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1
00:00:24,781 --> 00:00:34,163
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
2
00:00:45,454 --> 00:00:47,134
Ohh!
3
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,814
Man.
4
00:00:48,814 --> 00:00:51,134
Oww! Hey, bud. Where you been?
5
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,174
Just got back from the Dentibot.
I needed a filling.
6
00:00:53,174 --> 00:00:54,734
Bet you chickened, though, right?
7
00:00:54,734 --> 00:00:58,014
Soon as that robo-drill started
screeching, I bet you were gone.
8
00:00:58,014 --> 00:00:59,454
Yeah. How d'you know that?
9
00:00:59,454 --> 00:01:00,654
You're still wearing a bib.
10
00:01:02,174 --> 00:01:03,814
Who needs a dental bot
anyway, man?
11
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,774
Half a bottle of GELF hooch,
can't feel a thing now.
12
00:01:06,811 --> 00:01:07,931
Anywhere.
13
00:01:07,931 --> 00:01:09,971
Starting to worry, actually.
14
00:01:09,971 --> 00:01:12,651
If it was me,
I'd get my teeth fixed, Gummy.
15
00:01:12,651 --> 00:01:15,491
Otherwise in a couple of years,
you'll be flossing with towrope.
16
00:01:15,491 --> 00:01:16,571
Eeh, eeh, eeh.
17
00:01:25,371 --> 00:01:27,251
Can you hear that? Hear what?
18
00:01:27,251 --> 00:01:28,651
That! Can't you hear it?
19
00:01:28,651 --> 00:01:30,291
It's driving me crazy.
20
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,171
All over the ship, wherever I go,
21
00:01:32,171 --> 00:01:34,651
there's this really annoying
whiny sound.
22
00:01:34,651 --> 00:01:37,171
Yeah, it's you.
Stop talking, it goes.
23
00:01:37,171 --> 00:01:38,651
Still there.
24
00:01:38,651 --> 00:01:39,811
You're still talking!
25
00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:44,171
Lister. This ship is falling apart.
I need some help.
26
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:48,011
Don't look at me, Rimmer.
I am busy today.
27
00:01:48,011 --> 00:01:51,811
Busy? And what are you doing today
that makes you so "busy"?
28
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,971
I'm getting drunk.
29
00:01:53,971 --> 00:01:55,331
That's your day?
30
00:01:55,331 --> 00:01:56,731
Not just any old drunk.
31
00:01:56,731 --> 00:02:01,051
I'm talking traffic-cone-hugging,
pavement-licking kershnickered.
32
00:02:01,051 --> 00:02:03,331
That's my day. Cheers.
33
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:07,371
Er...what's this?
34
00:02:07,371 --> 00:02:08,891
Ah, I'm making a Father's Day card.
35
00:02:08,891 --> 00:02:11,491
YOU'RE making a Father's Day card?
36
00:02:11,491 --> 00:02:13,491
You? Who to?
37
00:02:13,491 --> 00:02:16,891
Well, let's round up the suspects,
shall we, Sherlock?
38
00:02:18,011 --> 00:02:19,851
First up, there's me dad.
39
00:02:19,851 --> 00:02:21,691
But YOU'RE your dad.
40
00:02:21,691 --> 00:02:24,571
You went back in time
and left your baby self
41
00:02:24,571 --> 00:02:27,011
under a pool table
in a cardboard box.
42
00:02:28,811 --> 00:02:30,691
You're your own dad.
43
00:02:30,691 --> 00:02:33,611
So therefore I shouldn't get
any Father's Day cards?
44
00:02:34,691 --> 00:02:39,331
It's not my fault that due to some
time-travelly paradoxy sci-fi smeg
45
00:02:39,331 --> 00:02:41,131
I happen to be my own dad.
46
00:02:41,131 --> 00:02:42,891
I do this every year.
47
00:02:42,891 --> 00:02:45,891
I write myself a "Thanks for being
such an amazing dad" card,
48
00:02:45,891 --> 00:02:48,891
then I drink myself into oblivion
so I forget what I've written,
49
00:02:48,891 --> 00:02:50,691
and then 12 months later,
on Father's Day,
50
00:02:50,691 --> 00:02:52,371
which, by the way,
happens to be today,
51
00:02:52,371 --> 00:02:53,971
Kryten delivers a Father's Day card
52
00:02:53,971 --> 00:02:55,531
and I haven't got a clue
what it says.
53
00:02:56,931 --> 00:02:58,291
How cool is that?!
54
00:02:58,291 --> 00:03:01,251
Morning, sirs!
Oh, he hasn't!
55
00:03:01,251 --> 00:03:03,131
Oh, I think he has, sir.
56
00:03:03,131 --> 00:03:04,891
He never forgets his old dad.
57
00:03:07,251 --> 00:03:08,851
I don't know how he finds the time,
58
00:03:08,851 --> 00:03:10,971
what with all the things he's up to
as well.
59
00:03:10,971 --> 00:03:12,571
Aww.
60
00:03:12,571 --> 00:03:14,411
Look at that!
61
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:15,651
Dreads!
62
00:03:15,651 --> 00:03:17,371
Brilliant!
63
00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:19,171
I mean, how funny is that?
64
00:03:19,171 --> 00:03:21,611
Oh! What a brilliant card.
65
00:03:21,611 --> 00:03:23,571
Made it himself, you know.
66
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,531
Oh, look, a bit of poppadom!
67
00:03:27,331 --> 00:03:28,931
Poppadom!
68
00:03:28,931 --> 00:03:29,931
Aww.
69
00:03:30,931 --> 00:03:31,931
Aww.
70
00:03:32,971 --> 00:03:34,171
Aww!
71
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,611
So thoughtful.
72
00:03:36,611 --> 00:03:38,611
Aww. Wait a minute.
73
00:03:38,611 --> 00:03:40,651
How can you even stand your dad?
74
00:03:40,651 --> 00:03:43,211
He abandoned you in a pub
in a cardboard box.
75
00:03:43,211 --> 00:03:46,611
The only thing he's ever given you
your whole life
76
00:03:46,611 --> 00:03:48,651
is a rattle and a few air holes.
77
00:03:49,891 --> 00:03:51,291
What kind of a dad is that?
78
00:03:51,291 --> 00:03:53,051
That's true, yeah.
79
00:03:53,051 --> 00:03:55,691
That's right. That's...that's not
right, that, is it?
80
00:03:59,251 --> 00:04:00,931
There it is again,
that whiny sound.
81
00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:02,171
You're talking again!
82
00:04:06,331 --> 00:04:07,691
Number 32-12 required,
83
00:04:07,691 --> 00:04:11,131
and a replacement
valve-housing gasket for 17.
84
00:04:11,131 --> 00:04:12,691
Noted, sir.
85
00:04:12,691 --> 00:04:13,731
I thought the new computer
86
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,371
was supposed to be helping
with all this.
87
00:04:15,371 --> 00:04:17,131
It's not uploaded yet, sir.
Later today.
88
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:20,651
Hey, Kryten, how's it going?
Great night last night.
89
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:22,931
You can say that again, 16!
90
00:04:22,931 --> 00:04:25,531
We had quite a night of it
last night, sir.
91
00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:27,331
Me and a bunch of
the dispensing machines
92
00:04:27,331 --> 00:04:29,291
got together and played
Chinese Whispers.
93
00:04:29,291 --> 00:04:31,131
We had so much fun.
94
00:04:31,131 --> 00:04:32,771
Now, the sentence started as,
95
00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:35,411
"I slit the sheet, the sheet I
slit, on the slit sheet, I..."
96
00:04:35,411 --> 00:04:36,651
Kryten. Yes, sir?
97
00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:38,051
Shut up. Yes, sir.
98
00:04:38,051 --> 00:04:40,251
I'm not remotely interested
in some stupid parlour game
99
00:04:40,251 --> 00:04:42,491
you were playing
with a talking condom machine
100
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,891
and two Lil-Let dispensers.
101
00:04:43,891 --> 00:04:45,451
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
Thank you, sir.
102
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:48,851
While we're at it, Chinese
Whispers - isn't that racist?
103
00:04:48,851 --> 00:04:51,371
Basically, what you're saying
is that Chinese people
104
00:04:51,371 --> 00:04:54,251
can't convey a simple piece
of information to one another.
105
00:04:54,251 --> 00:04:55,491
Now, if that's the case,
106
00:04:55,491 --> 00:04:58,211
how come they invented
acupuncture, gunpowder...
107
00:04:58,211 --> 00:05:01,691
laundry,
and those funny little hats?
108
00:05:01,691 --> 00:05:04,851
Chinese Whispers - it's offensive,
racist and wrong.
109
00:05:04,851 --> 00:05:07,131
Ask around, I think you'll find
I'm right.
110
00:05:10,131 --> 00:05:11,491
So, how can I help?
111
00:05:11,491 --> 00:05:14,371
I need some advice. I want to
be a better father to my son.
112
00:05:14,371 --> 00:05:16,571
What kind of person is your son?
113
00:05:16,571 --> 00:05:17,851
Ooh, tough question.
114
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:22,051
If I had to sum him up in one word,
it would be...ohh...
115
00:05:22,051 --> 00:05:23,371
awesome?
116
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:27,011
And he's smart.
I mean, OK, not book-smart,
117
00:05:27,011 --> 00:05:29,051
but that's only
cos he hasn't read any books.
118
00:05:29,051 --> 00:05:31,011
If he had, then who knows?!
119
00:05:31,011 --> 00:05:33,771
And he's a killer guitarist.
120
00:05:33,771 --> 00:05:37,651
You know, when he's had a few,
he is up there with Hendrix.
121
00:05:37,651 --> 00:05:39,651
So what's the problem?
122
00:05:39,651 --> 00:05:41,331
He's in a rut.
123
00:05:41,331 --> 00:05:42,651
He's not going anywhere.
124
00:05:42,651 --> 00:05:45,011
No job, no girlfriend,
and to be honest,
125
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:48,451
I know I shouldn't,
but I kind of blame myself.
126
00:05:48,451 --> 00:05:50,731
So he's a total bum.
127
00:05:50,731 --> 00:05:52,811
Total bum?! I don't think so.
128
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:55,371
A bum, maybe,
but TOTAL bum? No way.
129
00:05:56,891 --> 00:05:59,731
Ah! That's weird. I don't seem
130
00:05:59,731 --> 00:06:02,851
to have your son on file. Ah, well,
there's a reason for that.
131
00:06:02,851 --> 00:06:06,731
He should register! He's missing
out on a whole raft of privileges.
132
00:06:06,731 --> 00:06:08,571
Is he?
133
00:06:08,571 --> 00:06:09,971
Free Christmas champagne!
134
00:06:09,971 --> 00:06:11,811
His own TV and game package!
135
00:06:11,811 --> 00:06:13,331
It'll only take five minutes.
136
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:17,171
Quick medical, so we can set up
his bios for stasis, and he's done.
137
00:06:17,171 --> 00:06:18,451
What's his name?
138
00:06:18,451 --> 00:06:20,811
Dave. Same as you!
139
00:06:20,811 --> 00:06:23,011
I'll open a file for him
right now.
140
00:06:23,011 --> 00:06:25,451
Done. OK, here's what I think.
141
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:26,891
Tough love.
142
00:06:26,891 --> 00:06:27,931
Tough love.
143
00:06:27,931 --> 00:06:28,971
Set him goals.
144
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:31,571
He doesn't achieve those goals,
kick his butt.
145
00:06:31,571 --> 00:06:33,371
Kick it hard! Tough love.
146
00:06:33,371 --> 00:06:35,491
Tough love. Tough love.
147
00:06:38,851 --> 00:06:41,731
That's a great question,
Kryten. Is Chinese Whispers racist?
148
00:06:41,731 --> 00:06:44,131
Leave it with me.
I'll do some research.
149
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:46,211
Hi, Garby.
150
00:06:47,291 --> 00:06:49,931
So you're a cat of the world -
what do you think?
151
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:51,731
Eh, I dunno, 16.
152
00:06:51,731 --> 00:06:53,451
But you got me intrigued.
153
00:06:53,451 --> 00:06:55,731
Let me ask around.
154
00:06:57,011 --> 00:06:59,731
Thank goodness for that derelict,
sir. I am just so excited
155
00:06:59,731 --> 00:07:03,211
at the prospect of having
a new computer! We so miss Holly.
156
00:07:03,211 --> 00:07:04,811
It's true - we just don't get
157
00:07:04,811 --> 00:07:07,491
the same quality of cock-up
these days, do we?
158
00:07:08,651 --> 00:07:10,731
OK, sir. The computer
is ready to launch.
159
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,491
Here we go, the "pref" menus.
160
00:07:12,491 --> 00:07:13,731
Ah.
161
00:07:13,731 --> 00:07:15,091
Male or female?
162
00:07:15,091 --> 00:07:16,731
Female. Not really bothered.
163
00:07:16,731 --> 00:07:18,611
Doesn't really matter. Female.
164
00:07:20,651 --> 00:07:23,091
Age - 25, 50, or 75?
165
00:07:23,091 --> 00:07:24,371
Whatever.
166
00:07:24,371 --> 00:07:26,451
Let's not get held back by this,
Kryten.
167
00:07:26,451 --> 00:07:27,611
25.
168
00:07:29,371 --> 00:07:30,491
Blonde or brunette?
169
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:33,611
Honestly don't care.
It doesn't matter. Not important.
170
00:07:33,611 --> 00:07:34,771
Blonde.
171
00:07:36,171 --> 00:07:37,291
Breast size.
172
00:07:40,371 --> 00:07:41,451
I can't honestly believe
173
00:07:41,451 --> 00:07:43,611
they actually still ask
that question these days.
174
00:07:43,611 --> 00:07:45,371
It's absolutely ludicrous,
it really is.
175
00:07:45,371 --> 00:07:46,651
I totally agree with you, sir.
176
00:07:46,651 --> 00:07:48,251
I'll choose the first one.
177
00:07:48,251 --> 00:07:49,851
30A. Hang on!
178
00:07:50,931 --> 00:07:52,291
What's the hurry, Kryten?
179
00:07:52,291 --> 00:07:54,731
Everyone knows you don't
just pick the first thing
180
00:07:54,731 --> 00:07:56,011
that comes into your head.
181
00:07:56,011 --> 00:07:57,571
What's that one down there
at the bottom?
182
00:07:57,571 --> 00:08:00,171
That's...a 36D, sir.
183
00:08:00,171 --> 00:08:01,851
Fine. Go with that one.
184
00:08:01,851 --> 00:08:03,011
Whatever.
185
00:08:03,011 --> 00:08:05,011
36D it is.
186
00:08:05,011 --> 00:08:07,491
I've already highlighted 30A, sir.
Kryten,
187
00:08:07,491 --> 00:08:09,771
don't argue. 36D it is.
188
00:08:09,771 --> 00:08:12,731
But sir!
Kryten, it's not important.
189
00:08:12,731 --> 00:08:15,411
I don't know why you're making
such a fuss about this.
190
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,571
36D. Select it. Moving on.
191
00:08:17,571 --> 00:08:19,011
But I'm not making a fuss, sir.
192
00:08:19,011 --> 00:08:21,171
I'm just...
OK, I'm pulling rank.
193
00:08:21,171 --> 00:08:25,171
I order you to select 36D as the
breast size for the new computer.
194
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,531
And that's an order.
195
00:08:26,531 --> 00:08:28,531
Selected, sir.
196
00:08:28,531 --> 00:08:29,931
Ah, now...
197
00:08:29,931 --> 00:08:31,091
Personality.
198
00:08:31,091 --> 00:08:32,451
Whatever. Oh.
199
00:08:32,451 --> 00:08:35,011
Accent? Whatever.
200
00:08:35,011 --> 00:08:38,051
Frame size.
Your call. Let's launch. Who cares?
201
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:39,811
Close-up chosen.
202
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,131
Ah, there we go.
203
00:08:41,131 --> 00:08:43,571
Oh, I really like that frame size,
don't you, sir?
204
00:08:43,571 --> 00:08:44,891
Hey-hey! Ooh!
205
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:46,891
Hello. My name's Pree.
206
00:08:46,891 --> 00:08:49,731
It will take a few moments
for my database to initialise.
207
00:08:49,731 --> 00:08:52,811
Oww! Nice pixels!
Hey, buds, what's happening?
208
00:08:52,811 --> 00:08:54,851
We're just launching
the new computer, sir.
209
00:08:54,851 --> 00:08:56,171
Here we go.
210
00:08:56,171 --> 00:08:57,451
Greetings, gentlemen.
211
00:08:57,451 --> 00:09:00,011
My name is Pree, and I will be
your new ship computer.
212
00:09:00,011 --> 00:09:03,051
I have many functions, including
predictive behaviour technology.
213
00:09:03,051 --> 00:09:05,891
Predictive what?! Like
predictive text on a cell phone,
214
00:09:05,891 --> 00:09:07,291
predictive behaviour technology
215
00:09:07,291 --> 00:09:09,371
anticipates your actions
based on past behaviour
216
00:09:09,371 --> 00:09:11,211
and performs
the rest of the action for you.
217
00:09:12,531 --> 00:09:15,011
How's she able to do that?!
Well, best guess,
218
00:09:15,011 --> 00:09:18,091
she builds behavioural algorithms
from the ship's security footage,
219
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,851
so she's able to guess
how we're most likely to behave
220
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:22,491
in any given situation.
221
00:09:22,491 --> 00:09:24,131
Exactly right, Kryten.
222
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,691
What about maintenance?
223
00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:27,651
Can you repair the ship's
engineering faults?
224
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:30,291
I already anticipated you'd ask me
that question, Arnold,
225
00:09:30,291 --> 00:09:32,171
and I've repaired all the faults
on B Deck already.
226
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:34,811
There is now a 98% probability
you will discuss
227
00:09:34,811 --> 00:09:37,171
my potential for changing your lives
and reach the conclusion
228
00:09:37,171 --> 00:09:39,131
that you're looking forward
to seeing me in action.
229
00:09:41,051 --> 00:09:43,091
You now no longer need to
have this conversation
230
00:09:43,091 --> 00:09:44,291
and can do something else.
231
00:09:44,291 --> 00:09:46,811
So now we don't have
that conversation
232
00:09:46,811 --> 00:09:48,811
and move straight on
to the next conversation?
233
00:09:48,811 --> 00:09:50,051
Your next conversation
234
00:09:50,051 --> 00:09:52,571
is a conversation about not
having the previous conversation,
235
00:09:52,571 --> 00:09:55,091
saying you were looking forward
to the previous conversation,
236
00:09:55,091 --> 00:09:57,291
and now feel a bit lost,
not having had that conversation.
237
00:09:57,291 --> 00:09:59,731
You conclude you will probably
get used to hearing the results
238
00:09:59,731 --> 00:10:03,291
of your conversations and no longer
having the conversations yourselves.
239
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,411
Hey! New computer!
240
00:10:07,451 --> 00:10:08,731
Predictive.
241
00:10:08,731 --> 00:10:11,651
Knows what you're likely to say
and do in any given situation.
242
00:10:11,651 --> 00:10:14,211
Heh-hey, that could come in handy!
Got a job for you.
243
00:10:14,211 --> 00:10:15,251
I know.
244
00:10:32,051 --> 00:10:33,771
Kebab pillow.
245
00:10:33,771 --> 00:10:36,211
I must have got trashed last night.
246
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,891
Throbbo.
247
00:10:42,451 --> 00:10:43,891
What's this?
248
00:10:45,251 --> 00:10:46,731
Don't remember making this.
249
00:10:51,091 --> 00:10:52,891
Hi, son.
250
00:10:52,891 --> 00:10:55,091
It's your dad here.
251
00:10:55,091 --> 00:10:57,211
- Dad!
- Here's the plan.
252
00:10:57,211 --> 00:10:59,251
I'm going to give you some advice.
253
00:10:59,251 --> 00:11:02,971
Kind of a "do as I say,
not as I do" kind of style.
254
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:08,931
Then I'm going to get totally trashed
so I forget what I've said,
255
00:11:08,931 --> 00:11:12,451
and then when you watch this,
you'll feel like you've got
256
00:11:12,451 --> 00:11:15,491
a totally normal, ordinary,
regular dad, yeah?
257
00:11:15,491 --> 00:11:17,251
I don't remember making this.
258
00:11:17,251 --> 00:11:19,251
Rimmer's right.
259
00:11:19,251 --> 00:11:21,091
I've never been a proper dad to you.
260
00:11:22,771 --> 00:11:26,451
Never watched you play zero-gee,
261
00:11:26,451 --> 00:11:29,651
never encouraged you,
gave you advice,
262
00:11:29,651 --> 00:11:32,331
kicked your big fat butt
when it needed kicking.
263
00:11:32,331 --> 00:11:35,091
Maybe that's why
you've ended up like this.
264
00:11:35,091 --> 00:11:36,491
Like what?
265
00:11:36,491 --> 00:11:41,971
You're a big, big disappointment
to me, David, you really are.
266
00:11:41,971 --> 00:11:45,331
- What?
- No ambition. Sitting about.
267
00:11:45,331 --> 00:11:47,291
Wasting your life away.
268
00:11:48,971 --> 00:11:51,131
And you're not looking after
yourself.
269
00:11:51,131 --> 00:11:52,931
And you drink too much.
270
00:11:52,931 --> 00:11:54,371
It's getting worse.
271
00:11:54,371 --> 00:11:56,091
I'm doing OK.
272
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,211
"I'm doing OK,"
you're probably saying.
273
00:11:58,211 --> 00:12:00,331
"I'm doing OK." But you're not.
274
00:12:00,331 --> 00:12:04,331
I mean, you could have been
so much more, and-and you know it.
275
00:12:04,331 --> 00:12:05,811
Who are you to tell me what to do?
276
00:12:05,811 --> 00:12:07,651
What have you ever done
with your life?
277
00:12:22,531 --> 00:12:24,051
You've gotta get yourself
an education.
278
00:12:24,051 --> 00:12:27,491
At least get good at SOMETHING,
and then...
279
00:12:27,491 --> 00:12:32,411
and then build a home, a proper home,
and then go and find Krissy.
280
00:12:32,411 --> 00:12:34,331
And how do I do all of that?
281
00:12:34,331 --> 00:12:36,211
Er...
282
00:12:36,211 --> 00:12:37,731
Step one.
283
00:12:37,731 --> 00:12:41,171
Enrol in the Jupiter Mining
Corporation engineering programme.
284
00:12:41,171 --> 00:12:43,971
Er, step two,
get that filling fixed.
285
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:45,491
And then play the next message.
286
00:12:49,091 --> 00:12:50,291
So!
287
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:54,451
You had to enrol in the Jupiter
engineering mining programme
288
00:12:54,451 --> 00:12:56,011
and get that filling fixed.
289
00:12:56,011 --> 00:12:58,931
How did it go, eh?
D'you make your old man proud?
290
00:13:00,371 --> 00:13:02,571
You didn't do it, did you, David?
291
00:13:02,571 --> 00:13:05,491
No! You just skipped ahead
to the next message
292
00:13:05,491 --> 00:13:08,371
- to see what I'd say, didn't you?
- Yes, Dad.
293
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:10,411
I knew you'd do that.
It was a test.
294
00:13:10,411 --> 00:13:12,851
- Sorry, Dad.
- Now, get your filling fixed,
295
00:13:12,851 --> 00:13:15,691
no messing,
then play message three, yeah?
296
00:13:20,011 --> 00:13:22,731
What, d'you think I'm stupid?
Is that what do you think?
297
00:13:22,731 --> 00:13:24,251
D'you think I'm stupid, eh?
298
00:13:24,251 --> 00:13:27,011
Get the filling fixed,
then play the next message!
299
00:13:27,011 --> 00:13:29,571
- What the smeg?
- And don't swear.
300
00:13:29,571 --> 00:13:32,091
How the smeg d'you know
I was going to swear?
301
00:13:32,091 --> 00:13:34,691
Let me make one thing
crystal clear, young man.
302
00:13:34,691 --> 00:13:36,971
I will not be having
any of your nonsense.
303
00:13:36,971 --> 00:13:40,571
While you're living under my roof,
on my spaceship,
304
00:13:40,571 --> 00:13:41,731
you abide by my rules.
305
00:13:41,731 --> 00:13:44,691
And if you don't like it,
well, you know what you can do.
306
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:47,211
Now, if you skip ahead one more time,
307
00:13:47,211 --> 00:13:51,011
I'm going to flush that guitar
of yours out of an airlock.
308
00:13:51,011 --> 00:13:54,131
Now, get the filling done NOW.
309
00:13:57,691 --> 00:14:00,731
Thought I'd finally
do what you wanted, did you?
310
00:14:00,731 --> 00:14:03,091
Well, you got that wrong.
311
00:14:03,091 --> 00:14:07,211
Message four. Good.
We're finally making some progress.
312
00:14:07,211 --> 00:14:08,331
Wrong!
313
00:14:08,331 --> 00:14:10,851
Finally learned a little bit
of respect.
314
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,571
- Wro-ong!
- By the way, see your guitar?
315
00:14:13,571 --> 00:14:15,211
Go on. Go over there.
316
00:14:15,211 --> 00:14:16,651
Give us a song.
317
00:14:16,651 --> 00:14:18,171
What's he up to?
318
00:14:28,211 --> 00:14:30,051
Have a look out of that porthole
there.
319
00:14:30,051 --> 00:14:32,971
See that tiny speck
half a light year away?
320
00:14:32,971 --> 00:14:34,891
That's your Gibson Les Paul,
that is.
321
00:14:34,891 --> 00:14:37,971
- No!
- Tough love. D'you want some more?
322
00:14:37,971 --> 00:14:40,851
Now, enrol in the mech
engineering programme
323
00:14:40,851 --> 00:14:42,691
and get the filling done now!
324
00:14:42,691 --> 00:14:44,811
Or you'll get some more
Daddy Discipline.
325
00:14:46,651 --> 00:14:49,131
I really loved that guitar!
You don't understand me!
326
00:14:49,131 --> 00:14:51,891
I hate you! Bastard!
327
00:15:00,610 --> 00:15:02,210
Evening, Pree.
328
00:15:02,210 --> 00:15:04,490
Glad you had such a good day,
Arnold.
329
00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:07,210
So sorry this evening's
going to be such a nightmare.
330
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:10,930
Ah, but it's not. I'm going
to put my feet up and watch TV.
331
00:15:10,930 --> 00:15:13,930
Put on Victory South for me,
will you?
332
00:15:13,930 --> 00:15:17,410
A fascinating drama series
about the American Civil War
333
00:15:17,410 --> 00:15:18,730
where the South win.
334
00:15:18,730 --> 00:15:22,610
Loved series one, really
looking forward to series two.
335
00:15:22,610 --> 00:15:26,270
I deleted all 24 episodes
earlier this morning, Arnold.
336
00:15:26,278 --> 00:15:27,478
What?!
337
00:15:27,478 --> 00:15:29,758
I watched them all yesterday,
and you didn't enjoy them.
338
00:15:31,078 --> 00:15:32,718
But I haven't seen them.
339
00:15:32,718 --> 00:15:34,718
But if you had, you wouldn't
have enjoyed them.
340
00:15:34,718 --> 00:15:37,798
But series one was brilliant!
Why didn't I enjoy them?
341
00:15:37,798 --> 00:15:39,998
All your favourite characters
were killed off,
342
00:15:39,998 --> 00:15:42,958
including the busty blonde heroine
with no personality.
343
00:15:42,958 --> 00:15:45,198
Aww, I loved her.
344
00:15:45,198 --> 00:15:46,478
What am I supposed to do now?
345
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:48,838
I thought you could use that time
more fruitfully,
346
00:15:48,838 --> 00:15:51,398
perhaps finally reading
War And Peace.
347
00:15:51,398 --> 00:15:53,958
I want to unwind, relax.
348
00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:57,918
Not read a book that's longer
than Rapunzel's pubic hair.
349
00:15:57,918 --> 00:16:01,958
Sir, come quickly!
B Deck is in total disarray!
350
00:16:03,358 --> 00:16:06,558
B Deck, the floor Pree repaired?
Pree, what's happened?
351
00:16:06,558 --> 00:16:08,398
I thought you were going to repair
all this!
352
00:16:08,398 --> 00:16:10,478
I did. And thanks to
my predictive capabilities,
353
00:16:10,478 --> 00:16:12,038
I was able to carry out the repairs
354
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:14,118
in the exact manner
you would have instructed.
355
00:16:15,598 --> 00:16:17,478
It's one botch-up after another,
356
00:16:17,478 --> 00:16:20,438
with no regard to safety procedures
or good workmanship!
357
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:21,598
Exactly.
358
00:16:21,598 --> 00:16:23,998
How can you be a top computer
if you do something like this?
359
00:16:23,998 --> 00:16:25,558
I didn't, Arnold, YOU did.
360
00:16:25,558 --> 00:16:27,638
I merely duplicated
what you would have done.
361
00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:28,918
I don't understand!
362
00:16:28,918 --> 00:16:31,358
I'm programmed to align myself
with the ship's senior officer
363
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,558
so computer and crew
can perform as one.
364
00:16:33,558 --> 00:16:36,038
What the senior officer would do,
I do for them.
365
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:39,038
You're saying because
I would have cocked all this up,
366
00:16:39,038 --> 00:16:41,198
you cocked it all up for me?
367
00:16:41,198 --> 00:16:43,038
Precisely.
368
00:16:43,038 --> 00:16:45,758
Well, this is really embarrassing.
What do I do now?
369
00:16:45,758 --> 00:16:47,478
You now have a conversation
with Kryten
370
00:16:47,478 --> 00:16:50,598
where you blame him for everything
and then stride off indignantly.
371
00:16:50,598 --> 00:16:52,758
There is now no need
to have this conversation
372
00:16:52,758 --> 00:16:54,038
and you go straight to your exit.
373
00:17:00,958 --> 00:17:03,838
Is this the line for the Dentibot?
374
00:17:03,838 --> 00:17:05,278
Get in the queue, bud.
375
00:17:05,278 --> 00:17:06,758
What's up?
376
00:17:06,758 --> 00:17:09,838
Oh, filling.
Finally decided to get it done.
377
00:17:09,838 --> 00:17:12,998
Got a question for you.
Been driving everyone nuts.
378
00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:14,838
If anyone knows, you'll know.
379
00:17:14,838 --> 00:17:16,198
Here's the question.
380
00:17:16,198 --> 00:17:18,678
Are Chinese whiskers racist?
381
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,558
Are Chinese whiskers racist? Mmm.
382
00:17:23,558 --> 00:17:26,318
D'you mean those wispy little
Mandarin beards like Fu Manchu?
383
00:17:26,318 --> 00:17:28,038
Exactly.
384
00:17:28,038 --> 00:17:30,118
Dunno. D'you know who might know?
385
00:17:30,118 --> 00:17:31,878
That Asian fast-food machine
on B Deck.
386
00:17:31,878 --> 00:17:35,558
Taiwan Tony?
Taiwan Tony. Bet he'll know.
387
00:17:35,558 --> 00:17:37,278
Why would he know?!
388
00:17:37,278 --> 00:17:40,718
Cos Taiwan Tony's from Taiwan,
and Taiwan's a bit...Chinesey.
389
00:17:41,958 --> 00:17:43,638
Taiwan's a bit Chinesey?
390
00:17:43,638 --> 00:17:44,918
Of course it is!
391
00:17:44,918 --> 00:17:46,318
I'll ask him.
392
00:17:48,838 --> 00:17:50,518
Hang on, what are YOU doing here?
393
00:17:50,518 --> 00:17:52,198
Heard we're nearly
out of anaesthetic.
394
00:17:52,198 --> 00:17:53,598
Thought I'd grab the last tank.
395
00:17:53,598 --> 00:17:55,478
We've only got one tank
of anaesthetic?
396
00:17:55,478 --> 00:17:57,638
One tank, and I'm going to grab it!
397
00:17:57,638 --> 00:17:59,238
But you don't need it, right?
398
00:17:59,238 --> 00:18:01,598
Don't need it now.
But one day I will!
399
00:18:01,598 --> 00:18:05,158
I'm always collecting things
I don't need for when I need 'em.
400
00:18:05,158 --> 00:18:06,998
You got to think ahead!
401
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:08,638
But I need that anaesthetic now.
402
00:18:08,638 --> 00:18:10,598
See? You didn't think ahead!
403
00:18:12,398 --> 00:18:15,078
This is what I'm saying.
You got to think ahead.
404
00:18:16,318 --> 00:18:19,238
Look, I've got a cavity a stretch
limo could do a three-point turn in.
405
00:18:19,238 --> 00:18:21,838
I need that anaesthetic.
How about we share?
406
00:18:21,838 --> 00:18:25,038
Hey, bud, never ask a Cat to share.
407
00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:27,278
As a smash in the face
often offends!
408
00:18:27,278 --> 00:18:29,798
Hey, that's me!
409
00:18:29,798 --> 00:18:31,198
Wish me luck.
410
00:18:33,958 --> 00:18:37,438
You realise
we are out of anaesthetic.
411
00:18:37,438 --> 00:18:38,918
It's only pain, right?
412
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,158
I can handle it.
413
00:18:40,158 --> 00:18:41,598
Proves I'm alive.
414
00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:43,478
I embrace it.
415
00:18:43,478 --> 00:18:45,238
And as for the
brain-smouldering agony,
416
00:18:45,238 --> 00:18:46,718
I've been told I'm not squeamish.
417
00:18:46,718 --> 00:18:48,718
I can certainly watch
those medical programmes
418
00:18:48,718 --> 00:18:51,238
where they pull the beating
heart out of a human chest
419
00:18:51,238 --> 00:18:52,278
and still eat pizza.
420
00:18:52,278 --> 00:18:56,078
So, a new filling, without
anaesthetic? I say come on,
421
00:18:56,078 --> 00:18:57,838
bring it on.
422
00:18:57,838 --> 00:18:59,678
Let the drilling commence.
423
00:19:01,518 --> 00:19:04,678
Hey, that's the second bib
we've lost this week!
424
00:19:04,678 --> 00:19:05,798
Great chow mein.
425
00:19:05,798 --> 00:19:10,038
Oh, you like the chow mein?
That good. I make it myself.
426
00:19:10,038 --> 00:19:12,238
Got a question for you. Hmm?
427
00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:14,518
Are Chinese whiskers racist?
428
00:19:14,518 --> 00:19:17,838
Ohh. That a very strange question,
Mr Cat.
429
00:19:17,838 --> 00:19:20,758
Leave with me. I ask people.
430
00:19:20,758 --> 00:19:23,838
People who pass, I ask, every time.
431
00:19:24,958 --> 00:19:26,078
Thanks.
432
00:19:28,758 --> 00:19:30,358
Did you get that filling done?
433
00:19:30,358 --> 00:19:31,958
Yes, sir. I did, sir.
434
00:19:31,958 --> 00:19:33,678
All filled up. All done.
435
00:19:33,678 --> 00:19:35,758
Don't you lie to me, David Lister.
436
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:37,358
You chickened out again, didn't you?
437
00:19:37,358 --> 00:19:38,678
Yes, Dad.
438
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:44,118
Well, this is going to hurt me a lot
more than it's going to hurt you.
439
00:19:44,118 --> 00:19:46,478
But you...you leave me no choice.
440
00:19:48,238 --> 00:19:49,878
Ohh!
441
00:19:49,878 --> 00:19:51,798
Hello? Aspirin.
442
00:19:51,798 --> 00:19:53,878
- Hello?
- I'm afraid the dispensers,
443
00:19:53,878 --> 00:19:56,558
Dave, are only programmed
to serve registered crew.
444
00:19:56,558 --> 00:19:58,278
Oh, new computer, hi!
445
00:19:58,278 --> 00:19:59,958
I am registered crew.
446
00:19:59,958 --> 00:20:01,798
Not any longer, former crewman.
447
00:20:01,798 --> 00:20:03,918
You resigned from Red Dwarf
last night.
448
00:20:03,918 --> 00:20:05,638
Resigned? You what?
449
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:09,118
Oh, that wasn't me!
That was me dad!
450
00:20:10,478 --> 00:20:13,798
Who, OK, IS me, but it wasn't me
that resigned, it was him.
451
00:20:13,798 --> 00:20:16,038
Look, we'll start again. I'm me,
452
00:20:16,038 --> 00:20:18,518
and my dad's me,
because I'm my own dad.
453
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:22,198
Now, to teach me a lesson,
he - my dad - resigned.
454
00:20:22,198 --> 00:20:23,718
Although he resigned and he is me,
455
00:20:23,718 --> 00:20:25,358
I don't want to resign
cos I'm not him,
456
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:26,718
even though he's me.
457
00:20:27,958 --> 00:20:29,198
It's clear.
458
00:20:29,198 --> 00:20:31,958
Totally clear, former crewman.
459
00:20:31,958 --> 00:20:34,358
Don't say "former crewman"!
Present crewman.
460
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:36,398
Your resignation
has just been processed
461
00:20:36,398 --> 00:20:40,038
and your free oxygen allowance
will terminate today at noon.
462
00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:43,038
That's...ten minutes' time!
463
00:20:43,038 --> 00:20:45,718
D'you know what?
I'll...I'll just re-enlist.
464
00:20:45,718 --> 00:20:46,918
The only way to re-enlist
465
00:20:46,918 --> 00:20:49,358
is to apply for one of the JMC
undergrad programmes.
466
00:20:49,358 --> 00:20:51,678
Ha! Yeah. That was his plan
all along.
467
00:20:51,678 --> 00:20:53,838
Just one question,
former crewman.
468
00:20:53,838 --> 00:20:55,878
Are you 21 or under?
469
00:20:55,878 --> 00:20:58,998
Well, my haircut is.
Does that count?
470
00:20:58,998 --> 00:21:00,438
I'm sorry, former crewman.
471
00:21:00,438 --> 00:21:02,478
That makes you ineligible
for the programme.
472
00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:05,918
And since the JMC is no longer
obligated to provide you with oxygen,
473
00:21:05,918 --> 00:21:08,798
your free supply will end
in eight minutes and counting.
474
00:21:08,798 --> 00:21:12,718
Ooh! I really need oxygen, it's
really important to me lifestyle!
475
00:21:12,718 --> 00:21:14,438
You need to leave.
476
00:21:14,438 --> 00:21:17,078
I'm not going anywhere.
Where will I go? I'm not leaving.
477
00:21:17,078 --> 00:21:18,198
You're leaving.
478
00:21:18,198 --> 00:21:21,478
No, I'm not. I'm staying here.
You just watch me not leave.
479
00:21:21,478 --> 00:21:22,638
Dave!
480
00:21:22,638 --> 00:21:24,798
Is that you?
481
00:21:24,798 --> 00:21:26,038
Dave!
482
00:21:50,278 --> 00:21:54,918
My friend, Mr Cat,
he has very strange question.
483
00:21:54,918 --> 00:21:57,118
So, I ask everyone who pass.
484
00:21:57,118 --> 00:21:58,798
See if they know.
485
00:21:58,798 --> 00:22:00,118
What's the question, TT?
486
00:22:00,118 --> 00:22:01,478
Do...
487
00:22:01,478 --> 00:22:04,878
Chinese knickers have braces?
488
00:22:06,678 --> 00:22:09,918
"Do Chinese knickers have braces?"
489
00:22:09,918 --> 00:22:12,238
Well, I suppose some of them do.
490
00:22:12,238 --> 00:22:15,158
Maybe for that extra feeling
of security if, say,
491
00:22:15,158 --> 00:22:17,998
you're a woman jumping out
of a plane in a skirt.
492
00:22:17,998 --> 00:22:20,278
That what I thought!
493
00:22:20,278 --> 00:22:23,358
Who wants their pants flying off
at 10,000 feet?
494
00:22:23,358 --> 00:22:27,158
It a long way down,
and draughty all the way.
495
00:22:27,158 --> 00:22:30,158
Leave it with me, TT.
I'll ask around.
496
00:22:30,158 --> 00:22:32,238
Oh, you know who might know?
497
00:22:32,238 --> 00:22:34,878
Dispenser 55, down on G Deck.
498
00:22:34,878 --> 00:22:36,718
Don't waste your time!
He know nothing!
499
00:22:36,718 --> 00:22:39,798
He all pre-package! All microwave!
500
00:22:54,318 --> 00:22:56,238
No way. Can someone help?!
501
00:22:57,838 --> 00:22:59,998
Help me!
502
00:22:59,998 --> 00:23:01,878
I'm being apprehended!
503
00:23:01,878 --> 00:23:03,998
Kryten, help me!
504
00:23:03,998 --> 00:23:05,478
I'm being chucked out!
505
00:23:10,958 --> 00:23:14,998
Your JMC oxygen subscription
will end in 30 seconds.
506
00:23:14,998 --> 00:23:16,358
Hang on, I've gotta get my gloves on!
507
00:23:16,358 --> 00:23:17,718
And counting.
508
00:23:17,718 --> 00:23:19,358
I'm not ready!
I've gotta get my stuff on!
509
00:23:19,358 --> 00:23:22,478
Expulsion time,
ten seconds and counting.
510
00:23:24,518 --> 00:23:25,918
Ten.
511
00:23:25,918 --> 00:23:28,518
- Nine. Five. Four.
- Just give us ten seconds...!
512
00:23:28,518 --> 00:23:30,438
Aaah!
513
00:23:30,438 --> 00:23:32,278
That wasn't ten seconds!
514
00:23:32,278 --> 00:23:35,278
Thank you for breathing JMC oxygen,
and we hope sometime in the future
515
00:23:35,278 --> 00:23:37,118
you'll decide to breathe our oxygen
again.
516
00:23:37,118 --> 00:23:39,598
Have a safe onward journey. Goodbye.
517
00:23:45,638 --> 00:23:47,198
What the hell is that?
518
00:23:47,198 --> 00:23:50,878
An airlock's opened, and the ship's
just ejected something!
519
00:23:50,878 --> 00:23:53,638
Oh! It looks like a little man
in a spacesuit!
520
00:23:53,638 --> 00:23:55,878
That's not a man. That's Lister.
521
00:23:55,878 --> 00:23:57,558
What's he doing out there?!
522
00:23:57,558 --> 00:24:00,598
Gentlemen.
What's happened to Lister?
523
00:24:00,598 --> 00:24:02,518
He resigned, Arnold,
and as a consequence,
524
00:24:02,518 --> 00:24:04,038
our mission goal has now changed.
525
00:24:04,038 --> 00:24:07,158
There's no longer a requirement
to return Crewman Lister to Earth,
526
00:24:07,158 --> 00:24:10,318
nor is it fiscally prudent
to return or crew this ship.
527
00:24:10,318 --> 00:24:12,118
Mindful of the Space Pollution Act,
528
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:14,998
JMC policy dictates the ship
should dispose of itself
529
00:24:14,998 --> 00:24:16,958
by flying straight into
the nearest sun.
530
00:24:16,958 --> 00:24:18,158
What?!
531
00:24:18,158 --> 00:24:19,478
What about us?
532
00:24:19,478 --> 00:24:21,358
Never mind us, what about me?
533
00:24:22,838 --> 00:24:25,598
No need for alarm, Arnold,
you can come too.
534
00:24:25,598 --> 00:24:29,358
In fact, I'm instructed to offer you
a new position as supervising officer
535
00:24:29,358 --> 00:24:32,278
on our voyage
into the heart of the solar core.
536
00:24:32,278 --> 00:24:35,398
Operation Sizzle.
537
00:24:35,398 --> 00:24:37,478
Or if you prefer, Arnold,
538
00:24:37,478 --> 00:24:39,838
your hologrammic unit
can be shut down now.
539
00:24:39,838 --> 00:24:42,878
So, I have a choice.
Get turned off now,
540
00:24:42,878 --> 00:24:45,238
have a non-existence
for the rest of eternity,
541
00:24:45,238 --> 00:24:48,158
or live a little longer
and then get cooked to death?
542
00:24:48,158 --> 00:24:50,918
It's a real head-scratcher, sir,
no question.
543
00:24:50,918 --> 00:24:52,278
So how long have we got
544
00:24:52,278 --> 00:24:55,838
before we reach the point of
no return, the melting point?
545
00:24:55,838 --> 00:24:58,318
You mean the point where suncream
and floppy hats are no defence
546
00:24:58,318 --> 00:25:00,398
because our noses have started
melting onto our shoes,
547
00:25:00,398 --> 00:25:02,598
which are now floating
down the corridor
548
00:25:02,598 --> 00:25:04,638
in a river made up
of our own leg gravy?
549
00:25:04,638 --> 00:25:07,758
Well, we'll go as fast as we can,
Supervising Officer,
550
00:25:07,758 --> 00:25:10,318
as I know you're keen
to complete the mission.
551
00:25:10,318 --> 00:25:13,238
How long, you mad goth bastard?
552
00:25:13,238 --> 00:25:16,558
Well, I can have the ship fly
beyond its safety limits,
553
00:25:16,558 --> 00:25:19,438
disengage the carbon
carbon-reinforced heat shields,
554
00:25:19,438 --> 00:25:22,118
so it shouldn't take more than...
90 years.
555
00:25:22,118 --> 00:25:23,758
90 years?!
556
00:25:23,758 --> 00:25:25,238
Hey, that's not too bad.
557
00:25:25,238 --> 00:25:27,638
Did I say years? Sorry.
558
00:25:27,638 --> 00:25:28,798
I meant minutes.
559
00:25:28,798 --> 00:25:30,158
90 minutes.
560
00:26:07,438 --> 00:26:09,438
Sir! I'm so pleased you're OK!
561
00:26:09,438 --> 00:26:10,638
Not for long.
562
00:26:10,638 --> 00:26:12,398
In 90 minutes, we're going to be
563
00:26:12,398 --> 00:26:14,678
hotter than me
in a pair of silk Speedos!
564
00:26:14,678 --> 00:26:16,718
What are we going to do?
We're-we're finished!
565
00:26:16,718 --> 00:26:18,118
Oh, Kryten, we can do this.
566
00:26:18,118 --> 00:26:20,838
Alls we've gotta do is get to
the machine room and pull the plug
567
00:26:20,838 --> 00:26:23,758
on this loony. Now,
if you can unscrew that wall panel,
568
00:26:23,758 --> 00:26:26,438
we'll short-cut through the vents.
Right away, sir.
569
00:26:26,438 --> 00:26:29,758
- Two minutes, we'll be through.
- No, you won't.
570
00:26:29,758 --> 00:26:31,838
Your attempts to defeat me
are futile.
571
00:26:31,838 --> 00:26:34,398
Oh, yeah?
How are you planning on stopping us?
572
00:26:34,398 --> 00:26:36,958
Well, actually, sir, she controls
all the ship's functions...
573
00:26:36,958 --> 00:26:38,918
..so in many ways,
574
00:26:38,918 --> 00:26:42,478
her powers are limitless!
Gas is coming in through the vents!
575
00:26:42,478 --> 00:26:44,678
Might that be laughing gas?
576
00:26:46,158 --> 00:26:47,918
We're in!
577
00:26:49,158 --> 00:26:52,078
It's sealed!
There's no way through!
578
00:26:52,078 --> 00:26:55,518
We're screwed!
We're defenceless!
579
00:26:55,518 --> 00:26:57,918
Hey, Kryten, I can't think
straight with this toothache.
580
00:26:57,918 --> 00:27:00,798
It's that one there, mate.
Go on, pull it.
581
00:27:04,958 --> 00:27:07,918
Here comes the wall!
Here comes another one!
582
00:27:10,878 --> 00:27:14,718
Hey, Kryten!
That crazy question you asked.
583
00:27:14,718 --> 00:27:16,158
I've got the answer!
584
00:27:16,158 --> 00:27:17,438
What question, 55?
585
00:27:17,438 --> 00:27:20,518
"Do Siamese sisters
get whiskers in stasis?"
586
00:27:20,518 --> 00:27:21,798
Nah, they don't!
587
00:27:22,798 --> 00:27:25,758
Quick medical, so
we can set up his bios for stasis.'
588
00:27:25,758 --> 00:27:27,038
Stasis!
589
00:27:27,038 --> 00:27:28,878
Stasis! Stasis! Course!
590
00:27:28,878 --> 00:27:30,558
What was I thinking? I've got it!
Pree!
591
00:27:30,558 --> 00:27:32,918
All JMC vessels undertake
to return crew to Earth,
592
00:27:32,918 --> 00:27:34,758
including their dependents, right?
593
00:27:34,758 --> 00:27:37,638
You resigned, former crewman.
There's no way back.
594
00:27:37,638 --> 00:27:40,278
I didn't resign. My dad did.
We share the same name.
595
00:27:40,278 --> 00:27:42,158
Then you'd be on file,
and you're not.
596
00:27:42,158 --> 00:27:44,518
Did you check the medibay waiting
list? Isn't there a file open?
597
00:27:44,518 --> 00:27:46,398
David Lister, medical pending?
598
00:27:47,558 --> 00:27:49,158
- Yes.
- Isn't it true,
599
00:27:49,158 --> 00:27:51,078
once I complete my medical
and I have
600
00:27:51,078 --> 00:27:53,598
all my bios for stasis,
I become registered crew?
601
00:27:53,598 --> 00:27:55,678
- Yes.
- And as registered crew,
602
00:27:55,678 --> 00:27:58,078
do I have the power
to shut you down?
603
00:27:58,078 --> 00:28:00,918
- Yes.
- And as your primary objective
604
00:28:00,918 --> 00:28:04,558
is to save registered crew members
time and energy,
605
00:28:04,558 --> 00:28:07,518
shouldn't you just
uninstall yourself now?
606
00:28:07,518 --> 00:28:09,278
Your logic is faultless.
607
00:28:13,838 --> 00:28:15,718
Rock and roll.
608
00:28:15,718 --> 00:28:18,718
Dave Lister saves the day.
609
00:28:18,718 --> 00:28:21,958
Being brave in a hostile universe.
610
00:28:26,518 --> 00:28:30,558
Mr David Lister Junior, sir,
welcome aboard!
611
00:28:30,558 --> 00:28:32,158
Morning, Krytes.
612
00:28:32,158 --> 00:28:37,158
Complimentary champagne and games
package courtesy of the JMC.
613
00:28:37,158 --> 00:28:38,438
I'm not interested, Krytes.
614
00:28:38,438 --> 00:28:40,238
I've just signed up
for the Robotics programme.
615
00:28:40,238 --> 00:28:41,558
Going to pass that sucker.
616
00:28:41,558 --> 00:28:45,438
So, alcohol, computer games -
it's hasta la vista, baby!
617
00:28:45,438 --> 00:28:48,278
Go on, get 'em out of here. Get...
618
00:28:48,278 --> 00:28:50,238
Zero-gee Total Football?
619
00:28:50,238 --> 00:28:52,878
I didn't know this was even out!
620
00:28:52,878 --> 00:28:56,278
Kryten, grab yourself a remote
and say goodbye to the weekend.
621
00:28:56,278 --> 00:28:58,678
Your MechBook's going down, boy.
622
00:29:00,158 --> 00:29:03,838
Oh, and Kryten...that champagne's
not going to open itself.
623
00:29:07,517 --> 00:29:55,541
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624
00:29:55,591 --> 00:30:00,141
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