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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,572 Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express! 2 00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:08,174 Come and watch pikeys making a mess 3 00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:11,855 of the lives they were given by 'im upstairs... 4 00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:14,898 And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs. 5 00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:16,095 Wicked! 6 00:00:16,180 --> 00:00:17,499 Piss off! 7 00:00:17,580 --> 00:00:21,368 What sounds on Earth could ever replace 8 00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:24,497 kids needing money or wives in your face? 9 00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:26,935 Cos this, people reckon - me included - 10 00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:29,488 is why pubs and drugs 11 00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,172 were kindly invented... 12 00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:33,774 To calm us all down and stop us going mental. 13 00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:38,570 These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials. 14 00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:44,815 We are worth every penny for grinding your axes... 15 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,379 You sit on our head, 16 00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:49,133 but... you pay the taxes. 17 00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:50,619 CHEERING 18 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:53,373 Imagine Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers 19 00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:56,691 who'd come on your face for the price of a beer, eh? 20 00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,259 Eh! 21 00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:02,094 Make poverty history. Cheaper drugs now! 22 00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:07,049 Make poverty history! Cheaper drugs now! 23 00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:08,459 CHUCKLES 24 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:12,169 Scatter! Party! 25 00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:19,619 (Liam) 'Affairs of the heart are troublesome to adults. 26 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:23,378 'They're complex, and carry lots of baggage. 27 00:01:23,460 --> 00:01:26,179 'And consequences. Big and small.' 28 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:29,377 Will you fuckin' lie at peace? 29 00:01:29,460 --> 00:01:34,011 'It's the one area of life where adults get to behave irrationally. 30 00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,897 'Like kids on a sugar rush, 31 00:01:35,980 --> 00:01:39,575 'tears and tantrums, falling out and not speakin'. 32 00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:41,412 'Secrets and lies. 33 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,170 'Makes you wonder whether it's worth it, 34 00:01:45,260 --> 00:01:48,491 'if it wouldn't it be better to stay on your own? 35 00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:51,617 'Be a priest, or a Trappist monk or somethin'? 36 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:54,260 'Live apart from society? 37 00:01:56,340 --> 00:02:00,299 'If only there was a superior being I could believe in.' 38 00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:06,895 Where's Liam? 39 00:02:08,140 --> 00:02:10,973 He's gonna be late. Liam! 40 00:02:11,060 --> 00:02:13,494 Oh, don't get up, I'll fix his toast! 41 00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:15,935 Hello! Have you seen the size of me? 42 00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:17,214 FOOTSTEPS 43 00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:19,211 - You didn't wake me! - Got a study day. 44 00:02:20,660 --> 00:02:23,049 MONICA LAUGHS 45 00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:27,019 God, he looks like a refugee from the 1980s! 46 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:29,170 There's nothing wrong with him. 47 00:02:29,260 --> 00:02:32,093 Well, the fashion police might beg to differ, Debbie! 48 00:02:32,180 --> 00:02:33,533 Why's she laughin'? 49 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:37,374 Cos her hormones have affected her brain. Go and get your bag. 50 00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:42,569 Scar him for life, sending him into school with trousers like that! 51 00:02:42,660 --> 00:02:45,254 They're gonna have to do him till the end of term, 52 00:02:45,340 --> 00:02:47,490 unless you have a contribution to make. 53 00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:51,459 Oh, I forgot, he's my job, just like everything else round here. 54 00:02:51,540 --> 00:02:54,293 Developing a victim complex, are we, Debbie? 55 00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:55,608 I'm knackered. 56 00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:59,056 Try sleeping next to the heffalump over there. Then see how knackered you are. 57 00:02:59,140 --> 00:03:01,051 I'm cookin' a baby. 58 00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:03,859 Which forces you to kick the fuck out of me in me sleep?! 59 00:03:03,940 --> 00:03:05,259 Wake me up for dinner. 60 00:03:05,340 --> 00:03:08,457 Christ, more meat on a butcher's pencil, Carl. 61 00:03:08,540 --> 00:03:09,609 I've got no clean shirts. 62 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,453 Come on, Debs, I'm seeing Tracey Kelvin later. 63 00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:15,054 We've got two possibilities, then, haven't we? 64 00:03:15,140 --> 00:03:17,449 Either I've washed, dried and ironed them 65 00:03:17,540 --> 00:03:19,496 and hid 'em somewhere so you can't find them, 66 00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:23,334 or alternatively, since you should be able to get off your arse 67 00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:27,333 and wash your own shirts by now, it's still in the washing basket. 68 00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:29,331 Which do you think it is? 69 00:03:29,420 --> 00:03:33,493 Well, if you didn't stay up half the night texting your mates, 70 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,616 you might not be so tetchy of a morning! 71 00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:38,332 So did she wash the shirts or not? 72 00:03:51,020 --> 00:03:52,419 (Mimi) Jocks, I hate them. 73 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:55,651 How come the filth are all over us like a rash? What have we done? 74 00:03:55,740 --> 00:03:57,890 Fuck alll Somebody's feeding them information. 75 00:03:57,980 --> 00:04:00,335 (Mimi) Shortbread, what's that about? 76 00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:03,412 Biggest score in six fucking months, 77 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:06,458 and we couldn't shift a vitamin C tablet if there was a plague of rickets. 78 00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:09,054 You reckon it's them Jocks that have been sellin' 'em round pubs? 79 00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:12,974 I know it's those tight-fisted, skirt-wearing, 80 00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:15,335 Braveheart-watching Scottish fuckers! 81 00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:18,378 Anonymous phone tips to Inspector Plod. Hm! 82 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,576 They've no morals up there. 83 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:24,458 That's why we kicked them out of Ireland in the sixth century. 84 00:04:24,540 --> 00:04:26,417 Not like they've got a sell-by-date. 85 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,649 Pills. 86 00:04:27,740 --> 00:04:31,096 All of our petty cash is tied up in those pills, you skidmark. 87 00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:36,573 - We are stony fucking broke! - (Mimi) Braveheart, me arse! 88 00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:41,256 Your mother's in there, cooking, like it's going out of fashion! 89 00:04:41,340 --> 00:04:44,491 ...useless fuckin', grassin', haggis-eating Scottish... 90 00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:49,096 It wouldn't be a plague of rickets. It'd be a plague of crickets. 91 00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:53,810 Like that bloke Jimmy out of Pinocchio. One with the top hat. 92 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,572 Pigs have just nicked our Mandy. 93 00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:57,332 - She's got Katie with her. - What for? 94 00:04:57,420 --> 00:04:59,138 Haven't got a clue. Two minutes ago. 95 00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:01,211 Mam, the cops have nicked our Mandy. 96 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:05,657 - (All plead) Mickey! No! - Bastards! 97 00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:10,295 It burns. 98 00:05:13,940 --> 00:05:15,771 I think that's upside down. 99 00:05:18,340 --> 00:05:19,295 What the fuck? 100 00:05:19,380 --> 00:05:20,608 - Anything? - You? 101 00:05:21,860 --> 00:05:24,055 Didn't stop her shining a torch up me crack. 102 00:05:24,140 --> 00:05:26,495 Believe me, some sights are better left unseen. 103 00:05:26,580 --> 00:05:28,138 (Tom) Oh, that's gross! 104 00:05:28,220 --> 00:05:29,699 (Carrie) Uh! Rank! 105 00:05:29,780 --> 00:05:31,099 (Tom) Hasn't she got a nappy on? 106 00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:34,331 - CSI Chatsworth here wanted to inspect it. - Another feast for the eyes. 107 00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:37,173 - Well, you should get one on her before... - I haven't got a spare. 108 00:05:37,260 --> 00:05:38,613 I was only popping down the shop. 109 00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:40,418 We'll give you a hand putting it... 110 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,491 Don't bother. Quicker if I do it myself. 111 00:05:42,580 --> 00:05:45,140 Stay there, Katie. Good girl. 112 00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:53,332 I'm sorry about this. We got a tip-off. 113 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:57,015 Get better information, then. It's fuckin' harassment. She's soaked. 114 00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:02,894 Oi, you dropped... 115 00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:09,655 DOOR OPENS 116 00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:16,053 Oh, me baby! How is he? 117 00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,289 Arrgh! 118 00:06:18,380 --> 00:06:22,612 Eh, not even third-degree burns. I've had worse off Swan Vestas. 119 00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:25,009 Gotta keep this cream on, stop it blisterin'. 120 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:26,738 - Because he's worth it. - Shut it, you! 121 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:30,051 Have some consideration, Shane. 122 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,700 Wasn't me that threw a pan of pasta of sauce over him. 123 00:06:32,780 --> 00:06:36,250 And what's that supposed to mean? You calling me a bad mother? 124 00:06:36,340 --> 00:06:37,455 Mimi. 125 00:06:37,540 --> 00:06:39,656 "Mimi"I What? 126 00:06:39,740 --> 00:06:41,332 He was havin' a go, weren't ya? 127 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:43,415 Wasn't he?! 128 00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:57,132 - (Mandy) God's sake. Fuckin' coppers. - Don't let them get to you. 129 00:06:57,220 --> 00:06:59,575 Sitting there all morning. She gets a rash, 130 00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:01,491 - I'm makin' a complaint. - All right! 131 00:07:01,580 --> 00:07:04,811 - I'm on your side, remember? - I know. 132 00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:06,299 Sorry. 133 00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:22,934 Oh, shit. 134 00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:29,411 Is this what you're lookin' for? 135 00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:32,697 You must have dropped it on the floor when you stripped the buggy. 136 00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:34,930 This is a private letter. 137 00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:37,659 I didn't know it was important. 138 00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:41,176 You lot searched me daughter and stuck fingers up my arse. 139 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:45,219 Think I was gonna run after you and deliver your mail? 140 00:07:46,820 --> 00:07:47,775 I'm sorry. 141 00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:01,809 You all right? 142 00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:06,254 SOBBING 143 00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,211 She were only your birth mother. 144 00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:12,939 Your real mum's the one who brought you up. 145 00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:15,329 I was brought up in a care home, there is no real mum. 146 00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:18,059 - She was it. - You've been looking for her a long time? 147 00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:21,018 Two years. 148 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,289 I was gonna start earlier, but everyone said, 149 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,735 "Wait till you're older, till you know your own mind." 150 00:08:27,820 --> 00:08:30,618 Now, she's fuckin' dead! 151 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,699 You're not gonna give up? 152 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:37,375 Her children, they're your brothers and sisters. 153 00:08:37,460 --> 00:08:38,734 Half. 154 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,732 Half-brothers and one sister. 155 00:08:42,820 --> 00:08:46,972 Now apparently, I'm an "unfortunate mistake from my mother's youth, 156 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:50,939 "and shouldn't tarnish her good name by forcing myself upon the family." 157 00:08:51,020 --> 00:08:53,773 They've had a shock. Mother's not six weeks dead, 158 00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:55,418 and a son crawls out of the woodwork. 159 00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:58,298 You could be a gold-digger, for all they know. 160 00:08:58,380 --> 00:08:59,574 Thanks a bunch. 161 00:09:02,820 --> 00:09:04,776 I'd better get back inside. 162 00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:08,575 You can't go in like that. 163 00:09:08,660 --> 00:09:10,696 Your eyes are all puffy. 164 00:09:10,780 --> 00:09:13,214 Here. 165 00:09:17,660 --> 00:09:19,651 How old was she when she had you? 166 00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:24,018 17. Good Catholic family, sent her off to Ireland to have the baby, 167 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:27,217 get it adopted, spare the family shame. 168 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:31,054 Did you know she was from the north-west? Is that why you came over? 169 00:09:31,140 --> 00:09:33,529 Hadn't a clue. 170 00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:36,453 Believe me, it's a shock to think you're Irish, 171 00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:39,259 then find out it's English blood in your veins. 172 00:09:39,340 --> 00:09:41,808 Chip on my shoulder's totally confused! 173 00:09:43,580 --> 00:09:45,411 I just don't get it. 174 00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:49,129 I mean, you're a mother. How could you give away your own baby? 175 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,776 That's a bit of a bloke's attitude, if you don't mind me sayin'. 176 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:56,897 I was 15 when I fell pregnant with Katie. 177 00:09:56,980 --> 00:09:58,811 Hardest thing I've ever done. 178 00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:02,973 People say they'll support you, but they don't really. 179 00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,779 Nappy-changing and buying vests, yeah. 180 00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:09,773 But in the important stuff, in the dark hours, when you think you're the worst mum ever, 181 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,693 you resent her cos she's changed everything, 182 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:16,011 forced you to be old before your time, there's moments 183 00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,330 you'd flog her on eBay for the price of a bottle of cider. 184 00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:21,371 So do you wish you hadn't had her? 185 00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:24,372 Are you mental? 186 00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:27,657 She's the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me. 187 00:10:27,740 --> 00:10:30,129 The only beautiful thing that's ever happened to me. 188 00:10:34,540 --> 00:10:37,008 How could I do that to me own baby? 189 00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:41,930 You lost your temper, everybody does sometimes. 190 00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:44,968 It's like the deed's done 191 00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:46,379 before me brain's had time 192 00:10:46,460 --> 00:10:48,098 to process the thought. 193 00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:49,135 Bothers me. 194 00:10:49,220 --> 00:10:51,688 Then let's do something about it. 195 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:57,415 Nobody's allowed to bother my angel. 196 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,570 Not... even... you. 197 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:02,375 Done. 198 00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:11,334 Listen, thanks for taking the time. 199 00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,217 Had a gap in my schedule. 200 00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:18,499 Besides, your eyes don't look like you've gone 12 rounds with Ricky Hatton now. 201 00:11:18,580 --> 00:11:20,696 I'm really sorry I opened your letter. 202 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,452 Yeah, yeah. 203 00:11:22,540 --> 00:11:25,373 Funny, but... well, I'm not. 204 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,848 I'll see you. 205 00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:35,419 (Ian) A copper?! 206 00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:40,096 Shh. I felt sorry for him. Seems like a nice bloke. 207 00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:43,252 - What is it with you and men in uniform? - Shut up! 208 00:11:45,820 --> 00:11:47,378 You gonna ask him out? 209 00:11:47,460 --> 00:11:49,416 No... 210 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,138 How would that look, anyway? 211 00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:53,859 A Maguire and a police officer off down the pictures? 212 00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:55,259 You're finding excuses. 213 00:11:55,340 --> 00:12:00,016 I feel as if me radar's broke... after Lip, and then Dex. 214 00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,579 I don't know what to think. 215 00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:04,656 I don't wanna make an arse of meself. 216 00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:06,492 Test the water, then. 217 00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:07,808 How? 218 00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:11,859 Well, you've got the world's best buffer in there. Take her with. 219 00:12:14,140 --> 00:12:17,052 - Can't find me trou...! - Here. 220 00:12:17,140 --> 00:12:19,131 Try them. 221 00:12:21,580 --> 00:12:24,458 They look worse. You can see the turn-up a mile off! 222 00:12:24,540 --> 00:12:26,132 Well, I'll iron them, then. 223 00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:30,452 - Why can't I wear them like they were before? - Because you can't, that's all. 224 00:12:32,380 --> 00:12:33,813 There we go. 225 00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:39,373 Are we poor? 226 00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:42,092 What made you ask that? 227 00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:44,136 Nothin'. 228 00:12:44,220 --> 00:12:47,735 Just... Some of the kids at school said. 229 00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:52,018 We do all right. We're not any poorer than anyone else, 230 00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:55,615 and it doesn't matter what other people say, OK? 231 00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:56,689 I know. 232 00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:01,898 Come on, Tracey! It's just a date! 233 00:13:03,020 --> 00:13:04,612 All right, Carl? 234 00:13:13,340 --> 00:13:15,570 Here he comes - the great unwashed! 235 00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:19,179 I need... 236 00:13:20,780 --> 00:13:22,452 I need... advice. 237 00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,371 It's about... 238 00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:25,609 sex. 239 00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:32,419 Right, I'm seeing this girl, Tracey Kelvin, 240 00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:36,129 - and she's dead experienced. - You've popped your cherry, though? 241 00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:37,699 Course I have, but... 242 00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:39,293 she knows stuff. 243 00:13:39,380 --> 00:13:42,178 Loads of stuff. 244 00:13:42,260 --> 00:13:44,216 You've had older women. Didn't they teach you? 245 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,256 Yeah, but they always did stuff to me. 246 00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:48,376 Tracey expects me to do stuff to her. 247 00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:54,613 So you want me to teach you foreplay? 248 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,338 What's that? 249 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:03,374 (Man) 'I was so angry, I went out to the garage and snapped... ' 250 00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:05,928 (Woman) '... Every time I drink. I've run out of excuses... ' 251 00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:07,976 - (Man) '... A slag, to her face. My P45 arrived... ' 252 00:14:08,060 --> 00:14:11,575 (Man) '... Full volume, day and night. I threw his stereo out the window... ' 253 00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:14,049 - Mimi? 254 00:14:15,180 --> 00:14:16,932 Do you have anything to share? 255 00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:27,535 Well, there was the time I hit my husband with me shoe - 256 00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:29,372 a good six-inch heel. 257 00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:35,219 He'd come in seven sheets to the wind every night that week, 258 00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:37,018 and the kids were only small. 259 00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:42,335 I kept them on deliberate. 260 00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:45,093 Stilettos, like... 261 00:14:45,180 --> 00:14:48,490 So I took a knife and carved me initials into his back, 262 00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:51,697 ten inches high, while he was still tied up. 263 00:14:51,780 --> 00:14:54,738 Next time one of my lads hit a ball into his garden, 264 00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:58,859 he handed it back double-quick, that's for sure. 265 00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:05,657 If you try taking a deep breath before you act... 266 00:15:05,740 --> 00:15:08,812 Brian, I've tried everything. 267 00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:11,414 I've tried counting to ten, I've tried saying a prayer 268 00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:13,013 to St Clare of Assisi. 269 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:17,332 I never get past three, and I always end up going to confession after. 270 00:15:17,420 --> 00:15:19,297 There are other strategies. 271 00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:21,132 Problem-solving, 272 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:24,257 better communication, cognitive restructuring. 273 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,568 I'm not a hippy! 274 00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:31,371 I'm talking about empathising with people, putting yourself in their shoes. 275 00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:33,735 I'll give you some materials that might help. 276 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:42,818 Haven't you got immigrant labour who do that for you? 277 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,856 Filling my day with meaningless tasks! 278 00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:47,818 - Where you off to? - Just out for a walk. 279 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,699 So have you phoned them? 280 00:15:51,940 --> 00:15:53,168 I don't see the point. 281 00:15:56,020 --> 00:15:57,658 Well, see you, then. 282 00:15:58,740 --> 00:15:59,855 Hey, wait! 283 00:15:59,940 --> 00:16:02,329 I'm due a break. 284 00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,138 Do you want to go to the park? 285 00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:07,299 I'll spring for the ice-cream. 286 00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:11,253 All right. 287 00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:16,932 If you could have asked your mother one question, what would it be? 288 00:16:17,020 --> 00:16:18,976 I couldn't ask her just one question. 289 00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:20,812 It would have to be a million, or none. 290 00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:22,333 Like what? 291 00:16:22,420 --> 00:16:26,015 Like... is there a history of heart attacks in the family? 292 00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:29,615 Did she get the life she wanted after she gave me up? 293 00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,099 Where did I get this nose? 294 00:16:31,180 --> 00:16:33,535 You could probably sue for the nose! 295 00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:35,770 It's just cruel to lumber a kid with that! 296 00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:37,816 LAUGHS 297 00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:42,579 You've got to call them. 298 00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:46,015 I don't think so. 299 00:16:48,260 --> 00:16:50,615 Another lesson you learn in care - 300 00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:52,691 you can't make people accept you. 301 00:16:52,780 --> 00:16:54,418 (Both) Wheee! 302 00:16:58,060 --> 00:16:59,539 What's for tea, Mum? 303 00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:01,292 Home-made stew. 304 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:06,535 There's nowt here. 305 00:17:06,620 --> 00:17:08,895 That's because you haven't made it yet. 306 00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:21,252 (Carl) OK, what's my first lesson? 307 00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:23,296 So what d'you normally do? 308 00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:26,611 Shag 'em for as long as I can before... 309 00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,973 Before, you know? 310 00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:32,693 And that's it? 311 00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:35,692 No, I give them a bit of a rub first. 312 00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:39,011 I went six minutes, once - 324 pumps. 313 00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:43,259 You don't, like... 314 00:17:43,340 --> 00:17:44,568 build up to it, like, 315 00:17:44,660 --> 00:17:47,618 - with her erogenous zones? - Tits and fanny, yeah. 316 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,015 This Tracey Kelvin better be worth it! 317 00:17:56,340 --> 00:17:57,693 SHOUTING AND CLATTERING 318 00:17:57,780 --> 00:18:00,738 (Mickey) Get off me, ya bastard! Get off me! 319 00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:16,859 In! 320 00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:22,579 Nobody died. 321 00:18:22,660 --> 00:18:26,289 It would be irrational to get overly upset about a ruined dinner. 322 00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:29,531 This is cognitive restructuring. 323 00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:34,410 We could attempt to problem-solve the reasons why you two felt it necessary 324 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,650 to batter the living shite out of one another. 325 00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:43,213 What I think's required here is some positive reinforcement. 326 00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:47,179 So... Shane, tell your brother that you love him. 327 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,216 Fuck off! 328 00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:52,178 Tell your brother you love him. 329 00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:02,813 MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY 330 00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:11,778 You're not trying to poke a hole in a fence. Like you're licking a Bartletts pear half. 331 00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:14,533 MUMBLES 332 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:15,575 What? 333 00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:18,618 I said, how long have I gotta do it for? My tongue's knackered. 334 00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:21,651 A bit, like, softer. 335 00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:24,129 (Man) I'm dying of thirst, here! 336 00:19:24,220 --> 00:19:27,610 - I wish I could help him, that's all. - So help him. 337 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,168 Do something about it, get on his good side. 338 00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:33,218 I can't, it's personal stuff. I hardly even know him. 339 00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,894 Yeah, all right. Talk yourself out of it. 340 00:19:35,980 --> 00:19:39,256 God forbid you should meet a bloke with a good job who's keen on you! 341 00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:40,898 I don't know that he's keen on me. 342 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:44,336 Yeah, fair point. Cops are always taking me to the park for ice lollies! 343 00:19:46,380 --> 00:19:48,610 Pint and two Es, Karen. 344 00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:52,090 You look like a chicken who's just been told she's got to shit an egg! 345 00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:54,774 Here, you're a mother... 346 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,213 No, I'm not. 347 00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:59,497 Well, yeah. Well, you know, you've got all the raw materials, haven't you? 348 00:19:59,580 --> 00:20:04,017 Do you have a? Is there a nesting instinct in you, 349 00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:07,012 makes you wanna kick everyone else out of the homestead, 350 00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:10,297 - make room for your chicks? - Oh, has Monica got the sweats? 351 00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:14,532 Oh, "the sweats"? The sweats?! Is that what you call it? 352 00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:17,214 Grievous bodily harm in anyone else's language. 353 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,973 - Well, you know what the answer is. - What's that? 354 00:20:20,060 --> 00:20:22,051 Keep your pecker in your pants. 355 00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:28,892 ...So I said to Bill Roache - Ken Barlow, of course - I said, "Billy! 356 00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:31,892 "You want to know what side your bread's buttered! 357 00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:34,733 "Tie them into a long-term contract." 358 00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:38,859 I said, "So what if you're typecast, you'll have a steady income. 359 00:20:38,940 --> 00:20:41,215 "Not many can say that." 360 00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:43,256 - I'm knackered, mate. - If there was a book entitled, 361 00:20:43,340 --> 00:20:45,137 All Men Know About Women, it'd be empty. 362 00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:48,530 She's gone completely off at deep end. She's made us hug each other. 363 00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:49,973 Yeah, like we was poofs! 364 00:20:50,060 --> 00:20:52,210 I can see you getting in touch with your feminine side! 365 00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:56,009 Your mother has depths you've never been exposed to. Give her credit. 366 00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,568 - But, Dad... - I said, give her credit! 367 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:05,533 - Trust me, she'll be able to help you out. - Belle Carter? Are you having a laugh? 368 00:21:05,620 --> 00:21:08,612 She was an extra on Corrie for about ten minutes 30 years ago. 369 00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:12,215 You'd think she was... fucking Hamlet at the Royal Shakespeare! 370 00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:14,052 Get a better idea, have you? 371 00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:15,095 Have you? 372 00:21:15,180 --> 00:21:18,616 You said you wanted to help him, and now's your chance. 373 00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:24,893 Go on, she's waitin'. 374 00:21:24,980 --> 00:21:26,299 Go on! 375 00:21:26,380 --> 00:21:27,733 All right. 376 00:21:33,740 --> 00:21:36,618 All right, Belle? Drinks are on me. 377 00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:39,339 Ooh! 378 00:21:39,420 --> 00:21:42,173 That's very kind of you. 379 00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:45,570 D'you know, you remind me a little of Pat Phoenix - 380 00:21:45,660 --> 00:21:49,699 Elsie Tanner, God rest her soul. Course, she was a redhead. 381 00:21:49,780 --> 00:21:52,738 "Never call me ginger," she once said to me. 382 00:21:54,740 --> 00:21:57,652 Look, I've got a job for you. 383 00:21:57,740 --> 00:21:59,298 I want you to pretend to be someone. 384 00:21:59,380 --> 00:22:01,610 I'm trying to help a friend. 385 00:22:05,540 --> 00:22:06,859 Righty-ho. 386 00:22:06,940 --> 00:22:10,694 You get the drinks in, and tell Belle all about the role. 387 00:22:10,780 --> 00:22:13,692 Oh, and gin, if you don't mind, this time. 388 00:22:13,780 --> 00:22:15,179 Protein power diet. 389 00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:18,895 Right. 390 00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:25,455 SNIFFS 391 00:22:25,540 --> 00:22:29,533 - What the fuck's that smell? - Lavender. It's soothin'. 392 00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:32,938 Smells like the inside of a hooker's oxter. 393 00:22:36,140 --> 00:22:37,971 You said you'd support me, Paddy. 394 00:22:38,060 --> 00:22:40,528 I'm trying to mellow. 395 00:22:40,620 --> 00:22:43,259 I... will, sweet pea, 396 00:22:43,340 --> 00:22:45,171 of course I'll support you. 397 00:22:45,260 --> 00:22:48,616 Good. I really think it's workin'. 398 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:51,976 I've got some potpourri drying in the kitchen. 399 00:22:59,260 --> 00:23:00,215 Water?! 400 00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:02,779 Hey. 401 00:23:02,860 --> 00:23:05,294 Yeah. X-Factor! 402 00:23:08,820 --> 00:23:12,654 She says she's going home to get inside the skin of the character. 403 00:23:12,740 --> 00:23:14,970 What, like Silence Of The Lambs? 404 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:17,494 I wouldn't put it past her. She's loopy enough. 405 00:23:17,580 --> 00:23:19,696 I'm meeting her tomorrow to give details. 406 00:23:19,780 --> 00:23:22,214 All this to get inside some bizzy's boxers! 407 00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:24,575 - Like that's gonna happen! - You never know. 408 00:23:24,660 --> 00:23:26,093 (Man) Pint, please, Ian. 409 00:23:26,180 --> 00:23:27,169 Yeah, mate. 410 00:23:43,260 --> 00:23:46,616 So I won't give you the full bag, I'll give you a quarter. 411 00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:50,375 Keep your head clear. See if you can patch it up with that nice girl of yours. 412 00:23:50,460 --> 00:23:51,654 Ta-ra. 413 00:23:55,660 --> 00:23:57,218 What was all that about? 414 00:23:57,300 --> 00:24:01,930 Young Felix is on the baccy morning, noon and night. It's ruining his relationship. 415 00:24:02,020 --> 00:24:04,659 A bit less smoking would do them both the world of good. 416 00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:10,695 Oh! 417 00:24:12,020 --> 00:24:13,419 Dad, what are you doing? 418 00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:14,933 Oh... 419 00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:17,454 Why does everybody in this house 420 00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:21,533 see it as their duty to physically abuse me? 421 00:24:21,620 --> 00:24:24,612 Listen, Dad, I'm worried about Liam. 422 00:24:24,700 --> 00:24:27,772 He thinks we're poor, and he's getting teased. 423 00:24:27,860 --> 00:24:30,977 I am the one bearing the brunt, Deb. 424 00:24:31,060 --> 00:24:35,258 I mean, nobody thinks about fathers, do they? We're just supposed 425 00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:40,016 to keep shtoom and just get on with it, like Gary Cooper in High Noon. 426 00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:44,173 What about me, Deb? What about me? 427 00:24:44,260 --> 00:24:45,932 Hello, love. 428 00:24:47,540 --> 00:24:48,859 Look... 429 00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:52,774 I think I made a mistake. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. 430 00:24:54,340 --> 00:24:56,456 It's nothing personal, it's just... 431 00:24:56,540 --> 00:25:01,409 pretending to be best mates with some dead woman you've never met is too much of an ask. 432 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:02,728 Oh! 433 00:25:02,820 --> 00:25:06,290 You'd have loved Patricia if you'd met her - everybody did. 434 00:25:06,380 --> 00:25:11,135 - What? - It broke her heart giving that baby away. 435 00:25:11,220 --> 00:25:13,973 But it was different days. Her parents were religious. 436 00:25:14,060 --> 00:25:17,496 You did what your father said or you were out. 437 00:25:17,580 --> 00:25:20,890 Ne'er a day went by when she didn't slink off for a quiet cry 438 00:25:20,980 --> 00:25:24,575 about her lad growing up in Ireland, nobody belonging to him. 439 00:25:24,660 --> 00:25:27,174 Not that she looked for sympathy. 440 00:25:27,260 --> 00:25:30,570 No, there was just a sadness there, 441 00:25:30,660 --> 00:25:34,573 a guilt, you could say, that she never quite shook off. 442 00:25:44,940 --> 00:25:48,569 This is everything I can remember from the letter and stuff he said. 443 00:25:48,660 --> 00:25:49,979 Right-oh. 444 00:25:50,060 --> 00:25:54,850 Oh, um... cider and black, if you don't mind, love. I skipped breakfast. 445 00:26:00,780 --> 00:26:01,735 So? 446 00:26:03,620 --> 00:26:05,656 She was... fucking brilliant. 447 00:26:05,740 --> 00:26:08,095 - Nearly believed her myself. - What did I tell you? 448 00:26:08,180 --> 00:26:12,492 Pint of lager and two Es, and don't spare the horses. 449 00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:18,292 MOBILE RINGS 450 00:26:18,380 --> 00:26:19,779 Hello? 451 00:26:19,860 --> 00:26:23,011 Yeah, I can be there at 7.30. 452 00:26:23,100 --> 00:26:25,978 I've just got an errand to run. 453 00:26:26,060 --> 00:26:27,971 Everything all right? 454 00:26:28,060 --> 00:26:30,858 OK, see you then. 455 00:26:33,100 --> 00:26:35,056 - It wasn't my fault. 456 00:26:35,140 --> 00:26:36,368 WHIMPERS 457 00:26:37,660 --> 00:26:40,572 Since when do we invite junkies into our house for tea? 458 00:26:40,660 --> 00:26:45,780 The lad's father ridiculed him all through his teens because of his acne. 459 00:26:45,860 --> 00:26:48,420 I'm empathising, Patrick. 460 00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:52,652 Be with you in a minute, girls. Terry's almost done. 461 00:26:52,740 --> 00:26:55,413 Are any of these spongers actually buying anything? 462 00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:57,695 There's more to life than money, Patrick. 463 00:26:57,780 --> 00:27:00,089 You have to nurture the soul. 464 00:27:00,180 --> 00:27:02,648 The drugs are bad enough. But now my own wife 465 00:27:02,740 --> 00:27:05,049 is trying to drive me into bankruptcy! 466 00:27:05,140 --> 00:27:06,937 I'll be back in a minute, love. 467 00:27:07,020 --> 00:27:09,534 Keep projecting positive thoughts. 468 00:27:09,620 --> 00:27:11,053 OK. 469 00:27:16,460 --> 00:27:18,132 Why are you being so hostile? 470 00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:21,730 Business is going down the shitter 471 00:27:21,820 --> 00:27:26,371 and you're turning our most reliable punters into a bunch of fucking tree huggers! 472 00:27:26,460 --> 00:27:29,179 I'm doling out help and advice alongside the gear. 473 00:27:29,260 --> 00:27:31,455 It's responsible selling. 474 00:27:31,540 --> 00:27:33,053 It's irresponsible, Mimi! 475 00:27:33,140 --> 00:27:36,416 It takes you a fucking hour to shift a couple of pills! 476 00:27:38,180 --> 00:27:41,650 I'm a new woman. I thought it's what everyone wanted. 477 00:27:41,740 --> 00:27:45,255 If you don't like it, then maybe we've got a problem. 478 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:50,250 (Terry) It wasn't my fault. 479 00:27:50,340 --> 00:27:52,729 (Mimi) I'm with you now. OK? 480 00:27:53,780 --> 00:27:55,293 - It wasn't my fault. 481 00:27:55,380 --> 00:27:57,052 It's all right. Deep breaths... 482 00:28:15,780 --> 00:28:17,532 Come on, Frank, you've had enough. 483 00:28:17,620 --> 00:28:20,612 He's only had two pints all afternoon. He's just sleeping. 484 00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:24,978 Don't get me wrong, I don't want a new fucking woman, I want the woman I married back. 485 00:28:25,060 --> 00:28:27,858 Some junkie was helping her move furniture when I left. 486 00:28:27,940 --> 00:28:30,738 Something about energy flow and feng chewie. 487 00:28:30,820 --> 00:28:33,732 - She's lost the fucking plot. - Don't talk about your mother like that. 488 00:28:33,820 --> 00:28:36,334 - You just said... - That's different, I'm her husband. 489 00:28:36,420 --> 00:28:41,096 You're meant to worship her while she's here and canonise her once she's passed away. 490 00:28:41,180 --> 00:28:42,693 That's how it works in Irish families. 491 00:28:42,780 --> 00:28:46,773 I don't care how many herbal soaps she puts in the bathroom - my Mimi is in there somewhere. 492 00:28:46,860 --> 00:28:52,412 We have to find a way to provoke a response that'll snap her out of this before it goes too far. 493 00:28:54,020 --> 00:28:55,692 You look great. 494 00:28:55,780 --> 00:28:59,170 Thank you, love. I'll pretend I didn't notice the tone of surprise. 495 00:29:00,300 --> 00:29:02,370 So, where is the boy wonder? 496 00:29:02,460 --> 00:29:04,257 You said he'd be here at 7.30. 497 00:29:04,340 --> 00:29:07,138 He promised. Something must have come up. 498 00:29:07,220 --> 00:29:10,132 Right, well, I'm going to powder my nose. 499 00:29:10,220 --> 00:29:13,769 - Do I have to stick strictly to the script? - Yeah. 500 00:29:14,860 --> 00:29:17,294 G&T when you can, love. 501 00:29:17,380 --> 00:29:18,529 Oh! 502 00:29:18,620 --> 00:29:20,531 Christ! How long have I been here? 503 00:29:20,620 --> 00:29:22,292 Six hours. 504 00:29:22,380 --> 00:29:25,497 - How many pints have I had? - That's just your second. 505 00:29:25,580 --> 00:29:27,491 Oh, right, that's fucking it! 506 00:29:27,580 --> 00:29:31,368 She's on the sofa tonight, baby or no baby. 507 00:29:36,300 --> 00:29:37,858 Who says we're poor? 508 00:29:37,940 --> 00:29:41,216 - She bought them out of her own savings. - I don't want new trousers! 509 00:29:41,300 --> 00:29:43,575 Don't worry, they weren't expensive. 510 00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:49,971 They probably came from a sweat shop in Asia, 10p a week, no toilet breaks until October. 511 00:29:50,060 --> 00:29:53,655 - Oi! Don't be so ungrateful! - Sorry, Debs. Thanks. 512 00:29:53,740 --> 00:29:56,891 It's OK, you don't need to thank me. Right, I've got to go. 513 00:29:56,980 --> 00:29:58,732 Off out again? 514 00:30:03,460 --> 00:30:05,371 I could cut my toenails in her bed. 515 00:30:05,460 --> 00:30:07,769 She hates it when I do that. 516 00:30:07,860 --> 00:30:11,899 Why the fuck would you be in my bed? 517 00:30:11,980 --> 00:30:14,175 I could do an oil change in the living room. 518 00:30:14,260 --> 00:30:18,458 She'd turn it into Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Fucking Cuddliness, 519 00:30:18,540 --> 00:30:20,690 put an incense stick in the oil and burn it. 520 00:30:20,780 --> 00:30:24,375 You could wash her whites with her coloureds... Ruin all her undies. 521 00:30:24,460 --> 00:30:28,692 I could hardly tell you where the washing machine is, let alone how to work it. 522 00:30:28,780 --> 00:30:31,340 Karen doesn't make you do the laundry, does she? 523 00:30:31,420 --> 00:30:33,729 Well, what's important to her? 524 00:30:33,820 --> 00:30:38,211 She's more likely to go off her dinger about something that matters to her, in't she? 525 00:30:39,540 --> 00:30:40,973 In't she? 526 00:30:42,460 --> 00:30:43,734 Family. 527 00:30:43,820 --> 00:30:47,893 - Meaning you - her little baby. - What? 528 00:30:47,980 --> 00:30:49,572 Shane, 529 00:30:49,660 --> 00:30:51,412 kick the shit out of your brother. 530 00:30:51,500 --> 00:30:53,570 - Not now! 531 00:30:53,660 --> 00:30:57,892 Pavlov's fucking dog! On the quiet. 532 00:30:57,980 --> 00:31:01,814 - Make it look like the Scots did it. - How come he gets to do me? 533 00:31:01,900 --> 00:31:05,097 Unless you'd rather do it yourself. 534 00:31:05,180 --> 00:31:06,772 And what good's that going to do? 535 00:31:06,860 --> 00:31:10,011 To you, nothing, other than knowing you're giving her pleasure. 536 00:31:10,100 --> 00:31:12,330 It's like an investment for the future. 537 00:31:12,420 --> 00:31:18,177 Tell me again about the ari... The bit around the nipple. 538 00:31:18,260 --> 00:31:21,297 I have a life, Carl. I can't be your round-the-clock sex counsellor. 539 00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:24,099 I wanna learn. And you're really helping me. 540 00:31:25,260 --> 00:31:26,454 It's the areola. 541 00:31:26,540 --> 00:31:28,417 It's all these new words. 542 00:31:28,500 --> 00:31:31,572 I'm never gonna remember 'em. Unless you show me. 543 00:31:31,660 --> 00:31:33,252 I'm a married woman. 544 00:31:33,340 --> 00:31:36,776 I don't mean naked - with your clothes on. 545 00:31:36,860 --> 00:31:39,738 (Paddy) The dates - when are they coming to Manchester? 546 00:31:39,820 --> 00:31:42,254 The bit around here. The dark bit. 547 00:31:42,340 --> 00:31:44,774 You don't just want to plunge right in onto the nipple. 548 00:31:44,860 --> 00:31:46,657 You wanna build up to it. 549 00:31:46,740 --> 00:31:49,573 I know, but... erm... 550 00:31:49,660 --> 00:31:51,810 Just describe what needs to be done again. 551 00:31:51,900 --> 00:31:53,538 Later. 552 00:31:56,620 --> 00:32:00,977 Come on. Probably got a couscous salad waiting for us, or something. 553 00:32:04,380 --> 00:32:05,733 I'm so sorry. 554 00:32:05,820 --> 00:32:07,219 We've been here two hours. 555 00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:09,018 I know, I'm sorry. 556 00:32:09,100 --> 00:32:11,056 Is this who you wanted me to meet? 557 00:32:11,140 --> 00:32:13,779 This is Belle. She was a friend of your mother's. 558 00:32:13,860 --> 00:32:17,614 - What? - (Slurs) We were like sisters, me and Pat. 559 00:32:17,700 --> 00:32:21,534 - In and out each other's houses. - How did you? 560 00:32:21,620 --> 00:32:24,373 I just put the feelers out. Big Irish family, lots of cousins. 561 00:32:24,460 --> 00:32:27,816 When... How... did you know her? 562 00:32:27,900 --> 00:32:30,016 - I said to her only last week... - Last year. 563 00:32:30,100 --> 00:32:33,854 Last year. I said, "You should trace that boy of yours." 564 00:32:33,940 --> 00:32:36,898 And she did, son, she started proceedings. 565 00:32:36,980 --> 00:32:40,256 Her fondest wish to be re-nu-nited with you. 566 00:32:40,340 --> 00:32:43,218 She just couldn't hold on long enough to see it through. 567 00:32:44,300 --> 00:32:45,699 She said this last year? 568 00:32:45,780 --> 00:32:47,179 Yup. 569 00:32:47,260 --> 00:32:49,251 - On a trip to Vegas. - What? 570 00:32:49,340 --> 00:32:51,092 She'd always wanted to go there. 571 00:32:51,180 --> 00:32:54,570 I performed there, of course, when I had the legs for it. 572 00:32:54,660 --> 00:32:59,211 She was star-struck, your mum - she wanted to see where Sinatra played, 573 00:32:59,300 --> 00:33:02,292 - Caesars Palace, MGM Grand. - Maybe we should stick closer to home. 574 00:33:02,380 --> 00:33:03,859 If you must. 575 00:33:03,940 --> 00:33:06,010 What exactly do you want to know, son? 576 00:33:07,260 --> 00:33:09,012 When did you last see my mother? 577 00:33:09,100 --> 00:33:12,570 Couple of months ago. At the bingo. 578 00:33:12,660 --> 00:33:15,732 Gambling, see. The Vegas connection again. 579 00:33:15,820 --> 00:33:18,812 Hey, I tell you who liked to gamble - Johnny Briggs. 580 00:33:18,900 --> 00:33:20,618 Mike Baldwin, of course. 581 00:33:20,700 --> 00:33:22,895 I've just come from my mother's house. 582 00:33:22,980 --> 00:33:24,299 What? 583 00:33:24,380 --> 00:33:27,019 Really? How is she? 584 00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:31,252 - I met with my half-brothers and sister. - Oh, that must have been nice. 585 00:33:32,620 --> 00:33:35,817 My mother was in a coma for the last two years of her life 586 00:33:35,900 --> 00:33:37,572 after a brain haemorrhage. 587 00:33:37,660 --> 00:33:40,333 If she went to Vegas, it must have been a hell of a trip. 588 00:33:43,020 --> 00:33:44,339 Who is this woman? 589 00:33:45,660 --> 00:33:47,013 I was trying to help. 590 00:33:49,060 --> 00:33:50,459 I... I'd better go. 591 00:33:54,140 --> 00:33:55,892 Did I get the part? 592 00:33:58,300 --> 00:34:00,894 Tom, wait. I'm sorry. 593 00:34:00,980 --> 00:34:02,618 I was trying to help. 594 00:34:02,700 --> 00:34:04,497 I thought if you could get some answers, 595 00:34:04,580 --> 00:34:07,697 even if they weren't the right ones, it might give you some peace. 596 00:34:07,780 --> 00:34:09,896 It's been a long day. 597 00:34:09,980 --> 00:34:13,017 When I saw you crying the other day, I couldn't bear it. 598 00:34:13,100 --> 00:34:14,135 Mandy... 599 00:34:15,500 --> 00:34:16,535 I can't. 600 00:34:18,740 --> 00:34:20,219 Why not? 601 00:34:20,300 --> 00:34:23,292 If it's because of my family, I'm not like them. 602 00:34:23,380 --> 00:34:27,737 - It's just as hard for me that you're a copper. - No, I mean I can't. 603 00:34:27,820 --> 00:34:31,654 I'm seeing someone. I have been for a while. 604 00:34:32,860 --> 00:34:33,975 What? 605 00:34:34,060 --> 00:34:36,016 You never said. 606 00:34:37,140 --> 00:34:39,529 I didn't think it was an issue. 607 00:34:39,620 --> 00:34:42,771 - I didn't know you felt... - Oh, my God! 608 00:34:42,860 --> 00:34:44,771 - Mandy... - My God! My God! 609 00:34:44,860 --> 00:34:46,896 Mandy, I'm sorry! 610 00:34:51,180 --> 00:34:52,977 DISTANT SIREN WAILS 611 00:34:53,060 --> 00:34:55,415 I felt horrible. 612 00:34:55,500 --> 00:34:57,411 I didn't know what to say. 613 00:34:59,020 --> 00:35:02,615 If I was sending out the wrong signals, it wasn't intentional. 614 00:35:04,460 --> 00:35:06,451 She was only trying to be kind. 615 00:35:08,180 --> 00:35:10,011 It's more than kindness. 616 00:35:10,100 --> 00:35:12,091 She likes you, you halfwit! 617 00:35:12,180 --> 00:35:14,774 I know that now. 618 00:35:14,860 --> 00:35:16,213 At the time... 619 00:35:20,820 --> 00:35:23,209 You should have talked to me about your mum. 620 00:35:23,300 --> 00:35:25,530 How could I? 621 00:35:25,620 --> 00:35:28,259 We've got enough on our plate, don't you think? 622 00:35:28,340 --> 00:35:30,854 I thought we agreed, no secrets. 623 00:35:30,940 --> 00:35:32,896 It wasn't a secret, I just thought... 624 00:35:34,740 --> 00:35:39,256 All this sneaking around, coming here... I can't even call you at home. 625 00:35:40,660 --> 00:35:43,049 Have you any idea how patronising that sounds? 626 00:35:43,140 --> 00:35:44,334 Does it? 627 00:35:44,420 --> 00:35:46,615 It's OK to sleep with me, tell me you love me, 628 00:35:46,700 --> 00:35:49,976 but don't worry my pretty little head with complex personal issues. 629 00:35:50,060 --> 00:35:51,937 I didn't think about that, I didn't mean... 630 00:35:52,020 --> 00:35:54,978 I know you didn't mean. 631 00:35:55,060 --> 00:35:56,857 That's one of the reasons I love you. 632 00:36:03,820 --> 00:36:05,253 Mandy. 633 00:36:06,340 --> 00:36:07,739 I thought you had a shoo-in. 634 00:36:09,340 --> 00:36:10,773 Mandy. 635 00:36:14,940 --> 00:36:17,534 - He's an idiot. - No, you're an idiot. 636 00:36:17,620 --> 00:36:19,895 And I'm even more of one for listening to you. 637 00:36:21,620 --> 00:36:24,532 If your gaydar's as fucked up as your straight antenna, 638 00:36:24,620 --> 00:36:26,292 you'll be single a long time, Ian. 639 00:36:28,420 --> 00:36:29,853 - (Shane) Hurry up, will you? 640 00:36:29,940 --> 00:36:32,818 - Or I'll come and do it for you. She'll be back in a minute. 641 00:36:49,580 --> 00:36:51,093 A black eye would have done it. 642 00:36:54,820 --> 00:36:58,813 What a day. I've acquired a family I didn't even know, 643 00:36:58,900 --> 00:37:01,050 even though they took a bit of persuading. 644 00:37:01,140 --> 00:37:03,608 Nice people, though, once I sat down with them. 645 00:37:05,980 --> 00:37:06,935 Debs. 646 00:37:07,020 --> 00:37:09,136 We have to tell her. 647 00:37:11,740 --> 00:37:16,291 - We can't. - I know. I know it's a massive risk, but... 648 00:37:17,740 --> 00:37:23,975 - I have to. She's my sister-in-law, as good as. - Just wait till your birthday. 649 00:37:24,060 --> 00:37:29,532 Have you any idea how she'll be feeling right now? I can't lie to her. It wouldn't be fair. 650 00:37:29,620 --> 00:37:31,053 I could go to jail! 651 00:37:32,180 --> 00:37:34,819 I don't want to jinx us by being unkind to someone. 652 00:37:43,140 --> 00:37:44,937 Sweetheart, you all right? 653 00:37:45,020 --> 00:37:46,612 Don't tell Debbie! 654 00:37:51,220 --> 00:37:53,780 Why? What you doing? 655 00:37:55,380 --> 00:37:57,257 I like looking... poor. 656 00:37:59,580 --> 00:38:03,698 People underestimate you and then if you achieve something, it's a big deal. 657 00:38:04,900 --> 00:38:07,209 A working-class hero's something to be, Mum. 658 00:38:08,700 --> 00:38:10,179 Please don't tell Debbie. 659 00:38:10,260 --> 00:38:11,818 She wouldn't understand. 660 00:38:16,100 --> 00:38:18,694 You could always burst a pen in your pocket. 661 00:38:18,780 --> 00:38:21,658 Cos ink never washes out. 662 00:38:23,900 --> 00:38:25,458 - Aw...! 663 00:38:26,620 --> 00:38:28,497 Cheers. How did you get on? 664 00:38:28,580 --> 00:38:32,016 - Dunno. I'm not sure if she liked it. - How do you mean? 665 00:38:32,100 --> 00:38:35,888 You know the finger up the arse thing? I don't know if I timed it right. 666 00:38:35,980 --> 00:38:38,540 You might have to talk me through it again. 667 00:38:38,620 --> 00:38:41,293 - Somebody's been out on the town. - He's had a date. 668 00:38:41,380 --> 00:38:42,893 Oh, yeah? Who with? 669 00:38:42,980 --> 00:38:46,575 - Tracey Kelvin. I was just giving him a few tips. - Who's Tracey Kelvin? 670 00:38:46,660 --> 00:38:49,618 - Oh, some vastly experienced teen sexual predator. 671 00:38:49,700 --> 00:38:52,294 - Who's a sexual predator? - What's it got to do with you? 672 00:38:52,380 --> 00:38:54,814 I'm Tracey Kelvin. What's he been saying? 673 00:38:54,900 --> 00:38:56,777 Nothing. I've not said nothing. 674 00:38:56,860 --> 00:39:01,172 He said you knew stuff none of us had ever heard of. Foreign stuff from your other lovers. 675 00:39:01,260 --> 00:39:04,058 - Is he calling me a slapper? - No. 676 00:39:04,140 --> 00:39:05,653 Did you ride him or not? 677 00:39:05,740 --> 00:39:09,096 Did I fuck! I won't let him go anywhere near me. 678 00:39:09,180 --> 00:39:10,818 He's not even got his own car. 679 00:39:10,900 --> 00:39:12,094 So why? 680 00:39:12,180 --> 00:39:14,410 It were just a joke. 681 00:39:15,620 --> 00:39:17,133 He was getting you to talk dirty. 682 00:39:18,220 --> 00:39:19,175 What?! 683 00:39:21,620 --> 00:39:26,216 He was getting you to talk dirty so he could go home for a bit of DIY. 684 00:39:26,300 --> 00:39:29,451 I showed him that thing you do with your tongue. 685 00:39:29,540 --> 00:39:31,815 You little bastard! 686 00:39:35,100 --> 00:39:37,011 What thing with his tongue? 687 00:39:43,460 --> 00:39:44,415 What's going on? 688 00:39:47,980 --> 00:39:50,130 God Almighty! What happened? 689 00:39:50,220 --> 00:39:53,178 The Jocks. They caught up with him on the estate. 690 00:39:53,260 --> 00:39:55,694 - He had no chance. It was a massacre. 691 00:39:55,780 --> 00:39:58,214 What are you going to do?! 692 00:39:58,300 --> 00:40:00,256 Me? 693 00:40:00,340 --> 00:40:01,932 Not a thing. 694 00:40:02,020 --> 00:40:05,808 There's a new ethos in this house, and I won't be the one who rocks the boat. 695 00:40:15,180 --> 00:40:18,172 Oi! Sheep-shaggers! 696 00:40:18,260 --> 00:40:20,057 Get 'em! 697 00:40:21,740 --> 00:40:23,298 That's my girl! 698 00:40:26,820 --> 00:40:29,573 What's so important? You nearly woke Katie. 699 00:40:30,900 --> 00:40:33,460 Is something wrong? 700 00:40:33,540 --> 00:40:35,576 - It's me. - What is? 701 00:40:36,820 --> 00:40:37,775 Tom. 702 00:40:38,980 --> 00:40:42,256 I'm sorry he didn't tell you. I wasn't sure myself what I thought. 703 00:40:42,340 --> 00:40:44,808 No, you don't understand. 704 00:40:46,420 --> 00:40:49,253 I mean, it's me. I'm the someone he's seeing. 705 00:40:50,700 --> 00:40:52,497 Don't be stupid. You're only a kid. 706 00:40:55,220 --> 00:40:58,451 - But he's... - 26. And I'm nearly 16. 707 00:41:00,980 --> 00:41:02,049 It's illegal. 708 00:41:03,140 --> 00:41:05,734 - It's disgusting! - We love each other. 709 00:41:05,820 --> 00:41:08,892 Oh, grow up. How can you know what love is at your age? 710 00:41:08,980 --> 00:41:11,938 How old were you when you got pregnant with Katie? 711 00:41:12,020 --> 00:41:14,136 That was different. We were both kids. 712 00:41:14,220 --> 00:41:17,576 And love came after, out of necessity. 713 00:41:17,660 --> 00:41:21,812 Isn't it better doing it this way round? I'm not going to get pregnant. I'm not naive. 714 00:41:21,900 --> 00:41:25,449 What? Cos you got two lessons in biology, you know what it's all about? 715 00:41:25,540 --> 00:41:28,213 You're the one always telling me how grown-up I am. 716 00:41:28,300 --> 00:41:30,211 A 20-year-old head on 15-year-old shoulders. 717 00:41:30,300 --> 00:41:32,336 I couldn't have been more wrong, could I? 718 00:41:32,420 --> 00:41:35,412 You love him? You've been reading too many magazines. 719 00:41:35,500 --> 00:41:38,970 Look, I'm sorry he hurt you. He didn't mean it. 720 00:41:39,060 --> 00:41:41,051 Fuck off. He didn't hurt me. 721 00:41:41,140 --> 00:41:43,859 I'd had a couple of drinks, that's all. Lost my head. 722 00:41:43,940 --> 00:41:45,896 KNOCK AT DOOR 723 00:41:53,620 --> 00:41:56,612 - What are you doing? - I couldn't let you do it on your own, could I? 724 00:41:56,700 --> 00:41:58,850 Didn't know what you might be facing. 725 00:42:00,100 --> 00:42:02,170 What if someone sees? 726 00:42:05,060 --> 00:42:06,413 Well, then, so be it. 727 00:42:14,180 --> 00:42:15,374 I didn't realise. 728 00:42:15,460 --> 00:42:18,816 Stop apologising. You're pathetic, the pair of you. 729 00:42:18,900 --> 00:42:21,494 - You won't say anything? - What am I gonna say? 730 00:42:21,580 --> 00:42:24,140 A bloke gave me a body swerve cos he prefers children? 731 00:42:25,260 --> 00:42:27,535 - She's not a child. - She's not a woman. 732 00:42:28,700 --> 00:42:29,974 We didn't do it lightly. 733 00:42:31,140 --> 00:42:33,495 - It took a long time. - That's worse. 734 00:42:33,580 --> 00:42:36,253 - We'd like to keep it quiet... - I'll bet you would. 735 00:42:36,340 --> 00:42:38,570 ...till Debbie's birthday. 736 00:42:38,660 --> 00:42:40,252 Please, Mandy. 737 00:42:44,500 --> 00:42:48,459 I won't say anything. But when it goes belly up, don't come running. 738 00:43:02,700 --> 00:43:04,816 Look, things could get tricky. 739 00:43:04,900 --> 00:43:06,811 Shh. 740 00:43:06,900 --> 00:43:08,538 I'll talk to you in the morning. 741 00:43:35,380 --> 00:43:37,689 (Liam) 'I don't think I'll bother growing up. 742 00:43:37,780 --> 00:43:42,012 'All that aggro, and for what? To be kicked out of your bed? 743 00:43:42,100 --> 00:43:46,810 'Resented for growing a life inside you? 744 00:43:46,900 --> 00:43:49,334 'The lies and the politics, 745 00:43:49,420 --> 00:43:52,093 'sneaking around, 746 00:43:52,180 --> 00:43:55,775 'opening yourself up to all sorts of hurt and pain. 747 00:43:58,820 --> 00:44:01,573 'And for what? Companionship? 748 00:44:01,660 --> 00:44:04,458 'Someone to hold onto in bed at night? 749 00:44:04,540 --> 00:44:08,772 'You can be your own company. Hold on to yourself in bed. 750 00:44:08,860 --> 00:44:12,455 'Carl does every night when he thinks I'm sleeping. 751 00:44:12,540 --> 00:44:16,169 'In the olden days, they used to give drugs to gymnasts from East Germany 752 00:44:16,260 --> 00:44:19,138 'to keep them children for as long as possible. 753 00:44:19,220 --> 00:44:22,656 'Wonder if I could get my hands on any of those.' 754 00:45:02,220 --> 00:45:05,656 Course, it was my choice to move on from Corrie. 755 00:45:05,740 --> 00:45:10,939 I'm more of an all-round entertainer, rather than just a one-trick pony. 756 00:45:11,020 --> 00:45:14,729 I've done two cruises round the Shetland Isles. 757 00:45:14,820 --> 00:45:17,380 Yeah. Three seasons at Skegness. 758 00:45:17,460 --> 00:45:21,851 Hey, hey, hey! Bobby Davro, eh? Oh, he's a lovely man... 759 00:45:21,901 --> 00:45:26,451 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 59180

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