All language subtitles for The New Normal s01e09 Pardon Me.eng

Isn't this fun?

Planting narcissus
bulbs for the holidays.

Who doesn't love
a good potting party?

This isn't like any pot party
I ever been to.

These bulbs won't even be
sprouting by Thanksgiving.

Oh, who cares about
Thanksgiving?

David and I don't
participate in it.

The only tradition we have
is avoiding our families.

Yep, every year we sneak up

to Big Sur and
hide in a hot tub.

Our only nod to the day is
eating turkey meat loaf

and drinking
cranberry vodka.

I don't do turkey day either.

The last Thanksgiving I did
with my family

was a hot negative mess.

Big news, guys,
I got a new job!

Cheesecake factory?

You got your work cut
out for you.

I love that
strawberry lemonade,

but that menu is huge.

Thank God for those pictures.

I'm not working at no dang
cheesecake factory.

I am the new assistant
to Mr. Bryan Collins.

Daddy, my dreams
are coming true.

Dreams don't pay
no bills, Rocky.

Neither do you, dummy.

You ain't gonna make it out
there in that big city.

You said the same thing
about me.

You moved to LA, and then

what do you have to show for it?

I became a paramedic.

And I still ain't got
but one foot.

Raquel-Marie, we're just saying
you're not Hollywood material.

You're more like, uh,
flint, Michigan material.

I am so tired of the two
of you putting me down.

I'm gonna be somebody someday,

you just wait and see.

Just 'cause your dreams
didn't come true,

doesn't mean mine won't.

My dream happen to be eating
that pecan pie right there.

Now pass it on down, girl.

Well, Thanksgiving was no picnic
in Ohio either.

The last one was a nightmare.

Oh, Jane,
what a wonderful dinner:

Turkey, ham and roast beef?

So glad I wore my pajama jeans.

Right, like you have any others.

Do you have any green beans?

No, honey, vegetables
are for the poor.

I wouldn't be caught dead
serving one.

Nana, that's not true,
we have potatoes.

Potatoes are cushions for gravy.

And what is gravy?
Liquid meat.

Meat is a symbol of success.

Charity,
this jell-o dish

with marshmallows and grapes
is perfect.

Can I get the recipe?

Oh, Goldie, you don't have
to pretend you cook.

We're family.
I'll just bring one over

next time I come to do
Clay's laundry properly.

Bryan, what do you say we skip
the hot tub meat loaf this year

and start
a new Thanksgiving tradition?

Just the five of us.

We'll stay here and hide away

from our crazy families
together.

I love it, it's a girls
and gays Thanksgiving.

We can have Turkey
and watch movies

where guys pretend to be
attracted to Rachel McAdams.

You girls in?

Yes, we'd love to.

Okay, I'll do Thanksgiving,
but it's going on my time card.

Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com

Shaniwhy did we drive
90 miles to Ojai

to get a Thanksgiving Turkey?

Bryan: Well,
since your mom is pregnant,

I thought we should try to find
one that was organically raised,

you know, no hormones,
no antibiotics.

Plus, Ojai is so beautiful.

I think I'd like to buy Ojai.

Hey there, folks,
what can I do you for?

Well, we need a Turkey
for our Thanksgiving dinner.

You go ahead and pick out
the one you like.

Oh... I think
you misunderstood.

We don't want one that's alive
and full of feathers and life.

We want one that's dead

and wrapped in a simple
brown paper package

with a raffia string.

Oh, the way it works is,

you pick out your favorite
and then you can...

...lop its head off.

Well, we don't want to do that.

Oh, you're squeamish, huh?

That's all right,
for an extra five dollars,

I'll have
my seven-year-old do it.

Wait, are you telling
me that all these

display turkeys
are gonna be killed?

Well, son, what is it
you think we do here?

Well, I don't know, I thought you had a freezer
in the back with the ready-to-go kind,

and all this bloody,
gory stuff happened at night

in some secret,
off-site poultry Guantanamo

while the townspeople slept
in peaceful ignorance.

Don't worry,
I'll get a big one for you.

You're gonna like it.

Hey, hey, bird.

I'll get him out.

Hold on there.

You're gonna love
this one here.

I got him, I got him.

Bryan, I can't do this.

Before I saw these
noble creatures,

I thought of them as meat,

but now, looking in their
eyes, I see their spirit.

Oh, this, this, this one here...
you got him?

All right, stop,
stop, stop, stop.

These turkeys are getting a
last-minute pardon from the governor.

That's me and her...
we are the governor.

We're buying them all.

Oh, perfect, take
me and my daughter

not five minutes to
kill the whole batch.

No, no, we don't want
to kill them.

We want to liberate them.

These evil bastards aren't pets.

These are the devil's peacocks.

Sir, I was raised
in the midwest, okay?

I know a thing or two
about turkeys.

And my range rover has
heated leather seats,

so would you say these creatures
are fairly neat?

Let's call that skinny one
feather Locklear.

And that one by the water bowl
who's drinking itself to death,

Mel giblets.

(Laughter)

Oh, and that one... Stan.

(Laughs)

Bryan:
Oh, David.

Bryan,

why are there giant
birds defecating

on our lawn furniture?

We couldn't let them die,

so we gave them all a pardon.

We're keeping them as pets.

And Rocky's going
to take care of them.

Oh, no, Rocky won't.

Well, what are we going
to do with them?

I don't think
we're even zoned for this.

Fresh Turkey eggs
every morning.

Turkeys lay eggs, right?

(Snorts) I don't think so.

Aren't they just boy chickens?

It felt good
to save their lives.

I'll admit it,
you guys did do a good thing.

It shows a lot
of compassion and decency,

which is what this holiday
is all about,

which makes me
feel even guiltier

about the conversation

I had with my mother.

Off to Big Sur for your annual
selfish gay Thanksgiving?

I may turn lesbian

just for an invite.

Actually, Bryan and I are going
to stay home this year,

just the two of us...
And a few friends.

Ah, I see.

I'm sorry, mom,
we're just gonna keep it small.

I-it's fine.

I'll just cook
a gourmet dinner alone

and not have to share it

with any pesky loved ones,

and my tears will make
a natural brine for the Turkey.

Sounds like your mom was sad.

Maybe you should
invite her, David.

Ah... Shania,
grown-ups talking.

It'll be fun.

Everybody could invite
all their family and friends

they've been avoiding
and pardon them,

just like Bryan and I did
with the turkeys.

Oh, my mom is on a baltic
cruise that I paid for,

so she can't make it.

You know, Bryan, we've
got a kid coming.

The holidays aren't
just about us anymore.

I think I've got to invite
my mom to Thanksgiving.

They say

"in giving we receive

and in forgiving
we are forgiven."

You're so smart, sweetie,
but don't you ever want

to just pick your nose
and watch cartoons, hey?

Juice box?
Yes, please.

You know, I really need
to stop freezing out my Clint

just because he voted
for romney.

I mean, so did
the lead singer of creed,

and we still get
our hair done together.

Yeah, and

if I'm really starting a new
life here,

I can't hold onto the bitterness
of my old one.

I'm going to invite your dad.

Oh, God.

Well, I suppose I have
to forgive your Nana

for releasing
that embarrassing video of me

and for calling me a queen.

And fairy.

Fudgie the whale, Perry homo,

super-Mary-
gayalicious...

sex-fiend-
Elton-boy-kiss,

which I have admittedly
taken as my own.

So it's, uh, Nana, Clay,

uh, Rocky's brother,
and David's mother.

And one more... my dad.

He's the one I really
have to forgive.

You know, I've had
such a hard time

letting go of him
cheating on my mom.

If I invite her, I
have to invite him.

David, your parents have not
been in the same room

since hurricane Katrina,

which was arguably
less of a disaster.

One day our kid will be
mad at me for something,

and it would break my heart

if he or she shut me
out because of it.

Then it's settled... we'll
start a whole new tradition.

Thanksgiving
without killing animals

and inviting everyone
that means a lot to us,

no matter how much
we may want to kill them.

Oh, hello there,
you adorable little cutie.

It's your future grandmommy.

I'm making cranberry gel?e
with dark sweet cherries,

marsala wine, and Rosemary.

It's orgasmic.

That means "delicious"
in French.

Hey, kiddo,
I'm your granddad-to-be Marty,

but you can just call me Marty.

Everybody else does.

So I brought a tasty pear
and toasted walnut salad

and seven years of bottled-up
rage for my ex-wife frances.

(Chuckles)

Got your nose.

Hey, I'm Clay, Shania's dad.

I've been really busy
getting my headshots taken

for my acting career.

I didn't cook anything,
but I, I got some candied yams

and then I ate most of 'em
on the way here

'cause they were so good.

(Whistle blows on television)

Oh, no!

Hey, baby,
it's your godmama Rocky

and this is my brother Clint.

He's your God-Uncle...

technically
your half-God-Uncle.

Hey.

We brought a whole bunch
of food to keep

the Southern black family
Thanksgiving tradition alive.

Tell 'em what we got, Clint.

We've got Mac and
cheese, red beans,

cornbread, mashed potatoes.

And a whole bunch of gravy
to smother it all.

Gravy comes from meat.

Now, see, that's
your other godmama.

You decide who's more fun.

Hello, um,
I'm Mrs. Jane forrest,

the life of every party
and the last real American,

along with newt gingrich.

I am so sorry

you are being born
into this world of hell,

but we have to believe it is

what God intended.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Pumpkin spice pie.

Thank you,
that was lovely, Jane.

Are you sure we're
ready for this?

Yeah, I'm sure it'll be just
like the first Thanksgiving.

It'll end in a massacre and half
the guests will get smallpox.

To the top.

Might not be able to
get any more later.

Yo, you want some beer, man?

It's gonna be great.

Who's hungry?

They did a good job
with the house.

They're gay.

So the whole thing
is made out of tofu?

Yeah, it's a tofurkey.

Actually looks like the real thing.
Yeah, well,

tofu is like an
aging diva's face.

You can shape it
into almost anything,

but nobody's really
that excited to see it.

Your parents look like
they're getting along.

Yeah, I know, right?

Hey, hey.
It's amazing.

(Chuckles)

(Sighs)

Sit up.

Looks like your chin and your
gut are in a race to the floor.

Ugh, that voice... it's
like a dolphin being impaled.

(Grunts)

(Laughs)

(Squawking)

So, like, what part is
the, is the drumstick?

It's not the neck, right?

No, the drumstick
is part of their leg.

The neck is the neck.

And do turkeys have nuggets,
or is that just chickens?

Wait, honey, let your dad
figure this one out himself.

Okay?

Hey, happy Thanksgiving.

Yeah, you, too.
Ooh.

Sorry.
It's a little weird, huh?

The part where you're pregnant
with these guys' baby

or the part where your
ex-husband's here?

Uh, the part where
we've been on two dates

and can't talk about it.

Clint, I like you, um,
but I know how important

this meal is
to Bryan and David,

and I just don't want
to ruffle any feathers.

(Both laugh)

That's a Turkey joke.
It's funny.

Um, I don't think Clay is ready

to hear
that I'm dating someone.

You told me how many times
he cheated on you. Yeah, but

he's still Shania's dad, and

I never want to put him

in a position where
he's embarrassed

or hurt in front
of his daughter.

You're sure that's
the only reason?

Yes.

Are you out of your mind?

Making moves on the woman
that is growing my boss' baby?

I can't help it.

I like her.
Like her?

What could there possibly be
in that for you?

Unless you're one
of those weirdoes

with a lactating-moms fetish.

It doesn't matter to me

whether she's pregnant or not.

Goldie's great.

Rocky:
God! So let's see.

I have the height,
the singing voice,

and the brains in this family.

(Scoffs)

Let's watch some football.

Did I just hear you right?

Are your brother and
Goldie sneaking around?

Don't shoot the messenger,
crazy pants.

I'm sure he's used to
dating pregnant women.

But not this one.

So keeping on track with
this whole pardon theme,

I should probably forgive you

for being the most handsome,

perfect fianc? a
man could have.

And I should forgive you
for waiting until

after your third glass
of wine to realize that.

(Laughing)

Uh, you know,
when you two are finished

punching your ticket to hell,

can someone give me
an eta on the Turkey?

The sooner we eat,

the sooner I get to go back
to my hotel room,

peel off my pantyhose and watch
a Sandra bullock movie.

Well, I'm sorry, Mrs. forrest,

but we will not be serving
any meat this year.

What? What the hell
are you guys talking about?

Well, it was
important for Shania

to have a vegetarian
Thanksgiving.

No meat? Thanksgiving is meat.

Thanksgiving is family,
flesh and blood, gathered around

a table, eating
flesh and blood.

Can I buy you
another drink here?

Okay, let-let me
get this straight.

I am standing here
with two gays

who are telling me that I can't
eat meat while a black boy

has decided that
this Thanksgiving,

he's going to get himself a nice
juicy piece of white meat.

Oh, God, Nana, please stop.
You're acting crazy.

I am the only sane one here!

But this?! No Turkey
on Thanksgiving?!

This is where I draw the line.

You see, you cannot pick and
choose the traditions you like.

That is not the way
this country works.

Why don't you just
go wipe your sore bottoms

with the American flag
while you're at it?

This is what your family
looks like now!

Nobody wants you
here less than me,

but I was the one who
suggested we invite you.

I was the one who
extended the olive branch,

because it was for
the good of my family,

because that

is what the true spirit of
Thanksgiving is about.

So why don't you sit
down, have a drink

and shut your pumpkin pie hole?!

(Sighs)

It's not so bad.

You're gonna love
my grandma's okra.

Screw your grandma.
I'm having Turkey.

Now, where do think
the gays keep the axe?

Here you go, dad.
Oh, hey. Thanks.

You know, I didn't know that
you boys knew Bette Midler.

Oh, yeah. She, uh...

She did a couple episodes
of Bryan's show. Mm?

She's also the voice
of our outgoing message.

Ah. I always thought
that was Bryan.

You know, I'm...

I'm really proud of you, son.

The life that you've built
here with your partner,

the baby on the way... it's
amazing stuff. Amazing.

There you are, David.

I can't find
your serving spoons.

Oh, yeah.
I'll-I'll get them for you.

Franny, look at this.

It's the boys and Bette Midler.

Huh?
How about that!

(Laughs) Where did we see her that time?
Atlantic city?

Yeah, yeah, that was
a fun night, wasn't it?

Oh.
Oh, God.

Frances: I saw you when I walked
into your office that day.

Your hand was on her ass!

Hey, mom, did you need them for
salad? Because we have tongs.

Frances:
Oh, so now her ass

needed a pair of glasses.

Doesn't make any difference
what I have to say,

'cause you've always got
your own little story

going on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What the hell is this?!

Oh, your mother's at it again,

accusing me of cheating on
her when we were married.

Who goes to a ophthalmology
conference in Philadelphia

and stays an extra two days?

There were meetings!

I leave the room
for three seconds.

How did you go from Bette Midler
to Philadelphia?

Bette Midler was in beaches.

With Barbara hershey.
Hershey.

Hershey, Pennsylvania!

Oh, my God.
You guys are insane.

I invite you into our home

for Thanksgiving.

It's the first time we've been
together since the divorce.

And you have to
go at each other?

You couldn't just fake it?
For one day?

For the sake of the baby?

We spent the whole day
trying to fake it.

We just couldn't do it.

Let's face it. We spent years
faking it for the baby.

Only, back then,
the baby was you.

I need to go find those spoons.

I'll get a drink.

Here, Turkey Turkey.

Come on, turkeys. Come on!

(Kissing sounds) Marty: Mmm.
Mmm.

Frances: Mmm. Mmm.

Frances: Ah, should
we go somewhere else?

Well, let's just
get it over with.

Good idea.
Then we can eat.

Ah!

(Cheering on TV)

(Laughing) Right.

That's mine.

Oh, my gosh, that's good.

Clint:
Is it?

Well, you know...

Whoa!
Hands off my wife, man!

Take it easy, man!
What are you doing?

I see the way you two are,

just pawing at each other.

Right? I'm not blind.

Though sometimes at
night, when I drive,

my right eye gets a little
blurry on the edges.

You should really
get that checked out.

I've been telling
him to do that.

You stop saying stuff
when I'm mad at you,

and keep your
hands off my wife!

Stop it. Oh, my God!

David, you cannot

leave me alone in there
with our nightmarish guests.

Sweet mother!

I am trying very hard right now

to remember Gwyneth Paltrow's
goop crisis meditation tips,

but it's hard, considering

there's live fowl in my den.

What the hell, Shania?!

I had to bring them here.

Nana was going to kill them.

She had an axe,
and she'll use it, Bryan.

I saw her take down an emu once.
An emu?

When the real estate bubble
burst in '08,

she and her friend Ruth Ann
raised emus for extra cash.

Their meat is surprisingly
low in fat, and their oil is

prized for its
anti-inflammatory properties.

Is the oil anti-aging?

I should get one.

Wait. Weren't
there four birds?

I had to split 'em up.

They were either
fighting or mating.

I put the other two
in the guest house bathroom.

Oh, we should probably
tell David before he...

David:
What the hell?!

Oh, my... oh!

You're having sex
in my guest house?!

Well, we were going
to use the bedroom,

but it didn't seem right.

Oh, no, this was definitely
the way to go. Thank you.

You've officially
brought Thanksgiving down

to its lowest point.

(Turkeys squawking)

Correction.

Why is your mother's skirt
tucked into her underpants?

I thought you guys
hated each other.

Look, this is what
we've always done. We fight,

then we fornicate.

Frances: It was our
dynamic for 27 years.

Every day was 23 hours
of torture,

and then 23 minutes of pleasure.

Oh, my God.
23 minutes?

What, are you sting?

I appreciate that.

I invited you guys here

because I wanted to put
the past behind us,

because I wanted
to be able to have

a normal family Thanksgiving

for when the baby came.

But no matter how many times

I try to forgive and forget,

you always disappoint me
again and again.

Just like Ren?e Zellweger.

I think you guys should go.

All right, I could say,
"I'm sorry I disappointed you."

But you know what?
That's life.

We're your parents,
and we're flawed.

Marty: Yeah, like
it or not, kiddo,

it's our flaws which have
made you who you are,

and from I can see,

you've done pretty damn good.

You must be getting your clock
cleaned on property taxes.

Huh? Frances: Hurry up, Marty.

Did your little
blue pill wear off?

Hey, I'm not holding onto this
pillow 'cause I like chenille.

It's actually brushed suede,

but why don't you keep it
as a parting gift?

Well, that's kind of you.
Frances: Happy Turkey day, boys.

I'll be back tomorrow
for my casserole dish.

Bryan:
Okay.

Got your nose.

Well, good riddance!

I saw the whole, craggy,
saggy mess through the window.

(Turkeys squawking)

Shh! A scared bird
is not a moist bird.

No! No! No, Jane,
you are not going to kill

the majestic, stupid animals
Shania and I foolishly rescued.

(Sighs) You should go.

You're throwing me out
of your house on Thanksgiving?

Who does that?

It's a new tradition.

Fine.

I'll just go back to my hotel

and celebrate the holiday...
Drinking

yeah? Goldie: Whoa! Hey!

Goldie: Stop it. Hey! Hey! Hey!

Stop it. Baby on board.

He started it! Yeah, 'cause
you're making moves on my wife!

How dare you act like this!

Especially with your daughter
in the next room!

I'm sorry, Goldie.
I want you to leave.

Before pie? You've already ruined
too many of my thanksgivings.

(Sighs)
Just... go.

I think I'm gonna go, too.

What?

It's not fair if I stay

when we both got into it...
Even though he started it.

That's not true.

Okay, Clint, go home.

Okay, I'll see you.

Yeah.
Okay. Oops. Sorry.

Yeah, okay.

I think I broke
my bad-word finger.

Dude, that's your index finger.

Oh, man, I've punched a lot
of people for pointing up.

I know you guys feel bad

about your Thanksgiving
getting ruined and everything,

but I like it just being us.

Mm. Yeah.
Mm. Me, too.

The only other person I would
want here, besides Patti Lupone

is our baby.

Goldie:
Who is right here

and excited to try tofurkey.

All:
Mmm.

Maybe we should rethink
this holiday.

I think we should save

Thanksgiving for us,
and save Christmas

for all of our damaged,
inappropriate relatives.

Who pull out axes or their fists

or their private parts
with equal abandon.

Yeah. Family is
who you choose.

It's the relatives
who are chosen for us.

So, Thanksgiving is for family,
and Christmas is for relatives.

I like it.

Let's dig in.

Let me see.

Mmm.

Oh.

Yum, yum.

Oh.

(All grunting)

Oh, God.

Tastes like pollution.

How about a pizza?

How about five?

What do you guys want on it?

Meat.

You know what?

Maybe let's keep with the
vegetarian theme for Shania.

Yes. And...

To save the lives of all
those innocent pepperonis.

(Sighs)

Hi. Yes. I'd like
to order some pizza.

Five larges, please.

Nothing, nothing. Yeah,
I'll take some breadsticks.

Salad? Do you
want salad?

Okay.
Who wants salad?

So, is there anything else
I need to know before

you go to school? Well, it's
pretty straightforward.

Feather Locklear
has a wheat allergy.

Mel Giblets really likes it

when you tickle his wattle.

It puts him right to sleep.

Oh, don't forget to turn on
Judge Joe Brown at 1:30.

It's Stan's favorite. Hmm.

And I left the satellite radio
on smooth jazz

because it helps Eddie Gizzard
with his anxiety.

Oh.

Oh, and do yourself a favor.

Do not make tea.

When the kettle starts
to whistle, they will attack.

Got it.

Have fun now
'cause you're gonna make

a delicious Christmas dinner.

Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
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