All language subtitles for Monarch Of The Glen s02e06.eng

( clattering )

Fergal,

how did you
get in?

The usual way,

through
the front door.

I'm not sure
if I approve of you

sneaking in here
and making me breakfast.

I know.

I am the headmistress
of the local school.

I've got my reputation
to think of.

Sweetheart, we're five miles
from the nearest town

and hundreds of miles
from civilization.

Who's even going
to know I'm here?

( rapping on door )

Good morning. I've got
two letters for you.

This one looks official, and
one for Fergal. Airmail, too.

For Fergal?

Seeing as he's here
all the time these days,

I thought I would
drop off his post.

Thank you, Craig.

So long.
So long, Fergal.

Fergal:
So long, Craig.

Okay.
So Craig knows.

It'll be all over
Glenbogle in half an hour.

Could go after him,
let his tires down.

What's wrong?

Who's it from?

Education authority.

Are they onto us
already?

- They're actually shutting it.
- Shutting what?

The school, Fergal.

They're closing down
my school.

( theme music playing )

( low conversation within )

Man: I don't see why there has to be

a religious ceremony
involved.

They're still at it.
Did you not hear

what they were talking about
when you brought their coffee?

- As Glenbogle housekeeper, I've taken
a vow of silence. - I hadn't noticed.

Actually, Archie's thinking
of having you committed.

Just needs another
signature for the form.

Is the minister
still here?

Yeah.
What's going on?

I shouldn't say, but I did
hear them mention marriage.

- I didn't like to eavesdrop.
- You're his mother.

You're meant
to eavesdrop.

( door opens,
men laughing )

Not at all, Archie. I look
forward to the big day.

See you Sunday.

Oh, Archie.
Hello. Hi.

I haven't seen a shifty bunch of
characters outside a police lineup.

Who, dear?
Us?

I'm glad you're all here.
I have an announcement to make.

There's going to be
a wedding at Glenbogle.

Who's the lucky girl?

She's from Glasgow.
You don't know her.

Archie, you are
a dark horse.

I am delighted for you!

When are your father and I
going to meet her?

Wait, it's not me. I'm not
the one getting married.

Oh, well. You better start again, then.

It occurred to me that Glenbogle
would make a great venue for weddings.

All we need is the
minister's permission.

Ah, right.

We could go for a homely,
intimate affair.

Lexie could run the catering.
Mother could do the flowers.

Duncan could be factotum.
Golly could provide the game.

Hector could look
after the car park.

That is
a fantastic idea!

Hear that?
Factotum.

That's Latin
for "gofer. "

In fact, we have our first
couple arriving this afternoon.

- Already?
- Pamela McAlpine and Eric Morton

from Glasgow. Apparently
they're rolling in it.

If we impress them,
and word gets around-

I'm off to shop
in my secateurs.

- I'm off to iron my kilt.
- Mind you take it off first.

Have you thought
about music?

Yes. Maybe
by special request.

It's Scottish, Archie.
You need the pipes.

( snickering )

Not everyone likes
bagpipes, Golly.

I could
educate them.

( doorbell ringing )

Hello.

- How are you?
- Unemployed.

Is Hector here?

They're closing down the
school at the end of the term.

They want to bus the kids
to the new big school

- at Glenmorriston.
- That's miles away.

We're just on the edge
of the catchment area.

They've been talking about it but
I never believed it would happen.

Who would?
It's insane!

We need Hector
at the meeting.

He's on the board
of governors.

He'll be there,
and so will the laird.

I don't think your title
will count for much.

Fine, I'll come
as... Archie MacDonald.

We need all the help
we can get.

They're sending down
some spin doctor

from the board
of education.

We'll hand him his head
in a basket.

Whatever it takes,
Katrina.

Thanks.

And you want me
to make up the numbers?

I want you to make
your voice heard,

as a member
of the community.

I've only been here
a few months.

What are you building
the hide for, exactly?

If the school closes, it'll
be empty most of the year.

I just...
I can't, okay?

I have to disappear
for a few days.

- What for?
- It's important to me.

What's more important
than this?

You'll be fine, okay?

One way or another,
things will work out.

I know how much
this means to you.

If I knew how little
it meant to you,

I wouldn't have
bothered asking.

Katrina...

why can't these people just go to
Gretna Green like everyone else?

We're aiming for a rather
more upmarket clientele.

Never heard
of this chap Morton.

One of these nouveau
riche johnnies, I suppose-

make their money out of
arms dealing and pornography.

We made ours from stealing sheep
and subjugating the peasants.

You've been spending
too much time

with that lefty
schoolteacher of yours.

Everyone ready?
Where's Golly?

- ( bagpipes playing )
- Oh...

( pipes whine )

It's never too early
to start their education.

Golly, they specifically
asked for no pipes.

- And you agreed?
- The customer is always right.

- The customer's a cloth-eared
loon! - Put them back, please.

Remember, this could be
a real earner for Glenbogle.

The keynote
is intimate and...

sophisticated.

Miss McAlpine,
welcome to Glenbogle.

You must be Archie.

You've got the looks
to go with the voice.

Duncan will help you
with your bags.

No need.
Eric's onto it.

- No, please.
- No, really.

He likes to keep busy.
This must be your staff.

My family. Hector MacDonald, my father.

Delighted.

He's got a twinkle
in his eye.

I bet you're always chasing
after the maids, eh?

Certainly not.
At my age,

it's safer
to ambush them.

- This is my mother.
- Molly MacDonald.

Welcome to Glenbogle,
Ms. McAlpine.

We promise you the
most delightful wedding.

Oh, lovely.

But I'm not a "Ms. "
Just call me Pamela- ooh!

Who is this?

I'm Golly, Miss McAlpine. The ghillie.

Oh. You look
after the fishing?

Amongst
other duties, yes.

I love the kilt.

If my luck's in,
the wind picks up,

I'll get to inspect
your tackle.

- Perhaps you'd like to...
- this way.

Certainly.

"Upmarket
clientele," eh?

I know you think she's
a little... plainspoken.

"Plainspoken"? Her mind's like a midden,

and a mouth
like a highland bog.

And I like her
already.

I started off with a
wee cafe in Garnet Hill.

All day breakfast.
That sort of thing.

And you expanded
from there?

Not really, no.

My uncle died and left me
a shedload of money.

Pamela's been my waitress
these past four years.

Keeps the punters
on their toes.

She's a terrible flirt,
but a heart of gold.

I never had the nerve
to pop the question

till my ship came in.

Who says money can't
buy you happiness, eh?

Tea up. And coffee,
and scones.

This is Lexie,
our housekeeper.

- What will you be having?
- same as always, Lexie.

- Lexie!
- That's my gawky wee girl.

Hello, mom.

Mom?!

Surprise!

Good lord!

- Sorry- - I heard
you got a job up here.

I saw Archie's advert
and I thought,

"that's the very place
I want to get married. "

Oh, really?

We'll have to fit
a revolving door then, eh?

Lexie,
I'm Eric.

It's a joy
to meet you.

I thought
you'd be younger.

Aye, math was never
your strong point, honey.

You two must have lots
of catching up to do.

Not really, no.

- Excuse me.
- Archie: Lexie...!

Kids, hey?

Lexie?
Where are you going?

To slip into something
more comfortable,

like a taxi to Glasgow!

What is going on
between you?

- Have you got a week?
- Pamela and Eric are our guests.

We treat them with a
modicum of civility, okay?

I am going to a meeting this evening.
I need you to look after them.

You want me to sit back
and think of Glenbogle?

- How hard can it be?
- You have no idea!

Molly: And here we
have the bridal suite.

Hector and I spent
our first night here

40 years ago now.

Hardly used it since.

Yes, it does smell
a little funny at first.

You're not kidding.

Not to worry.
A blast of fresh air,

and you'll
hardly notice it.

I'll try the one
in the bathroom.

On second thoughts,
it is rather chilly outside.

I'll fetch
some potpourri.

Thank you.

Archie:
Sorry we're late.

Father couldn't decide
which hat to wear.

So long since I've been
to one of these things.

The guy from the department
of education hasn't arrived yet.

I've saved you
a seat, Hector.

Andy.
Andy McArdle.

Archie! Archie, you dog, how are you?

I'd forgotten this was
your old stamping ground.

- Still is.
- What are you doing these days?

Not much.
I'm the laird.

- Oh, great.
- What about you?

Mr. McArdle
is the spin doctor

for the Department
of Education.

Head of Media
and Public Relations.

Wow! Who'd have
thought it?

Jack and I were
at school together.

- Jack?
- Short for Jackanory.

He used to tell the most
amazingly tall tales.

I can well
believe it.

I've read
your press release.

Shall we
get started?

Man: Glenmorriston's 18 miles away.

You can't expect parents
to drive their children

there and back
every day.

The local council will be
providing a bus service-

- free of charge.
- ( crowd murmuring )

And what about their
friends from the village?

Their friends will
be going with them,

and they'll make new
friends at their new school.

Look, this is all
missing the point.

The village
needs its school.

It's the focal point
of our community.

Glenmorriston school
has better facilities,

better resources,
more modern buildings.

Don't your children
deserve the best?

Look, Jack-
Mr. McArdle,

our children are already
getting the best here at home.

You cannot ship them nearly 40
miles every day, not at their age.

You close the school, and soon
all the families will leave,

and all you'll have left here
is a ghost town.

Is that really what
your department wants?

( murmuring )

Look, the decision's
not been written in stone.

I'm here
to consult with you

and to pass your comments
on to the department.

Believe me, they'll receive
serious consideration.

That was great,
Archie.

Maureen and I might have a job
come September after all.

I don't know if it'll
make any difference.

It's got to.

You really did hand him
his head in a basket. Thanks.

I'll mention it in my sermon
Sunday, get the word around.

Good idea. Spread some much
needed panic and despondency.

Minister: Sorry?

Let's hope they demolish
the place.

We could do
with a decent car park.

You're supposed
to be on our side.

It's time the local brats got out
of this bible-thumping backwater.

Every Sunday dragged off to church
and barracked about hell and damnation!

No wonder they grow up
to be superstitious buffoons.

Do 'em good to get away
from all that religious twaddle!

I'll walk home.

I'm sorry, you'll have
to forgive my father.

He likes to shock.

He's very good at it.

Perhaps, if you want to hold
weddings at the big house,

you should find
another minister.

So... your name's
McAlpine now?

Whirlwind romance.

Didn't work out.

So, what's new?

All that's
behind me now.

Let's forget
about the past, eh?

All I want is for my
friends at the wedding

to see my lovely
wee girl.

You inviting your
ex-boyfriends to the wedding?

We'll have to airlift
in supplies.

Don't be
like that, Lex.

It's gonna be a special
day for all of us.

A fresh start,
what do you say?

Look, I know I haven't
been much of a mother.

I'm the only one
you've got, by the way.

I know
I've made mistakes.

Such as?

Not spending
enough time with you.

I mean, I tried.
It wasn't easy.

God knows
I was away myself.

And you always had to be
the center of attention.

- Me?
- Aye. This is gonna be

my big day, and you can
be a part of it.

I never wanted to be
the center of attention!

I just wanted to exist!

You spent more time
fixing your hair

than you did
talking to me.

Don't start, Lex.

You nearly had me going there
for a minute.

Go ahead, forget the past.

I wish I could.

Ah.

Can we discuss
the catering?

Yeah! We'll serve grass!
That's what cows eat!

I mean it! She's not
here to get married,

she's here to humiliate
me! I'm not gonna play!

Where are
our guests?

I rather fancy being
appalled by Lexie's mother.

Yes, and perhaps
you could explain to me

why the Reverend Mitchell
won't be marrying them?

You'll find another minister.
The hills are crawling with them.

It took me all morning
to persuade that one.

What have you got
against him?

That pompous, sanctimonious
windbag? Nothing whatsoever.

Then you won't mind
apologising to him.

Of course not.
I'll tell you what.

As soon as the loch
freezes over,

I'll skate across to his
church and say, "sorry. "

( door closes )

( bagpipes playing )

Oh, god...

sorry, Archie.
Did I wake you?

Along with the rest
of the glen, yes.

It beats that today program, though, eh?

Golly, I've told you. Our
guests cannot stand the bagpipes.

But they haven't heard them
in the proper context.

And they're not going to!

I can do requests.

Give me a tune.
Any thing you like.

Can you play
"far, far away"?

"Far, far away"?

Right.

Golly,
don't disappear.

Golly!

I want one of the big, stripey tents

to cover
the whole garden,

and I want an orchestra
that plays classical music-

you know, Mozart,
James Galway,

that kind of thing.

An orchestra?

Archie, if you've
got it, flaunt it.

And I want lilies
everywhere.

Pink and white.

I love the smell
of lilies.

They're not really
very common around here.

Don't worry about it.

I know a posh place in
Edinburgh that does them.

Now, cars-

I want a fleet
of white Rolls-Royces

to pick up all our guests
from the railway station.

And then,
when we leave...

I want it to be something
really spectacular.

Hot air balloon?

That's brilliant.

You're dead good
at this, Archie.

See, if I was just a
couple of years younger...

Pamela.

Relax.
I'm not married yet.

Have you discussed
the menu with Lexie?

No need. We're hiring the caterers.

Anyway, Lexie will be far
too busy being my bridesmaid.

Bridesmaid? Have you
spoken to her about this?

No... I've tried.

She has a whole bag of
chips on her shoulder.

Actually, maybe if
you talked to her.

Oh, I don't think
it's really my place.

Go on, Archie.
Do it for me.

How could she resist those
big brown eyes of yours?

What woman could?

All right,
I'll give it a go.

Good. Now, the minister's
all organised, is he?

Yes, yes, of course.

Archie: I've already spoken
to the Reverend Mitchell,

but he suggested I try
to find somebody else.

I know it's not
in your parish, but...

right. Okay, thank you.
Goodbye.

- How are you getting on?
- Oh, like a house on fire.

Am I imagining things, or does
father have it in for our minister?

Yes, he does rather.

He hasn't spoken to him
since Jamie's funeral.

Now, about the flowers
for the wedding...

the fuchsias are
just coming into bloom,

and they'll make
such a pretty bouquet.

The thing is, Pamela has
asked for orchids and lilies.

Archie, I can't possibly provide those.

She's already spoken
to a florist in Edinburgh.

Oh, very well.

There will still be
plenty for you to do.

You and Pamela seem to have
everything under control.

Why don't I just
leave you to it?

( slams door )

Archie...

I've just received this fax
from your friend Andrew McArdle.

They had no intention
of listening to us.

Blah blah blah...
"we regret to confirm

that the closure will
go ahead as planned. "

I'm so sorry.
What can I do?

You could ask everyone in the
house to join the campaign.

I would if they
were speaking to me.

- What's going on?
- You don't want to know.

- Yeah, I do.
- How's Fergal these days?

If I could find him,
I'd tell you.

You can always rely on
a man to let you down.

All right, boss.

Thank you.

Treacle tarts.

I buy them
at the supermarket.

That's a long walk.

Me and your mother got
together over one of those.

I saw her sitting
out on the bridge,

looking down at the river.
Some guy had dumped her.

I took her out
some treacle tart

and said, "this'll glue
a broken heart together. "

She laughed. We got
talking for the first time.

Wasn't really gonna jump,
was she?

Sometimes she's
a scared wee girl.

Give her
another chance, Lexie.

Carrying a grudge
will wear you out.

Oh. Should have known
I'd find you in here.

Just picking up
some tips from the chef.

Listen, I'll leave
you two girls to talk.

He's a lovely guy.
You're very lucky.

He's the lucky one.

I mean, finding someone
that really cares about you.

- That's not easy.
- you would think that.

I've never had any trouble finding men.

No, it was keeping count
that was the hard part.

Can I help it if men
find me attractive?

Like that cute
wee laird?

Archie? Just because he
lives amongst antiques

doesn't mean he wants
to go off with one.

Ooh! I suppose
you're hoping

he'll stoke
your AGA one day.

Well, I don't suppose
it hurts to dream.

- Ooh! Get off me with that!
- It's for your dress.

- What dress?
- Your bridesmaid's dress.

Looks like you take
after your father.

Still, we'll save
on material.

If you think I'm putting on some frock

for your tacky
wee circus-

you're not turning up
like that.

I'm not turning up
at all.

But I'll turn up at your
funeral in my dancing shoes!

- How's that, eh?
- Lexie...

- I'm sorry, she really seems...
- like a spoiled wee brat.

I know. I suppose I
should blame her mother.

The thing is, Archie,
I've set my heart

on her coming
to the wedding and...

see, if she doesn't,
well...

I might just have to call
the whole thing off.

- I'm sorry.
- I'll talk to her. I promise.

Don't do
anything hasty.

( knocks )

Don't tell me.

She's got her heart set on
me coming to the wedding.

No talent for music,
my mother,

but she can play any man
like a ukulele.

Lexie, Pamela's
making a real effort.

Why don't you
just give her a break?

Okay,
she winds you up.

Father does that to me.
I know how you feel.

My dad walked out
when I was five years old.

Ever since then, my mother's
brought home everything in trousers.

I didn't have a home.

I grew up in a flophouse
pretending to be 30,

while she pretended
she was 17.

You sure you know
how that feels?

Then one day, this creep she'd
brought home made a pass at me.

I told her.

She believed him.

Some guy she just met.

Said it was my-
"wishful thinking. "

I had to leave.

15 and living
on the streets,

staying in bedsits
and hostels.

Then one day
I fixed upon Glenbogle.

Your mother took me in.

This is the nearest thing
to home I've ever had.

Do you really know
how that feels, Archie?

I'm not going
to the wedding.

I'd rather leave.

What's the punishment
for truancy?

- Expulsion.
- Katrina-

seeing as we're all being
expelled anyway, it hardly matters.

Would it have made any
difference if I'd been here?

It would have made
a difference to me.

I had to go
to Edinburgh.

Some friends
are setting up

a wildlife park
in New Zealand.

4,000 square miles
of virgin forest.

And they
need a ranger.

Who did you suggest?

The best man
for the job.

Me.

I know.

New Zealand isn't exactly
handy for commuting.

Well...
what about Glenbogle?

My work here is finished.
Duncan can manage.

Right.

Well, at least
one of us has a job.

I've, um...

never been good at sticking
in one place, Katrina.

Never had much reason to
till I met you.

I haven't accepted
the job yet,

and I'm not going to,
unless you come too.

Me?

( knocks )

Arch, good to see you.
Thanks, haz.

So what are you doing
in this neck of the woods?

I was wondering if you
had time for a pint?

- I'm not sure...
- if you're busy then...

don't be daft. I'm a civil
servant. I'll finish off here.

What, closing down
another primary school?

Sorry, Archie,
you know how it is,

the relentless quest
for efficiency.

We are right on the edge
of the catchment area.

You must have
some discretion.

I'd love to, Arch, but Lizzie
wants rationalization,

and that's what
she's gonna get.

- Lizzie?
- Sorry. Elizabeth Renshaw,

Minister
for Education.

My boss.

Okay, so...
what about sponsorship?

You postpone closing
the school while we

try to find local businesses
who want to help with funding.

Interesting.
Show me some figures,

we'll review the situation
next year.

Once the school is closed,
that is it!

100ut of 10
for effort, Arch,

but I'm sorry,
the decision's been made.

Well, I had to ask.

Isn't that you
with...

the first minister?
Yes.

At a private dinner for
high flyers, so-called.

And there you are
getting a medal...

for excellence
in media relations.

Silly, really,
but...

"Andrew McArdle,
M.A. Hons, Oxford. "

So they changed
their minds then?

- Who?
- Oxford.

I distinctly remember you
failed the entrance exam.

Yes, but I- I retook it.

Mmm... no, you didn't.

You never went
to university.

There's nothing wrong

with a little poetic license
on the old C.V.

I suppose not, unless you use it to land

a cushy job with
the civil service.

Oh, dear...

Jackanory.

Archie:
What are those?

New flyers
for the campaign.

Wish I'd caught you sooner. I
could have saved you the trouble.

- Oh? - The good news is
the school will be staying open,

the bad news
is the older kids

will still have to go
to Glenmorriston,

so the school will
only need one teacher.

You've been pulling
strings, haven't you?

Something
like that.

That's fantastic.

I wish there was something
I could do to repay you.

You could take
over Glenbogle

while I go on holiday
for a year or two.

Are you gonna tell me
what's wrong now?

Oh, not much.
Golly's got the hump,

father's insulted the minister,
Lexie's matricidal,

everyone seems determined
to knacker this project

- before it's even started.
- The grand wedding project.

No one seems to care
that I am trying

to turn Glenbogle
into a successful venue.

But it's not a venue,
it's your home.

I know you're trying
to turn a profit,

but what's the point if it's
making everyone miserable?

You know, you are really
irritating when you're right.

So... when are you
gonna tell Maureen

that her job's
going?

I don't know. I have to wait
for the right time.

Well, good luck.

In my experience,
there isn't one.

( car approaches )

Oh. Hi.

( grunts )

Can you tell me
why you think

the Reverend Mitchell
is such a pompous windbag

when you never even
go to church?

I heard him once.

Didn't think much
of it.

At Jamie's funeral.

Was it?
I don't remember.

That's what
mother told me.

I remember him talking
about god's special purpose,

how we mustn't
question it.

How pain told you
that you were alive,

and that Jamie
was in a better place.

My son was lying there
in a coffin and that...

arrogant halfwit was telling me
it was all for the best.

I'm sorry, I had no idea.

Why should you? You were
only a boy at the time.

I do remember that day.

Silence everywhere...

mother trying to smile
but her eyes were so red...

Jamie should have been
running this place.

He could have organised
a wedding

without putting
everyone's backs up.

You don't do
too badly...

all things considered.

You can't go. There's a job for you here

now that Archie's
saved the school.

There's a job
for somebody.

I wouldn't have to fire my
deputy if it weren't for Fergal.

Katrina, you're part of this
place, not just the school.

The village,
the big house.

And Archie's a good
manager. He's stubborn,

headstrong.

You're the only one that
can get through to him.

- he needs you.
- You wouldn't know it.

He doesn't
know it, lass.

You ask him what he thinks
before you decide.

I want to, but-

what?
Are you scared?

I am not scared.

Good.

So Archie's stubborn
and headstrong?

He's like a big kid
sometimes.

Would he go off
and sulk

if he couldn't play
the bagpipes?

That is about standing up
for our culture, Katrina.

I thought it was about
some stranger's wedding.

Archie's trying
to run a business.

He can't do it
on his own.

Pamela: This orchestra idea is daft.

I think what we need
is a big band.

Saxophones, white djs, the
whole jang-bang shooting match.

- I talked to Lexie.
- Don't fret.

She'll cheer up when she sees
that designer frock I got her.

She's not gonna be
your bridesmaid.

I thought she
worked for you.

I don't hire her out
for weddings.

I see. She's been spinning you

one of her sad sob stories, has she?

Poor wee neglected Lexie. What about me?

Do you think it was fun
being a single mother?

Whatever problems
you and Lexie have,

you can work them out, but
making her your bridesmaid

perhaps isn't the right place to start.

We can still do
your wedding,

- though not on the scale you'd imagined.
- What do you mean?

Glenbogle isn't
really the place for...

big bands
and hot air balloons.

Are you saying you
won't arrange them?

I'm saying
we can do something

really special
and intimate-

oh...

I don't want "special...
and intimate. "

I want it
the way I planned it.

I want the tent,
I want the lilies,

and I want that backstabbing
wee madam out here

wearing the dress
that I paid for!

But no- she's far
too busy slagging me off!

And you believe her!

This was supposed
to be my special day!

And you two
have ruined it!

I'm phoning
my lawyer!

I never wanted
to get married in this...

ugly slum anyway!

Oh... super.

Oh, you- you've...
had the place painted.

That was 10 years ago.

Oh.

Yes, Stewart
liked it gloomy.

It suited him.

- Stewart?
- Reverend James.

Chap you
took over from.

Man of few words. Shortest
sermons in Scotland.

Not big on the
"religious twaddle," then?

- No. Well...
- when I started out,

I knew a minister's duty
was to offer comfort,

so I used to talk.
A lot. The trouble is,

I knew nothing except
cliches from books.

I was that green.

When I think of what I
said at your son's funeral,

I want to hang my head
in shame.

I'm sorry.
I didn't realise-

no-
I'm sorry, Hector.

I've been wanting
to apologise for years.

I was just too embarrassed,
I suppose.

I came to apologise
to you.

Take a seat.

It's a good place
to be still.

And I promise
to say nothing.

You never made up
with Lexie?

She's the one
making things up.

I came here
to get married, Pamela.

- Why do you think I came?
- To show off.

To rub Lexie's nose
in your good fortune.

You haven't stopped needling
her since we arrived.

Aye, well,
it's her fault.

She brings out
the worst in me.

Why, because she reminds
you of your mistakes?

I just don't want
to get married here, okay?

So you canceled it,
just like that?

- without even telling me? - You can get
married here by yourself if you want.

I don't want
to get married at all.

You used to make me
laugh, you know?

You used to make me feel
I was the luckiest man alive.

And now...

I think if you came
into my cafe, I'd turn you away.

I wish I'd never seen
that money.

If you're sticking your
head in there, move over.

No point.
There isn't gas.

I told Pamela
you won't be appearing.

What did she say?

She didn't say much.
She screamed a lot.

About lawsuits and
bankruptcy, that sort of thing.

- She wouldn't.
- Forget it.

I'm not dragging you
to the altar in chains.

I'd never find the shoes
to match, for one thing.

I'm sorry, Arch.

Oh, don't apologise.

We don't choose
our parents.

The worst thing is
what she does to you.

You're normally so
vivacious and exuberant.

Sharp.

As soon as Pamela walks in,
you shrivel up.

I know. It's just she-

but it's only
because you let her.

Don't you see how much
she envies you?

- Me?
- Yes, you.

She envies
your independence,

your self-reliance,

your self-assurance.
And your looks.

Stop, Arch.

Okay.

No, go on.

I mean it, Lexie, you are
everything that she wants to be.

I know you had
a terrible childhood,

and I can't begin
to imagine it, but...

you're you, in spite of
all your disadvantages.

And that just makes you
more amazing.

Thanks, Arch.
You're a very sweet man.

In spite of all
your- advantages.

Come on.

Now, no more talk about
leaving Glenbogle, okay?

You are wanted here.

What for? You're a
better cook than I am.

For your Lexie-ness.

- Wanted by whom?
- By everyone.

Including you?

Especially me.

Katrina, hi.
We were just-

yeah, I can see.
I shouldn't have-

wh-who are you
looking for?

It doesn't matter.

Timing, eh?

Where are you going?

I'm just gonna
help my mom pack.

Do you want a hand?

No.

I'm just gonna chuck
her clothes out the window.

It's only me. You can
turn off the waterworks.

Leave me alone.

What's up?

He's gone.
Run off.

Just like
the rest of them.

Eric?

Well...
like you say,

men are like
buses-

nothing for ages, then
three arrive at once.

Aye, well...

the bus service around here
ain't what it used to be.

So, what?

You have money
for taxis.

It's not about
the money.

That's not why
I was marrying him.

Yeah, right!

Think the worst.
Go ahead.

But he was always...

so good to me.

Never judged me, and...

he was always... there.

Until you drove him off.

It's never your fault,
is it?

Everyone always dumps
on poor wee Pamela.

Aye, including
my family.

Oh, come on!

You didn't expect me
to run into your arms.

You must have known
what would happen.

It happens to you
all the time!

And what would you know?
Look at you,

with your pert wee face and your
lovely skin and your perfect body,

living in a beautiful house
surrounded by people who love you!

What do you know
about anything?

Well...

jealousy...

( together )
... gets you nowhere.

Look, you didn't
love him.

So just... dry your eyes
and move on.

I did love him.

I do.

You really do,
don't you?

( bagpipes playing )

Do you need
some help there?

Are you taking
the haimish?

These are bagpipes,
okay?

If you don't like them,
you can cover your ears.

- Henderson's, 1930s?
- What?

I used to skirl a bit
myself, in the army.

- Thought you hated them.
- That was Pamela, not me.

You let a woman
forbid you the pipes?

Hand them over. There's
life in the old fingers yet.

( playing )

Wouldn't it be more humane
just to kill it outright?

What are you
doing here?

I brought you
something.

Treacle tart.

That'll glue together
a broken heart.

Right, well...

we'll leave you
to it.

Molly: Jimmy said we'd have a
crate of pink champagne by midday.

I'll believe that
when I see it.

Put that by the loch, then move
the trellis from the flower garden.

- What's going on?
- didn't anyone tell you

there's gonna be
a wedding?

I think you're
giving away the bride,

but not in that jumper.

Who's gonna officiate?

Hector: Reverend Mitchell
said he can come over anytime.

I suggested 10:30 so we can
have a quick run-through.

Morning, Archie.

Did I miss something?

I know you were planning
a grand ceremony, dear,

but Pamela asked for something
a little more intimate.

Intimate...?

Marvelous.
Absolutely marvelous.

No, Hector.
Dreadful.

No sense of style,
that woman.

Oh, what about ivy
for fidelity?

Yes, please.

Which tie would
sir prefer?

They're all lovely.

It's customary just to
wear one, I'm afraid.

Archie,
the minister's here.

How do I look?

Like a gorilla
in a kilt.

Thank you.

A sexy gorilla.

Ahem-hem!

( playing )

...I therefore
declare you to be

husband and wife.

You may kiss
the bride.

- Hector: Bravo!
- ( applause )

Lexie...

I forgot to say...

you look lovely.

And I forgot to say,
so do you.

Just a little
something.

Oh, Eric, please,
this is far too much.

Listen, son, what
you've given us today,

money can't buy.
Thank you.

Thank you.

Archie...

hi.

That was beautiful.

Yeah, it was...

it was very moving.

What?

I'm giving you
my notice.

I've been offered another job
- in New Zealand.

New Zealand? You haven't been
that miserable here, have you?

Quite the opposite.

I've done all I can here.
It's time to move on.

Right, yeah.
Well.

You've done a fabulous job.
Thank you.

I'm going with him.

Eh?

Maureen's
going to take over

as head teacher
at the school.

All this closure
business has...

just made me
rethink my options.

I want to see a bit
more of the world

before I...
hand in my bus pass.

Right.

Yes, yes, of course.

Well, you'll be missed.

I'll see you
before you go, yeah?

Can you give me
a minute?

Yeah, sure.

Look after Archie
for me, okay?

I hope you two will
be very happy together.

There is no "us two. "

Not the way you mean.

What you saw the
other day, it was just-

we were both
a bit lost-

needed a bit of reassurance, that's all.

Though I wouldn't mind it
if we did.

Someday.

But maybe
after you've gone.

I'm not catching him
on the rebound.

Good luck
to you too, okay?

See you.

( theme music playing )

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