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1
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RED DWARF - S11E03 - GIVE & TAKE
In memory of J.H.S. SAS MBE - Now there was a lad.
2
00:00:50,478 --> 00:00:52,198
Lift coming, Sir.
3
00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:54,654
Come on,
Come on!
4
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,818
Why are you always so slow?!
5
00:00:56,819 --> 00:00:59,581
I've seen snails with clubbed feet
travel faster than you.
6
00:00:59,582 --> 00:01:02,009
The French Army after
lunch move quicker!
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00:01:02,010 --> 00:01:03,610
Not long now, Sir.
8
00:01:03,666 --> 00:01:05,014
I'm picking up
several strange
9
00:01:05,015 --> 00:01:06,944
energy signatures
on B deck.
10
00:01:06,945 --> 00:01:08,789
I need a lift pronto to
check them out.
11
00:01:08,790 --> 00:01:10,468
Just a drop-off on
the living quarters
12
00:01:10,469 --> 00:01:12,047
and I'll be with you
in a flash, Sir.
13
00:01:12,048 --> 00:01:12,937
Will you really?
14
00:01:12,938 --> 00:01:15,238
Or will you really be
a really long time?
15
00:01:15,239 --> 00:01:17,139
A really long time, Sir.
16
00:01:17,208 --> 00:01:19,447
So why not tell me that
in the first place then?
17
00:01:19,448 --> 00:01:21,525
I didn't want to
lose your custom.
18
00:01:21,526 --> 00:01:23,369
Who can you lose
my custom to?
19
00:01:23,370 --> 00:01:24,619
Our main rival, Sir-
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00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:26,177
the stairs.
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00:01:27,636 --> 00:01:29,447
They've been doing
really well this year.
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00:01:29,448 --> 00:01:30,478
Where are you now?
23
00:01:30,479 --> 00:01:33,202
I've completed the drop-off
at the living quarter's deck, Sir
24
00:01:33,203 --> 00:01:35,359
now I've just gotta trip up
to the stasis booths.
25
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,410
But I pressed first!
26
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:38,968
Right. That's it.
You are fired.
27
00:01:38,969 --> 00:01:40,711
You can't fire a lift, Sir.
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00:01:40,712 --> 00:01:41,523
I just have.
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00:01:41,524 --> 00:01:43,091
How are you going
to replace me?
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00:01:43,092 --> 00:01:45,044
With another lift
from another shaft.
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00:01:45,045 --> 00:01:47,263
I'll get the scutters to
transfer and install.
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00:01:47,264 --> 00:01:48,982
Let me tell you,
my lad-do,
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00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:51,456
There are plenty of young,
thrusting lifts around here
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00:01:51,457 --> 00:01:53,347
who would give their
eye teeth to transport
35
00:01:53,348 --> 00:01:56,272
someone of my stature
up and down their shaft.
36
00:01:58,723 --> 00:02:02,259
Tell all lifts we're interviewing
for a new position in Shaft 14.
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00:02:02,260 --> 00:02:04,228
All applicants must be
prepared to travel.
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00:02:04,229 --> 00:02:06,403
Only lifts need apply.
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00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,356
Come on.
40
00:02:24,955 --> 00:02:26,126
Lights!
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00:02:26,127 --> 00:02:28,772
Lister, you've been in
my bunk for two days now.
42
00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:30,393
Are you still hung over?
43
00:02:30,394 --> 00:02:32,706
Go away, Rimmer.
Turn off the lights.
44
00:02:32,707 --> 00:02:34,353
Look, we've come across
a space station,
45
00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:35,550
tech glitch in Sector Three,
46
00:02:35,551 --> 00:02:37,175
there's an asteroid storm
heading for it,
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00:02:37,176 --> 00:02:38,384
it will be toast
in five hours!
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00:02:38,385 --> 00:02:39,653
Let's go!
49
00:02:39,672 --> 00:02:40,968
Gimme a break, Rimmer.
50
00:02:40,969 --> 00:02:42,733
I've been in bed
for two days.
51
00:02:42,734 --> 00:02:44,518
I need to freshen up.
52
00:02:45,671 --> 00:02:46,655
All right.
53
00:02:46,656 --> 00:02:48,356
Good to go!
Come on!
54
00:02:57,321 --> 00:02:59,836
What kind of
space station is it, Krytes?
55
00:02:59,837 --> 00:03:00,596
Any idea?
56
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,195
Well I don't recognize it, Sir,
57
00:03:02,196 --> 00:03:04,070
but I must confess I did delete
58
00:03:04,071 --> 00:03:06,211
some files off my
hard drive this morning
59
00:03:06,212 --> 00:03:07,680
to create more memory.
60
00:03:07,681 --> 00:03:09,148
Really?
Is that safe?
61
00:03:09,149 --> 00:03:10,336
Oh, have no fear, Sir.
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00:03:10,337 --> 00:03:13,514
I only trashed information
I consider frivolous and idiotic.
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00:03:13,515 --> 00:03:15,857
Without checking with me first?
64
00:03:15,858 --> 00:03:17,127
And you are...?
65
00:03:18,186 --> 00:03:20,560
Go into your trash,
you mental moron,
66
00:03:20,561 --> 00:03:22,644
and un-delete the Rimmer folder.
67
00:03:22,645 --> 00:03:24,819
You must have dumped me
in there by mistake.
68
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:26,753
That's highly unlikely,
whoever you are,
69
00:03:26,754 --> 00:03:28,757
but I'll check anyway.
70
00:03:28,954 --> 00:03:29,753
Oh!
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00:03:29,754 --> 00:03:31,425
There's a folder in here
72
00:03:31,426 --> 00:03:33,034
marked "Captain Bollocks".
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00:03:33,035 --> 00:03:34,535
Could that be you?
74
00:03:35,587 --> 00:03:37,258
Captain Bollocks?
75
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,930
Is that what you call me
behind my back?
76
00:03:38,931 --> 00:03:41,414
To your face too,
when you're snoozing!
77
00:03:41,415 --> 00:03:44,183
Just dragging it out
of the bin and reinstalling.
78
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:46,841
Oh, Sir!
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00:03:46,842 --> 00:03:48,195
I'm so sorry!
80
00:03:48,196 --> 00:03:49,179
How could I possibly...
81
00:03:49,180 --> 00:03:50,466
Yes! All right,
moving on.
82
00:03:50,467 --> 00:03:52,591
Calling you
Captain Bollocks!
83
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,565
Especially behind your back,
84
00:03:54,566 --> 00:03:56,362
and probably sniggering
about it too -
85
00:03:56,363 --> 00:03:57,935
how could you not
take offense?!
86
00:03:57,936 --> 00:03:59,754
Kryten, please.
Let's move on.
87
00:03:59,755 --> 00:04:02,003
Captain Bollocks!
Really?!
88
00:04:02,004 --> 00:04:04,816
It's disrespectful and
downright offensive, Sir.
89
00:04:04,817 --> 00:04:07,602
Just assure me
I'm fully reinstalled.
90
00:04:07,603 --> 00:04:08,665
Rest assured, Sir.
91
00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:11,436
You now have pride of place
in my "R" section.
92
00:04:11,437 --> 00:04:15,034
Alongside "ringworm"
and "rim shot", Sir.
93
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:31,637
Now remember, Sirs.
94
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:34,277
The asteroid storm will
destroy the station
95
00:04:34,278 --> 00:04:35,875
in five hours.
96
00:04:38,196 --> 00:04:40,695
Look, let's split up
into pairs.
97
00:04:40,696 --> 00:04:43,065
It will make things
a whole lot quicker.
98
00:04:43,066 --> 00:04:47,012
As acting superior officer,
I naturally get first choice.
99
00:04:47,540 --> 00:04:48,840
Don't want you.
100
00:04:49,306 --> 00:04:50,606
Don't want you.
101
00:04:51,837 --> 00:04:54,168
Why is there
no one good here?
102
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,695
You get more choice
in an Amish barbers.
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00:04:58,234 --> 00:04:59,439
Kryten,
104
00:04:59,493 --> 00:05:02,193
You're with me.
Let's move, people.
105
00:05:02,715 --> 00:05:06,013
If they ever decide to recognize
service to toss pottery,
106
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,914
he'll be a Hall of Famer.
107
00:05:14,561 --> 00:05:16,713
I wonder why it's called
"Asclepius".
108
00:05:16,714 --> 00:05:20,460
Ah. Presumably after the
Greek god of medicine, Sir.
109
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,025
Well, there's that.
Obviously.
110
00:05:22,026 --> 00:05:23,822
Obviously that.
Yes, obviously.
111
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,591
You think it's that obvious?
112
00:05:35,571 --> 00:05:36,539
Skeleton!
113
00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,477
Check it out.
114
00:05:38,478 --> 00:05:39,730
My bet?
115
00:05:39,825 --> 00:05:41,368
It's dead.
116
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:49,011
Why do skeletons
never wear any clothes?
117
00:05:49,468 --> 00:05:51,301
No wonder they all die.
118
00:05:51,937 --> 00:05:53,498
Probably pneumonia.
119
00:05:53,499 --> 00:05:56,895
All right, Male.
Caucasian. Thirty one.
120
00:05:56,896 --> 00:05:58,869
And according to this,
he was a Colonel Club cardholder -
121
00:05:58,870 --> 00:06:02,258
one chicken stamp away from
a free Family Fun bucket.
122
00:06:02,724 --> 00:06:04,523
Man that thing's accurate!
123
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,497
It's weird.
124
00:06:08,417 --> 00:06:09,841
The DNA,
125
00:06:11,010 --> 00:06:12,368
on this knife handle,
126
00:06:12,369 --> 00:06:14,091
is identical,
127
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,231
to the DNA in the body.
128
00:06:16,485 --> 00:06:19,181
Meaning this dude
stabbed himself in the back?
129
00:06:19,182 --> 00:06:21,215
Why would anyone do that?!
130
00:06:21,218 --> 00:06:22,418
Hey.
131
00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:27,089
Some notes here.
Might give us a clue.
132
00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:31,816
If memory serves, Sir,
Asclepius was a medi-bot,
133
00:06:31,817 --> 00:06:34,478
created in the
late 23rd century,
134
00:06:34,479 --> 00:06:36,509
programed to perform
all the procedures,
135
00:06:36,510 --> 00:06:37,931
both physical and mental on
136
00:06:37,932 --> 00:06:40,150
all known living organisms -
137
00:06:40,151 --> 00:06:43,826
the cutting-edge of
droid technology.
138
00:06:46,770 --> 00:06:49,298
Looks like something out of an
old sci-fi movie.
139
00:06:49,373 --> 00:06:52,294
It's got to be so much more
advanced than me, Sir.
140
00:06:52,295 --> 00:06:53,497
It's got four buttons.
141
00:06:53,498 --> 00:06:54,767
Precisely!
142
00:06:58,644 --> 00:07:01,344
Greetings.
How can I be of service?
143
00:07:01,676 --> 00:07:04,716
I am Standing Acting Senior
144
00:07:04,717 --> 00:07:07,175
Commanding Officer
Arnold J. Rimmer
145
00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:09,534
of the J.M.C. mining ship
Red Dwarf.
146
00:07:09,535 --> 00:07:10,565
Perhaps you could..
147
00:07:10,566 --> 00:07:12,856
Sir, you haven't
introduced me.
148
00:07:12,947 --> 00:07:14,461
I beg your pardon.
149
00:07:14,462 --> 00:07:16,711
This is Kryten.
He's a sanitation droid -
150
00:07:16,712 --> 00:07:17,748
mainly toilets.
151
00:07:17,749 --> 00:07:20,240
He can also unblock drains,
and is an absolute whiz
152
00:07:20,241 --> 00:07:22,408
when it comes to
embarrassing stains.
153
00:07:23,453 --> 00:07:25,452
Sir, I merely asked you
to introduce me,
154
00:07:25,453 --> 00:07:27,027
you didn't have to
big me up.
155
00:07:27,365 --> 00:07:28,848
Arnold J. Rimmer?
156
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,364
I do believe
many years ago,
157
00:07:30,365 --> 00:07:33,020
I had the honor of serving
one of your old crew mates,
158
00:07:33,021 --> 00:07:35,132
Flight Coordinator
Ronald Littlewood.
159
00:07:36,261 --> 00:07:38,604
Sir, our quake timings
are way out.
160
00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:40,570
We need to get back
to Red Dwarf.
161
00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:41,307
I wonder,
162
00:07:41,308 --> 00:07:42,750
would you care to join us?
163
00:07:42,751 --> 00:07:45,125
We have nothing
in our science room
164
00:07:45,126 --> 00:07:47,716
remotely as
sophisticated as you.
165
00:07:47,736 --> 00:07:50,031
Why, I would
be honored, Kryten.
166
00:07:50,032 --> 00:07:51,310
Follow me.
167
00:08:00,997 --> 00:08:02,715
According to these notes,
168
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:05,447
the guy's name is
Romero G. Gonzales,
169
00:08:05,448 --> 00:08:08,085
and he was a
stasis booth engineer.
170
00:08:08,091 --> 00:08:09,824
Ah, Mrs. Robertson,
171
00:08:09,825 --> 00:08:13,460
we're ready to start
your procedure now.
172
00:08:13,592 --> 00:08:16,936
And this, must be
Mrs. Johnson -
173
00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,787
the donor.
174
00:08:18,788 --> 00:08:21,421
No need to be frightened.
175
00:08:21,422 --> 00:08:22,908
There was
a time I was
176
00:08:22,909 --> 00:08:25,855
a teensy, tiny,
teeny-weeny bit...
177
00:08:25,856 --> 00:08:27,867
MAD!!!
178
00:08:27,868 --> 00:08:29,273
But not any more.
179
00:08:29,274 --> 00:08:30,523
Look.
180
00:08:30,524 --> 00:08:33,224
There's my "all clear".
181
00:08:33,649 --> 00:08:34,625
We gotta go.
182
00:08:34,626 --> 00:08:35,814
We'll close the door
behind us
183
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:36,771
as we pedal out!
184
00:08:36,772 --> 00:08:38,510
I can see you're both quite...
185
00:08:38,511 --> 00:08:39,974
nervous.
186
00:08:39,975 --> 00:08:42,845
Perhaps you need
a little something to help you
187
00:08:42,846 --> 00:08:43,983
... relax.
188
00:08:44,131 --> 00:08:46,331
Bazookoids!
189
00:08:48,471 --> 00:08:49,349
There.
190
00:08:49,350 --> 00:08:51,640
That wasn't so bad,
was it?
191
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:54,757
Where are they?
192
00:08:54,758 --> 00:08:56,222
Tracking them, Sir.
193
00:08:56,223 --> 00:08:57,727
Down here!
194
00:08:58,328 --> 00:08:59,734
Sew,
sew,
195
00:08:59,735 --> 00:09:01,594
sew your boat,
196
00:09:01,727 --> 00:09:04,758
gently as you dream,
197
00:09:05,008 --> 00:09:06,569
Merrily,
merrily,
198
00:09:06,570 --> 00:09:08,762
merrily,
merrily,
199
00:09:09,168 --> 00:09:10,590
life is such a
200
00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:11,965
scream...
201
00:09:23,892 --> 00:09:25,022
Ah!
202
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:28,303
Mrs. Biddle.
You're a little early.
203
00:09:28,304 --> 00:09:30,124
Take a seat in the waiting room.
204
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:33,191
I'll show you where it is.
205
00:09:52,199 --> 00:09:55,289
Sir, let's fire them up
and get them out of here!
206
00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:08,435
Move, Kryten.
Go!
207
00:10:08,763 --> 00:10:10,350
Go, go, go, go, go!
208
00:10:45,053 --> 00:10:46,678
He's coming around, Sir.
209
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:47,686
Here he comes.
210
00:10:48,041 --> 00:10:49,908
Yes, he's coming around!
211
00:10:51,537 --> 00:10:53,280
I don't remember
drinking anything!
212
00:10:53,705 --> 00:10:54,697
You were attacked, Sir.
213
00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:56,241
Remember?
Attacked!
214
00:10:56,242 --> 00:10:58,687
I didn't start it,
and I wasn't drunk.
215
00:10:59,445 --> 00:11:01,910
Well, I might have been drunk,
but I didn't start it.
216
00:11:02,316 --> 00:11:04,039
Well, I might have
started it.
217
00:11:05,109 --> 00:11:06,685
I remember now!
How's the Cat?!
218
00:11:06,686 --> 00:11:08,953
He's in medi-bay four, Sir.
He's fine.
219
00:11:08,954 --> 00:11:09,598
And me?
220
00:11:09,599 --> 00:11:10,418
Ah, the Cat -
221
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:12,977
he's 100%
tippity top, Sir!
222
00:11:12,978 --> 00:11:14,642
Yeah, but what
about me?!
223
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,108
Prepare yourself,
224
00:11:16,162 --> 00:11:17,547
for a bit
of a shock, Sir.
225
00:11:17,548 --> 00:11:18,775
What kind of a shock?
226
00:11:18,776 --> 00:11:21,075
Well, if most shocks
are about this size,
227
00:11:21,076 --> 00:11:22,584
this shock is more...
228
00:11:22,585 --> 00:11:24,464
THIS size!
229
00:11:26,354 --> 00:11:28,619
You have a problem
with your kidneys, Sir.
230
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,850
What kind of problem?
231
00:11:29,851 --> 00:11:31,318
You don't have any.
232
00:11:32,390 --> 00:11:34,574
That crazy droid
organ-napped them.
233
00:11:34,575 --> 00:11:37,108
And when we Marined
our way in to save you,
234
00:11:37,193 --> 00:11:39,526
friendly-fire took
out the jar.
235
00:11:39,595 --> 00:11:42,372
And which particular friend
caused this friendly fire?
236
00:11:42,935 --> 00:11:44,935
Put it there,
pal of mine.
237
00:11:45,864 --> 00:11:47,270
Where am I
going to get
238
00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:49,259
new kidneys
3 million years
239
00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:50,373
into deep space?!
240
00:11:50,374 --> 00:11:52,350
Didn't I tell you
he'd say that?
241
00:11:52,405 --> 00:11:54,416
Hang on a minute.
No kidneys?
242
00:11:54,417 --> 00:11:55,768
How come I'm not dead?
243
00:11:55,803 --> 00:11:57,443
Well, I've injected a homemade
244
00:11:57,444 --> 00:11:59,706
MTK chip into your
bloodstream, Sir,
245
00:11:59,707 --> 00:12:01,855
which performs a function
similar to the old
246
00:12:01,856 --> 00:12:04,531
dialysis machine
of days gone by.
247
00:12:04,532 --> 00:12:05,546
All being well,
248
00:12:05,547 --> 00:12:07,193
you'll be fine for...uhm,
249
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:08,144
Years?
250
00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:09,038
Months?
251
00:12:09,039 --> 00:12:09,928
Weeks?
252
00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:12,587
Let's not get bogged down
in details, Sir.
253
00:12:13,168 --> 00:12:14,652
I'm totally smegged,
aren't I?
254
00:12:14,653 --> 00:12:17,053
Didn't I tell you
he'd say that?
255
00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:18,848
All is not lost, Sir.
256
00:12:18,849 --> 00:12:20,762
The perpetrator of
this act of derangement
257
00:12:20,763 --> 00:12:23,125
was clearly some
mentally unhinged
258
00:12:23,126 --> 00:12:24,785
droid/patient,
who managed to
259
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,133
escape his shackles.
260
00:12:26,134 --> 00:12:28,145
Mr. Rimmer and I,
however,
261
00:12:28,146 --> 00:12:30,076
managed to obtain
the services
262
00:12:30,077 --> 00:12:33,419
of a state-of-the-art
medi-bot!
263
00:12:45,602 --> 00:12:48,453
He's a state-of-the-art
medi-bot?!
264
00:12:48,466 --> 00:12:50,433
He's only got
four buttons!
265
00:12:51,010 --> 00:12:52,415
He goes by
the name
266
00:12:52,416 --> 00:12:53,897
of Asclepius.
267
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:54,874
Asclepius?
268
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,322
Kryten, can we talk?
269
00:12:56,418 --> 00:12:58,233
Just one moment, Asclepius.
270
00:12:58,234 --> 00:13:00,596
Or should that be
"Mr." Asclepius?
271
00:13:00,597 --> 00:13:02,343
Actually, neither.
272
00:13:02,344 --> 00:13:04,069
Pardon my faux pas,
Professor.
273
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,251
Now, where was I?
274
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,926
Ah - one of Asclepius'
many abilities
275
00:13:07,927 --> 00:13:09,919
is DNA re-writing
276
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,810
If Mr. Cat were willing
to donate one of his kidneys,
277
00:13:12,811 --> 00:13:15,718
Asclepius here could make
his kidney compatible
278
00:13:15,719 --> 00:13:16,819
with your body.
279
00:13:17,086 --> 00:13:18,943
This is the Cat
we're talking about!
280
00:13:19,156 --> 00:13:21,697
The one with the big black
bog brush on his head.
281
00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,780
You're expecting me
to ask him for a kidney?
282
00:13:24,781 --> 00:13:27,163
He's never given anyone
anything in his life.
283
00:13:27,164 --> 00:13:29,856
Wh-when we explain the
importance, the idea of him
284
00:13:29,857 --> 00:13:31,757
being a donor might appeal.
285
00:13:31,927 --> 00:13:33,665
Kryten, read
the cat dictionary.
286
00:13:33,666 --> 00:13:35,757
There's only one
meaning for "donor".
287
00:13:35,795 --> 00:13:37,379
A kind of kabob.
288
00:13:38,783 --> 00:13:40,875
He's a cat.
He can't help himself.
289
00:13:40,892 --> 00:13:42,747
He has his selfish side,
290
00:13:42,748 --> 00:13:44,757
But if it wasn't for you, Sir,
he wouldn't exist -
291
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:46,397
neither would his species.
292
00:13:46,398 --> 00:13:48,155
Plus, Sir, you're buds.
293
00:13:48,156 --> 00:13:50,856
He'll come through,
of course he will!
294
00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:53,959
Didn't I tell you
he'd look like that?
295
00:14:03,531 --> 00:14:04,740
Hey, hey, hey!
296
00:14:04,957 --> 00:14:06,225
How ya doin', Bud?!
297
00:14:06,226 --> 00:14:07,319
They said you
wanted to see me.
298
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,002
Cat, take a seat.
299
00:14:09,566 --> 00:14:10,522
What have they told ya?
300
00:14:10,523 --> 00:14:11,538
What's to tell?
301
00:14:11,539 --> 00:14:13,198
We all got out in
one piece, right?
302
00:14:13,199 --> 00:14:14,175
Right.
303
00:14:14,193 --> 00:14:15,523
Erm...
304
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,903
Listen, I've got a
really big favor to ask you.
305
00:14:17,904 --> 00:14:18,860
Go ahead, ask!
306
00:14:18,861 --> 00:14:20,110
Forgive the interruption, Sir.
307
00:14:20,111 --> 00:14:21,692
I suddenly remembered
you haven't eaten.
308
00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:22,512
Here you go.
309
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:24,719
Soup, a roll,
and a vitamin booster.
310
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,066
Great!
I'm famished.
311
00:14:27,513 --> 00:14:28,880
But that was for...
312
00:14:29,837 --> 00:14:30,947
I'll get some more, Sir.
313
00:14:30,948 --> 00:14:32,515
I don't want any more!
314
00:14:32,882 --> 00:14:34,427
I just need a main course.
315
00:14:34,444 --> 00:14:35,674
And get me one of
those drip things,
316
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,339
like he's got.
317
00:14:37,932 --> 00:14:40,242
Listen Cat,
as I was saying...
318
00:14:40,322 --> 00:14:42,208
And some
Himalayan sea salt!
319
00:14:42,562 --> 00:14:43,403
Listen Cat...
320
00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:44,947
You wanted to
ask me something?
321
00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:47,074
Yeah. Look, I'm not going to
beat about the bush here,
322
00:14:47,075 --> 00:14:48,789
I'm just going to come
right out and say it.
323
00:14:48,790 --> 00:14:50,477
Just going to come
right out and say it.
324
00:14:50,478 --> 00:14:52,443
I'm not going to beat
about the bush.
325
00:14:52,444 --> 00:14:54,106
I'm just going to come
right out and say it.
326
00:14:55,319 --> 00:14:56,219
In a minute.
327
00:14:57,893 --> 00:14:59,508
I need you to....
328
00:15:01,698 --> 00:15:03,133
give me....
329
00:15:04,149 --> 00:15:05,582
one of your kidneys.
330
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:06,780
Kidneys?!
331
00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:08,434
This is fish!
332
00:15:10,295 --> 00:15:12,245
Not the food, you doink -
the organ!
333
00:15:12,246 --> 00:15:14,204
That crazy droid
organ-napped mine,
334
00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:16,304
then they got nuked
in the gunfight.
335
00:15:16,361 --> 00:15:17,493
So let me
get this straight;
336
00:15:17,494 --> 00:15:19,053
I give you one of
my kidneys,
337
00:15:19,054 --> 00:15:20,264
what do I get?
338
00:15:20,265 --> 00:15:21,474
A hole.
339
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,310
Where your
kidney used to be.
340
00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:30,259
So, I give you a kidney,
you give me a hole?
341
00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:31,778
You keep the kidney,
I keep the hole?
342
00:15:31,779 --> 00:15:32,879
My gift to you.
343
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:34,393
I tell you what,
344
00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:36,167
it's not your kidneys that
need replacing,
345
00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:37,604
it's your damn brain!
346
00:15:37,605 --> 00:15:39,235
Cat, if you don't give me
a kidney and I die,
347
00:15:39,236 --> 00:15:40,867
think how you'll feel!
348
00:15:40,868 --> 00:15:42,325
Better than you!!
349
00:15:44,436 --> 00:15:45,974
You know what,
I think this is all a front
350
00:15:45,975 --> 00:15:47,159
from you.
It's just all a front.
351
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,596
Because I know you.
I know you.
352
00:15:48,805 --> 00:15:50,529
And when push
comes to shove,
353
00:15:50,553 --> 00:15:52,186
you'll do what's right.
354
00:15:52,556 --> 00:15:54,656
W-well I won't do what's right!
355
00:15:54,952 --> 00:15:56,785
I hate doing what's right!!
356
00:15:58,069 --> 00:15:59,553
All these years
being together,
357
00:15:59,554 --> 00:16:01,521
you think someone
knows you!
358
00:16:02,054 --> 00:16:04,287
You don't
know me at all!!
359
00:16:07,394 --> 00:16:09,111
Where's that sea salt!
360
00:16:11,066 --> 00:16:13,546
Do I have to do everything
myself around here?!?
361
00:16:16,382 --> 00:16:18,100
Ah. I thought you
might be here.
362
00:16:18,101 --> 00:16:19,933
How can I be
of service, Sir?
363
00:16:19,934 --> 00:16:22,914
I'd quite like to see you
with regard to your...
364
00:16:22,937 --> 00:16:24,923
psychiatric skills.
365
00:16:25,816 --> 00:16:28,330
I've got some issues
with my father,
366
00:16:28,331 --> 00:16:30,711
who I discovered
wasn't my father,
367
00:16:30,712 --> 00:16:33,054
Also, I've got some issues
with my mother,
368
00:16:33,055 --> 00:16:35,365
who very sadly
is my mother.
369
00:16:35,890 --> 00:16:37,756
Also, I've got brothers.
370
00:16:37,757 --> 00:16:39,657
I should probably sit down.
371
00:16:40,369 --> 00:16:42,000
But when I woke up
in the morning,
372
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:42,938
she was gone.
373
00:16:42,939 --> 00:16:44,680
And so was the lettuce.
374
00:16:46,053 --> 00:16:49,020
Why would anyone do that
to my teddy bear?
375
00:16:49,547 --> 00:16:51,509
And she was
shouting at me!
376
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:52,483
More talcum powder,
377
00:16:52,484 --> 00:16:53,767
more talcum powder!
378
00:16:53,768 --> 00:16:56,367
But I didn't have any
talcum powder!
379
00:16:58,712 --> 00:17:01,703
Why did she get
the green crayon?
380
00:17:03,569 --> 00:17:05,087
So, what do you think?
381
00:17:05,088 --> 00:17:06,667
You've said nothing
all session,
382
00:17:06,668 --> 00:17:07,987
and if you don't
say anything,
383
00:17:07,988 --> 00:17:10,699
how can I ever feel
better about myself?
384
00:17:12,446 --> 00:17:15,813
Unless, of course,
you're doing it deliberately.
385
00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:17,123
But why?
386
00:17:19,295 --> 00:17:20,724
You want me,
387
00:17:20,725 --> 00:17:23,470
to realize the only person
who can help me,
388
00:17:23,471 --> 00:17:25,052
is me!
389
00:17:25,053 --> 00:17:27,643
My god, that's just cut
straight to the heart of it.
390
00:17:27,644 --> 00:17:29,461
No wonder they call
you brilliant!
391
00:17:29,462 --> 00:17:31,260
I confess I was
skeptical at first,
392
00:17:31,261 --> 00:17:32,611
I think it was the
egg-flipper thing
393
00:17:32,612 --> 00:17:34,427
that rotates on your head
that put me off,
394
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,556
but you are right -
it's about me,
395
00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:38,405
I've got to look
inside myself
396
00:17:38,406 --> 00:17:40,434
and find my own hero!
397
00:17:41,545 --> 00:17:42,938
Is that "time up"?
398
00:17:44,942 --> 00:17:46,542
Look, I'll see you
next session.
399
00:17:49,763 --> 00:17:51,645
Well, he said no.
400
00:17:51,646 --> 00:17:53,746
What are we going to do?
401
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:55,673
Well I've got an idea.
402
00:17:55,911 --> 00:17:57,633
How's your "lie mode" these days?
403
00:17:57,634 --> 00:18:00,092
You still do that crazy,
nervous stuttery thing?
404
00:18:00,093 --> 00:18:01,206
Please, Sir.
405
00:18:01,207 --> 00:18:04,545
I am now fluent in all
the deceptive arts.
406
00:18:04,546 --> 00:18:06,474
I could work
for FIFA!
407
00:18:16,907 --> 00:18:18,257
Ah, there you are, Sir.
408
00:18:18,258 --> 00:18:19,959
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
409
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:20,762
There's been the most
410
00:18:20,763 --> 00:18:23,460
t-t-t-t-t-t-terrible mix up
411
00:18:23,461 --> 00:18:25,916
with the m-m-m-medical results.
412
00:18:25,917 --> 00:18:26,737
Mix up?!
413
00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:27,558
Yes Sir.
414
00:18:27,559 --> 00:18:30,186
It's not Mr.-m-Mr.-m-Mr. Lister
415
00:18:30,187 --> 00:18:31,426
who needs
a new kidney, Sir -
416
00:18:31,427 --> 00:18:32,360
it's you!
417
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,024
Me?!
418
00:18:33,025 --> 00:18:34,358
Yes Sir, you!
419
00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:35,760
I'll need a new kidney?!
420
00:18:35,761 --> 00:18:39,745
Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes, Sir.
421
00:18:39,746 --> 00:18:43,475
I must go and tell Mr. Lister.
He will be so pleased!
422
00:18:43,476 --> 00:18:45,423
Hey, no-no-no-wait!
Slow down!
423
00:18:45,424 --> 00:18:47,516
I need to see him first!
424
00:18:51,762 --> 00:18:54,204
Hey there Buddy,
I've come to tuck you in!
425
00:18:55,995 --> 00:18:57,079
Okay.
426
00:18:57,222 --> 00:18:58,235
Here I go,
427
00:19:00,397 --> 00:19:03,158
Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck,
tucky, tucky, tuck!
428
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:06,445
Tucky, tucky, tucky, tucky,
tuck, tuck, tuck.
429
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,000
Oh, by the way,
430
00:19:08,001 --> 00:19:10,452
I thought about what you said
about the kidney thing?
431
00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:11,800
And I thought...
432
00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:12,793
What would you do
433
00:19:12,794 --> 00:19:14,942
if this whole situation
was reversed?
434
00:19:14,943 --> 00:19:15,806
You know what I'd do.
435
00:19:15,807 --> 00:19:17,727
I'd give you a kidney in
ten seconds flat.
436
00:19:17,728 --> 00:19:19,875
That's why I'm going to give
you one of my kidneys.
437
00:19:19,901 --> 00:19:21,273
No way!
438
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:24,999
It's yours, Bud!
439
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,309
Just slice me open
and haul it out.
440
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:28,423
And while
you're in there,
441
00:19:28,424 --> 00:19:29,922
if you take a shine
to anything else,
442
00:19:29,923 --> 00:19:31,356
just grab that, too!
443
00:19:32,017 --> 00:19:34,442
You want 20 yards
of my lower intestine?
444
00:19:34,538 --> 00:19:36,877
Just unroll that sucker,
throw it over your shoulder
445
00:19:36,878 --> 00:19:37,879
and stroll on out!
446
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,643
What's mine is yours,
and what's yours is mine.
447
00:19:40,835 --> 00:19:44,568
Budskis 'til the day I get my
first wrinkle, right?!
448
00:19:45,228 --> 00:19:46,218
Right.
449
00:19:46,437 --> 00:19:47,826
What's this?
450
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,150
Consent form.
You need to sign it.
451
00:19:50,151 --> 00:19:52,274
Well give me a pen.
Let's get this done!
452
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:53,801
'Cause like you said,
453
00:19:53,842 --> 00:19:54,742
if the roles
were reversed,
454
00:19:54,743 --> 00:19:56,035
you'd be there for me, right?
455
00:19:56,036 --> 00:19:57,269
Damn right.
456
00:19:58,528 --> 00:20:00,117
Uh, it's just one "t", right?
457
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,074
I knew that!
458
00:20:03,225 --> 00:20:05,051
Oh, Mr. Lister, Sir.
459
00:20:05,052 --> 00:20:07,352
I scarcely know
where to begin.
460
00:20:07,615 --> 00:20:09,144
Calm down, Bud!
461
00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:10,675
Whatever's wrong?
462
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:13,330
I got the kidney tests
mixed up!
463
00:20:13,623 --> 00:20:15,043
Nooo!!
464
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:18,427
He got the kidney tests
mixed up!
465
00:20:18,952 --> 00:20:20,841
At first, I thought
it was Mr. Lister
466
00:20:20,842 --> 00:20:21,849
who had no kidneys.
467
00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:23,616
But when I checked
the results again,
468
00:20:23,617 --> 00:20:24,846
I discovered
that it was you
469
00:20:24,847 --> 00:20:26,448
who had no kidneys, Sir.
470
00:20:26,449 --> 00:20:29,106
I'm going to have to
get myself a kidney then.
471
00:20:29,116 --> 00:20:30,520
But where?
472
00:20:33,102 --> 00:20:34,390
But then I thought to myself,
473
00:20:34,391 --> 00:20:36,034
if you have no kidneys,
474
00:20:36,052 --> 00:20:37,691
how come you're not dead?
475
00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:38,542
Yeah.
476
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,780
How come you're not dead?
477
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:42,727
Why is that?
478
00:20:42,848 --> 00:20:45,417
Well then I went and looked
at the medi-results again,
479
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:46,482
and blow me!
480
00:20:46,625 --> 00:20:50,243
I discovered I hadn't made
a mistake after all.
481
00:20:52,496 --> 00:20:53,659
I beg your pardon?
482
00:20:53,660 --> 00:20:55,897
Yeah. Mr. Lister
needs new kidneys,
483
00:20:55,898 --> 00:20:57,396
not you, Sir.
484
00:20:57,729 --> 00:20:58,880
I've got the form.
485
00:20:58,881 --> 00:20:59,888
I've got it signed.
486
00:20:59,889 --> 00:21:01,890
Let's get smocked up
and do this.
487
00:21:04,073 --> 00:21:05,020
What's that?!
488
00:21:05,021 --> 00:21:06,425
Pre-op injection, Sir.
489
00:21:06,425 --> 00:21:07,648
It will help you relax.
490
00:21:07,649 --> 00:21:09,834
Oh, I very much doubt that!
491
00:21:19,175 --> 00:21:22,935
Asclepius, are you ready
to rewrite the DNA?
492
00:21:23,007 --> 00:21:24,220
Before we begin,
493
00:21:24,221 --> 00:21:25,651
what do you do when
a bunch of people
494
00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:28,575
think you're some Fancy Dan
DNA medi-computer when,
495
00:21:28,601 --> 00:21:31,647
in fact, that's not
what you do at all?
496
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:32,983
What do you do?
497
00:21:33,118 --> 00:21:34,616
Look on my back.
498
00:21:35,264 --> 00:21:37,897
"Snacky".
Automated snack dispenser.
499
00:21:38,125 --> 00:21:39,929
For service, please call...
500
00:21:39,930 --> 00:21:43,227
there's a number with a
Milton Keynes dialing code.
501
00:21:52,648 --> 00:21:54,227
So where does
this leave us?
502
00:21:54,228 --> 00:21:56,228
Well, without a
state-of-the-art medi-bot,
503
00:21:56,229 --> 00:21:59,143
we can't rewrite the Cat's DNA
and his kidneys
504
00:21:59,144 --> 00:22:00,690
won't be compatible.
505
00:22:00,691 --> 00:22:02,581
It's like V.H.S.
and Betamax -
506
00:22:02,582 --> 00:22:04,663
or the Catholic church
and science.
507
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:08,059
Kryten, when we
were on that space station,
508
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:09,755
we came across
this skeleton, right.
509
00:22:09,756 --> 00:22:11,898
It was weird because
the DNAon the knife
510
00:22:11,899 --> 00:22:12,983
was the same
511
00:22:12,984 --> 00:22:14,379
as the DNA
in the body.
512
00:22:14,380 --> 00:22:15,969
Could this Romero guy
513
00:22:15,970 --> 00:22:18,443
have somehow been
killed by his own clone?
514
00:22:18,444 --> 00:22:20,599
And if so,
can we clone me?
515
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,515
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news,
516
00:22:22,516 --> 00:22:25,243
but Romero wasn't killed
by his own clone.
517
00:22:25,244 --> 00:22:26,513
Well who killed him, then?
518
00:22:26,514 --> 00:22:29,188
He was a stasis engineer
working on a project
519
00:22:29,189 --> 00:22:30,306
to hack stasis booths
520
00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:31,973
in order to create a portal
521
00:22:31,974 --> 00:22:33,247
back into the past.
522
00:22:33,248 --> 00:22:34,755
He used to talk about it
with his colleagues
523
00:22:34,756 --> 00:22:36,709
when they were
ordering snacks.
524
00:22:36,710 --> 00:22:38,738
One day, his
future self appeared
525
00:22:38,739 --> 00:22:40,519
and told him to
never go back in time,
526
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,401
or he'd be stabbed to death.
527
00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:44,498
The younger Romero refused
to believe him,
528
00:22:44,499 --> 00:22:46,266
and stabbed him to death.
529
00:22:46,571 --> 00:22:48,535
He realized what a terrible
thing he'd done,
530
00:22:48,536 --> 00:22:50,952
so he went back in time
to warn his younger self,
531
00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:52,951
but got stabbed to death.
532
00:22:54,642 --> 00:22:57,022
Could we use his
research somehow?
533
00:22:57,023 --> 00:22:59,043
You mean use
Romero's configuration
534
00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:00,785
to go back in time,
535
00:23:00,786 --> 00:23:03,027
and take the younger
Mr. Lister's kidney's
536
00:23:03,028 --> 00:23:04,847
and insert them
into you, Sir?
537
00:23:04,848 --> 00:23:06,802
But wouldn't his
future self drop dead?
538
00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:09,555
Not if we insert
an MTK chip in him
539
00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:11,487
to keep him going,
until he turns
540
00:23:11,488 --> 00:23:12,814
from younger Mr. Lister
541
00:23:12,815 --> 00:23:14,486
into present-day Mr. Lister!
542
00:23:14,487 --> 00:23:16,354
How can you nick my
internal organs
543
00:23:16,355 --> 00:23:17,623
with me not noticing?
544
00:23:17,624 --> 00:23:18,639
We chloroform you,
545
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:19,503
swipe your kidneys,
546
00:23:19,504 --> 00:23:21,143
and then you wake up
feeling groggy,
547
00:23:21,144 --> 00:23:22,635
think you must have
got black-out drunk-
548
00:23:22,636 --> 00:23:23,669
which you did!
549
00:23:23,898 --> 00:23:25,047
You know, that's right!
550
00:23:25,048 --> 00:23:26,429
I blacked out,
551
00:23:26,439 --> 00:23:28,143
and then spent
two days in bed
552
00:23:28,144 --> 00:23:29,364
feeling like the living dead.
553
00:23:29,365 --> 00:23:30,691
No offense.
554
00:23:31,264 --> 00:23:33,265
And I couldn't
understand it
555
00:23:33,266 --> 00:23:35,213
'cause I could only remember
having two drinks.
556
00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:37,502
But it wasn't that -
it was 'cause I had no kidneys,
557
00:23:37,503 --> 00:23:40,392
I only have the MTK
chip keeping me alive!
558
00:23:40,464 --> 00:23:42,852
You know, I believe we
can do this, Sir!
559
00:23:42,853 --> 00:23:43,626
How?
560
00:23:43,627 --> 00:23:46,524
No one knows how to
reconfigure the stasis booths.
561
00:23:46,728 --> 00:23:47,828
What about you?
562
00:23:48,019 --> 00:23:49,673
I'm a snack machine.
563
00:23:51,175 --> 00:23:52,200
Did you overhear Romero
564
00:23:52,201 --> 00:23:54,044
when he was talking
about the adjustments?
565
00:23:54,045 --> 00:23:57,347
But he only ever figured out
how to go back 30 years.
566
00:23:57,348 --> 00:24:00,723
Going back just a few days
needs precision accuracy.
567
00:24:00,724 --> 00:24:02,336
Well, you could build
on his findings.
568
00:24:02,337 --> 00:24:06,018
I'm just a snack dispenser.
I just dispense snacks.
569
00:24:06,019 --> 00:24:07,730
But when we had
our therapy sessions,
570
00:24:07,731 --> 00:24:10,288
you taught me how to find
the hero inside myself.
571
00:24:10,289 --> 00:24:11,459
No, I didn't.
572
00:24:11,484 --> 00:24:12,437
And you know why?
573
00:24:12,438 --> 00:24:15,064
I-I'm just a
snack dispenser.
574
00:24:15,065 --> 00:24:16,894
Yes, you're just
a snack dispenser
575
00:24:16,895 --> 00:24:18,729
if you think you're just
a snack dispenser,
576
00:24:18,730 --> 00:24:20,537
but you're not only
a snack dispenser,
577
00:24:20,538 --> 00:24:21,417
you're something more
578
00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:23,196
if you decide you want
to be something more!
579
00:24:23,197 --> 00:24:24,919
You taught me that
in our first session!
580
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,903
I didn't teach you anything.
You know why?!?
581
00:24:26,904 --> 00:24:28,759
Me, me, me, me!
I got this one!
582
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,213
Is it because you're
a snack dispenser?
583
00:24:30,214 --> 00:24:31,753
I'm a snack dispenser!
584
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:34,958
Let me ask you
a few questions.
585
00:24:34,959 --> 00:24:38,026
How do you unify
the triode valve?
586
00:24:38,027 --> 00:24:40,057
You reduce the
transmogulator settings.
587
00:24:40,114 --> 00:24:41,228
Yes!
588
00:24:41,229 --> 00:24:42,231
Did you know that?
589
00:24:42,232 --> 00:24:43,355
No. It's just a long word.
590
00:24:43,356 --> 00:24:45,256
It's good enough for me.
591
00:24:45,322 --> 00:24:47,843
What does
G.F.R. stand for?
592
00:24:47,848 --> 00:24:50,271
Gyrospectic functioning rate.
593
00:24:50,327 --> 00:24:52,959
You're right.
Perhaps I can do this.
594
00:24:53,146 --> 00:24:56,399
Okay.
Get me to the nearest stasis booth.
595
00:25:05,049 --> 00:25:07,426
There.
That should do it.
596
00:25:07,535 --> 00:25:09,514
All right then.
Let's do this!
597
00:25:09,515 --> 00:25:10,611
Oh! Before we do,
598
00:25:10,612 --> 00:25:12,159
can I have a pack
of twirly-whirlers?
599
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:13,215
Please.
600
00:25:13,216 --> 00:25:15,402
I'm a stasis booth engineer.
601
00:25:15,667 --> 00:25:17,368
You've changed.
602
00:25:24,976 --> 00:25:26,906
It's Sunday!
It worked!
603
00:25:28,812 --> 00:25:30,488
The MTK chip
is expiring, Sir.
604
00:25:30,489 --> 00:25:32,497
We haven't
got much time!
605
00:25:48,226 --> 00:25:50,326
Tough as
old boots.
606
00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:01,863
What now?
607
00:26:02,291 --> 00:26:03,661
We've got to
return that Lister
608
00:26:03,662 --> 00:26:04,767
to the sleeping quarters
609
00:26:04,794 --> 00:26:06,384
and then get this Lister
back to the present.
610
00:26:06,385 --> 00:26:08,010
Where he can recuperate
in the science room
611
00:26:08,011 --> 00:26:10,061
and get back
to full health.
612
00:26:10,062 --> 00:26:10,776
Someone's coming!
613
00:26:10,777 --> 00:26:12,950
It's crucial we're not discovered
by our old selves.
614
00:26:12,977 --> 00:26:16,114
It could discombobulate
the entire space-time continuum!
615
00:26:16,114 --> 00:26:17,629
Quick!
In here!
616
00:26:18,672 --> 00:26:19,766
Where to, Sirs?
617
00:26:19,793 --> 00:26:22,016
The sleeping quarters,
and make it snappy.
618
00:26:29,413 --> 00:26:30,858
Lift coming, Sir.
619
00:26:31,353 --> 00:26:32,404
Come on,
come on!
620
00:26:32,430 --> 00:26:34,482
Why are you
always so slow?!
621
00:26:34,512 --> 00:26:37,174
I've seen snails with clubbed feet
travel faster than you.
622
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,258
The French Army after
lunch move quicker!
623
00:26:40,123 --> 00:26:42,616
Sir, your past self
is calling for the lift.
624
00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:44,713
Don't tell him anything.
You'll blow the time line.
625
00:26:44,765 --> 00:26:46,367
He's getting really angry, Sir.
626
00:26:46,419 --> 00:26:47,831
Ignore him.
He's an idiot.
627
00:26:48,092 --> 00:26:48,958
But he's you!
628
00:26:49,147 --> 00:26:50,280
He's "past" me.
629
00:26:50,332 --> 00:26:52,109
"Present" me is a
whole lot smarter.
630
00:26:52,162 --> 00:26:54,440
I understand now why
you were so slow.
631
00:26:54,469 --> 00:26:56,865
You were transporting us,
but you couldn't tell me.
632
00:26:56,892 --> 00:26:58,727
He's threatening
to fire me, Sir.
633
00:26:58,754 --> 00:27:00,368
How can you fire a lift?
634
00:27:00,382 --> 00:27:02,795
What is wrong with him?
He's a total gimboid.
635
00:27:03,062 --> 00:27:05,444
Look, I'll make it right
when I'm back in the present.
636
00:27:05,471 --> 00:27:07,471
I'll un-fire you.
Promote you, even.
637
00:27:07,541 --> 00:27:09,115
Install you in
that swanky
638
00:27:09,142 --> 00:27:10,979
glass shaft over on the
officer's deck.
639
00:27:11,005 --> 00:27:12,008
How does that sound?
640
00:27:12,034 --> 00:27:14,634
Officer's deck?
That sounds marvelous, Sir!
641
00:27:22,380 --> 00:27:24,210
I'll get the other one!
642
00:27:24,641 --> 00:27:25,486
Lights!
643
00:27:32,498 --> 00:27:33,786
Wait for me!!
644
00:27:39,924 --> 00:27:40,790
A couple of days
645
00:27:40,816 --> 00:27:42,600
recuperating in
the science room, Sir
646
00:27:42,601 --> 00:27:43,813
and you'll be
right as rain.
647
00:27:43,814 --> 00:27:44,945
So I'm going to be okay?
648
00:27:44,971 --> 00:27:46,202
And so will the past you,
649
00:27:46,203 --> 00:27:47,304
whose kidneys you
650
00:27:47,305 --> 00:27:48,977
body-napped
to give to yourself.
651
00:27:49,004 --> 00:27:50,579
Where would
I be without me.
652
00:27:50,631 --> 00:27:52,342
Probably sat here
without any kidneys.
653
00:27:52,369 --> 00:27:54,230
Whereas now, I'm sat there
without any kidneys.
654
00:27:54,239 --> 00:27:55,658
Good 'ol me, eh?
655
00:28:06,936 --> 00:28:09,130
Ah, hello Rimmer.
Remember me?
656
00:28:09,157 --> 00:28:10,395
Of course!
657
00:28:10,552 --> 00:28:13,269
They moved you down to
Shaft 6?
658
00:28:13,295 --> 00:28:15,163
Three weeks I've been
waiting for that promotion
659
00:28:15,164 --> 00:28:16,427
you promised me.
660
00:28:16,498 --> 00:28:18,516
Yeah. That sort of
slipped my mind.
661
00:28:18,568 --> 00:28:19,657
I've got some news.
662
00:28:19,684 --> 00:28:21,713
Snacky's installed a
new killer power reactor
663
00:28:21,714 --> 00:28:22,706
to my counter balance,
664
00:28:22,763 --> 00:28:24,850
which means I can now
travel between floors
665
00:28:24,876 --> 00:28:26,591
at close to the
speed of light.
666
00:28:26,618 --> 00:28:28,115
I haven't tested
it yet, though.
667
00:28:28,168 --> 00:28:30,087
I've been waiting
for you, Rimmer.
668
00:28:30,113 --> 00:28:32,046
Close to the
speed of light?
669
00:28:32,093 --> 00:28:34,407
I'm going to take you
on the ride of your life.
670
00:28:34,433 --> 00:28:35,410
Now hang on!
671
00:28:35,462 --> 00:28:36,410
No.
672
00:28:36,489 --> 00:28:37,647
You hang on.
673
00:28:37,697 --> 00:28:42,247
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