Original subtitles

So your flight leaves tomorrow, so...

Yes, if we're ever gonna have sex, we gotta do it right now.

Now, what-what I was actually gonna say

is do you want to print your boarding pass at the airport

and use their ink instead of ours,

but I like that yours ended with sex.

I said sex, but I meant meaningless sex.

Oh, I heard that. That's what I heard.

I heard meaningless sex.

I'm gonna be in my room.

Yeah, I'm right behind you.

Time-wise. I'm not pitching positions.

Okay, great.

Holy...

JESS: Hi!

Oh, my God!

I am so sorry.

Nobody was here when I got home,

and the bed just looked so good, I went

full Goldilocks, and you must be Reagan!

It's so good to meet you.

I put on my special underwear, because...

- Nick! - Jess is back!

And I made a promise

to myself when you left

I'd be wearing these when you came back!

- And I'm doing it. - Oh, my God! Thank you!

I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

All right, great, I'm gonna get out of here.

- No, stay. - Nah! Nah!

Sinced and corrected by Chitorafa www.addic7ed.com

JESS: The LA County Courthouse gift shop is straight up bull.

Can you believe I had to have these shirts made?

Yeah, I can believe that.

Where's Reagan? Probably putting on her shirt still.

Yeah, Reagan's not exactly the matching T type.

I-I feel like the moment has passed, don't you?

- Yeah, I feel like it's so passed. - Mm-hmm. Yeah.

That's the thing about moments, though.

They come and they go. They're fleeting.

That's a moment.

This is a moment.

Which makes me believe that although

that one passed, maybe it...

It's also just, um, I'm leaving tomorrow.

- Yeah. - So we don't want to make it complicated.

I mean, right now we're just roommates

that made out a couple of times.

Well, I'm glad we talked this out.

Now your last day here won't be weird.

Nothing about this conversation

makes me believe that that is true.

- (snaps) - Yeah.

(sighs, scoffs)

(snaps)

Glad it's not gonna be weird.

Winston's weekly letters.

90% redacted, but still full of news.

"I'll leave you with my thoughts on the trial."

Big black line, big black line.

- They redacted that stuff? - Big black line.

"LOL." Big black line.

"Gotta go, or I'll be late for my first dance class."

You know, actually the dance class has become

more of a dance gathering.

You know what, maybe Schmidt and I will join you,

because the wedding is almost here,

and we have to work on our first dance.

Come. I mean, you know, two more referrals

and I get to have my birthday party there.

- JESS: Hey, Reagan. - Hello.

How was jury duty?

Jury duty was quite simply the tops.

Did I have a knack for it?

I suppose. Was I elected foreman?

Unanimously.

Am I going on the news tomorrow

to explain the verdict

to laymen non-jurors? (chuckles)

You know I am.

- (chuckles) Nice! - And yet,

I nearly threw it all away for love.

His name was Juror 237B,

and we made the courthouse

our hothouse.

Blood splatters, mucous seeps.

JESS: But nothing could happen between us,

because, as every American knows,

personal contact

through the exchange of personal information

between members of a sequestered jury

is strictly forbidden.

But I promised myself,

once the trial had ended,

I would find him.

Extra! Extra!

"I'm gonna find that juror," vows Jessica Day!

Page two: It's war in the Pacific!

What?!

NICK: Schmidt...

I... Schmidt!

I need your help.

This is Reagan's last day.

I know it is, and you know what?

Whatever embarrassments or failures

the rest of your life may hold,

no one can ever take away

what you've accomplished this week.

A goddess walked among us,

and you went to first base with her.

Several times.

And I actually did a really good job kissing her.

But now I'm making it weird.

- No. - Yeah, every time

I open my mouth,

I'm tarnishing my legacy a little bit.

But I have a plan. I'm gonna shut up.

Love it.

I'm not finished yet. There's more to my plan.

- Do you need more? - Yes, I need more.

What more could there be? Just shut up.

I'm going to shut up

until we say good-bye.

And then...

I'm gonna hit her with a Goosebumps Walkaway.

I don't know who he is.

Is he an old-fashioned baseball player?

Goosebumps Walkaway is the line

that they guy says to the girl

in the movie that gives her goosebumps

and then he walks away forever.

- It's that line that... - That haunts her.

That consumes her.

That rings in her ear for all of eternity,

granting you...

BOTH (whispering): Immortality.

- You're damn right. - Immortality.

Come here. I want to say

good-bye to you.

But it's not true.

So-so bad-bye, Reagan.

Bad... bye.

Okay, that was terrible.

Now, go write 20 more.

Learn them, inhabit them, practice them,

and then throw those away.

Then write another 20 and submit them to me for my approval.

Can bad-bye be one of them?

- No. - So 40 new ones.

- Yeah. - That's too... that's excessive.

REAGAN: So, what is your plan for finding this guy?

I'm typing words I know about him into a computer.

- (typing) - Handsome

plus Los Angeles plus 237B...

(sighs) ...is a dead end.

Not if you're looking for Japanese adult film star,

Handsome Los Angeles.

Born in February of 1937?

Handsome, tell me your secrets.

Looks like you are figuring that out.

So I'm gonna go anywhere else.

(knocking on door)

Hey, Jess.

- Hi. - Hey, Reagan.

- Wow, you were in here. - I was, yeah.

Anybody else back there? (forced laughter)

If there was, I'd be terrified.

It's a small space.

So you and Jess are just talking.

I can only imagine what you guys are talking about.

- Well... - I can't stand it for another second.

I have to address the 800-pound gorilla that's in this room.

It's elephant in the room.

800-pound gorilla is a different thing.

Okay, I guess I have to address the 800-pound elephant

that's in the middle of the room.

It's just elephant. The 800 pounds,

that goes with the gorilla thing.

800 pounds is not a very big elephant.

Jess! Reagan and I were romantic together.

Ooh.

I didn't know that.

Which means I've been romantic with both of you.

- Cool. - And it's not just

because you have brown hair

and you've shared this room.

But because you're great, top-shelf ladies.

And I had the opportunity, and so I reached in the cookie jar,

and I grabbed a chocolate chip and an oatmeal.

And I'm not saying who's who.

(sighs) I've gotten off-track.

Your worlds must be turned

absolutely upside down.

This must be devastating, as it is to me.

We're all feeling emotions we couldn't even begin to discuss.

A lot of us are having bad anxiety,

and our legs are feeling weird and tingly.

I think we're fine with it.

I think it's great.

I'm really glad I came in here

and, uh, talked about this.

I feel like we've gotten a lot of... Great.

Mm-hmm.

Well...

Winston! (chuckles)

I didn't hear Winston.

He just screamed my name.

He needs help.

All right, I'm coming to save you.

That's the most embarrassed I've ever been

for anyone not doing improv.

He's being so weird.

I gotta get out of here for the day.

Well, how would you like to drive around Los Angeles

and look for a juror?

Thank you for being Reagan

Travel to the car

And find a juror

Your heart is true, but you're not walking fast enough.

You and Nick, tell me everything.

The power went out.

We went into the basement.

There were rats, he passed out, we kissed.

(squealing softly): Oh, my God.

And you like him.

No. No, I don't.

We just hooked up a few times.

Let's focus on you.

Here's a courtroom sketch.

Yep, there he is, 237B.

God, he can dress.

But we're gonna need more than that.

We need something distinctive, so did he have like a...

he walked with a limp or he had a hook hand

or a neck tattoo... anything?

No. (chuckles)

He was perfect.

We all were.

Except for the guy sitting next to him,

9C... ugh.

REAGAN: What was wrong with him?

He never got why Bunt v. Che was a relevant precedent.

Also he wheezed... a lot.

Like the door of a haunted house.

He has asthma.

We can find that guy

and see if he knows anything.

I used to peddle inhalers. What color was his?

Oh, uh... red.

Like the door of a haunted house!

Sorry. (laughs)

The only group excursion

we took was to a haunted house.

By the way, if you like haunted houses

but hate lines, January's a great time to go...

Dr. Foley?

Reagan Lucas.

I was just calling to ask you if you were still

handing out samples of Ciliabreez?

Six months after the recall?

Oh, dang.

Jim?

Nothing more bad-ass

than calling a doctor by his first name.

- (shushing) - Sorry.

All I need from you is the name of a patient.

(Digital Underground's "The Humpty Dance" playing)

SCHMIDT: What is this, Winston?

Who are all these unusual people?

Where's the instructor?

It is a gathering, not a class.

I've told you that before.

Listen, it's fun.

That's not dancing. These people aren't dancing.

Dancing is about precision

and domination and sweat.

Check out my ass. Check out my ass!

My butt is alive! (whoops)

(dancers clamoring)

SCHMIDT: We're not gonna learn our first dance here.

I'm gonna call my Beijing Opening Ceremonies contact.

- He's fantastic. - No, no, no.

Look, I always imagined that our first dance

would just be you and me having the time of our lives.

- Very choreographed time of our lives. - No.

Having fun... that's how I want to start our lives together.

Can you please just try?

Please?

Yeah, I'll-I'll-I'll try.

Just listen to the music.

- Let it build. - Let it build.

Got to let it wash over you... Oh, there's the wave!

Let it wash over me on the three count?

Yes!

I think so.

It's happening. It's happening.

Well, just teach me the steps and I'd be happy to join in.

There are no steps.

What dance are you guys doing?

Because it is not Humpty's!

This is my dance, y'all, Humpty Hump's my name...

This is his dance, y'all!

And Humpty Hump is his name!

During Cece's first wedding,

Nick and I went into a duct

to catch a badger that Winston had released.

- Naturally. - It was crazy!

It was chaotic!

It was largely Nick's fault.

But then I realized he's the only person

I'd ever go into a duct with.

Nick kind of sneaks up on you.

You think he's one thing...

and then...

Yeah, Nick is great.

But I'm leaving and

we're both cool about that so...

Oh, right, you're both totally cool about it.

I get Goosebumps Walka... Okay, okay, just think... okay.

Oh, wait, Reagan, before you go!

"Wherever the fridge of life takes you..."

You came in, I liked you, then you left!

What, what is that...?!

Stop thinking...

that this is good-bye.

And start knowing it as...

bye...

bye.

Pretend I didn't do the "byes."

REAGAN: So, Dr. Foley says our guy spends all of his time here.

With all this grass, no wonder his asthma is bad.

JESS: Oh, hey!

There he is!

Hey, 9C!

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no!

You do not run my life anymore. Good-bye!

Is that adult man afraid of you?

I take a bathroom break when I want to!

I cracked skulls as foreman.

Whoa, whoa.

JESS: "Men only"?!

It's 2016!

Clearly, I make the rules.

That's why my office is a hut.

Fine, we'll get a man.

So, Winston didn't answer.

Schmidt said, "They're desecrating the Time Warp.

Desecrating it!" And he hung up.

But I got a hold of Nick.

He said that he's super busy,

which means he's naked and doodling.

But he said he'd make time for us, which is good.

- Wait, sorry, so Nick is coming? - Yeah.

No, just call him and tell him not to come.

I thought you were cool.

I am cool.

You don't really seem cool.

It's just that when I see him, it's a, it's weird,

- Mm-hmm. - 'cause I'm, I'm leaving

and it's, it's complicated.

- I do... I just, I don't really know how to... - Right.

God, I'm crazy about him!

Yes! I knew it!

- I knew it. - Okay, yes.

That's enough. You're right.

You know what happens now.

I don't want to hug you.

You know what happens now!

I'm not hugging you.

Yeah, you are.

I'm not hugging you.

You know the other juror's name?

I think it was 237B.

- What's that guy's name, yeah? - Oh, yeah, no.

- I really, really can't. It's like... - Nah...

I like that guy, really?

- What's the name of the juror? - No!

Calls hand sanitizer "ham sanitizer."

- Tell me the name and I'll give you the hat! - Quit it! Quit it!

He calls DNA "D and A."

You want grass stain on this white hat?!

Please no.

But he kisses you like

a coal miner greeting his wife.

After a day in the caves.

Did they go into caves?

- 237B is Gary Garcia! - Gary?

- I'm not jumping this! Let's go! - You get back here!

Gary Garcia!

SCHMIDT: Look at her out there.

Treating the laws of music

as mere suggestions of music.

Must be frightening to love a daredevil.

What happened to you?

Growing up a husky boy,

I learned that I had no margin for error.

(Van McCoy's "The Hustle" playing)

Hey, fatty, it's called "The Hustle."

(laughter)

SCHMIDT: The slightest mistake meant ridicule,

so I had to learn to do everything perfectly.

I learned to dance a dance the way

that it was meant to be danced.

And until I learned to dance

that dance perfectly, I would never dance that dance.

(shouts)

And then exactly 364 days later...

Do The Hustle!

- Do the Hustle...

- BOY: Sock it, man!

- (audience clamoring) - GIRL: Go!

- (cheering) - BOY: Whoa!

No complaints here, fatty.

No complaints.

Let me ask you a question about this mean kid

at the talent show... was he a child emperor?

No, he was as poor and trashy as they come.

So he had no power over you then or now.

Schmidt,

you got to stop letting childish ridicule dictate your actions.

Oh, yeah, well, your-your smelly butt looks dumb in those pants.

(cell phone rings)

- Hello? - Winston, I need you

to run a name through the system.

That's a real thing, right?

- MALE OFFICER: Yeah, nice vest! - (whistling)

Hey, look, Bishop altered his uniform again.

(laughter)

Poor guy.

It's a bloodbath.

He'll live. Come here, come here, come here.

Come here!

So, here's my plan.

I knock on Reagan's door and the moment

before she says good-bye,

I give her the Goosebumps Walkaway of your choosing,

and then I walk away.

- What direction? - What direction? Do I, uh...?

Do you go left, right or backwards?

Left, le... uh, left!

Nick.

Uh, right, right.

- Backwards. - Left is a great choice.

'Cause that's what I started with.

- Left is a great choice. - Thank you, man.

That's, that was my instinct, left.

And I would read that one.

That's 'cause this is a perfect one.

When are you gonna tell him how you feel?

Never. I'm still leaving.

What would be the point of telling him how I feel

when nothing can possibly come from it?

WINSTON: So...

there are 28 guys named Gary Garcia.

- Great, I can do that. - That's not bad. - Really?

On that piece of paper.

931 in the system; still printing.

Are you sure that Gary didn't have

something distinctive about him?

Just a smile big and wide,

like the door of a haunted house.

Boy, was I wrong. Gary Garcia.

In my mind, he was Lawrence from Torrance.

In your wildest fantasies, he lives in Torrance?

Lawrence from Torrance, not Lawrence of Torrance.

He was born in Torrance,

but now he lives in Brentwood.

Lawrence of Brentwood.

Kind of sounds like the sponsor at the end of a game show.

Yeah. "Pat Sajak's wardrobe

furnished by Lawrence of Brentwood."

Yeah.

(giggles)

This is why you should tell Nick how you feel.

Even if nothing comes of it.

So you won't end up like me.

I never told Gary how I feel,

and now I never can.

You can, and you should.

Don't let Miller become your Garcia.

Hi, Nick.

I want to say something to you before we say good-bye.

Shh...

Ew.

Sayonara, Sammy.

Sayonara.

What?

That's the shower.

(whispering): I know it is.

Hello and good morning.

Hello and good morning.

You okay?

It's not so bad

if I don't think about the trial.

Trial, trial, trial, trial...

Hello and good morning!

Today, more on that trial

that's been captivating Los Angeles.

Joining us is the trial's foreman.

Thank you for being here, ma'am.

(distorted voice): Thank you for having me, Alan; I'm a big fan.

ALAN: Also with us, via satellite,

is another member of the jury.

- No way it's him! - WINSTON: Whoa...

What are the odds?

Well, exactly one in 11, Nick.

Juror...

(distorted voice): Please, please, oh, my God, please.

...237B.

- (distorted shriek) - Oh! - Oh! - Oh!

- ALAN: Welcome, sir. - (distorted voice): It's good to be with you, Alan.

Let's start...

Gary! Gary, it's me!

- Gary! - Madam Foreman?

Is that you?

Yes! I'm Jess and I like you!

I'm Gary and I like you, too.

- (laughing) - There it is!

(chuckling)

Man, they sound like Cookie Monster's parents.

How do I get in touch with you?

It's gargar...

It's G-A-R-G-A-R, like Gary with no "Y"s,

- twice, no spaces. - Someone get me a freakin' pen!

@historicbrentwood.info.

Oh, my God.

Wait! Did you say Brentwood?

Historicbrentwood.info.

Gary of Brentwood.

Gary of Brentwood.

Gary of Brentwood.

Gary of Brentwood.

"J" as in Jack, "D" as in dog...

Should she be giving out

her personal information on TV? I mean...

JESS: ...at...

...verdicts get appealed.

And killers go free.

Eh, hard to be killed over e-mail.

...and I live at 310 Traction Avenue,

- apartment 4D. - Easy to be killed in your home.

You know where to find me!

I need to see you now!

Okay, I know exactly where to go.

Stay tuned for your eight-day forecast

with Crispin Saint Chang.

Jess did it right.

She said something real.

And I said "Sayonara, Sammy."

Who the hell is Sammy?

All right, man.

I'm gonna take off.

I gotta head to the station before my dance gathering.

You can't go to the station like that. They'll make fun of you.

When are you gonna stop worrying about what people say?

When I look into my suggestion box,

it is full.

(laughs)

People have a lot to say about the way I live my life.

But there is only

one comment card that I pay attention to.

And you know what that card says?

It says, "Great job.

Keep it up."

And you know who filled out that card?

Me.

You know how I know?

Because I recognize my motherfreakin' handwriting.

Now that's a Goosebumps Walkaway.

I can do this.

Right?

Yes, I can do this.

(phone buzzing)

Oh, what...

Hey, I was just about to call you.

Nick, look, there's something

that I wish I would've said to you last night, but I didn't,

so I'm gonna say it right now.

Sayonara, Sammy.

Those are such beautiful words.

I'm Sammy.

(clears throat)

- Hello? - Reagan...

I'm gonna need some time to process

everything you just said.

Yeah.

I really put myself out there.

Yeah.

I... Hey...

in light of recent events,

I think it's important

that we have each other's current information.

I mean, I know I have your phone number

because I just dialed it

and I have your address because I lived there.

'Cause Jess said it on TV.

I've got a flight to catch.

Me, too.

Bye, Nick.

(laughs)

(sighs)

We did it.

(wry laugh)

Thank God.

Yeah.

Need some sleep.

Good night, buddy.

So, we're totally free to talk about anything.

- Totally. - Yeah.

Like, any... thing.

Any thing at all.

Yes.

Gah! What are you doing here?

Well, it's been six weeks since we've talked

and I was ready to talk.

You and Gary looked great on television.

(sighs) Well, that's how I want you to remember us:

Blurry and talking like Zuul.

Well, then, mission accomplished?

(chuckles)

Hey, did Reagan say anything to you?

Yeah, she actually did.

She said, uh, "Sayonara, Sammy."

Does that mean anything?

No, but whatever it means

will factor heavily into tonight's Nick-on-Nick time.

I don't want to know

- what Nick-on-Nick time is. - Masturbating.

Way more information than I wanted.

Everybody does it three or four times a day.

(laughing): Three or four times...

I'm talking about masturbating.

- (laughing) - But never am I

fully into it physically.

What? (giggling)

I missed you, kid.

Missed you, too.

God, your nose hairs

have gone totally bananas.

I'm gonna get my scissors.

SCHMIDT: Cece,

I'd like to show you something

that I have not been working on.

Do The Hustle!

I will not.

You do the hustle, you stupid bossy song.

I'm doing this for fun.

You know I gave him the courage to do this?

Well, maybe you could give him the courage to stop.

I missed you guys!

No choreography, you guys!

Just keep it loose and fun!

(laughs) Oh, it's the best time of my life!

Synced and corrected by Chitorafa www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0