All language subtitles for No Tomorrow s01e06 No Debts Remain Unpaid.eng

- I'm Xavier, with an "X".
- Your life is so much fun.

- Got to live life while I can.
- What does that mean?

Humankind only has eight months
and 12 days left on Earth.

- You're serious.
- Yeah, the apocalypse is, um, nigh.

This is my apocalyst.

This is every last thing I want to do

before things go kaput.

- (Whooping)
- (Cheering)

(Screaming)

You in?

Previously on No Tomorrow...

How about number three, talk to Dad?

No. Okay, not ready for that one.

Yet.

Ten grand cash on delivery.

Dude, I don't have that;
put my life on plastic.

EVIE: Francis "Fern" Fernberger.

Cute.

I broke up with my Internet girlfriend.

May I have this dance?

(Cash register beeps and whirs)

That'll be $245.

Look what I found.

XAVIER: Oh, my God, it's hideous.

I know.

We'll take it.

(Cash register beeping)

(Whooping)

(Laughing)

Come on. Yeah.

- Ow, my arm.
- Oh, okay.

(Grunts)

- (Whooping)
- _

She hit and a miss.

(Laughing)

= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
... www.addic7ed.com ...

GLORIA: Here are your old yearbooks,

and there's a couple more
boxes for you in the car.

So are you guys like spring
cleaning in the fall, or...?

Well, we're renting out our house

- for a few months.
- Really? Why?

Oh, we're just being

proactive about finances.

Just at least until your
dad's acting career takes off.

Big audition tomorrow, check it out.

From the boardroom to the bathroom,

I'm the kind of man who
likes things to go smoothly.

FloMaFill.

For the man with high
standards and low flow.

- GLORIA: It's really good.
- Yeah.

Wait, where are you guys

gonna live when you're
renting out your house?

Oh, well, we found a nice
little artist's studio

near Pioneer Square.

Pioneer Square?

Near the blood bank
and the adult bookstore?

It'll be an adventure.

It'll be like... like our
first New Year's together.

Remember?

How we got snowed in at
your Uncle Eddie's cabin?

All we had to eat were
baked beans and hot dog buns.

EVIE: Wow.

That sounds...

Awful. I mean, their new place

is an eighth-floor walk-up.

It has a Murphy bed.

Oh, cool.

- Not cool.
- Oh, okay. Not cool.

It's still pretty cool.

Should I just let them stay with me?

I mean, I probably should, right?

- I have "repay Mom and Dad" on my list.
- _

You know, they raised
me, they helped me pay

for college; I owe them something.

Whoa! What the fig?!

What... Whoa! What are you doing?

Well, I was burning a letter.

- Why?
- Because I have

no intention of ever reading it.

It's from my father.

But... "talk to Dad" is on your list.

So is crash-land on a tropical island,

and survive on nothing
but guile and wit,

but some things are
more likely than others.

Don't destroy it; I mean,
you might change your mind.

It's an unwanted intrusion.

To be honest, I don't even know

how he got my P.O. box number.

(Laughing): Well, now
you sound paranoid.

Oh, my God, that remind me,
I'm late for lunch with Hank.

Well, you two have gotten tight.

Could we get a couple of coffees?

A double-double and an espresso, please?

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

- Sorry.
- So, uh...

how are things with Deirdre?

- Something's brewing.
- Is it?

Though, technically, that
brew could get us both fired.

Well, I'm sure it's nothing
you can't work around.

There it is again.

Hank, have you noticed

there's a black van with
two guys in it over there?

- Where?
- Dude, right over...

D-don't point, don't point.

J-just-just describe the van to me.

Um, just a black van
with tinted windows.

Shh! They could be reading your lips.

Talk without moving
them, talk like this.

It's, uh, it's a black
van with tinted windows.

Okay, black man with
scented Mentos. Got it.

There's... No. That's not what I...

How did you get that from what I was...

That's exactly what you just said.

- You said...
- I said...

there's a black van with tinted windows,

and there are two guys staring

at the back of your head.

What kind of plates?

There are no plates.

- No plates?
- No.

- Oh, man. They found me.
- Who?

- Government goons.
- What?

They've been following my
Jade Helm chat room activity.

Oh, thanks.

Thank you.

(Shouting): I have to go
to the public restroom.

I'm gonna sneak out through the bushes.

Let me know if they tail me.

All right, yeah. Your
credit card was declined.

Oh.

Uh, sorry... here.

- Uh, keep the... change.
- Thanks.

(Keypad clicking)

_

EVIE: This is so exciting.

Yeah. It's just like old times.

Okay, yeah.

Bye. Bye, bye.

Why do you look so happy?

Because my parents
are moving in with me.

Wow. That is sad on so many levels:

That it's happening, that
you're excited about it.

Okay. Just the two levels.

Look, speaking of dreaded family time,

I need you to come with me to dinner

tomorrow night at my mom's.

My brother's trotting
out his new fianc?e.

Aw! You've never introduced me

to your family before.

This is so special.

We're going to the next rung

on the friendship ladder.

Okay. Now what I need for you to do,

is find a way to take all those words,

and put them back in your mouth,
because I find them nauseating.

(Talking backwards)

Okay, that was worse.

Look, I'm not inviting you

as some sort of
friendship-deepening gesture.

I just need backup to get through

the excruciating ritual of meeting

one of Rohan's basic bitches.

The last one was a professional shopper

with a Maltipoo named Chanel.

Maltipoo's are the cutest.

Like little puffy clouds with faces.

HANK: Just wanted to remind you

of your 3:00 conference call, and, uh,

can you sign these papers for me?

You want me to transfer
you to a new desk.

I feel I've reached my maximum potential

as your assistant, and
I'd like to move on.

If you're planning on suing
me for sexual harassment,

you should know this
is not my first rodeo.

You're messing with
the wrong cowgirl, Hank.

- I could...
- No, no, no, no. I figured that

if I was at another
desk, you and I could...

develop a different
dynamic in our relationship.

And when would you care

to commence this new chapter?

I thought...

dinner tomorrow night.

I can't wait to experience

our combustible chemistry
outside the office.

(Laughing and muttering)

(Squeaks)

Thanks, again for your generosity.

We promise to pitch
in and not be a bother.

Yep, that's right. In
fact, you know what?

I'm gonna make dinner tonight.

I hope you gals like ramen.

I got ten packets for ten bucks.

Keepin' it thrifty.

Oh, Mom, let me help.

- Oh!
- (Gasps)

Oh, dang it.

(Gasping): Oh, no.

(Crying): My aromatherapy diffuser.

Mom, that's okay.

You can get those at Chatchke Palace

for, like, ten dollars.

(Crying)

It's not the diffusor.

It's just this whole situation.

I mean, your dad made this
huge decision to quit his job,

without even consulting me.

And now everything just feels so shaky.

- Have you told Dad how you feel?
- No.

I can't. His aura is burning brighter

than it has in years.

It's yellow, Evie; yellow.

Wow.

But, Mom, if this is
causing you stress, then...

I just need to breathe through it.

I need you to promise

not to say anything to your dad.

(Thunder rumbling)

(Laughing)

(Panting)

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Hank. Hank, I need your help.

They're not following
you, they're following me.

Now, if my suspicions are correct,

and the government is
trying to silence me

- because my theory is right...
- Yeah.

how do I avoid surveillance?

First, ditch the smartphone;
flip phones only.

Put tape over the
camera in your computer.

Black out your windows.

You should be writing this down.

But then burn it.

Can you just come to
my house and help me?

No can do; got my own
big thing to prep for.

First date with Deirdre on the books.

As someone who recently
had an incredible first date

with a dynamo named
Francis, here's my advice.

Find out what she's into,

and then also be into it.

Francis loves deep tissue massage.

I mean, she loves it. She's like, blah.

So I have been working
on my thumb strength.

Whoa! Can I just, like...

No.

I need to know what her thing is.

It's probably something freaky like...

like puppetry or... or poison oak...

or cling wrap.

Hmm. M-Maybe, um, maybe her thing

is-is-is the same as your thing.

She did say once

- that she likes noises.
- There you go.

I just need to figure out which ones.

No, my mom is the real actor.

She keeps pretending everything's fine.

So just tell your dad what's up.

I can't. I promised I
wouldn't say anything.

She doesn't want to seem unsupportive.

So she suffers in
silence for months on end

only to pull a carving knife on
him one day at the family picnic?

(Whispers): I saw it in an
episode of SNAPPED.

He bled out.

Yeah.

Okay. So...

Well, they definitely need
to start communicating,

and I feel like that's
how I can repay them

for everything that they've done for me.

_

Wow, that sounds so beautiful.

What did she say?

Uh, she asked how spicy
you like your chole.

Oh. Regular.

AMITA: I'm very happy to meet,

uh, Kareema's best work friend.

(Laughs)

Hank is an unusual name for a girl.

KAREEMA: Oh, no.

Hank couldn't make it,
so I invited Evie instead.

Well, I am so happy to be here.

I didn't even know
Kareema had a brother.

We want to make him and his fianc?e

feel most welcome tonight.

- Ugh.
- So Kareema's going to be nice.

- I'm always nice.
- Hm.

Sometimes always nice.

Ah!

- Fine, never.
- ROHAN: Hello? Hey.

- Rohan.
- Mom!

Hi!

Reems!

(Grunts)

Put me down.

Hi! I'm Evie.

I'm-I'm Kareema's

- Nice to meet you.
- second best work friend.

Uh, everybody,

this... is Sofia.

Hello.

- Hello.
- I am so sorry we're a little late.

- Oh...
- I was on the phone with my mom.

She's redoing her kitchen, and I had

to talk her out of stenciling
some clich? on the wall.

Fatal, right?

So fatal.

- Let me take you upstairs.
- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah.
- Show you your rooms. Excuse me.

Okay? This way. Careful.

This way.

DEIRDRE: This is interesting.

I'm not very familiar with
Pennsylvania Dutch cuisine.

Best hog maw in all of Seattle.

Mmm!

It's delightfully gamey.

Yeah.

(Whirring tone)

That, uh, sound is deeply irritating.

- Sorry.
- Hm.

(Moaning, crunching)

What are you doing?

(With mouth full): Um... just...

chewing.

In my ear?

Did you know...

that people who are sexually aroused

by the sound of balloons
popping call themselves...

"looners"?

Balloons are for children
and the terminally ill.

Sure, yeah.

These are from my trip to Cameroon.

Oh, so beautiful.

I was bitten by at least
60 different types of bugs.

But it was totally worth it.

AMITA: You two make

a wonderful couple.

Um, I was thinking

of checking out this band, Telekinesis.

I heard they're pretty badass.
Maybe they could play

- at the wedding.
- Yeah.

I-I love them.

I actually know the
bassist's, um, boyfriend

and girlfriend, if you want
me to get you guys tickets...

Well, thank you.

You're so nice.

I'm really not, usually.

(Laughing)

But I am.

Scarlet Lotus Spa?

You two need to be pampered.

You've been living in a tent.

I'm not crazy about
strangers touching me, Mom.

Whereas it's the foundation
of my social life.

ROHAN: Actually, why
don't the two of you go?

It'll give you a chance to bond.

But we've already
bonded. Right, Kareema?

Yeah. I mean, I already like
her more than I like you,

- so...
- EVIE: See?

She's not that nice.

(Laughter)

You're so funny.

(Laughing)

(Knocking)

You know what?

I'm not gonna run from you
anymore. So you found me.

You can silence me,
but you can't silence

all the people I've told... I've
spread my theory far and wide.

I have absolutely no idea what
you're talking about.

Yeah, well, of course you'd say
that, wouldn't you?

Wait a minute.

You're not with my
father somehow, are you?

We're repo agents, sent by
Banston Collection Agency.

You're not an easy man
to find, Mr. Holliday.

Since you use a P.O.
box, we had to tail you.

And now we're gonna repossess
your belongings.

Hey. Hey, you can't come in here.

- He can't come in here.
- You owe us

$93,000, Mr. Holliday.

Your credit cards have been frozen.

We're taking everything.

Sofia's not the only
one bitten by a bug.

Huh? What do you mean?

Kareema... you like her.

- What are you talking about?
- You're joking around,

you're genuinely interested
in what she's saying.

You're glowing.

(Whispers): Shut up.

I can't thank you enough.

- That meal was incredible.
- Oh.

My mom did most of the cooking, so...

Oh, your tag is out.

(Exhales): Oh, th-thanks.

Sure.

Told ya.

(Exhales): This is bad.

(Hammering)

(Hammering continues)

Uh, hey, you guys.

(Hammering)

I found some spare lumber
underneath the house.

Say hello to your new coffee table.

Or-or wine rack. I don't know yet.

I... I have some D.I.Y. videos to watch.

Yep, yep, yep, yep. And, uh...

guess how much it costs?

Bupkus!

It's called boho chic.

Or... hobo chic.

I forget, but... it's gonna be chic.

- (Hammering resumes)
- EVIE: How about you, Mom?

How are you feeling?

Like I need to find a
new meditation space.

Do you mind if I use
your bedroom, sweetheart?

Well, so you guys don't
want to just, you know, chat?

Talk about how we're
all doing generally?

GARY AND GLORIA: Too busy, honey.

XAVIER: This is not how
it was supposed to go.

You maxed out 15 credit cards
and let them go to collections.

- How'd you think that would go?
- I thought I'd keep living my life

exactly as I pleased for
the next seven months,

and then a giant flaming rock
would come and kill us all,

and my credit score would
be the least of my concern.

Avoidance, man... it's the Xavier way.

What's that supposed to mean?

Didn't you say you haven't
talked to your dad in a decade?

And this credit card thing?

Let me guess... you're not
gonna tell Evie about it.

No. But not 'cause I'm avoiding it,

because I don't want her to worry.

Look, I want to be a
force for good in her life.

I don't want to drag her
down with my problems.

(Sighs heavily)

I'm gonna have to sort
this out on my own.

Great. So what's your plan?

(Sighs)

I'm gonna liquidate my remaining assets.

Hello, mate. Um, what's
your return policy?

Refunds issued within
30 days of purchase

with a valid receipt.

(Sighs): Fantastic.

That's, um...

(Clears throat)

The items must be intact.

Well, I just asked you to
state your return policy,

and you didn't mention anything

about the intactness of the items.

It's implied. (Sighs)

I can give you $12 back for
the retro vintage mason jar mug.

- Okay.
- It'll go back

to the credit card used
for the original purchase.

Well, uh... hang on.

Uh, scratch that. I
think I'll keep it, then.

Okay. Cheers, mate. Thank you.

_

Anything in there about
how to extinguish a spark?

I'm trying to figure out

how to help my parents
communicate better.

- I'm worried about them.
- Worry about me.

- (Groans)
- I can't sleep, I can't eat...

except for sour cream
and onion potato chips...

and the blood rushes through my ears

every time I think about Sofia.

You know, I think you're in love.

I can't be in love.

She's my future sister-in-law.

Well, true, that part is suboptimal,

but it's exciting that
you're really into someone.

- Your heart works!
- Okay, I've been into plenty of people.

Sometimes two or three at a time.

Oh, I'm not talking about sex.

I know love hasn't
historically been your thing,

but isn't it an exciting feeling?

You know, even if you can't act
on it in this particular case.

Just tell me how to get
rid of these feelings, ASAP.

Hey.

Aversion therapy.

When I was 12,

I had a huge crush on Mason Deering.

But he was my best friend's boyfriend.

- Nonstarter, right?
- Mm-hmm.

No! No.

So every time I thought of Mason,

I would make myself smell
something really gross.

This brand... is really pungent.

It smells like hot dog water.

Pretty soon I started to associate
Mason with things that repulse me.

As crazy as it sounds,

the crush eventually faded away.

(Doorbell rings)

Hi. I thought you were

spending the evening with your parents.

Oh, I was going to,
but I needed a break.

And I figured we could just...

- curl up on your couch, and...
- Uh-huh.

Wh-Where is your couch?

And... all of your furniture?

Um...

I'm trying a new, uh...

minimalist thing at the moment.

You know? Like... simpler is better.

Yeah, well, it... certainly
is simple in here now.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I just, um...

feel like I can breathe again.

Aren't you worried you'll be...

Unencumbered? Freed from
the tyranny of materialism?

I was going to say

- "bored."
- Absolutely no chance of that.

Let me prove it to you.

-
Stomp clap, stomp clap

(Clink)

Okay. Um,

- a movie.
- (Grunting)

Uh... Okay. You're, uh...

you're in a tunnel, you're
digging, you're, uh, uh...

- (Blowing)
- Someone's blowing at you.

Very hot. You're flying.

- You're having a fit. Um...
- (Whimpers, laughs)

You're going really fast.

- Boxing! Rocky!
- (Shouting)

You're speeding!

Oh, Speed!

Um, Speed 2: Cruise Control,

with the guy who isn't Keanu Reeves!

- Yes! Yes!
- Oh, yes!

- Mwah.
- Oh!

- My God.
- You were right.

We don't need a bunch
of stuff to have fun.

And call me tipsy, but I
think we're getting better

at charades with each glass of wine.

We're like this.

(Gasps)

- Maybe that's what my parents need.
- Charades?

- Wine.
- Oh.

On a boat. Like Speed 2.

I'm gonna get them tickets
for a sunset wine cruise.

That's a really good idea.

When my mom has a
couple of drinks in her,

she does not hold back her feelings.

- I got to get tickets.
- It's the middle of the night.

- Right. Tomorrow.
- Right. Tomorrow.

- Gonna get tickets tomorrow.
- Okay.

For a sunset wine cruise. Four hours,

sailing around the Sound.

You know, the beauty
and romance and alcohol

will open those communication
channels right up.

(Thunder rumbling)

(Pirate voice): Welcome,
welcome, welcome.

Are you ready for your harbor cruise?

There must be some kind of mistake.

We actually booked tickets
for the sunset wine cruise.

(Regular voice): Oh. Yeah.

Sorry. We accidentally double-booked it.

All that's left is the pirate cruise.

(Pirate voice): What
do you mateys think?

Want to walk the plank?

- Um...
- Yeah?

- Yeah, come on, let's go.
- (Cackles)

- (Evie and Gary chuckle)
- CAPTAIN: M'ladies.

Four more Hold Onto Your Booty
rum cocktails for ya scalawags.

So, when do we set sail?

Alas, our vessel is a
landlubber forevermore.

- She's not seaworthy, I'm afraid.
- So we're...

staying here?

Aye. We are.

Wow.

His commitment to his
character's outstanding.

EVIE: So, is there anything

you guys want to talk
about? Specifically you, Mom.

Well, I'd love to talk
about getting another one

- of these delicious booty-drinks.
- Sure thing.

(Chuckles)

Do you mind going and
getting us another round

while I, uh,

- handle this?
- Yeah, sure.

Thank you. (Chuckles)

Mmm.

- EVIE: They're good. Mm-hmm.
- GARY: Yeah, very good.

What are ya doin'?

Pillaging?

Why don't we start with a
seaweed salad for the table.

And then I would love a Scurvy Sandwich.

And a... a Treasure Chest
Chicken Breast for her.

Thank you.

What do you know,

he's making a decision for
me without asking first.

M...

- Nobody asks Gloria what Gloria wants.
- M...

- They just order for Gloria.
- XAVIER: Evie,

we might have a bit of a problem.

- No kidding.
- What if I want

to order for myself,
huh? What if I don't want

Treasure Breasts Chicken... Chest?

What if I dance on this bench, huh?!

- (Chuckles)
- Or walk on

the plank. Ooh.

- No.
- What are you gonna do?

You think you're gonna decide for me

whether or not I walk on the plank?

- 'Cause I'm gonna decide, for once,
- Be careful.

and I'm gonna...

- (Shouts)
- (Shouting)

Gloria! Gloria!

(Sputtering)

I'm so sorry.

I thought this would
be good for you guys.

Oh, sweetie. It's not
your fault that your father

constantly makes unilateral
decisions on behalf

of both of us. It's just his way.

And it's also not your fault
that your mother got drunk

and ruined an otherwise

perfectly civilized
stationary pirate cruise.

Cherish these early days
of your relationship, honey.

'Cause it's never quite like that again.

So, since it looks like we
overbooked our treatment rooms,

the couples massage room
is all that's available.

- Oh...
- Well, we don't mind that at all.

- Right, Kareema?
- Sure. Sure. Why not?

No reason why not.

Great. Your therapists
will be in momentarily.

(Moaning)

(Inhales)

(Shutter clicking)

- Smells like T-Spirit!
- (Shouts)

- I thought you were in the bathroom.
- I was in the bathroom.

Then I come back to find you
making duck lip at your phone.

- I wasn't making duck lip.
- You were making duck lip.

- I don't even know what that is.
- That was all duck lip.

And duck lip is no way
to get a second date.

Well, I've already had the second date.

Oh.

And it was even better than the first.

I haven't felt this kind
of a connection since...

- well, you know.
- Yeah, yeah.

I really think that this could
be the beginning of something...

not awful.

Well, I'm happy for you, man.

I'm glad you're more
optimistic than I am.

What, things didn't go
so well with Deirdre?

- She didn't like any of my noises.
- What?

Afterward, I did something
I shouldn't have done.

I Googled her. I Googled her hard.

Okay, what'd you find?

- Want to know what I found?
- Yeah.

D.D. Montana. Her pen name.

Take My Dictation.

A self-published
erotic business thriller

in which Harvard MBA and former
underwear model Sebastian Stone

helps his tough yet sexy

female boss Ariella Strong execute

a hostile yet sexy takeover of
a billion-dollar corporation.

"Ariella's firm,
grapefruit-like bosoms quivered

"as Sebastian's thick
fingers slowly unscrewed

"the white corrective fluid
and began to drip it all over

- her..." Oh, wow.
- Yeah.

She made, like, a dozen of them.

Now you know what her thing is.

You know what to do.

I do?

Oh, yeah.

Oh...

I was thinking of doing a
portrait series in a sauna.

- Oh, that's...
- When people look their most

relaxed and beautiful.

Just like you are, right now.

(Sighs) Wouldn't the lens
get all steamed up, though?

So that's probably...

I like it steamy.

- Oh.
- Don't you?

(Exhales)

I'm actually getting a little dizzy.

I-I should get away...
I... get some air.

I mean, I really just...

- I need to tell you something.
- Please don't.

- We're not in love.
- I know we're not in love.

- You're marrying my brother.
- No, me and Rohan.

We met in Caracas. We
became good friends.

He's helping me come to this country

to continue my work.

It's a green card marriage.

So you're not into my brother?

No.

I'm into you.

(Clinking)

What's this?

- A collection agency?
- (Sighs)

I didn't give my stuff away.

Some very rude men came and took it.

Your stuff got repossessed?

Yeah. I'm in debt.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I didn't want to burden you.

You know? You're dealing with enough.

I'm dealing with the
fact that my parents

don't talk to one another.

Please, let's not be like my parents.

Can we not make a thing
out of this right now?

But it is a thing. It's multiple things.

You're not being up-front
about your financial situation.

And you still haven't told
me anything about your father.

Because these are hard things
to talk about, Evie, you know?

They're... complicated
and they're painful.

That's the point.

If I've learned one thing
from this week with my parents,

it's that there are peaks and valleys.

The one constant has
to be that we're a team

and that we face it all together.

Let's deal with this, okay,

one piece at a time.

Okay.

Okay. Well, um,

my financial situation
is pretty dire right now.

My credit's shot.

I'm probably gonna have to
find a new place to live.

Wow.

That... is a valley.

(Sighs) Look, I'm sorry
I didn't tell you, okay?

I'm just...

I didn't want the bloom
to come off the rose.

Okay.

Um, look, we will

figure out your financial situation.

I'm great with spreadsheets.

And in the meantime...

you just helped me figure out

how to actually repay my parents.

You again.

Hello.

You guys wouldn't happen to
have any New Year's decorations,

would you?

It's the middle of October.

Of course we do.

Great.

Aisle four.

Okay.

Shh!

They could be listening.

What are you doing?

The DornaTech merger
has hit a roadblock.

I suspect corporate espionage.

Where did you hear the name "DornaTech"?

Don't worry, Ariella.

I've brought the white corrective fluid.

That was my secret creative outlet.

How did you know about that?

I found it online?

You need to go!

I'm sorry. I...

I just wanted to make you
feel like how you make me feel,

you know, with my ear.

I thought I could be
your Sebastian Stone.

I feel like an idiot.

(Indistinct male voice on TV)

- Thanks, Mom.
- Mm-hmm.

Nice having you home, bro.

- Mom never cooks this much for me!
- (Laughs)

(Quietly): Uh, I can't believe

you didn't tell me it
was a green-card marriage.

Oh, man. Sofia was not
supposed to tell you that.

We, uh, bonded at the spa.

Yeah, well, the fewer people that know,

the less chance we
have of getting caught.

I won't say anything, I promise.

Yeah, you better not.

If she gets deported, I'll
honestly be devastated.

Wow. You're a really good friend to her.

It's not just that.

I'm in love with her.

Um... does Sofia know how you feel?

No.

When I first agreed to the marriage,

we were just friends, and...

then my feelings... evolved.

And it wouldn't be fair to tell her now.

She really needs that green card.

We're just gonna get married,

and maybe in time, the right...

the right moment will present itself.

Yeah.

I do not know what I'm doing.

(Laughs)

I've just never felt this way before.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think I do.

Yeah...

(Sighs) So what are we doing here?

Just go on into the living room,
and you will find out, okay?

- Go, go, go!
- (Gloria gasps)

- (Door closes)
- Oh.

Holy time warp.

("Auld Lang Syne" playing)

- Wow! Look at this!
- Ah!

It's just like our first
New Year's together!

(Laughs) Baked beans and hot dog buns.

Look... we're even snowed in.

GLORIA: Do you remember how we got

out of there?

(Chuckles) Yeah.

I boosted you through
the bathroom window.

- Yeah.
- And you shoveled out the front door.

I was so tired, you had to pull
me on that saucer sled, like,

- a mile and a half back to town.
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh! I mean, back then,
we didn't have anything,

but we didn't need anything.

I miss being a team with you.

Me, too.

(Sighs)

I'm sorry that

I didn't talk to you
before quitting my job.

I don't want to stifle your dream,

but I need to know that
we're in this together.

We are.

GLORIA: We're going

to say good night now.

GARY: Yeah, we, um...

We have a lot of communicating to do.

(Laughs)

Please don't pop the air mattress.

- Can't make any promises.
- Oh.

Ew.

Evie.

Thank you.

- Oh.
- _

It is so lovely, watching
you and your family together.

It's a rare thing.

What do you mean?

You're so close,

and you take care of each other.

I wish I had that.

Well, maybe you could.

You know, it's your choice.

(Sighs)

I'll think about it.

You're so quiet, Hank. Tell us a joke.

What did the hat say to the necktie?

(High-pitched squeal over P.A.)

DEIRDRE: Sebastian Stone.

Sebastian Stone, please
report to the janitor's closet.

Where are you going?
You never finished your joke.

Oh, yeah, because I forgot
the punch line, and I got

to go get it from my desk,
'cause I-I have it on my desk.

I'm gonna go get it.

- (Sighs) We kissed.
- Who kissed?

I tried to talk to
my brother about it...

- You kissed your brother?!
- No. I kissed Sofia.

Who's only marrying my
brother for a green card.

But before I could
tell Rohan I like her,

he told me he actually loves her.

- Whoa.
- (Sighs)

I almost wish you had
kissed your brother.

- That would have been easier to solve.
- I know!

(Sighs)

(Sniffs deeply)

(Sighs) Oh! These
don't work, by the way!

They get you high,
but they don't... work.

This is why I don't do feelings.

Because the feeling you
feel when you can't be

with the one you want is worse

than not feeling the
feeling in the first place.

Look, I promise you
will feel these feelings

- for someone else someday.
- (Sighs)

And it won't come with all this baggage.

But until then, maybe
you should limit your time

with Sofia as much as possible.

Otherwise, it'll just be torture.

Oh, you're right.

I hate that you're right,

but I know you're right.

(Sputters)

(Phone chimes)

_

_

(Phone whooshes)

(Laughing)

(Both panting)

- (Phone rings, playing tune)
- Oh.

T-Jay Max, what's up?!

TIMOTHY: Oh, just killing
time before date number three.

Damn! You're on a roll!

You sound out of breath.
Have you been exercising?

Yup. Lot of reps.

Oh, uh, Fern is here.

I-I... I got to go.

Wait. Your TrueSoulMate's name is Fern?

Uh, her real name's Francis,

but everyone calls her Fern.

Okay? Later, skater.

Fernberger!

- Hey.
- Hi.

So my dad got a part-time job to
tide him over between auditions.

You'll never guess where.

I am Handsome Jack.

And I am Wench Wendy Greybeard.

Few men have seen her grey
beard and lived to tell the tale.

Oh, my God.

I decided I'm gonna suck
it up and get a job, too.

- Though not that one.
- (Laughs)

That's great. What's that?

Uh, that is eighth grade science fair.

Won first place.

My dad helped me

build this volcano
with, um, you know, like,

ammonium dichromate
so it actually sparked.

He had his moments.

Sounds like it.

He also drank a fair bit
and was hardly around.

And when my mom died,

things got pretty dark.

I just realized if I was gonna survive,

I needed to break free
of him, so... I did.

And you haven't been
in touch with him since?

No. No, I can't be.

Last time I spoke to him,

sent me into a downward
spiral for, like, six months.

I've only got seven months left to live.

I can't risk it.

Well, you're also risking never
having closure and catharsis.

And this time, you won't spiral.

You've got me.

XAVIER: "Hello, son.

"I won't mince words.

"I wanted you to know I'm not
the same man I used to be.

"I suspect you're not, either.

"And I have much to share with you.

"Likewise, I wonder what
you might say to me,

"given the chance, and how well
I might be able to hear it.

"I'd like to find out.

Until then..."

You okay?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Yup.

Are you gonna write him back?

(Sighs)

One step at a time.

Okay.

Yeah, it's just, um...
it's a process, you know?

I'm proud of you.

And I have a little something for you.

Just come with me.

(Birds singing)

What are these?

My dad made these for us.

Oh, my God. He shouldn't have.

It's-it's actually pretty...

- Oh!
- Oh!

(Both laughing)

Do you know what? It was
still really nice of him.

I wish you could have
seen your f...

(Yelps)

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