All language subtitles for Northern Exposure s03e15 Democracy In America.eng

Ed, it was three on his right
and two on his left.

No, Chris, it was definitely
one on his left.

Holling, how many toes did Marty
Sorenson lose that time he got frostbite?

Well, let's see. It was one on his
left and two on his right, wasn't it?

Well, I don't believe it.

- Hello, Edna.
- Holling.

Been a while.
Yes, it has.

Fellas, you know Edna Hancock.

Lives over next to Maurice.

Hi.
Well, almost next to him.

What is it, four miles
from door to door?

Five.
Maurice has his 15,000 acres,

- and you have what, Edna, 10?
- Twelve.

12,000 acres. My gosh.

It's good to see ya.

I think I still have
some of that single malt you like.

Nobody calls for this very often.

Make it a double?
Too late for that.

I beg your pardon?
Too late for single malt, Holling.

Too late for a lot of things.

l-I don't follow you. I'm running
for mayor, Holling, against you.

Why?
Why?

Five years ago, you could
have given me a stop sign.

Now it's too late
for that too.

Five years ago? I was sitting right
here. You said you'd look into it.

But you didn't now,
did you?

Well, l-I must have
forgotten is all, Edna.

Well, it won't happen again.

See you on election day.

Friends, Romans, registered voters,
lend me your ears.

Holling Vincoeur has picked up the gauntlet
thrown down by Edna Hancock.

We have a mayoralty race, folks.

To which I can only add,
alea jacta est.

The die is cast,
the battle is joined.

Hold on to your hats, Cicely. We're
about to bear witness to that sacred rite,

when each and every one of us
become acolytes...

before the altar of the ballot box,
our secular shrine.

Fellow Cicelians,
my heart is pounding,

dancing to the drum
of a free people,

a city on a hill,
e pluribus unum.

I feel at one with Whitman,
shepherd of the great unwashed:

"O democracy,
near at hand to you...

a throat is now inflating itself
and joyfully singing."

What exactly am I supposed
to be looking for?

It's not jumping up and down?

Not presently.

Well, this morning when I woke up
and looked in the mirror,

it was like I just killed this deerfly,
you know, but it wasn't dead yet,

and its wings were
still flapping around.

l-I believe what you've just described
is a facial tic. Watch my finger.

Okay, a facial tic is a brief,
involuntary contraction of a muscle group.

You ever have one before?
Never.

It's usually the result
of nervous tension.

Have you been experiencing
any unusual stress lately?

A lot.
Yeah?

The stress is related to?
Oh, the election.

The election?
Yep.

This election? Yeah. You see, I've never
had a chance to vote before, Dr. Fleischman.

It's a pretty big responsibility.

Well, normally I'd agree
with you, Ed,

but in this case, I mean, it's nothing
more than a grudge match over a stop sign.

Two stop signs.
Two?

Yeah, you see, Edna wants a stop sign
to slow down those lumber trucks...

as they come around the curve
near her house.

See, they hit the brakes,
then they work through all the gears.

It's noisy and keeps her awake.
Wait a minute.

There's no intersection? She wants a
stop sign where there's no intersection?

Yeah, but she needs two.

You see, last night I was thinking-
a "Prepare To Stop" and then a "Stop."

I couldn't get back to sleep.

I can see where
that might keep a person awake.

Oh, yeah.
Look, Ed.

Until yesterday, I didn't know Holling was
mayor. I didn't even know there was a mayor.

How important can a job be
if no one knows it exists?

Well, there's
a special parking place.

A what? You know, the reserved sign
out in front of Ruth-Anne's store.

Oh, that's what that's for?
Yeah, it's for the mayor.

But everyone parks there. Well, yeah,
but they all know it's for the mayor.

And that doesn't even include
all the other special perks.

Like what? Well, like
the annual date book,

the stamp,
the official stationery.

Oh, it's pretty
intoxicating stuff.

Yeah. Holling has been the mayor of
Cicely, well, ever since I was born.

Well, look, I appreciate
the history involved here,

but, um, it's not like an election
is a once-in-a-lifetime event.

Well, there's never been
one here before.

What do you mean?

Well, everyone's just always
wanted Holling to be mayor,

so, well, Holling's
always just been mayor.

You mean there's never
been a vote? Uh-uh.

Ever?
Nope.

Unbelievable. I've discovered the
Brigadoon of electoral politics.

So what am I gonna do now,
Dr. Fleischman?

About what?
My tic.

Well, vote. It should
clear up Tuesday. Oh.

Hell, I never asked for the job.

I never asked to be mayor. I know.

People asked me. I wasn't
looking for power and glory.

I couldn't have cared less. But still, all
in all, I think I did a pretty decent job.

You've done a dynamite job, babe.

Did I ask Edna Hancock to build
her house near a major thoroughfare?

I've known the woman since the first
day she set foot here 25 years ago.

Never in all of that time has
an unkind word passed between us.

But let me forget one thing,
she turns on me,

like a grizzly smelling blood
on the wind.

Holling?
What?

I know you've got power and greed and
ambition on your mind, and that's cool.

It's more than cool.
It's a total turn-on.

But see if you can't fit some time
for you and me to slide around.

All this wheeling and dealing
is making my knees likeJell-O.

One-eyed jack.
Excuse me, Shelly.

May I ask you something, Maggie?
Fire away, Ed.

Okay. In an election, how
do you know who to vote for?

Hmm. Well, it's
kind of complicated.

First, read the literature.
Then listen to the speeches.

But eventually,
you just have to go with your gut.

My gut.
Yeah.

Look each candidate
in the eye, you know,

and try to figure out which one is least
likely to become an unprincipled sleaze bucket.

That's totally ridiculous, O'Connell.
You vote for a strong leader,

someone who represents your views. Oh.

Excuse me?
I don't have any views.

Well, in that case, you fall back
on your candidate's party affiliations.

Okay.
What are they?

Well, are you a Democrat
or a Republican, Ed?

I don't know.
What are you, Dr. Fleischman?

Well, I like to think of myself as a guilt-free
thinker, but, in fact, I mostly vote Republican.

- Figures.
- What is that supposed to mean?

Oh, nothing. Just another in a long
line of disappointments, I suppose.

But I guess it goes along
with argyle socks and the golf clubs.

Oh, great. Nothing like getting
beneath the surface, O'Connell.

You sound a little defensive, Fleischman.
What's the problem? I touched a nerve?

I'm not defensive. I happen to be
very proud of my political position.

I think it takes a lot of guts
to voice the unfashionable,

to go against the tide
of one's peers.

Do you realize how many Republicans live on the
Upper West Side? Yeah, you're lookin' at him.

Yeah, well, it takes a lot of guts to cut programs
for the poor and give tax breaks to the rich.

Oh, spare me the bleeding heart. At least I don't vote out
of some misplaced sense of guilt over growing up with money.

Fleischman, you don't even know what you're
talking about. My parents are Democrats.

We are very pro-labor. Right. I'm
sure you spent your weekends...

at the Grosse Point Country Club
discussing minimum wage.

Well, you know, it's obvious you're running
from your- your working-class background...

and trying to pass yourself off
as something you're not.

I'm not running from anything. But I got news
for you and your liberal suburban friends.

There's nothing special or particularly
ennobling about not having money.

Me, me, me. My, my, my. Self-interest
isn't a crime, O'Connell.

I worked my butt off
to be a doctor.

I didn't spend four years in medical school, one
year in internship and two years in residency...

just to be plugged into some system of socialized
medicine that tells me what I can and cannot charge.

Yeah, when my sentence is up, I plan to go
home and charge whatever the market will bear.

Yeah, I want my piece of
the pie. I want my money.

Yeah, a self-serving,
materialistic pig.

Self-serving Republican pig.

Thank you very much.

Edna?

Edna, I'd like to speak with you
a minute if you don't mind.

What is it?

You and I have known each other
a long time, Edna.

I think it'd be a shame
to let a friendship fall apart...

over a silly thing
like a stop sign.

There's a principle involved.
I know that.

But don't you think you're
taking it a little too far? Nope.

What, you think I haven't been
a good mayor then?

Generally I'd say the town is no better
or worse off than the day I arrived.

What do you want then?
You lied to me, Holling.

I did not lie, Edna.
I forgot.

When your freezer broke, and you needed
an emergency generator, did I forget?

Worst rainstorm 1976,

roads washed out,
did I forget?

Edna, that was 16 years ago.

That's right, it was,
and I still remember.

I remember.
All right, all right.

I admit I may have exhibited
a lapse in character-

a minor, temporary lapse-
but a lapse.

And although your request for a stop
sign is peculiar without a question,

I'm willing to face up to my mistake
and make amends.

I apologize, Edna, and I promise
you I'll get you that stop sign.

Too late.
I said I was sorry.

You had your chance.
Well, now, Edna, hold on.

Now, Holling, if you've finished
your whelping, I've got a race to run.

I'm the mayor, Edna.
Me, not you.

People like me.
They trust me.

I guess we'll find out
on Tuesday, won't we?

This is Chris in the Morning, continuing the K-Bear
Election Countdown to Mayor with some special announcements.

Bea Gormley is holding a candidate's tea for
Edna Hancock this afternoon at her house at 2:00.

The public is welcome. And Holling
Vincoeur will be special guest...

of the Vikings'Eating Club tonight
at 8:00 p.m. over at the Moose Hall.

There's a change in the scheduled program,
so call Dennis Lundgren for more info.

And keep that radio tuned right where
it is on K-Bear 570 on your A.M. dial.

The radio station of the people,
by the people and for the people.

You know, Chris does have a tendency
to wrap himself in the flag.

I think he's overcompensating
for his criminal past.

Well, it's not just Chris, Ruth-Anne.
It's everyone.

I can't believe the amount of time and
energy being wasted on a two-bit election...

over a two-bit issue
in a two-bit town.

How many bits is that?

Uh, it's all relative, Joel.
I'm sure that this pales...

compared with the Tammany Hall antics that
you're accustomed to, but it's all we've got.

Boss Tweed was a little
before my time, Ruth-Anne.

Al D'Amato's more like it.
In fact, I, uh- I worked on his campaign.

Oh, you did? I certainly
did. Yeah, it was a blast.

Someone got a hold
of the Democratic election schedule, right?

We'd go around, rip down their
stuff, put up ours, killed them.

Totally destroyed 'em.

Um, Joel, after careful consideration,
I'm naming you election commissioner.

What? As town clerk, one of my jobs...

is to appoint election officials,

so I've just made you
election commissioner.

I don't wanna be election commissioner.
What does election commissioner do?

You make sure that everything
is done properly and above board.

- Thanks. I decline.
- You can't.

- What do you mean? I just did.
- You can't. It's your civic duty.

Ruth-Anne, I'm busy.
I happen to be very, very busy.

Okay, fine.
That'll be $243.52.

For a package of dental floss? That and
the balance on your account comes to...

$243.52.

Cash on the barrelhead.

What happened to my credit line?
It just ran out.

You're joking.
Ruth-Anne, this is extortion.

All right, all right, fine, look.
Okay, Ruth-Anne, look.

Yes, all right, I will be election
whatchmacallit if it means that much to you.

Only if I can do
the minimum possible.

I knew you'd come around.

Ruth-Anne, I don't understand
this campaign bylaw, do you?

Excuse me?
Oh, you.

If you have any questions
about protocol, Maggie, askJoel.

- Why him?
- He's our new election commissioner.

You're kidding. That's what I said,
and she took away my credit line.

Maggie is the chairman
of the election committee.

Wh-What's the difference between election
commissioner and chairman of the election committee?

The charter's a little obscure
on that point.

But as far as I can make out,
the chairman makes the arrangements,

and the commissioner
oversees those arrangements.

You mean I have to submit
everything for his approval?

Absolutely not.

- Why not?
- She wouldn't stand for it, and neither would I.

Oh, good. I'm glad to see we're
going by the book here. That's right.

So, I go over there. She's
the one who owes me an apology.

But I extend the olive branch,
tell her she can have her stop sign.

What does she do? Throws the
whole thing back in my face.

Yeah, that sounds like Edna.

You can laugh, George, but the
woman is assassinating my character.

Oh, come on, Holling.

Everyone knows that Edna
just sets her jaw now and again.

No one takes her too serious.

You don't think so?
Hell no. You're a shoo-in.

You think?
You got everyone's vote.

Not mine,
but everyone else's I'm sure.

Why not yours?
I think I'll go for the little lady.

But why?

I just can't get worked up
about voting for you.

Worked up? What's getting into a
lather got to do with you voting for me?

Well, you remember that Dodge I used
to drive with the simulated-wood trim?

Yeah. I loved that car.
Had it for 17 years.

When it finally gave up the ghost,
I said, "I'm gonna get me another Dodge."

I went to the dealer, had an
almost-good-as-new one all picked out.

But somehow I just couldn't
get excited about it.

So I went with a Chevy.

Well, that's how it is with me,
with you and Edna.

You got the wife's vote though.

How come?

She says you can't trust women.

Look, Fleischman, you don't wanna
do this. I don't wanna do this.

So let's just do it, okay?
Fine with me.

I am amazed at the bureaucratic
machinery required to stage...

such a totally meaningless event.

It's a joke. You don't think
who's mayor is important?

No, I don't. The town charter clearly
gives the city council all the power.

And from what I can determine, all they do is
argue over taxes once a year, get drunk and go home.

Great. You're the election commissioner,
and you think the whole thing is pointless.

The election is pointless.
I mean, the outcome anyway.

The election itself
may actually be quite fascinating.

What are you talking about?

Demographics.
What?

Gender, race, age,
income, religious beliefs,

all those little hash marks
on the game board of society.

Look, the person who panders to the right cross
section of voters walks away with the pork barrel.

What? You know, elections
have always fascinated me.

As a kid, I used to memorize election results
the way other kids memorized batting averages.

Ask me about any presidential election
in the last 50 years. Go ahead.

Don't be ridiculous.
Come on.

Don't be childish.
Fifty bucks.

Kennedy versus Nixon.
Uh, let's see.

Kennedy, 303 electoral votes,
Nixon, 219.

Popular vote?
Kennedy, 49.9%, Nixon, 49.6.

Bravo.
Thank you.

For your information, Fleischman,
elections are more than just statistics.

It's- It's emotions,
people, ceremony.

You make it sound like a wedding.
Well, it is like a wedding.

Sort of. Well, look, we come together in the
sight of God to commemorate an important event.

And in that respect it's like a wedding. And
like a wedding, there should be a certain decorum.

I mean, Mother said the appearance
should always be memorable.

Let me guess. Mother was very
big in the League of Women Voters.

I don't have to take abuse from someone who spent
his entire childhood memorizing the electoral college.

No, it was not my entire childhood.

The way a polling place looks is important,
whether you think so or not.

- Why do you wear a tie, smart guy?
- I happen to like ties.

It's a symbol, Fleischman.
Your glasses, your tie.

It's all to promote
a certain image,

that of someone who's serious,
mature, professional...

so that people don't see the immature,
spoiled creep lurking inside the outer garment.

Another deep thought from a woman who thinks an
election should be conducted like a fashion layout.

I am not a shallow, insubstantial person just
because I think appearances matter. They do matter.

Fine. You order the dinner napkins,
and I'll handle the ballots.

Fine.
Good.

Good.
Fine.

Don't forget the lace doilies.

Hello, Maggie.
Holling.

Hey, Holling, what's up?

Just came to talk
a little politics, Joel.

Oh, look. Um, I understand
your need to lobby for my vote.

After all, the town doctor
is an influential figure.

But, um, being election commissioner,
I'm afraid I have to remain above the fray.

Actually, Joel, I was hoping
to talk with Marilyn.

Oh.

In private, if you don't mind.

Yeah, no problem.

Thank you, Joel.
I'll only be a minute.

Marilyn?
Yes.

I have been doing
some unofficial polling,

and it appears that a considerable number
of people are thinking of voting for Edna.

I know.
You do?

Well, it has crossed my mind
that this election actually may be closer...

than one might have
reasonably expected.

I know.

Marilyn, I have always considered myself
to be a friend of the Indian people.

Now, what I was wondering
was whether the, uh, Indian people...

consider themselves
to be friends to me.

Uh, what I mean is-
Will we vote for you?

Yes.
Some of us.

Maybe.

Could you be a bit more specific?

Well, is there anything that the, uh
- the tribes would like to discuss with me?

I mean, some sort of problem
or other?

I'll think about it.

Well, um,
let me just ask, Marilyn.

Um, as far as you yourself
are concerned,

have you made up your mind
as to how you are going to vote?

Yes.

And?

It's personal.

My friends, today
when I look out over Cicely,

I see not a town, but a nation's
history written in miniature.

Inscribed in the cracked pavement,
reverberating from every passing flatbed.

Today, every runny nose I see
says "America" to me.

We were outcasts, scum,

the wretched debris
of a hostile, aging world.

But we came here,
we paved roads, we built industries,

powerful institutions.

Of course, along the way, we
exterminated untold indigenous cultures...

and enslaved generations of Africans.

We basically stained
our star-spangled banner...

with a host of sins
that can never be washed clean.

But today, we're here to celebrate
the glorious aspects of our past.

A tribute to a nation
of free people,

the country
that Whitman exalted.

"The genius of the United States...

"is not best or most
in its executives or legislators,

"nor in its ambassadors
or authors...

"or colleges or churches
or parlors,

"nor even in its newspapers
or inventors,

but always most
in the common people."

I've never been so proud
to be a Cicelian.

I must go out now and fill my lungs
with the deep clean air of democracy.

Eduardo, my friend.

Hello, Chris.
Something wrong?

Well, I'm a little troubled.
I've been reading up.

And you know, like,
the Declaration of Independence, okay?

It says, "The government shall derive its
just powers from the consent of the governed."

That's a pretty basic concept,
uh, majority rules.

Okay, okay, now.

De Tocqueville says,

"The greatest danger to the American republic
comes from the omnipotence of the majority."

Yeah, pretty interesting Frog,
that Alexis, huh?

Yeah, okay, okay, okay.
Thoreau-

Now Thoreau says, "Any man
more right than his neighbors...

constitutes a majority of one."

Civil disobedience. Man's
last refuge against the state.

So, who's right?

Well, they all are.
Really?

Yeah.
Oh.

So who are you gonna vote for?

Well, as an on-air personality,
I've pledged neutrality.

You know, but an election's more of an
abstract, noncompetitive thing for me anyway.

Oh. Why?

Well, Ed, the idea of an election is much more
interesting to me than the election itself.

You see, the act of voting...

is in itself
the defining moment.

You know what I mean, Ed?

But to answer your question,
I'm not gonna vote. I can't.

You can't vote?
No.

Why?
I'm a convicted felon, Ed.

I jumped parole in '87, so they
kind of closed the book on me.

Oh, I'm sorry, Chris.
That's all right.

Free beer, fellas.

On the house.
Step right up.

Just don't forget
where you got it on Tuesday.

Holling, I can't stand it anymore.
You gotta take me.

Take you where?
Upstairs.

Here, on the bar, anywhere.
I don't care.

Just take me.
Shelly, pull yourself together.

I can't think about sex
with a bar full of registered voters.

Oh, I'm dying, babe. Shelly, this
is the political fight of my life.

l-There is no way that I can think
about hanky-panky at this point in time.

Oh, hello, Ruth-Anne. How about
a free beer? It's on the house.

No, no, no more, Holling.

- There's been a complaint.
- Complaint? By who?

Me. You can't give away
free beer.

- Oh, hang on.
- Look at the charter, Holling.

Of course, the word of law doesn't mean much
to a man who's evaded taxes for 32 years.

Now just slow down a minute, Edna.
Nobody is evading anything.

It was- It was just a misunderstanding
between me and the I.R.S. is all.

Which, by the way, will
be paid in full. Yeah.

Naturally, I respect the law
like everybody else.

Just didn't know there was some stupid rule about
not letting people have a good time at elections.

Thank you for enlightening me.
Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got a business to run.

Here you go.
Tell me something.

I'm not a vengeful person,
am I, Maurice?

You have your bellicose moments,
Holling, but, uh, on the whole,

I'd say you exhibit
a mild-mannered demeanor.

Why?
Maurice.

Two days ago, if Edna Hancock
had been elected mayor,

I might have been able
to live with it.

Today, I'd rather
be treed by hounds.

I don't just want to
beat Edna Hancock,

I want to destroy her.

I want to fold her in two.

I want to make her suffer.

Can I get you anything else?

No.

Okay, uh, move it to the right.
What?

Left.
All right.

Uh, too much.

Okay, up.
Up? More up?

Yeah, over a little.
Where?

Um, down.
It was down.

Okay, okay, hold it there.
Let me look.

O'Connell, my arms
are killing me!

All right, move it over a little.
Look.

Over is a preposition.
It is not a direction.

Hey, what are you doing?
It's done. I'm finished.

It's not level. It's not supposed
to be level. It's bunting.

It's supposed to drape. It's
bunting drapes. All right, all right.

Okay, what do you think for the
podium, huh? Royal blue or aquamarine?

You know, I think you've lost your mind.
It's a debate, not a cotillion.

Fleischman, for once in your life,
can you just pretend to be a human being?

Do you think anyone actually cares
what color crepe paper you use?

Yes. They may not realize it,
but color creates a mood, a feeling.

Oh, well, maybe
we should have piped in music.

Maybe we should. What's
color anyway, huh, Fleischman?

Look. Are we seriously gonna have an argument
over the nature of the color spectrum?

Light. Color is light.
I'll take your word for it.

And light is energy. Different colors are
light traveling at different frequencies.

You change the color of the room,
you change the mood.

Wait, I'll go and get my crystals.

You can't admit I'm right just
because I'm a woman. Right about what?

It's not like everything can be reduced
to a question of glands, O'Connell.

No?
No.

Let me tell you something. If a man had asked for that
stop sign, it would have been done a long time ago.

What? Why do you think
we're here, Fleischman?

What do you think this is all about?
Empowerment.

Empowerment? And the more
Edna Hancocks we have,

the fewerJoel Fleischmans
we have to listen to.

Oh.

"Fellow citizens,
we cannot escape history.

"The fiery trial
through which we pass...

will light us down, in honor
or dishonor, to the last generation."

Abe Lincoln,
ladies and gentlemen.

But the sentiment goes ditto
for your K-Bear correspondent.

Democracy is not
a spectator sport.

That means your presence is gonna be
required tonight at the candidates' debate.

Be worthy of your heritage.
It's likeJustice Holmes said,

"It is required that a man...

"shall share in the passion
and action of his time,

at peril of being judged
not to have lived."

Enough said.
Debate, 7:30. Be there.

We have heard opening statements
from both candidates.

Now we turn
to questions and answers.

The chair will recognize
questions from the floor.

Dorothy?

I've lived here 10 years, Edna.

You've never given me the time
of day. Why should I vote for you?

You have one minute
to respond, Edna.

I'm a private person
by nature, Dorothy.

And by choice.

People bore me as a rule.

To tell you the truth, the thought of having to make
small talk with most of the people in this room...

nauseates me,
and that includes you, Dorothy.

About the last place any of us thought I'd
end up is here tonight asking for your vote.

But we can all thank
Holling Vincoeur for that.

Given my generally dim view
of civilization,

it took an unusual,
powerful display of incompetence...

for me to be forced to seek
public office. Now hold on.

You're out of order, Holling.
She keeps taking cheap shots.

We all know that if you want something
in this society, you have to go after it.

I want a stop sign. I don't know
what the hell all you people want,

but if you make me mayor
and let me know your heart's desire,

I guarantee it won't take me
five years to get my yea or nay on it.

But once you do, you can be
damn sure I'll abide by my word.

Holling, you have 30 seconds
to respond.

I say just because one person
has a bee in her bonnet...

is no reason to make a sudden
change in the way things run.

I was married
for 12 years, Holling.

That was a lifetime.

You don't think
23 years in office is enough?

I think it shows the people know
a good thing when they've got one.

The mayor has to consider everyone, not
just a few cranks looking for special favors.

Time's up.
Next question.

You there in the back.

Uh, I was wondering
if the candidates saw the stop sign...

as a Jeffersonian or Hamiltonian
expression of democracy in action?

What kind of
a stupid question is that? Sit!

Chris.
Well, I just wanna applaud y'all...

for plunging headfirst
into the great river of democracy.

I mean, our election
is just a small tributary.

You know, a singular thread in the greater
fabric, linked by tradition, love and honor...

to the swift, clear bracing waters
from which our traditions are founded.

But I'm just saying, let's take a little
time out here to slap ourselves on the back,

give a kiss on the cheek,
a hale and hearty fare-thee-well...

to all our fine noble Cicelian citizens.

Ruth-Anne, candidates,
you're happening.

Thank you, Chris.
Did you have a question?

Well, actually, Edna, what I had
in mind were some lines from Basho:

"On a withered branch,
a crow has alighted:

Nightfall in autumn."

Uh, Holling, you have 60 seconds
to respond to that.

Uh, for the life of me, Chris, I
haven't a clue what you're talking about.

Hold it.!

There's something wrong here.

Something terribly, terribly wrong.

It's getting away from us.

Maurice, do you have a question?

I have to go now.

If my stop sign's such a bad idea, Holling, how come
you offered to give me one if I'd pull out of the race?

I did no such thing. I merely
suggested that we call off the election,

save everybody
a lot of time and trouble.

- You said you'd give me a stop sign.
- For crying out loud, Edna.

That was a peace offering,
not a bribe.

Maurice.
Good evening, Edna.

You people put on
quite a show tonight.

Hmm. You left early.

Yeah, I kinda lost
my bearings.

You know, Edna, I remember when
there was just you and me out here.

You on your 12,000 acres,
me on my 15,000...

and just that rickety old fence
over there between us.

There wasn't any fence
till I made you put one in.

That's true.

But I wasn't aware
you were my neighbor...

until you drew my attention
to that fact.

I remember when you shot at me with
that beautiful Remington Over-And-Under.

I knew we were gonna
get along just fine.

And when I heard
you laid bare the tundra...

with your drilling
and logging operation,

I knew I'd found a kindred spirit.

It takes big people
to tame a big land.

No one seems to understand
that anymore. That's right.

We came here with nothing
but our dreams and investment capital.

And now look at it.

We've got free enterprise blooming...

where there was nothing
but virgin wilderness.

We came here to live large,

to breathe free.

And, by God, we did it.

But our dream was flawed, Edna.

How's that?

Two trappers, arguing about
beaver pelts in St. Botolph's Town.

The next day,
there's busing in Boston.

You lost me.

I looked to the future,

and I saw tract housing,

shopping malls,
a covered sports arena.

But what I failed to see
was the baggage that goes with it.

I had a vision
of the future tonight, Edna.

With bureaucrats,

planning commissions,
zoning boards,

special interest groups, people
telling us what we can and cannot do.

And it all starts
with one single stop sign.

You want me
to pull out of the race?

No. I thought I did,
but I don't.

No. If it's not you today,
it'll be somebody else tomorrow.

Once I get my stop sign, this whole thing
ends as far as I'm concerned, Maurice.

You let the genie
out of the bottle, Edna.

You can't put him back in.

Come on, O'Connell.
They're all out there waiting.

Ready?

Not yet.
Not yet?

Not yet.

Something's missing.
What's missing?

O'Connell, these people
have six hours to vote.

Flowers.
What?

Flowers.
Go get some, will you?

Not formal. Some daisies maybe. A
splash of something. I'll get a vase.

Where am I gonna get flowers?
It's 20 degrees out.

In a minute!

Okay. How do I look?
How do you look?

Mm-hmm.
You look beautiful.

Just like you always do.
Really?

Yes. Can I let them in now?
Yes. No. No, wait, wait, wait.

There.
You look handsome.

I do?
Mm-hmm.

Thanks. Let's go ahead. Open the door.

It's cold outside.
Hi. Sorry.

When I was nine,
I was fishing with my Uncle Roy Bower,

when he suddenly
smacked his forehead.

Told me to cut my line.

Hejust remembered
it was election day.

That was '72,
Nixon versus McGovern.

No contest, really, but Roy had
been to Vietnam. He hated Nixon.

After he voted,
he put his arm around my shoulder.

"Well, '"he said,
"guess I showed him. '"

Chris.

"Rejoice with me, for I have
found my sheep which was lost."

Oh, I wish I could
give you a ballot.

I can only gaze upon the promised
land, Ruth-Anne, never enter.

Anyway, I was wondering
if I could hang out a while...

and catch the vibes of democracy
doing its thing?

Feel free to graze.

And then come sit by me.
Okay.

What is that all about?

Luke, chapter 15:

"For this my son was dead,
and he is alive again;

he was lost, and he is found." Hmm.

The return of the prodigal voter.

I'm wasted, people.
I'm drained.

A good drain though, you know. Like a wedding
that's boogied on till the early morning light.

Whew!

Well, I guess it's time
for the official results, huh?

In-studio guest, special courier
Ed Chigliak, ladies and gentlemen.

The moment
we've all been waiting for.

For Holling Vincoeur, 247 votes.

For Edna Hancock, 255 votes.

The winner by eight votes,
Edna Hancock.

Pax vobiscum.
Congratulations, Edna.

We did it, Ed.

It worked.
We did?

Absolutely.
What worked?

The grand idea, buddy.
The process.

Huh.

Ed, we've just witnessed
a peaceful transition in government.

Do you realize
how miraculous that is?

I think so.
You think so?

Listen to me.

Despite Russia,
despite Germany,

the mass of people on this planet
still live under the yoke...

of some autocratic
or totalitarian regime.

Do you hear me?
Today, tiny Cicely, Alaska stood up...

and put another "W"
in the win category for democracy.

Well, all right! Hey!
Well, all right.

Let me take that, Holling.
I can manage it, Dave.

Okay.

Thanks, Holling.

All right,
listen to me, everybody.

I've hadjust about enough
of this moping and carrying on.

Nobody died.
It was an election.

I lost.

Now let's hear some music
out of that jukebox.

I'm so proud of you, babe.

Folks over there
need a pitcher, Shelly.

Don't hold it in, Holling. You
don't have to be brave for me.

Shelly, I'm fine.

Cross your heart? American
eagle over and out?

Uh-huh. Well, at least my
hormones are no longer raging.

For a while there,
my work was really suffering.

Here you go, Jake. Enjoy.

Well, I took one on the chin
today, Maurice.

But don't salt your scotch
with tears on my account.

Truth is, I'm kind of relieved.

The burdens of office
can get awful heavy after 23 years.

Doesn't it bother you at all that 255 of your
countrymen elected to stab you in the back today?

I never thought about it like that.

87% turnout.

What is happening to us?
Why didn't they stay home?

People want change, I guess.

Why?

This town, as we've known it,
is fading away.

It's only a matter of time
till you and I are memories.

Maurice, why haven't you
ever run for office?

Well, I like to be
behind the scenes,

pushing buttons,
pulling strings.

Truth of the matter is
people don't like me.

Oh, they respect me.

Some even fear me.

But they don't like me.

Excuse me, Maurice.

Congratulations, Edna.

Can I buy you a drink?
All right.

Another week and I'd have wiped
the floor with you. Like hell.

You haven't said anything
for quite a while, Ed.

Ruth-Anne, do you realize
that the mass of people...

still live under some autocratic
or totalitarian type of regime?

Well, I suppose that's true.

It'll make you think.

Ed, are you all right?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
You sure?

Yeah. I feel-

What?
Well,

manly.

Like a man.

Ruth-Anne, do you realize
I did something today,

well, that I've never done before.

And it was kinda like
the first time I was with Lightfeather.

Well, only that was
just between me and her.

But afterwards I felt,
well, light.

And this, well,
this was between me and Cicely.

But I don't feel light at all.

I feel... bigger.

So, I'd say we did
pretty well tonight.

Yeah?
Yeah.

You all right?
Yeah.

I just always worry about things
when they're over, you know?

Was everything all right?
Did people have a good time?

I guess it's just a female thing.

Hey, 87% turnout.
No, uh, late precinct returns.

No disputed ballots.

Yeah, I'd say
we did pretty well.

Good.

Hey, how about
if I buy you dinner?

Uh, well, I'm kind of tired.
Come on.

Mm, really?
Your treat?

My treat.

Well, I can't pass that up.

"We are not enemies, but friends.

"We must not be enemies.

Though passion may have strained, it must
not break the bonds of our affection."

Lincoln's words
to a divided nation.

My counsel to a divided Cicely.

Holling Vincoeur, you know you're still
first in the hearts of your fellow Cicelians.

Today, people simply said they just
want Edna to run things for a while.

Hey, that's cool.
I mean, if it doesn't work out,

we'll have another election, right?

It's not perfect, but it's the
best system anybody's come up with.

It's likeJustice Holmes said,

"The Constitution's an experiment
like life's an experiment."

Apropos of that, the final words tonight
belong to Thomas Jefferson,

third president of these United States,
who gave us this to chew on,

"Sometimes it is said that a man cannot
be trusted with the government ofhimself.

"Can he then be trusted
with the government of others?

"Or have we found angels
in the forms ofkings to govern him?

Let history answer this question. '"

You're listening to K-Bear,
570 A.M.,

the voice of the borough
of Arrowhead County.

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