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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,205 --> 00:00:05,305 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 2 00:00:06,705 --> 00:00:09,273 It's our third meeting at Paramount in a week. 3 00:00:09,274 --> 00:00:10,474 Pretty impressive. 4 00:00:10,475 --> 00:00:11,975 Mm-hmm. 5 00:00:13,445 --> 00:00:15,579 Bet they want to talk to us about "next steps." 6 00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,848 - Mm. - You know, marketing. 7 00:00:17,849 --> 00:00:19,517 Uh, action figures. 8 00:00:19,518 --> 00:00:21,852 Sequel ideas. Things like that. 9 00:00:21,853 --> 00:00:23,421 I bet they want to talk to us about 10 00:00:23,422 --> 00:00:25,565 the script that we wrote, and maybe give us some notes 11 00:00:25,566 --> 00:00:27,091 on the script that we wrote. 12 00:00:27,092 --> 00:00:28,859 Well, they know Melissa McCarthy's not coming to the meeting, 13 00:00:28,860 --> 00:00:30,528 and they still wanna have it, so... 14 00:00:30,529 --> 00:00:32,029 We're gonna be so rich! 15 00:00:32,030 --> 00:00:33,998 What a grotesque human being you are. 16 00:00:33,999 --> 00:00:35,599 - (laughing) - (elevator bell chimes) 17 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,334 Oh, my God. 18 00:00:37,335 --> 00:00:38,469 It's Allison Janney. 19 00:00:38,470 --> 00:00:40,203 Hello. 20 00:00:41,139 --> 00:00:42,273 Hello. 21 00:00:42,274 --> 00:00:43,307 (sighs) 22 00:00:43,308 --> 00:00:45,142 She'd be great in our movie, huh? 23 00:00:45,143 --> 00:00:46,544 Is that weird, though, 'cause she was on "The West Wing," 24 00:00:46,545 --> 00:00:47,808 and ours is in the White House? 25 00:00:47,809 --> 00:00:49,246 - Shh, shh... - No, it's not weird. 26 00:00:49,247 --> 00:00:50,448 It's perfect. It's typecasting. It's great. 27 00:00:50,449 --> 00:00:51,515 I can hear you. 28 00:00:51,516 --> 00:00:52,783 (chuckling) I'm right here. 29 00:00:52,784 --> 00:00:54,318 - Just ask her. - You ask her. 30 00:00:54,319 --> 00:00:57,021 - Just ask her. Ask her! - She's right here. 31 00:00:57,022 --> 00:00:59,370 Uh, Allison Janney, we wrote a movie 32 00:00:59,371 --> 00:01:00,524 called "Mr. First Lady," 33 00:01:00,525 --> 00:01:02,193 but the first lady is a man. 34 00:01:02,194 --> 00:01:03,287 - Ooh... - Right? 35 00:01:03,288 --> 00:01:04,831 We should give her the elevator pitch. 36 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,130 We're in an actual elevator. 37 00:01:06,131 --> 00:01:07,131 Please... don't. 38 00:01:07,132 --> 00:01:08,755 Let me just really... real quick, okay... 39 00:01:08,756 --> 00:01:09,934 She just said please don't. 40 00:01:09,935 --> 00:01:11,635 Okay, let me just tell you the title. 41 00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:12,970 I already said the title. 42 00:01:12,971 --> 00:01:15,005 It's a classic fish-out-of-water story. 43 00:01:15,006 --> 00:01:16,307 You've seen it a million times. 44 00:01:16,308 --> 00:01:18,131 That's always fun for the moviegoer, isn't it? 45 00:01:18,132 --> 00:01:18,843 (chuckling) Yeah. 46 00:01:18,844 --> 00:01:19,907 We're almost at our floor. 47 00:01:19,908 --> 00:01:21,145 Okay, so Alice... 48 00:01:21,146 --> 00:01:23,114 - Whoa! - Actually, my name is Allison. 49 00:01:23,115 --> 00:01:24,548 Right, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 50 00:01:24,549 --> 00:01:26,817 There's a word that'll just put this all in... 51 00:01:26,818 --> 00:01:28,986 - Okay, okay. - Take your hands off me! 52 00:01:28,987 --> 00:01:30,988 (whispering) I'm... sorry. 53 00:01:30,989 --> 00:01:32,890 - Yeah. - Okay. 54 00:01:32,891 --> 00:01:35,126 Good luck, it sounds very funny or dramatic or... 55 00:01:35,127 --> 00:01:36,794 I'm sure I'll see you at the Oscars. 56 00:01:36,795 --> 00:01:38,195 You know what? 57 00:01:38,196 --> 00:01:39,330 Can we maybe get your contact information 58 00:01:39,331 --> 00:01:40,664 so we can send you a script? 59 00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:42,166 Oh, absolutely. Do you have a pen? 60 00:01:42,167 --> 00:01:44,135 - Uh... do you have a pen? - Uh, yes. 61 00:01:44,136 --> 00:01:46,003 Where's a pen? Do you have a pen? 62 00:01:46,004 --> 00:01:48,405 Don't have a pen. Well, thanks for playin'. 63 00:01:48,406 --> 00:01:49,439 (stammering) 64 00:01:51,009 --> 00:01:53,544 Well, we're off to a great start. 65 00:01:53,545 --> 00:01:55,144 I did have a pen. 66 00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:01,418 So... how's your friend Melissa McCarthy? 67 00:02:01,419 --> 00:02:02,559 Oh, she's so good. 68 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:04,494 She's great, yep. She says hello. 69 00:02:04,495 --> 00:02:05,970 Oh, you've spoken to her recently? 70 00:02:05,971 --> 00:02:08,031 Oh, yeah, I mean... Good friends talk all the time. 71 00:02:08,032 --> 00:02:09,566 (Larry) Check in, we speak. 72 00:02:09,567 --> 00:02:11,634 Yeah, "How you doin'?" "Good. What's up?" 73 00:02:11,635 --> 00:02:12,869 - You know. - Mm-hmm. 74 00:02:12,870 --> 00:02:14,370 You know, I wanted to speak to her 75 00:02:14,371 --> 00:02:15,905 the last time you were here. 76 00:02:15,906 --> 00:02:18,009 You know, when you brought her here for that meeting. 77 00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:19,409 But I must have missed her. 78 00:02:19,410 --> 00:02:21,411 I don't know how. I mean, I, uh, 79 00:02:21,412 --> 00:02:24,314 was right there by the elevator the whole time. 80 00:02:24,315 --> 00:02:26,316 I mean, I waited and waited. 81 00:02:26,317 --> 00:02:27,517 And waited some more. 82 00:02:27,518 --> 00:02:29,552 Gavin waited a very long time. 83 00:02:29,553 --> 00:02:31,521 Well, I'm sure Melissa just, uh, 84 00:02:31,522 --> 00:02:33,056 decided to take the stairs, you know. 85 00:02:33,057 --> 00:02:35,124 - Um... - (Gavin) Oh, right, yeah! 86 00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:38,161 You mean, uh, the stairs in the far west of the building? 87 00:02:38,162 --> 00:02:40,530 Probably, that sounds like Melissa. 88 00:02:40,531 --> 00:02:42,465 Or do you mean the stairs... 89 00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:45,501 in... the far east? 90 00:02:45,502 --> 00:02:47,136 (Grace) This picture was taken 91 00:02:47,137 --> 00:02:50,138 on the same day that you said Melissa was in the bathroom. 92 00:02:51,475 --> 00:02:55,979 I... meant the bathroom in Singapore. 93 00:02:55,980 --> 00:02:58,314 (Larry) Because of the food 94 00:02:58,315 --> 00:03:00,416 in Singapore is... 95 00:03:00,417 --> 00:03:03,419 Oily egg rolls and... 96 00:03:03,420 --> 00:03:04,721 And sushi and... 97 00:03:04,722 --> 00:03:06,189 Greasy sushi. 98 00:03:06,190 --> 00:03:07,123 Oh, shut up! 99 00:03:07,124 --> 00:03:09,425 God, shut up, shut up, shut up! 100 00:03:09,426 --> 00:03:11,661 You just shut up! 101 00:03:11,662 --> 00:03:13,463 (panting) 102 00:03:13,464 --> 00:03:15,163 (gasps) 103 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,734 Do you know what you did? 104 00:03:17,735 --> 00:03:19,936 - Uh... - It's rhetorical! 105 00:03:19,937 --> 00:03:22,437 Shut up! Just shut your stupid faces up! 106 00:03:24,808 --> 00:03:28,211 (growling) You... wasted my time. 107 00:03:28,212 --> 00:03:32,615 (Grace) Time is very important to Gavin. 108 00:03:32,616 --> 00:03:36,319 Time... is more precious than gold. 109 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,955 You guys write on a kids' cartoon, right? 110 00:03:38,956 --> 00:03:40,723 Yes, "The Fartlemans." 111 00:03:40,724 --> 00:03:43,593 And do you like your jobs? 112 00:03:43,594 --> 00:03:45,294 - Not really. - Well... - No. 113 00:03:45,295 --> 00:03:48,064 Ohh... (chuckling) 114 00:03:48,065 --> 00:03:48,998 So glad! 115 00:03:48,999 --> 00:03:51,100 Because that is the only job 116 00:03:51,101 --> 00:03:53,469 you shit-faces will ever have! 117 00:03:53,470 --> 00:03:56,039 The three of you will never work in this town, ever again. 118 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,007 We're gonna destroy you. 119 00:03:58,008 --> 00:04:00,009 We have the power to do that. 120 00:04:00,010 --> 00:04:02,745 And I don't care how much time it takes. 121 00:04:02,746 --> 00:04:05,180 Time means nothing to me! 122 00:04:15,192 --> 00:04:17,093 Wait, he called you shit-faces? 123 00:04:17,094 --> 00:04:19,228 I think he meant shit-heads, but he's foreign, 124 00:04:19,229 --> 00:04:21,130 so maybe that's how they say it over there. 125 00:04:21,131 --> 00:04:24,067 Oof. What did Melissa say after you told her? 126 00:04:24,068 --> 00:04:25,201 We haven't told her. 127 00:04:25,202 --> 00:04:26,669 We never even told her that we lied 128 00:04:26,670 --> 00:04:29,405 and said she was gonna be in our movie in the first place. 129 00:04:29,406 --> 00:04:31,574 Wow, guys, this is bad. 130 00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:32,942 - Really? - Yes! 131 00:04:32,943 --> 00:04:34,243 This is Hollywood. People talk. 132 00:04:34,244 --> 00:04:36,245 Everyone will find out about this. 133 00:04:36,246 --> 00:04:40,917 I mean, your careers are probably damaged beyond repair. 134 00:04:40,918 --> 00:04:42,652 I mean, at the very least, 135 00:04:42,653 --> 00:04:44,153 on a human level, 136 00:04:44,154 --> 00:04:46,889 at least try to salvage your friendship with Melissa. 137 00:04:46,890 --> 00:04:48,051 Maybe I text her. 138 00:04:48,052 --> 00:04:49,435 Right? I could say something like, 139 00:04:49,436 --> 00:04:51,694 "Hey! Uh, Melissa, this crazy thing happened." 140 00:04:51,695 --> 00:04:52,662 Yeah, it was a mix-up. 141 00:04:52,663 --> 00:04:53,890 And it... it was innocent. 142 00:04:53,891 --> 00:04:55,274 It could have happened to anybody. 143 00:04:55,275 --> 00:04:56,866 Snafu! Is that a word? Like... 144 00:04:56,867 --> 00:04:58,634 No, can you just... can you please just... 145 00:04:58,635 --> 00:05:00,103 Just stop, please. 146 00:05:00,104 --> 00:05:01,637 Just for one second. 147 00:05:01,638 --> 00:05:02,939 Let's just think... 148 00:05:02,940 --> 00:05:05,540 and not do yet another dumb, impulsive thing. 149 00:05:06,677 --> 00:05:07,877 - Could you fix it? - Oh. 150 00:05:07,878 --> 00:05:09,378 Just call up Gavin. 151 00:05:09,379 --> 00:05:11,774 Smooth it all out. You know him. 152 00:05:11,775 --> 00:05:13,158 Oh, God, no, I can't be associated 153 00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:14,851 with something like this. 154 00:05:14,852 --> 00:05:16,352 I'm taking a script out next week. 155 00:05:16,353 --> 00:05:18,121 I don't want Gavin thinking I'm a liar, 156 00:05:18,122 --> 00:05:21,023 because I'm, you know, "friends" with you guys. 157 00:05:21,024 --> 00:05:22,325 Why'd you do that? 158 00:05:22,326 --> 00:05:23,426 Oop! I gotta go. 159 00:05:23,427 --> 00:05:24,727 It is 8:00, 160 00:05:24,728 --> 00:05:26,591 and I've got an improv show at The Groundlings. 161 00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:28,531 Okay, just don't tell anyone at The Groundlings 162 00:05:28,532 --> 00:05:29,866 about this, okay? 163 00:05:29,867 --> 00:05:31,567 Please. At least not the famous ones. 164 00:05:31,568 --> 00:05:32,835 They're gonna find out. 165 00:05:32,836 --> 00:05:35,538 I mean, Gavin Resic is gonna make sure 166 00:05:35,539 --> 00:05:37,973 everyone finds out. 167 00:05:39,603 --> 00:05:40,666 Anyway, have a good night. 168 00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:42,233 Bye-ee! 169 00:05:43,180 --> 00:05:44,312 (groans) 170 00:05:48,385 --> 00:05:49,886 Well, nothing yet. 171 00:05:49,887 --> 00:05:52,421 I keep refreshing Deadline, and I'm not seeing anything 172 00:05:52,422 --> 00:05:55,491 about "do not work with Hugh, Larry, and Rachel." 173 00:05:55,492 --> 00:05:56,559 Oh, you really think 174 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,467 there's gonna be an announcement in the trades? 175 00:05:58,468 --> 00:06:00,211 "Do not work with the following three people 176 00:06:00,212 --> 00:06:01,697 you've never heard of"? 177 00:06:01,698 --> 00:06:03,833 Computer froze. 178 00:06:03,834 --> 00:06:05,101 I gotta restart. 179 00:06:05,102 --> 00:06:07,670 This'll take a while. 180 00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:11,307 So... what'd you guys get into last night, huh? 181 00:06:11,308 --> 00:06:13,442 Anyone get laid? 182 00:06:13,443 --> 00:06:14,844 Dorf, huh? 183 00:06:14,845 --> 00:06:16,045 You get laid last night? 184 00:06:16,046 --> 00:06:17,380 Uh, I'm married. 185 00:06:17,381 --> 00:06:18,881 Ooh, hoo hoo. Look at that. 186 00:06:18,882 --> 00:06:21,317 So Dorf gets it any time he wants it, huh? 187 00:06:21,318 --> 00:06:23,619 Yes, that's exactly how marriage works. 188 00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:26,255 What about you, Davidson? Single guy, huh? 189 00:06:26,256 --> 00:06:29,091 You get any of that punani last night, huh? 190 00:06:29,092 --> 00:06:31,594 Hey... have you ever had sex with Rachel? 191 00:06:31,595 --> 00:06:34,130 All the animators want to have sex with Rachel. 192 00:06:34,131 --> 00:06:36,199 Look at what Ken Choi drew me. 193 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,432 (whispering) Look at this. 194 00:06:38,402 --> 00:06:40,201 Oh... 195 00:06:41,438 --> 00:06:43,069 (Hugh) My God. 196 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,173 Ugh... you will not believe 197 00:06:44,174 --> 00:06:45,641 what happened to me this morning. 198 00:06:45,642 --> 00:06:46,775 Was it this? 199 00:06:48,312 --> 00:06:49,812 Is this supposed to be me? 200 00:06:49,813 --> 00:06:51,280 I'll throw it away. 201 00:06:51,281 --> 00:06:54,716 Yeah, I'll just take... uh, I'll just throw it away. 202 00:06:55,433 --> 00:06:56,985 - Scoot. - Yeah. 203 00:06:57,254 --> 00:06:59,155 (sighs) Nothing on Deadline yet? 204 00:06:59,156 --> 00:07:01,056 No, I'm refreshing it. 205 00:07:01,892 --> 00:07:03,526 Mornin', Team Fartleman. 206 00:07:03,527 --> 00:07:04,560 - Hey. - Hey. 207 00:07:04,561 --> 00:07:07,496 I just heard something very interesting 208 00:07:07,497 --> 00:07:09,265 about the three of you. 209 00:07:09,266 --> 00:07:11,449 Looks like you three are gonna be in the kids' business 210 00:07:11,450 --> 00:07:14,370 for a long, long time. 211 00:07:14,371 --> 00:07:15,605 Oh, my God. 212 00:07:15,606 --> 00:07:16,739 How did you hear? 213 00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,074 Talked to Nickelodeon. 214 00:07:18,075 --> 00:07:20,710 We're number one with boys two to six. 215 00:07:20,711 --> 00:07:22,654 (giggling) I think it was moving "The Fartlemans" 216 00:07:22,655 --> 00:07:23,906 in front of "Banana Pants." 217 00:07:23,907 --> 00:07:25,130 And that was your idea, Allen! 218 00:07:25,131 --> 00:07:28,417 (goofy voice) Was it? Yes it waaas! 219 00:07:28,418 --> 00:07:29,318 (both laughing) 220 00:07:29,319 --> 00:07:31,854 Hey, we should celebrate, guys. 221 00:07:31,855 --> 00:07:33,756 Seriously, if we keep this up, 222 00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:36,125 we're gonna be pleasing two-to six-year-old boys 223 00:07:36,126 --> 00:07:38,995 for the rest of our careers. 224 00:07:38,996 --> 00:07:41,497 Oh, okay. We are back. 225 00:07:41,498 --> 00:07:44,367 This is episode 306, "Skippy's New Dog." 226 00:07:44,368 --> 00:07:46,135 Right now, we're 34 seconds over, 227 00:07:46,136 --> 00:07:48,804 so these guys have to decide whether to cut the scene 228 00:07:48,805 --> 00:07:50,072 where Mrs. Fartleman farts 229 00:07:50,073 --> 00:07:51,641 at the parent-teacher conference, 230 00:07:51,642 --> 00:07:54,644 or whether to cut the scene where the dog has diarrhea. 231 00:07:54,645 --> 00:07:56,812 I don't envy you guys. 232 00:07:56,813 --> 00:07:59,882 Let's take a look at diarrhea, see how we feel. 233 00:07:59,883 --> 00:08:01,216 Let's look at diarrhea. 234 00:08:02,619 --> 00:08:04,453 (sighs) 235 00:08:04,454 --> 00:08:06,055 (man on monitor) Skippy... 236 00:08:06,056 --> 00:08:08,024 get your dog out of the bathroom. 237 00:08:08,025 --> 00:08:09,225 (laughing) 238 00:08:09,226 --> 00:08:10,893 (gas and plopping from monitor) 239 00:08:10,894 --> 00:08:12,228 - (long fart) - Watch out! 240 00:08:12,229 --> 00:08:14,230 (laughing) We are not losing diarrhea, nope. 241 00:08:14,231 --> 00:08:15,498 (farting on monitor) 242 00:08:15,499 --> 00:08:17,680 Hey, there's no toilet paper! 243 00:08:18,783 --> 00:08:20,784 I just wish Gavin would get it out there already. 244 00:08:20,785 --> 00:08:23,787 It's just the waiting, I-I can't take the waiting! 245 00:08:23,788 --> 00:08:26,256 "Ben Falcone voice mail." My ringer was off. 246 00:08:26,257 --> 00:08:28,058 Why is your ringer always off? 247 00:08:28,059 --> 00:08:29,459 'Cause he always tells me to turn my ringer off! 248 00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:30,694 'Cause we had a big meeting. 249 00:08:30,695 --> 00:08:32,466 Which we'll never have another one, 250 00:08:32,467 --> 00:08:33,567 so just leave it on. 251 00:08:33,568 --> 00:08:34,768 Do you think Gavin 252 00:08:34,769 --> 00:08:36,203 called Ben and Melissa directly? 253 00:08:36,204 --> 00:08:37,404 Oh, my God. 254 00:08:37,405 --> 00:08:38,972 What do I do? Do I listen to it? 255 00:08:38,973 --> 00:08:41,174 No, put it in your desk drawer and set it on fire. 256 00:08:41,175 --> 00:08:42,275 Okay, I'm gonna delete it. 257 00:08:42,276 --> 00:08:43,377 Delete, yes! 258 00:08:43,378 --> 00:08:44,544 No, don't delete it. Here. 259 00:08:44,545 --> 00:08:46,079 I don't wanna listen to it! 260 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,180 (phone beeps) 261 00:08:47,181 --> 00:08:48,615 Hey, Rachel, it's Ben! 262 00:08:48,616 --> 00:08:50,817 Give me a call. We gotta talk. 263 00:08:50,818 --> 00:08:52,485 - (Hugh) Great. - Oh, God. 264 00:08:53,755 --> 00:08:55,354 (sighs) 265 00:08:58,092 --> 00:08:59,393 Do I call? 266 00:08:59,394 --> 00:09:01,161 Yeah, call him. Let's do it. 267 00:09:01,162 --> 00:09:02,253 Well, can you call? 268 00:09:02,254 --> 00:09:04,264 Well, he called you. It'd be weird if I call him. 269 00:09:04,265 --> 00:09:05,699 Don't yell at me! 270 00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:07,868 You can say it without yelling! 271 00:09:07,869 --> 00:09:09,202 (phone line ringing) 272 00:09:09,203 --> 00:09:10,237 I just... It was harsh. 273 00:09:10,238 --> 00:09:11,638 - It was a little harsh. - (beep) 274 00:09:11,639 --> 00:09:13,262 Got his voice mail. Do I leave a message? 275 00:09:13,263 --> 00:09:13,966 Yes. 276 00:09:13,967 --> 00:09:15,776 Oh, my God, he's not picking up, he's so mad. 277 00:09:15,777 --> 00:09:17,744 Uh, hey, Ben! It's Rachel. 278 00:09:17,745 --> 00:09:20,647 Um, calling on behalf of Larry and Hugh. 279 00:09:20,648 --> 00:09:23,216 Uh, just to say we're sorry. 280 00:09:23,217 --> 00:09:25,385 - We're so sorry and ashamed. - Rachel, hang up. 281 00:09:25,386 --> 00:09:26,686 - Shh. - And, um... 282 00:09:26,687 --> 00:09:27,954 - Rachel, hang up. - Look, look, look, look! 283 00:09:27,955 --> 00:09:29,423 I don't know what we were thinking, 284 00:09:29,424 --> 00:09:31,124 - but, um... - Rachel, hang up the phone. 285 00:09:31,125 --> 00:09:32,548 - Our behavior was horrible. - Look. 286 00:09:32,549 --> 00:09:34,027 And, uh, but I hope you can remember 287 00:09:34,028 --> 00:09:35,152 that we're friends, 288 00:09:35,153 --> 00:09:36,296 and we have history together. 289 00:09:36,297 --> 00:09:37,764 - Just hang up. - And we will always... 290 00:09:37,765 --> 00:09:39,148 Just trust me, trust me, trust me. 291 00:09:39,149 --> 00:09:40,207 What is wrong with you?! 292 00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:42,034 Look what he's got, look. 293 00:09:43,471 --> 00:09:45,372 Gavin and Grace were fired? 294 00:09:45,373 --> 00:09:46,540 - What? - Give it. 295 00:09:46,541 --> 00:09:47,908 Gimme, gimme, gimme that. 296 00:09:47,909 --> 00:09:49,242 Uh... 297 00:09:49,243 --> 00:09:51,511 Uh, Hollywood studio, film executives, 298 00:09:51,512 --> 00:09:53,213 development, na-na-na-na-na. 299 00:09:53,214 --> 00:09:56,048 Gavin Resic and Grace Sloane let go. 300 00:09:57,285 --> 00:09:58,428 - This is amazing. - Amazing. 301 00:09:58,429 --> 00:09:59,820 - This is crazy! - Amazing! 302 00:09:59,821 --> 00:10:03,123 This is a bullet dodge! This is... this is incredible! 303 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,357 That's crazy. 304 00:10:04,358 --> 00:10:05,459 I mean, it's like one minute you're up, 305 00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:06,845 - next minute you're down. - Down. 306 00:10:06,846 --> 00:10:07,949 Now they're down, we're up. 307 00:10:07,950 --> 00:10:09,296 - Up. (gasps) - This is... 308 00:10:09,297 --> 00:10:10,697 (sighs) 309 00:10:10,698 --> 00:10:12,299 All right, what's our next move? 310 00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,668 I think we dump Melissa. She was nothing but problems 311 00:10:14,669 --> 00:10:16,203 - from the beginning. - Yeah, done. 312 00:10:16,204 --> 00:10:17,804 Uh, what about Mya? 313 00:10:17,805 --> 00:10:19,706 Maybe Mya would want to do the movie? 314 00:10:19,707 --> 00:10:21,808 Get on the Mya Rudolph gravy train. 315 00:10:21,809 --> 00:10:23,743 - I like it. - Right? Why don't you text her? 316 00:10:23,744 --> 00:10:25,412 Maybe you text her. You're better friends. 317 00:10:25,413 --> 00:10:26,980 Right, and better coming from me. 318 00:10:26,981 --> 00:10:27,881 Girl-on-girl. 319 00:10:27,882 --> 00:10:30,517 - Yes, "girl-on-girl." - Right? 320 00:10:30,518 --> 00:10:32,546 - Girl-on-girl's better. - Always. 321 00:10:32,547 --> 00:10:34,050 Are you forgetting that you just left 322 00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:35,522 an insane message on Ben's phone? 323 00:10:35,523 --> 00:10:36,656 I'm gonna call him. 324 00:10:36,657 --> 00:10:38,425 - What are you gonna say? - Shut up! 325 00:10:38,426 --> 00:10:39,893 - (beep) - Hey, Ben! 326 00:10:39,894 --> 00:10:40,961 It's Rachel. 327 00:10:40,962 --> 00:10:43,763 Um, I hope you just got my very funny 328 00:10:43,764 --> 00:10:46,433 joke voice mail that I just left for you. 329 00:10:46,434 --> 00:10:48,568 (laughing) And you're laughing 330 00:10:48,569 --> 00:10:50,971 as much as we are over here 331 00:10:50,972 --> 00:10:52,138 at "The Fartlemans." 332 00:10:52,139 --> 00:10:53,406 Wishing you were here. 333 00:10:53,407 --> 00:10:55,335 Hold on one second, someone's calling. 334 00:10:55,336 --> 00:10:56,599 Oh, that's you! You're calling. 335 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,109 Uh, so I am gonna switch over. 336 00:10:58,110 --> 00:11:00,213 But just make sure if you listen to my first message, 337 00:11:00,214 --> 00:11:01,317 that you listen to this one. 338 00:11:01,318 --> 00:11:02,649 This one's more important, okay? 339 00:11:02,650 --> 00:11:04,050 And if you didn't listen to the first message... 340 00:11:04,051 --> 00:11:05,142 Rachel, click over. 341 00:11:05,143 --> 00:11:06,686 Click over, you're gonna miss the call. 342 00:11:06,687 --> 00:11:07,888 Okay, I'll talk to you in one second. 343 00:11:07,889 --> 00:11:09,089 "Missed call, Ben Falcone." 344 00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:10,094 - Oh, my God! - Yes. 345 00:11:10,095 --> 00:11:11,319 Because you didn't click over. 346 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,524 Can you not yell at me 347 00:11:12,525 --> 00:11:13,990 every two seconds! 348 00:11:13,991 --> 00:11:15,191 (phone pings) 349 00:11:15,192 --> 00:11:16,993 Oh! "Ben Falcone, voice mail." 350 00:11:16,994 --> 00:11:18,161 (phone beeps) 351 00:11:18,162 --> 00:11:20,062 Hey, Rach, it's Ben! 352 00:11:20,063 --> 00:11:21,631 We're playing phone tag, I guess. 353 00:11:21,632 --> 00:11:23,933 Um, so, about when you came over the other night. 354 00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,702 It was obvious that you had a script you wanted to show me, 355 00:11:26,703 --> 00:11:29,172 but for some reason, you didn't. 356 00:11:29,173 --> 00:11:30,640 And I'm guessing you felt weird, 357 00:11:30,641 --> 00:11:32,241 but, I mean, seriously, you shouldn't. 358 00:11:32,242 --> 00:11:34,410 I mean, you guys are such great writers, 359 00:11:34,411 --> 00:11:37,046 and if you wrote something, I always want to see it. 360 00:11:37,047 --> 00:11:38,681 So, anyway, I'm rambling now. 361 00:11:38,682 --> 00:11:40,745 But just give me a call when you get a second, okay? 362 00:11:40,746 --> 00:11:43,319 Et cetera, et cetera. All right, love you, bye-ee! 363 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,620 - (beep) - What? 364 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:47,190 - I'm sorry, Mya Rudolph. - Wow. 365 00:11:47,191 --> 00:11:49,926 But the gravy train is leaving the station. 366 00:11:49,927 --> 00:11:52,261 And Melissa McCarthy is back on board. 367 00:11:52,262 --> 00:11:54,697 Ooh! Toot, toot! 368 00:11:54,698 --> 00:11:55,598 (Hugh sighs) 369 00:11:55,599 --> 00:11:57,233 This time, let's just be transparent 370 00:11:57,234 --> 00:11:58,401 and direct. 371 00:11:58,402 --> 00:11:59,769 (both) Transparent and direct. 372 00:11:59,770 --> 00:12:01,037 Oh, my God, you're just repeating things. 373 00:12:01,038 --> 00:12:02,341 You guys are not even listening. 374 00:12:02,342 --> 00:12:04,173 We wrote the script for Melissa. 375 00:12:04,174 --> 00:12:06,042 - Right. - We would like her to be in it. 376 00:12:06,043 --> 00:12:07,410 Please. That's it. 377 00:12:07,411 --> 00:12:08,544 - Yeah. - Yeah! 378 00:12:08,545 --> 00:12:09,712 - 'Cause we're adults. - Right. 379 00:12:09,713 --> 00:12:10,936 And adults say what they want. 380 00:12:10,937 --> 00:12:11,914 - Yes. - (shouts) Hey! 381 00:12:11,915 --> 00:12:13,009 Oh, my... 382 00:12:13,010 --> 00:12:14,473 We want Melissa to be in this thing. 383 00:12:14,474 --> 00:12:16,085 You don't have to be so aggressive. 384 00:12:16,086 --> 00:12:17,346 Just calm down. 385 00:12:17,347 --> 00:12:18,450 We're just gonna be direct. 386 00:12:18,451 --> 00:12:20,056 I am calm, I'm just trying 387 00:12:20,057 --> 00:12:21,357 to get my point across. 388 00:12:21,358 --> 00:12:22,925 (Ben) She's actually still in Asia... 389 00:12:22,926 --> 00:12:23,893 Hello... Hey. 390 00:12:23,894 --> 00:12:25,228 Hey, guys, sorry, sorry. 391 00:12:25,229 --> 00:12:26,562 Yeah, no, she gets back on Saturday. 392 00:12:26,563 --> 00:12:27,723 She's in Asia still, though. 393 00:12:27,724 --> 00:12:29,027 (whispering) Who you talking to? 394 00:12:29,028 --> 00:12:30,266 - Angelina. - (gasps) 395 00:12:30,267 --> 00:12:31,968 Yeah, okay. No, these are just my friends. 396 00:12:31,969 --> 00:12:33,269 (squealing) Angelina Jolie. 397 00:12:33,270 --> 00:12:36,199 Yeah. So let's do Sunday. 398 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,343 (whispering) Angelina Jolie. 399 00:12:37,344 --> 00:12:38,608 (whispering) Sunday, Sunday. 400 00:12:38,609 --> 00:12:40,476 Oh, my gosh, he knows Angelina Jolie. 401 00:12:40,477 --> 00:12:42,100 (Ben, whispering) It's not that Angelina. 402 00:12:42,101 --> 00:12:43,179 Sounds good, Angie. 403 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,348 - All right, bye. - (Larry) Now, Ben... 404 00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:47,984 Rachel told me about an expensive wine 405 00:12:47,985 --> 00:12:49,852 that you guys enjoyed the other night. 406 00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,454 (chuckling) You guys are so gross. 407 00:12:51,455 --> 00:12:53,456 They are gross. I am not gross. 408 00:12:53,457 --> 00:12:55,758 I do not want to drink any of your expensive wine. 409 00:12:55,759 --> 00:12:58,427 I'm only interested in your expensive scotch. 410 00:12:58,428 --> 00:12:59,661 Ooh. All right. 411 00:13:00,897 --> 00:13:02,131 I mean, this is insulting. 412 00:13:02,132 --> 00:13:03,866 There's zero photos of me. 413 00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,635 Well... (chuckling) 414 00:13:05,636 --> 00:13:07,737 Who's this clown in the bowtie? 415 00:13:07,738 --> 00:13:09,405 (Rachel) That's Paul Skidmore. 416 00:13:09,406 --> 00:13:11,073 Who's Paul Skidmoore? 417 00:13:11,074 --> 00:13:12,408 Are you kidding? 418 00:13:12,409 --> 00:13:14,377 He's like a really famous comedy director. 419 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,201 He directed "The Friendly Skies" with Melissa. 420 00:13:16,202 --> 00:13:18,180 - Never saw it. - (scoffs) 421 00:13:18,181 --> 00:13:19,482 - (Ben) Larry... - Mm-hmm? 422 00:13:19,483 --> 00:13:20,850 Are you noticing there's no photos of you? 423 00:13:20,851 --> 00:13:22,718 We're gonna get one put up soon, I promise. 424 00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:25,142 - No, you're good with what you have. - I didn't even notice. 425 00:13:25,143 --> 00:13:26,909 Ooh, that's a nice pour. 426 00:13:29,159 --> 00:13:31,027 Okay. 427 00:13:31,028 --> 00:13:32,495 (Ben) Um, let's get the business part out of the way, 428 00:13:32,496 --> 00:13:34,196 so we can just have some fun. 429 00:13:34,197 --> 00:13:36,065 'Cause I wanna see the script. I'm excited. 430 00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:40,736 (humming "Hail to the Chief") 431 00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:43,506 You'll get it after you see the title. 432 00:13:43,507 --> 00:13:46,235 (giggling) "Mr. First Lady." 433 00:13:46,236 --> 00:13:47,739 Ooh, that's good. That's a good hook. 434 00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:49,245 (Ben) Ooh, that's funny. 435 00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:50,989 Yeah, about America's first male first lady. 436 00:13:50,990 --> 00:13:52,348 Which we almost had. 437 00:13:52,349 --> 00:13:54,050 In this, we have the president. 438 00:13:54,051 --> 00:13:56,252 She's a smart ball-buster of a woman. 439 00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:58,654 And her husband, the first lady, 440 00:13:58,655 --> 00:13:59,455 is a nitwit. 441 00:13:59,456 --> 00:14:00,423 It's a big comedy. 442 00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:02,325 There's our elevator pitch. 443 00:14:02,326 --> 00:14:03,993 (Ben) Could I just say, 444 00:14:03,994 --> 00:14:05,194 I'm so flattered. 445 00:14:05,195 --> 00:14:06,429 Mm. Hmm? 446 00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:08,197 I'm so flattered that you would think of me 447 00:14:08,198 --> 00:14:09,565 to play Mr. First Lady. 448 00:14:09,566 --> 00:14:12,201 I mean, I just... I don't get many offers 449 00:14:12,202 --> 00:14:14,070 to act anymore. 450 00:14:14,071 --> 00:14:15,404 Everybody thinks of Melissa 451 00:14:15,405 --> 00:14:18,074 as the actor in the family, and, um... 452 00:14:18,075 --> 00:14:19,875 And I'm... happy for her success. 453 00:14:19,876 --> 00:14:22,345 It's like I would never, like, begrudge her... that. 454 00:14:22,346 --> 00:14:23,974 And we're not even in the same category, 455 00:14:23,975 --> 00:14:25,242 so it's not like a competition. 456 00:14:25,243 --> 00:14:26,482 Of course, um... 457 00:14:26,483 --> 00:14:28,517 Just the fact that you guys thought of me 458 00:14:28,518 --> 00:14:31,253 to play this role means a lot. 459 00:14:31,254 --> 00:14:33,556 So, um, this is very unexpected. 460 00:14:33,557 --> 00:14:37,226 And, uh, very exciting. 461 00:14:37,227 --> 00:14:38,560 (whispering) Yeah, you do it. 462 00:14:40,564 --> 00:14:42,965 Um, Ben... you know, actually... 463 00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:44,033 We wrote it for you. 464 00:14:44,034 --> 00:14:46,535 We wrote it for you, 465 00:14:46,536 --> 00:14:48,037 and we were afraid to say it, 466 00:14:48,038 --> 00:14:50,773 but now we said it, so it's... it's out there, 467 00:14:50,774 --> 00:14:53,008 and when I think about it, I'm, "Ben Falcone. 468 00:14:53,009 --> 00:14:54,792 He's an actor, he's the actor in the family." 469 00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:57,440 And I get so sad if I think of you not acting. 470 00:14:57,441 --> 00:14:58,904 Because it's... that's a gift, is... 471 00:14:58,905 --> 00:15:00,216 You... you... you have a gift. 472 00:15:00,217 --> 00:15:02,852 And if you don't gift it to the world and share it, 473 00:15:02,853 --> 00:15:04,836 it's like, what... what... what... what... what... 474 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:08,190 what's happening, you know, if Ben's not acting... 475 00:15:08,191 --> 00:15:09,791 (muffled) 476 00:15:10,961 --> 00:15:12,594 Thanks, Rach. 477 00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,368 (gulping) 478 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:24,740 You mind if I get some more scotch? 479 00:15:24,741 --> 00:15:25,908 No, go ahead, go ahead. 480 00:15:25,909 --> 00:15:27,209 I'm just gonna dig into this. 481 00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:29,311 Can I use your bathroom? 482 00:15:29,312 --> 00:15:30,980 Uh, sure. The one out there is... 483 00:15:30,981 --> 00:15:33,055 uh, the best one. 484 00:15:36,155 --> 00:15:37,355 (patrons chattering) 485 00:15:37,356 --> 00:15:42,026 I do feel like I'm partially to blame for that. 486 00:15:42,027 --> 00:15:43,094 Partially? 487 00:15:43,095 --> 00:15:44,629 Did you want me to hurt his feelings? 488 00:15:44,630 --> 00:15:46,064 I mean, what was I supposed to say? 489 00:15:46,065 --> 00:15:47,888 Literally, there was nothing else I could say. 490 00:15:47,889 --> 00:15:48,900 Uh, how 'bout, uh, 491 00:15:48,901 --> 00:15:50,701 "Ben... this is awkward, 492 00:15:50,702 --> 00:15:53,237 but, actually, we wrote this for Melissa." 493 00:15:53,238 --> 00:15:54,305 No one talks like that. 494 00:15:54,306 --> 00:15:56,240 (Larry) I actually think this is good. 495 00:15:56,241 --> 00:15:58,609 I do, I think this is actually reason to celebrate. 496 00:15:58,610 --> 00:16:00,011 Oh! 497 00:16:00,012 --> 00:16:01,579 I mean, Ben's a known commodity. 498 00:16:01,580 --> 00:16:03,247 He's an actor. 499 00:16:03,248 --> 00:16:04,549 He's acted in, um... 500 00:16:04,550 --> 00:16:05,650 "Joey." 501 00:16:05,651 --> 00:16:07,718 He's done stuff since "Joey." 502 00:16:07,719 --> 00:16:09,587 - Right? - "Bridesmaids." 503 00:16:09,588 --> 00:16:11,222 He was the air marshal in "Bridesmaids." 504 00:16:11,223 --> 00:16:13,458 Yes, and he was wonderful in that. 505 00:16:13,459 --> 00:16:15,693 He lost himself in the role. 506 00:16:15,694 --> 00:16:18,262 He chewed the scenery, as they say. 507 00:16:18,263 --> 00:16:19,430 That's not a good thing. 508 00:16:19,431 --> 00:16:20,998 He never chews the scenery. 509 00:16:20,999 --> 00:16:23,102 - There you go. - That's his thing. That's his brand. 510 00:16:23,103 --> 00:16:24,168 Maybe if Ben's in it, 511 00:16:24,169 --> 00:16:26,137 Melissa will want to be in it. 512 00:16:26,138 --> 00:16:27,899 'Cause they work together all the time, 513 00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,483 and then this way, instead of us, like, 514 00:16:29,484 --> 00:16:30,641 suggesting it, 515 00:16:30,642 --> 00:16:31,876 Melissa will just sort of be 516 00:16:31,877 --> 00:16:34,078 naturally tricked into doing it. 517 00:16:34,079 --> 00:16:35,313 Tricked?! 518 00:16:35,314 --> 00:16:36,881 So... so it's not bad enough 519 00:16:36,882 --> 00:16:39,484 that we lied to some insane executive at Paramount, 520 00:16:39,485 --> 00:16:40,718 now we're lying to Ben? 521 00:16:40,719 --> 00:16:42,153 Who is our friend. 522 00:16:42,154 --> 00:16:43,921 And exploiting the fact that he's married 523 00:16:43,922 --> 00:16:46,891 to Melissa McCarthy, who is also our friend. 524 00:16:46,892 --> 00:16:48,826 We're not exploiting Ben. 525 00:16:48,827 --> 00:16:49,927 How are we not? 526 00:16:49,928 --> 00:16:51,095 Uh, it's very simple. 527 00:16:51,096 --> 00:16:53,364 Okay, Ben is the cheese. 528 00:16:53,365 --> 00:16:55,666 Okay, the script is the trap. 529 00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:58,503 And Melissa is the rat. (smacks teeth) 530 00:16:58,504 --> 00:17:01,038 Right? Come here, Melissa... 531 00:17:01,039 --> 00:17:02,306 I like this scheme. 532 00:17:02,307 --> 00:17:05,309 "Scheme"! "Rat"! Do you hear yourselves? 533 00:17:05,310 --> 00:17:06,477 I gotta go. 534 00:17:06,478 --> 00:17:09,113 Leave on a high note. We figured it out. 535 00:17:09,114 --> 00:17:10,748 I thought we were celebrating. 536 00:17:10,749 --> 00:17:12,316 Jen's been texting me. 537 00:17:12,317 --> 00:17:14,218 I gotta go pick up cough medicine for the boys. 538 00:17:14,219 --> 00:17:15,920 I'm sure I'm walking into an unpleasant, 539 00:17:15,921 --> 00:17:17,989 germ-filled nightmare. 540 00:17:17,990 --> 00:17:19,957 Uh, we're good here? We're all square? 541 00:17:19,958 --> 00:17:21,792 You didn't put in any money. 542 00:17:21,793 --> 00:17:23,728 Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow. 543 00:17:23,729 --> 00:17:25,328 (laughing) 544 00:17:27,766 --> 00:17:29,500 (clears throat) 545 00:17:29,501 --> 00:17:31,129 So... do you wanna get another one, 546 00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:32,473 or do you gotta get home to Lois? 547 00:17:32,474 --> 00:17:33,804 No, she's with her dad tonight. 548 00:17:33,805 --> 00:17:35,439 So I'm free as a bird. 549 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,142 How 'bout you, do you have to get home to Pat? 550 00:17:38,143 --> 00:17:40,545 Oh, my 40-year-old roommate? 551 00:17:40,546 --> 00:17:42,224 I guess I probably should, but... 552 00:17:42,225 --> 00:17:43,981 maybe it's good for him to be independent 553 00:17:43,982 --> 00:17:45,283 every once in a while. 554 00:17:45,284 --> 00:17:46,850 (chuckling) 555 00:17:48,787 --> 00:17:50,054 Uh, red wine? 556 00:17:50,055 --> 00:17:51,289 Or... 557 00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:52,757 Should we do shots? 558 00:17:52,758 --> 00:17:54,625 Oh, what are we, in seventh grade? 559 00:17:54,626 --> 00:17:55,860 (laughing) Seventh grade? 560 00:17:55,861 --> 00:17:57,528 Where'd you go to school? 561 00:17:57,529 --> 00:17:58,829 The school of hard knocks. 562 00:17:58,830 --> 00:18:01,432 Oh. Um... no, I'll have a red wine. 563 00:18:01,433 --> 00:18:02,600 - That's good. - Okay. 564 00:18:02,601 --> 00:18:04,402 No, I'll have a martini! 565 00:18:04,403 --> 00:18:06,938 (chuckling) 566 00:18:06,939 --> 00:18:10,141 Uh, a martini. And... 567 00:18:10,142 --> 00:18:12,777 ("Don't Kill the Mood" by The Burning Effigies) 568 00:18:12,778 --> 00:18:16,046 569 00:18:20,986 --> 00:18:22,153 (groans softly) 570 00:18:22,154 --> 00:18:25,223 I didn't see the news 571 00:18:25,224 --> 00:18:28,192 I was watching cartoons 572 00:18:28,193 --> 00:18:31,362 They get a man on the street 573 00:18:31,363 --> 00:18:33,998 They're looking for blood 574 00:18:33,999 --> 00:18:36,834 I got a dugout in my mind 575 00:18:36,835 --> 00:18:40,538 I intend to hide there 576 00:18:40,539 --> 00:18:42,807 I got my supplies 577 00:18:42,808 --> 00:18:43,808 (latch opens) 578 00:18:43,809 --> 00:18:45,676 And camouflage 579 00:18:45,677 --> 00:18:48,379 Let's pretend it's okay 580 00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:51,716 Don't let them kill the mood 581 00:18:51,717 --> 00:18:54,318 Let's let on it's all right 582 00:18:54,319 --> 00:18:57,154 Don't say you're scared 583 00:18:57,155 --> 00:19:00,124 We can hide from the fight 584 00:19:00,125 --> 00:19:02,994 And pretend it's all right 585 00:19:02,995 --> 00:19:05,596 We got time, we'll survive 586 00:19:05,597 --> 00:19:07,598 It's all right 587 00:19:07,599 --> 00:19:09,967 588 00:19:09,968 --> 00:19:13,104 This might be the end 589 00:19:13,105 --> 00:19:15,740 This might be just a glitch 590 00:19:15,741 --> 00:19:18,876 I need someone to program me 591 00:19:18,877 --> 00:19:21,512 Show me which 592 00:19:21,513 --> 00:19:22,647 Ohh! 593 00:19:22,648 --> 00:19:24,749 (wincing) 594 00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:27,618 A sigh of relief 595 00:19:27,619 --> 00:19:30,354 To help me suspend 596 00:19:30,355 --> 00:19:31,455 My disbelief 597 00:19:31,456 --> 00:19:33,024 (whimpers) 598 00:19:33,025 --> 00:19:35,760 Let's pretend it's okay 599 00:19:35,761 --> 00:19:38,996 Don't let them kill the mood 600 00:19:38,997 --> 00:19:41,699 Let's let on it's all right 601 00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:44,235 Don't say you're scared 602 00:19:44,236 --> 00:19:47,438 We can hide from the fight 603 00:19:47,439 --> 00:19:50,507 And pretend it's all right 604 00:19:50,645 --> 00:19:58,132 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 605 00:19:58,182 --> 00:20:02,732 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42455

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