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[energetic brass music]
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00:00:02,506 --> 00:00:06,978
3
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Are skinny jeans still a thing?
4
00:00:08,645 --> 00:00:10,480
All right, before we
even talk about jeans,
5
00:00:10,514 --> 00:00:12,186
we need to talk about cat sweaters.
6
00:00:12,211 --> 00:00:13,363
Uh-huh?
7
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No.
8
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Oh.
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00:00:17,754 --> 00:00:19,857
Christmas has come early.
10
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We have the best show tonight.
11
00:00:21,892 --> 00:00:23,861
Jason Biggs is back with us.
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00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:27,664
And Jason, as you know, is
kind of a homegrown talent here.
13
00:00:27,697 --> 00:00:29,767
He popped his late-night
talk show cherry
14
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,434
right here on our show.
15
00:00:31,468 --> 00:00:33,004
So it's really exciting
he's coming back.
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He's so hot.
17
00:00:34,638 --> 00:00:35,940
Honey, back when I was with men,
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Jason Biggs was totally my type.
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My wife agrees, we'd make a cute couple.
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Okay, let's keep it in your thong.
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00:00:42,286 --> 00:00:44,648
Anyway, Jason Biggs couldn't be nicer.
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He is, by all means, the
sweetest guy in Hollywood.
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We also have Beth Stern and her kittens
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and comedienne, Keisha Zollar.
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Beth's doing some incredible work with
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00:00:54,408 --> 00:00:55,660
the North Shore Animal League
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and she brought some
kittens for adoption.
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Baba Booey!
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Okay, we're not gonna do that,
and I'm gonna tell you why.
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00:01:01,731 --> 00:01:04,834
Because she is not here
as Howard Stern's wife,
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she is here as an animal
rescuer and crusader.
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- Fafa Phooey.
- Okay, now I'm serious.
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- Hey now!
- Okay, stop it.
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Enough. Enough, enough, enough!
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You know, back when I was with
men, Howard was totally my type.
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00:01:19,434 --> 00:01:21,939
I mean, my wife agrees that
we'd make a cute couple.
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00:01:21,964 --> 00:01:23,321
You know, for a guy with a wife,
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you sure do talk about
making love to men a lot.
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[Male announcer]: From studio 9-B
in the heart of New York City,
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it's "Nightcap with Jimmy."
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Tonight professional
pie-hopper, Jason Biggs.
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The world's hottest
cat-lover, Beth Stern.
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She's not a fortune teller.
44
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She's comedienne Keisha Zollar.
45
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And now, the man who's
number five in the ratings
46
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but number one in our hearts.
47
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Here's Jimmy.
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-- Synced and corrected by DaddyBear --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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Mr. Biggs, welcome to "Nightcap."
50
00:02:00,022 --> 00:02:02,747
We're so excited to have
you on the show today.
51
00:02:02,772 --> 00:02:04,016
Well, I'm happy to be here.
52
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:05,629
I've always wanted to
come on "Nightcap."
53
00:02:05,661 --> 00:02:08,782
Oh, wait, you've been
on the show before.
54
00:02:08,811 --> 00:02:10,144
- Have I?
- Have you?
55
00:02:10,169 --> 00:02:11,263
Have I?
56
00:02:11,288 --> 00:02:12,786
- You have?
- I can't recall.
57
00:02:12,811 --> 00:02:13,998
I mean, I may have,
58
00:02:14,023 --> 00:02:18,189
but there's no photo of me
commemorating that, so...
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00:02:18,214 --> 00:02:20,544
Oh, wait, no. Isn't there
that great photo of you
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in the lobby with all
the other past guests?
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Like, I've definitely seen that before.
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00:02:24,774 --> 00:02:27,266
Yeah, me too. I have seen it before.
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But not today, because
today when I came in
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this photo was hanging where
my photo used to hang.
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00:02:33,630 --> 00:02:35,793
Oh, I love Jon Bon Jovi.
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00:02:35,826 --> 00:02:38,462
Yeah, obviously you love
him more than you love me.
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Oh, my God. No. I love you both equally.
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Listen, that photo of me better be back
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hanging up by the end of the day
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or Jason Biggs is gonna come down hard
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on "Nightcap."
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[stammers]
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[lively trumpet music]
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[thumping]
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[thumping]
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[laughs]
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Whoo!
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00:03:16,354 --> 00:03:17,734
- Hey.
- Hey.
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What are you doing?
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I'm bagging.
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I can see that.
What are you doing in here?
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Oh, I'm speed bagging.
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00:03:25,608 --> 00:03:26,876
Todd, what room is this?
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- It's the greenroom, but...
- Yeah.
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- It's white and blue.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:03:29,947 --> 00:03:31,081
And what happens in the greenroom?
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The guests eat candy.
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Why would I want a punching bag
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in the middle of the greenroom space?
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I got an answer for you.
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Yeah, this was upstairs
and Jimmy was like,
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"It's really annoying,
so bring it downstairs."
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00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:47,931
So Jimmy told me to bring it downstairs.
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- Okay, look, I get it.
- Uh-huh.
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I get that you didn't get into college
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so you couldn't get into a fraternity
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where you date blow-up
dolls and you hit balls,
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00:03:54,704 --> 00:03:55,805
Yeah, I still did all that.
99
00:03:55,839 --> 00:03:57,111
- I get it.
- Uh-huh.
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00:03:57,136 --> 00:04:00,251
But you are not taking over
my professional space.
101
00:04:00,276 --> 00:04:02,004
Okay, yeah. No, I'm sorry.
102
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Yeah, I'll... I'll... I'll
get this outta here.
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00:04:03,846 --> 00:04:05,837
But it does feel good. You
wanna give it a punch?
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I don't need to give it
a punch. I play tennis.
105
00:04:07,884 --> 00:04:09,642
Oh, no. You need to give this a punch.
106
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:12,414
No, you're not hitting balls
here, you're hitting a bag.
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Everyone says you're all tightly wound.
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I'm not tightly wound.
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You're tightly wound right now.
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I am not tightly wound.
111
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- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.
112
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- Everyone says you are.
- Who's everyone?
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Everybody I've ever met,
old people, young people.
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Even a baby one time was
like, "She's tightly wound."
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God forbid I'm in my 40s and not married
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and I don't have children, so
oh, my God, I gotta be uptight.
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I thought you were 58.
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Because I'm in control of
this world of broken toys
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00:04:38,748 --> 00:04:40,216
and I'm the captain of this ship.
120
00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:42,252
I'm the captain of "Nightcap," right?
121
00:04:42,286 --> 00:04:43,853
- Yeah.
- And because I'm a woman
122
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- I have to be uptight or a bitch!
- [grunts]
123
00:04:46,075 --> 00:04:47,757
Now, I know how Hillary Clinton feels.
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Yeah, take it out, now!
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- I... no, no.
- Take it out!
126
00:04:50,327 --> 00:04:51,657
- No! No!
- It feels good.
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Take it out.
128
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[groans]
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Come on, trust me.
130
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Ahh, right?
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All right.
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00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,036
Ooh.
133
00:04:59,069 --> 00:05:00,137
Okay.
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00:05:00,170 --> 00:05:02,206
Yeah.
135
00:05:02,238 --> 00:05:03,774
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
136
00:05:03,807 --> 00:05:05,175
[grunts]
137
00:05:05,207 --> 00:05:07,945
Both: Ahhh!
138
00:05:07,978 --> 00:05:10,214
[lively trumpet music]
139
00:05:10,247 --> 00:05:11,882
So we're at the end of the trip.
140
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We get to Capri and I'm
like, I'm done with him.
141
00:05:14,017 --> 00:05:16,019
- I'm done with her.
- Totally.
142
00:05:16,053 --> 00:05:17,588
I just need time to date me, you know?
143
00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:19,589
[laughs] You're so funny.
144
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,184
Hi, Mrs. Stern.
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Hi.
146
00:05:22,259 --> 00:05:23,561
I'm Penny from the talent department.
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I'm Staci's assistant.
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Hi, Penny. Great sweater. It's amazing.
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Oh, my God! Do you want it?
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00:05:28,731 --> 00:05:29,866
- Oh, no, no, no, that's okay.
- Okay.
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00:05:29,899 --> 00:05:31,668
Thank you so much for having me on
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00:05:31,702 --> 00:05:33,269
to promote North Shore Animal League.
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Really, it means so
much to me to be here.
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00:05:35,772 --> 00:05:38,976
Are you kidding? We are
so excited to have you
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- and your kittens.
- Thank you.
156
00:05:40,711 --> 00:05:43,784
I was wondering, could I
possibly meet your kittens.
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00:05:43,809 --> 00:05:45,555
I mean, if they're here
already. Are they?
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00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:46,916
They're in my dressing room.
Go play with them.
159
00:05:46,950 --> 00:05:48,084
You're gonna die, they're so cute.
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Oh, my God! Thank you.
161
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Is she okay?
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Oh, she cries a lot.
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Happy tears, sad tears,
just a lot of tears.
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[lively trumpet music]
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166
00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:06,036
Hello. I'm here to see Jason Biggs.
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00:06:06,069 --> 00:06:08,339
What's your business with Mr. Biggs?
168
00:06:08,372 --> 00:06:11,942
I'm here to... to pre-interview
him for the show tonight.
169
00:06:11,974 --> 00:06:13,518
He didn't say anything
about an interview.
170
00:06:13,543 --> 00:06:15,846
Well, that's why he's here.
171
00:06:15,878 --> 00:06:18,147
Hmm. No, you're not on the list.
172
00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:19,486
What list?
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00:06:19,511 --> 00:06:21,151
You'd know if you were
on it, wouldn't you?
174
00:06:21,183 --> 00:06:23,302
How about you just pop
your head in there
175
00:06:23,327 --> 00:06:25,889
and tell him that I'm here?
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00:06:28,190 --> 00:06:31,262
J, yeah, some lady. All right.
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00:06:33,363 --> 00:06:34,865
Mr. Biggs will see you now, ma'am.
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Okay.
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00:06:39,236 --> 00:06:40,370
That's a good one of me.
180
00:06:40,404 --> 00:06:42,072
Ooh, I look really good there.
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00:06:42,104 --> 00:06:43,495
Keep it. Mark that one. Mark that one.
182
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,242
Oh, gosh, hi. Hi, everybody.
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00:06:45,274 --> 00:06:46,409
Hey! Welcome back.
184
00:06:46,442 --> 00:06:48,442
Staci Cole.
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00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:50,280
I...
186
00:06:50,779 --> 00:06:53,592
I produced your first
late-night talk show segment.
187
00:06:53,617 --> 00:06:54,677
- No, you didn't.
- Yes.
188
00:06:54,702 --> 00:06:56,120
Remember, I sent you a bike.
189
00:06:56,152 --> 00:06:57,491
I don't ride bikes.
190
00:06:57,516 --> 00:06:59,055
- You were nervous and...
- No, I wasn't.
191
00:06:59,089 --> 00:07:00,858
- You were young.
- Probably not.
192
00:07:00,890 --> 00:07:02,160
- Okay.
- What would you like?
193
00:07:02,185 --> 00:07:04,007
Oh, I'm doing the pre-interview.
194
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,829
You guys hear this?
195
00:07:05,861 --> 00:07:06,958
- I don't understand.
- I'm sorry.
196
00:07:06,983 --> 00:07:08,334
Why am I pre-interviewing?
197
00:07:08,359 --> 00:07:10,401
No one makes me pre-interview.
198
00:07:10,433 --> 00:07:12,001
Letterman never made me pre-interview.
199
00:07:12,034 --> 00:07:13,703
Seth doesn't make me pre-interview.
200
00:07:13,736 --> 00:07:16,205
Carson, when he was around,
God rest his soul,
201
00:07:16,238 --> 00:07:17,808
didn't make me pre-interview.
202
00:07:17,841 --> 00:07:19,942
But... but please, enlighten me.
203
00:07:19,976 --> 00:07:21,745
Actually, Jimmy and the writers thought
204
00:07:21,777 --> 00:07:24,347
it would be really funny
to do a sketch with you.
205
00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:26,315
Hmm, cool. Cool, let's hear it.
206
00:07:26,349 --> 00:07:28,457
Let's... let's hear the
genius that keeps you guys
207
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:31,402
locked in a solid fifth place
in the ratings every week.
208
00:07:31,427 --> 00:07:32,856
Both: [chuckle]
209
00:07:33,259 --> 00:07:35,759
They were thinking maybe
because you're sort of
210
00:07:35,791 --> 00:07:37,428
- famously this really nice guy...
- True.
211
00:07:37,461 --> 00:07:38,862
That you would play an asshole.
212
00:07:38,894 --> 00:07:40,798
No.
213
00:07:40,830 --> 00:07:42,131
No?
214
00:07:42,164 --> 00:07:43,933
- No. No, that's hacky.
- All right.
215
00:07:43,966 --> 00:07:45,803
Yeah, and I am a nice guy,
216
00:07:45,836 --> 00:07:47,471
so it's stupid and it
doesn't work at all.
217
00:07:47,503 --> 00:07:48,805
Okay, that's fine.
218
00:07:48,839 --> 00:07:50,240
- Let's not do that.
- Yeah.
219
00:07:50,272 --> 00:07:52,308
- Why don't you go out...
- Yeah.
220
00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:53,911
And just bring some of that Biggs magic.
221
00:07:53,944 --> 00:07:55,879
- I have an idea.
- Yeah.
222
00:07:55,911 --> 00:07:58,414
Why don't I just go out and
bring some of my Biggs magic.
223
00:07:58,447 --> 00:08:00,116
- Great. So we can do that.
- Yeah.
224
00:08:00,149 --> 00:08:01,317
So I'll...
225
00:08:01,351 --> 00:08:02,820
So are we good here, hon?
226
00:08:03,241 --> 00:08:05,097
Yes. So just, um...
227
00:08:05,122 --> 00:08:07,291
Oh, my... Oh, my God!
228
00:08:07,324 --> 00:08:09,126
- Oh, my God.
- What are you doing?
229
00:08:09,159 --> 00:08:11,428
- What happened there?
- I don't understand that.
230
00:08:11,461 --> 00:08:13,263
- Did you see what he did?
- Excuse me, what I did?
231
00:08:13,296 --> 00:08:15,264
He poured a bottle of beer on my...
232
00:08:15,298 --> 00:08:17,233
- Excuse me. I'm sorry.
- Knock-off Chanel shoes.
233
00:08:17,267 --> 00:08:19,769
Excuse me. Did you guys see? Did I?
234
00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:21,171
What did I... did I... No.
235
00:08:21,204 --> 00:08:24,274
I just checked, and I
didn't do anything, so...
236
00:08:24,307 --> 00:08:26,410
One more thing. This room is a shithole.
237
00:08:26,442 --> 00:08:28,445
- This is a deluxe room.
- And I need... sorry.
238
00:08:28,478 --> 00:08:30,814
And I need a place for my peeps to sit.
239
00:08:30,847 --> 00:08:33,851
- Oh, okay.
- So we need some pillows.
240
00:08:33,883 --> 00:08:35,952
Like loose pillows?
241
00:08:35,977 --> 00:08:38,866
Loose? Why are you... loose?
I don't care if they're loose.
242
00:08:38,891 --> 00:08:40,022
Why'd you say... why'd you say loose?
243
00:08:40,055 --> 00:08:41,492
- I don't know if we have any.
- You sound like a fool.
244
00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:43,629
You think I deal with
this at Fallon or Seth?
245
00:08:43,654 --> 00:08:45,228
You think Seth makes me
deal with this shit?
246
00:08:45,262 --> 00:08:48,866
Why... hold up. Why am I... What,
am I producing my own segment?
247
00:08:48,898 --> 00:08:50,466
- It seems like you're...
- That's not my job.
248
00:08:50,499 --> 00:08:52,996
I think I would fucking kill
myself if that's my job.
249
00:08:53,021 --> 00:08:54,103
- Okay.
- Okay?
250
00:08:54,137 --> 00:08:55,539
- Yes, I will go see...
- So let's hop to it.
251
00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:57,206
If I can find some loose pillows.
252
00:08:57,239 --> 00:08:58,975
- They don't have...
- Why are you saying loose?
253
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,209
Why do you keep saying loose?
I don't understand.
254
00:09:00,243 --> 00:09:01,397
It's... I'm sorry.
255
00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:06,083
Um, excuse me.
256
00:09:06,116 --> 00:09:09,930
[lively trumpet music]
257
00:09:09,955 --> 00:09:18,658
258
00:09:19,196 --> 00:09:22,066
Whoa! My favorite gray kitten.
259
00:09:22,098 --> 00:09:24,267
Come back, little rain cloud.
260
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,502
Uh-oh.
261
00:09:27,505 --> 00:09:31,676
I should let Beth know that
her container is not working.
262
00:09:31,708 --> 00:09:33,241
Quick head count.
263
00:09:33,266 --> 00:09:36,014
One, two, three,
264
00:09:36,047 --> 00:09:39,417
four, five, six.
265
00:09:39,449 --> 00:09:41,552
Oh, shoot.
266
00:09:44,121 --> 00:09:46,006
Phil!
267
00:09:46,031 --> 00:09:48,125
I was doing normal things.
268
00:09:48,159 --> 00:09:50,794
Okay, fine. Phil, come here.
269
00:09:50,827 --> 00:09:52,003
Uh...
270
00:09:52,028 --> 00:09:53,107
Phil!
271
00:09:53,132 --> 00:09:55,665
I need your help.
272
00:09:55,698 --> 00:09:58,194
Of all the corners I could
have been hiding in.
273
00:09:58,219 --> 00:09:59,502
Hurry.
274
00:10:03,207 --> 00:10:04,741
We're having an emergency.
275
00:10:04,775 --> 00:10:07,577
Oh, man, I don't have a gun or anything.
276
00:10:07,611 --> 00:10:10,005
Okay, Phil, you don't
need a gun for this.
277
00:10:10,030 --> 00:10:12,717
We're missing a kitten
and I need your help.
278
00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:15,066
Well, I don't have any
training to do that.
279
00:10:15,091 --> 00:10:17,274
Okay, Phil, there were seven,
280
00:10:17,299 --> 00:10:21,358
and now there are
only six kittens, so...
281
00:10:21,391 --> 00:10:23,535
It sounds like one went missing.
282
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:24,695
Exactly.
283
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:25,821
This is really bad.
284
00:10:25,846 --> 00:10:27,217
You can't tell anyone.
285
00:10:27,597 --> 00:10:29,366
I could lose my job over this.
286
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,976
I'm gonna check all the dressing rooms.
287
00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:33,833
You check the greenroom.
Shh, don't tell anyone.
288
00:10:33,858 --> 00:10:38,096
[lively trumpet music]
289
00:10:38,409 --> 00:10:42,746
[clicking tongue] Here, kitty.
290
00:10:42,779 --> 00:10:44,000
What are you doing with your mouth?
291
00:10:44,025 --> 00:10:46,416
Oh, hi. Hi. Nothing.
292
00:10:46,449 --> 00:10:50,854
I'm just walking around
enjoying the office and my job.
293
00:10:50,888 --> 00:10:52,807
What about Jason Biggs, huh?
294
00:10:52,832 --> 00:10:55,132
- Yeah.
- He was such a nice guy.
295
00:10:55,157 --> 00:10:56,412
You know, I think that's what happens
296
00:10:56,437 --> 00:10:58,162
- when fame goes to your head.
- Yes.
297
00:10:58,194 --> 00:11:00,130
I mean, this is Jason Biggs now.
298
00:11:00,164 --> 00:11:02,265
Yeah, fame, it's a bitch.
299
00:11:02,299 --> 00:11:05,336
[meowing]
300
00:11:05,369 --> 00:11:06,807
What's wrong with you?
301
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,872
I'm sorry, what's wrong
with you right now?
302
00:11:08,905 --> 00:11:11,775
Oh, nothing. I'm just... I'm great.
303
00:11:11,808 --> 00:11:13,361
Everything's great.
304
00:11:13,386 --> 00:11:14,552
Okay.
305
00:11:15,246 --> 00:11:17,747
Staci, I can't lie to you.
306
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:20,383
That's not the foundation
of our relationship.
307
00:11:20,417 --> 00:11:23,134
I lost one of Beth Stern's kittens.
308
00:11:23,159 --> 00:11:24,366
Oh, my God, what happened?
309
00:11:24,391 --> 00:11:25,664
I don't know.
310
00:11:25,689 --> 00:11:28,192
I... but I'm on it.
I will not let you down.
311
00:11:28,225 --> 00:11:30,715
I will find that kitten
or I will slit my wrists.
312
00:11:30,740 --> 00:11:32,616
Okay, let's dial it down, okay?
313
00:11:32,641 --> 00:11:34,431
Let's not slice anything.
314
00:11:34,465 --> 00:11:36,400
Just find Beth's kitten.
315
00:11:36,433 --> 00:11:37,796
I will.
316
00:11:37,821 --> 00:11:40,724
[meows]
317
00:11:41,337 --> 00:11:44,641
[speed bag clicking]
318
00:11:44,674 --> 00:11:46,510
Aah! Yeah! [cheering]
319
00:11:46,544 --> 00:11:49,646
Yeah! Whoa! Jesus.
320
00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:52,516
Oh man, Staci, get a load of
Biggs, man. This guy rocks.
321
00:11:52,549 --> 00:11:54,751
Sandy, where have you been hiding Todd?
322
00:11:54,784 --> 00:11:56,386
He is the only good part of this show.
323
00:11:56,419 --> 00:11:57,921
Yeah, Todd is awesome,
324
00:11:57,954 --> 00:11:59,756
but, Jason, your segment's
coming up so...
325
00:11:59,789 --> 00:12:01,592
- What?
- Your segment's coming up.
326
00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:03,561
No, I heard you. No, I'm not ready.
327
00:12:03,593 --> 00:12:05,171
I'm gonna need, like,
at least a half hour
328
00:12:05,196 --> 00:12:06,440
or 30 minutes.
329
00:12:06,465 --> 00:12:08,502
Look, I still have to
pick out which outfit
330
00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:09,810
I'm gonna wear tonight.
331
00:12:09,835 --> 00:12:12,011
Sorry, what is your problem? [grunts]
332
00:12:12,036 --> 00:12:15,343
Well, my problem is it's
a live show, so we...
333
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,876
Keisha, why don't I go do your
pre-interview with you now?
334
00:12:17,901 --> 00:12:19,819
I thought we weren't
doing pre-interviews.
335
00:12:19,844 --> 00:12:22,940
No, we do pre-interviews, and
Jimmy doesn't know who you are
336
00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:24,383
so I have to prep him.
337
00:12:24,416 --> 00:12:26,476
Jason said I don't have
to do a pre-interviews.
338
00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:27,501
- What?
- Mnh-mnh.
339
00:12:27,502 --> 00:12:29,594
- [Together]: No pre-interviews.
- Boom!
340
00:12:29,619 --> 00:12:32,008
Hey, Stace, can you grab
me a peach daiquiri
341
00:12:32,033 --> 00:12:33,033
from the guest bar?
342
00:12:33,058 --> 00:12:36,374
- Are you serious?
- Time-out. Flag on the plizay.
343
00:12:36,716 --> 00:12:38,874
- There's a guest bar?
- No, there's not.
344
00:12:38,899 --> 00:12:40,920
WTF, get me involved.
345
00:12:40,945 --> 00:12:42,818
Peach daiquiris all around.
346
00:12:42,843 --> 00:12:43,843
[cheering]
347
00:12:43,868 --> 00:12:45,837
All right! Huh!
348
00:12:45,869 --> 00:12:48,369
Hey, Todd, why don't you
show us all how it's done.
349
00:12:48,394 --> 00:12:50,503
Yo, watch this, y'all.
350
00:12:50,528 --> 00:12:52,711
What? He ain't even looking.
351
00:12:52,744 --> 00:12:54,178
- You should look.
- I should look now.
352
00:12:54,211 --> 00:12:55,780
- You should look.
- I should look now, okay.
353
00:12:57,181 --> 00:13:00,851
[lively trumpet music]
354
00:13:00,884 --> 00:13:02,888
Sometimes I don't know if
I should listen to Howard 100
355
00:13:02,921 --> 00:13:04,855
or if I should listen to Howard 101.
356
00:13:04,888 --> 00:13:07,345
And then there's that weird time
where there's a commercial
357
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,942
on both, and then I'm like,
358
00:13:08,967 --> 00:13:10,795
I have no idea what to do with my life.
359
00:13:10,829 --> 00:13:13,064
Oh, my God, look at us.
We're like two yentas.
360
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:15,600
Again, I'm Randy from sound.
361
00:13:15,633 --> 00:13:16,996
I'm gonna have to mic you.
362
00:13:17,021 --> 00:13:19,571
If you just would take your
dress off, that would be a help.
363
00:13:19,604 --> 00:13:21,071
Oh, you know what, I can mic myself.
364
00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:22,507
I've done this before. We're good.
365
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:23,608
We're good.
366
00:13:23,641 --> 00:13:24,943
Oh, okay.
367
00:13:24,975 --> 00:13:26,845
Actually, I am adopting a cat
368
00:13:26,878 --> 00:13:28,513
from the North Shore Animal League
369
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:31,270
so that Howard and I
can be bonded forever.
370
00:13:31,295 --> 00:13:33,151
And I know that you work with them,
371
00:13:33,183 --> 00:13:35,853
and I would love a letter of
recommendation from you
372
00:13:35,887 --> 00:13:37,122
or just sort of a good word.
373
00:13:37,154 --> 00:13:38,689
That's not necessary.
374
00:13:38,723 --> 00:13:40,425
Do you know about bonding principles?
375
00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:42,627
That's where you get 'em
while they're real young
376
00:13:42,659 --> 00:13:45,796
and you strap 'em to
your chest shirtless
377
00:13:45,830 --> 00:13:47,232
to replicate the womb.
378
00:13:47,264 --> 00:13:48,966
It's really great for them.
379
00:13:48,999 --> 00:13:50,634
Isn't that more like a baby thing?
380
00:13:50,667 --> 00:13:52,503
Oh, cats and babies are the same.
381
00:13:52,537 --> 00:13:53,872
[static crackles] Randy,
we need you onstage.
382
00:13:53,904 --> 00:13:56,640
Oh, that's me. People need me.
383
00:13:56,673 --> 00:13:59,777
You were great. Baba Booey. Betha Booey!
384
00:13:59,811 --> 00:14:01,112
[laughs]
385
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,547
Thanks. That guy is weird.
386
00:14:03,580 --> 00:14:05,050
Tell me about it.
387
00:14:05,082 --> 00:14:07,084
You know, I have to admit,
back when I was with men,
388
00:14:07,118 --> 00:14:08,787
Randy was totally my type.
389
00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:10,021
He was?
390
00:14:10,687 --> 00:14:11,689
JK.
391
00:14:11,723 --> 00:14:13,024
[laughter]
392
00:14:13,056 --> 00:14:14,558
He's gross.
393
00:14:14,591 --> 00:14:17,095
Oh, so gross.
394
00:14:17,128 --> 00:14:18,964
Who's your favorite
character in "Rocky"?
395
00:14:18,997 --> 00:14:20,765
Oh, man. I'd go Ivan Drago.
396
00:14:20,797 --> 00:14:22,297
I like Rocky.
397
00:14:22,322 --> 00:14:23,568
- You like Rocky?
- Yeah.
398
00:14:23,593 --> 00:14:25,102
- You can't pick Rocky.
- Why?
399
00:14:25,127 --> 00:14:26,773
No, if you're gonna do...
Obviously, there's Rocky,
400
00:14:26,798 --> 00:14:28,349
but you gotta pick
a different character...
401
00:14:28,374 --> 00:14:30,967
Hey, guys, what up? It's not a
party without melon, right?
402
00:14:30,992 --> 00:14:33,762
Let me see.
403
00:14:34,912 --> 00:14:36,248
Cantaloupe. - Yeah.
404
00:14:36,281 --> 00:14:38,782
Cool, man.
405
00:14:38,816 --> 00:14:40,886
[laughter]
406
00:14:40,918 --> 00:14:42,653
Looks like you dropped something.
407
00:14:42,686 --> 00:14:44,556
[chuckles] Cantaloupe.
408
00:14:44,589 --> 00:14:46,725
More like can't elope,
409
00:14:46,758 --> 00:14:49,101
'cause no one would ever marry you.
410
00:14:49,126 --> 00:14:50,205
- Oh!
- Ow!
411
00:14:50,230 --> 00:14:51,455
[laughter]
412
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,482
Doesn't make any sense.
413
00:14:53,507 --> 00:14:55,440
I was just trying to do my job.
414
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,765
I just wanted to hang!
415
00:14:58,790 --> 00:15:00,805
Watch out for loose pillows!
416
00:15:00,838 --> 00:15:02,274
[laughter]
417
00:15:02,306 --> 00:15:05,576
[lively trumpet music]
418
00:15:07,644 --> 00:15:09,614
Who is that?
419
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:10,982
The lost kitten.
420
00:15:11,014 --> 00:15:12,850
No, it's not, Phil.
421
00:15:12,883 --> 00:15:14,885
That's a cat. That's a full-grown cat.
422
00:15:14,918 --> 00:15:16,153
That's not a kitten.
423
00:15:16,186 --> 00:15:17,321
It's a cat.
424
00:15:17,953 --> 00:15:19,105
Says you.
425
00:15:19,130 --> 00:15:21,064
- [knock on door]
- Mrs. Stern.
426
00:15:21,089 --> 00:15:23,670
Oh. Hey, have you guys seen Beth Stern?
427
00:15:23,695 --> 00:15:25,597
'Cause we were in the middle
of this amazing conversation
428
00:15:25,629 --> 00:15:27,231
about Howard's baby wipes,
429
00:15:27,264 --> 00:15:29,530
and I didn't get the brand
name, and I'm just...
430
00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,657
Beth Stern isn't here, but guess what.
431
00:15:31,989 --> 00:15:33,791
- What?
- I solved a problem.
432
00:15:34,678 --> 00:15:37,274
This is Beth's lost kitten.
433
00:15:37,691 --> 00:15:40,152
Hello. How are the kittens?
434
00:15:40,177 --> 00:15:43,302
Hey, great news.
I found your missing kitten.
435
00:15:43,327 --> 00:15:45,350
I'm not missing a kitten.
436
00:15:45,383 --> 00:15:47,121
I brought six kittens.
437
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:49,081
That's a cat.
438
00:15:49,887 --> 00:15:51,756
I had nothing to do with this.
439
00:15:51,788 --> 00:15:54,925
Oh, my God. You only
brought six kittens?
440
00:15:54,959 --> 00:15:56,962
Oh, thank God!
441
00:15:56,994 --> 00:15:59,029
We thought that we had lost one,
442
00:15:59,062 --> 00:16:00,698
and so we were trying to replace it.
443
00:16:00,731 --> 00:16:03,167
Oh, don't tell her the plan.
444
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,235
Wait a second, who is that mama cat?
445
00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:08,072
I found her across the street
at the apartment building.
446
00:16:08,105 --> 00:16:10,374
Some kids were playing with her.
Her name's Lucy.
447
00:16:10,407 --> 00:16:12,423
Wait, you took Lucy away from children?
448
00:16:12,448 --> 00:16:14,086
Well, I told them it was in the name of
449
00:16:14,111 --> 00:16:15,640
official police business
450
00:16:15,665 --> 00:16:18,649
and that Lucy was being sacrificed
451
00:16:18,682 --> 00:16:19,817
for the greater good.
452
00:16:19,850 --> 00:16:21,619
And they were okay with that?
453
00:16:21,652 --> 00:16:23,654
No, they were very, very disappointed
454
00:16:23,687 --> 00:16:25,189
and very sad.
455
00:16:25,223 --> 00:16:27,025
Who are you people?
456
00:16:27,057 --> 00:16:29,793
Oh, my God, did we not
introduce ourselves?
457
00:16:29,826 --> 00:16:32,263
I'm Penny. I'm Staci's assistant.
458
00:16:32,296 --> 00:16:33,297
Again, I'm Randy.
459
00:16:33,330 --> 00:16:35,066
You know what?
460
00:16:35,099 --> 00:16:37,869
I feel like this is gonna
be some sort of a thing,
461
00:16:37,902 --> 00:16:40,972
so I'm gonna not tell you my name.
462
00:16:41,004 --> 00:16:43,907
[lively trumpet music]
463
00:16:43,941 --> 00:16:45,777
- Oh, thank you for coming.
- Thank you so much.
464
00:16:45,810 --> 00:16:47,178
- Thank you.
- Thank you. Thank you.
465
00:16:47,210 --> 00:16:48,680
Great job.
Have a great night. Thank you.
466
00:16:48,713 --> 00:16:50,315
Thank you for all that you do.
467
00:16:50,348 --> 00:16:51,383
Thank you. Thank you.
You're wonderful. Thank you.
468
00:16:51,416 --> 00:16:52,917
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
469
00:16:52,950 --> 00:16:54,753
Oh, Jason, thank you so much.
470
00:16:54,786 --> 00:16:56,854
And I'm so sorry about the
photo debacle in the lobby.
471
00:16:56,888 --> 00:16:58,756
Yes, I will have it up ASAP, I promise.
472
00:16:58,790 --> 00:17:03,427
Please, you guys, stop it.
You guys are too sweet.
473
00:17:03,461 --> 00:17:05,864
Seriously, no worries at all about it.
474
00:17:05,897 --> 00:17:07,298
- Okay.
- Don't even stress about it.
475
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:10,001
You guys are really fantastic.
476
00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:12,736
I hope it's okay, but I had
another picture taken of me
477
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:15,006
and I took the liberty of putting it up
478
00:17:15,039 --> 00:17:16,907
on the greenroom wall.
I hope that's okay.
479
00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:18,676
Oh. Oh! Thank you so much.
480
00:17:18,709 --> 00:17:20,377
I don't know what to say. Thank you.
481
00:17:20,410 --> 00:17:22,312
Oh, God, okay. I didn't want
to, like, overstep my bounds
482
00:17:22,346 --> 00:17:24,299
or anything. You guys are awesome.
483
00:17:24,324 --> 00:17:27,084
This was truly such a good time.
484
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,288
Great. So thank you so
much for coming on.
485
00:17:30,321 --> 00:17:32,424
Well, will you have me back?
486
00:17:32,456 --> 00:17:34,321
- I hope.
- Yes, it would be our honor.
487
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:36,348
- Our extreme privilege.
- Fantastic.
488
00:17:36,373 --> 00:17:37,395
Well, love to you all, okay.
489
00:17:37,427 --> 00:17:38,830
Love to you.
490
00:17:38,862 --> 00:17:40,264
Bye you guys. Thank you so much.
491
00:17:40,298 --> 00:17:41,399
- Okay.
- Bye.
492
00:17:41,432 --> 00:17:42,496
- Bye.
- Love you.
493
00:17:42,521 --> 00:17:44,133
Don't say love you.
494
00:17:46,296 --> 00:17:49,740
[gasps]
495
00:17:49,773 --> 00:17:51,975
Fucking Biggs!
496
00:17:52,009 --> 00:17:53,078
[sighs]
497
00:17:53,110 --> 00:17:55,714
What a talented graffiti artist.
498
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,146
[sighs]
499
00:18:00,170 --> 00:18:05,170
-- Synced and corrected by DaddyBear --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
500
00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:09,770
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