All language subtitles for New Girl s06e18 Young Adult.eng

I need it. I have a
big day at work today.

I need it more. I have to
bake muffins before work.

- What? Why?
- 'Cause it's for my...

"Lunch With Your Princi-Pal" campaign.

See, being principal's great,

but unlike being vice principal,

now the buck stops with me.

I'm "the Man" now, and all the kids

can just smell "the Man" all over me.

That sounded really weird.

All I'm saying is,

suddenly I have no
relationship with the kids.

I'm really counting on
these muffins to humanize me.

I deserve that coffee.

I'm finally director of
marketing at Ass Strat.

Today I get to hire an assistant.

I'm gonna be tough,

but I won't be a screamer.

It's not constructive, it's rude.

- Ooh, coffee.
- Your pour that coffee down,

you throw it or I'll pour
your blood on the ground!

- You'll pour my blood on the ground?
- I'll knife you!

Look, I got a full day
of writing ahead of me,

and that requires a fourth cup of joe.

What else is my whiskey gonna swim in?

You're taking this too far.
You treat that heart of yours

like a baseball-man's mitt.

Uh, hello, I am the one
packing for our move today,

so I will be having, uh, the coffee.

(all clamoring)

- I get the coffee!
- Enough is enough with this!

- What are you doing here, Winston?!
- I get the coffee!

Enough!

You guys are tearing each other apart.

For what? Coffee?

Come on, man, you already
got that energy inside of you.

And that is the light of the Lord.

(chuckles) Man, this?

This ain't nothing
but the devil's water.

- Nah, I'm just playing.
- Hey, Winston!

- (all clamoring)
- Winston, that wasn't fair!

I'll knife you by the urinal, Winston!

Enough with the knifing.

Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com

Today's the day it all turns around.

- Hey.
- Sorr... I'm sorry I hit you, Jess.

I didn't mean to. I'm
using magnetic words

to break through my writer's
block, and it's not working.

I've already folded all my
shirts and masturbated six times,

and I'm running out of things to do.

I'm just in a real bind. You see,
The Pepperwood Chronicles...

sold over 30 copies, Jess.

So, what, we're complaining
about good things now?

It's just, my audience is
gonna be clamoring for a sequel,

and I can't leave those stevedores,

those-those tugboat workers,

those lighthouse keepers empty-handed.

You think that your audience
is entirely made of, like...

Blue-collar nautical workers
on the coastline of Maine.

I don't think that, Jess, I know that.

Okay, Nick, you're incredibly talented.

You can do this. And you have the key,

- and the key is simply...
- (phone alarm beeping)

Oh. I have to go.

Simply what?

Jess, simply what?!

- (door closes)
- (groans)

All right.

What do we have here? "Sentient feces."

Why is there a magnet that says "feces"?

All right. Trust the process.

Ugh. Thanks for helping me pack.

No problem.

This might be our last
chance for a mess-around.

Don't you start with that
last mess-around stuff.

- Don't you start.
- Don't start, 'cause then I'll start.

Look, I'm already starting. Don't start.

- I didn't start this whole thing.
- I can't do it, okay?

(sighs) Okay.

Okay, we agreed,

let's just pack, okay?

Great.

- Furguson? Where have you been?
- What? Hi!

WINSTON: Huh? When you leave the house,

you take your cell phone with you.

Oh! Oh, thank you so
much for grabbing my cat.

Come on, Sweatshirt, there's still
some sashimi left between my toes.

Uh, this here is, uh,
Winston's cat, Furguson.

Sweatshirt walked through
my door a year ago,

and while he may come
and go as he pleases,

he loves Mommy and her little milkies.

Yes, he does.

- I'm his home.
- Oh, really?

So why do I have a photo of Furguson...

on my phone?

Oh, yeah?

Then why do I have a
picture of Sweatshirt...

- on my sweatshirt?
- Oh, damn.

Furguson, you got...

you got two families, you dirty dog.

Look, I'm sorry about that.

I'm Winston. This is Cece.

Name's Gil... like the
man's name, but for me.

Cornell.

Magna cum laude.

Two years of executive
assistant experience.

Very nice. Is this 24-pound linen stock?

- Uh, yeah, it is.
- Impressive.

Ken, do me a favor. Will
you, uh, untie your tie?

Uh, I can't, actually.
It's, um... it's a clip-on.

I know.

Thanks so much, son. See yourself out.

Next.

MAN: Hello, sir.

- Hello.
- My name is Jeremy.

Thank you.

Let me give you a scenario.

We land the Bronco Blue Jeans account

and install Brett Favre as its face.

You receive a call
from a nosy ma?tre d'.

It appears that Brett has been spotted

at the Ritz-Carlton eating a salad,

dressed in a tuxedo.

The paparazzi are on their way.

You rush in to alert
me. You find me dead.

What do you do?

I find a honky-tonk bar
near the Ritz Carlton.

I leave a pair of perfectly
broken-in Bronco Blue Jeans

in Mr. Favre's size,

as well as a grass-stained T-shirt
on the floor of the bathroom.

I get on the phone, rent a tractor,

drive it directly into the
swimming pool of the Ritz-Carlton.

When the staff is distracted,
I physically subdue

Mr. Favre under the
weight of my full body,

look him in the eyes and
tell him to repeat after me:

"I got drunk playing football
and remember nothing since.

"I would never knowingly wear a tuxedo,

"drive a tractor into a
swimming pool or eat a salad.

"And I would never knowingly...

"leave my Bronco Blue Jeans behind."

- And the ma?tre d'?
- I rented the tractor in his name.

The next call he'll be making
will be from the police station.

Welcome to Ass Strat.

Muffin?

Muffin. They're homemade.

- Blueberry.
- You're so funny!

Look out, principal's coming! (chuckles)

Bah. Just kidding. Muffin?

Are you calling me
Muffin or offering me one?

Either way, no.

Okay. Well, cool, cool, cool, cool.

I think Bayou Sue sent the letter...

Sorry, what did you say?

Sorry. Are we in trouble?

No, I just... Did you say Bayou Sue?

She's just a character in this
book that we're obsessed with.

Yeah, Pepperwood Chronicles.

Anyway, you probably wouldn't
know anything about it.

I put a couple copies in the library,

and the librarian didn't
think it'd go anywhere.

(chuckles) I can't wait to
rub it in Esther's smug face.

- That's very flattering.
- Please come and talk to these girls.

They're obsessed with Pepperwood.

I don't have time for
this. I'm only on page two.

And page one is just a
dedication to Winston.

Ugh. Come on.

The kids used to love
Vice Principal Jess,

and now they won't have anything
to do with Principal Jess.

It's like I'm living in my
own damn adorable shadow.

Please? You-you might get
some ideas from your audience.

My audience is the men who
built this great country.

Your students would never understand

that Pepperwood's
just a New Orleans story

about a guy fighting
with the alligator within.

Well, could you just do it for me?

Yeah, I'll.. I mean, I'll
do it for you, Jess, sure.

Well, then why didn't you...

You know what, I'm happy
with where we ended up,

but you took me on a real
spin around the block there.

So, as you can see here,

I treat Furguson right.

- Mm-hmm.
- WINSTON: Okay?

- Organic kitty litter.
- Mm-hmm.

I got the miniature piano,

the tiny, tiny treadmill,

and right over here is
where we do couples yoga.

(gags)

Fish nuggets?

Oh, well, that would explain
his recent oily eliminations,

which I document on the cloud.

You track his poop?

What, you just weigh his
hairballs and clock out?

- I mean, I...
- Furguson is happy here, okay?

(voice breaks): Around people
that actually cherish him.

- Don't you start, Cece.
- And who helped him become...

the cat that he is.

- Now ain't the time.
- I'm sorry, but it's true.

Now ain't the time.

- What's happening?
- CECE: I'm trying, okay?

I've just got to breathe for a second.

Let me explain something to you, okay?

Furguson is my cat.

I found him first.

Well, you may have found Furguson,

but Sweatshirt found me.

I see you want to play hardball here.

- How about this?
- Mm-hmm.

We settle things the
way we do on the street.

- Mm-hmm.
- Catcall.

- What?
- We let Furguson decide.

- Oh, yeah.
- Fine.

We'll leave the decision in his paws.

Which are now incredibly strong,

thanks to his new set
of, uh, mini-dumbbells.

- You're welcome.
- (chuckling)

Ooh, ooh!

Okay, Pepper-heads!

Get ready for a memorable experience,

which I hope you will
recount at your weddings,

which I will also be at,

brought to you by your favorite

principal-slash-friend, Jessica Day.

Please welcome your favorite author,

Nick Miller!

- (girls cheering)
- Yay!

No, no, no. Stop it, stop it.

All right, let's get this over with.

Uh, let's talk about the book

you guys most certainly don't understand

because it wasn't written for you

or people your age. Go ahead.

- The kissing.
- OMG, the romance.

- The make out scene at the levee.
- Oh, the romance.

Guys! Pepperwood's about
way more than just a romance.

It's... it's, uh, it's
about life, you know?

Race.

The sexualization of
the American handgun.

- (whispers): Keep it clean.
- Okay.

It's a story about his
ambiguous relationship

with... with justice.

But the romance is amazing.

It made me realize it doesn't
matter if I'm straight or gay;

I'm just me.

You got that from my book?

That's... yeah. That was positive.

Do you think that's because
of the gay dog character?

- Yeah.
- What I really respect about that is...

it's never mentioned
that he's a gay dog.

But you got that from the writing.

And that's pretty dope.

You write female desire so well.

- Thank you.
- That's okay to say, right?

Yah, Ramona.

I'm-I'm just like you.

I'm your princi-pal. I'm your friend.

I like to just throw on my rollerblades,

and just go out there and think.

NICK: Can I ask you guys about the scene

- in the fish morgue?
- Oh, my God,

- that was my favorite chapter.
- Mine, too.

- I read it, like, five times.
- Yeah, same!

(mouthing)

- What?
- I stayed up all night.

It was such a good chapter.

- Thank you.
- Oh, yeah. You're welcome.

Why'd you whisper it?

Jeremy, I'm just gonna go grab a coffee,

- and then I will...
- Dark roast, soy creamer, 160 degrees.

- How was your lunch, sir?
- Disappointing.

Why don't you eat the homemade
bucatini I brought for myself?

Well, thank you, Jeremy.

Um, you know,

- I'm not getting e-mails on my...
- (phone beeps)

I just got an e-mail on my phone.

It's from you.

"Subject: Your e-mail is now working."

All right.

Well, Jeremy, I'm just
gonna go enjoy this bucatini

and, uh, organize the Peterson account.

- I did it already.
- You did?

- Okay. I guess I'll just...
- Enjoy your lunch.

Yeah.

So you're saying that Lady
Diamante doesn't realize

that it's Pepperwood's
underwear for years later,

like, 20 years later?

Maybe she never realizes.

Yes. That's what I was gonna say, too.

We... you and me, we're right here.

- All right.
- (school bell rings)

Wow. This is incredible.

I mean, so many great ideas here.

It feels like maybe The
Pepperwood Chronicles

could be, like, a whole series.

Well, I mean, it's called
The Pepperwood Chronicles,

so I assumed there'd be more than one.

Yeah, well, I can't
thank you guys enough.

- All right, I'll see you at home.
- Home?

- You guys live together?
- Yeah, we're roommates.

Yeah. This job doesn't pay very much,

but it's very rewarding to hang out

with cool people like you guys.

You guys are actually, like, friends?

You ready to get your
mind really blown off?

We used to date.

- (girls exclaiming)
- Oh, yeah.

- Like, a whole thing.
- Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah, we were in
love. Everything, yeah.

For a while. (chuckles)

All right, I'll see you at
home. Yeah, it was crazy.

- See you, guys.
- Wow.

You went from kind of
"meh" to sort of cool

to totally the coolest ever.

I don't want to freak you out, but...

that really means a lot to me.

- All right, let's get to class.
- Let's get a picture with PJ.

- Uh, what? PJ?
- (camera clicks)

Yeah, Principal Jess.

Much as I'd love to
foster your creativity,

I think maybe Principal
Jess or Principal Day...

Let's not even go to class.

(laughter)

Let's go to the drama room
and dress up like old men.

- PJ don't care.
- Oh, PJ do care.

PJ do care. I mean,
your principal does care.

How about we write a
report on Pepperwood?

You're hilarious.

Yeah. You know I'm
serious about the report.

Don't walk away from me.

Okay. Well, walk away.
Just turn to the left.

Point me out to your friends.
Laugh a, laugh a little bit.

Okay. Yeah. Keep going.

All right, I've totally lost control.

Ugh! Damn it!

- Nick, I have to get to school!
- I know. So do I.

I can't wait to pitch those girls
my Pepperwood prequel.

It opens with a very graphic
description of his birth.

- It's like a dark Look Who's Talking.
- No, no, no, no, Nick.

You're not coming
back to school with me.

You made me look way too cool.

The girls told the whole school.

I've lost all my authority.

(lively music playing, kids whooping)

This is my office.

I got invited to that, too.

The girls asked me to
deejay at their dance party.

They call me DJ PJ.

They love you. Isn't
that what you wanted?

Ah, it's a tricky balance.

I don't want to be the heavy,
but I need them to listen.

Those girls have such good ideas.

I've got to put the
genie back in the bottle.

- (phone vibrates)
- Ugh! See, this is what I mean.

They added me to a text chain

about who has the cutest butt in school.

- And?
- It's Nurse Mike.

- Interesting.
- (door closes)

Oh, you know what? If
it's always gonna be empty,

let's just fill it with goldfish.

- So dramatic.
- (phone chimes)

Jeremy texted me and he left
an ice coffee in the fridge.

It's like this guy's in my mind.

It's also like...

he's in our kitchen when we're sleeping.

(clicking tongue)

Can I come help you pack?

Jeremy's done everything around here.

Actually, I'm not packing, I'm just, uh,

- hanging out with Winston.
- I'm so bored, Cece.

Please. I'm desperate.

Are you guys having
one of those mess-downs?

I could come be part of that.

Sir, I believe the correct
term is "mess-around."

Okay. Jeremy, enough.

Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

That'll be all. Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

(sighs)

- JEREMY: Did you say something?
- Jer-Jeremy!

Enough!

Dear Lord.

You know, I wanted an assistant that
was gonna anticipate my every need

so I wouldn't have to
yell, but now I'm yelling,

because I have an assistant
that's anticipating my every need,

and I can't breathe!

Work isn't everything, man.

Just... go meet yourself a girl.

Or a, or a man. I don't
know what you're into.

You're very hard to read sexually.

But please, Jeremy. That'll be all.

- Thank you.
- Sorry, sir.

WINSTON and CECE: Furguson.

Hey, boy.

- Sweatshirt. Sweatshirt.
- Furgie.

- Whee!
- Ah, there we go.

Hey, remember all of
the good times we had?

- So may good times.
- Huh?

WINSTON: What about one of those
times we wore the same shirt?

- CECE: Custom shirts.
- (laughs)

Dad of the year.

- Dad of the year.
- GIL: Come on, Sweatshirt.

Hey, what about the time that
we geeked out on mayonnaise?

Or how 'bout when we drove
to the airport and kissed,

watching the planes take off.

- You did what?
- Remember that?

- She's moving. She's moving closer.
- No, no, no. If you're moving...

- ... then we get to come closer, too.
- Yeah. We're coming closer, too.

Sweatshirt...

Hey, boy.

- Furguson.
- (sniffing)

- What?
- I don't know.

Someone has crab in their pocket.

- Oh, my God, that's insane.
- Yeah, time-out.

- (sniffing continues)
- That's totally crazy.

Excuse... Okay how does...

Okay, just...

(gasps)

- Cheater!
- Oh.

Okay, well, that is from a salad

I had earlier,

and it must've just
fallen into my pocket.

Cece.

I can't believe you did this.

It's just...

(sighs)

Okay.

This is gonna be our last mess-around...

before I leave, and I just don't
want Furguson to leave you, too.

Just because you stop living together...

doesn't mean...

you stop caring about somebody.

Because caring...

that is the real mess-around.

Come on.

(crying softly)

Winnie. Winnie, Winnie,
Winnie, Winnie, Winnie, Winnie!

(gasping)

- Oh, my God.
- (gasps)

WINSTON: He chose.

- Ha!
- Yeah.

- Ha-ha-ha, you see?
- Ha-oh!

- The crab claw didn't matter.
- Mm-mm.

WINSTON: Furgie chose.

Outta sight!

(laughs)

Come here, my man. Ah!

(laughing)

Aw.

Well, I suppose what's done is done.

He's all yours.

Good-bye, Sweat...

(sighs)

Good-bye, Furguson.

Yeah.

(chuckles softly)

Do you guys think it's
cool or weird if, uh,

Pepperwood has a peg
leg? Where we at on that?

I'm afraid it might
make him too vulnerable.

I just don't see it that
way. I think it makes...

All right. No peg leg, I guess.

Excuse me! There's an assembl...

Nick!

What the hell is going on here?

Oh, PJ in the house!

My office. Now.

Oh, PJ's gonna bust somebody.

You're the most in trouble.

But they started it!

I didn't even do any...

Gah!

You had an unsupervised
meeting with the students.

You're wearing home slippers...

- ... on school grounds.
- (scoffs) Home slippers.

You parked in Janitor
Margie's parking spot.

And, by the way, she pissed.

- And she ain't small.
- It's a dirt patch.

And you ladies, you skipped an
assembly for Pepperwood!

What's the big deal, PJ?

Yeah, you're kind of being a bitch.

This is unacceptable.

I don't want to be your enemy,

but I also don't need to be your friend.

So you guys don't get to write

to your international
pen pals for a month.

You've all lost your
community garden privileges.

Two weeks' suspension from
the freestyle poetry slam.

And I'm calling all of your parents.

Spread the word!

Principal Day is done messing around.

Now get out.

(phone beeps)

Oh, my God, they work fast.

When did they even take this picture?

Well, apart from the devil horns,

it's a pretty good picture of you, Jess.

That's true.

I'm sorry that I yelled at you.

The truth is-is...

you are exactly who I
was when I was your age.

I was hungry. I was
putting in 22 hours a day.

Once worked four days
straight without water.

Wow.

And I just wish that
somebody had taken me aside

and told me that there was another way.

Would you have listened?

(sighs)

- Probably not.
- Then I won't either.

In fact, you're not even
talking to Jeremy right now.

- Okay, well, then who am I talking to?
- The younger you...

telling you to take advantage
of your new super cool assistant

so you can get to the next floor

and the next floor and the next floor,

and the next floor and the next floor,

- and now we're on top!
- And now we're on top!

I'm liking this side of you, Jeremy.

Yeah, let's stay hungry.
I'm gonna go in there,

I'm gonna work on the
McCormick presentation.

Now I actually am hungry.
Let's order some food.

Already done, sir.

Arigato.

(speaking Japanese)

All right, now. Take it down a notch.

Yeah.

If you're here to complain
about your punishment,

save your breath.

My decision's final.

Actually, we were just wondering

if we could sit down
with you for a second.

- Sure.
- We're sorry...

about being so
disrespectful, Principal Day.

Well, I appreciate that.

If anyone wants a muffin, I...

I have an extra one.

GERTIE: Here.

We got you a gift card to a coffee shop.

It's really close to
your route to school.

Well, that's not necessary.
Th-Thank you. That's...

RAMONA: We know you
have a lot of roommates,

and some of them are brilliant
authors working from home,

creating great chronicles.

But they can make their own coffee.

Well, that feels... oddly on the nose.

We have the upmost respect for you.

Sorry, did you just say...

"upmost"?

- Oh, that is good.
- JESS: Nick!

I can't condone you...

making contact with my students.

- What?
- That said...

thanks for putting them up to it.

Jess, I don't know what
you're talking about.

"Upmost"?

There's only one person
I know that says "upmost."

- It's "utmost."
- "Utmost"?

- "Utmost."
- (chuckles)

Agree to disagree.

But the good news is my
writer's block is gone,

and that is thanks to you.

You always come through
for me, Jess, to the upmost.

I assure you, it's "utmost."

- What's an "ut"?
- Come on, you're a writer.

It's "up." Up to the most.

Not ut to the most.

I assure you.

- Okay, sweetie.
- You didn't come in here and say,

"Thanks for putting them ut to it."

I would've laughed you out of here.

What is an "ut"?!

WINSTON: Furguson is miserable.

JESS: So you're saying that
this is a different emotion

than we've seen for
the past three years?

A father knows.

He misses Gil.

It'd be wrong for me to take
away a piece of his heart.

I mean, I already took
away his testicles.

Anyway,

(sighs) let me just...

_

Proud of you.

(sighs)

You won't need the key I gave you.

And the door always gonna be open.

You're not gonna, like, leave
the door open always, right?

He'll be back.

What the hell?

- Jeremy.
- Oh, my God.

He came back. Come on.

What the hell is this
man doing in our house?

Let me introduce myself.
My name is Jeremy.

I'm the executive assistant

to your husband and
my boss, Mr. Schmidt.

Oh, are you the one who called

and asked me about my blood type?

He's very thorough.

Actually, he's going to
need everyone's blood type.

- You're not getting my blood.
- That's super weird.

- Yeah.
- Oh, hell no.

I do have individual coffee orders.

You can tell which one's
which based off the caricatures

I drew on the cups.

That's you.

This is shockingly accurate.

And you've never met us.

- I mean, how did you do that?
- Nailed it.

- Very creepy.
- That's pretty good.

(chuckles)

CECE: Is he ever gonna leave?

SCHMIDT: I don't think so.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0