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1
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Now nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate
is the Garden of Eden,
2
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,520
but it's been a good home to us, to me,
3
00:00:08,559 --> 00:00:13,360
Frank Gallagher, and me kids who
l'm proud of, cos every single one of 'em
4
00:00:13,399 --> 00:00:16,360
reminds me a little of me.
5
00:00:16,399 --> 00:00:22,080
They can all think for themselves,
which they've got me to thank for.
6
00:00:22,119 --> 00:00:25,760
Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why
nobody calls him Phillip any more.
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00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:30,120
lan, a lot like his mam, which is handy for
the others cos she's disappeared into thin air.
8
00:00:30,159 --> 00:00:34,400
And Carl. We daren't let him
grow his hair for two reasons -
9
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,960
it makes it stand on end and makes him
Iook like Toyah, and nits love him.
10
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:41,080
Debbie - sent by God, total angel.
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00:00:41,119 --> 00:00:44,120
You've to check your change
but she'll go miles out of her way
12
00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:45,840
to do you a favour,
13
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,600
plus lickle Liam,
who's gonna be a star some day.
14
00:00:48,639 --> 00:00:54,280
Sheila, me bird, couldn't be happier.
One plate short of a full set, like.
15
00:00:54,319 --> 00:00:57,480
And fantastic neighbours Kev
and Veronica - lend ya anything,
16
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:58,880
well, almost anything.
17
00:00:58,919 --> 00:01:03,560
Carol and Marty - the lodgers from hell.
Last of the lonely hearts
18
00:01:03,599 --> 00:01:06,680
and a psychologist's wet dream.
Still, nobody's pe_ect.
19
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:11,080
But all of 'em to a man
know first and foremost
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00:01:11,119 --> 00:01:16,680
one of the most vital necessities in life
is they know how to throw a party!
21
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:17,960
Heh, heh, heh, scatter!
22
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,280
(Sheila) 'l was always a terrible
sleeper before l met Frank.
23
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:30,600
'l used to have a recurring nightmare
where l was trapped in a roll of
24
00:01:30,639 --> 00:01:34,520
'carpet when l was due to turn on
the Christmas lights in Copenhagen,
25
00:01:34,559 --> 00:01:36,280
'home of the Little Mermaid.
26
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:41,240
'lt's such a lovely story,
the Little Mermaid.
27
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:44,240
'She loved the prince so much
28
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,240
'she agreed to lose her voice
so she could marry him.
29
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,720
'Since Frank and l have been an item
30
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:53,360
'l haven't had the nightmare once.
31
00:01:53,399 --> 00:01:57,000
'l like to think it stopped
because once l'd met Frank,
32
00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,960
'all my dreams have come true.
Well, almost all.
33
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:05,680
'The only thing l've got left to
dream about is the day l say ''l do''
34
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:10,080
l've put the truncheon on a boil wash.
35
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,120
Oh, fucking Countdown.
36
00:03:15,359 --> 00:03:16,520
Don't be long, babe.
37
00:03:24,119 --> 00:03:26,320
What the fuck you doing there?
38
00:03:26,359 --> 00:03:28,040
Out of supplies.
39
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:32,200
- Bingo.
- Those are mine, actually!
40
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,800
Fuck om. Expiry date June '06?
41
00:03:35,839 --> 00:03:38,160
l don't think so.
42
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,960
lt's a two-slice limit on toast per person.
GROANING AND GRUNTING
43
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:52,680
OtheM/ise the bread budget's
just a big joke. Hello?
44
00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,360
Yeah, more toast, ta.
45
00:03:55,679 --> 00:03:58,640
- What you doing sleeping outside?
- Ask Carl.
46
00:03:58,679 --> 00:04:01,000
- Have you had a fight?
(lan) Only with himself.
47
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,440
- Oi!
- Good night, Carl?
48
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,480
Surprised you got a wink of sleep.
49
00:04:07,359 --> 00:04:08,400
< Burn!
50
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,520
Shit! Fire!
51
00:04:10,559 --> 00:04:12,440
Bloody hell, fire!
52
00:04:14,599 --> 00:04:16,560
Oi!
53
00:04:16,599 --> 00:04:18,240
What was that in aid of?
54
00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,560
l'm sorry, Carol. l just reacted.
55
00:04:20,599 --> 00:04:23,640
l thought it were Marty.
What the fuck are you burning?
56
00:04:23,679 --> 00:04:29,120
Memories. Suit of my dead husband.
Betrayed from beyond the grave.
57
00:04:29,159 --> 00:04:32,800
Man-made fibre. Drip dry.
58
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,480
Shall l make comee or will
l be disturbing the crime scene?
59
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,560
l know what it's like in CSl.
60
00:04:41,599 --> 00:04:46,440
lt's OK, Sheila. Have you had chance to
sort out what's missing?
61
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,800
That's the funny thing. l don't
know if they were disturbed or...
62
00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:53,480
Oh! Oh, my God!
They've taken my Countdown mug!
63
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:54,640
Frank!
64
00:04:54,679 --> 00:04:57,640
Bloody...Oh, bloody hell!
65
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,160
Well, he definitely
came in the bedroom.
66
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:04,840
Looks like he tried to
disguise himself an' all.
67
00:05:04,879 --> 00:05:08,160
Oh, no... That's mine.
68
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:16,760
Fuckin' idiot!
69
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:21,360
lf you'd left that out, l'd probably have thought it
was a truncheon.
70
00:05:21,399 --> 00:05:22,600
That's funny,
71
00:05:22,639 --> 00:05:24,360
you've just broken my dream.
72
00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:26,120
Oh, Tony, love.
73
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:29,440
lt's an easy mistake to make.
74
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,800
For me, you mean. It's no wonder girls, women,
don't fancy us.
75
00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:36,520
lt's like they smell it on me,
Sheila. It's no joke at my age.
76
00:05:36,559 --> 00:05:38,960
Oh...
77
00:05:45,919 --> 00:05:47,400
Thieves!
78
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,920
Hi.
79
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:54,320
All right, Carol, love?
80
00:05:54,359 --> 00:05:56,720
Looks like your Marty's getting on OK.
81
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,480
Suits uniform, don't he?
82
00:06:02,599 --> 00:06:04,240
Carol, what's wrong?
83
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:08,040
You of all people... Stay away from me!
84
00:06:08,079 --> 00:06:11,080
(Over radio) 'Shoplifter.
Aisle two. Beige coat. Female
85
00:06:11,119 --> 00:06:14,240
Roger. Received.
Proceeding to aisle two.
86
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:17,000
Carol, what's wrong? What is it?
87
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,800
Her.
88
00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:21,000
- Carol?
(Marty) Are you sure? Fuck.
89
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,120
- She doesn't look someone who'd...
- Stop her!
90
00:06:23,159 --> 00:06:24,320
(Lillian) Carol?
91
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,160
Carol?
92
00:06:29,119 --> 00:06:32,280
What are you doing, Marty?
Let go of me!
93
00:06:32,319 --> 00:06:33,720
(Security guard) Keep hold of her!
94
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,280
For the love of God,
l haven't done anything!
95
00:06:37,319 --> 00:06:39,360
Mum! Shoplifter!
96
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,520
You!!
97
00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,720
Well, they're not pressing charges.
98
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,880
Five pots of Chicken Tonight
and a lemon zester.
99
00:07:02,919 --> 00:07:04,960
What were you playing at, Mum?
100
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,280
lt's too much to expect a bit of moral support
from me own flesh and blood.
101
00:07:08,319 --> 00:07:10,360
lt was Marty's first day!
102
00:07:10,399 --> 00:07:13,840
When did he ever keep a job
for more than five minutes?
103
00:07:13,879 --> 00:07:16,600
Anyway, if you're looking for
somebody to blame, blame her.
104
00:07:16,639 --> 00:07:18,800
Penny to a pound it was her
that tipped om the manager.
105
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:21,360
Lillian? She's your best mate.
106
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,000
Why would she do a thing like that?
107
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,840
l found it in the pocket
of that suit of your dad's.
108
00:07:36,399 --> 00:07:38,200
Christ!
109
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,640
You always said you thought he
were dipping his wick Jubilee year.
110
00:07:41,679 --> 00:07:43,880
Yeah, but with what's her name.
111
00:07:43,919 --> 00:07:45,600
Terrible teeth.
112
00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,360
You were too young to remember.
113
00:07:50,359 --> 00:07:55,120
We were as thick as thieves, Veronica -
Lillian and Brendan and me and your dad.
114
00:07:55,159 --> 00:07:56,360
Oh, Mum.
115
00:07:56,399 --> 00:07:59,960
Oh, don't worry about me.
l'm not one to sit idly by.
116
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,080
'As ye sow, so shall ye reap
117
00:08:02,119 --> 00:08:04,320
You mark my words.
118
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:09,320
Yes, hello. l'd like to report
someone for benefit fraud.
119
00:08:09,359 --> 00:08:13,120
Chatsworth Estate, Meadowbank Road.
120
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:18,800
Yes, that's right. Number...28.
121
00:08:25,079 --> 00:08:27,840
Fuckin' scum.
122
00:08:27,879 --> 00:08:31,080
Benefit fraud?
Who'd they think they're having on?
123
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:32,760
That's Big Brother, innit?
124
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,560
OM/ell, 1984.
125
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:39,280
Sex crime! Sex crime! Course,
poor bugger'd know all about that.
126
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:43,560
George OM/ell, real name Eric Blair.
127
00:08:43,599 --> 00:08:46,560
Lifelong socialist,
so, no relation to Tony.
128
00:08:46,599 --> 00:08:48,360
f3.95, Frank.
129
00:08:48,399 --> 00:08:51,320
lt's the thin end of the wedge.
Kev, what is it?
130
00:08:51,359 --> 00:08:53,720
lt's roots to whaddyamacallit.
131
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,920
lf you drive a wedge into the
community you can do what you like.
132
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:00,520
lt's how Hitler started.
133
00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:02,280
(Frank) They're after Lillian now.
134
00:09:02,319 --> 00:09:05,480
Fucking twat.
Some cunt called in, didn't they?
135
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:10,000
Looked at that poster and thought,
''l know, l'll fuck her up.'' Why?
136
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,080
(COUGHS)
137
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,560
All right, Mum?
138
00:09:13,599 --> 00:09:15,360
Peanuts.
139
00:09:15,399 --> 00:09:18,320
Keep repeating on me.
Should've known better.
140
00:09:18,359 --> 00:09:20,000
They're not even paying!
141
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,840
ls that what it's come to?
142
00:09:21,879 --> 00:09:25,760
Cos if it is,
fuckin' Bin Laden's won, hasn't he?
143
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:29,520
Agincourt, Dunkirk, Live Aid...
Bomb the lot, may as well start again.
144
00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:33,360
l hear there's a push on.
It's not just them posters, Frank,
145
00:09:33,399 --> 00:09:35,200
they're not relying
on anybody calling in.
146
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:36,800
As if anybody would.
147
00:09:36,839 --> 00:09:38,360
They are.
148
00:09:38,399 --> 00:09:41,360
No, apparently they're looking into
everyone round here who's claiming.
149
00:09:41,399 --> 00:09:42,440
Well, l'm fucked then!
150
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,840
You and half the fuckin' estate.
151
00:09:44,879 --> 00:09:45,960
We're om!
152
00:09:49,359 --> 00:09:52,280
Where did you hear that then, Mum?
153
00:09:52,319 --> 00:09:54,160
Down the community centre.
154
00:09:59,319 --> 00:10:01,440
As soon as you can, yeah.
155
00:10:05,399 --> 00:10:07,760
Are you not a bit worried, Frank?
156
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,960
Plight of the common man, mate. It's never
over till the fat lady fucks you over.
157
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,760
Anyway, fuckers can't get me,
can they? l'm dead.
158
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,760
Yeah, but haven't you and Lillian
been claiming for her Brendan?
159
00:10:25,399 --> 00:10:29,160
Waste of money that was.
Went down like a fuckin' lead balloon.
160
00:10:37,599 --> 00:10:39,280
Woo-hoo!
161
00:10:39,319 --> 00:10:41,440
Right, guys.
162
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,480
Half the estate are scamming it.
They're ours for the taking.
163
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:44,520
Fucking parasites!
164
00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:47,080
< You fit then? Let's go!
165
00:10:48,599 --> 00:10:50,160
Let's knock on every door.
166
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,720
Carl! It's Mrs Pierce for yer! >
167
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,680
What's she want?
168
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,720
Can you ask her what she wants?
169
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,920
What did your last slave die of?
170
00:11:29,919 --> 00:11:32,440
What've they been
feeding yer, Baby Bio?
171
00:11:32,479 --> 00:11:34,280
We've had a call from the Social.
172
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,360
Another one?
173
00:11:35,399 --> 00:11:37,560
Thought we'd sorted it
Iast time. Can you come?
174
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,200
Yeah, whatever.
175
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,240
Still a tenner?
176
00:11:54,919 --> 00:11:56,600
Now then.
177
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,720
Can you confirm that there is a child
178
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:04,160
under 18, permanently resident at
your address, 26 Meadowbank Road?
179
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,240
Yes, we can.
180
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:08,840
And that you are the parent or
approved guardian of that child?
181
00:12:08,879 --> 00:12:10,560
Last time we looked. Eh, Dad?
182
00:12:12,479 --> 00:12:14,160
That's a yes, then...
183
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:18,960
And you are currently claiming child
benefit for Nathan Andrew Pierce.
184
00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:20,680
That's correct.
185
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,280
He's a big lad for ten, isn't he?
186
00:12:22,319 --> 00:12:24,280
Don't know where he came from.
187
00:12:24,319 --> 00:12:26,440
New pair of trainers
every five minutes.
188
00:12:31,839 --> 00:12:33,520
Yep, that's secure.
189
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,800
You've done a good job.
They won't be bothering you again.
190
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:40,520
Taught myself to be handy with a
power tool. Never looked back.
191
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,600
Never really got into DIY myself.
192
00:12:55,519 --> 00:12:58,000
l'm too quick, right?
193
00:12:58,039 --> 00:13:00,720
l'm in there and
l'm trying to stop meself...
194
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,880
think of all the teams
ever managed by Graeme Souness,
195
00:13:03,919 --> 00:13:07,200
or think of fucking Graeme Souness,
but it's like a road accident,
196
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,720
and l'm flooring the brakes but
nothing stops me
197
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,640
and yeah. Through the windscreen.
Gone in 60 seconds.
198
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:15,400
Five, if l'm lucky.
199
00:13:15,439 --> 00:13:17,840
No-one's exactly
coming back for more.
200
00:13:17,879 --> 00:13:19,480
Oh, Tony love.
201
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,320
Squeeze technique,
works like a charm!
202
00:13:23,359 --> 00:13:25,800
Eddie, Karen's dad, he was a
ten-second wonder
203
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:27,440
when we first got together.
204
00:13:29,439 --> 00:13:31,840
And you're practically
family, aren't yer?
205
00:13:36,879 --> 00:13:39,000
Better now,
206
00:13:39,039 --> 00:13:41,880
that's better, that's right..
207
00:13:41,919 --> 00:13:44,160
Ahh.. arrgh... Fucking hell, Sheila!
208
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:48,000
Oh, sorry, sorry,
don't know me own strength.
209
00:13:48,039 --> 00:13:49,720
OK?
210
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,240
Yeah.. OK...
211
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,080
l got Eddie up to a good five
minutes before he had to move
212
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:04,560
into the spare room. That was a
wedding that should never have been.
213
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,200
l knew the moment l woke up -
214
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,720
locum had to give me an injection to
see me through the vows.
215
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:13,200
You could see on the video,
l thought l'd married the vicar.
216
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,920
Oops, sorry, sorry...
Iapse of concentration.
217
00:14:15,959 --> 00:14:21,840
Never mind, it's a polyester blend,
chuck it in the wash.
218
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,240
There you go.
219
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:34,800
Say you're the landlord,
220
00:14:34,839 --> 00:14:37,320
mock up the rent book and they can't
do you for housing benefit.
221
00:14:37,359 --> 00:14:38,360
Nice one.
222
00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:40,520
He'll be a minute -
it's cash in advance.
223
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,360
l told Emily you'd be her brother -
they've got a visit.
224
00:14:43,399 --> 00:14:44,120
They paying?
225
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,960
Fuck om, she's my girlfriend.
226
00:14:45,999 --> 00:14:49,240
- It's a favour.
- l don't mind.
227
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,280
Ne_. >
228
00:14:54,399 --> 00:14:56,600
Now we've been
claiming for our dad...
229
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,760
Cheers.
We'll soon set the buggers right, eh?
230
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,400
You don't mind me borrowing
your husband?
231
00:15:02,439 --> 00:15:06,120
Course you can. He's not, anyway...
my husband that is...
232
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,800
Twisted fuckers are trying to catch
you out - if we eat together...
233
00:15:08,839 --> 00:15:10,880
l'll get a bit of ham in.
234
00:15:10,919 --> 00:15:12,720
Eh, l knew l was right to marry you.
235
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,880
Ta-ra. No Spam!
236
00:15:19,039 --> 00:15:22,480
l don't think l like it, Frank.
Dead man's shoes.
237
00:15:22,519 --> 00:15:25,160
Terms and conditions.
l've been getting half
238
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,200
of Brendan's disability,
it's the least l can do, innit?
239
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:31,320
Doesn't feel right, cracking on
you're married.
240
00:15:31,359 --> 00:15:33,600
lt's like tempting fate.
241
00:15:38,839 --> 00:15:43,720
So, Miss, erm Jackson, you've been
reported as working behind the bar
242
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,840
here while claiming unemployment
and housing benefit.
243
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,120
Yeah.
244
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,480
Well, she helps me out from
time to time, don't you, honey? >
245
00:15:51,519 --> 00:15:55,280
That's all. Wouldn't your girlfriend
do the same for you?
246
00:15:55,319 --> 00:15:58,600
lf she did, and we were living together,
she'd be unable to claim benefit.
247
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:02,960
Under current regulations
l'd be assumed to be supporting her.
248
00:16:02,999 --> 00:16:05,960
Well
it's not our problem' that society
249
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:09,760
won't recognise our relationship.
We know how we feel.
250
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,920
Don't we, Karen, love?
251
00:16:24,839 --> 00:16:28,440
Oh, hi... Mum! He's here!
252
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,920
You've got to be Dom, my brother,
yeah? The one with the ASBO.
253
00:16:37,959 --> 00:16:41,520
He lives in Stockport with me Dad,
but they think he lives with us.
254
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,640
This is Mum, me step-dad Troy...
Lip's little brother.
255
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:45,400
Hiya, love.
256
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:48,120
MOBILE BEEPS
You hear that? That is so shit.
257
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,480
Sounds all right to me.
258
00:16:49,519 --> 00:16:51,640
Yeah?
No, can't for a bit.
259
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,920
l'll te_ you, right?
It's a piece of shit.
260
00:16:54,959 --> 00:16:56,600
l totally fucking hate it.
261
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,400
Saw this 3G mobile when l was in
town...
262
00:16:59,439 --> 00:17:02,320
lt's that lush, dead light but
really good picture quality.
263
00:17:02,359 --> 00:17:05,040
Makes yours look
like a fucking piece of shit.
264
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,320
Better start saving
up then, hadn't yer?
265
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,080
- Will you tell 'im?
- Don't wind her up, Troy.
266
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,080
Have you asked him if
he wants a cappuccino?
267
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,440
No, l'm all right, thanks.
268
00:17:19,479 --> 00:17:21,520
Fuck you looking at?
269
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,440
Thanks very much, Linda.
270
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,120
Here you go.
271
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:39,360
Cheers, Shirley. Ta very much.
272
00:17:39,399 --> 00:17:41,120
See you later, Emily!
273
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,680
DOOR SLAMS
274
00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:56,840
lt's 3G yeah?
275
00:17:56,879 --> 00:17:58,360
Where's the video bit?
276
00:17:58,399 --> 00:17:59,600
l'll only charge a tenner.
277
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:05,560
What you roping our
Carl in for, Smeggy?
278
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,360
Nothing.
l was helping him with his homework.
279
00:18:08,399 --> 00:18:12,120
Tell Debbie l won't be in later?
l said l'd do a rent book...
280
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:15,000
l'm going round Emily's.
281
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,280
Ta-da! Brendan Tyler lives!
282
00:18:27,319 --> 00:18:28,880
Mind out on me floor!
283
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,960
Mayday, mayday, mayday.
284
00:18:35,999 --> 00:18:37,680
Wish me luck, babes.
285
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,480
What's he wearing all that for?
286
00:18:41,519 --> 00:18:44,000
Outside, outside, shoes on me floor!
287
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:45,120
Oh, right!
288
00:18:51,959 --> 00:18:54,880
Lillian was round this morning.
289
00:18:54,919 --> 00:18:57,000
Frank's asked for some photos
of her...
290
00:18:57,039 --> 00:18:58,520
Can you relax your grip a bit?
291
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,160
Do you want to see why?
292
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,720
Yeah.
293
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,760
Sheila, it's a bit tight.
294
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,120
They reckon it's for the Social.
295
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,080
To add authenticity, Frank says.
296
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,120
Makes you think though, doesn't it?
297
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,400
Made me think anyway, seeing it.
298
00:19:14,439 --> 00:19:16,280
He's never asked me you know, Tony.
299
00:19:16,319 --> 00:19:19,040
That should be me there.
It should be me!
300
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,160
Aggghh, Sheila!
301
00:19:20,479 --> 00:19:22,480
l'm sorry...
302
00:19:22,519 --> 00:19:25,800
lt's just it would be the
happiest day of my life.
303
00:19:25,839 --> 00:19:28,640
Well, maybe you
should talk to Frank about it,
304
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,600
you know, tell him how you feel.
305
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,400
l don't know...
Pop the question yourself.
306
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:34,520
Oh no.
307
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:38,080
lt's a man's job to
propose, isn't it?
308
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:43,440
Eh, minute and a half!
That's a lot better.
309
00:19:43,479 --> 00:19:46,600
OK, you ready?
310
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,880
Ready? Now.
311
00:19:48,919 --> 00:19:52,080
GASPS OF PLEASURE
312
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,040
See? Much better.
313
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,920
Emily, l really wanted to erm..
314
00:20:02,959 --> 00:20:05,080
l found this... l wanted to give it
yer...
315
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:08,280
For Christ's sake, Carl,
give it a rest will yer!
316
00:20:08,319 --> 00:20:10,120
l weren't doing om!
317
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,760
Sooner you get yourself laid,
318
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,000
sooner l can get a
proper night's sleep!
319
00:20:14,039 --> 00:20:18,240
Whatsername, Jason Digby's
sister, she'll suck anybody om.
320
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,960
Yeah right! Even Jason Digby's
sister's not that fucking desperate.
321
00:20:21,999 --> 00:20:23,440
l weren't doing om!
322
00:20:37,959 --> 00:20:42,040
l erm...wanted to give it yer.
There isn't a video bit.
323
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,240
Just got an upgrade.
324
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,120
Jada might give you a fiver for it.
325
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,760
- It's mine, gimme.
- l want a turn, come on.
326
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,040
You can't just
fucking barge in here..
327
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,960
We're looking for Tom Lawson.
328
00:20:54,999 --> 00:20:57,960
Don't you lot ever talk to each
other? We've sorted it out.
329
00:20:57,999 --> 00:20:59,960
Your son is here, Mrs Lawson?
330
00:20:59,999 --> 00:21:03,880
You're looking at him,
now what's your fucking problem?
331
00:21:03,919 --> 00:21:06,360
- Fuck's that?
- Condition of your bail, Dominic.
332
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:07,880
Bail...what you on about?
333
00:21:07,919 --> 00:21:10,480
Maybe if you'd turned up
for the hearing.
334
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:13,680
Don't start on me, you
sanctimonious old twat.
335
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,920
Since the ASBO's failed to
control your son, and he's now been
336
00:21:16,959 --> 00:21:21,640
charged with a crime, the court's
taken the decision to tag him.
337
00:21:29,439 --> 00:21:33,880
You're mental, you are. They keep
them things on for like, months.
338
00:21:33,919 --> 00:21:35,800
Dom'll be back ne_ week.
339
00:21:35,839 --> 00:21:39,320
He's gone to one of them Slawy
countries with his dad,
340
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,520
picking up knock-om DVDs.
Hang on, Ellerby Road.
341
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:43,600
And?
342
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:45,560
l'm not allowed - tag'll go om.
343
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,160
What if the tag goes om?
344
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:58,200
Cops'll get me. l'm supposed to stay
at Emily's so they can check up.
345
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,440
- Dream come true.
- What's that supposed to mean?
346
00:22:00,479 --> 00:22:01,720
You fancy Emily.
347
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,840
Fuck om! Do l fuck!
348
00:22:03,879 --> 00:22:07,560
Lip'll break up with her.
He always does. Or they chuck him.
349
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:11,240
Bet yer anything. Thing is,
though, a girl like Emily...
350
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,080
Learn to drive before you
set your heart on the Ferrari.
351
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,200
Do you think l need a car?
352
00:22:19,879 --> 00:22:22,920
ln the end right, there's
either chemistry or there isn't.
353
00:22:22,959 --> 00:22:27,800
lt's all to do with the way you
smell - they've tested it on chimps.
354
00:22:27,839 --> 00:22:29,600
Where the fuck are we?
355
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,200
ELECTRONIC TAG BEEPS
356
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,200
Shit!
357
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:39,160
Frank!
Frank! Sheila! Come over here!
358
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,160
l think you're wanted.
359
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,880
Come over here. Come on, come on.
360
00:22:44,919 --> 00:22:48,640
You all right love?
l've got your money.
361
00:22:50,479 --> 00:22:53,120
Married for 40 years,
never a cross fucking word!
362
00:22:56,439 --> 00:22:57,720
< Sheila...
363
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,160
Sheila.
364
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,160
l don't have my face rubbed in it.
365
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,600
She's not paying me!
366
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,080
lt's got nom to do with you!
367
00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:11,240
No!
Cos l'm nothing, l suppose...
368
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,160
Just your bit on the side!
369
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,680
Course you are!
370
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,800
What? You don't think l'm...
371
00:23:20,319 --> 00:23:22,720
What? Lillian and me...
372
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,280
Fuck om!
373
00:23:26,319 --> 00:23:29,480
Jesus! 20#20 vision, Sheila.
374
00:23:29,519 --> 00:23:33,520
Eh? And l'm in sound mind.
375
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,480
For fuck's sake,
sort yourself out, will yer?
376
00:23:36,519 --> 00:23:39,120
l'm sorry.
377
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:44,280
Hey. Come on, you know you
shouldn't mix your drinks.
378
00:23:44,319 --> 00:23:46,200
l'm sorry.
379
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,240
l know you'd never be unfaithful.
380
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,840
l trust you with my life.
381
00:23:50,879 --> 00:23:53,920
lt's just all
that being married stum,
382
00:23:53,959 --> 00:23:56,120
having it thrown back in my face.
383
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,200
l know l shouldn't say it, but if l
384
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:03,240
just had a ring on my finger...
385
00:24:04,879 --> 00:24:06,680
Sheila, love.
386
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:13,120
You know, fucking hell, you know
there is nothing l would like more
387
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,720
than to call you
388
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:19,440
Mrs Frank Gallagher.
389
00:24:19,479 --> 00:24:22,000
l don't know, no.
390
00:24:22,039 --> 00:24:26,080
But the... Yeah, yeah,
391
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:31,280
but no, no, because you're still
married to, you know, Eddie the Owl,
392
00:24:31,319 --> 00:24:35,280
l'm still married to Monica,
plus there's the being dead thing.
393
00:24:38,319 --> 00:24:41,480
We're star-crossed!
394
00:24:41,519 --> 00:24:45,360
The love that dare not speak
its name.
395
00:24:46,919 --> 00:24:49,600
No, l mean l don't blame yer...
396
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,440
AARGHHH!
397
00:24:51,479 --> 00:24:55,440
Does me head in.
There's not a day goes by...
398
00:24:55,479 --> 00:24:57,920
Yeah?
399
00:24:57,959 --> 00:25:00,920
But, you know l love you
to bits, you know that.
400
00:25:00,959 --> 00:25:02,920
Oh, l'm sorry, Frank.
401
00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:04,800
l just thought, you know,
402
00:25:04,839 --> 00:25:06,520
cos you've never asked...
403
00:25:14,519 --> 00:25:16,360
Sheila Jackson,
404
00:25:16,399 --> 00:25:21,080
will you do me the honour
of being my wife?
405
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:25,960
To have and to hold, for richer
and poorer and all that other shite,
406
00:25:25,999 --> 00:25:28,920
till death do us part...
407
00:25:28,959 --> 00:25:30,080
Yes!
408
00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:35,760
Oh, Frank,
Frank, l love you so much!
409
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,280
l love you so much.
410
00:25:37,319 --> 00:25:39,320
Yeah, yeah, but...
411
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:43,920
Monica's a mad Catholic bitch,
you know, she'll never let us go...
412
00:25:43,959 --> 00:25:48,280
Let's go and tell everyone!
l'm getting...
413
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:54,880
The Lord
will sit in judgment, Lillian Tyler!
414
00:25:54,919 --> 00:25:57,320
Early menopause my arse...
415
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,600
What did you omer him, eh?
something he couldn't get at home?
416
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:01,760
Carol!
417
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,360
The way l'd sumered with
my piles over Veronica!
418
00:26:04,399 --> 00:26:06,880
That was told in confidence!
419
00:26:06,919 --> 00:26:07,880
lt were the 'TOs!
420
00:26:07,919 --> 00:26:09,440
Calm down!
421
00:26:09,479 --> 00:26:13,400
May as well leave it for now, eh?
422
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:22,360
l can't say l'm overly
impressed with the espresso.
423
00:26:22,399 --> 00:26:25,840
All right, Carl? l've put you
a duvet down in Harley's room.
424
00:26:25,879 --> 00:26:27,840
When do you have to ring in again?
425
00:26:27,879 --> 00:26:29,120
Midnight, then seven.
426
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,560
What's going on? Te_ed Lip
three times this afternoon.
427
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,240
Where the fuck is he?
l haven't seen him for two days.
428
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,160
Dunno. He said he were
coming round here last night.
429
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,920
- Probably got another lass on the go!
- It's not fucking funny!
430
00:26:40,959 --> 00:26:43,200
All right!
l was only having a laugh.
431
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:46,400
That sensitive.
Always been like that, haven't you?
432
00:26:46,439 --> 00:26:48,960
Must've got it wrong about Lip coming
round. Wasn't really listening.
433
00:26:48,999 --> 00:26:52,640
We really do appreciate this.
Don't we, Emily?
434
00:26:54,039 --> 00:26:55,640
DOOR SLAMS
435
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:58,880
l can see you looking, Lip.
436
00:26:58,919 --> 00:27:01,080
Don't know why
blokes think you can't!
437
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,400
Sorry. Only...
438
00:27:03,439 --> 00:27:05,960
l thought you were supposed to get
big tits when you've had a baby?
439
00:27:05,999 --> 00:27:07,240
Fuck om! She's on bottles.
440
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,280
Breast-feeding's better.
441
00:27:09,319 --> 00:27:11,200
You do it then. Hurts like fuck.
442
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:12,840
Not natural, is it?
443
00:27:14,519 --> 00:27:18,240
You can come back and see her.
Just didn't want to wake her up.
444
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,480
Has an eppie every time
l put her in her buggy.
445
00:27:20,519 --> 00:27:22,680
You're all right. l've got to...
446
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,760
l said l'd go see someone.
447
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,680
Oh, yeah?
Still on with Emily Lawson?
448
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,680
lt just, well, suits us both.
449
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,040
We don't talk or om.
450
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,480
To be honest, l think
she finds me a bit boring.
451
00:27:34,519 --> 00:27:36,160
Don't knock her up and all.
452
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,560
Might have learned
me lesson on that one.
453
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:55,400
The UB6T3. You needed to take
a whole afternoon for that one.
454
00:27:55,439 --> 00:27:59,280
You can see where the biro ran out.
Replaced by the UB96.
455
00:27:59,319 --> 00:28:02,480
Mrs Jackson, l can see
you've kept excellent records.
456
00:28:02,519 --> 00:28:05,080
l'm satisfied everything's
in order at your end.
457
00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:07,720
ls there anything you'd like to ask?
458
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:11,120
How would notifying you of
a change in my circumstances
459
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,640
amect my eligibility to claim?
460
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,600
lf l were to get married...
461
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:20,960
(Radio) 'Tony, come in please.
462
00:28:20,999 --> 00:28:23,680
'Domestic at 12 Minton Way.
463
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:27,240
'Tony, come in please..
464
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:28,760
l'll be there in ten, over.
465
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:48,160
Neighbourhood watch.
466
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:49,920
ENGINE STARTS
467
00:28:49,959 --> 00:28:52,240
SIREN
468
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:54,480
CAR SPEEDS AWAY
469
00:28:55,999 --> 00:28:57,240
Don't let Debbie see ya.
470
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,400
She's talking about one bowl
per family member per day.
471
00:28:59,439 --> 00:29:00,560
You bastard!
472
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,440
- This an ambush?
- l saw you with Mandy Maguire...
473
00:29:03,479 --> 00:29:05,600
- So what?
- It's who you've been seeing, innit?
474
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:07,840
- Seeing, yeah.
- You're a fucking disgrace.
475
00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:09,520
What's it got to do with you?
476
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:11,600
You're supposed to be
going out with Emily!
477
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,560
The only reason l'm seeing Mandy
478
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,160
is to see my kid.
It's got nothing to do with Emily.
479
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:17,720
Didn't see ya with a baby today.
480
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:20,520
Why did you lie
if you're not shagging Mandy?
481
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,480
Why are you keeping it secret
if it's just what you said?
482
00:29:23,519 --> 00:29:25,440
Fuck om!
483
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,480
Hiya.
l've been waiting ages for you.
484
00:29:32,519 --> 00:29:35,400
Thought you could
help me with me maths.
485
00:29:35,439 --> 00:29:36,920
l mean it!
486
00:29:40,959 --> 00:29:43,920
MOANING FROM UPSTAIRS
487
00:29:49,479 --> 00:29:51,160
TURNS UP TV
488
00:30:01,479 --> 00:30:04,960
Dear... Fuck! Erm...
489
00:30:04,999 --> 00:30:08,320
l really wanted to... No, no, no, no.
490
00:30:08,359 --> 00:30:09,960
l erm...
491
00:30:10,959 --> 00:30:13,960
Dear Em...
492
00:30:13,999 --> 00:30:14,920
ALARM
493
00:30:14,959 --> 00:30:16,600
Oh, God! Shit!
494
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,760
Gotta do the tag!
Fuck's sake, let go will yer?
495
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,480
She's ringing the fucking ambulance!
Fuck you do that for?
496
00:30:34,519 --> 00:30:38,400
He knew! l told him, Emily!
No fucking strikes in this house!
497
00:30:38,439 --> 00:30:41,320
You touch another woman,
that's it, you're out!
498
00:30:41,359 --> 00:30:42,600
Didn't have to fucking kill him!
499
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,280
Oh, shit!
500
00:30:44,319 --> 00:30:45,800
He'd never look at another woman.
501
00:30:45,839 --> 00:30:48,240
Then why have we got
crabs in the house?
502
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:51,400
Someone's been shagging around,
and it's not me.
503
00:30:51,439 --> 00:30:51,960
Yeah, but...
504
00:30:51,999 --> 00:30:53,080
lt's Lip.
505
00:30:55,839 --> 00:30:58,000
Lip's been shagging around.
506
00:31:02,039 --> 00:31:05,760
Fuck's sake... Sheila?
507
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:07,120
What the fuck's this?
508
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,280
- They've updated all their records.
- You what?
509
00:31:10,319 --> 00:31:14,080
Mr Anastasiou was so helpful. He
said he'd rectify wherever possible.
510
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:16,360
- Rectify?
- Everything! All your benefits.
511
00:31:16,399 --> 00:31:21,200
And...they're all backdated. Look!
512
00:31:25,959 --> 00:31:27,680
Fucking...
513
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,520
Fucking massive!
514
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:38,160
Top girl. Fuck me,
pennies from fucking heaven!
515
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,360
l've been on to the registry omice.
516
00:31:42,399 --> 00:31:46,080
They say we have to give them six
weeks notice to post the banns,
517
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:47,680
but we don't have to have the do there.
518
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:51,440
That's all right.
l was thinking the Gormley hotel.
519
00:31:51,479 --> 00:31:53,680
They always do such a lovely bumet.
520
00:31:54,879 --> 00:31:56,720
Hang on, rewind.
521
00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:01,880
l'm getting ahead of myself.
Frank, Eddie's agreed to a divorce.
522
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:07,760
Yeah, but... Last l heard, you
didn't even have an address for him.
523
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:11,920
Tony gave me a hand.
The DVLC computer.
524
00:32:11,959 --> 00:32:14,160
Eddie's happy to sign
any papers we want.
525
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:18,840
So that's him, you're alive
and then there's just Monica.
526
00:32:18,879 --> 00:32:22,160
Surely even Monica wouldn't get in
the way of our happiness?
527
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:24,600
She's a complex character, Monica.
528
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,000
She can't stand in our way, Frank!
529
00:32:27,039 --> 00:32:28,520
SHE CAN'T!
530
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,240
Fucking hell, Sheila! Where's the...
531
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:32,680
Oh, Frank...
532
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:34,240
Hang on, Jesus!
533
00:32:35,439 --> 00:32:39,280
Look... Look, l'll get on the
bus and go over there now.
534
00:32:40,919 --> 00:32:45,320
Do it in person.
You know, seize the nettle.
535
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,400
Sheila, love, l'm onto it!
536
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:55,960
Frank... Frank.
537
00:32:55,999 --> 00:32:57,560
Frank...
538
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,920
All them years!
539
00:33:01,959 --> 00:33:05,760
What's a fucking piece of paper?
You can't just...
540
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:12,280
Marriage is a solemn state
entered into by a man and a woman.
541
00:33:12,319 --> 00:33:15,880
State, yeah,
yeah, for the fucking state.
542
00:33:15,919 --> 00:33:18,760
Cogs in the fucking wheel.
543
00:33:20,319 --> 00:33:22,520
Plus, the whole thing costs
a fucking mint.
544
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:25,880
Keeps it all going.
It's an industry.
545
00:33:25,919 --> 00:33:28,920
Classic. ''l do.'' And ''You're fucked.''
546
00:33:28,959 --> 00:33:31,680
And all the talking...
547
00:33:45,479 --> 00:33:47,960
What've you been
saying to our Emily?
548
00:33:47,999 --> 00:33:50,840
Fuck all. l just said
her boyfriend's a scally.
549
00:33:50,879 --> 00:33:52,880
He fucking is, isn't he?
550
00:33:52,919 --> 00:33:55,280
You haven't been using them towels
on the landing?
551
00:33:55,319 --> 00:33:56,840
l had a shower.
552
00:33:56,879 --> 00:33:58,920
l put 'em out for a boil wash.
They're crawling.
553
00:33:58,959 --> 00:34:01,280
You can tell your
brother he's fucking dead.
554
00:34:01,319 --> 00:34:04,920
He can pay for the stum from
the fucking chemist and all.
555
00:34:18,839 --> 00:34:20,800
l'm really sorry, Emily. It's just,
556
00:34:20,839 --> 00:34:24,120
Lip deserves a twatting.
l tried telling him.
557
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,480
You should be with someone who
does stum for yer, gives you
558
00:34:27,519 --> 00:34:29,400
loads of presents and stum.
559
00:34:29,439 --> 00:34:32,720
You're gorgeous.
And l know you understand stum,
560
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:36,160
about people, cos you feel things,
like what l do.
561
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:39,520
There's all this stum l could talk
to you about, stum in me head...
562
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:41,040
Yeah, Carl, can you just fuck om?
563
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:42,200
Who's he? >
564
00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:46,280
Push om, will yer? And tell Lip
not to bother calling me again.
565
00:34:48,720 --> 00:34:49,880
Hiya.
566
00:35:23,240 --> 00:35:24,640
ALARM
567
00:35:32,319 --> 00:35:34,520
Your brother at home then, Carl?
568
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:40,240
Troy! Troy!
It weren't Lip, it were Emily!
569
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:42,280
Troy!
570
00:35:42,319 --> 00:35:45,720
Fuck it! You can't!
571
00:35:47,479 --> 00:35:49,400
Stop! Troy, stop, it weren't him.
572
00:35:49,439 --> 00:35:51,560
lt was Emily with the crabs!
She's a slag.
573
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:54,080
She's been shagging another lad,
with a car.
574
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:55,800
You calling my missus's
Iass a slag?
575
00:35:55,839 --> 00:35:57,040
She's a fucking slag!
576
00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:58,280
No, stop it!
577
00:35:58,319 --> 00:36:00,480
What are you doing?
Leave 'em alone!!
578
00:36:00,519 --> 00:36:02,120
Fuck om out of it, love.
579
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,000
l said, ''Leave 'em alone.''
580
00:36:04,039 --> 00:36:06,640
Fuck om, before you get hurt.
It's none of your business!
581
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,640
l'm warning you. If you don't
fuck om, l'm calling me dad.
582
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:11,880
Who's your dad, love?
Patrick fucking Maguire?
583
00:36:11,919 --> 00:36:14,800
That's right. Mandy Maguire.
584
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:20,280
Suppose if he's not around,
one of me brothers might be free.
585
00:36:20,319 --> 00:36:22,120
No, no, you're all right.
586
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:23,480
Sorry.
587
00:36:24,519 --> 00:36:26,000
Sorry, love.
588
00:36:33,999 --> 00:36:36,560
You never learn, do ya!
589
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:40,640
l didn't do om! Somebody
told him l was shagging around.
590
00:36:46,519 --> 00:36:49,200
- Fucking arsewipe!
- l thought you were shagging Mandy!
591
00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:52,880
Even if l did, l can't believe
you'd land me in the shit like that!
592
00:36:52,919 --> 00:36:56,240
- Makes a change from you doing it!
- Hey, hey, come on.
593
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,840
- He could've fucking killed me!
- l thought you'd given everyone crabs!
594
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,240
What? Lip gave Carl crabs?
595
00:37:09,720 --> 00:37:11,880
BABY CRIES
596
00:37:19,439 --> 00:37:23,200
You must have known. l was just
beginning to worry about my tagine.
597
00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:27,360
They say you can't overcook a braise,
but there are limits.
598
00:37:27,399 --> 00:37:30,440
l thought we'd have
a little celebration.
599
00:37:43,959 --> 00:37:46,320
Tell me if l'm being over the top,
600
00:37:46,359 --> 00:37:48,800
but if you can't be over the top
for a wedding...
601
00:37:48,839 --> 00:37:52,240
l've got my heart set on a croque en
bouche, instead of a fruit cake.
602
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,400
Look, spun sugar all over.
603
00:37:54,439 --> 00:37:57,520
Some people are intimidated
by choux pastry,
604
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,200
but actually it's quite
straightfoM/ard.
605
00:38:03,439 --> 00:38:05,680
(Slurred) She wasn't in.
606
00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:10,440
Monica.
607
00:38:10,479 --> 00:38:13,600
They were both out as it happens.
608
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,000
l see.
609
00:38:16,039 --> 00:38:19,080
lt's all right.
Try again tomorrow, eh?
610
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:23,240
We've got all the time in the world,
haven't we?
611
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:26,600
l know, Frank.
612
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:32,520
l may be stupid, but l'm not blind.
613
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:34,400
No, yeah, right...
614
00:38:34,439 --> 00:38:35,920
l do know.
615
00:38:38,999 --> 00:38:41,520
To tell you the truth,
if l was you, l'm not
616
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,280
sure l'd want to marry me either.
617
00:38:43,319 --> 00:38:47,400
l thought, just this once...
You know what l'm like.
618
00:38:47,439 --> 00:38:49,040
Had it on my school report once.
619
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,520
''lf Sheila had her head in her books
as much as she does in the clouds,
620
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,880
''she'd be top of the class.''
621
00:38:57,839 --> 00:39:00,160
Never felt like daydreaming.
622
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,840
Just felt like l was
waiting for something.
623
00:39:02,879 --> 00:39:05,520
l never knew what.
624
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:10,160
Then you came along,
and l knew just like that...
625
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:13,400
Sorry.
626
00:39:16,439 --> 00:39:20,320
There's a raspberry pannacotta
in the fridge if you've got room.
627
00:39:20,359 --> 00:39:23,160
lt's nicest if you bring
it to room temperature.
628
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,920
l'm a bit shattered.
629
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,800
SOBBING
630
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:40,880
'Yeah, hello
631
00:40:40,919 --> 00:40:43,080
Oh, hello Shre... Norma love.
632
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:44,880
lt's Frank, Frank Gallagher.
633
00:40:44,919 --> 00:40:46,400
'What the fuck...
What did you just call me?'
634
00:40:46,439 --> 00:40:47,400
Don't start!
635
00:40:47,439 --> 00:40:51,200
'What did you call me, you lanky
streak of piss? What do you want?'
636
00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:52,960
Can l have a word with Monica?
637
00:40:52,999 --> 00:40:55,360
'Oh, for fuck's sake
638
00:40:55,399 --> 00:40:57,200
Here you go, fellas.
639
00:40:57,240 --> 00:41:00,680
No, put your money away.
All drinks are on Frank Gallagher.
640
00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:02,960
lt's real diamonette, unique design.
641
00:41:02,999 --> 00:41:06,720
See how the stones catch the light,
giving it an e_ra dimension?
642
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:07,800
Did you get it om QVC?
643
00:41:07,839 --> 00:41:10,280
Yes! Frank said
l could take my pick!
644
00:41:10,319 --> 00:41:11,320
lt's gorgeous.
645
00:41:11,359 --> 00:41:12,360
Look.
646
00:41:15,720 --> 00:41:18,360
Fuck me, look at him, will yer?
647
00:41:18,399 --> 00:41:23,400
Bit weird, innit? l mean,
Mum and Dad getting a divorce?
648
00:41:23,439 --> 00:41:25,880
Compared to what? Crop circles?
649
00:41:25,919 --> 00:41:28,520
Dad living with Sheila?
Mum and Norma?
650
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:32,400
Yeah, l know, but now they're
never gonna get back together.
651
00:41:36,919 --> 00:41:39,480
Hey, did you happen to see
652
00:41:39,519 --> 00:41:45,240
The most beautiful girl
in the world?
653
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:52,520
And if you did, was she crying?
654
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:54,640
Normal service has resumed.
655
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:56,480
Fortunately.
656
00:41:56,519 --> 00:42:00,520
Mum shagged me Uncle Roy at me
Auntie Cath's funeral. l reminded her.
657
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:05,880
Well, it sort of put it in its place,
me dad shagging Lillian.
658
00:42:05,919 --> 00:42:07,680
lt was like he was retaliating.
659
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:14,560
We're pulling out. Had a call.
Head omice has costed it out.
660
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:17,440
We're paying you lot
more than when we started.
661
00:42:17,479 --> 00:42:19,600
My number's on there.
662
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,160
You can, you know,
bring your friend.
663
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:25,760
What are you expecting,
a pillow fight?
664
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:29,080
Don't do us any favours,
you spineless little prick.
665
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:32,960
We're dykes, not fucking wank fodder
for pathetic little twats like you!
666
00:42:32,999 --> 00:42:34,680
Go home to your internet, eh?
667
00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:40,280
Oh, and by the way,
my cock's twice the size of yours!
668
00:42:40,319 --> 00:42:41,680
You tell him. >
669
00:42:43,399 --> 00:42:46,320
CHEERING
670
00:42:54,439 --> 00:42:57,840
Kev.
671
00:42:57,879 --> 00:42:59,600
(Frank) Bonny kiddie.
672
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:00,800
Takes after her dad.
673
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:03,720
You know, Phillip...
674
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:08,160
Phillip...
It's a very special feeling.
675
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,120
Yeah, everyone says that.
676
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:14,440
No, l don't mean the kiddie, that's
bollocks. l mean it's a very special
677
00:43:14,479 --> 00:43:18,040
feeling you have for
the mother of your children.
678
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:21,880
l've only got one so far.
Not quite in your league.
679
00:43:21,919 --> 00:43:23,840
Well, whatever happens,
they can't...
680
00:43:23,879 --> 00:43:27,560
take that away from you,
you know, them feelings.
681
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:31,040
lt's like,
you know, it's in your bones.
682
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:36,840
lt's like when cancer spreads, and
they give up on the fucking chemo.
683
00:43:36,879 --> 00:43:39,680
Oh, Frank, come and have a dance.
684
00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:40,960
Look at that.
685
00:43:40,999 --> 00:43:42,360
SLOW SONG PLAYS
686
00:43:42,399 --> 00:43:43,840
l love you so much.
687
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:56,840
(Sheila) 'That night in the Jockey, l felt
like the Queen. ''Sheila Gallagher''.
688
00:43:56,879 --> 00:44:01,440
'Just sounds right, doesn't it?
Like it was meant to be#
689
00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:07,200
Hiya Kev. Long time no see.
690
00:44:07,240 --> 00:44:10,520
Roxy Ball?
She's signed herself Ball!
691
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:12,160
We are still married, Vee.
692
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:14,280
You poisonous fucking bitch!
693
00:44:14,319 --> 00:44:15,880
Fucking hell!
694
00:44:17,039 --> 00:44:20,600
Does the sight of my penis
really upset you that much?
695
00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:21,880
How long was she in prison?
696
00:44:21,919 --> 00:44:23,840
Oh, a few years. GBH.
697
00:44:23,879 --> 00:44:27,000
Come on then!
l'll kill the fucking lot of yers!
698
00:44:27,039 --> 00:44:29,360
Starting with her!
699
00:44:29,410 --> 00:44:33,960
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