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1
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,572
Tickets this way
for the Chatsworth Express!
2
00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:08,174
Come and watch pikeys making a mess
3
00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:11,855
of the lives they were given by
'im upstairs...
4
00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:14,898
And kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
5
00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:16,095
Wicked!
6
00:00:16,180 --> 00:00:17,499
Piss off!
7
00:00:17,580 --> 00:00:21,368
What sounds on Earth
could ever replace
8
00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:24,497
kids needing money
or wives in your face?
9
00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:26,935
Cos this, people reckon -
me included -
10
00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:29,488
is why pubs and drugs
11
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,172
were kindly invented...
12
00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:33,774
To calm us all down
and stop us going mental.
13
00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:38,570
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
14
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:44,815
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes...
15
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,379
You sit on our head,
16
00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:49,133
but... you pay the taxes.
17
00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:50,619
CHEERING
18
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:53,373
Imagine Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers
19
00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:56,691
who'd come on your face
for the price of a beer, eh?
20
00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,259
Eh!
21
00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:02,094
Make poverty history.
Cheaper drugs now!
22
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:07,049
Make poverty history!
Cheaper drugs now!
23
00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:08,459
CHUCKLES
24
00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:12,169
Scatter! Party!
25
00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:19,488
(Frank) 'I've sounded out
loads of blokes on this.
26
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:23,653
'99% of married men with families
have fantasized
27
00:01:23,740 --> 00:01:27,016
'about said wives and families
being killed.
28
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:31,378
'Suddenly, instantly,
leaving former married man free,
29
00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:34,293
'single, unencumbered.
30
00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:36,336
'Harmless dreaming.
31
00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,615
'A necessary outlet.
32
00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:41,897
'You've got to have a fantasy life.
33
00:01:41,980 --> 00:01:46,178
'If you didn't have an alternative
world where everything went your way
34
00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:49,536
'and Kate Moss tickled your balls
with a feather, then you'd only have
35
00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:53,977
'grim, grey, turgid, hopeless pisspot reality
36
00:01:54,060 --> 00:01:57,575
'and we'd be throwing
ourselves off bridges like lemmings.
37
00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,059
'Well, I would.'
38
00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:01,930
Mandy, can I take Katie to the park?
39
00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:03,578
Third time this week?
40
00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:05,093
Yeah, we have a laugh.
41
00:02:05,180 --> 00:02:06,852
In't that right, Katie?
42
00:02:06,940 --> 00:02:10,137
Be brill, going on swings and shit.
43
00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:12,131
Watch her. Park's a canine sewer.
44
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:16,368
(Go down, that's it. All the way. Go down.)
45
00:02:16,460 --> 00:02:18,416
Why are you really
taking her to the park?
46
00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:19,694
Me and Katie are bezzies.
47
00:02:21,860 --> 00:02:23,452
- What colour's her hair?
- Get off, you dick.
48
00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:26,293
- You don't even know!
- Blonde. Blonde.
49
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:27,369
The bab is a giant.
50
00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:29,451
They've got to induce.
51
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:31,292
You can only gobble so much madras.
52
00:02:31,380 --> 00:02:32,699
Give them a bell.
53
00:02:32,780 --> 00:02:35,248
Can you do it? It sounds
better coming from a bloke.
54
00:02:35,340 --> 00:02:37,296
They pay more attention.
55
00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:39,655
STAMMERS
56
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:42,208
...It's phones.
No, it's not me, babe.
57
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:43,255
Oh!
58
00:02:43,340 --> 00:02:45,695
Oh...
59
00:02:45,780 --> 00:02:46,815
Don't give me the bug-eyed look.
60
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,368
I'm coming to the fucking bullfight.
What more do you want?
61
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:50,973
Don't piss her about.
62
00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:52,095
You know you'll go missing.
63
00:02:52,180 --> 00:02:53,533
RUMBLING
64
00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:54,689
Earthquake.
65
00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:56,736
Third one this week.
CAR ALARMS BLARE
66
00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:58,890
Rubbish-point-crap
on the Richter scale.
67
00:02:58,980 --> 00:03:02,495
The world stops on its axis at
Dad claiming he'll keep his word.
68
00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,536
You self-righteous little smart-arse.
69
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:07,088
You're not too old to have your bollocks
kicked around your head, you know.
70
00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:08,329
Think you'll find I am.
71
00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:10,612
(Frank) Oh!
72
00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:16,018
- It's cold.
- I didn't know that.
73
00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:21,499
Sissy boy. Can't even
permanently fucking disfigure me.
74
00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:24,895
Yeah?
75
00:03:28,380 --> 00:03:32,134
Never call me "Dad" again.
You're the spawn of the devil.
76
00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:33,414
Why do you always bring that up?
77
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:37,493
Because every day I'm reminded of it
by looking at your ugly fucking gob.
78
00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:40,572
Hey, if that's a lad, call it Ian.
79
00:03:40,660 --> 00:03:43,458
I've always thought that's
a good name for one of mine.
80
00:03:45,380 --> 00:03:46,813
You're a fucking waste!
81
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:53,210
Cheers for putting a word in, Mum.
I can call you that, can't I?
82
00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:03,093
Nearly there. Come on, boy.
83
00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:06,729
20 more pence, you can do it.
Mm! Lovely fags.
84
00:04:06,820 --> 00:04:08,538
There you go, Frank.
85
00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:10,656
52p for your coat. Bargain.
86
00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:14,938
Most jocular. Shouldn't you be out
working towards a safer community?
87
00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:17,580
Day off. I keep this on
to scare the shoplifters.
88
00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:18,775
RUMBLING
89
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:22,370
Another one.
90
00:04:23,780 --> 00:04:25,099
CARE ALARMS BLARE
91
00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:29,096
Fucking hell. How many more?
92
00:04:33,980 --> 00:04:36,574
They were all like,
"Ooh! What were that?"
93
00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:38,491
Oh, yeah. Blitz spirit.
94
00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:41,652
People all together as one as
the Earth conspires against us
95
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,617
by going on short spin cycle.
96
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:47,579
Tsunami from that wouldn't knock
a digestive crumb off a cup of tea.
97
00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:50,049
Where is the almighty hand of God?
98
00:04:50,140 --> 00:04:53,212
Pointing at you, shouting "thief".
99
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:54,289
What?
100
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:57,577
- How do you know?
- He's been left on his own for five seconds.
101
00:04:57,660 --> 00:04:59,776
What else would he fucking do?
102
00:04:59,860 --> 00:05:01,179
(Yvonne) Waste.
103
00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:05,378
Well, that would appear to
be the received opinion.
104
00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:07,212
It is our duty to oppose it.
105
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:12,455
I paid for them.
106
00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:24,534
KATIE GURGLES
107
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:32,698
Yeah, it's great that, Katie.
108
00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:38,451
Is there anything I can do?
109
00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:39,814
Could you give us a foot massage?
110
00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:43,495
I meant a cup of tea or whatever.
111
00:05:43,580 --> 00:05:44,933
Christ's sake. Not for long.
112
00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:51,656
You've had all of us,
you're going to have another,
113
00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:52,695
and I feel like the fucking parent.
114
00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:57,729
How's that? It's going to be me
that makes it up with Dad, if we do.
115
00:05:57,820 --> 00:06:00,414
Who looks after me?
116
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,491
Shouldn't it be you?
117
00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:04,138
We all make mistakes.
118
00:06:06,140 --> 00:06:08,131
I've done me best.
119
00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:09,414
Your best is shit.
120
00:06:10,540 --> 00:06:11,609
Get off!
121
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:25,055
Sorry, Frank, you have to go outside.
Smoking ban.
122
00:06:25,140 --> 00:06:27,813
We lasted as long as we could
but the twats are on to us.
123
00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:31,256
The pub's been burnt down.
What harm can I do?
124
00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:32,932
Get us a big fine.
125
00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:35,454
Put us out of business.
We've been shot.
126
00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:36,939
You sell fucking Es.
127
00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:40,456
Nobody ever dies of
secondary tripping.
128
00:06:40,540 --> 00:06:42,258
I'm the only tosser here.
129
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:47,858
No! I say no.
Someone's got to make a stand.
130
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:51,330
Custer, Davy Crockett,
the kid with his dick in the dyke.
131
00:06:51,420 --> 00:06:53,695
Add Frank Gallagher to that list.
132
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:56,578
I will not be cowed.
133
00:06:56,660 --> 00:06:58,491
Moo.
134
00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:00,452
RUMBLING
135
00:07:01,340 --> 00:07:02,295
...What?
136
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,295
Oh!
137
00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:08,614
Oh, my God, you've burst.
138
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:15,453
Shit.
139
00:07:15,540 --> 00:07:18,373
The bastard will sue our tits off.
140
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:21,294
Is it on its way?
141
00:07:21,380 --> 00:07:25,578
Well, a gallon of water breaking
out the fanny is a definite sign.
142
00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:26,615
Don't say "fanny".
143
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:27,815
Debbie, forget the drill.
144
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,572
Go and grab your dad
and tell him bab is imminent.
145
00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:32,413
I'll go. It's better if Debbie stays.
146
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:34,411
- No, Debbie go.
- But...
147
00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:35,455
She's too young.
148
00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:38,373
That is my decision as a parent.
149
00:07:38,460 --> 00:07:40,416
See. I do make 'em.
150
00:07:42,540 --> 00:07:44,132
That's it. Great.
151
00:07:44,220 --> 00:07:45,972
Fuck.
152
00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:49,370
We were going to call. Your dad's
had a fall. Just a bit of a bump.
153
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:50,813
How?
154
00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:52,731
Happened out here.
155
00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:55,050
Dad? Is he going to be all right?
156
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:56,937
Let's just get him to hospital first.
157
00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:09,852
Keep hold, Katie. Katie, keep hold.
158
00:08:09,940 --> 00:08:13,057
All right, Carl? Hello, Katie.
159
00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:14,858
Chicken...
160
00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:16,851
RUMBLING
161
00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:20,890
Fuckin' hell.
162
00:08:20,980 --> 00:08:24,529
Bindy.
I was hoping you'd be here.
163
00:08:24,620 --> 00:08:26,690
How's our pretty girl? Eh?
164
00:08:26,780 --> 00:08:29,817
You're well good
bringing her here all the time.
165
00:08:32,020 --> 00:08:32,975
Any news on her mum?
166
00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:36,177
No, she's still missing.
167
00:08:38,540 --> 00:08:40,974
Hello, darling.
168
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:48,298
- Oi, I'm trying to watch this.
- I want to talk.
169
00:08:48,380 --> 00:08:50,496
Here we go. You're going to dump us.
170
00:08:50,580 --> 00:08:51,535
No, I'm not.
171
00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:53,850
- Why d'you say that?
172
00:08:54,940 --> 00:08:56,373
Do you not think we're solid then?
173
00:08:56,460 --> 00:09:01,170
Yeah, course I do. I... I just think
you're going to dump us sometimes.
174
00:09:02,980 --> 00:09:04,459
What do you want to talk about?
175
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:06,417
Doesn't matter.
176
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,013
Come on...
177
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:09,931
Another brew.
178
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,016
I know what you've done for
our Shane and I'm grateful.
179
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,931
He's a different boy.
He needed to grow up.
180
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:22,932
But when you do move on,
don't just disappear.
181
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,976
Speak to him first.
182
00:09:25,060 --> 00:09:27,210
What?
183
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,210
Why am I about to flit?
184
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:32,134
Because we know you
better than you do.
185
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:36,568
All right. In a bit.
186
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:39,653
- You all right?
- I've gotta go.
187
00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:41,617
It's my dad.
He's on the way to hospital.
188
00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:43,019
Shit, Katie.
189
00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:44,419
I'll look after her.
190
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:48,455
If you want,
I'll give you my address.
191
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:54,058
Yeah... OK.
192
00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:01,053
- There you go.
- Cheers, Bindy.
193
00:10:01,140 --> 00:10:02,334
You saved my life.
194
00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:07,498
Come on, Katie.
195
00:10:11,340 --> 00:10:13,934
30 minutes from entry desk to bed.
Only beaten our own record!
196
00:10:14,020 --> 00:10:16,056
What's wrong with him?
197
00:10:16,140 --> 00:10:17,175
He's in a coma.
198
00:10:17,260 --> 00:10:18,454
How long for?
199
00:10:18,540 --> 00:10:21,100
Coma is as coma does.
200
00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:22,818
An hour. Years.
201
00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:25,498
Probably not years.
202
00:10:25,580 --> 00:10:28,538
Give him a few hours,
we'll dob him through X-ray.
203
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:29,848
Are you really a doctor?
204
00:10:29,940 --> 00:10:31,009
Course, why?
205
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,658
They're either foreign or posh.
206
00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:34,890
I am posh. "Awesome".
207
00:10:36,780 --> 00:10:39,294
My mum's gone into labour.
Shall we tell her about him?
208
00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:41,655
Never give bad news to a woman
in the throes. I learned that from my ex.
209
00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:43,890
Eh!
210
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:45,776
Suit yourself.
211
00:10:45,860 --> 00:10:46,895
How is he?
212
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,017
Still unconscious.
There must be stuff we can do.
213
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:51,897
Coma crap. Talk to him.
214
00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:54,574
Surround him with objects that he likes.
215
00:10:54,660 --> 00:10:57,049
You never know-know
until you give it a go-go.
216
00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:00,015
Dr Dickhead.
217
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:02,660
- Do you need me here?
- Why?
218
00:11:02,740 --> 00:11:03,855
I panicked. I left Katie
in the park with a girl.
219
00:11:03,940 --> 00:11:05,009
What? Who?
220
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,010
Bindy.
221
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:09,490
You stupid cock. Go and get her.
222
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,409
- Hiya.
- Doctor says not to tell Mum.
223
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:22,455
Why not?
224
00:11:22,540 --> 00:11:24,815
Because she'll go mental.
Are you coming?
225
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:26,299
I can't. She's gonna drop.
226
00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:27,699
I'm staying here till he wakes up.
227
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,210
Put the phone to his ear, close.
228
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:35,489
All right, Dad. I mean Frank.
229
00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:37,411
What do I say? Wake up?
230
00:11:38,620 --> 00:11:41,976
I could say that any day of the week,
won't make no difference then either.
231
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:45,379
We don't get on.
I'm not what you want in a son.
232
00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,416
I'm not your son
233
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,855
and you're not my dad.
234
00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:52,500
Oh, Mum's in labour.
235
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,292
If it's yours.
236
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:57,940
Have they found him yet?
237
00:11:58,020 --> 00:11:59,294
No.
238
00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:05,331
Shit. Nurse!
239
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:20,534
Look, see. There.
240
00:12:21,580 --> 00:12:25,493
That's nothing, my dear. He'll be
back with us before you know it.
241
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:29,333
...Bindy. About so high.
242
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:31,650
Quite fit. About medium to large...
243
00:12:31,740 --> 00:12:33,298
Proper round tits
with just a hint of nip.
244
00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:34,893
What does her face look like?
245
00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:37,130
She's...
246
00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:40,012
(Muffled speech)
247
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,660
Sort of average looking.
248
00:12:42,740 --> 00:12:45,174
Don't know.
Sorry, mate. Ain't got a clue.
249
00:12:45,260 --> 00:12:48,013
Her tits are fucking fantastic.
250
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,772
Someone's got to remember them.
251
00:12:49,860 --> 00:12:51,339
Come on, lads!
252
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,530
- What are they?
- They said bring him stuff he likes.
253
00:12:57,740 --> 00:12:59,139
- I can't think of anything else.
- Where did you get 'em?
254
00:12:59,220 --> 00:13:00,699
Gabby on reception.
255
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:04,974
What do we do?
256
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:06,769
Wait.
257
00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:09,974
Harder!
258
00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:11,573
My thumbs are murder.
259
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:14,538
There'll be murder if you stop.
Can you ring Debbie again?
260
00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:17,293
What's the point?
He's not going to come.
261
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:21,259
He lets everyone down.
Accept that. Give birth.
262
00:13:21,340 --> 00:13:23,615
No. He said he'd be here
and he will be here.
263
00:13:26,820 --> 00:13:28,617
Do you think I'm still the youngest?
264
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:34,011
Mum's had loads of kids. She could
probably drop another in her sleep.
265
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:38,258
He needs us here. I'm staying.
266
00:13:38,340 --> 00:13:42,299
So am I then. Why do girls
wear make-up and perfume?
267
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:45,498
Because they're ugly and they smell.
268
00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:49,611
- Do you want some?
- Um...
269
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:51,372
He's bleeding again.
270
00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:54,452
He's going to have all sorts
of involuntary actions.
271
00:13:54,540 --> 00:13:56,337
Smiling and that.
272
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,217
We're just to ignore
him unless his eyes open.
273
00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,699
What do we talk to him about?
274
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:04,098
Tell him stuff about the family.
What you talk about normally.
275
00:14:04,180 --> 00:14:06,569
I never talk to him normally.
276
00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:08,139
All right. Here's your chance.
277
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:13,854
Dad, every night when he thinks
I'm sleeping, Carl has a wank.
278
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,293
Is that normal?
279
00:14:15,380 --> 00:14:16,699
Oh, he's going to wake up now.
280
00:14:20,620 --> 00:14:21,575
Oh!
281
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:23,412
Midwife should be here by now.
282
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:25,172
Maybe she got held up or something.
283
00:14:30,740 --> 00:14:32,253
How long will it be?
284
00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:34,058
How should I know?
285
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,778
Don't we time the contractions?
286
00:14:35,860 --> 00:14:38,579
If you know so much about it,
why don't you deliver it?
287
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:42,255
Let's go somewhere with white coats
and machinery that beeps.
288
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:44,535
It's not like you're going
to get turned on, is it?
289
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:45,689
You're my mum.
290
00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:47,418
Yeah, I'm a woman.
291
00:14:48,860 --> 00:14:50,259
I've known you were
that way since you were six.
292
00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:52,058
You know I'm gay?
293
00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:53,129
That's what I said.
294
00:14:53,220 --> 00:14:54,369
You didn't say that.
Why didn't you mention it?
295
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:56,291
It's none of my business.
296
00:14:56,380 --> 00:15:00,851
Anyway, you didn't fee!
The need to share, so why should I?
297
00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:05,616
It's starting again.
Can you rub my back for me?
298
00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:07,019
- Katie and Carl back?
- No.
299
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:10,251
Has he called?
He's not answering his mobi.
300
00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:13,696
I don't know where he is.
We're pretty busy here, Mandy.
301
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:26,218
Is he a nurse or doctor?
302
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,939
Nurse, they're just chatting.
303
00:15:29,020 --> 00:15:32,217
If he was a doctor
they'd be crawling up his arse.
304
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,375
I'd never be a male nurse.
305
00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:38,894
Why not? It's not gay.
306
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:43,610
I know it isn't but you spend
all day shaving men's pubes off.
307
00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:45,099
Who told you that?
308
00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:47,296
Gabby on reception.
309
00:15:48,820 --> 00:15:52,051
I can't find her.
The address Bindy gave is a wreck.
310
00:15:52,140 --> 00:15:54,893
No-one lives there.
What am I going to do?
311
00:15:54,980 --> 00:15:57,175
I've bloody lost Katie.
Mandy's going to wazz off the scale.
312
00:15:57,260 --> 00:16:00,570
(Shut upl) Right, this girl.
What do you know about her?
313
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:01,172
Nothing.
314
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:03,579
Her name. Bindy.
315
00:16:03,660 --> 00:16:05,252
What does she look like?
316
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:06,978
She's sort of...
317
00:16:07,060 --> 00:16:08,254
(Muffled) Any news on her mum?
318
00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:12,380
I'm rubbish at descriptions.
She's just normal.
319
00:16:12,460 --> 00:16:13,973
She stole a kid.
320
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,288
It could be a mistake.
321
00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:17,052
She gave you a false address.
322
00:16:17,140 --> 00:16:18,937
Do you think she'll hurt her?
323
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,658
Don't think so.
324
00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:22,696
She seems to really love kids.
325
00:16:22,780 --> 00:16:23,690
In a good way.
326
00:16:23,780 --> 00:16:27,819
I'll ring Tom. But you're
going to have to tell Mandy.
327
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,015
She'll kill me.
328
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:31,091
Yeah, you deserve it.
329
00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:34,095
Yeah...
330
00:16:34,180 --> 00:16:36,091
I'll wipe it off.
331
00:16:45,060 --> 00:16:46,539
Where is she?
332
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,133
What does she look like?
333
00:16:53,340 --> 00:16:54,534
(Muffled) Any news on her mum?
334
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:58,375
Pink top. She's got a pink top.
335
00:16:58,460 --> 00:17:01,736
Every girl in 10 miles is
wearing a fucking pink top.
336
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:03,412
What if she's changed her clothes?
337
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:04,774
Let's do him.
338
00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:05,975
I'm the only one
that will recognise her.
339
00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:07,493
You don't know fuck.
340
00:17:07,580 --> 00:17:08,217
I will if I see her.
341
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:10,416
If Katie's been hurt, I'll kill him.
342
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,331
I don't think she'd hurt her.
She really liked her.
343
00:17:12,420 --> 00:17:14,411
That's the reason I took
her in the first place.
344
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,172
You used our Katie as bait!
345
00:17:16,260 --> 00:17:17,898
Maguire?
346
00:17:21,020 --> 00:17:23,932
- OK. We'll take over. Police matter.
- We didn't call you. It's a Maguire matter.
347
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:27,092
We'll drive him around.
See if we can find her. Come on.
348
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,410
Come with us, Carl.
349
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:31,297
What are we doing?
Fucking get out looking!
350
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:34,531
Move! Split up.
Call everybody you know. Go!
351
00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:39,090
Come here, love.
352
00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:42,895
Snap! That was mine.
353
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:44,538
Cheat!
354
00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:47,339
RAPID BEEPING
Mine did.
355
00:17:47,420 --> 00:17:48,853
- Shit.
- What?
356
00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:52,298
- What?
- That noise.
357
00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:53,415
CONTINUOUS BEEP
358
00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:54,455
What?
359
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:56,292
It just stopped his heart.
360
00:18:00,060 --> 00:18:01,334
We've killed him.
361
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,529
Nurse!
362
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:06,255
Nurse!
363
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:12,091
Come on. Don't do this to me. Clear!
364
00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:14,489
Come on. Talk to me. Talk to me.
Come on. Clear!
365
00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:21,218
Sorry, love.
Give you a scare?
366
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,415
No harm done.
367
00:18:23,780 --> 00:18:25,179
Always falling off.
368
00:18:25,260 --> 00:18:27,012
BEEPING REGULATES
369
00:18:28,820 --> 00:18:30,890
- What were you doing with them?
- Nothing.
370
00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:35,329
Can you smell burning?
371
00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:37,297
No.
372
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:43,458
- (Tom) Is that her there?
- (Carl) I don't know!
373
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:47,658
You've got to do better than this, Carl.
Please. She's got Katie.
374
00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:51,449
- I've got like a mental block.
- You're not helping yourself here.
375
00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:54,100
Fuck off, you.
I still think you're a paedo.
376
00:18:54,180 --> 00:18:57,775
Carll You ever heard
the phrase police brutality?
377
00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:01,372
Is this normal?
378
00:19:01,460 --> 00:19:04,418
As far as I can remember.
I've blotted most of it out.
379
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,252
I'm not surprised.
380
00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:08,058
Horror show.
381
00:19:08,860 --> 00:19:09,690
Ooh.
382
00:19:11,340 --> 00:19:13,695
How did you know?
I barely knew myself.
383
00:19:13,780 --> 00:19:18,456
There was something
different about you.
384
00:19:18,540 --> 00:19:21,054
You weren't like Lip,
all bustle and breakages. You were...
385
00:19:21,140 --> 00:19:23,335
Don't say sensitive.
386
00:19:23,420 --> 00:19:26,253
No, not just that.
387
00:19:26,340 --> 00:19:28,456
I am your mother.
388
00:19:28,540 --> 00:19:32,692
I did think about you and how you'd be.
389
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:33,929
I did!
390
00:19:34,020 --> 00:19:36,580
I'm surprised you haven't moved on.
391
00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:38,298
I might never live in a family again.
392
00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:40,935
Oh...
393
00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:43,739
Ooh, here comes another one.
394
00:19:43,820 --> 00:19:46,459
They must have sent
another midwife by now.
395
00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:48,496
Here you are, mate.
396
00:19:52,820 --> 00:19:54,572
Can't find 'em.
397
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:56,696
No one's coming. We're on our own.
398
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,498
Please, let's go to the hospital.
399
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:00,298
No, not till Frank gets here.
400
00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:02,940
I want to do it proper this time.
401
00:20:03,020 --> 00:20:04,533
I want both parents there.
402
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,850
I want a real start for the baby.
403
00:20:15,220 --> 00:20:17,973
- Is that an involuntary reaction?
- Probably claim that.
404
00:20:24,220 --> 00:20:25,494
Is it gone?
405
00:20:25,580 --> 00:20:26,535
You look, you're the oldest.
406
00:20:26,620 --> 00:20:28,770
You're going to be a bloke.
You look.
407
00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:29,656
Safe.
408
00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:34,888
Not around this aftie.
409
00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:36,811
- Eh?
- Things to do.
410
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,891
Are you all right, love?
Do you need a friendly ear?
411
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:42,134
Nose out, Lillian.
412
00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:50,734
- Are you helping?
- What?
413
00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:52,776
- Looking for Katie.
- Who?
414
00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:54,452
Our Mandy's baby.
415
00:20:54,540 --> 00:20:55,939
Mandy's got a baby?
416
00:20:56,020 --> 00:20:58,978
Yes. You've seen her loads of times.
417
00:20:59,060 --> 00:21:00,413
What's happened?
418
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:02,297
Some girl's gone off with her.
419
00:21:02,380 --> 00:21:03,859
Fuck. That's fucking well sick.
420
00:21:03,940 --> 00:21:07,137
What you doing anyway?
I thought you was on a double shift.
421
00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:10,895
GP check-up. I go all the time,
sparing you the full facts.
422
00:21:10,980 --> 00:21:13,175
I've got to go. See you in a bit.
423
00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:19,494
Want a glass of water?
424
00:21:19,580 --> 00:21:20,933
And that's it, gone?
425
00:21:21,020 --> 00:21:25,093
You can come back for a
check-up afterwards if you want.
426
00:21:25,180 --> 00:21:27,136
You always this helpful?
427
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:30,292
Or are you specially keen to
make sure I don't drop one?
428
00:21:30,380 --> 00:21:32,371
We treat everyone the same.
429
00:21:32,460 --> 00:21:33,449
It's your decision.
430
00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:42,091
How long can this go on for?
431
00:21:42,180 --> 00:21:43,499
Oh, fucking days.
432
00:21:44,540 --> 00:21:46,895
Days? Piss off.
433
00:21:46,980 --> 00:21:48,493
I'm knackered.
It must be ready to come out.
434
00:21:48,580 --> 00:21:50,969
Yeah, it is.
435
00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:53,176
- I'm holding it in.
- What?
436
00:21:53,260 --> 00:21:56,252
I meant it. It's not
coming out till Frank's here.
437
00:21:58,340 --> 00:22:00,854
He's in a coma in hospital.
438
00:22:02,460 --> 00:22:04,974
Well, why didn't you fucking tell me?
439
00:22:05,060 --> 00:22:06,413
The doctor said not to.
440
00:22:06,940 --> 00:22:09,090
Oh, get me fucking bag.
441
00:22:13,660 --> 00:22:16,128
I spy with my...
442
00:22:16,220 --> 00:22:17,972
We're not that desperate.
443
00:22:18,060 --> 00:22:19,732
Coming through!
SHE PANTS
444
00:22:19,820 --> 00:22:20,809
What is it?
445
00:22:20,900 --> 00:22:23,494
I had to tell her.
She wouldn't give birth till she got here.
446
00:22:23,580 --> 00:22:25,218
- I can't watch.
- Me neither.
447
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:26,210
It's down to me again.
448
00:22:26,300 --> 00:22:29,975
- Get a nurse!
- Do you think you could wake up for the birth?
449
00:22:30,060 --> 00:22:31,539
(Ian) Look at the useless asshole.
He's out for the fucking count.
450
00:22:31,620 --> 00:22:33,417
(Monica) Don't talk about your dad like that!
451
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:35,058
(Ian, echoing) He's not my dad...
452
00:22:44,220 --> 00:22:47,815
You're awake.
About fucking time, mate.
453
00:22:49,140 --> 00:22:51,017
Brekkeroo.
454
00:22:52,140 --> 00:22:53,368
What's with the City boy stripes?
455
00:22:53,460 --> 00:22:57,089
Fucking belting opportunity, mate.
Luck's in, Daddio.
456
00:22:57,180 --> 00:22:59,216
With your son by your side
we're going to rock the world.
457
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:03,018
Room at the trough for
all the little pigs.
458
00:23:03,100 --> 00:23:04,931
We need a chat once
you finish malingering.
459
00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:11,010
Five minutes R&R, then we teleport.
460
00:23:11,900 --> 00:23:14,130
Ready for your injection, nurse?
461
00:23:15,220 --> 00:23:16,892
...You're doing great.
462
00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:18,049
The baby's coming!
463
00:23:18,140 --> 00:23:19,573
Push.
464
00:23:23,100 --> 00:23:25,455
Now then, now then. How's about?
465
00:23:25,540 --> 00:23:28,577
How's about concentrating
on the main event? Me.
466
00:23:29,420 --> 00:23:30,933
Later.
467
00:23:32,900 --> 00:23:35,414
You're like a dog
with two fucking dicks.
468
00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:38,378
Do you know what you're looking at
apart from a fucking handsome devil?
469
00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:40,371
Shock me to my bones.
470
00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:43,736
Behold Svengali.
The showbiz entrepreneur.
471
00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:46,288
I sniff out the small acts,
promote them in clubs.
472
00:23:46,380 --> 00:23:49,213
Screw the girls, take all the money,
flog 'em on.
473
00:23:49,300 --> 00:23:50,972
Fucking licence to print, mate.
I'm wedged.
474
00:23:51,060 --> 00:23:52,015
Flower, Dad?
475
00:23:52,100 --> 00:23:54,489
Oh, thanks, Lola lovely.
476
00:23:54,580 --> 00:23:55,410
Fighting fit?
477
00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:58,776
Back to the best of myself, Lo.
The very best.
478
00:23:58,860 --> 00:24:02,136
That's the fucking spirit, our Dad.
479
00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:04,097
Can you do that any harder? Jesus.
480
00:24:04,180 --> 00:24:06,375
I'm straight off me deathbed here.
481
00:24:08,060 --> 00:24:09,288
Daddy's home.
482
00:24:09,380 --> 00:24:10,369
THEY WHOOP
483
00:24:12,260 --> 00:24:13,409
What's with the blankets?
484
00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:17,129
I'm sorry, Frank.
I've gone all insidey-outsidey again.
485
00:24:17,220 --> 00:24:19,939
Jesus Christ, Sheila-Monica.
486
00:24:20,020 --> 00:24:22,011
I told you.
You've got to stop it, babe.
487
00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:24,614
I've run out of special pills.
488
00:24:24,700 --> 00:24:26,895
She's cooked for you. I've tried it.
489
00:24:26,980 --> 00:24:28,652
A bloody gorgeous pie. Mm!
SHE FARTS
490
00:24:28,740 --> 00:24:30,378
Melty mega.
491
00:24:30,460 --> 00:24:32,337
I've done your
ironing for you, love.
492
00:24:32,420 --> 00:24:36,174
It's a tonic to see
all my girls lined up.
493
00:24:36,260 --> 00:24:37,534
Got any socks need mending?
494
00:24:37,620 --> 00:24:38,609
I could wash your hair.
495
00:24:38,700 --> 00:24:41,612
Give the man some space.
He's been in a coma.
496
00:24:41,700 --> 00:24:43,213
If that's not the fucking definition
497
00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:45,973
of deserving a pint,
I don't know what is.
498
00:24:46,060 --> 00:24:47,175
Can I come?
499
00:24:47,260 --> 00:24:49,615
Sorry, mate. You've still only got one arm.
500
00:24:49,700 --> 00:24:51,531
It's all that wanking. I warned you.
501
00:24:51,620 --> 00:24:53,451
It's worth an arm.
502
00:24:53,540 --> 00:24:54,734
Awww!
503
00:24:56,380 --> 00:24:58,814
Bye!
504
00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:01,618
Bye, Dad. Love you.
505
00:25:06,020 --> 00:25:07,692
LOUD BELCH
506
00:25:07,780 --> 00:25:09,259
Filled an 'ole.
507
00:25:10,820 --> 00:25:12,412
Scratched an itch.
508
00:25:17,060 --> 00:25:18,095
It's your fucking round.
509
00:25:18,180 --> 00:25:19,613
You're the best.
510
00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:20,894
Apart from your dad, of course.
511
00:25:20,980 --> 00:25:22,459
Thanks for that, Karen.
512
00:25:22,540 --> 00:25:24,098
It's always nice to be remembered.
513
00:25:27,460 --> 00:25:28,575
So what do you say?
514
00:25:30,260 --> 00:25:32,171
- What?
- To me being your manager.
515
00:25:32,260 --> 00:25:33,375
Managing what?
516
00:25:33,460 --> 00:25:35,815
- You really don't know?
- What?
517
00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:39,495
You're a talented guy.
With my help sky's the fucking minimum.
518
00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:41,810
Infinity's the limit. Pads!
519
00:25:41,900 --> 00:25:42,935
WHISTLES
520
00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:47,770
Who is the funniest guy
you've ever seen or met?
521
00:25:47,860 --> 00:25:52,980
I've seen Les Dawson, Tarby,
Fat Bernard, creepy Doddy, the lot.
522
00:25:53,060 --> 00:25:55,779
Funniest man I've ever met, Frank.
523
00:25:55,860 --> 00:25:57,054
Me?
524
00:25:57,140 --> 00:26:00,530
Without a doubt.
Frank Gallagher. You crack me up.
525
00:26:00,620 --> 00:26:02,212
Cheers, Pads. On your way.
526
00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:03,289
I'm funny?
527
00:26:03,380 --> 00:26:05,575
All you need to do is get on
stage and rant like a bastard.
528
00:26:05,660 --> 00:26:09,255
Try it out here.
Talent night tonight.
529
00:26:13,180 --> 00:26:17,810
Thank you, Chatsworth.
You've been a lovely audience!
530
00:26:17,900 --> 00:26:19,299
CHEERING AND WHISTLING
531
00:26:26,260 --> 00:26:27,739
Do you believe me now?
532
00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:32,132
I do! I do! That was the moment
I've been waiting for.
533
00:26:32,220 --> 00:26:36,179
I am finally... born.
534
00:26:36,260 --> 00:26:38,694
That's what it feels like,
like I've been born.
535
00:26:38,780 --> 00:26:41,613
Perspective, mate.
Don't blow it out your arse just yet.
536
00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:44,055
It's only The Jockey.
537
00:26:44,140 --> 00:26:45,812
Do we have a deal?
538
00:26:49,460 --> 00:26:54,295
We do.
I'm going to be a fucking star.
539
00:26:54,380 --> 00:26:56,689
Finally, recognition.
540
00:26:57,260 --> 00:26:58,534
Yeah!
541
00:27:01,820 --> 00:27:03,651
It's all down to you, Son.
542
00:27:06,660 --> 00:27:08,730
Keep pushing, Mum.
I can see its head.
543
00:27:08,820 --> 00:27:11,493
(Midwife) Keep pushing, you're doing well.
544
00:27:11,580 --> 00:27:14,253
- It's coming!
- One last push, Mum.
545
00:27:14,340 --> 00:27:16,410
You've gone stellar, haven't you?
Can't get away from you on the box.
546
00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:19,856
They're making a documentary
about you, aren't they?
547
00:27:19,940 --> 00:27:24,331
Thought he were clever but he were
nowt but a thieving, pikey twat.
548
00:27:24,420 --> 00:27:27,537
But smoked his own weight every week,
so what can you do, eh?
549
00:27:27,620 --> 00:27:34,412
Despite the booze, fags, drugs,
he does have surprisingly sweet breath.
550
00:27:34,500 --> 00:27:36,934
(Gruff male voice) For years
he's pretended I'm a man in drag.
551
00:27:37,020 --> 00:27:40,456
Bloody gay, I reckon.
Calls me Bob Selecta.
552
00:27:40,540 --> 00:27:42,610
Still, better than Phil Selecta.
553
00:27:44,580 --> 00:27:46,616
(Man) 'Day 88 in the house.'
554
00:27:46,700 --> 00:27:50,090
Elton's having a difficult
one though. A bit down.
555
00:27:50,180 --> 00:27:51,852
(Big Brother) 'Do you think that could
have anything to do with the fact
556
00:27:51,940 --> 00:27:53,851
'you called him a fat, bald gaylord? '
557
00:27:58,180 --> 00:28:01,138
(TV presenter) 'Let's see how Franky
fares in his tough fucker trial.'
558
00:28:03,540 --> 00:28:04,859
(Muffled) Get me out of here now!
559
00:28:11,540 --> 00:28:14,930
(Man) 'Doesn't his paso doble stand out? '
560
00:28:19,860 --> 00:28:22,499
This is where history began.
Talent night here.
561
00:28:24,100 --> 00:28:28,537
Pissed it. Acting all shit-faced.
562
00:28:28,620 --> 00:28:31,532
The irony is I don't drink that much.
You know, it's an act.
563
00:28:31,620 --> 00:28:34,532
You know, a persona.
564
00:28:34,620 --> 00:28:36,611
(Man) You've been very generous in
attributing a large portion of
565
00:28:36,700 --> 00:28:38,133
your success to your son, Ian.
566
00:28:38,220 --> 00:28:39,175
Mm.
567
00:28:39,260 --> 00:28:41,330
I believe you signed half
your earnings over to him.
568
00:28:41,420 --> 00:28:43,615
Sorry, can't talk about that.
569
00:28:43,700 --> 00:28:46,931
Oh, all right. Let's cut there.
570
00:28:47,020 --> 00:28:48,931
Big news, Daddio.
571
00:28:49,020 --> 00:28:51,011
What? Another triumph.
I get bored of them.
572
00:28:51,100 --> 00:28:52,931
Too fuckety-fuck it is.
573
00:28:53,020 --> 00:28:55,898
Adam Sandler's dropped out of
some shit film and they want you.
574
00:28:55,980 --> 00:28:57,652
Hollywood?
575
00:28:57,740 --> 00:28:59,253
Exactamundo.
576
00:28:59,340 --> 00:29:00,898
Globalisation.
577
00:29:00,980 --> 00:29:03,619
Everything we've ever hated is ours.
578
00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:05,895
You're fucking
Starbucks and McDonald's
579
00:29:05,980 --> 00:29:08,938
wrapped in a stream of pissed bollocks.
580
00:29:09,020 --> 00:29:11,818
I'm a franchise?
581
00:29:11,900 --> 00:29:13,856
A Frankise!
582
00:29:15,060 --> 00:29:20,339
Me and a line of sons reaching
round the world. My loins.
583
00:29:20,420 --> 00:29:23,139
Success!
584
00:29:23,220 --> 00:29:25,609
God, I got a good 'un when I got you.
585
00:29:28,780 --> 00:29:30,816
What's that?
I've rescued a little baby puppy.
586
00:29:30,900 --> 00:29:31,935
What the fuck for?
587
00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:33,658
Well, for us.
588
00:29:33,740 --> 00:29:37,096
We can't take it to America
because he's scared of flying too.
589
00:29:37,180 --> 00:29:39,774
(Monica, echoing) Please, I need you.
590
00:29:39,860 --> 00:29:43,455
- Monica needs you.
- Choose the real thing.
591
00:29:43,540 --> 00:29:46,577
Hold him Frank, it's real.
Choose the real thing.
592
00:29:46,660 --> 00:29:50,050
It isn't a choice. You signed this.
593
00:29:51,940 --> 00:29:53,578
I'm everything you wished for.
594
00:29:55,660 --> 00:29:56,854
That's a copy.
595
00:29:57,780 --> 00:29:58,735
What?
596
00:29:58,820 --> 00:30:00,048
You owe me money, Frank. Gotta pay.
597
00:30:03,700 --> 00:30:05,770
(Monica, echoing) I need you!
598
00:30:10,100 --> 00:30:12,216
I did say I was a handsome devil.
599
00:30:13,540 --> 00:30:17,294
But... But I'm your father. I made you.
600
00:30:17,380 --> 00:30:20,690
Not strictly true.
601
00:30:20,780 --> 00:30:24,295
No blood, as you never fucking
tire of reminding me.
602
00:30:24,380 --> 00:30:27,929
Choose us, Frank.
Take the puppy. Take it.
603
00:30:28,020 --> 00:30:29,738
Don't touch the puppy, Frank!
604
00:30:30,780 --> 00:30:32,577
Don't touch it.
Don't touch the puppy.
605
00:30:32,660 --> 00:30:33,729
Don't touch the puppy.
606
00:30:34,980 --> 00:30:36,379
Arghhh!
607
00:30:37,580 --> 00:30:39,013
He's awake.
608
00:30:42,540 --> 00:30:43,734
What's this?
609
00:30:49,740 --> 00:30:51,253
Where's its tail?
610
00:30:53,420 --> 00:30:55,251
It hasn't got a tail,
it's a little girl.
611
00:30:55,340 --> 00:30:57,171
Another one?
612
00:31:01,660 --> 00:31:02,979
You all right?
613
00:31:05,700 --> 00:31:07,133
I'm glad you were there.
614
00:31:10,060 --> 00:31:11,334
Did I faint?
615
00:31:12,740 --> 00:31:13,695
It weren't too bad.
616
00:31:13,780 --> 00:31:17,011
She's lying.
It were fucking horrible.
617
00:31:17,100 --> 00:31:18,453
She did really well.
618
00:31:19,540 --> 00:31:22,657
Lan was here for me.
619
00:31:22,740 --> 00:31:25,334
Will you say hello to
your little sis, Ian?
620
00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:44,217
Two hours. Two hours.
What if they've not found her.
621
00:31:44,300 --> 00:31:45,892
Stop. Look at what we know.
622
00:31:47,620 --> 00:31:49,531
It's a woman,
that's got to be good news.
623
00:31:49,620 --> 00:31:51,850
She likes Katie.
624
00:31:51,940 --> 00:31:54,738
She met her a few times.
Carl trusted her.
625
00:31:55,580 --> 00:32:00,370
Even he's not stupid enough to leave
her with a proper fucking headcase.
626
00:32:00,460 --> 00:32:01,575
You let him take her out.
627
00:32:01,660 --> 00:32:03,730
So it's my fault?
628
00:32:03,820 --> 00:32:06,459
No.
629
00:32:06,540 --> 00:32:11,819
You left Katie with him,
so he can't be that untrustworthy.
630
00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:13,333
She will be found.
631
00:32:25,900 --> 00:32:26,969
You got a light, love?
632
00:32:27,060 --> 00:32:28,379
Yes, somewhere.
633
00:32:31,460 --> 00:32:32,529
Here you go.
634
00:32:38,100 --> 00:32:40,819
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
635
00:32:42,060 --> 00:32:43,049
How old is she?
636
00:32:43,140 --> 00:32:44,653
Uh, three.
637
00:32:44,740 --> 00:32:46,492
What's your name, sweetie?
638
00:32:46,580 --> 00:32:48,696
She's called Gemma.
639
00:32:50,020 --> 00:32:51,578
I don't really like
people smoking round her.
640
00:32:51,660 --> 00:32:55,369
Yeah.
Apparently it's bad for you.
641
00:33:03,860 --> 00:33:06,135
Katie?
642
00:33:08,660 --> 00:33:10,730
She's massive.
643
00:33:10,820 --> 00:33:12,572
She looks about three months old.
644
00:33:12,660 --> 00:33:15,333
Can you go and get your mam, Debbie?
645
00:33:15,420 --> 00:33:16,933
I was going to get off.
646
00:33:17,020 --> 00:33:18,772
Can't Liam do it?
647
00:33:18,860 --> 00:33:20,088
Leaving your old dad?
648
00:33:20,180 --> 00:33:22,057
I'm seeing Tom.
649
00:33:22,140 --> 00:33:23,573
I'll get her.
650
00:33:27,700 --> 00:33:29,292
What are you going to call her?
651
00:33:29,380 --> 00:33:30,733
Stella.
652
00:33:32,660 --> 00:33:33,854
Good name.
653
00:33:33,940 --> 00:33:35,419
Pretty.
654
00:33:36,300 --> 00:33:38,860
Why don't you call her
Tenants Purple or Thunderbird?
655
00:33:38,940 --> 00:33:40,134
Fuck's sake, Dad.
656
00:33:40,220 --> 00:33:41,050
Not the beer.
657
00:33:41,140 --> 00:33:43,654
Jesus, I'm not that fucking deranged.
658
00:33:43,740 --> 00:33:46,254
Stella for "star".
659
00:33:47,700 --> 00:33:49,133
Our lickle star.
660
00:33:58,980 --> 00:34:01,699
- What's that for?
- Thanks for looking after your mam.
661
00:34:01,780 --> 00:34:03,372
It's appreciated.
662
00:34:07,060 --> 00:34:08,095
You're a good son.
663
00:34:12,340 --> 00:34:14,012
Sometimes I look at you and Mum
664
00:34:14,100 --> 00:34:17,410
and I can see
how you very nearly work.
665
00:34:17,500 --> 00:34:20,094
Bugger me. I fucking can't...
666
00:34:26,180 --> 00:34:30,253
Have you stopped?
You can't even fucking look after her.
667
00:34:30,340 --> 00:34:32,251
Look at the state. She's filthy.
668
00:34:33,900 --> 00:34:35,856
I just thought I could be a mum to her.
669
00:34:35,940 --> 00:34:37,214
Hers has run off.
670
00:34:37,300 --> 00:34:39,370
She hasn't run off.
She's desperate.
671
00:34:40,940 --> 00:34:42,896
She really looks
like my little sister.
672
00:34:42,980 --> 00:34:47,656
Don't tell me. She died in
a terrible fucking accident.
673
00:34:47,740 --> 00:34:49,173
We had a fire.
674
00:34:50,460 --> 00:34:51,529
(Fuck.)
675
00:34:55,420 --> 00:34:57,888
Is that true
or are you just some fucking nut?
676
00:34:57,980 --> 00:35:00,892
Of course it's true.
It's my sister.
677
00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:04,058
I didn't know what to do.
678
00:35:05,660 --> 00:35:07,537
At the time I wasn't thinking. I just...
679
00:35:07,620 --> 00:35:11,374
wrote our old address down
without thinking.
680
00:35:11,460 --> 00:35:13,610
And then...
681
00:35:13,700 --> 00:35:14,894
I'm sorry.
682
00:35:18,900 --> 00:35:20,492
I don't want you to drop your load,
683
00:35:20,580 --> 00:35:24,493
but her family are well fucking creative
when it comes to revenge.
684
00:35:24,580 --> 00:35:26,013
Get help.
685
00:35:26,100 --> 00:35:27,977
And get it a long way from here.
686
00:35:28,060 --> 00:35:29,015
I will.
687
00:35:33,060 --> 00:35:34,812
Quite nice really, isn't she?
688
00:35:36,420 --> 00:35:39,332
The girl didn't mean any harm.
I don't think.
689
00:35:40,980 --> 00:35:43,130
- Katie!
- (Mimi) Is she all right?
690
00:35:43,220 --> 00:35:44,255
She's lovely.
691
00:35:44,340 --> 00:35:45,773
Did you see the girl, Bindy?
692
00:35:45,860 --> 00:35:47,179
Yes.
693
00:35:47,260 --> 00:35:48,773
Can you give us a description?
694
00:35:48,860 --> 00:35:50,259
I can give you better than that.
695
00:35:51,380 --> 00:35:52,529
Got a photie.
696
00:35:53,460 --> 00:35:55,132
Go on, take a look.
697
00:35:55,220 --> 00:35:56,494
That her?
698
00:35:57,780 --> 00:35:59,133
You haven't got one with
more of her in, have you?
699
00:35:59,220 --> 00:36:00,209
Like what?
700
00:36:02,260 --> 00:36:04,694
More upper body.
701
00:36:07,460 --> 00:36:08,688
Fuck it. That's her, deffo.
702
00:36:13,580 --> 00:36:16,970
- Thank God.
- And Kelly.
703
00:36:17,060 --> 00:36:18,413
Some terrible things have
been said about this girl.
704
00:36:18,500 --> 00:36:19,728
Yeah, mainly by you.
705
00:36:19,820 --> 00:36:21,572
Shut up, dickless.
706
00:36:21,660 --> 00:36:24,891
And I'm sorry
but that's behind us now.
707
00:36:24,980 --> 00:36:28,131
This house will always be gratefu!
And always have a welcome for you.
708
00:36:28,220 --> 00:36:30,780
Ta. Ta.
709
00:36:30,860 --> 00:36:32,657
So what do we do with Carl?
710
00:36:32,740 --> 00:36:34,617
Don't do anything to him.
711
00:36:34,700 --> 00:36:37,089
We've got her back now
and that's all that matters.
712
00:36:37,180 --> 00:36:41,093
No, I meant what do we do with him?
Do we leave him there?
713
00:36:41,180 --> 00:36:42,977
I'm going to be sick!
714
00:36:45,660 --> 00:36:47,173
You can't fucking just leave me here!
715
00:36:49,740 --> 00:36:51,059
Help!
716
00:36:57,020 --> 00:36:58,419
How were check-up?
717
00:36:58,500 --> 00:37:00,809
- What?
- You went to t'doctors.
718
00:37:02,060 --> 00:37:04,255
- Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
- Bollocks.
719
00:37:05,460 --> 00:37:07,655
What are you lying for?
720
00:37:07,740 --> 00:37:09,219
Tell me.
721
00:37:13,340 --> 00:37:14,693
I was arranging an abortion.
722
00:37:16,180 --> 00:37:17,579
You can do it with a pill now.
723
00:37:17,660 --> 00:37:18,854
Is it mine?
724
00:37:18,940 --> 00:37:20,771
You're the only man I've been careless with.
725
00:37:20,860 --> 00:37:23,010
I haven't had any accidents
with anyone else.
726
00:37:23,100 --> 00:37:24,977
- Is it mine?
- Yes, it's fucking yours.
727
00:37:28,940 --> 00:37:30,259
Did you take it?
728
00:37:33,100 --> 00:37:34,135
No, not yet.
729
00:37:35,580 --> 00:37:39,493
Good. Fucking hell, Kelly.
We've got a tradition, a family tradition.
730
00:37:39,580 --> 00:37:42,253
Maguires, you knock a girl up
731
00:37:42,340 --> 00:37:45,093
and you stick by her, no matter what.
732
00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:46,169
What?
733
00:37:49,620 --> 00:37:52,180
Kelly... You're a...
734
00:37:54,060 --> 00:37:58,372
...A wave washed over my whole life
735
00:37:58,460 --> 00:38:00,690
and made it worth something.
736
00:38:02,740 --> 00:38:04,412
You know...
737
00:38:04,500 --> 00:38:06,377
- Shane?
- Shut up.
738
00:38:06,500 --> 00:38:08,411
I'd do anything for you.
739
00:38:10,020 --> 00:38:12,250
I worship you.
740
00:38:13,420 --> 00:38:15,251
I love you.
741
00:38:15,940 --> 00:38:18,852
I want us to have this baby.
742
00:38:23,900 --> 00:38:27,370
Oh, that's better! Full house. I was beginning
to think it was empty round here.
743
00:38:27,460 --> 00:38:29,018
Has it done anything yet?
744
00:38:29,100 --> 00:38:31,330
Yeah, she's give us
a tip on a horse
745
00:38:31,420 --> 00:38:33,888
and invited us round to the pub
to wet her head.
746
00:38:33,980 --> 00:38:38,576
Yeah? Joke. You don't realise
but your dad is a funny guy.
747
00:38:38,660 --> 00:38:39,775
Yeah, right.
748
00:38:39,860 --> 00:38:41,418
Come on, then. Gather round.
749
00:38:44,460 --> 00:38:46,132
And say hello...
750
00:38:46,220 --> 00:38:48,176
to Stella
751
00:38:48,260 --> 00:38:50,137
lana Gallagher.
752
00:38:50,220 --> 00:38:52,017
Lana?
753
00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:55,535
Oh!
754
00:38:58,140 --> 00:38:59,368
- Who wants to hold her?
- Me.
755
00:38:59,460 --> 00:39:00,495
OK.
756
00:39:04,660 --> 00:39:06,730
Good girl.
757
00:39:07,100 --> 00:39:08,089
Where are you off?
758
00:39:08,180 --> 00:39:10,410
Get changed. Can't go to
the pub like this, can I?
759
00:39:10,500 --> 00:39:12,058
I'll get my jacket.
760
00:39:12,140 --> 00:39:14,859
You're dumping her on us already?
Come back!
761
00:39:23,100 --> 00:39:24,294
LAUGHTER
762
00:39:27,900 --> 00:39:29,049
Mum, Dad.
763
00:39:30,220 --> 00:39:32,176
I'm up the chuff.
764
00:39:32,260 --> 00:39:34,251
CHEERING
765
00:39:35,420 --> 00:39:37,695
That'll be the making of you.
766
00:39:37,780 --> 00:39:39,338
- I'm delighted.
- Thank you.
767
00:39:40,860 --> 00:39:42,498
Did you hear that? Pregnant.
768
00:39:42,580 --> 00:39:43,535
That's how you do it.
769
00:39:44,820 --> 00:39:46,890
I'll be proud to be the
grandfather of your child.
770
00:39:46,980 --> 00:39:49,699
- What about the prossie stuff?
- What prossie stuff?
771
00:39:49,780 --> 00:39:51,771
And the drugs.
Shit.
772
00:39:51,860 --> 00:39:54,215
What drugs?
773
00:39:54,300 --> 00:39:57,451
Is there a Maguire tradition
if you knock a girl up?
774
00:39:57,540 --> 00:39:59,212
There is.
775
00:39:59,300 --> 00:40:01,530
Never give your real name.
776
00:40:12,060 --> 00:40:14,779
You fucking romantic bastard.
777
00:40:14,860 --> 00:40:17,010
Drinks. A celebration!
778
00:40:17,100 --> 00:40:19,056
Hey, we have had another little one.
779
00:40:19,140 --> 00:40:22,098
Is there anything you
wouldn't use to get a free drink?
780
00:40:22,180 --> 00:40:23,772
I have had a bang on the head.
781
00:40:25,700 --> 00:40:27,497
- Drinks are on the house tonight, Frank.
- First round.
782
00:40:27,580 --> 00:40:28,933
That'll do.
783
00:40:29,020 --> 00:40:30,089
Sorry.
784
00:40:30,180 --> 00:40:31,738
Watch where you're fucking going.
785
00:40:31,820 --> 00:40:34,414
I'm Kelly fucking Maguire, nearly.
786
00:40:38,220 --> 00:40:40,688
(Frank) Good evening, Chatsworth.
787
00:40:40,780 --> 00:40:45,934
As some of you may already know
we have become a father again.
788
00:40:46,020 --> 00:40:47,931
Thank you, thank you.
789
00:40:48,020 --> 00:40:52,571
Little Stella is over there
with the rest of my wonderful family.
790
00:40:52,660 --> 00:40:56,539
Liam and Debbie and Carl and Ian.
791
00:41:00,180 --> 00:41:04,219
And my wife Monica.
I could not be prouder...
792
00:41:04,300 --> 00:41:07,337
and I would like to take this opportunity
793
00:41:07,420 --> 00:41:10,651
of giving you my impersonation
of Stephen Hawking in the bath.
794
00:41:10,740 --> 00:41:12,378
GROANS
795
00:41:12,460 --> 00:41:15,497
For the universe is complete...
796
00:41:16,180 --> 00:41:17,579
Shut up.
797
00:41:17,660 --> 00:41:19,013
RUMBLING
798
00:41:20,540 --> 00:41:22,053
Fucking hell.
799
00:41:22,140 --> 00:41:24,449
Don't mock that man.
He's a fucking hero. Off.
800
00:41:26,060 --> 00:41:27,413
Bollocks.
801
00:41:27,500 --> 00:41:28,819
Party.
802
00:41:28,900 --> 00:41:30,379
Here you are.
803
00:41:30,460 --> 00:41:31,893
Little Stella.
804
00:41:31,980 --> 00:41:34,972
(All) Stella.
805
00:41:35,060 --> 00:41:38,052
Cheers... Dad.
806
00:41:40,700 --> 00:41:41,655
Dick.
807
00:41:41,740 --> 00:41:43,651
(Frank) 'Dick?
808
00:41:43,740 --> 00:41:46,095
'Oh, yeah, cheers.
809
00:41:46,180 --> 00:41:48,899
'All this nature versus
the other bugger's shite, bollocks.
810
00:41:48,980 --> 00:41:51,540
'Comes down to it, you know
you're a parent if you're being abused
811
00:41:51,620 --> 00:41:53,929
'and you don't mind.
Say anything.
812
00:41:54,020 --> 00:41:57,535
'Say the un-fucking-sayable
and carry on like sod all's happened.
813
00:41:57,620 --> 00:41:59,895
'That's family.
814
00:41:59,980 --> 00:42:03,052
'I'm Frank Gallagher
and I'm a fucking dick.
815
00:42:04,780 --> 00:42:10,730
'The colours of the rainbow
so pretty in the sky
816
00:42:10,820 --> 00:42:14,699
'Are there on the faces
of people going by
817
00:42:14,780 --> 00:42:21,458
'I see friends shaking hands saying,
"How do you do?"
818
00:42:21,540 --> 00:42:25,453
'They're really saying...
819
00:42:25,540 --> 00:42:30,056
'I hear babies crying
820
00:42:30,140 --> 00:42:31,778
'I watch them grow
821
00:42:31,860 --> 00:42:34,010
'They'll learn much more
822
00:42:34,100 --> 00:42:36,739
'Than I'll ever know... '
823
00:42:36,820 --> 00:42:38,492
Oi, Frank, put that out!
824
00:42:40,900 --> 00:42:41,855
(Fucking hell... )
825
00:42:41,940 --> 00:42:45,137
'And I think to myself
826
00:42:47,660 --> 00:42:55,499
'What a wonderful world
827
00:42:56,860 --> 00:43:02,298
'Yes, I think to myself
828
00:43:04,460 --> 00:43:20,935
'What a wonderful wor-r-r-rld. '
829
00:43:21,860 --> 00:43:23,134
'Thank you.'
830
00:43:43,740 --> 00:43:45,219
Get a good eyeful, won't you, mate?
831
00:43:45,269 --> 00:43:49,819
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