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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,002 --> 00:00:04,069 RED DWARF S11-E06 CAN OF WORMS In memory of J.H.S. SAS MBE - Now there was a lad. 2 00:00:43,854 --> 00:00:46,220 Ah, what's this? 3 00:00:46,221 --> 00:00:48,568 I salvaged it from the Medi-Station,sir. 4 00:00:48,569 --> 00:00:51,168 It's a personality tuck machine. 5 00:00:51,169 --> 00:00:52,483 Huhm. So it can perform 6 00:00:52,484 --> 00:00:54,665 corrective surgery on your character? 7 00:00:54,666 --> 00:00:57,266 Exactly. It scans the patient's brain, 8 00:00:57,267 --> 00:00:59,833 and forms a personality map. 9 00:00:59,838 --> 00:01:02,116 It's then able to enhance, remove, 10 00:01:02,117 --> 00:01:03,928 even sculpt the very traits 11 00:01:03,929 --> 00:01:05,944 that make that person who they are. 12 00:01:05,945 --> 00:01:09,100 Hypothetically - I'm speaking hypothetically here, 13 00:01:09,101 --> 00:01:10,899 Do you think I could do with a little work? 14 00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:11,905 Take a seat,sir. 15 00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:13,976 I'll cancel this week's schedule. 16 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:17,909 So, what could you do for me, exactly? 17 00:01:17,910 --> 00:01:20,655 I'll begin by just marking out the areas 18 00:01:20,656 --> 00:01:23,227 I think we might be able to improve. 19 00:01:23,228 --> 00:01:25,928 Now, here, here, here, 20 00:01:26,121 --> 00:01:27,167 here! 21 00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:29,305 Here. Definitely, here. 22 00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:31,964 Yes - all right, Kryten. Get on with it, man. 23 00:01:31,965 --> 00:01:35,470 Oh, take your pomposity; large and unsightly. 24 00:01:35,471 --> 00:01:38,451 Your self-importance, too - is massively engorged. 25 00:01:38,452 --> 00:01:40,321 What's that huge area in the middle there? 26 00:01:40,322 --> 00:01:42,509 Well, that is your cowardice,sir. 27 00:01:44,034 --> 00:01:46,457 Perhaps you'd like me to perform a cowardectomy? 28 00:01:46,458 --> 00:01:49,289 What, reduce it? A sort of whimpoplasty? 29 00:01:49,871 --> 00:01:51,660 Hey! What's happenin', buds? 30 00:01:51,928 --> 00:01:53,049 I'm about to perform 31 00:01:53,050 --> 00:01:55,714 some personality surgery on Mr. Rimmer. 32 00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:57,646 He's getting a new personality?! 33 00:01:57,647 --> 00:01:58,852 Great idea! 34 00:01:59,704 --> 00:02:01,073 Not "new"! 35 00:02:01,130 --> 00:02:03,841 Molded, tightened, lifted, shaped. 36 00:02:03,842 --> 00:02:05,547 This is gonna transform me. 37 00:02:05,548 --> 00:02:07,160 I'm gonna be the lady-melting, 38 00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,909 enormous, bold stud muffin I've always dreamt of. 39 00:02:11,229 --> 00:02:12,537 Kryten, one thing; 40 00:02:12,538 --> 00:02:13,939 this isn't gonna hurt, is it? 41 00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:15,669 There'll just be the slightest 42 00:02:15,670 --> 00:02:17,977 infinitesimally tiny little scratch. 43 00:02:17,978 --> 00:02:19,002 Scratch? 44 00:02:19,003 --> 00:02:20,274 Well, when I insert the laser. 45 00:02:20,275 --> 00:02:21,694 Laser?! Well, it has to burn... 46 00:02:21,895 --> 00:02:22,772 Burn?! 47 00:02:22,773 --> 00:02:25,207 Perhaps I should give you a holo-sedative,sir. 48 00:02:25,208 --> 00:02:27,032 With a needle?! Sir, please. 49 00:02:27,133 --> 00:02:29,750 I'll talk you through every aspect of the procedure, 50 00:02:29,751 --> 00:02:30,919 step-by-step. 51 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:32,648 Right now, I'm just... 52 00:02:32,649 --> 00:02:33,808 wh-where's he gone? 53 00:02:34,075 --> 00:02:35,701 Out the door and left. 54 00:02:35,992 --> 00:02:37,371 Einstein was wrong, 55 00:02:37,372 --> 00:02:40,073 It IS possible to break the speed of light! 56 00:02:56,352 --> 00:02:57,730 Hey, Bud! 57 00:02:57,731 --> 00:02:58,831 What the...!! 58 00:02:59,741 --> 00:03:01,540 Guys, keep the noise down. 59 00:03:01,541 --> 00:03:03,004 I'm trying to sleep, here. 60 00:03:06,765 --> 00:03:07,852 Whoa!! 61 00:03:07,853 --> 00:03:09,853 What's going on?! We're way off course here! 62 00:03:09,887 --> 00:03:12,236 Who's the joker in charge of navigation?! 63 00:03:12,237 --> 00:03:13,582 You are,sir! 64 00:03:14,154 --> 00:03:15,640 Seriously?! 65 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,393 Oh, man! 66 00:03:17,637 --> 00:03:19,155 I think I might have dozed off. 67 00:03:19,156 --> 00:03:21,072 Lister, we're 5,000 klicks off course, 68 00:03:21,073 --> 00:03:22,896 all you had to do was engage auto-pilot! 69 00:03:22,897 --> 00:03:24,181 Your watch. Your fault. 70 00:03:24,182 --> 00:03:25,748 You can't blame me for this. 71 00:03:25,749 --> 00:03:28,053 What kind of lunch was that to give your pilot? 72 00:03:28,297 --> 00:03:29,991 Roast beef with all the trimmings, 73 00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:32,601 followed by seconds, followed by sticky toffee puddin', 74 00:03:32,602 --> 00:03:34,869 followed by seconds, followed beer, 75 00:03:34,870 --> 00:03:38,328 and coffee, and cheese, and brandy, port and cigars, 76 00:03:38,329 --> 00:03:40,072 a little chocolate mint. 77 00:03:41,210 --> 00:03:42,556 What chance did I stand 78 00:03:42,557 --> 00:03:44,435 after a Sunday lunch like that? 79 00:03:44,436 --> 00:03:45,487 How long have I been out? 80 00:03:45,488 --> 00:03:46,717 It's Monday,sir. 81 00:03:47,074 --> 00:03:49,173 Oh, man. No way! 82 00:03:49,174 --> 00:03:49,990 It's gonna take us forever 83 00:03:49,991 --> 00:03:51,542 to get back to Red Dwarf now. 84 00:03:51,543 --> 00:03:52,982 Maybe we could take a shortcut 85 00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,946 across that asteroid belt. 86 00:03:54,947 --> 00:03:55,998 GELF country? 87 00:03:55,999 --> 00:03:57,611 If the stories are to be believed, 88 00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,294 the particular tribe of GELF 89 00:03:59,295 --> 00:04:01,772 that inhabit Belt Juno 98 90 00:04:01,773 --> 00:04:06,541 Are the Nakki-hirhyni rrhack-ackk urry-hckk hck-hck! Oh! 91 00:04:06,542 --> 00:04:09,273 Sorry, I just sat down on a screwdriver. 92 00:04:09,274 --> 00:04:11,985 Why does nobody tidy up around here except me?! 93 00:04:11,986 --> 00:04:13,598 Kryten, you were saying, 94 00:04:13,599 --> 00:04:15,198 Sorry,sir. Yes, that particular tribe 95 00:04:15,215 --> 00:04:16,734 are the Nakki-Ninkers. 96 00:04:16,735 --> 00:04:18,674 Vampire GELFs, to you and me. 97 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,111 Vampire GELFs?! 98 00:04:20,112 --> 00:04:23,257 The story goes; They feast on the blood of virgins. 99 00:04:26,587 --> 00:04:29,040 Feast on the blood of virgins. 100 00:04:29,041 --> 00:04:30,677 Who believes that? Taking her in. 101 00:04:30,678 --> 00:04:32,851 W-wait a minute! Hang on here!! 102 00:04:32,852 --> 00:04:34,347 Slow the hell down!! 103 00:04:34,348 --> 00:04:35,796 What's the problem? 104 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,400 I'm just curious, 105 00:04:37,667 --> 00:04:39,911 how do they tell the virgins from the non-virgins? 106 00:04:39,912 --> 00:04:41,594 Well, according to the ancient myths, 107 00:04:41,595 --> 00:04:42,786 they can smell them. 108 00:04:42,787 --> 00:04:43,899 Smell 'em?! 109 00:04:43,932 --> 00:04:45,988 What the hell does a virgin smell of? 110 00:04:45,989 --> 00:04:47,779 Desperation, normally. 111 00:04:50,708 --> 00:04:52,507 Actually,sir, the actual science is 112 00:04:52,508 --> 00:04:56,271 that the GELF's can smell the pheromone produced by fear. 113 00:04:56,272 --> 00:04:57,673 Only the virgins are scared, 114 00:04:57,674 --> 00:05:00,245 so they're the only ones producing the fear pheromone. 115 00:05:00,246 --> 00:05:01,858 Thus - No issue for us. 116 00:05:01,859 --> 00:05:02,746 Taking her in. 117 00:05:02,747 --> 00:05:04,523 Hang on! Hold up! 118 00:05:04,524 --> 00:05:07,124 Can we discuss this for one stupid, lousy second?! 119 00:05:07,125 --> 00:05:08,597 Hang on a minute, are you... 120 00:05:08,598 --> 00:05:09,733 Nooo! 121 00:05:10,047 --> 00:05:10,794 I suppose you... 122 00:05:10,795 --> 00:05:11,706 Noooo! 123 00:05:11,707 --> 00:05:13,099 Never really thought... Don't even say it! 124 00:05:14,442 --> 00:05:16,115 Okay. Movin' on. 125 00:05:16,453 --> 00:05:18,322 Didn't mean to open up a can of worms here. 126 00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:20,346 I've had my share, let me tell ya. 127 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,982 More than my share! 128 00:05:22,133 --> 00:05:24,437 Plus, I've had full-blown love affairs, too! 129 00:05:24,471 --> 00:05:26,588 Well yes - Mirror in the bathroom. 130 00:05:26,762 --> 00:05:29,627 Mirror in the hold. I've forgotten about those. 131 00:05:29,852 --> 00:05:31,067 Don't you guys know 132 00:05:31,068 --> 00:05:32,974 that cats always have two homes?! 133 00:05:33,172 --> 00:05:35,499 I've got a lady cat back on Red Dwarf! 134 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,308 Hell, I've got two! 135 00:05:37,309 --> 00:05:38,945 On Z Deck. On Z. 136 00:05:38,946 --> 00:05:41,283 Exactly! That's where they are! 137 00:05:41,284 --> 00:05:43,480 On Z Deck, but hiding from you guys, 138 00:05:43,481 --> 00:05:45,233 'cause they're only interested in me! 139 00:05:45,234 --> 00:05:47,734 We will go the long way 'round. 140 00:05:47,735 --> 00:05:49,268 And be quick about it! 141 00:05:49,399 --> 00:05:52,989 'Cause I gotta get back to my lady cats on Z Deck! 142 00:05:53,069 --> 00:05:56,425 I'm suddenly starting to miss 'em real bad! 143 00:06:02,046 --> 00:06:03,789 I'm picking up a ship. 144 00:06:05,342 --> 00:06:07,772 The energy signature's barely registering. 145 00:06:07,773 --> 00:06:10,428 The signal's weaker than the San Moreno Reserve Team. 146 00:06:11,186 --> 00:06:13,616 Posting. Logging into their mainframe. 147 00:06:13,617 --> 00:06:15,466 Don't bother. In this region of space, 148 00:06:15,467 --> 00:06:17,189 it could well be a GELF battle cruiser. 149 00:06:17,190 --> 00:06:18,289 Maintain current course. 150 00:06:18,429 --> 00:06:19,579 Gets my vote! 151 00:06:19,799 --> 00:06:22,346 According to the hack, it's a transport ship. 152 00:06:22,347 --> 00:06:23,125 Crew: Two. 153 00:06:23,126 --> 00:06:25,058 One mercinoid, one prisoner. 154 00:06:25,059 --> 00:06:26,326 A mercy what? 155 00:06:26,436 --> 00:06:28,211 A mercinoid is a droid,sir. 156 00:06:28,212 --> 00:06:30,448 Who has agreed to sacrifice his life 157 00:06:30,449 --> 00:06:32,707 in exchange for software updates 158 00:06:32,708 --> 00:06:33,751 in Silicone Heaven. 159 00:06:33,752 --> 00:06:35,267 These mercinoid are nuttier 160 00:06:35,268 --> 00:06:37,299 than a vegetarian breakfast! 161 00:06:37,956 --> 00:06:40,332 That probably explains why the mercinoid and his prisoner 162 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,781 are on a death-dive into the heart 163 00:06:41,782 --> 00:06:43,276 of a super-massive black hole. 164 00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:44,451 So what now? 165 00:06:44,648 --> 00:06:45,801 We're gonna board that crate 166 00:06:45,802 --> 00:06:48,433 before it passes the event horizon. 167 00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:50,685 Risking our necks for one prisoner? 168 00:06:50,804 --> 00:06:52,722 Rimmer, that prisoner might be human. 169 00:06:52,723 --> 00:06:54,333 We can't just abandon them. 170 00:06:54,616 --> 00:06:56,057 Never say can't, Listy. 171 00:06:56,058 --> 00:06:56,859 Put your mind to it, 172 00:06:56,860 --> 00:06:58,582 there's no limit to who you can abandon. 173 00:06:58,583 --> 00:07:00,089 All right, Cat. 174 00:07:00,090 --> 00:07:00,985 Take her in. 175 00:07:00,986 --> 00:07:02,770 Rimmer, lend me your dictaphone. 176 00:07:02,771 --> 00:07:04,295 What? Why? 177 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,290 Because I've got an idea. 178 00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:09,436 Right. Come on. 179 00:07:10,927 --> 00:07:12,078 Let's do this. 180 00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:13,061 Good luck. 181 00:07:13,062 --> 00:07:14,162 Keep in touch. 182 00:07:25,462 --> 00:07:27,953 More ship Intel coming through via the hack. 183 00:07:27,954 --> 00:07:29,820 They were transporting scientific equipment 184 00:07:29,821 --> 00:07:32,803 to a bio-station Orta 15. 185 00:07:32,804 --> 00:07:34,568 Something doesn't smell right. 186 00:07:34,569 --> 00:07:35,725 The ship's log's been deleted, 187 00:07:35,726 --> 00:07:38,422 and the black box has also been wiped clean. 188 00:07:40,049 --> 00:07:42,016 I'm not getting any pictures from your head cam. 189 00:07:42,017 --> 00:07:44,510 There must be some kind of signal block in place. 190 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,004 How about now? 191 00:07:51,535 --> 00:07:53,299 Yes. Getting pictures now. 192 00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:54,273 What did you do? 193 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:58,352 I just...recalibrated the fluctuation drive bands. 194 00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,178 Impressive. 195 00:08:00,179 --> 00:08:01,536 Thanks. 196 00:08:04,076 --> 00:08:06,205 You're not gonna like this, but I'm picking up 197 00:08:06,206 --> 00:08:07,484 something in the movement tracker. 198 00:08:07,485 --> 00:08:10,284 Life signs. Organic and part organic, 199 00:08:10,285 --> 00:08:12,476 in corridor beta 12. 200 00:08:12,477 --> 00:08:15,538 Where exactly in beta 12? 201 00:08:15,643 --> 00:08:17,697 At the south entrance. 202 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,158 That's where we are! 203 00:08:19,159 --> 00:08:20,619 Then you should be able to see them! 204 00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:22,019 They're there! Right on top of you!! 205 00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:23,765 Or maybe in the ceiling or under the floor! 206 00:08:23,766 --> 00:08:25,205 Run! Go back! 207 00:08:25,206 --> 00:08:26,768 Get out of there! Move! 208 00:08:26,769 --> 00:08:30,421 No, forward! Not backwards! The other way! 209 00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:31,821 No! The other way! 210 00:08:31,822 --> 00:08:33,519 Lister, move!! 211 00:08:34,927 --> 00:08:36,546 Wait, wait, wait! 212 00:08:37,463 --> 00:08:39,228 Could these life signs, 213 00:08:39,229 --> 00:08:40,466 could they 214 00:08:40,467 --> 00:08:42,432 by any chance be us? 215 00:08:44,343 --> 00:08:45,826 Ah. Yes. 216 00:08:45,827 --> 00:08:49,134 Of course. Organic and part organic. 217 00:08:49,135 --> 00:08:50,474 Yes, it's you. 218 00:08:50,475 --> 00:08:53,294 They should warn you about that in the instruction manual. 219 00:08:53,295 --> 00:08:54,268 Someone could come along 220 00:08:54,269 --> 00:08:55,991 and make a right idiot of himself. 221 00:08:56,664 --> 00:08:58,429 Ah. It does mention it. 222 00:08:58,430 --> 00:09:01,146 It's this bit here, in big red capitals. 223 00:09:01,352 --> 00:09:03,033 So easy to miss. 224 00:09:03,523 --> 00:09:05,906 I'm picking up EM emissions. 225 00:09:05,907 --> 00:09:07,548 This way,sirs. 226 00:09:24,232 --> 00:09:28,065 I know you are here, humies. 227 00:09:28,683 --> 00:09:31,057 If you want to live, 228 00:09:31,058 --> 00:09:32,843 you must leave. 229 00:09:32,844 --> 00:09:34,344 He's right. I think we should go. 230 00:09:34,345 --> 00:09:36,209 Sir! You haven't seen him. 231 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,198 Okay. 232 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,130 Want to talk about your prisoner. 233 00:09:40,131 --> 00:09:41,352 I wanna do a trade. 234 00:09:41,570 --> 00:09:42,773 No trade. 235 00:09:42,774 --> 00:09:43,882 Let's talk! 236 00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,503 No talk. 237 00:09:45,763 --> 00:09:49,305 Now, take my advice and go! 238 00:09:50,659 --> 00:09:51,977 Leave! 239 00:09:51,978 --> 00:09:54,026 Who is your prisoner, and what have they done? 240 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,096 That is my business. 241 00:09:56,097 --> 00:09:57,659 Not yours! 242 00:09:57,660 --> 00:09:59,648 You can trust us, you really can. 243 00:09:59,649 --> 00:10:02,935 ...you will achieve all your dreams. 244 00:10:05,034 --> 00:10:06,995 Size doesn't matter. 245 00:10:10,270 --> 00:10:11,992 You are very handsome 246 00:10:14,126 --> 00:10:16,525 and women think you're extremely attractive. 247 00:10:16,601 --> 00:10:18,853 Actually, that's not really true. 248 00:10:18,854 --> 00:10:22,753 So drop your weapon, and turn around slowly. 249 00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:45,813 Head count down. What's going on? Are you okay? 250 00:10:45,814 --> 00:10:48,835 We're fine,sir. Mercinoid down. 251 00:10:49,634 --> 00:10:51,581 I think I've located the prisoner. 252 00:10:51,582 --> 00:10:53,710 Up two floors, bay 12. 253 00:11:05,503 --> 00:11:08,443 Birds, am I pleased to see you! 254 00:11:14,331 --> 00:11:16,009 Wait, are you?... 255 00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:17,323 And you? 256 00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:26,460 You gotta name? 257 00:11:26,461 --> 00:11:29,563 Sure I do, stupid. Who doesn't have a name? 258 00:11:32,508 --> 00:11:36,593 Incidentally, that's mine. That's mine. That's mine! 259 00:11:36,594 --> 00:11:39,473 That too. All this is mine. 260 00:11:40,288 --> 00:11:42,276 And what about that then? 261 00:11:42,277 --> 00:11:44,445 That's mine, too! 262 00:11:51,063 --> 00:11:54,005 This is mine. That's mine. This is mine. 263 00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:57,016 Basically, all this is mine. Even that bit. 264 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:57,909 What about that bit? 265 00:11:57,910 --> 00:11:58,701 Mine! 266 00:11:58,702 --> 00:11:59,533 And that? 267 00:11:59,534 --> 00:12:02,496 Mine! And that bit. All mine! 268 00:12:02,497 --> 00:12:04,200 Look, we'll catch you guys later. 269 00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:05,134 Hey! 270 00:12:05,135 --> 00:12:07,709 why don't we meet up later on the pretext of having dinner, 271 00:12:07,915 --> 00:12:10,227 but instead, play the string game!? 272 00:12:10,228 --> 00:12:12,316 I love the string game! 273 00:12:14,855 --> 00:12:16,985 You bring you. I'll bring the string. 274 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,444 See you at eight! 275 00:12:19,056 --> 00:12:20,414 If you'd like to follow me, ma'am, 276 00:12:20,415 --> 00:12:22,584 I'll show you to your quarters. 277 00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:36,477 Whoa, Kryten. 278 00:12:36,478 --> 00:12:37,938 What's the big emergency? 279 00:12:38,039 --> 00:12:39,661 Extremely disturbing news,sir. 280 00:12:39,662 --> 00:12:42,421 According to the mercinoid's black box, 281 00:12:42,422 --> 00:12:44,682 that cat we brought on Red Dwarf 282 00:12:44,683 --> 00:12:47,135 is not a felis sapien. 283 00:12:47,402 --> 00:12:49,510 It's not a cat? What is it, then? 284 00:12:49,533 --> 00:12:51,235 It's a polymorph,sir. 285 00:12:51,907 --> 00:12:54,889 Polymorph that shape shifted into a felis sapien? 286 00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:55,701 Precisely. 287 00:12:55,702 --> 00:12:58,481 That's why the mercinoid was flying into that black hole. 288 00:12:58,482 --> 00:12:59,963 It was the only way he could ensure 289 00:12:59,964 --> 00:13:01,261 the polymorph's death! 290 00:13:01,262 --> 00:13:02,905 And we killed the mercinoid 291 00:13:02,906 --> 00:13:05,379 saved the polymorph and brought it on board ship. 292 00:13:05,666 --> 00:13:08,217 A nomination for JMC crew of the year 293 00:13:08,218 --> 00:13:10,001 is starting to look unlikely. 294 00:13:11,099 --> 00:13:13,371 Those damn space monkeys from the Omega 4 295 00:13:13,372 --> 00:13:14,891 are going to get it again. 296 00:13:16,092 --> 00:13:18,414 And another thing, according to the black box, 297 00:13:18,415 --> 00:13:20,890 the polymorph is carrying eggs. 298 00:13:20,891 --> 00:13:21,722 Eggs that hatch? 299 00:13:21,723 --> 00:13:23,830 No, kinder eggs. 300 00:13:25,010 --> 00:13:26,592 Of course eggs that hatch. 301 00:13:26,593 --> 00:13:28,337 When will they hatch? 302 00:13:28,338 --> 00:13:30,143 Soon after mom has found a 303 00:13:30,144 --> 00:13:32,272 host body to deposit them in. 304 00:13:32,620 --> 00:13:34,809 I don't know if I want to know this, but, em... 305 00:13:35,279 --> 00:13:36,150 explain. 306 00:13:36,151 --> 00:13:38,098 Well, I found a genetic, mutant 307 00:13:38,099 --> 00:13:39,458 documentary on Red-net. 308 00:13:39,459 --> 00:13:41,465 I was about to watch it. 309 00:13:43,183 --> 00:13:44,907 Evening falls, 310 00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:47,808 and the impregnated female polymorph 311 00:13:47,809 --> 00:13:50,649 seduces a passing organism 312 00:13:50,650 --> 00:13:52,922 by appearing to be his mate. 313 00:13:52,923 --> 00:13:55,784 And secretly deposits her eggs, 314 00:13:55,785 --> 00:13:58,359 in the unlucky host's body. 315 00:13:58,646 --> 00:13:59,903 Where's the Cat?! 316 00:13:59,904 --> 00:14:01,121 What's the time? 317 00:14:01,122 --> 00:14:03,209 He's on his date with the polymorph! 318 00:14:06,676 --> 00:14:10,997 Seemed so wrong, but now it seems so right... 319 00:14:10,998 --> 00:14:11,097 what a lady, what a night! 320 00:14:22,342 --> 00:14:24,350 Did you sleep with her? What happened? 321 00:14:24,351 --> 00:14:26,582 Hey! I ain't kissin' and tellin'! 322 00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:27,374 I've had enough kissing 323 00:14:27,375 --> 00:14:29,299 for one night, let me tell ya! 324 00:14:30,224 --> 00:14:33,145 You don't understand. We need to know. 325 00:14:33,146 --> 00:14:34,403 All I'm saying is, 326 00:14:34,404 --> 00:14:36,798 that she had some moves you've never even seen! 327 00:14:36,799 --> 00:14:37,711 Like what? 328 00:14:37,712 --> 00:14:40,065 Like when you're rolling around making out, 329 00:14:40,066 --> 00:14:41,952 then the next thing you know 330 00:14:41,953 --> 00:14:44,893 her big pipe thing shoots out of her back, 331 00:14:46,073 --> 00:14:48,606 hovers above you like a crazy snake, 332 00:14:49,035 --> 00:14:51,975 then whooshes straight down your throat! Whoof! 333 00:14:52,617 --> 00:14:56,857 Man, I was like yah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah... 334 00:14:56,858 --> 00:14:59,292 Cat, women don't have a big pipe thing. 335 00:14:59,293 --> 00:15:00,469 Not for you, maybe! 336 00:15:00,470 --> 00:15:03,615 But if you drive them crazy by blowing on their antennas, 337 00:15:03,616 --> 00:15:05,155 What antennas?! 338 00:15:05,199 --> 00:15:07,144 BOOM! Out it comes! 339 00:15:07,187 --> 00:15:08,526 Then what happened? 340 00:15:08,527 --> 00:15:09,601 The usual. 341 00:15:09,602 --> 00:15:10,981 She just released her gushy 342 00:15:10,982 --> 00:15:12,887 tadpole stuff down her pipe. 343 00:15:12,971 --> 00:15:16,055 And after, she said she'd never been with anyone 344 00:15:16,056 --> 00:15:17,945 who could hold so many eggs! 345 00:15:17,946 --> 00:15:19,945 I don't know what the hell she meant. 346 00:15:20,652 --> 00:15:22,901 But I think it meant I did good! 347 00:15:24,528 --> 00:15:26,049 See you in the morning, buds! 348 00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,401 Oh what a night, 349 00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:31,325 why'd it take so long to see... 350 00:15:31,326 --> 00:15:33,474 Just listen to me. 351 00:15:33,510 --> 00:15:35,516 How do I break this to you? 352 00:15:35,661 --> 00:15:37,241 YOU'RE A MORON! 353 00:15:37,568 --> 00:15:39,069 Oh, Rimmer Go easy on him. 354 00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:40,368 Let me handle this. 355 00:15:40,369 --> 00:15:41,261 Cat, man, 356 00:15:41,262 --> 00:15:42,476 YOU'RE A MORON! 357 00:15:43,088 --> 00:15:45,076 Uh,sir. That wasn't a woman, 358 00:15:45,077 --> 00:15:46,760 it wasn't a felis sapien, sir. 359 00:15:46,761 --> 00:15:48,509 It was a shape shifter. 360 00:15:48,510 --> 00:15:49,314 A what?! 361 00:15:49,315 --> 00:15:50,694 It wasn't a cat. 362 00:15:50,695 --> 00:15:52,032 Wasn't a woman. 363 00:15:52,075 --> 00:15:53,718 You just had sex with a... 364 00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:57,186 genetically engineered insectoid arachnid. 365 00:15:58,973 --> 00:16:00,817 It still counts! 366 00:16:02,626 --> 00:16:04,470 Come on! 367 00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:07,290 It counts! 368 00:16:07,902 --> 00:16:09,725 Why doesn't it count? 369 00:16:11,413 --> 00:16:13,196 I'm counting it! 370 00:16:22,423 --> 00:16:23,860 Lemme tell ya! 371 00:16:23,904 --> 00:16:26,235 She looked a hell of a lot better last night! 372 00:16:31,088 --> 00:16:32,771 It's life cycle complete, 373 00:16:32,772 --> 00:16:35,978 it's died, as a female polymorph often does, 374 00:16:35,979 --> 00:16:37,993 after the exhaustive process, 375 00:16:37,994 --> 00:16:39,887 of depositing her morphlings 376 00:16:39,888 --> 00:16:41,651 into a host body. 377 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,579 Depositing her what into what? 378 00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:45,486 Sir, we need to get you to the science room 379 00:16:45,487 --> 00:16:47,353 and give you a full medical. 380 00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:48,814 Morphling? Wh-what's a morphling? 381 00:16:48,815 --> 00:16:49,910 We'll tell you later, 382 00:16:49,911 --> 00:16:52,587 when you're securely strapped to a medi-bed. 383 00:16:53,868 --> 00:16:55,978 Just to explain the ultrasound, sir, 384 00:16:55,979 --> 00:16:57,865 the probe sends a pulse 385 00:16:57,866 --> 00:16:59,913 through your skin and into your body. 386 00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,904 and the echo bounces back 387 00:17:01,905 --> 00:17:04,379 which allows us to make sure that everything is... 388 00:17:04,380 --> 00:17:06,001 Oh, my God! 389 00:17:06,917 --> 00:17:08,830 Hey! What the hell's happening?! 390 00:17:08,831 --> 00:17:11,141 We're just checking, sir. 391 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,881 How many are there? 392 00:17:14,148 --> 00:17:16,298 One, two, three, four, 393 00:17:16,299 --> 00:17:18,631 What about them two? Five, six. 394 00:17:18,632 --> 00:17:20,437 Those down there - seven, eight. 395 00:17:20,438 --> 00:17:21,493 We've gotta tell him. 396 00:17:21,494 --> 00:17:22,891 So tell him. 397 00:17:23,361 --> 00:17:25,694 Erm... Better coming from Kryten. 398 00:17:25,695 --> 00:17:26,647 Why me?! 399 00:17:26,648 --> 00:17:29,224 'Cause you have a better bedside manner when it comes to 400 00:17:29,225 --> 00:17:32,367 telling patients they're riddled with polymorphs! 401 00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:35,474 Hey, hey what is he's saying? You talking about me?!? 402 00:17:35,475 --> 00:17:38,823 Sir, I have some bad news. 403 00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:42,583 You are pregnant with eight polymorph eggs. 404 00:17:42,584 --> 00:17:44,206 When they hatch, 405 00:17:44,207 --> 00:17:46,378 they will literally burst out of you, 406 00:17:46,379 --> 00:17:49,034 using the nearest orifice available. 407 00:17:49,342 --> 00:17:51,997 You mean rather than forming an orderly queue? 408 00:17:53,887 --> 00:17:55,530 What the hell are we gonna do?! 409 00:17:55,531 --> 00:17:58,107 First, I think it's essential that you eat something, sir. 410 00:17:58,108 --> 00:18:00,905 You've got to have all your strength to fight against them. 411 00:18:00,906 --> 00:18:04,454 They're currently depriving your body of many essential vitamins. 412 00:18:04,455 --> 00:18:06,328 I can't eat at a time like this. 413 00:18:06,329 --> 00:18:08,120 Sir, you must try. 414 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:10,319 I just want these things out of me! 415 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,238 Have you thought about a caesarean? 416 00:18:12,816 --> 00:18:14,016 Okay! 417 00:18:14,017 --> 00:18:14,779 You sure? 418 00:18:14,780 --> 00:18:16,734 Yeah, but no croutons! 419 00:18:18,673 --> 00:18:21,666 It's not a salad, you gimboid. 420 00:18:22,050 --> 00:18:24,793 It's an operation where they laser open your abdomen. 421 00:18:24,794 --> 00:18:27,244 I think it's your only chance of survival, sir. 422 00:18:27,245 --> 00:18:29,247 There's no way I'm... Argh! 423 00:18:30,232 --> 00:18:32,981 Thank God I didn't have that cowardectomy! 424 00:18:33,658 --> 00:18:35,637 We need to sedate him somehow. 425 00:18:35,638 --> 00:18:36,814 Wise words, sir. 426 00:18:41,436 --> 00:18:43,286 Well, at least that's bought us some time. 427 00:18:43,287 --> 00:18:46,029 We just need to get cleaned up and do this. 428 00:18:46,030 --> 00:18:47,166 Scalpel. 429 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:47,847 Scalpel. 430 00:18:47,848 --> 00:18:48,948 Scalpel. 431 00:18:52,953 --> 00:18:56,562 Has someone been playing around with the settings on this thing?! 432 00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:01,978 Right. Going in. 433 00:19:01,979 --> 00:19:04,014 Hang on. Look at the scanner. 434 00:19:06,619 --> 00:19:08,615 The morphlings are going crazy. 435 00:19:08,616 --> 00:19:10,102 What are they turning into? 436 00:19:10,103 --> 00:19:11,115 Tumors. 437 00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:13,011 They know we're trying to extract them early, 438 00:19:13,012 --> 00:19:15,427 and they're fighting fire with fire. 439 00:19:15,428 --> 00:19:17,732 We kill them, they kill him. 440 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,135 What do we do? 441 00:19:19,188 --> 00:19:22,054 We have to let them be born in the normal way. 442 00:19:22,055 --> 00:19:23,262 Do you mean "normal" as in shooting out 443 00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:25,054 of every orifice simultaneously? 444 00:19:25,055 --> 00:19:27,710 It'll be a bit like me after a dodgy egg bhuna. 445 00:19:54,352 --> 00:19:56,553 They're assuming the shapes of household objects! 446 00:19:56,554 --> 00:19:58,858 They're trying to blend in! 447 00:20:09,255 --> 00:20:12,222 Whoa! We've got a wriggler! 448 00:20:26,722 --> 00:20:28,903 Oh. It's going to be so hard 449 00:20:28,904 --> 00:20:31,669 flushing this lot into deep space - they're so cute. 450 00:20:31,670 --> 00:20:33,851 Sir, it's their defense mechanism. 451 00:20:33,852 --> 00:20:36,462 They're trying to avoid being flushed into space. 452 00:20:36,463 --> 00:20:39,267 Look, there's a chinchilla, with a pink hat! 453 00:20:39,268 --> 00:20:42,306 And a hamster on a skateboard. 454 00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:44,683 Little dalmatian puppies. Look at them! 455 00:20:44,684 --> 00:20:47,449 And like a hedgehog, in a top hat, 456 00:20:47,450 --> 00:20:50,222 sitting inside a mini shopping trolley! 457 00:20:51,258 --> 00:20:54,452 Sirs, they are doing this on purpose to make us feel guilty! 458 00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:56,166 You must remember what they're gonna turn into 459 00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,725 when they reach maturity! 460 00:20:57,726 --> 00:21:00,374 I mean, most things look adorable when they're first born. 461 00:21:00,375 --> 00:21:02,128 Even velociraptors. 462 00:21:02,129 --> 00:21:04,433 Even the Rolling Stones! 463 00:21:04,505 --> 00:21:06,297 So cute! 464 00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:09,771 Sir, they're evil, genetic mutants! 465 00:21:12,142 --> 00:21:14,214 I should flush them. 466 00:21:14,215 --> 00:21:15,889 I got us into this mess. 467 00:21:15,890 --> 00:21:17,876 I should be the one to get us out of it. 468 00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:19,201 You sure? 469 00:21:19,202 --> 00:21:21,733 I just want to have a minute to say goodbye. 470 00:21:21,734 --> 00:21:24,110 We'll be just around the corner, sir. 471 00:21:24,111 --> 00:21:27,039 Aw, look at that one! That one is cute! 472 00:21:37,865 --> 00:21:40,475 How long's he gonna be? 473 00:21:40,476 --> 00:21:43,670 He's gone! Why didn't I anticipate this?! 474 00:21:43,671 --> 00:21:45,618 He's been affected by the oxytocin 475 00:21:45,619 --> 00:21:47,488 hormone released by the morphlings! 476 00:21:47,489 --> 00:21:48,376 The what? 477 00:21:48,377 --> 00:21:50,519 It's a hormone that the morphlings excrete 478 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,234 to ensure their hosts look after them 479 00:21:52,235 --> 00:21:56,331 until they're strong enough to stand on their own six suckers! 480 00:21:56,715 --> 00:21:58,507 And then devour his emotions. 481 00:21:58,508 --> 00:22:00,942 Precisely! We've gotta find him! 482 00:22:03,417 --> 00:22:05,877 Well, we have to narrow down the search somehow. 483 00:22:06,027 --> 00:22:07,858 Got an idea. 484 00:22:07,859 --> 00:22:10,975 Turn off Al the heat in the ship, apart from in the diesel decks, 485 00:22:10,976 --> 00:22:12,401 so it will drive him down there. 486 00:22:12,402 --> 00:22:13,570 And then what? 487 00:22:13,571 --> 00:22:15,401 Track them down undetected! 488 00:22:15,402 --> 00:22:16,804 They are polymorphs! 489 00:22:16,805 --> 00:22:19,414 They feed off emotions. They will sense us! 490 00:22:19,415 --> 00:22:22,888 Not if one of us has got no emotions, as they've had them all removed. 491 00:22:22,922 --> 00:22:24,090 Hey? 492 00:22:24,091 --> 00:22:26,350 Listy, if you have a personality tuck 493 00:22:26,351 --> 00:22:28,649 to remove your emotions, we're sorted! 494 00:22:28,650 --> 00:22:31,265 That stupid machine? Why me? 495 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,435 Kryten's the only one who knows how to operate it, so it can't be him. 496 00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:36,383 Can't be me, obviously. That leaves you! 497 00:22:36,384 --> 00:22:37,435 Why can't it be you? 498 00:22:37,436 --> 00:22:38,448 Don't interrupt. 499 00:22:38,449 --> 00:22:40,318 And after the tuck, you'll be able to walk 500 00:22:40,319 --> 00:22:42,539 amongst the morphlings undetected! 501 00:22:42,540 --> 00:22:45,500 They feed on human emotions, and if you've got no emotions, 502 00:22:45,501 --> 00:22:46,786 they won't know you're there! 503 00:22:46,787 --> 00:22:49,208 And what will happen to my emotions? 504 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:51,423 We'll just download your brain. 505 00:22:51,424 --> 00:22:54,195 Kryten, have a 5 Mb memory stick on standby. 506 00:22:54,268 --> 00:22:55,981 Will do, sir. 507 00:22:55,982 --> 00:22:58,092 I'm not sure about this. 508 00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:04,436 Ah! You're done. Excellent. 509 00:23:04,437 --> 00:23:06,235 Well, I haven't started yet, sir. 510 00:23:07,282 --> 00:23:09,073 Mr. Lister? 511 00:23:09,074 --> 00:23:10,982 Sorry mate. Was miles away. 512 00:23:10,983 --> 00:23:12,229 Are you ready, sir? 513 00:23:12,230 --> 00:23:14,027 Yeah, come on. Let's do it! 514 00:23:36,151 --> 00:23:38,050 Let's send him in then get this done. 515 00:23:38,051 --> 00:23:39,063 Ah. 516 00:23:39,064 --> 00:23:39,942 What? 517 00:23:39,943 --> 00:23:41,517 Well, according to the tracker, 518 00:23:41,518 --> 00:23:44,323 we are now completely surrounded by life forms. 519 00:23:44,324 --> 00:23:46,193 The morphlings appear to have reached 520 00:23:46,194 --> 00:23:48,453 full maturation quicker than expected. 521 00:23:48,454 --> 00:23:49,894 But what about the Cat? 522 00:23:49,895 --> 00:23:52,115 Does that mean they've already scarfed all his emotions? 523 00:23:52,116 --> 00:23:54,998 Well, according the tracker, there are nine life forms. 524 00:23:54,999 --> 00:23:56,635 He's still alive, but barely, 525 00:23:56,636 --> 00:24:00,570 living in an emotionless semi-status - mind almost totally blank. 526 00:24:00,571 --> 00:24:02,330 No change there, then. 527 00:24:03,299 --> 00:24:06,220 But with each polymorph we eliminate,sir, 528 00:24:06,221 --> 00:24:08,957 Part of the Cat's personality will return! 529 00:24:08,958 --> 00:24:10,828 Hey buds, I need a hand here! 530 00:24:10,829 --> 00:24:12,743 I'm busted up really bad! 531 00:24:15,972 --> 00:24:18,075 How did you know that wasn't the cat? 532 00:24:18,076 --> 00:24:19,516 I didn't. 533 00:24:19,517 --> 00:24:21,471 So why'd you shoot him? 534 00:24:21,505 --> 00:24:22,873 Why not? 535 00:24:23,024 --> 00:24:24,510 Help me! 536 00:24:25,518 --> 00:24:27,114 What's wrong with him?! 537 00:24:27,115 --> 00:24:28,906 He's got no emotions,sir. 538 00:24:28,907 --> 00:24:31,556 We've turned him into a dehumanized assassin. 539 00:24:31,557 --> 00:24:32,998 So what should we do? 540 00:24:32,999 --> 00:24:34,127 May I suggest,sir, 541 00:24:34,128 --> 00:24:35,536 Run mode. 542 00:24:51,140 --> 00:24:53,204 Ha! Oh there you are,sir! 543 00:24:53,205 --> 00:24:56,181 I fear Mr. Lister may be a polymorph. 544 00:24:56,182 --> 00:24:57,764 That's how he was able to detect 545 00:24:57,765 --> 00:24:59,611 the other polymorphs and kill them! 546 00:24:59,612 --> 00:25:01,174 Well, why would he be killing them? 547 00:25:01,175 --> 00:25:02,838 Oh, they're known for killing each other,sir. 548 00:25:02,839 --> 00:25:04,847 That way, there's more food for the victor. 549 00:25:04,848 --> 00:25:07,343 We can't trust anyone! 550 00:25:07,344 --> 00:25:09,555 So, how can I trust you!? 551 00:25:09,556 --> 00:25:12,051 Oh, well, how can I trust you?! 552 00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:15,176 And how can I trust either of you? 553 00:25:15,177 --> 00:25:16,799 H-how many are left? 554 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,139 Mmmm, make it six. 555 00:25:18,140 --> 00:25:19,711 Six, yeah. That's right. 556 00:25:19,712 --> 00:25:21,497 And he could be one of them! 557 00:25:21,498 --> 00:25:23,242 I'm not a polymorph. Neither am I! 558 00:25:23,243 --> 00:25:24,399 Nor me. 559 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,495 What do we do? 560 00:25:25,496 --> 00:25:26,753 I'm asking you. 561 00:25:26,754 --> 00:25:28,540 Cause I'm not a polymorph, but you might be. 562 00:25:28,541 --> 00:25:29,574 So might you. 563 00:25:29,575 --> 00:25:31,968 How about we go down to the science room 564 00:25:31,969 --> 00:25:35,092 x-ray each other, that way we can be sure! 565 00:25:35,135 --> 00:25:36,269 Good idea. 566 00:25:44,204 --> 00:25:46,597 After you. After you. 567 00:25:46,598 --> 00:25:48,422 After you. After you. 568 00:25:48,648 --> 00:25:50,230 After you. After you. 569 00:25:50,231 --> 00:25:52,582 Right after you, then. After you. 570 00:25:52,828 --> 00:25:54,327 After you. You go first. 571 00:25:54,533 --> 00:25:56,052 This is a nightmare! 572 00:26:00,145 --> 00:26:02,864 For crying out loud! Isn't this hard enough already? 573 00:26:02,865 --> 00:26:06,109 Let's get to the science room and x-ray one another. 574 00:26:06,842 --> 00:26:10,026 Guys! They had me tied up, but I got away! 575 00:26:10,027 --> 00:26:11,690 What's happening? 576 00:26:11,691 --> 00:26:14,590 There are 6 polymorphs here, and we don't know who's who. 577 00:26:15,039 --> 00:26:17,654 I'm sure you'll work it out. Catch you later! 578 00:26:21,919 --> 00:26:23,661 Let's get to the lift. 579 00:26:45,353 --> 00:26:47,684 How did you know who was who? 580 00:26:47,789 --> 00:26:50,221 A mama always knows her kids. 581 00:26:59,869 --> 00:27:01,411 It's me. Can I come in? 582 00:27:01,412 --> 00:27:03,418 I'm trying to sleep, Bud. 583 00:27:03,664 --> 00:27:04,919 Cat, 584 00:27:05,125 --> 00:27:08,277 I just wanted to talk to ya about that thing that you're not. 585 00:27:08,278 --> 00:27:10,347 I mean, I know you're not. 586 00:27:10,348 --> 00:27:13,006 You know you're not - we both know you're not. 587 00:27:13,007 --> 00:27:14,101 Because I'm not. 588 00:27:14,102 --> 00:27:15,217 Exactly. 589 00:27:15,218 --> 00:27:17,388 But if you were, which you're not, 590 00:27:17,389 --> 00:27:19,479 it wouldn't mean that you're a loser, 591 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:20,534 it wouldn't mean that you weren't cool, 592 00:27:20,535 --> 00:27:22,726 it'd just mean that you hadn't met the right girl yet. 593 00:27:22,727 --> 00:27:23,497 But I'm not. 594 00:27:23,498 --> 00:27:24,593 Exactly. 595 00:27:24,594 --> 00:27:25,972 So no need to have this talk. 596 00:27:25,973 --> 00:27:26,784 Exactly! 597 00:27:26,785 --> 00:27:28,326 So go away! 598 00:27:28,327 --> 00:27:29,989 I'm gone! 599 00:27:36,133 --> 00:27:38,304 Man, is he annoying! 600 00:27:38,305 --> 00:27:40,434 So damn patronizing! 601 00:27:40,435 --> 00:27:43,346 Don't he know a cat always has two homes? 602 00:27:43,347 --> 00:27:46,023 Guy try to tell him, but he won't listen! 603 00:27:46,228 --> 00:27:48,541 Hey! It's late. 604 00:27:48,542 --> 00:27:49,635 We keep talking, 605 00:27:49,636 --> 00:27:52,332 and there ain't going to be much time for lovin'. 606 00:27:52,843 --> 00:27:54,544 This is a dream, isn't it? 607 00:27:55,460 --> 00:27:59,455 But look on the bright side; you haven't woke up yet. 608 00:28:00,108 --> 00:28:01,507 Let's go. 609 00:28:01,508 --> 00:28:02,865 Pipe me! 610 00:28:02,915 --> 00:28:07,465 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42628

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