All language subtitles for Outnumbered s01e03 The City Farm.eng

(Horns tooting)

(Ben) I really need a wee.

I'm bursting for the toilet!

Well, I'm sorry,
you're going to have to hold on.

(Radío) There's a seven-míle taílback
on the southbound A3 near New Mactden.

Well, get away!

Why does he sound so happy?
It sounds like he's gloating.

Sue, chill. This is Karen's treat.

Treat, after school -
an urban farm down the Act.

Have I learned nothing after all these years?

Ben, are you making rude hand signals
at the driver behind?

- No, he's making them at me.
- He's not doing anything.

l tell you what, let's all see
who can tell the biggest lie.

- What?
- It's a strategy. I got it off MumNet.

lt sort of downgrades the lying
and makes it less attractive.

It's a game, Dad.

- I'm a toilet.
- Right.

I'm a magical witch and I'm 100,000 years old,

and at night I sprout wings
and I fly above the owls and the bats

- and I leap over the moon...
- Jake, your go.

l have the deadly Ebola virus and we're
all gonna die in the next 24 to 48 hours.

- Nice!
- Karen, your go.

l like Auntie...Angela.

Well, that's lovely, sweetheart.
Anyway, let's get on with the game.

That was part of the game.

- I'm a toilet too.
- No, you're not.

- It was pak of the game.
- Jake, have another go.

My middle name is Elizabeth,
I'm 36-years-old, I drive a Peugeot.

Hiya. Yeah, look, I'm running behind.

The headmaster was meant to be here
about 15 minutes ago

but apparently a fight's broken out
in one of the citizenship classes,

- so I've no idea when I'm gonna be there.
- Well, you'll probably get there before us.

No, we'd have been fine,
it's just Angela was late,

and now we've caught
the start of the rush hour.

You're not allowed to talk on the phone.

What, in case I swerve off the road
at incredible speed?

You might do, you never know.

I'm on the phone to Daddy.

You've already been stopped once
by the police.

Next time you might even go to jail,
I read in a book if you do it too many times.

Shh. look, I'm gonna have to go
before Karen shops me.

Many things had to be locked up
many times.

You need to leave more time

- because Dad likes his routines.
- Well, maybe he's got too used to them.

People need to lighten up
and break the rules sometimes.

- I need a wee.
- No, you don't, you're just copying me.

- No, I need it more than you.
- You'll both have to hold on.

- I smell burning.
- I'm desperate.

Oh God,
cos this thing does overheat in traffic.

There was once this type of car in America,

and it kept catching fire and that stopped
the electric door things working,

and all these families
were burned alive.

Great, right, OK.
Well, I'm gonna turn off the child locks.

l was playing the game.

- What?
- It was a lie. I was playing the game.

Oh, Dad, you got us good and proper!

- (laughs)
- Dad won the game eveyone.

- I need a wee.
- OK, right, don't panic.

Erm, OK, OK, use that.

But look, these have got holes in it,
so you don't suffocate.

- It'll just go on the carpet.
- Oh, God!

- There's this!
- Brilliant, can you give it to Ben, please.

- No, I need it.
- Can you just give it to Ben, please?

No, but it's my birthday and I need it
more than him, so I should get it.

- Please!
- (Horn)

What're you bloody hooting for,
we haven't moved for half an hour!

- You're not allowed to say that!
- I didn't say anything.

- Yes, you did, you said the...something word!
- Shush now, shush. Give me that bag, Jake.

- You don't want it, it's got holes in it.
- I know but I'm going to...

Just hold on
because I've got a really very good idea.

Keep holding.

Pass that over, will you?

Can you climb over and help him?

Help him? How?

- Well, hold it.
- Hold what?

The box, otherwise it'll go eveywhere.

No, I... I'd have to take my seat belt off.

live a little, go on!

We all know how much
you like to break the rules.

(Car horn)

lf you do that one more time, I'm gonna...

OK. You're gonna have to...

- I'm not weeing in a box!
- (Horn)

That's really very helpful,
thank you, you... 'sole.

- You said...
- I did not say anything of the kind.

- Sorry to keep you, Peter.
- No problem.

OK, you can relax, I really don't think
this is gonna be a problem.

- Good.
- The first thing I'd like to get on record is

that eveything that happens
inside this building is child-centred.

It's a school.

Exactly, and so the welfare of the children
is paramount,

in accordance with best practice, obviously.

Now then, this remark of yours
that Kamal found offensive.

- It was a joke.
- About his weight issues.

Well, it was about
him constantly eating in class.

And there was a religious dimension.

The joke involved Ramadan. I honestly
don't think that he found it offensive.

I think he's just making trouble.

We all have to put up with a bit of teasing
in our life, don't we?

My priority, obviously, is for us all
to move towards a managed outcome.

I presume that's what you'd like as well.

Yes, that's what I'd like...
a managed outcome.

These are $200 designer trousers
and he's pee'd on them.

What are designer clothes?

Traffic's moving up ahead.

l know, Dad. They're clothes that cost more

because they have
someone else's name on them.

Surely clothes that aren't designer clothes,
they're still designed, aren't they?

- Traffic's moved.
- I'm just waiting for Angela to get her belt on.

- They can't just appear, can they?
- (Ringtone)

- Jake, can you answer that, please?
- (Horn)

- You do that again and I'll...
- OK, seat belt on.

Can you please take the box from him,

because Ben and a box full of urine
is not a good combination.

- It's Veronica.
- Tell her I'll call her back.

(Horn)

Give it to me slowly, very, very slowly.

- Where's the lid?
- There isn't one.

Oh, God, there's no lid. OK.

She says it's urgent.

I work three days a week
and Thursday is not one of them.

She says she works three days a week
and Thursday's not one of them.

(Horn)

Right, chummy, right!

Go, Mum, kill, punch him!

Oh, Mum, please don't!

Sue, where are you going?

- Nowhere, Dad.
- No, Veronica, no one's fighting.

It's just Ben's had to pee in a Tupperware box
and we can't find the lid for the urine...

Jake, just tell her I'll ring her back.

- look, she'll ring you back, OK?
- I need a wee now!

Oh!

So do I.

You want me to submit a written apology?

No, no, no. No, not an apology -
a statement of regret.

A statement of regret?

You don't say sorry for what you said,

but you express regret for any hurt that
may have been caused by what you said.

It's standard. Anyway, if you could
just arrange to let me have it ASAP,

that might be prudent, given that KamaI's
father is...you know, a potential problem.

Why should I back down?

l don't see it as backing down.
It's...regretting.

That seems extraordinarily one-sided.

I've been getting anonymous texts on this -

some of them obscene,
one of them, extraordinarily obscene.

Well, we all have to put up with
a bit of teasing in life, don't we?

Anyway, look,
thanks for being a team player on this one.

Oh, and by the way, don't talk to
any journalists, under any circumstances.

OK, big fella?

(Bleating)

And your itineray
on what's going on here today.

- Perfect. lovely. Thank you.
- Enjoy your day, thank you.

Oh, well, nearly time to go home.

He went back four times
to check the oven wasn't still on.

I've been dealing with this for a couple of...
Ben, can you come out of there, please.

Yeah, well, I'm dealing with it now.

I've got a game plan for when
I've weaned him off all those drugs.

- Which he needs.
- I can give him supplements

which I know a lot about.

l can have a whole regime of,
you know, mental gymnastics.

With me staying there,
l can help him beat this thing.

(Sighs)

(Ben) Stranger, stranger, stranger, stranger!

- Stranger!
- All I said was ''Don't rock the displays.''

I'm really sorry. It's just that they teach them
this at school to stop them being abducted.

Yes, OK, it's not the first time.

Ben, put that down and come with me.

But you said we could have a toy.

You can have a toy on the way out,
if you've been good and for 3£ or less.

So many rules.

Do you understand?

Well, I'm not stupid.

- Can I have it?
- No!

Do you like that one?

Yeah.

Karen, have you ever thought,

that if your nose runs and your feet smell,
you could be upside down?

(Sighs) You've told me that joke
so many times before, Granddad!

Have I?

Why do you keep saying the same thing?

Erm... it's because I'm old.

Well, Mummy always says the same thing.
Does that mean she's old?

What does she say to you?

She says ''Grow up, stop being silly.''

She says that to you?

No, she says that to Dad.

Oh, well!

Look, let's have a look at that one over there.

So how are you going to manage with
you here and your boyfriend in Arizona?

Well, there are phones, there are planes.

There are vibrators.
Uh-oh, now I've shocked her.

No, you haven't shocked me. I'm just not sure
that you've thought it through properly.

Sue, let go.
Just count to ten and let go.

I mean, you can't keep looking after Dad.

You've got enough on your plate with the kids.

What does that mean?

Nothing. They're great kids.

They've just got issues.

What issues?

- Well...
- (Ben) You're rubbish!

..have you ever wondered whether
Ben's got some kind of syndrome?

I think we've put that rabbit off his food.

What does it feel like to be old?

Is it nice?

lt beats being dead.

Well, what if you die and then you go
to heaven and you're really happy,

and you've gone to heaven
and you get eveything that you want?

Yeah, well, I'll let you know.

How?

Oh... I could phone you up.

I doubt there'll be a phone in heaven.

Email.

When you die, do you think that
you'll get dug up by foxes,

because that's what happened
to my hamster?

(Sighs)

Shall we go and look at the goats?

- There's the big one.
- Oh, my goodness, yes.

So, Ben, these animals aren't toys.

You've got to hold them really gently
and treat them with respect.

Who would win
if a rabbit fought a sheep?

Well, rabbits and sheep
aren't really known for fighting each other.

But if...

Erm, well
I suppose, the sheep, c'os it's bigger.

If a hundred rabbits fought a sheep?

They'd probably nibble it to death.

Who would win...if...

1,OOO rabbits fought four giant anteaters
and a brachiosaurus?

The anteaters team,
cos they've got a dinosaur.

True.

At last!

What happened?

I have to write to KamaI's parents
and express...regret.

Regret?

I regret that your son
is a thick, 15-stone eating machine

who farts his way through my lessons.

I regret that your family seem to have had
their sense of humour surgically removed.

I regret that I ever thought that teenagers might
prefer histoy to ringtones.

Sorry, rant over.

Ready to enjoy Karen's treat.

(laughter)

Your dad and Angela
seem to be getting along.

Oh, yeah.
No, Angela's doing brilliantly.

So far, she's only made us late,
lectured me about how to look after Dad.

- Mum...
- Now she's taking him for stupidly long walks.

Mum, you're hurting the rabbit.
You're squeezing it too hard.

Oh... Well, erm...

Well done for noticing, Ben.

Why don't you go
and check out the sheep racing?

OK.

See?

Because of Angela,
this rabbit nearly got injured.

- It's hardly Angela's...
- What?

Nothing.

She thinks Ben has got a syndrome.

Little Git Syndrome, maybe.

If she thinks that after one day,
maybe she's right.

They think all naughty children
have a syndrome these days.

It's so the parents
can pretend it's not their fault.

So, Ben's our fault?

I didn't mean that.

Anyway, it can't be our fault
cos the other two are fine.

Yeah. She said Jake's a depressive.

God, she didn't, did she?

Oh, look, I shouldn't have said anything.

No, but if she thinks that after just one day.
I still think he's being...

He's not being bullied.

What a pair we are,
listening to what Angela thinks!

Blimey, we'll be feng shuing
the compost heap soon.

Was the meeting really grim?

Go to school, take a beating,
it's like being eleven again.

(Cheering)

(Bleating)

(Applause)

When I tried to explain,
that Giselle only told Butch what I said

because she knew Trent's relationship
with Amber would've threatened him and me,

he just completely freaked.

ln the end he was shouting so loud
the hotel had to call the police.

Anyway...he's flown back home.

You won't tell anyone I've told you all of this, will you, Dad?

Dad?

God, look at the size of that pig!

It's a very big pig.

Come on.

We could catch bird flu
from feeding these ducks.

What, from... No, you couldn't.

You'd have to live in very close proximity
to a duck to get bird flu from it.

You could, if these ducks caught it off
of some wild geese from Hungary

who were infected with it and then we inhaled
some of their faeces dust or whatever.

l personally am not planning on inhaling
any geese faeces dust. Are you?

It's not really part of a normal farm visit, it is?

ctpm, feed the rabbits,
ctpm, ride the tractors,

5pm, inhale some dried Hungarian
goose faeces - it's not on offer.

We could have a word with them, if you like.

ls that what's been worrying you - bird flu?

Why are you so worried
that I'm always worried about things?

I'm not worried that you're worried about things,
it's just part of being a parent.

I'm just naturally worried. Come on.

ls it bad to worry?

Sometimes.

- You're really, really rubbish!
- Ben, stop it!

You're an absolute plonker.

- OK, Dad.
- You look exhausted.

I haven't had a long walk like that in ages.
(laughs) Those pigs, eh, Angela?

We're going to get on like a house on fire.

Or a car on fire.

Just gotta go to the loo.

Car on fire!

You see? A little bit of exercise
and he really sharpens up mentally.

Are you OK?

Yeah, he's just worried about
the extinction of humankind.

Bird flu.

I just saw a robin sneeze.

- No, you didn't.
- I ako saw a blackbird with a temperature.

How'd you know it had a temperature?

- Cos it was sweating.
- A bird can't sweat, that's ridiculous!

yes, it can!

All I was saying is we could
a lethal pathogen off those geese.

lethal pathogen -
where do you get all this stuff?

On Channel 4,
Ten Most Deadliest Diseases.

- When did you watch that?
- Last night.

Bird flu came third behind Ebola
and drug-resistant bubonic plague.

Karen, it's your birthday, so you can go first.
I'll give you a cookie now, shall l?

ln England, we call them biscuits.

Do we?

Right, OK.

lf Angela's living with your dad,

we could think about
our family going travelling.

- Don't go too far.
- We could, couldn't we?

There was a programme on TV about a chef
who took his kids out of school for a year

and they all travelled round India and China,
all on their own.

On their own with a camera crew.

It's a great idea, Pete.
TraveI's the best thing for kids.

And dysentey and intestinal parasites, they're
the best things for kids as well, are they?

- Bird flu's big in China.
- There wouldn't be any point in going

and then having to break off
a week into the trip.

Why would we have to break off?

Well, when Angela rings and says
she's heading back to America.

- That's right, stereotype me.
- You didn't hang around when Mum died.

I needed space to cry. I feel things.

And I don't?

That's the funny thing, isn't it,
how people grieve in different ways?

God, we're lucky with this weather.

- She is so fat!
- Shush!

Well, she is!

- But you can't say it, Ben.
- She must know that she's fat,

if she looks in the bathroom mirror
and sees a fat lady.

- If she can get in the bathroom door.
- Pete!

But you mustn't say it, because if she hears it,
it might make her really sad.

It's like if someone has funny hair or one leg.

You can't say here come Paul and Heather,
although they're unlikely to be seen together.

Sory. No, your mum's right,
you always have to think of people's feelings.

Can I say she's so fat very quietly?

- I suppose so.
- Can I say... (loudly) she's very fat!

No!

- And what a...
- (Both) No!

- It's racism.
- No, racism is what Dad does.

Ben, your dad is absolutely not racist.

I've taught hundreds of Moslem kids.

Sulamon Ahkbar was the first kid
from our school to read history at Oxford.

Racism is when you don't like somebody
because of the colour of their skin,

or the county that they come from
and it's really wrong.

- Unless it's the Japanese.
- Actually, it's any race.

- Dad, you're rude about the Americans.
- Oh, well, Americans.

- They're the other exception.
- Oh, great!

- Along with the Swiss.
- (Dad) The Japanese.

So, it's the Americans,
the Swiss and the Japanese?

- And the Germans.
- Pete!

You're a big fat Japanese.

OK, can we just drop this, all right?

ls Auntie Angela American?

No!

Crisp, anyone?

Jake, would you rather be a pig
or a...rabbit?

A pig. I wouldn't want all those kids
picking me up.

Dad says that he's worried that you're a bully.

No, he's not worried that I'm a bully,
he's worried that I'm being bullied.

To be honest, I'm getting rather fed up
with all the questions.

l know how to stop it though.

(Beeps)

- Oh, bloody hell!
- What is it?

It's another disgusting text.

- From Kamal?
- Probably.

He's not using his own mobile
and you can't trace the calls.

It's on the website.

You know, you can't trace it.

- He's not that stupid then, is he?
- No, he's not stupid at a...

What website?

Oh. You know, the...

What's on it?

Um... There's sort of a cartoon of you.

You with animals.

It doesn't look like you.

No one would know it was you
if you didn't have your name on the axe.

What axe?

The one in your head.

God, I bet it's that bloody Kamal again.

He thinks he's invulnerable
because his dad's on the council.

- His dad's on the council?
- It's not gonna affect anything.

Think how it would look
if the head of the education committee...

The head of the education committee?

lf anything, it makes it harder
for them to discipline me.

Right, right.

Thanks for the help with the packing up,
Angela.

Dad and I are just off for a quick look
at the sow and her litter. Come on, Dad.

(Beeping)

Jeez, look at that one.

(Ben) She is so fat!

(Sue) Ben, stop it!

Fifteen.

Sixteen.

You may think that Tiger Woods is good,

but he has never had to hit a ball
through a cow's arse.

You've been worrying about that website,
haven't you?

I've been showing you up
in front of your friends.

No, they think it's kind of cool.

Do they?

Nick thinks it's like having a dad on TV.

Nick?

He's one of the gang in my class.

There's a whole load of us,
we love Family Guy and hate Chekea.

You're in a gang?

Yeah.

That's nice.

l was in a gang once.

Well, it was Cubs.

Seventeen.

Hi, Karen.

I found a necklace I bought in Greece.
Would you like to have it?

You don't have to say thank you.

Why do you smile so much?

Well, I smile because I'm a happy person.

You don't want me to stop
being a happy person, do you?

Twenty.

Twenty-one.

Ben, get down!

- Can I have this?
- No. No, I said 3£ or less.

- This is cool!
- Even if it is cool, it's 3£ or less.

l only came cos you said we could get a toy.

Can I have this?

Well, it's a... Ooh!

You said I could have something under £10.

Well, I know, but it's got over 100 parts,

all of which
I shall be picking up every evening.

I don't think I'll play with them evey evening,
only some.

- oh!
- That's unfair!

She gets to spend things under £10.

I have to spend things under stupid old £3.

- She's got her birthday money.
- Come on, Mum's right. No more money, Ben.

You never give me any money
on my birthday.

- Oh, Ben!
- Hey, guys,

- you can have £10 each from Auntie Angela!
- Yay!

- Jake, d'you want £10?
- Yeah, thanks.

Erm, where's Granddad?

Oh, he's...

Erm...

I thought he should have a moment's quiet
before we all drove home.

He's just having a little sit-down.

l don't think he likes it
when people crowd him.

D'you want me to help you look for him?

Can I have this?

That's not suitable for children your age.

ln fact, it's not for sale and belongs
to the man fixing the fridge over there.

- You need to take it back.
- Angela?

- Dad?
- Angela, where are you?

It's OK, Dad, we're here.

I thought you'd gone.

No, no. I thought you were with Angela.

I...

You lost him. Oh, sorry,
was it a mental gymnastics exercise?

The first time you look after him
and you lose him!

You've lost him before.

Oh, yeah, go on, take her side.

(Ben) I want this.

Maybe you should've married her,

and then you could be wandering around India
catching intestinal parasites together.

- This is what I want.
- You can't have it.

You really don't want me around, do you?

You want to go on being Saint Sue,
sacrificing yourself, caring for Dad.

- Someone has to.
- No, they don't, you're over-protective,

I'm not an invalid.
I'm fine with Angela.

(Pete) You can't have it, come on.

OK... If that's what you want.

- No arguing, give it back.
- Why can't I have it?

- You can't have it.
- I want it!

Take your hands off it, right. Come on.

- Stranger, stranger!
- I'm not a stranger, I'm his dad.

Come on.
It's just a thing he does.

- Stranger, stranger.
- Come on, Ben.

He really is his dad.

- There isn't much physical resemblance.
- Stranger.

- Right, I'm going to pick you up.
- Stranger, stranger!

- Come on.
- Stranger, stranger!

Ben, it's not funny.

Come on, Ben. Come on, Ben.

I'm not called Ben!

(Mooing)

(Bleating)

What's that?

Where did you get it?

Um, from...playing.

Playing what?

A big boys' game.

But let's not tell anyone.
Shall we keep it as our little secret?

(Sighs) D'you know, that was possibly
the worst family outing ever.

Apart from the bird sanctuary.

Oh...that incredibly rare duck.

Ex-duck.

Then of course,
there was St PauI's Cathedral.

Projectile vomiting
in the Whispering Gallery.

I'm sorry I snapped earlier.
It was Angela and I took it out on you.

It's OK.

They're lovely when they're asleep,
aren't they, eh?

D'you know, Jan says
that now theirs are all teenagers,

they look back on them being this age
as the best bit.

So...l suppose we ought to enjoy it.

Make the most of...

He's got a rabbit.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0