All language subtitles for New Girl s06e04 Homing.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,383 --> 00:00:03,991 Back in the bosom of Lady Liberty. New York! 2 00:00:04,016 --> 00:00:06,328 Your baby boy's triumphant return! 3 00:00:06,353 --> 00:00:10,109 Fitzgerald High's Distinguished Alum of the Year coming through! 4 00:00:10,195 --> 00:00:12,863 - Make way! - A lot of energy after that red-eye. 5 00:00:12,915 --> 00:00:16,083 I feel terrible. My eyes are all red af... 6 00:00:16,925 --> 00:00:18,948 Oh, I see what they did. 7 00:00:19,089 --> 00:00:20,254 Yeah, I feel normal. 8 00:00:20,289 --> 00:00:22,540 Most nights I sleep sitting up in my clothes, 9 00:00:22,592 --> 00:00:25,180 holding a plastic cup with garbage in it anyhow, so... 10 00:00:25,205 --> 00:00:28,345 This is my man, and he is distinguished, people. 11 00:00:28,381 --> 00:00:31,265 Yes, the high school that once treated me like a nobody 12 00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:33,467 is finally recognizing me for what I am. 13 00:00:33,519 --> 00:00:35,351 This is it. This is all happening. 14 00:00:35,376 --> 00:00:37,721 Comeuppance. Genuine come up the pants! 15 00:00:37,773 --> 00:00:40,702 Just being back in New York is actually a comeback for me. 16 00:00:40,727 --> 00:00:43,727 'Cause the last time I was here... wasn't great. 17 00:00:46,741 --> 00:00:47,874 Aah! 18 00:00:48,931 --> 00:00:50,069 Oh! 19 00:00:51,370 --> 00:00:52,870 [screaming, thudding] 20 00:00:52,905 --> 00:00:55,789 [upbeat jazz playing] 21 00:00:55,825 --> 00:00:57,258 [thudding] 22 00:00:58,486 --> 00:00:59,893 I love New York! 23 00:00:59,918 --> 00:01:01,701 24 00:01:03,986 --> 00:01:06,033 - Hey, Mama! - Back! Get back from the curb! 25 00:01:06,058 --> 00:01:08,862 - There's maniacs out here! - Well, I'm being careful, Mom. God! 26 00:01:08,888 --> 00:01:10,421 Thank God you are here, Jess. 27 00:01:10,469 --> 00:01:13,700 I could not get through a weekend with Schmidt's mom without you. 28 00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:15,583 Do you know that she carried him for 11 months? 29 00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:18,463 - PADFUNT. - PAD... PADFUNT? 30 00:01:18,488 --> 00:01:21,265 Positivity Always, Decency Forever, 31 00:01:21,267 --> 00:01:23,817 Understanding No Trouble. 32 00:01:23,853 --> 00:01:26,770 That's my strategy for surviving New York. 33 00:01:26,772 --> 00:01:29,135 And that's how you survive Louise. 34 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:31,442 Look at my boy! 35 00:01:31,444 --> 00:01:33,577 - Are you wearing suntan lotion? - Yes. 36 00:01:33,613 --> 00:01:35,779 - Say hello to your brother. - Oh, hello, Reggie. 37 00:01:35,781 --> 00:01:36,966 Kiss your brother. 38 00:01:36,991 --> 00:01:38,514 - What? - Kiss your brother. He loves it! 39 00:01:38,538 --> 00:01:40,413 - I don't want to. I don't want to. - Kiss him! Kiss him on the lips. 40 00:01:40,437 --> 00:01:41,842 - He loves it. Come on. - I don't want to, Mama! 41 00:01:41,866 --> 00:01:43,682 Come on, Schmidt. It's okay. I'll kiss him. 42 00:01:43,706 --> 00:01:46,564 Why would you do that? He's your husband's brother. That's gross. 43 00:01:47,277 --> 00:01:49,506 - Hey, Louise. - Ah, there she is. 44 00:01:49,531 --> 00:01:52,033 Hey, Schmidt, uh, Nick and I are gonna grab a cab into the city. 45 00:01:52,057 --> 00:01:54,891 Get one of our famous extravagant lunches. 46 00:01:54,916 --> 00:01:56,583 - Your what? - You know our thing. 47 00:01:56,608 --> 00:01:59,176 We're men of means. We like nice lunches. 48 00:01:59,218 --> 00:02:01,768 Men of means? This is New York City. 49 00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:04,217 A city only one Baldwin can afford. 50 00:02:04,242 --> 00:02:07,466 I would love to offer up a retort, but true men of means 51 00:02:07,491 --> 00:02:10,273 - are rich in dignity. - Yes, they're also rich in money. 52 00:02:10,406 --> 00:02:11,945 Just remember to be back by 7:00. 53 00:02:11,947 --> 00:02:14,644 And it's Fitzgerald High School in Great Neck. 54 00:02:14,669 --> 00:02:15,826 - If you can't remember Great Neck, - Sure. 55 00:02:15,850 --> 00:02:17,990 that's what they used to call me in high school, 'cause... 56 00:02:18,014 --> 00:02:20,872 Well, 'cause I was dangerously fat, specifically in the neck area. 57 00:02:20,897 --> 00:02:22,566 - We won't forget. Let's get a cab. - [laughs] 58 00:02:22,590 --> 00:02:24,505 - Men of means! - Men of means! 59 00:02:24,802 --> 00:02:27,489 Welcome to Long Island, the real New York. 60 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,984 - This is such a lovely home, Louise. - Yes, it is. 61 00:02:34,019 --> 00:02:37,103 - Who wants Crystal Light? - Oh, me. Thank you. 62 00:02:37,139 --> 00:02:39,439 That is good. I'd kiss you, but that would mean 63 00:02:39,474 --> 00:02:41,201 I made out with both of Schmidt's parents. 64 00:02:41,226 --> 00:02:43,143 - [Schmidt groans softly] - JESS: Yeah. 65 00:02:43,483 --> 00:02:45,593 - Good vibes. Great trip so far. - Well... 66 00:02:45,755 --> 00:02:48,148 I'm gonna go wardrobe prep for tonight and press my suit. 67 00:02:48,191 --> 00:02:50,107 - I'll press it. - Or I... I can press it. 68 00:02:50,152 --> 00:02:51,608 Can you, though? 69 00:02:52,321 --> 00:02:53,987 [whispers]: PADFUNT. 70 00:02:54,039 --> 00:02:56,881 Whew! I am stuffed. 71 00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:58,909 What a lunch. Expensive but worth it. 72 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:02,245 I'm still feeling a bit peckish. Please, a third lobster at once. 73 00:03:02,297 --> 00:03:04,247 And a telephone on a tray. Rotary. 74 00:03:05,166 --> 00:03:07,000 - [laughs] - BOTH: Men of means! 75 00:03:07,052 --> 00:03:08,969 It was lavish, but we deserved it. 76 00:03:09,004 --> 00:03:11,554 80% tip, zero percent regret. 77 00:03:11,590 --> 00:03:14,975 Ooh, that sounds good. Hey... keep it up. 78 00:03:15,022 --> 00:03:16,413 Little five spot. 79 00:03:16,725 --> 00:03:17,919 Little crispy Abe! 80 00:03:17,944 --> 00:03:20,263 Hey, today, we are going for it. 81 00:03:20,315 --> 00:03:23,066 [whooping and laughing] 82 00:03:24,526 --> 00:03:26,109 Yeah, man. 83 00:03:26,146 --> 00:03:27,581 - You got it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 84 00:03:27,606 --> 00:03:29,168 - That's, that's all you right there. - You got it? Man, 85 00:03:29,192 --> 00:03:31,824 I don't have any money. I need to borrow a little bit. I spent everything. 86 00:03:31,848 --> 00:03:34,876 - I was gonna ask you. - I spent all my cash on lunch. 87 00:03:34,901 --> 00:03:37,245 Well, I only take prepaid debit cards with me on trips 88 00:03:37,270 --> 00:03:38,775 so I can stick to a budget. 89 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,229 I'm tapped out, man. Use your credit card. 90 00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:42,440 - I don't have a credit card! - You don't have a credit card? 91 00:03:42,464 --> 00:03:43,792 Once you get one, you're in their system. 92 00:03:43,816 --> 00:03:45,274 I have zero dollars. 93 00:03:45,298 --> 00:03:47,440 Okay, well, how are we supposed to get to Long Island? 94 00:03:47,501 --> 00:03:50,675 - So, we don't have any money? - [drumming] 95 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,970 [indistinct woman's voice over P.A.] 96 00:03:57,931 --> 00:03:59,197 Excuse me? 97 00:03:59,235 --> 00:04:01,189 I put five dollars in there earlier. 98 00:04:01,214 --> 00:04:03,347 I need to take $4.50 out. 99 00:04:03,349 --> 00:04:06,463 I guess you could say my ears are bigger than my pockets. 100 00:04:08,935 --> 00:04:10,268 Oh! 101 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,989 Very close to hitting my finger! 102 00:04:12,024 --> 00:04:13,774 Brother, brother, brother. 103 00:04:13,826 --> 00:04:15,025 [laughs] 104 00:04:15,027 --> 00:04:16,994 How you doing, black man? Black man, how you...? 105 00:04:17,029 --> 00:04:18,996 Aah! Oh! 106 00:04:21,725 --> 00:04:23,358 - I got this. Let me tap in. - [groans] 107 00:04:23,383 --> 00:04:24,945 Black man, black man, my brother, my brother. 108 00:04:24,969 --> 00:04:26,469 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 109 00:04:26,756 --> 00:04:28,771 Is that the homecoming welcome package? 110 00:04:29,295 --> 00:04:30,639 I want to see what picture of me they used. 111 00:04:30,663 --> 00:04:32,124 - I sent in, like, 20. - [laughs] 112 00:04:32,149 --> 00:04:34,905 I hope they used the one of me shaking hands with Pierce Brosnan. 113 00:04:34,930 --> 00:04:37,631 We really ruined his dinner, but it was worth it. 114 00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,478 What the hell? 115 00:04:43,634 --> 00:04:45,556 There's, like, 100 honorees. 116 00:04:47,059 --> 00:04:49,143 [sighs] 117 00:04:49,178 --> 00:04:51,708 "An opportunity for various alumni 118 00:04:51,733 --> 00:04:55,366 "to support our dream of purchasing a new gymnasium scoreboard"? 119 00:04:55,401 --> 00:04:57,952 They're not honoring me. They're shaking me down! 120 00:04:57,987 --> 00:04:59,737 Of course. 121 00:04:59,789 --> 00:05:01,872 The alumni association is run by the same jerks 122 00:05:01,908 --> 00:05:04,658 who used to pull this crap on me back in high school. 123 00:05:04,710 --> 00:05:07,722 Every student council meeting needs some pizza. 124 00:05:07,777 --> 00:05:09,463 Here you go, Marissa. My treat. 125 00:05:09,499 --> 00:05:10,881 Cool. Thanks. 126 00:05:10,917 --> 00:05:12,299 You can take off now. 127 00:05:12,335 --> 00:05:14,218 [laughs] But it's my house. 128 00:05:14,253 --> 00:05:15,588 Mm-hmm. 129 00:05:16,337 --> 00:05:19,680 I'm gonna go for a lap around the block, then. 130 00:05:19,725 --> 00:05:22,927 The only thing she devoured more than my pizza was my self-esteem, 131 00:05:22,979 --> 00:05:24,711 and now she's back for seconds. 132 00:05:24,736 --> 00:05:27,656 - Ugh! That's gut-wrenching! - Sorry, sweetheart. 133 00:05:27,681 --> 00:05:29,898 I'm sorry in a way only a mother could be. 134 00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:34,278 It sucks that it was so cool to be a bully when we were young. 135 00:05:34,323 --> 00:05:37,250 This is a disaster. If you need me, I'll be in my room... 136 00:05:37,515 --> 00:05:40,160 blasting Dookie on cassette. 137 00:05:41,614 --> 00:05:43,697 Wait! Schmidt. 138 00:05:43,733 --> 00:05:45,216 [sighs]: Oh. 139 00:05:45,259 --> 00:05:47,209 - Freakin' New York. - [door closes] 140 00:05:47,253 --> 00:05:50,274 Ma, you turned my room into Reggie's room? 141 00:05:50,789 --> 00:05:52,806 I hate my brother! 142 00:05:55,392 --> 00:05:57,752 - You all right in there, baby? - I got this. 143 00:05:57,777 --> 00:05:59,035 A mother knows how. 144 00:05:59,283 --> 00:06:01,353 You all right in there, baby? 145 00:06:01,378 --> 00:06:02,568 Let me try. 146 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,670 - Schmidt? Schmidt? Schmidt? - I am one of those 147 00:06:07,704 --> 00:06:10,605 - Melodramatic fools - Schmidt? Schmidt? 148 00:06:10,642 --> 00:06:12,420 - Neurotic to the bone - Schmidt? 149 00:06:12,445 --> 00:06:14,076 - No doubt about it - Schmidt? 150 00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:16,112 - Schmidt? - Okay, okay. 151 00:06:16,164 --> 00:06:17,530 [whispers]: Just one more. 152 00:06:18,246 --> 00:06:19,902 - Schmidt? - SCHMIDT: Shut up! 153 00:06:19,936 --> 00:06:22,192 - [quietly]: Yes, I did it. - Leave me alone, ass hat! 154 00:06:22,217 --> 00:06:23,911 JESS: I know you didn't mean that. 155 00:06:23,936 --> 00:06:26,989 Is there anything that we can do to make you feel better right now? 156 00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:28,903 - Schmaegalman's. - Schmaegalman's? 157 00:06:28,936 --> 00:06:32,295 Schmaegalman's is his favorite deli. He loves their soup. 158 00:06:32,347 --> 00:06:34,954 He's telling us he's hungry! Do you not know when he's hungry? 159 00:06:34,979 --> 00:06:37,845 - I know when he's hungry, Louise. - I'll stay here in case he needs me. 160 00:06:37,870 --> 00:06:40,050 - Cece, you go get the soup. - Maybe I should stay here, 161 00:06:40,074 --> 00:06:43,259 - considering I'm his wife? - Fine. We'll order in Ling's Palace. 162 00:06:43,284 --> 00:06:45,641 It's fine. It's just fine. 163 00:06:45,643 --> 00:06:47,389 [shouting]: We're getting Ling's Palace 164 00:06:47,414 --> 00:06:48,975 because your wife won't get Schmaegalman's. 165 00:06:48,999 --> 00:06:50,310 - Aah! - Hey, guys. 166 00:06:50,513 --> 00:06:53,115 I want everyone to have a really great trip. 167 00:06:53,151 --> 00:06:55,973 You both stay here. I'm gonna go to Schmergerman... 168 00:06:56,012 --> 00:06:57,654 - I'm gonna go to Schmaegel... - CECE: Schmaegalman's. 169 00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:58,770 - Bagelman's? - No. 170 00:06:58,793 --> 00:06:59,776 Schmaegalman. 171 00:06:59,801 --> 00:07:00,785 - Maegalman's? - Maegal. Yeah. 172 00:07:00,810 --> 00:07:03,125 I'm gonna go to... to the deli. 173 00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:04,934 - You? - Can I borrow your car, please? 174 00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:08,412 If you get so much as a scratch on it, you'll never leave New York. 175 00:07:08,437 --> 00:07:10,716 - Because you'll be dead. - Because I'll be dead. 176 00:07:10,752 --> 00:07:14,217 - You can't handle that deli. - I think I can handle going to a deli. 177 00:07:14,242 --> 00:07:16,392 [clamoring] 178 00:07:19,227 --> 00:07:21,677 [exhales] PADFUNT. 179 00:07:21,729 --> 00:07:23,136 I got this. 180 00:07:23,842 --> 00:07:25,995 We got this, man. Don't worry about it. 181 00:07:26,020 --> 00:07:28,518 We're industrious, you know? We're resourceful. 182 00:07:28,570 --> 00:07:29,735 Just got to... 183 00:07:30,668 --> 00:07:31,718 [coins jangle] 184 00:07:33,130 --> 00:07:34,663 Hey. Follow my lead. 185 00:07:34,826 --> 00:07:37,777 [chuckles] Gather round, everybody 186 00:07:37,829 --> 00:07:39,779 Gather round, everybody 187 00:07:39,831 --> 00:07:40,947 [chuckling musically] 188 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:45,296 - They're gathering. Gather round. - [chuckles] Yes, yes. Yes, indeed. 189 00:07:45,366 --> 00:07:47,703 - What's the plan? - We're gonna show 'em our talent. 190 00:07:47,705 --> 00:07:50,873 That's what we're gonna do. [grunts, chuckles] 191 00:07:50,925 --> 00:07:53,042 What time is it? It's showtime. 192 00:07:53,094 --> 00:07:55,044 What time is it? It's showtime. 193 00:07:55,096 --> 00:07:56,880 Who wants to see what he's gonna do? 194 00:07:56,905 --> 00:07:58,848 - I do! - 'Cause I'm gonna do it. 195 00:07:58,883 --> 00:08:01,133 - He's gonna do it! - I'll do it! 196 00:08:01,185 --> 00:08:02,768 - NICK: Got to do it! - Let's do it! 197 00:08:02,804 --> 00:08:05,604 - It's honestly time to do it! - Yeah, we're about to! 198 00:08:05,629 --> 00:08:07,557 [chuckling] 199 00:08:07,559 --> 00:08:10,226 Y'all don't want to miss this! [chuckles] 200 00:08:10,251 --> 00:08:11,516 - Yeah. Yeah. - [chuckles] 201 00:08:11,541 --> 00:08:14,258 - All right, get ready for showtime! - We gonna do something with this! 202 00:08:14,282 --> 00:08:16,516 - Oh, yeah. - This the main event right here! 203 00:08:16,541 --> 00:08:18,067 [whoops] 204 00:08:18,184 --> 00:08:20,004 WOMAN: The next L train 205 00:08:20,036 --> 00:08:21,464 - is now arriving - What is this? What is this? 206 00:08:21,488 --> 00:08:23,488 On the Manhattan track. 207 00:08:27,045 --> 00:08:28,794 Did it just work? [chuckles] 208 00:08:28,830 --> 00:08:31,963 Yes, sir, my man, I think it did! 209 00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:34,737 Let's count up all this loot. 210 00:08:35,002 --> 00:08:37,753 That's several... see what we find right here. 211 00:08:37,755 --> 00:08:40,756 That's seventy... We got 72 cents. 212 00:08:41,865 --> 00:08:45,667 So if we just stall until the train arrives, we never have to do anything. 213 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,793 - What time is it? - It's showtime! 214 00:08:47,845 --> 00:08:49,793 - What time is it? - It's showtime! 215 00:08:49,818 --> 00:08:50,997 [chuckling musically] 216 00:08:51,235 --> 00:08:53,543 Excuse me, sir. Is this the line? 217 00:08:53,568 --> 00:08:55,771 [chuckles] What a New York character. 218 00:08:55,773 --> 00:08:57,495 You're a New York character. 219 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,565 Oh, sorry. Um, I was just... 220 00:08:59,792 --> 00:09:01,527 getting in line behind you. [chuckles] 221 00:09:01,579 --> 00:09:03,279 Don't want to get in a pickle. 222 00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:05,346 That's just deli fun. Oh. 223 00:09:05,371 --> 00:09:08,557 There you go, sweetheart. Okay, there we go! 224 00:09:08,971 --> 00:09:12,038 - Hi, do you have special soup... - This is the cream cheese line. Next. 225 00:09:13,321 --> 00:09:15,121 - You're still here? - I'm sorry. I'll just... 226 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,750 - Next! - Yes, um... 227 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,094 - Too slow! Next! - Two pounds of whitefish. 228 00:09:19,508 --> 00:09:21,746 - Beautiful baby. Okay. - Don't talk to me. 229 00:09:22,441 --> 00:09:25,129 - MAN: 43, 44, 45, 46... - Oh, yes, um... 230 00:09:25,154 --> 00:09:27,589 - 46. Two black-and-whites. - May I please have the... Oh, uh, 231 00:09:27,613 --> 00:09:30,334 - Excuse me, I'm 45. - Yeah, he already called it, slowpoke. 232 00:09:30,358 --> 00:09:33,309 - Here you go. - Welcome to New York. [chuckles] 233 00:09:33,361 --> 00:09:35,361 234 00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:41,534 No! 235 00:09:41,569 --> 00:09:43,584 I'm 45! 236 00:09:44,288 --> 00:09:47,239 45 is before 46! 237 00:09:47,291 --> 00:09:48,991 You'll get your damn cookies 238 00:09:48,993 --> 00:09:52,017 when you give me your ass! 239 00:09:52,213 --> 00:09:53,663 [clatter] 240 00:09:53,665 --> 00:09:57,486 One large special soup now! 241 00:09:58,338 --> 00:10:00,436 Schmidt, it's Jess. I got your soup 242 00:10:00,471 --> 00:10:03,673 but not until I punched this city in the damn throat. 243 00:10:03,675 --> 00:10:05,089 I thought you were all about keeping it positive. 244 00:10:05,113 --> 00:10:08,260 That is for sucker MCs and West Coast punks. 245 00:10:08,296 --> 00:10:11,213 This city's a jungle, so you better be a freaking lion. 246 00:10:11,249 --> 00:10:12,732 That goes for you, too, Schmidt. 247 00:10:12,767 --> 00:10:15,017 I had an epiphany getting your soup. 248 00:10:15,069 --> 00:10:16,902 That's what you got to do tonight. 249 00:10:16,938 --> 00:10:19,424 - What are you talking about? - You're a really special guy, 250 00:10:19,449 --> 00:10:21,719 and you got to let everyone in high school know that. 251 00:10:21,743 --> 00:10:23,776 So you got to go to that homecoming, 252 00:10:23,828 --> 00:10:25,361 you got to grab that mic, 253 00:10:25,413 --> 00:10:29,949 and you got to roast that Marissa and the rest of those junkyard... fat cats. 254 00:10:30,489 --> 00:10:33,202 I'm gonna tell them all what I really think of them. 255 00:10:33,254 --> 00:10:35,121 - Yeah! - Yeah! 256 00:10:35,173 --> 00:10:36,922 Somebody bring me an ironing board! 257 00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:39,959 - Oh, I got it, babe. - Coming, darling! 258 00:10:43,183 --> 00:10:44,880 What else you got, New York? 259 00:10:44,882 --> 00:10:47,901 - You want to step into me? - Stop, stop, stop, stop! 260 00:10:48,073 --> 00:10:49,969 Stop! NYPD! 261 00:10:49,998 --> 00:10:52,365 Ma'am, I need to commandeer this vehicle. 262 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:53,851 If you want to commandeer this vehicle, 263 00:10:53,875 --> 00:10:56,025 then you're gonna have to commandeer this ass. 264 00:10:58,435 --> 00:11:00,568 - Thanks a lot New York. - Aah! 265 00:11:01,653 --> 00:11:03,247 Watch my soup. 266 00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:05,489 [screaming] 267 00:11:08,419 --> 00:11:10,059 MAN: What are you doin'? 268 00:11:10,084 --> 00:11:11,583 Where'd you learn to drive? 269 00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,227 Damn it. 270 00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:16,136 You commandeered my friend's mom's car and then you crashed it? 271 00:11:16,161 --> 00:11:19,074 That's like me asking to borrow your dumb cop jacket 272 00:11:19,099 --> 00:11:21,704 and then... just crashing it. 273 00:11:21,879 --> 00:11:24,129 Man, I thought I had this city licked. 274 00:11:24,164 --> 00:11:26,312 But in the end, it was me who got licked. 275 00:11:26,390 --> 00:11:30,249 Wait, did that actually happen? 'Cause there have been some... 276 00:11:30,274 --> 00:11:32,640 reported lickings recently, and if you got a good look at the guy... 277 00:11:32,664 --> 00:11:34,234 I was obviously speaking metaphorically. 278 00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:37,666 Right. Me, too. Our city is wonderful. It's a great place to walk around. 279 00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:41,062 So what about my friend's mom's car? 280 00:11:41,241 --> 00:11:42,575 Let me guess, there's nothing you can do. 281 00:11:42,599 --> 00:11:45,624 No, ma'am, listen, everything's gonna be fine. 282 00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:48,448 Just go to the 99th Precinct, and I promise you... 283 00:11:48,473 --> 00:11:52,574 You will be treated in the most efficient and pleasant way imaginable. 284 00:11:52,609 --> 00:11:55,160 Proof of ownership. Liability release. 285 00:11:55,195 --> 00:11:57,617 Waiver of responsibility. Smog check. 286 00:11:57,642 --> 00:11:59,030 Non-operation of a boat. 287 00:11:59,074 --> 00:12:01,213 Waiver of somethin'. 288 00:12:01,238 --> 00:12:02,549 Liability release. 289 00:12:02,610 --> 00:12:05,181 Ya-dee-da. Da-dee-da. 290 00:12:05,345 --> 00:12:06,432 And da. 291 00:12:06,457 --> 00:12:09,688 This is an application to join the NYPD softball team. 292 00:12:09,868 --> 00:12:12,961 You think I like sitting here, handing you form after form? 293 00:12:12,963 --> 00:12:15,044 - Kind of. - You're right. 294 00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:16,333 I do. 295 00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:18,852 God, it's like you're in here. 296 00:12:20,541 --> 00:12:23,573 Aw, the train! What terrible timing. 297 00:12:23,627 --> 00:12:25,782 You're gonna miss the show. What a drag! 298 00:12:25,807 --> 00:12:26,950 - It's crazy, man. - CHARLES: This is amazing. 299 00:12:26,974 --> 00:12:29,032 Do you guys need volunteers? Because I'll do it. 300 00:12:29,057 --> 00:12:32,361 I was just telling my son how I've always dreamed of being a busker. 301 00:12:32,816 --> 00:12:34,308 Well, guess what. [chuckles] 302 00:12:34,496 --> 00:12:38,472 You have just introduced yourself to the best buskers in the business. 303 00:12:38,597 --> 00:12:42,200 WOMAN: Ladies and gentlemen, due to a signal problem at 51st Street 304 00:12:42,225 --> 00:12:43,959 all trains are currently delayed. 305 00:12:43,994 --> 00:12:45,827 Thank you for your patience. 306 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:50,776 NICK: What do we do now, Winston? 307 00:12:50,992 --> 00:12:52,717 [chuckles] We are about to busk, baby. 308 00:12:52,753 --> 00:12:54,920 Okay, you're busking with the best! 309 00:12:54,972 --> 00:12:57,138 In the most unbelievable, 310 00:12:57,174 --> 00:12:59,257 I said inconceivable, 311 00:12:59,309 --> 00:13:02,253 unthinkable, unbelievable, 312 00:13:02,278 --> 00:13:04,513 - also unthinkable... - Are you stalling? 313 00:13:04,515 --> 00:13:07,396 [chuckles] In what world? 314 00:13:07,528 --> 00:13:09,317 In-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in... 315 00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:11,319 [stammering] 316 00:13:11,355 --> 00:13:13,685 What-what-what-what-what-what- what-what-what-what... 317 00:13:13,981 --> 00:13:16,880 - Jess? - Hey, Cece, I-I know I'm late. 318 00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:18,584 - It's this freakin' city. - Huh? 319 00:13:18,609 --> 00:13:20,076 - A cop wrecked Louise's car. - What? 320 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,675 - I'm waiting to talk to his captain. - What are you talking about right now? 321 00:13:22,699 --> 00:13:24,416 Just tell her it's fine. 322 00:13:24,451 --> 00:13:26,873 Did you tell Schmidt to do a roast tonight? 323 00:13:27,091 --> 00:13:29,639 Funk yeah, I did. That's how you deal with this town. 324 00:13:29,664 --> 00:13:32,435 - Well, I think that's a huge mistake. - What, to defend your husband? 325 00:13:32,460 --> 00:13:35,039 - I didn't say that, Louise. - Mom, how's this? 326 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:38,073 "In conclusion, you're ugly. I make money. 327 00:13:38,268 --> 00:13:40,432 "You just got roasted by the California Kid." 328 00:13:40,465 --> 00:13:42,524 - I think it's sensational. - [chuckles] 329 00:13:42,549 --> 00:13:43,863 Can you please just get back here? 330 00:13:43,887 --> 00:13:45,807 - We're not ready yet! - We're not ready yet, 331 00:13:45,832 --> 00:13:48,253 'cause I got to do something that you didn't know I was about to do. 332 00:13:48,277 --> 00:13:50,559 - Do it! - Blow your mind. Oh. 333 00:13:50,584 --> 00:13:53,532 - Another piece of the puzzle! - Whoa! 334 00:13:53,534 --> 00:13:57,232 - We're taking it to the top! - Do it, do it, [chanting "Do it!"] 335 00:13:57,234 --> 00:13:59,526 - Thank you for starting that chant. - Do... You got it. 336 00:13:59,570 --> 00:14:02,039 Okay, it's, uh... it's looking like we have to do it. 337 00:14:02,064 --> 00:14:05,882 - Okay, I don't know what "it" is. - "It" is looking like a jump. 338 00:14:05,953 --> 00:14:08,431 Okay, that is bone-chilling news. It's too long. 339 00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:11,079 Look, we have no choice, okay? We got to get to Long Island. 340 00:14:11,081 --> 00:14:13,131 - [chanting continues] - We can do it. We can do it. 341 00:14:13,176 --> 00:14:15,144 - All right! Here we go! - Okay! Here we go! Here we go! 342 00:14:15,168 --> 00:14:17,056 [chanting continues] 343 00:14:17,126 --> 00:14:18,386 On the count of three. 344 00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,255 [chanting continues] 345 00:14:20,257 --> 00:14:22,257 One, two, three. 346 00:14:22,259 --> 00:14:24,476 Let this be a moment 347 00:14:24,511 --> 00:14:25,894 [distorted grunt] 348 00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,730 A moment you shine 349 00:14:28,765 --> 00:14:30,398 [distorted]: You can do it! 350 00:14:30,441 --> 00:14:33,575 'Cause you can do anything. 351 00:14:33,712 --> 00:14:36,360 - [grunts] - [crowd groans] 352 00:14:36,774 --> 00:14:38,008 [Nick groans] 353 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:41,359 CHARLES: That was great. That was great! 354 00:14:41,411 --> 00:14:44,079 [Nick continuing groaning] I broke my back. 355 00:14:48,372 --> 00:14:49,534 Winston. 356 00:14:49,586 --> 00:14:51,346 We-Well, your car should be fixed by morning. 357 00:14:51,371 --> 00:14:53,922 - How do I know you're not lying? - I never lie. 358 00:14:54,546 --> 00:14:57,351 Although I told my mother her hair looked good once... 359 00:14:57,628 --> 00:14:59,148 and it didn't. 360 00:14:59,223 --> 00:15:00,806 Just looked okay. 361 00:15:00,831 --> 00:15:02,275 Okay, I believe you, even though you're from 362 00:15:02,299 --> 00:15:04,096 the city of garbage water and pizza trash. 363 00:15:04,121 --> 00:15:05,850 What is your problem with this city? 364 00:15:06,266 --> 00:15:07,266 [sighs] 365 00:15:07,291 --> 00:15:09,938 I've just never had a good experience here. 366 00:15:10,473 --> 00:15:14,376 I came here once before and it was a complete disaster. 367 00:15:14,403 --> 00:15:16,603 Did you go to the opera and were disappointed? 368 00:15:17,109 --> 00:15:19,429 - It's this new director. - No, I actually... 369 00:15:19,454 --> 00:15:23,618 I had this great week planned, and then thing after thing went wrong, and then 370 00:15:23,987 --> 00:15:25,854 I cut my trip off early. 371 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,549 Oh, my God. 372 00:15:29,459 --> 00:15:30,542 [gasps] 373 00:15:30,577 --> 00:15:32,577 Oh, my God. 374 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,317 - That's when that was? - Obviously, I don't know 375 00:15:37,342 --> 00:15:39,302 because I have no idea what you're talking about. 376 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:44,839 I left early and I went home and surprised my boyfriend. 377 00:15:44,841 --> 00:15:48,843 Who's that girl... 378 00:15:51,092 --> 00:15:52,632 It's Jess. 379 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,709 Spencer was the actual worst. 380 00:15:55,734 --> 00:15:59,020 He called sex "making tacos." 381 00:16:00,132 --> 00:16:02,657 Well, you know what I always say? 382 00:16:03,068 --> 00:16:05,804 - Things happen for a reason... - Yes, and the reason 383 00:16:05,829 --> 00:16:07,704 that New York sucked was because 384 00:16:07,729 --> 00:16:09,305 - I was supposed to catch Spencer, - No, you didn't let me finish. 385 00:16:09,329 --> 00:16:10,827 'cause I wasn't supposed to end up with him. 386 00:16:10,851 --> 00:16:12,534 I always say things happen for a reason, 387 00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:15,086 and that reason is random chance. 388 00:16:15,122 --> 00:16:17,618 No, you were right the first time. 389 00:16:17,696 --> 00:16:19,938 New York wasn't kicking my ass, 390 00:16:19,963 --> 00:16:22,377 it was nudging it, gently, in the right direction. 391 00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:23,681 [gasps] 392 00:16:24,129 --> 00:16:27,268 Just like you are right now. 393 00:16:28,185 --> 00:16:29,551 Yes. 394 00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:30,978 Yes, that's what's happening. 395 00:16:31,003 --> 00:16:34,486 You can't be mad at your past... it makes you who you are. And... 396 00:16:34,541 --> 00:16:36,469 Oh, my God. 397 00:16:36,494 --> 00:16:38,894 I told my friend to do something really stupid, 398 00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:40,478 and I have to go stop him. 399 00:16:40,503 --> 00:16:43,281 Hey, do you want to do something very, super considerate? 400 00:16:43,316 --> 00:16:44,733 We can't provide you with a police escort. 401 00:16:44,735 --> 00:16:46,985 - I wasn't gonna ask that. - Yeah, you were. 402 00:16:47,044 --> 00:16:49,404 - Yeah, I was. - But here: my lunch. 403 00:16:49,701 --> 00:16:53,124 It's not Schmaegalman's, but take it. It's Ling's Palace. 404 00:16:53,396 --> 00:16:54,969 It's fine. 405 00:16:56,226 --> 00:16:57,367 It's just fine. 406 00:17:02,991 --> 00:17:05,659 Oh, Dragon! Did I miss it? 407 00:17:05,661 --> 00:17:07,127 Uh-uh. It's cool. 408 00:17:07,162 --> 00:17:10,525 That's a really realistic-looking costume, with the smoke and everything. 409 00:17:10,549 --> 00:17:12,465 Oh, you're just hotboxing. 410 00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:14,455 - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm a vice principal. 411 00:17:14,939 --> 00:17:17,150 - Hey... - Oh! 412 00:17:18,757 --> 00:17:20,857 - You're a mess, dude. - [laughs] 413 00:17:20,882 --> 00:17:23,280 And with Fitzgerald High's new scoreboard, 414 00:17:23,305 --> 00:17:26,522 we can make Great Neck great again. 415 00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:27,930 [laughs] 416 00:17:30,051 --> 00:17:31,551 Wait, wait, Schmidt. 417 00:17:31,576 --> 00:17:33,722 What? What, is my makeup too thick? 418 00:17:34,308 --> 00:17:36,573 What? No, no, you look great. 419 00:17:36,608 --> 00:17:38,957 Uh, look, you can't do this. I was wrong. 420 00:17:39,394 --> 00:17:41,020 Wh... What are you talking about? This was your idea. 421 00:17:41,044 --> 00:17:43,221 I know. But I was wrong. 422 00:17:43,246 --> 00:17:46,299 - You can't be mad at these people. - But they were all horrible to me Jess. 423 00:17:46,330 --> 00:17:48,368 And that's why you left. 424 00:17:48,393 --> 00:17:50,623 You created your own path. 425 00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:53,291 You changed cities. You made friends. 426 00:17:54,876 --> 00:17:58,178 You found your purpose. You met the love of your life. 427 00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:01,381 - I sure did. - Just enjoy your evening. 428 00:18:01,433 --> 00:18:04,957 You know, you have nothing to say to these people. 429 00:18:05,566 --> 00:18:08,160 If anything... Thank you. 430 00:18:10,364 --> 00:18:12,859 I can't wait to see the look on Schmidt's face 431 00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:14,538 when he realizes we made it. 432 00:18:14,563 --> 00:18:16,229 Well, he wanted us to make it. 433 00:18:16,231 --> 00:18:18,231 As I was saying, though, I can't wait to see the look on his face 434 00:18:18,233 --> 00:18:19,809 when he realizes that we made it, though, right? 435 00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:22,136 - That's just gonna be like, "Oh." - I know, but... 436 00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:24,183 just be exc... Yeah, I can't wait, though, right? 437 00:18:24,208 --> 00:18:27,073 Okay? We can't score without you. 438 00:18:27,098 --> 00:18:28,146 [laughs] 439 00:18:28,198 --> 00:18:30,627 Whoa. Hello. 440 00:18:30,746 --> 00:18:33,297 Is this Schmidt? What... what are you doing? 441 00:18:33,727 --> 00:18:37,034 Um... [clears throat] Excuse me, Marissa, I'm very sorry. 442 00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:41,158 I... I would just be remiss if I let this moment pass me by. 443 00:18:42,474 --> 00:18:45,091 You know, I'm a lucky man. 444 00:18:45,143 --> 00:18:48,301 Because I wouldn't be the man that I am today 445 00:18:48,352 --> 00:18:50,752 if it weren't for the experiences 446 00:18:50,866 --> 00:18:52,482 that I've had right here. 447 00:18:54,027 --> 00:18:55,987 So, thank you... 448 00:18:56,464 --> 00:18:58,131 for being the worst 449 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,740 that humankind has to offer. 450 00:19:00,776 --> 00:19:03,326 That includes Harvey Levin and every cast member 451 00:19:03,361 --> 00:19:05,779 that's ever been on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. 452 00:19:05,781 --> 00:19:08,448 Thank you for showing me that athletic apparel 453 00:19:08,450 --> 00:19:10,917 is something that should never be worn outside the house, 454 00:19:10,952 --> 00:19:12,919 you chubby-thumbed pickle hoarders. 455 00:19:12,961 --> 00:19:14,594 And in conclusion, 456 00:19:14,649 --> 00:19:16,289 you're all ugly. I make money. 457 00:19:16,291 --> 00:19:20,094 You just got roasted by the California Kid. I did it! 458 00:19:24,421 --> 00:19:27,663 Oh, you sure do talk a lot when your mouth isn't full... 459 00:19:27,851 --> 00:19:30,468 - Great Neck. - [laughter] 460 00:19:31,249 --> 00:19:35,441 Thank you, Schmidt. Boy, that was real embarrassing for you, huh? 461 00:19:35,933 --> 00:19:37,933 They're taunting my baby. 462 00:19:41,231 --> 00:19:43,415 - This is not good. - [gasps] 463 00:19:46,525 --> 00:19:50,977 Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Cece Schmidt. 464 00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:55,482 So if any of you have anything else you'd like to say to my husband, 465 00:19:55,517 --> 00:20:01,013 I will drag you outside and we will handle this L.A. style. 466 00:20:01,146 --> 00:20:06,410 I will take you to the corner of Fairfax and La Brea. 467 00:20:06,412 --> 00:20:08,412 Those are parallel streets. I'm not telling her that. 468 00:20:08,414 --> 00:20:09,894 - That's my daughter! - [crowd booing] 469 00:20:13,802 --> 00:20:15,252 We have to leave. Where's my car? 470 00:20:15,254 --> 00:20:18,122 Even though your car is definitely here, 471 00:20:18,232 --> 00:20:19,756 it's a beautiful night... let's walk. 472 00:20:19,757 --> 00:20:21,836 Okay, look, she clearly did something weird with your car, 473 00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:23,423 - but I got something. - Trust us. 474 00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:26,814 CECE: Sepulveda! La Cienega, bitches. El Matador beach. 475 00:20:26,861 --> 00:20:28,982 You're just naming places in Southern California. 476 00:20:29,017 --> 00:20:30,267 CECE: Nickel Canyon! 477 00:20:33,044 --> 00:20:34,377 What the... 478 00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,716 - Told you we were men of means. - Men of means! 479 00:20:37,741 --> 00:20:39,107 - [all cheering] - Yeah! 480 00:20:39,132 --> 00:20:41,132 - That's what I'm talking about! - All right! 481 00:20:41,489 --> 00:20:43,263 WINSTON: Scoot over, scoot over, I can't fit. 482 00:20:43,427 --> 00:20:45,411 - Later, bro... - Tell 'em this story, Denny. 483 00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:47,122 Tell 'em all! 484 00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:51,338 You guys have a good time. All right. Uh... [grunts] 485 00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,600 Oh, man, I'm a mess. 486 00:20:53,625 --> 00:20:58,211 God, it's a perfect fall New York day. I'm almost sorry we're leaving. 487 00:20:58,583 --> 00:21:00,494 COACH: What the hell is going on? 488 00:21:01,776 --> 00:21:03,471 Were you not gonna call me? 489 00:21:04,088 --> 00:21:05,555 How long you been here? 490 00:21:05,580 --> 00:21:07,634 - We literally just got here. - Well, we were gonna go... 491 00:21:07,658 --> 00:21:09,361 - I had a, uh... - If I wasn't... 492 00:21:09,386 --> 00:21:11,867 If I didn't just run into you, you guys would have just been... 493 00:21:14,409 --> 00:21:16,323 The only reason I'm not pissed... 494 00:21:16,348 --> 00:21:18,113 is because I've been to L.A., like, five times. 495 00:21:18,137 --> 00:21:20,604 - So... we're good. - [all cheering] 496 00:21:21,422 --> 00:21:22,889 I got other friends. 497 00:21:23,797 --> 00:21:27,804 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 498 00:21:27,854 --> 00:21:32,404 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38838

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