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1
00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:06,234
(''STAR WARS''-STYLE MUSIC)
2
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,354
(RED DWARF THEME)
3
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,756
- Cat?
- Mmm?
4
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,639
- You ever see ''The Flintstones''?
- Sure.
5
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,314
Do you think Wilma's sexy?
6
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,032
Wilma Flintstone?
7
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,668
Maybe we've been in deep space too long,
8
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,196
but every time I see that show,
she drives me crazy.
9
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,477
- Is it me?
- Well, I think, in all probability,
10
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:38,428
Wilma Flintstone is
the most desirable woman who ever lived.
11
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,433
That's good. I thought I was going strange.
12
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,916
- She's incredible.
- What do you think of Betty?
13
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,071
Betty Rubble?
14
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,631
Well, I would go with Betty...
15
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,715
but I'd be thinking of Wilma.
16
00:01:56,520 --> 00:02:01,355
This is crazy. We're talking
about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone.
17
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:05,911
You're right. We're nuts.
This is an insane conversation.
18
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,757
She'll never leave Fred, and we know it.
19
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,870
Holly, clipboard and pen, please.
20
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:25,799
- Well, Krytie, today's the day.
- But, sir, I'm just not ready.
21
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,873
- Six weeks is just not long enough.
- Ten-thirty. Name?
22
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,514
- You know my name.
- If this works,
23
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:37,834
it's a new lease of life for us,
but we've got to do it by the book.
24
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,474
It's just when you go into ''official mode'',
25
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,631
my anxiety chip goes into overdrive.
26
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,752
- Name?
- K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K...
27
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,798
K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K...
28
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,190
I'll just put Kryten.
29
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:56,069
- Can you see that space vehicle?
- Where?
30
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,231
Oh, that one. Yes, sir.
31
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,432
And can you read the registration
for me, please?
32
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,388
- Starbug 1?
- Right, show me to your vehicle.
33
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,592
Right, in your own time, start the space vehicle,
34
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,548
proceed through the cargo bay doors
and off into outer space.
35
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,352
Once through the doors,
proceed directly to the nearest planet.
36
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,715
Once there, bring the vehicle to a halt
37
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,030
and then carefully reverse into the planet's orbit,
38
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:34,876
remembering to pay due care
and attention to any other space users.
39
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,950
Right, in your own time.
40
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,997
(CLUNK AND WHOOSH)
41
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:57,831
In your own time.
42
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,871
I've failed, haven't I?
43
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,034
- Just proceed.
- You'll hold it against me.
44
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,589
- One mistake.
- Please.
45
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,471
(KRYTEN) Antigrav, check.
46
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:13,519
Retro, check. Boosters, check.
47
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,629
And very gently ease forward...
48
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:26,318
I think there's something wrong
with the gearbox.
49
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,278
The thing is, I learned to drive in Starbug 2.
50
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,954
I'm not used to the controls in Starbug 1.
51
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:36,631
- They're exactly the same.
- Yes. That's the problem.
52
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,319
(BRAKES SCREECH)
53
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,195
Next, transfer to autopilot,
while we conduct the recognition...
54
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,032
(GEARS GRIND )
55
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,431
- ..tests.
- Engage autopilot.
56
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,433
Autopilot engaged. Well, I say ''autopilot''.
57
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,592
It's not really.
It's Muggins here who has to do it.
58
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:02,873
- Right, what's that one?
- Heavy traffic. Keep in lane.
59
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,917
- That one?
- Danger. Space mirages ahead.
60
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:11,795
At half the speed of light,
what is the stopping distance?
61
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,072
- Four years, three months.
- And the thinking time?
62
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,350
A fortnight.
63
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,390
- Space phenomena. What's that?
- A pulsar.
64
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,551
- And that?
- A binary star.
65
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,995
- What's that?
- A time hole!
66
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,355
- Don't help him.
- It's a time hole!
67
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,632
- It's nothing like a time hole.
- (HOLLY) It is.
68
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:35,271
- It is! It's a time hole!
- A time hole is a rare phenomenon,
69
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:39,558
which, legend has it, transports us
into another part of space and time.
70
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,757
That is obviously a blue giant
about to go supernova.
71
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,555
THAT is a time hole. Right, what's this?
72
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,635
(TREMENDOUS CRASH)
73
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:11,229
I suppose you're going to fail me for this.
74
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,871
What is this place?
75
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:21,034
Holly? Is it possible? Can this be Earth?
76
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,949
Certainly seems that way.
Constellations match. Gravity, one G.
77
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,596
- What's the time period?
- Well, difficult to say exactly,
78
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,751
but according to all available data,
79
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:35,436
I would estimate it's round
about lunchtime, maybe half-one.
80
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,795
What period in history, dingleberry-breath?
81
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,835
Can we expect to see Genghis Khan
82
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,798
and his barbarian buddies
sweeping across the hill?
83
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:49,988
Or flesh-eating dinosaurs
eating Doug McClure? What is the year?
84
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,954
Well, I'd need more data
before I could give a precise answer.
85
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,391
- Like?
- This year's calendar would be handy.
86
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:02,113
(KRYTEN) I've never been to Earth.
I've only seen it on photographs.
87
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:06,592
It's exactly like I always imagined,
only much shorter.
88
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,717
''Nodnol, 871 selim.''
89
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,478
- Nodnol? Where's Nodnol?
- (KRYTEN) It's London.
90
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,518
''London, 178 miles.'' It's backwards.
91
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,434
- Shh! A truck.
- It'll probably hit that box.
92
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,395
There's a perfectly rational explanation for this.
93
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,794
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
94
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,195
Then again, possibly not.
95
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,398
(HORNS HONK)
96
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,599
(RIMMER) What the smeg is going on?(KRYTEN) Everything's backwards.
97
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,638
(HOLLY) It's perfectly consistentwith current theory.
98
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,995
Everything starts with a Big Bang, right?
99
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,355
And the universe starts expanding.
100
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,593
When it's expanded as far as it can,there's the Big Crunch,
101
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,751
and everything starts contracting.
102
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:10,238
It's possible that time startsrunning backwards, as well.
103
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,392
(RIMMER) So is this Earth?
(HOLLY) It's Earth all right,
104
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,994
only Earth where time's going backwards.
105
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,871
(BOTH SPEAK BACKWARDS)
106
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,193
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
107
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,749
Flobba-dob blib blob bleeb.
108
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,515
- What are you doing?
- You said look inconspicuous.
109
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,590
- Don't be idiotic.
- But if people see my face,
110
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,751
what will they think?
111
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:27,114
Tell them you took your car
to the crushers and forgot to get out.
112
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,391
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
113
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:39,317
-I got a newspaper.
- What's the year? 3991?!
114
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,717
No, it's 1993. It's backwards.
115
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,878
I'll switch to reverse mode. (BLEEPS)
116
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,190
''Three brought to life in bank raid.
117
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:51,511
''A masked man with
a sawn-off shotgun sucked bullets
118
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:54,069
''out of two cashiers and a security guard
119
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,834
''in a South London bank tomorrow.
120
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:02,638
''The armed raider then forced
terrified staff to accept �10,000,
121
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:06,758
''which he demanded
they place in the bank's vaults.
122
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:10,549
''The man, Michael Ellis,
completed a 15-year prison sentence
123
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,598
''for the crime two years ago.''
124
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:18,240
- What does that say?
- It's an advert.
125
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:23,952
''Roll-off deodorant. Keeps you wet
and smelly for up to 24 hours.''
126
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,429
What shall we do? This place is crazy.
127
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,279
There's nothing we can do until they find us.
128
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:34,194
We'd better get a job.
What jobs are there in a backwards reality
129
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,638
for a dead hologram and an android
with a head like a novelty condom?
130
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,549
Here's the jobs page. This looks interesting.
131
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:48,472
''Wanted - managing director, ICI.
Excellent demotion prospects.
132
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,598
''Right candidate could go
straight to the bottom.''
133
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,918
- Something a bit more low-key.
- ''Restaurant requires dish dirtier''?
134
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,913
- Anything else?
- Ah, this looks interesting.
135
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,514
''Theatrical agent requires novelty acts.''
136
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:06,115
- What do we do that's a novelty?
- In this world, everything.
137
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:18,832
- Three weeks we been doing this.
- We'll do it till we find them.
138
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,794
We ain't gonna find 'em. They're gone, buddy.
139
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,671
But look on the bright side...they're gone, buddy!
140
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,951
Don't you care about anyone but yourself?
141
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,720
Hell, no. I don't even care about you.
142
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:37,431
If Goalpost-Head and Freak-Face
want to get lost, that's their bag.
143
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,797
I don't see why it should cut
into my preening time.
144
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:45,631
You realise with all this,
I haven't permed my leg hairs in a week?
145
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,837
- I'm a wreck.
- You perm your leg hairs?
146
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,109
Only as an aid to the natural curl.
147
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,949
- Fasten your belt.
- I don't need fashion tips from you.
148
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,833
SAFETY belt. Look.
149
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,116
Is that what I think it is?
150
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,989
- What do you think it is?
- An orange whirly thing.
151
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,272
It's a time hole.
That's where they are. We're going in.
152
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,278
- What?! You can't go in there.
- Why not?
153
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,630
Orange with this suit?!
154
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,870
Where are we?
155
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:28,158
I don't believe this.
According to the NaviComp, this is Earth.
156
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,798
(LISTER) Engage cloak. I'm takin' her down.
157
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,594
- (CAT) What was that for?
- We don't want to freak the natives.
158
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,439
(METALLIC CLUNK)
159
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,398
Hey. What's the matter?
160
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:53,189
I dunno.
I think me ribs are cracked. And me back.
161
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,079
- Is my eye bruised?
- Yeah, it is.
162
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,675
- What's that?
- It's a homing device.
163
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,474
It'll find their flight recorder.
164
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,631
Yonder.
165
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,996
I'm home.
166
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,436
- You found anything?
- The Bug's there, but they're not.
167
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,835
You're dry.
168
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,991
That's weird.
169
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:40,790
Let's take a look around.
Maybe they left us a clue or something.
170
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,949
(LISTER) What's this?
171
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,271
They must have left them
to tell us where they'll be.
172
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:52,592
- What's it say?
- It's in some weird language.
173
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:57,192
''Srehtorb.'' That must be Polish
or Bulgarian or somethin'.
174
00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:02,388
- You speak Bulgarian?
- Me?! I can hardly speak English.
175
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,397
What's this?
176
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:11,317
Nodnol? Hang on!
Wait a minute! Nodnol. Nod-nol.
177
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,710
- It's in Bulgaria.
- Are you sure?
178
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,519
Geography was my number-one subject
at school.
179
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:20,719
Nodnol - rich in animal produce
and minerals, just south of Bosnia.
180
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,515
- What's ''selim''?
- Obviously, Bulgarian for kilometres.
181
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,989
You're so smart. I'm glad I'm with you.
182
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,310
Well, we are the smart party.
183
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,471
(BOTH MAKE BEATBOX SOUNDS)
184
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,275
(RAPS) I didn't come here lookin' for trouble
185
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,431
I just came to do the Red Dwarf shuffle!
186
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,636
(CAT) He's smart
187
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,279
(BOTH) He's smart
188
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,432
(LISTER) My ribs are killing me.
Let's find some transport.
189
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,878
Come on! Let's go! Go! Come on!
190
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,315
Bye, suckers! You lost your bike!
191
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,199
Start pedalling, man! Start pedalling!
192
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:05,912
- Get this thing in forward gear!
- It IS in forward gear!
193
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,239
Stop! Stop!
194
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,190
No more. I'm not moving
another yard on this thing.
195
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,510
I've got a parting in the back of my head.
196
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,955
It's these cheap Bulgarian bikes.
197
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,271
You probably have to queue
for a year for this junk.
198
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:39,194
You have to be a government official
to get one that goes forwards.
199
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,396
Yo, matey. Excuse me. Excuse me.
200
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:42,993
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
201
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,549
I don't speak Bulgarian. You speak English?
202
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:53,191
We're lookin' for our friend. Erm...friendski.
203
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,318
Uh... Our budski? Palski?
204
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,471
There's an addresski hereski.
205
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,359
Can you, erm...drop us offski?
206
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:09,232
- Rock'n'roll.
-Thankski verski muchski, budski.
207
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,678
(CAT) HeyI HeyI HeyIWe're movin' in the right direction now.
208
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,477
(DOG BARKS BACKWARDS)
209
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,711
This is the place.
210
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,111
My eye! Me back feels
like it's been cut to ribbons!
211
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,033
Moan, moan, moan, moan, moan!
212
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,955
Ladies and gentlemen, olleh, olleh, olleh.
213
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,230
Welcome to the show.
214
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,990
(ROARS OF LAUGHTER)
215
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,317
- That's a joke?
- For our first trick tonight,
216
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:18,429
my partner Kryten will attempt
to eat a boiled egg...
217
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,670
- forwards.
- (ALL GASP)
218
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,510
(CRIES OF DISGUST AND AMUSEMENT)
219
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,995
This is entertainment to these people?
It's pathetic.
220
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,879
They're Bulgarian. They have very simple tastes.
221
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,757
I have it. It's a moron convention.
222
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,270
Check the coat room.
If there are 20 jackets, all white,
223
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,079
with arms that tie behind the neck, I'm right.
224
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,118
And what better way to round off a meal
225
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,192
than by drinking a glass of water?
226
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,635
- Kryten.
- Whoa, stick around.
227
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,712
They're building up to a big climax.
228
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,074
We are the Sensational Reverse Brothers.
229
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,038
We shall see you last night.
230
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,236
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
231
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,670
Let's get a drink and go backstage.
Hello? Excuse me?
232
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,354
Can I have two pints of bitter, please?
233
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,878
- Bitter. Two pints.
- She can't understand you.
234
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,271
- You're wasting your time.
- Yo, what you drinkin' there?
235
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,237
Drinkski? Beerski?
236
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,630
Ah, rettib. Two pints of rettib, please.
237
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,870
- Rettib?
- Two.
238
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,952
Was that difficult? No, we're the smart party.
239
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,515
Rettib. Rettib.
240
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,471
(BACKWARDS SLURPING)
241
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,438
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
242
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,990
This isn't Bulgaria. Look at that menu. ''Unem.''
243
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,594
It's English, but backwards.
Everything's backwards.
244
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,876
- Everything's backwards?
- Yeah.
245
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,519
Right!
246
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:15,389
Well, as they say,
when in Rome, do as the Snamor do.
247
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,990
- Up the hatch.
- Booties down.
248
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,828
What do you mean, you don't want to leave?!
249
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,230
- We're happy.
- We've found a niche.
250
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,709
We're the Sensational Reverse Brothers.
251
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,916
After just three weeks, we're a hit.
252
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:41,237
- Rimmer, everything is backwards.
- We've got used to it.
253
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:45,109
Once you get over the initial shock,
things actually make a lot more sense.
254
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:51,878
There's no death here. You start off dead,
you have a funeral, then come to life.
255
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:56,033
As each year passes, you get younger,
until you become a newborn baby.
256
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,191
Then you go back inside your mother,
257
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,669
who goes back inside her mother,
and so on,
258
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,593
until eventually
we all become one glorious whole.
259
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:07,036
Rimmer, you already are one glorious hole.
260
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,192
- You've totally flipped, man.
- We want to stay.
261
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:15,713
But we can't stay. Look, I'm 25 now.
In 10 years' time, I'll be 15.
262
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,599
I'll have to go through puberty again.
Backwards.
263
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,918
Imagine that. Your gajimbas
will suddenly rise back into your body,
264
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,516
and next thing you know,
you're singing soprano in the choir.
265
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,554
And worse than that,
in 25 years, I'll be a little sperm,
266
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,156
swimming around in somebody's testicles.
267
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,914
That's just not how I saw my future.
268
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,628
I tell you, things are better here.
It's our universe that's backwards.
269
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,712
Take war. War is a wonderful thing here.
270
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,350
In 50 years' time, the Second
World War will start...backwards.
271
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,711
- That's a good thing?
- Millions will come to life.
272
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:56,396
Hitler will retreat across Europe,
liberate France and Poland,
273
00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:00,235
disband the Third Reich
and bog off back to Austria.
274
00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:03,680
We're smash hits. We'd be crazy to leave.
275
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,316
Rimmer, we don't belong here.
This place is crazy.
276
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:11,877
Crazy? Death, disease, famine -
there's none of that here.
277
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:16,035
There's no crime.
Our first night here, a mugger jumped us
278
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,953
and forced �50 into my wallet at knifepoint.
279
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:23,272
OK, OK. But look at the flipside
of the coin. It's not all good.
280
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,795
Take someone like, say, St Francis of Assisi.
281
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,349
In this universe,
he's the petty-minded little sadist
282
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,556
who goes around maiming small animals.
283
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,678
Or Santa Claus - what a bastard!
284
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,871
- Eh?
- He's the fat git
285
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:39,828
who sneaks down chimneys
and steals all the kids' favourite toys.
286
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,270
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
287
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,196
What fight? We didn't start any fight?
288
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:52,909
- What's he saying?
- (SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
289
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,111
(KNOCKING)
290
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,950
- We're fired! For fighting.
- You've been with us all night.
291
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,436
He says we'll never work the pub circuit again.
292
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,114
For smeg's sake! Be reasonable!
293
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,989
(BACKWARDS CONVERSATION)
294
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:29,835
Tell him about the contract thing.
He can't just sack us like that.
295
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,991
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
296
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:38,112
- What's that about?
- Rimmer in a fight? That's a laugh.
297
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,589
- So, what's the plan?
- I dunno.
298
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:44,992
If they don't change their minds,
head back without them. My back!
299
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:07,273
We just gotta get out of here.
This universe is just too disgusting.
300
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,711
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
301
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,597
- What's the matter with him?
- (SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
302
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,792
I think we've just uneaten his pie.
303
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,639
Unbelievable. We didn't start a fight.
304
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,956
Look, I'm sorry, man. We were just... Ah!
305
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,873
- (CAT) Are you OK?
- My black eye's gone!
306
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,316
He just sucked it off me face with his fist! Oh!
307
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,870
- Now he's uncracked me ribs!
- We don't want any trouble.
308
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,032
You don't understand.
All this mess, all this debris,
309
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,273
is from the fight we got fired for,
which we're about to have.
310
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,756
ABOUT to have?
I don't want a bar room brawl.
311
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:52,078
It's not a bar room brawl.
It's a bar room tidy. Unrumble!
312
00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,955
- Where are you going?
- I know what happens to me back.
313
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,554
Here, have your tooth back.
314
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,070
(BACKWARDS CHATTER)
315
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,197
Good one, gentlemen.
Thanks for your support. Let's go.
316
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,431
I've forgotten something.
317
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:18,113
- (SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
- What the hell? It's a good cause.
318
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,909
How much is that, mate?
319
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:31,672
Oh, aye, yeah!
320
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,432
(CABBIE) Oi!
321
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,556
Tight git.
322
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:51,594
You know, it could have worked.
It really could. Where's the Cat?
323
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:56,072
He won't be long.
He's...you know...in the bushes.
324
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,910
We've got to stop him.
325
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,551
Don't ask!
326
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,517
# It's cold outsideThere's no kind of atmosphere
327
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,990
# I'm all alone, more or less
328
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,357
# Let me fly far away from here
329
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,193
# Fun, fun, fun
330
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:39,909
# In the sun, sun, sun
331
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,436
# I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose
332
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,717
# Drinking fresh mango juice
333
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,190
# Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes
334
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,920
# Fun, fun, fun
335
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:56,789
# In the sun, sun, sun
336
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,633
# Fun, fun, fun
337
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:04,032
# In the sun, sun, sun #
338
00:27:04,082 --> 00:27:08,632
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