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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,960
Are we late? I don't wanna miss
the plane. We're not late are we? Don't worry, Dad.
2
00:00:04,990 --> 00:00:06,470
We're not late, we're early.
3
00:00:06,470 --> 00:00:09,430
That way we avoid our usual
last minute panic, don't we?
4
00:00:11,030 --> 00:00:13,190
I'll get the trolley!
5
00:00:13,190 --> 00:00:15,830
OK, but remember
they are not built for speed.
6
00:00:15,830 --> 00:00:18,550
You could have crippled
that poor woman at Gatwick.
7
00:00:18,550 --> 00:00:21,950
Well, I did shout, "Look out,
lady, I can't stop!"
8
00:00:21,950 --> 00:00:23,470
So, how early are we, Mummy?
9
00:00:23,470 --> 00:00:28,430
Well, let's ask Daddy, shall we?
Exactly how early are we, Daddy?
10
00:00:28,430 --> 00:00:31,310
Well, we're a bit early.
But how early?
11
00:00:32,270 --> 00:00:36,790
Nice and early. Daddy likes to allow
plenty of time. That's right,
12
00:00:36,790 --> 00:00:38,230
in case of bad traffic.
13
00:00:38,230 --> 00:00:41,590
Bad traffic, on a small island,
on a Sunday, in a Catholic country.
14
00:00:46,470 --> 00:00:49,870
Look at those policemen.
They've got guns. That is so cool.
15
00:00:49,870 --> 00:00:51,670
There's nothing cool about guns.
16
00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:54,190
They are horrible things.
They kill people.
17
00:00:54,190 --> 00:00:58,190
That's why they're cool. Young
people make a lot of gun crime.
18
00:00:58,190 --> 00:01:00,630
It's a tragedy in our inner city.
19
00:01:02,070 --> 00:01:04,870
What? The man on the telly
said that.
20
00:01:04,870 --> 00:01:08,310
The one with the desk.
The one that speaks like that.
21
00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:12,630
Fiona Bruce. Kids, you stay with
Grandad for a sec. Won't be long.
22
00:01:12,630 --> 00:01:15,350
Have you ever fired a gun, Grandad?
Oh, yeah.
23
00:01:15,350 --> 00:01:16,710
In Korea.
24
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,230
Have you ever seen anybody get shot?
25
00:01:19,230 --> 00:01:22,790
Oh, yeah. What, in Korea?
No, in a pub in Aldershot.
26
00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:26,110
Is it safe to let your dad go back
to his own house next week?
27
00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:28,230
He seems to have gone
downhill a bit.
28
00:01:28,230 --> 00:01:31,910
He gets more disorientated when
his biorhythms are out of kilter.
29
00:01:31,910 --> 00:01:35,150
But on the holiday, he was wandering
off... He wasn't that bad.
30
00:01:35,150 --> 00:01:37,510
Sue, I found him
on a dual carriageway.
31
00:01:37,510 --> 00:01:40,510
Yeah, but that's because
he's in a strange environment.
32
00:01:40,510 --> 00:01:42,870
Our flight isn't even up there.
33
00:01:44,470 --> 00:01:46,990
Twice I found him
in someone else's room.
34
00:01:46,990 --> 00:01:49,830
They all looked the same.
It's an easy mistake to make.
35
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:53,310
He had a bath in one. Those people
were very reasonable about it.
36
00:01:53,310 --> 00:01:57,270
There it is! T549...
37
00:01:57,270 --> 00:01:58,630
Two hour delay.
38
00:01:58,630 --> 00:02:00,630
Oh, noooo...
39
00:02:00,630 --> 00:02:02,990
Yep. With the three hours leeway
you built in,
40
00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:05,510
that's five hours,
in an airport, with kids.
41
00:02:05,510 --> 00:02:08,830
That's five weeks in real-time.
Well...
42
00:02:10,390 --> 00:02:11,950
They can do some colouring.
43
00:02:14,950 --> 00:02:17,750
All right, well it looks like
we've got a bit of a wait.
44
00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:21,350
Mummy's just working out where
we check the bags in and then,
45
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,430
that leaves us free to explore.
46
00:02:28,390 --> 00:02:30,590
Daddy, what's that man keep saying?
47
00:02:30,590 --> 00:02:34,830
He's just telling us not to leave
our bags unattended. Now then...
48
00:02:34,830 --> 00:02:36,750
But, why does he keep saying it?
49
00:02:36,750 --> 00:02:38,750
Because the airport people, you see,
50
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:41,990
they don't want people just to
wander off and leave their bags,
51
00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:43,750
that's why he's saying it. Why?
52
00:02:44,950 --> 00:02:48,390
Because there are some
bad people who...
53
00:02:48,390 --> 00:02:55,350
A very tiny, tiny, tiny number of,
of bad people, who might want to...
54
00:02:57,230 --> 00:02:59,670
..Damage the planes.
55
00:02:59,670 --> 00:03:01,550
What...like graffiti?
56
00:03:01,550 --> 00:03:03,910
No...
57
00:03:03,910 --> 00:03:07,070
Bit worse than that.
Anyway, who wants an ice cream?
58
00:03:07,070 --> 00:03:09,630
Me. But what's that got
to do with bags?
59
00:03:09,630 --> 00:03:11,630
Cos that's where they hide bombs.
60
00:03:11,630 --> 00:03:14,030
Bombs?! Do bad people have bombs?!
61
00:03:14,030 --> 00:03:17,670
We are talking about
a fantastically...
62
00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:23,670
tiny number of bad people.
The world is full of nice people.
63
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:26,990
Anyway it's nothing to worry...
Oh, look!
64
00:03:26,990 --> 00:03:30,230
Look at that policeman with the dog.
What kind of dog is that?
65
00:03:30,230 --> 00:03:32,990
Why does he bring his dog to work?
66
00:03:32,990 --> 00:03:34,750
To sniff out... Companionship.
67
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:36,190
Well...guess what?
68
00:03:36,190 --> 00:03:38,510
Check-in isn't even open yet.
69
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:42,470
You all right, Karen? Yeah,
she's on top form, aren't you, eh?
70
00:03:42,470 --> 00:03:44,270
Actually, I'm not on top form.
71
00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:49,270
I'm thinking about all
the bad people with the bombs.
72
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,390
Someone's got onto
the topic of bombs.
73
00:03:51,390 --> 00:03:55,190
It's these incessant announcements.
Darling, the thing to remember is,
74
00:03:55,190 --> 00:03:58,190
the naughty people
who've got the bombs,
75
00:03:58,190 --> 00:04:01,550
well, they are a fantastically
tiny, tiny number.
76
00:04:01,550 --> 00:04:03,150
Isn't that right, Grandad?
77
00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:05,630
Yeah, yeah. Mind you,
it only takes one.
78
00:04:05,630 --> 00:04:09,070
What do you mean it only takes one?
He doesn't mean anything.
79
00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:13,990
HE MOANS
80
00:04:13,990 --> 00:04:16,590
How much longer till we leave?
81
00:04:21,030 --> 00:04:23,750
But it was four hours
a few minutes ago.
82
00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:26,950
Yep, it was two, then four,
and now it's six.
83
00:04:26,950 --> 00:04:29,790
They're working their way through
the two times table.
84
00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:33,710
Well, it's quite complicated,
because they believe
85
00:04:33,710 --> 00:04:39,070
that their religion tells them to do
it, so that they can get into heaven.
86
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:43,150
Is this Muslims? No, not just...
It's not just Muslims, no.
87
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:47,430
What other religions
have blown up planes?
88
00:04:47,430 --> 00:04:50,310
Well, er...the...
89
00:04:53,030 --> 00:04:57,350
Well, it is mostly Muslims,
yes, but it's just a tiny,
90
00:04:57,350 --> 00:05:01,190
tiny group of Muslims
that do bad things,
91
00:05:01,190 --> 00:05:03,950
er...because they think God
is telling them to do it.
92
00:05:03,950 --> 00:05:08,910
That's silly, why would God tell
them to blow up planes? Well...
93
00:05:08,910 --> 00:05:13,790
Exactly. God could do it
much easilier than they could.
94
00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:16,310
He can do whatever he wants.
He's God.
95
00:05:16,310 --> 00:05:18,750
Well, yes, yes...
96
00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,510
Let's continue...
97
00:05:20,510 --> 00:05:22,990
No, I won't! Anyway,
I don't know the Spanish for,
98
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:26,550
"Can my son have a go
with your machine-gun?"
99
00:05:26,550 --> 00:05:28,630
And you won't find it
in the phrasebook.
100
00:05:28,630 --> 00:05:30,510
Oh, God! What's up?
101
00:05:30,510 --> 00:05:33,870
Jake's texting Jo
and Jo isn't texting back.
102
00:05:33,870 --> 00:05:36,070
Maybe there's a problem
with her phone.
103
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:39,550
Or maybe Jo doesn't want
a boyfriend who's ugly.
104
00:05:39,550 --> 00:05:41,390
Shut it, you!
105
00:05:41,390 --> 00:05:44,910
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Stop!
106
00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:46,710
Erm...
107
00:05:46,710 --> 00:05:50,390
What... That man...
When that man keeps saying,
108
00:05:50,390 --> 00:05:52,550
"Please report
suspicious behaviour."
109
00:05:52,550 --> 00:05:57,350
What is sus-sus-pa,
suspicious behaviour?
110
00:05:57,350 --> 00:06:00,470
Well, it's when someone's
acting oddly,
111
00:06:00,470 --> 00:06:05,550
or...they look very nervous or
they, I don't know...sweating a lot.
112
00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:07,310
Of if they're carrying a bomb.
113
00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:11,110
Yep, that...that would qualify
as suspicious behaviour.
114
00:06:11,110 --> 00:06:13,190
OK.
115
00:06:13,190 --> 00:06:14,590
Oh, no, because...
116
00:06:14,590 --> 00:06:16,310
That man's sweating.
117
00:06:17,550 --> 00:06:20,350
But he's hot. He's just hot.
118
00:06:20,350 --> 00:06:25,190
I saw a lady buy a chocolate bar
and then not eat it.
119
00:06:25,190 --> 00:06:29,150
And I saw a man,
120
00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:35,190
that was holding his hands behind
his back for a very long time,
121
00:06:35,190 --> 00:06:40,990
and I saw a lady, she was looking
at a sign with very small eyes.
122
00:06:40,990 --> 00:06:43,830
Ah... And I think those things
are suspicious.
123
00:06:43,830 --> 00:06:45,910
Just go and see
if our flight's up there.
124
00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:48,950
Go on. It really hacks me off,
you know.
125
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,150
We're not boyfriend
and girlfriend.
126
00:06:51,150 --> 00:06:53,630
We're just friends.
Well, that's terrific.
127
00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:57,670
Because that means that you're not
making the mistake that I made.
128
00:06:57,670 --> 00:07:00,510
Because I over-invested
in one friend...
129
00:07:00,510 --> 00:07:02,990
who happened to be a girl.
130
00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:08,070
It's rather silly, really. I used
to give her all my Refreshers.
131
00:07:08,070 --> 00:07:10,190
They were like
a little packet of sweets
132
00:07:10,190 --> 00:07:13,270
that had letters on them
and I used to secretly rearrange
133
00:07:13,270 --> 00:07:17,150
the order of the letters,
so that they spelt out,
134
00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:18,670
"I Love You."
135
00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:23,670
Mind you, I had to buy a lot of
packets to get the right letters.
136
00:07:24,670 --> 00:07:26,070
How old were you?
137
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,590
Sixt...
138
00:07:27,590 --> 00:07:29,270
Six.
139
00:07:31,110 --> 00:07:33,670
That man's still sweating.
140
00:07:37,350 --> 00:07:40,470
A...A...A...
141
00:07:40,470 --> 00:07:43,390
Aeroplane? Not that I see any.
142
00:07:43,390 --> 00:07:45,510
Nope, it's not aeroplane.
143
00:07:45,510 --> 00:07:47,350
Alsatian? No.
144
00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:50,910
Not Alsatian. AK-47? No.
145
00:07:50,910 --> 00:07:52,670
Ah...
146
00:07:54,110 --> 00:07:56,190
HE MUMBLES
147
00:07:57,270 --> 00:07:58,390
All right, I give up!
148
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:01,870
It's air. Air?!
149
00:08:01,870 --> 00:08:04,270
You can't see air! You can!
150
00:08:04,270 --> 00:08:07,150
Erm...what about all that
fog and mist,
151
00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:10,390
that we had on holiday,
that was air. Yeah...sadly.
152
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:13,710
And when it's a very hot day,
you can see the sun coming in
153
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:15,670
and all those dotty bits of air.
154
00:08:15,670 --> 00:08:18,350
That's dust.
Yes, but what makes it float?
155
00:08:18,350 --> 00:08:19,870
Air does.
156
00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:24,350
All right.
Something beginning with T.
157
00:08:24,350 --> 00:08:25,870
Who's this?
158
00:08:25,870 --> 00:08:27,910
Oh, Jo, I love you, Jo...
159
00:08:27,910 --> 00:08:30,870
Shut up, you little... Boys...
Hey, don't push me!
160
00:08:30,870 --> 00:08:31,990
Ow...
161
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:33,430
Boys!
162
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,110
Sorry. I am so sorry!
163
00:08:35,110 --> 00:08:37,350
Don't worry. We didn't mean it.
164
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:41,350
Thank you. Yeah well, this is
precisely how accidents happen.
165
00:08:41,350 --> 00:08:45,510
I'm so sorry. It's fine, honestly.
Boys will be boys.
166
00:08:46,550 --> 00:08:50,110
I'm sure we've met before.
Were you at the hotel?
167
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:53,750
No. We met on the way out.
At Gatwick.
168
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:56,470
I didn't have the stick then.
169
00:08:57,550 --> 00:09:01,310
Ahh...the ramp lady.
170
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,470
I am so...
Please, it's fine.
171
00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:07,990
Let us get you another coffee.
I'm all right. No, no. Jake. Jake.
172
00:09:07,990 --> 00:09:11,550
Go and get this lady another coffee,
by way of apology. Careful.
173
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:14,030
All right. I give up.
174
00:09:14,030 --> 00:09:15,630
It's time.
175
00:09:16,670 --> 00:09:19,390
Karen, you can't see time.
176
00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:22,030
You can! Cos otherwise,
why would people say,
177
00:09:22,030 --> 00:09:24,470
"Have you seen the time?"
178
00:09:24,470 --> 00:09:28,110
Yes, but that's a manner of speaking.
You can't actually see the time...
179
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:31,070
Yeah, but why would they
say it because...
180
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:35,430
because if a person looked
and they saw the time, they'd say,
181
00:09:35,430 --> 00:09:38,230
"Yes, I did, I have seen the time."
182
00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:44,870
Yes, but I can't see your I spy
of time, can I? You can't see time.
183
00:09:44,870 --> 00:09:48,510
You can feel time passing,
especially playing this game.
184
00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:51,470
Did you get that lady her coffee?
Yeah, and I got one for me.
185
00:09:51,470 --> 00:09:54,270
You got yourself a coffee?
Yeah, a double espresso.
186
00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:57,350
A double esp...? You're the one
telling me to try new things.
187
00:09:57,350 --> 00:09:59,750
But I meant, you know,
vegetables and stuff,
188
00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:02,870
not stimulants, you've never had
caffeine before.
189
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:04,750
Don't get in a state.
I only drank half.
190
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:08,230
Oh. Oh, OK.
191
00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:09,310
Ben drank the other half.
192
00:10:11,350 --> 00:10:15,630
You let Ben drink a double espresso.
It tasted horrible to begin with.
193
00:10:15,630 --> 00:10:19,190
But then I added five spoonfuls
of sugar and now I feel...
194
00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:21,070
All zingy, zangy, zongy!
195
00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:25,150
Zingy, zangy, zongy?
I feel like lightning.
196
00:10:39,110 --> 00:10:40,190
Hey!
197
00:10:40,190 --> 00:10:44,350
As we had a bit of time to kill,
to put it mildly, erm...
198
00:10:44,350 --> 00:10:47,190
I did a rough calculation,
199
00:10:47,190 --> 00:10:51,150
and this is our debt
at the end of the year.
200
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:54,950
Bloody hell.
201
00:10:54,950 --> 00:10:57,670
That's assuming I get the job
I'm going for next week.
202
00:10:57,670 --> 00:11:02,550
And that's the figure, if I don't.
203
00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:05,670
Bloody hell!
204
00:11:05,670 --> 00:11:08,750
I mean, it's my fault. I should
have stayed on top of things,
205
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:12,030
I should never have booked this
holiday. That was ridiculous.
206
00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:14,470
It's...it's my fault.
207
00:11:16,470 --> 00:11:18,870
Clearly it's my fault.
208
00:11:20,910 --> 00:11:25,190
Oh well, thanks for trying
to make me feel better!
209
00:11:26,230 --> 00:11:27,950
Pete, can you say something?!
210
00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:31,230
Bloody hell. Apart from bloody hell?
211
00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:33,030
Jesus.
212
00:11:33,030 --> 00:11:35,470
This is without additional
things, isn't it?
213
00:11:35,470 --> 00:11:37,430
Like, if we have to have
the roof done,
214
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:40,830
or if we have to find somewhere
for your dad to... To what?
215
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:44,710
Well, y'know if he... Yeah, but
he's going home soon, isn't he?
216
00:11:44,710 --> 00:11:47,190
Once the fire damage is fixed.
217
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:53,190
Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right.
218
00:11:54,390 --> 00:11:55,870
Bloody hell.
219
00:11:56,910 --> 00:11:57,910
BOYS SCREAM
220
00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:02,270
Leave it! Stop playing
with the trolleys!
221
00:12:04,350 --> 00:12:06,830
Marmalade? No.
222
00:12:06,830 --> 00:12:08,550
Millionaire?
223
00:12:08,550 --> 00:12:11,990
Nope. Mop? Nope.
224
00:12:11,990 --> 00:12:14,310
OK, I give up. What is it?
225
00:12:14,310 --> 00:12:15,910
Muslim!
226
00:12:15,910 --> 00:12:18,990
Karen! Shh! Keep your voice down.
227
00:12:18,990 --> 00:12:20,390
But he is a Muslim.
228
00:12:20,390 --> 00:12:23,190
I know, but you can't just...
And it begins with M.
229
00:12:23,190 --> 00:12:26,390
You can't just point at people
and shout out their religions.
230
00:12:26,390 --> 00:12:30,030
It's not nice. Well, he must know
that he's a Muslim.
231
00:12:30,030 --> 00:12:34,230
Look it...it's quite complicated,
because it's not easy
232
00:12:34,230 --> 00:12:38,910
being a Muslim at the moment, and...
imagine if you saw a Jewish person,
233
00:12:38,910 --> 00:12:42,990
you wouldn't point at them
and shout out, "Oh, look there's a...
234
00:12:42,990 --> 00:12:47,030
"Jewish person!", because it
wouldn't be right, would it?
235
00:12:47,030 --> 00:12:51,190
It wouldn't be right, because Jewish
person doesn't begin with an M.
236
00:12:51,190 --> 00:12:53,390
Don't you know how
to play this game?
237
00:12:54,430 --> 00:12:58,470
Muslim! That's brilliant!
I never would have got that!
238
00:12:58,470 --> 00:13:03,510
'Flight T549 is now boarding
at gate nine.'
239
00:13:03,510 --> 00:13:06,310
OK, Karen, you see,
what you have to understand,
240
00:13:06,310 --> 00:13:08,430
is that the world
is full of good people.
241
00:13:08,430 --> 00:13:10,830
Well, all right, then.
Out of ten people,
242
00:13:10,830 --> 00:13:12,910
how many people would be good?
243
00:13:12,910 --> 00:13:14,390
Nine.
244
00:13:14,390 --> 00:13:17,390
And sometimes ten, because it
depends on how many...
245
00:13:17,390 --> 00:13:21,310
which ten you choose in the first
place...OK, it's probably not...
246
00:13:21,310 --> 00:13:23,790
best to get bogged down
in the numbers.
247
00:13:23,790 --> 00:13:28,350
Basically, most people in the world
are good, but there are some people,
248
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:32,910
a tiny number, who believe
that everyone in the whole world
249
00:13:32,910 --> 00:13:36,510
should believe what they believe.
And they've decided that
250
00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:41,790
anyone who doesn't have the same
ideas or beliefs...is an enemy.
251
00:13:41,790 --> 00:13:43,230
And they are allowed...
252
00:13:45,390 --> 00:13:46,750
..to kill them.
253
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:50,750
So, they're like...
fantastically bossy people.
254
00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:53,790
That's it, exactly,
fantastically bossy people.
255
00:13:53,790 --> 00:13:55,950
Who like explosives.
256
00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:58,550
Mmm...Al-Qaeda in a nutshell.
257
00:13:58,550 --> 00:14:00,750
Fantastically bossy people...
258
00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:02,630
who like explosives.
259
00:14:02,630 --> 00:14:03,750
Ready?
260
00:14:04,790 --> 00:14:05,830
You're out again!
261
00:14:05,830 --> 00:14:07,790
We won't be long, Dad.
262
00:14:07,790 --> 00:14:11,950
Boys! Can you come here now, because
it'll be our turn in a second.
263
00:14:11,950 --> 00:14:15,750
I've spent my life standing in line,
while some other bugger pushes in.
264
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:19,550
Waargh! What's that dreadful noise?
265
00:14:19,550 --> 00:14:22,070
Oh, it's muzak.
266
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,630
What? Muzak.
267
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,230
Mu-zak?
268
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:27,550
Muzak.
269
00:14:28,630 --> 00:14:31,350
No, no, no, Sue,
it's pronounced mu-sic.
270
00:14:31,350 --> 00:14:32,790
No, Dad, it's...
271
00:14:32,790 --> 00:14:35,390
It doesn't matter.
Look, we'll be moving soon.
272
00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:39,750
Well, if there are so many
good people...
273
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:42,870
and so less bad people...
274
00:14:42,870 --> 00:14:46,470
why don't the good people
just kill the bad people?
275
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:51,670
Yes...but...if...if the good people
just killed all the bad people,
276
00:14:51,670 --> 00:14:54,150
then they wouldn't be good
any more, would they?
277
00:14:55,150 --> 00:14:59,550
Well, that is a point but...
278
00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:02,230
they could put all the bad people
in a big pit,
279
00:15:02,230 --> 00:15:03,790
and make them kill each other.
280
00:15:03,790 --> 00:15:06,390
Have you been reading
the Daily Mail again?
281
00:15:06,390 --> 00:15:09,630
Can I hold the trolley?
As long as you're careful
282
00:15:09,630 --> 00:15:13,070
and don't play with it.
There's no such word as muzak.
283
00:15:13,070 --> 00:15:15,030
No Dad, it's...it doesn't matter. Ow!
284
00:15:15,030 --> 00:15:16,750
Oh, my God! What have you done?
285
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:19,750
I am so sorry! Are you OK? Yes.
286
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:21,390
What did I tell you, Ben?
287
00:15:21,390 --> 00:15:24,390
I'm really sorry, is your ha...
288
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:27,430
Don't worry, I'm fine.
Oh golly! I'm so sorry. He's...
289
00:15:27,430 --> 00:15:31,590
How we gonna stop the person from
being bad? You can't teach them,
290
00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:36,070
you can't play with them, because
they'll just be bad at playing.
291
00:15:36,070 --> 00:15:38,550
You have to kill them!
You could lock them up.
292
00:15:38,550 --> 00:15:41,030
No, you couldn't lock them up!
293
00:15:41,030 --> 00:15:44,430
Cos they'll break out, but they're
so bad, they'll break out,
294
00:15:44,430 --> 00:15:46,710
they'll do breaking out thingies...
295
00:15:46,710 --> 00:15:49,830
You can't have the good people
killing the bad people,
296
00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:52,430
because that's...that's...
that's just as bad.
297
00:15:52,430 --> 00:15:55,870
Well...you could...
298
00:15:55,870 --> 00:15:59,670
put all the bad people
in a black room,
299
00:15:59,670 --> 00:16:03,150
strap knives to their chests,
and make them walk around.
300
00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:05,270
They bump into each other,
they'll be,
301
00:16:05,270 --> 00:16:08,350
the knife will be going into
the other person's...
302
00:16:08,350 --> 00:16:10,430
chest and they'll die.
303
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:15,150
You see...you'd have to...you can't
let bad people stab bad people,
304
00:16:15,150 --> 00:16:18,910
because as a good person
you'd feel morally obliged to stop
305
00:16:18,910 --> 00:16:19,870
that sort of...
306
00:16:20,910 --> 00:16:21,950
..Slaughter.
307
00:16:21,950 --> 00:16:27,470
Hmm...well, you could...
take all the bad people and say,
308
00:16:27,590 --> 00:16:31,990
"You're going to fly off the edge
of the cliff because you can fly."
309
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:33,830
Then they'll be like, "All right".
310
00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:36,950
But then you're lying to
the bad people then, aren't you?
311
00:16:36,950 --> 00:16:38,790
Well...
312
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,190
Yes, but...
313
00:16:40,190 --> 00:16:43,030
They'll be dead.
314
00:16:43,030 --> 00:16:44,150
Next, please.
315
00:16:45,150 --> 00:16:47,350
So, Ben, that's the game, OK.
316
00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:50,630
The one who can mention the most
explosives is the winner. Yeah.
317
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:52,910
Did you pack the bags yourselves? No.
318
00:16:52,910 --> 00:16:54,550
Then, who did?
319
00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:56,430
Search me. I did.
320
00:16:56,430 --> 00:16:59,990
Have you got any of the items on
this chart? None except the Semtex.
321
00:16:59,990 --> 00:17:01,910
Oh, the Semtex joke, first one today.
322
00:17:01,910 --> 00:17:04,510
Sorry. How many bags? Er, four.
323
00:17:04,510 --> 00:17:08,710
Do you know how long it's likely to
be? I just want to know if I should feed them or not.
324
00:17:08,710 --> 00:17:11,350
Personally, I won't be requiring
any food, Mother.
325
00:17:11,350 --> 00:17:14,390
Though my friend "Dinah, might".
Sorry, they're a bit...
326
00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:16,910
Dynamite.
They had a double espresso.
327
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:18,590
You give your kids double espressos?
328
00:17:18,590 --> 00:17:21,710
Oh, no, no, we don't give,
give them, they bought them.
329
00:17:21,710 --> 00:17:24,590
Before we realised. If we'd known,
then we wouldn't have...
330
00:17:24,590 --> 00:17:26,950
We'd have...stopped them...
Doing it.
331
00:17:26,950 --> 00:17:29,950
Here are your boarding passes.
Be careful with that bag.
332
00:17:29,950 --> 00:17:32,150
That's the one
with the hand grenades in.
333
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:35,270
OK, for your information,
saying that is a criminal offence.
334
00:17:35,270 --> 00:17:38,110
He's a kid! What's an offence?
What's happening?
335
00:17:38,110 --> 00:17:41,230
In America he'd get five years
for that. He's mucking about.
336
00:17:41,230 --> 00:17:44,350
Airport security isn't an environment
for "mucking about".
337
00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:47,710
If he does it again he could end up
having to face the music!
338
00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:48,830
Next, please.
339
00:17:48,830 --> 00:17:50,510
There. See, Sue.
340
00:17:50,510 --> 00:17:53,430
Mu-sic. Ic!
341
00:17:54,910 --> 00:17:56,710
Give the gentleman your passport.
342
00:17:56,710 --> 00:17:59,670
No wisecracks. I don't want
343
00:17:59,670 --> 00:18:02,110
Give the man your passport.
Come on, come on.
344
00:18:04,230 --> 00:18:06,790
Thank you. Off you go.
345
00:18:06,790 --> 00:18:08,390
Afternoon.
346
00:18:21,430 --> 00:18:22,870
Is there a problem?
347
00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:29,470
Dad's a terrorist! Shhh!
348
00:18:29,470 --> 00:18:32,750
Ha-ha. That's,
er...that's my son.
349
00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:34,950
He's had a double espresso.
350
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:39,390
Are they going to put Daddy in jail?
No, they're not!
351
00:18:41,430 --> 00:18:45,430
What's keeping Pete so long?
Formalities, Dad. Just formalities.
352
00:18:56,910 --> 00:19:02,510
No. Thank you. And er...
You have a nice day, yourself.
353
00:19:02,510 --> 00:19:05,470
Pete! It's nice to see the spirit
of General Franco lives on.
354
00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:08,430
Pete! What bad manners. Don't get
involved! They outrank you.
355
00:19:08,430 --> 00:19:11,310
(And they've got guns!)
A smile costs nothing, you know.
356
00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:12,590
Walk away!
357
00:19:12,590 --> 00:19:13,950
ALARM BEEPS
358
00:19:13,950 --> 00:19:15,830
Everybody's looking at us, Mummy.
359
00:19:15,830 --> 00:19:18,950
Yes, I know, darling.
Whose bag is this, please?
360
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:21,390
God, that's Ben's bag, isn't it?
This is your bag.
361
00:19:21,390 --> 00:19:24,070
It's my son's bag, yes.
Is this about the knife?
362
00:19:24,070 --> 00:19:27,790
We have had enough of that little
joke, Ben. Thank you very much.
363
00:19:27,790 --> 00:19:29,670
Yes, it is about the knife.
364
00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:46,910
Did you know he had the knife?
No, I didn't know he had the knife.
365
00:19:47,950 --> 00:19:50,510
Or the fish-skeleton.
366
00:19:50,510 --> 00:19:53,670
Or the doll's head
with the little hermit crab in it.
367
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:57,230
I mean, it was obviously just stuff
he'd picked up off the beach.
368
00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:00,670
There was no need for them to stand
there waving their arms about.
369
00:20:00,670 --> 00:20:03,110
Anyway, it was only a butter knife.
370
00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:06,070
He's hardly gonna spread
the pilot to death.
371
00:20:06,070 --> 00:20:07,550
Can we talk about something else?
372
00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:12,590
At least Jake seems to have
hit the wall at last.
373
00:20:12,590 --> 00:20:17,230
Ben seems the same, though.
Nearly half-way through the trenches..
374
00:20:17,230 --> 00:20:21,030
I don't think caffeine makes any
difference to the way he behaves.
375
00:20:21,030 --> 00:20:24,470
Lives his whole life
in a naturally caffeinated state.
376
00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:26,070
Take that! Sspprrtt!
377
00:20:26,070 --> 00:20:29,790
Mummy. That man's acting
suspiciously again.
378
00:20:29,790 --> 00:20:31,950
I don't think he is, darling.
379
00:20:32,830 --> 00:20:35,710
He looks all funny
and nervous, and sweaty.
380
00:20:35,710 --> 00:20:40,590
Well, that's because
you've been staring at him for the last half an hour.
381
00:20:40,590 --> 00:20:42,550
Why don't you carry on
with your drawing?
382
00:20:42,550 --> 00:20:44,030
Let's see what you've done.
383
00:20:44,030 --> 00:20:45,270
What are you drawing?
384
00:20:46,950 --> 00:20:48,670
You've been drawing him.
385
00:20:48,670 --> 00:20:49,870
Yes.
386
00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:54,310
In case the police need
a description of him
387
00:20:54,310 --> 00:20:57,310
after the plane's blown up.
388
00:20:57,310 --> 00:20:59,150
He's riding a zebra.
389
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:03,070
Yeah, because it's a bit
boring just...
390
00:21:03,070 --> 00:21:05,430
just having him standing there.
391
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:08,550
Why don't you draw him
with another zebra, or...
392
00:21:09,630 --> 00:21:11,070
..A team of zebras.
393
00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:12,710
Oh, God!
This is getting on my tits!
394
00:21:12,710 --> 00:21:14,270
How much longer for God's sake?
395
00:21:14,270 --> 00:21:16,070
Shouldn't be long now, Frank.
396
00:21:16,070 --> 00:21:20,950
I want to get back to my own house
and sleep in my own bed.
397
00:21:20,950 --> 00:21:24,350
Well, you might not be able to go
straight back. I'm not an invalid.
398
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:28,030
I know that... I proved that
with the arm-wrestling. Well...
399
00:21:28,030 --> 00:21:29,110
And the star-jumps.
400
00:21:29,110 --> 00:21:31,230
I'm going for a slash.
401
00:21:31,230 --> 00:21:33,750
Do you know where it is? Of course!
402
00:21:36,630 --> 00:21:40,830
I reckon this must be the worst
half-term break we've ever had...
403
00:21:40,830 --> 00:21:43,550
Well, maybe the trip to Longleat.
404
00:21:43,550 --> 00:21:45,830
Oh, God, yes...
405
00:21:45,830 --> 00:21:48,310
The monkey in the car...
406
00:21:48,310 --> 00:21:50,910
all those injections you had to have.
407
00:21:50,910 --> 00:21:53,550
God, she must have had her
phone stolen or something.
408
00:21:55,430 --> 00:21:59,710
I know, why don't we all
play a game of Cheat?
409
00:21:59,710 --> 00:22:01,550
Yeah, come on!
410
00:22:01,550 --> 00:22:04,310
Now Karen... remember that this game
411
00:22:04,310 --> 00:22:07,030
is called 'Cheat' because
it's all about cheating.
412
00:22:07,030 --> 00:22:09,830
You are allowed to cheat.
All about cheating.
413
00:22:09,830 --> 00:22:13,390
Yes, I know
it's all about cheating!
414
00:22:13,390 --> 00:22:16,470
Good. But there are still rules.
Let's just play, shall we?
415
00:22:16,470 --> 00:22:18,990
It's this way, apparently.
416
00:22:18,990 --> 00:22:21,030
You don't have to
if you don't want to...
417
00:22:21,430 --> 00:22:22,430
Two sixes.
418
00:22:22,430 --> 00:22:24,710
Three sevens.
419
00:22:24,710 --> 00:22:27,190
Three kings. Cheat!
420
00:22:27,190 --> 00:22:30,230
without cheating?
421
00:22:30,230 --> 00:22:31,750
Oh, look. We've been over this!
422
00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:34,670
It's Cheat, that's the name of the
game. Cheat! I've won.
423
00:22:34,670 --> 00:22:37,310
I've won. You've got
to cheat when you play Cheat,
424
00:22:37,310 --> 00:22:39,190
or you'd just
be putting cards down
425
00:22:39,190 --> 00:22:42,150
and telling the truth
and that'd be called... 'Truth'.
426
00:22:42,150 --> 00:22:46,390
That sounds like a better game. Can
we play that instead? It's not real.
427
00:22:46,390 --> 00:22:48,950
Oh, please, because you need
rules... Karen...
428
00:22:48,950 --> 00:22:51,630
Like, don't run with scissors,
otherwise there'd be...
429
00:22:51,630 --> 00:22:54,950
But... there'd be a whole hospital
with people... and...
430
00:22:54,950 --> 00:22:58,230
and they've got scissors
stuck in their face.
431
00:22:58,230 --> 00:22:59,830
OK, game over, give me your cards.
432
00:22:59,830 --> 00:23:01,710
Actually I think our plane's landed,
433
00:23:01,710 --> 00:23:04,230
so we ought to get ready.
Have you got the boarding passes?
434
00:23:04,230 --> 00:23:06,990
Ye-es! How many more times?
435
00:23:06,990 --> 00:23:10,590
Where are our seats? Well,
we've got two groups of three...
436
00:23:10,590 --> 00:23:13,390
a couple of rows apart.
437
00:23:13,390 --> 00:23:16,350
Right... so it should probably go,
438
00:23:16,350 --> 00:23:20,990
me, your dad and Jake and you
sitting with the two little ones.
439
00:23:20,990 --> 00:23:23,110
Yeah? Like it was on the way out.
440
00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:25,150
Was that the formulation
on the way out?
441
00:23:25,150 --> 00:23:30,790
Yeah, I think it was. Yeah,
I was more thinking, you and Ben and
442
00:23:30,790 --> 00:23:35,270
Karen, because that's fairer on dad,
because, he likes things calm. Yeah.
443
00:23:35,270 --> 00:23:37,310
But he likes to talk
about football,
444
00:23:37,310 --> 00:23:40,430
your Dad and Jake.
445
00:23:40,430 --> 00:23:43,310
Or you, Dad and Ben.
Or me, your Dad and Karen.
446
00:23:43,310 --> 00:23:45,230
Cut the crap, you're
sitting next to Ben.
447
00:23:45,230 --> 00:23:47,510
Why? Because I sat next
to him on the way out.
448
00:23:47,510 --> 00:23:49,230
I had him for an hour in a pedalo.
449
00:23:49,230 --> 00:23:51,790
That's nothing!
Five hundred yards off the coast!
450
00:23:51,790 --> 00:23:53,790
Ah dear...
451
00:23:53,790 --> 00:23:55,590
This brings back memories.
452
00:23:55,590 --> 00:23:57,350
Yeah?
453
00:23:57,350 --> 00:24:00,350
Yeah, when I was little
and it snowed, me and my
454
00:24:00,350 --> 00:24:04,390
Dad would go out and piss in the
snow together to make rude words...
455
00:24:04,390 --> 00:24:05,910
Your dad ever done that with you?
456
00:24:05,910 --> 00:24:07,830
Erm...
457
00:24:07,830 --> 00:24:11,070
Don't think so. Nah... Y'see?
458
00:24:11,070 --> 00:24:16,590
Parents just don't make
the time to do that stuff with their kids nowadays.
459
00:24:16,590 --> 00:24:20,750
It is your turn to sit next to Ben.
But... End of story.
460
00:24:24,390 --> 00:24:28,190
Course...
We could go, me, you, Jake...
461
00:24:28,190 --> 00:24:32,070
and Karen, Ben, Grandad...
462
00:24:32,070 --> 00:24:34,790
Or would that be unfair on your dad?
463
00:24:34,790 --> 00:24:37,030
Nah, I think that'd probably be OK.
464
00:24:37,030 --> 00:24:38,670
Cos a lot of stuff
washes over him.
465
00:24:38,670 --> 00:24:42,310
Yeah that's true. And... 'The flight
for Gatwick is now boarding'
466
00:24:42,310 --> 00:24:44,310
Hallelujah. That is us.
467
00:24:44,310 --> 00:24:47,110
Right, right, wagons roll,
get ready, everyone.
468
00:24:47,110 --> 00:24:51,310
We've got plenty of time.
Indeed, we have got plenty of time.
469
00:24:51,310 --> 00:24:55,550
If we don't leave everything
to the last minute, so Karen, Ben get your stuff together.
470
00:24:55,550 --> 00:24:57,870
We might as well wait
till this queue's died down.
471
00:24:57,870 --> 00:25:00,070
They said, 'passengers
with small children'.
472
00:25:00,070 --> 00:25:02,310
But we don't have
any small children.
473
00:25:02,310 --> 00:25:04,510
Yes, we have, we've got you and Ben.
474
00:25:04,510 --> 00:25:07,590
We're not small!
I'm the second biggest in the class.
475
00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:10,190
Yeah, but... Maisie Warburton
is much smaller than me!
476
00:25:10,190 --> 00:25:12,870
You'd call her small,
but we're not small.
477
00:25:12,870 --> 00:25:15,630
Karen... And, anyway,
can a small child do this?
478
00:25:15,630 --> 00:25:16,990
Eugh!
479
00:25:16,990 --> 00:25:18,310
Ben! No hitting.
480
00:25:18,310 --> 00:25:23,630
Anyway, I'm not going to get
on the plane until it's time for big children to get on.
481
00:25:23,630 --> 00:25:27,070
It's all irrelevant anyway
because we've got to wait for Jake and Grandad.
482
00:25:27,070 --> 00:25:30,270
Yeah, but we can get ready.
So don't panic. I'm not panicking,
483
00:25:30,270 --> 00:25:33,350
I'm just getting ready,
cos it takes us so long to get...oh.
484
00:25:35,350 --> 00:25:36,630
I am so sorry!
485
00:25:37,590 --> 00:25:39,630
Dad attacked that lady.
486
00:25:39,630 --> 00:25:41,390
I thought you said no hitting.
487
00:25:41,390 --> 00:25:44,150
I didn't hit her, it was an...
I am so sorry I didn't see you...
488
00:25:44,150 --> 00:25:47,510
You need to watch what you're doing,
Dad. That's how accidents happen.
489
00:25:47,510 --> 00:25:51,790
Are you sure you're OK? At least
em... Let me replace your bottles.
490
00:25:51,790 --> 00:25:55,550
No. No! Just... Stay away from me!
All of you! Please!
491
00:25:59,950 --> 00:26:04,950
Right, here we are. Absolutely last
in the queue. Hello! Happy now?
492
00:26:04,950 --> 00:26:08,030
Boarding passes, please.
493
00:26:09,150 --> 00:26:11,550
Sue, she needs our boarding passes.
494
00:26:11,550 --> 00:26:12,670
Yes, hold your horses.
495
00:26:15,190 --> 00:26:16,950
Sue? Boarding passes... Yes.
496
00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:19,910
It's fine, relax.
Oh, God, you can't have lost them.
497
00:26:19,910 --> 00:26:21,990
You haven't lost the...
It's fine.
498
00:26:21,990 --> 00:26:25,390
It'll be fine. I'm sorry to
hurry you, but the pilot's anxious to get going.
499
00:26:25,390 --> 00:26:28,750
It's OK, it's OK.
They're in here somewhere.
500
00:26:32,790 --> 00:26:34,790
Does this mean
I get to miss school?
501
00:26:34,790 --> 00:26:37,750
Don't worry, we're just having
our usual last-minute panic.
502
00:26:37,750 --> 00:26:40,150
Yes, that's not fantastically
helpful, darling.
503
00:26:40,150 --> 00:26:44,550
I asked you and you said 'Yes,
I've got the boarding passes'. Yes, because I did have them...
504
00:26:44,550 --> 00:26:47,030
Excuse me, we only have
a very narrow window,
505
00:26:47,030 --> 00:26:49,750
and there's a lot of chaos
at Air Traffic Control...
506
00:26:49,750 --> 00:26:52,110
Sue, they only have
a very narrow window.
507
00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:55,070
I know she's just said that.
I heard her. I know, I did as well.
508
00:26:55,070 --> 00:26:56,670
Sorry. This happens a lot.
509
00:26:56,670 --> 00:26:58,150
We need the boarding passes.
510
00:26:58,150 --> 00:27:00,910
I'm looking... Cos they're what...
Stop nagging me.
511
00:27:00,910 --> 00:27:03,590
..Helps you board the plane...
Look in the bag for them...
512
00:27:03,590 --> 00:27:06,870
I'm not supposed to do this,
but I'll print you a duplicate set,
513
00:27:06,870 --> 00:27:10,510
because the pilot says he is
closing the door in 45 seconds.
514
00:27:10,510 --> 00:27:13,510
Oh, you angel. Thank you so much.
I'm so sorry about this.
515
00:27:13,510 --> 00:27:16,910
She is so sorry about this.
6 boarding passes... Thank you.
516
00:27:16,910 --> 00:27:18,550
Thanks.
You've got 30 seconds.
517
00:27:18,550 --> 00:27:22,150
Come on everybody, chop-chop,
let's go. Go, quickly.
518
00:27:22,150 --> 00:27:23,590
Come on. Run, run, run!
519
00:27:35,470 --> 00:27:37,150
Sue?
520
00:27:39,750 --> 00:27:41,310
Sue?
521
00:27:44,657 --> 00:27:46,425
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
522
00:27:46,475 --> 00:27:51,025
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