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1
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:24,899
in a clinical way,
and it should be my choice.
2
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:36,995
'I would like to be able to
calmly and quietly call it a day.
3
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:42,584
'I would ideally like to have it
happen at home or in a hospice,'
4
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:46,212
not on the way to an A&E
or waiting for an ambulance.
5
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:57,057
I regarded what we had helped
Mum to do as an act of love,
6
00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,477
and I was plunged into
a police investigation.
7
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:13,365
It's like knowing the date
of, like, a car crash,
8
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:16,576
when a murderer is gonna
come into your house. It's...
9
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:19,746
It's unnerving, it's scary.
10
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:27,045
For disabled people like myself,
it's bad enough as it is now,
11
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:32,175
let alone adding a treatment
called "assisted suicide".
12
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,385
No, thank you.
13
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,454
DAN: 'If I couldn't make music,
life would be awful.'
14
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,290
There we go.
15
00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:06,584
So, you can see,
the mouse follows my head,
16
00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:11,715
and that camera follows a point
on my nose, my big old hooter.
17
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:18,179
You have to be able to click,
which I do by poking out my tongue.
18
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:22,058
You can see that getting activated.
19
00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:25,061
Raise your eyebrows, drag it around.
20
00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:28,648
And I can drag stuff about, you see?
This is how you compose.
21
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,153
MUSIC STARTS
22
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,322
ELECTRONIC BLIPS
AND PERCUSSION
23
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,994
Intro. Intro.
24
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:50,503
'I was a music teacher for 16 years.
25
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:54,174
'I'd gone to university,
studied music and English,
26
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,677
'DJ-ing and doing clubs
and stuff like that.
27
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,763
' '90s raver, basically.'
28
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,223
I'll turn it off now.
29
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,433
MUSIC STOPS
30
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,768
There we go.
31
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,854
Multiple sclerosis,
32
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:14,652
it's your own immune system
attacking your nervous system.
33
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:19,199
'You'll die from related conditions,
basically.
34
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,950
'So you might not be able
to swallow,
35
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,911
'so you might die of choking.'
36
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:27,916
I have rationalised all this stuff
a long time ago, so...
37
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:30,502
it's shit, it's a fucker,
but what can you do?
38
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,400
'If I was able-bodied,
39
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,529
'I'd be able to go and drive myself
to Beachy Head,
40
00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:59,197
'throw myself
in the English Channel.
41
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,241
'But I'm not in a position
to do that.'
42
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,286
I wouldn't have done that when I was
able-bodied enough to do it,
43
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,955
cos I haven't got a death wish here.
44
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:14,295
Is it better for my kids to say
goodbye to me in the nearer future,
45
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:18,299
get over the grief,
and get on with their lives...
46
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:24,681
..or to have me kind of there,
ill...
47
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,560
..for possibly years?
48
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,228
And, erm...
49
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,400
Excuse me,
I have to pause occasionally...
50
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,651
so I don't blub.
51
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:54,085
Trying to get Dignitas,
get the green light from them,
52
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,212
so I can just have that
in my back pocket.
53
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,341
And if the time comes...
54
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,261
..activate it, and...
55
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:09,392
..wait for the final stages
to be sorted out, and then do it.
56
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,936
This is...
Regulates your...
57
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,813
Regulates my bowels.
..bowels.
58
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:22,697
I have to admit,
I put it to the back of my mind
59
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,699
because I find it really hard...
60
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:29,079
..to actually believe that
it's actually going to happen.
61
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:32,165
It's a horrible idea,
dying in a Swiss clinic,
62
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:35,168
but we will support,
63
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,253
and I speak for Frankie, I think,
I'm sure, in this,
64
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:39,047
what he wants to do.
65
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,132
If he wants to do it, we'll do it.
66
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:46,346
He just doesn't want to be
totally incapacitated.
67
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:51,017
I think he'd rather just, you know,
go at a time of his choosing.
68
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,520
Yeah. We've got mixed feelings.
69
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,190
On one hand, we'd...
He'd leave a big hole in our lives
70
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,316
if he wasn't here.
71
00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:01,903
On the other hand,
we don't like to see him suffer.
72
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:06,658
REPORTER: If it got to a point
73
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:09,327
where he was green-lit
to go to Switzerland,
74
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:10,370
you would take him?
75
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,579
Yeah.
Yeah.
76
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:16,376
I don't hesitate.
Yeah.
77
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,170
My Lords, I wonder
if the noble Elder Minister
78
00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:21,840
could comment on
the remarks made to me
79
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,718
by an MS sufferer I know very well.
80
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:25,802
And that is...
81
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:30,974
The remarks were that MS is
a Cinderella service in the NHS.
82
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:34,185
It does not get
its fair share of resources.
83
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,855
JOHN: If he wants to do it,
84
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:41,151
I mean, I will support him
in any way that I possibly can.
85
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:45,238
And there could be consequences,
legal consequences,
86
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:51,703
er, for me, perhaps in particular,
but... I mean, I'd face up to them.
87
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,331
I'm very anxious about it, really.
88
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:57,542
Anxious, well, worried.
89
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,502
SHE SIGHS
90
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:12,140
DI: 'We started to go out together
in 1976.
91
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:17,062
'I was 18, he was 21.'
92
00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:21,149
We worked in the same office.
93
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:27,739
'And we got married four years later
in 1980.
94
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:33,661
'We didn't have any children,
but we have travelled extensively.'
95
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,957
Trevor was very keen
to learn to scuba-dive,
96
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:42,295
so we qualified in 1991.
97
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:58,436
The thought of being on my own
after he's gone is quite tough,
98
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:00,855
cos I've never lived on my own.
99
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:06,069
And I think this is what Trevor
finds most upsetting,
100
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,445
and why he's getting emotional.
101
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,448
It's not about
what's going to happen to him,
102
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:14,452
it's about leaving me behind
on my own.
103
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:16,413
Erm...
SHE SOBS
104
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:21,042
He used to talk about if you could
only ever eat one fruit,
105
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,711
what would it be?
106
00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:26,131
And we'd have a discussion about
what would be our favourite fruit
107
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:29,676
and the one you would want,
and he can't eat anything.
108
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:33,930
It's not just a matter of not fruit
or whatever, it's...
109
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:39,769
It's so hard when you've been
really interested in food
110
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:44,774
and cooking your whole life,
to not be able to eat anything,
111
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:48,028
and everything goes through
a feeding tube.
112
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:56,077
This is a suction machine,
or aspirator,
113
00:08:56,077 --> 00:09:01,624
and it helps to remove the saliva
from his mouth.
114
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,878
He's unable to swallow at all,
115
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:08,131
but the body still goes on
producing saliva.
116
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,967
So it can choke him.
117
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:15,347
And this one is a ventilator
to help him breathe
118
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:19,351
when he struggles to get air
in and out.
119
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:27,233
SHE READS ALOUD:
120
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:32,739
REPORTER: On a scale of one to ten,
121
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:37,535
how would you describe the quality
of your life at the moment?
122
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:42,957
I assume one is very bad...
One is very, very bad.
123
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:53,593
Try and describe for us what
the last six months has been like.
124
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:03,520
REPORTER READS ALOUD:
125
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,646
Yes.
126
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:11,277
'He still heard movement
in his arms and hands,
127
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,697
'so he's been able to bake bread
128
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,574
'for most of our friends
and neighbours,
129
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:20,954
'and that has been his passion
and his happy place.'
130
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,044
And Trevor's told me
he can't bake any more...
131
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,546
He's not baking, no.
132
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:44,394
Are there any painkillers
so that it's not unbearable?
133
00:10:46,938 --> 00:10:50,483
READS: "The pain clinic at the
hospital in St Thomas'
134
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,987
"said that the painkillers
don't work for his sort of pain
135
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,072
"because it's neurological pain."
136
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,159
How long could this go on?
137
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:04,539
The life expectancy for this type
of motor neurone disease
138
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:09,586
is six months
to a maximum of three years.
139
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:15,800
So, erm, he's done well
to do two years.
140
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,053
Erm...
141
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:21,598
I don't think he will make three.
142
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:31,983
We had lots of plans for things we
would do together once we retired.
143
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:38,448
We've been saving all our life
to have a really good retirement
144
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,283
and spend time abroad.
145
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,499
READING:
"We did most things together.
146
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,084
"We ended up working together
147
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,628
"for the brilliant company
she founded."
148
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:52,921
Oh!
149
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,510
SHE SNIFFS
150
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,557
TEARFULLY: I know.
151
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:28,748
My experience extends to caring
for several thousand dying patients.
152
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:33,086
Doctors know they can't make
many of the life-or-death judgements
153
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,796
this bill asks.
154
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,966
This is not a job for doctors
already on their knees
155
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,134
after the pandemic.
156
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:44,014
'This is an
extremely complex issue.'
157
00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:46,766
The more that I've thought about it,
158
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:52,522
the more aware I've been
of the dangers of changing the law.
159
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:57,152
You can see a terribly sad situation
160
00:12:57,152 --> 00:13:01,281
and think that the answer
would be to speed up death.
161
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:04,451
Now, as a legislator,
I have to think,
162
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:10,331
"What is the effect of changing the
law on the whole of our population,
163
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,168
"on the way that we deliver care
and what we do?"
164
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:17,922
And I've seen how people
will be in despair
165
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,675
and cannot believe
things could improve,
166
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:24,429
are frightened,
their families are frightened,
167
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:26,973
and yet when get the care
that they need,
168
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:31,561
they will say, "I never believed
I could have lived this well."
169
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:37,317
And how people change and adapt
and do amazingly creative things
170
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,737
in the last - sometimes moments -
of their lives.
171
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,998
I've worked quite closely with lots
of other house-builders locally.
172
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:55,669
They've looked my plans and
turned them round or gone white -
173
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,837
we've seen all the colour
drain out of their faces.
174
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,048
Now they're starting to build
the internal walls,
175
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,925
we can see where things are going,
so...
176
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,218
we can start planning.
177
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:06,137
I've already got
the kitchen catalogues, of course.
178
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:08,640
I'm looking forward to the time
where we can take all this back,
179
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,392
one wheelbarrow at a time,
180
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:13,395
and put it back on the roof
and get grass down again.
181
00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,437
That's the plan.
182
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,037
The idea of building this house
183
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,665
is a house that sort of
looks after itself,
184
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:35,583
it heats itself, it cools itself.
185
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,129
'It is a good way of life
when we see more of Phil,
186
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:41,006
'and... we have a good family life.
187
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:43,299
'I love it here.'
188
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,556
Good morning.
189
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,017
You all right?
Mm-hm.
190
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:53,059
Yeah?
191
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,352
We'll get you to sit up.
192
00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:58,440
I'll get that curtain a little bit.
193
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:04,237
'We are managing my way out of this
life as best as possible.
194
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,448
'There might be periods
where you flatten out,
195
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:09,743
'stay stable for a while,
but it is a one-way road.
196
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:13,872
'I don't know what it's like
to be disabled from an injury,
197
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,665
'but I'm clearly disabled.
198
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:20,337
'Can't use my legs and my hands
and most of my arms and other bits.'
199
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,421
OK.
All right?
200
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,631
'But I'm also ill.'
201
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,633
And it is the illness
that is killing me.
202
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:29,429
'Er, breathing,
I can't breathe lying down any more.
203
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,348
'I think the hospital has me
204
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,767
'at part way through
respiratory failure,
205
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,602
'which isn't very cheerful to read.'
206
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:40,315
All right, you got it?
One pocket... Thank you.
207
00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:43,360
So, Monday, we're going to go
to Leeds. Mm.
208
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,321
Erm, we're gonna get... So,
four of us are going on the train.
209
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:48,365
You don't wanna get stuck
on the train again.
210
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:50,325
Yeah, well, that has happened.
What?
211
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:53,078
We went down to London.
We got into King's Cross,
212
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,080
and we were waiting for the man
with the ramp... Mm.
213
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,082
..and nobody came.
Nobody turned up.
214
00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:59,584
I think our lives look quite normal
from the outside.
215
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:02,629
I think even... our friends think
216
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:06,383
we're doing much better
than we probably are, and...
217
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:09,844
No, our lives behind closed doors
are absolutely NOT normal.
218
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:10,887
They are really...
219
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:14,057
It's quite traumatic living
with a situation like this.
220
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:16,851
And... it's not going to get easier.
221
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:23,108
Right.
222
00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,526
On a day like today,
223
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:26,486
things look quite calm,
and Phil is all right,
224
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,613
but some days,
it's not like that at all.
225
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:31,408
Can I have some blackberries, then?
226
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:33,201
'I've been disabled and sick.
227
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,370
'And it was only
when the doctor asked me,
228
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,581
'do I feel more sick
than disabled now...'
229
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:39,833
I don't want that one, though.
230
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,626
Is that a good one?
Yeah.
231
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:45,130
'..that I suddenly really began
to separate the two.
232
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:49,009
'And I realise now that
it's the illness that's murder.'
233
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,219
Not a great one, no.
You knew that was a bad one.
234
00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:53,680
They're never as nice
as you think they're gonna be.
235
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,266
'You know, being in a wheelchair
is... is not easy either,
236
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:59,728
'but the real...
the real killer is the illness.'
237
00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:01,354
Told you that was gonna be
a good one.
238
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:05,775
I'm like a prince of blackberries.
Thank you. Mmm. Nice.
239
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:10,280
I would like to be able to calmly
and quietly call it a day.
240
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:18,538
I would ideally like to have
that happen at home or in a hospice.
241
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,041
Not in a general hospital,
not in an A&E,
242
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:24,753
not on the way to an A&E
or waiting for an ambulance.
243
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:28,131
I would like to pick the time...
erm, and go peacefully.
244
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:36,348
Actually, I think I did just feel
a bit of rain then. OK.
245
00:17:36,348 --> 00:17:38,516
HE GROANS
Where are you going?
246
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:41,728
CHARLOTTE LAUGHS
All right, we're going slowly. Mm.
247
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,690
The former Lord Chancellor
248
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,359
has appealed
to the Justice Secretary
249
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,778
to change the law
on assisted dying
250
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:53,323
after a Rutland man's appeal
to the High Court was refused.
251
00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:56,659
The Labour peer Charlie Falconer
says Phil Newby from Oakham,
252
00:17:56,659 --> 00:18:00,497
who has motor neurone disease,
has been badly let down.
253
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:04,250
I think if there was any message
from our court case, it was...
254
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:08,922
and any success, it was that, erm...
the High Court judge
255
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,091
and then the Court of Appeal judges
256
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:15,220
erm... absolutely
and very brusquely threw me out...
257
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,223
..as a signal to politicians
258
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:20,266
that they'd had enough
of dealing with this stuff,
259
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,268
and it could only be touched
by Parliament.
260
00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:25,563
The thing
that I felt most strongly about
261
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,692
was the response
from the Justice Minister
262
00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:30,068
who basically said that...
263
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:33,613
..Phil could end his own life
if he wanted to
264
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,032
by just stopping eating
and drinking.
265
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,784
And I was stunned by that.
266
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,829
SHE LAUGHS
That was...
267
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:42,330
That was...
..a shocking response.
268
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:53,591
My own mother was very strongly
in favour of euthanasia,
269
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,468
and when she was dying,
270
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,804
and we thought
she had six weeks to live,
271
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,765
she was extremely angry with me
that I'd opposed it.
272
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:03,268
The hospice thought
273
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:05,979
that she was going to be dead
within a few weeks.
274
00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:14,779
She died four years later,
not four to six weeks later.
275
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:18,241
She went home, er...
from the hospice.
276
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:20,035
We looked after her at home.
277
00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:22,996
And she made a radio programme
with me
278
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:26,291
saying how glad she was
that she was still alive
279
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:29,544
and changed her mind completely
later on.
280
00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:33,882
How's it going, mate? You OK?
Cushty, mate. You sleep all right?
281
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,842
Yeah, good. Good.
282
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,595
Yeah?
Not bad at all.
283
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,055
Cushty. Put the box on, yeah?
284
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,395
The tricky thing with MS
285
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,565
is that I don't think he could say
how things are gonna progress.
286
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,400
He did give an example.
287
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:56,529
He gave an example of a woman
who has already passed away
288
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,615
who was in my kind of position.
289
00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:02,160
She got a succession
of respiratory infections.
290
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,371
Yeah, pneumonia.
Pneumonias, that sort of thing.
291
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:09,292
Every time she got one, she said,
"Oh, I want to go to Dignitas."
292
00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:10,794
And then she recovered.
293
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:13,254
And then she said,
"Oh, I don't wanna go anywhere."
294
00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:15,423
Well, perhaps he was thinking...
295
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:17,842
Well that's exactly why
I'd wanna go to Switzerland.
296
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:21,930
Because last time I was in hospital,
with the respiratory infection,
297
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:24,432
feeling like shit...
298
00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:28,103
I did think, "Listen,
I can't keep going through this.
299
00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:31,106
"I can't keep dragging, you know,
300
00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:35,068
"everyone through this every year,
or twice a year."
301
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:38,196
You know, you may well say,
"No, I'm not ready yet."
302
00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:41,241
You know, it could be
quite a long sort of process.
303
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:43,284
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
304
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,829
You are heroic in the way
you're coping with it.
305
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,372
No, no, no.
Yes, you are.
306
00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:49,791
Yeah, you are.
Sorry, you're my hero, Dan. Yeah.
307
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:52,752
To us, your sort of
gradual going downhill
308
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,880
has almost become natural,
you know, but it's not.
309
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,758
It's absolutely horrendous.
310
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:01,553
Absolutely terrible.
311
00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:03,388
Yeah.
312
00:22:36,398 --> 00:22:38,817
INTERVIEWER: And then, eventually,
you came to England,
313
00:22:38,817 --> 00:22:42,112
and you went to university.
314
00:22:42,112 --> 00:22:43,655
What was university like?
315
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:52,956
ANDY: I first met Kim in 1991.
316
00:22:52,956 --> 00:22:56,793
Kim was studying chemistry at UMIST,
and I was one of her lecturers.
317
00:22:58,878 --> 00:23:01,631
Kim and I started a relationship
in 1993,
318
00:23:01,631 --> 00:23:04,342
after she had graduated.
319
00:23:04,342 --> 00:23:07,053
And we fell in love straight away.
320
00:23:10,432 --> 00:23:14,227
My son Sean and Kim
became very close,
321
00:23:14,227 --> 00:23:15,812
which has continued to this day.
322
00:23:21,192 --> 00:23:24,237
We were married in 1998.
323
00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:30,201
In 2003, our son Josh was born.
324
00:23:32,162 --> 00:23:35,165
Joshy, look. This part.
325
00:23:35,165 --> 00:23:39,169
It's a present, Joshua, isn't it?
What is it?
326
00:23:39,169 --> 00:23:41,087
Whoopsie!
327
00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:42,964
Bob the Builder!
328
00:23:42,964 --> 00:23:45,925
LAUGHTER
Bob the Builder. Who is this from?
329
00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:49,429
It's possibly another tin.
Daddy's so silly.
330
00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:51,139
From Oen and Alan.
331
00:23:53,266 --> 00:23:55,101
In December last year,
332
00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:59,064
Kim was diagnosed
with a terrible terminal illness.
333
00:23:59,064 --> 00:24:02,359
Progressive supranuclear palsy, PSP.
334
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,277
It's an ultra-rare disease.
335
00:24:04,277 --> 00:24:09,574
It is a progressive, degenerative,
neurodegenerative disease.
336
00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:12,660
Many of the brain cells
that are affected by this
337
00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:14,913
are ones that control
balance and movement.
338
00:24:16,081 --> 00:24:19,334
There's a basket case of problems.
339
00:24:19,334 --> 00:24:23,421
It's losing someone's self
completely.
340
00:24:23,421 --> 00:24:26,675
And you
can actively see it happening.
341
00:24:26,675 --> 00:24:31,054
And, from the way they smile,
the way they talk,
342
00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:34,307
they're not in the same headspace,
and they never will be again,
343
00:24:34,307 --> 00:24:38,144
and you've lost someone
who's incredibly dear to you.
344
00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:40,730
And you don't know how much
you're gonna lose each day.
345
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,777
And that's... that's terrifying.
346
00:24:55,829 --> 00:24:56,871
Why not?
347
00:25:03,670 --> 00:25:05,714
Of course, everyone is sad.
348
00:25:13,722 --> 00:25:15,682
OK.
349
00:25:21,021 --> 00:25:22,272
You know I will.
350
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:26,443
Mm-hm.
351
00:25:27,944 --> 00:25:29,696
Mm-hm.
352
00:25:45,337 --> 00:25:49,716
SHE SOBS
353
00:25:52,969 --> 00:25:54,971
What is it, sweetheart?
354
00:25:57,057 --> 00:25:59,893
It's OK. Should we get some tissue?
355
00:25:59,893 --> 00:26:03,938
Yes, please.
Oh, I'm wearing a tissue here, look.
356
00:26:03,938 --> 00:26:07,025
SHE LAUGHS AND SOBS,
HE INHALES
357
00:26:07,025 --> 00:26:09,361
Thanks, Ruky.
358
00:26:09,361 --> 00:26:13,281
'The first thing she said was,
"I want to go to Dignitas." '
359
00:26:13,281 --> 00:26:16,701
And I've tried to be completely
clear and honest with her,
360
00:26:16,701 --> 00:26:19,371
and said, "OK,
but you can say no at any time,
361
00:26:19,371 --> 00:26:22,040
"and we've always got the fall-back
of palliative care."
362
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:25,960
Do you want have a lie down? Yeah.
OK, let's go and do that.
363
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,421
And I've tried to be planning that
in parallel, anyway,
364
00:26:28,421 --> 00:26:30,715
because we just don't know
what's gonna happen, right?
365
00:26:35,887 --> 00:26:37,847
INTERVIEWER:
Is there a bit of you that wishes
366
00:26:37,847 --> 00:26:39,349
she would choose that option?
367
00:26:41,601 --> 00:26:44,145
That's a tough question. Erm...
368
00:26:47,232 --> 00:26:49,109
Yes, of course,
but at the same time,
369
00:26:49,109 --> 00:26:51,111
I don't wanna see her suffer,
so...
370
00:26:51,111 --> 00:26:54,739
And if those are her wishes, erm...
371
00:26:54,739 --> 00:26:57,784
it's my responsibility
to help her get there, somehow.
372
00:26:57,784 --> 00:27:02,288
I can't see. Here, there.
That one is...
373
00:27:02,288 --> 00:27:06,751
'I think, since I started
working with Kim from January,
374
00:27:06,751 --> 00:27:09,921
'her condition has deteriorating.'
375
00:27:11,256 --> 00:27:14,175
Kim was lovely, and then,
she used to tell me,
376
00:27:14,175 --> 00:27:15,844
"Oh, if I get well,
377
00:27:15,844 --> 00:27:18,847
"the first thing I will do for you,
I'm gonna help you.
378
00:27:18,847 --> 00:27:21,641
"I'm going to do
acupuncture for you,
379
00:27:21,641 --> 00:27:24,310
"I'm going to massage you,"
you know?
380
00:27:24,310 --> 00:27:27,022
She used to tell me all that.
381
00:27:27,022 --> 00:27:31,401
And as time goes on,
over the months, she got worse.
382
00:27:38,158 --> 00:27:41,036
I promise you, we'll be OK.
383
00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:47,042
I've done one.
I'm sad, Joshy. I'm sad.
384
00:27:47,042 --> 00:27:51,588
I'm so sad because my robot
is not here with me any more.
385
00:27:51,588 --> 00:27:53,882
Aw. Ahh.
386
00:27:53,882 --> 00:27:57,552
We'll be fine.
You don't need to look after us.
387
00:27:57,552 --> 00:27:58,762
We're gonna be fine.
388
00:28:02,098 --> 00:28:04,934
You're going to keep an eye on us,
aren't you, anyway? Hm?
389
00:28:13,109 --> 00:28:17,989
INTERVIEWER: How sure are you,
with one being "not very sure"
390
00:28:17,989 --> 00:28:21,659
and ten being "very sure",
that this is how you want to end...
391
00:28:27,582 --> 00:28:29,959
It's not. Come on, pick him up.
Mummy pick you up.
392
00:28:32,671 --> 00:28:34,089
There, Joshy. Smile.
393
00:28:41,304 --> 00:28:43,390
Put that here.
394
00:29:00,490 --> 00:29:02,534
OK?
395
00:29:02,534 --> 00:29:04,786
INTERVIEWER: You're
a religious woman, aren't you?
396
00:29:06,287 --> 00:29:07,706
Are you still?
397
00:29:15,588 --> 00:29:19,801
Some religious people would say
that you mustn't go to Switzerland.
398
00:29:26,641 --> 00:29:31,146
It's a no-no for me. Erm...
399
00:29:31,146 --> 00:29:35,859
Apart from my personal views,
when you talk about religious views,
400
00:29:35,859 --> 00:29:37,944
I'm a Muslim.
401
00:29:37,944 --> 00:29:42,449
It's forbidden, in Islam,
for you to kill yourself.
402
00:29:42,449 --> 00:29:45,618
It is forbidden.
You can't even think of it.
403
00:29:45,618 --> 00:29:47,787
You're not even allowed
to think of it,
404
00:29:47,787 --> 00:29:50,915
not to talk of, you know,
killing yourself.
405
00:29:50,915 --> 00:29:52,667
And when you do that, in Islam,
406
00:29:52,667 --> 00:29:55,795
it is believed
you are going to hell.
407
00:29:56,880 --> 00:30:00,925
Yeah. Yeah, you're going to hell.
408
00:30:00,925 --> 00:30:03,136
That is it, straight away.
409
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:09,976
INTERVIEWER: Are you frightened?
410
00:30:27,494 --> 00:30:31,206
My mum was a proud, hard-working,
411
00:30:31,206 --> 00:30:34,000
diligent, committed woman.
412
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,336
Married when she was 19.
413
00:30:36,336 --> 00:30:40,465
A wife of nearly 60 years.
414
00:30:45,679 --> 00:30:49,349
She was a great mum
to myself and my sister.
415
00:30:49,349 --> 00:30:52,143
My mum was very game. She was.
416
00:30:52,143 --> 00:30:54,604
I took her on holiday
to Lanzarote about...
417
00:30:54,604 --> 00:30:57,315
I think it was about five years ago,
418
00:30:57,315 --> 00:31:00,151
and we went on
a catamaran trip one day,
419
00:31:00,151 --> 00:31:02,278
and she had it in her head
420
00:31:02,278 --> 00:31:03,738
that she'd like to go on
the jet skis,
421
00:31:03,738 --> 00:31:05,824
so the minute the guy said
the jet ski was available,
422
00:31:05,824 --> 00:31:07,325
her hand was the first one
in the air.
423
00:31:07,325 --> 00:31:10,995
And everything changed
in May of 2019.
424
00:31:13,123 --> 00:31:15,333
She was waiting at the bus stop
in her town
425
00:31:15,333 --> 00:31:16,918
where she lived in Yorkshire
426
00:31:16,918 --> 00:31:19,004
to go to her dance class
that afternoon
427
00:31:19,004 --> 00:31:21,381
and she collapsed at the bus stop.
428
00:31:21,381 --> 00:31:23,466
Erm, and somebody called
an ambulance
429
00:31:23,466 --> 00:31:25,468
and she was taken to hospital
in Hull.
430
00:31:25,468 --> 00:31:28,096
She was a different woman
in the blink of an eye.
431
00:31:30,181 --> 00:31:34,936
It was heartbreaking to see
how much effort she put into,
432
00:31:34,936 --> 00:31:37,689
especially the work she did
with the physiotherapist,
433
00:31:37,689 --> 00:31:39,816
and then I don't know
if something happened,
434
00:31:39,816 --> 00:31:41,568
but she was rushed back to hospital
one day.
435
00:31:41,568 --> 00:31:43,653
They thought perhaps
she'd had another stroke
436
00:31:43,653 --> 00:31:45,739
because her speech
was suddenly set back again,
437
00:31:45,739 --> 00:31:48,408
and she never really got back
from that setback.
438
00:31:48,408 --> 00:31:50,285
And I think that's why she found
439
00:31:50,285 --> 00:31:54,080
the life of significant disability
so difficult
440
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:57,792
because it completely
turned the tables on who she'd been.
441
00:31:57,792 --> 00:32:00,962
It's Mandy Appleyard here
with my mum, Janet,
442
00:32:00,962 --> 00:32:04,549
and I was just going to ask you
about your decision
443
00:32:04,549 --> 00:32:06,468
to go to Switzerland.
Yes.
444
00:32:06,468 --> 00:32:11,139
Do you understand what that means,
to go to Dignitas. Yes.
445
00:32:11,139 --> 00:32:14,017
What does it mean, love?
It means that you're going to die.
446
00:32:14,017 --> 00:32:16,269
It means that you'll die, yeah.
447
00:32:16,269 --> 00:32:19,022
By suicide, which you understand.
Yes.
448
00:32:19,022 --> 00:32:20,607
And what makes you want to do that,
Mum?
449
00:32:20,607 --> 00:32:23,526
Why have you decided that
you want... I don't want to live.
450
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,281
What can't you do, Mum,
that you want to be able to do?
451
00:32:28,281 --> 00:32:30,658
Talk properly.
Talk properly.
452
00:32:30,658 --> 00:32:33,870
Walk.
Walk.
453
00:32:33,870 --> 00:32:37,999
And I want... hand. And you can't
do anything with one hand.
454
00:32:39,125 --> 00:32:41,628
She had asked us to kill her
several times.
455
00:32:42,754 --> 00:32:44,881
She'd asked us to smother her.
456
00:32:44,881 --> 00:32:48,593
She'd asked us
to leave her medication
457
00:32:48,593 --> 00:32:51,388
on her little table across her bed
so that she could take an overdose.
458
00:32:52,514 --> 00:32:54,432
She'd asked about
could we leave an apple
459
00:32:54,432 --> 00:32:57,394
and a paring knife next to it
so she could use a knife.
460
00:32:57,394 --> 00:32:58,436
To have...
461
00:32:59,979 --> 00:33:04,442
..my mum ask my sister and I
to murder her, to take her life,
462
00:33:04,442 --> 00:33:09,364
was... unimaginably sad.
463
00:33:09,364 --> 00:33:12,242
Has anybody influenced you
in that decision? No.
464
00:33:13,493 --> 00:33:15,995
And have you ever felt that you
wanted to change your mind
465
00:33:15,995 --> 00:33:18,540
about that decision?
No. OK. All right.
466
00:33:18,540 --> 00:33:21,376
All right, well, we've got it
on record, haven't we?
467
00:33:21,376 --> 00:33:24,045
Yes.
OK, love.
468
00:33:25,171 --> 00:33:27,549
Bye-bye.
469
00:33:29,843 --> 00:33:34,472
I do remember asking her if she was
making that decision for herself,
470
00:33:34,472 --> 00:33:36,349
cos I said, "I can't live with it
471
00:33:36,349 --> 00:33:38,685
"if you make that decision
for my sister and for me..."
472
00:33:38,685 --> 00:33:41,146
VOICE BREAKING: "..because
we're your daughters
473
00:33:41,146 --> 00:33:44,899
"and we'll care for you,
and we're in this situation."
474
00:33:44,899 --> 00:33:48,737
And she said, "No, it's my decision.
It's what I want for me."
475
00:33:48,737 --> 00:33:50,697
I don't know if it was,
but that's what she said.
476
00:33:50,697 --> 00:33:52,615
"It's my decision for me."
477
00:33:52,615 --> 00:33:55,326
I am tired of living.
478
00:33:55,326 --> 00:33:57,787
You're tired of living.
OK. All right.
479
00:33:58,788 --> 00:34:01,416
So you've had no second thoughts
about what you want to do?
480
00:34:01,416 --> 00:34:03,251
No, no, not ever.
481
00:34:06,629 --> 00:34:11,718
The person who feels that they
have lost everything in life
482
00:34:11,718 --> 00:34:13,720
and their life is all about loss,
483
00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:15,680
there are two aspects to that.
484
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:20,643
One of them is what are the things
that are still there
485
00:34:20,643 --> 00:34:23,480
that can be built on
and are positive?
486
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:27,650
And then who decides
to cut that life short?
487
00:34:27,650 --> 00:34:31,863
How do you know that that
really is the person's wish,
488
00:34:31,863 --> 00:34:35,367
or is it that they feel that
that's what they should do
489
00:34:35,367 --> 00:34:36,785
to relieve a burden on others,
490
00:34:36,785 --> 00:34:41,456
rather than it really being
where they feel they want to go?
491
00:34:41,456 --> 00:34:45,126
Death is the end. That's it.
492
00:34:45,126 --> 00:34:47,379
And so many families will say,
493
00:34:47,379 --> 00:34:50,340
"We were really prepared
for the death,
494
00:34:50,340 --> 00:34:52,217
"but when it came, it was a shock."
495
00:35:17,867 --> 00:35:24,040
He's now too weak to be able
to get all the way to Switzerland
496
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,669
with all this equipment. It just...
497
00:35:27,669 --> 00:35:31,548
It's looking like it's not really
gonna be an option for him now.
498
00:35:35,635 --> 00:35:40,348
We have paid a deposit,
just under £4,000.
499
00:35:40,348 --> 00:35:44,352
The full amount would be between
£12,000 and £15,000,
500
00:35:44,352 --> 00:35:47,397
so this makes it an elitist option.
501
00:35:48,523 --> 00:35:52,152
INTERVIEWER: Did you ever think
that it might be OK
502
00:35:52,152 --> 00:35:56,156
to have what is now available
to you only,
503
00:35:56,156 --> 00:36:00,368
which is palliative care, hospice,
and so on?
504
00:36:01,995 --> 00:36:05,999
"I don't want that because it
means Di sees me suffer." Yeah.
505
00:36:08,043 --> 00:36:10,295
INTERVIEWER: Trevor,
have you ever felt pressured
506
00:36:10,295 --> 00:36:12,630
to have an assisted death?
507
00:36:14,841 --> 00:36:17,010
It's totally from him.
508
00:36:24,225 --> 00:36:26,936
He has said to me
on numerous occasions,
509
00:36:26,936 --> 00:36:30,273
"I don't want to live like this
any more."
510
00:36:30,273 --> 00:36:31,816
CLOCK CHIMES
511
00:36:33,151 --> 00:36:34,819
SHE SNIFFS
512
00:36:40,492 --> 00:36:44,579
"Utter boredom,
pain, both actual and emotional,
513
00:36:44,579 --> 00:36:46,581
"and my sense of smell
works perfectly,
514
00:36:46,581 --> 00:36:50,585
"so I smell the food
but can't even try a tiny bit."
515
00:36:52,587 --> 00:36:55,465
He said he's ready now.
516
00:36:55,465 --> 00:36:58,718
He wasn't ready a month ago...
517
00:36:58,718 --> 00:37:00,178
and now he is.
518
00:37:01,638 --> 00:37:05,225
But we can't do it
because it's not an option here,
519
00:37:05,225 --> 00:37:08,728
and he is too weak
to get to Switzerland.
520
00:37:11,231 --> 00:37:12,941
SHE SNIFFS
521
00:37:28,248 --> 00:37:31,501
Would anybody like some wine,
anyone?
522
00:37:31,501 --> 00:37:32,961
Or is it just gonna be me?
523
00:37:32,961 --> 00:37:35,880
I'll sit next to Kim
and help her eat...
524
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,424
This is really hot.
525
00:37:43,555 --> 00:37:46,016
Is that enough spaghetti?
Yes.
526
00:37:46,016 --> 00:37:47,600
Do you want a little bit more?
527
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,894
That's not terribly much.
Mm-hm.
528
00:37:49,894 --> 00:37:51,396
Excuse me, Mama.
529
00:37:51,396 --> 00:37:52,856
We can try, see how you do.
530
00:37:52,856 --> 00:37:56,317
I know it's a little bit...
It's a little bit tricky.
531
00:37:56,317 --> 00:38:00,321
It's been a very long time
since you tried squid.
532
00:38:00,321 --> 00:38:02,157
When did you have it last?
533
00:38:02,157 --> 00:38:04,034
Focaccia out of the way.
534
00:38:06,202 --> 00:38:08,413
And move that for me.
535
00:38:09,706 --> 00:38:12,375
Have you pinched my napkin?
536
00:38:17,505 --> 00:38:20,258
That's good, that's good.
537
00:38:20,258 --> 00:38:23,845
It's like knowing the date
of, like, a car crash,
538
00:38:23,845 --> 00:38:25,972
or when a murderer
is gonna come into your house.
539
00:38:25,972 --> 00:38:29,517
It's unnerving, it's scary...
540
00:38:30,977 --> 00:38:32,812
..and it's awfully quiet.
541
00:38:44,074 --> 00:38:48,328
I think, to be honest, I'm literally
not thinking about anything,
542
00:38:48,328 --> 00:38:50,038
not even the return flight,
543
00:38:50,038 --> 00:38:52,374
but actually just getting
to that date and time,
544
00:38:52,374 --> 00:38:55,001
supporting Kim, whatever it takes.
545
00:38:56,711 --> 00:38:58,380
I'd like to be the one
to comfort her
546
00:38:58,380 --> 00:38:59,673
and to make sure she's OK.
547
00:39:00,924 --> 00:39:02,884
And to just...
548
00:39:02,884 --> 00:39:03,927
HE SIGHS
549
00:39:06,179 --> 00:39:07,764
..be there for her
550
00:39:07,764 --> 00:39:10,684
because I don't think I'd be able
to live with myself if...
551
00:39:13,436 --> 00:39:16,731
..during a very,
very hard time for her...
552
00:39:18,900 --> 00:39:21,569
..and I've spent 19 years with her,
553
00:39:21,569 --> 00:39:24,155
that I wouldn't be there for her.
554
00:39:24,155 --> 00:39:27,534
Right, do you recognise
what kind of cake it is?
555
00:39:28,952 --> 00:39:31,454
What's one of your favourite
kinds of cakes
556
00:39:31,454 --> 00:39:33,206
that you used to like
making yourself?
557
00:39:35,083 --> 00:39:38,294
Yeah. German chocolate cheesecake.
558
00:39:38,294 --> 00:39:39,587
HE KISSES HER
559
00:39:41,965 --> 00:39:43,800
Happy birthday.
560
00:40:08,908 --> 00:40:11,995
Various medical reports
had to be secured,
561
00:40:11,995 --> 00:40:14,497
including a psychiatric assessment,
562
00:40:14,497 --> 00:40:16,541
to determine whether or not
she was depressed,
563
00:40:16,541 --> 00:40:19,461
because depression
creates a lot of difficulties
564
00:40:19,461 --> 00:40:21,880
for people who want to go
to Dignitas.
565
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,966
Because their view, quite rightly,
is that if somebody's depressed,
566
00:40:24,966 --> 00:40:27,510
they may cease to be depressed
next Tuesday or next year,
567
00:40:27,510 --> 00:40:30,305
and therefore, they might have made
a very different decision
568
00:40:30,305 --> 00:40:31,431
about their end of life.
569
00:40:31,431 --> 00:40:34,184
Several people that we approached
for assessments
570
00:40:34,184 --> 00:40:36,311
refused to help Mum.
571
00:40:36,311 --> 00:40:38,813
One of them had agreed
to assess Mum,
572
00:40:38,813 --> 00:40:40,774
and we'd set everything up
for that Friday,
573
00:40:40,774 --> 00:40:42,609
and then phoned the day before
574
00:40:42,609 --> 00:40:45,862
and said she'd spoken to her...
the governing body,
575
00:40:45,862 --> 00:40:49,324
erm, and they had said,
"You shouldn't do this,
576
00:40:49,324 --> 00:40:53,119
"because maybe... this is to dying
inquiries, so you can't go there."
577
00:41:10,261 --> 00:41:12,972
There was a police officer
from Humberside Police
578
00:41:12,972 --> 00:41:17,060
and a social worker from
East Riding of Yorkshire Council.
579
00:41:17,060 --> 00:41:19,771
My mum was in her chair,
where she always was.
580
00:41:19,771 --> 00:41:22,565
My sister was looking after her
in the lounge.
581
00:41:22,565 --> 00:41:25,151
They questioned them to begin with
on whether there was a plan
582
00:41:25,151 --> 00:41:27,112
for Mum to go to Dignitas.
583
00:41:27,112 --> 00:41:30,407
Mum said it was a private matter,
a family matter,
584
00:41:30,407 --> 00:41:32,867
and she didn't want to talk
about it with a third party,
585
00:41:32,867 --> 00:41:34,452
and it was nobody else's business.
586
00:41:34,452 --> 00:41:37,372
And the police said to my sister
in front of my mum,
587
00:41:37,372 --> 00:41:40,083
"Do you realise that
if you are planning that,
588
00:41:40,083 --> 00:41:42,252
"it's murder, it's manslaughter?
589
00:41:42,252 --> 00:41:44,337
"It's a serious prison sentence
for you.
590
00:41:44,337 --> 00:41:46,131
"This isn't a road
that you can go down."
591
00:41:51,511 --> 00:41:55,390
Don't forget that in this country,
elder abuse is a big problem.
592
00:41:55,390 --> 00:41:59,436
One in five people
over the age of 65 have been abused,
593
00:41:59,436 --> 00:42:02,480
usually financially
or emotionally or by neglect.
594
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:06,776
Doctors don't pick that up,
they don't pick up the coercion
595
00:42:06,776 --> 00:42:08,987
that goes on behind closed doors.
596
00:42:08,987 --> 00:42:10,655
They don't know about it.
597
00:42:10,655 --> 00:42:14,659
And now we have an NHS
which is on its knees,
598
00:42:14,659 --> 00:42:20,081
we have a shortage of doctors, we
have ever-lengthening waiting lists,
599
00:42:20,081 --> 00:42:23,501
and yet you're gonna take doctors
away from providing care
600
00:42:23,501 --> 00:42:25,545
to be the judge and jury
601
00:42:25,545 --> 00:42:28,965
to assess patients as to whether
they should have lethal drugs
602
00:42:28,965 --> 00:42:30,383
to shorten life.
603
00:42:30,383 --> 00:42:32,218
And there's no backfilling,
604
00:42:32,218 --> 00:42:35,972
so more and more people are not
gonna get the care they need.
605
00:42:48,943 --> 00:42:51,446
We banned capital punishment
606
00:42:51,446 --> 00:42:54,240
because there had been
wrongful convictions.
607
00:42:54,240 --> 00:42:57,160
We know that there had been
misdiagnosis,
608
00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:01,498
we know of someone who was told he
had severe lung disease in Canada.
609
00:43:01,498 --> 00:43:04,334
He had lethal drugs,
his life was ended.
610
00:43:04,334 --> 00:43:08,421
And at postmortem, that lung disease
was not there at all.
611
00:43:08,421 --> 00:43:10,507
This was misinformation.
612
00:43:10,507 --> 00:43:13,760
We know from other jurisdictions
that young women
613
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:18,598
who had been sexually abused
earlier in life, severely abused,
614
00:43:18,598 --> 00:43:23,061
in despair, now with anorexia
and other mental health conditions,
615
00:43:23,061 --> 00:43:25,480
had been given lethal drugs.
616
00:43:27,524 --> 00:43:31,069
I sort of think it's the usual
muddying of the waters.
617
00:43:31,069 --> 00:43:35,031
It's the same stuff about
whether anorexic girls
618
00:43:35,031 --> 00:43:37,283
should be allowed
to take their own lives.
619
00:43:37,283 --> 00:43:40,578
And this stuff, it's never gonna be
within the scope of a law
620
00:43:40,578 --> 00:43:42,122
put forward.
621
00:43:42,122 --> 00:43:45,041
Is it always about people
whether they're mentally competent?
622
00:43:45,041 --> 00:43:48,169
If you're talking about
a teenager with anorexia,
623
00:43:48,169 --> 00:43:50,255
they are going through
a mental health condition,
624
00:43:50,255 --> 00:43:52,507
which means that they are not
mentally competent,
625
00:43:52,507 --> 00:43:54,551
so we shouldn't be talking about
them as you say.
626
00:43:54,551 --> 00:43:55,844
Or children under a certain age,
627
00:43:55,844 --> 00:43:59,014
they don't need to be brought
into this conversation at all.
628
00:43:59,014 --> 00:44:02,058
Where people are weak or vulnerable
or exposed to risk,
629
00:44:02,058 --> 00:44:06,521
you can just shut down the risk
with a decent bit of legislation.
630
00:44:24,289 --> 00:44:28,251
Until the age of three,
I was non-disabled.
631
00:44:28,251 --> 00:44:33,214
And then in 1949, I got polio,
was paralysed from the waist down.
632
00:44:33,214 --> 00:44:35,800
Was put in a machine
called an iron lung,
633
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:37,886
and that's the only reason
I'm here talking to you.
634
00:44:38,928 --> 00:44:41,681
This is serious stuff. This isn't...
635
00:44:41,681 --> 00:44:44,934
It's not easy to talk about,
or it's not a subject
636
00:44:44,934 --> 00:44:47,979
that people want to really
think about
637
00:44:47,979 --> 00:44:50,732
cos it's... it's about people dying.
638
00:44:52,984 --> 00:44:56,321
And the debates about disability
639
00:44:56,321 --> 00:45:02,327
and end of life really began
to gain traction 15 years ago
640
00:45:02,327 --> 00:45:07,040
as a solution to ending interminable
suffering, you know, that kind of...
641
00:45:08,166 --> 00:45:10,710
So disabled people,
like myself and others,
642
00:45:10,710 --> 00:45:14,881
began to get very worried
about where we would fit
643
00:45:14,881 --> 00:45:16,549
in this new world.
644
00:45:17,717 --> 00:45:19,761
It's bad enough as it is now,
645
00:45:19,761 --> 00:45:24,474
let alone adding a treatment
called assisted suicide.
646
00:45:24,474 --> 00:45:26,309
No, thank you.
647
00:45:38,697 --> 00:45:42,117
Feels a bit like the sort of meeting
at the OK Corral.
648
00:45:42,117 --> 00:45:44,744
How are you, Phil? Nice to meet you.
How are you doing?
649
00:45:44,744 --> 00:45:47,080
Very nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too. At last.
650
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:50,667
It's good not to get run over
as well. Yes!
651
00:45:50,667 --> 00:45:53,378
As if we haven't got enough
to worry about. I know, I know.
652
00:45:53,378 --> 00:45:56,715
An odd kind of meeting, isn't it?
Yeah, it is. It is.
653
00:45:56,715 --> 00:45:58,508
It's lovely to see you.
And you, too.
654
00:45:58,508 --> 00:46:01,636
The question we should ask ourselves
maybe, Phil,
655
00:46:01,636 --> 00:46:05,890
is how do two such fine gentlemen
in wheelchairs
656
00:46:05,890 --> 00:46:10,478
end up, you know, in a park,
on a grey day,
657
00:46:10,478 --> 00:46:13,523
which is a good day
to talk about death, isn't it? Yes.
658
00:46:13,523 --> 00:46:14,816
What got us here, Phil?
659
00:46:14,816 --> 00:46:19,279
I'm a part of a group of disabled
people called Not Dead Yet UK.
660
00:46:19,279 --> 00:46:22,240
And our mission
is to resist all attempts
661
00:46:22,240 --> 00:46:24,534
to change the law
on assisted suicide.
662
00:46:24,534 --> 00:46:27,078
So what that does
is put you and me together.
663
00:46:27,078 --> 00:46:29,414
As adversaries.
664
00:46:29,414 --> 00:46:31,124
No, I wouldn't say adversaries.
665
00:46:31,124 --> 00:46:34,252
I would say that you have your view,
and I have mine.
666
00:46:34,252 --> 00:46:35,920
It's people like you and me
667
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,256
who are actually
in the middle of this debate.
668
00:46:38,256 --> 00:46:39,466
Yeah.
669
00:46:39,466 --> 00:46:41,593
I think we probably
all have views about suicide,
670
00:46:41,593 --> 00:46:46,598
and sadly, for very severely
disabled people like yourself,
671
00:46:46,598 --> 00:46:50,643
administering your own medication,
say, to kill yourself,
672
00:46:50,643 --> 00:46:52,395
is beyond
your physical capabilities.
673
00:46:52,395 --> 00:46:56,858
So there is no question
that for people like yourself,
674
00:46:56,858 --> 00:46:59,235
who face a very uncertain future,
675
00:46:59,235 --> 00:47:02,072
erm, that is out of your control
676
00:47:02,072 --> 00:47:05,200
is... terrifying.
677
00:47:06,201 --> 00:47:08,244
Putting it plainly.
It's how I would feel anyway.
678
00:47:09,371 --> 00:47:10,455
It is frightening, yeah.
679
00:47:10,455 --> 00:47:14,709
But I think until we have
systems in place
680
00:47:14,709 --> 00:47:19,089
that can provide
first-class social care,
681
00:47:19,089 --> 00:47:22,926
can provide first-class
end-of-life care, palliative care...
682
00:47:24,552 --> 00:47:27,389
..in my view, would be dangerous
to change the law.
683
00:47:27,389 --> 00:47:30,225
And we have never really looked at
684
00:47:30,225 --> 00:47:34,062
one main cause of people
wanting to end their lives,
685
00:47:34,062 --> 00:47:36,564
which far from popular belief,
is pain.
686
00:47:36,564 --> 00:47:38,441
It isn't, it's about being a burden.
687
00:47:38,441 --> 00:47:43,363
You and I both rely incredibly
on our partners. My wife, your wife.
688
00:47:43,363 --> 00:47:44,489
Yeah, yeah.
689
00:47:44,489 --> 00:47:47,325
And there will be times, I know,
when I think,
690
00:47:47,325 --> 00:47:51,705
"Having me around, apart
from my charming personality...
691
00:47:51,705 --> 00:47:54,749
"having me around
stops Sue doing things."
692
00:47:54,749 --> 00:47:56,918
There's no question about that.
Yeah, absolutely.
693
00:47:56,918 --> 00:47:58,920
And it's gonna get worse
as I get older,
694
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:04,843
so I think that it's dangerous
to offer assisted suicide
695
00:48:04,843 --> 00:48:07,053
as a treatment plan
696
00:48:07,053 --> 00:48:10,098
as opposed to the more expensive
palliative care,
697
00:48:10,098 --> 00:48:11,474
social care and so on.
698
00:48:11,474 --> 00:48:13,226
I feel that.
699
00:48:13,226 --> 00:48:19,899
But there comes a point where,
you know, if there is no more value,
700
00:48:19,899 --> 00:48:25,071
if there is no more enjoyment
in life,
701
00:48:25,071 --> 00:48:30,869
and there's more suffering,
then by keeping me alive,
702
00:48:30,869 --> 00:48:35,832
it's... you know,
it's not good for anyone,
703
00:48:35,832 --> 00:48:38,335
and at least of all me.
704
00:48:46,217 --> 00:48:49,637
Right. So, Phil, how do you
feel about assisting a suicide?
705
00:48:49,637 --> 00:48:52,390
PHIL LAUGHS
A Reggie Perrin.
706
00:48:52,390 --> 00:48:53,767
Yeah.
707
00:48:56,644 --> 00:49:01,191
I'm resigned to the fact that
nothing will change in my lifetime.
708
00:49:01,191 --> 00:49:07,822
But there are a lot of people
like me who will find ways
709
00:49:07,822 --> 00:49:11,534
in very lonely
and desperate circumstances
710
00:49:11,534 --> 00:49:13,370
of taking their own lives.
711
00:49:13,370 --> 00:49:17,374
Hundreds of terminally ill people
do that every year.
712
00:49:17,374 --> 00:49:21,461
I know that palliative care
can take away pain.
713
00:49:21,461 --> 00:49:24,214
I had five sets of drugs last night.
714
00:49:24,214 --> 00:49:27,008
And I know it can take away anxiety.
715
00:49:27,008 --> 00:49:30,095
But it's not... It can never really
take away my anguish,
716
00:49:30,095 --> 00:49:32,347
you know, the burden
of struggling to breathe.
717
00:49:32,347 --> 00:49:35,141
I say, well, what about us?
718
00:49:35,141 --> 00:49:38,520
How long do people like us
have to wait?
719
00:49:39,729 --> 00:49:44,442
For people around now that are
managing the end of their lives
720
00:49:44,442 --> 00:49:48,613
without the legal recourse
to assisted suicide...
721
00:49:50,115 --> 00:49:51,658
..that's obviously awful.
722
00:49:51,658 --> 00:49:52,867
Yeah.
723
00:49:52,867 --> 00:49:55,995
But what I'm also trying to get
across is that disabled people
724
00:49:55,995 --> 00:49:57,706
often feel very vulnerable,
725
00:49:57,706 --> 00:50:01,710
and it's very difficult to then say,
of course,
726
00:50:01,710 --> 00:50:05,171
change the law that makes our
position even more vulnerable,
727
00:50:05,171 --> 00:50:06,464
potentially.
728
00:50:06,464 --> 00:50:09,801
Potentially. And, you see,
the words you used there like that,
729
00:50:09,801 --> 00:50:12,679
the "mights" and "coulds"
and "potentially".
730
00:50:12,679 --> 00:50:15,473
Now, I know there's, you know,
some very definites
731
00:50:15,473 --> 00:50:17,100
in the way I'm going.
732
00:50:17,100 --> 00:50:19,144
Here, we're talking about
something
733
00:50:19,144 --> 00:50:21,813
that's gonna lead
to potentially people dying.
734
00:50:21,813 --> 00:50:23,940
So good enough isn't...
Hopefully, it will.
735
00:50:23,940 --> 00:50:26,401
Yeah,
but good enough is not good enough.
736
00:50:26,401 --> 00:50:30,905
We've gotta be sure that we've put
in place all of the components
737
00:50:30,905 --> 00:50:34,534
that protect everybody from harm,
basically.
738
00:50:34,534 --> 00:50:37,871
And I think it's fair to say
that the jury's out
739
00:50:37,871 --> 00:50:39,456
amongst disabled people.
740
00:50:39,456 --> 00:50:42,042
Disabled people don't all go,
"No way." No.
741
00:50:42,042 --> 00:50:45,795
Most disabled people are either
not sure what they think about this
742
00:50:45,795 --> 00:50:48,631
or they take one view,
which is "no way,"
743
00:50:48,631 --> 00:50:50,800
or they say,
"I wanna die by my own hand."
744
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,470
Yeah, but it's kind of ironic
that the polling shows that,
745
00:50:53,470 --> 00:50:55,889
you know, across religious groups,
746
00:50:55,889 --> 00:50:58,808
and across disabled
and non-disabled people,
747
00:50:58,808 --> 00:51:01,519
that they're in favour
of a change in the law.
748
00:51:01,519 --> 00:51:04,606
Right, so, Phil,
is the law gonna change?
749
00:51:06,107 --> 00:51:09,277
I think the answer's probably yes.
Yeah.
750
00:51:09,277 --> 00:51:11,488
I'm a realist.
Yeah.
751
00:51:11,488 --> 00:51:15,033
There's enough momentum behind...
752
00:51:16,326 --> 00:51:19,287
..something changing
on assisted suicide
753
00:51:19,287 --> 00:51:23,750
that it will happen at some point,
and maybe when I'm not here either.
754
00:51:23,750 --> 00:51:28,254
But we have to fashion this
in a way that what works for us.
755
00:51:28,254 --> 00:51:32,050
My fear about this, really,
is that we're gonna be,
756
00:51:32,050 --> 00:51:34,969
as a country, shamed into this
and rushed into this.
757
00:51:34,969 --> 00:51:37,931
And that will involve
bad legislation,
758
00:51:37,931 --> 00:51:39,641
and that will be a right mess.
759
00:51:39,641 --> 00:51:41,226
And you won't benefit from that.
760
00:51:41,226 --> 00:51:43,186
In fact, no-one will benefit
from that.
761
00:52:07,127 --> 00:52:08,545
OK.
762
00:52:12,215 --> 00:52:14,092
This must look really weird.
763
00:52:16,386 --> 00:52:17,971
Good technique for, erm...
764
00:52:19,097 --> 00:52:22,392
..licking lollies, maybe.
765
00:52:29,107 --> 00:52:33,653
Gotta write this
biographical sketch, erm...
766
00:52:34,946 --> 00:52:36,156
..which is a bit weird,
767
00:52:36,156 --> 00:52:38,491
cos I've never had to do
something like this before.
768
00:52:38,491 --> 00:52:40,869
As well as the technology
being a bugger,
769
00:52:40,869 --> 00:52:43,788
it's an inverse job app...
770
00:52:43,788 --> 00:52:47,125
I've never thought about it
like that, application to die.
771
00:52:48,209 --> 00:52:49,336
So...
772
00:52:50,628 --> 00:52:52,547
..born in Chatham, Kent, 1976.
773
00:52:52,547 --> 00:52:54,507
Parents: Frankie and John Monks.
774
00:52:54,507 --> 00:52:59,846
Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis
in...
775
00:52:59,846 --> 00:53:02,390
Maybe it doesn't look like
the word "sclerosis".
776
00:53:02,390 --> 00:53:04,184
Infuriating.
777
00:53:06,311 --> 00:53:10,774
Have the use of my left arm
and hand.
778
00:53:10,774 --> 00:53:13,401
Crap.
779
00:53:13,401 --> 00:53:19,491
I think it doesn't like my kind of
slightly chavvy North Kent accent.
780
00:53:19,491 --> 00:53:21,826
I'm just approaching this process
as I would
781
00:53:21,826 --> 00:53:24,788
anything else
I've approached in life.
782
00:53:24,788 --> 00:53:30,543
And the fact that it's about
my demise, ultimately, is by the by.
783
00:53:30,543 --> 00:53:33,088
But you're determined to do it,
aren't you?
784
00:53:33,088 --> 00:53:36,257
Because you're never thinking
about an alternative.
785
00:53:36,257 --> 00:53:38,468
I always have been determined
to do it.
786
00:53:38,468 --> 00:53:40,970
But I'm open-minded about when,
787
00:53:40,970 --> 00:53:46,059
and I'm certainly not in a position
where I want to die yet.
788
00:53:46,059 --> 00:53:47,268
If I can get all this...
789
00:53:48,269 --> 00:53:50,188
..sorted and organised...
790
00:53:52,023 --> 00:53:54,901
..then when the time comes,
I can just say, "Right...
791
00:53:55,985 --> 00:54:00,657
"You know, book the Channel Tunnel.
We're off to Switzerland."
792
00:54:00,657 --> 00:54:04,411
That's there, that's my
get-out-of-jail-free card, you know?
793
00:54:04,411 --> 00:54:06,621
Cos that's what it is.
That's what it will feel like.
794
00:54:06,621 --> 00:54:10,125
Do you feel that you've got months,
got years?
795
00:54:10,125 --> 00:54:11,501
It flips around.
796
00:54:11,501 --> 00:54:15,714
If it's bad, I'll feel like
I've got three or four months left.
797
00:54:15,714 --> 00:54:19,009
At other times, I won't even
think like that, you know?
798
00:54:19,009 --> 00:54:24,222
I'll be making plans for next year
and booking holidays for the summer,
799
00:54:24,222 --> 00:54:25,974
which we've done.
800
00:54:25,974 --> 00:54:28,560
You know, every Christmas,
I'm like...
801
00:54:29,811 --> 00:54:31,771
WHISPERS:
"..is this the last Christmas?"
802
00:55:01,634 --> 00:55:05,221
DI: He spent a lot of time
texting people.
803
00:55:05,221 --> 00:55:07,766
He instructed me on how to make
804
00:55:07,766 --> 00:55:13,271
the Trevor signature loaf
for the staff.
805
00:55:13,271 --> 00:55:17,901
Then towards the end of the day,
he said,
806
00:55:17,901 --> 00:55:19,527
"Take the dogs for a walk,
807
00:55:19,527 --> 00:55:22,906
"and then you can take me back
to the hospice."
808
00:55:25,325 --> 00:55:26,618
Come on, Meg!
809
00:55:27,869 --> 00:55:31,790
'I was a few fields away,
810
00:55:31,790 --> 00:55:35,043
'and my phone pinged.'
811
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:42,008
So the text says,
"My dearest friend, lover, and wife,
812
00:55:42,008 --> 00:55:45,804
"I'm so sorry for what I have done.
813
00:55:45,804 --> 00:55:49,891
"I cannot continue with my life
the way it is now.
814
00:55:49,891 --> 00:55:52,977
"I can't walk, talk, eat,
815
00:55:52,977 --> 00:55:57,440
"and I'm losing the use
of my right arm and leg.
816
00:55:57,440 --> 00:56:01,611
"I'm only bringing
forward the inevitable.
817
00:56:01,611 --> 00:56:04,364
"I love you more than I can say,
818
00:56:04,364 --> 00:56:09,536
"and I thank you
for spending your life with me.
819
00:56:09,536 --> 00:56:12,497
"Your ever-loving husband, Trev.
820
00:56:12,497 --> 00:56:15,417
"Of course,
I wouldn't have to do this
821
00:56:15,417 --> 00:56:20,088
"if this stupid country
allowed assisted dying!
822
00:56:22,132 --> 00:56:26,511
"You will find me in the workshop.
Don't hate me, please, Di."
823
00:56:35,353 --> 00:56:37,480
He'd clearly taken an overdose.
824
00:56:39,065 --> 00:56:41,693
And these drugs,
which I didn't know what they were
825
00:56:41,693 --> 00:56:43,778
or where he'd got them from,
826
00:56:43,778 --> 00:56:50,410
obviously preplanned,
and he'd put them through the tube.
827
00:56:50,410 --> 00:56:53,204
He was unconscious.
828
00:56:53,204 --> 00:56:57,250
Erm... his heart was still beating.
829
00:56:57,250 --> 00:57:02,172
Two and a half hours later, I think
it was, he still hadn't died.
830
00:57:15,727 --> 00:57:20,273
Any means of ending his own life
831
00:57:20,273 --> 00:57:23,610
was taken from him,
832
00:57:23,610 --> 00:57:27,947
which left him
with the only option he had is to...
833
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:34,329
..prevent them from giving him
any nutrition,
834
00:57:34,329 --> 00:57:37,499
so he stopped taking water as well.
835
00:57:38,541 --> 00:57:42,212
To start with, I thought...
"Good on you, Trev.
836
00:57:42,212 --> 00:57:47,384
"That's the only way you're gonna do
what you want, and, you know,
837
00:57:47,384 --> 00:57:52,222
"hopefully, no water will mean
it will happen quite quickly."
838
00:57:52,222 --> 00:57:54,015
But I...
839
00:57:54,015 --> 00:58:00,563
I didn't realise how desperately
thirsty he would get, and he was...
840
00:58:00,563 --> 00:58:03,066
It was really horrible to watch.
841
00:58:03,066 --> 00:58:07,320
And I did say to him, "Are you sure
you want to do it like this?"
842
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:09,030
But absolutely he did.
843
00:58:10,073 --> 00:58:11,783
It was his only choice.
844
00:58:22,460 --> 00:58:25,797
I was so lucky to find him.
845
00:58:25,797 --> 00:58:27,132
We were good together.
846
00:58:29,759 --> 00:58:33,013
It's horrible.
It's horrible not having him here.
847
00:58:34,556 --> 00:58:37,058
But he's in the best place for him
now.
848
00:58:43,481 --> 00:58:45,442
Once he was able to...
849
00:58:46,609 --> 00:58:51,239
..communicate on his iPad after his
suicide attempt, I asked him...
850
00:58:51,239 --> 00:58:57,579
if he wanted me to see you guys
again and tell the end of his story,
851
00:58:57,579 --> 00:59:00,749
and he was insistent that I did.
852
00:59:00,749 --> 00:59:05,920
He felt passionately
that he should have had the choice
853
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:07,797
to do what he wanted to do
854
00:59:07,797 --> 00:59:12,344
and me not to have to face
potential legal...
855
00:59:14,387 --> 00:59:15,680
..connotations.
856
00:59:25,899 --> 00:59:31,613
OK, we're recording now, so, Kimmy,
it's the... What day is it today?
857
00:59:33,239 --> 00:59:34,532
Sunday the what, do you know?
858
00:59:46,169 --> 00:59:50,006
And a week today,
we should be over in...
859
00:59:50,006 --> 00:59:52,133
Switzerland. Switzerland.
So, why's that?
860
01:00:16,574 --> 01:00:19,285
So you completed all the forms
and things like that
861
01:00:19,285 --> 01:00:23,498
and asked me to get them
sent off and things for you,
862
01:00:23,498 --> 01:00:26,710
and I'm going to accompany you
to Switzerland.
863
01:00:30,839 --> 01:00:31,923
Mm.
864
01:00:33,633 --> 01:00:35,427
And what will happen there?
865
01:01:05,457 --> 01:01:08,293
We have a law at the moment
866
01:01:08,293 --> 01:01:13,840
which has a firm face
but a kind heart.
867
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:17,302
If somebody assists suicide
in this country,
868
01:01:17,302 --> 01:01:21,139
if there is evidence
that the person tried really hard
869
01:01:21,139 --> 01:01:23,099
to support the person,
870
01:01:23,099 --> 01:01:26,895
dissuade them, the law looks on them
in a much more lenient way.
871
01:01:26,895 --> 01:01:29,856
But every case
is assessed individually.
872
01:01:29,856 --> 01:01:35,653
The boundary is clear, the message
is clear. You don't do it.
873
01:01:35,653 --> 01:01:40,950
If you break it, the extenuating
circumstances are looked at
874
01:01:40,950 --> 01:01:43,286
in a kindly way by our law.
875
01:01:43,286 --> 01:01:45,455
That's how our law works.
876
01:01:50,669 --> 01:01:52,462
When we got back from Switzerland,
877
01:01:52,462 --> 01:01:55,840
we went back
to our respective homes,
878
01:01:55,840 --> 01:01:58,885
and then my sister was in bed
879
01:01:58,885 --> 01:02:01,471
at 7pm on the Sunday evening
the following day
880
01:02:01,471 --> 01:02:04,474
when there was a violent banging
on her front door.
881
01:02:04,474 --> 01:02:05,975
It was Humberside Police
882
01:02:05,975 --> 01:02:09,979
saying that they had reason to
believe a crime had been committed.
883
01:02:09,979 --> 01:02:11,773
And they came,
and they did the interview,
884
01:02:11,773 --> 01:02:14,442
and there are very sympathetic,
and they were very reassuring
885
01:02:14,442 --> 01:02:17,987
when they left that this was
a procedural thing.
886
01:02:17,987 --> 01:02:21,449
Somebody had reported a crime,
so they had to be seen
887
01:02:21,449 --> 01:02:24,369
to be investigating that,
but not to worry.
888
01:02:24,369 --> 01:02:27,831
"The most likely outcome here
is that within six weeks,
889
01:02:27,831 --> 01:02:30,959
"you will get a missive
from the Crown Prosecution Service
890
01:02:30,959 --> 01:02:33,378
"saying that it's not
in the public interest
891
01:02:33,378 --> 01:02:37,132
"to prosecute you
or that there is no case to answer."
892
01:02:37,132 --> 01:02:38,883
It didn't happen like that.
893
01:02:43,722 --> 01:02:46,599
The police asked me for permission
to go through my bank account.
894
01:02:46,599 --> 01:02:49,561
They asked for access
to my sister's bank account.
895
01:02:49,561 --> 01:02:54,858
They went to Mum's two sisters,
to a close family friend,
896
01:02:54,858 --> 01:02:56,151
and to one of her carers,
897
01:02:56,151 --> 01:02:59,237
and asked for witness statements
as to Mum's state of mind,
898
01:02:59,237 --> 01:03:01,990
and I did a two-hour interview
under police caution.
899
01:03:03,908 --> 01:03:05,285
So we'd go for two or three months,
900
01:03:05,285 --> 01:03:08,121
and it would seem as if things were
quiet, and I would forget about it,
901
01:03:08,121 --> 01:03:10,040
and then I'd have another phone call
saying,
902
01:03:10,040 --> 01:03:12,917
"Now you need to produce this,"
or, "Now you need to produce that."
903
01:03:28,850 --> 01:03:32,604
'I regarded what we had helped Mum
to do as an act of love.
904
01:03:33,605 --> 01:03:36,149
'And that was criminalised,
obviously,
905
01:03:36,149 --> 01:03:40,445
'and it made it feel dirty,
and it drove it underground.'
906
01:03:43,865 --> 01:03:46,368
I was seething with anger.
907
01:03:46,368 --> 01:03:52,082
I was angry that we were distracted
again and again and again
908
01:03:52,082 --> 01:03:54,000
from mourning our mum.
909
01:03:57,420 --> 01:03:59,631
'And increasingly, as time went by,
910
01:03:59,631 --> 01:04:02,175
'thought that there was
a very real chance
911
01:04:02,175 --> 01:04:04,594
'that I might go to prison
for 14 years.'
912
01:04:08,056 --> 01:04:10,308
I had serious suicidal thoughts
913
01:04:10,308 --> 01:04:14,521
when it came to the possibility
of a prison sentence.
914
01:04:14,521 --> 01:04:16,064
I just couldn't have gone to prison.
915
01:04:18,274 --> 01:04:21,361
I couldn't have done it.
I would rather have been dead
916
01:04:21,361 --> 01:04:23,530
than serve a prison sentence
for what happened.
917
01:04:46,511 --> 01:04:47,637
Same here.
918
01:04:50,056 --> 01:04:51,891
Same here.
919
01:04:51,891 --> 01:04:54,436
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Don't be sad.
920
01:04:56,479 --> 01:04:58,148
You'll make me sad, don't...
Stop it.
921
01:04:58,148 --> 01:04:59,190
HE CHUCKLES
922
01:05:00,316 --> 01:05:02,485
If you don't want to go through
with this, love,
923
01:05:02,485 --> 01:05:05,196
you can always change your mind.
You must be...
924
01:05:05,196 --> 01:05:08,158
You must be sure, OK?
Yeah.
925
01:05:12,287 --> 01:05:13,705
I understand.
926
01:05:17,208 --> 01:05:20,962
I don't mind caring for you,
but I don't like to see you suffer,
927
01:05:20,962 --> 01:05:25,133
and if that's your decision,
you just must be sure.
928
01:05:27,719 --> 01:05:30,263
OK. Got it.
929
01:05:39,356 --> 01:05:43,818
Well, none of us want you
to be alone. You can't be alone.
930
01:05:46,696 --> 01:05:50,075
We're gonna be there to support
and love and care for you, OK?
931
01:05:52,160 --> 01:05:53,912
HE CLEARS THROAT
932
01:05:53,912 --> 01:05:54,954
OK?
933
01:06:18,269 --> 01:06:20,313
You know you don't come back
from this, right?
934
01:06:20,313 --> 01:06:21,523
Mm-hm.
935
01:06:24,025 --> 01:06:25,443
You OK with that?
936
01:06:29,864 --> 01:06:31,658
You don't have to.
937
01:06:37,122 --> 01:06:39,207
You warm enough?
938
01:06:39,207 --> 01:06:41,292
Gonna pop that there.
939
01:06:41,292 --> 01:06:42,335
All right.
940
01:06:44,254 --> 01:06:46,089
Are we ready for off?
Mm-hm.
941
01:06:46,089 --> 01:06:47,674
HE CHUCKLES
OK.
942
01:06:47,674 --> 01:06:49,217
Sure?
Mm-hm.
943
01:06:49,217 --> 01:06:51,886
Are you going to say that halfway
down the road we missed anything?
944
01:06:51,886 --> 01:06:52,929
No?
945
01:06:54,597 --> 01:06:55,849
Got the passports.
946
01:06:57,350 --> 01:07:00,103
MUSIC: 'Build Me Up Buttercup'
by The Foundations
947
01:07:00,103 --> 01:07:03,106
# You know that I have
From the start
948
01:07:03,106 --> 01:07:06,067
# So build me up, buttercup...
949
01:07:06,067 --> 01:07:08,069
# Don't break my heart... #
950
01:07:09,821 --> 01:07:11,197
Shall we sing along, Kim?
951
01:07:11,197 --> 01:07:15,076
# To you, I'm a toy
But I could be the boy you adore
952
01:07:15,076 --> 01:07:17,787
# If you'd just let me know
953
01:07:17,787 --> 01:07:22,542
# Although you're untrue
I'm attracted to you all the more
954
01:07:22,542 --> 01:07:25,503
# Why do I need you so...? #
955
01:07:25,503 --> 01:07:28,923
'The whole journey is going
to take us at least eight hours.'
956
01:07:30,091 --> 01:07:32,135
I have to use the wheelchair,
of course.
957
01:07:33,678 --> 01:07:35,930
'We've had to make
special arrangements
958
01:07:35,930 --> 01:07:39,100
'through airline assistance
in order to get Kim to Zurich
959
01:07:39,100 --> 01:07:41,436
'because she's in a wheelchair.
960
01:07:45,899 --> 01:07:48,693
'Airline travel to Amsterdam.
961
01:07:51,154 --> 01:07:53,281
'Layover in Amsterdam Airport.
962
01:07:54,282 --> 01:07:57,160
'Another flight to Zurich,
963
01:07:57,160 --> 01:07:59,913
'and then a long taxi drive
964
01:07:59,913 --> 01:08:03,458
'to a hotel near Dignitas.
965
01:08:03,458 --> 01:08:05,877
'A little distance from Zurich.'
966
01:08:16,012 --> 01:08:19,516
Does it feel today
like you expected it to feel?
967
01:08:36,658 --> 01:08:38,410
Hi.
Hello, I'm the doctor.
968
01:08:38,410 --> 01:08:40,370
Andy. Nice to meet you. Come in.
Nice to meet you.
969
01:08:41,705 --> 01:08:44,916
Hello, I'm the doctor.
Nice to meet you.
970
01:08:55,802 --> 01:08:57,971
What did the doctor ask you, Kim?
971
01:09:12,694 --> 01:09:15,321
Do you really feel you have to go?
972
01:09:35,508 --> 01:09:36,676
It's OK.
973
01:09:50,940 --> 01:09:52,108
It's OK.
974
01:10:09,000 --> 01:10:10,210
Love you.
975
01:10:10,210 --> 01:10:11,795
BIRDSONG
976
01:10:16,299 --> 01:10:17,717
ANDREA: Morning.
Morning.
977
01:10:17,717 --> 01:10:20,720
I'm Andrea.
Nice to meet you. Hi. Andy.
978
01:10:20,720 --> 01:10:22,764
This is Kim. Nice to meet you.
979
01:10:22,764 --> 01:10:25,016
Hi. I'm Andrea.
Hi.
980
01:10:25,016 --> 01:10:27,936
Josh, Sean.
981
01:10:27,936 --> 01:10:30,271
Let's go.
982
01:10:30,271 --> 01:10:32,899
Please take a seat.
OK.
983
01:10:32,899 --> 01:10:36,111
Do you have
the original documents here?
984
01:10:36,111 --> 01:10:39,364
Yes, which ones do you want?
The birth.
985
01:10:39,364 --> 01:10:43,660
We keep the passport here
for the police to take,
986
01:10:43,660 --> 01:10:49,082
and then we send it back in ten,
14 days with the death certificate.
987
01:10:49,082 --> 01:10:51,001
We've got the certificate
of naturalisation
988
01:10:51,001 --> 01:10:52,669
cos we don't have
a birth certificate
989
01:10:52,669 --> 01:10:55,463
because she was born in Vietnam,
so we have a...
990
01:10:55,463 --> 01:10:57,257
And we've got a new copy of that.
991
01:10:57,257 --> 01:11:00,010
And you need the marriage
certificate, I think. Yes.
992
01:11:00,010 --> 01:11:03,388
OK, then we have all three.
SUSAN: Thank you very much.
993
01:11:03,388 --> 01:11:05,348
Thank you.
994
01:11:05,348 --> 01:11:08,309
OK, we need your signature here.
995
01:11:09,686 --> 01:11:10,895
OK.
996
01:11:19,154 --> 01:11:22,824
Would you like to take
something with you in the coffin?
997
01:11:22,824 --> 01:11:25,410
Something personal,
998
01:11:25,410 --> 01:11:28,413
like a flower or a letter
999
01:11:28,413 --> 01:11:31,666
or a photo or something like that?
1000
01:11:32,709 --> 01:11:35,587
We look in the garden for a flower?
Mm-hm.
1001
01:11:35,587 --> 01:11:36,921
Yes?
1002
01:11:36,921 --> 01:11:39,007
Did the doctor explain you
1003
01:11:39,007 --> 01:11:44,637
the procedure here with the
first medication for your stomach?
1004
01:11:44,637 --> 01:11:48,308
And then we have to wait
minimum 25 minutes,
1005
01:11:48,308 --> 01:11:52,854
and when you're ready,
you can take the last medication.
1006
01:11:52,854 --> 01:11:58,651
So it's up to you when you want
to start with the first medication.
1007
01:12:04,074 --> 01:12:06,826
Do you need some time
with your family?
1008
01:12:06,826 --> 01:12:07,869
KIM: Mm.
1009
01:12:12,165 --> 01:12:15,418
And you know you can stop it
any time,
1010
01:12:15,418 --> 01:12:18,713
and you can go back if you want.
1011
01:12:18,713 --> 01:12:20,173
There is no pressure.
1012
01:12:20,173 --> 01:12:22,676
That is beautiful.
Isn't that lovely?
1013
01:12:24,094 --> 01:12:26,137
It's your favourite, isn't it?
1014
01:12:28,390 --> 01:12:30,141
It does smell beautiful, doesn't it?
1015
01:12:31,476 --> 01:12:32,519
Oh, yeah.
1016
01:12:32,519 --> 01:12:33,853
You want a drink of water?
1017
01:12:38,566 --> 01:12:40,276
OK, do you want to...? I'll do that.
1018
01:12:41,736 --> 01:12:42,946
KNOCKING ON DOOR
1019
01:12:42,946 --> 01:12:44,781
First medication, yes.
First one? OK.
1020
01:12:44,781 --> 01:12:46,408
We will bring it.
OK.
1021
01:12:46,408 --> 01:12:50,370
This is the first medication
for your stomach.
1022
01:12:50,370 --> 01:12:53,873
There are some chocolates there,
as well, looks like.
1023
01:12:55,250 --> 01:12:56,960
I think water would be best.
OK.
1024
01:12:56,960 --> 01:12:58,795
SUSAN: For her stomach?
Yeah, yeah.
1025
01:12:58,795 --> 01:13:00,005
OK.
Well done.
1026
01:13:00,005 --> 01:13:02,799
Now we have to wait
minimum 25 minutes,
1027
01:13:02,799 --> 01:13:05,051
but you can wait longer.
1028
01:13:05,051 --> 01:13:06,803
There is no pressure.
1029
01:13:06,803 --> 01:13:09,681
Yeah, do you want to sit
in the comfy chair?
1030
01:13:09,681 --> 01:13:13,101
This is... Look, this looks like
a reclining chair, doesn't it?
1031
01:13:13,101 --> 01:13:14,602
What's best?
1032
01:13:14,602 --> 01:13:17,814
For the last medication,
when you lie on the bed.
1033
01:13:17,814 --> 01:13:19,566
Up you come.
Maybe...
1034
01:13:19,566 --> 01:13:21,860
No, no, it's OK. She can walk.
Oh.
1035
01:13:21,860 --> 01:13:23,528
She'll be OK. It's just...
1036
01:13:23,528 --> 01:13:26,322
She needs just some help,
that's all.
1037
01:13:26,322 --> 01:13:27,907
Right, do you want to...?
1038
01:13:27,907 --> 01:13:30,076
Let's get rocking. There you go.
1039
01:13:30,076 --> 01:13:33,621
That's it, until you feel the bed
at the back of your legs.
1040
01:13:35,457 --> 01:13:37,459
Do you want to be
a little further backwards?
1041
01:13:38,710 --> 01:13:41,963
Then we'll leave you alone
for this time, and...
1042
01:13:41,963 --> 01:13:43,465
OK, thank you very much.
1043
01:13:43,465 --> 01:13:46,217
When you are ready,
knock on the door. OK.
1044
01:13:46,217 --> 01:13:48,511
OK.
1045
01:13:48,511 --> 01:13:51,056
SOFTLY: OK, good.
1046
01:13:51,056 --> 01:13:53,975
Can you grab me a tissue, Joshy?
1047
01:13:53,975 --> 01:13:55,518
ANDY SNIFFLES
1048
01:13:55,518 --> 01:13:57,729
There's one right there.
Oh, there's one here.
1049
01:13:59,981 --> 01:14:01,483
HE BLOWS NOSE
1050
01:14:17,832 --> 01:14:19,626
INTERVIEWER:
Why are you thanking us, Kim?
1051
01:14:20,960 --> 01:14:22,253
Yes.
1052
01:14:28,760 --> 01:14:30,970
You're a very brave woman.
1053
01:14:33,264 --> 01:14:34,599
OK?
SUSAN: OK.
1054
01:14:40,772 --> 01:14:45,151
Would you like to take
the last medication?
1055
01:14:45,151 --> 01:14:46,736
OK.
1056
01:14:50,407 --> 01:14:53,076
WHISPERS: I love you.
1057
01:14:53,076 --> 01:14:56,871
If you think about
your best day in your life,
1058
01:14:56,871 --> 01:14:58,415
and have a good sleep.
1059
01:14:58,415 --> 01:15:00,041
It's OK.
1060
01:15:00,041 --> 01:15:03,169
WHISPERS: Thank you so much.
I love you, Kim.
1061
01:15:03,169 --> 01:15:05,922
Thank you for raising me.
We're all here.
1062
01:15:15,640 --> 01:15:17,767
I love you more than anything.
1063
01:15:21,855 --> 01:15:23,773
I love you, darling.
1064
01:15:32,657 --> 01:15:34,534
I think she's stopped breathing.
Yeah.
1065
01:15:34,534 --> 01:15:36,578
I think she has stopped breathing,
yes.
1066
01:15:49,507 --> 01:15:50,717
ANDY SNIFFS
1067
01:15:50,717 --> 01:15:53,345
She does like
the most peaceful of scenery.
1068
01:15:54,554 --> 01:15:56,014
Couple of years.
1069
01:15:56,014 --> 01:15:58,600
ANDY EXHALES
1070
01:15:59,768 --> 01:16:02,062
THEY SNIFF
1071
01:16:04,856 --> 01:16:06,316
ANDY EXHALES HEAVILY
1072
01:16:06,316 --> 01:16:09,152
You've done well, you guys,
dealing with this. Well done.
1073
01:16:09,152 --> 01:16:10,487
SNIFFS
1074
01:16:14,199 --> 01:16:17,619
Let's leave her in peace
and let these guys do what they do.
1075
01:16:20,497 --> 01:16:22,374
Bye-bye, love.
1076
01:16:24,417 --> 01:16:27,462
HE SIGHS,
SNIFFS
1077
01:16:35,679 --> 01:16:37,764
ANDY SNIFFS
1078
01:16:37,764 --> 01:16:40,058
Thank you.
1079
01:16:40,058 --> 01:16:41,810
It's a lovely place you have here.
1080
01:16:45,230 --> 01:16:47,774
OK, let's go.
1081
01:16:47,774 --> 01:16:49,317
Right.
1082
01:16:53,530 --> 01:16:56,783
MUSIC: 'Here Today'
by Laurie Lewis
1083
01:17:04,791 --> 01:17:10,463
# I've had my share of good times
1084
01:17:10,463 --> 01:17:14,092
# The taste of love
1085
01:17:14,092 --> 01:17:16,886
# The kiss of wine
1086
01:17:16,886 --> 01:17:23,560
# And I've tried to stand up
And be strong
1087
01:17:23,560 --> 01:17:29,399
# I've tried to help
My friends along
1088
01:17:29,399 --> 01:17:31,860
# And when I'm gone
1089
01:17:31,860 --> 01:17:35,030
# They'll weep for me
1090
01:17:35,030 --> 01:17:40,952
# But I'll be a fading memory
1091
01:17:40,952 --> 01:17:44,205
# We're here today
1092
01:17:44,205 --> 01:17:47,000
# And then we're gone
1093
01:17:47,000 --> 01:17:50,503
# This life will end
1094
01:17:50,503 --> 01:17:53,256
# Just like a song
1095
01:17:53,256 --> 01:17:59,387
# We only have this little time... #
1096
01:17:59,387 --> 01:18:03,725
I think it's just too dangerous
to go down this road.
1097
01:18:03,725 --> 01:18:07,687
There are risks,
there are unintended consequences.
1098
01:18:07,687 --> 01:18:09,439
There are things that go wrong.
1099
01:18:09,439 --> 01:18:14,903
Every bit of legislation I've seen
has got room for error in it,
1100
01:18:14,903 --> 01:18:18,114
has got room
for people to get caught up.
1101
01:18:18,114 --> 01:18:20,158
And if you're going to
change the law,
1102
01:18:20,158 --> 01:18:23,161
you have to make sure
that it's safe.
1103
01:18:23,161 --> 01:18:26,039
This just is not safe.
It's too risky.
1104
01:18:27,457 --> 01:18:30,835
# I've tried to walk
1105
01:18:30,835 --> 01:18:33,546
# The path that winds
1106
01:18:33,546 --> 01:18:39,844
# And leave just
These few tombs behind
1107
01:18:39,844 --> 01:18:43,348
# So when you hear
1108
01:18:43,348 --> 01:18:46,518
# The night bird cry
1109
01:18:46,518 --> 01:18:52,941
# Won't you think of me and sigh?
1110
01:18:52,941 --> 01:18:55,694
# And when the wind
1111
01:18:55,694 --> 01:18:58,988
# Sings through the trees
1112
01:18:58,988 --> 01:19:04,327
# Won't you sometimes
Think of me...? #
1113
01:19:07,247 --> 01:19:09,165
My sister said,
1114
01:19:09,165 --> 01:19:11,543
"I think that we should keep
a lock of her hair each."
1115
01:19:11,543 --> 01:19:13,920
People knew her for her hair,
people used to say,
1116
01:19:13,920 --> 01:19:16,464
"Oh, she's the smart lady
with the silver bob."
1117
01:19:16,464 --> 01:19:20,176
And I just remember kissing her
and feeling that fuzzy face
1118
01:19:20,176 --> 01:19:22,470
and smelling her hair,
it was lovely.
1119
01:19:22,470 --> 01:19:24,514
And this hair,
I've kept it in a little box,
1120
01:19:24,514 --> 01:19:26,141
hoping that the smell would stay.
1121
01:19:26,141 --> 01:19:28,435
Obviously, it's been
a couple of years now, so it's gone,
1122
01:19:28,435 --> 01:19:30,061
but, yeah, just that.
1123
01:19:30,061 --> 01:19:32,772
And her laugh,
she had a great laugh.
1124
01:19:32,772 --> 01:19:33,940
Yeah.
1125
01:19:35,942 --> 01:19:39,195
# We're here today
1126
01:19:39,195 --> 01:19:42,157
# And then we're gone
1127
01:19:42,157 --> 01:19:45,744
# This life will end
1128
01:19:45,744 --> 01:19:48,371
# Just like a song
1129
01:19:48,371 --> 01:19:54,544
# We only have this little time
1130
01:19:54,544 --> 01:20:01,551
# So come and let our voices twine
1131
01:20:01,551 --> 01:20:05,472
# We're here today. #
1132
01:20:05,472 --> 01:20:07,515
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