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1
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:09,491
Hurry up. We still have
to swing by Wyndham's
before they close.
2
00:00:09,559 --> 00:00:10,792
Relax. I'm almost done.
3
00:00:10,861 --> 00:00:12,911
And why do you have
a safety deposit box anyway?
4
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:15,108
What's in there
that you can't
bury in the yard?
5
00:00:15,132 --> 00:00:16,648
I have things.
6
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:18,100
You have a dead bird in there?
7
00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:19,784
What are you gonna do with that?
8
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:22,065
I was gonna take it home,
show it to Lois,
make her proud of me.
9
00:00:22,089 --> 00:00:23,850
Hey, I'm starving.
You want to grab
a late lunch?
10
00:00:23,874 --> 00:00:26,591
Can't. I'm Jenny Craig-ing.
Already paid for the meals.
11
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,070
And if I want to
return this sweater,
12
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,854
we've got to get
to Wyndham's by half 6:00.
13
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:31,379
Half 6:00?
14
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,593
Yes. You have to return it
within a fortnight
for a refund.
15
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:36,251
I love it, but I feel
like it was too much.
16
00:00:36,319 --> 00:00:39,588
Cute, right?
It's Thom Browne.
It was over $3,000.
17
00:00:39,656 --> 00:00:42,091
You spent $3,000 on a sweater?
18
00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:43,742
What's it to you?
19
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:45,638
That's the most idiotic thing
I've ever heard.
You're a moron.
20
00:00:45,662 --> 00:00:46,945
A pretentious moron.
21
00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:48,730
Drop dead.
I was returning it anyway.
22
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,143
Where'd you even get
that kind of money?
23
00:00:50,167 --> 00:00:52,267
None of
your goddamn business,
that's where.
24
00:00:52,335 --> 00:00:54,569
You know, today started
as a really nice outing,
25
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:55,998
but as usual,
you had to ruin it.
26
00:00:56,039 --> 00:00:57,150
I had to ruin it?
27
00:00:57,174 --> 00:00:59,824
Yeah, you. I was
actually hoping
28
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,738
that you'd talk me out
of returning the sweater.
29
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,929
So, you're right,
I guess I am a moron.
30
00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:06,881
You know, it's the one time
I ever splurged on myself,
31
00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:08,783
and you have to go
and make me feel foolish.
32
00:01:08,852 --> 00:01:10,230
Look, I didn't...
Save it, okay?
33
00:01:10,254 --> 00:01:13,004
I'll be waiting outside
under the porte cochere.
34
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:16,024
It was my own fault
for thinking I could have
pretty things.
35
00:01:16,093 --> 00:01:18,510
I'm not having fun anymore.
I feel you should know that.
36
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,180
What was that?
37
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:28,870
I don't believe this. Hello?
Hello, we're locked in!
38
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:34,242
Did you just crap your diaper?
39
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:37,429
I got scared when
the door closed.
40
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:40,849
♪ It seems today
that all you see
41
00:01:40,917 --> 00:01:44,219
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
42
00:01:44,288 --> 00:01:47,889
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
43
00:01:47,957 --> 00:01:50,892
♪ On which we used to rely?
44
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:54,162
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
45
00:01:54,231 --> 00:01:57,616
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
46
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,179
♪ All the things
that make us
47
00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:00,902
♪ Laugh and cry
48
00:02:00,971 --> 00:02:06,007
♪ He's a family guy ♪
49
00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:19,471
Hey! Hello! Hello, somebody!
We're trapped in here!
50
00:02:19,539 --> 00:02:20,989
You're wasting your breath.
51
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:23,737
These bank vault doors
close automatically
at the end of the workday.
52
00:02:23,761 --> 00:02:25,271
This thing
won't be open again
till tomorrow.
53
00:02:25,295 --> 00:02:27,273
Well, there's got
to be some way
out of here. Think!
54
00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:28,608
I don't know.
You think of something.
55
00:02:28,632 --> 00:02:30,081
Well, I have no idea!
56
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,978
So, you invented a time machine,
57
00:02:32,002 --> 00:02:33,129
but you can't get us
out of a safe?
58
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,113
Yeah, that's science.
I'm not Houdini.
59
00:02:35,139 --> 00:02:37,199
Can't believe this.
We're locked in here
until tomorrow
60
00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:38,401
and the only thing
I've eaten today
61
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:40,725
was a grape
Chris dropped at breakfast.
62
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:43,673
It took me half an hour
just to get the damn
thing off the floor.
63
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,797
I'm uncomfortable.
You have to change me.
64
00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:48,278
I'm not changing you.
We don't even have
any diapers.
65
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,919
Oh, my God, that smell is
making me sick.
66
00:02:50,988 --> 00:02:52,782
Oh, thank you for making me
more self-conscious.
67
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:55,051
I'm not gonna be
able to stay like this
until tomorrow, you know.
68
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:57,692
Well, I don't know what you
expect me to do about it.
69
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,694
You don't?
No, I don't.
70
00:03:00,964 --> 00:03:02,375
Stop looking at me like that.
71
00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:05,149
Look, I'm going to
propose something,
72
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:06,896
and I need you to hear me out.
73
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,548
Will you promise me
you'll do that?
74
00:03:08,572 --> 00:03:09,688
I guess.
75
00:03:09,740 --> 00:03:10,855
You guess or you will?
76
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,473
Yes, I'll hear you out.
77
00:03:12,542 --> 00:03:16,311
Okay, well, I can't be
in a soiled diaper
until tomorrow, Brian,
78
00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:17,420
we both know that.
79
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:18,824
I'll get a rash,
which could lead
80
00:03:18,848 --> 00:03:20,728
to an infection
if left like this.
81
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:23,000
All right, fine,
I'll take the diaper off.
82
00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:26,103
That doesn't really
solve our problem,
now, does it?
83
00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:27,200
Yes, it does.
84
00:03:27,224 --> 00:03:29,507
No, it doesn't though, really.
85
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:32,644
See, you're not really
thinking this through.
86
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,080
We would still be faced
with the problem of the odor,
you see.
87
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:39,617
And, of course,
then what am I gonna do
with no diaper?
88
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:42,565
I'm not gonna
walk around here with
my Tic Tac hanging out.
89
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:43,888
I need a clean diaper.
90
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,785
I told you, we don't
have any clean diapers.
91
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,310
Well, no, not right now
we don't, no.
92
00:03:48,379 --> 00:03:51,380
But if the poo
were to be removed...
93
00:03:52,283 --> 00:03:53,848
I'm not following you.
94
00:03:53,917 --> 00:03:57,685
If the poo were to be removed...
95
00:03:57,754 --> 00:03:59,874
What does that...
What are you driving at?
96
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,151
Eat it.
What?
97
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:03,358
Eat my poo, Brian.
98
00:04:03,427 --> 00:04:04,788
You're out of your fucking mind.
99
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:06,377
Now, you promised
you'd hear me out.
100
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,279
Besides, is it really
that big a deal?
101
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:10,248
You just said yourself
that you're starving.
102
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,517
And, you know, I've seen
you eat shit before, Brian.
103
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:13,629
Yeah, mine!
104
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:15,120
Is that really
a huge distinction?
105
00:04:15,189 --> 00:04:16,487
It is to me!
106
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:19,557
I can't even... How would...
That's sick! That is sick!
107
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,938
How messed up in the head
are you that you would
even ask?
108
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,762
Look, okay, okay,
just calm down, okay?
109
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,296
We're not...
We're just talking.
110
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,832
We're not doing anything yet.
111
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:29,345
All right, we're just talking.
Nobody's doing anything
at this point.
112
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:33,171
Dogs sometimes eat feces.
It's not a judgment,
it's just a fact.
113
00:04:33,223 --> 00:04:37,509
So what I would
need you to do is eat
what's in my diaper,
114
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:40,278
lick the diaper clean,
possibly lick my ass
115
00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:42,114
and then put
the diaper back on me.
116
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:44,816
Probably lick my ass.
117
00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:47,280
Yeah, you should start
wrapping your brain
around that, too.
118
00:04:47,304 --> 00:04:49,199
There is no way any
of that is happening.
119
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:50,943
Well, I don't see
a way around it, do you?
120
00:04:50,974 --> 00:04:52,507
I would shoot myself first.
121
00:04:52,576 --> 00:04:54,976
Well, how you
gonna shoot yourself?
There's no gun in here.
122
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,431
There's a gun in
your safety deposit box,
isn't there?
123
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,789
Stewie, come on.
You don't know how
to use that thing.
124
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,480
Oh, really?
What if I hold it sideways
like a black guy?
125
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:18,233
Come on, man.
Take it easy, all right?
I don't want any trouble.
126
00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:21,062
There's not
gonna be any trouble
as long as you eat my poo.
127
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,136
That's not happening.
128
00:05:22,205 --> 00:05:23,616
Well, then I'll be
forced to shoot you.
129
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:24,751
Go ahead.
There aren't any
bullets in that gun.
130
00:05:24,775 --> 00:05:25,835
I don't believe you.
Then shoot me.
131
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,119
I will.
Do it.
132
00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:28,421
I will!
Then do it!
What are you waiting for?
133
00:05:28,445 --> 00:05:30,690
Go on!
I will! I'll blow
your fucking head off!
134
00:05:30,714 --> 00:05:32,964
Wait a minute.
Don't you have your
cell phone with you?
135
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,649
You're right!
136
00:05:35,786 --> 00:05:37,319
Oh, no, low battery.
137
00:05:37,387 --> 00:05:39,707
I have to make this call count.
138
00:05:40,157 --> 00:05:41,923
Hurry up.
It's ringing.
139
00:05:41,991 --> 00:05:43,190
Oh, thank God.
140
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,743
Come on, come on.
141
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:47,190
Yes, hi. Can you
connect me to men's
designer wear, please?
142
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:48,358
Thank you.
What are you doing?
143
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,660
This will just
take a second.
Give me that!
144
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,935
Hi, this is Stewie Griffin.
Who am I talking to?
145
00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:56,070
Hi, Matthew.
I think you're the salesman
146
00:05:56,139 --> 00:05:59,574
who helped me pick out
a Thom Browne sweater
two weeks ago.
147
00:05:59,642 --> 00:06:02,477
Yes, I was going to see
The Bounty Hunter
that night.
148
00:06:02,546 --> 00:06:05,066
Well, I enjoyed it very much.
Thank you. Good memory,
my word.
149
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,981
Anyway, it doesn't
fit properly and...
150
00:06:07,050 --> 00:06:08,266
Give me the damn phone!
151
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:09,934
Hey! Stop it.
152
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,931
And I don't think I'm gonna
make it to the store
153
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:13,504
before closing time today.
154
00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:16,334
Is it possible
to get an extension
on that refund?
155
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,727
Uh-huh.
156
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,562
Uh-huh.
No exceptions, I see.
157
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:23,531
So you're telling me,
if I was James Franco
calling,
158
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:27,135
I would still not be able to
get an extension for one day?
159
00:06:27,203 --> 00:06:29,003
Yes, Matthew,
I will hold for your manager.
160
00:06:29,072 --> 00:06:30,616
I'm gonna
wrap this up so quickly.
161
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,240
Hey!
Sorry, he's gonna
have to call you back...
162
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,026
It's dead.
163
00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:38,057
You wasted the one
phone call we had
to return a sweater?
164
00:06:38,081 --> 00:06:41,349
A $3,000 sweater,
which I am now stuck with.
165
00:06:41,418 --> 00:06:42,601
Oh, this day.
166
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:47,421
You stink!
And now I'm trapped in here
with you and your stink
167
00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:50,291
because you were too stupid
to call somebody
who could help us!
168
00:06:50,393 --> 00:06:51,860
That really hurt.
169
00:06:51,929 --> 00:06:53,973
Just get away from me!
I can't even look at you!
170
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,864
Well, I'm sorry.
Don't be mad.
171
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,065
Don't!
172
00:07:16,386 --> 00:07:17,530
All right, I'll do it.
173
00:07:17,554 --> 00:07:18,753
What are you talking about?
174
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:21,906
I can't leave you like this.
175
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,576
But you have to swear
never to tell anybody.
176
00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:26,322
You mean, you're gonna eat my...
177
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:29,013
Yeah, no, no, I won't
tell anybody. I swear!
178
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,882
Okay, how should we do it?
179
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,017
I guess it's
dealer's choice, really.
180
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:36,922
I suppose the easiest way
would be to use the diaper
as a bowl of sorts.
181
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,267
Do you know how to take it off?
182
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,531
No, I've never
done it myself.
Mum does it.
183
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,439
All right, well,
we should get your
overalls off first.
184
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:44,162
I know how to do the snaps.
185
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,649
There. I did it.
186
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,579
Okay, good.
Now let's get
your feet out.
187
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,337
I can't believe
we're doing this.
188
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:53,972
Oh, really smells bad,
doesn't it?
189
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,268
Yeah. You sure you
can't stay like this?
190
00:07:56,292 --> 00:07:58,009
I'm getting a rash, Brian.
I can feel it.
191
00:07:58,061 --> 00:08:00,027
Okay, okay, I can do this.
192
00:08:00,096 --> 00:08:01,216
All right, lay down.
193
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:04,829
It's so amazing to me
that you know how to do that.
194
00:08:04,868 --> 00:08:06,379
It's like watching
someone do algebra.
195
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,483
I just have no conception
of how it's done.
196
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,289
Oh, God!
197
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,826
Okay, you ready?
198
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:19,930
Okay.
199
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,630
Don't do it right here!
I don't want to watch!
200
00:08:24,654 --> 00:08:26,399
What?
Take it over there.
Do it in the corner.
201
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:27,934
It's gross!
It's your poop!
202
00:08:27,958 --> 00:08:32,360
Yeah, but it's your
activity, you know?
It's your thing.
203
00:08:48,812 --> 00:08:50,845
I can't finish!
You have to!
204
00:08:50,914 --> 00:08:52,324
How would we explain it
half-eaten?
205
00:08:52,348 --> 00:08:53,948
There's no going back from this.
206
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:04,710
It's done.
207
00:09:06,596 --> 00:09:08,329
Got some dessert for you.
208
00:09:08,397 --> 00:09:09,731
You gotta be kidding me.
209
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:13,101
Come on. It's throw-up.
You like throw-up.
210
00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:15,169
I do.
I do like throw-up.
211
00:09:17,874 --> 00:09:20,354
All right,
now let's get this diaper
back on you.
212
00:09:20,410 --> 00:09:22,593
There's just one part left.
213
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:23,906
What are you talking about?
There's nothing left.
214
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,374
Look, the diaper's
completely clean.
215
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,015
Yeah, yeah, but my ass isn't.
216
00:09:28,084 --> 00:09:29,517
You have to clean my ass.
217
00:09:29,586 --> 00:09:31,497
Oh, God, Stewie,
there's got to be a line!
218
00:09:31,521 --> 00:09:33,220
Brian, this is
the most important part.
219
00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:34,900
You've seen Lois
with those sanitary wipes.
220
00:09:34,924 --> 00:09:36,502
She gets all up
in my biznatch with those.
221
00:09:36,526 --> 00:09:37,603
No, no way.
222
00:09:37,627 --> 00:09:39,210
I could get really sick.
223
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,557
Look, there's
hardly anything on it.
This will take one second,
224
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,342
and then we can put
this whole unpleasantness
behind us.
225
00:09:45,202 --> 00:09:46,901
If you ever...
226
00:09:46,970 --> 00:09:49,850
I'm not gonna breathe a word
to anybody, ever.
Now, go on. Get started.
227
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:55,187
Oh, and just do me a favor
and tell me when
you're about to begin
228
00:09:55,211 --> 00:09:56,305
because I don't wanna be...
229
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,146
♪ Moon river! ♪
230
00:09:58,214 --> 00:10:00,731
Oh, by God, there it goes.
231
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:06,810
Brian, you rock.
Thank you so much
for doing this.
232
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,880
Oh, wait. I can do this part.
233
00:10:22,139 --> 00:10:25,006
So, yeah. Thanks.
234
00:10:26,976 --> 00:10:29,110
I feel a lot better now.
235
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,746
Smell's gone.
236
00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:37,535
Look, I hope
this hasn't created any
weirdness between us.
237
00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,837
It's not that strange
what happened.
238
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,720
What'd you eat?
239
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:43,875
Italian Wedding Soup.
240
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,537
Oh, actually, it wasn't bad.
241
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:49,414
I know, right?
Jenny Craig, can you believe?
Only 220 calories.
242
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,783
Probably less for you.
243
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:54,585
You know, I think
I missed my nap today.
I'm sleepy.
244
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:55,798
Well, why don't you lie down?
245
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:56,854
I think I will.
246
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,961
Brian?
What?
247
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,529
I just realized something.
248
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:05,730
What?
249
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,298
Tomorrow's Sunday.
250
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,367
Fuck.
251
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,774
Guess this is as
good a time as any.
252
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,618
What you doing?
Oh. Hey.
253
00:11:43,686 --> 00:11:45,653
Just needed a little drink.
254
00:11:45,722 --> 00:11:48,222
Was kind of saving it,
but what the hell, right?
255
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:49,440
Saving it for what?
256
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,876
It's not important.
Want a sip?
257
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:54,195
You're offering me some?
258
00:11:54,264 --> 00:11:55,464
It's liquor, isn't it?
259
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:56,530
Yeah, it's liquor.
260
00:11:56,599 --> 00:11:58,427
Babies aren't
supposed to have liquor.
261
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,752
This would be the most
naughty thing ever.
262
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:01,861
Do you want a sip or not?
263
00:12:01,904 --> 00:12:03,138
Yeah!
264
00:12:04,841 --> 00:12:06,285
But I don't want
to get too buzzed.
265
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,488
People take
advantage of kids
when they're buzzed.
266
00:12:08,512 --> 00:12:10,990
It's so easy,
and I wouldn't
even remember.
267
00:12:11,014 --> 00:12:12,697
So don't you try anything.
268
00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,827
Try what? I already
practically rimmed you.
269
00:12:14,851 --> 00:12:17,051
Yeah, there was no
practically about that.
270
00:12:17,854 --> 00:12:19,537
Mmm, smooth.
271
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,966
I like what comes out
of Lois' breasts better,
but I like this, too.
272
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,416
Starting to feel that.
273
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:36,754
You know, I like hanging out
with you, Brian.
274
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:38,734
I feel like a big boy right now.
275
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,391
Yeah, this isn't so bad, right?
276
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,760
It's like a very private party.
277
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,547
I feel like dancing.
278
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:51,185
Yeah, you know how to move.
279
00:12:53,089 --> 00:12:57,325
That is real...
Wow, that is awesome.
I'm really impressed.
280
00:12:57,394 --> 00:12:59,344
Oh, wait, I can
hurdle my own leg
281
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:00,795
like they used
to do in the '90s.
282
00:13:06,436 --> 00:13:09,737
Okay, all right,
this is gonna
sound really weird.
283
00:13:09,805 --> 00:13:10,949
This is gonna
sound really weird,
284
00:13:10,973 --> 00:13:12,451
but I really want
you to do it, okay?
285
00:13:12,475 --> 00:13:13,541
What?
286
00:13:13,609 --> 00:13:15,209
First you have to
say that you'll do it
287
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:17,578
before I tell you,
no matter what it is.
288
00:13:17,647 --> 00:13:19,075
All right.
Really?
289
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,965
Yeah. Sure, what is it?
290
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:23,251
I want you to pierce my ear.
291
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,565
Let's do it.
You mean it?
292
00:13:26,622 --> 00:13:29,841
Because I... Look at my face.
I'm totally serious.
Are you totally serious?
293
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,571
I'm with you.
I'm on the train!
294
00:13:31,595 --> 00:13:33,228
Do you have a needle?
295
00:13:33,296 --> 00:13:35,079
There's a pin in the sweater.
296
00:13:36,599 --> 00:13:38,065
Here.
297
00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:39,879
Oh, my God!
This is happening!
This is really happening!
298
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:42,170
Oh, I think this is going
to look so good on me.
299
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,588
You know what else?
300
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,524
Oh, maybe I'll buy
a glove with no knuckles.
301
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,487
Aren't we supposed to, like,
heat it or something?
302
00:13:48,511 --> 00:13:50,494
I don't care. I really...
I don't give a...
303
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,563
I'm all worked up right now,
so we have to do it.
304
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:55,233
Just do it, okay? Before...
What are we drinking anyway?
305
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:57,234
Glenfiddich.
Love her!
306
00:13:57,303 --> 00:13:59,131
Oh, you know what?
I'll just sterilize it
in the scotch.
307
00:13:59,155 --> 00:14:01,855
You just sterilize
it in the scotch.
Why didn't... It's...
308
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:05,075
Bitch, sterilize
that bitch up, you know?
309
00:14:05,144 --> 00:14:10,798
I don't know why I told
Matthew that I liked
The Bounty Hunter
310
00:14:10,866 --> 00:14:12,333
'cause I hated it.
311
00:14:12,402 --> 00:14:14,835
But I just wanted him
to like me in that moment.
312
00:14:14,904 --> 00:14:17,604
And that's why I said it.
Why do I do that?
313
00:14:17,673 --> 00:14:20,241
Why am I such
a people-pleaser, you know?
314
00:14:20,310 --> 00:14:22,860
When is it Stewie's turn,
you know?
315
00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:26,413
I voted for McCain.
316
00:14:26,482 --> 00:14:29,900
Okay, left ear. Left ear.
Right now, stick it in.
Come on, dude.
317
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:31,786
Can I just say before...
318
00:14:31,855 --> 00:14:33,466
Can we just, like, take two...
319
00:14:33,490 --> 00:14:36,040
I love... You're so brave.
320
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:38,004
I just love how brave
you're being right now.
321
00:14:38,028 --> 00:14:40,105
This is like the closest
I've ever felt to you.
322
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,380
Okay. Oh, my God,
I was thinking
the same thing.
323
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:45,849
We are so "us" right now.
Do you know that?
324
00:14:47,003 --> 00:14:48,970
Okay, okay, okay.
325
00:14:49,038 --> 00:14:50,438
Okay, here we go.
326
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:52,990
Oh, my God!
327
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,119
Oh! Are you okay?
328
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,243
Is it over?
329
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,306
I think. I don't know
where the pin went.
330
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,645
Wait, move your hand.
331
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,850
Oh, wow! Oh! Shit!
332
00:15:02,919 --> 00:15:04,318
What? What? What is it?
333
00:15:04,386 --> 00:15:05,753
There's so much blood.
334
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:06,904
Ew!
335
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:08,372
It's stuck in there.
336
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:10,786
I think the pin's too thick
to go all the way through.
337
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,109
Get it out!
338
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,345
Got it.
339
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,446
How's it look?
340
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:17,581
Cool.
341
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,150
Really? Oh, that's good.
342
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:22,570
Oh, I knew it was...
I knew it would look cool.
343
00:15:22,638 --> 00:15:27,608
Wait, don't we have
to put an earring in it
so the hole won't close?
344
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,438
I don't think it's gonna close.
345
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:33,931
I can't believe
I have pierced ears.
346
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:37,334
I'm one of those people
who I talk about.
347
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:39,553
Finally, no more clip-ons,
you know?
348
00:15:39,622 --> 00:15:43,541
Hey, give me some of that.
Don't hog that there.
Give me some of that.
349
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,277
It looks really good, Stewie.
350
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:49,897
I wish we had a mirror
'cause I actually
did a really good job.
351
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,699
Oh, yeah, it's awesome.
I'm not worried.
352
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,636
Hmm. Cozy.
353
00:15:56,422 --> 00:15:58,089
So, question.
354
00:15:58,157 --> 00:15:59,457
Yeah?
355
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:02,059
This is gonna seem stupid,
but I've been dying to know.
356
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:06,730
The Dog Whisperer.
What is that?
Is any of that true?
357
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,444
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
I've offended you.
358
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,011
No, no, no, no,
not at all, Stewie, no.
359
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:13,237
Some of that stuff is right on.
360
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,406
Really? Wow.
Well, give me
a "for instance."
361
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,286
Well, the guy
talks about...
Cesar Millan?
362
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:20,678
Right, Cesar Millan
talks about living
in the moment
363
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:24,431
because that's how
dogs live, you know?
We live in the moment.
364
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,262
I so don't live in the moment.
365
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,586
I'm always, "Oh, remember
that petting zoo?"
366
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,688
Or, "I can't wait
to go to Florida."
367
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:33,490
I'm never, like, really present.
368
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,042
You gotta help me work on that.
369
00:16:35,111 --> 00:16:36,906
Oh, definitely.
Definitely, man.
370
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:39,796
Live with purpose, you know?
Celebrate every day.
371
00:16:39,865 --> 00:16:42,511
He talks about
all those things
that dogs do.
372
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:45,870
Like, we do that.
Dogs do that.
It's instinctual.
373
00:16:45,939 --> 00:16:48,005
In us, you know?
It's like, I can't not do it.
374
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:49,701
That's kind of what
his whole thing is.
375
00:16:49,725 --> 00:16:53,611
Such beautiful lessons.
I hope he's not Mexican.
376
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,907
There's
something off about him,
but I hope it's not that.
377
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:58,799
You know, people can learn
a lot from dogs, you know?
378
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,780
A lot. Like, we're like...
Like here's us...
We're like, "Yeah!"
379
00:17:01,804 --> 00:17:03,987
Like that...
380
00:17:04,056 --> 00:17:06,068
Okay, sure, sure, relax, relax.
381
00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:08,342
It's just, well, you don't...
382
00:17:08,411 --> 00:17:11,795
You don't really
do any of those things,
do you?
383
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,764
Yeah, I do. Wait.
What are you talking about?
384
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:17,918
It's just, I don't know...
I mean do you really live
with purpose?
385
00:17:17,987 --> 00:17:19,465
How could you say that to me?
386
00:17:19,489 --> 00:17:21,100
Just calling it like I see it.
387
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:24,408
Listen, why don't you...
You know what?
You can just go to hell!
388
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:27,373
Hey, whoa, whoa.
Look, I didn't mean
to start anything.
389
00:17:27,397 --> 00:17:29,717
Let's just forget it, okay?
We're having a good time.
390
00:17:29,765 --> 00:17:31,215
I don't want to forget it.
391
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,495
How dare you tell me
that my life
doesn't have purpose?
392
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,631
No, that's not what I said.
That's what you're saying.
393
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,066
No, no, no. Don't do that.
Don't try to turn
my words on me.
394
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:40,485
And, you know what,
take that sweater off.
You look like a little fag.
395
00:17:40,509 --> 00:17:42,254
Okay, well, now you're just
being an asshole.
396
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:43,822
Well, you might
as well get used to it.
397
00:17:43,846 --> 00:17:45,941
You're gonna be hearing
a lot worse once you
go to school.
398
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:49,266
Are you trying to hurt me?
Because you've succeeded.
399
00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:50,963
Oh, just calling it
like I see it.
400
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:53,136
Oh, I see.
Is that what we're doing?
401
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,117
All right, well,
I'll play that game
with you.
402
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,523
Oh, yeah?
What are you gonna do?
403
00:17:56,592 --> 00:17:58,170
You think I care about you?
404
00:17:58,194 --> 00:17:59,271
I don't.
405
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:00,728
Yes, you do.
I know you do.
406
00:18:00,796 --> 00:18:02,312
I don't really care.
407
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:04,760
No, you're just
smart enough and you're
just clever enough
408
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,116
to occasionally amuse me.
409
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:09,364
If I had anybody else,
anybody else to
choose from, I would.
410
00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:13,524
You are the best
of a bad situation.
Nothing more.
411
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,309
I use you, man.
412
00:18:15,378 --> 00:18:17,173
Yeah, I would know
if you were using me.
413
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:19,747
Oh, you would?
I got you to eat my shit.
414
00:18:19,816 --> 00:18:21,048
And you know why I did it?
415
00:18:21,116 --> 00:18:22,777
Yeah, you were afraid
you were going to get sick.
416
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:24,961
Because I wanted
to see if I could.
417
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,171
What?
418
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,818
Come on, Brian,
I spend half the day
in a dirty diaper.
419
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:32,376
I was bored.
Just passing the time.
420
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,325
I thought,
"How low can I get
this douche bag to go?"
421
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,131
Oh, my God!
422
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,128
And when you did it,
I actually felt sorry
for you.
423
00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:41,402
There. Your turn.
424
00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:43,304
You're a monster.
425
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:44,900
Hey, you started
this whole thing.
426
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,974
You son of a bitch,
I could kill you for that!
427
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,270
Oh, really?
Well, how convenient.
428
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,534
You've got a gun right there.
429
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:53,775
Here you go, Brian.
You want to kill me?
Kill me with this.
430
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,027
Oh, but there are
no bullets in it,
are there?
431
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:58,035
Yeah, there are. I lied.
432
00:18:58,104 --> 00:18:59,754
Oh, you're so full of crap.
433
00:18:59,822 --> 00:19:03,182
Besides, if you shot me,
it'd all be caught on
that security camera.
434
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:08,179
Security... Oh, my God,
maybe somebody can see us!
435
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,881
Hey, hey, somebody help!
We're in here!
436
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,877
No one's out there, Brian.
They would have come in.
437
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,635
Save your energy.
438
00:19:14,704 --> 00:19:16,584
Oh, my God.
What?
439
00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:18,272
It's all on tape.
440
00:19:18,341 --> 00:19:19,541
What's all on tape?
441
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:26,380
Oh, my God,
that is gonna be
on YouTube.
442
00:19:26,449 --> 00:19:27,582
Oh, God.
443
00:19:27,650 --> 00:19:28,994
Everybody that works
in an office
444
00:19:29,018 --> 00:19:30,529
is gonna say to their coworkers,
445
00:19:30,553 --> 00:19:33,314
"Hey, type in
'dog, baby, heinie lick.'
Check this out."
446
00:19:33,355 --> 00:19:34,833
And then the boss is gonna say,
447
00:19:34,857 --> 00:19:36,101
"Hey, what are you doing there?
448
00:19:36,125 --> 00:19:38,303
"Oh, yeah, that's funny.
I saw that in my room."
449
00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:40,961
"Okay, now type in
'Japanese, fish, ass.'"
450
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:42,796
I am gonna be so humiliated.
451
00:19:42,865 --> 00:19:45,027
Well, I could save
you the embarrassment
and shoot you in the head
452
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:46,771
except there aren't
any bullets in this gun.
453
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:09,985
I'm sorry, Stewie.
454
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,042
Me, too.
455
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:14,756
How long is this gonna last?
456
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:15,813
No idea.
457
00:20:32,915 --> 00:20:34,926
I hope I'm not
bothering you.
Nope.
458
00:20:34,950 --> 00:20:37,618
Just doing some stretching.
Maybe a few poses.
459
00:20:39,255 --> 00:20:40,799
You'll tell me if
I'm bothering you, right?
460
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:42,389
Uh-huh.
461
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:45,826
I know what you're thinking.
Stewie's so late
to the yoga party.
462
00:20:45,894 --> 00:20:48,829
I'm not even
any good. Right?
463
00:20:48,897 --> 00:20:51,999
I mean, I'm okay.
You know, I'm not
the worst in the class.
464
00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:54,034
I've even been
singled out a few times.
465
00:20:54,103 --> 00:20:56,920
Probably because
it's mostly pregnant women
in the group.
466
00:20:56,989 --> 00:21:00,441
Still,
Brody must see something,
although I certainly don't.
467
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,576
But then again I'm not
the instructor, am I?
468
00:21:02,645 --> 00:21:04,512
Oh, yuck.
What happened to my ear?
469
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,013
We pierced it.
470
00:21:06,082 --> 00:21:08,015
Oh, yeah.
471
00:21:08,084 --> 00:21:10,417
A lot of crazy shit
went on last night.
472
00:21:10,486 --> 00:21:12,052
Well, we were both drunk.
473
00:21:12,121 --> 00:21:13,832
Oh, of course, of course.
Oh, yes, that's right.
474
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,556
We were four pillows
to the breeze,
my friend.
475
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:17,802
I don't know what the phrase is.
476
00:21:17,826 --> 00:21:19,306
What're you...
What are you reading?
477
00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:20,760
David Copperfield.
478
00:21:20,829 --> 00:21:22,796
It looks old.
It's a first edition.
479
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:24,776
That's why I keep it
in my safety deposit box.
480
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:25,977
It's by Charles Dickens.
481
00:21:26,001 --> 00:21:27,368
Giggity.
482
00:21:32,007 --> 00:21:33,073
What are you doing?
483
00:21:33,142 --> 00:21:34,274
I was hungry.
484
00:21:34,344 --> 00:21:35,393
You want one?
485
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:37,094
You've had energy bars
this whole time?
486
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:38,245
You idiot!
487
00:21:38,314 --> 00:21:41,398
Not energy bars.
Jenny Craig Anytime Bars.
488
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:43,562
And you just bitched
yourself out of a bite.
489
00:21:43,586 --> 00:21:46,386
All right, I'm sorry.
All right, can I
have one, please?
490
00:21:46,455 --> 00:21:47,655
All right.
491
00:21:47,723 --> 00:21:49,735
Can you give me
a caramel one?
No.
492
00:21:49,759 --> 00:21:50,869
You can have...
493
00:21:50,893 --> 00:21:53,060
Um... Um...
494
00:21:53,128 --> 00:21:54,762
You can have...
495
00:21:54,830 --> 00:21:55,996
Um...
496
00:21:56,065 --> 00:21:57,743
You can have strawberry yogurt.
497
00:21:57,767 --> 00:21:59,047
I don't like strawberry yogurt.
498
00:21:59,101 --> 00:22:01,013
Oh, picky for someone
who eats the same food
499
00:22:01,037 --> 00:22:03,214
out of a plastic bowl
on the floor every night.
500
00:22:03,238 --> 00:22:04,588
Okay, I get it.
501
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,952
A bowl that
starts in the kitchen
at the beginning of a meal
502
00:22:06,976 --> 00:22:08,971
and ends up in
the living room.
Shut up.
503
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:11,140
And then forgets
four seconds later
that he ate it.
504
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:12,624
Shut up!
Harsh tone.
505
00:22:12,648 --> 00:22:14,492
You just got bumped down
to coconut mint.
506
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,774
Hey, Bri?
507
00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:26,443
Yeah?
508
00:22:26,512 --> 00:22:27,778
How come you have a gun?
509
00:22:28,865 --> 00:22:29,865
I don't know.
510
00:22:29,932 --> 00:22:31,092
What do you mean you don't know?
511
00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:32,928
What about all that liberal crap
512
00:22:32,952 --> 00:22:35,720
you're always spewing about
stricter gun regulations?
513
00:22:35,788 --> 00:22:37,649
You even cried after Columbine.
514
00:22:37,673 --> 00:22:39,401
Because that was
a national tragedy.
515
00:22:39,425 --> 00:22:41,353
Oh, it was kind of
a regional tragedy.
516
00:22:41,377 --> 00:22:42,493
Whatever.
517
00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:44,194
It's just weird, you know?
518
00:22:44,263 --> 00:22:46,408
I mean, you're
the last person anybody
would expect to have a gun.
519
00:22:46,432 --> 00:22:48,177
Well, that's why
I keep it here,
where it's safe.
520
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,919
That doesn't make any sense.
Why have it if you're not
gonna use it?
521
00:22:51,988 --> 00:22:53,198
Is it like a sexual thing?
522
00:22:53,222 --> 00:22:54,237
No.
523
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,573
Oh, that's a relief.
524
00:22:55,641 --> 00:22:57,553
I hate the idea of
you getting your thrills
525
00:22:57,577 --> 00:22:59,688
pressing a gun up
against your crotch.
526
00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:01,690
Just picturing it
gives me the willies.
527
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:04,109
You know, I really don't
want to talk about this
with you, Stewie.
528
00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:05,732
Okay, okay, I respect that.
529
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:06,833
Thank you.
530
00:23:08,370 --> 00:23:10,504
Are you sure
it's not a sexual thing?
531
00:23:10,573 --> 00:23:12,022
I'm sure.
532
00:23:12,091 --> 00:23:14,086
Oh, good,
'cause that'd be strange
if you had fantasies
533
00:23:14,110 --> 00:23:15,988
about pressing a gun
up against your crotch
534
00:23:16,012 --> 00:23:18,132
and feeling your heartbeat
through your balls.
535
00:23:19,348 --> 00:23:20,676
Please tell me why you have it.
536
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,415
I said I don't
want to talk about it.
537
00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:24,785
But I want to know.
Just tell me. Come on.
538
00:23:24,854 --> 00:23:27,121
No.
Come on, please.
539
00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:34,044
I keep it
in case I ever want to
commit suicide, okay?
540
00:23:34,847 --> 00:23:35,896
Wow.
541
00:23:37,149 --> 00:23:38,415
Oh!
542
00:23:38,483 --> 00:23:40,834
Oh, my God. You're serious.
543
00:23:41,570 --> 00:23:43,003
But why, Brian?
544
00:23:43,071 --> 00:23:44,866
You wouldn't understand.
You're just a kid.
545
00:23:44,890 --> 00:23:47,007
Well, I could try.
546
00:23:47,093 --> 00:23:50,827
I don't know.
Sometimes it's all too much.
547
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:52,263
What is?
548
00:23:52,331 --> 00:23:53,897
Life. Everything.
549
00:23:53,966 --> 00:23:59,219
Just having the gun here,
knowing there's
a way out, it helps.
550
00:23:59,288 --> 00:24:02,038
Yes, but a gun, it's so messy.
551
00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:03,340
What about pills?
552
00:24:03,409 --> 00:24:05,187
Even hanging yourself is better.
553
00:24:05,211 --> 00:24:07,989
At least then you might
grow an inch or two while
you're hanging there.
554
00:24:08,013 --> 00:24:09,157
Of course, when they find you,
555
00:24:09,181 --> 00:24:11,176
you might have those
Illeana Douglas eyes.
556
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,316
Hmm.
557
00:24:12,384 --> 00:24:15,335
So, why the gun?
558
00:24:15,404 --> 00:24:18,405
It just seemed
the quickest way, I guess.
559
00:24:18,974 --> 00:24:20,674
I suppose.
560
00:24:20,743 --> 00:24:23,643
But I don't quite understand
why you're so unhappy.
561
00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:29,065
Yesterday when you said
I don't live with purpose,
562
00:24:30,319 --> 00:24:32,886
you were right. I don't.
563
00:24:32,955 --> 00:24:34,788
What purpose does my life have?
564
00:24:34,857 --> 00:24:36,368
I don't like when
you talk like this.
565
00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:38,141
Oh, it's true, Stewie.
566
00:24:38,194 --> 00:24:41,111
Dogs are supposed
to be able to instinctively
live with purpose,
567
00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:43,630
not even to have
think about it,
just born like that.
568
00:24:43,699 --> 00:24:46,317
But I wasn't.
569
00:24:46,385 --> 00:24:49,653
You know,
I've tried to find meaning
in my life, and I just...
570
00:24:49,722 --> 00:24:51,121
I just can't.
571
00:24:52,925 --> 00:24:54,958
And that bottle of scotch?
572
00:24:55,027 --> 00:24:57,494
I was saving it
for my last drink.
573
00:24:57,563 --> 00:24:59,062
Wow, heavy.
574
00:24:59,131 --> 00:25:00,742
And, you know,
I'm not talking
about purpose
575
00:25:00,766 --> 00:25:03,784
in the shallow, Rick Warren,
over-the-counter
self-help variety
576
00:25:03,853 --> 00:25:05,680
because that's just delusion.
That's not real.
577
00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:08,255
I mean, is there ever a time
578
00:25:08,323 --> 00:25:10,824
when we're truly
in the present moment
579
00:25:10,893 --> 00:25:12,704
and not looking
toward the past
or the future?
580
00:25:12,728 --> 00:25:15,045
I mean right there,
in the moment?
581
00:25:15,097 --> 00:25:18,081
I get that way when
I watch Handy Manny.
582
00:25:19,018 --> 00:25:21,952
So is that why we came here?
583
00:25:22,588 --> 00:25:23,821
Were you gonna end it?
584
00:25:23,890 --> 00:25:25,634
No, I was just putting money
in my Christmas club.
585
00:25:25,658 --> 00:25:26,969
God, I have to get one of those.
586
00:25:26,993 --> 00:25:29,353
You know, last year
I only had $30 saved
587
00:25:29,395 --> 00:25:32,173
when the holidays
came around.
I was so embarrassed.
588
00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:34,965
I think I gave Meg tape.
589
00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:38,385
Well, you're the only person
I've ever told this to.
590
00:25:40,172 --> 00:25:41,766
Aren't you gonna say anything?
591
00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:44,090
Well, I don't know what to say.
592
00:25:44,159 --> 00:25:46,593
Wanting to kill yourself...
593
00:25:46,662 --> 00:25:48,823
Well, I think that's
pretty selfish of you.
594
00:25:48,847 --> 00:25:50,030
How is that selfish?
595
00:25:50,099 --> 00:25:52,916
What would I do
if you weren't here? Mmm?
596
00:25:52,985 --> 00:25:55,285
You're the only one
who makes my life bearable.
597
00:25:55,337 --> 00:25:58,488
I thought you said
I was the best of
a bad situation.
598
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:01,319
I was just
trying to hurt you
'cause you hurt me.
599
00:26:01,343 --> 00:26:04,144
But the truth is you're
my only friend, Brian.
600
00:26:04,213 --> 00:26:05,707
If I didn't have you,
I'd be lost.
601
00:26:05,731 --> 00:26:06,747
You'd be okay.
602
00:26:06,816 --> 00:26:08,198
No, I wouldn't.
603
00:26:08,267 --> 00:26:10,846
I don't really
care for anybody else.
Just you.
604
00:26:10,870 --> 00:26:12,302
You're the only one I like.
605
00:26:13,588 --> 00:26:15,822
Well, thanks.
606
00:26:16,491 --> 00:26:18,725
I like you a lot.
607
00:26:18,794 --> 00:26:22,196
I guess you could say
I really like you.
608
00:26:23,598 --> 00:26:27,267
I would even dare to go
a little further perhaps.
609
00:26:27,336 --> 00:26:29,970
I care a great deal about you.
610
00:26:30,039 --> 00:26:31,771
A very great deal.
611
00:26:31,841 --> 00:26:33,307
Maybe even
612
00:26:34,409 --> 00:26:36,043
deeper than that.
613
00:26:37,079 --> 00:26:39,213
I... I...
614
00:26:39,281 --> 00:26:40,647
I love you.
615
00:26:41,383 --> 00:26:42,816
I mean, not in like a,
616
00:26:42,885 --> 00:26:45,313
"Hey, let's,
you know, let's have
an underpants party,"
617
00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:47,599
or whatever grown-ups do
when they're in love,
618
00:26:47,623 --> 00:26:51,792
but I mean I love you
as one loves another person
619
00:26:51,861 --> 00:26:54,361
whom one simply
cannot do without.
620
00:26:55,064 --> 00:26:56,730
Well, I...
621
00:26:56,798 --> 00:26:58,782
I love you, too, Stewie.
622
00:26:58,851 --> 00:27:01,101
You give my life purpose.
623
00:27:01,170 --> 00:27:04,321
And maybe that's enough.
624
00:27:04,389 --> 00:27:08,892
Because that's just
about the greatest gift
one friend can give another.
625
00:27:10,312 --> 00:27:11,644
Thank you.
626
00:27:12,047 --> 00:27:13,163
Hey.
627
00:27:13,232 --> 00:27:14,264
What?
628
00:27:14,333 --> 00:27:15,533
Will you read to me?
629
00:27:15,567 --> 00:27:16,883
Sure.
630
00:27:16,952 --> 00:27:19,664
Wait, wait, wait.
I want to get
all snuggled in.
631
00:27:19,688 --> 00:27:21,722
Okay, go.
632
00:27:21,807 --> 00:27:24,440
"Chapter One,
'I am Born.'
633
00:27:24,509 --> 00:27:27,110
"Whether I shall
turn out to be the hero
of my own life,
634
00:27:27,179 --> 00:27:29,846
"or whether that
station shall be held
by anybody else,
635
00:27:29,915 --> 00:27:32,149
"these pages must show.
636
00:27:32,217 --> 00:27:35,218
"To begin my life with
the beginning of my life,
637
00:27:35,287 --> 00:27:39,122
"I record that
I was born on a Friday,
at 12:00 at night."
638
00:28:37,833 --> 00:28:38,913
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21
48555
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