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1
00:00:00,574 --> 00:00:01,817
How do you spell "boudoir"?
2
00:00:01,818 --> 00:00:03,357
I'm so far off, I'm not
getting the auto-correct.
3
00:00:03,358 --> 00:00:05,400
So which girl are you
texting now, the coffin-maker?
4
00:00:05,401 --> 00:00:06,734
Oh, you're thinking about Jamie.
5
00:00:06,735 --> 00:00:08,069
Nah, nah. She kinda disappeared
6
00:00:08,070 --> 00:00:09,504
into her busy season,
7
00:00:09,505 --> 00:00:11,339
so this is Rhonda.
8
00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:13,043
Oh, is this the girl
with the yogurt mouth?
9
00:00:13,044 --> 00:00:15,009
That's Simi Valley Sue.
10
00:00:15,010 --> 00:00:17,293
Rhonda is Willem Dafoe's assistant.
11
00:00:17,294 --> 00:00:19,329
No, she's n... Rhonda's
the army reservist.
12
00:00:19,330 --> 00:00:20,964
Boy, you are on such a tear
13
00:00:20,965 --> 00:00:22,265
with the ladies, Winston.
14
00:00:22,266 --> 00:00:24,100
(whistles) Your boy cleanin' up.
15
00:00:24,101 --> 00:00:25,969
Not thinking about Aly.
16
00:00:25,970 --> 00:00:27,971
And Rhonda, you know, she's cool, man.
17
00:00:27,972 --> 00:00:29,432
I'm having the most fun with her.
18
00:00:29,433 --> 00:00:30,696
She really keeps me on my toes.
19
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,809
And y'all know Winston
love being on his toes.
20
00:00:32,810 --> 00:00:34,132
- Definitely, definitely.
- You know, actually,
21
00:00:34,133 --> 00:00:35,445
she's poppin' by later.
22
00:00:35,446 --> 00:00:37,113
You guys will get to meet
her before the wedding.
23
00:00:37,114 --> 00:00:38,302
Before the... she's
coming to our wedding?
24
00:00:38,303 --> 00:00:39,615
Yes. Winston, you're gonna bring this
25
00:00:39,616 --> 00:00:41,043
flavor of the month to our wedding?
26
00:00:41,044 --> 00:00:42,044
- Well, I was...
- She's gonna be in wedding photos?
27
00:00:42,045 --> 00:00:43,119
Are you kidding me?
28
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,454
Oh, gather round, grandchildren.
29
00:00:44,455 --> 00:00:45,958
Look at Uncle Winston, and this woman
30
00:00:45,959 --> 00:00:48,291
who is not Willem Dafoe's assistant.
31
00:00:48,292 --> 00:00:50,293
Well, I am excited to meet her.
32
00:00:50,294 --> 00:00:51,527
Can you tell us some basics?
33
00:00:51,528 --> 00:00:53,496
Her-her last name, her rank...
34
00:00:53,497 --> 00:00:54,731
Yeah, I don't know any of that stuff.
35
00:00:54,732 --> 00:00:56,566
I've only been on two
dates with her, so...
36
00:00:56,567 --> 00:00:58,027
Two dates, how do we even know
37
00:00:58,028 --> 00:00:59,371
that she's fighting for our army?
38
00:00:59,372 --> 00:01:02,171
Hey! Are we looking at the
owner of a new used car?
39
00:01:02,172 --> 00:01:04,240
No. (scoffs) I wish.
40
00:01:04,241 --> 00:01:06,843
Billy from Car County started
playing misogynist bingo
41
00:01:06,844 --> 00:01:08,427
with me as soon as I
walked in the door.
42
00:01:08,428 --> 00:01:10,013
He called me "dollface."
43
00:01:10,014 --> 00:01:11,881
Started pointing out all
the room in the trunk
44
00:01:11,882 --> 00:01:13,349
for my shopping bags.
45
00:01:13,350 --> 00:01:15,685
Then, he explained
four-wheel drive to me.
46
00:01:15,686 --> 00:01:17,269
I don't need four-wheel
drive explained.
47
00:01:17,270 --> 00:01:18,688
It's very well named.
48
00:01:18,689 --> 00:01:20,832
Like World Series of Poker
champion, Chris Moneymaker.
49
00:01:20,833 --> 00:01:21,691
Continue, though.
50
00:01:21,692 --> 00:01:23,435
Okay, you know how you
get back at this guy?
51
00:01:23,436 --> 00:01:25,695
Huh. You do the entire thing online.
52
00:01:25,696 --> 00:01:27,330
You set up an e-mail address,
53
00:01:27,331 --> 00:01:29,332
but under a dude's name.
54
00:01:29,333 --> 00:01:31,200
Yes. I love it.
55
00:01:31,201 --> 00:01:32,402
Help! Help!
56
00:01:32,403 --> 00:01:34,170
There's some lunatic after me!
(yelling)
57
00:01:34,171 --> 00:01:35,338
- Oh, my God!
- Call 911!
58
00:01:35,339 --> 00:01:36,406
Call 911!
59
00:01:36,407 --> 00:01:37,740
Please, somebody help me.
60
00:01:37,741 --> 00:01:39,924
- (everyone yelling at once)
- Winston! Winston, go...!
61
00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,577
JESS: Oh, my God! Stay there! Wait!
62
00:01:41,578 --> 00:01:42,879
Don't pull it out.
63
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,381
(laughing)
64
00:01:47,384 --> 00:01:48,551
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
65
00:01:49,553 --> 00:01:52,355
(both laughing)
66
00:01:52,356 --> 00:01:54,524
You just got Rhonda'd.
67
00:01:54,525 --> 00:01:55,525
(laughing)
68
00:01:55,526 --> 00:01:56,759
Rhonda'd!
69
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,062
(Rhonda and Winston laughing)
70
00:01:59,063 --> 00:02:01,264
What's your last name?
71
00:02:01,265 --> 00:02:05,137
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
72
00:02:06,270 --> 00:02:09,605
I'm almost done with my
"Jeff Day" e-mail to the dealer.
73
00:02:09,606 --> 00:02:11,774
I've constructed a very
rich back story for him.
74
00:02:11,775 --> 00:02:13,576
- Listen to this, listen to this.
- Okay.
75
00:02:13,577 --> 00:02:15,745
He wrote this while
on break from his job,
76
00:02:15,746 --> 00:02:17,747
which is hanging telephone line.
77
00:02:17,748 --> 00:02:19,515
He should have a desk job by now,
78
00:02:19,516 --> 00:02:21,384
but the ground has always
been trouble for him.
79
00:02:21,385 --> 00:02:24,020
Yeah, the poles are safer.
80
00:02:24,021 --> 00:02:26,856
And sometimes, at dusk,
he can see his buddies
81
00:02:26,857 --> 00:02:29,358
from Desert Storm dancing in the static.
82
00:02:29,359 --> 00:02:31,060
- That's beautiful.
- Yeah, it's okay.
83
00:02:31,061 --> 00:02:33,356
So you need a dude pass
before you send it off, right?
84
00:02:33,357 --> 00:02:34,540
No, I don't need a dude pass.
85
00:02:34,541 --> 00:02:35,565
No, no. Listen to this.
86
00:02:35,566 --> 00:02:38,401
My wife is on my nuts.
87
00:02:38,402 --> 00:02:40,069
I need two grand off the MSRP.
88
00:02:40,070 --> 00:02:41,270
Go, Clips.
89
00:02:41,271 --> 00:02:42,734
- Go, Clips! Good, yeah.
- Hey, Nick,
90
00:02:42,735 --> 00:02:44,407
if anyone's gonna
give Jess a dude pass,
91
00:02:44,408 --> 00:02:46,242
it's gonna be me.
92
00:02:46,243 --> 00:02:47,276
A dude pass.
93
00:02:47,277 --> 00:02:48,744
Not a pretty-boy pass.
94
00:02:48,745 --> 00:02:52,415
Not a "I make my money
from my mind" pass.
95
00:02:52,416 --> 00:02:55,651
Not a "I look like the cute
benchwarmer on an NBA team,
96
00:02:55,652 --> 00:02:57,420
"but I'm not good enough to play."
97
00:02:57,421 --> 00:02:59,164
- Are you done?
- After I take my dude pass,
98
00:02:59,165 --> 00:03:00,756
why don't you take a short guy pass?
99
00:03:00,757 --> 00:03:03,292
Why don't you take a snake voice pass?
100
00:03:03,293 --> 00:03:05,280
Is it frustrating for you
when you go to concerts
101
00:03:05,281 --> 00:03:07,281
and you can't see the stage
'cause you're so short?
102
00:03:07,282 --> 00:03:08,196
It can be.
103
00:03:08,197 --> 00:03:09,570
It can be!
104
00:03:09,571 --> 00:03:11,839
I know we're in an awkward situation.
105
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,375
I used to date Nick, now
I'm dating Sam, again.
106
00:03:14,376 --> 00:03:16,544
I thought we were over all this.
107
00:03:16,545 --> 00:03:17,912
And now every time I turn around,
108
00:03:17,913 --> 00:03:19,614
you guys are in some kind of turf war.
109
00:03:19,615 --> 00:03:22,277
Are we in a turf war?
I didn't even notice, you punk.
110
00:03:22,278 --> 00:03:23,351
This can't go on forever.
111
00:03:23,352 --> 00:03:24,899
Let's just get our emotions out there.
112
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,233
Let's just express ourselves...
113
00:03:26,234 --> 00:03:27,355
I'm good. I don't...
114
00:03:27,356 --> 00:03:28,456
- I got nothing.
- Yeah, I mean, everything's fine.
115
00:03:28,457 --> 00:03:29,357
- You feel good?
- Yeah, I feel great.
116
00:03:29,358 --> 00:03:30,758
You feel good, I feel good.
117
00:03:30,759 --> 00:03:31,999
- Yeah, I got nothing to talk about, yeah.
- We're good, man.
118
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,503
I don't feel nothin' towards you man.
119
00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:36,164
You can spit on the
bottom of my shoe, dude.
120
00:03:36,165 --> 00:03:38,332
(Winston laughing)
121
00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:40,068
Let's...
122
00:03:40,069 --> 00:03:42,370
SCHMIDT: This is what you
want for our nuptials?
123
00:03:42,371 --> 00:03:44,005
Shenanigans?
124
00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:45,206
This is our wedding, Cece,
125
00:03:45,207 --> 00:03:47,241
not "Ernest Goes to Our Wedding."
126
00:03:47,242 --> 00:03:49,177
Can't we just revoke
Winston's plus one?
127
00:03:49,178 --> 00:03:50,881
Okay, look, I'm sure
there's more to Rhonda
128
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:52,680
than just pranks, all right?
129
00:03:52,681 --> 00:03:55,516
We owe it to Winston
to get to know her.
130
00:03:55,517 --> 00:03:57,218
Well, let's start at the beginning.
131
00:03:57,219 --> 00:03:59,353
Tell us about your childhood.
Where'd you grow up?
132
00:03:59,354 --> 00:04:01,856
- Well, I grew up in Baltimore.
- Oh.
133
00:04:01,857 --> 00:04:03,558
I don't like to talk about it
134
00:04:03,559 --> 00:04:05,193
around new people,
135
00:04:05,194 --> 00:04:06,861
but we were homeless.
136
00:04:06,862 --> 00:04:08,863
Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry.
137
00:04:08,864 --> 00:04:10,064
I had no idea.
138
00:04:10,065 --> 00:04:11,132
It was tough.
139
00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:13,234
We didn't have money
140
00:04:13,235 --> 00:04:16,070
for food, clothes, toys.
141
00:04:16,071 --> 00:04:18,906
My brother and I adopted a rat.
142
00:04:18,907 --> 00:04:21,843
I remember, we called
the rat Singular Wireless.
143
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,011
He was sweet.
144
00:04:24,012 --> 00:04:26,247
Until he ate my brother's
pinkie toe clean off.
145
00:04:26,248 --> 00:04:28,349
(quietly): What?
146
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:29,610
He bit it like a baby carrot.
147
00:04:30,252 --> 00:04:31,686
Just (snapping).
148
00:04:31,687 --> 00:04:32,920
It woke me up.
149
00:04:32,921 --> 00:04:35,089
That snap, that snap.
150
00:04:35,090 --> 00:04:36,396
In the end, we laughed about it,
151
00:04:36,397 --> 00:04:37,631
'cause what else can you do?
152
00:04:37,632 --> 00:04:39,694
Just Singular being Singular.
153
00:04:39,695 --> 00:04:40,695
Gosh darn it.
154
00:04:40,696 --> 00:04:41,629
(sighing)
155
00:04:41,630 --> 00:04:43,030
He ran away after a while...
156
00:04:43,031 --> 00:04:45,399
my brother, not the rat...
157
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,436
he didn't get far,
obviously, not with nine toes.
158
00:04:48,437 --> 00:04:52,473
Listen, it wasn't a great childhood,
159
00:04:52,474 --> 00:04:54,108
and I know that I come on strong,
160
00:04:54,109 --> 00:04:56,444
but I guess, if I can
161
00:04:56,445 --> 00:04:58,913
scare people with my pranks,
162
00:04:58,914 --> 00:05:03,117
then I know I'm not the
only one who's scared.
163
00:05:03,118 --> 00:05:05,286
What a cruel, terrible world we live in.
164
00:05:05,287 --> 00:05:08,289
I had no idea.
165
00:05:08,290 --> 00:05:09,757
I'm so, so, so, sorry.
166
00:05:09,758 --> 00:05:12,927
(both guffawing)
167
00:05:12,928 --> 00:05:14,262
You're stupid, Schmidt.
168
00:05:14,263 --> 00:05:15,997
And you're-you're stupid, too, Cece,
169
00:05:15,998 --> 00:05:17,658
Stupid.
170
00:05:17,659 --> 00:05:19,042
Okay, wait, so the en... the en...
171
00:05:19,043 --> 00:05:20,568
the entire story is a lie?
172
00:05:20,569 --> 00:05:23,237
Rhon. Da'd.
173
00:05:23,238 --> 00:05:24,272
Pow-pow.
174
00:05:26,942 --> 00:05:28,976
Need a little more of this.
175
00:05:28,977 --> 00:05:30,578
Anybody else want some, uh, wine?
176
00:05:30,579 --> 00:05:31,813
Oh, no, thanks.
177
00:05:31,814 --> 00:05:33,648
I salted it.
178
00:05:33,649 --> 00:05:35,249
(Rhonda guffaws)
179
00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:37,073
You salted the wine?
How is that even a prank?
180
00:05:37,074 --> 00:05:39,487
You just told her that you
salted it before she took a sip.
181
00:05:39,488 --> 00:05:42,790
Unless of course that the prank
is that there's no salt in it.
182
00:05:46,161 --> 00:05:47,161
(spits)
183
00:05:47,162 --> 00:05:48,596
(guffawing)
184
00:05:48,597 --> 00:05:50,198
Yes, there's salt.
185
00:05:50,199 --> 00:05:51,866
There's most definitely salt in that.
186
00:05:51,867 --> 00:05:53,467
(laughing)
187
00:05:53,468 --> 00:05:55,336
This is delightful.
188
00:05:56,672 --> 00:06:00,174
Mr. Day, I, too, love Sons of Anarchy.
189
00:06:00,175 --> 00:06:01,642
You drive a pretty hard bargain.
190
00:06:01,643 --> 00:06:03,344
I agree to your terms!
191
00:06:03,345 --> 00:06:07,481
You just have to sign
the papers in person.
192
00:06:07,482 --> 00:06:10,184
I'm at the dealership for another hour.
193
00:06:10,185 --> 00:06:12,820
Ah, I did not think this through.
194
00:06:12,821 --> 00:06:14,055
(sighing, groaning)
195
00:06:14,056 --> 00:06:16,691
Nick... I have hit a
snag in my car buying.
196
00:06:16,692 --> 00:06:18,659
I'm not surprised you came to me.
197
00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:21,429
I heard you and, uh,
Dr. Trap-Jaw last night,
198
00:06:21,430 --> 00:06:23,297
and he climaxes like a woman.
199
00:06:23,298 --> 00:06:24,532
That was me.
200
00:06:24,533 --> 00:06:27,034
Then you sound like a
woman when you climax.
201
00:06:27,035 --> 00:06:28,970
- I am a woman.
- What's your point?
202
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,097
We're still on your point.
203
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,481
I'm waiting for you to wrap it up.
204
00:06:31,482 --> 00:06:32,807
My point is...
205
00:06:32,808 --> 00:06:34,911
your car deal went south,
and so you need Nick Miller
206
00:06:34,912 --> 00:06:36,377
to twist some nips for you, yeah?
207
00:06:36,378 --> 00:06:38,212
Nope. The nips have
already been twisted.
208
00:06:38,213 --> 00:06:40,681
All I need right now is someone
to pretend to be Jeff Day.
209
00:06:40,682 --> 00:06:43,217
And I would ask Sam, but
he's in a procedure all day.
210
00:06:43,218 --> 00:06:45,553
He's de-webbing some kid's toes.
211
00:06:45,554 --> 00:06:47,822
It sounds whimsical, but
it's actually very serious.
212
00:06:47,823 --> 00:06:48,990
Why would you go to him?
213
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:51,492
He cannot close this
deal for you, Jess.
214
00:06:51,493 --> 00:06:53,327
The deal has already been closed.
215
00:06:53,328 --> 00:06:55,663
Right now, I just need,
literally, any man.
216
00:06:55,664 --> 00:06:56,898
- (chuckling)
- If I could wish
217
00:06:56,899 --> 00:06:58,866
a mannequin to life, I would.
218
00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:00,034
(both laughing)
219
00:07:00,035 --> 00:07:01,736
Oh, Jessica.
220
00:07:01,737 --> 00:07:04,705
You understand that fate fused
that kid's toes together.
221
00:07:04,706 --> 00:07:06,941
And Dr. Sam is the man for that job,
222
00:07:06,942 --> 00:07:08,409
but I'm the man for this job.
223
00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:09,710
So if you excuse me,
224
00:07:09,711 --> 00:07:11,379
let me get my Julius
Pepperwood disguise.
225
00:07:11,380 --> 00:07:12,747
Wait, no, no, no. You don't understand.
226
00:07:12,748 --> 00:07:14,382
I just need you to
pretend to be Jeff Day.
227
00:07:14,383 --> 00:07:16,384
- Well, I need some sort of disguise.
- Absolutely not.
228
00:07:16,385 --> 00:07:17,752
- What about a mustache?
- That's a disguise.
229
00:07:17,753 --> 00:07:19,936
- Not if I grow one.
- We're in the car in ten minutes.
230
00:07:19,937 --> 00:07:21,689
You gonna grow a
mustache in ten minutes?
231
00:07:21,690 --> 00:07:24,025
No man could do that.
232
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,860
Scientifically impossible.
233
00:07:25,861 --> 00:07:28,162
Hey, I guess science always wins, right?
234
00:07:28,163 --> 00:07:30,097
See ya in the car.
235
00:07:30,098 --> 00:07:31,732
JESS: All right, now remember,
236
00:07:31,733 --> 00:07:33,701
Jeff Day is a lovable schnook,
237
00:07:33,702 --> 00:07:35,403
who makes sausage in his spare time.
238
00:07:35,404 --> 00:07:37,071
You work for the phone company,
239
00:07:37,072 --> 00:07:38,606
so you call the phones "units."
240
00:07:38,607 --> 00:07:40,368
All right, what's my back story?
241
00:07:40,369 --> 00:07:41,952
Units, that's good. Uh, you're my wife.
242
00:07:41,953 --> 00:07:43,544
You spend all day making sausages,
243
00:07:43,545 --> 00:07:45,648
and clucking with the other
hens on the kitchen unit.
244
00:07:45,649 --> 00:07:49,283
No, no. I'm a disgraced
ice-skating sensation.
245
00:07:49,284 --> 00:07:51,085
I got ex-communicated from the sport
246
00:07:51,086 --> 00:07:53,220
for protesting that nudie fabric.
247
00:07:53,221 --> 00:07:54,455
And then I broke my butt.
248
00:07:54,456 --> 00:07:55,723
Right, and which toe is webbed?
249
00:07:55,724 --> 00:07:57,518
Ugh, Nick, that's real life.
250
00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:58,862
Ugh. This is gonna be a disaster.
251
00:07:58,863 --> 00:07:59,927
Abort, abort.
252
00:07:59,928 --> 00:08:00,895
Dollface!
253
00:08:00,896 --> 00:08:01,929
You're back!
254
00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:03,624
Hi. I am, I am.
255
00:08:03,625 --> 00:08:05,048
Um, I believe you've been e-mailing
256
00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:06,167
with my husband Jeff.
257
00:08:06,168 --> 00:08:07,435
Jeff Day.
258
00:08:07,436 --> 00:08:10,304
Lover of meats, enemy of nonsense.
259
00:08:10,305 --> 00:08:12,006
Put her there. (laughs)
260
00:08:12,007 --> 00:08:13,874
- Nice mustache.
- My guy.
261
00:08:15,351 --> 00:08:16,593
All right.
262
00:08:17,447 --> 00:08:19,859
Oh, excuse me for a minute.
263
00:08:19,860 --> 00:08:21,021
I have to go feed the meter.
264
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:23,423
Uh, excu... before you go,
265
00:08:23,424 --> 00:08:24,447
can you please fill us in
266
00:08:24,448 --> 00:08:26,504
on all active pranks at this table?
267
00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:28,657
I think you found them all, okay?
268
00:08:28,658 --> 00:08:29,657
Relax.
269
00:08:29,658 --> 00:08:32,593
Oh, wait! Winston...
270
00:08:32,594 --> 00:08:34,996
I put a watch battery in
your huevos rancheros.
271
00:08:34,997 --> 00:08:36,531
(Rhonda laughs)
272
00:08:36,532 --> 00:08:37,532
In the huevos?
273
00:08:37,533 --> 00:08:39,634
No, you did not.
274
00:08:39,635 --> 00:08:41,803
Winston, she's been
sitting down this whole time.
275
00:08:41,804 --> 00:08:44,138
Does she have someone working
with her in the kitchen?
276
00:08:44,139 --> 00:08:45,807
Can you explain to me how that's funny?
277
00:08:45,808 --> 00:08:48,142
'Cause you could have cracked
a molar or choked to death.
278
00:08:48,143 --> 00:08:49,310
(laughing) It's hilarious.
279
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:50,831
'Cause what if I choke on the battery?
280
00:08:50,832 --> 00:08:51,804
You know what I mean?
281
00:08:51,805 --> 00:08:53,147
Or if the battery breaks
282
00:08:53,148 --> 00:08:54,482
open inside of me, you know?
283
00:08:54,483 --> 00:08:57,185
and causes all kinds of... no?
284
00:08:58,153 --> 00:09:00,154
What-what? You guys don't like her?
285
00:09:00,155 --> 00:09:01,322
- Mm...
- Uh...
286
00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:02,426
And I mean, look, I get it.
287
00:09:02,427 --> 00:09:03,558
She might not be the one,
288
00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:05,359
but come on, at least
we're having fun, right?
289
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:06,894
We gave her a chance, okay, Winston?
290
00:09:06,895 --> 00:09:08,529
But I am scared to touch my food,
291
00:09:08,530 --> 00:09:10,473
and I don't want to feel
that way at our wedding.
292
00:09:10,474 --> 00:09:12,033
- Yes.
- Winston, it brings me no joy
293
00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:13,234
to do this, whatsoever,
294
00:09:13,235 --> 00:09:14,702
but I'm revoking your plus one.
295
00:09:14,703 --> 00:09:16,370
You gave me that plus one,
296
00:09:16,371 --> 00:09:17,805
which means I can bring anyone.
297
00:09:17,806 --> 00:09:19,974
Plus one means plus anyone.
298
00:09:19,975 --> 00:09:21,476
For the Schmidt-Parikh wedding,
299
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,144
it's a plus the one.
300
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:25,213
You just had that one
locked and loaded, didn't you?
301
00:09:25,214 --> 00:09:27,241
- Excuse me, sir? Here's your check.
- Oh, my God!
302
00:09:27,242 --> 00:09:28,743
That's my face. Why is that my face?
303
00:09:28,744 --> 00:09:29,817
Ha-ha!
304
00:09:29,818 --> 00:09:31,385
- (laughing)
- WINSTON: No, no, no, no.
305
00:09:31,386 --> 00:09:33,187
Save it.
306
00:09:33,188 --> 00:09:34,989
It's gonna be wasted on these two.
307
00:09:34,990 --> 00:09:37,158
Let's get out of here.
308
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,727
How did she get a mask of my face?
309
00:09:41,029 --> 00:09:43,731
Oh... (scoffs) did they just
stick us with the bill?
310
00:09:43,732 --> 00:09:45,700
N... no.
311
00:09:45,701 --> 00:09:48,069
She left, like, $300.
312
00:09:48,070 --> 00:09:50,037
Who does this prank?
313
00:09:50,038 --> 00:09:51,372
Thanks for meeting with us.
314
00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:53,374
I don't know... what made me think
315
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:56,244
I could have possibly
bought a car by myself.
316
00:09:56,245 --> 00:09:57,908
You were right to get
your hubby involved.
317
00:09:57,909 --> 00:09:59,280
Now, Mr. Day,
318
00:09:59,281 --> 00:10:01,549
your mind seemed pretty
made up over e-mail.
319
00:10:01,550 --> 00:10:03,885
Look, Billy, I wish, uh,
we could get twin hogs,
320
00:10:03,886 --> 00:10:05,586
but then the missus
would stop giving me
321
00:10:05,587 --> 00:10:07,288
that sweet potato pie.
322
00:10:07,289 --> 00:10:08,623
You know Jeff Day,
323
00:10:08,624 --> 00:10:10,792
I need my sweet potato
pie every four hours.
324
00:10:10,793 --> 00:10:12,093
Ain't that right, baby?
325
00:10:12,094 --> 00:10:13,554
I married a hungry man.
326
00:10:13,555 --> 00:10:15,138
BILLY: If you're open to other options,
327
00:10:15,139 --> 00:10:16,798
we just got a consignment of vehicles
328
00:10:16,799 --> 00:10:18,032
that we are looking to move
329
00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:19,534
at rock bottom prices.
330
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:22,036
I had my heart set
on that cute little car
331
00:10:22,037 --> 00:10:23,780
that you showed me in
that e-mail you wrote.
332
00:10:23,781 --> 00:10:25,106
(chuckles)
333
00:10:25,107 --> 00:10:28,543
Had a really big makeup mirror,
and I sure was excited about it.
334
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,378
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, buh-buh...
335
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:32,883
There's no harm in hearing what
the catch of the day is, right?
336
00:10:32,884 --> 00:10:34,048
- No harm.
- Exactly.
337
00:10:34,049 --> 00:10:36,083
Billy, Jeff needs to
take his omega-3 pill.
338
00:10:36,084 --> 00:10:38,227
- Could you grab us a glass of water?
- Not a problem.
339
00:10:38,228 --> 00:10:39,485
I got a bad ticker myself.
340
00:10:39,486 --> 00:10:40,755
Not... uh...
341
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,364
I had him right where I wanted him.
342
00:10:43,365 --> 00:10:44,773
He's trying to bait and switch us,
343
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:46,437
and you're gobbling it
up like an old king
344
00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:47,736
with a turkey leg.
345
00:10:47,737 --> 00:10:49,771
You're leaving money on the table.
346
00:10:49,772 --> 00:10:51,406
I can smell it.
347
00:10:51,407 --> 00:10:52,941
Watch. I'm gonna string him along,
348
00:10:52,942 --> 00:10:54,685
and then I'm going to
get you a better deal.
349
00:10:54,686 --> 00:10:56,277
He thinks he's fishing for me.
350
00:10:56,278 --> 00:10:59,814
Nah, I'm fishing for him,
but from the water.
351
00:10:59,815 --> 00:11:01,082
You're in way over your head.
352
00:11:01,083 --> 00:11:03,318
Right where a fish wants to be.
353
00:11:03,319 --> 00:11:05,086
Here's your water, and...
354
00:11:05,087 --> 00:11:07,822
take as many mouse pads as you want.
355
00:11:07,823 --> 00:11:09,824
- Quit stalling me.
- Smart.
356
00:11:09,825 --> 00:11:11,660
Tell me about the secret stash, Billy.
357
00:11:11,661 --> 00:11:12,927
These vehicles are a lot bigger
358
00:11:12,928 --> 00:11:14,351
than what you were e-mailing about.
359
00:11:14,352 --> 00:11:15,930
Well, a car can never be too big,
360
00:11:15,931 --> 00:11:17,866
and a pot can never be too sweet.
361
00:11:17,867 --> 00:11:19,034
(mouthing)
362
00:11:19,035 --> 00:11:20,568
I hear ya, so I guess,
363
00:11:20,569 --> 00:11:22,272
don't waste your time
with anything smaller
364
00:11:22,273 --> 00:11:23,571
- than a two liter?
- Two liter?
365
00:11:23,572 --> 00:11:25,407
I want a car, not a Mountain Dew.
366
00:11:25,408 --> 00:11:28,276
(all laughing)
367
00:11:28,277 --> 00:11:30,145
You want to send this
girl out on to the road
368
00:11:30,146 --> 00:11:32,113
with a little bulk,
in case she gets hit,
369
00:11:32,114 --> 00:11:34,649
or more likely, hits someone,
am I right? (laughs)
370
00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:37,085
- While she's text messaging.
- They can't stop.
371
00:11:37,086 --> 00:11:38,987
They're beautiful, but... (boinging)
372
00:11:38,988 --> 00:11:40,355
(laughing): I like you.
373
00:11:40,356 --> 00:11:42,299
Honey, don't forget how
much research you put in.
374
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:43,925
You don't want to throw that all away,
375
00:11:43,926 --> 00:11:45,593
like I did with my skating career.
376
00:11:45,594 --> 00:11:47,537
Jeff, you clearly know
your way around an engine.
377
00:11:47,538 --> 00:11:49,264
What are we talkin', 5.0?
378
00:11:49,265 --> 00:11:51,433
You want the bird to
sing in my underpants,
379
00:11:51,434 --> 00:11:52,617
I'm gonna need double digits.
380
00:11:52,618 --> 00:11:53,802
- Oh, yeah,
- Jeff.
381
00:11:53,803 --> 00:11:54,636
baby!
382
00:11:54,637 --> 00:11:55,537
Oh, yeah.
383
00:11:55,538 --> 00:11:56,538
Yeah!
384
00:11:56,539 --> 00:11:58,206
- It's gonna sing.
- Boom.
385
00:11:58,207 --> 00:11:59,974
- (cell phone chiming)
- You get me.
386
00:11:59,975 --> 00:12:02,510
(Billy and Nick laughing,
making goofy noises)
387
00:12:02,511 --> 00:12:04,546
Excuse me. I have to take this.
388
00:12:04,547 --> 00:12:06,955
It's Oksana Baiul.
Honey, get the car I want,
389
00:12:06,956 --> 00:12:09,150
or the only pie you'll be
eating is out of the garbage.
390
00:12:09,151 --> 00:12:10,185
(laughs)
391
00:12:11,220 --> 00:12:12,854
Hey, I thought you were de-webbing.
392
00:12:12,855 --> 00:12:14,449
Well, it took less time than I thought.
393
00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:15,993
Yeah, he only wanted his big toe free,
394
00:12:15,994 --> 00:12:17,425
so he could wear flip-flops.
395
00:12:17,426 --> 00:12:18,489
- How's the new car?
- Ugh!
396
00:12:18,490 --> 00:12:20,128
Don't make a thing out of it,
397
00:12:20,129 --> 00:12:22,430
but I had to ask Nick to be Jeff Day.
398
00:12:22,431 --> 00:12:23,765
You asked Nick for help, not me?
399
00:12:23,766 --> 00:12:25,133
Well, you were in surgery,
400
00:12:25,134 --> 00:12:26,717
and he was the only
person I could find,
401
00:12:26,718 --> 00:12:28,169
but he's screwing it up so much
402
00:12:28,170 --> 00:12:30,638
that I really wish I'd
"Reverse-Tootsie'd."
403
00:12:30,639 --> 00:12:33,041
Of course he's screwing up.
He's a little human porkchop.
404
00:12:33,042 --> 00:12:35,009
- I'm on my way.
- Wait, don't come. Don't come.
405
00:12:35,010 --> 00:12:36,311
I could be Jeff Day.
406
00:12:36,312 --> 00:12:37,778
I just need to find a fake mustache.
407
00:12:37,779 --> 00:12:39,362
What is it with you guys and mustaches?
408
00:12:39,363 --> 00:12:42,165
Look, I have the situation
un-under control.
409
00:12:45,154 --> 00:12:48,189
Cutting Winston's plus one
creates a real ripple effect.
410
00:12:48,190 --> 00:12:49,824
Jason gets bumped from 14.
411
00:12:49,825 --> 00:12:51,359
Ruthie gets bumped from 6,
412
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,661
landing Tyler right next to the bar,
413
00:12:53,662 --> 00:12:55,363
which feels like tempting fate.
414
00:12:55,364 --> 00:12:57,227
Yeah, you know what?
The more I think about it,
415
00:12:57,228 --> 00:12:59,527
we may have judged Rhonda
a little too harshly.
416
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:00,911
Maybe you're right. You know what?
417
00:13:00,912 --> 00:13:02,937
If Winston is happy, with Lady Kutcher,
418
00:13:02,938 --> 00:13:04,706
we should support him.
419
00:13:04,707 --> 00:13:06,274
What's the worst that can happen?
420
00:13:06,275 --> 00:13:09,210
Maybe she'll put some cellophane
over the toilet bowls.
421
00:13:09,211 --> 00:13:11,946
Hopefully, my Uncle Randy doesn't get
422
00:13:11,947 --> 00:13:14,082
- (door opens, closes)
- fired up at the buffet.
423
00:13:14,717 --> 00:13:16,718
Hey, guys.
424
00:13:16,719 --> 00:13:19,181
We were just talking,
and we're sorry about earlier.
425
00:13:19,182 --> 00:13:20,508
Oh, listen, I've been thinking
426
00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:22,657
about what you said,
and maybe you're right.
427
00:13:22,658 --> 00:13:25,226
I want the woman that I bring
to your wedding to be special.
428
00:13:25,227 --> 00:13:27,228
Special like...
429
00:13:27,229 --> 00:13:29,497
my wife.
430
00:13:29,498 --> 00:13:31,566
(laughing)
431
00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:34,569
BOTH: We got married!
432
00:13:34,570 --> 00:13:36,420
(laughing)
433
00:13:36,421 --> 00:13:37,906
What?!
434
00:13:42,660 --> 00:13:43,896
You got married!
435
00:13:43,897 --> 00:13:45,680
Well, look, you guys
said to be more serious,
436
00:13:45,681 --> 00:13:49,252
and nothing's more serious
than holy matrimony.
437
00:13:49,253 --> 00:13:50,997
I mean, this is what
you guys wanted, right?
438
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,656
No! No! This is insane.
439
00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:55,429
And we were totally out of
bounds in the first place.
440
00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:56,997
We never should have interfered
441
00:13:56,998 --> 00:13:58,265
- in your love life.
- No.
442
00:13:58,266 --> 00:13:59,560
- Got you again!
- Boom!
443
00:13:59,561 --> 00:14:00,784
That's what we needed to hear.
444
00:14:00,785 --> 00:14:03,604
Huh? Wait. What?
445
00:14:03,605 --> 00:14:04,832
What, so you... wait a minute.
446
00:14:04,833 --> 00:14:05,976
You're not actually married?
447
00:14:05,977 --> 00:14:07,031
(laughing)
448
00:14:07,032 --> 00:14:08,175
Oh, thank... thank goodness.
449
00:14:08,176 --> 00:14:09,399
It was... it was just a prank.
450
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,406
- It was just a prank. Okay.
- Just a prank.
451
00:14:11,407 --> 00:14:14,215
How did you guys get such a
realistic marriage certificate?
452
00:14:14,216 --> 00:14:15,549
Does it look realistic?
453
00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:17,254
Oh, that's good.
They did a good job on it,
454
00:14:17,255 --> 00:14:18,764
'cause it's a hundred percent real.
455
00:14:18,765 --> 00:14:20,087
We got you.
456
00:14:20,088 --> 00:14:22,089
We found a same-day chapel,
457
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:23,591
and then we got married,
458
00:14:23,592 --> 00:14:24,859
as a prank.
459
00:14:27,763 --> 00:14:30,019
- Wha-uh...?
- So-so you really did get married?
460
00:14:30,020 --> 00:14:31,354
Y'all can't keep up.
461
00:14:31,355 --> 00:14:33,555
How is really getting
married, Winston, a prank?
462
00:14:33,556 --> 00:14:35,223
The authenticity of the marriage
463
00:14:35,224 --> 00:14:37,025
is what makes it a great prank.
464
00:14:37,026 --> 00:14:38,727
- Come on, guys.
- Yeah.
465
00:14:38,728 --> 00:14:40,311
- Says who?
- Hold on. wh... no, please.
466
00:14:40,312 --> 00:14:41,796
Let them explain. Please explain.
467
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,565
We've already explained it.
468
00:14:43,566 --> 00:14:47,235
A simple prank is a strong prank.
469
00:14:47,236 --> 00:14:49,404
- Uh-huh.
- Okay.
470
00:14:49,405 --> 00:14:51,573
Let's just say... I don't know,
471
00:14:51,574 --> 00:14:53,608
I told you that I cut
my pinkie finger off,
472
00:14:53,609 --> 00:14:56,111
and then I actually cut
my pinkie finger off.
473
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,612
RHONDA: Mm.
474
00:14:57,613 --> 00:14:59,114
- Is that a prank?
- Is that a prank?
475
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,498
Well, I would not see that coming.
476
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:02,250
Okay.
477
00:15:02,251 --> 00:15:03,752
Different direction.
478
00:15:03,753 --> 00:15:05,921
Let-let's say that I-I told you
479
00:15:05,922 --> 00:15:07,289
that I invested all of my money
480
00:15:07,290 --> 00:15:08,657
into boogie boards.
481
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:09,691
That's just a lie.
482
00:15:10,811 --> 00:15:11,905
And then I took you
483
00:15:11,906 --> 00:15:14,195
to my accountant's office,
and sitting behind the desk
484
00:15:14,196 --> 00:15:16,765
was just a little crab in sunglasses.
485
00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:18,466
Hmm, still sounds like a lie.
486
00:15:18,467 --> 00:15:22,007
And then my real accountant came out
487
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,609
and showed you the books
488
00:15:23,610 --> 00:15:25,577
and, in fact, I had invested
489
00:15:25,578 --> 00:15:28,113
all of money in boogie boards.
490
00:15:28,114 --> 00:15:29,748
That's definitely a prank.
491
00:15:29,749 --> 00:15:31,583
- Yeah, that would get me.
- That's-that's a good one.
492
00:15:31,584 --> 00:15:32,884
- That's crazy, yeah.
- That's a good one.
493
00:15:32,885 --> 00:15:34,085
- RHONDA: That's a good one.
- I don't understand this.
494
00:15:34,086 --> 00:15:36,154
Okay, so this is like a lifelong prank?
495
00:15:36,155 --> 00:15:37,822
Oh, no, no, we're getting
it annulled tomorrow.
496
00:15:37,823 --> 00:15:39,686
- Oh, right.
- RHONDA: Tonight's the honeymoon.
497
00:15:39,687 --> 00:15:41,159
Listen, a little marriage advice...
498
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,128
I would know because I'm married...
499
00:15:43,129 --> 00:15:46,965
a happy wife, uh, a happy life.
500
00:15:46,966 --> 00:15:48,700
- Have you heard the saying before?
- Mm.
501
00:15:48,701 --> 00:15:51,564
- I'm questioning everything right now.
- I swear, I swear... I swear...
502
00:15:51,565 --> 00:15:52,805
He's about 5'10".
503
00:15:52,806 --> 00:15:54,473
Maybe a mustache.
504
00:15:54,474 --> 00:15:56,141
Sometimes he just sits in
the bathroom buying music.
505
00:15:56,142 --> 00:15:57,688
Do you think you could check in there?
506
00:15:57,689 --> 00:15:59,032
- Is that him in the RV?
- Oh, no.
507
00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:00,554
He wouldn't be in an RV.
508
00:16:01,681 --> 00:16:04,216
He is, he is. That's him in the RV.
509
00:16:04,217 --> 00:16:05,818
You look natural behind
the wheel of that baby.
510
00:16:05,819 --> 00:16:07,762
I felt like myself for
the first time in my life.
511
00:16:07,763 --> 00:16:08,808
JESS: Hey, Jeff.
512
00:16:08,809 --> 00:16:10,176
Where were you,
513
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:12,011
and why weren't you
answering your unit?
514
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,146
- Excuse me.
- Excu... yeah.
515
00:16:13,147 --> 00:16:14,814
Good stuff, Billy. Thank you.
516
00:16:14,815 --> 00:16:17,540
- Ow.
- Is this you doing your plan?
517
00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:18,364
I don't know.
518
00:16:18,365 --> 00:16:19,798
He keeps changing things up.
519
00:16:19,799 --> 00:16:21,200
He's very good at his job.
520
00:16:21,201 --> 00:16:23,569
Hey, how ya doin'? I'm Jeff Day.
521
00:16:24,337 --> 00:16:25,337
My brother.
522
00:16:25,338 --> 00:16:26,872
Geoff with a "G."
523
00:16:26,873 --> 00:16:29,256
- Yeah, I came as soon as I could.
- JESS: I don't know why.
524
00:16:29,257 --> 00:16:30,809
I explicitly told you not to.
525
00:16:30,810 --> 00:16:32,765
NICK: Yeah, why don't you take
a hike? No one needs you here.
526
00:16:32,766 --> 00:16:34,069
The reason she came to me first.
527
00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:35,180
Sorry, Billy.
528
00:16:35,181 --> 00:16:36,382
There's a little bit of bad blood
529
00:16:36,383 --> 00:16:37,816
between my brother and my husband.
530
00:16:37,817 --> 00:16:39,151
She may have come to you for help,
531
00:16:39,152 --> 00:16:40,686
but you're clearly not
getting the job done,
532
00:16:40,687 --> 00:16:42,554
which is why she'll always
come back for my help.
533
00:16:42,555 --> 00:16:44,182
As soon as you get a
helping of my help,
534
00:16:44,183 --> 00:16:45,726
- you're never the same.
- No one helps
535
00:16:45,727 --> 00:16:47,119
me better than I help myself.
536
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,503
I told you if you'd just guide me.
537
00:16:48,504 --> 00:16:49,995
Let's not get into that now.
538
00:16:49,996 --> 00:16:51,540
I don't really know what
you guys are talking about,
539
00:16:51,541 --> 00:16:52,844
but are you still buying the RV?
540
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,504
No! I'm not buying an RV.
541
00:16:54,505 --> 00:16:56,645
Honey, he's giving us a great price.
542
00:16:56,646 --> 00:16:59,114
- Why don't you get those numbers?
- Don't get those numbers.
543
00:16:59,115 --> 00:17:01,018
- Why don't you go get them?
- Stay right there.
544
00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:02,953
Why do women always bring
your drama in here?
545
00:17:02,954 --> 00:17:04,955
Oh, you're blaming me?
546
00:17:04,956 --> 00:17:06,823
Hah! All right.
547
00:17:06,824 --> 00:17:10,493
I'd like to test-drive
my car right now.
548
00:17:12,797 --> 00:17:14,620
I showed you where all
the mirrors are, right?
549
00:17:14,621 --> 00:17:15,498
(engine revs)
550
00:17:15,499 --> 00:17:17,379
(Sam and Nick screaming)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
551
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:18,568
(all yelling at once)
552
00:17:18,569 --> 00:17:20,470
Now you guys are listening to me!
553
00:17:20,471 --> 00:17:23,440
Get ready for the scariest
test-drive of your lives.
554
00:17:23,441 --> 00:17:24,674
Simply the best...
555
00:17:27,612 --> 00:17:28,945
I don't care if you're hot.
556
00:17:28,946 --> 00:17:30,547
I'm always cold!
557
00:17:30,548 --> 00:17:32,451
- NICK: Slow down!
- SAM: Oh, man, this speed...
558
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:33,712
- NICK: God!
- BILLY: Oh, God!
559
00:17:38,214 --> 00:17:39,557
You're gonna give me what I want.
560
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:40,658
I can't give you a thing
561
00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:41,986
until I talk to my manager.
562
00:17:41,987 --> 00:17:43,610
You're talking to me. I know you need to
563
00:17:43,611 --> 00:17:45,163
get rid of this 2017.
564
00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:46,230
It's the end of the month.
565
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,577
I know you haven't made your nut.
566
00:17:47,578 --> 00:17:49,201
Okay, I'll give you the original deal.
567
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,169
- The one from the e-mail.
- You'll do better.
568
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:52,336
I want Bluetooth.
569
00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:55,039
(men screaming)
570
00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:58,576
I want voice activation.
571
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,079
- BILLY: Oh, God! No, no!
- SAM: No, no, no, no, no! No!
572
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,947
Whoa! Okay, okay... Okay-kay-kay...
573
00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:06,084
I want to feel like I'm
driving a spaceship.
574
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,948
- Anything you want.
- NICK: That's impressive.
575
00:18:07,949 --> 00:18:09,220
Oh, that was impressive.
576
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:10,555
- You're really good at this, Jess.
- Really good.
577
00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:12,056
Now for you two, jokers.
578
00:18:12,057 --> 00:18:13,791
I'm sorry I went rogue, Jess.
579
00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:15,059
I'm sorry, too.
580
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:17,523
- You told me not to come, but I did.
- Don't apologize to me.
581
00:18:17,524 --> 00:18:18,596
Talk to each other.
582
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,432
Figure out a way to both be in my life.
583
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:23,901
Otherwise, I'm gonna
turn the heat up to 90.
584
00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:25,970
I'm gonna turn the radio to Pink.
585
00:18:25,971 --> 00:18:29,140
And I am going to find
a cobblestone street.
586
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,084
Oh, no, please don't.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
587
00:18:31,085 --> 00:18:32,110
Shut up, Billy!
588
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,678
You have a little boy's name.
589
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:34,645
You are so mean!
590
00:18:34,646 --> 00:18:35,710
Now solve it.
591
00:18:35,711 --> 00:18:36,931
Deal with your emotions.
592
00:18:36,932 --> 00:18:37,876
Jess, you don't get it.
593
00:18:37,877 --> 00:18:40,630
The stuff between Sam and
I is deep guy stuff.
594
00:18:40,631 --> 00:18:41,692
It's untalkable.
595
00:18:41,693 --> 00:18:43,425
That's right. I punched him twice.
596
00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:44,688
And I stole his girlfriend.
597
00:18:44,689 --> 00:18:47,023
We're talking about
adultery and violence.
598
00:18:47,024 --> 00:18:49,359
That part of the male brain
has not been civilized.
599
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,663
So you're just gonna feud forever?
600
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:53,998
I'll teach my sons to hate his sons
601
00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:55,732
and I expect the same from him.
602
00:18:55,733 --> 00:18:57,000
- You got it.
- Thank you.
603
00:18:57,001 --> 00:18:58,588
If you insist on hating each other,
604
00:18:58,589 --> 00:18:59,787
do it while I'm not around.
605
00:18:59,788 --> 00:19:01,456
The moment I walk in the room,
606
00:19:01,457 --> 00:19:02,790
I want some convincing
607
00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:04,826
dude on dude friendship stuff.
608
00:19:04,827 --> 00:19:06,327
I want high-fives.
609
00:19:06,328 --> 00:19:07,328
I want golf tips.
610
00:19:07,329 --> 00:19:09,297
When a hot waitress walks by,
611
00:19:09,298 --> 00:19:10,798
I want to see a real nudge-nudge.
612
00:19:10,799 --> 00:19:11,893
Hubba, hubba.
613
00:19:11,894 --> 00:19:13,357
BILLY: Keep your hands on the wheel!
614
00:19:13,358 --> 00:19:14,335
NICK: Easy! Jess!
615
00:19:14,336 --> 00:19:15,503
(men clamoring)
616
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:18,973
I can do it if he can.
617
00:19:18,974 --> 00:19:20,608
I can do it even if he can't do it.
618
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:22,977
(laughs)
619
00:19:22,978 --> 00:19:24,579
Are you wearing a fake mustache?
620
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,447
Yeah.
621
00:19:26,448 --> 00:19:28,416
Thanks for coming to
my annulment, guys.
622
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,284
Yeah, well, we should get
to know your ex-wife.
623
00:19:30,285 --> 00:19:32,286
Yeah, like, did she make
that mask of my face,
624
00:19:32,287 --> 00:19:34,422
or does she have a mask guy?
625
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,050
Rhonda's in here.
626
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,594
Is it weird that I'm a little nervous?
627
00:19:37,595 --> 00:19:39,262
- Yes.
- Yeah.
628
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,000
Rhonda.
629
00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:47,268
Will you make me the most
630
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,337
hilarious man in the
world by being my ex...
631
00:19:49,338 --> 00:19:50,638
(all screaming)
632
00:19:50,639 --> 00:19:52,382
- Come on!
- Rhonda's a boy! Rhonda's a boy!
633
00:19:52,383 --> 00:19:53,307
You ain't Rhonda.
634
00:19:53,308 --> 00:19:54,876
- Winston Bishop?
- Y-y-yes.
635
00:19:54,877 --> 00:19:56,477
I'm supposed to play you this.
636
00:19:56,478 --> 00:19:58,980
Oh, here we go.
637
00:19:58,981 --> 00:20:02,383
Winston, I think we should
postpone our annulment.
638
00:20:02,384 --> 00:20:07,054
Until you put the pieces of
your mind back together.
639
00:20:07,055 --> 00:20:08,656
(laughing, imitates shooting gun)
640
00:20:08,657 --> 00:20:11,192
I wish I could see your face right now.
641
00:20:11,193 --> 00:20:12,527
But I can't,
642
00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:14,061
because I got called up for duty.
643
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:16,831
Bye-bye, hubby.
644
00:20:18,167 --> 00:20:21,702
(nervous laugh) That's...
645
00:20:21,703 --> 00:20:23,304
Wait, so we're still married.
646
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:24,539
Yeah.
647
00:20:24,540 --> 00:20:27,132
But then how... but then how you gon...
648
00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:28,476
we were... we were co-pranksters.
649
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,144
How you gonna prank your co-prankster?
650
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:33,648
Hmm... I get it.
651
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:36,384
I finally get the prank now, man.
652
00:20:36,385 --> 00:20:38,486
You got Rhonda'd.
653
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,154
I made Billy my baby.
654
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,223
I made that little bitch
a bottle, right guys?
655
00:20:42,224 --> 00:20:44,192
- You did a great job, honey.
- You did awesome.
656
00:20:44,193 --> 00:20:45,526
What a terrific hybrid vehicle.
657
00:20:45,527 --> 00:20:46,894
I'm glad that the previous owner
658
00:20:46,895 --> 00:20:49,430
scraped off all the
"Co-exist" bumper stickers.
659
00:20:49,431 --> 00:20:50,562
So I have no options.
660
00:20:50,563 --> 00:20:51,866
I have no options. Okay, well...
661
00:20:51,867 --> 00:20:53,568
Sleep with both eyes open, you idiot.
662
00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:55,203
It's one eye, you idiot.
663
00:20:55,204 --> 00:20:57,572
- Cut your chance in half, you idiot.
- Idiot.
664
00:20:57,573 --> 00:20:59,407
Hey, don't bill me for this.
665
00:20:59,408 --> 00:21:01,934
- Sorry, that was my divorce lawyer.
- What?!
666
00:21:01,935 --> 00:21:04,412
Yeah, it's been a day. So I got married.
667
00:21:04,413 --> 00:21:06,447
Then my wife was shipped overseas.
668
00:21:06,448 --> 00:21:07,715
And I remain married.
669
00:21:07,716 --> 00:21:10,551
What? Who? When? How? What?
670
00:21:10,552 --> 00:21:12,720
Yeah, he married Rhonda. As a prank.
671
00:21:12,721 --> 00:21:14,989
Wait, you're really married, Winston?
672
00:21:14,990 --> 00:21:17,191
I-I'm not sure I understand the prank.
673
00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:19,026
The prank is, is that
Winston's on the hook
674
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,528
to send care packages to Germany
675
00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:21,762
for the next six months.
676
00:21:21,763 --> 00:21:23,197
Rhonda'd.
677
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:24,866
Guys, let's just celebrate
678
00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:26,601
how hilarious my situation is,
679
00:21:26,602 --> 00:21:28,202
and in a very real way,
680
00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:30,037
don't tell my mama.
681
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:31,630
You're simply the best!
682
00:21:31,631 --> 00:21:35,960
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683
00:21:36,010 --> 00:21:40,560
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