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1
00:00:01,016 --> 00:00:03,413
No one gives you a handbook
on how to be a parent.
2
00:00:03,435 --> 00:00:07,638
You just arrive home one daywith a tiny, lovable blob
3
00:00:07,672 --> 00:00:08,972
and figure it out on your own.
(Whimpering)
4
00:00:09,006 --> 00:00:11,308
Oh, oh, oh.
(Gasps)
5
00:00:11,342 --> 00:00:13,977
Oh, who's the baby?
Who's there?
6
00:00:14,011 --> 00:00:16,480
Pets, like our littleHarvey Milkbone,
7
00:00:16,514 --> 00:00:18,982
are training wheels for raising a baby.
(Chew toy squeaking)
8
00:00:19,016 --> 00:00:21,151
They give you a glimpse intowhat your life will be like
9
00:00:21,185 --> 00:00:22,152
with an infant.Oh!
10
00:00:22,186 --> 00:00:24,154
You got him a present.
11
00:00:24,188 --> 00:00:25,522
Like other parents,
12
00:00:25,540 --> 00:00:27,658
we watched our new baby,riveted
13
00:00:27,692 --> 00:00:29,693
for hours, while he playedin his crib.
14
00:00:29,727 --> 00:00:31,695
(Barking)
15
00:00:31,729 --> 00:00:33,697
(Whining)
16
00:00:33,731 --> 00:00:35,732
(Barking)
17
00:00:39,037 --> 00:00:42,373
We struggledthrough sleepless nights.
18
00:00:42,407 --> 00:00:44,408
(Harvey whining)
19
00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:47,177
(Angry muttering)
20
00:00:47,212 --> 00:00:50,514
And we nearly exploded with joy
21
00:00:50,548 --> 00:00:52,433
when he utteredhis very first word.
22
00:00:52,467 --> 00:00:53,217
(Barks) (Gasps)
23
00:00:53,251 --> 00:00:54,418
Was that "daddy"?
24
00:00:54,436 --> 00:00:56,186
I heard "papa."
Oh.
25
00:00:56,221 --> 00:00:58,856
I heard "crazy gay men."
(Barks)
26
00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:01,642
And after monthsof poop and tears
27
00:01:01,693 --> 00:01:05,145
and countless chewed-up,hand-cobed Italian Oxfords,
28
00:01:05,196 --> 00:01:09,783
we achieved the sweetest reward
any parent can ever hope for:
29
00:01:09,818 --> 00:01:11,452
A full night's sleep.
30
00:01:11,486 --> 00:01:13,554
(Whining)
31
00:01:13,588 --> 00:01:15,906
Both:
Your turn.
32
00:01:15,940 --> 00:01:18,158
(David groans) Well...
33
00:01:18,209 --> 00:01:20,127
Almost a full night's sleep.
34
00:01:20,161 --> 00:01:22,079
Becoming doggy daddiestaught us
35
00:01:22,113 --> 00:01:24,415
how to love somethingoutside ourselves,
36
00:01:24,449 --> 00:01:27,050
and isn't that whattrue parenting is all about?
37
00:01:27,085 --> 00:01:28,635
Okay.
38
00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:30,337
Smelly, how about you,
you want any of this?
39
00:01:30,388 --> 00:01:32,005
(Barks)
No? All right.
40
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,410
41
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,962
(Knocking)
Ah, come in, Ms. Clemmons.
42
00:01:40,996 --> 00:01:42,630
Just listening
to a sixth grader's
43
00:01:42,664 --> 00:01:45,800
confiscated iPod. That's how
assistant principals stay hip.
44
00:01:45,834 --> 00:01:48,636
(Chuckles) Somebody's gonna
learn how to Dougie.
45
00:01:48,670 --> 00:01:50,755
Ooh. (Chuckles)
I'm sorry I'm late.
46
00:01:50,789 --> 00:01:52,757
I was waiting on
my ex-husband, but
47
00:01:52,791 --> 00:01:55,092
he didn't show, which isn't
a surprise to me or to the judge
48
00:01:55,126 --> 00:01:56,644
who gave me full
custody of Shania.
49
00:01:56,678 --> 00:01:59,180
Uh, I'm oversharing.
I overshare when I'm hot and...
50
00:01:59,231 --> 00:02:01,098
It's hot.
Do you smell pita chips?
51
00:02:01,132 --> 00:02:02,183
No.
52
00:02:02,234 --> 00:02:04,518
No? My pregnancy hormones
53
00:02:04,569 --> 00:02:06,771
are giving me a super
strong sense of smell,
54
00:02:06,805 --> 00:02:09,273
amongst some
other crazy feelings.
55
00:02:09,307 --> 00:02:10,691
Don't ever get pregnant.
56
00:02:10,742 --> 00:02:12,443
Can I offer you some water?
57
00:02:12,477 --> 00:02:13,694
Mmm. Yes, please.
58
00:02:16,481 --> 00:02:19,149
(Upbeat music begins playing)
59
00:02:19,167 --> 00:02:20,618
(Water pouring)
60
00:02:20,652 --> 00:02:23,871
Let's get sexy in here,
in here
61
00:02:23,922 --> 00:02:26,791
let's, let's, let's
let's get sexy in here
62
00:02:26,825 --> 00:02:29,660
ah, I know you feel it
63
00:02:29,678 --> 00:02:33,798
sex, sex, sex, sexy
64
00:02:33,832 --> 00:02:36,050
sex, sex, sex, sexy
65
00:02:36,101 --> 00:02:37,802
you're making me feel
66
00:02:37,836 --> 00:02:41,505
sex, sex, sex, sexy
67
00:02:41,523 --> 00:02:44,608
I've had some complaints
about... Shania.
68
00:02:45,677 --> 00:02:47,144
Who cares?
69
00:02:47,178 --> 00:02:49,313
Feel, ah, feel, ah.
70
00:02:49,347 --> 00:02:50,481
(Music stops)
71
00:02:50,515 --> 00:02:51,816
I'm sorry. Uh...
72
00:02:51,850 --> 00:02:53,484
(Chuckles) What did she do?
73
00:02:53,518 --> 00:02:55,152
Well, apparently she has
74
00:02:55,186 --> 00:02:57,905
an unusual fixation
with a British actress
75
00:02:57,956 --> 00:02:59,690
from the Harry Potter movies.
76
00:02:59,708 --> 00:03:01,459
Her name is, uh,
77
00:03:01,493 --> 00:03:02,793
Maggie Smith?
78
00:03:02,828 --> 00:03:04,128
Yeah.
79
00:03:04,162 --> 00:03:06,530
Wingardium leviosa.
80
00:03:06,548 --> 00:03:09,700
Girl, I am a Christian woman.
I cannot abide your witchcraft.
81
00:03:09,718 --> 00:03:11,635
Muggle.
82
00:03:11,670 --> 00:03:14,055
What the hell
did you just call me?!
83
00:03:16,207 --> 00:03:19,760
Shania has been doing her Maggie
Smith impression for months.
84
00:03:19,811 --> 00:03:22,212
She loves her.
Says she's the greatest...
85
00:03:22,230 --> 00:03:25,983
...actress of her generation.
Maybe of all time.
86
00:03:26,018 --> 00:03:28,769
My favorite thing about her
is that she always plays
87
00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:31,221
the same role:
Snooty British lady.
88
00:03:31,239 --> 00:03:35,159
Watching dame Maggie Smith
is very reassuring.
89
00:03:35,193 --> 00:03:36,827
It's like no matter
which country
90
00:03:36,862 --> 00:03:38,395
you eat McDonald's fries in,
91
00:03:38,413 --> 00:03:40,564
they taste exactly the same.
92
00:03:40,582 --> 00:03:44,118
I know it's a little strange,
but no harm, no foul, right?
93
00:03:44,169 --> 00:03:46,787
Mm. Well, today,
things went afoul.
94
00:03:46,838 --> 00:03:50,341
By the turn
of the century in england,
95
00:03:50,375 --> 00:03:52,960
the working class grew
increasingly hostile
96
00:03:53,011 --> 00:03:57,081
toward the oppressive nature
of the British aristocracy.
97
00:03:57,099 --> 00:03:59,850
(British accent): I beg your
pardon, you hobbledy-hoy!
98
00:03:59,885 --> 00:04:01,685
Shania, you need to have a seat.
99
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,739
You will address me as
Lady Grantham of Downton Abbey,
100
00:04:04,773 --> 00:04:06,924
or better yet, not at all.
101
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:10,594
And I will not sit on these
vulgar middle-class chairs
102
00:04:10,612 --> 00:04:13,097
designed as an insult
to one's coccyx.
103
00:04:13,115 --> 00:04:16,067
Now, who's joining me
for high tea?
104
00:04:16,952 --> 00:04:19,453
Shania's disrupting class,
105
00:04:19,488 --> 00:04:20,704
and there will be serious
consequences
106
00:04:20,739 --> 00:04:21,956
if it happens again.
107
00:04:21,990 --> 00:04:24,458
I am so sorry.
I'll make sure it doesn't.
108
00:04:24,493 --> 00:04:27,044
Great. Hey, more water?
109
00:04:27,079 --> 00:04:29,113
(Music resumes playing)
110
00:04:29,131 --> 00:04:33,217
Sex, sex, sex, sexy,
you're making me feel, ah.
111
00:04:33,251 --> 00:04:37,054
Sawyer on the 18th hole,
pebble beach.
112
00:04:37,089 --> 00:04:38,722
Wind strong to the west.
113
00:04:38,757 --> 00:04:41,458
David?!
Oh, come on! I hooked it.
114
00:04:41,476 --> 00:04:43,227
Hit some guy in the gallery.
115
00:04:43,261 --> 00:04:44,795
Uhp, he's dead. What's up, Bry?
116
00:04:44,813 --> 00:04:46,797
Something's wrong with Harvey.
Please call 911.
117
00:04:46,815 --> 00:04:50,467
Oh, you mean 911 for dogs,
with the little doggy operator?
118
00:04:50,485 --> 00:04:53,070
I can tell by your tone
there is no such thing.
119
00:04:53,105 --> 00:04:55,072
He threw up on the bath mat.
120
00:04:55,107 --> 00:04:56,907
So? Dogs do that.
Don't you, boy? Yes.
121
00:04:56,942 --> 00:04:58,475
And then sometimes
you eat it afterwards.
122
00:04:58,493 --> 00:04:59,643
We're not talking
123
00:04:59,661 --> 00:05:01,278
about Courtney love.
We're talking about our puppy.
124
00:05:01,312 --> 00:05:03,447
We have to take him
to the vet today.
125
00:05:03,481 --> 00:05:04,949
(Groans)
Please take him to the vet.
126
00:05:04,983 --> 00:05:07,918
I will make it worth your while.
I will do anything you want.
127
00:05:07,953 --> 00:05:09,620
Really?
Yeah.
128
00:05:09,654 --> 00:05:11,422
Anything?
Yeah.
129
00:05:11,456 --> 00:05:14,458
Okay, I want you to watch the
hobbit with me. Oh, why?!
130
00:05:14,492 --> 00:05:15,926
And I don't want you
to check your phone
131
00:05:15,961 --> 00:05:17,661
and I want no long anecdotes
about how Ian McKellan
132
00:05:17,679 --> 00:05:18,929
came on to you at the car wash.
133
00:05:18,964 --> 00:05:20,598
But that really happened.
Oh, God.
134
00:05:20,632 --> 00:05:23,434
We both reached for the same pi?a
colada-scented air freshener.
135
00:05:23,468 --> 00:05:25,636
Okay, please stop.
I'll do it.
136
00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:27,688
He was such a good kisser.
137
00:05:27,722 --> 00:05:31,142
Goldie: First of all, you will have
no screen time or TV for a week.
138
00:05:31,176 --> 00:05:35,029
Especially this downtown Abby
or whatever her name is.
139
00:05:35,063 --> 00:05:37,531
(British accent): The name... and
you'd be wise not to forget it...
140
00:05:37,566 --> 00:05:39,700
is countess Violet Crawley.
141
00:05:39,734 --> 00:05:42,620
And your threats of punishment
are as empty as your dowry,
142
00:05:42,654 --> 00:05:45,322
judging by your absurdly
thick knuckles.
143
00:05:45,356 --> 00:05:47,208
What? You...!
144
00:05:47,242 --> 00:05:48,876
(Knocking) Shania...
145
00:05:48,910 --> 00:05:52,213
Oh, hey, Clay!
What's up?!
146
00:05:52,247 --> 00:05:53,831
You're only, what,
four hours late
147
00:05:53,865 --> 00:05:55,299
for the parent-teacher
conference?
148
00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:56,884
That's almost on time for you.
149
00:05:56,918 --> 00:06:00,504
Come on, Goldie, I'm late
'cause I was at the gym.
150
00:06:00,538 --> 00:06:02,223
I despise everything late.
151
00:06:02,257 --> 00:06:04,925
From payments to trains
to the late Charles dickens.
152
00:06:04,976 --> 00:06:07,561
Always writing
about the wretched poor.
153
00:06:07,596 --> 00:06:09,513
Monkey, why are you pretending
to be Sharon Osbourne?
154
00:06:09,547 --> 00:06:12,566
How dare you!
I'm the dowager countess,
155
00:06:12,601 --> 00:06:14,235
you lowly son of a laundry maid!
156
00:06:14,269 --> 00:06:15,769
This is why she got in trouble.
157
00:06:15,820 --> 00:06:18,072
But don't worry. I'll take care
of it, like everything else.
158
00:06:18,106 --> 00:06:21,609
No. Don't ever disrespect
me or your mother again.
159
00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:23,360
And lose the costume.
160
00:06:23,394 --> 00:06:24,612
I hate the British.
161
00:06:24,663 --> 00:06:26,914
Clay, it's okay if she wears...
162
00:06:26,948 --> 00:06:28,065
No, it's not okay.
163
00:06:29,117 --> 00:06:31,035
It's a bigger thing.
164
00:06:31,069 --> 00:06:32,753
She's trying to escape reality
165
00:06:32,787 --> 00:06:33,921
'cause reality hurts
166
00:06:33,955 --> 00:06:35,456
when the whole family
isn't together.
167
00:06:37,575 --> 00:06:41,962
Shania, I just want you to be
you, 'cause you're awesome.
168
00:06:43,181 --> 00:06:45,883
But if you have to pretend
to be someone else,
169
00:06:45,917 --> 00:06:49,270
at least have it be an American,
all right?
170
00:06:49,304 --> 00:06:50,721
Be, uh, be Taylor swift.
171
00:06:50,755 --> 00:06:51,972
Oh, I like that!
172
00:06:58,930 --> 00:07:01,598
Oh, no! I've been dumped again!
173
00:07:01,616 --> 00:07:04,768
I'll write a song about it,
ignoring the fact
174
00:07:04,786 --> 00:07:08,438
that I'm the common denominator
in all my failed relationships!
175
00:07:08,456 --> 00:07:09,907
Yeah.
176
00:07:09,941 --> 00:07:12,776
Clay, how'd you like
to stay for dinner?
177
00:07:12,794 --> 00:07:15,412
I'd love that.
178
00:07:15,446 --> 00:07:17,281
Hmm.
179
00:07:17,299 --> 00:07:21,418
Our two hearts are like one
super big heart.
180
00:07:21,452 --> 00:07:23,921
Flynn, are you crying?
181
00:07:23,955 --> 00:07:25,589
He's not crying!
182
00:07:25,623 --> 00:07:26,757
Cut!
(Bell rings)
183
00:07:26,791 --> 00:07:28,125
This is so frustrating.
184
00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:30,294
It's the second take
and he's still not getting it.
185
00:07:30,312 --> 00:07:31,628
I need him to weep.
186
00:07:31,646 --> 00:07:33,180
(Phone buzzes)
187
00:07:33,231 --> 00:07:35,349
Oh.
188
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,634
Hey, David, honey,
I can't talk right now.
189
00:07:37,652 --> 00:07:39,486
We're right in the middle
of a scene.
190
00:07:39,521 --> 00:07:40,854
Whoa-whoa-whoa,
slow down, slow down.
191
00:07:40,905 --> 00:07:42,472
What happened to Harvey?
192
00:07:42,490 --> 00:07:43,974
Oh, there's my little baby.
193
00:07:43,992 --> 00:07:46,160
Are you okay?
Did they do a blood panel?
194
00:07:46,194 --> 00:07:47,611
They don't always do that.
195
00:07:47,645 --> 00:07:49,496
You have to ask for that,
you know.
196
00:07:49,531 --> 00:07:52,449
Has the vet been in here yet?
Why did they feed him a banana?
197
00:07:52,483 --> 00:07:53,784
Okay, relax.
We saw the vet.
198
00:07:53,818 --> 00:07:56,620
They drew blood.
She did a full abdominal X-ray.
199
00:07:56,654 --> 00:07:58,488
And I ate the banana.
200
00:07:58,506 --> 00:08:00,591
Okay, right off the bat,
I'd just like to say
201
00:08:00,625 --> 00:08:02,876
I will not be looking at
any more Christmas photos
202
00:08:02,927 --> 00:08:04,428
of pets wearing
reindeer antlers.
203
00:08:04,462 --> 00:08:05,713
David, you show her those?
204
00:08:05,764 --> 00:08:07,548
That being said, let's
check out the x-rays.
205
00:08:07,599 --> 00:08:08,766
Okay.
206
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,217
Did the blood panel
come back yet?
207
00:08:10,268 --> 00:08:12,553
It did. But that's not
what I'm worried about.
208
00:08:12,604 --> 00:08:14,171
This is your dog's stomach.
209
00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:16,440
As you can see, Harvey's
abdomen is very distended.
210
00:08:16,474 --> 00:08:19,009
Now, we can't tell for sure,
but it might be starting
211
00:08:19,027 --> 00:08:20,394
to twist around
the digestive tract.
212
00:08:20,445 --> 00:08:22,112
I'd like to decompress
the stomach,
213
00:08:22,147 --> 00:08:23,180
and then operate immediately.
214
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:24,281
Whatever you need
to do, doctor.
215
00:08:24,316 --> 00:08:25,316
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
216
00:08:25,350 --> 00:08:27,067
I don't want you
to just cut into him.
217
00:08:27,118 --> 00:08:28,736
Bloat is very serious.
218
00:08:28,787 --> 00:08:30,287
Yes, but it might not be bloat.
219
00:08:30,322 --> 00:08:32,072
I mean, you just said
the x-rays were inconclusive.
220
00:08:32,123 --> 00:08:33,240
Couldn't we just give him
221
00:08:33,291 --> 00:08:35,192
some medication,
maybe reduce the gas?
222
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:37,244
Look, I've got a cat
with six pennies in
223
00:08:37,295 --> 00:08:39,079
it's gut and a labradoodle
on suicide watch after
224
00:08:39,130 --> 00:08:40,914
I snip-snipped
the only balls he didn't chew.
225
00:08:40,965 --> 00:08:42,966
You two figure out
what you want to do.
226
00:08:43,001 --> 00:08:44,201
Let me know what you decide.
227
00:08:44,219 --> 00:08:45,636
Of course.
Thank you, doctor.
228
00:08:45,670 --> 00:08:49,139
David, I don't want
to just cut into him.
229
00:08:49,174 --> 00:08:51,308
Well, if we don't, it could get
serious very fast.
230
00:08:51,343 --> 00:08:53,310
No, David, we're gonna
give him some medicine,
231
00:08:53,345 --> 00:08:55,596
we're gonna let him relax, and then
we're gonna take another X-ray.
232
00:08:55,647 --> 00:08:57,181
And, Harvey, honey,
when you're back there,
233
00:08:57,215 --> 00:08:59,600
please promise me you will not
speak to that labradoodle,
234
00:08:59,651 --> 00:09:02,853
because you do not need that kind of
negativity in your life right now.
235
00:09:04,522 --> 00:09:06,390
(Door closes)
236
00:09:06,408 --> 00:09:07,891
She's fast asleep.
237
00:09:07,909 --> 00:09:10,077
Aw. What did you read to her?
238
00:09:10,111 --> 00:09:12,062
Oh, no, she read to me.
239
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,081
Some book about the
future called 1984.
240
00:09:14,115 --> 00:09:16,950
Which is weird,
'cause you and me,
241
00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:18,568
we weren't even born then.
242
00:09:18,586 --> 00:09:19,670
No.
243
00:09:19,704 --> 00:09:20,904
Hey, you okay?
244
00:09:20,922 --> 00:09:23,173
Oh, yeah.
Just a little kink.
245
00:09:23,208 --> 00:09:25,242
I was driving yesterday
246
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:27,344
and rubbernecked
to stare at a barefoot hooker.
247
00:09:31,049 --> 00:09:32,766
Scooch.
248
00:09:39,307 --> 00:09:40,641
(Music begins playing)
249
00:09:40,692 --> 00:09:44,194
Let's get sexy in here,
in here
250
00:09:44,229 --> 00:09:45,696
that's how you make me feel
251
00:09:45,730 --> 00:09:48,449
ah... ah, I know you feel it
252
00:09:48,483 --> 00:09:51,118
sex, sex, sex, sexy,
that's how you make me feel
253
00:09:51,152 --> 00:09:55,605
sex, sex, sex, sexy,
you're making me feel
254
00:09:55,623 --> 00:09:58,275
Okay, now tell
that baby to scooch.
255
00:09:58,293 --> 00:09:59,626
I'm coming in.
256
00:09:59,661 --> 00:10:03,964
Sex, sex, sex, sexy,
you're making me feel
257
00:10:03,998 --> 00:10:05,749
feel, ah, feel, ah.
258
00:10:08,807 --> 00:10:10,919
Hey Bry, I lost 2 pounds.
259
00:10:10,954 --> 00:10:12,437
That's 14 in dog pounds.
260
00:10:12,455 --> 00:10:14,105
That's not how that works.
261
00:10:14,123 --> 00:10:15,290
We didn't wait here all night
262
00:10:15,325 --> 00:10:17,209
so we could mess around
with a scale.
263
00:10:17,243 --> 00:10:20,746
We're here to make sure our baby
gets the treatment he needs.
264
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:23,949
Excuse me.
It's-it's been ten minutes.
265
00:10:23,967 --> 00:10:25,834
Could you give my dog
the medicine, please?
266
00:10:25,885 --> 00:10:27,002
Mr. Collins, we're going to.
267
00:10:27,053 --> 00:10:28,119
Oh, good. Go ahead.
268
00:10:28,137 --> 00:10:29,504
In just a few minutes.
269
00:10:29,556 --> 00:10:31,673
Well-well, please,
it's-it's been ten minutes.
270
00:10:31,724 --> 00:10:33,175
It's-it's been ten minutes.
271
00:10:33,226 --> 00:10:35,811
I-I don't, I don't know why
he has to have this pain.
272
00:10:35,845 --> 00:10:37,629
Sir, he's not my patient.
273
00:10:37,647 --> 00:10:40,649
It's-it's time for his medicine,
do you understand?!
274
00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:41,817
Do something.
275
00:10:41,851 --> 00:10:44,152
All he had to do was hold out
for ten minutes,
276
00:10:44,187 --> 00:10:45,404
and it's been ten minutes!
277
00:10:45,438 --> 00:10:47,656
My dog is in pain!
My dog is in pain!
278
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:50,359
Give him the medicine,
do you understand?!
279
00:10:50,410 --> 00:10:52,611
Give my dog the medicine!
280
00:10:57,650 --> 00:10:59,818
Thank you very much.
281
00:10:59,836 --> 00:11:01,169
Thank you.
282
00:11:01,204 --> 00:11:02,621
That's good.
283
00:11:02,655 --> 00:11:04,489
Now let's do another scene
from terms of endearment.
284
00:11:04,507 --> 00:11:06,258
Ooh, how about the one
where Shirley MacLaine rides
285
00:11:06,292 --> 00:11:07,492
in the corvette
with Jack Nicholson?
286
00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:10,262
You joke, but I could.
287
00:11:10,296 --> 00:11:12,297
(Goldie sobbing)
288
00:11:13,850 --> 00:11:15,834
Clay,
289
00:11:15,852 --> 00:11:16,935
wake up.
290
00:11:16,970 --> 00:11:18,637
Mm-hmm.
Something's wrong.
291
00:11:18,671 --> 00:11:19,938
I have cramps
292
00:11:19,973 --> 00:11:21,106
and pains.
293
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:22,841
I think I have to
call Bryan and David.
294
00:11:22,859 --> 00:11:24,843
Okay... okay. Oh, my God,
what am I going to do?
295
00:11:24,861 --> 00:11:26,445
Hey, hey, ev-everything's
gonna be good, all right?
296
00:11:26,479 --> 00:11:27,613
I'm right here.
297
00:11:27,647 --> 00:11:28,947
I'm scared.
298
00:11:28,982 --> 00:11:31,016
Okay.
299
00:11:31,034 --> 00:11:32,651
Uh,
300
00:11:32,685 --> 00:11:33,852
we'll drop Shania off at Nana's
301
00:11:33,870 --> 00:11:35,120
on the way to the hospital.
302
00:11:35,154 --> 00:11:37,289
I'm gonna take care of
you, baby, all right?
303
00:11:37,323 --> 00:11:39,124
Mm-hmm.
Come on, come on.
304
00:11:39,158 --> 00:11:40,292
(Groans)
305
00:11:40,326 --> 00:11:41,994
Take it slow.
(Grunts)
306
00:11:42,028 --> 00:11:43,295
(Meows)
307
00:11:43,329 --> 00:11:44,963
What's wrong with your kitty?
308
00:11:44,998 --> 00:11:46,197
He's not mine.
309
00:11:46,215 --> 00:11:49,301
He ate my mouse
and I want the body back.
310
00:11:49,335 --> 00:11:50,469
Closure.
(Yowls)
311
00:11:50,503 --> 00:11:52,638
(Bird squawks)
312
00:11:54,257 --> 00:11:56,224
Hello. What's going on with him?
313
00:11:56,259 --> 00:11:58,677
He hasn't been eating.
314
00:11:58,711 --> 00:12:00,262
Something's got him agitated.
315
00:12:00,313 --> 00:12:01,263
Who's your daddy?
316
00:12:01,314 --> 00:12:02,264
Pound that butt.
317
00:12:02,315 --> 00:12:04,066
Take it all.
Fill me up.
318
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:06,601
Also there are
some language issues.
319
00:12:10,023 --> 00:12:11,106
Hey.
320
00:12:11,157 --> 00:12:12,607
You can call off
the candlelight vigil.
321
00:12:12,659 --> 00:12:14,526
Your pooch is fine.
Thank God.
322
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,912
He had excessive air
in his gi tract.
323
00:12:16,946 --> 00:12:18,997
So, gas?
Yup.
324
00:12:19,032 --> 00:12:20,165
We're gonna keep him overnight,
325
00:12:20,199 --> 00:12:21,199
make sure
the swelling goes down.
326
00:12:21,233 --> 00:12:22,417
He'll be good to go
in the morning.
327
00:12:22,452 --> 00:12:23,502
Thank you.
328
00:12:23,536 --> 00:12:25,504
Mr. Lecompte,
we're ready for your cat.
329
00:12:25,538 --> 00:12:27,539
(Yowls)
330
00:12:29,676 --> 00:12:32,094
I can't believe I was going
to let them do that surgery.
331
00:12:32,128 --> 00:12:33,929
Oh, honey, you just wanted
Harvey to be better.
332
00:12:33,963 --> 00:12:35,097
It's okay.
333
00:12:35,131 --> 00:12:37,132
No, it's not okay,
I reacted too fast.
334
00:12:37,183 --> 00:12:39,634
What, what if that was our son?
335
00:12:39,686 --> 00:12:41,720
David, I could have
just as easily been wrong.
336
00:12:41,754 --> 00:12:43,305
I knew that I wasn't.
337
00:12:43,356 --> 00:12:44,473
(Phone chimes)
338
00:12:44,524 --> 00:12:47,943
Oh... oh.
339
00:12:47,977 --> 00:12:49,144
This is Dr. Sawyer.
340
00:12:49,195 --> 00:12:51,596
What?
341
00:12:51,614 --> 00:12:53,231
Oh, my God.
342
00:12:53,265 --> 00:12:54,566
Okay, we'll be right there.
343
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:58,070
It's Goldie; She's
in the hospital.
344
00:12:58,104 --> 00:12:59,938
Goldie, Goldie,
345
00:12:59,956 --> 00:13:01,773
are you all right?
Bryan: How's the baby?
346
00:13:01,791 --> 00:13:02,908
What did the doctor say?
347
00:13:02,942 --> 00:13:04,609
I don't know,
they're running some tests.
348
00:13:04,627 --> 00:13:06,111
Okay.
Guys, I'm so scared.
349
00:13:06,129 --> 00:13:07,829
I was having cramps and pains.
350
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,447
David: Okay, let's just wait
to hear what the doctor
351
00:13:09,465 --> 00:13:11,750
has to say, okay? This could be
any number of things.
352
00:13:11,784 --> 00:13:13,251
It's my fault.
353
00:13:13,285 --> 00:13:14,619
Me and Goldie...
we, uh,
354
00:13:14,637 --> 00:13:16,004
we kind of,
355
00:13:16,055 --> 00:13:17,589
you know, we...
356
00:13:17,623 --> 00:13:18,640
We had sex.
357
00:13:18,674 --> 00:13:19,841
And if I broke your baby,
358
00:13:19,892 --> 00:13:22,244
I promise I'm gonna make
you guys a new one.
359
00:13:22,278 --> 00:13:24,646
Goldie: It's no one's fault,
and Clay's been great.
360
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,797
He's been with me
the whole time.
361
00:13:25,815 --> 00:13:28,133
Doctor:
Okay, it's good news.
362
00:13:28,151 --> 00:13:30,519
Looks like it's just a case
of Braxton Hicks.
363
00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:33,355
(Sighs) Unless that is a duet
between grammy sensation Toni
364
00:13:33,406 --> 00:13:35,273
and fifth season
American idol winner Taylor,
365
00:13:35,307 --> 00:13:36,307
I am unfamiliar.
366
00:13:36,325 --> 00:13:37,308
David:
It's very normal
367
00:13:37,326 --> 00:13:38,309
in pregnancy,
368
00:13:38,327 --> 00:13:39,528
and although I'm sure it was
369
00:13:39,579 --> 00:13:40,812
scary for you, Goldie,
370
00:13:40,830 --> 00:13:43,782
it just means that the uterus
is getting ready to push.
371
00:13:43,816 --> 00:13:45,000
Okay.
372
00:13:45,034 --> 00:13:46,118
But Goldie can't push yet.
The baby
373
00:13:46,152 --> 00:13:47,169
is only 29 weeks...
he's not ready.
374
00:13:47,203 --> 00:13:48,286
Your baby's fine.
375
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,989
Rest of the pregnancy
should be uneventful.
376
00:13:51,007 --> 00:13:52,707
(Chuckles)
377
00:13:52,759 --> 00:13:54,543
Bryan:
I don't know what
378
00:13:54,594 --> 00:13:55,961
I would have done if something
happened to our baby.
379
00:13:55,995 --> 00:13:58,213
That was the scariest moment
of my life,
380
00:13:58,247 --> 00:14:00,331
next to seeing my mom get
out of the bathtub.
381
00:14:01,851 --> 00:14:03,835
(Phone buzzing)
382
00:14:03,853 --> 00:14:05,837
What?
Oh, it's the vet.
383
00:14:05,855 --> 00:14:07,556
Oh, get it.
Bryan Collins.
384
00:14:07,607 --> 00:14:10,058
I'm sorry, what, now?
385
00:14:10,109 --> 00:14:12,277
David.
386
00:14:12,311 --> 00:14:13,344
Yeah.
387
00:14:13,362 --> 00:14:15,480
Harvey Milkbone died.
388
00:14:26,513 --> 00:14:28,514
Harvey.
389
00:14:29,133 --> 00:14:30,584
I just don't get it, Bry.
390
00:14:30,635 --> 00:14:34,804
He was up, he was walking
around, and then a car hits him?
391
00:14:34,839 --> 00:14:37,157
They take him out for
a walk, he gets loose,
392
00:14:37,191 --> 00:14:38,758
and a car hits him.
393
00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:40,760
It just doesn't...
I-I just can't...
394
00:14:40,795 --> 00:14:41,928
Honey, we can't keep going
395
00:14:41,979 --> 00:14:43,880
over and over this,
trying to make sense of it.
396
00:14:43,898 --> 00:14:47,734
It was just a random,
freakish thing.
397
00:14:47,768 --> 00:14:49,486
(Sighs)
398
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,404
I just can't help thinking,
399
00:14:51,439 --> 00:14:53,890
if we'd brought him home
last night, he'd still be here.
400
00:14:53,908 --> 00:14:55,725
Yeah, but we don't know
what would have happened.
401
00:14:55,743 --> 00:14:56,726
Isn't that the first thing
402
00:14:56,744 --> 00:14:58,111
they teach you
in medical school...
403
00:14:58,145 --> 00:15:00,747
that you can do
all the right things,
404
00:15:00,781 --> 00:15:04,117
but sometimes
patients just die?
405
00:15:04,168 --> 00:15:06,736
Yeah, but it still hurts.
406
00:15:06,754 --> 00:15:08,238
I know.
407
00:15:08,272 --> 00:15:09,272
It's just...
408
00:15:10,258 --> 00:15:12,893
I had this whole picture
in my mind
409
00:15:12,927 --> 00:15:15,078
of me and our boy
410
00:15:15,096 --> 00:15:17,814
playing ball in the park
with Harvey Milkbone.
411
00:15:19,684 --> 00:15:21,968
(Voice breaking): And now our
boy's never gonna know Harvey.
412
00:15:22,019 --> 00:15:24,020
Oh, honey.
413
00:15:25,106 --> 00:15:27,257
This can never
happen to our kid, okay?
414
00:15:27,275 --> 00:15:28,525
I mean it.
415
00:15:28,559 --> 00:15:30,777
I-I just can't go
through that, I can't.
416
00:15:33,314 --> 00:15:35,431
(Knocking)
417
00:15:35,449 --> 00:15:37,100
(Door opens)
418
00:15:37,118 --> 00:15:38,451
Shania's here with
Goldie and Clay,
419
00:15:38,486 --> 00:15:40,870
and she has something
she wants to say to you.
420
00:15:40,905 --> 00:15:42,289
Rocky:
Come on.
421
00:15:46,777 --> 00:15:47,944
Hey. How
you feeling?
422
00:15:47,962 --> 00:15:49,713
Much better.
Good.
423
00:15:49,747 --> 00:15:51,131
We told Shania
424
00:15:51,165 --> 00:15:52,465
what happened, and she
wanted to come over
425
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:53,783
right away to
cheer you guys up.
426
00:15:53,801 --> 00:15:55,585
Oh...
427
00:15:56,954 --> 00:15:58,221
(British accent):
Hello.
428
00:15:58,256 --> 00:15:59,889
I bring the lord's
thoughts and prayers
429
00:15:59,924 --> 00:16:01,424
to you in this time of need.
430
00:16:01,458 --> 00:16:02,892
Clay:
You know,
431
00:16:02,927 --> 00:16:04,294
she almost got kicked
out of school
432
00:16:04,312 --> 00:16:06,263
for dressing up like
this Maggie Smith lady.
433
00:16:06,297 --> 00:16:09,399
But seeing as your dog
got totally creamed,
434
00:16:09,433 --> 00:16:11,268
I made an exception
for you guys.
435
00:16:11,302 --> 00:16:12,936
Bryan:
Oh, my God,
436
00:16:12,970 --> 00:16:14,404
you're the mother superior
437
00:16:14,438 --> 00:16:15,939
from sister act.
438
00:16:15,973 --> 00:16:17,640
Or sister act 2:Back in the habit.
439
00:16:17,658 --> 00:16:19,442
My dear boys,
440
00:16:19,476 --> 00:16:21,611
loss is never easy.
441
00:16:21,645 --> 00:16:23,280
But have faith.
442
00:16:23,314 --> 00:16:25,081
The light of the angels shines
443
00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:27,083
brightly upon Harvey Milkbone.
444
00:16:27,118 --> 00:16:27,984
(Laughs)
445
00:16:28,002 --> 00:16:29,152
You shall carry him
446
00:16:29,170 --> 00:16:30,320
in your hearts forever.
447
00:16:30,338 --> 00:16:31,921
Amen.
Come here.
448
00:16:31,956 --> 00:16:34,808
Oh, thank you.
449
00:16:36,994 --> 00:16:38,595
Oh, hey, Bryan.
Great to see you.
450
00:16:38,629 --> 00:16:40,347
Hi, father.
Wait, you can see me?
451
00:16:40,381 --> 00:16:42,515
Just the poofy part
of your hair.
452
00:16:42,550 --> 00:16:44,184
Oh. You should also know
453
00:16:44,218 --> 00:16:45,368
this confession's being recorded
454
00:16:45,403 --> 00:16:46,553
for quality assurance purposes.
455
00:16:46,604 --> 00:16:47,854
My puppy died.
456
00:16:47,888 --> 00:16:50,023
Oh, boy.
457
00:16:50,057 --> 00:16:51,207
And I know you're gonna say
458
00:16:51,242 --> 00:16:52,359
he'll always be in my heart.
459
00:16:52,393 --> 00:16:54,527
But I don't want him
in my heart.
460
00:16:54,562 --> 00:16:56,613
No, you want him in your lap,
461
00:16:56,647 --> 00:16:58,064
licking your face.
462
00:16:58,115 --> 00:17:00,033
What kind of God
463
00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:02,052
lets a nine-month-old
puppy get killed?
464
00:17:02,086 --> 00:17:03,286
Are you mad at God, Bryan?
465
00:17:03,321 --> 00:17:05,221
Hells yes, I'm mad at God.
Well, then, tell him.
466
00:17:05,256 --> 00:17:06,456
He's a big boy,
467
00:17:06,490 --> 00:17:07,624
he can take it.
468
00:17:07,658 --> 00:17:08,775
Why are you mad?
469
00:17:08,809 --> 00:17:10,377
Well, because he allows
470
00:17:10,411 --> 00:17:12,128
such incredible suffering
in the world.
471
00:17:12,163 --> 00:17:14,047
Look...
472
00:17:14,081 --> 00:17:15,298
I don't want to trivialize
473
00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:17,133
the pain of your dog's death.
474
00:17:17,168 --> 00:17:18,385
But the apostle Paul?
475
00:17:18,419 --> 00:17:20,720
He suffered through
beatings, stonings,
476
00:17:20,755 --> 00:17:22,255
shipwrecks, imprisonments,
477
00:17:22,306 --> 00:17:23,256
homelessness,
478
00:17:23,307 --> 00:17:25,625
and all of that without wi-fi.
479
00:17:25,660 --> 00:17:28,094
It sounds like
you're trivializing it.
480
00:17:28,145 --> 00:17:29,429
(Sighs)
481
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,481
I'm just saying...
482
00:17:31,515 --> 00:17:33,566
Without suffering,
483
00:17:33,601 --> 00:17:35,969
joy and happiness
become commonplace.
484
00:17:37,004 --> 00:17:39,272
Like it or not,
suffering and loss
485
00:17:39,323 --> 00:17:41,825
are what teach us to appreciate
life's blessings.
486
00:17:43,994 --> 00:17:45,345
I'm scared, father.
487
00:17:45,379 --> 00:17:47,397
(Sniffles)
488
00:17:48,666 --> 00:17:49,799
I love Harvey.
489
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:52,352
I, uh...
490
00:17:52,386 --> 00:17:55,071
I loved him very much.
491
00:17:55,089 --> 00:17:56,339
And losing him hurts.
492
00:17:59,093 --> 00:18:01,461
What if, next, God wanted
to take my baby?
493
00:18:04,932 --> 00:18:06,549
Or David?
494
00:18:06,583 --> 00:18:08,751
Or... Goldie, or Shania,
495
00:18:08,769 --> 00:18:10,503
or anybody that I love?
496
00:18:11,572 --> 00:18:12,939
Wow.
497
00:18:12,973 --> 00:18:15,392
Just listen to the list of
people God has put in your life.
498
00:18:15,426 --> 00:18:18,111
All of them here to help you
499
00:18:18,145 --> 00:18:19,696
through a time like this.
500
00:18:21,432 --> 00:18:22,565
Look, Bryan.
501
00:18:22,599 --> 00:18:24,451
The pain that
you're feeling now,
502
00:18:24,485 --> 00:18:26,486
as horrible as it is,
503
00:18:26,537 --> 00:18:27,570
will eventually
504
00:18:27,604 --> 00:18:30,440
be replaced by moments
of great joy.
505
00:18:30,458 --> 00:18:31,641
Like the arrival
506
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:33,793
of your baby.
(Exhales)
507
00:18:33,828 --> 00:18:34,961
Of course, someday
508
00:18:34,995 --> 00:18:36,112
he, too, will bring you pain.
509
00:18:36,130 --> 00:18:38,415
Come see me
when he's a teenager,
510
00:18:38,449 --> 00:18:40,667
and knocks up some
professional hula-hooper
511
00:18:40,718 --> 00:18:42,085
he just met at burning man.
512
00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:43,253
(Laughs)
513
00:18:43,287 --> 00:18:45,388
(Sniffles)
514
00:18:45,423 --> 00:18:47,457
So you're saying we can't open
ourselves up to love
515
00:18:47,491 --> 00:18:49,676
without opening ourselves
up to pain?
516
00:18:49,727 --> 00:18:51,728
You got it, kid.
517
00:18:51,762 --> 00:18:53,730
Joy and pain,
518
00:18:53,764 --> 00:18:55,064
sunshine and rain.
519
00:18:57,067 --> 00:18:58,401
I'll miss him, father.
520
00:18:59,937 --> 00:19:02,138
Do you think we could, uh...
521
00:19:02,156 --> 00:19:03,773
We could say a prayer for him,
522
00:19:03,807 --> 00:19:05,742
wherever he is, that he's okay?
523
00:19:05,776 --> 00:19:07,410
Of course.
524
00:19:17,363 --> 00:19:18,814
(Sighs)
525
00:19:18,865 --> 00:19:20,649
Mom, I'll be in my room
526
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,901
binge-watching Downtonseason one.
527
00:19:22,935 --> 00:19:24,436
Okay.
528
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,539
Aren't you, uh...
529
00:19:27,574 --> 00:19:28,740
Coming in?
530
00:19:30,493 --> 00:19:32,694
Goldie...
531
00:19:32,729 --> 00:19:34,079
I've been a bad guy.
532
00:19:34,113 --> 00:19:35,947
I lied,
533
00:19:35,965 --> 00:19:38,217
and I cheated,
534
00:19:38,251 --> 00:19:39,918
and... (Sighs)
535
00:19:39,952 --> 00:19:41,253
I caused you tons of pain.
536
00:19:41,287 --> 00:19:42,971
But when I saw you
537
00:19:43,006 --> 00:19:45,307
hurting last night,
it made me realize that
538
00:19:45,341 --> 00:19:49,094
if anything ever
happened to you...
539
00:19:49,128 --> 00:19:50,646
I'd feel like my life was over.
540
00:19:52,198 --> 00:19:53,798
I'm gonna make up
541
00:19:53,816 --> 00:19:56,235
for all the bad things
I did to you.
542
00:19:56,269 --> 00:19:59,187
You don't have to believe me
yet, just watch.
543
00:20:08,648 --> 00:20:10,832
David:
Love isn't always easy.
544
00:20:10,867 --> 00:20:12,984
Sometimes it can really throwyou for a loop.
545
00:20:14,871 --> 00:20:16,672
The minute you startto love something,
546
00:20:16,706 --> 00:20:19,324
you accept the riskthat someday
547
00:20:19,342 --> 00:20:21,543
it might not be there.
548
00:20:21,594 --> 00:20:24,663
But with the sadnessof lost love,
549
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:27,215
it's important to treasureall the wonderful memories
550
00:20:27,250 --> 00:20:29,635
you shared together.
551
00:20:29,669 --> 00:20:31,336
We had hoped that our puppy
552
00:20:31,354 --> 00:20:32,638
would be like training wheels
553
00:20:32,672 --> 00:20:34,506
for raising a baby, and he was.
554
00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:37,842
But he also taught usabout love.
555
00:20:37,860 --> 00:20:39,511
How exciting it could be,
556
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:40,979
and how heartbreaking.
557
00:20:51,941 --> 00:20:53,308
So now, the training wheels
558
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,261
have come off,and we're still pretty wobbly.
559
00:21:02,619 --> 00:21:04,036
But the truth is,
560
00:21:04,070 --> 00:21:05,603
despite the bumps in the road,
561
00:21:05,622 --> 00:21:07,706
I think we'rea lot more prepared
562
00:21:07,740 --> 00:21:09,441
to handle the ride.
563
00:21:12,045 --> 00:21:17,132
564
00:21:17,182 --> 00:21:21,732
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