All language subtitles for New Girl s05e05 Bob & Carol & Dick & Schmidt.eng

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,109 --> 00:00:01,410 (sighs) 2 00:00:02,883 --> 00:00:05,118 Why are you putting spoons in the laundry hamper? 3 00:00:05,186 --> 00:00:06,619 I'm hiding our nice stuff. 4 00:00:06,687 --> 00:00:08,655 See, my cousin Bobby and Carol are coming in town, 5 00:00:08,723 --> 00:00:10,523 and they're gonna ask me for money, so I'm... 6 00:00:10,591 --> 00:00:12,158 I'm trying my hardest to look poor. 7 00:00:12,226 --> 00:00:12,890 You are poor. 8 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,197 Technically, yes, but I'm also 9 00:00:14,249 --> 00:00:16,554 the richest Miller in the history of our family. 10 00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,085 I mean, I own part of a bar, I have a savings account. 11 00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:21,554 I don't fully understand how to use it, but I do have it. 12 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:22,922 Nick, you're doing great; you really been 13 00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,546 stepping it up lately. Calm down. 14 00:00:24,647 --> 00:00:26,147 Thanks. The other day... 15 00:00:26,351 --> 00:00:27,861 The other day, I was at a restaurant, and they asked 16 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,429 if I wanted avocado, and... and I said, "Yeah." 17 00:00:30,539 --> 00:00:32,218 And they said, "It's extra," and I go, "Shh. 18 00:00:32,398 --> 00:00:35,007 I know it's extra, but... but I want it." 19 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:36,669 Uh, Winston, you ready to go? 20 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:37,837 Born ready! 21 00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:39,939 You know, believe it or not, you guys, 22 00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:42,208 I have never been wedding dress shopping before, 23 00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:44,437 so I didn't really know what to pack. 24 00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:46,513 - Are those whistles? - Yeah. These are whistles. 25 00:00:46,976 --> 00:00:50,132 Oh, I even got a pocket fan so I can blow wind in your face, 26 00:00:50,226 --> 00:00:51,609 and your hair could be all like this. 27 00:00:51,710 --> 00:00:52,318 Pocket fan. 28 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,087 Cece, I'm begging you, just cancel the appointment 29 00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:55,822 and reschedule it for when Jess comes back. 30 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:58,445 There is a six-month waiting list. 31 00:00:58,570 --> 00:01:00,260 Do you not want us to get married in June? 32 00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:01,661 Oh, no, I want to get married in August, 33 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,229 so I can walk down the aisle covered in flies. 34 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,731 You're so concerned about these flies. 35 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,900 - Please, go to the appointment. - Look, relax. 36 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,568 All right? Nick is the best man, 37 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,000 Jess is the maid of honor, and myself personally, 38 00:01:11,077 --> 00:01:12,544 this is where I cut loose. 39 00:01:12,625 --> 00:01:14,367 This is where you unleash the beast, all right? 40 00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:16,968 Speaking of which, uh, Cece, did you bring your strapless bra, 41 00:01:17,062 --> 00:01:19,112 or should I get the booby tape? Booby tape. 42 00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:20,859 CECE: Uh, no, Winston, this is just a ride. 43 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,125 It is just a ride, okay? 44 00:01:22,203 --> 00:01:24,382 Hey, guys, C-Cece, my cousins are almost coming! 45 00:01:24,474 --> 00:01:26,275 Cece, hide your jewelry! Winston, hide your jewelry! 46 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:27,486 All the jewelry! 47 00:01:27,539 --> 00:01:28,888 Nick, this is insane. 48 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,757 Just tell your family that you can't give them any money. 49 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,757 Set some boundaries. 50 00:01:33,132 --> 00:01:34,160 You're right. 51 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:35,895 Time for me to put my foot down. 52 00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,562 - Put it down. - I'm gonna say no. 53 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:38,921 - Yes. - I'm gonna set boundaries. 54 00:01:38,992 --> 00:01:40,133 No money for them. 55 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,101 (knocking) 56 00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,003 - Hey! - Hey! Hey! 57 00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:45,672 - Hey, how you doing? - I thought I smelled fish! 58 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,340 - (chuckles): Oh, yeah, you smelled fish. - Look at you, huh? 59 00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:48,575 - Yeah. Yeah. - What, are you working out now, huh? 60 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,577 - Yeah. - Tough guy. - Ow! 61 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,779 You doing yoga? You doing yoga, huh? 62 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,948 Yeah, I do... I've done, yeah. I don't do yoga. 63 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,015 BOBBY: Oh! Look at this. 64 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,817 Exposed brick, dude? Really? Oh, come on. 65 00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,285 Yeah. Yeah, I didn't build this. 66 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,656 You don't want to throw some carpet down over the hardwood? 67 00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:02,488 Yeah, what's wrong with wallpaper? 68 00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,554 - I love wallpaper. I'd use... - Don't forget about 69 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,959 - who you are, man. Look, he's getting weird. - Yeah. 70 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,660 (bad Boston accent): Welcome to Los Angeles. Maybe we take a... 71 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,796 a-a-a, you know, a "cah" 72 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,664 down to the "hahbah" and check out The "Mahtian" 73 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:14,500 on the big... on the big screen with Matt Damon in "Mahs." 74 00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:18,357 Whose "cah" we taking? 75 00:02:18,382 --> 00:02:19,172 (whispers): Stop, Schmidt. 76 00:02:19,453 --> 00:02:21,445 Synced and corrected by Chitorafa www.addic7ed.com 77 00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,178 Hey, we got you a little gift, yeah? 78 00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:26,613 - You didn't have to do that. - Yeah. 79 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,554 Oh, I left it outside in the hall. 80 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,578 Well, go get it, you moron. 81 00:02:29,632 --> 00:02:30,953 BOBBY: You're a moron, you moron. 82 00:02:31,031 --> 00:02:32,185 I'm not the one who left it in the hallway. 83 00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:33,820 Why didn't you bring it in if you saw it? 84 00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,321 CAROL: Because I didn't see it until now. 85 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,723 Yeah, 'cause you're a maniac, and you're controlling me 86 00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:37,724 - all the time. - Oh, my God, 87 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:38,725 I love you so much! 88 00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:39,959 I love you, too, Peaches. 89 00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,227 - You're the best! - (sighs) 90 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,463 Regular Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, these two. 91 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,231 This is how it starts. There's three stages 92 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,734 to a Miller asking for money: okay, it's compliments, 93 00:02:47,804 --> 00:02:49,406 it's ply with food, and then it's go in for the kill. 94 00:02:49,476 --> 00:02:50,236 - SCHMIDT: Be strong. - I'm trying to be strong. 95 00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,337 CAROL: Seems like there's 96 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,867 a space theme. You guys like space? 97 00:02:53,945 --> 00:02:54,807 Outer space? Yes. 98 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,468 - Yeah. - Ah, you didn't have to do this. 99 00:02:57,554 --> 00:02:58,734 - I got it at the airport. - Yeah. Hey. 100 00:02:58,828 --> 00:02:59,718 - SCHMIDT: There it is. - It's popcorn. 101 00:02:59,789 --> 00:03:02,937 - Oh! - Yeah. Comes all fancy-like in its own trash can. 102 00:03:02,977 --> 00:03:04,640 That's too much. That's too nice. 103 00:03:04,695 --> 00:03:06,187 - No, come on. - I love this kind of popcorn. 104 00:03:06,258 --> 00:03:07,125 You're totally hooked up, brother. 105 00:03:07,203 --> 00:03:07,890 'Cause you can mix and match. 106 00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:09,189 - That's right. - Easy. Nick's not hungry. 107 00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:10,790 - Oh, that's right. - Is he your life coach? 108 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,140 - Thank you for the offer, but... - Nick, eat the popcorn. 109 00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:14,962 - He just ate. - I just ate. - Just one piece. 110 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,934 - Nick, it's popcorn. - Do it. Do it. - I don't want it. 111 00:03:17,002 --> 00:03:18,369 It's good for you. It's corn! 112 00:03:18,436 --> 00:03:20,371 You're trying to give me popcorn so that I give you money! 113 00:03:20,438 --> 00:03:22,139 It's not gonna happen! I'm not giving you money! 114 00:03:22,207 --> 00:03:23,656 I'm setting boundaries! 115 00:03:24,265 --> 00:03:26,610 Oh, Nicky, we don't want your money. 116 00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:28,879 - You don't? - No! 117 00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,881 No, no. 118 00:03:33,668 --> 00:03:35,101 We want your sperm. 119 00:03:36,031 --> 00:03:36,654 What? 120 00:03:36,721 --> 00:03:38,022 Yeah, we're trying to start a family, 121 00:03:38,089 --> 00:03:39,189 and Bob's army's down. 122 00:03:39,257 --> 00:03:41,592 I need your troops to storm my beaches. 123 00:03:42,015 --> 00:03:44,028 S-So no money? 124 00:03:44,095 --> 00:03:45,796 - No. - Just sperm? 125 00:03:45,864 --> 00:03:47,665 - Yep. - Don't tell anybody, all right? 126 00:03:47,732 --> 00:03:50,750 Guys, this is excellent. I got a lot of that. 127 00:03:50,843 --> 00:03:52,117 If I had a dollar for every sperm, 128 00:03:52,203 --> 00:03:53,270 my room would be covered in dollar bills. 129 00:03:53,338 --> 00:03:54,805 - Nick, a word, please. A word. - CAROL: Right? Right? 130 00:03:54,873 --> 00:03:55,839 - NICK: Yeah. Yeah. - A word. 131 00:03:55,907 --> 00:03:57,109 Yeah. Thanks for the popcorn, too. 132 00:03:57,187 --> 00:03:58,120 One minute. 133 00:03:58,218 --> 00:03:59,944 What's that guy, like, his manager? 134 00:04:00,011 --> 00:04:02,279 Doesn't quite feel like the one, 135 00:04:02,347 --> 00:04:03,948 and it doesn't really feel like it's me. 136 00:04:04,015 --> 00:04:05,716 Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it is you. 137 00:04:05,784 --> 00:04:07,618 It is beautiful. 138 00:04:07,686 --> 00:04:09,119 It has an attachment for a leash. 139 00:04:09,187 --> 00:04:09,987 No judgments. 140 00:04:10,055 --> 00:04:12,171 Wink, wink, right? (laughs) 141 00:04:12,273 --> 00:04:13,490 But it does. 142 00:04:13,558 --> 00:04:16,140 Do you mind if I just take one minute to think about it? 143 00:04:16,242 --> 00:04:17,828 Pass. 144 00:04:17,896 --> 00:04:21,460 Pass. Pass. Pass. 145 00:04:21,539 --> 00:04:22,366 CECE: Winston, I just 146 00:04:22,434 --> 00:04:24,134 asked you to drop me off. 147 00:04:24,202 --> 00:04:26,304 - Sir, what is your role here? - I am her friend. 148 00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:29,974 My job is to protect her, so, please, cut the caca, 149 00:04:30,041 --> 00:04:32,687 and bring us some dresses with an A-line cut. 150 00:04:32,781 --> 00:04:34,278 I may or may not have done an extensive amount 151 00:04:34,346 --> 00:04:36,280 of research on wedding dresses. 152 00:04:36,348 --> 00:04:38,148 I never thought that I would say this, 153 00:04:38,216 --> 00:04:40,117 but I am really glad that you're here. 154 00:04:40,185 --> 00:04:41,785 So you're gonna take his word over my word? 155 00:04:41,853 --> 00:04:42,953 (whistle blows) 156 00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:45,322 (laughs, whoops) 157 00:04:45,390 --> 00:04:47,524 I'm wearing a new dress, new hair... 158 00:04:47,592 --> 00:04:48,993 Show me some clavicle! 159 00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:51,762 Brand-new ideas as a matter of fact 160 00:04:51,830 --> 00:04:54,031 - More legs. - I've changed... 161 00:04:54,099 --> 00:04:55,032 - I love it. - I hate it. 162 00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:56,000 I love it. 163 00:04:56,067 --> 00:04:57,034 - I hate it. - It's perfect. 164 00:04:57,102 --> 00:04:58,202 It's imperfect. 165 00:04:58,269 --> 00:05:00,037 Know where I'm going 166 00:05:00,105 --> 00:05:02,406 And I know what to do 167 00:05:02,474 --> 00:05:04,174 I've tidied up my point of view... 168 00:05:04,242 --> 00:05:05,776 Am I crazy to want a hat? 169 00:05:05,844 --> 00:05:08,412 I got a new attitude... 170 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:09,880 Forget the hat. Forget the hat. 171 00:05:09,948 --> 00:05:12,116 I'm in control, my worries are few... 172 00:05:12,183 --> 00:05:13,417 No! 173 00:05:13,485 --> 00:05:14,752 'Cause I got love 174 00:05:14,819 --> 00:05:17,054 Like I never knew 175 00:05:17,122 --> 00:05:19,490 Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh 176 00:05:19,557 --> 00:05:21,025 I got a new attitude. 177 00:05:21,092 --> 00:05:22,993 (whistle blows) 178 00:05:27,281 --> 00:05:28,518 That's the one! 179 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:29,600 That's the one! We got dibs! 180 00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:32,002 NICK: Schmidt, this is great. They just want my sperm. 181 00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:33,504 What about setting boundaries? 182 00:05:33,571 --> 00:05:36,006 They're not just reaching into your wallet this time, Nick. 183 00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:37,941 They're reaching into your skin wallet. 184 00:05:39,177 --> 00:05:40,944 - That's your scrotum. - I got it. 185 00:05:41,012 --> 00:05:42,346 I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to veto this. 186 00:05:42,414 --> 00:05:44,953 Yeah, well, you have no standing to veto. 187 00:05:45,031 --> 00:05:45,703 It's my sperm. 188 00:05:45,781 --> 00:05:47,684 You're my best friend in the whole entire world. 189 00:05:47,752 --> 00:05:49,078 We've been through a lot together, 190 00:05:49,155 --> 00:05:52,250 so I just do feel like... 191 00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:55,987 your sperm are partly my sperm. 192 00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:58,896 Mi leche es su leche. 193 00:05:58,963 --> 00:06:00,397 No! No! 194 00:06:00,465 --> 00:06:02,232 Nick, you've been doing so well lately. 195 00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:03,934 - Thank you. - Right on track with the plan. 196 00:06:04,002 --> 00:06:06,484 My... What plan? What are you talking about? 197 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:12,276 I-I may have your entire life planned out on my computer. 198 00:06:12,867 --> 00:06:13,744 I made a spreadsheet and everything. 199 00:06:13,812 --> 00:06:14,978 I worked on it this morning. 200 00:06:15,046 --> 00:06:16,080 You-You've got to be kidding me. 201 00:06:16,147 --> 00:06:18,007 I don't... It's not... 202 00:06:18,265 --> 00:06:19,650 "Nick's Life Plan"? 203 00:06:19,717 --> 00:06:21,018 What is that?! 204 00:06:21,086 --> 00:06:22,953 I'm just trying to keep you on track, Nick. 205 00:06:23,021 --> 00:06:24,875 Look, we've always done everything together, 206 00:06:24,937 --> 00:06:27,224 and I'm just worried that we're gonna drift apart. 207 00:06:27,292 --> 00:06:29,159 You know, I'm gonna get married and have kids, 208 00:06:29,227 --> 00:06:31,395 and you're gonna be wandering around the grocery store, 209 00:06:31,463 --> 00:06:33,730 holding a bottle of Scotch and an ear of corn. 210 00:06:33,798 --> 00:06:35,065 Okay, you know what? 211 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,501 You know what I have to say to you, Schmidt? Boundaries. 212 00:06:37,975 --> 00:06:39,308 You know, you and me. 213 00:06:39,351 --> 00:06:40,625 Boundaries. 214 00:06:43,038 --> 00:06:45,272 All right, let's do this. 215 00:06:45,335 --> 00:06:46,844 - We're having a baby! - Yes. - Yeah. 216 00:06:46,911 --> 00:06:48,112 CAROL: Oh, my God, my boobs are 217 00:06:48,179 --> 00:06:49,789 - gonna get huge! (laughs) - Unbelievable! 218 00:06:49,851 --> 00:06:51,460 They're gonna be like, "Get out of my way. 219 00:06:51,546 --> 00:06:52,483 Here come my boobs." 220 00:06:52,550 --> 00:06:57,203 BOBBY and CAROL: Yankees suck! Yankees suck! Yankees suck! 221 00:06:58,657 --> 00:06:59,813 This really means a lot to me, man. 222 00:06:59,893 --> 00:07:01,461 I'm sorry I couldn't do it myself. 223 00:07:01,571 --> 00:07:02,471 Yeah, you know what I think it was? 224 00:07:02,538 --> 00:07:03,872 One time, I got stung in the penis 225 00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:06,703 five different times by five different bees 226 00:07:06,797 --> 00:07:07,899 five days in a row. 227 00:07:07,984 --> 00:07:09,311 What were you doing 228 00:07:09,379 --> 00:07:13,715 that your naked penis was exposed to bumblebees? 229 00:07:13,783 --> 00:07:14,695 Why is he here? 230 00:07:14,753 --> 00:07:16,253 You know, even though I don't approve of this, 231 00:07:16,313 --> 00:07:18,859 I would never, ever leave you in your time of need. 232 00:07:18,969 --> 00:07:19,888 Schmidt, I don't want you here. 233 00:07:19,956 --> 00:07:21,256 I told him I didn't want him here. 234 00:07:21,324 --> 00:07:22,724 I can't be any more clear on that. 235 00:07:24,883 --> 00:07:25,961 I botched it! 236 00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:28,352 Botched it good! Three strikes, and you're out! 237 00:07:28,484 --> 00:07:29,531 How do you botch it? 238 00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:30,766 You do not have my blessing. 239 00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:31,833 I don't need your blessing. 240 00:07:31,901 --> 00:07:33,539 I don't want it. I don't care. 241 00:07:33,649 --> 00:07:34,436 I don't even want you here. 242 00:07:34,504 --> 00:07:36,250 NURSE: Mr. Miller, we're ready for you. 243 00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,297 Thank you so much. 244 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,207 Here I go. 245 00:07:39,275 --> 00:07:40,442 - Nicky, give 'em hell, huh? - Yeah. 246 00:07:40,510 --> 00:07:41,810 - Get me a winner. - All right? You got it. 247 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,512 - CAROL: All right. - All right. - Go get 'em, Nicky. 248 00:07:43,579 --> 00:07:45,781 We believe in you. Come on, make a smart one. 249 00:07:45,848 --> 00:07:47,783 - Here we go! - BOBBY: Yeah! 250 00:07:53,122 --> 00:07:55,438 - Hey, Schmidt, can I have a... - So you do need my blessing! 251 00:07:55,531 --> 00:07:56,992 I don't need you! Just please come back in here with me. 252 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,226 Thank you. 253 00:07:58,294 --> 00:08:01,029 Never seen two guys so close like that, you know. 254 00:08:01,097 --> 00:08:02,564 My dad and his... 255 00:08:02,632 --> 00:08:05,100 and his friend Joe were close like that. 256 00:08:05,168 --> 00:08:06,668 - Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm. 257 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,003 Well, you got in my head. 258 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,604 You got in my head. 259 00:08:09,672 --> 00:08:11,440 Why'd you have to tell me about the plan, Schmidt? 260 00:08:11,507 --> 00:08:13,108 Now I need to know what happens. 261 00:08:13,176 --> 00:08:15,677 Why am I not supposed to have a baby this way? 262 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:19,014 As I saw it, your first child was to be born 263 00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:22,469 between you and a small Italian woman. 264 00:08:22,883 --> 00:08:23,852 Like a Maria? 265 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:24,920 - Yes, like a Maria. - Okay. 266 00:08:24,988 --> 00:08:26,288 She makes meatballs and soup, 267 00:08:26,356 --> 00:08:27,522 and does laundry in a wooden bucket. 268 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,624 - Yeah, she does. - You guys have a child. 269 00:08:29,692 --> 00:08:31,193 It's a boy. I'm incredibly involved. 270 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,695 I give him the other half of a walkie-talkie just in case 271 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,397 he ever has a question in the middle of the night. 272 00:08:35,465 --> 00:08:37,024 (imitates static) Yes, I'm here. 273 00:08:37,274 --> 00:08:39,016 He hides his broccoli in a planter during dinner. 274 00:08:39,117 --> 00:08:40,736 I wink. I look the other way. 275 00:08:40,803 --> 00:08:42,500 - You mean e-broccoli. - What? 276 00:08:42,578 --> 00:08:43,739 'Cause it's the future. 277 00:08:43,806 --> 00:08:45,719 How far in the future are you planning on having a child? 278 00:08:45,766 --> 00:08:47,242 Well, if we're talking about me meeting a woman, 279 00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:48,677 falling in love and having a kid? 280 00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:51,079 A very, very, very, very long time. 281 00:08:51,147 --> 00:08:51,945 So many "verys." 282 00:08:52,016 --> 00:08:53,367 And let's face the facts. 283 00:08:53,422 --> 00:08:55,930 My love life is a disaster. 284 00:08:56,016 --> 00:08:58,520 Schmidt, this might be my only chance of having a kid. 285 00:08:58,588 --> 00:09:00,289 - Don't say that. - I'm saying it. 286 00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:02,147 And if I can't have a kid with a woman, 287 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,984 then maybe I'll have one with my cousin. 288 00:09:04,234 --> 00:09:06,261 Horrifying wording 289 00:09:06,329 --> 00:09:09,364 for what actually is, well, a beautiful sentiment. 290 00:09:09,432 --> 00:09:11,400 I-I want to do this. 291 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,402 I want to experience this. 292 00:09:14,266 --> 00:09:15,537 You know, and I know I won't be able to raise him, 293 00:09:15,605 --> 00:09:18,874 and... and that's disappointing, but... 294 00:09:18,941 --> 00:09:21,576 I'll still see the little guy at parties and such. 295 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,412 Say hi. He'll say hi. 296 00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,914 Give him some fireworks to pop off, or... 297 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,482 or e-fireworks. 298 00:09:27,550 --> 00:09:28,917 Man, I'm just... 299 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,919 I'm getting excited just thinking about this. 300 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,487 Look, it's not how I originally planned it, 301 00:09:32,555 --> 00:09:34,589 but it's still another Nick Miller in the world, 302 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,159 and I'll take that any way I can get it. 303 00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,593 You have my blessing. 304 00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:39,861 Well, it's embarrassing to admit, but... 305 00:09:39,929 --> 00:09:41,363 thanks, man, I kind of needed it. 306 00:09:41,431 --> 00:09:42,964 Yeah, absolutely. 307 00:09:43,032 --> 00:09:44,299 (laughs) 308 00:09:44,797 --> 00:09:46,835 You should get out of here, man. I'm gonna go masturbate. 309 00:09:46,903 --> 00:09:47,803 Okay. 310 00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:49,805 - (groaning) - We... 311 00:09:49,872 --> 00:09:52,641 really got after it there. 312 00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:54,476 I am so happy I could help. 313 00:09:54,544 --> 00:09:56,078 Like, I don't want to be... 314 00:09:56,145 --> 00:09:58,246 greedy about it, 'cause I know I've already put on 315 00:09:58,314 --> 00:10:01,049 the most perfect dress once today, and I should wait... 316 00:10:01,117 --> 00:10:03,251 - You thinking what I'm thinking? - I really want to put it on again. 317 00:10:03,319 --> 00:10:04,653 - You should put it on again. - I know! 318 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:05,887 Okay, I'm going to go try it on. 319 00:10:05,955 --> 00:10:06,922 - Okay, try it on again. - Okay. 320 00:10:06,989 --> 00:10:09,039 CECE: Oh, no! 321 00:10:09,117 --> 00:10:10,649 Oh, no. 322 00:10:11,555 --> 00:10:13,172 What did we do? 323 00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:14,696 What is this? 324 00:10:14,764 --> 00:10:15,964 Oh, my God! 325 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,365 How drunk were we? 326 00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:18,533 - No. - No. Okay. 327 00:10:18,601 --> 00:10:19,901 You know what, no, no, no, no. 328 00:10:19,969 --> 00:10:22,237 This is, you know what, this is, this is good. 329 00:10:22,297 --> 00:10:23,516 Everything's all right. 330 00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:24,980 I mean, look, you got mirrors. 331 00:10:25,039 --> 00:10:26,539 You know, no one's ever done that before. 332 00:10:26,642 --> 00:10:28,143 I like it, you know. I like the... 333 00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,345 Again, I can't talk enough about the mirrors. 334 00:10:30,413 --> 00:10:32,514 Why is there a spot for batteries? 335 00:10:32,582 --> 00:10:34,583 So the glass can light up. 336 00:10:34,650 --> 00:10:36,318 We were really excited about that feature. 337 00:10:38,121 --> 00:10:40,489 Yeah. You look like a prostitute for wizards. 338 00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,557 I look like a bullfighter in space. 339 00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,726 I cannot get married in this dress. 340 00:10:44,794 --> 00:10:46,094 Okay, so what do you need me to do? 341 00:10:46,162 --> 00:10:48,630 Nothing. I don't need your help. 342 00:10:48,698 --> 00:10:50,298 Okay. 'Cause I'm just... 343 00:10:50,366 --> 00:10:52,200 I'm gonna do it by myself. 344 00:10:56,727 --> 00:10:57,706 Well... 345 00:10:57,773 --> 00:10:59,040 - Yeah, well, no, I... - You washed? 346 00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:00,308 Yeah, of course I washed. 347 00:11:00,376 --> 00:11:02,043 Hey, why the... 348 00:11:02,111 --> 00:11:03,478 why the long faces? 349 00:11:03,546 --> 00:11:05,113 Shouldn't we be celebrating here, guys? 350 00:11:05,181 --> 00:11:08,250 Listen, we, uh, we talked to the doctor and, uh, 351 00:11:08,317 --> 00:11:10,485 turns out we can't afford the procedure. 352 00:11:10,553 --> 00:11:12,554 Are you kidding me? 353 00:11:12,622 --> 00:11:14,789 So I just masturbated for nothing? 354 00:11:14,857 --> 00:11:15,757 SCHMIDT: You-you guys flew 355 00:11:15,825 --> 00:11:16,750 across the country. 356 00:11:16,852 --> 00:11:18,627 You didn't think about any of this beforehand? 357 00:11:18,694 --> 00:11:20,195 We did little to no research. 358 00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,363 But we still want to have 359 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,231 - a family, you know. - Yeah. 360 00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:25,767 We already fell in love with the little bastard. 361 00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:27,369 Anyway, there is one other option 362 00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,603 we could explore. 363 00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:30,672 What is it? Anything. 364 00:11:30,768 --> 00:11:32,102 Nick... 365 00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:34,727 I want you to have sex with my wife. 366 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,145 - What? - CAROL: Yeah, we don't just 367 00:11:37,213 --> 00:11:38,880 need your reindeer, we need Santa. 368 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,882 - SCHMIDT: What? What? - Yeah, come down the chimney. 369 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,284 - Feet first. - White Christmas. 370 00:11:42,351 --> 00:11:43,785 Bring a sackful of gifts. 371 00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,291 This is nuts. I can't do this. 372 00:11:49,315 --> 00:11:51,183 This might be your only chance to have a kid. 373 00:11:51,251 --> 00:11:52,627 Yeah, but then I have to have sex with my cousin. 374 00:11:52,674 --> 00:11:54,002 I don't want to have... I don't want to have sex with my cousin. 375 00:11:54,052 --> 00:11:55,877 It's not your cousin. It's your cousin's wife. 376 00:11:55,963 --> 00:11:58,190 That's like letting a dog drink water out of your mouth. 377 00:11:58,258 --> 00:12:00,025 You know, it's not great, but it's legal. 378 00:12:00,093 --> 00:12:01,693 The point I'm trying to make is, 379 00:12:01,761 --> 00:12:03,929 is I think I'd like another Nick Miller in the world. 380 00:12:03,997 --> 00:12:05,697 - All right. - Can you imagine? 381 00:12:05,765 --> 00:12:07,182 (chuckles) 382 00:12:07,338 --> 00:12:09,434 Come on, man, what do you say? 383 00:12:09,502 --> 00:12:11,737 (sighs) 384 00:12:11,804 --> 00:12:12,971 SCHMIDT: I think the best thing 385 00:12:13,039 --> 00:12:14,540 to do here is to just look at this 386 00:12:14,607 --> 00:12:16,041 like a medical procedure. 387 00:12:16,109 --> 00:12:18,310 Why is this guy in this conversation here? 388 00:12:18,378 --> 00:12:20,045 Bobby, it's a losing battle. Just move past it. 389 00:12:20,113 --> 00:12:22,807 And, Carol, look, I don't want this to feel, 390 00:12:22,862 --> 00:12:24,063 I-I don't know, romantic. 391 00:12:24,088 --> 00:12:25,385 I don't want you getting confused. 392 00:12:25,424 --> 00:12:27,452 - There's a zero percent chance of that happening. - Yeah. 393 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:28,854 If you're suggesting that I can't be romantic, 394 00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:30,355 then you're out of your mind. 395 00:12:30,423 --> 00:12:31,356 SCHMIDT: Yeah, excuse me, 396 00:12:31,424 --> 00:12:32,691 Nick is very romantic, okay? 397 00:12:32,759 --> 00:12:34,626 He does romantic things for me all the time. 398 00:12:34,694 --> 00:12:36,595 Schmidt, what are you talking about? 399 00:12:36,663 --> 00:12:38,297 Just the other week, you were very romantic to me. 400 00:12:38,364 --> 00:12:40,866 When I fell down in the parking lot and you picked me up? 401 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:42,968 (talking indistinctly) 402 00:12:43,036 --> 00:12:45,404 - (grunts) - Get up, dude! 403 00:12:45,471 --> 00:12:46,872 How was that romantic?! 404 00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,540 It was beautiful and it was kind. 405 00:12:48,608 --> 00:12:50,208 You know, romance doesn't always have to be sexual, 406 00:12:50,276 --> 00:12:52,210 - you idiot. - You're the idiot! 407 00:12:52,941 --> 00:12:54,141 Don't. Don't. 408 00:12:54,197 --> 00:12:56,033 Honestly, you want to do this right now? 409 00:12:56,229 --> 00:12:57,616 Give me one shot at that big head, 410 00:12:57,684 --> 00:12:59,918 I'm gonna knock you out. (chuckles) 411 00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:02,154 - Dominated you physically. Admit it. - Yeah, defense. 412 00:13:02,986 --> 00:13:04,823 Can we put something over the windows? 413 00:13:04,891 --> 00:13:07,359 I want it to be pitch black in here, so I can't see... 414 00:13:07,427 --> 00:13:09,628 I don't like the way you look at my body when you say that, Carol. 415 00:13:09,696 --> 00:13:10,862 - Well... - SCHMIDT: Okay, we got to keep it positive. 416 00:13:10,930 --> 00:13:12,664 - I agree. - I think what Nick is trying to say 417 00:13:12,732 --> 00:13:14,700 - Uh-huh. - Is that he'd like to be completely naked. 418 00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:17,603 - Where are you getting this from?! - Objection, Your Honor! Strongly! 419 00:13:17,670 --> 00:13:19,304 'Cause I will be wearing clothes! 420 00:13:19,372 --> 00:13:20,772 - Overruled. Yeah. - Overruled. 421 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,244 - Yeah, stand down. - But I'll-I'll tell ya, 422 00:13:22,307 --> 00:13:25,377 I'm not wearing a condom! End of discussion. 423 00:13:25,916 --> 00:13:27,050 (laughs) 424 00:13:27,455 --> 00:13:28,880 Guys... 425 00:13:28,948 --> 00:13:30,983 such a clearly great joke. 426 00:13:31,050 --> 00:13:32,217 Because obviously I can't wear, 427 00:13:32,285 --> 00:13:33,783 - you know... - Oh. 428 00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:35,916 We got to loosen the vibe a little. 429 00:13:35,978 --> 00:13:38,065 - Can we do something about this smell? - Oh, yeah. 430 00:13:38,157 --> 00:13:39,191 (sniffs) It is a little rank, yeah. 431 00:13:39,258 --> 00:13:40,359 - There is an odor. - Yeah. 432 00:13:40,426 --> 00:13:41,526 Well, I lost a glass of milk. 433 00:13:41,594 --> 00:13:43,541 You lost a glass of milk? Was it full? 434 00:13:43,635 --> 00:13:44,643 Yeah, it was to the top. 435 00:13:44,697 --> 00:13:45,430 I could barely carry it. 436 00:13:45,498 --> 00:13:46,698 Oh, that's outrageous! 437 00:13:46,766 --> 00:13:48,433 - Oh, God. - Now, if you don't mind, 438 00:13:48,501 --> 00:13:50,836 I'd just like to bring things down for a second here. 439 00:13:50,903 --> 00:13:53,643 Bob, Carol, um, I originally bought this for Nick, 440 00:13:53,729 --> 00:13:56,375 but since he may never have someone to give it to, 441 00:13:57,283 --> 00:13:58,777 I'd like for you guys to have it. 442 00:13:58,845 --> 00:14:00,045 - Mm-mm. - No, dude, no. 443 00:14:00,113 --> 00:14:01,780 We're Pats fan. We hate the Bears. 444 00:14:01,848 --> 00:14:03,715 - You don't like the onesie? - Pats are number onesie. 445 00:14:03,783 --> 00:14:05,283 Where did we land on me being in the room? 446 00:14:05,351 --> 00:14:06,818 - Get out, Schmidt! - Get the hell out of here! 447 00:14:06,886 --> 00:14:08,987 Look, I-I know that you have a "no return" policy, 448 00:14:09,055 --> 00:14:10,822 but you have to take this dress back, okay? 449 00:14:10,890 --> 00:14:12,824 I look like a rich person in The Hunger Games. 450 00:14:12,892 --> 00:14:14,259 Yeah, I know. (chuckles) 451 00:14:14,327 --> 00:14:16,028 I was gonna stop you from buying it, 452 00:14:16,095 --> 00:14:18,233 but I didn't, so we're done here. 453 00:14:18,865 --> 00:14:20,569 Wrong! 454 00:14:21,768 --> 00:14:23,435 See, you may be done with her, but you're not 455 00:14:23,503 --> 00:14:25,270 done with the law. 456 00:14:25,338 --> 00:14:27,439 Winston Bishop, LAPD. 457 00:14:27,507 --> 00:14:29,390 You're a cop? The guy who was spinning around 458 00:14:29,475 --> 00:14:31,109 singing Patti LaBelle songs yesterday? 459 00:14:31,177 --> 00:14:33,445 (high-pitched): I tidied up my point of view 460 00:14:33,513 --> 00:14:35,881 I got a new attitude. 461 00:14:35,948 --> 00:14:39,319 And you must be the one who was serving champagne 462 00:14:39,397 --> 00:14:40,852 without a liquor license. 463 00:14:41,201 --> 00:14:42,468 We don't charge for it. 464 00:14:42,543 --> 00:14:43,943 It's legal. 465 00:14:47,597 --> 00:14:50,475 Uh, not if it's being served to a-a minor. 466 00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:51,329 Oh. 467 00:14:51,397 --> 00:14:52,864 Yeah. Oh, that's right. 468 00:14:52,932 --> 00:14:55,867 I'm 17 years old. I'm a kid. 469 00:14:55,935 --> 00:14:57,669 You're a 17-year-old police officer? 470 00:14:57,737 --> 00:14:58,837 I'm a cop prodigy. 471 00:14:58,905 --> 00:15:00,605 You see, my school is the streets. 472 00:15:00,673 --> 00:15:03,366 But my other school is school. 473 00:15:03,468 --> 00:15:04,776 'Cause-'cause I go to school. 474 00:15:04,844 --> 00:15:06,845 Like a school-school, for learning. 475 00:15:06,913 --> 00:15:07,929 You are so stupid. 476 00:15:07,988 --> 00:15:09,255 No return policy 477 00:15:09,311 --> 00:15:10,655 is more important than the love 478 00:15:10,733 --> 00:15:12,951 that brings us here today, so... 479 00:15:13,019 --> 00:15:16,121 This means a lot to her, so please help her out. 480 00:15:19,459 --> 00:15:21,522 Well, that didn't work. 481 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,329 Look, Cece, I'm-I'm no good at this. 482 00:15:24,397 --> 00:15:26,331 I'm no help. I'm just gonna... 483 00:15:26,399 --> 00:15:28,333 I'm just gonna take a backseat to the wedding. 484 00:15:28,401 --> 00:15:29,601 No. Look... 485 00:15:29,669 --> 00:15:32,337 what you did in there made me realize how much 486 00:15:32,405 --> 00:15:35,507 you... really care about me. 487 00:15:39,245 --> 00:15:42,114 I know that you're already one of Schmidt's groomsmen, 488 00:15:42,181 --> 00:15:46,718 um, but I was hoping you would maybe also consider 489 00:15:46,786 --> 00:15:49,287 being one of my bridesmaids. 490 00:15:50,186 --> 00:15:52,991 You want me to be a bridesmaid? 491 00:15:53,292 --> 00:15:54,726 If you don't want to, I... 492 00:15:54,794 --> 00:15:56,728 - Do you know who you're talking to? - Yes? 493 00:15:56,796 --> 00:15:58,396 - You're talking to Winnie the Bish! - Yeah. 494 00:15:58,464 --> 00:16:00,465 I would love to be your bridesmaid! 495 00:16:00,533 --> 00:16:01,833 - Yes? - Yes! 496 00:16:01,901 --> 00:16:03,235 - Yes? - Yes! 497 00:16:03,302 --> 00:16:04,402 - Oh... - Girl, you are 498 00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:06,404 under arrest for taking my breath away! 499 00:16:06,472 --> 00:16:07,572 (laughs) 500 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,474 What's with this parachute top? 501 00:16:09,542 --> 00:16:11,358 It's good for movement, hard to stain. 502 00:16:11,436 --> 00:16:12,577 I thought it was appropriate. 503 00:16:12,645 --> 00:16:14,513 Okay. I don't know what you think 504 00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:17,082 we're about to do, but I'm keeping this very simple. 505 00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:19,484 - I want to keep it simple. - Uh-huh. Great. 506 00:16:19,552 --> 00:16:21,586 Should we... should we just make love now, then? 507 00:16:21,654 --> 00:16:22,988 "Make love"? 508 00:16:23,055 --> 00:16:25,056 What, are we riding horses around on a beach topless? 509 00:16:25,124 --> 00:16:26,424 No, thank you. 510 00:16:26,492 --> 00:16:28,326 Just tip me over and pour me out! 511 00:16:28,394 --> 00:16:30,562 Tip you over and pour you out? 512 00:16:30,630 --> 00:16:33,498 Yeah. It's that children's rhyme that's also very sexual. 513 00:16:33,566 --> 00:16:35,467 It is not sexual at all. 514 00:16:35,535 --> 00:16:37,068 It is in this case. 515 00:16:37,136 --> 00:16:38,403 Carol, I'm g... I'm gonna need you 516 00:16:38,471 --> 00:16:39,971 to be a little bit nicer to me, please. 517 00:16:40,039 --> 00:16:41,740 - Oh, my God, are you serious? - I can't p... 518 00:16:41,808 --> 00:16:44,176 Listen, I can't perform sexually if I don't feel 519 00:16:44,243 --> 00:16:46,645 a-at least a little desired. 520 00:16:46,712 --> 00:16:48,647 - Okay. - Could you give me any sort of a compliment? Anything. 521 00:16:48,714 --> 00:16:50,849 We'll go and then we'll just... That will get me started. 522 00:16:50,917 --> 00:16:52,951 I'll say something nice about you then and we can get into it. 523 00:16:53,019 --> 00:16:54,886 (groans) 524 00:16:55,337 --> 00:16:56,837 Just one compliment. 525 00:16:57,061 --> 00:16:59,147 Nothing on the front. Can you turn around? 526 00:16:59,859 --> 00:17:01,694 No. Keep turning. 527 00:17:01,929 --> 00:17:02,638 No. 528 00:17:02,663 --> 00:17:03,862 Stop. Ah! 529 00:17:03,930 --> 00:17:05,819 - Okay, I won't... Okay. - Please. 530 00:17:05,866 --> 00:17:06,798 Um... 531 00:17:06,866 --> 00:17:08,466 First thing that pops in your head. 532 00:17:08,534 --> 00:17:10,068 (sighs) 533 00:17:10,136 --> 00:17:13,138 Oh, Nicky, you're such a sexy boy. 534 00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:14,406 (groans) 535 00:17:14,473 --> 00:17:16,641 It felt crazy coming out of my mouth. Right? 536 00:17:16,709 --> 00:17:18,116 - Just some... just something simple. - Oh, my God. 537 00:17:18,179 --> 00:17:19,611 Just take your pants off and get in bed. 538 00:17:19,679 --> 00:17:20,779 Okay, yeah. All right! 539 00:17:20,847 --> 00:17:22,747 - Okay? - (breathing deeply) 540 00:17:24,874 --> 00:17:26,418 Come on! 541 00:17:28,387 --> 00:17:30,322 (sportscast playing over TV) 542 00:17:32,936 --> 00:17:35,554 Any plans to go to the beach while you're in Los Angeles? 543 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:36,995 CAROL: Bob! He's freaking out! 544 00:17:37,063 --> 00:17:39,331 - Oh. - Nick? 545 00:17:39,398 --> 00:17:41,233 I'm not freaking out. I'm fine. Just my heart's beating really fast. 546 00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:42,901 - I feel a bit dizzy. - CAROL: Are you freaking kidding me? 547 00:17:42,969 --> 00:17:44,202 - Just need one sec. - This is ridiculous! 548 00:17:44,270 --> 00:17:45,737 All I did was take my shoes off. 549 00:17:45,805 --> 00:17:46,972 - Stand up and deliver! - What happened? What happened? 550 00:17:47,039 --> 00:17:48,929 - Is it over? Did you like it? - No! Look at him. 551 00:17:48,983 --> 00:17:50,575 I just need one minute. I just need one minute. 552 00:17:50,643 --> 00:17:52,644 Everything's cool! Deal's on. I just need one minute. 553 00:17:52,712 --> 00:17:55,022 - Get ahold of yourself, man! - Hey, I'm ovulating 554 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,848 for two more hours. I need to get plowed! 555 00:17:56,916 --> 00:17:57,983 You're dressed like you're gonna run a marathon! 556 00:17:58,050 --> 00:17:59,184 Take off your windbreaker! 557 00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:00,619 Schmidt, tell them to stop yelling at me! 558 00:18:00,686 --> 00:18:02,621 No! You compose yourself and you make a miracle, 559 00:18:02,688 --> 00:18:05,457 or I will squeeze one out of you like a bottle of mustard! 560 00:18:05,524 --> 00:18:07,025 - What?! - Take your pants off! 561 00:18:07,093 --> 00:18:08,585 There's not even a belt or a button! 562 00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:09,761 Just pull 'em down! 563 00:18:09,829 --> 00:18:11,897 - Yeah, let's go with the miracle already! - Come on, man! 564 00:18:11,964 --> 00:18:14,065 - (all shouting) - No! Stop! Stop! 565 00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:15,533 - Just take your pants off! - Five minutes, and it's done. 566 00:18:15,601 --> 00:18:17,068 I don't like this! I don't like this! 567 00:18:17,136 --> 00:18:18,737 - Take your pants off! - Do it! Do it, Nick! 568 00:18:18,804 --> 00:18:19,704 Come on, man! Do it! 569 00:18:19,772 --> 00:18:21,206 Take it out and do it! 570 00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:22,774 Boundaries! I said I need boundaries! 571 00:18:22,842 --> 00:18:24,042 Get out of my way! 572 00:18:24,110 --> 00:18:25,310 I need boundaries! 573 00:18:25,378 --> 00:18:27,145 Unbelievable. 574 00:18:27,213 --> 00:18:28,313 Wow. So typical. 575 00:18:28,381 --> 00:18:29,538 (sighs) 576 00:18:31,264 --> 00:18:32,417 Oh, look at that. 577 00:18:32,485 --> 00:18:33,985 There's the glass of milk. 578 00:18:34,053 --> 00:18:36,319 Really is filled to the brim. It's like an infinity pool. 579 00:18:36,397 --> 00:18:38,023 Wow, how the hell did he carry that thing? 580 00:18:40,343 --> 00:18:42,343 Bobby, I'm sorry. I feel terrible. 581 00:18:42,381 --> 00:18:43,948 No, no, no, no. It was a bad call. 582 00:18:44,016 --> 00:18:46,150 Yeah, I guess it's weird to have sex with your cousin's wife. 583 00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:48,857 No. I... 584 00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:50,506 I just can't stomach my kid 585 00:18:50,592 --> 00:18:51,639 coming from a Bears fan, that's all. 586 00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:52,957 There's nothing wrong with being a Bears fan. 587 00:18:53,025 --> 00:18:54,459 - That's all I'm gonna say to that. - There kind of is. 588 00:18:54,526 --> 00:18:56,394 No, it's weird to have sex with your cousin's wife. 589 00:18:56,462 --> 00:18:57,962 - That's what's weird. - We're gonna ask Cousin Terry. 590 00:18:58,030 --> 00:19:00,123 He's got no arm past his elbow, 591 00:19:00,193 --> 00:19:01,632 but it was an accident; it's not genetic. 592 00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:03,034 It's a good call. He's very good-looking. 593 00:19:03,102 --> 00:19:06,490 Uh, excuse me. So we're not having a baby? 594 00:19:06,725 --> 00:19:07,364 Well, this is... 595 00:19:07,389 --> 00:19:08,529 this is just great. 596 00:19:08,623 --> 00:19:09,887 If you can't tell, 597 00:19:09,975 --> 00:19:12,256 I am being sarcastic. 598 00:19:14,475 --> 00:19:15,445 What's with that guy? 599 00:19:15,498 --> 00:19:18,139 (sighs) He was really fat as a kid. 600 00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:19,779 - Now I get it. - Ah, that makes sense. 601 00:19:19,869 --> 00:19:20,869 Yeah. 602 00:19:24,068 --> 00:19:26,023 We need to have a talk about today. 603 00:19:26,294 --> 00:19:28,654 - I know. Boundaries. - No. 604 00:19:28,748 --> 00:19:29,678 It's... 605 00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:32,130 I want you to have something. 606 00:19:42,498 --> 00:19:43,667 What's this for? 607 00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:45,443 I want you to save that and give it back to me 608 00:19:45,511 --> 00:19:46,911 when I have my own kid. 609 00:19:48,686 --> 00:19:49,914 What do you mean, you're gonna have your own kid? 610 00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:52,016 When I have my own kid. Don't make a big deal of it. 611 00:19:52,084 --> 00:19:54,857 I just... I don't... I don't hate your plan. 612 00:19:54,923 --> 00:19:56,057 I kind of like it. 613 00:19:56,131 --> 00:19:57,522 Things have been going pretty good 614 00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:01,068 for me lately, and I-I would like to meet my own Maria. 615 00:20:01,147 --> 00:20:01,934 With-a the meatballs. 616 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,201 With-a the red sauce. 617 00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:04,970 (laughs): With-a the red sauce. 618 00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:06,772 I want to see that plan you got for me. 619 00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:07,631 Well, come on, man. 620 00:20:07,705 --> 00:20:09,272 It's a rough draft, but you should check it out. 621 00:20:09,536 --> 00:20:11,061 What do we got here, chief? 622 00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:13,662 "Nick has a boy. He calls him Gio." 623 00:20:14,303 --> 00:20:17,382 We die on the same day in 2098? 624 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,151 You murder me and then kill yourself. 625 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,520 There's not a chance I make it to 2098. 626 00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:22,754 Not a chance. 627 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,457 I don't want to see the 2050s. 628 00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:27,593 Oddly enough, you won't. 629 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:32,197 See? I freeze you from 2050 to 2064. 630 00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,600 That's why you're the genius. That's why you're the genius. 631 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,601 - Thank you. - (chuckles) 632 00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,603 - Can you see her? - Jess? 633 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,204 Hey. Hey, guys. I pulled some strings. 634 00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:40,772 I got her a note that says we're here. 635 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,874 You are amazing. I don't know why every wedding 636 00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,309 doesn't have a bridesman. 637 00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,311 Ooh, I'm-a get so naked at that bachelorette party! 638 00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:47,746 That's one reason. 639 00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:48,814 (all cheering) 640 00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:50,482 CECE and NICK: Jess! 641 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,351 Okay, Nick, the bag, the bag, the bag, the bag. Okay. Okay. 642 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:53,819 I got it, I got it. I got the bag. What do you mean, the bag? 643 00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:55,420 - Oh, come on! Just one peek! - No! 644 00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:56,989 No, no, no, no, no, no. 645 00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:58,323 Okay. We good? 646 00:20:58,391 --> 00:20:59,825 - Yeah, we're good. - Okay. 647 00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:01,760 (exhales) 648 00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,996 Hey. Hey, hey, guys. She's writing something. 649 00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:06,765 - Wait for it. Oh... - _ 650 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:09,334 - What? What's happening? - Don't worry. Nothing. 651 00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,036 I think she's writing something else. 652 00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:13,171 - Okay. All right. That's something. - _ 653 00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:14,573 - What's going on?! - Nice. 654 00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:16,508 - _ - NICK: We miss you, too! - CECE: Aw, we miss you, too! 655 00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,310 - All right, I can't take it anymore! - CECE: No! 656 00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:20,412 No, no, no. No, no, no. No, Jess can fix it. 657 00:21:20,490 --> 00:21:21,779 - Jess can fix it. - Schmidt? Schmidt? 658 00:21:21,834 --> 00:21:22,981 CECE: Just... No, no. 659 00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:24,850 Cover up. It's not gonna look like this. 660 00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,418 I got him. I got him. 661 00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:29,054 - You got him? Okay. - Winston, I got him. It's fine. 662 00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,590 - See? Everything's fine! - This isn't romantic? 663 00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:33,592 - NICK: Come back soon! - WINSTON: I love you! 664 00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,660 Synced and corrected by Chitorafa www.addic7ed.com 665 00:21:35,710 --> 00:21:40,260 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 49559

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