All language subtitles for No Tomorrow s01e09 No Truer Words.eng

I'm Xavier. We've met.

You like,
this is so much fun!

- Gotta live life while I can.
- What does that mean?

Humankind only has eight months
and 12 days left on Earth.

You're serious?

Yeah, the apocalypse is um,... nigh.

This is my apocalyst.

This is every last thing I wanna do,
before things go kaput.

Whoo!

Yeah!

You in?

- Previously on No Tomorrow...
- Tyra DeNeil Fields

is the most popular
astrophysicist in the world.

And she's just the
sort of person who could

not only validate my theory,

but alert the general public.

Can you toss this for me, please?

CyberHugs does not yet have
an animal rescue branch.

And I think someone with your experience

should help us launch it.

My brother's trotting
out his new fianc?e.

This... is Sofia.

It's a green card marriage.

I'm into you.

Sofia Let?cia Fernandes.

Will you marry me?

If you are with them,

you are, by definition,

against me.

You are therefore no
longer my boyfriend.

What is your name?

Stanley J. Turkleton.

Lie.

What is your name?

Harvey Stevens. Sioux City, Iowa.

Lie.

What is your name?

Hamish Stegner.

You did it!

- All you got to do is, uh...
- _

think about something calm, like, um...

like light rain, or the infinite size

of the universe, and your tiny

little miniscule part in it.

Okay, got it.

What's your name?

- Martha Waterbottom.
- _

Lie.

Where do you live?

Buckingham Palace.

- Lie.
- Balls.

Why don't I ask the question,
maybe it'll keep you more calm.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Um, do you like my new haircut?

- Yes.
- Lie.

Evie.

Ugh. Uh, do, uh, do you like, um,

my French toast?

- Yes.
- Lie.

Evie, come... You ate four
pieces of that yesterday.

You said it gave you a yumgasm.

Well, I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.

- Do you like any of my cooking?
- Yes.

Lie.

You make good microwave popcorn.

- Lie.
- Reggie, you're killing me.

You're... Okay.

Something else. Um...

All right.

Do... I satisfy you sexually?

Yes.

Is there something that you want to do

that we haven't tried yet?

No.

Lie.

Do you want to try that right now?

Yes.

That is true.

Reggie, you're dismissed.

Right.

= synced and corrected by TomFu =
... www.addic7ed.com ...

Screw the lie detector test.

I got to cross

- a way better item off my list.
- _

I admitted something
very personal to Xavier,

and it paid off.

Three times.

Wake me when you do something
that requires a safeword.

Oh! And this morning at the coffee shop,

I got too much change
back, so I told the barista

and she gave me a free scone!

An honesty scone.

- You're like a human hangover.
- The universe rewards honesty.

And I'm gonna keep the rewards coming.

Hank's taking over for
me in quality control,

and I'm gonna give him the
cold, hard truth about that job.

In the form of a color-coded,

- fully comprehensive binder.
- Okay,

can you keep this honesty
mission to yourself?

Some people are very content
to live in a world of lies.

Radical honesty is very liberating.

Maybe you can apply
it to that situation...

- with your... with your brother...?
- Shh. Oh!

Hey, Rohan!

Who needs a little happy sippy?

Yay!

So much... joy.

Okay. What's happening?

Yeah. He's not handling the
breakup with Sofia well at all.

I told him he could come here
and raid my mini-bottle stash.

You have to tell him you're
engaged to his ex-fianc?e.

Wha... I'm going to, but first

- I have to get him through the stages.
- Wh-what?

With every breakup, he goes through five

very specific stages of grief.

Stage one... day drinking.

Two... despondency over trivial things.

Three... excessive self-love.

Four... TRH: Totally Random Hookup.

And finally five... obsession
with physical fitness.

Once he gets through all
of those, he'll be over her,

and I can tell him the
truth about everything,

and not ruin our relationship.

Is that a lama?

An alpaca, actually.

You know, like the blankets?

It's animal therapy.

It's part of a company-wide initiative

to improve work conditions post-strike.

Yeah. All this week, an animal
therapy training center...

supported by CyberHugs...

is going to bring in their
animals during lunch hour.

What do you think?

Honestly...

I think it's fantastic.

Just be careful when you go over there.

I almost ruined my 'Gamos

stepping in some alpaca caca.

Yeah, they are heavy defecators.

That's good to know.

I got to get back to work,
but, um, enjoy therapy.

Wow. This is quite the line.

Oh. Yeah. Sorry for the wait.

We only have the one alpaca today.

We hate to split up Brad and
Angelina but it was inevitable.

We couldn't afford the double-wide.

Oh. Didn't CyberHugs give you
a sizable donation recently?

Oh, yeah. But that

five percent processing fee
really takes a chunk out of it.

Well, since when do we
charge a processing fee?

I don't know.

I mean, I'd be thrilled
if it was a mistake.

We really could use a bigger trailer.

And the staff could use new boots.

Alpacas are heavy defecators.

Yeah. I've heard that.

You know what? Let me get
your name and contact info,

and I'll look into the
fee and then follow up.

Uh, my name and number is Sabrina...

- Mm-hmm...
- and it's 206.

Oh, gosh, what is the freaking hold up?

I loved her.

And then she left, and
you're my only friend.

I loved her so much.

Oh, wow. Okay. Stage one complete.

Move this way.

Okay. Don't judge. We
all cope with heartbreak

in different ways.

Hey.

You doing okay?

She's wearing purple.

That's my favorite color.

It's just mean.

Maybe you should pet the therapy alpaca.

I just don't get it. I
mean, we had this heat.

This flaming heat.

Then it fizzles out
because of some work issue?

Like, flames don't fizzle.

That's not how flames work.

Maybe it was just a fling.

It...

- definitely wasn't a fling...
- Yeah?

Well, how would you know?

Okay.

The truth is really
working for me today,

so I'm gonna lay some on you.

When Xavier nearly got
me fired, the only way

Deirdre would rehire me was if

I helped her win your affections.

I was the subject of a conspiracy?

She called it Operation Hanky Panky.

It had a codename?

See? It wasn't a fling. And if you want

to be with her, tell
her exactly how you feel.

You're right. You're so friggin' right.

That a boy. Go get that honesty scone.

Yeah. Gonna get that scone!

- Is that a sex thing?
- Never mind.

- 'Cause I'm open to new ideas.
- No. It's not a sex thing.

- It sounds like a sex thing.
- It's not a sex thing.

Okay, 'cause it is now.

- Hey!
- Hey.

- What are you doing?
- I am ordering supplies.

How cute is Cyber Marty?

- What?
- Cyber Marty. He's our upselling tool.

You know, before you finalize
your order, he suggests

other items to buy
based on your purchase.

- Oh, yeah.
- And the people who frequently order

what Marty recommends are...

Cybermart's most valued customers.

- We call them The Suggestibles.
- Oh!

He wants you to buy
an electric can opener,

because you bought a...
case of creamed corn?

Yeah. Well, I'm just getting provisions

in case I need to
hole up for a few days.

Well, why would you need to hole up?

Because, according to my calculations,

Tyra DeNeil Fields will be
publishing her peer review

of my theory in the next couple of days.

Why do you say that?

Well, I figure... she's had my research

for a month. It took me two weeks

to double-check the
math, but with her I.Q.,

she could probably do
that in half the time.

However, she had a two
week conference in Toledo

and a lecture to prepare
for in Boston. Add...

six days assuming she
doesn't work weekends

and a two day grace period,
and the logical conclusion

is that she's gonna go
public in the next 48 hours.

And I do not want to be around
during the ensuing chaos.

Oh, gosh. Honesty scone.

- What?
- I have to tell you something.

All right.

Tyra never read your theory.

The day you gave your research
to her, she threw it away.

Wait, what?

Well, I went back to
grab my purse and I saw

- her toss it.
- Right after I gave it to her?

Yes.

A month ago?

Yes.

Wait, you've been holding
onto this for a month?

- I'm sorry...
- Evie, that's a month

I'm never gonna get back.

That's one of the only
six we've got left!

- Xavier...
- That's a month that

countless people have
wasted their lives,

'cause they don't know
the world is ending.

Evie, time is the only
thing that matters and...

You just stole a bloody month from me.

- Well, I just thought...
- No.

There's nothing you can
say to make this better.

She stole from me.

I mean...

- Eh...
- No. She stole from me.

A month, a whole month.

And it was one of the long ones.

She can't just give it back.

I know.

That's why I'm so upset.

Well, do something about it.

Graffiti a billboard
or-or get on a talk show.

Actually, I tried that one... sort of.

When we get back, we're
gonna talk to my man Xavier

about a big-ass asteroid.

How many people
actually watch this show?

Oh, like, easily in the dozens.

I can't believe Evie lied to me.

I didn't lie. I just didn't tell him.

Like how you haven't told Rohan

you're involved with Sofia.

Deflection. Classic liar behavior.

I haven't told Rohan yet
because I want to minimize

the pain it causes when I do.

Yeah, and I didn't tell Xavier

because I knew it would hurt him.

I wouldn't have been hurt.

I just would've found another way

to get the message out.

Ah, yeah, I'm sure she'd love that.

Who wouldn't want to
date the Grim Reaper?

Oh.

That's why she didn't tell me the truth.

When I thought I'd passed
off the responsibility

of publicizing the asteroid to Tyra,

I guess I didn't talk about it as much.

He stopped going on
about her all the time.

And it was... kind
of nice to get a break

from all that doom and gloom.

- Bring it home.
- But it was super selfish of me

to try to stifle his
message for my own comfort.

I have to make it up to him.

Okay, well, who else

can get his message out?

Evie.

- Oh. Ah.
- Fern! I was just looking for Timothy.

- So sorry. It's not a good time.
- No, no, I'm-I'm sorry,

I don't normally answer
another person's door naked.

I thought you were the Thai food

delivery guy.

I-I can come back.

No, no, no, no.

Peanut? Um...

Evie's here.

Evie...

Uh, you know Fern.

And Fern, of course,

you know Evie.

And I know both of you, so...

And I...

am going to go find my clothes.

If I can find them

'cause they came off in a hurry.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I know you wanted to take
a friendship breather,

I just, I didn't know who else to go to.

No, i-it's totally fine, what's up?

I screwed up big time with Xavier.

And I kind of need your help.

So you want me to help Xavier?

Well, if it makes a difference,
you're actually helping me...

help him.

- Mm-hmm.
- Um, so,

Xavier has this theory.

Kind of like a Jade
Helm thing like Hank?

Well, this is actually
a very well-researched

scientific theory that...

maybe you could put a public voice to,

or introduce him to someone who could.

Look, I-I know it's-it's super awkward

for me to ask my ex-boyfriend
to help my current boyfriend.

Then again, my...

ex-boyfriend moved on
with my ex-best friend,

so it's all kind of just, you know...

Sure.

And you and Xavier have
bonded a bit, right?

- Yeah, yeah, we're-we're cool.
- Yeah.

So maybe it's not too weird.

Sure.

Yeah, I'll-I'll hear him out.

Thank you.

There's still something here

and we both know it.

Okay, still something here.

We can both feel it.

It's between us.

We know it and we feel it.

Here we go.

Hey!

Okay, we have a thing.

We got a...

Yeah. Yeah.

We have a thing, okay?

It's between me, you.

We got a thing.

Let's do the thing.

That was complete nonsense.

Okay, I have real feelings for you.

- I'm not ready for this to be over.
- Hank,

allow me to be violently clear.

I do not wish to be
involved with you any longer,

as our toxic chemistry
perverted my priorities.

I need to focus on my career

and my responsibilities,

and shirk any romantic entanglements.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have a meeting.

Pardon me, pal.

Awfully tight in here.

Oh!

Hi, I'm Evie.

I work for CyberHugs.

- Are you new?
- No, I'm not new, I'm swamped.

Department downsized
by 75% in Q1 of 2016.

What's the action item?

Okay, well, there's some mysterious fee

getting deducted from
every CyberHugs account.

No mystery. CyberHugs
accounts are all deducted 5%.

Paid out to Rosie Baxter & Associates.

It's not unusual for legal firms

to charge for handling

a charity's contracts and payroll.

Well, maybe I can talk them
into a flat fee instead.

Can I get the contact info?

You cost the company $10.53
in overtime by interrupting me.

- Okay. Thanks.
- $11.06.

Yeah, I'll just see my way.

Out of your hole.

- Okay.
- $11.72.

$12.14.

We can't take your call right now,

please leave a message.

Seems informal for a law firm.

You're talking to yourself again.

Code Purple. Code Purple.

Huddle up, we got a Deirdre situation!

Okay, so, there's this...

this guy, and then,

he came in with f...

Oh.

Hey. Here...

And then, he...

Okay.

- I think I got that last part.
- Use your words.

There was a guy in Deirdre's
office, and he gave her flowers

and then he kissed her on the cheek!

That's my cheek!

I kiss that cheek! That's my cheek!

She told me no more
romantic entanglements.

It's all about work. So
I hacked her calendar,

and I found out she has
an appointment at 7:30.

Tonight. In blue.

- What does that mean?
- Work appointments

are in Cybermart green,
and personal appointments

are in blue. It's a blue!

It's a personal!

She's going on a date.

What do I do?

- I think you have to kill him.
- Yes, that is good.

- How?
- What?

Wait, no, that's bad.

I can't, I can't do that.

You know she's gonna
see him tonight, just...

get in there and do some date sabotage.

"Date sabotage."

Trust me, I'm very good

at destroying relationships.

The vending machine...

is out of nacho chips.

_

I did that to him.

Parking lot at 1900 hours.

We'll tail Deirdre when she leaves work.

_

_

Evie!

- What?
- Are you in?

No, sorry, I have too
many fires to put out.

Oh!

And there you have it.

A rather graphic
illustration of what awaits us

and why it's critically
important that we make sure

that it's publicized.

What do you think?

An asteroid making contact as a
direct result of global warming?

Clickability alone is...

But also bringing awareness
to an ecological crisis.

Oh, there's a big story here.

[2522 South Park Street]

Two five two two...

Okay, Rosie Baxter &
Associates, where are you?

Three...

I'm not here right now.

Please leave a message.

Ha-ha. Not falling for that again.

Hey, get this.

Remember that legal firm, Rosie Baxter?

I think it's a shell and
someone is swindling CyberHugs.

- Oh, yeah...
- Yeah, the address they provided

is for a male strip club called

Corndogs. You know, I think

that bizarro accountant
is greasing his own palms.

Riveting stuff, Encyclopedia Blonde,

but I'm in the middle
of a date sabotage, so...

Okay, get off the phone. We got to move.

Falcon out!

All right, everyone.
Since we'll be seeing

a lot of ballroom styles
at the competition tomorrow,

we're going to learn something

a little different tonight.

It's called a Regency dance.

- Okay.
- Stand across from your partner.

- What? No...
- Put your right hand up.

Where are you going?

I'm going undercover to
do some date sabotage.

But we don't have disguises.

Oh! We've been spotted.

Yeah, because we don't have disguises.

- Okay, just act natural.
- Come in!

Come in. We don't bite.

I do.

At-at dancing.

That's why we're all here.

To learn dancing.

- Take it down a notch.
- Okay.

I mean, we'll have to-to vet the math,

which could take some time, but, uh...

No one cares about the math, bro.

No?

"Bro"?

The math isn't your story.

This Xavier guy is.

"An Astronomical Delusion.

Inside the Mind of a Doomsday Tripper."

- You get it.
- Ah...

Make it punchy, make it splashy.

S-S... uh, so you just...
you just want a-a hit piece?

Wh-What if his theory
actually checks out?

Come on, bro.

The Mayans, Nostradamus,

the Book of Revelations, Y2K.

When's the last time an
apocalypse theory was right?

Well, I mean, we're all still here.

So, uh, never.

That's not your story.

Xavier is.

- Here's the plan,
- Okay, everyone...

I'm gonna test the waters with Deirdre.

You seduce the cowboy.

Consider it done.

- Gentlemen over there.
- Okay, yes.

Gentleman on the other.

All right. Very good.

And... music.

You certainly are

light on your feet there, Tex.

Thank you, little lady. Much obliged.

Did you follow me here?

I thought you said you
were done with romance.

Who's the cowboy?

My dance partner.

I, uh,

saw you earlier at Didi's
workplace, didn't I?

Did you?

You know, all this antiquated,

sexually repressed dancing's

really getting my motor revving.

My, you got more ten-dollar words

than my Aunt Ruthie.

Dance partners don't usually

kiss each other.

We have history.

What say you ditch your date
and we go back to my place

and test out those hog-tying skills.

Well, with all due respect, ma'am, uh,

I think I'm gonna leave
with the lady I came in with.

My wife's got me bit like a rattlesnake.

He called Deirdre his wife.

What the what?

Deirdre's your wife?

Uh, well, uh, if we're
splitting hairs about it,

she's my ex-wife.

Uh, the name is Re-Pete.

That's a nickname that Didi gave me

on account of my name's Pete

and she married me twice.

So I get dismissed
after one disagreement,

but this guy gets to marry you twice?

It's complicated.

It's simple. See,

she, uh, takes a shine to me

when we win these dance competitions.

We've won twice

and she married twice.

She's the one that got away.

Twice.

I reckon you're a little sweet
on my lady friend, friend.

Well, I reckon you need to get
back to your cow patch, cowboy!

Oh, I'm not going anywhere.

In fact, you might want to
start calling me Three-Pete,

'cause, uh, we're gonna
win that dance competition

and Didi will be mine again.

Again.

We need to enter this dance-off.

We need to win!

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Fern? Hey, um,

you know Anthony, the accountant?

His office just looks like a...

big stack of boxes from the outside?

You know...

"What's the action item"

Oh, yeah.

"You just cost this company $1.50."

Yeah, that guy.

Well, I think he's...

Oh, is that one of the therapy animals?

No,

Best Pals rescue.

Baxter.

He was rescued from a
hurricane in Vanuatu.

Like Rosie.

Baxter.

Paid out to Rosie Baxter and Associates.

_

_

_

_

_

It's you.

You're embezzling from CyberHugs.

Fernburglar.

Evie, "embezzling"
is such a strong word.

Embezzling.

See?

You're not denying it.

Look, money talks.

When I first started, I couldn't
get anyone to listen to me.

Excuse me, ma'am, do
you have three minutes

to talk about black-footed ferrets?

They're dying every day!

But once I got some designer
clothes and a fresh blow-out,

people actually wanted to
hear what I have to say.

Presentation matters.

It's a superficial world.

You should know that.

What, me?

Being a "volleyball Barbie"

got you into a different social circle.

It's how the game is played.

Well, you're playing it illegally.

That's a bit reductive.
Last year, I brought in...

$200,000 in donations to Best Pals.

What I do for this charity is essential.

Think about how it will affect
the animals if you turn me in.

I'm not gonna turn you in.

Good.

I'm not gonna turn you in,

because you're gonna do the right thing.

And I'm gonna do the kind thing...

the friend thing... and give
you time to make it right.

Give the money back by tomorrow

or I go to Deirdre.

See, they all have some
sort of big Dirty Dancing

"wow" moment at the end.

I've never seen that movie.

Dirty Dancing?

- Mm.
- Are you dead?

Inside, yes.

And I like it that way.

My point is,

is that we need some sort of lift

or flourish to really
give the judges that "wow".

Ooh, ooh, see.

Like this.

We can probably pull that one off.

Oh, that reminds me, I think
Rohan's moved on to Stage 3.

- Come on.
- _

Oh, yes! Two more stages

and I can break the news to him.

Ooh, see. Ooh, ooh, look.

See that?

That's easy.

- We got this.
- We got that.

What?

That's... that's good!

Thank you again for hearing Xavier out.

Yeah, that's... that's

why I wanted to meet, actually.

So, my editor

wants to play a different angle

on the story.

What kind of angle?

Oh, you know, she really
wants to hit the whole...

unhinged conspiracy theorist angle.

"Unhinged"?

Stories sometimes shift.

But that's not a shift,

that's an attack.

You-you can't write it.

Well, I can't just abandon it.

I've got real momentum right now.

Oh, my God.

You want to write the story.

- What?
- Because you're jealous.

Seriously?

You really think I'm that petty?

Well, you can't wait
to smear my boyfriend.

Honestly, I couldn't
dig up enough on Xavier

to do that if I wanted to.

There's nothing out there on him.

How well do you really know the guy?

Well, how well do you know Fern?

What does she have to do with it?

Never mind.

No. Now you're being petty.

You know what, you want
to service your career

and hurt me in the process,

then I guess I just...

I don't know you as
well as I thought I did.

Well, if you want to
accuse me of being someone

that would do something
that would make me someone

who you didn't think I was,

you know, then maybe I don't
know you that well, either.

Huh?

N-Nothing.

I'm mad.

Good-bye.

I'm sorry. I...

I wanted to make it up to you

and I thought Timothy would help.

But he's just making it a hatchet job.

Well, that's all right.

Some people might read the article

and think I'm crazy, but...

other people might be
intrigued enough to investigate.

People can be very suggestible.

What?

"Suggestible."

I know how to get your message out.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

What are you looking at?

Stage 4.

Oh, gosh, Rohan.

Is that Peggy?

Yes.

_

I need a favor.

You've come to the right place.

I've been putting out fires everywhere.

Most recently, the one in Peggy's loins.

I need access to The Suggestibles.

I thought you'd never ask.

- Come, come.
- Okay.

Is this legal?

Well, they all clicked the little box

approving third party spamming,

so, yeah, it's... it's totally legal.

Sad face.

I e-mail blasted them all suggesting

they attend an
"inspirational event" today

that promises to

"change their lives."

Perfect. We'll bring the masses to us.

Okay. Get your

globes and kerosene.

Uh... no, I absolutely
won't be doing that.

What? Why not? People deserve the truth.

- You've always said that.
- Yeah, but look

what happened when I set
fire to a globe with Timothy.

The takeaway was
"unhinged conspiracy guy."

And look at you.

You didn't tell me
Tyra tossed my research,

because you liked that I was backing off

the whole "end is
nigh" talk, didn't you?

Yeah, it's, it's a lot to take.

And I get it, which is why

I'm not gonna tell a bunch of strangers

they're gonna be obliterated

by a fiery ball of iron and silicate.

'Cause this whole thing
isn't about doom and gloom.

It's about embracing life.

So, I'll tell them the truth.

I'm just gonna soften the
blow with two little words.

What if

I tried a reverse phone look-up?

Hey, Peanut, I need to ask
you something important.

Mm-hmm.

Theoretically...

if I had been dishonest,

but I made up for it
and did the right thing,

would you still want to be with me?

I-I'm sorry. I wasn't
listening. I was just

researching Evie's boyfriend.

It's a long story,

but it's taken a bit
of a disturbing turn.

You're probably never
gonna get over her, are you?

Yeah, it's really interesting.

'Cause I...

Academic journals.

Does he have a PhD?

What was his dissertation?

Academic records.

Hey, do you know if student
records are always sealed?

Fernie?

I can't believe I'm wearing fringe.

What even is my life right now?

- You think we're gonna win?
- No.

- Do you?
- Hell, yes!

Contestants 109 are up next.

Oh, I can't even taste
the vodka in this.

- Oh, let's go.
- Okay.

Yeah!

We got a nine!

Yes! We got a nine!

Yeah, yeah. It's out of 30.

- What?
- Okay, let's...

Contestants 137, you're up.

Oh.

Showtime!

Here comes the Three-Pete.

I'm done for.

Kareema, where you going?

Oh, damn!

Kareema, you made it even more romantic.

- I know. I'm sorry.
-
I'm calling

Thank you.

I don't even need to wait for our score.

With you by my side, I'm always winning.

Didi, you delicious
glass of sweet tea...

will you make me

the happiest man in the world

for the third time,

and re-marry me again?

I accept your proposition.

What if I told you the world was ending?

What if I said that an asteroid

was headed directly for
Earth in six months time?

What would you change about your lives?

I know it sounds like
a bizarre hypothetical,

but what if... what if it were true?

What if you gave yourself permission

to seize the day?

What might your life look like?

I would implore you to
embrace that "what if."

What are your wildest dreams?

What are your deepest fears that you...

that you wish you could overcome?

Be honest with yourself about what it is

that you would change about your life.

When you have your "what if,"

grab a piece of chalk and write it down.

You're making a promise to yourself

that you're gonna do it.

So go on, grab a piece of chalk.

What would you do

if you only had six months left?

There we go.

Well done, mate.

_

_

_

_

- "Tell my parents that I'm gay."
- "Punch someone in the face"

"Lick an hallucinogenic toad."

- I didn't see that one.
- No?

It was right there
in, like, orange caps.

Oh. You know, you were right

to soften the truth for those people,

but for us, from now on, let's just say

complete and brutal honesty

is our relationship policy.

Right. I agree.
Full-time honesty scones.

Okay, here goes, I cheated

on a second grade spelling test

and never told anyone about it.

Scandalous!

Well, what was the word?

- Irreconcilable.
- "Irreconcilable"?

Well, that's far too
hard for second grade.

But I appreciate you
sharing your shame with me.

Mm. What about you?

Any burning confessions to make?

What, you mean, apart
from my Gene Kelly fantasy?

Oh, oh, oh!

Whoa.

Where you headed?

Uh, to find Fernberger. Why?

- Ah, stage 5.
- Uh-huh.

I got Rohan a Zap Strap.

Grief process complete. I'm home-free.

I can come clean about
Sofia without crushing him.

I'm glad. For both of you.

- Yeah.
- Good luck.

Oh, hey, if you're heading
to Fernburger, will you get me

one of those doubles with
facon and vegan cheese?

No, it's a different...
different Fernberger.

Oh, and some radish fries.

Different Fernberger!

Evie, you were right.

What I did was wrong,

and I dressed it up as nobility.

If I were a stronger person,

maybe I could stay and make it right.

But the truth is, I'm not ready

to accept the
consequences of my actions,

and by the time you get this,

I will be halfway to
Uruguay to get back in touch

with what I love...
saving kittens from floods.

Best, Fern.

P.S. Enjoy the alpaca scarf.

Don't worry, I used my own money.

She really pulled the
wool over our eyes.

There are missing funds
that we cannot account for.

And there is an accountant
that we cannot account for.

He seems to have quit, too.

Oh, wow.

Yeah. Wow.

And without Fern's skilled
money-raising efforts,

the program may be in jeopardy.

You are now manning a sinking ship.

Good luck.

You lied to me.

Said you only had room
for work in your life.

So what's the truth?

You just don't have feelings for me?

We had powerful chemistry.

But during the strike,
you didn't stand by me,

and that hurt my...

my feelings more than I expected.

If I continued down a road with you

into emotional territory,

then it would be
exponentially more painful

if you rejected me.

So the possibility of rejection

made you reject me?

I exercise risk management
in all aspects of life.

I think that's the stupidest
thing you've ever said.

I appreciate your honesty, Hank.

I'm so sorry

about Fern.

Sounds like she wasn't

who we thought she was.

No.

And you deserve better.

So do you.

Uh, which is why

I wanted you to see this.

I won't publish this
without your consent.

What are you talking about?

I-I never intended to
make Xavier look crazy.

I went looking for his credentials

to legitimize him, but...

Uh, just read it.

He's not who he says he is.

His name isn't even Xavier Holliday.

_

Hamish Stegner.

Oh, my God.

Hey.

Who the hell are you?

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