All language subtitles for The Millers s01e12 Mind.eng

23!

Oh, that's me!

Hi, I'm Carol,

and this is my son Nathan.

He doesn't care. We're having
a family dinner tonight,

- and we were told to bring a fun, wintry dessert.
- He just wants your order.

- But knowing Debbie, she won't
eat chocolate. - He doesn't.

- And knowing Tom, he won't
eat fruit. - Also a stranger.

Or else he'll spend the rest
of the night on the toilet.

Okay, you know what? Just two
pounds of bread pudding, please.

I saw that news report
you did yesterday

on the squirrel
who can water-ski.

Hard-hitting stuff.

First of all, it was a chipmunk
and he was wakeboarding.

I'll have you know
that he got up on the third try.

All right?

They're wasting you.

You clearly have
the piercing eyes and strong jaw

to deliver
the hard-hitting news.

You look
like a young Paul Newman.

Paul Newman used to make all
the girls weak in the knees

when I was growing up.
Still does.

I can't walk down
the salad dressing aisle

without feeling a little
earthquake in the basement.

Ma'am, your order's ready.

- Oh.
- 24!

Excuse me, but you gave us

an extra quarter pound
of the bread pudding.

Okay, just a second.

As soon as I'm finished helping
this customer.

But you're not finished helping
this customer.

Ma'am, it'll literally be
one minute.

- I'm sure Customer 24 won't mind
finishing with Customer 23. - Yeah, Mom,

- we'll just take the extra.
It's fine. - (sighs)

"It's fine"?

"It's fine" is a lazy way
to live your life.

"It's fine" is why we're chasing
the Chinese for world supremacy.

"It's fine" is
why the young people

don't know the art of cursive

and I need to show I.D.
to buy allergy meds.

"It's fine" is why...

is why he insists
on helping Customer 24

when Customer 23
is still waiting.

- Manager!
- No manager!

- You are embarrassing me.
- Can I help you?

I don't know. Do you have
chloroform and a rag?

Hey.

There you are. Where's Mom?

Oh, is she not complaining
right behind me?

She must be still complaining
up the driveway.

It's just ridiculous.

Do you know how many
tattoo parlors I counted

on the drive home? 14.

When I was growing up,
two kinds of people had tattoos,

soldiers and Popeye.

Yesterday, I picked up
my prescription from a girl

whose arm looked like the margin
of a sixth grader's notebook.

I swear. I don't know...

Shut up.

Just shut up.

Well, you pulled the pin.

You got ten seconds to get out.

Okay, ad-admittedly,
that came out slightly...

sharper than I wanted it to.
But it's just...

you got to find something
else in your life

other than
criticizing everything.

I-I can't take
all the complaining.

After a long day at work,
I just... I need some me time.

Okay, I get it.

You're not talking 'cause I told
you to shut up. Would you...

Look, why are you putting
your purse on deliberately?

Hey, your silence scared me when
I was younger, but I'm 42 now!

It's not like when I was 35!

Grandpa,

- are you busy next Friday night?
- Pumpkin,

the only thing I have on
my schedule is eventual death.

Will that happen
between 7:00 and 9:00 on Friday?

(chuckles) I hope not.

Good. Then will you take me
to the Daddy/Daughter Dance?

Uh, yeah. I-I guess

I could.

Don't you want your father
to take you?

He can't. He doesn't dance.

What's she talking about?
Why don't you dance?

I kind of had a bad
experience when I was a kid.

I didn't know how to dance,

so I just closed my eyes
and tried

to copy everything
I'd ever seen on TV.

(laughter)

You know that expression, uh,

"dance like no one is watching"?

Turns out that is
terrible advice.

I'm not taking Mikayla.

Oh, come on, Dad.
She really wants to go.

And she should. With her father.

Trust me, you don't want
to skip this.

I worked crazy hours when
Debbie was growing up. I always

missed stuff like this.

Carol had to take you
to your Daddy/Daughter Dance.

I always regretted

not going to that dance
with Debbie.

You can't go back
in time. When a...

moment is gone, it's gone.

It's like your hair
or your memory.

When a moment's gone, it's gone.

You can't go back in time.

It's like your hair
or your memory.

You're right, Tom.

I'm gonna do this.

I'm gonna dance.

Excuse me, Tom,

Debbie, Adam,

lamp and no one else.

I forgot my sweater.

Your mom's not talking to you?

No.

Happened to me once.

Once.

How do I know
my mother's missing?

Officer, Dr. Phil started
ten minutes ago

and there's nobody here
talking back to the TV.

(exhales)

I drove up and down every street
in your neighborhood

calling her name and shaking
a bag of Chex Mix.

Nothing.

(sighs) Yeah. But... No,
it was just a normal day.

E-Except that we did go to
the grocery store and I...

I may have told her to shut up.

I don't see why that matters,
but I'm 42 and a half.

Yeah. Never mind.

Hello, Ray. Nathan.

Oh, you're talking to me now?
Do you mind telling me

where you been?
I called you 2times.

God, I don't know why
I bought you that phone.

You only use it for Sudoku
and recipes.

I went back to the
grocery store to apologize

to the bakery manager
since I made such a big,

embarrassing scene.
You didn't need to do that.

I know that now.

Because he took my side
of the bread pudding fiasco,

and then he gave me these
free muffins for my trouble.

I argued with that manager
down at that store once.

Know what I got for my trouble?
Tasered.

After that,

he and I chatted about ways
to improve the bakery,

and now you're looking
at the new bakery clerk.

You're kidding.

Nope. Looks like I'll have
something to fill my days

so you don't have to come home
to me complaining.

And I hope
you don't get offended

if I don't want to hear
you yakking when I get home.

I might need some me time too.

Free muffins
and peace and quiet?

Yeah, I think I can handle that.

(groans)

Don't even... don't
even say hello.

I know that look.

That is the look of a woman
who's had a long workday

and is just looking forward
to enjoying a little me time,

so feel free...

People are idiots.

To share the things
that irritated you today.

All I wanted to do was brighten
customers' days

with a little chitchat,

but everyone was glued
to their smart phones.

You're really gonna enjoy
this muffin.

My son loves 'em.

It's the blueberries

that get him.
When he was little,

we used to pick them at my...

at my uncle's farm in Richmond.

But clearly you don't give
a rat's ass about that.

Sample?

Can anyone hear me?

Sample? I'm an alien.

Sample?

Fresh out of my butt.

Oh, hey, little guy.

You're not too busy
for a cookie, are you?

Just put it in my mouth.

They no longer need to use
the brains in their heads 'cause

they got one in their pockets.

People say there's an app...
...for everything.

Well, tell me, where's the app
that can shake your hand?

Or say "God bless you"
after you sneeze?

I'd like to see an app do that.

(chuckles) Call me

Willie off the pickle boat,
but in my day,

an app was something you shared
over fruity drinks

before dinner
with your Bible study group!

(laughs)
Say that last part again.

Bible study group.

I say put down your not-so-smart
phones and look me in the eye

because, if I want to stare
at the top of people's heads,

I'll ride the glass elevator
at the mall.

(chuckles) Don't get me started
on those things.

This is Nathan Miller and that's
what's on Miller's mind.

Okay. Let's see what we got.
(music playing)

So just jump right in?

Okay.

I always see a lot of pointing,

which is why
I'm pointing right now.

You know what I'm saying?

Not sure why I just
karate-kicked

'cause that could
totally hit a kid.

Ooh.

Ooh.

What's this over here?
I got a devil horn on this hand

and a... this guy over here's
holding a gun.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, this move I just stole
from the Lucky Charms guy.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.
(music stops)

I think we just need to pick
one dance move you're good at.

'Cause what you did right there

is why they ban dancing
in many countries.

Sorry we're late.
There was a pet store

next to the dress shop.
We got distracted.

Grandpa climbed
in the puppy cage.

There was no sign
that said we couldn't.

Dad, you...

Never mind.

I'm gonna go try on my dress
for the dance.

Okay, you do that, sweetie.

We're gonna have a great time!

Hopefully that dress
is made out of Kevlar

in case Daddy karate-kicks her
in the sternum.

Trust me, all she's gonna
remember is that you were there.

That's right.
You're a wise man, Dad.

(barking)

Oh, damn.

I got to go back to the mall.

The phones are lighting up.

You've really captured the voice
of old, angry America, Miller.

It's like somebody brought
Andy Rooney back to life

and ironed his face.

Old people are gonna be
eating him up like mashed peas.

Let's try this
every day next week

and see how it works out.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

all this talk about mashed peas
has made me hungry.

(laughs)

- Do you hear that, Ray?
- What?

- We're gonna be indoor reporters.
- (laughs)

Who knew that my mother was
the golden goose of negativity?

I just hope that goose
doesn't get constipated.

We need five of these next week.

Think your mom
still has it in her?

I don't know. She gets pretty
stuck on one topic. She...

I mean, you know,
she spent a whole month

complaining about the hashtags
at the bottom of the TV screen

during her favorite shows.

Well, you know the kind of stuff
that gets her all riled up.

Maybe you just need
to squeeze that goose

until something pops out.

Yeah.

(phone ringing, sighs)

Hello?

(with accent):
Well, hi.

We have to make an adjustment
to your cable line.

We need someone home Friday
between 9:00 and 4:00, or 7:00.

We're not really sure.

What? You expect me

- to stand here...
- Please hold.

(instrumental music plays)

Calling during the dinner hour.

Keeping me on hold.

And can you believe what
they're making me listen to?

That song dad used
to play all the time?

What are the chances?

(sighs)

So how does all this
make you feel?

I'll tell you how
it makes me feel.

Companies today think
they can...

hold on to their customers

no matter how long
they keep us on hold.

If I wanted to waste an hour on
the phone listening to nonsense,

I'd just call my Aunt Marjorie,

who always puts her cat
on the phone.

(scoffs)

Where were you?
I'm late for work.

Sorry. I-I got a flat tire
hitting potholes.

I got coffee all over me.

That's the shirt I gave you
for your birthday.

What are you gonna do?

I'll tell you what you do.
You call your elected...

officials and tell them
to stop arguing

about who can legally marry who.

I don't care about the holes

people are filling
in their bedroom.

I care about the holes

that people aren't filling
in our streets.

Hey, Mom, remember
my buddy Dan from high school?

Look at this picture
he posted of his kid... Xander.

Good God,
what kind of name is Xander?

There was a time when names...

meant something.

When I was a kid,
there were only ten names.

Nine of them came
from the Bible.

The only other one was Felix,

and they just used that
for weirdos.

Today it seems like
parents are picking names

by pulling tiles
out of a Scrabble bag

and trying to run up the score.

(clattering)

Mom?

Your snow globes are here.

Hey, Mr. Delivery Guy,

don't break my globes,
and I won't bust your balls.

(laughing)

He said "balls."

Ratings gold.

Oh, can you believe this?

They have me on hold again,

and they didn't even tell me
what company they're from.

And can you hear that?

Dad's favorite song again?

I can't believe it!

Wow! Gosh,
you are so worked up!

Hey, would it help you
take your mind off of it

if you gave me your opinion

on celebrities
getting out of jail early?

Good God,
don't get me started on that.

I read one of those
just yesterday.

Some stupid actress
hit a crossing guard.

(insect buzzing) Is that
a fruit fly in here?

Do we have any insect spray?

Yeah, well, listen...
that crossing guard...

did he deserve it,
or was he just an innocent guy?

He was a war hero.

Of course he was innocent.

He survived three
tours in Afghanistan,

but he couldn't survive
one no-talent tramp

who was only famous for
getting pregnant at 16.

Are there more flies in here?

Where the hell are
they coming from?

They're coming
from behind the microwave.

- Just breathe. Mom...
- Oh, my God!

Do you see what this is, Nathan?

It's the extra quarter
pound of bread pudding

that we brought home
from Debbie's house.

I'm gonna get you
some water, okay?

And of course we didn't
finish the bread pudding.

There was a quarter-pound extra
we didn't want.

And then I never had a chance
to throw it away

because I was too busy
supergluing the snow globes...

(thudding)

Mom?

You're fine.

Basically, you hyperventilated.

These things are usually
triggered by anxiety.

Did you have
a particularly stressful week?

Unbelievably stressful.

It's like every
little aggravation

that could happen to me did.

It was weird, wasn't it, Nathan?

I didn't notice.

Okay, well,
we're gonna monitor your vitals

for another five minutes.

Then you're free to go.

Uh, Jennifer here will
get started on your paperwork.

- Thank you.
- Oh, you know what?

I... I can do that for her.
Least I can do.

Oh, my God.

Oh... my... God.

You're Miller's Mind.

I'm a huge fan.

I love that one where you...

Well, yeah, they're all good.
Thank you so much.

What's she talking about?

Oh, that piece on kid
names was dead right.

My sister wanted to name
her girl Tazia with a "Z""

It's like you said... just
pulling Scrabble tiles.

That's... that's what I said.

Okay, you know what?
You've been very helpful.

Thank you.
(clears his throat)

How did she...?

Look...

I've been taking some
of the rants

that you've said recently
and using them

in a new piece
I'm doing on the air.

Why wouldn't you just tell me?

Well, uh, because,
in order to keep you doing them,

I'm also the one that's been
irritating you on purpose.

I'm sorry.

You've been doing this to me on purpose?
(mechanical beeping)

(rapid beeping)
Like some bear for you to poke?

(very rapid beeping)
Oh, God, no, no, no, no.

We've been using more of it like
a Golden Goose metaphor. Look...

(beeping slows)

I-I-I just didn't know
that it would get this far.

I was so sick of doing
the fluff pieces,

and for once, people actually
cared about what I was saying.

I mean, it felt good
making a difference

in their lives. I'm sorry.

I know it doesn't
make any sense.

Actually, it makes
perfect sense.

You're like me.

Why do you think I
complain all the time?

To hear myself talk?

No. I'm hoping someone will hear
me, and I can make a difference.

You know what? You have.

After our rant on potholes,

the city set up a hotline
to report them.

They call it
"The Pot Line."

It's actually created
a whole new set of problems.

But, you know, still,
just baby steps.

Well, I'm-I'm thrilled

that my opinions are getting
the audience they deserve,

but I can't keep getting
riled up every day

to the point of wanting
to choke someone.

If I wanted that, I would have
stayed married to your dad.

You're gonna have to start
doing these rants on your own.

I don't know if I can.

I mean, you've got
that raw, organic anger

just bubbling up inside you,
like a good reporter should.

I don't have that.

Maybe that's why I keep getting
stuck doing the stupid stories,

like potatoes
that resemble their owners.

Oh, please. You were the
fussiest baby I ever met,

and I have half a
nipple to prove it.

But when your mother's the
biggest complainer on earth,

maybe it doesn't give you a
chance to do it yourself.

Trust me, you've got a little
Angry Carol inside you,

and she's got something to say.

You just got to let her out.

Mr. Miller, I
forgot that the lab

requires a separate
set of forms,

as does the
cardiologist on call.

And this is for insurance.

Now, when you're done
with those, come find me,

and I'll have you fill
out the discharge papers.

Oh, uh... uh, thank you.

Yeah.

Thank you?

Is that how you feel
about filling out those forms?

You feel thankful?

Uh, no, I don't.

I actually feel
pretty irritated.

(whispering):
Let her out, son.

Let your little Angry Carol
come out and play.

There are just...
there are so many of them.

There sure are.

And they all start
with the same five questions.

That sounds irritating.

It is. And how many times do
I have to write my address down?

It's like you go
to the hospital...

with a simple case
of hyperventilation,

and you come home
with carpal tunnel so bad,

you can't even
give 'em the finger!

The health care industry needs
to get it down to one form.

I'm sick of my doctors
making it rain!

This is Nathan Miller...

not signing off.

(theme music plays)

And that's what's
on Miller's mind.

(upbeat
instrumental music plays)

(sighs)

I'm glad you came, Daddy.

Hey, I wouldn't want
to be anywhere else

in the world but right here.

So... are we gonna stand here
or dance?

(sighs) Yeah. Yeah,
yeah, we can do that.

(sighs)

Don't panic. Just pick one style
of dance and stick to it.

All right.

Okay, honey, honey, honey,
honey, you-you got to stop.

You got to stop dancing
like that.

Why? This is how I dance.
It's fun.

Well, of course it is,
I know, but

you got to trust me, okay?
If you don't stop,

people are gonna laugh
and call you names.

No, they're not.

We're not allowed to make fun
of people for being different.

They teach us that.

Well, what if you're super tall?

Can the other kids call you
"The Leaning Tower of Idiot?"

Nope. It's kind of awesome.

Yes, it is.

That is kind of awesome.

(grunts)

Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com

On the next episode of
The Millers.

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