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1
00:00:03,327 --> 00:00:07,024
Marilyn! There was a Wine Spectator
on my desk.
2
00:00:06,942 --> 00:00:10,810
I know it was on my desk. Someone
must have come in and taken it.
3
00:00:10,718 --> 00:00:12,709
Would you tell me,
why do people up here...
4
00:00:12,702 --> 00:00:15,865
have such a difficult time
with the concept of private property?
5
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,241
That magazine was mine.
My name was on the mailing label.
6
00:00:18,206 --> 00:00:21,573
- Under the desk.
- Under the desk?
7
00:00:21,502 --> 00:00:25,563
- It wobbles. - This is a
magazine, Marilyn- reading material.
8
00:00:25,470 --> 00:00:27,768
It's not a shim. Hey.
9
00:00:27,742 --> 00:00:30,006
Why do you do that?
10
00:00:29,982 --> 00:00:32,314
Why do you always need
the element of surprise?
11
00:00:32,286 --> 00:00:35,449
- We want blood tests.
- Blood tests?
12
00:00:35,390 --> 00:00:38,086
Here. Sweetheart.
Sweetheart?
13
00:00:38,046 --> 00:00:42,073
Yeah. That's a, uh- a common
term of address for one's fianc�e.
14
00:00:41,982 --> 00:00:44,780
- Fianc�e?
- What, are your synapses not firing?
15
00:00:44,733 --> 00:00:47,793
Yes. Eve is my fianc�e.
We're getting married.
16
00:00:47,742 --> 00:00:50,643
Ergo, the blood tests.
17
00:00:50,589 --> 00:00:55,652
Oh. Honey, uh, do you want
the, uh, tofu with black bean sauce...
18
00:00:55,517 --> 00:00:57,985
or the poached salmon?
19
00:00:57,949 --> 00:01:01,214
Salmon.
Gestational diabetes.
20
00:01:01,149 --> 00:01:03,447
She has to eat every two hours.
21
00:01:03,421 --> 00:01:06,447
Excuse my confusion here,
but you two are already married.
22
00:01:06,396 --> 00:01:09,229
- Who told you that?
- You did, several times.
23
00:01:09,180 --> 00:01:11,705
I distinctly remember you
referring to Eve as "my wife."
24
00:01:11,677 --> 00:01:16,273
- Oh, I see. So l- I owe
you an apology? - No, but-
25
00:01:16,156 --> 00:01:18,090
I'm a man, Fleischman.
26
00:01:18,076 --> 00:01:20,374
We are born with an image of"woman"
imprinted in our psyches.
27
00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:25,445
We spend our whole lives searching for
the embodiment of that feminine archetype.
28
00:01:25,308 --> 00:01:28,766
And there she sits, in the flesh.
29
00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:33,899
You tell me. What man could resist
the fantasy of having her as his wife?
30
00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:38,058
Okay. The truth is we're not married.
31
00:01:38,012 --> 00:01:41,573
But, to my great joy,
this incredible woman-
32
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,627
the mother of my child-
33
00:01:43,612 --> 00:01:47,241
has finally consented to be my bride.
34
00:01:47,164 --> 00:01:50,258
Salt?
Better not.
35
00:02:36,346 --> 00:02:38,940
"Pussy said to Owl,
"You elegant fowl,
36
00:02:38,906 --> 00:02:41,067
"how charmingly sweet you sing.
37
00:02:41,050 --> 00:02:44,144
"Oh, let us be married.
Too long have we tarried.
38
00:02:44,090 --> 00:02:46,456
"But what shall we do for a ring? '
39
00:02:46,426 --> 00:02:51,693
"They sailed away for a year and a day
to the land where the bong tree grows.
40
00:02:51,545 --> 00:02:56,039
And there in the wood, a Piggy-wig stood
with a ring at the end of his nose."
41
00:02:56,921 --> 00:03:01,483
Yes, folks, the clean, clear Cicelian air will
soon resound with the peal of wedding bells.
42
00:03:01,369 --> 00:03:03,803
Master chef and country squire Adam...
43
00:03:03,769 --> 00:03:07,569
will exchange vows with the lady Eve
this Sunday at 11:00 a.m.
44
00:03:07,481 --> 00:03:09,915
Attire- semiformal daytime.
45
00:03:09,881 --> 00:03:13,009
A reception will follow at The Brick,
a no-host bar.
46
00:03:12,953 --> 00:03:15,854
Are you stumped for a gift?
Well, the happy couple is registered...
47
00:03:15,801 --> 00:03:19,293
at Gump's, Orgell's, Tiffany's
and, for those shopping in town,
48
00:03:19,224 --> 00:03:22,318
Ruth-Anne's-
Hey.! Bernardo.
49
00:03:25,465 --> 00:03:27,399
Hey, Chris.
Whoo-hoo!
50
00:03:27,384 --> 00:03:29,318
Bernardo. Surprise, surprise.
What are you doin' back?
51
00:03:29,304 --> 00:03:31,465
Ah! I'm on my way to Russia.
What?
52
00:03:31,449 --> 00:03:35,783
Yeah. They're opening a stock exchange in
Novosibirsk, and they needed a C.P.A. to consult.
53
00:03:35,672 --> 00:03:37,606
Nice wheels.
54
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,186
Yeah. I'm gonna drive there,
see a little something of Siberia.
55
00:03:40,152 --> 00:03:42,086
How you gonna cross
the Bering Strait?
56
00:03:42,072 --> 00:03:45,940
They started ferry service
from Tin City to Olyutorsky.
57
00:03:45,848 --> 00:03:48,510
You know, Chris, it was really weird.
The whole way up here,
58
00:03:48,472 --> 00:03:51,066
I kept humming... Mahler.
Mahler?
59
00:03:51,032 --> 00:03:54,092
Yeah.
Das Lied von der Erde?
60
00:03:54,039 --> 00:03:58,476
Yeah. That's it. I just got a new recording
- bootleg Kathy Ferrier.
61
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,294
Let's go check it out.
All right.
62
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,840
You did that?
Mm-hmm. Sure did.
63
00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:04,741
Yeah? How many have you done?
Oh, about five.
64
00:04:04,727 --> 00:04:06,661
Five? That's great.
Hey, Dave. How are you?
65
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:08,581
Good. Yourself?
All right.
66
00:04:08,567 --> 00:04:11,229
Hey, O'Connell.
Hey, Fleischman.
67
00:04:11,191 --> 00:04:12,920
Beautiful day, isn't it?
Yeah.
68
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,853
How are you?
I'm all right.
69
00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:16,773
Good. Gotta go.
Bye, Maggie.
70
00:04:16,759 --> 00:04:19,250
O'Connell. Sorry. I'd
love to stay. I just can't.
71
00:04:22,103 --> 00:04:25,834
Hey, what's with the birds?
They're cranes, for the wedding.
72
00:04:25,751 --> 00:04:29,209
- Oh.
- A thousand cranes bring good luck.
73
00:04:33,014 --> 00:04:34,948
I found 'em.
Hmm?
74
00:04:34,934 --> 00:04:37,926
The little guys from our wedding cake
that we never had.
75
00:04:37,879 --> 00:04:40,109
We can give 'em to Adam and Eve.
76
00:04:40,086 --> 00:04:42,646
Yeah, I guess so, but, uh-
We're never gonna use 'em.
77
00:04:42,614 --> 00:04:44,912
They're just sitting there
getting all dusty in the closet.
78
00:04:44,886 --> 00:04:46,877
Is that Eve's?
Yes, it is.
79
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:50,169
I'll take it.
Aren't weddings a gas, babe?
80
00:04:57,238 --> 00:05:00,833
Chef salad
- hold the turkey, hold the egg, hold the cheese, hold the ham.
81
00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:02,555
And dressing on the side.
Thanks.
82
00:05:02,549 --> 00:05:05,712
This wedding's got me so jazzed
I could pee in my pants.
83
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:08,144
What does your dress look like?
84
00:05:08,117 --> 00:05:11,553
You know, Adam thinks the child will
be stigmatized if we're not married.
85
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,447
When my friend Connie got hitched,
she was knocked up too,
86
00:05:14,389 --> 00:05:17,085
but you almost couldn't tell
'cause she wore this muumuu thing.
87
00:05:17,046 --> 00:05:19,412
And besides that, she was
pretty porky to begin with.
88
00:05:19,381 --> 00:05:22,782
Jean-Paul Sartre, Simon de Beauvoir-
they weren't married.
89
00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:26,542
What are the bridesmaids gonna wear?
Jack Nicholson, Rebecca Broussard.
90
00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:29,478
You do have bridesmaids? Eve.
91
00:05:29,428 --> 00:05:33,057
This is the heaviest day of your life.
You can't just shine it on.
92
00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:37,508
Even if you don't have any friends, you
have to have a maid of honor. It's tradition.
93
00:05:37,397 --> 00:05:39,558
I know we're not really tight
or anything,
94
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:43,567
but I really dig weddings, and
I'd bust my buns to do a good job.
95
00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:46,070
So, if it's cool with you-
Okay.
96
00:05:46,036 --> 00:05:47,901
You mean it?
97
00:05:47,892 --> 00:05:50,986
I'm your maid of honor?
Mm-hmm.
98
00:05:50,932 --> 00:05:53,264
Oh.! Holling.! Holling.!
Guess what?
99
00:05:58,196 --> 00:06:01,461
- Minnifield?
- Barbara.
100
00:06:01,396 --> 00:06:03,421
Do you have a moment?
101
00:06:05,715 --> 00:06:09,378
Can I get you something-
some lemonade, some iced tea?
102
00:06:09,299 --> 00:06:13,395
No, thank you.
You're looking good, Barbara.
103
00:06:13,299 --> 00:06:16,996
You're looking fit, strong.
104
00:06:16,916 --> 00:06:19,749
Uh-huh.
Do you have a 65-acre tract,
105
00:06:19,699 --> 00:06:22,998
parcel number 436 at the borough
of Arrowhead County?
106
00:06:22,931 --> 00:06:26,924
Come again? A complaint's been filed
by the owner of the adjoining property.
107
00:06:26,835 --> 00:06:31,636
A Mr. Ivory Springer? What the hell does
Ivory Springer have to do with you and me?
108
00:06:31,507 --> 00:06:34,237
Mr. Springer alleges that,
on the 26th of April,
109
00:06:34,195 --> 00:06:38,291
excavators in your employ graded the
aforementioned property with high explosives.
110
00:06:38,194 --> 00:06:41,129
That's right. So? Mr. Springer
alleges that some of his livestock...
111
00:06:41,074 --> 00:06:43,565
were seriously injured
from the force of the explosion.
112
00:06:43,539 --> 00:06:45,598
Now, hold on just a minute.
113
00:06:45,586 --> 00:06:48,248
Are you telling me
that the only reason you're here...
114
00:06:48,210 --> 00:06:51,077
is because of Ivory Springer's
trumped-up charges?
115
00:06:51,026 --> 00:06:52,926
A formal complaint has been filed.
116
00:06:52,914 --> 00:06:55,212
Barbara?
117
00:06:55,186 --> 00:06:57,677
What about us?
What about you and me?
118
00:06:58,802 --> 00:07:01,498
I'm just here to do my job.
119
00:07:01,458 --> 00:07:03,187
I see.
120
00:07:12,274 --> 00:07:14,606
Dr. Fleischman.
The blood tests?
121
00:07:14,577 --> 00:07:16,511
Yes. Your V.D.R.L. was normal.
You're fine.
122
00:07:16,497 --> 00:07:18,431
What about Adam?
Adam's fine too.
123
00:07:18,417 --> 00:07:22,114
You're sure? You're positive?
Yes, I'm sure. Get married.
124
00:07:22,033 --> 00:07:27,266
Wait a minute. I want you to run a
serology on him for sporadic hepatitis "C."
125
00:07:27,121 --> 00:07:30,318
What, you think he has hep "C"?
He's been very tired lately.
126
00:07:30,257 --> 00:07:33,385
That could be a lot of things.
He was in Bangladesh last year.
127
00:07:33,329 --> 00:07:35,820
You know Adam.
He always eats the local food.
128
00:07:35,792 --> 00:07:38,522
Yeah, well, I mean, I don't
have a lab to run a hep "C."
129
00:07:38,481 --> 00:07:40,506
I'd have to send it off
to Anchorage.
130
00:07:40,496 --> 00:07:42,726
Besides,
I'd need Adam's permission.
131
00:07:45,169 --> 00:07:47,228
- Pick's disease.
- Pick's disease?
132
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,049
Yeah. I think he has
all the symptoms-
133
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,628
confusion,
inappropriate behavior, drooling.
134
00:07:52,592 --> 00:07:54,526
Pick's disease is extremely rare.
135
00:07:54,512 --> 00:07:57,379
And tragically, it's progressive
and irreversible.
136
00:07:57,328 --> 00:07:59,819
You know, Dr. Fleischman,
I know my strengths,
137
00:07:59,792 --> 00:08:01,726
but I also know my limitations.
138
00:08:01,712 --> 00:08:04,408
And at this stage of my life,
with my own fragile health,
139
00:08:04,368 --> 00:08:07,804
I don't know if I could cope with
both an infant and a helpless invalid.
140
00:08:07,728 --> 00:08:09,889
Adam doesn't have Pick's disease.
141
00:08:09,872 --> 00:08:11,840
Oh.
Hey, O'Connell.
142
00:08:11,823 --> 00:08:14,792
- Hi. How are you?
- All right.
143
00:08:14,736 --> 00:08:16,795
Uh, well, I have to go.
144
00:08:16,783 --> 00:08:18,910
See you. Bye.
145
00:08:19,951 --> 00:08:21,885
Shame on you.
146
00:08:21,871 --> 00:08:24,237
The poor woman can't even
look you in the eye.
147
00:08:24,207 --> 00:08:26,141
What were you thinking?
148
00:08:26,127 --> 00:08:29,688
What are you talking about?
I understand.
149
00:08:29,615 --> 00:08:32,140
You were out of town.
You felt free, unencumbered.
150
00:08:32,111 --> 00:08:34,136
But did you have
to sleep with her?
151
00:08:34,127 --> 00:08:36,027
Who told you that?
Adam.
152
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:39,280
Adam? How did Adam know?
153
00:08:39,215 --> 00:08:41,183
Did you for one minute
consider the ramifications,
154
00:08:41,166 --> 00:08:43,259
or was it just, "I want, I want"?
155
00:08:43,246 --> 00:08:46,613
The truth is I didn't sleep with her.
Oh, spare me.
156
00:08:46,543 --> 00:08:48,374
Hey. She thinks I slept with her.
I didn't.
157
00:08:48,367 --> 00:08:50,528
How can you tell me this
with a straight face?
158
00:08:50,511 --> 00:08:53,503
What is it with you men? Why do
you all act like guilty children?
159
00:08:53,454 --> 00:08:57,288
She fell asleep.
Stop. Stop. Please.
160
00:08:57,198 --> 00:08:59,189
You're making me physically ill.
161
00:09:03,150 --> 00:09:05,084
A wife.
162
00:09:12,397 --> 00:09:14,331
Oh. It's you.
Hi.
163
00:09:14,317 --> 00:09:16,808
Hi.
Can I come in?
164
00:09:18,094 --> 00:09:20,494
You wanna come in?
To-To my house?
165
00:09:20,462 --> 00:09:24,523
Can I?
Uh, okay.
166
00:09:26,669 --> 00:09:28,603
Thanks.
167
00:09:28,589 --> 00:09:33,117
Um, I know it's late, O'Connell,
but, um, I had to see you.
168
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:34,939
You did?
Yeah.
169
00:09:34,925 --> 00:09:37,587
When I run into you in town,
you're not yourself.
170
00:09:37,549 --> 00:09:41,076
Right? I mean, there's this incredible tension.
I know what you're feeling.
171
00:09:41,005 --> 00:09:43,303
I know what's going on.
There's nothing going on.
172
00:09:43,277 --> 00:09:45,507
Why would you think
there's something going on?
173
00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,749
It's fine. Everything's-
Everything's fine. Really.
174
00:09:48,685 --> 00:09:52,815
Come on. O'Connell, stop denying it.
Stop trying to pretend.
175
00:09:52,716 --> 00:09:55,241
I'm busy tonight, Fleischman.
I mean-
176
00:09:55,213 --> 00:09:58,080
Not that I wouldn't be interested
at some other time.
177
00:09:58,028 --> 00:10:01,225
I'm not closing the door on any future
physical involvement. No, no, no. Listen.
178
00:10:01,164 --> 00:10:03,997
You know, Fleischman, look,
what happened in Juneau happened.
179
00:10:03,948 --> 00:10:07,611
I mean, you know, it just... happened.
180
00:10:07,532 --> 00:10:10,558
And-And as I said,
I'm glad it happened.
181
00:10:10,508 --> 00:10:12,806
Um, well, not "glad."
More "I'm pleased."
182
00:10:13,836 --> 00:10:16,304
Listen, l-
It's a memory I'll never forget.
183
00:10:16,268 --> 00:10:18,793
- O'Connell.
- What?
184
00:10:18,764 --> 00:10:21,289
- It never happened.
- What never happened?
185
00:10:21,259 --> 00:10:23,523
You, me. Juneau.
186
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:25,559
Physical involvement.
Intimacy.
187
00:10:25,548 --> 00:10:29,814
It never happened.
We never had sex.
188
00:10:29,707 --> 00:10:32,904
You fell asleep.
I fell asleep?
189
00:10:32,843 --> 00:10:35,505
Yeah.
190
00:10:36,971 --> 00:10:39,166
We never had sex?
No.
191
00:10:39,147 --> 00:10:41,581
So everything's fine, see?
192
00:10:41,547 --> 00:10:43,640
You don't have to have
this weird thing between us.
193
00:10:43,627 --> 00:10:46,061
We can just go on the way
we've always gone on.
194
00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:50,273
What?
195
00:10:50,219 --> 00:10:52,346
You son of a bitch.
196
00:10:52,330 --> 00:10:54,127
O'Connell?
197
00:10:54,123 --> 00:10:57,786
You miserable, sadistic,
198
00:10:57,707 --> 00:11:00,301
terrible... creep!
199
00:11:00,266 --> 00:11:02,234
- O'Connell?
- You-You snake!
200
00:11:02,219 --> 00:11:04,153
You're a rat!
You're a pig!
201
00:11:04,139 --> 00:11:07,768
You're the one who pretended we had sex just
because you couldn't remember. Ooh.! Oh.!
202
00:11:07,690 --> 00:11:11,285
You're a slime!
You're slime! You're scum!
203
00:11:11,210 --> 00:11:13,838
You maggot! You fly!
You're a pimple!
204
00:11:13,802 --> 00:11:16,703
A boil! An abscess!
Hey.! Hey.!
205
00:11:16,650 --> 00:11:18,515
I'm the victim here!
206
00:11:18,506 --> 00:11:21,942
Ow!
207
00:11:21,866 --> 00:11:25,029
You hateful, despicable worm!
208
00:11:33,642 --> 00:11:36,873
Barbara. Remember, you promised to bring
ambrosia salad to the shower tonight.
209
00:11:36,809 --> 00:11:40,336
Yeah. Hi, Willy. Bachelor party tonight.
210
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,200
Top of the mornin', Cicely.
211
00:11:42,185 --> 00:11:46,121
Chris in the Morning here with my
peripatetic brother, Bernard. Hiya.
212
00:11:46,025 --> 00:11:48,926
What do you say we get things rollin'
with a little wedding update? Okay.
213
00:11:48,873 --> 00:11:52,536
Marilyn Whirlwind reports
the crane count now stands at 312.
214
00:11:52,456 --> 00:11:55,220
Whoo-doggy! 688 to go.
215
00:11:55,177 --> 00:11:57,202
Okay, let's get folding, people.
216
00:11:57,193 --> 00:12:01,254
And please, no three-hole-punched paper
and no ruled paper either. Thanks.
217
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:05,756
This just in. Shelly Tambo is throwin'
a "chicks only" shower for Eve tonight.
218
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,837
"Need someone to bring the macaroni
salad. Go heavy on the pickle relish."
219
00:12:08,776 --> 00:12:10,710
Take it away, maestro.
220
00:12:14,696 --> 00:12:16,630
Nice.
221
00:12:16,616 --> 00:12:20,518
It was frightening, Marilyn. O'Connell
was completely out of control.
222
00:12:20,424 --> 00:12:22,517
There was no talking to her,
no reaching her.
223
00:12:22,504 --> 00:12:26,270
I've never seen anything like it.
She was just consumed by rage.
224
00:12:26,184 --> 00:12:28,948
The irony is-
I went there to clear the air.
225
00:12:28,904 --> 00:12:31,498
I went there to do her a favor.
This is the thanks I get.
226
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:35,261
You had it coming.
What? What do you mean?
227
00:12:35,207 --> 00:12:37,835
You don't even know what I'm
talking about. You're a man.
228
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,360
What, that means I'm immediately
guilty of something?
229
00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:42,261
Yes.
230
00:12:43,432 --> 00:12:45,798
Hi, Marilyn.
231
00:12:46,727 --> 00:12:51,255
Uh, I have your gauze, half-inch
adhesive tape and five-M.L. syringes.
232
00:12:51,143 --> 00:12:54,738
O'Connell, do you realize that if that
cassette had hit one inch to the left- one inch-
233
00:12:54,663 --> 00:12:56,597
that I might well have lost the eye?
234
00:13:00,358 --> 00:13:02,292
I assume you want to apologize.
235
00:13:02,278 --> 00:13:05,213
I told Red that he'd be flying in
your deliveries from now on.
236
00:13:05,158 --> 00:13:07,092
Any flights should be
booked through him.
237
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:10,172
And any complaints about the cabin
should go through Maurice.
238
00:13:11,238 --> 00:13:14,071
Have a nice day, Marilyn.
239
00:13:17,638 --> 00:13:19,936
Okay.
240
00:13:19,911 --> 00:13:23,278
Now, is there anything in particular
you guys want me to hit on in the service-
241
00:13:23,206 --> 00:13:28,041
like themes, ethnic traditions,
theological concepts?
242
00:13:27,910 --> 00:13:31,869
I'll tell you what I don't want.
I don't want one of those quickie,
243
00:13:31,782 --> 00:13:34,717
hang-loose, "I'm okay, you're okay"
weddings.
244
00:13:34,662 --> 00:13:36,789
I want tradition.
I want ritual.
245
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:40,369
- I wanna feel married.
- Okay. Eve?
246
00:13:40,293 --> 00:13:42,853
Frankly, I don't see
why we need a service.
247
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:44,914
I told you
why we need a service.
248
00:13:44,902 --> 00:13:47,063
To get a piece of paper?
A piece of paper?
249
00:13:47,045 --> 00:13:50,481
Where am l-
a commune, a love-in?
250
00:13:50,405 --> 00:13:52,805
What, we're retrocounterculture
all of a sudden?
251
00:13:52,773 --> 00:13:58,643
Need I remind you that the social experiments
of the '60s and the '70s were an abject failure?
252
00:13:58,469 --> 00:14:02,200
They left us spiritually bankrupt,
empty, alienated.
253
00:14:02,117 --> 00:14:05,348
What the great traditionalist
fails to realize...
254
00:14:05,284 --> 00:14:09,084
is that those very traditions
are the major obstacle to our marriage.
255
00:14:08,997 --> 00:14:13,627
- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about fundamental religious differences.
256
00:14:13,509 --> 00:14:15,443
What religious differences?
257
00:14:15,429 --> 00:14:19,957
I happen to be Christian Scientist.
Christian Scientist?
258
00:14:19,844 --> 00:14:22,335
You're the poster child
for the A.M.A.
259
00:14:22,309 --> 00:14:25,710
I am reformed Christian Scientist.
He's a Quaker.
260
00:14:25,637 --> 00:14:28,538
Really?
Besides weddings,
261
00:14:28,484 --> 00:14:30,611
interfaith marriages
present a host of problems.
262
00:14:30,596 --> 00:14:34,623
You never said anything before. How do you raise
the children? What holidays do you celebrate?
263
00:14:34,532 --> 00:14:37,262
We've been living together
for 12 years.
264
00:14:37,219 --> 00:14:41,849
This is part of a much larger issue-
my identity.
265
00:14:41,732 --> 00:14:44,826
Do you know how hard it is
for a woman in this society...
266
00:14:44,772 --> 00:14:47,104
to earn recognition on her own,
267
00:14:47,075 --> 00:14:49,566
to be respected as competent
and independent?
268
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:52,407
And then to throw it all
out the window by getting married,
269
00:14:52,356 --> 00:14:57,225
by allowing herself to be consumed
by some hirsute man!
270
00:14:57,091 --> 00:14:59,321
All right. All right. Stop it.
271
00:15:01,379 --> 00:15:03,745
- I'll convert.
- You will?
272
00:15:03,715 --> 00:15:07,583
Do you have any Mary Baker Eddy?
273
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:09,891
What? What?
274
00:15:17,442 --> 00:15:20,741
Here are your things for
the, uh, shower. Thanks, babe.
275
00:15:20,674 --> 00:15:25,338
Would you do me a favor? Would
you blow these up for me? Sure.
276
00:15:25,218 --> 00:15:28,153
I'm doing everything
in white and blue.
277
00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:30,623
"Marry in white, you've chosen all right.
278
00:15:30,594 --> 00:15:33,154
Marry in blue, your love is true."
279
00:15:34,307 --> 00:15:39,506
This shower has just got to be
the most totally perfect bitchin' thing.
280
00:15:39,361 --> 00:15:44,822
I mean, a babe, you know
- she spends her whole life just waiting for this.
281
00:15:44,673 --> 00:15:46,698
The big "M."
282
00:15:46,689 --> 00:15:48,680
Holy matrimony.
283
00:15:49,858 --> 00:15:53,123
When you're a little kid, you watch
everybody's older sister get hitched,
284
00:15:53,057 --> 00:15:57,426
and you think,
"God, when is it gonna be my turn?
285
00:15:57,313 --> 00:15:59,975
"When am I gonna get
to walk down that aisle...
286
00:15:59,937 --> 00:16:02,963
be queen for a day?"
287
00:16:02,913 --> 00:16:05,882
Everybody's sayin'
how hot you look,
288
00:16:05,825 --> 00:16:08,316
and your mom crying,
289
00:16:08,289 --> 00:16:11,156
and your squeeze standing there
in a powder-blue tux...
290
00:16:11,105 --> 00:16:13,130
Iooking all cute and scared.
291
00:16:14,176 --> 00:16:16,576
And then those words-
292
00:16:16,545 --> 00:16:20,311
"I now pronounce you
man and wife.
293
00:16:21,504 --> 00:16:23,438
You may kiss the bride."
294
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,848
Order up.
295
00:16:33,344 --> 00:16:36,780
I think we're gonna have to face
the facts. We really have no choice.
296
00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:40,334
He's gonna have to start
me on betamethasone. Huh?
297
00:16:40,256 --> 00:16:44,317
I'm sorry. I know you were looking
forward to the wedding. So was I.
298
00:16:44,224 --> 00:16:47,523
What are you talking about?
Premature labor.
299
00:16:47,456 --> 00:16:49,447
I'm gonna need
an airlift to Anchorage.
300
00:16:49,439 --> 00:16:54,001
You're not in premature labor.
Excuse me? I'm having contractions.
301
00:16:55,007 --> 00:16:57,976
Um, you have a slight
urinary tract infection.
302
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,854
An infection is even worse.
303
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,936
If it attacks my kidneys, we could be
facing pyelonephritis, renal failure.
304
00:17:03,839 --> 00:17:07,775
- Is that true?
- You're not gonna get pyelonephritis.
305
00:17:07,679 --> 00:17:11,479
- What about amnionitis? Septic shock?
- I'm putting you on antibiotics.
306
00:17:11,391 --> 00:17:16,294
- Tetracycline, I suppose. What about the baby's teeth?
- I'll give you cephalosporin.
307
00:17:16,159 --> 00:17:20,721
Look, can we get married or not? You can do whatever you want
- get married, not get married.
308
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:23,201
Split up, move to Brazil.
I don't care.
309
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,728
Medically speaking- get some rest,
avoid sex, and you'll be fine.
310
00:17:27,902 --> 00:17:31,133
Hopefully you'll get
a lot of wedding gifts. Next.!
311
00:17:31,070 --> 00:17:33,004
It was just before noon.
312
00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:37,051
I finished sloppin'the pigs. I was sittin'down
to lunch when I heard the first explosion.
313
00:17:36,958 --> 00:17:38,892
Geez, what a bang!
314
00:17:38,878 --> 00:17:40,869
Knocked an elk rack
right off the wall.
315
00:17:40,862 --> 00:17:42,830
Then, two seconds later,
another one.
316
00:17:42,814 --> 00:17:46,341
Whammo! I thought to myself, "What
in the hell is Minnifield up to now?"
317
00:17:46,270 --> 00:17:50,001
I gave you plenty of warning,
Springer. So I came rushing out here.
318
00:17:49,917 --> 00:17:53,648
Let me tell you. It wasn't a pretty sight.
These poor animals never knew what hit 'em.
319
00:17:53,566 --> 00:17:57,161
That's what you get
for grazing your cattle on my property.
320
00:17:57,086 --> 00:17:58,883
It's my property,
and you know it.
321
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:01,903
Let's settle this thing like
men, Springer. Fine with me.
322
00:18:01,853 --> 00:18:04,515
Back off!
He started it.
323
00:18:04,477 --> 00:18:06,945
Thank you, Mr. Springer.
You can go now.
324
00:18:06,909 --> 00:18:10,208
Mona here used to give
two gallon a day.
325
00:18:10,141 --> 00:18:14,237
Now not a drop.
Thank you, Mr. Springer.
326
00:18:18,045 --> 00:18:19,979
I hope you're not buying into
what he's saying.
327
00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:21,933
That man's a flat-out liar.
328
00:18:21,917 --> 00:18:25,546
Maurice.
329
00:18:25,469 --> 00:18:27,801
There's a benchmark
in that rock.
330
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,139
I checked the surveyor's map.
331
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,577
Springer's cattle
were on his property.
332
00:18:34,588 --> 00:18:37,182
- Damn.
- One more thing.
333
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,203
Uh, about what happened
between you and me?
334
00:18:41,085 --> 00:18:43,679
I'd just like to say
you showed your mettle.
335
00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:46,636
I gave you my best shot. You took
it on the chin, but you took it.
336
00:18:46,588 --> 00:18:48,647
You picked yourself right up
off the canvas,
337
00:18:48,636 --> 00:18:51,002
and you didn't come
crawling back.
338
00:18:50,972 --> 00:18:53,566
I wanted to, Barbara.
But you didn't.
339
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:55,466
And I can respect that.
340
00:18:57,244 --> 00:18:59,178
Yeah.
341
00:19:01,979 --> 00:19:04,140
There you are.
Now, how about a gift?
342
00:19:04,124 --> 00:19:06,058
A gift?
For Adam and Eve.
343
00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:08,205
I've still got the fondue pot.
344
00:19:08,187 --> 00:19:10,121
Hi, Ruth-Anne.
Maggie.
345
00:19:11,515 --> 00:19:15,178
Look, is this how it's gonna be,
O'Connell? I'm a nonperson? I don't exist?
346
00:19:16,443 --> 00:19:19,412
Do you realize
how childishly you're behaving?
347
00:19:19,355 --> 00:19:21,949
Hey, we live in a very small town.
Minuscule.
348
00:19:21,915 --> 00:19:24,679
We see each other every day.
349
00:19:24,635 --> 00:19:27,331
Is this corn on special?
Two for a dollar.
350
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,350
Okay. If I have to be the adult, fine.
351
00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:32,137
Even though I think the blame rests
equally on both of our shoulders.
352
00:19:33,275 --> 00:19:37,575
I'm willing to apologize.
I'm sorry I lied to you.
353
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,697
You just don't know
where to stop, do you?
354
00:19:39,674 --> 00:19:41,608
Hey, wait.
355
00:19:41,594 --> 00:19:44,154
O'Connell, what the hell
is goin' on?
356
00:19:44,122 --> 00:19:46,784
I extend myself to you.
I apologize.
357
00:19:46,746 --> 00:19:49,977
I could just kill you, Fleischman. I could
wrap my hands around your neck and strangle you.
358
00:19:49,914 --> 00:19:53,372
I said I was sorry.
How could you not sleep with me?
359
00:19:53,306 --> 00:19:57,402
What? I was lying there in bed
- prostrate, willing.
360
00:19:57,306 --> 00:20:01,072
You were asleep. And you
couldn't wake me up, Fleischman?
361
00:20:00,986 --> 00:20:03,420
I mean, how much trouble
could it have been? I tried.
362
00:20:03,386 --> 00:20:06,321
Oh, yeah. Right. O'Connell, I
shook you. I called your name.
363
00:20:06,266 --> 00:20:08,234
I was tickling your feet,
for cryin' out loud.
364
00:20:08,217 --> 00:20:11,675
Just admit it, Fleischman. Just admit it.
It didn't mean that much to you.
365
00:20:11,609 --> 00:20:14,134
The first excuse you had,
you turned tail and ran.
366
00:20:14,106 --> 00:20:16,904
What the hell was I supposed to do? Rip
your clothes off and have my way with you?
367
00:20:16,857 --> 00:20:19,121
Yes!
Yes?
368
00:20:19,097 --> 00:20:21,725
Yes! You had an invitation.
I agreed.
369
00:20:21,690 --> 00:20:23,624
I was trying to be considerate,
sensitive.
370
00:20:23,610 --> 00:20:26,204
Who cares, Fleischman? Where's
the desire? Where's the passion?
371
00:20:26,169 --> 00:20:28,296
There was plenty of passion,
and there was plenty of desire.
372
00:20:28,281 --> 00:20:30,340
But I also had a little bit
of self-control.
373
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:34,390
Oh, great. That's what I inspire
in you, Fleischman- self-control?
374
00:20:34,297 --> 00:20:37,130
Well, I'm flattered.
I'm very, very flattered!
375
00:20:45,881 --> 00:20:50,341
Pickles. Um, where's the, uh,
sour cream?
376
00:20:51,128 --> 00:20:53,062
Excuse me.
377
00:20:53,944 --> 00:20:56,811
Hey, Catfish. I haven't seen you
in a coon's age.
378
00:20:58,777 --> 00:21:01,302
Ah. I've never been
to a bachelor party before.
379
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:04,262
Crowds.
380
00:21:05,336 --> 00:21:07,827
Qui Nhon, 1968.
381
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,361
Mama-san walked into the bar
peddling cigarettes.
382
00:21:11,288 --> 00:21:13,882
Nobody paid her much attention,
383
00:21:13,847 --> 00:21:17,806
that is till she pulled a
fragmentation grenade out of her basket.
384
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:21,247
By then, it was too late.
Oh.
385
00:21:21,175 --> 00:21:23,735
A piece of advice, my friend.
386
00:21:23,703 --> 00:21:27,434
A room like this
- you keep your back to the wall, your eyes on the door.
387
00:21:28,727 --> 00:21:30,661
Thanks.
388
00:21:35,351 --> 00:21:38,184
Not much of a stag party, is it?
389
00:21:38,135 --> 00:21:42,936
Well, we were supposed to have an exotic
dancer from Sleetmute, but she had to cancel.
390
00:21:42,807 --> 00:21:45,173
Her five-year-old
came down with the croup.
391
00:21:45,143 --> 00:21:47,077
Yeah.
392
00:21:47,063 --> 00:21:48,621
Ah!
393
00:21:50,422 --> 00:21:52,652
Sorry.
394
00:21:52,631 --> 00:21:55,191
Holling, Maurice.
395
00:21:55,159 --> 00:21:57,992
Hey, any better with the collar?
Oh, it's about the same.
396
00:21:57,942 --> 00:22:00,069
Yeah? You might wanna try
a little local heat.
397
00:22:01,110 --> 00:22:03,101
Well, what a relief, huh?
398
00:22:03,095 --> 00:22:05,893
No women.
Yeah.
399
00:22:08,022 --> 00:22:09,956
Hi.
400
00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:13,814
What a relief, huh?
No men.
401
00:22:13,782 --> 00:22:15,716
I don't know, Maggie.
402
00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:18,967
These segregated affairs have
always struck me as unnatural.
403
00:22:18,902 --> 00:22:21,962
Okay. Everybody over here.
404
00:22:21,909 --> 00:22:24,002
We're gonna do "balloon ballyhoo."
405
00:22:23,989 --> 00:22:27,425
Inside of this is a number. You
also got numbers on your name tags.
406
00:22:27,349 --> 00:22:31,251
If your number on your tag is the same as
the one in the balloon, you get the prize.
407
00:22:31,157 --> 00:22:33,148
Eve, sit your moon down here
and pop it.
408
00:22:33,141 --> 00:22:37,009
- Oh, in my condition, it's contraindicated. You do it.
- Okay.
409
00:22:39,605 --> 00:22:41,937
Where is it?
Where's- Four.
410
00:22:41,909 --> 00:22:45,037
- Oh, that's me.
- Oh, congratulations.
411
00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:55,644
Styling gel. Just what I need.
How thoughtful.
412
00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:59,601
Okay. Everybody get a partner.
We're gonna do "toilet paper bride."
413
00:23:04,981 --> 00:23:07,006
You're in pain, Vincoeur.
414
00:23:06,996 --> 00:23:10,295
I can help.
You need an adjustment.
415
00:23:10,228 --> 00:23:14,028
A what? Chiropractic. And don't
give me the A.M.A. big lie.
416
00:23:13,940 --> 00:23:16,875
They'll tell you anything
to protect their little monopoly.
417
00:23:16,820 --> 00:23:19,880
I'm suffocating.
Let's get outta here.
418
00:23:23,220 --> 00:23:25,882
It's a symbiotic relationship.
419
00:23:25,844 --> 00:23:28,506
You cannot separate the mind
from the body.
420
00:23:28,468 --> 00:23:33,098
The root cause is psychosomatic,
but the pathology is real.
421
00:23:32,979 --> 00:23:35,709
What are you talking about?
Oh, you need layman's terms?
422
00:23:35,667 --> 00:23:39,262
I'll give it to you
in one word, my friend- guilt.
423
00:23:39,188 --> 00:23:42,089
You dumped Shelly at the altar,
and now you can never forgive yourself.
424
00:23:42,035 --> 00:23:44,503
Count to three.
One, two-
425
00:23:45,843 --> 00:23:47,606
three.
426
00:23:47,603 --> 00:23:51,937
Sit up. See, I don't understand
people like you, Vincoeur.
427
00:23:51,826 --> 00:23:54,021
Despite everything I've achieved
in my life-
428
00:23:54,002 --> 00:23:58,905
the culinary awards, the military
commendations, the honorary degrees-
429
00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:02,298
I have never, ever lost sight
of what's truly important,
430
00:24:02,227 --> 00:24:05,162
the thing that gives meaning
to these triumphs.
431
00:24:05,107 --> 00:24:07,200
Someone to share them with-
432
00:24:07,186 --> 00:24:12,283
a companion, a helpmate, a wife.
433
00:24:12,146 --> 00:24:15,377
I am counting the minutes,
the seconds,
434
00:24:15,314 --> 00:24:19,307
until the moment when I slip
that ring on Eve's finger.
435
00:24:20,210 --> 00:24:22,508
How do you feel?
436
00:24:22,482 --> 00:24:26,179
Better. Much better.
437
00:24:26,098 --> 00:24:29,534
Yeah. Me too.
438
00:24:29,458 --> 00:24:32,325
There. Here you go.
Okay. Here's one for you.
439
00:24:32,274 --> 00:24:36,335
And you.
And you.
440
00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:38,175
Here's one, Carol.
441
00:24:42,033 --> 00:24:44,297
240 to go.
442
00:24:44,273 --> 00:24:46,901
Why did I do it?
Why did I say yes?
443
00:24:46,865 --> 00:24:48,799
I don't know.
444
00:24:48,785 --> 00:24:52,482
Do you realize Adam's never held a job
for more than two weeks?
445
00:24:52,401 --> 00:24:54,801
He's rude. He insults people.
446
00:24:54,769 --> 00:24:56,999
He won't tolerate
the slightest criticism.
447
00:24:56,977 --> 00:25:00,743
How can I rely on him to
support a family? You can't.
448
00:25:00,656 --> 00:25:03,750
A husband, by definition,
is supposed to be a provider.
449
00:25:04,592 --> 00:25:07,322
Adam- he'll never be able
to take care of me.
450
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,942
I'll always have to
take care of him. Uh-huh.
451
00:25:10,993 --> 00:25:14,053
I already have one child.
Now I'll have two.
452
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,934
Here's your T.P.
453
00:25:26,576 --> 00:25:28,908
Lot of strange things
about women.
454
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,348
Yeah. Amen to that.
455
00:25:32,592 --> 00:25:35,356
They give you every indication that
they want you to do one thing...
456
00:25:35,311 --> 00:25:37,438
when, in fact, they want you
to do the opposite.
457
00:25:37,423 --> 00:25:41,052
Mm-hmm. And the topper is they
get mad you don't know that.
458
00:25:42,928 --> 00:25:47,956
Women have a very difficult time
understanding that men are simpler creatures.
459
00:25:48,943 --> 00:25:51,537
Simpler?
Mm-hmm.
460
00:25:51,503 --> 00:25:54,529
Simpler because we're not
wildly irrational?
461
00:25:54,479 --> 00:25:56,777
Yeah. Look at it this way.
462
00:25:56,751 --> 00:26:01,484
For the most part,
men are ruled by two things-
463
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,226
their penis and their stomach.
464
00:26:04,175 --> 00:26:06,735
Now, those are concrete,
tangible things.
465
00:26:06,703 --> 00:26:10,696
With women, well, the situation
gets much murkier.
466
00:26:10,607 --> 00:26:16,341
They're... motivated by all that
right-brain, emotional stuff.
467
00:26:17,518 --> 00:26:19,816
Love, hate.
468
00:26:20,814 --> 00:26:23,681
Rage.
Huh. Rage.
469
00:26:23,630 --> 00:26:25,621
Yeah. Rage.
470
00:26:27,982 --> 00:26:30,951
Two minutes. Then all the brides
gotta line up for judging.
471
00:26:31,886 --> 00:26:33,820
Oh, good.
472
00:26:35,598 --> 00:26:38,032
You know, I don't wanna
hurt Shelly's feelings,
473
00:26:37,998 --> 00:26:42,662
but I don't really think this is something
that grown women should be doing.
474
00:26:42,542 --> 00:26:46,740
Ruth-Anne, don't you think
any woman- any normal woman-
475
00:26:46,638 --> 00:26:49,232
would be furious if a man led her
to believe she had sex with him,
476
00:26:49,197 --> 00:26:51,131
and later on she found out
she didn't?
477
00:26:52,013 --> 00:26:54,948
Well, Maggie, I've never been
in that situation. Raise your arms.
478
00:26:54,893 --> 00:26:57,726
Well, don't you think it's understandable,
at least, that she would hate him?
479
00:26:57,677 --> 00:27:01,306
I mean, because she really agonized
over this. She really tortured herself.
480
00:27:02,413 --> 00:27:04,608
Here's some bobby pins for the veil.
Thank you.
481
00:27:05,485 --> 00:27:07,419
But, you know, the thing is,
482
00:27:07,405 --> 00:27:10,704
even though she felt bad about
the idea of sleeping with him,
483
00:27:10,637 --> 00:27:12,696
deep down, she kind of liked it.
484
00:27:12,685 --> 00:27:17,213
In fact, she created this very elaborate,
very erotic fantasy about what it was like.
485
00:27:17,101 --> 00:27:20,730
Guilty pleasure.
Yeah.
486
00:27:20,652 --> 00:27:23,052
But the really awful thing
is that now it's gone.
487
00:27:24,460 --> 00:27:27,486
She should sleep with him.
Sleep with him?
488
00:27:27,436 --> 00:27:29,370
That's right.
489
00:27:29,356 --> 00:27:32,450
Even though he did this
horrible, hateful thing? Mm-hmm.
490
00:27:32,396 --> 00:27:35,832
Maggie, there are two parts
to guilty pleasure.
491
00:27:35,755 --> 00:27:39,714
If she's going to suffer the guilt, then
she should at least enjoy the pleasure.
492
00:27:40,524 --> 00:27:42,492
Turn around.
493
00:27:48,843 --> 00:27:53,143
Okay. Let's do it.
Do what?
494
00:27:54,251 --> 00:27:57,345
It. Sex. What we should have
done in Juneau.
495
00:27:57,291 --> 00:27:59,350
Sex?
Yes.
496
00:27:59,339 --> 00:28:01,273
You came here to have sex?
Yes.
497
00:28:01,259 --> 00:28:03,386
I think we should finish
what we started.
498
00:28:03,371 --> 00:28:06,602
A few hours ago,
you wanted to strangle me.
499
00:28:06,539 --> 00:28:08,473
Well, yeah,
but that was a few hours ago.
500
00:28:09,771 --> 00:28:12,137
What do you say?
501
00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:14,041
Uh, well-
502
00:28:16,938 --> 00:28:19,873
Yeah. That's okay. Sure.
Okay.
503
00:28:19,818 --> 00:28:22,184
Have a seat.
Okay.
504
00:28:25,515 --> 00:28:27,449
You want a drink?
505
00:28:27,435 --> 00:28:31,030
Um, no. Do you?
506
00:28:30,954 --> 00:28:34,321
Uh, no. Not really.
507
00:28:36,842 --> 00:28:39,037
Okay.
508
00:28:44,650 --> 00:28:46,880
It's good you came.
I mean, I'm glad.
509
00:28:48,298 --> 00:28:52,325
Yeah?
You sure you wanna have sex?
510
00:28:53,513 --> 00:28:55,447
Yes, absolutely.
511
00:28:57,097 --> 00:28:59,861
Well, okay.
512
00:29:02,505 --> 00:29:06,339
You're all comfortable?
Yeah. Mm.
513
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,161
Did you smoke a cigar?
514
00:29:23,145 --> 00:29:25,204
That's okay. That's all right. Uh-
515
00:29:25,192 --> 00:29:27,126
I like it.
516
00:29:34,696 --> 00:29:36,664
Oh, God. O'Connell.
Oh, God.
517
00:29:40,968 --> 00:29:43,528
Oh, God. Ah!
518
00:29:43,496 --> 00:29:46,431
Do you want me, Fleischman?
Yeah. I want you.
519
00:29:46,376 --> 00:29:48,742
No, but do you-
Do you really, really want me?
520
00:29:48,712 --> 00:29:51,510
I really, really, really, really want you.
521
00:29:51,463 --> 00:29:53,795
Even if I fell asleep?
It wouldn't matter.
522
00:29:53,768 --> 00:29:56,134
Nothing would stand in your way?
Nothing.
523
00:29:56,104 --> 00:29:58,971
An earthquake, a forest fire, tidal wave.
524
00:30:03,719 --> 00:30:06,244
That's great.
That's really great.
525
00:30:06,215 --> 00:30:09,946
Yeah. No, I mean- l-l-
I feel much better now.
526
00:30:09,863 --> 00:30:12,457
Yeah. I mean, I really
feel fine. I feel good.
527
00:30:12,423 --> 00:30:16,154
Yeah. So, Fleischman
- So, Fleischman, I'm gonna go home now.
528
00:30:19,046 --> 00:30:23,813
What? Well, I mean
- This was fabulous, Fleischman.
529
00:30:23,687 --> 00:30:26,019
What are you talking about? We
didn't do anything. Yes, we did.
530
00:30:25,991 --> 00:30:27,925
We did actually.
We did?
531
00:30:27,910 --> 00:30:29,935
Yes. We did the most important part,
you know, the want part.
532
00:30:29,926 --> 00:30:33,794
The want part? Yes. I wanted you
to want me, and you wanted me.
533
00:30:33,702 --> 00:30:35,636
Yeah, but what about the rest?
534
00:30:35,622 --> 00:30:37,954
The follow-through.
Consummation.
535
00:30:37,926 --> 00:30:39,917
Yeah, well, I thought
I needed that, but I don't.
536
00:30:39,911 --> 00:30:41,845
I don't need that. Yeah,
but I do. I need that.
537
00:30:41,831 --> 00:30:44,527
Good night, Fleischman.
Thanks for making me so happy.
538
00:30:46,790 --> 00:30:48,724
Oh.
539
00:31:00,870 --> 00:31:04,271
Good morning, Cicely. This is Bernard
Stevens sitting in for my brother, Chris,
540
00:31:04,198 --> 00:31:08,658
whose pastoral duties have kept
him away from the mike this a.m.
541
00:31:08,550 --> 00:31:12,577
He's crossing his T's and dotting his I's
for his wedding homily.
542
00:31:12,485 --> 00:31:14,612
You know, I've never been married,
543
00:31:14,597 --> 00:31:17,760
and the thought of it
turns my knees to jelly.
544
00:31:17,701 --> 00:31:20,397
And for that very reason,
I doff my proverbial hat...
545
00:31:20,357 --> 00:31:24,760
to those of you courageous enough
to give it a go.
546
00:31:24,645 --> 00:31:27,273
I mean,
what are man and woman...
547
00:31:27,237 --> 00:31:32,231
if not members of two very different...
and warring tribes?
548
00:31:32,101 --> 00:31:35,264
Yet decade after decade,
century after century,
549
00:31:35,204 --> 00:31:40,870
they attempt in marriage to...
reconcile and forge a union. Why?
550
00:31:40,708 --> 00:31:43,472
I don't know.
551
00:31:43,428 --> 00:31:46,727
Biologic imperative?
Divine law?
552
00:31:46,660 --> 00:31:51,461
Or just a desire to connect
to that mysterious other?
553
00:31:51,332 --> 00:31:55,598
In any case, it's always struck me
as a hopeful thing.
554
00:31:57,252 --> 00:31:59,618
Beautiful, isn't it?
555
00:32:04,836 --> 00:32:06,770
Hey, I didn't think
you were gonna make it.
556
00:32:06,756 --> 00:32:09,224
Fleischman. I gotta talk to you.
557
00:32:09,188 --> 00:32:12,646
Where are your shoes? You think I
didn't try? It was torture for me.
558
00:32:12,579 --> 00:32:15,514
Listen, when the time is right,
559
00:32:15,459 --> 00:32:18,587
I want you to hand me this, okay?
Me?
560
00:32:18,532 --> 00:32:21,399
Do you see anybody else here? All
right. So you're making me your best man.
561
00:32:21,347 --> 00:32:23,815
No. No, you are not my best man.
562
00:32:23,779 --> 00:32:26,247
You're just handing me the ring.
563
00:32:26,211 --> 00:32:29,612
All right. Relax.
Come on.
564
00:32:29,539 --> 00:32:33,031
We'll save one for you.
Yeah, I'll see you inside.
565
00:32:32,963 --> 00:32:34,897
Everybody got their gloves?
566
00:32:34,883 --> 00:32:36,851
You guys look so bitchin'.
567
00:32:36,834 --> 00:32:40,565
Let me see your nails.
Good, good, good, good.
568
00:32:42,179 --> 00:32:44,113
Where's the cherry-pink polish?
569
00:32:44,099 --> 00:32:46,533
I don't wear nail polish,
Shelly dear.
570
00:32:46,498 --> 00:32:48,432
Oh, okay.
571
00:32:48,418 --> 00:32:50,545
Eve. Eve. Your bouquet.
572
00:32:51,779 --> 00:32:55,180
Adam gets a load of you,
he is gonna flip out.
573
00:32:55,106 --> 00:32:57,040
It's time.
574
00:32:57,026 --> 00:32:59,517
Okay. Okay. This is it.
Don't be nervous.
575
00:32:59,490 --> 00:33:03,153
Backs straight, boobs out,
and don't forget to smile.
576
00:33:03,074 --> 00:33:06,532
Let's go out there
and kick butt.
577
00:33:09,090 --> 00:33:11,081
Come on. Come on.
578
00:33:11,074 --> 00:33:15,101
Smile. Smile, everybody.
579
00:33:55,264 --> 00:33:57,198
Hi, babe.
580
00:34:14,016 --> 00:34:17,247
Oh. What am I gonna do?
581
00:34:53,758 --> 00:34:57,250
- I can't.
- What?
582
00:34:57,183 --> 00:35:01,119
- I can't go through with this.
- What?
583
00:35:01,023 --> 00:35:04,356
Is this dementia?
Have you lost your mind?
584
00:35:04,286 --> 00:35:07,380
- I'm rich.
- What?
585
00:35:07,326 --> 00:35:10,420
- I'm an heiress.
- An heiress?
586
00:35:10,366 --> 00:35:12,334
Yes. I'm rich. Very, very rich.
587
00:35:20,893 --> 00:35:24,158
Why didn't you tell me this
before? I didn't want you to know.
588
00:35:24,094 --> 00:35:27,154
You live with me for 12 years.
589
00:35:27,101 --> 00:35:30,502
I cook for you,
I give you physiotherapy,
590
00:35:30,430 --> 00:35:33,627
I time your medications,
and you don't tell me you have money?
591
00:35:33,565 --> 00:35:37,296
It was none of your business!
None of my business?
592
00:35:37,213 --> 00:35:40,307
Why was I cursed
with a woman like you?
593
00:35:40,253 --> 00:35:43,450
You're nothing but a misery.
You're a knife in my heart.
594
00:35:44,285 --> 00:35:46,412
Look, let's discuss this later.
Let's just get married now.
595
00:35:46,396 --> 00:35:48,387
No.
No?
596
00:35:48,380 --> 00:35:50,848
If we get married,
you'll have half my money.
597
00:35:50,813 --> 00:35:54,214
I don't want half your money.
Oh, sure. That's what you say now.
598
00:35:54,140 --> 00:35:56,233
What do you think I am,
some kind of a gold digger?
599
00:35:56,220 --> 00:35:59,155
I can't take that chance.
600
00:35:59,100 --> 00:36:01,933
Excuse me.
I think I can help.
601
00:36:06,396 --> 00:36:09,957
Okay. This is a standard prenup
I've used with several clients.
602
00:36:09,884 --> 00:36:13,183
You just have to fill in some of the
blanks. You're not a lawyer. Is this binding?
603
00:36:13,116 --> 00:36:16,017
Oh, absolutely. Dr. Fleischman
here can serve as witness.
604
00:36:15,964 --> 00:36:18,296
All right, all right. Let's do
it. Wait a second. Hold on now.
605
00:36:18,268 --> 00:36:20,896
Let's just lay all our cards
on the table, okay?
606
00:36:20,859 --> 00:36:24,625
We know what my net worth is.
Yeah. Zippo.
607
00:36:24,540 --> 00:36:28,032
Okay. Well, what is yours? I mean,
what am I signing off on here?
608
00:36:27,964 --> 00:36:31,593
- Do I have to answer?
- Well, he should make an informed decision.
609
00:36:32,635 --> 00:36:34,569
Twenty-two million.
610
00:36:34,555 --> 00:36:36,989
Twenty-two million?
611
00:36:36,955 --> 00:36:38,650
You must have suspected something.
612
00:36:38,651 --> 00:36:44,055
All the Christmas gifts my father sends
- lightbulbs, automobile parts, cutlery. What do they have in common?
613
00:36:43,899 --> 00:36:46,868
How should I know?
Tungsten.
614
00:36:46,811 --> 00:36:50,542
My father mines tungsten ore.
He is tungsten ore.
615
00:36:50,459 --> 00:36:52,484
Where do you think all the money
for the trips came from?
616
00:36:52,475 --> 00:36:54,568
China, Switzerland, Senegal.
617
00:36:54,554 --> 00:36:58,422
- You said that was from our frequent flier mileage.
- And you believed me?
618
00:36:58,331 --> 00:37:02,267
The question is, in case of divorce,
how much does he get?
619
00:37:02,171 --> 00:37:04,071
- Nothing.
- Nothing?
620
00:37:04,058 --> 00:37:06,049
You said you didn't want my money.
621
00:37:06,042 --> 00:37:09,307
I don't. I want what's fair.
I gotta look out for my interests.
622
00:37:09,242 --> 00:37:11,210
A chef only has
so many good years.
623
00:37:11,194 --> 00:37:14,061
All right. 600 a month.
624
00:37:14,010 --> 00:37:17,912
That's more than you're living on now.
Take it or leave it.
625
00:37:17,818 --> 00:37:20,685
Oh, I see. You think you can play
on my vulnerability, huh?
626
00:37:20,634 --> 00:37:24,297
You think I'll jump
at your first offer, eh?
627
00:37:26,074 --> 00:37:28,804
Uh, this could take some time.
628
00:37:33,817 --> 00:37:37,651
Up the faucet.
That's right.
629
00:37:39,449 --> 00:37:41,542
That'll get me somethin' there.
630
00:37:43,033 --> 00:37:46,196
The fish is good.
631
00:37:46,137 --> 00:37:48,662
Excuse me, Bill.
632
00:37:56,633 --> 00:37:58,567
Shelly?
633
00:38:00,152 --> 00:38:02,382
I'm sorry, hon.
634
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:05,887
Yeah. It's a real bummer.
I wanted it to be picture-perfect.
635
00:38:05,816 --> 00:38:08,307
I mean, about us.
Us?
636
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,249
About our not being married.
Why are you sorry about that?
637
00:38:11,193 --> 00:38:14,959
Well, I know how much
holy matrimony means to you.
638
00:38:14,872 --> 00:38:17,397
You said a girl spends her whole life
waiting for it.
639
00:38:17,368 --> 00:38:19,302
Yeah.
640
00:38:19,288 --> 00:38:21,222
I figure you got so taken up
with this wedding...
641
00:38:21,208 --> 00:38:24,109
on account of I deprived you
of your own.
642
00:38:24,056 --> 00:38:26,684
That's not why.
It isn't?
643
00:38:27,544 --> 00:38:30,638
I'm kind of like a fan.
It's the same as hockey.
644
00:38:30,584 --> 00:38:32,518
I mean, you can really
get off watching it,
645
00:38:32,504 --> 00:38:35,564
but that doesn't mean
you have to play.
646
00:38:35,511 --> 00:38:37,445
Oh.
Besides, babe,
647
00:38:37,431 --> 00:38:39,592
you're the last guy
I'd ever wanna marry.
648
00:38:39,576 --> 00:38:42,409
I am?
Yeah.
649
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:46,922
You're not the "settle down, have
rug rats" kind of guy. No way.
650
00:38:47,767 --> 00:38:50,031
The only thing a chick wants
from a stud like you...
651
00:38:50,007 --> 00:38:55,309
is to grab your buns and shack up
for a long, long time.
652
00:38:55,158 --> 00:38:57,718
Oh.
Come here.
653
00:39:25,206 --> 00:39:27,140
There you are.
654
00:39:27,126 --> 00:39:29,185
Oh, don't-don't start with me,
O'Connell.
655
00:39:30,069 --> 00:39:32,003
What?
656
00:39:31,989 --> 00:39:34,514
I surrender.
I throw in the towel.
657
00:39:34,486 --> 00:39:38,354
You win.
What-What do you mean?
658
00:39:38,261 --> 00:39:40,320
Whatever it is that we've been
doing to one another,
659
00:39:40,310 --> 00:39:43,507
you are clearly
the undisputed winner.
660
00:39:43,446 --> 00:39:46,040
Fleischman,
you're not making any sense.
661
00:39:46,005 --> 00:39:47,939
Face it. O'Connell,
662
00:39:49,141 --> 00:39:51,302
we're never gonna have
a romantic relationship, okay?
663
00:39:51,286 --> 00:39:54,585
We're never even gonna have
a superficial sexual relationship.
664
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:57,884
You know why?
Why?
665
00:39:57,813 --> 00:40:00,475
Because neither one of us
have the slightest clue...
666
00:40:00,436 --> 00:40:03,030
as to what the other person is about.
667
00:40:02,997 --> 00:40:06,433
Personally, I can't begin to fathom
what goes on in your head.
668
00:40:06,356 --> 00:40:11,794
Nothing you do conforms in any way to what
I recognize as rational, logical behavior.
669
00:40:11,637 --> 00:40:15,164
Let's just put aside our-our fantasies
and our projections.
670
00:40:15,092 --> 00:40:19,188
We'll draw a line in the sand-
you on one side, me on the other.
671
00:40:19,092 --> 00:40:21,026
It doesn't mean
we have to throw stones.
672
00:40:21,012 --> 00:40:25,312
We'll maintain a civil, cordial,
professional relationship.
673
00:40:25,204 --> 00:40:28,503
And that's all.
674
00:40:28,436 --> 00:40:31,428
- You sure?
- Did I not sound sure?
675
00:40:31,380 --> 00:40:35,180
Was there anything in my manner or tone
that suggested that I wasn't sure?
676
00:40:36,436 --> 00:40:38,961
No.
677
00:40:40,596 --> 00:40:45,158
- What?
- I don't know. I just-
678
00:40:46,292 --> 00:40:48,226
What?
679
00:40:52,755 --> 00:40:54,689
You're a great kisser.
680
00:40:57,395 --> 00:41:00,091
- I am?
- Mmm.
681
00:41:02,675 --> 00:41:05,041
Hey, everybody.
682
00:41:05,011 --> 00:41:07,104
We have a deal.
683
00:41:11,251 --> 00:41:14,687
Marriage- it's a hard term to define,
especially for me.
684
00:41:14,610 --> 00:41:16,544
I've ducked it like root canal.
685
00:41:16,530 --> 00:41:20,022
Still, there's no denying the fact that marriage
ranks right up there with birth and death...
686
00:41:19,955 --> 00:41:22,355
as one of the three biggies
in the human safari.
687
00:41:22,323 --> 00:41:25,588
It's the only one, though, that we'll
celebrate with a conscious awareness.
688
00:41:25,522 --> 00:41:28,184
Very few of you
remember your arrival,
689
00:41:28,146 --> 00:41:30,671
and even fewer will attend
your own funeral.
690
00:41:30,642 --> 00:41:35,375
You pick a society, any society-
Zuni, Ndembu, Pennsylvania Dutch.
691
00:41:35,250 --> 00:41:37,844
What's the one thing that
they all have in common?
692
00:41:37,810 --> 00:41:41,610
Marriage.
It's like a cultural handrail.
693
00:41:41,522 --> 00:41:45,925
It- It links folks to the past
and guides them to the future.
694
00:41:45,810 --> 00:41:47,744
That's not all though.
695
00:41:47,730 --> 00:41:49,755
Marriage is the union
of disparate elements-
696
00:41:49,746 --> 00:41:53,147
male and female, yin and yang,
proton and electron.
697
00:41:53,073 --> 00:41:58,670
What are we talking about here? Nothing less
than the very tension that binds the universe.
698
00:41:58,513 --> 00:42:02,244
You see, when we look at marriage, people,
we're looking at creation itself.
699
00:42:02,161 --> 00:42:05,824
"I am the sky,"
says the Hindu bridegroom to the bride.
700
00:42:05,745 --> 00:42:10,307
"You are the earth.
We are sky and earth united."
701
00:42:10,193 --> 00:42:12,127
The ring, please, Joel.
702
00:42:21,008 --> 00:42:24,000
You are my husband.
You are my wife.
703
00:42:23,953 --> 00:42:28,481
My feet shall run because of you.
My feet shall dance because of you.
704
00:42:28,369 --> 00:42:32,669
My heart shall beat because of you,
my eyes see because of you,
705
00:42:32,561 --> 00:42:37,965
my mind think because of you,
and I shall love because of you.
706
00:42:39,152 --> 00:42:41,086
Are you guys cool with that?
707
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,961
Then kiss.
708
00:42:45,011 --> 00:42:49,561
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