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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,572 Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express! 2 00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:08,174 Come and watch pikeys making a mess 3 00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:11,855 of the lives they were given by 'im upstairs... 4 00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:14,898 And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs. 5 00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:16,095 Wicked! 6 00:00:16,180 --> 00:00:17,499 Piss off! 7 00:00:17,580 --> 00:00:21,368 What sounds on Earth could ever replace 8 00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:24,497 kids needing money or wives in your face? 9 00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:26,935 Cos this, people reckon - me included - 10 00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:29,488 is why pubs and drugs 11 00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,172 were kindly invented... 12 00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:33,774 To calm us all down and stop us going mental. 13 00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:38,570 These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials. 14 00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:44,815 We are worth every penny for grinding your axes... 15 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,379 You sit on our head, 16 00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:49,133 but... you pay the taxes. 17 00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:50,619 CHEERING 18 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:53,373 Imagine Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers 19 00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:56,691 who'd come on your face for the price of a beer, eh? 20 00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,259 Eh! 21 00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:02,094 Make poverty history. Cheaper drugs now! 22 00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:07,049 Make poverty history! Cheaper drugs now! 23 00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:08,459 CHUCKLES 24 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:12,169 Scatter! Party! 25 00:01:17,180 --> 00:01:18,135 Thank you. 26 00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:23,090 - It's coming! It's coming! The baby! 27 00:01:23,180 --> 00:01:25,819 Right, you all know what you're doing, yeah? 28 00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:31,010 - Where you going? - Pub. Fetch me dad. 29 00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:33,170 He's in. I'm calling about Monica Gallagher. 30 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,171 (Carl) 'Some people can't do commitment.' 31 00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:36,329 Lan! Carl! 32 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:41,210 'They're scared of making bad calls. Fucking things up. Feeling useless.' 33 00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:44,532 'So they never make decisions 34 00:01:44,620 --> 00:01:46,611 'and they never find out what might have been.' 35 00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:49,134 Shite-arse! Mum's in labour, move! 36 00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:51,051 Yeah, right. 37 00:01:51,140 --> 00:01:52,255 Final prediction? 38 00:01:52,340 --> 00:01:56,618 I honestly don't mind, so long as she's healthy. Oh! 39 00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:00,010 Lan's filming, bag's packed. But where's Lanky? 40 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:05,412 Er, well, just thrilled to be here, really, support the wife. 41 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,616 The miracle of birth. 42 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:09,816 A gamut of emotions, really. 43 00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:11,333 Come on. 44 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:19,572 (Monica) Ah! These for Nana? Are you looking forward to meeting your auntie? 45 00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:22,891 Where's the lift? 46 00:02:22,980 --> 00:02:25,892 - Who's doing the transport? - Carl is. 47 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,857 This is rubbish! 48 00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:32,013 - Can't have Mum waiting around! Carl! - He said he were getting up. 49 00:02:32,100 --> 00:02:34,216 - What? - I'll call Speedy Cabs. 50 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:39,579 No. Forget it. Everyone stop what they're doing. Carl let us down. Drill's over. 51 00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:44,610 A drill? Debbie! 52 00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:46,691 - You made me call the clinic for nothing? - Tell us you're joking! 53 00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:49,613 Just as well it was a dry run! 54 00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:52,089 Shall we do a debrief? 55 00:02:52,180 --> 00:02:54,410 - You were in on this, eh? - Like I had a choice. 56 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,054 False alarm. 57 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,971 Oh, yeah, well. 58 00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:06,574 OK, as I'm up... 59 00:03:15,220 --> 00:03:16,972 Can't afford to carry passengers. 60 00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:19,813 For fuck's sake, Mum wasn't in labour. 61 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,253 You weren't to know that! 62 00:03:21,340 --> 00:03:23,774 Don't you think it's a bit soon to be running drills? 63 00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:26,533 No. Mum always drops early. 64 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:29,612 Lan started the trend of premature birth. 65 00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:33,659 The ensuing children came even earlier, so by my calculations, 66 00:03:33,740 --> 00:03:36,459 Mrs Gallagher could give birth... 67 00:03:36,540 --> 00:03:38,053 tomorrow. 68 00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:41,291 All this excitement, eh, baby? 69 00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:48,975 If you're coming any day now, I'd better go and lie down upstairs. Conserve our energy. 70 00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:52,693 Nice one, Debbie! Now she's having kittens as well. 71 00:03:52,780 --> 00:03:54,896 Shut up. 72 00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:58,814 Stan, it's cash and carry day. I've got to leave in five minutes. 73 00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:00,970 Always rushing me, aren't you? 74 00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:03,290 Except when it's treats time. 75 00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:08,617 Just because I let you stay here three times a week don't mean you can move in. 76 00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,258 What? 77 00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:12,774 Next thing, you'll be proposing! 78 00:04:12,860 --> 00:04:15,055 You can get that right out of your head. 79 00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:19,656 It's just a spare pair of undies. 80 00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:27,849 Just don't, all right? I'm too angry. 81 00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:29,771 Yeah, Mum. 82 00:04:29,860 --> 00:04:32,055 Chesney! What are you doing here?! It's five to nine. 83 00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:34,017 About school... 84 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,739 I don't want to talk about school. Just go to it. 85 00:04:38,340 --> 00:04:40,808 It's just Mrs Kay in RE. 86 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:44,256 I know. You're Muslim, so why learn about other religions? 87 00:04:44,340 --> 00:04:48,970 Because RE is the difference between ten GCSEs and nine 88 00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:52,211 and you promised me double figures, so just do one! 89 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:54,575 Is nobody going to school today? 90 00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:57,652 I'm on free periods till lunch and then I'm on at t'shop. 91 00:04:57,740 --> 00:04:59,537 I told you that yesterday. 92 00:04:59,620 --> 00:05:03,215 Don't think you're getting out of working tomorrow night. I know your game. 93 00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:07,657 I know what you're all thinking before you've even thought it. 94 00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:16,378 These mean nothing. I put them in your drawer for convenience, that's all. No hidden agenda. 95 00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:18,974 You could have asked. 96 00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:23,053 What's so bad about us shacking up together, anyway? I'm here half the week. 97 00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:24,095 That's different! 98 00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:28,332 How is it? And what's wrong with us moving things on a bit, thinking long term? 99 00:05:28,420 --> 00:05:31,173 - Stan, we're not having this conversation. - Do think we should? 100 00:05:31,260 --> 00:05:33,091 - No! Not now! - Why not? 101 00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:36,092 - Because I'm late. Don't push me. - Or what? 102 00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:42,050 Oh, right. I see. Yeah, great. 103 00:05:42,140 --> 00:05:44,370 Good to know, Yvonne. Good to know. 104 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:48,453 - I'll speak to you later, OK? - Yeah. 105 00:05:57,660 --> 00:06:01,255 I can't believe you volunteered us for cycling proficiency lessons. 106 00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:04,138 Opportunity to nick some bike thieves, Tom. 107 00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:06,211 Ultraviolet light, serial codes for bikes. 108 00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:08,609 That's why they made me a sergeant. 109 00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,817 - All right, there, Stanley? - Loved up to limbo in two minutes, for pants. 110 00:06:11,900 --> 00:06:14,972 You left those? Not your special boxers? 111 00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:18,894 They were the first pair I could find, so shows you how trivial I think it all is. 112 00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:21,255 Guys, are you still looking for a lodger? 113 00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:25,658 Us? No. No room at our inn. 114 00:06:25,740 --> 00:06:27,219 Don't know where you got that from. 115 00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,689 Canteen Val. Said that Stan's moving in with his missus. 116 00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:32,169 God, I'm not moving in with Yvonne! 117 00:06:32,260 --> 00:06:34,091 How many times? 118 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,933 What? 119 00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:56,012 Carl, come on, you can't stay in bed all day. 120 00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:59,172 - I've left school, I'll do what I want. - Not with another mouth to feed. 121 00:06:59,260 --> 00:07:01,820 You know the score, everybody mucks in. Carl! 122 00:07:01,900 --> 00:07:03,811 Piss off! 123 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:11,530 I am trying to get more than just the odd shift at the shop. 124 00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:15,374 Full-time kitchen assistant at a city centre hotel? That's all right. 125 00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:17,974 I filled out 12 of them last week. 126 00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:20,369 Not one interview. It's a waste of time. 127 00:07:20,460 --> 00:07:22,655 What if this is the one that gets you the interview? 128 00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:25,618 - It's fuck all use unless you hand it in, mate. - Watch. 129 00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:30,569 I'll get my hopes up on the bus to town and I get knocked back. Again. 130 00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:33,174 Haven't even got me fucking fare. 131 00:07:33,260 --> 00:07:37,139 - How much short are you? - Forget it. I'll get it out the surfboard fund. 132 00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:38,778 It's what it's for these days. 133 00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:41,773 Where's my bottle? 134 00:07:43,060 --> 00:07:46,177 ¡ê1.32. 135 00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:48,410 I really thought there'd be more. 136 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:52,288 Kids. No head for saving these days. How many cans? 137 00:07:52,380 --> 00:07:54,257 One, but I'm not taking that. 138 00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:59,368 What? I I know for a fact your mum loves change. Shit! 139 00:07:59,460 --> 00:08:01,530 Such a waste, man. 140 00:08:03,140 --> 00:08:05,290 Hands up! Get your hands up! 141 00:08:05,380 --> 00:08:07,894 Oh, shit! Shitting hell! 142 00:08:07,980 --> 00:08:09,777 Don't talk to me and don't touch owt. 143 00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:11,896 Just do what I tell you! Freeze! 144 00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:14,938 - I said freeze! - I'm froze. Sleeping lions. 145 00:08:15,020 --> 00:08:18,092 - Anybody else? - No. Just take whatever and go. 146 00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:20,694 - Meena, why is this door locked? 147 00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:22,338 - Who's that? - My mum. 148 00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:23,853 - Come on, open the door. What are you doing? 149 00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:26,056 Let her in. No nonsense. 150 00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:28,017 - Unlock this door now! 151 00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:33,371 Is this what happens the second I set foot out the place? 152 00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:35,416 - Shut it! - Oh! 153 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,889 Do exactly what I tell you and nobody gets hurt. 154 00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:46,331 What the hell are you doing? 155 00:08:46,420 --> 00:08:49,059 I'm just getting me hospital bag ready. 156 00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:50,937 How long do you think you're going for? 157 00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:56,978 What's with the bikini? 158 00:08:57,060 --> 00:08:59,779 Well, in case I want a water birth. 159 00:09:07,140 --> 00:09:09,608 It's not what you think. 160 00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:17,333 That's my room. 161 00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:18,933 I'll decide when I'm going. 162 00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:21,250 Not you and Canteen Val. 163 00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:23,092 She's always asking after you. 164 00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:25,250 I just said we hadn't seen much of you. 165 00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:27,934 Well, she's not the only one. 166 00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:29,578 This is doing my head in! 167 00:09:38,340 --> 00:09:41,412 (Tom) The plan was to discreetly put the feelers out - 168 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,252 test the market - not drop us in it. 169 00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:47,850 (Stan) Yvonne? 170 00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:50,170 I didn't know Val was gonna put it round the entire nick. 171 00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:52,854 She's the biggest gobshite of them all! 172 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:55,056 I thought she was a sweet old dinner lady. 173 00:09:55,140 --> 00:09:58,450 - Yvonne! Open the door! - A good sarge knows her staff. 174 00:09:58,540 --> 00:10:01,896 I can tell you the names of everyone who works at our nick. 175 00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:04,448 Fine. But do you know them? 176 00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:07,850 - A good sarge would. - Yvonne! 177 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,215 - Open the door! - Copper. 178 00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:13,056 I know you're there. I can see you. 179 00:10:13,140 --> 00:10:16,894 I'm not going anywhere until we sort out this stupid pants nonsense! 180 00:10:16,980 --> 00:10:19,289 Stan! I'll talk to you later, yeah? 181 00:10:19,380 --> 00:10:21,132 No! I'm here. Talk to me now. 182 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:23,939 - She's not letting him in. - Let me in. 183 00:10:24,020 --> 00:10:26,056 He is not happy. 184 00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:29,177 I'd get in the back if I were you. Keep your head down. 185 00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:30,375 Grow up, Tom. 186 00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:32,735 Let me in or I'll break this door down. 187 00:10:32,820 --> 00:10:34,299 Shit! 188 00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,575 BANGING ON DOOR 189 00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:38,013 Yvonne. 190 00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:43,818 Is everything OK in there? 191 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:45,219 Yvonne, what's going on? 192 00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:47,052 (A fucking stick-up bloke with a bloody big gun.) 193 00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:51,975 - Stand back - I'll kick it in! - Piss off! I'm nearly there. 194 00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:55,339 Get away from the door! Get back! 195 00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:56,853 Don't shoot, I'm unarmed. 196 00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:59,215 - What's that in your hand? - Nothing. 197 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:01,052 Hands where I can see them! 198 00:11:01,140 --> 00:11:02,653 - Why don't you lower the weapon? 199 00:11:02,740 --> 00:11:05,254 - I just want everyone to go out of here... - Shut up! 200 00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:08,491 You're not calling the shots here - I am! Get over there and get down. 201 00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:10,615 You! 202 00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:17,928 Anyone tries anything and I start throwing bodies out! 203 00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:24,133 - OK. Now empty the safe. - What? 204 00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:26,370 You've got a shop. You've got a safe. Move. 205 00:11:26,460 --> 00:11:28,655 - Just do as he says. - There's nothing in it. 206 00:11:28,740 --> 00:11:32,096 - I had to dip into it for the mortgage. - Whatever! Come on. 207 00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:33,977 Fine. But you're wasting your time. 208 00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:37,534 I'm not a fucking idiot, yeah? Now let's do this. 209 00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:43,173 What now? 210 00:11:43,260 --> 00:11:46,616 It's on a timer. Once I put the code in, it takes half an hour. 211 00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:49,373 - There's nothing to be gained from stalling him. - I'm not stalling. 212 00:11:49,460 --> 00:11:52,975 It's on a timer. The back door's sealed to deter robbers. 213 00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:54,618 I'm here. This is happening. 214 00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:58,215 Open it. You're just going to have to sit tight. 215 00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:01,849 Chesney! What are you doing? 216 00:12:01,940 --> 00:12:04,659 Nothing. Who's he? 217 00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:06,696 - Robin Hoodie. - How many people?! 218 00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:10,090 - Were you wanking? - Fuck off! I was in a study forum. 219 00:12:10,180 --> 00:12:13,855 Forum? You should be at school doing RE, where you're safe. 220 00:12:13,940 --> 00:12:15,931 Skiving while I'm at Costco! 221 00:12:16,020 --> 00:12:18,659 - Come on. Not now. - Don't "come on" me. This is my family. 222 00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:23,097 - Keep your nose out. - OK, enough! Enter the code. 223 00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:28,492 BEEPING 224 00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:34,296 It's you saying that the baby's coming. 225 00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:36,018 I'm sure this is all just normal. 226 00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:38,409 - Last-minute nerves. - It's not that. 227 00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:43,456 There. 228 00:12:43,540 --> 00:12:46,179 You're meant to breast-feed these days, and... 229 00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:49,093 well, me milk hasn't come. 230 00:12:49,180 --> 00:12:51,648 You don't need to breast-feed. 231 00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:55,335 I bet all the women that write this are them militant lactators 232 00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:57,172 that have teenagers hanging off theirs. 233 00:12:57,260 --> 00:13:00,093 - Hmm. - You give us a bottle, didn't you? 234 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:05,254 I had to, because after I fed Fiona, these dropped a whole two inches. 235 00:13:05,340 --> 00:13:07,058 They used to be right up there. 236 00:13:07,140 --> 00:13:09,290 Did formula do us any harm? 237 00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:12,770 It's not the same as giving your baby the boob. 238 00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:16,175 I want it to be natural. 239 00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:19,850 I want it to be perfect. 240 00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:23,655 I can't bear to be a crap mum again. 241 00:13:23,740 --> 00:13:25,412 You won't be. 242 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,650 I won't let you. 243 00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,298 Stop worrying! 244 00:13:29,380 --> 00:13:30,813 Yeah. 245 00:13:34,740 --> 00:13:36,696 Thanks, love. 246 00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:38,655 Oi! 247 00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:41,933 Just until you settle down. 248 00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:51,693 Oh, hiya. 249 00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:53,532 No, it's locked. I couldn't get in... 250 00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:56,692 - Won't be a minute! Police business. 251 00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:01,739 RADIO CRACKLES 252 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,097 He's turned his radio off. 253 00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:09,619 Kerry from community support. 254 00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:11,531 I'm not playing your stupid game, Tom, save your breath. 255 00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:12,575 Fine, only... 256 00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:16,175 Look, I've passed my exam, I've got my stripes. 257 00:14:16,260 --> 00:14:19,013 I've shown what it really takes to be a sergeant. 258 00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:23,616 Fine, if that's all you want to be - a sergeant - not a good sarge. 259 00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:26,737 He's got ten minutes and then I'm dragging him out of there. 260 00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:29,175 (Robber) What is this, man? 261 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:31,694 There's a fucking cop car outside now! 262 00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:34,294 It's my colleagues. Probably waiting for me to sort stuff with Yvonne. 263 00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:36,610 How am I supposed to get out now, eh? 264 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:39,931 Duh! Something you should have thought about earlier, maybe. 265 00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:42,250 - Do you know him? - Shut up! 266 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,810 Fucking talk to him like you did. I know his voice from somewhere. 267 00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:47,219 Do I know you? 268 00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:50,849 - Chesney, sit down for us, pal. - What? He's not gonna shoot me. 269 00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:54,615 - He's bricking it. Hand's shaking. - Listen to the Fed, brother. 270 00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:58,170 I'm not your brother. Are you a Musi? How do we know each other? 271 00:14:58,260 --> 00:14:59,932 Fellas, let's keep our heads, eh? 272 00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:01,578 Chesney, back off. 273 00:15:06,420 --> 00:15:08,058 How did you know about the safe? 274 00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:10,415 Eh? You've got a shop, you've got a safe! 275 00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,934 No, the only people who know about it are here. 276 00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:14,533 You're too clued up. 277 00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:18,932 You rob me the one morning I'm not here. How did you know that? 278 00:15:23,580 --> 00:15:30,258 Please don't tell me this is what I think it is - an inside job. Whose idea were it? 279 00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:32,490 Well? 280 00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:35,617 You said this was going to be easy! 281 00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:39,249 Put on a show for the cameras - in and out, no distractions. 282 00:15:39,340 --> 00:15:44,130 Fucking hell's bells, Stan! I thought my lot were wrong 'uns. 283 00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:48,213 I knew it. Asif Khan, evil, money-lending harami! 284 00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,689 Easy, Chesney, he's still carrying. 285 00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:53,857 This wasn't meant to happen. 286 00:15:58,660 --> 00:16:02,733 20 applicants to clean dishes and they tell me, "Lack of experience". 287 00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:04,492 I'm unemployable. 288 00:16:04,580 --> 00:16:06,457 I can't make owt, fix owt. 289 00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:08,178 I wouldn't even give me a job. 290 00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,296 Dear, oh, dear, dry your eyes. 291 00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:14,214 There's a place in the workforce for everybody, and even coconuts like you. 292 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:15,938 - In't that right, Nicky? - Yeah. 293 00:16:16,020 --> 00:16:19,217 You're not using your bread box. You tell us what you're after 294 00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:21,655 and we'll come up with the perfect job for you. 295 00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:23,810 I want something people are impressed by. 296 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,255 I want them to look at me and say, "There's Carl Gallagher, the..." 297 00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:27,489 Lumberjack. 298 00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:32,131 And it needs to be around girls. 299 00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:35,895 So you want a job that gets you laid, doesn't require you to think. 300 00:16:35,980 --> 00:16:39,336 I suppose. And if I could travel, great. See the world and that. 301 00:16:39,420 --> 00:16:42,412 - Uniform? - Ladies love a man in uniform. 302 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:45,890 - As long as I don't look like a dick. - (All) Holiday rep! 303 00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:49,380 GIRLS LAUGH 304 00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:52,611 Hello, sailor. Anyone for tennis? 305 00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:56,329 - Clear off taking the piss! - No, it was inspired, that. 306 00:16:56,420 --> 00:17:00,379 I'll show yous. I'm going to do something that gets me respect. 307 00:17:16,260 --> 00:17:17,659 I want what I'm owed. 308 00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:19,856 - How much? - Two. 309 00:17:19,940 --> 00:17:22,056 Grand? What the fuck do you need that for? 310 00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:24,495 - What's it got to do with you? - It's my mum you're robbing! 311 00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:28,016 Don't get holier than thou with me. Doing study forums in her shop! 312 00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:29,533 Stop it! 313 00:17:29,620 --> 00:17:31,417 What have I done to deserve this? 314 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:34,298 What's happened to my kids? 315 00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:36,894 What did you need the loan for, Meena? 316 00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:38,777 Pay off a bar bill? 317 00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:42,250 - Buy more party dresses? - No. I paid a photographer to take shots of me. 318 00:17:42,340 --> 00:17:44,058 - I want to be a model. - You?! 319 00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:47,815 If you have been flashing your fanny for some dirty old perv... 320 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:51,131 I'm trying to tell you. Why do you always think you know it all? 321 00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:52,858 Cos when it comes to you, I do. 322 00:17:52,940 --> 00:17:54,692 Didn't know I were going to do this! 323 00:17:54,780 --> 00:17:58,090 - I got behind with the repayments. - So you decided to rob me! 324 00:17:58,180 --> 00:18:01,138 You never listen. You assume everything. 325 00:18:01,220 --> 00:18:03,336 So now I'm to blame for all this. 326 00:18:03,420 --> 00:18:06,571 I screwed up. But everything I've said is true, Mum! 327 00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:08,059 Chesney will back me up. 328 00:18:08,140 --> 00:18:11,337 He tried telling you why he didn't want to go to school today. 329 00:18:11,420 --> 00:18:14,218 - No, he didn't. - I did, actually. Twice! 330 00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:17,852 I'm the same, Yvonne. 331 00:18:17,940 --> 00:18:19,658 - Selective hearing. 332 00:18:19,740 --> 00:18:24,814 - To be fair, you kids do talk a lot of bollocks. - Shut up, Frank! 333 00:18:26,340 --> 00:18:29,491 So, you're with them. 334 00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:33,619 My son's bunking off. My daughter's trying to hustle me. 335 00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:36,214 My boyfriend thinks I'm a bitch. 336 00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:38,853 It's all my fault, then. 337 00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:42,655 Great! 338 00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:46,211 Could you run us to Bettabuys? 339 00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:47,699 No, get a bus! 340 00:18:47,780 --> 00:18:49,293 Oh, thanks! 341 00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:53,175 Half an hour! 342 00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:56,411 He's just hiding to get out of cycling proficiency. 343 00:18:56,500 --> 00:19:01,733 Carriel They could be making up. Do you really want to interrupt that? 344 00:19:03,340 --> 00:19:06,218 OK, PC O'Leary, would you say that a good sarge 345 00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:09,337 distinguishes herself by making big calls under pressure? 346 00:19:09,420 --> 00:19:10,409 I would. 347 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:15,096 Well, we need to educate the next generation of Chatsworth cyclists. Let's go. 348 00:19:15,180 --> 00:19:18,138 Lover-boy can explain his absence to the inspector. 349 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,097 - Lying bitch! 350 00:19:26,180 --> 00:19:28,330 - What the hell is this? 351 00:19:28,420 --> 00:19:32,299 You said that safe was full of money. 352 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,859 Asif, let go. Come on! 353 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,249 - Scaring her won't bring the money back. - I said there was nothing in it. 354 00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:38,137 I thought you were having me on. 355 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:41,656 Fucking helll What now, eh? How am I going to get my cash? 356 00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:43,298 They've got a massive telly... 357 00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:46,372 How am I going to get out of here without getting arrested? 358 00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:48,735 - We'll give you the CCTV tape. - What?! 359 00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:52,176 Look, that tape is the only proof that you were here. 360 00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:55,218 We'll give it you and then go. 361 00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:58,178 Oh, so what about your mates, eh? 362 00:19:58,260 --> 00:20:02,378 What about them? They only respond to crimes and you were here shopping, right? 363 00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:04,416 I'll pay you the money. 364 00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:07,776 No, wait, it's not your debt. He's a thieving scumbag! 365 00:20:07,860 --> 00:20:10,010 - You, shut it! - He sorts people out. 366 00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:13,137 He's the one everybody goes to when nobody else will help. 367 00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:14,938 He's been there for plenty of families here. 368 00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:18,296 Besides, what have I told you about borrowing money? 369 00:20:18,380 --> 00:20:22,259 - Pay it back before interest is due. - I'll get you the rest. 370 00:20:22,340 --> 00:20:25,571 How do I know you won't cry off? Send bobbies round to my house? 371 00:20:25,660 --> 00:20:28,379 She knows you'd give up Meena as an accessory. 372 00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:33,534 You've got to trust each other. We all have to make out like this didn't happen. 373 00:20:36,540 --> 00:20:39,657 Er... excuse me, shopkeeper! 374 00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:41,651 In return for my silence... 375 00:20:46,820 --> 00:20:48,299 Hey, Yvonne... 376 00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:51,052 Don't push your luck! 377 00:20:51,140 --> 00:20:53,813 - Give me the gun. - I can't. It's my cousin's. 378 00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:57,415 I'm not having some bloke walking through Chatsworth with that! 379 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:17,376 ...Drown my sorrows and l-l-I 380 00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:21,135 Had a feeling that I belong 381 00:21:21,220 --> 00:21:23,450 l-l-I 382 00:21:23,540 --> 00:21:26,771 Had a feeling I could be someone... 383 00:21:26,860 --> 00:21:28,498 Hear you're about to drop, girl! 384 00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:33,175 Leftovers from when our Mandy had Katie. Clogging up my cupboards. 385 00:21:33,260 --> 00:21:35,774 Right, ta! 386 00:21:35,860 --> 00:21:38,090 Fucking decent stuff, this! 387 00:21:38,180 --> 00:21:41,968 Breast pump. Nipple pads to soak up your leakage. 388 00:21:42,060 --> 00:21:44,574 - Here, has your milk come in yet? - No. 389 00:21:44,660 --> 00:21:47,936 Really? In that case, hit a truck the other day. 390 00:21:48,020 --> 00:21:51,569 Red Cross. Shit loads of baby formula. You can have it. 391 00:21:51,660 --> 00:21:53,776 In case your baby doesn't lock on. 392 00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:57,174 See ya. 393 00:22:03,220 --> 00:22:04,892 All right, Mon? 394 00:22:04,980 --> 00:22:06,891 No. 395 00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:09,574 It's all this "baby this", "baby that". 396 00:22:09,660 --> 00:22:11,537 Just chill, eh? 397 00:22:13,140 --> 00:22:15,210 It's not good for you or the baby. 398 00:22:16,940 --> 00:22:18,976 Got to calm down. 399 00:22:19,060 --> 00:22:22,052 Think about what's best for you both, eh? 400 00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:23,812 What's best for us. 401 00:22:23,900 --> 00:22:26,619 Get her out! She wants it. 402 00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:30,852 I want it. Just do it before I go mad! 403 00:22:34,740 --> 00:22:37,379 Nice cup of tea, two sugars. 404 00:22:49,740 --> 00:22:53,176 - You're making us go to school? - After we've been held hostage? 405 00:22:53,260 --> 00:22:55,137 Normal service resumes. 406 00:22:55,220 --> 00:22:59,577 Plus, I want you back here by tea-time. We've got stuff to sort out. 407 00:22:59,660 --> 00:23:01,093 Go on! 408 00:23:06,220 --> 00:23:08,450 - Close for the day, eh, Yvonne? - No! 409 00:23:08,540 --> 00:23:10,019 I'm OK. 410 00:23:11,820 --> 00:23:16,052 About this morning... I'm sorry. 411 00:23:19,300 --> 00:23:21,655 I guess I'm just not great at change. 412 00:23:21,740 --> 00:23:23,253 Don't beat yourself up, love. 413 00:23:23,340 --> 00:23:27,015 Coming from a big family of hard bastards, the soft didn't survive. 414 00:23:27,100 --> 00:23:31,457 When I thought I'd found the man who was going to make me happy, 415 00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:34,213 he just turned out to be a big-spending poof. 416 00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:37,929 - There isn't that much to smile about. - I make you smile, don't I? 417 00:23:38,020 --> 00:23:40,614 I definitely made you smile at least twice. Hey, hat-trick! 418 00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:44,215 - Yvonne, I want to make you happy. - Oh, Stan... 419 00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:49,055 What? Come on, we had a row. Big deal! This works. It'd be crazy to give this up. 420 00:23:49,140 --> 00:23:52,689 And you know, if you want to face facts, 421 00:23:52,780 --> 00:23:56,090 - neither of us is getting any younger. - Stan, I don't want this conversation. 422 00:23:56,180 --> 00:24:01,129 Why not? I'm not your folks, I'm not Kash. I'm a good bloke and sod it! I love you. 423 00:24:01,220 --> 00:24:05,611 I wasn't planning on moving in with you just yet. That's not what these pants are about. 424 00:24:05,700 --> 00:24:09,659 But it's what I want down the line. I want us to be together. I wanna be part of your family. 425 00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:10,809 Stan, stop! 426 00:24:10,900 --> 00:24:13,130 - Marry me, love! - No! 427 00:24:13,220 --> 00:24:16,178 - You don't get it, do you? - Yvonne Karib, will you marry me?! 428 00:24:16,260 --> 00:24:17,693 I can't. 429 00:24:20,540 --> 00:24:21,450 Stan! 430 00:24:21,540 --> 00:24:23,656 Are you all right? 431 00:24:23,740 --> 00:24:26,015 - It's OK. - Talk to me. 432 00:24:26,100 --> 00:24:28,216 - It's fine. - Oh, Stan! 433 00:24:31,140 --> 00:24:33,131 Thank God for bullet-proof vests! 434 00:24:34,740 --> 00:24:36,378 Stan! 435 00:24:40,940 --> 00:24:43,898 It's me boyfriend, he's been shot! 436 00:24:43,980 --> 00:24:45,174 He's a copper! 437 00:24:45,260 --> 00:24:46,773 Please hurry. 438 00:24:48,060 --> 00:24:50,096 Between the shoulder and... 439 00:24:50,180 --> 00:24:53,456 Oh, Causeway Parade, Chatsworth. 440 00:24:54,820 --> 00:24:57,971 Please hurry, there's blood everywhere! What can I do? 441 00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:02,689 (Right... ) 442 00:25:04,180 --> 00:25:06,250 It's all right, the ambulance is coming. 443 00:25:07,580 --> 00:25:09,935 It's gonna be OK. Press there for me. 444 00:25:11,900 --> 00:25:15,097 Please, hurry up! He's not good. 445 00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:16,818 ELECTRICAL CRACKLING 446 00:25:21,900 --> 00:25:26,655 - (Tom) Oi, you! With both hands, please! - Shut up! You're not even from Manchester! 447 00:25:28,580 --> 00:25:30,969 BELL RINGS Jesus! 448 00:25:33,140 --> 00:25:35,859 WHISTLE SHRILLS Right, slow down! 449 00:25:35,940 --> 00:25:38,295 Right, everyone, stop! 450 00:25:38,380 --> 00:25:41,258 Hit the brakes! What did I tell you to do when I blew this? 451 00:25:41,340 --> 00:25:42,853 (RADIO) 'Reports of a gunshot... ' 452 00:25:42,940 --> 00:25:44,453 WHISTLE Carrie, hush yourself. 453 00:25:44,540 --> 00:25:47,816 'Police office - repeat - police officer wounded. 454 00:25:47,900 --> 00:25:49,731 'Informant is a Mrs Yvonne Karib... ' 455 00:25:49,820 --> 00:25:50,775 Stan! 456 00:25:54,340 --> 00:25:56,808 God, what've I done? 457 00:25:59,700 --> 00:26:00,769 I'm scared, love. 458 00:26:00,860 --> 00:26:02,612 I'm getting cold. 459 00:26:02,700 --> 00:26:04,292 Really cold. 460 00:26:05,380 --> 00:26:08,816 You're against the fridge, Stan. Cuddle me. 461 00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,174 HE PANTS 462 00:26:10,260 --> 00:26:11,739 Ambulance will be here soon. 463 00:26:13,260 --> 00:26:14,659 Why can't you marry me? 464 00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:18,528 Don't talk about that now. Save your strength. 465 00:26:19,580 --> 00:26:21,457 I have to know... please. 466 00:26:21,540 --> 00:26:23,974 If I could, I would. 467 00:26:24,060 --> 00:26:25,209 But I can't. 468 00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:28,576 What's stopping us? You can tell me. 469 00:26:28,660 --> 00:26:30,696 I'm still married. 470 00:26:30,780 --> 00:26:32,259 How? 471 00:26:32,340 --> 00:26:34,092 Kash is alive. 472 00:26:34,180 --> 00:26:36,933 I thought... he killed himself. 473 00:26:37,020 --> 00:26:39,853 I made him fake it to get creditors off his back. 474 00:26:39,940 --> 00:26:42,500 He were up to his eyes in debt. 475 00:26:42,580 --> 00:26:45,811 Nobody knows. That's why I can't marry you. 476 00:26:45,900 --> 00:26:47,174 It would just be wrong. 477 00:26:47,260 --> 00:26:48,978 Yvonne... 478 00:26:49,060 --> 00:26:50,732 Why didn't you tell me? 479 00:26:50,820 --> 00:26:52,572 DOOR OPENS 480 00:26:52,660 --> 00:26:53,695 Stan! 481 00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:56,736 Oh, Jesus Chr...! 482 00:26:57,900 --> 00:27:00,460 OK, find the weapon. Yvonne... 483 00:27:00,540 --> 00:27:04,249 Come on, give them room to work. We need to let them help Stan. 484 00:27:04,340 --> 00:27:06,171 HE GROANS 485 00:27:06,260 --> 00:27:08,296 I need to ask you some questions. 486 00:27:08,380 --> 00:27:09,574 All right, Stan? 487 00:27:09,660 --> 00:27:12,493 - Who did this? - It were an accident. 488 00:27:12,580 --> 00:27:15,378 OK. So where's the gun now? 489 00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:18,695 - It just went off. - Sarge... 490 00:27:21,980 --> 00:27:24,414 All right, you stay with Stan, and call me if... 491 00:27:26,580 --> 00:27:27,535 Sure. 492 00:27:27,620 --> 00:27:30,259 Look up, look away, Stan, that's good. 493 00:27:30,340 --> 00:27:33,696 - Yvonne, I need to get you to the station. - I wanna go with Stan. 494 00:27:33,780 --> 00:27:36,897 - We'll keep you updated. - I wanna go in the ambulance! 495 00:27:36,980 --> 00:27:42,657 Best not to make this any more difficult. Let's just get in the car, yeah? Come on. 496 00:27:44,020 --> 00:27:45,214 Stan... 497 00:27:45,300 --> 00:27:46,858 Don't you dare die! 498 00:27:49,740 --> 00:27:51,059 (Both) You joined the Army?! 499 00:27:51,140 --> 00:27:52,971 Yeah. Well, entrance test next week. 500 00:27:53,060 --> 00:27:55,528 Recruitment guy reckons I've got what it takes. 501 00:27:55,620 --> 00:27:57,178 Yeah, to get your head shot off. 502 00:27:57,260 --> 00:27:59,330 I don't want your death on my conscience. 503 00:27:59,420 --> 00:28:03,413 - I know the risks, I watch DVDs. - Yeah, man, cut Rambo some slack. 504 00:28:03,500 --> 00:28:06,412 He's old enough to know his own mind, and he looks the part. 505 00:28:06,500 --> 00:28:08,377 The Army is perfect for me. 506 00:28:08,460 --> 00:28:10,530 Girls love the uniform, I get to travel. 507 00:28:10,620 --> 00:28:13,054 - (Man) Jamiel Two pints, please. - Make the most of me assets. 508 00:28:13,140 --> 00:28:16,655 Your assets will be fuck all use when you're in a sniper's sights. 509 00:28:16,740 --> 00:28:19,015 Lads like you get used, Carl - you're cannon fodder! 510 00:28:19,100 --> 00:28:20,453 Piss off, Ian! 511 00:28:20,540 --> 00:28:23,816 I make this big life decision because you're on my case. Now you're having a pop at me. 512 00:28:23,900 --> 00:28:27,688 - I can't win with you! - I didn't make you enlist! 513 00:28:27,780 --> 00:28:30,214 - So you think I've made a mistake. - Yeah. 514 00:28:32,260 --> 00:28:36,094 Well, obviously, if you come home in a body bag, it's a bad idea. 515 00:28:36,180 --> 00:28:37,613 Stuff the lot of you! 516 00:28:37,700 --> 00:28:39,053 I'm doing this! 517 00:28:39,140 --> 00:28:40,573 Who dares wins. 518 00:28:47,500 --> 00:28:50,776 You all right there, Mrs G? Do you want a lift anywhere? 519 00:28:50,860 --> 00:28:52,771 Nah, you're all right. 520 00:28:52,860 --> 00:28:54,054 Got to walk. 521 00:28:54,140 --> 00:28:56,131 Long walks and curry. 522 00:28:57,580 --> 00:28:59,059 Mickey! 523 00:28:59,140 --> 00:29:02,177 - Can you take us to Balti Heaven? - Do what? 524 00:29:05,940 --> 00:29:09,057 I've got a craving. Oh, and go via Anderson Road, eh? 525 00:29:09,140 --> 00:29:10,971 Why? 526 00:29:20,940 --> 00:29:22,373 Mmm. 527 00:29:29,340 --> 00:29:30,329 Mmm... 528 00:29:30,420 --> 00:29:32,729 SHE CHOKES 529 00:29:32,820 --> 00:29:35,493 Sorry, baby, but I'm doing this for both of us. 530 00:29:35,580 --> 00:29:37,491 Oh, please let me pull over, Mrs G. 531 00:29:37,580 --> 00:29:40,333 You're gonna stain me covers. I've got to do a hen party. 532 00:29:40,420 --> 00:29:44,254 No. Humps are good. I want more humps. 533 00:29:47,060 --> 00:29:51,178 Frank. I need to find me husband. 534 00:29:55,700 --> 00:30:00,649 Munich, Waco, Beslan... 535 00:30:00,740 --> 00:30:03,618 Name one siege that ended well. 536 00:30:06,260 --> 00:30:08,216 Exactly. 537 00:30:08,300 --> 00:30:09,528 None. 538 00:30:10,740 --> 00:30:12,571 There's my husband! 539 00:30:16,060 --> 00:30:18,858 Blessed, I am. 540 00:30:18,940 --> 00:30:20,373 Frank! 541 00:30:21,660 --> 00:30:23,616 Frank! 542 00:30:23,700 --> 00:30:25,930 I need you to take me from behind. 543 00:30:27,420 --> 00:30:30,059 What did I tell ya? Blessed. 544 00:30:42,620 --> 00:30:45,532 Well, come on, then - today. 545 00:30:45,620 --> 00:30:47,531 I don't think I can, love. 546 00:30:47,620 --> 00:30:48,973 Do you need an 'and? 547 00:30:49,060 --> 00:30:53,451 - No, no, he's working... - It's most men's fantasy, this! 548 00:30:53,540 --> 00:30:57,328 A blooming woman, begging for it, doggy, nice and deep. 549 00:30:57,420 --> 00:30:59,172 I've had a very traumatic day. 550 00:30:59,260 --> 00:31:00,295 Oh... 551 00:31:00,380 --> 00:31:02,291 What if the nipper gets brain damage? 552 00:31:02,380 --> 00:31:03,859 You know, from the thrusting? 553 00:31:03,940 --> 00:31:06,500 They have that soft bit on the top of their head... 554 00:31:06,580 --> 00:31:10,129 You're not gonna hurt the baby, you're not even gonna come close. 555 00:31:10,220 --> 00:31:13,053 Now shag me! I need cock! 556 00:31:13,140 --> 00:31:14,892 Give me some cock! 557 00:31:14,980 --> 00:31:17,653 I can't, not with him there! 558 00:31:21,580 --> 00:31:23,457 Pint and a painkiller, ta, Jamie. 559 00:31:23,540 --> 00:31:25,019 Hey? Cheers. 560 00:31:26,540 --> 00:31:27,495 Ta. 561 00:31:27,580 --> 00:31:30,970 They don't design bars with disabled veterans in mind. 562 00:31:31,060 --> 00:31:32,254 You in the Army? 563 00:31:32,340 --> 00:31:33,978 What of it? 564 00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:36,972 Nothing, just... I'm joining. 565 00:31:37,060 --> 00:31:39,699 Oh, right. Good for you. 566 00:31:39,780 --> 00:31:41,896 No, fucking good for you, pal. 567 00:31:41,980 --> 00:31:43,971 It takes a brave lad to sign up nowadays. 568 00:31:47,340 --> 00:31:48,773 Queen and country. 569 00:31:48,860 --> 00:31:50,691 Yeah, man. 570 00:31:52,700 --> 00:31:54,418 You won't regret it. 571 00:31:54,500 --> 00:31:57,936 The British Army is the best in the world. 572 00:31:58,020 --> 00:32:01,615 Takes kids and turns 'em into ultimate warriors. 573 00:32:01,700 --> 00:32:03,611 Right. 574 00:32:03,700 --> 00:32:05,099 So where were you posted? 575 00:32:05,180 --> 00:32:10,459 All over. Iraq, Afghanistan - scary places, like. 576 00:32:11,660 --> 00:32:15,733 Great times, though. Yup. Best six months of my life. 577 00:32:15,820 --> 00:32:16,969 That's not long. 578 00:32:17,060 --> 00:32:19,096 Mmm. No. 579 00:32:19,180 --> 00:32:20,932 But you know what? 580 00:32:21,020 --> 00:32:23,375 I might've had me back snapped by the Taliban, 581 00:32:23,460 --> 00:32:25,655 but I've no regrets. 582 00:32:25,740 --> 00:32:29,938 Be nice to piss standing up again, like, but you can't win 'em all. 583 00:32:30,020 --> 00:32:31,373 GIGGLING 584 00:32:32,420 --> 00:32:33,569 You pricks! 585 00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:34,615 What? 586 00:32:34,700 --> 00:32:38,409 You really think I'd fall for this? Back snapped by Taliban? 587 00:32:38,500 --> 00:32:40,889 - Do you think I'm stupid?! - Mate, it was my idea. 588 00:32:40,980 --> 00:32:43,574 - He went along with it. - You haven't thought about it properly! 589 00:32:43,660 --> 00:32:45,457 And who's this twat? 590 00:32:45,540 --> 00:32:48,612 Come on... Come on, get up, so I can smack yer! Come on... 591 00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:50,770 Carll He can't! 592 00:32:50,860 --> 00:32:54,409 The chair's for real. He broke his back on the railways. 593 00:32:56,740 --> 00:32:57,695 TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS 594 00:33:03,020 --> 00:33:04,294 Finally. 595 00:33:04,380 --> 00:33:06,416 I've been worried sick! 596 00:33:06,500 --> 00:33:07,728 Is there any news? 597 00:33:07,820 --> 00:33:11,415 - Here. - Carrie! 598 00:33:11,500 --> 00:33:14,617 - He's being operated on, it's all I know. - Is he gonna be OK? 599 00:33:14,700 --> 00:33:16,452 I don't know any more than that. 600 00:33:16,540 --> 00:33:17,973 When will he be out? 601 00:33:18,060 --> 00:33:19,334 Yvonne... 602 00:33:19,420 --> 00:33:20,978 CID are gonna wanna talk to you. 603 00:33:21,060 --> 00:33:22,288 Right. 604 00:33:22,380 --> 00:33:25,213 For that to happen, you've gotta be under caution. 605 00:33:26,540 --> 00:33:27,734 What? 606 00:33:27,820 --> 00:33:29,458 You're gonna arrest me?! 607 00:33:29,540 --> 00:33:31,178 They know the CCTV tape's missing. 608 00:33:31,260 --> 00:33:34,172 They think you destroyed it to make it look like an accident. 609 00:33:34,260 --> 00:33:35,215 Cos it was! 610 00:33:35,300 --> 00:33:38,610 Think very carefully about what you say from now on, yeah? 611 00:33:41,020 --> 00:33:42,248 I didn't mean it. 612 00:33:42,340 --> 00:33:44,934 I wouldn't do anything to hurt Stan. 613 00:33:45,020 --> 00:33:47,215 I know. 614 00:33:47,300 --> 00:33:50,656 You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence... 615 00:33:50,740 --> 00:33:52,139 GROANING 616 00:33:52,220 --> 00:33:53,335 (Monica) Oh, yeah... 617 00:33:53,420 --> 00:33:55,058 Deeper, Frank! 618 00:33:55,140 --> 00:33:56,778 Yeah! Go deeper! 619 00:33:56,860 --> 00:33:58,373 Just try not to make a mess. 620 00:33:58,460 --> 00:34:00,052 Yeah, yeah... Yeah, that's it! 621 00:34:00,140 --> 00:34:02,813 Oh, oh, oh, God! Oh, God! 622 00:34:02,900 --> 00:34:04,891 Oh... Oh! Oh, baby! 623 00:34:04,980 --> 00:34:07,335 (Frank) Yeah, baby. Who's back on form? 624 00:34:07,420 --> 00:34:09,854 (Monica) No! Baby, baby - it's comin'! 625 00:34:09,940 --> 00:34:12,898 Oh, God! I'm so charging double for this! 626 00:34:15,500 --> 00:34:18,970 - Frank, where you goin'? - Fetch... 627 00:34:19,060 --> 00:34:21,369 Fetching the kids, moral support! 628 00:34:21,460 --> 00:34:23,894 But I want you there! 629 00:34:23,980 --> 00:34:27,450 Oh, fuck it. Take me to hospital, I'm havin' a baby. 630 00:34:27,540 --> 00:34:29,019 GROWLS 631 00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:30,692 SIREN BLARES 632 00:34:32,700 --> 00:34:36,978 OK, deep breaths. It will pass. So when did your waters break? 633 00:34:37,060 --> 00:34:41,019 Erm... Oh, a bit ago. This afternoon. 634 00:34:41,100 --> 00:34:43,136 How far apart are your contractions? 635 00:34:43,220 --> 00:34:45,415 Not very, but me tummy's going like a tumble dryer, 636 00:34:45,500 --> 00:34:48,060 so something's movin'. 637 00:34:48,140 --> 00:34:51,450 Oh, girls! You're just in time - baby's comin'. 638 00:34:51,540 --> 00:34:53,371 No, it's not! You're not in labour! 639 00:34:53,460 --> 00:34:57,373 - What?! - Excuse me! I know what labour feels like! 640 00:34:57,460 --> 00:35:01,009 Your waters haven't broken, you're not dilated, you're wasting my time. 641 00:35:01,100 --> 00:35:03,091 D'you know how many women are out there, waiting to drop?! 642 00:35:03,180 --> 00:35:06,809 I know my body, and I've been pooing non-stop! That's a sign! 643 00:35:06,900 --> 00:35:10,415 Yeah, of gut rot. What you been eatin'? 644 00:35:10,500 --> 00:35:12,377 Chicken Madras and castor oil. 645 00:35:12,460 --> 00:35:14,291 Out! 646 00:35:14,380 --> 00:35:16,132 Fuckin' lot of you! 647 00:35:30,060 --> 00:35:34,292 - Won't be a minute. - What's happened? I Does he know? Tom! 648 00:35:39,260 --> 00:35:41,820 No! Stan! 649 00:35:43,420 --> 00:35:44,853 Please! 650 00:35:46,540 --> 00:35:49,418 I'm not a good sarge. 651 00:35:49,500 --> 00:35:51,695 Nobody could have predicted that Stan'd get shot. 652 00:35:51,780 --> 00:35:54,340 You reacted like a sarge. You did good. 653 00:35:56,340 --> 00:35:58,217 Shall we do this? 654 00:35:58,300 --> 00:35:59,699 SOBS 655 00:36:03,020 --> 00:36:07,730 Yvonne, he's fine. Tom was just with him in hospital. 656 00:36:07,820 --> 00:36:10,653 The man's a hero. Deserves a commendation for what he did. 657 00:36:15,860 --> 00:36:18,055 The masked robber just panicked and did one. 658 00:36:18,140 --> 00:36:19,209 Irony of ironies 659 00:36:19,300 --> 00:36:22,451 that the gun goes off when Yvonne hands it to me for safekeepin'. 660 00:36:23,620 --> 00:36:24,814 You're free to go. 661 00:36:24,900 --> 00:36:26,936 Really?! 662 00:36:27,020 --> 00:36:29,580 - Oh, can I see him? - Ward E, third floor. 663 00:36:34,580 --> 00:36:38,539 Oh, go on - buy your old man a pint, son. 664 00:36:38,620 --> 00:36:40,292 You run out of Carl's savings? 665 00:36:40,380 --> 00:36:43,099 SARCASTIC LAUGHTER 666 00:36:43,180 --> 00:36:46,695 I would just like to wet my new baby's head. 667 00:36:46,780 --> 00:36:47,735 What?! 668 00:36:47,820 --> 00:36:51,210 Your mum's at the hospital, she's probably had it by now. 669 00:36:51,300 --> 00:36:53,336 No labour at that age - slips out like a wet pig. 670 00:36:53,420 --> 00:36:55,650 Carll Mum's had a baby! 671 00:36:55,740 --> 00:36:58,049 Get in! Double celebration! 672 00:36:58,140 --> 00:37:00,700 What? 673 00:37:00,780 --> 00:37:02,338 Dick's signed up. 674 00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:03,853 Army. 675 00:37:07,020 --> 00:37:08,499 Right. 676 00:37:08,580 --> 00:37:10,298 Well... 677 00:37:10,380 --> 00:37:14,134 he can sign up all he wants, he's never gonna pass his medical. 678 00:37:14,220 --> 00:37:18,611 Fuck off! Fit as, me. Six-minute miler. Could lift you and you. 679 00:37:18,700 --> 00:37:21,533 That's as may be, but what you gonna do 680 00:37:21,620 --> 00:37:24,373 when the bombs and the strobes go off? 681 00:37:24,460 --> 00:37:27,372 You start twitching, going all 'king Joy Division? 682 00:37:27,460 --> 00:37:29,496 You what?! 683 00:37:29,580 --> 00:37:30,808 Got bad wiring, kid. 684 00:37:32,420 --> 00:37:34,217 Epileptic. 685 00:37:34,300 --> 00:37:36,052 No, I'm not. 686 00:37:36,140 --> 00:37:37,573 SCOFFS 687 00:37:37,660 --> 00:37:40,379 You were on my shoulders at that first episode. 688 00:37:40,460 --> 00:37:43,930 The lights are flashing and you're fucking jerking. 689 00:37:44,020 --> 00:37:46,932 The other ravers were copying all your moves. 690 00:37:47,020 --> 00:37:48,851 Till you started foamin'. 691 00:37:48,940 --> 00:37:51,534 You're lying. How come I can't remember? 692 00:37:51,620 --> 00:37:54,088 Well, you don't, do you? 693 00:37:54,180 --> 00:37:56,853 That's the nature of the storm. 694 00:37:56,940 --> 00:37:59,500 It comes, it goes... 695 00:37:59,580 --> 00:38:01,298 "Did that happen?" 696 00:38:03,860 --> 00:38:05,578 It's a blessin'... 697 00:38:05,660 --> 00:38:06,854 actually. 698 00:38:06,940 --> 00:38:08,931 Shit! 699 00:38:09,020 --> 00:38:11,454 Shit! 700 00:38:11,540 --> 00:38:13,815 You happy, now?! 701 00:38:15,860 --> 00:38:19,011 I mean, I'm fairly sure it was him. 702 00:38:19,100 --> 00:38:20,692 It was definitely one of you. 703 00:38:23,660 --> 00:38:25,969 Go on, Captain Ale. Give us a thing. 704 00:38:26,060 --> 00:38:29,496 I didn't tell you about Kash because... 705 00:38:29,580 --> 00:38:30,979 I don't wanna think about him. 706 00:38:31,060 --> 00:38:33,574 Not because I don't trust you, 707 00:38:33,660 --> 00:38:36,572 not because you're a copper, not because we're not there yet. 708 00:38:36,660 --> 00:38:39,970 It's fine, Yvonne. Don't worry. 709 00:38:42,860 --> 00:38:44,373 God! You look shit, Stan! 710 00:38:44,460 --> 00:38:46,337 Thanks. 711 00:38:46,420 --> 00:38:47,978 Is it sore? 712 00:38:48,060 --> 00:38:50,528 I won't be spraying under there for a while. 713 00:38:50,620 --> 00:38:52,099 So they were actually in school, then? 714 00:38:52,180 --> 00:38:55,172 Yep. Catching up. Homework club. 715 00:38:55,260 --> 00:38:57,728 Right. Talk to me about RE. 716 00:38:57,820 --> 00:39:02,291 Well... it's the teacher, innit? She's a bigot. 717 00:39:02,380 --> 00:39:04,894 She thinks all Musis wanna blow things up. 718 00:39:04,980 --> 00:39:09,849 She turns the whole class against me. I get abuse - that's why I've been jibbin'. 719 00:39:09,940 --> 00:39:12,135 Fine. Drop it. Do something else. 720 00:39:12,220 --> 00:39:15,337 You're doin' it again! I don't wanna swap subjects. 721 00:39:15,420 --> 00:39:17,138 I like RE. 722 00:39:18,740 --> 00:39:20,014 Well, what do you want? 723 00:39:20,100 --> 00:39:23,297 Can you talk to her? Tell her to give me a break, without getting dark. 724 00:39:23,380 --> 00:39:25,052 Course I can. 725 00:39:25,140 --> 00:39:29,258 I'd better get another teacher in there as well, though, just in case. 726 00:39:29,340 --> 00:39:32,776 So what are these posh snaps like, then? 727 00:39:32,860 --> 00:39:36,216 They're good. They're really nice. Professional. 728 00:39:36,300 --> 00:39:38,768 It's amazing what an airbrush can do! 729 00:39:38,860 --> 00:39:40,418 Are they worth two grand? 730 00:39:40,500 --> 00:39:44,209 Good portfolio, better-paid assignments. It's a no-brainer. 731 00:39:44,300 --> 00:39:48,373 OK. But until you've earned your fortune on the catwalk, 732 00:39:48,460 --> 00:39:51,099 you'll be working weekends in the shop and settling up with me. 733 00:39:51,180 --> 00:39:54,092 What? That'll take forever! 734 00:39:54,180 --> 00:39:56,250 If you can't do the time... 735 00:39:56,340 --> 00:39:58,331 Fine. 736 00:40:04,340 --> 00:40:06,774 Baby just wasn't ready to come out. 737 00:40:06,860 --> 00:40:10,250 Monica, love, do you want something for the stress? 738 00:40:10,340 --> 00:40:12,649 Can you leave me alone, please? 739 00:40:12,740 --> 00:40:15,493 I want to have a row with the father of my baby. 740 00:40:23,060 --> 00:40:26,097 Well, go on. Get it over with, cos I've a bottle full of excuses. 741 00:40:26,180 --> 00:40:27,898 - You've let me down! - Oh, fucking... 742 00:40:27,980 --> 00:40:30,699 We were supposed to be doing this together. It ain't easy. 743 00:40:30,780 --> 00:40:34,375 You're a... You'll be fine. You're a total fuckin' pro. 744 00:40:34,460 --> 00:40:36,769 You've raised more babies than Old Mother Hubbard. 745 00:40:36,860 --> 00:40:41,092 Yeah, but I need help with this one. I'm asking you to be there for us. 746 00:40:41,180 --> 00:40:43,375 Oh, fucking... Monica, I've told you... 747 00:40:43,460 --> 00:40:48,898 You know this, I'm fuckin' useless at, you know, at this stage... 748 00:40:48,980 --> 00:40:52,450 Delicate little things, you know? What can I do? 749 00:40:52,540 --> 00:40:54,895 Loads! You can bath it, 750 00:40:54,980 --> 00:40:59,178 you can change its nappy, you can shove a bottle in its mouth... 751 00:40:59,260 --> 00:41:00,978 - I know! - It's a baby, Frank. 752 00:41:01,060 --> 00:41:03,972 It's not gonna eat you. It needs you. 753 00:41:04,060 --> 00:41:06,972 I know. What d'you think I've been doing all these fuckin' years? 754 00:41:07,060 --> 00:41:10,689 Just do what comes... naturally. 755 00:41:10,780 --> 00:41:12,577 - Nat? Yeah. - I told you that. 756 00:41:14,180 --> 00:41:17,775 All right. I know. 757 00:41:17,860 --> 00:41:20,135 (I know.) 758 00:41:21,220 --> 00:41:26,055 I know! Go across the road to Tina Brown and ask if we can borrow her paddling pool, 759 00:41:26,140 --> 00:41:28,700 cos I think I might try one of them water births. 760 00:41:28,780 --> 00:41:30,532 I could wear me gold bikini! 761 00:41:30,620 --> 00:41:32,531 Well, go on! 762 00:41:32,620 --> 00:41:35,088 We need to practise. 763 00:41:35,180 --> 00:41:39,537 We have to be ready, cos baby could come any day now. 764 00:41:45,660 --> 00:41:48,618 Yvonne Toni-Marie Karib, 765 00:41:48,700 --> 00:41:53,137 I know you're set in your ways and I've still got a lot to learn about you, 766 00:41:53,220 --> 00:41:57,691 but from this day on, I promise I won't make any big surprises, 767 00:41:57,780 --> 00:41:59,498 or make any big demands on you. 768 00:41:59,580 --> 00:42:01,298 For fear of being shot? 769 00:42:01,380 --> 00:42:02,495 Absolutely. 770 00:42:02,580 --> 00:42:03,979 OK, it's my go. 771 00:42:04,060 --> 00:42:06,972 Stanley Dennis Waterman, 772 00:42:07,060 --> 00:42:09,813 I know that you tend to... 773 00:42:09,900 --> 00:42:11,652 dive into stuff... 774 00:42:11,740 --> 00:42:13,970 It's a fair assumption, I'll give you that one. 775 00:42:14,060 --> 00:42:19,259 But from this day on, I'll try to be more open to what you're divin' into. 776 00:42:19,340 --> 00:42:20,455 Thank you. 777 00:42:20,540 --> 00:42:23,816 Come on - this is painful! 778 00:42:23,900 --> 00:42:25,458 Cut to the chase! 779 00:42:36,340 --> 00:42:38,615 As a token of my commitment to you, 780 00:42:38,700 --> 00:42:41,214 I give you this new four-pack of pants from George. 781 00:42:41,300 --> 00:42:43,450 Snazzy! 782 00:42:43,540 --> 00:42:47,169 As a symbol of my desire to stay over one extra night a week 783 00:42:47,260 --> 00:42:48,488 and call you my girlfriend. 784 00:42:50,540 --> 00:42:54,897 And as a token of mine, I'll find a place for them in my drawer. 785 00:42:56,460 --> 00:42:58,337 - Unless you want one of your own. - Really?! 786 00:42:58,420 --> 00:43:03,653 Relationships are all about making sacrifices, right? 787 00:43:05,340 --> 00:43:08,457 But don't think I'm washing your mucky kecks! I draw the line. 788 00:43:12,620 --> 00:43:15,578 HUBBUB 789 00:43:17,980 --> 00:43:19,777 Shit! 790 00:43:22,220 --> 00:43:25,735 You didn't tell 'em you have fits?! You're an idiot! They'll find out. 791 00:43:25,820 --> 00:43:27,856 You don't lie to the military. 792 00:43:27,940 --> 00:43:29,692 I had a good chat with my careers adviser. 793 00:43:29,780 --> 00:43:33,375 Doing the job I've always wanted, shock and awe. 794 00:43:33,460 --> 00:43:34,893 Hit it! 795 00:43:34,980 --> 00:43:37,972 MUSIC: Nineteen by Paul Hardcastle 796 00:43:38,060 --> 00:43:39,539 GIRLS SCREAM 797 00:43:47,620 --> 00:43:52,535 Dozens of girls are touching you up. Passions are running high! 798 00:43:55,100 --> 00:43:56,453 Chances are... 799 00:43:57,980 --> 00:43:59,652 ...you might not get out alive. 800 00:44:08,580 --> 00:44:10,491 What would you do fuckin' do, eh? 801 00:44:12,020 --> 00:44:13,089 GUNSHOT 802 00:44:21,860 --> 00:44:25,614 (Carl) 'Course, the irony of people who can't commit 803 00:44:25,700 --> 00:44:31,252 'is most of them are already on their way to wherever it is that's freaking them out. 804 00:44:32,380 --> 00:44:36,373 'You only ever get cold feet when you're at the point of no return. 805 00:44:36,460 --> 00:44:38,337 'You've just gotta make that leap. 806 00:44:38,420 --> 00:44:40,411 'You always feel better for making a decision.' 807 00:44:40,500 --> 00:44:44,971 Yeah! 808 00:44:46,980 --> 00:44:48,652 'As long as it's the right one, like.' 809 00:44:48,740 --> 00:44:51,652 I'm leaking. I'm leaking! 810 00:44:51,740 --> 00:44:55,130 That means I'll be able to give her the boob! 811 00:44:55,220 --> 00:44:56,858 That's disgustin'! 812 00:45:02,220 --> 00:45:03,573 Clever Mummy. 813 00:45:51,740 --> 00:45:53,935 Debbie! 814 00:45:53,985 --> 00:45:58,535 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 61832

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