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1
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'Now nobody's saying
that Chatsworth Estate is a garden of Eden
2
00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:09,028
'but it's been a good home to us -
me, Frank Gallagher,
3
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,117
'and me kids who l'm proud of,
4
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:16,073
'cos every single one of them
reminds me a little of me.
5
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:19,430
'They can all think for themselves,
which they've me to thank for.'
6
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,789
- Run! Run for it!
- Leg it!
7
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:24,638
'Fiona, who's a massive help,
8
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:29,674
'Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite,
which is why nobody calls him Philip now,
9
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:31,392
'lan, a lot like his mam,
10
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,398
'which is handy for the others
cos she's disappeared into thin air,
11
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,159
'and Carl - we daren't let him grow his hair
12
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,431
'cos it stands on end and makes him
look like Toyah, and nits love it.
13
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:44,155
'Debbie - sent by God. Total angel.
14
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:48,318
'You've to check your change but she'll go
miles out of her way to do you a favour.
15
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:54,515
'Plus Liam - gonna be a star
once we've got the fits under control.
16
00:00:54,560 --> 00:01:00,317
'Steve, Fiona's boyfriend.
The truth is out there... Not.
17
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:05,195
'Fantastic neighbours Kev and Veronica.
Lend you anything. Well, not anything.
18
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:09,074
'But all of them to a man know,
first and foremost,
19
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:12,078
'one of the most vital necessities in this life
20
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:16,033
'is they know how to throw a party!
21
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,559
'Scatter!'
22
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,513
Hey, give us me bag back!
23
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,994
Use it or lose it, fatso!
24
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,231
Fuck's sake!
25
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:48,112
(Debbie) 'l don't know why everybody
thinks Christmas is such a big deal.
26
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,516
'What is good
about the world standing still
27
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:55,712
'when the only shops open
don't sell anything worth having?'
28
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,513
(Frank) Didn't think we had a white duvet.
29
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:02,314
(Debbie) 'lf l hear anyone trying to tell me
the point of it all,
30
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:06,319
'l think l'll just punch their lights out.'
31
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,596
Watch it.
32
00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:13,838
- What have you done now?
- What do you mean, what have l done?
33
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,871
SHOUTlNG
34
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:26,196
'Since our family only ever got bigger,
35
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:31,075
'Christmas seemed worse every year.
As far as l could see, anyway.
36
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:34,795
'The more it cost,
the more everybody smiled.
37
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:39,789
'Never occurred to them that
two days later, everything's half price.
38
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:45,199
'lt's fine if you can pretend
the Earth has gone into hibernation
39
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,754
'and good things only happen in spring.'
40
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,360
'Not fine if you know for a fact
41
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,392
'that every Christmas
is as boring as the last one
42
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,512
'cos nothing ever happens.'
43
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,069
The other way round.
44
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,036
Stop pushing and pulling.
45
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:17,552
What is clever about watching a tree
dying in your living room?
46
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,950
She hates Christmas.
47
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,913
(Lip) Hurry up. Just get it in the house.
48
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,394
Lip, Christmas shopping.
49
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,278
Oi!
50
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,709
(Sheila) You didn't see who mugged you?
51
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,320
No, just a bloke. A big bloke.
52
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:40,989
Christmas and they take your wallet.
53
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,396
What was the Peterloo Massacre
all about?
54
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,829
You haven't got a wallet, Frank.
55
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,918
No...
56
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,997
l'd just bought one in the pub.
57
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:57,191
Little crocodile skin.
58
00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:01,518
l knew how much l had
cos l'd just transferred �55 into it.
59
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:05,189
No, cos you went out
with less than a tenner.
60
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:09,916
l asked you to pick us up
a box of formula to practise with
61
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:14,272
in case the baby rejects me
and l can't breast-feed.
62
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:19,155
And you said, ''l've only a tenner
so you'll have to sub us.''
63
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,110
Did l?
64
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,754
So you'll have sent him on his way.
65
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,234
Have l?
66
00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:28,239
Yeah, so he won't be trying
that one twice, will he?
67
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:29,918
No, l dare say not.
68
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:34,192
Good, cos l've got some news for you.
69
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:38,995
My mum's gone doolally so our
Karen's coming home for Christmas!
70
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,109
Right.
71
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,435
This is gonna fit Carl, innit?
72
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:57,553
No probs. l tell you what,
Debbie's gonna love this.
73
00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:02,594
She once borrowed one from school.
Spent a week magnifying head lice.
74
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,631
Oh!
75
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,792
Oi, oi, no! Oi, not that one!
76
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,398
What is it?
77
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:15,149
You'll find out when Mr Santa comes.
78
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,760
You were never out of my sight.
79
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,473
- ..Or so she thought.
- What shop?
80
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,637
- l'm saying nothing.
- Oh, yeah?
81
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,109
Get that off.
82
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:31,993
(Come here.)
83
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,712
SHE LAUGHS
84
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,354
No, cut it out! Stop!
SHE GASPS
85
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,597
- What are you doing down there?
- l wanted to know what you got us.
86
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,108
Why can't you wait?
87
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,390
- l didn't want clothes.
- You haven't got clothes.
88
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,079
l heard. ''Will this fit our Carl?''
89
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:51,795
A pair of earmuffs
and a big, fat nappy. Downstairs!
90
00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,637
Clothes aren't presents.
91
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:59,399
This is his fault.
Stopping at his girlfriend's in Rawtenstall.
92
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:00,395
Will you shut up?
93
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:06,390
Our Barry went to Rawtenstall in 1 987.
Not been seen since.
94
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,795
< Bloody Bermuda Triangle.
95
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:13,834
This fuel pipe's completely shagged.
l'll have to send for parts.
96
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,030
(You're a bad man, Kev.)
97
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,916
Ho-ho!
98
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:25,954
- What did l tell you?
- Quick, get that door!
99
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,718
(Here, grab these.)
100
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,910
(Kev) Here y'are.
101
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,476
(Lip) OK, are you ready?
102
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,471
(Kev) Yep.
103
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:45,717
Jez! Jez! Jez, come here.
Come over here a minute.
104
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:50,197
(Old woman) How come you always
smell of cheese and onion crisps?
105
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,789
Cos we always end up
sitting next to you.
106
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,153
What's in it for me?
107
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,556
1 0%%% of what we take
and a couple of joints.
108
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:04,794
Grass, skunk or resin?
109
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,912
No, lamb, pork or beef.
110
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:12,033
Hands up, anybody
who's not collected their meat yet.
111
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,469
l know you've heard it all before,
112
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:19,833
but maybe your Christmases have
all come early. Bring it in, fellas!
113
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:25,950
Half market price. Come on, girls,
get your meat and your chops.
114
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,230
Beef!
115
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,236
A leg of lamb and a shoulder of pork!
116
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:33,639
Make that two of lamb.
117
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,875
Yes, love?
118
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,431
Whoa, whoa!
119
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,914
Who wants this pork?
120
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:53,353
(Frank) For fuck's sake, total shambles.
Fucking animals.
121
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:59,349
l don't like what we've become
as a nation.
122
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,158
Massive pressure. Massive.
123
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,875
People with nothing
spend money they can't afford.
124
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:11,755
People with shitloads spend money
they don't notice. And for what?
125
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:15,110
Little baby Jesus? ls it fuck!
126
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:19,438
Sticking money in the pockets
of overpaid shites like...
127
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,956
..shops.
128
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:27,039
Keeping you way down the pecking order
in a mountain of debt...
129
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:31,278
Do you know what
the perfect Christmas is for me?
130
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:36,519
Not having to listen to bone idle,
miserable, old wankers like you.
131
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:39,393
That's why l bought this.
132
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,197
Make way for a chronic duodenum.
133
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,036
Shift, shift!
134
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:54,393
With any luck you'll be dead
this time next year, smelly old cunt.
135
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:04,354
Does that smell
like an old lady's tush to you?
136
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,789
How the fuck should l know?
137
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,195
Ugh, you knobhead!
138
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,552
WOMEN CHUCKLE
139
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,839
Are you sure you don't mind, mate?
140
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:22,997
l'm in my element wrapping pressies.
141
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,349
Carl's obsessed
so l can't leave them at ours.
142
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,356
Ah, bless him.
143
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,391
l tormented me mam rooting for presents
144
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,352
until l looked under her bed
and found a kitten.
145
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,196
Not wrapped.
146
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,754
No. Oi, Kev...
147
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,678
show them your drinks thingy.
148
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:47,151
- Looks like an ordinary beer barrel.
- OK.
149
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:54,032
(Fiona) Oh, it's champion is that.
150
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,679
That's what l said. Champion.
151
00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:02,396
lt's what you say to kiddies
when their drawing's fucking awful.
152
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:03,395
(Steve) Where did you get this?
153
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,590
l made it.
VERONlCA LAUGHS
154
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,790
l did.
155
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,431
Slag! Mum's a slag!
156
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,870
HE BARKS
157
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,719
(Fiona) Marty?
158
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,228
Oh, no, Marty, not again.
159
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:31,431
lf there's a party, there's a Marty.
160
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,436
No, l'm on parole.
161
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,914
Out me way!
162
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,555
Jesus, Mum, look at the state of you.
163
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,039
Are you OK, Carol?
164
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,548
You will not believe this.
165
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:49,470
< Tell 'em.
166
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,511
Never mind me.
167
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,869
He's just burnt my house down.
168
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:57,276
(Fiona) Oh, my God!
You're joking me, Carol.
169
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,151
You're disgusting.
170
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,714
Consenting sex is normal.
171
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,113
Not at your age!
172
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,628
There's nothing wrong with my age!
173
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,750
You...
174
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,989
(Veronica) Pack it in!
175
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,512
Ow!
176
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,271
Hey!
177
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,951
SHE SOBS
178
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,558
Why did they let you out?
179
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:33,310
Significant breakthroughs
with a cognitive therapist. (BARKS)
180
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,271
You torched your mam's house.
181
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:39,518
l lets myself in.
Surprise, surprise! Nobody in.
182
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:44,190
Nips for a leak and she's having
a jump in the shower with...
183
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,629
HE STAMMERS
184
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:52,717
Thingy. The redhead.
Eddie Singer's middle lad.
185
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,479
- Sean?
- Sean!
186
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:59,195
You were shagging Sean Singer?
187
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,275
So?
188
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,117
He's only 20-odd.
189
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,752
He's a good-looking lad.
190
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,394
You said l were too old for him!
191
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,637
So l offered a cash incentive.
192
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:10,795
You paid?
193
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:14,549
- For sex?
- lt wasn't put like that.
194
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:18,479
l offered an extra �50
to smarten my bathroom tiles.
195
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:22,991
The message sinks in.
l'm having one of my pleasanter days
196
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,396
when fiery Jack turns up
screaming the odds
197
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,830
and thick, black smoke
coming up the stairs.
198
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,314
That's Marty's best mate.
199
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,429
They're not twins.
200
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,675
They're like twins.
201
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,790
Yeah, but they're not twins!
202
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,910
Sean Singer?
203
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,350
Never mind that.
What about my house?
204
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,430
All your presents were in there.
205
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,836
My entire Christmas.
206
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,838
My whole bloody life.
207
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,871
Thank you(!)
208
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,678
DOG BARKS
209
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,351
There.
210
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:14,238
So we've nowhere else till the council
sorts us out, have we, Pepe?
211
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,799
PEPE BARKS
212
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:21,431
Agh!
213
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,994
SHOP BELL RlNGS
214
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,068
Where's all the snow gone?
215
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,908
Me dad says it's cos your mam
never paid the council tax.
216
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,029
Oh.
217
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:49,351
We shift more meat than this in
a normal week, never mind Christmas.
218
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,038
What if we've overpriced it?
219
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,354
We always overprice it.
220
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,356
True.
221
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,799
What's up?
222
00:13:55,840 --> 00:14:00,231
Can you redo the labels on these, lan?
Knock 50p off everything.
223
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,350
We won't shift it.
224
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,312
There's tons of knock-off flying about.
225
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:09,876
Turkeys, beef. Sheila brought
us a couple of legs of lamb round.
226
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,672
- How fair is that?
- From who?
227
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:16,271
Dunno, but everyone's got
so l don't think 50p's gonna help.
228
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,710
- Right, price them up at cost.
- Cost plus 50p.
229
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,079
Cost!
230
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,076
Plus 25p.
231
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:27,113
lf we don't shift this by its sell-by
it's gonna smell like a bloody graveyard in here!
232
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,072
Cost plus 25p. l'll do a sign.
233
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:52,478
(Kev) 'You torched a house, Marty.
The police will be after you.'
234
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:56,308
So where did you go from the nick?
235
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,669
A bed and breakfast.
236
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,676
Sheila Jackson's.
237
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:01,835
Sheila and Frank's.
238
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:05,589
And you never set foot
outside the house again.
239
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:06,834
Mm-hm.
240
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,233
Marty!
241
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,236
Yes! Hm, hm.
242
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,396
Bucket of spunk!
243
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,113
lf anyone asks, he was in his room.
244
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,469
What, our Karen's room?
245
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:19,954
But call it the spare room.
246
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,833
Veronica, the cops are round yours.
247
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:27,635
Jesus! Right. lf anyone asks, you can
say Marty lodged with you. All right?
248
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:28,954
OK with that, Sheila?
249
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,991
Yeah, l think.
250
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,996
(Debbie) They'll catch him.
251
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:38,831
Hang on, what would he have done
for supper if he came at three?
252
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,519
- (Carol) He wasn't hungry.
- l wouldn't have not fed him.
253
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,516
Just say you fed him.
254
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,632
l don't want it to look bad on me.
Not if l'm charging rent.
255
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:52,152
- Whatever you like, Sheila.
- l'll say l gave him ham. That's very tasty.
256
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,519
lt is. Oh, thanks. Thanks, Sheila.
257
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,592
Double up and go round the back.
258
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,359
< Seal off both ends of t'streets.
259
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:12,671
- Jesus, Mam, they're everywhere!
- God in heaven!
260
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:17,396
Find out where Marty is.
Find Sheila. She don't look well.
261
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,159
lf she's the alibi,
we'll all be on prison food.
262
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,350
She's bailing you out so give it a rest, Carol!
263
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,356
Don't talk to my mam like that.
264
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,153
Fuck off! This isn't our problem.
265
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,192
How many of your problems
have l helped out with?
266
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,196
l can defend myself.
267
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:36,597
You can't control yourself.
You wonder where Marty gets it from!
268
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,712
l've never burnt anything!
269
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:43,355
Well, you can't fucking cook,
that's for sure!
270
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,949
- Sorry, kid.
- Me and all.
271
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,280
We'll take him round to mine.
272
00:16:55,320 --> 00:17:00,474
Don't talk to anyone, don't touch
anything, don't offer anyone a light.
273
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,909
Come on.
SlREN
274
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,990
Are they all for me?
275
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,792
lf they want a name, l'll tell 'em.
276
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,638
- l'm here!
- What's your problem?
277
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,636
You have answers for everything.
278
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,830
l meant him.
279
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:19,635
Or assuming that any suggestion
Kev makes is a fucking waste of time.
280
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,558
You need two sides of a brain
that communicate.
281
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,592
So it's my fault l'm dyslexic?
282
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:30,270
Dyslexic my arse! You're illiterate.
Admit it. Get help.
283
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,834
You're asking for a twatting.
284
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:34,999
Oi!
285
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,190
SlREN
286
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,674
Found one!
287
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:56,793
They're not after Marty.
They're after the meat!
288
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,149
Oh, shit!
289
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,158
What am l supposed to do with this?
290
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,675
Lads, don't leave me.
291
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,151
Oi!
292
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,832
- And that.
- l've licked that bit.
293
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,950
Tough.
294
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:27,118
- What am l gonna do with it?
- You're not bringing it in here.
295
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:31,597
- Why are you binning it?
- The meat's knock-off.
296
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,473
Nobody pays full price for meat.
297
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:39,594
Judging from that turnout, it must
have come from an armed robbery.
298
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,597
(Veronica) Shit! What shall we do with it?
299
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,870
(Fiona) We can't chuck it in the bins.
300
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,790
Fuck!
301
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:03,510
Here, boy! What's this, then?
What's this tasty bit of meat, then?
302
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,358
Just a couple of chops to go.
303
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,755
Come on, then.
304
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,957
That's it. Take it to your mam.
305
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,950
Steve, where have you been?
306
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,790
What's he doing here?
There's cops everywhere.
307
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,831
Never mind the cops. Look.
308
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,711
< Bloody hell!
309
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,712
(Kev) lt's like Kelly's Heroes, isn't it?
310
00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:00,799
(Over loudspeaker) Stay in your homes
with your doors locked
311
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:04,674
and your windows closed until further notice.
312
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,393
Everything is under control.
313
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:13,076
Please do as you're told
and no harm will come to you.
314
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:15,873
This is not a drill.
315
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,469
Repeat. This is not a drill.
316
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:24,435
Stay in your homes with your doors locked
and your windows closed.
317
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:30,635
- Could make the nationals with this.
- Get that street cordoned off. >
318
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:35,071
Everything is under control.
319
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:39,591
Please do as you're told
and no harm will come to you.
320
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,949
lt can't be another bloody gas leak.
321
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,389
(Yvonne) No, l think they're filming.
322
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:47,113
Oi, is this for Corrie?
323
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,948
Corrie only film round here
if it's a rape or a siege.
324
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:55,039
(TV) 'News coming in of a story
breaking in Manchester.
325
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:59,437
''Chatsworth Estate
has been sealed off by the MoD.
326
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:04,156
'We have a statement here
from a spokesman for the MoD...'
327
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,033
What's going on here, mate?
328
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:12,359
(Radio) 'The Chatsworth Estate
has been sealed off by the MoD.
329
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:18,396
'This is not a joke. lt's not April 1 st.
l've got Eileen on line one.'
330
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:22,433
- 'Hiya, Justin.'
- 'Hiya. You've been trying to get in.'
331
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:27,838
'Yeah. l said to the soldier,
''Me dad's lived there for 45 years,
332
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,190
- '''and l've never missed Christmas.'''
- 'Were they helpful?'
333
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:35,438
- 'He said ''Fuck off.' Can l say that?'
- 'No.'
334
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,313
Stan Waterman, community liaison.
335
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:41,591
- Nobody in or out. My orders.
- This is my patch.
336
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:47,272
Like Afghanistan, lraq, Northern lreland
and Timbuk-fucking-tu,
337
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:51,871
you can have your patch back
once we've milked it dry, all right?
338
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,992
Me mam's in there.
339
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,430
That's it. Go on.
340
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:08,199
Keep going. Go on.
341
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:11,954
That's it. Piss off!
342
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,231
What a mug!
343
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:16,759
SlREN
344
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,360
Out the way!
345
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:31,275
We're responsible for social order
round here. Why wasn't l informed?
346
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:35,871
Your chief constable forgot
you existed. You weren't cleared.
347
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,239
Can we go?
348
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,716
- Not until l know what's going on.
- OK.
349
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,432
Sign this.
350
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:48,359
Last night, thieves stole
200-weight of freight.
351
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,356
All this for knock-off?
352
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:56,032
lt happens every week. They keep
the prices low, especially electricals.
353
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:57,115
The freight was all meat.
354
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:02,188
lt's Christmas. Easter, it'll be chocolate,
August, it'll be sunbeds and sarongs.
355
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:05,994
The meat was on its way
to an army base in Scotland.
356
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,713
To a defence laboratory.
357
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:12,594
One that specialises
in biological warfare.
358
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,754
Which kind of meat do you mean?
359
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:20,634
Hinds and rinds, legs and segs,
heads and innards,
360
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:26,038
with ''not for human consumption''
labels like this.
361
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,196
We've quarantined the area.
362
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,834
Oh, fuck's sake!
363
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:41,230
Mum, don't cook that lamb.
Do not cook that lamb because...
364
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,271
Hello?
365
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,392
Well, where's me mum?
366
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,432
(Radio) 'Casualties arriving. Unit 61 5.
367
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:55,476
'One male, aged 25, and a female, 64.
Married apparently.
368
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:59,672
'Large number of suspected cases
in same house. Big family.
369
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:04,032
'Massive actually 1 4 kids and counting, Sarge.
All cross-eyed.
370
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,548
'Unless that's one of the symptoms.'
371
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:10,593
- Touch it and you're dead.
- This meat is the property...
372
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:11,914
The meat is mine!
373
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,349
Von, let them have it!
374
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:15,435
Ah!
375
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,152
Let them have the meat!
376
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:22,479
Fuck off! l am sick of having to compete
with knock-off round here!
377
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:25,512
Come on, love, you're being daft.
378
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:29,872
- l've brought down bigger than that.
- Don't corner her! lt makes her worse.
379
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:34,436
Come on, Von. You mean more to me
than a bloody shop.
380
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,233
Let's get it cleared.
SHOP BELL RlNGS
381
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,915
- Yes, Lillian?
- A packet of fags, Yvonne.
382
00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,918
A couple of scratchcards,
but only your lucky ones.
383
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:07,829
You wouldn't have any broken biscuits?
384
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:15,309
Fetch them back, you can have 20p off.
385
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,914
Did you mean what you said, Kash?
386
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,952
Not physically, obviously, cos...
387
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:30,278
But, yeah, you mean the world to me.
Of course you do.
388
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:35,269
l've just come to say
that l feel a bit rough.
389
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:37,276
Yeah, you look it.
390
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:41,029
Thanks. So l'm gonna give
this afternoon a miss if that's OK.
391
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,516
Yeah, course it is, love. See ya.
392
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,395
They're a bit more hammered
than what l wanted.
393
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,840
On me, Lillian. Season's greetings.
394
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:10,596
- Did you buy any meat?
- What if we did?
395
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,676
- We didn't know where it came from.
- Have you eaten any?
396
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,429
(Veronica) l gave most of mine to the dogs.
397
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:23,553
They carted a load of dogs away.
A couple of them were half-crippled.
398
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,433
< All dead. The lot of them.
399
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,630
From what?
400
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,716
l am in deep shit
if they know l'm repeating this.
401
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,354
They made me sign Official Secrets,
402
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,109
but the meat was on its way
from Porton Down.
403
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:46,473
l thought that were a made-up place.
You know, with the rabbits?
404
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,112
That's Watership Down.
405
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:52,995
A defence installation. The meat
was part of a war games exercise.
406
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:57,272
< lt's contaminated by team A,
then sent for analysis to team B
407
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:02,075
who have 24 hours to work out
what's in it, but it never arrived.
408
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:05,112
Contaminated with what?
409
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,789
Nobody knows until they get
team A back from Christmas leave.
410
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:12,037
How long's that gonna take?
411
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,116
Have any of you eaten it?
412
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,991
- Er, you have.
- l had no appetite.
413
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,157
No, you wolfed the lot down.
414
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:27,110
l never.
415
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:32,234
l watched you. You were licking the plate
while you did the washing up.
416
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:36,239
< Well, so far, we've had two human fatalities
417
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,669
and 1 2 people have gone down poorly.
418
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:44,955
The symptoms to watch for are nosebleeds
and stomach pains. Colicky stomach pains.
419
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:48,515
They've set up a field hospital
at the junior school.
420
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:52,235
Everybody's gonna have to give
a blood sample.
421
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,475
You all need testing now.
422
00:27:54,520 --> 00:28:00,197
A question. ls anyone out
there mentioning my name?
423
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,310
- What's your name?
- Marty Fisher.
424
00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:04,237
No.
HE SNORTS
425
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:05,918
lan!
426
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,349
He's still at work.
427
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:12,439
He's put himself to bed,
said he was feeling a bit rough.
428
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,756
Do you know what's going on?
429
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,553
They're after the meat. Where is it?
430
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:28,719
No-one should eat it.
lt's not for human consumption.
431
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,830
Where's all the meat, Jez?
432
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,155
They've cleaned me out.
433
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:43,272
Get it up, Felix.
Save some room for your pudding.
434
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:48,553
All right. Thank you. Got darts
coming up so we've gotta clear up.
435
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,909
(Man) That's my bloody dinner!
436
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:52,791
(Kev) How's your Kevin?
437
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:57,868
(Woman) What's your game?
That's our dinner, that is. l've paid for that.
438
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:02,836
l need to see your kitchens.
439
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:07,317
- Not without a warrant.
- Only speak if you don't need your face.
440
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,111
All right, Felix?
441
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:18,996
All right, me old mate?
442
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,435
He has to be in a hospital.
A proper hospital.
443
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,119
- (Doctor) We can't break the quarantine.
- He's burning up.
444
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:46,676
(Doctor) We'll get his temperature down.
We'll keep him supervised.
445
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:48,676
What good is saline?
446
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:54,431
- We haven't identified the contamination.
- You put it there, so what's in it?
447
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,552
(Doctor) Where have you heard that?
448
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:02,038
lt's just a rumour someone started.
449
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,994
lan, l need your arm.
l need to take a blood sample.
450
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:11,468
A small sting.
l'll be as gentle as l can.
451
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,511
Just form an orderly queue.
452
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:24,111
Jesus, Peebles,
it's like a worn-out gene pool.
453
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:31,516
None of the women comb their hair
at the back. ls that a religious thing?
454
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:35,314
l'm not sure, sir. l'll find out, sir.
455
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:40,195
Oh, little men dressed in brief authority.
456
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,071
Eh?
457
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:46,830
1 9th century. Shakespeare.
Plus other stuff, so don't think you're hard.
458
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:53,718
Never poke your cousin if you can't find a
cardigan with three sleeves. Socrates, 400BC.
459
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,270
You didn't know that.
460
00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:00,232
Or you.
461
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:04,114
Somebody must have poked a bloody goat
to come up with that one.
462
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:05,149
Sir.
463
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:11,916
(Frank) Vernon Francis Gallagher.
464
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:15,999
Vernons as in Pools,
though l've never won a fucking bean.
465
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:19,874
l used to be a blood donor,
but l got addicted.
466
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:22,354
Out with the old, in with the new.
467
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:26,109
lt's quite seductive in a way,
don't you think?
468
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:31,188
So are you taking any
regular medication at all, Sheila?
469
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:32,992
As a matter of fact, l am.
470
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:37,158
(Frank) l had BCG in the third year.
l'm still having nightmares.
471
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,953
Passed out. Woke up colour-blind.
472
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:44,391
Can't tell the difference
between dextrine and Nurofen
473
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,670
so bastards take advantage.
474
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,792
You are not coming near me with that.
475
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:53,070
Ow!
476
00:31:54,480 --> 00:32:00,077
Fat cunt. On the plus side,
l've got 20/20 vision so...
477
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,588
HE MUMBLES
478
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:06,519
(Steve) lf it's not airborne,
why can't we leave the estate?
479
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:12,078
Christmas isn't a good time to send
people off kissing their relatives.
480
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,634
What's lan's blood tests saying?
481
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:19,879
Nothing helpful, but believe me,
none of us want to be here either.
482
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,480
The only mortalities have occurred
483
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:26,195
in people with diabetes
or high blood pressure.
484
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:30,597
lan's 1 5, no medical complications.
That's all l can say for sure.
485
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:31,629
We won't say you said.
486
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:33,159
Ah!
487
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:35,991
Mam!
488
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,600
(Marty) What's up with her?
(Veronica) lt's not fucking flu, is it?
489
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,596
Pepe!
490
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:44,269
lf you let this happen, we're finished.
491
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,436
SHE SOBS
492
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,669
(Carol) Swear to me you won't cut him open!
493
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,631
SHE WAlLS
494
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:57,796
Pepe!
495
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,479
You! You fucking...
496
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:22,748
Hang on, Stan.
497
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,839
He caused all this. Him!
That's where l got the meat from.
498
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:30,873
A fiver for a shoulder of lamb.
Worth it, was it, Kev?
499
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:32,911
Nice little wedge?
500
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,151
Help us out, Lip.
501
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:52,910
Little shit.
502
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,311
SHOUTlNG
503
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:57,952
Come here! >
504
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:00,435
Bring him in.
505
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,471
Sir.
506
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:07,232
Merry fucking Christmas!
507
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,111
TO Y SQUEAKS
508
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:18,232
Sorry, Mam.
509
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:21,477
Yes, l know, cos you caused this.
510
00:34:24,240 --> 00:34:26,231
MARTY BARKS
511
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:32,390
l've been sent down three times.
When did you cry for me?
512
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:37,753
Apart from worms and diarrhoea,
when did Pepe ever let me down?
513
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:39,472
He's got a brain this big.
514
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,715
What difference does that make
515
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:45,753
when the brain you've got
is wired like an old Allegro?
516
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,876
< l don't care how little you made.
517
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:57,550
We need to know whether any of it
was sold outside the community.
518
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:04,394
Well, not sold, but l took a rack of lamb
round my Aunty Pat's in Denton.
519
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:09,230
Address? ls she likely
to have shared it with anyone else?
520
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:11,635
Pat? No way.
521
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:15,434
Only thing she's given anyone
in 50 years is herpes.
522
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:21,589
Come here! You're a fucking liar
cos everyone round here knows it was you.
523
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:26,714
Fine. OK. Me. Me and Lip
but not cos we knew what it was.
524
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:30,036
- So?
- We just thought it was fucking meat!
525
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,594
Where's the money?
526
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:35,712
- You're wearing most of it.
- What?
527
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:39,389
How much do you think
lace crotchless panties cost me?
528
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:44,514
Right, that's the last beef curtain
you'll be seeing in a long time.
529
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,994
Where's the rest of it?
530
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,594
This money's got blood on it.
531
00:35:55,640 --> 00:36:00,191
You're in deep shit
and everybody wants you dead, Kev.
532
00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:03,676
This is all your fault, twisted shit!
533
00:36:03,720 --> 00:36:05,870
Yeah, l know. Everything is.
534
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:09,993
Pepe, (BARKS), Arndale Centre,
crucifixion, miners strike.
535
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:12,235
Fine, bring it on!
536
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,240
Can l get you anything?
537
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:38,789
l could skin up, if it'll help.
538
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,990
No.
539
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:56,990
lan, l'm really sorry. This is my fault.
540
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:03,390
The meat. lt was me, me and Kev.
We ripped a lorry off on the bypass.
541
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,032
HE SlGHS
542
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,036
Well...
543
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,275
lt was just for a laugh.
544
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:13,359
l promise you, we're gonna get you
to a proper hospital.
545
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,755
l don't care what l have to do.
546
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:20,715
l'd do anything for you
not to be laid here like this.
547
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:23,791
Sorry.
548
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:40,515
(Radio) 'Breaker in sector nine
coming over the roof.'
549
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:50,633
Whoa! Keep walking. Just keep walking.
No, not towards me, darling. The other way.
550
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,636
How old are you, Debbie?
551
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:56,514
1 1 . Well, 1 1 if you ask my dad,
1 2, if you ask my mum.
552
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,950
- Where were you going?
- Shopping.
553
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,877
At 01 .25?
554
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:07,358
The Trafford Centre's open all night
and they're laying free buses on.
555
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,630
l've six presents still to buy.
556
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:12,433
You were leaving a restricted zone.
557
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:16,268
You've lied to my officers
and you're lying to me.
558
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:19,118
OK, l've five presents to buy.
559
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:23,676
l'll give Carl something l got last year,
but it still looks new.
560
00:38:23,720 --> 00:38:28,475
He loves driving, but everyone
round here keeps the batteries dead.
561
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,159
A pair of jump leads.
562
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:35,352
- Please, can somebody help me out here?
- Yes, sir. l'm from round these parts.
563
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:36,833
Are you playing maisonette?
564
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:38,518
No, pontoon.
565
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:43,111
lt's maisonette. When you turn 21 ,
that's what you get off the council.
566
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,151
THEY LAUGH
567
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:55,237
There's three cameras covering the Causeway,
568
00:38:55,280 --> 00:39:00,479
two monitoring Denver Road
and 3,000 soldiers on Plymouth Street.
569
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:04,479
- Come on, Debbie.
- About 1 00. But at least 1 00.
570
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,238
They didn't shove you around?
571
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,955
No, l got a tuna salad
and l won �5 on maisonette.
572
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,230
(Fiona) Did you get anything or not?
573
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,036
Yes!
574
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:21,516
They don't have normal number plates.
575
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:25,599
(Steve) Let's get lan out as fast as possible.
lf we spread out, we'll find the vehicle faster.
576
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:29,030
Lip, take Kev with you. Keep his face covered.
577
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:32,231
Marty, you go with them.
578
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:34,874
Fiona, tell lan what's happening.
579
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:37,434
Oh! Oh! Oh, dear! Oh!
580
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,436
Sheila?
581
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:43,189
Oh, it's OK. He just kicked.
582
00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:48,553
- He? You know it's a boy?
- Oh, God, that's supposed to be a big secret.
583
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,989
Now, nice deep breaths.
584
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,996
Mam, brandy.
585
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:56,271
Don't tell your dad. lt's a surprise.
586
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:58,629
(Debbie) Have you got a name for him?
587
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:02,195
Yeah...if l ever get that far.
588
00:40:02,240 --> 00:40:04,879
(Fiona) Oh, don't talk like that, Sheila.
589
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:09,391
What if l've passed something on to him
through the meat?
590
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,238
Ah, ah, ah! Ah!
591
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:13,952
SHE GROANS
592
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,434
Bucket biff!
593
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:20,234
According to Conrad,
the meat's come from Al-Qaeda
594
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,875
and if they scan the bar code,
it comes up in Arabic.
595
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:28,869
l'm not being a racist
but they're a fucking nightmare, that lot.
596
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:29,909
- One more.
- No!
597
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,235
One more, Jez. Please.
598
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:37,035
No, four units each
otherwise we'll be dry by tomorrow.
599
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:41,676
Hello! lf you name your price,
you could shift the lot tonight.
600
00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:46,510
Hello! lf l ration it, l could name
twice my price tomorrow.
601
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:48,710
Robbing bitch.
602
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:49,909
On your way!
603
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:52,155
(Barmaid) All right. l said l'm coming.
604
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,919
- One little bottle to be going on with.
- Oh!
605
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:56,393
(Barmaid) There you go!
606
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,352
SHOUTlNG
607
00:41:06,720 --> 00:41:09,951
- (Fiona) Kash, l need to speak to your mum.
- Where's your lan?
608
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:15,950
They're rationing the booze at the pub.
l've stuck a quid on everything.
609
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:21,711
l can say it out loud. Form a queue
or you're getting fuck all!
610
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,273
- (Woman) Cheery-bye.
- Merry Christmas, love.
611
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:28,075
- Where's your mum?
- Upstairs with the kids. Why?
612
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:32,875
Sheila's gone into labour,
plus lan's in a right state.
613
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:41,037
Can somebody change the wallpaper?
lt's doing my head in!
614
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:43,036
You're really hurting my hand.
615
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,036
Sheila, this is Umi.
616
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,674
lt's OK, Sheila. Keep calm.
617
00:41:47,720 --> 00:41:49,676
She's a midwife.
618
00:41:49,720 --> 00:41:51,676
She's not just saying that?
619
00:41:51,720 --> 00:41:55,872
- Why would l say it if it wasn't true?
- l don't know!
620
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:59,595
Don't push. Just breathe round it.
621
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:04,111
l had a dentist once who turned out
to be a brickie. So, l'm a bit phobic.
622
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:06,310
Stop pushing!
623
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,750
(Soldier) Look, just keep back like l said.
624
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:13,759
lf l don't get this giro cashed,
l can't feed my kids.
625
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,189
Why didn't you cash it last week?
626
00:42:16,240 --> 00:42:20,950
lt's not in my name.
l've had to work on the signature.
627
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:25,596
Cheers! Starving children
and you're not gonna let me through.
628
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:28,108
You, too, as well, mate.
629
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:31,914
(Kev) lt'll be all right. lt'll be all right. Stay cool.
630
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,389
We're just having a look, mate.
631
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:43,155
lt's there!
632
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:48,316
- Fuck's sake! That's hopeless.
- l know.
633
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:52,876
l can't believe it's on the wrong side
of the fucking fence.
634
00:42:57,600 --> 00:42:59,556
Lip?
635
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:02,114
What's going on?
636
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:04,993
- Your mum's gone into labour.
- Let me through.
637
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:06,758
Nobody in or out.
638
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:07,949
l want my mum!
639
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,036
lt's for your own safety.
640
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:11,832
(Lip) Karen!
641
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:26,308
(Hippy Pete) l didn't say Swindon.
l said Swinton.
642
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,875
l said you're going nowhere.
No-one leaves until the blood tests are cleared.
643
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:33,754
- We're all vegetarians.
- We're not, are we?
644
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:37,190
No, son, and neither's the other 1 00 over there.
645
00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:40,676
Cheers, Clinton. What are you like?
646
00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:43,109
My real dad.
647
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:57,471
Oh!
648
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:01,199
Has it got warmer or is it just me?
649
00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:04,596
l think it's dropping, to be honest.
650
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,598
l think it's all the tension.
651
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:21,960
Oh!
652
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:38,916
(Soldier) Colchester's all right.
653
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:43,431
Anywhere's lonely at Christmas doing
this job, you know what l mean?
654
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:48,873
lt's better than Basra.
l was glad to get out of there. A right dump.
655
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:53,357
lt's a right dump now, innit?
Mind you, it's not as bad as round here.
656
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:55,874
(Radio talkback) 'Corporal Pollack?'
657
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:58,912
Oh, sorry, babes.
658
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:02,396
Speak to you later on, all right?
659
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,111
All right.
660
00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:41,791
Come on, let's get him.
We can be at St George's in ten minutes.
661
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,594
l'll keep it running in case we have to shift it.
662
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:47,631
All right.
663
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:55,631
Stan, l've found him.
664
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:08,829
- Are you all right, sweetheart?
- No, l feel sick.
665
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:12,350
We all do. l've got an old wheelchair next door.
666
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:15,392
That's all right. Just get those undone..
667
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:22,796
Shit! Kev!
668
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:24,876
Steve, Sheila needs you.
669
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,150
(Steve) Put him back to bed and find a medic.
670
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:34,268
Fuck off!
671
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:35,833
SHOUTlNG
672
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:38,075
That was my mother, you twat!
673
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,680
lt wasn't me. For fuck's sake!
674
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:44,956
- Right.
- What are you doing?
675
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:52,157
Calm down! What good is this doing anyone?
676
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:54,350
Well, you watch, all right?
677
00:46:56,600 --> 00:47:00,639
Oi! Back off or one of you's getting this!
678
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:02,238
Get off it.
679
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:05,795
Look what he's done -
people dropping like fucking flies!
680
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:07,432
Why aren't you blaming the Army?
681
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:09,311
We didn't buy it off the Army.
682
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,510
We didn't load it with anthrax.
683
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:12,675
Anthrax?
684
00:47:12,720 --> 00:47:14,233
Are you serious?
685
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:17,556
The Army put it there. Ask him.
686
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:19,875
Me? Why me?
687
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:23,879
For fuck's sake, none of this is down to us.
Ask him.
688
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:25,956
Will you listen, right?
689
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:28,195
The lad's right. Nearly right.
690
00:47:28,240 --> 00:47:31,994
lt's got a lot more to do
with the Army than this lot.
691
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:33,109
(Hippy Pete) Deliberately?
692
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:37,870
The Army's the only place you're gonna get
a vaccine. Tell 'em, Tony!
693
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:40,195
They said there wasn't one.
694
00:47:40,240 --> 00:47:42,196
They're bullshitting.
695
00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:44,549
What do you know, Gallagher?
696
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:48,798
What if they're just waiting to see
what happens, eh?
697
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:50,671
So there is a vaccine?
698
00:47:50,720 --> 00:47:54,793
He's telling you what we think
and we know more than most.
699
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:00,877
Oh, fuck!
700
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,559
(Hippy Pete) Come on! Come on!
701
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:05,716
This is our estate, not yours.
702
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:09,799
Giving us anthrax! We'll give you anthrax!
703
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:13,833
This is the Chatsworth Estate
and we're taking it back!
704
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:18,317
We've had enough of the Army
and the police coming down here!
705
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:22,797
lt's a redemption zone! Jah Rastafari!
706
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:24,796
Give me a consonant.
707
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:27,957
- C.
- Give me a vowel.
708
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,037
- U.
- Give me another consonant.
709
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:32,672
N.
710
00:48:32,720 --> 00:48:36,838
- How can we get lan out now?
- Dunno, Lip. ls nobody with him?
711
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:38,199
l'll go up.
712
00:48:38,240 --> 00:48:41,755
Give me another consonant, Carol!
713
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,358
T.
714
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:47,678
(Veronica) Are you all right?
lf you throw up, l can't help you.
715
00:48:47,720 --> 00:48:50,473
l want Frank!
716
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:55,388
Life under President Blair.
717
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:58,000
(Over loudspeaker)
Please, all return to your homes.
718
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,554
Get out of it!
719
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,875
(Over loudspeaker) The situation
is under control.
720
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:04,239
(Hippy Pete) Take him to the White House.
721
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:09,195
We're not having you on this estate any more.
722
00:49:09,240 --> 00:49:14,234
We've heard it straight from
the fucking horse's mouth!
723
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:18,956
You know a lot more than you're telling us.
We've had enough.
724
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:25,189
You know why they call it fatigues?
Cos we're sick of the fucking sight of you!
725
00:49:25,240 --> 00:49:27,231
ALL CHEER
726
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:29,236
Stopping vital deliveries.
727
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:30,918
ALL CHEER
728
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:33,793
While the rest of us just...
729
00:49:36,240 --> 00:49:38,595
..you know, thingy?
730
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:41,029
Baby Jesus!
731
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:51,950
Well, l've been on the blower
to Brussels and you're all sacked!
732
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:02,670
Who threw that? Oi, you!
733
00:50:02,720 --> 00:50:06,952
Will you please just shut the fuck up?
734
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:13,437
While you've been making your lives
a lot more difficult
735
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:16,836
for yourselves and the rest of us,
736
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:22,796
people have been working
round the clock to find the solution.
737
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:26,913
The contamination has been identified.
738
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:32,910
Vaccines are already being
administered to high-priority cases.
739
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:38,114
They'll be with you as soon as possible,
but until they arrive,
740
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:44,269
will you please continue
to just shut the fuck up?
741
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:46,470
l don't like his tone.
742
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,838
(Frank) Guantanamo Bay.
743
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:58,918
Leave me alone! Leave me alone!
744
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:03,636
(Corporal) lan, l have to do this.
lt takes less than a minute, if you keep still.
745
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:06,353
lan, he knows what he's doing.
746
00:51:06,400 --> 00:51:08,038
l don't care. Fuck off!
747
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:10,548
Pin him down. Kev!
748
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:15,833
lt's pretty heavy. lt'll hurt when it goes in a bit.
A bit of a dead leg.
749
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,952
But l promise you, it's effective.
750
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:20,956
(Lip) Oh.
751
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:23,151
HE SCREAMS
752
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,719
Ah, you fucking bastard!
753
00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:30,751
Ah!
754
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:37,478
Keep his leg moving and it'll circulate it.
He'll be fine.
755
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:41,229
- Honestly?
- Just keep his leg moving.
756
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:49,832
lan, mate, l can't tell you how sorry l am.
757
00:51:52,160 --> 00:51:55,948
Well, you can, Kev. Try.
758
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,873
(Carl) Have you got any more pans?
759
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:07,794
Shit.
760
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:13,916
(Fiona) Shit! What now?
761
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:15,188
Have we got any fuse wire?
762
00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:17,629
(Sheila) Give us another consonant.
763
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:19,355
L.
764
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:21,868
(Debbie) What are you boiling water for?
765
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,070
Mother of God!
766
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:27,635
You only do that when you're
getting a contraction.
767
00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:31,798
Oh, yeah, sorry.
l'm all over the place, aren't l?
768
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:34,593
Give us a couple of vowels.
769
00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:36,358
A. l.
770
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:38,356
You're getting one now.
771
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,197
- Boy or girl?
- You said it was a boy.
772
00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:42,390
Oh, yeah.
773
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,750
l meant a contraction. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 .
774
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:46,949
SHE GROANS
775
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:49,275
Come on, Sheila!
776
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:52,312
LUNATlC!
777
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:56,353
l've never had seven letters before!
778
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:58,391
ALL LAUGH
779
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:05,831
DOORBELL
780
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:10,633
(Umi) That's it, Sheila.
781
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:12,716
lt wasn't for nothing.
782
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:16,309
lt's a boy! You have a son.
783
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,157
(Fiona) He's beautiful.
784
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:26,034
Oh, Jesus, is that what
they come out looking like?
785
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:31,393
Mine were a bit smoother than that.
No offence, Sheila. Congratulations.
786
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:34,916
Oh!
787
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:37,997
(Carol) Where's Frank, anyway?
788
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:41,877
Slag!
789
00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:47,392
CHOlR SlNGS
790
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:58,635
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
791
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:00,875
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
792
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:06,269
Bombs on planes and contaminated meat at...
793
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:11,792
You know, thingy? Little baby Jesus.
lt's fucking ridiculous.
794
00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:13,796
Who suffers?
795
00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:15,990
The likes of us. That's who.
796
00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:20,636
What have we done wrong? Just fixed
the odd meter and rung the odd car.
797
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:26,437
Call 'em all you want. lf they all
went on strike, we'd be legless.
798
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:32,476
You know, shops, hospitals,
the entire fucking transport system.
799
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:36,991
lf every immigrant on this sceptred isle
800
00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:40,191
downed tools for one day - one day -
801
00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:44,392
we'd come to a total fucking standstill.
802
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:49,389
Then they'd really have us by the balls.
803
00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:55,349
Don't let that go giving you any ideas, Gandhi,
804
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:59,712
otherwise, you know,
we'll have, er, whatshisname.
805
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:04,959
You know, Kilroy on your doorstep,
pestering you for the vote.
806
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:07,719
Yak, yak, fucking yak.
807
00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:11,111
Nightmare.
808
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:25,873
Shouldn't you be lying down?
809
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:27,876
No.
810
00:55:27,920 --> 00:55:33,074
l don't wanna be in here any more.
Medic said l should stretch my legs.
811
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:35,350
How come you never phoned me?
812
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:39,359
l was too tired. l couldn't be fucked.
813
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:43,996
Look, if l'm in the way
between you and Yvonne, just say so.
814
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:48,158
Yvonne has been good to us.
We should be grateful.
815
00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:50,760
Me, for the kids.
816
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:52,916
You, for the wages.
817
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:58,080
The pair of us, cos she never put out
a gay-bashing fatwa.
818
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:01,476
She could have ended all this and she ain't.
819
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:05,957
She's far from perfect, but neither are we.
820
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:11,195
What did you get me for Christmas?
821
00:56:11,240 --> 00:56:13,913
Slippers with built-in headlamps.
822
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:15,871
- Fuck off!
- What did you get me?
823
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:17,911
A penis enlarger.
824
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:21,752
- Same goes for you.
- Me?
825
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:24,553
Yeah, l don't like your bathroom.
826
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:27,956
- Well, stay out of it, then.
- Leave him alone. He's tanked.
827
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:29,035
Who let him get like that?
828
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:32,390
(Lip) She did!
(Veronica) We're celebrating you're not dead.
829
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:34,078
Carl, drink this.
830
00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:36,429
And you, you robbing bastard!
831
00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:38,675
- Cut it out!
- How much is a Twix?
832
00:56:38,720 --> 00:56:42,633
- (Kash) 49p.
- And a quarter of midget gems?
833
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:43,908
28p.
834
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,633
So how much does it come to?
835
00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:47,749
(lan) Carl, l'm warning you.
836
00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:49,358
77 p.
837
00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:50,958
No, it's 77.
838
00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:53,116
l said 77 p.
839
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,116
Did you?
840
00:56:55,160 --> 00:57:00,996
OK, sorry. Sorry, Kash. l love your shop
and your daughter is a stunner.
841
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:08,199
(Vicar) 'Will you, Carl Francis Gallagher,
take Meena Karib to be your wife?
842
00:57:08,240 --> 00:57:11,038
'Would you love her, cherish her...'
843
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:21,720
Frank!
844
00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:23,910
lt's Nigel.
845
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:27,077
- Little Nigel.
- ls it?
846
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:29,759
Where the bloody hell have you been?
847
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:33,553
A couple of riots, the pub.
848
00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:48,516
Where's Nigel come from?
849
00:57:48,560 --> 00:57:51,358
Little Nigel.
850
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:53,470
Little Delia.
851
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,192
What is it?
852
00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:57,879
(Umi) lt's OK, Frank. lt is a boy.
853
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:04,751
What now? What's happening to her?
854
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:08,952
l don't know. Sheila, the baby's here.
855
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:11,150
lt's twins!
856
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:14,988
Mind your backs. Here comes Delia!
857
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:22,034
lt's a surprise for Frank.
Where are you, Frank? lt's a surprise.
858
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:46,872
(Soldier) Right, next.
859
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:57,673
You're not shoving that down me
till l know what's in it.
860
00:58:57,720 --> 00:59:02,635
lt's just an antibiotic coagulant
in a zinc-phosphate-based emulsion.
861
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:04,671
Right you are.
862
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:19,395
Actually, l think l've had this one before.
863
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:34,438
- They're here. Fiona's here.
- Quick, quick.
864
00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:36,471
ALL CHEER
865
00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:41,598
That's mine. l know that's mine! Here y'are.
866
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:45,715
You've done well there, Frank.
867
00:59:45,760 --> 00:59:48,228
Get fucked, tosser.
868
00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:53,713
BABlES CRY
869
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:55,949
Hiya.
870
01:00:01,400 --> 01:00:03,391
(All) Yeah!
871
01:00:07,160 --> 01:00:08,354
What's that?
872
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:10,356
Right, who's next?
873
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:13,119
(Lip) Come on, Carl.
(Debbie) Hurry up.
874
01:00:13,160 --> 01:00:14,149
(Lip) Whoa!
875
01:00:14,200 --> 01:00:16,031
Cheers, Fiona.
876
01:00:19,640 --> 01:00:23,428
(Lip) Open it up. What have you got?
877
01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:27,156
Whoa! A microscope!
878
01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:30,831
HE LAUGHS
879
01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:35,430
An arse and face towel. Thanks a lot.
880
01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:39,196
(Fiona) Arse face!
881
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:42,551
(Steve) Quick, lan.
882
01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:44,830
(Carl) Who's that off, lan?
883
01:00:44,880 --> 01:00:47,314
lt's from Kash and Yvonne.
884
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:51,839
No way!
885
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:54,440
(Fiona) Are you employee of the month?
886
01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:55,879
(lan) What are you on about?
887
01:00:59,040 --> 01:01:00,996
Hope you like it.
888
01:01:01,040 --> 01:01:02,155
(Wow!)
889
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:14,034
ALL CHEER
890
01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:16,230
(Lip) That were a good one, that.
891
01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:20,990
Happy Christmas!
892
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:25,154
(Debbie) Hurry up.
893
01:01:25,200 --> 01:01:30,069
Happy Christmas. What did you get?
Let's have a look what you got.
894
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:33,032
Hey, happy Christmas.
895
01:01:33,080 --> 01:01:35,071
Did you see Santa?
896
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:53,036
lt's open.
897
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:57,039
Can l share your mirror?
They're really bugging me.
898
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:00,473
Thanks for the present.
899
01:02:00,520 --> 01:02:01,635
lt suits you.
900
01:02:01,680 --> 01:02:03,636
Did you like yours?
901
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:05,636
Yeah.
902
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:10,708
Look, l know why you never enjoy
this time of year.
903
01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:16,350
Cos...Christmas is when Mum left.
904
01:02:18,760 --> 01:02:19,954
So?
905
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:21,956
Not that?
906
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:23,991
No.
907
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:28,989
Cos Christmas is when Dad
first got sent down?
908
01:02:29,960 --> 01:02:31,916
No.
909
01:02:31,960 --> 01:02:35,794
Cos it's when you got expelled
from St Ellen's?
910
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:37,034
Big deal!
911
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:39,150
What's with the face?
912
01:02:40,320 --> 01:02:42,470
l've started my periods.
913
01:02:44,040 --> 01:02:47,396
- When?
- Last night.
914
01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:50,910
- You're too young.
- l'm not the first in our year.
915
01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:53,554
Why didn't you come to me?
916
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:55,750
l told Yvonne in the shop.
917
01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:56,835
Rather than me?
918
01:02:56,880 --> 01:03:00,031
l had to buy...stuff.
919
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:03,514
Never apologise for the anger.
920
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:08,395
Feel it in your womb and use it
otherwise you'll go bleeding nuts.
921
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:11,830
DOORBELL RlNGS
You, out! You're barred!
922
01:03:11,880 --> 01:03:14,599
Anyway, you were busy.
923
01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:23,790
l am never too busy to talk to you.
You can come to me with anything.
924
01:03:27,880 --> 01:03:30,440
l'm way too old for that microscope.
925
01:03:30,480 --> 01:03:33,950
lf l can persuade Carl it's worth
double what you paid,
926
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:36,833
would you be offended
if l had his jacket?
927
01:03:36,880 --> 01:03:40,316
No. Yeah! He loves that jacket.
928
01:03:40,360 --> 01:03:44,148
Yeah, but not if l told him
he looks a bit gay.
929
01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:48,356
OK. Don't wipe the floor with him.
930
01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:51,437
l'll make him think it's his idea.
931
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:53,471
Oh!
932
01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:18,231
Oi! l asked you to keep an eye on the veg,
not plan the next bonfire!
933
01:04:18,280 --> 01:04:20,589
All right, b-i-n.
934
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:24,792
Just listen to the sounds, mate. B-i-n.
935
01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:27,438
Banana?
936
01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:31,712
Jesus, no! Just listen to the sounds, Kev!
937
01:04:31,760 --> 01:04:36,356
Losing your rag won't help, will it?
Just makes me feel like a prick.
938
01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:40,439
l'm sorry, Kev. Let's just start from the
beginning.
939
01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:42,436
l'm going to get more beers.
940
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:46,519
Will someone make sure
l'm not sitting next to him?
941
01:04:46,560 --> 01:04:48,994
l tried giving him lessons.
942
01:04:49,040 --> 01:04:52,749
l gave him an hour, then l said my
friend had died so l had to go home.
943
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:55,872
Lip, lan...
944
01:04:55,920 --> 01:04:57,911
Give us a hand.
945
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,556
That's Delia. That's Nigel.
946
01:05:04,960 --> 01:05:07,918
Why, what do you need?
947
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:12,709
Trestle.
948
01:05:12,760 --> 01:05:18,118
Go and fetch a trestle table from ours,
then get Veronica's chairs.
949
01:05:18,160 --> 01:05:19,718
- (Lip) How many are we?
- Too many.
950
01:05:19,760 --> 01:05:22,069
- 1 2.
- 1 3.
951
01:05:22,120 --> 01:05:25,954
- Dad's not hungry.
- You'll be joining us, won't you?
952
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:27,035
Get fucked.
953
01:05:27,080 --> 01:05:29,958
No, l'm not having that.
954
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:32,878
A proud, new father.
955
01:05:32,920 --> 01:05:36,435
Get Frank a chair. Centre table.
956
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:39,278
Where you belong, darling.
957
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:53,039
Debbie, go and see if you can find Dad
something decent to wear.
958
01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:55,036
(Both) Not from my room.
959
01:05:55,080 --> 01:05:57,230
You're filthy.
960
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:04,355
For what we are about to receive,
961
01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:08,188
may the Lord, our God,
make us a little bit more thankful
962
01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:10,151
than we might otherwise have been.
963
01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:16,230
May he grant us wealth and peace
and happiness...and wealth,
964
01:06:16,280 --> 01:06:20,512
plus thanks for Pepe's resurrection.
965
01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:25,359
(Vicar) ln the name of the Father, Son
and Holy Spirit. Amen.
966
01:06:25,400 --> 01:06:29,393
We trusted our dearly beloved brother to
God's merciful...
967
01:06:29,440 --> 01:06:30,793
DOG BARKS
968
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:32,796
..What?
969
01:06:32,840 --> 01:06:36,196
(Carol) You heard me, oh Lord,
in my hour of need,
970
01:06:36,240 --> 01:06:39,516
crying like a baby for my baby.
971
01:06:39,560 --> 01:06:42,028
(Frank) For fuck's sake.
972
01:06:42,080 --> 01:06:44,036
We're not religious.
973
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:46,230
l'm not finished.
974
01:06:46,280 --> 01:06:49,875
No wonder you're all plagued by misfortune.
975
01:06:51,440 --> 01:06:55,797
Thanks all the more for bringing me
and Marty back together.
976
01:06:55,840 --> 01:07:00,391
For uniting my babies at this special time
977
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:02,396
with these special people.
978
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:08,913
lf you do your best for peace and wealth,
l'll work my socks off for you. Amen.
979
01:07:08,960 --> 01:07:09,949
(All) Amen.
980
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:13,549
Come on, let's eat! Happy Christmas!
981
01:07:26,600 --> 01:07:29,194
(Lip) Kev, have a pull on that.
982
01:07:43,320 --> 01:07:46,392
LAUGHTER
983
01:07:50,480 --> 01:07:52,471
(Steve) Oh, here we go.
984
01:07:55,320 --> 01:07:57,470
For fuck's sake, Frank!
985
01:07:57,520 --> 01:07:59,636
What?
986
01:07:59,680 --> 01:08:01,989
l think you've had enough.
987
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:05,828
Oh, no truer word said.
988
01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:07,836
Too right.
989
01:08:07,880 --> 01:08:13,796
Cos as soon as the doctor's is open,
l am having the snip.
990
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:15,353
No, Frank!
991
01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:17,595
Oh, fucking yes!
992
01:09:01,440 --> 01:09:04,318
Talk about taking it up the shitter.
993
01:09:04,360 --> 01:09:06,874
Eight kids on half a wage.
994
01:09:06,920 --> 01:09:11,072
What's that if it's not
a total fucking shambles?
995
01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:17,790
Oh, come on, Frank!
996
01:09:17,840 --> 01:09:20,115
Starter for ten. No conferring.
997
01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:22,196
Queens, can you take it?
998
01:09:22,240 --> 01:09:27,917
What's David Carradine all about
if you learn fuck all, eh?
999
01:09:29,400 --> 01:09:31,994
Where's the Grasshopper now, Frank?
1000
01:09:32,040 --> 01:09:34,429
Snip, snip, fucking snip!
1001
01:09:39,960 --> 01:09:41,916
Oh!
1002
01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:48,195
Frozen chips, triple-A batteries,
drinking chocolate...
1003
01:09:48,245 --> 01:09:52,795
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