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1
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,572
Tickets this way
for the Chatsworth Express!
2
00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:08,174
Come and watch pikeys making a mess
3
00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:11,855
of the lives they were given by
'im upstairs...
4
00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:14,898
And kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
5
00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:16,095
Wicked!
6
00:00:16,180 --> 00:00:17,499
Piss off!
7
00:00:17,580 --> 00:00:21,368
What sounds on Earth
could ever replace
8
00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:24,497
kids needing money
or wives in your face?
9
00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:26,935
Cos this, people reckon -
me included -
10
00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:29,488
is why pubs and drugs
11
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,172
were kindly invented...
12
00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:33,774
To calm us all down
and stop us going mental.
13
00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:38,570
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
14
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:44,815
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes...
15
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,379
You sit on our head,
16
00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:49,133
but... you pay the taxes.
17
00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:50,619
CHEERING
18
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:53,373
Imagine Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers
19
00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:56,691
who'd come on your face
for the price of a beer, eh?
20
00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,259
Eh!
21
00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:02,094
Make poverty history.
Cheaper drugs now!
22
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:07,049
Make poverty history!
Cheaper drugs now!
23
00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:08,459
CHUCKLES
24
00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:12,169
Scatter! Party!
25
00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:24,139
(Monica) 'Whore, cow,
26
00:01:24,220 --> 00:01:25,573
'bitch, slag,
27
00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:27,571
'tart, lezzer, dyke...
28
00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:30,572
'I've been called
all sorts in my time.
29
00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:34,494
'Sometimes by people who say
they love me in the next breath.
30
00:01:34,580 --> 00:01:38,573
'There's no word for the worst thing
I've done. No single word.
31
00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:40,218
'No insult.
32
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,258
'I don't suppose there's
any way I can make up for it.
33
00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:45,410
'I'll keep trying, though.'
34
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:46,535
PEACOCK CRY
35
00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:48,338
'All I need to do now
36
00:01:48,420 --> 00:01:51,651
'is to admit me faults
and say what I am.
37
00:01:51,740 --> 00:01:53,332
'What I really am.
38
00:01:53,420 --> 00:01:55,536
'My name is Monica Gallagher
39
00:01:55,620 --> 00:01:57,258
'and I'm...
40
00:01:57,340 --> 00:01:58,853
'I'm trying.'
41
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:21,609
Told me mum I couldn't live
with the stench of me dad's feet.
42
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:23,656
Had to believe that.
43
00:02:23,740 --> 00:02:27,892
Why don't you move back?
There's loads more space.
44
00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:29,174
Everybody...
45
00:02:29,260 --> 00:02:31,376
There's different types of space.
46
00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:33,052
I've got a little announcement to make.
47
00:02:33,140 --> 00:02:34,095
Mothers smother.
48
00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:38,690
I am gonna have another little baba.
49
00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:42,090
(All) Yeah!
50
00:02:49,340 --> 00:02:53,253
Well, we've been trying all this time,
ever since I come back.
51
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,853
You could've fucking told me.
52
00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:57,932
Take it with you when you bugger off,
cos I'm not looking after it.
53
00:02:58,020 --> 00:02:59,817
- Where's it gonna go?
- (Liam) Not in ours.
54
00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:03,449
- We'll have to hope it's a girl, then.
- No chance, I'm not sharing!
55
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,015
Congratulations.
56
00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:08,658
When's it due?
57
00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:10,970
Doctor'll tell us that,
when I get it confirmed.
58
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,971
You've taken a test?
59
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:17,770
I don't need to. I've had me visions -
nursery rhymes, birds, eggs.
60
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:24,693
No, I am most definitely with child.
61
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:37,255
Best nosh, a night in the finest hotel,
62
00:03:37,340 --> 00:03:39,410
baked in luxury,
63
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:42,572
a 40th birthday
to go down in history.
64
00:03:42,660 --> 00:03:44,855
- Wish you'd let us join in.
- Yeah. It's not fair.
65
00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:46,737
You can get us a pressie.
66
00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:47,775
Aye, a big'un.
67
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:50,658
We should have a fucking big bash
or summat. Hardcore.
68
00:03:50,740 --> 00:03:52,492
My Paddy's planned this,
69
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:54,218
which means it's perfect.
70
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:57,019
CHUCKLES
71
00:03:57,100 --> 00:04:00,331
You toddling off into town?
72
00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:02,615
Dunno if I can be bothered.
73
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,975
OK, maysy-wellsy.
74
00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:06,812
Choose a frock.
75
00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:07,969
Ooh!
76
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:10,574
D'you want a lift in the limo?
77
00:04:10,660 --> 00:04:12,093
I'll get the bus.
78
00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:24,217
"Why don't we have a bash?" Trying
to give the game away, spunk-bubble?
79
00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:26,336
No, I was throwing her off t'scent.
It's classic tactics.
80
00:04:26,420 --> 00:04:29,537
Never, ever attempt
to act on initiative.
81
00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:32,771
When every fucker shouts "Surprisel"
I want her heart to stop.
82
00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:34,896
I want her skin
in a pile on the floor
83
00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:37,335
and a Mimi-shaped hole
in the ceiling.
84
00:04:37,420 --> 00:04:40,457
Great woe will descend upon anybody
who blows this.
85
00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:42,531
Comprendo? Dicko?
86
00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:46,659
Gonna hang this up
in your bedroom after the party?
87
00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:48,219
Oi. My mum.
88
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,370
(Karen) I'm beginning to think
I should've said no.
89
00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:53,133
It's easy. As long as we don't run
out of beer, they'll be happy.
90
00:04:53,220 --> 00:04:56,371
It's not what your dad thinks.
He's been sweating on this for months.
91
00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:57,609
Months.
92
00:04:57,700 --> 00:04:59,179
He's got people coming from all over.
93
00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:00,773
Australia!
94
00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:02,179
We've had loads of dos.
95
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,012
Not while my application
is being looked at.
96
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:05,852
Brewery can chuck us out any time now.
97
00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:07,419
All-night punch-up
is the last thing I need.
98
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,650
What's this?
99
00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:11,856
This Is Your Life - entertainment.
100
00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:14,693
Slideshows, karaoke,
glitter balls, ceilidh music.
101
00:05:14,780 --> 00:05:17,977
All Mimi's faves.
There's so much I need to do!
102
00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:19,732
Relax.
103
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:23,051
I'm holding you personally
responsible for everything.
104
00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:24,971
There's stuff I need to get.
105
00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:29,099
A pint and a bucket of ice
for my great big bollocks.
106
00:05:32,260 --> 00:05:33,932
Two weeks for an appointment?
107
00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:35,931
Yeah, wouldn't let me wait.
108
00:05:36,020 --> 00:05:37,851
Doctor is very busy.
109
00:05:37,940 --> 00:05:39,259
So I shopped.
110
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:43,333
You've had these lame-brained visions
before. You weren't stuffed up then.
111
00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:45,331
Yeah, but not like this.
112
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,854
So, you're not even sure?
113
00:05:50,420 --> 00:05:52,411
Shouldn't you be at school?
114
00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:55,458
The thought of you and my dad
doing it has made me ill.
115
00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:56,689
You should take a test, Mon.
116
00:05:56,780 --> 00:06:01,092
This little bub is gonna make up
for any mistakes I've made.
117
00:06:01,180 --> 00:06:02,135
One for me.
118
00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:04,575
Oh, thanks. What if it's phantom?
119
00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:07,333
Oh, go on, then, I'll take a test.
120
00:06:07,420 --> 00:06:09,376
Lend us one of yours.
121
00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:10,654
I haven't got any.
122
00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:12,571
What kind of teenager are you?
123
00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:15,458
I'll go next door. Mimi's got loads.
124
00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:22,052
Infertile Frank the Fecund.
125
00:06:22,140 --> 00:06:23,778
Dead-eyed Dick Gallagher.
126
00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:26,090
That's me. Hey, Bunty! No waste.
127
00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:29,536
I'm like those cowboys
in a white hat.
128
00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:33,010
Cowboys in black hats
come crashing through the windows,
129
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,739
spray lead all over
the fucking shop.
130
00:06:35,820 --> 00:06:37,299
Miss every bastard.
131
00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:39,291
I kick the saloon door open.
132
00:06:39,380 --> 00:06:42,099
Hello, boys!
133
00:06:42,180 --> 00:06:44,569
You have a little nod round.
134
00:06:44,660 --> 00:06:45,888
Bide me time...
135
00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:51,492
WESTERN MUSIC
136
00:06:51,580 --> 00:06:52,535
Draw!
137
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:55,293
GUNSHOT
138
00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:58,417
Dusted over.
Or up the duff in this case.
139
00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,819
How long's mum been back?
140
00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:01,856
Oh, forever.
141
00:07:01,940 --> 00:07:04,295
Not that spunky, then, are you, Dead-eye?
142
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:07,372
She'd be onto a second litter by now.
143
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:10,133
Just stick it on the slate...
144
00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:11,653
Spotty herbert!
145
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:18,619
A pig.
146
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,576
Spit roast for me mum's rave.
147
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:23,093
Not in the footballer sense.
148
00:07:23,180 --> 00:07:24,295
Do we leave it there?
149
00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:26,132
How the fuck should I know?
150
00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:28,211
I'll make some room in the cellar.
151
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:31,497
- Gotta take a date to me mam's party.
- I'm working.
152
00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:35,048
A girll Smartarse!
153
00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:38,610
If we don't find one,
we've gotta take Nana Murphy.
154
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,418
Kisses for Nana.
155
00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:45,339
Just drag along some fag-hag.
156
00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:46,773
Or Norma.
157
00:07:46,860 --> 00:07:48,418
No. I'm gonna do it for real.
158
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,455
Get a cure.
159
00:07:49,540 --> 00:07:50,529
For what?
160
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:53,215
Gay.
161
00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:57,536
Found one on the internet.
Fucking insane American Christians,
162
00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,895
but they know a thing or two
about not wanking over blokes.
163
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:00,935
What do you do?
164
00:08:01,020 --> 00:08:04,012
You train your mind to stop thinking
about sex and cocks and that.
165
00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:05,931
Yeah, it's mind over...
166
00:08:06,780 --> 00:08:09,169
Can you feel this?
167
00:08:09,260 --> 00:08:10,932
Do you want this?
168
00:08:11,020 --> 00:08:13,898
- Even that doesn't bother me.
- Tit.
169
00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:15,732
I'll take the arse.
170
00:08:21,820 --> 00:08:23,173
Is it cold enough in here?
171
00:08:23,260 --> 00:08:25,649
It'll have to be. Freezer's full.
172
00:08:36,540 --> 00:08:38,895
Bollocks.
173
00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:40,936
Oi!
174
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,738
- Oi, we're locked in! Help!
- What you doing? No!
175
00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:46,299
(Jamie) Come on! Let us out.
176
00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:47,813
CHEERING
177
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:49,936
- Shit!
- Quick!
178
00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:51,169
Don't hog it.
179
00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:53,057
They'll drink it all.
Hurry up.
180
00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:22,492
You're Schtan.
Told you I was clever.
181
00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:24,855
Good.
182
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,532
We both lied the same amount.
183
00:09:28,980 --> 00:09:31,175
You have no hair
and you are overweight.
184
00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:34,855
I am short and sent the
best photograph ever taken.
185
00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:40,095
Dobra pozhalovat v angly.
186
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,135
Thank you.
187
00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:43,495
But that's Russian, I'm Ukrainian.
188
00:09:43,580 --> 00:09:44,535
Hello, Irana.
189
00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:45,894
Hello, Schtan.
190
00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:52,613
Dick! Dick! Dick!
191
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:57,292
They'd've noticed soon enough anyway.
192
00:09:58,780 --> 00:09:59,849
(Jamie) Karen?
193
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,455
Y'all right?
194
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,491
I tried to stop 'em.
195
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:24,258
The party stuff.
196
00:10:24,340 --> 00:10:27,616
Mimi's things, the book.
Paddy is gonna explode.
197
00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:29,099
BANG!
198
00:10:31,140 --> 00:10:32,698
I am Spartacus!
199
00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:36,613
Why won't you let us in?
200
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:39,055
(Monica) I can't have you around
when my knickers are down.
201
00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:42,740
I know what you're like. All done.
202
00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:50,215
It's not...
203
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:51,255
It's...
204
00:10:51,340 --> 00:10:53,934
What's wrong?
205
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,215
Five, six, piss on sticks.
206
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:05,609
No line, no baby.
You're not pregnant. Result!
207
00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,935
I'm not...
208
00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:10,339
I don't understand...
209
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:13,093
- Menopause.
- She's too young.
210
00:11:13,180 --> 00:11:15,011
Hormones all over the fucking house.
211
00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,579
That's why you're getting your visions.
212
00:11:16,660 --> 00:11:17,615
Oh, no.
213
00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:20,897
Hot flushes, depression,
insomnia, irritability,
214
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:23,175
night sweats, vaginal dryness.
215
00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:24,454
Pleasel?
216
00:11:24,540 --> 00:11:28,328
It's part of being a woman.
Comes to us all.
217
00:11:28,420 --> 00:11:32,413
- It's come to her first, mind.
- No more babies.
218
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:35,333
No more babies for Monica.
219
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:40,693
I'm not pleased. You said you were
coming back for the ones you left.
220
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:45,012
- Not to pop another.
- I say a lot of things. They hate me.
221
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:46,294
Oh, man, they don't.
222
00:11:46,380 --> 00:11:49,258
If I left now, this minute,
take 'em two days to notice.
223
00:11:49,340 --> 00:11:52,491
They'd shrug and then they'd carry on.
224
00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:54,571
Like they expect it.
225
00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:56,696
If they expect anything.
226
00:11:56,780 --> 00:11:57,974
I'm just temporary.
227
00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:03,498
- A visitor, an unwelcome one.
- You're their mam.
228
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:11,895
I like being full of baby.
229
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:15,017
And I'm good with them,
too, when they come out.
230
00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:17,568
When they're little and helpless.
231
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:23,651
And then they grow up
and I fuck it up.
232
00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:25,890
You had to leave.
233
00:12:25,980 --> 00:12:27,174
You were ill.
234
00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:29,535
Yeah.
235
00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:33,249
Hey, there'd have been no
me and you if you hadn't.
236
00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:39,811
I'm never gonna get it right now.
237
00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:41,891
You didn't get it wrong.
238
00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:43,095
You were depressed.
239
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,249
Desperate.
240
00:12:44,340 --> 00:12:48,049
Mmm. And I never thought
I'd feel like that again.
241
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,255
Sorry. Bad news.
242
00:13:06,340 --> 00:13:07,375
What?
243
00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,974
We've had a robbery
and can't do your party.
244
00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:11,095
What party?
245
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,610
Would that be a surprise party?
246
00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:17,736
I'm sorry. I didn't know!
247
00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:20,334
No, neither did I, but I do now.
248
00:13:20,420 --> 00:13:22,456
Paddy's gonna rip your lungs out.
249
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:27,455
You've really crossed
the line this time, shithead!
250
00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:33,812
Fuck!
251
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:37,176
- Didn't me dad tell you?
- Obviously not.
252
00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:41,610
Sorry. Again.
253
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:46,979
- It's a good job she already knew, then.
- What?
254
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,210
He chucks one every year.
255
00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:53,290
It's not a surprise if you know.
256
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,689
Paddy doesn't know I know.
257
00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:57,896
That means it's a surprise.
258
00:13:57,980 --> 00:14:01,529
And if my Paddy wants me to
have a party, I'm having one.
259
00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:02,848
Who's ruined t'surprise?
260
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:05,408
Bet fucking Lynch there.
261
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:06,728
She already knew.
262
00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:08,094
Hey, it's not the point.
None of us told her.
263
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:13,174
It's done now. Karen's an idiot,
but she can't help that.
264
00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:14,852
Drop what you're doing.
265
00:14:14,940 --> 00:14:17,408
We know who took it.
Twats that drink in here.
266
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:20,060
Threaten them. Hurt them.
267
00:14:20,140 --> 00:14:23,894
Bring everything back here.
Not a word to your dad.
268
00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:25,936
Party's on.
269
00:14:27,020 --> 00:14:31,571
Any more dropped turds,
Paddy'll know you told me.
270
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,213
One fucking warning!
271
00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:41,579
Maguires want every piece of
fucking shite from the Jockey back!
272
00:14:41,660 --> 00:14:46,336
Everything! You give it up now
or you fucking die!
273
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:49,533
Yeah. That should do it.
274
00:14:49,620 --> 00:14:50,769
Oi!
275
00:14:56,740 --> 00:14:58,173
Have you reported it?
276
00:14:58,260 --> 00:14:59,454
Not insured.
277
00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:00,734
We could catch 'em.
278
00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:06,738
Why are we here?
279
00:15:06,820 --> 00:15:08,299
Couple of drinks was the idea.
280
00:15:08,380 --> 00:15:09,574
I'm not British.
281
00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:12,254
I don't need to get drunk to have sex.
282
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:15,977
What, not even the first time?
283
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,935
- MOANING
284
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:29,855
Who?
285
00:15:29,940 --> 00:15:33,569
It must be Valerie.
That dumpster from Accounts.
286
00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:35,969
He's always sharing her Cheesy Quavers.
287
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:40,890
Stan, eh? Dirty fuck-pig.
288
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:42,936
Pounding away.
289
00:15:43,020 --> 00:15:44,214
Arse cheeks bouncing.
290
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,936
All that... sex.
291
00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:52,452
Get you kind of hot, couldn't it?
292
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:57,852
Old Stan in there. If he can do it.
What do you say?
293
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,255
I say...
294
00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:04,894
...feel free to crack one off.
295
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:07,375
Perv.
296
00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:22,935
What you doing?
297
00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:26,251
No more little babas.
298
00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:28,774
Won't be needing these.
299
00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:31,738
Christ's sake, Monica.
You're being a bit...
300
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:37,018
Kids always desert
their parents in the end.
301
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:40,058
All of them.
302
00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:41,619
Like you've deserted yours.
303
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,452
I'm two doors away.
304
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:53,294
Can you take her away?
Reminds me of what I've lost.
305
00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:57,173
Monica, get a grip.
306
00:17:10,620 --> 00:17:12,895
- Oh!
- Oh, sorry!
307
00:17:12,980 --> 00:17:14,015
I'm Tom.
308
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:17,536
Irana. Good friend... Schtan's.
309
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:24,569
"Schtan".
310
00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:26,412
It's Eastern Europe.
311
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:27,728
He's bought her.
312
00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:30,812
Mail-order bride. Gold-digger.
313
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,253
Drugs mule.
314
00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:36,050
Trouble. He needs our help.
315
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:38,893
- You're jumping to conclusions there.
- Copper's nose.
316
00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:43,778
I think you've met Tom, Irana.
317
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:46,579
- Irana? Ruskie?
- Ukrainian.
318
00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:49,572
I'll run her through
the computer at work. No offence.
319
00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:53,175
No, you won't. She's a friend.
Someone I trust.
320
00:17:53,260 --> 00:17:57,139
We're a pretty tight group here.
You sure you're up for joining?
321
00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:59,017
Carrie!
322
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:10,619
Shane, get off. Me dad nicked that.
323
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:11,769
Bastard!
324
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:15,015
- What you doing Friday, love?
- What?
325
00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:16,453
Do you want to come to a party wi' me?
326
00:18:16,540 --> 00:18:18,337
Do I fuck!
327
00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:19,455
LAUGHS
328
00:18:19,540 --> 00:18:20,495
DOOR SLAMS
329
00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:26,491
I know where you live!
330
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:28,975
What the fuck?
331
00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:30,732
Prick!
332
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,898
KNOCK AT DOOR
333
00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:44,414
I was a bit heavy-handed there.
334
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,649
Soz.
335
00:18:45,740 --> 00:18:46,695
Yeah, just a tad.
336
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:47,929
I'm very protective of my boys.
337
00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:50,778
- Sorry.
338
00:18:50,860 --> 00:18:52,930
Put the kettle on, Stanley.
339
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:55,818
I'll show Irana where
to put the shampoo.
340
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:02,220
Full name? Quickly.
341
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:06,259
- Irana Illyanovich Karushka Sawicka.
- I'll need a copy of your passport.
342
00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:10,371
- So why didn't you say anything?
- Didn't want to jinx it. We get on.
343
00:19:10,460 --> 00:19:13,213
I think this is something...
344
00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:15,655
I can't say. She's lovely.
345
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:16,889
Yeah, I heard.
346
00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:20,450
There's more to it than...
It's not just sex. This is real.
347
00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:22,212
Schtan has paid for my flight.
348
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:24,052
Nothing else. I'm here for month.
349
00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:26,529
Until visa runs out, then home.
350
00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:28,258
Or sooner.
351
00:19:28,340 --> 00:19:31,412
Neither of us has made any promises.
I'm no threat to you.
352
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,377
I know you're not.
353
00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:35,098
"Sooner" sounds good to me.
354
00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:40,611
Consider yourself under surveillance,
and say nothing to Stan.
355
00:19:44,340 --> 00:19:45,568
You'll be out of a job?
356
00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:48,128
If we don't get all the crap back, yeah.
357
00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:52,530
Where's this from? Fuck's sake!
358
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,371
- Fucking hell!
- Argh!
359
00:19:57,540 --> 00:20:00,179
Mon... give us some advice
on a recipe, will you?
360
00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:12,217
Well, I guess it's not my souffle recipe
you're after.
361
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,768
Time for me to snap out of it, is it?
362
00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:17,090
They don't need to see you wallowing.
363
00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:19,296
I know your kids.
364
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:21,655
They're a good bunch.
365
00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:24,215
Despite you.
366
00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:31,617
Don't think of the one you're not having.
Think of the ones you've got.
367
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,258
I'm sorry.
368
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,453
I suppose you agree with her.
369
00:20:43,540 --> 00:20:45,451
You can't let yourself sink away again.
370
00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:49,249
- I've got you through this before.
- Mmm.
371
00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:50,819
Me escape.
372
00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:55,696
You know I was just using you,
373
00:20:55,780 --> 00:20:57,532
don't you?
374
00:20:57,620 --> 00:20:58,848
No real feeling.
375
00:21:01,940 --> 00:21:03,692
I know you're trying to hurt us.
376
00:21:07,580 --> 00:21:09,013
Congratulations.
377
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:12,819
You're on your own... again.
378
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:15,895
DOOR SLAMS
379
00:21:21,260 --> 00:21:24,172
- You only met her five minutes.
- You get a feel for people in my job.
380
00:21:24,260 --> 00:21:26,569
I can tell what she's like.
381
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,571
I've said things to her
I've never said to anyone else.
382
00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:31,379
It's mad, but I really do feel like
I've known her forever.
383
00:21:31,460 --> 00:21:34,770
- Sounds like you've fallen for her big time.
- I'm dreading her leaving already.
384
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:36,930
Ah, well, there's not a moment to lose.
385
00:21:37,020 --> 00:21:40,535
If you think you've found
something special, then go for it.
386
00:21:40,620 --> 00:21:42,531
- You think?
- Yeah. Go on.
387
00:21:42,620 --> 00:21:45,293
Off you go. Go find her, go tell her.
388
00:21:45,380 --> 00:21:46,574
Erm, 'ey?
389
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:49,254
Oh, keep the change.
390
00:21:49,340 --> 00:21:51,979
Thank fuck for that.
391
00:21:53,660 --> 00:21:55,457
You've no need to do that.
392
00:21:55,540 --> 00:21:57,576
It's disgusting. I had to.
393
00:21:57,660 --> 00:21:59,651
Thanks.
394
00:21:59,740 --> 00:22:00,934
I... I got you...
395
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,135
- For me?
- Yeah.
396
00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:03,653
Thank you, Schtan.
397
00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:05,856
- Oh.
- Are you all right?
398
00:22:05,940 --> 00:22:08,579
I have allergy to chocolate.
399
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:09,615
Oh! Oh, sorry.
400
00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:11,418
It's OK.
401
00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:12,899
There's so much I don't know about you.
402
00:22:12,980 --> 00:22:14,299
It's a little thing.
403
00:22:14,380 --> 00:22:18,089
Not to me. I want to know everything.
Been waiting for you me whole life.
404
00:22:18,180 --> 00:22:23,618
Without realising, obviously.
You're the perfect fit, what I need.
405
00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:25,133
I found you.
406
00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:27,415
Come on, let me talk to you.
407
00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:29,297
Schtan...
408
00:22:29,380 --> 00:22:31,814
I know...
409
00:22:31,900 --> 00:22:33,299
I know this is a bit quick,
410
00:22:33,380 --> 00:22:35,769
but I can't stand the thought of you going back.
411
00:22:35,860 --> 00:22:37,259
I don't want us to be apart.
412
00:22:37,340 --> 00:22:38,614
Neither do I.
413
00:22:43,740 --> 00:22:45,935
I think you should move in.
414
00:22:46,020 --> 00:22:49,057
Here. With me. Together.
415
00:22:52,140 --> 00:22:54,256
I don't know how to say...
416
00:22:54,340 --> 00:22:56,649
No need for an answer now.
But think about it.
417
00:22:56,740 --> 00:23:02,178
Schtan, yes, I will think about it.
418
00:23:11,180 --> 00:23:13,375
SIRENS WAIL
419
00:23:14,700 --> 00:23:17,737
- We're shut! Can't you fucking read?
420
00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:24,769
Don't fuck it up!
421
00:23:26,660 --> 00:23:29,299
I know you're family, Karen,
but nothing matters as much to me
422
00:23:29,380 --> 00:23:32,019
as my wife.
423
00:23:34,340 --> 00:23:35,614
Who did it?
424
00:23:37,380 --> 00:23:38,415
Everyone.
425
00:23:39,380 --> 00:23:41,291
It was my fault.
426
00:23:41,380 --> 00:23:43,894
Don't cover for her.
That's pathetic.
427
00:23:43,980 --> 00:23:45,732
You two, get it all back.
428
00:23:45,820 --> 00:23:47,538
We've already started.
429
00:23:47,620 --> 00:23:49,099
We acted on us initiative.
430
00:23:49,180 --> 00:23:51,489
Oh, yeah?
431
00:23:51,580 --> 00:23:54,048
Well, why didn't you tell me first?
432
00:23:54,140 --> 00:23:56,370
Karen said not to.
433
00:24:10,140 --> 00:24:12,859
I haven't always done me best.
434
00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:18,015
There's no point saying that I'll change
or make it up to you, because
435
00:24:18,100 --> 00:24:19,818
that can't happen.
436
00:24:22,980 --> 00:24:27,849
I was wrong. I am a bad mother.
437
00:24:29,580 --> 00:24:33,892
But... I do really love you.
438
00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:38,617
And you love me.
Well, you did when you were babies.
439
00:24:38,700 --> 00:24:42,898
Even you, Liam.
It's you I've let down the most.
440
00:24:42,980 --> 00:24:44,936
I wish I could go back, but...
441
00:24:47,260 --> 00:24:49,899
...all I can do
442
00:24:49,980 --> 00:24:54,690
is learn to love you all better.
443
00:25:06,060 --> 00:25:07,209
What's this?
444
00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:08,653
English.
445
00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:10,492
You don't want to do that now.
Go on up to bed.
446
00:25:10,580 --> 00:25:11,615
It's due tomorrow.
447
00:25:11,700 --> 00:25:14,453
I'll do it for ya.
448
00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:22,739
See you at ten. Thank you!
449
00:25:27,620 --> 00:25:29,178
Is this a brothel?
450
00:25:29,260 --> 00:25:32,172
Course not. We provide
exclusive executive services.
451
00:25:32,260 --> 00:25:33,739
Like what?
452
00:25:33,820 --> 00:25:35,731
Hand shandies, blow jobs, sex.
453
00:25:38,060 --> 00:25:39,209
Why d'you have that?
454
00:25:39,300 --> 00:25:43,578
I thought it'd make a nice visitor's
book, but nobody bothers to sign it.
455
00:25:43,660 --> 00:25:44,934
Not with their real names, anyway.
456
00:25:47,340 --> 00:25:48,898
Couldn't get the other end of this,
could you, mate?
457
00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:52,736
Lillian's Intimate Massage.
458
00:25:52,820 --> 00:25:55,459
SNORES
459
00:26:19,300 --> 00:26:21,894
- They'll think I'm a learning diffie.
- Mum is so challenged.
460
00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:23,413
We know why her lips move
when she's reading now.
461
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,411
(Liam) What am I gonna do?
462
00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:26,728
You can't show that.
463
00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:30,772
Dog ate it.
464
00:26:30,860 --> 00:26:32,293
Morning!
465
00:26:36,140 --> 00:26:37,937
I've made you packed lunches.
466
00:26:41,540 --> 00:26:43,929
Thought I'd save a job for you all. Just...
467
00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:46,739
sandwiches, crisps sort of thing.
468
00:26:47,860 --> 00:26:49,657
What's the matter?
469
00:26:49,740 --> 00:26:55,098
- We get free dinners.
- Yeah, well, this is extra. Playtime.
470
00:26:55,180 --> 00:26:57,535
I've left school. I work in the Jockey.
471
00:26:57,620 --> 00:26:59,929
If it's still open.
472
00:27:00,020 --> 00:27:02,932
Did you find your homework, Liam?
All right, were it?
473
00:27:03,020 --> 00:27:05,853
Yeah. It was, er, great.
474
00:27:05,940 --> 00:27:10,297
- Top of the class, eh, Liam?
- Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Mum.
475
00:27:11,540 --> 00:27:15,215
And get back early,
cos we're having a barbecue!
476
00:27:16,300 --> 00:27:18,768
PLAYS ROUSING CALL
477
00:27:30,180 --> 00:27:33,616
- How do you know it's her?
- Of course it is.
478
00:27:33,700 --> 00:27:36,134
We can't tell him. We can't.
479
00:27:38,540 --> 00:27:40,212
I suppose not.
480
00:27:42,100 --> 00:27:43,931
She's gone.
481
00:27:44,020 --> 00:27:46,295
Yeah. Kitty's gone, too.
482
00:27:46,380 --> 00:27:47,415
Oh.
483
00:27:59,780 --> 00:28:03,455
Why d'you have to do that?
You know he's fallen head over for her.
484
00:28:03,540 --> 00:28:05,053
Yeah. Sad.
485
00:28:13,660 --> 00:28:15,651
Paddy's dropped your CD off.
486
00:28:15,740 --> 00:28:17,696
S'great. Ceilidh.
487
00:28:17,780 --> 00:28:20,135
Ceilidh? Diddly-dee?
488
00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:21,972
I want ballroom dancing.
489
00:28:22,060 --> 00:28:25,655
I've been dropping hints about
Bruce fucking Forsyth for months.
490
00:28:25,740 --> 00:28:27,617
Lose the hippy shit.
491
00:28:27,700 --> 00:28:29,133
I want the posh stuff.
492
00:28:32,060 --> 00:28:33,015
What's that?
493
00:28:34,140 --> 00:28:35,732
Give us it.
494
00:28:40,780 --> 00:28:42,213
Fucking bastards!
495
00:28:44,140 --> 00:28:45,812
We're closed!
496
00:28:45,900 --> 00:28:47,333
Yeah.
497
00:28:47,420 --> 00:28:48,614
I noticed.
498
00:28:48,700 --> 00:28:49,928
What's it to you, anyway?
499
00:28:50,020 --> 00:28:51,499
Tom Tyldesley.
500
00:28:51,580 --> 00:28:54,140
From the brewery.
501
00:28:54,220 --> 00:28:55,539
Heard you'd got a problem.
502
00:29:02,780 --> 00:29:04,691
How's it going for dates, then?
503
00:29:04,780 --> 00:29:06,691
And who's taking Nana?
504
00:29:09,100 --> 00:29:10,328
Piss off.
505
00:29:10,420 --> 00:29:12,092
How about you, Mickey?
506
00:29:12,180 --> 00:29:13,408
I'm fixed up.
507
00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:15,536
Are you? Fuck!
508
00:29:15,620 --> 00:29:18,418
Me? Again? Fuck!
509
00:29:20,060 --> 00:29:23,609
How's the unquenchable thirst
for hot cock?
510
00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:25,895
- It's a girl.
- A girl?
511
00:29:27,020 --> 00:29:29,056
I'd warn her before you put it in. Ooh!
512
00:29:29,140 --> 00:29:30,539
Come on, Shane!
513
00:29:30,620 --> 00:29:32,133
There's beer mats in here.
514
00:29:37,580 --> 00:29:39,935
At least we've still got a chance.
515
00:29:41,180 --> 00:29:42,408
Not now, Frank.
516
00:29:45,940 --> 00:29:49,535
The fine people of Chatsworth
have appointed me spokesman
517
00:29:49,620 --> 00:29:51,531
on their behalf.
518
00:29:51,620 --> 00:29:56,819
People don't like the way
that you're running the Jockey.
519
00:29:56,900 --> 00:29:58,538
It's not just a pub,
520
00:29:58,620 --> 00:30:00,815
a place of ale.
521
00:30:01,940 --> 00:30:04,773
It's a second home to most of us.
522
00:30:04,860 --> 00:30:06,054
First for some.
523
00:30:07,180 --> 00:30:10,217
We need that beer flowing.
524
00:30:10,300 --> 00:30:13,531
Well, you can communicate
to the fuckwits of Chatsworth
525
00:30:13,620 --> 00:30:17,499
that unless this public house
is full of furniture
526
00:30:17,580 --> 00:30:21,971
and running smoothly by tonight,
they're fucking closing me fucking down!
527
00:30:22,060 --> 00:30:24,016
You're shitting me.
528
00:30:29,860 --> 00:30:32,852
I could, um, light the barbie.
529
00:30:32,940 --> 00:30:35,329
Aww, thanks, love!
530
00:30:40,420 --> 00:30:42,217
Oh, there you are.
531
00:30:42,300 --> 00:30:46,134
Now, I know it's meat, but would
you mind taking it out for us?
532
00:30:50,980 --> 00:30:52,811
What's that?
533
00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:54,333
We're not speaking.
534
00:30:55,860 --> 00:30:56,895
Why not?
535
00:31:00,220 --> 00:31:01,733
No real feeling.
536
00:31:01,820 --> 00:31:05,495
I mean, saying it, like, like,
like we was nothing.
537
00:31:06,900 --> 00:31:09,209
- Don't you want the truth?
- Not if it's that.
538
00:31:09,900 --> 00:31:11,379
SHRIEKS
539
00:31:11,460 --> 00:31:12,688
999I Liam's on fire!
540
00:31:12,780 --> 00:31:14,213
(Liam) Mum!
541
00:31:16,420 --> 00:31:18,888
God, another minute...
542
00:31:18,980 --> 00:31:20,618
Who gave him the lighter?
543
00:31:26,660 --> 00:31:27,695
Are y'all right?
544
00:31:27,780 --> 00:31:28,849
Yeah. Have I still got eyebrows?
545
00:31:28,940 --> 00:31:30,134
Just. Your hair's a bit...
546
00:31:30,220 --> 00:31:31,448
(Debbie) What were you doing?!
547
00:31:31,540 --> 00:31:34,008
Well, I thought he was old enough.
548
00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:36,455
It's a responsibility.
549
00:31:38,340 --> 00:31:41,537
He's going through a phase.
Fire, danger...
550
00:31:41,620 --> 00:31:45,772
I do know, Debbie. He is my son.
There are other ways of dealing with it.
551
00:31:47,540 --> 00:31:49,098
Ooh, come on, get t'gas on.
552
00:31:49,180 --> 00:31:52,297
We'll do meat in t'oven, 'ey?
553
00:31:52,380 --> 00:31:53,733
Flame on, Bro.
554
00:31:53,820 --> 00:31:56,254
I'll do it.
555
00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:13,578
- It's all there. Sorry.
- Where have you been?
556
00:32:13,660 --> 00:32:16,379
I ran away.
557
00:32:16,460 --> 00:32:17,734
Was going home.
558
00:32:17,820 --> 00:32:19,458
I didn't want to scare you
about moving in an' that.
559
00:32:19,540 --> 00:32:22,577
No, you didn't. I'm liar.
560
00:32:25,140 --> 00:32:26,573
I lie.
561
00:32:27,660 --> 00:32:28,729
I'm married.
562
00:32:28,820 --> 00:32:31,698
I didn't mean to lie.
563
00:32:31,780 --> 00:32:33,259
My husband...
564
00:32:33,340 --> 00:32:36,173
Is complicated.
565
00:32:36,260 --> 00:32:40,697
I would divorce, but my parents
would become homeless.
566
00:32:40,780 --> 00:32:41,974
I'm trapped.
567
00:32:42,060 --> 00:32:43,334
But you came back.
568
00:32:44,580 --> 00:32:46,457
I couldn't leave.
569
00:32:46,540 --> 00:32:50,818
You're my real man.
I had to tell you the truth and hear
570
00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:53,050
you say you didn't want me.
571
00:32:54,500 --> 00:32:56,456
Say it, Schtan.
572
00:33:03,220 --> 00:33:04,653
What's all this?
573
00:33:04,740 --> 00:33:06,776
Irana's done me the honour
of agreeing to move in.
574
00:33:08,340 --> 00:33:09,409
Wow!
575
00:33:10,660 --> 00:33:11,888
Well done, mate.
576
00:33:11,980 --> 00:33:15,336
When was this? Before or after
she returned the kitty?
577
00:33:15,420 --> 00:33:17,217
Well, after. Don't be like that.
578
00:33:17,300 --> 00:33:21,259
No, I'm really pleased for you both.
Really, I am.
579
00:33:21,340 --> 00:33:24,696
Well, Irana's got to go home to,
er, organise her affairs.
580
00:33:24,780 --> 00:33:26,259
But no hurry. You won't have to
move out for a couple of weeks.
581
00:33:26,340 --> 00:33:28,058
- What?
- What?
582
00:33:28,140 --> 00:33:32,338
It's not gonna work with you two here
as well. No, the flat's in my name.
583
00:33:37,380 --> 00:33:39,496
Come on, that's got to be worth
a free beverage.
584
00:33:39,580 --> 00:33:41,616
You nicked it in the first place.
585
00:33:41,700 --> 00:33:47,058
- I'll buy you one, Frank.
- You're a gentleman, whoever you are.
586
00:33:47,140 --> 00:33:49,131
Very impressive.
587
00:33:49,220 --> 00:33:50,892
- Thank you.
- A shithole once more.
588
00:33:50,980 --> 00:33:53,130
Back to normal and running smoothly.
Like you said.
589
00:33:53,220 --> 00:33:55,211
Gonna give him a chaser with that?
590
00:33:55,300 --> 00:33:56,733
Oh!
591
00:33:56,820 --> 00:33:58,492
I put an order in.
592
00:33:58,580 --> 00:34:01,299
Well, not fast enough.
593
00:34:01,380 --> 00:34:03,416
Close, but no sodding cigar.
594
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:04,979
You're shut Monday.
595
00:34:05,060 --> 00:34:06,937
MOANS
596
00:34:07,020 --> 00:34:10,695
Looks like you've got a foot in
as the new landlord, Gareth.
597
00:34:20,540 --> 00:34:23,737
I'm impressed.
Didn't think you had it in yer.
598
00:34:23,820 --> 00:34:27,654
We haven't. They're closing us down.
599
00:34:27,740 --> 00:34:30,129
Twat from the brewery
stitched us right up.
600
00:34:30,220 --> 00:34:32,609
- When?
- Out Monday.
601
00:34:32,700 --> 00:34:35,817
If you're looking for a positive spin,
at least we can still have the party.
602
00:34:35,900 --> 00:34:37,731
What?
603
00:34:37,820 --> 00:34:39,651
Well, why not?
Take your mind off things.
604
00:34:39,740 --> 00:34:42,208
I can't believe you.
605
00:34:42,300 --> 00:34:45,212
We're homeless
and all you care about is a poxy party!
606
00:34:45,300 --> 00:34:46,892
You can stop at ours.
607
00:34:46,980 --> 00:34:50,256
Can't persuade Mandy back,
but you've always got a home with me.
608
00:34:50,340 --> 00:34:52,535
You're fucking joking. Live with you?
609
00:34:52,620 --> 00:34:55,896
You're a selfish old hag. We're
trying to make a go of summat here,
610
00:34:55,980 --> 00:34:58,096
and all you care about is yourself.
611
00:34:58,180 --> 00:35:01,172
Well, fuck you.
I won't be at your party.
612
00:35:01,260 --> 00:35:03,330
I'll be packing!
613
00:35:03,420 --> 00:35:05,331
What have I said now?!
614
00:35:05,420 --> 00:35:07,809
We've been here before, Mum.
615
00:35:09,220 --> 00:35:10,289
I agree with her.
616
00:35:19,340 --> 00:35:22,173
Been thinking about other things
we could do together.
617
00:35:22,260 --> 00:35:25,058
Trips and that.
618
00:35:25,140 --> 00:35:26,937
Could, er, could go to Blackpool.
619
00:35:27,940 --> 00:35:30,010
YELLING
620
00:35:30,940 --> 00:35:32,293
Or the Lakes.
621
00:35:32,380 --> 00:35:34,211
SPLASH, FOGHORN
622
00:35:35,060 --> 00:35:36,288
The zoo?
623
00:35:36,380 --> 00:35:38,814
(Liam) Cool!
624
00:35:42,940 --> 00:35:44,896
Tea's ready when you are.
625
00:35:47,140 --> 00:35:50,177
Doesn't bear thinking about.
I preferred it when she was shit.
626
00:35:50,260 --> 00:35:52,296
- Yeah.
- (Debbie) We should just tell her.
627
00:35:52,380 --> 00:35:53,369
"We don't like you.
628
00:35:53,460 --> 00:35:56,099
"Stop trying to be a proper mum,
cos you can't be."
629
00:35:56,180 --> 00:35:59,889
She left us,
and you're just rubbish.
630
00:35:59,980 --> 00:36:03,575
Oh! Oh! Oh! Aren't you bored
of being so hard on her?
631
00:36:05,540 --> 00:36:08,293
Try being nice for a change.
632
00:36:15,580 --> 00:36:17,298
Come in.
633
00:36:17,380 --> 00:36:18,859
Can't yet.
634
00:36:18,940 --> 00:36:20,532
Something to do.
635
00:36:34,380 --> 00:36:35,415
What's this?
636
00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:36,489
Happy Mother's Day.
637
00:36:36,580 --> 00:36:38,093
(Debbie) For all the ones we missed.
638
00:36:38,180 --> 00:36:40,091
Let's start again, eh?
639
00:36:41,860 --> 00:36:42,815
Thanks.
640
00:36:42,900 --> 00:36:47,337
And you don't have to try too hard,
you know.
641
00:36:49,940 --> 00:36:52,295
We're just glad you're here.
642
00:36:52,380 --> 00:36:53,733
Home. Like a family again.
643
00:36:55,460 --> 00:36:59,089
We... are so pleased.
644
00:37:04,940 --> 00:37:08,012
You're all, erm,
645
00:37:08,100 --> 00:37:09,419
sending me a message.
646
00:37:10,540 --> 00:37:12,292
I'll back off.
647
00:37:12,380 --> 00:37:13,529
I get it.
648
00:37:24,700 --> 00:37:27,612
It won't take long. Then I'll be free.
649
00:37:27,700 --> 00:37:30,419
I know. I'll miss you, that's all.
650
00:37:30,500 --> 00:37:32,013
You're worried I won't come back.
651
00:37:32,100 --> 00:37:35,410
God, no. I hadn't thought about that.
652
00:37:39,220 --> 00:37:42,610
My mother gave me this before she die.
653
00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:44,850
And she say I should wear forever
654
00:37:44,940 --> 00:37:49,331
so she could watch over
most precious thing.
655
00:37:51,700 --> 00:37:53,930
Now I have most precious thing.
656
00:38:08,180 --> 00:38:10,057
No...
657
00:38:20,860 --> 00:38:24,011
- Happy birthday, Mi-mo.
- Oh...
658
00:38:24,100 --> 00:38:26,295
Thanks, turtle.
659
00:38:26,380 --> 00:38:30,851
And here's to 40 more together.
660
00:38:30,940 --> 00:38:32,851
DOOR OPENS
661
00:38:32,940 --> 00:38:34,453
Pressie time.
662
00:38:34,540 --> 00:38:37,054
Shut the door. Piss off!
663
00:38:42,420 --> 00:38:45,492
LAUGHS
664
00:38:49,180 --> 00:38:52,411
Stay here.
665
00:38:52,500 --> 00:38:54,092
No goodbyes.
666
00:39:00,660 --> 00:39:02,491
You're a special guy, Stan.
667
00:39:18,940 --> 00:39:21,249
I've got a mate who'll
lend us a bed for a week.
668
00:39:21,340 --> 00:39:24,013
I am not staying with
anybody whose name is Chopper.
669
00:39:25,420 --> 00:39:27,490
What are you doing?
Oh, you said Monday!
670
00:39:28,740 --> 00:39:32,528
Tom's a bit confused. You've
been doing everything by the book.
671
00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:34,099
He's losing out. Tell her, Tom.
672
00:39:34,180 --> 00:39:35,693
I'll offer you the same deal I gave Jez.
673
00:39:35,780 --> 00:39:37,054
Which is?
674
00:39:37,140 --> 00:39:39,734
Water the beer down,
sell dodgy spirits
675
00:39:39,820 --> 00:39:40,809
and then split the difference.
676
00:39:40,900 --> 00:39:43,334
Don't have to say yes, Karen.
677
00:39:44,940 --> 00:39:48,137
Fuck it. Yeah. I'll do it.
678
00:39:48,220 --> 00:39:51,132
Should've said.
Don't know all the scams.
679
00:39:51,220 --> 00:39:53,609
Nice doing business with you.
680
00:39:56,780 --> 00:39:58,213
Thanks.
681
00:39:58,300 --> 00:40:00,052
Sorry I called you selfish.
682
00:40:00,140 --> 00:40:02,051
And an old hag.
683
00:40:04,380 --> 00:40:05,335
Yeah.
684
00:40:06,900 --> 00:40:09,619
Now get your fucking arse into gear!
685
00:40:11,900 --> 00:40:15,370
Anyway, she can't eat them,
and I'm watching this.
686
00:40:15,460 --> 00:40:16,654
Thanks, Stan!
687
00:40:16,740 --> 00:40:18,298
Your advice led to it. Ta.
688
00:40:18,380 --> 00:40:20,132
Pleasure, love. I'm sure
you'll be very happy together.
689
00:40:20,220 --> 00:40:21,494
Thanks again for these.
690
00:40:26,500 --> 00:40:27,694
Oi!
691
00:40:27,780 --> 00:40:29,657
- Oh, no.
- We'll see you in court.
692
00:40:29,740 --> 00:40:33,130
You should've used precautions.
It's not my fucking fault! Out! Out!
693
00:40:34,380 --> 00:40:36,450
What's up with them?
694
00:40:36,540 --> 00:40:39,008
I've had a faulty batch
of pregnancy testing kits,
695
00:40:39,100 --> 00:40:40,738
all showing up negative.
696
00:40:40,820 --> 00:40:42,697
Them the ones that Meena had?
697
00:40:42,780 --> 00:40:47,456
Meena? What's my Meena doing
with fucking pregnancy testing kits?
698
00:40:49,660 --> 00:40:52,458
Negative.
699
00:40:52,540 --> 00:40:54,417
And stop nicking from the shop.
700
00:40:54,500 --> 00:40:56,775
- Well, what's the point in having one?
- And don't have sex!
701
00:41:09,660 --> 00:41:10,615
Stan?
702
00:41:12,740 --> 00:41:13,934
She put Irana through the computer.
703
00:41:14,020 --> 00:41:15,214
Why? I said not to.
704
00:41:15,300 --> 00:41:17,097
She's a con artist.
705
00:41:17,180 --> 00:41:20,570
Specialises in coppers.
Done five in Greater Manchester.
706
00:41:20,660 --> 00:41:23,891
Something about
paying off an ex-husband.
707
00:41:25,020 --> 00:41:25,975
Sorry.
708
00:41:26,060 --> 00:41:27,618
(Carrie) Taken 'em for thousands.
709
00:41:27,700 --> 00:41:28,928
(Tom) Did you give her any money?
710
00:41:29,020 --> 00:41:29,975
No!
711
00:41:30,060 --> 00:41:32,369
Pay him off. Use this.
712
00:41:32,460 --> 00:41:34,052
Think of it as a moving-in present.
713
00:41:34,140 --> 00:41:36,495
Thank you, Schtan.
714
00:41:36,580 --> 00:41:38,457
Course I didn't!
715
00:41:38,540 --> 00:41:40,451
She's not even Ukrainian.
716
00:41:40,540 --> 00:41:43,532
She's Austrian. Lives in Crawley.
717
00:41:43,620 --> 00:41:47,169
But if you didn't give her anything,
she'll be back. We can trap her.
718
00:41:47,260 --> 00:41:49,410
So, you up for it, "Schtan"?
719
00:41:51,820 --> 00:41:54,653
Why don't you fuck off?
720
00:41:58,740 --> 00:42:00,651
Jesus!
721
00:42:00,740 --> 00:42:03,174
You do a man a favour...
722
00:42:03,860 --> 00:42:05,532
Why don't we have a quick one, huh?
723
00:42:05,620 --> 00:42:07,497
It's ages before the table.
724
00:42:07,580 --> 00:42:09,013
Just one. I'll have to pace meself.
725
00:42:09,100 --> 00:42:10,169
Just the one. Come on.
726
00:42:12,780 --> 00:42:14,372
Shh! Quiet, they're here!
727
00:42:16,900 --> 00:42:18,731
Shh.
728
00:42:18,820 --> 00:42:21,857
CHEERING
729
00:42:23,340 --> 00:42:27,379
Oh, fucking helll You bastard!
730
00:42:27,460 --> 00:42:30,213
Did you not guess?
I was sure you'd guessed this time.
731
00:42:30,300 --> 00:42:32,734
No! Didn't have a fucking clue.
732
00:42:36,460 --> 00:42:37,415
Party!
733
00:42:39,580 --> 00:42:41,935
MUSIC STARTS
734
00:42:51,900 --> 00:42:55,939
'I understand you wanting to help
the kids get a grasp of the Bible.'
735
00:42:56,020 --> 00:42:57,214
- Anyone watching this?
736
00:42:57,300 --> 00:42:58,255
No, not really.
737
00:43:03,580 --> 00:43:05,013
I am pregnant.
738
00:43:06,540 --> 00:43:08,610
I've taken a new test.
739
00:43:11,340 --> 00:43:16,016
- Do you want it?
- Yeah. I really do.
740
00:43:16,100 --> 00:43:17,897
(Carl) Great!
741
00:43:17,980 --> 00:43:20,414
A baby. Why not?
742
00:43:20,500 --> 00:43:22,695
I'm fed up of being the youngest,
anyway.
743
00:43:22,780 --> 00:43:25,499
And you won't have to
bring it up, I promise.
744
00:43:25,580 --> 00:43:28,777
But I will need
one little bit of help.
745
00:43:28,860 --> 00:43:31,499
Don't let me screw up this time.
746
00:43:31,580 --> 00:43:33,059
I'll try.
747
00:43:47,660 --> 00:43:50,220
Fuck!
748
00:43:50,300 --> 00:43:52,370
- I asked that bint out.
- And I said no.
749
00:43:52,460 --> 00:43:55,770
- What's wrong with me?
- Your taste in women, for a start.
750
00:43:55,860 --> 00:43:58,215
Forget that bitch.
Come on, let's dance.
751
00:43:58,300 --> 00:43:59,369
Er, I hope you don't mind.
752
00:43:59,460 --> 00:44:00,415
What?
753
00:44:00,500 --> 00:44:03,572
Me brother wanted to come along.
754
00:44:07,620 --> 00:44:10,088
Testing, testing, testing.
755
00:44:12,540 --> 00:44:16,499
We all know why we're here tonight,
don't we? Happy birthday!
756
00:44:16,580 --> 00:44:19,219
CHEERING
757
00:44:19,300 --> 00:44:20,494
But...
758
00:44:20,580 --> 00:44:26,018
there's one more little surprise,
because tonight...
759
00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:30,651
MUSIC: This Is Your Life theme tune
760
00:44:32,540 --> 00:44:38,570
...Mimi Catherine Rose Joy
Murphy Maguire,
761
00:44:38,660 --> 00:44:41,493
this is...
762
00:44:41,580 --> 00:44:44,572
Who's written "Terry Titwank"
all over this page?
763
00:44:46,540 --> 00:44:48,770
Who?!
764
00:44:49,900 --> 00:44:54,337
- Paddy, it's all right. Oh, thanks.
- It took me ages to do this!
765
00:44:54,420 --> 00:44:56,695
It's all right. Come on, dance.
766
00:45:04,940 --> 00:45:08,296
I owe you everything.
767
00:45:08,380 --> 00:45:09,733
Me life, really.
768
00:45:10,860 --> 00:45:12,418
That's not nothing.
769
00:45:16,340 --> 00:45:22,575
And my heart's kind of full of joy
770
00:45:22,660 --> 00:45:30,089
Because she told me I'm her kind of boy
771
00:45:36,420 --> 00:45:38,536
I'm gonna have a baby.
772
00:45:38,620 --> 00:45:41,976
You've already fucking told me that.
It's hardly a surprise, is it?
773
00:45:54,540 --> 00:45:58,135
Are you taking a fucking turn here,
or what? Come on.
774
00:45:58,220 --> 00:46:01,212
(Monica) 'By many people's standards,
I do count as a terrible mother.
775
00:46:01,300 --> 00:46:04,895
'I'm never gonna win any prizes, anyway.
776
00:46:04,980 --> 00:46:06,777
'Men can leave as many
children as they like.
777
00:46:06,860 --> 00:46:08,532
'If you're an old rocker,
778
00:46:08,620 --> 00:46:10,019
you're virtually expected
to leave hundreds of 'em.'
779
00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:13,490
Ceilidh!
780
00:46:13,580 --> 00:46:16,048
MUSIC STARTS
781
00:46:18,340 --> 00:46:21,412
I know she knows. But she doesn't know
that I know she knows.
782
00:46:24,220 --> 00:46:27,690
'Nobody forgives a woman.
783
00:46:27,780 --> 00:46:29,771
'Nobody.
784
00:46:29,860 --> 00:46:33,535
'I've got a second chance,
and I'm gonna grab it.'
785
00:46:33,620 --> 00:46:36,009
That's right, isn't it, baba?
786
00:46:36,100 --> 00:46:38,170
Mon-Mon's second chance.
787
00:47:28,260 --> 00:47:30,774
Time, gentlemen, please.
788
00:47:32,540 --> 00:47:35,577
Oh, well. In that case,
I'll have another one.
789
00:47:35,660 --> 00:47:38,254
Give us the rest of
the bell back first.
790
00:47:38,340 --> 00:47:40,615
Me? Why is it always me?
791
00:47:40,700 --> 00:47:43,419
Give it back to us
and we'll serve you.
792
00:47:48,060 --> 00:47:51,132
BELL RINGS
793
00:47:51,182 --> 00:47:55,732
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