsese. 348 00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:41,857 Who's the star of Silence of the Lambs? 349 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:42,947 Tony Hopkins. 350 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,092 Who sang Hold on to the Nights? 351 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,116 Dick Marx. 352 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,728 Who is the cast of Miami Vice? 353 00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:49,686 Donnie Johnnie, Philly Mikey Tommy and Eddie Jimmy Olmos. 354 00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:52,556 You are just douchy to the core. 355 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,270 Look, whoever the killer is, 356 00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:56,872 they had a reason for wanting James Woods dead. 357 00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,312 Now who here has a motive? 358 00:19:58,381 --> 00:20:00,898 Well, according to James Woods, we all did. 359 00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:02,933 He brought us here to make amends with us. 360 00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:05,736 But he wronged one of us enough to want revenge. 361 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,921 The question is, who? 362 00:20:07,990 --> 00:20:10,374 Well, I know one person who could have. 363 00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:13,227 My partner, Tom. 364 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:16,713 All right, it's true. James Woods ruined my career! 365 00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,431 I originally wanted to be an actor. 366 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:20,779 And I booked the lead role in Nightmare on Elm Street. 367 00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:22,614 But James Woods said, "No, don't bother. 368 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,082 "Something else will come along." 369 00:20:24,106 --> 00:20:25,423 So I turned it down. 370 00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:28,091 And now this Robert Englund is the talk of the town. 371 00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,394 That should be me everyone's talking about! 372 00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,980 Oh, my God, you guys, we must've fallen asleep. 373 00:20:33,049 --> 00:20:34,782 We're in the dream right now! 374 00:20:34,851 --> 00:20:36,595 That's right. You are in a dream, children, 375 00:20:36,619 --> 00:20:37,830 which means you are going to get 376 00:20:37,854 --> 00:20:40,521 something of a serious scratching by me, 377 00:20:40,589 --> 00:20:41,989 Freddy Kroiger. 378 00:20:42,058 --> 00:20:43,658 Ha! Ha! 379 00:20:43,726 --> 00:20:45,509 Is it... Is it Kroiger? 380 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,529 Was I angry? Yes, of course! But I didn't kill him! 381 00:20:48,598 --> 00:20:51,998 What about Seamus? You hated James Woods. You told me so! 382 00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:55,819 Aye. He's the one who made me what I am today. 383 00:20:57,272 --> 00:21:00,124 I wish you were a real, live ornery sea captain. 384 00:21:00,193 --> 00:21:02,943 But he didn't wish hard enough! It only worked on me head! 385 00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:04,556 Oh, my God, seriously? 386 00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:06,046 No. Actually, I was a normal guy 387 00:21:06,115 --> 00:21:07,759 until one night, we dropped acid together, 388 00:21:07,783 --> 00:21:09,416 and he thought I was a steak. 389 00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:11,663 Grilled me, ate me arms and legs. It was a whole thing. 390 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,153 But I'm not the killer! 391 00:21:13,222 --> 00:21:14,655 What about the Mayor? 392 00:21:14,724 --> 00:21:16,844 He could have killed him and got himself off scot-free! 393 00:21:17,743 --> 00:21:19,955 He took the Twitter name Mayor West, 394 00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:23,447 so now I have to use Mayor underscore West. 395 00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:25,449 That rat-faced cracker! 396 00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:28,001 But you hated him, too, Dr. Hartman. 397 00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:31,088 He switched around all the bones on the skeleton in my office. 398 00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:32,751 I don't know what's what anymore. 399 00:21:32,775 --> 00:21:35,026 Let's take a look at that wrist injury. 400 00:21:35,094 --> 00:21:36,860 That's my foot, not my hand. 401 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,647 Woods! 402 00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:41,982 Sure, I hated him, but so did Mort. 403 00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:45,603 He's terrible. He took a Penthouse into the pharmacy bathroom 404 00:21:45,671 --> 00:21:47,821 and left his little handiwork in the sink. 405 00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:50,323 You know, he's a dirtbag, but I didn't kill him! 406 00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:51,892 Maybe it was Diane. 407 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:55,662 James Woods promised to introduce me to Dan Rather. 408 00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:58,565 But instead, he introduced me to Danny Bonaduce. 409 00:21:58,634 --> 00:22:01,167 I tell you, that guy looks like a dog turning 30. 410 00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:02,703 But what about the old guy? 411 00:22:02,771 --> 00:22:05,088 I heard him complaining about Woods in the dining room. 412 00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:06,289 That's true. 413 00:22:06,358 --> 00:22:09,409 He replaced my Cialis with methamphetamines! 414 00:22:10,178 --> 00:22:11,512 Pedal faster! 415 00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:12,924 I can't go any faster! 416 00:22:12,948 --> 00:22:15,377 Where you going, kids? Hey, I just want to talk to you. 417 00:22:15,401 --> 00:22:16,779 Why don't you come over to my place 418 00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:18,213 for a glass of wine and a couple of fruit pies, 419 00:22:18,237 --> 00:22:20,317 then we can go in the back room and play crazy snakes? 420 00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:24,002 Hey, wait a minute. What about those two European guys? 421 00:22:24,026 --> 00:22:27,611 They really hated James Woods. Oh, wait. Where the hell are they? 422 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,058 Oh, we've been invited to a party in our honors. 423 00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:31,793 But it was for this week afters. 424 00:22:31,817 --> 00:22:33,116 Well, why aren't we there? 425 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,920 It was wedged in our post pail. 426 00:22:38,374 --> 00:22:40,207 And what about Quagmire? 427 00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:42,304 Fine! So he stole Cheryl Tiegs from me. 428 00:22:42,328 --> 00:22:43,760 He ruined your TV pilot! 429 00:22:43,829 --> 00:22:45,957 Go to hell! I backed out of that project willingly. 430 00:22:45,981 --> 00:22:47,242 Oh, yeah, that's what every hack says. 431 00:22:47,266 --> 00:22:48,793 You know, Brian... I'm telling you... 432 00:23:06,702 --> 00:23:08,369 My secret room's bigger. 433 00:23:08,437 --> 00:23:09,970 Mine's smaller. 434 00:23:12,558 --> 00:23:15,609 All right, stand back. This could be dangerous. 435 00:23:18,614 --> 00:23:21,415 Oh, laundry room. Laundry room, everybody! 436 00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:30,568 Oh, see, here we go. 437 00:23:59,955 --> 00:24:04,758 Aha! James Woods made a list of all his misdeeds so he could make amends. 438 00:24:04,827 --> 00:24:06,171 Bonnie, he punched you in the throat, 439 00:24:06,195 --> 00:24:07,694 and that's why you sound like that? 440 00:24:07,763 --> 00:24:11,515 No, he punched me in the throat because I sound like this. 441 00:24:11,584 --> 00:24:13,067 And, Consuela, he... 442 00:24:13,135 --> 00:24:15,580 Actually, I can't read his handwriting here. What happened? 443 00:24:15,604 --> 00:24:18,004 One day, I bring my nephew to work, 444 00:24:18,074 --> 00:24:22,109 and he molest my nephew, and my nephew, he only 14, 445 00:24:22,178 --> 00:24:26,146 and he cry, and then he shoot himself in the face. 446 00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:28,860 Ooh, he also has a list of good restaurants and hotels 447 00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:30,361 up and down the Eastern Seaboard. 448 00:24:30,385 --> 00:24:33,014 Peter, one of the people in this room is a murderer! 449 00:24:33,038 --> 00:24:34,638 And 19 of us are not. 450 00:24:34,706 --> 00:24:37,266 And maybe we want to know of a good bed-and-breakfast in Maine. 451 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,543 What are all these? 452 00:24:39,612 --> 00:24:42,329 God, there are tons of OxyContin bottles in here. 453 00:24:42,398 --> 00:24:44,664 All prescribed to James Woods. 454 00:24:44,733 --> 00:24:46,633 And all from Goldman's pharmacy. 455 00:24:46,702 --> 00:24:48,151 What's that all about, Goldman? 456 00:24:48,220 --> 00:24:50,031 I don't know what you're talking about. 457 00:24:50,055 --> 00:24:53,201 James Woods never bought anything in my pharmacy. Ever. 458 00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:54,625 Yes, he did. 459 00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:57,211 Says here he talked Muriel into selling him OxyContin 460 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,381 for him and his 19-year-old girlfriend. This went on for weeks. 461 00:25:00,449 --> 00:25:02,277 But then she started to have misgivings 462 00:25:02,301 --> 00:25:03,612 and threatened to cut him off. 463 00:25:03,636 --> 00:25:04,901 But he wouldn't let her. 464 00:25:04,970 --> 00:25:08,222 He threatened to blackmail her by turning her in to the Feds. 465 00:25:08,291 --> 00:25:10,340 Sounds like a pretty good motive to me. 466 00:25:13,546 --> 00:25:16,262 Oh, Muriel, tell me this isn't true. 467 00:25:16,331 --> 00:25:17,397 I overcharged him. 468 00:25:17,466 --> 00:25:18,666 I forgive you. 469 00:25:18,734 --> 00:25:20,701 Look, why would I kill him anyway? 470 00:25:20,769 --> 00:25:22,719 He told us he was here to make amends. 471 00:25:22,772 --> 00:25:25,333 But there was always a chance he'd blab, wasn't there? 472 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:28,709 No! No, it's not true! I would never kill anybody, never! 473 00:25:28,778 --> 00:25:30,578 And I am not saying another word 474 00:25:30,629 --> 00:25:32,329 until I talk to my lawyer, because... 475 00:25:32,397 --> 00:25:33,763 Why is he wearing shorts? 476 00:25:33,832 --> 00:25:35,799 Oh, my God, I told you! 477 00:25:35,868 --> 00:25:37,901 Muriel, just surrender quietly. 478 00:25:37,970 --> 00:25:39,937 It'll be easier for us all if you... 479 00:25:45,194 --> 00:25:46,226 She's gone! 480 00:25:54,837 --> 00:25:56,170 We lost her. 481 00:25:56,255 --> 00:25:58,032 Well, as long as there's a murderer on the loose, 482 00:25:58,056 --> 00:25:59,690 none of us are safe. 483 00:25:59,758 --> 00:26:02,570 All right, let's split up and search the house. I'll go with Lois. 484 00:26:02,594 --> 00:26:04,445 Chris, you check the basement with Herbert. 485 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,280 Meg, you go with Brian and Stewie. 486 00:26:07,349 --> 00:26:08,565 No, she can't. 487 00:26:08,634 --> 00:26:09,711 Yeah, she can't. 488 00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:12,669 We were gonna use this time 489 00:26:12,738 --> 00:26:14,966 to figure out what to get you for your birthday. 490 00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:18,242 Ooh, okay. Oh, yeah, no, you guys go. You... Ooh. Now I'm excited. 491 00:26:18,310 --> 00:26:20,828 Okay, Meg, you go with Carl. Sorry, Carl. 492 00:26:20,896 --> 00:26:23,831 Tom and Diane, you're a team. Quagmire and Bonnie, you're a team. 493 00:26:23,899 --> 00:26:26,816 Um... Seamus and Dr. Hartman? That could be funny. 494 00:26:26,869 --> 00:26:28,597 Don't usually see the two of you together. 495 00:26:28,621 --> 00:26:30,737 Derek and Jillian, you guys take the attic. 496 00:26:30,806 --> 00:26:32,534 Joe and Priscilla are still passed out, 497 00:26:32,558 --> 00:26:34,235 so they'll be the unconscious team. 498 00:26:34,259 --> 00:26:36,743 And that leaves one three-person team 499 00:26:36,829 --> 00:26:39,195 of Mort, Consuela and Mayor West. 500 00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:41,331 All right. Let's do this. 501 00:26:45,420 --> 00:26:47,921 So... You guys like to party? 502 00:26:48,423 --> 00:26:49,455 No! 503 00:26:49,524 --> 00:26:51,091 Oh, no. 504 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,761 Oh, my God, what a couple of squares. Squaresville, I tell ya! 505 00:27:09,445 --> 00:27:11,055 What are we supposed to be doing again? 506 00:27:11,079 --> 00:27:13,213 We're looking for Muriel Goldman, honey. 507 00:27:23,091 --> 00:27:24,258 Hello? 508 00:27:25,227 --> 00:27:26,460 Is anybody up here? 509 00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:43,811 Hey, maybe it was that cat who was the murderer. 510 00:27:43,879 --> 00:27:45,111 Let me ask him. 511 00:27:45,180 --> 00:27:48,281 Meow, meow, meow, meow-meow-meow-meow? 512 00:27:48,367 --> 00:27:51,901 We don't all talk like that. I happen to be a professor. 513 00:27:51,970 --> 00:27:53,270 Our apologies, sir. 514 00:27:53,338 --> 00:27:54,788 I should imagine so. 515 00:27:54,856 --> 00:27:58,075 Now if you'll excuse me, I have papers to correct. 516 00:28:02,548 --> 00:28:05,560 Chris, I'm worried with this killer on the loose. 517 00:28:05,584 --> 00:28:08,530 If I should die, I just want you to know 518 00:28:08,554 --> 00:28:11,104 that they might find some things. 519 00:28:11,173 --> 00:28:15,074 Strange things. Things that don't make sense to ya. 520 00:28:15,143 --> 00:28:16,476 Okay. 521 00:28:16,545 --> 00:28:19,891 And there's gonna be a lot of talk. Nasty talk. 522 00:28:19,915 --> 00:28:22,149 And I just want you to know, from me, 523 00:28:22,217 --> 00:28:25,001 it's all gonna be out of context. 524 00:28:25,070 --> 00:28:26,569 I don't know what that means. 525 00:28:26,638 --> 00:28:29,839 It means, if I die, you gotta burn my house down! 526 00:28:32,795 --> 00:28:34,427 Oh, sweet! A pool table. 527 00:28:34,497 --> 00:28:36,530 Let's see if we can find some cues. 528 00:28:46,408 --> 00:28:47,841 What is it? 529 00:28:47,926 --> 00:28:51,612 Phew! It's okay. It's just the stuffed bear from the great outdoors. 530 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,175 Did you see The Great Outdoors? 531 00:28:53,199 --> 00:28:55,148 No. You suck. 532 00:28:55,217 --> 00:28:56,666 Hey, I found the pool cues. 533 00:29:03,692 --> 00:29:04,774 Meg? 534 00:29:06,612 --> 00:29:09,313 Looks like I'm all alone. Well, hey, that's all right. 535 00:29:09,381 --> 00:29:13,216 I watch a lot of movies. I can just use my imagination. 536 00:29:13,285 --> 00:29:15,012 Hi, Carl. Hey, Bear. 537 00:29:15,036 --> 00:29:17,671 So, in the bear world are, like, pandas 538 00:29:17,740 --> 00:29:20,006 your version of interracial children? 539 00:29:20,075 --> 00:29:22,609 Yeah. Pandas aren't something I agree with. 540 00:29:22,678 --> 00:29:23,955 They're cute, though, right? 541 00:29:23,979 --> 00:29:25,259 Just when they're babies. 542 00:29:27,115 --> 00:29:28,315 Muriel? 543 00:29:31,670 --> 00:29:32,869 Muriel? 544 00:29:33,605 --> 00:29:35,221 Muriel! 545 00:29:35,290 --> 00:29:36,640 Nothing. 546 00:29:36,709 --> 00:29:38,525 You actually know what she smells like? 547 00:29:38,594 --> 00:29:39,937 I know what everybody smells like. 548 00:29:39,961 --> 00:29:41,005 Carl? Cheetos. 549 00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:42,073 Mort? Pennies. 550 00:29:42,097 --> 00:29:43,140 Derek? Brut. 551 00:29:43,164 --> 00:29:44,208 Joe? Feces. 552 00:29:44,232 --> 00:29:45,276 Consuela? Pledge. 553 00:29:45,300 --> 00:29:46,344 Seamus? Wood. 554 00:29:46,368 --> 00:29:47,412 Quagmire? Wood. 555 00:29:47,436 --> 00:29:48,551 Wow. 556 00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:51,104 You know, I have to admit, before this Muriel thing 557 00:29:51,173 --> 00:29:53,151 I actually thought you might be the murderer. 558 00:29:53,175 --> 00:29:55,024 Oh, my God, so insulted. 559 00:29:55,093 --> 00:29:58,061 Trust me, if this were my work, it'd be much more artful. 560 00:29:58,129 --> 00:29:59,996 There's a poetry to what I do. 561 00:30:00,065 --> 00:30:01,542 You know how I would've killed James Woods? 562 00:30:01,566 --> 00:30:02,799 How? 563 00:30:02,868 --> 00:30:05,401 I would've electrocuted him, causing a temporary paralysis. 564 00:30:05,470 --> 00:30:07,838 And while he was still conscious, but unable to move, 565 00:30:07,906 --> 00:30:09,272 I would've reached into his anus 566 00:30:09,341 --> 00:30:11,341 and pulled out his lower intestine slowly, 567 00:30:11,410 --> 00:30:14,644 hand over hand, like a fancy magician's scarf trick. 568 00:30:14,713 --> 00:30:17,614 Then I would fashion the lower intestine into a crude giraffe 569 00:30:17,683 --> 00:30:20,918 and give it to his children as a Christmas morning stocking stuffer. 570 00:30:20,986 --> 00:30:22,752 And then as his eyes start to close 571 00:30:22,822 --> 00:30:25,255 in final submission to death's cold embrace 572 00:30:25,324 --> 00:30:28,292 I point to the ceiling and say, "Is that your card?" 573 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,428 And stuck to the ceiling is the card that he picked earlier. 574 00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:33,408 Oh, I forgot to tell you, he picked a card earlier. 575 00:30:33,432 --> 00:30:34,764 Wow! You're an artist. 576 00:30:34,834 --> 00:30:36,967 Oh, thanks, you're nice. I screwed that up. 577 00:30:43,575 --> 00:30:45,142 Muriel? 578 00:30:45,210 --> 00:30:47,327 Oh, yeah, like she's going to answer you, Tom. 579 00:30:47,395 --> 00:30:50,430 And here we go with the attitude. This is why you're single. 580 00:30:50,499 --> 00:30:52,231 Oh, so I'm not supposed to point out 581 00:30:52,300 --> 00:30:53,633 when you do something stupid? 582 00:30:53,702 --> 00:30:55,480 You hear that? You hear that tone you're using? 583 00:30:55,504 --> 00:30:57,504 That's penis repellent right there. 584 00:31:03,612 --> 00:31:07,848 Careful. She could be hiding behind any one of these statues. 585 00:31:07,916 --> 00:31:11,518 Muriel, this is Tom Tucker from the Channel Five News. 586 00:31:11,586 --> 00:31:12,998 Perhaps you'd like an autograph. 587 00:31:13,022 --> 00:31:14,988 Oh, for God's sakes. Do you hear yourself? 588 00:31:15,057 --> 00:31:16,134 There it is. 589 00:31:17,392 --> 00:31:18,458 Knock it off! 590 00:31:20,179 --> 00:31:23,896 Hey, wait a minute. Doesn't feel like there's any wall here. 591 00:31:31,940 --> 00:31:33,390 What do you think's in there? 592 00:31:33,459 --> 00:31:35,387 I don't know. Looks scary. 593 00:31:35,411 --> 00:31:37,243 What do you think, Ollie? 594 00:31:37,313 --> 00:31:38,661 I miss Ollie. 595 00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:40,625 I better take a look. 596 00:31:40,649 --> 00:31:42,349 No. I'll go first. 597 00:31:44,887 --> 00:31:46,386 Do you see anything? 598 00:31:46,455 --> 00:31:48,021 No, it's too dark. 599 00:31:51,277 --> 00:31:53,259 Tom? Tom! 600 00:32:05,857 --> 00:32:07,818 Boy, it's really raining hard. 601 00:32:07,842 --> 00:32:09,376 Yeah, well, we needed it. 602 00:32:10,212 --> 00:32:11,344 What? 603 00:32:11,413 --> 00:32:12,690 Peter, we've been married a long time. 604 00:32:12,714 --> 00:32:15,059 Why do I still get guy-in-an-elevator small talk? 605 00:32:15,083 --> 00:32:17,717 I don't know. You're the one talking about the weather. 606 00:32:17,785 --> 00:32:19,419 So... 607 00:32:19,488 --> 00:32:21,571 Looking forward to the weekend? 608 00:32:28,964 --> 00:32:30,997 It's okay. It's just us. 609 00:32:31,066 --> 00:32:33,066 Oh, Quagmire, Bonnie, you scared us. 610 00:32:33,135 --> 00:32:34,835 Have you seen any sign of Muriel? 611 00:32:34,903 --> 00:32:36,581 Oh, why didn't I think of this before? 612 00:32:36,605 --> 00:32:40,607 I should just check the Find A Jew app on my iPhone. 613 00:32:40,676 --> 00:32:44,243 Huh. There's just two big clusters on each side of the country. 614 00:32:44,329 --> 00:32:46,713 No, look. There's one down south. 615 00:32:46,781 --> 00:32:47,981 Oh, they got him. 616 00:32:56,508 --> 00:33:00,028 Be careful. Muriel could be in any one of these pantries. 617 00:33:13,608 --> 00:33:15,007 Dr. Hartman? 618 00:33:16,511 --> 00:33:17,710 Doctor? 619 00:33:18,563 --> 00:33:21,131 Okay, quit messin' around. 620 00:33:21,199 --> 00:33:23,416 Dr. Hartman, this isn't funny. 621 00:33:39,184 --> 00:33:41,117 Oh, you bastard! 622 00:33:41,186 --> 00:33:42,897 You should've seen your face. 623 00:33:42,921 --> 00:33:44,220 That's so not funny. 624 00:33:44,289 --> 00:33:46,390 Now I gotta empty my pants. 625 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:48,903 What's that? 626 00:33:48,927 --> 00:33:50,271 Acorns. Acorns? 627 00:33:50,295 --> 00:33:52,229 Acorns, that's what I said! 628 00:33:52,297 --> 00:33:54,097 We sound too much alike. I know. 629 00:34:02,757 --> 00:34:03,973 Okay. 630 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:09,546 Lost in Space. 631 00:34:09,615 --> 00:34:10,775 Yeah. Okay. 632 00:34:14,820 --> 00:34:17,086 Oh, that's Dick Van Dyke. Okay. 633 00:34:17,155 --> 00:34:18,755 Okay, I got one. 634 00:34:25,664 --> 00:34:26,808 I have no idea. 635 00:34:26,832 --> 00:34:29,766 ♪ Linda Evans and John Forsythe 636 00:34:29,835 --> 00:34:32,602 ♪ They're coming down big, long stairs 637 00:34:32,671 --> 00:34:35,071 ♪ Come on, Brian, you know this 638 00:34:35,140 --> 00:34:36,689 ♪ We're all rich 639 00:34:36,758 --> 00:34:41,094 ♪ And we're all at least in our late 50s 640 00:34:41,163 --> 00:34:43,329 ♪ Think Joan Collins 641 00:34:44,783 --> 00:34:46,883 ♪ Come on, Brian, you know this 642 00:34:46,951 --> 00:34:49,152 ♪ It's the middle trumpet part 643 00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:51,621 ♪ It was a pretty big deal for Diahann Carroll 644 00:34:51,690 --> 00:34:53,923 ♪ To play a rich, black woman in the '80s ♪ 645 00:34:53,992 --> 00:34:56,192 Come on, Bri. Right? You don't know this? 646 00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:57,405 Falcon Crest? 647 00:34:57,429 --> 00:34:58,961 Oh, it's Dynasty. 648 00:34:59,030 --> 00:35:01,164 Oh! Yeah, I didn't watch that. 649 00:35:10,258 --> 00:35:12,425 Oh, my God! 650 00:35:15,981 --> 00:35:17,614 Oh, my God, Muriel! 651 00:35:17,683 --> 00:35:19,315 My sweet Muriel! 652 00:35:19,384 --> 00:35:22,919 She was so young. She was so beauti... 653 00:35:22,988 --> 00:35:24,687 She was so gener... 654 00:35:24,756 --> 00:35:26,556 We were married. 655 00:35:26,608 --> 00:35:30,093 Look! This is the same knife that killed James Woods. 656 00:35:30,162 --> 00:35:33,746 Oh, my God! Then Muriel wasn't the killer. 657 00:35:33,832 --> 00:35:35,782 Well, then, who is? 658 00:35:35,851 --> 00:35:38,317 I don't know, but one thing's for sure. 659 00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:41,171 If we don't find out before this storm lets up, 660 00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:43,306 we're all gonna be dead by morning. 661 00:35:58,473 --> 00:36:00,168 All right, if we're going to make it out alive, 662 00:36:00,192 --> 00:36:02,036 we gotta stick together from now on. 663 00:36:02,060 --> 00:36:03,260 Is everyone here? 664 00:36:03,295 --> 00:36:04,656 Wait a minute, wait. Where's Meg? 665 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:05,829 And where's Tom Tucker? 666 00:36:05,897 --> 00:36:07,030 Right here! 667 00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:08,648 Oh, my God! What happened? 668 00:36:08,716 --> 00:36:11,529 I fell through a trapdoor that led to an underground passageway. 669 00:36:11,553 --> 00:36:12,919 So, I followed it, 670 00:36:12,988 --> 00:36:14,565 and it led me to a hatch over there in the parlor. 671 00:36:14,589 --> 00:36:16,923 The same thing happened to me. But with a moustache. 672 00:36:17,009 --> 00:36:19,253 All right, let's do a head count and make sure we're all here. 673 00:36:19,277 --> 00:36:20,972 Everyone check in by team name, 674 00:36:20,996 --> 00:36:22,924 and I hope you all came up with cool team names. 675 00:36:22,948 --> 00:36:24,830 The Bush Men are here. The Pirates are here. 676 00:36:24,899 --> 00:36:26,048 The Tigers are here. 677 00:36:26,117 --> 00:36:27,378 We're also The Tigers. 678 00:36:27,402 --> 00:36:28,751 We're called Bad News. 679 00:36:28,803 --> 00:36:30,069 We're Lilo and Stitch. 680 00:36:30,138 --> 00:36:31,588 We're Boys to Men. 681 00:36:31,657 --> 00:36:32,937 Hey, Peter, look at this. 682 00:36:32,975 --> 00:36:35,108 I'm getting a faint signal on my cell phone. 683 00:36:35,177 --> 00:36:36,276 Really? 684 00:36:36,345 --> 00:36:37,805 Oh, my God, is that... 685 00:36:37,829 --> 00:36:40,063 Are you holding up the whole Hollywood sign? 686 00:36:40,131 --> 00:36:41,297 No, no, no, no. 687 00:36:41,366 --> 00:36:43,032 The sign was way in the background. 688 00:36:43,101 --> 00:36:45,134 I was standing in the foreground going like this 689 00:36:45,203 --> 00:36:46,902 when Jillian took the picture, 690 00:36:46,971 --> 00:36:49,811 so by forced perspective, it looks like I'm holding up the whole sign. 691 00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:52,194 I don't believe you. I think you are a god. 692 00:36:52,244 --> 00:36:54,544 And I will die for you or kill others. 693 00:36:54,613 --> 00:36:55,945 Damn it. The signal's gone. 694 00:36:56,013 --> 00:36:58,013 If I can get up to the roof or something, 695 00:36:58,082 --> 00:37:00,516 maybe I can get a stronger signal and call the police. 696 00:37:00,586 --> 00:37:03,186 Okay. And I will skin this dog in your honor. 697 00:37:03,255 --> 00:37:04,954 Please, don't. As you wish. 698 00:37:05,006 --> 00:37:06,806 Do you really think it could work, Derek? 699 00:37:06,875 --> 00:37:08,352 There's only one way to find out. 700 00:37:08,376 --> 00:37:09,792 I'll come with you. 701 00:37:09,861 --> 00:37:13,680 No, it's too dangerous, especially with Derek Junior on the way. 702 00:37:13,749 --> 00:37:15,798 Aw! 703 00:37:15,867 --> 00:37:18,329 I know, I know, it's a little early to announce it, 704 00:37:18,353 --> 00:37:19,819 but you're all friends, 705 00:37:19,888 --> 00:37:21,566 except for one of you, who's killing the rest of us, 706 00:37:21,590 --> 00:37:23,400 but everyone else is our friend. 707 00:37:23,424 --> 00:37:25,658 Oh, congratulations, Jillian. 708 00:37:25,727 --> 00:37:27,026 I know. 709 00:37:27,095 --> 00:37:28,906 I'm eating number two now. 710 00:37:28,930 --> 00:37:30,608 Eating for two, honey. 711 00:37:30,632 --> 00:37:31,831 I'll be back. 712 00:37:33,735 --> 00:37:36,497 All right, nobody leaves this room until he gets back. 713 00:37:36,521 --> 00:37:39,922 - Wait a minute. - Something's not right here. 714 00:37:39,991 --> 00:37:42,875 We're short one vagina in this room. 715 00:37:42,944 --> 00:37:45,078 Oh, my God! Priscilla's gone! 716 00:37:49,301 --> 00:37:50,867 That's impossible. 717 00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:53,303 She was still passed out on the couch when we left. 718 00:37:54,455 --> 00:37:55,638 What the hell happened? 719 00:37:55,706 --> 00:37:57,423 Joe! You're okay! 720 00:37:57,492 --> 00:37:59,212 Yeah, I'm fine. What's going on? 721 00:37:59,244 --> 00:38:01,205 What's going on is Priscilla's the murderer! 722 00:38:01,229 --> 00:38:02,623 Wait a second. We don't know that. 723 00:38:02,647 --> 00:38:04,692 Well, she was by herself this whole time! 724 00:38:04,716 --> 00:38:05,999 Yes, but she was unconscious! 725 00:38:06,067 --> 00:38:08,179 We don't know how long she was unconscious. 726 00:38:08,203 --> 00:38:10,203 She could've come to and killed Muriel! 727 00:38:10,255 --> 00:38:12,400 This is all speculation! We don't know she's the killer! 728 00:38:12,424 --> 00:38:13,450 Yeah, besides, she's hot! 729 00:38:13,474 --> 00:38:14,719 Hot chicks are never crazy! 730 00:38:14,743 --> 00:38:16,253 Derek lifted up the Hollywood sign. 731 00:38:20,698 --> 00:38:21,909 He did, too! I saw the picture! 732 00:38:21,933 --> 00:38:23,053 Don't touch me. 733 00:39:12,167 --> 00:39:13,216 Come on. 734 00:39:23,878 --> 00:39:25,595 Yes! 735 00:39:28,350 --> 00:39:29,565 Hey. 736 00:39:29,634 --> 00:39:31,245 What are you doing up here? 737 00:39:31,269 --> 00:39:32,334 Wait a minute. 738 00:39:32,404 --> 00:39:34,003 What the hell is this? 739 00:39:34,071 --> 00:39:36,189 Oh, my God! It's you! 740 00:39:36,257 --> 00:39:38,924 The man or woman who's been killing everybody! 741 00:39:38,994 --> 00:39:40,677 Stay back. Stay back. 742 00:39:51,206 --> 00:39:52,638 It came from over there! 743 00:39:56,143 --> 00:39:57,643 Dear God! 744 00:39:59,981 --> 00:40:01,647 He's dead. 745 00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:03,433 Do you think he slipped off the roof? 746 00:40:03,501 --> 00:40:05,968 Maybe. But he was dead before the fall. 747 00:40:06,037 --> 00:40:09,205 Look at this, he's been hit on the head by a blunt object. 748 00:40:09,274 --> 00:40:12,358 Oh, my God, no, Derek! 749 00:40:13,744 --> 00:40:14,988 Oh, Jillian, I'm so sorry. 750 00:40:15,012 --> 00:40:16,257 Hey, can you grab his phone? 751 00:40:16,281 --> 00:40:19,601 I want to prove something to these guys. 752 00:40:24,639 --> 00:40:26,039 I... It's Priscilla. 753 00:40:26,107 --> 00:40:27,635 I... I mean, it's gotta be Priscilla. 754 00:40:27,659 --> 00:40:29,303 She's the only one who's not here. 755 00:40:29,327 --> 00:40:30,354 Look, maybe, maybe not. 756 00:40:30,378 --> 00:40:31,439 We thought Muriel was the killer, 757 00:40:31,463 --> 00:40:32,540 and look how that turned out. 758 00:40:32,564 --> 00:40:33,858 We have no proof of anything. 759 00:40:33,882 --> 00:40:35,742 Is this the latest you've ever stayed up? 760 00:40:35,766 --> 00:40:37,695 It's the latest I've ever stayed up. 761 00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:38,751 Oh, no! 762 00:40:38,820 --> 00:40:41,587 Someone's taken Mr. Woods' Golden Globe! 763 00:40:44,492 --> 00:40:47,577 She's right! There was a Golden Globe award here, and it's gone. 764 00:40:47,645 --> 00:40:50,374 I think we may have identified our blunt object. 765 00:40:50,398 --> 00:40:52,481 It's very important award. 766 00:40:52,550 --> 00:40:54,967 Now, now, actually if I can clarify this, 767 00:40:55,036 --> 00:40:57,231 it's not a very important award. 768 00:40:57,255 --> 00:40:59,238 Okay? Here's how the Golden Globes work. 769 00:40:59,306 --> 00:41:00,439 You want a Golden Globe, 770 00:41:00,508 --> 00:41:01,685 all you gotta do is take a member 771 00:41:01,709 --> 00:41:03,120 of the Foreign Press out to lunch, 772 00:41:03,144 --> 00:41:04,688 and they'll vote for you. Hmm? 773 00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:06,078 That's all you gotta do. 774 00:41:06,147 --> 00:41:08,692 And there's only like 30 guys in the Foreign Press, 775 00:41:08,716 --> 00:41:11,684 so it's relatively easy to buy one of those things, okay? 776 00:41:11,753 --> 00:41:13,586 Are you with me, America? You with me? 777 00:41:13,655 --> 00:41:15,198 So let's all just shut the fuck up 778 00:41:15,222 --> 00:41:16,700 about the prestige of these damn things 779 00:41:16,724 --> 00:41:19,124 because it's a sale, you know? 780 00:41:19,193 --> 00:41:21,438 I mean, you might as well walk into a Zales and say, 781 00:41:21,462 --> 00:41:22,773 "Hey, fire me up one of these 782 00:41:22,797 --> 00:41:24,775 "and I'll pay you the price of a bacon burger." 783 00:41:24,799 --> 00:41:27,934 Okay? We all clear on what the Golden Globes are? 784 00:41:28,002 --> 00:41:30,903 All right? Now, that said, if anyone from the Paris Observer 785 00:41:30,972 --> 00:41:33,339 would like to have lunch, it's on me. 786 00:41:33,408 --> 00:41:35,424 So all we have to do is find that Golden Globe 787 00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:37,860 and we'll have our murder weapon, and if we're lucky, 788 00:41:37,929 --> 00:41:39,712 it may just mean we'll have our killer. 789 00:41:39,781 --> 00:41:43,783 All right, from this moment forward, nobody leaves the group. 790 00:41:43,851 --> 00:41:45,811 Joe's right. Everyone huddle up. 791 00:41:47,555 --> 00:41:49,616 Good. Now, we're gonna search the house, 792 00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,252 and we're gonna move as one. 793 00:41:51,276 --> 00:41:52,909 Anyone who separates from the group 794 00:41:52,978 --> 00:41:54,655 we will assume to be the killer. 795 00:41:54,679 --> 00:41:55,711 All clear? 796 00:41:55,780 --> 00:41:57,163 Yeah. Yeah. 797 00:41:57,232 --> 00:41:58,414 All right. 798 00:41:58,482 --> 00:41:59,748 Let's do this! 799 00:42:02,236 --> 00:42:04,481 Guys, we're stopping at the bathroom first. 800 00:42:04,505 --> 00:42:07,306 Okay? So if you're not comfortable with me as a person, 801 00:42:07,374 --> 00:42:10,376 please circulate yourselves to the outer edges of the group. 802 00:42:10,445 --> 00:42:12,306 All right, here we go. 803 00:42:12,330 --> 00:42:14,041 Stand back. I got a full bladder. 804 00:42:14,065 --> 00:42:16,076 - Hey, Peter, I gotta go, too. - You wanna have a sword fight? 805 00:42:16,100 --> 00:42:17,533 Ooh, I want in on that. 806 00:42:17,602 --> 00:42:18,634 Me, too. 807 00:42:18,703 --> 00:42:20,623 It's okay. I clean. 808 00:42:25,443 --> 00:42:26,892 Oh, boy, we got a problem here. 809 00:42:26,961 --> 00:42:28,322 All right, on the count of three. 810 00:42:28,346 --> 00:42:31,114 One, two, three! 811 00:42:31,182 --> 00:42:32,682 Thanks, guys. 812 00:42:35,053 --> 00:42:36,085 Stop it, Peter. 813 00:42:38,422 --> 00:42:39,689 Peter, knock it off! 814 00:42:39,757 --> 00:42:40,790 Okay, Jew. Joe. 815 00:42:40,858 --> 00:42:42,424 Shut up! I'm not Jewish! 816 00:42:42,493 --> 00:42:45,105 Well, I think we've learned a little something 817 00:42:45,129 --> 00:42:48,409 about our friendly neighborhood policeman today. 818 00:42:49,667 --> 00:42:51,912 All right, we gotta search every one of these rooms. 819 00:42:51,936 --> 00:42:53,576 We'll start with Quagmire's. 820 00:42:57,358 --> 00:42:59,025 Oh, my God! 821 00:42:59,093 --> 00:43:00,960 Are those Stephanie's underpants? 822 00:43:01,029 --> 00:43:02,144 Oh, Jesus. 823 00:43:02,213 --> 00:43:03,629 They're huge! 824 00:43:03,698 --> 00:43:06,315 Looks like the crotch got chewed on by a walrus mouth. 825 00:43:06,384 --> 00:43:08,784 Look, it's got flowers! 826 00:43:08,853 --> 00:43:10,119 I mean, why bother? 827 00:43:10,187 --> 00:43:11,320 Who's gonna see 'em? 828 00:43:11,388 --> 00:43:12,971 Maybe someone in space. 829 00:43:15,393 --> 00:43:17,843 Come on, guys, can't we all just be glad she's dead? 830 00:43:29,140 --> 00:43:30,573 Whose room is this? 831 00:43:30,642 --> 00:43:32,058 It's, uh, my room. 832 00:43:32,126 --> 00:43:34,672 You travel with a giant poster of yourself? 833 00:43:34,696 --> 00:43:36,595 Yes. It helps me get to sleep, 834 00:43:36,664 --> 00:43:40,283 knowing that Big Tom Tucker is keeping a watchful eye out for nocturnal intruders. 835 00:43:40,351 --> 00:43:42,334 What a ridiculous man you are. 836 00:43:42,403 --> 00:43:44,415 Look, I didn't know my room was gonna be scrutinized. 837 00:43:44,439 --> 00:43:46,433 If you don't like it, let's get out of here. 838 00:43:46,457 --> 00:43:48,657 Not till we've searched the place. 839 00:44:02,490 --> 00:44:03,956 You guys? 840 00:44:07,328 --> 00:44:08,945 Oh, my God! 841 00:44:10,981 --> 00:44:14,666 Well, well, I think we've found our killer. 842 00:44:14,736 --> 00:44:16,753 Oh, now, now, wait a minute, that's not mine! 843 00:44:16,821 --> 00:44:19,250 I suppose it crawled under your bed all by itself. 844 00:44:19,274 --> 00:44:21,474 Well, maybe it did. I didn't murder anybody. 845 00:44:21,543 --> 00:44:23,403 Tell it to Mike Judge. 846 00:44:23,427 --> 00:44:25,545 Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is crazy. 847 00:44:25,613 --> 00:44:27,180 What about Priscilla? 848 00:44:27,248 --> 00:44:29,659 We have no idea where she is. She could've planted that there. 849 00:44:29,683 --> 00:44:31,133 Well... 850 00:44:31,202 --> 00:44:33,119 I suppose it's possible. 851 00:44:33,955 --> 00:44:35,954 What the hell? 852 00:44:36,041 --> 00:44:38,640 Dang it, I got a nosebleed. 853 00:44:38,710 --> 00:44:40,510 No, you don't. 854 00:44:45,216 --> 00:44:46,749 Peter, give me a boost. 855 00:44:56,027 --> 00:44:58,010 You're going to jail, Tucker. 856 00:44:58,079 --> 00:45:00,129 Like hell I am! You're not taking me anywhere, 857 00:45:00,198 --> 00:45:01,913 you Podunk, Quahog, redneck cop! 858 00:45:01,982 --> 00:45:03,950 Not you or anyone else in this damn town! 859 00:45:04,018 --> 00:45:05,301 I'm not going to jail! 860 00:45:07,105 --> 00:45:08,404 After him! 861 00:45:25,173 --> 00:45:26,422 Give it up, Tucker! 862 00:45:26,491 --> 00:45:27,640 Make me, Swanson! 863 00:45:40,037 --> 00:45:41,303 Damn, he's slippery. 864 00:45:42,089 --> 00:45:43,222 You guys give up? 865 00:45:43,291 --> 00:45:44,640 What do we do? 866 00:45:44,709 --> 00:45:46,720 Wait a minute, wait a minute, guys! I got an idea. 867 00:45:46,744 --> 00:45:48,093 Shoot. 868 00:45:48,162 --> 00:45:49,773 What if half of us go around one side of the table, 869 00:45:49,797 --> 00:45:51,575 and the other half go around the other side, 870 00:45:51,599 --> 00:45:53,677 and then we won't have to chase him around in circles. 871 00:45:53,701 --> 00:45:55,112 Damn, that's awfully risky. 872 00:45:55,136 --> 00:45:58,637 It sure is, but at this point I'm willing to try anything. 873 00:46:00,208 --> 00:46:02,308 All right. Let's do it! 874 00:46:04,312 --> 00:46:05,778 It worked! 875 00:46:05,847 --> 00:46:08,748 Let me go! Let me go, you bastards! 876 00:46:09,584 --> 00:46:12,418 You're all gonna pay for this! 877 00:46:12,486 --> 00:46:15,254 Just for that, when the movie of this story comes out, 878 00:46:15,322 --> 00:46:17,657 I'm gonna make sure Adrien Brody plays you. 879 00:46:17,725 --> 00:46:19,870 I guess that means you don't want anyone to see it. 880 00:46:22,196 --> 00:46:24,163 Okay. All right. 881 00:46:53,378 --> 00:46:55,010 Thanks a lot for your help, boys. 882 00:46:59,033 --> 00:47:00,366 Nice work, Swanson. 883 00:47:00,434 --> 00:47:02,268 Thank you, Mr. Mayor. 884 00:47:02,336 --> 00:47:03,897 Well, it just goes to prove 885 00:47:03,921 --> 00:47:06,366 that even the most trusted member of our community can snap 886 00:47:06,390 --> 00:47:08,123 and become a psychopathic killer. 887 00:47:08,192 --> 00:47:11,694 Yeah, you just never know who's lurking out there in your neighborhood. 888 00:47:11,762 --> 00:47:14,129 When we all see each other at school on Monday, 889 00:47:14,198 --> 00:47:15,831 are we still gonna be friends? 890 00:47:18,419 --> 00:47:20,603 You know, despite all the craziness this weekend, 891 00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:22,671 I feel like a lot of people were looking at me 892 00:47:22,740 --> 00:47:24,306 like I was really attractive, 893 00:47:24,375 --> 00:47:26,854 which makes me think that I'm gonna grow up to be good-looking. 894 00:47:26,878 --> 00:47:30,012 What part of that statement is supposed to lure me into a conversation? 895 00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:32,247 I talk to you about wet tennis balls. 896 00:47:33,985 --> 00:47:35,317 Oh, come on! 897 00:47:35,386 --> 00:47:37,386 We're in a fight! 898 00:47:38,872 --> 00:47:41,435 Lois, are any of my Hot Wheels in the bath? Lois? 899 00:47:41,459 --> 00:47:42,875 Lois? Lois? 900 00:47:42,943 --> 00:47:45,639 Lois, are any of my Hot Wheels in the bathroom? 901 00:47:45,663 --> 00:47:47,274 No, I put 'em all in your bag. 902 00:47:47,298 --> 00:47:49,092 Okay, well, I don't see the fire engine, 903 00:47:49,116 --> 00:47:51,984 but I guess we'll just find out when we get home, won't we? 904 00:47:53,203 --> 00:47:55,003 I'll see you in the car. 905 00:48:01,128 --> 00:48:02,361 Hi, Diane. 906 00:48:02,430 --> 00:48:03,829 Oh, hi, Lois. 907 00:48:03,898 --> 00:48:05,230 How you doing? 908 00:48:05,300 --> 00:48:07,650 I just thought I'd make sure you were okay. 909 00:48:07,718 --> 00:48:09,501 Oh, I'm managing. 910 00:48:09,570 --> 00:48:11,690 It's just so hard to believe 911 00:48:11,738 --> 00:48:13,939 you can work with someone for 15 years 912 00:48:14,008 --> 00:48:17,793 and yet have no idea who they really are or what they're capable of. 913 00:48:17,862 --> 00:48:20,379 Oh, I know. And I'm sorry. 914 00:48:20,448 --> 00:48:22,114 So, what happens now? 915 00:48:22,183 --> 00:48:24,361 Will you just anchor the news by yourself? 916 00:48:24,385 --> 00:48:26,435 I suppose, for the time being. 917 00:48:26,503 --> 00:48:29,087 Well, that's kind of exciting, right? 918 00:48:29,157 --> 00:48:31,301 You sound like my mother. 919 00:48:31,325 --> 00:48:34,460 She actually bought me this blouse for my first solo broadcast. 920 00:48:34,529 --> 00:48:36,344 I guess that's sweet, huh? 921 00:48:36,413 --> 00:48:38,030 She... 922 00:48:38,099 --> 00:48:39,699 I'm sorry, I don't understand. 923 00:48:39,784 --> 00:48:41,284 What do you mean? 924 00:48:41,336 --> 00:48:44,169 I mean, how could she have known you'd be anchoring alone? 925 00:48:44,238 --> 00:48:46,171 I mean, none of this happened until... 926 00:48:54,748 --> 00:48:57,916 Gosh, I... You know, I think I'd better, uh, 927 00:48:57,985 --> 00:49:00,785 go make sure Peter has his, uh, 928 00:49:00,854 --> 00:49:02,170 fire engine. 929 00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:05,123 Oh, really? But I was enjoying our talk. 930 00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:07,742 Oh, no, I... So was I, but, you know, 931 00:49:07,811 --> 00:49:09,712 I've, really, I should... I should go. 932 00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:12,247 No. I don't think so. 933 00:49:12,316 --> 00:49:13,932 Oh, my God. 934 00:49:14,001 --> 00:49:15,967 Oh, my God, it was you. 935 00:49:16,036 --> 00:49:17,420 You're the killer! 936 00:49:17,488 --> 00:49:19,238 Very clever, Lois. 937 00:49:19,306 --> 00:49:20,951 You shouldn't have stopped to say hi to me. 938 00:49:20,975 --> 00:49:22,541 You would've lived longer. 939 00:49:22,609 --> 00:49:24,910 God, why do I ever try to be friends with other women? 940 00:49:24,978 --> 00:49:26,445 But, Diane, why? 941 00:49:26,514 --> 00:49:28,897 How could you do all these horrible things? 942 00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:31,695 Well, I suppose it all really began a year ago 943 00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:33,229 when James Woods and I met 944 00:49:33,253 --> 00:49:36,413 at a press event and began seeing each other. 945 00:49:44,281 --> 00:49:46,182 We both valued our privacy, however, 946 00:49:46,250 --> 00:49:49,134 so we agreed to keep it a secret from the media. 947 00:49:54,409 --> 00:49:56,609 Everything in my life was wonderful. 948 00:49:58,062 --> 00:50:00,696 But then a few months ago, I turned 40. 949 00:50:00,764 --> 00:50:02,948 Surprise! 950 00:50:03,016 --> 00:50:04,928 It was hard for me to begin with, 951 00:50:04,952 --> 00:50:07,619 but it got worse when, not so coincidentally, 952 00:50:07,688 --> 00:50:10,600 Tom began pushing Channel Five News to replace me 953 00:50:10,624 --> 00:50:12,607 with a fresh, young face, 954 00:50:12,676 --> 00:50:14,827 and he succeeded. 955 00:50:14,896 --> 00:50:18,614 Three weeks from now, I'll be off the air. 956 00:50:18,683 --> 00:50:22,117 Well, apparently, all men think the same way, 957 00:50:22,186 --> 00:50:25,337 because around the same time, James dumped me. 958 00:50:27,591 --> 00:50:30,358 I watched my career and my love life crumble, 959 00:50:30,427 --> 00:50:33,445 and I wasn't gonna just stand by and take it. 960 00:50:33,514 --> 00:50:35,125 That's when I had the good fortune 961 00:50:35,149 --> 00:50:37,682 to meet a young news intern named Priscilla. 962 00:50:37,751 --> 00:50:40,369 She was so anxious to get into the reporting business 963 00:50:40,438 --> 00:50:43,339 and would have done anything to get on my good side. 964 00:50:43,407 --> 00:50:44,956 So I seized the moment. 965 00:50:45,025 --> 00:50:47,243 I paid her off to seduce James Woods 966 00:50:47,311 --> 00:50:51,346 and reel him into a relationship like a fish on a line. 967 00:50:51,415 --> 00:50:53,410 I knew a hot, young woman like Priscilla 968 00:50:53,434 --> 00:50:56,718 could manipulate him into doing anything I wanted. 969 00:50:56,787 --> 00:50:58,582 At my direction, she persuaded him 970 00:50:58,606 --> 00:51:00,367 to become a born-again Christian, 971 00:51:00,391 --> 00:51:02,885 and instilled him with the drive to bring together 972 00:51:02,909 --> 00:51:05,088 all the people he'd wronged. 973 00:51:05,112 --> 00:51:07,913 That's how this weekend came to pass. 974 00:51:07,982 --> 00:51:11,434 Of course, Priscilla knew nothing of my real intentions, 975 00:51:11,502 --> 00:51:14,954 but she played the part beautifully, nonetheless. 976 00:51:15,022 --> 00:51:16,834 There's no way she could have known 977 00:51:16,858 --> 00:51:20,025 I planned to kill James Woods and frame Tom Tucker, 978 00:51:20,094 --> 00:51:22,105 thereby destroying the two people 979 00:51:22,129 --> 00:51:24,363 who cast me aside and ruined my life. 980 00:51:24,999 --> 00:51:26,799 Oh, my God. 981 00:51:26,868 --> 00:51:28,250 You're 40? 982 00:51:28,319 --> 00:51:30,169 Yes. I'm 40. 983 00:51:30,237 --> 00:51:32,571 But then why did you kill the others? 984 00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:35,224 It was all supposed to go so smoothly. 985 00:51:35,293 --> 00:51:36,842 The hidden gun goes off, 986 00:51:36,928 --> 00:51:39,161 kills James Woods, and at the first opportunity, 987 00:51:39,230 --> 00:51:42,258 I retrieve the gun and plant it in Tom's bag. 988 00:51:42,282 --> 00:51:43,649 James Woods is dead, 989 00:51:43,717 --> 00:51:46,552 Tom goes to prison, nice and easy. 990 00:51:46,620 --> 00:51:48,565 But Stephanie got in the way. 991 00:51:48,589 --> 00:51:50,870 She was in James' chair at the wrong time. 992 00:51:50,925 --> 00:51:54,042 And when I realized my mistake, I had to improvise. 993 00:51:54,111 --> 00:51:56,878 The power outage provided a perfect cover. 994 00:51:56,947 --> 00:52:00,983 I grabbed the knife off the dinner table and stabbed him. 995 00:52:01,051 --> 00:52:03,519 But as Joe pointed out, there were fingerprints. 996 00:52:03,571 --> 00:52:05,332 I couldn't just leave it there. 997 00:52:05,356 --> 00:52:07,801 So when Tom and I got separated in the gallery, 998 00:52:07,825 --> 00:52:10,437 I went back into the dining room and got the knife. 999 00:52:10,461 --> 00:52:14,029 But at that moment, Priscilla regained consciousness after fainting. 1000 00:52:14,098 --> 00:52:16,143 She started to become hysterical. 1001 00:52:16,167 --> 00:52:17,844 I knew I couldn't risk her revealing 1002 00:52:17,868 --> 00:52:20,213 that I had engineered this whole gathering, 1003 00:52:20,237 --> 00:52:21,587 so I killed her. 1004 00:52:21,655 --> 00:52:23,600 And I hid her in Tom's room. 1005 00:52:23,624 --> 00:52:25,925 I tried to plant the knife in Tom's suitcase, 1006 00:52:25,993 --> 00:52:29,211 but at that moment, Muriel walked in and caught me in the act. 1007 00:52:29,279 --> 00:52:31,124 It wasn't her fault, poor thing, 1008 00:52:31,148 --> 00:52:32,764 but she had to die. 1009 00:52:32,833 --> 00:52:35,467 I stabbed her, and she screamed. 1010 00:52:35,536 --> 00:52:36,929 I had to leave the knife in her 1011 00:52:36,953 --> 00:52:38,565 because I couldn't very well hide it on my person 1012 00:52:38,589 --> 00:52:40,923 with everyone quickly closing in. 1013 00:52:40,975 --> 00:52:44,070 So I wiped off the fingerprints and ran. 1014 00:52:44,094 --> 00:52:45,822 I slipped in with the rest of the group, 1015 00:52:45,846 --> 00:52:47,857 when they all converged on the scene. 1016 00:52:47,881 --> 00:52:51,278 I needed more time to finish my work framing Tom. 1017 00:52:51,302 --> 00:52:53,852 But that's when Derek went out to the balcony. 1018 00:52:53,921 --> 00:52:55,816 I couldn't let him contact the police 1019 00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:57,433 before everything was in the place. 1020 00:52:57,457 --> 00:52:59,269 So I had to kill him, too. 1021 00:52:59,293 --> 00:53:01,054 When Peter was yelling at everyone 1022 00:53:01,078 --> 00:53:03,640 about that picture of Derek holding up the Hollywood sign, 1023 00:53:03,664 --> 00:53:06,799 I grabbed the Golden Globe and slipped out. 1024 00:53:06,884 --> 00:53:09,951 I followed Derek outside and did what I had to do. 1025 00:53:12,723 --> 00:53:15,285 I barely had enough time to plant the Golden Globe in Tom's room 1026 00:53:15,309 --> 00:53:16,642 and run back downstairs, 1027 00:53:16,727 --> 00:53:18,672 where I took advantage of the commotion 1028 00:53:18,696 --> 00:53:22,096 and joined the crowd as they were all running outside. 1029 00:53:23,083 --> 00:53:24,916 And the rest, well... 1030 00:53:24,985 --> 00:53:26,746 You did all the rest for me. 1031 00:53:26,770 --> 00:53:29,371 You turned on Tom exactly as I planned. 1032 00:53:30,824 --> 00:53:32,090 So there it is, Lois. 1033 00:53:32,577 --> 00:53:34,860 My God. 1034 00:53:34,929 --> 00:53:37,496 But wait, there's one thing unaccounted for, 1035 00:53:37,564 --> 00:53:39,582 what happened to Stephanie's body? 1036 00:53:39,650 --> 00:53:42,770 Actually, that's the one thing I don't know. 1037 00:53:44,021 --> 00:53:45,220 Damn it! 1038 00:53:47,358 --> 00:53:50,009 Well, now you know everything, Lois, 1039 00:53:50,077 --> 00:53:52,444 which, of course, means I have to kill you. 1040 00:53:57,201 --> 00:54:00,603 Lois, are you coming? I can't play my tapes without the key. 1041 00:54:00,655 --> 00:54:03,705 Well, actually, Lois and I were just about to go for a quick walk, 1042 00:54:03,774 --> 00:54:04,935 weren't we, Lois? 1043 00:54:04,959 --> 00:54:06,669 We've been getting better acquainted. 1044 00:54:06,693 --> 00:54:08,388 All right, well, just give me the key, please. 1045 00:54:08,412 --> 00:54:10,662 All right, Peter, I'll get it. 1046 00:54:10,731 --> 00:54:12,748 Don't put a gun in my back. 1047 00:54:12,816 --> 00:54:15,016 I'm not, I'm just asking for the key. Give me the key. 1048 00:54:15,069 --> 00:54:17,063 Peter, we've been married 20 years. 1049 00:54:17,087 --> 00:54:20,839 Please recognize when I'm acting out of the ordinary because I'm in danger. 1050 00:54:20,908 --> 00:54:24,093 Here you go. Here's the key, Pete. 1051 00:54:24,161 --> 00:54:25,577 Why is she calling me Pete? 1052 00:54:25,646 --> 00:54:28,146 We've been married 14 years. She never called me Pete. 1053 00:54:28,215 --> 00:54:29,626 Why am I trying to figure this out 1054 00:54:29,650 --> 00:54:31,662 when I could be listening to my tapes in the car? 1055 00:54:31,686 --> 00:54:33,001 Bye. 1056 00:54:34,121 --> 00:54:35,553 Shall we? 1057 00:55:10,073 --> 00:55:12,824 Well, it's a shame that you have to die, Lois, 1058 00:55:12,893 --> 00:55:14,525 but look on the bright side. 1059 00:55:14,594 --> 00:55:17,262 You'll be a story on the 6:00 news. 1060 00:55:17,330 --> 00:55:19,981 You know, unless a local cat does something funny. 1061 00:55:20,050 --> 00:55:22,746 Diane, please, please, don't do this! 1062 00:55:22,770 --> 00:55:24,969 I won't tell anybody, I swear to God! 1063 00:55:25,038 --> 00:55:27,889 That's right. You won't. 1064 00:55:27,958 --> 00:55:29,374 Good bye, Lois. 1065 00:55:57,805 --> 00:55:59,404 Hello? 1066 00:56:02,793 --> 00:56:04,560 Is anyone there? 1067 00:56:10,300 --> 00:56:13,568 Whoever you are, thank you! 1068 00:56:21,712 --> 00:56:25,129 If anybody's gonna take that bitch down, it's gonna be me. 1069 00:57:44,528 --> 00:57:45,608 ENGLISH - US - LINE 21 81873

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