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1
00:00:02,067 --> 00:00:04,035
( birds chirping )
2
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,068
Match day temperament-
3
00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:28,270
I've never had it.
4
00:00:28,271 --> 00:00:30,405
I'm not sure
I'm ready, Golly.
5
00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:32,775
I was the same my first time in charge.
6
00:00:32,776 --> 00:00:35,343
But you
listen up, son.
7
00:00:35,344 --> 00:00:37,846
Walk tall,
walk straight,
8
00:00:37,847 --> 00:00:39,915
And look the world
right in the eye.
9
00:00:39,916 --> 00:00:42,017
Right, that's good.
10
00:00:42,018 --> 00:00:43,986
Who said that?
11
00:00:43,987 --> 00:00:46,288
One of the giants
of celtic culture.
12
00:00:46,289 --> 00:00:48,891
What's his name-
Robert the Bruce?
13
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,994
Robbie Burns?
14
00:00:51,995 --> 00:00:54,262
Val Doonican.
15
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:58,067
Katrina: First of all, I would
like to thank the returning officer
16
00:00:58,068 --> 00:01:01,804
And all those who have made
this election and count
17
00:01:01,805 --> 00:01:04,006
Such a smooth
and efficient one.
18
00:01:04,007 --> 00:01:07,076
My victory today
marks a defining moment
19
00:01:07,077 --> 00:01:09,177
In Scottish politics.
20
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,782
Who's Val Doonican?
21
00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:16,151
( theme music playing )
22
00:01:50,486 --> 00:01:52,888
( telephone ringing )
23
00:01:59,562 --> 00:02:02,965
Hello. Morning.
I'm just on my way.
24
00:02:02,966 --> 00:02:05,367
What?
25
00:02:05,368 --> 00:02:07,469
Oh no.
26
00:02:07,470 --> 00:02:09,705
No, if you're sick,
you're sick.
27
00:02:09,706 --> 00:02:12,240
Don't worry,
I'll think of something.
28
00:02:12,241 --> 00:02:14,543
You take care
of yourself.
29
00:02:14,544 --> 00:02:16,244
Bye.
30
00:02:20,884 --> 00:02:23,185
Lexie: I don't quite get
the point in this, Arch.
31
00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:25,520
You're supposed to be the expert
in the menu department.
32
00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:27,823
First course,
fresh Scottish salmon.
33
00:02:27,824 --> 00:02:29,992
Second course,
fresh Scottish grouse.
34
00:02:29,993 --> 00:02:33,495
You've been looking forward
to seeing your posh tottie.
35
00:02:34,998 --> 00:02:36,498
Oh! There's one!
36
00:02:36,499 --> 00:02:38,633
Lexie, be quiet
or I'll send you home.
37
00:02:38,634 --> 00:02:40,435
Sorry, dad.
38
00:02:40,436 --> 00:02:43,371
I won't take you racing
out to London either.
39
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,575
Whoa!
40
00:03:22,511 --> 00:03:25,881
Ah! I love the smell
of cordite in the morning.
41
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:29,651
You know, I can remember
my first Glorious 12th
42
00:03:29,652 --> 00:03:31,120
Like it was yesterday.
43
00:03:31,121 --> 00:03:34,990
August, 1938.
Old house was packed.
44
00:03:34,991 --> 00:03:37,092
Bishops,
bandleaders,
45
00:03:37,093 --> 00:03:39,094
King of Bulgaria,
prime minister too.
46
00:03:39,095 --> 00:03:42,030
Old Neville Chamberlain came here
on his way to suck up to Hitler.
47
00:03:42,031 --> 00:03:43,899
Hector, we need
to get going.
48
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:46,534
The lad's got to leave
with the birds in an hour.
49
00:03:46,535 --> 00:03:48,237
Shall I start
the beaters off?
50
00:03:48,238 --> 00:03:51,140
No, no, no, Duncan.
I'll do that.
51
00:03:52,776 --> 00:03:55,144
Here...
52
00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:58,747
You take these.
53
00:04:14,998 --> 00:04:17,699
Morning.
First customer, eh?
54
00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:19,134
Sorry?
55
00:04:19,135 --> 00:04:21,069
You've come to vote.
56
00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:23,505
No need to ask who for.
57
00:04:23,506 --> 00:04:25,640
Might as well.
58
00:04:29,512 --> 00:04:31,814
- A race you say?
- Yes.
59
00:04:31,815 --> 00:04:34,349
With dead grouse
as the competitors?
60
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:37,786
Could you possibly direct me
towards the point of this exercise?
61
00:04:37,787 --> 00:04:39,554
It's organized
by a food magazine-
62
00:04:39,555 --> 00:04:41,690
The first restaurant to
serve grouse to a customer
63
00:04:41,691 --> 00:04:43,425
On the first day
of the shooting season
64
00:04:43,426 --> 00:04:45,560
Wins �5,000 and a feature
in the next edition.
65
00:04:45,561 --> 00:04:47,796
What an extraordinarily
stupid idea.
66
00:04:47,797 --> 00:04:49,898
What do you mean-
food magazine?
67
00:04:49,899 --> 00:04:52,267
It would be great publicity
for the restaurant.
68
00:04:52,268 --> 00:04:54,970
The business I'm supposed to
be running with my girlfriend?
69
00:04:54,971 --> 00:04:57,539
Meanwhile, smooth running
of the household is disrupted.
70
00:04:57,540 --> 00:05:00,408
I can't wait to get cracking in
a proper kitchen for a change.
71
00:05:00,409 --> 00:05:02,277
The last time Lexie
went AWOL-
72
00:05:02,278 --> 00:05:05,747
When my Aunt Maggie had
the temerity to expire suddenly?
73
00:05:05,748 --> 00:05:07,515
Golly prepared dinner.
74
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:09,484
He presented me
with an omelette
75
00:05:09,485 --> 00:05:12,687
That looked and tasted
like a polystyrene tile.
76
00:05:35,578 --> 00:05:38,280
Breakfast.
Eat.
77
00:05:38,281 --> 00:05:40,782
- You're a poppet.
- I try to please.
78
00:05:40,783 --> 00:05:42,484
And you do.
79
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:46,454
You worried?
80
00:05:46,455 --> 00:05:50,025
- I just hope everything goes okay
with Archie in the- - of course it will.
81
00:05:50,026 --> 00:05:52,394
Two cooks in the kitchen-
it'll be a breeze.
82
00:05:54,030 --> 00:05:57,032
I didn't quite mean that.
83
00:05:57,033 --> 00:05:59,034
Listen, Lennie,
these last couple of months,
84
00:05:59,035 --> 00:06:02,170
I'd never
have got by without you.
85
00:06:02,171 --> 00:06:04,940
I mean it.
I'm very grateful.
86
00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:12,214
No worries...
But thanks.
87
00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:20,389
Delicious.
88
00:06:27,030 --> 00:06:29,064
Archie, I was just
going to call you.
89
00:06:29,065 --> 00:06:31,533
- Listen- - mustn't
canvass voters on their way
90
00:06:31,534 --> 00:06:33,501
To exercise their
democratic prerogative-
91
00:06:33,502 --> 00:06:35,603
Even if it is just
a council election.
92
00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:43,245
Archie MacDonald.
93
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,084
Thanks.
94
00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:03,265
Archie, I need your help.
Maureen's let me down.
95
00:07:03,266 --> 00:07:05,200
She was gonna help me
organize the day.
96
00:07:05,201 --> 00:07:07,702
- "Get the vote out" and that.
- I can't. Sorry.
97
00:07:07,703 --> 00:07:09,537
You can't?
Or you won't?
98
00:07:09,538 --> 00:07:11,974
Katrina, I won't be
here. I'm going to London.
99
00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:15,543
Oh- you going
to see Justine?
100
00:07:15,544 --> 00:07:18,981
I will be seeing Justine.
101
00:07:18,982 --> 00:07:22,317
Well, have a terrific time.
102
00:07:22,318 --> 00:07:24,152
Thanks.
103
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:27,189
I'll just have to find
somebody else then, won't I?
104
00:07:27,190 --> 00:07:29,324
Look, I've said
I'm sorry.
105
00:07:29,325 --> 00:07:31,926
Could you tell me how
you voted, please?
106
00:07:31,927 --> 00:07:34,029
Why would I
tell you that?
107
00:07:34,030 --> 00:07:36,198
It's standard procedure
in elections.
108
00:07:36,199 --> 00:07:38,800
It helps the parties keep
check on how they're doing.
109
00:07:38,801 --> 00:07:41,970
No, I'm not gonna tell you how
I voted. That's my business.
110
00:07:41,971 --> 00:07:44,039
You didn't vote for me,
did you!?
111
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,274
( helicopter whirring )
112
00:07:46,275 --> 00:07:48,676
( silent )
113
00:07:54,617 --> 00:07:56,584
- Good luck, my boy.
- And you.
114
00:07:56,585 --> 00:07:58,620
- Smash the opposition, okay.
- Yes!
115
00:08:02,458 --> 00:08:04,292
( horn honks )
116
00:08:18,408 --> 00:08:20,475
Arch, isn't this fab?
117
00:08:20,476 --> 00:08:22,544
Yeah, great.
118
00:08:25,081 --> 00:08:26,415
( silent )
119
00:08:26,416 --> 00:08:29,317
Ah, may the best man win.
120
00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:48,636
Hector: I wish you all happy hunting
121
00:08:48,637 --> 00:08:52,307
And leave you in the very
capable hands of Duncan here.
122
00:08:54,477 --> 00:08:56,611
Thanks Hect-
123
00:08:56,612 --> 00:08:59,013
Mr. MacDonald.
124
00:09:01,150 --> 00:09:04,619
Gentlemen,
I earnestly hope...
125
00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:08,723
That you have very good
sport here today.
126
00:09:10,059 --> 00:09:12,527
There's loads of birds
out there.
127
00:09:12,528 --> 00:09:16,231
"The hills are alive,"
you might say.
128
00:09:16,232 --> 00:09:18,133
( dog whimpers )
129
00:09:19,469 --> 00:09:22,104
Anyway, if you're ready...
130
00:09:22,105 --> 00:09:25,407
We'll mosey on out.
131
00:09:27,076 --> 00:09:29,244
Well done, Duncan.
That was jolly good.
132
00:09:29,245 --> 00:09:31,613
Now give them hell.
133
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:34,282
I earnestly hope.
134
00:09:37,420 --> 00:09:40,855
Kilwillie, I thought you
had some fool election today.
135
00:09:40,856 --> 00:09:44,292
Democracy's important,
but not that important.
136
00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:47,295
Anyway, the political
machine's well-oiled.
137
00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,297
What with?
Your filthy lucre?
138
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,500
Nothing so gross!
139
00:09:51,501 --> 00:09:54,402
A few cases
of Kilwillie old malt.
140
00:09:54,403 --> 00:09:56,871
Kilwillie.
That's corruption.
141
00:09:56,872 --> 00:09:59,474
No, my dear.
That's politics.
142
00:09:59,475 --> 00:10:01,943
So, shall we
to the butts?
143
00:10:01,944 --> 00:10:04,246
( helicopter whirring )
144
00:10:12,721 --> 00:10:15,089
Look, everything's dead wee.
145
00:10:22,231 --> 00:10:25,267
- Confident then?
- Publicly, I'm unbeatable.
146
00:10:25,268 --> 00:10:28,036
Privately,
I'm gonna get smashed.
147
00:10:28,037 --> 00:10:30,572
Morning,
Mrs. McCann.
148
00:10:30,573 --> 00:10:32,907
There's one vote
I didn't get.
149
00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:35,510
- If I get beaten here-
- you won't.
150
00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:37,479
You've done your canvassing,
haven't you?
151
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,649
Then it's all about getting the vote
out on the day. Show me your returns.
152
00:10:40,650 --> 00:10:43,418
- Don't you have to get on your way?
- No. Why?
153
00:10:43,419 --> 00:10:46,655
I thought you said you were
on important party business.
154
00:10:46,656 --> 00:10:50,024
So I am. But I prefer to
think it's mostly private.
155
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,260
You mean you came
all this way to...
156
00:10:52,261 --> 00:10:54,396
Yes, to help you.
157
00:10:55,464 --> 00:10:57,499
Oh, Alan, thank you.
158
00:10:59,468 --> 00:11:02,637
I like to think of myself
as your political mentor,
159
00:11:02,638 --> 00:11:04,906
And of you in a-
160
00:11:04,907 --> 00:11:07,642
Well, rather more
intimate role.
161
00:11:09,445 --> 00:11:12,514
Now, let's go and win
this election.
162
00:11:12,515 --> 00:11:14,316
Right.
163
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:21,789
We're making good time.
164
00:11:33,603 --> 00:11:35,537
He's got all
the early voters.
165
00:11:35,538 --> 00:11:38,273
How exactly is the intellectual
giant in plus fours?
166
00:11:38,274 --> 00:11:40,041
Kilwillie?
167
00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:41,610
He's smarter
than he looks.
168
00:11:41,611 --> 00:11:44,212
He's diversified
into luxury foods.
169
00:11:44,213 --> 00:11:47,582
Everything from whisky
marmalade to venison pate.
170
00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:50,518
- He employs a lot of people.
- Who'll all vote for him.
171
00:11:50,519 --> 00:11:52,920
Still, looks from these
like you might pick up
172
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:54,623
Most of the
O.A.P. Vote.
173
00:11:54,624 --> 00:11:56,791
- I'm pleased about that.
- It's often the way.
174
00:11:56,792 --> 00:11:59,093
Old ladies usually
admire female candidates.
175
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:01,028
Old blokes just
fancy them.
176
00:12:01,029 --> 00:12:03,231
As long as they're not
complete dogs, of course.
177
00:12:03,232 --> 00:12:04,733
- Alan!
- Oh, sorry.
178
00:12:04,734 --> 00:12:07,269
Gratuitous use of
politically incorrect term.
179
00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:10,104
So, when are the oldies going to vote?
180
00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:13,141
- Most of them said they were going to go tonight.
- That's no good.
181
00:12:13,142 --> 00:12:15,410
Tonight they'll be
watching "Gardener's World"
182
00:12:15,411 --> 00:12:17,479
Or fretting about
the mass murderers
183
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,648
Stalking the mean streets of Glenbogle.
184
00:12:19,649 --> 00:12:21,716
You've got to get them
voting during the day.
185
00:12:21,717 --> 00:12:24,085
I can't get them lifts
during the day.
186
00:12:24,086 --> 00:12:26,187
People round here
are really busy just now.
187
00:12:26,188 --> 00:12:27,889
It's the 12th of August.
188
00:12:27,890 --> 00:12:30,024
Oh, aye. Mass murder
of another kind.
189
00:12:30,025 --> 00:12:32,193
So what are we
gonna do?
190
00:12:36,231 --> 00:12:37,965
Alan.
191
00:12:40,903 --> 00:12:42,236
No.
192
00:12:46,175 --> 00:12:47,842
Ahoy, lads.
193
00:12:58,954 --> 00:13:00,955
( helicopter shudders )
194
00:13:11,467 --> 00:13:13,435
( alarms beeping )
195
00:13:13,436 --> 00:13:15,236
Lexie: Archie?
196
00:13:15,237 --> 00:13:17,038
What's wrong?
197
00:13:17,039 --> 00:13:19,507
She's got a bit
of a sore throat.
198
00:13:20,976 --> 00:13:23,345
I think I'll take her
down for a minute.
199
00:13:23,346 --> 00:13:26,648
Maybe just have a look at
her, clean out a pipe or two.
200
00:13:26,649 --> 00:13:29,884
Hector: Well, Kilwillie
- god's in his heaven,
201
00:13:29,885 --> 00:13:32,086
Four dozen brace of birds
in the basket,
202
00:13:32,087 --> 00:13:33,722
And all's well
with the world.
203
00:13:33,723 --> 00:13:35,923
( cell phone plays
"William Tell Overture" )
204
00:13:35,924 --> 00:13:38,326
For heaven's sake, turn that
infernal contraption off.
205
00:13:38,327 --> 00:13:40,695
Sorry, old man.
206
00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:42,964
I've got to stay in radio
contact with the nerve center
207
00:13:42,965 --> 00:13:45,132
Of the mighty Kilwillie empire. Hello?
208
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:47,335
Yeah.
209
00:13:47,336 --> 00:13:48,837
What?
210
00:13:48,838 --> 00:13:51,239
I'm on my way.
211
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,875
- What are you doing now?
- Crisis looms.
212
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,711
The barbarians are
hammering at the gates.
213
00:13:56,712 --> 00:13:59,313
Couldn't they have had the
decency to choose another day?
214
00:13:59,314 --> 00:14:02,049
I need the help of an
old pal and class ally.
215
00:14:06,922 --> 00:14:10,258
- ( helicopter whirring )
- stupid map.
216
00:14:12,628 --> 00:14:14,629
( alarm continues beeping )
217
00:14:33,382 --> 00:14:36,785
What's he gonna do,
ring the A.A.?
218
00:14:36,786 --> 00:14:40,154
You've ruined me strawberry
surprise. It's full of dust and grass.
219
00:14:40,155 --> 00:14:42,824
It wouldn't be full
of strawberries, would it?
220
00:14:42,825 --> 00:14:46,828
- Are you Scottish?
- What d'you want me to do? Dance an eightsome reel?
221
00:14:46,829 --> 00:14:49,096
I can't believe this.
Excuse me.
222
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:51,232
Could you tell us
where we are, please?
223
00:14:51,233 --> 00:14:54,402
You're asking me? What's this, then, D
- Day for the jocks?
224
00:14:54,403 --> 00:14:56,237
Where's the nearest
railway station?
225
00:14:56,238 --> 00:14:58,973
Ah, Carlisle.
40 miles that way.
226
00:14:58,974 --> 00:15:01,876
God's own country,
60 miles that way.
227
00:15:01,877 --> 00:15:05,046
You'd think they'd put a sign up,
wouldn't you? "Knackered bridge ahead. "
228
00:15:08,684 --> 00:15:10,652
What are we
gonna do, Arch?
229
00:15:10,653 --> 00:15:12,754
We need a car. We'll have
to hire one or something.
230
00:15:12,755 --> 00:15:16,791
- Or get a lift.
- Some turnip told me that was the short cut to the motorway.
231
00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:19,160
Oh, no.
232
00:15:19,161 --> 00:15:21,596
What better way to keep
the fish and game cold?
233
00:15:21,597 --> 00:15:24,599
Anyway, you got
a better idea?
234
00:15:26,869 --> 00:15:30,071
We just thought you might
appreciate a lift, Mrs. McGregor.
235
00:15:30,072 --> 00:15:32,206
Thank you, dear,
that's very kind of you.
236
00:15:32,207 --> 00:15:34,342
Oh my goodness me.
237
00:15:34,343 --> 00:15:37,779
Good morning, madam. I'm
your driver, Freddie Jorg.
238
00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:39,747
Good morning.
239
00:15:39,748 --> 00:15:42,517
Tell me, have you ever ridden
on a Harley Davidson before?
240
00:15:42,518 --> 00:15:46,053
- Oh no.
- Mrs. McGregor!
241
00:15:46,054 --> 00:15:48,022
Hello, my dear.
242
00:15:49,892 --> 00:15:52,994
You are looking well,
I must say.
243
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:55,997
And getting bonnier with every
passing day, if I may venture.
244
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,434
We were just popping down to
the village in the old charabanc.
245
00:16:00,435 --> 00:16:03,104
Can we convey you in that
general direction?
246
00:16:03,105 --> 00:16:05,139
That's very
kind of you,
247
00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:08,075
But ever since
I saw "Easy Rider,"
248
00:16:08,076 --> 00:16:11,278
I've wanted to burn
rubber on one of these.
249
00:16:12,581 --> 00:16:14,415
( motorcycle starts )
250
00:16:14,416 --> 00:16:17,552
So there's petrol, damaged
stock, loss of sales-
251
00:16:17,553 --> 00:16:20,154
Loss of sales? Geordie,
you've not made any.
252
00:16:20,155 --> 00:16:22,924
Even if we were in a Ferrari, we still
wouldn't make it in time for lunch.
253
00:16:22,925 --> 00:16:25,426
Time, travel expenses.
Let's say 300.
254
00:16:25,427 --> 00:16:27,595
No, let's say 150.
255
00:16:29,264 --> 00:16:31,699
Freddie: No, every year
the club organizes a tour
256
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:35,236
And we all take a week off work to go
and do wheelies in some far-off place.
257
00:16:35,237 --> 00:16:37,605
We're very grateful
for your help.
258
00:16:37,606 --> 00:16:40,174
If there's anything we can do to reimburse your expenses
259
00:16:40,175 --> 00:16:42,176
Oh, not at all,
wouldn't hear of it.
260
00:16:42,177 --> 00:16:44,679
No, we'll simply finish off
the list and then be on our way.
261
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,448
We want to make Loch Ness
before teatime.
262
00:16:55,991 --> 00:16:59,427
That would have looked a bit odd
on the election expenses return.
263
00:16:59,428 --> 00:17:02,564
"Petrol money for Bank of
England Harley Davidson Club. "
264
00:17:03,566 --> 00:17:05,499
Gloves off, I think.
265
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:08,302
- If they will march into Poland.
- Quite.
266
00:17:08,303 --> 00:17:11,839
There are some things up
with which one shall not put.
267
00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:16,678
They'll all melt.
It's such a waste.
268
00:17:16,679 --> 00:17:19,513
- Just great.
- Oh, Saturn Rockets!
269
00:17:19,514 --> 00:17:22,249
Oh, I've not had these
since I was a wee girl.
270
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,519
( ice cream bell playing )
271
00:17:30,826 --> 00:17:33,260
Justine: That's right, shot
this morning in the Highlands.
272
00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,329
Thank you, sir.
273
00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:38,733
- See you this evening. Bye.
- How's it looking?
274
00:17:38,734 --> 00:17:42,036
Packed. Word's got round
the exiles, I think.
275
00:17:42,037 --> 00:17:44,538
- This, er, Lesley.
- Lexie.
276
00:17:44,539 --> 00:17:47,108
She is only gonna do her
nauseating national dish, right?
277
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,143
Because you've never
cooked grouse before.
278
00:17:49,144 --> 00:17:50,411
Yes, that's the arrangement.
279
00:17:50,412 --> 00:17:52,279
And you're sure
she won't meddle?
280
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,482
'cause I won't have it.
You know me, I'm a pussycat,
281
00:17:54,483 --> 00:17:57,184
But if anyone comes into my
kitchen and starts messing around...
282
00:17:57,185 --> 00:17:59,286
It's not gonna happen,
trust me.
283
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:01,422
Anyway, you'll like her.
284
00:18:01,423 --> 00:18:03,591
She's very nice...
In an up front sort of way.
285
00:18:03,592 --> 00:18:05,426
( telephone ringing )
286
00:18:08,998 --> 00:18:10,898
Good morning, Flying Fish.
287
00:18:10,899 --> 00:18:13,400
Archie,
are you nearly here?
288
00:18:14,603 --> 00:18:16,104
What?
289
00:18:17,205 --> 00:18:19,107
Where?
290
00:18:19,108 --> 00:18:20,908
Archie.
291
00:18:20,909 --> 00:18:23,511
We're all okay,
in case you were wondering.
292
00:18:23,512 --> 00:18:26,914
- Yes, Justine, I know that very well.
- That his missus, is it?
293
00:18:26,915 --> 00:18:29,250
- She wants to be.
- I appreciate that.
294
00:18:29,251 --> 00:18:31,352
Starting as she
means to go on?
295
00:18:31,353 --> 00:18:33,554
Why don't you tell her
to get stuffed,
296
00:18:33,555 --> 00:18:35,589
Get off the phone,
get some housework done.
297
00:18:35,590 --> 00:18:37,424
What did they say?
298
00:18:37,425 --> 00:18:39,293
Nothing,
I'll tell you later.
299
00:18:39,294 --> 00:18:41,595
So what will you do
about lunch?
300
00:18:41,596 --> 00:18:44,165
What I normally do
when you let me down.
301
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,901
Hope Lennie can pull
a rabbit out of the hat.
302
00:18:46,902 --> 00:18:48,970
In this case,
almost literally.
303
00:18:52,741 --> 00:18:54,776
Don't say anything.
304
00:18:54,777 --> 00:18:57,779
Just get into that kitchen
and do whatever you have to do.
305
00:19:31,246 --> 00:19:33,781
"What did the fireman's wife
get for christmas?"
306
00:19:33,782 --> 00:19:36,718
I don't know. What did the
fireman's wife get for christmas?
307
00:19:36,719 --> 00:19:38,886
A ladder
in her stocking.
308
00:19:40,522 --> 00:19:43,725
- So where are we now?
- Watford.
309
00:19:43,726 --> 00:19:47,161
The ruby in the belly button
of Hertfordshire.
310
00:19:47,162 --> 00:19:49,230
Oh, I feel a bit sick.
311
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,468
Hector:
What are they doing?
312
00:19:54,469 --> 00:19:56,904
Kilwillie:
Not much, they're talking, eh?
313
00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:59,073
Typical.
Let me have a look.
314
00:20:03,746 --> 00:20:06,180
Fascinating reading,
are they?
315
00:20:06,181 --> 00:20:09,083
Some folks study the Bible,
others pore over mucky books.
316
00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:12,319
Me, I go for
canvassing returns.
317
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:16,157
I could never get you this interested
in me when we were together.
318
00:20:16,158 --> 00:20:19,393
Maybe I have repented
at leisure.
319
00:20:21,864 --> 00:20:23,731
Hector: They're getting
out, they're getting out.
320
00:20:23,732 --> 00:20:25,666
Kilwillie:
What's he doing?
321
00:20:28,703 --> 00:20:31,538
Getting some mineral water. Typical.
322
00:20:31,539 --> 00:20:32,907
Let me see.
323
00:20:34,409 --> 00:20:36,177
Oh, well done.
324
00:20:36,178 --> 00:20:38,179
It's a bottle
of Kilwillie Spring.
325
00:20:40,048 --> 00:20:41,649
( scoffs )
326
00:20:44,486 --> 00:20:46,154
Still not here?
327
00:20:46,155 --> 00:20:48,555
( car horn honks )
328
00:20:48,556 --> 00:20:50,925
( music playing )
329
00:20:54,329 --> 00:20:56,397
Archie:
We're here.
330
00:21:00,869 --> 00:21:03,104
Lexie:
Hi, Justine.
331
00:21:03,105 --> 00:21:06,073
- This is Mr. Slurpy. He gave us a lift down.
- You all right, pet?
332
00:21:06,074 --> 00:21:09,277
Hi, would you like to take
that through to the kitchen?
333
00:21:14,249 --> 00:21:15,649
You're Lesley, eh?
334
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:18,953
Lexie. "X" marks the spot. And you are?
335
00:21:18,954 --> 00:21:22,123
Lennie. Head chef.
Come into my kitchen.
336
00:21:26,561 --> 00:21:28,429
Nice place, Archie.
337
00:21:28,430 --> 00:21:30,764
I painted me mom's lav
that color.
338
00:21:34,602 --> 00:21:38,072
- You've changed everything.
- No, I haven't.
339
00:21:38,073 --> 00:21:39,506
Yes, you have-
340
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,043
The paintings,
the color scheme,
341
00:21:42,044 --> 00:21:44,178
The tablecloths.
It's completely different.
342
00:21:44,179 --> 00:21:47,315
Don't be ridiculous.
The customers like it.
343
00:21:47,316 --> 00:21:50,551
And my aquarium.
Where is my aquarium?
344
00:21:50,552 --> 00:21:52,153
- It had to go.
- Why?
345
00:21:52,154 --> 00:21:54,989
One of the piranhas bit Terry's hand
when he was cleaning out the tank.
346
00:21:54,990 --> 00:21:57,859
- What have you done with them?
- The wound went septic.
347
00:21:57,860 --> 00:22:01,062
- Terry had to be off work for a week.
- Where are my fish?
348
00:22:01,063 --> 00:22:04,165
- Lennie let them go.
- What? Oh, not down the-
349
00:22:04,166 --> 00:22:05,833
- No!
- Well, where?
350
00:22:05,834 --> 00:22:08,035
Just by London Bridge.
351
00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:10,171
It was really neat
the way they swam off.
352
00:22:10,172 --> 00:22:12,706
I know it wasn't the most
ecologically sound thing to do,
353
00:22:12,707 --> 00:22:15,642
- But they were free at last,
the open sea. - Lennie- shut up.
354
00:22:15,643 --> 00:22:19,113
We'd better get going if we're going to
be ready for this evening's performance.
355
00:22:19,114 --> 00:22:21,382
- I can't believe you've done this.
- And I can't believe
356
00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:24,418
- You walk in and start throwing your weight about.
- Justine.
357
00:22:24,419 --> 00:22:26,453
We can't sort
this out now.
358
00:22:26,454 --> 00:22:28,856
There's too much
to do before tonight.
359
00:22:28,857 --> 00:22:30,992
It'll have to wait.
360
00:22:40,969 --> 00:22:43,271
Alan: So that's the wrinklies sorted...
361
00:22:43,272 --> 00:22:46,473
Young moms just about done,
working men'll vote tonight.
362
00:22:46,474 --> 00:22:49,243
- What about the unemployed?
- What about them?
363
00:22:49,244 --> 00:22:51,979
You'll never get on in politics
if you take that attitude, dear.
364
00:22:51,980 --> 00:22:55,716
- You must at least pretend to care.
- You mean like you do?
365
00:22:55,717 --> 00:22:57,684
We haven't had many
of them voting yet.
366
00:22:57,685 --> 00:23:00,154
- Most of them are working today.
- They're unemployed!
367
00:23:00,155 --> 00:23:02,456
Casual work. They're
beating up on the hill.
368
00:23:02,457 --> 00:23:04,992
- I beg your pardon?
- For the grouse shooting.
369
00:23:04,993 --> 00:23:08,429
Aaah, the bizarre
feudal relic.
370
00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:11,732
- Speaking of which...
- Don't talk about Molly like that, she's my friend.
371
00:23:11,733 --> 00:23:13,667
- Oh, hang on.
- Wha-what?
372
00:23:13,668 --> 00:23:16,237
- Voter at 11:00.
- Oh, it's only Molly.
373
00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:19,506
Oh. Hello, Katrina.
374
00:23:24,379 --> 00:23:27,181
Oh, good afternoon, dear.
Kilwillie.
375
00:23:29,651 --> 00:23:31,285
Alan.
376
00:23:31,286 --> 00:23:32,920
See you in a moment,
everyone.
377
00:23:32,921 --> 00:23:34,721
Right-o.
378
00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:44,465
- Those the grouses, are they?
- Grice.
379
00:23:44,466 --> 00:23:47,001
- Eh?
- The plural of grouse is grice.
380
00:23:47,002 --> 00:23:49,703
- It's like mouse and mice.
- Oh, right.
381
00:23:49,704 --> 00:23:52,539
- ( chuckles )
- stink a bit, don't they?
382
00:23:53,842 --> 00:23:56,844
And these-
farm salmon, are they?
383
00:23:56,845 --> 00:23:58,512
They are not!
384
00:23:58,513 --> 00:24:01,182
Wild atlantic salmon,
caught this very morning
385
00:24:01,183 --> 00:24:04,085
In the crystal waters of the River Bogle
- by your boss.
386
00:24:04,086 --> 00:24:06,653
I don't like it when salmon
gets this big. Taste's gone.
387
00:24:06,654 --> 00:24:08,956
Lennie, you're talking
100% fish droppings.
388
00:24:08,957 --> 00:24:12,059
- Archie.
- Sorry, "boss," just expressing a professional opinion.
389
00:24:12,060 --> 00:24:14,362
There's a lot of
paperwork to get through.
390
00:24:16,198 --> 00:24:19,000
I could chop them
into steaks, I suppose.
391
00:24:19,001 --> 00:24:21,502
Okay. I think the flavor's more delicate
392
00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:23,804
If they're cut into
fillets, myself. But it's-
393
00:24:23,805 --> 00:24:26,407
Why don't you leave the
delicate flavors to me, sweetie,
394
00:24:26,408 --> 00:24:28,909
While you get to grips
with the grice, eh?
395
00:24:30,412 --> 00:24:32,380
Shall I chin him
now or later?
396
00:24:32,381 --> 00:24:34,482
- Hey, Geordie.
- What?
397
00:24:34,483 --> 00:24:38,519
"What did the grape say
when the gorilla stood on it?"
398
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,454
I don't know, Lexie.
399
00:24:40,455 --> 00:24:42,856
What did the grape say when
the gorilla stood on it?
400
00:24:42,857 --> 00:24:45,159
Nothing. It just gave
a little "wine. "
401
00:24:50,965 --> 00:24:53,000
Oh, Molly,
dear.
402
00:24:53,001 --> 00:24:54,868
Be with you
in a minute.
403
00:24:54,869 --> 00:24:57,304
What are you doing
consorting with the enemy?
404
00:24:57,305 --> 00:24:59,907
What are you boys doing here? I
thought you were out playing popguns.
405
00:24:59,908 --> 00:25:02,376
A good candidate's got
to keep his finger
406
00:25:02,377 --> 00:25:04,245
On the pulse of the
electoral process, Molly.
407
00:25:04,246 --> 00:25:06,547
Thank his supporters
and so on.
408
00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:08,582
I trust you, er...
409
00:25:08,583 --> 00:25:12,286
- No, of course, mustn't ask.
- What?
410
00:25:12,287 --> 00:25:15,923
Well, that I...
Well, you know...
411
00:25:15,924 --> 00:25:18,225
Don't be ridiculous, man.
Do you honestly think
412
00:25:18,226 --> 00:25:20,261
A wife of mine would
vote for a woman?
413
00:25:20,262 --> 00:25:23,264
Don't you worry your little
bald head, Kilwillie.
414
00:25:23,265 --> 00:25:25,466
I voted according
to my conscience.
415
00:25:25,467 --> 00:25:27,668
Thank you so much, Molly.
416
00:25:27,669 --> 00:25:30,371
Well, see you boys later.
417
00:25:30,372 --> 00:25:33,640
And don't stay cooped up in the
motor all day, get some fresh air.
418
00:25:35,310 --> 00:25:37,311
She's a wonderful girl.
419
00:25:37,312 --> 00:25:40,114
- You're a lucky dog, Hector.
- Yeah.
420
00:25:41,216 --> 00:25:43,150
Well, I did it.
421
00:25:43,151 --> 00:25:46,954
For the first time in my life,
I exercised my democratic rights
422
00:25:46,955 --> 00:25:49,323
According to my own
convictions
423
00:25:49,324 --> 00:25:51,392
Rather than my husband's
prejudices.
424
00:25:51,393 --> 00:25:53,461
I put a cross
against your name.
425
00:25:53,462 --> 00:25:56,697
Really, Molly?
Thank you.
426
00:25:56,698 --> 00:25:59,200
See, I told you.
427
00:25:59,201 --> 00:26:01,602
( exhales )
truly liberating.
428
00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:03,370
And the ladies
in my lottery syndicate
429
00:26:03,371 --> 00:26:05,473
Were very taken
with your leaflets.
430
00:26:05,474 --> 00:26:08,142
Tell me,
are you winning?
431
00:26:08,143 --> 00:26:10,411
I hope so.
We were just wondering
432
00:26:10,412 --> 00:26:12,346
What time are the beaters
on the hill finishing?
433
00:26:12,347 --> 00:26:14,415
About 6:00,
I should think.
434
00:26:14,416 --> 00:26:16,550
Plenty of time
to vote, then.
435
00:26:16,551 --> 00:26:18,719
No, no, hold on.
Golly always lays on
436
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:21,155
A ceilidh for them and
the other estate workers.
437
00:26:21,156 --> 00:26:22,956
Whiskey flows
till midnight.
438
00:26:24,726 --> 00:26:27,027
Archie counting:
... 20, 140 and 50.
439
00:26:27,028 --> 00:26:29,296
Thanks, Archie.
Top lad.
440
00:26:29,297 --> 00:26:31,398
Thanks for having
such a cheerful face.
441
00:26:31,399 --> 00:26:33,167
You're a canny-looking
lad yourself.
442
00:26:33,168 --> 00:26:35,202
I'll shake your hand-
I'll be off.
443
00:26:35,203 --> 00:26:37,304
- Thanks, son.
- Justine: Archie?
444
00:26:39,274 --> 00:26:41,074
Here. Take this.
445
00:26:41,075 --> 00:26:43,410
I was gonna give it to
Waltzing Matilda in there
446
00:26:43,411 --> 00:26:45,546
- But I'd rather you had it.
- Thanks, pet.
447
00:26:45,547 --> 00:26:48,449
It's ages since I've slurped the
old fire water. Thanks very much.
448
00:26:48,450 --> 00:26:51,018
Pop round later on and I'll
give you a grouse buttie.
449
00:26:51,019 --> 00:26:53,154
Thanks.
450
00:26:53,155 --> 00:26:56,056
If this is democracy,
you can keep it.
451
00:26:56,057 --> 00:26:58,592
I've never been
so bored in my life.
452
00:26:58,593 --> 00:27:01,562
Voting is a bit slow,
I must say.
453
00:27:01,563 --> 00:27:04,165
That's because people
have better things to do,
454
00:27:04,166 --> 00:27:06,233
As have you and me!
455
00:27:06,234 --> 00:27:08,636
This is a terrible waste
of the Glorious 12th.
456
00:27:08,637 --> 00:27:11,572
The opposition does seem
rather inactive.
457
00:27:11,573 --> 00:27:14,908
Perhaps we could spare
just a couple of hours.
458
00:27:14,909 --> 00:27:16,877
Splendid.
459
00:27:24,452 --> 00:27:27,688
Katrina:
Wait for it.
460
00:27:27,689 --> 00:27:30,057
Wait for it.
461
00:27:30,058 --> 00:27:31,792
Go.
462
00:28:07,829 --> 00:28:10,797
Man: Katrina, Mrs. MacDonald.
What are you doing down here?
463
00:28:10,798 --> 00:28:13,166
- We've come to take your jobs, Gary.
- Huh?
464
00:28:13,167 --> 00:28:15,603
- What she means is that-
- we need you to go and vote.
465
00:28:15,604 --> 00:28:17,871
But we're working.
We're about to-
466
00:28:17,872 --> 00:28:20,341
- We're going to do it for you.
- What, you?
467
00:28:20,342 --> 00:28:22,610
Come on, Gary,
it's hardly rocket science.
468
00:28:22,611 --> 00:28:24,811
Walking up a hillside,
waving a stick
469
00:28:24,812 --> 00:28:27,180
And screaming obscenities
at flocks of birds.
470
00:28:27,181 --> 00:28:29,783
Duncan:
One, two, three.
471
00:28:29,784 --> 00:28:32,486
Are you there, guys?
472
00:28:40,595 --> 00:28:42,429
This is
more like it.
473
00:28:44,566 --> 00:28:46,533
Splendid.
474
00:28:48,503 --> 00:28:50,471
That's it, girls.
475
00:28:50,472 --> 00:28:52,205
Keep a steady pace.
476
00:28:53,642 --> 00:28:55,809
( women cooing like birds )
477
00:28:58,846 --> 00:29:00,714
Keep apart.
478
00:29:26,675 --> 00:29:28,442
Canny.
479
00:29:28,443 --> 00:29:31,445
This is the profit
and loss account for June.
480
00:29:31,446 --> 00:29:34,181
We made a thumping
great deficit?
481
00:29:34,182 --> 00:29:38,151
No. Don't you remember we make
the loan repayments every quarter?
482
00:29:38,152 --> 00:29:41,121
Once that figure there is
amortized over the other months,
483
00:29:41,122 --> 00:29:43,857
We were in profit-
just.
484
00:29:43,858 --> 00:29:46,360
Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot.
I'm a bit rusty.
485
00:29:46,361 --> 00:29:48,562
That's good.
Great, in fact.
486
00:29:48,563 --> 00:29:50,631
Thank you, o master.
487
00:29:50,632 --> 00:29:54,067
It hasn't been easy, but
everyone's pulled together.
488
00:29:54,068 --> 00:29:56,670
Yeah.
489
00:29:56,671 --> 00:29:59,139
Oh, Justine,
I miss this place.
490
00:29:59,140 --> 00:30:02,042
Do you?
Really?
491
00:30:02,043 --> 00:30:03,811
And you.
492
00:30:03,812 --> 00:30:06,146
Well, get yourself
back down here then.
493
00:30:06,147 --> 00:30:08,482
I will.
494
00:30:09,751 --> 00:30:11,151
I will.
495
00:30:17,826 --> 00:30:19,593
It's showtime.
496
00:30:33,708 --> 00:30:35,809
( diners chatting )
497
00:30:35,810 --> 00:30:37,778
What can I get you?
498
00:30:39,013 --> 00:30:40,748
Everyone wants
the grouse.
499
00:30:40,749 --> 00:30:42,850
How's it going?
500
00:30:42,851 --> 00:30:45,085
The oven's not hot enough
and I can't get it higher.
501
00:30:45,086 --> 00:30:47,087
- I told him.
- I'm using the others.
502
00:30:47,088 --> 00:30:49,423
- The birds aren't cooking.
- This is the simmering oven.
503
00:30:49,424 --> 00:30:51,992
- Lennie, what the hell are you playing at?
- Come on, Archie.
504
00:30:51,993 --> 00:30:55,829
- Stop messing about and give Lexie an oven
to cook in! - You listen to me, mate...
505
00:30:58,633 --> 00:31:01,702
Come on, there are
customers waiting.
506
00:31:22,557 --> 00:31:24,491
Oh!
507
00:31:24,492 --> 00:31:27,694
- Watch out!
- You stupid cow.
508
00:31:27,695 --> 00:31:30,464
What did you call me? You
puffed up bag of antipodean wind.
509
00:31:30,465 --> 00:31:33,634
- That is it, I've had enough! - And it's
high time someone stuck a pin in you.
510
00:31:33,635 --> 00:31:36,136
- Come on, guys.
- An accident, these things happen.
511
00:31:36,137 --> 00:31:38,906
No more favors, Justine.
She goes or I walk.
512
00:31:38,907 --> 00:31:41,442
I mean it. It's my kitchen!
I will not have her in it!
513
00:31:41,443 --> 00:31:44,277
- Oh, for heaven's sake.
- That's just because I showed you up
514
00:31:44,278 --> 00:31:48,081
- For the talentless ego merchant
that you are. - Who's it to be? Her or me?
515
00:31:48,082 --> 00:31:50,717
Okay.
I'm sorry, Lexie.
516
00:31:52,954 --> 00:31:55,989
Justine, this is not
your decision.
517
00:31:55,990 --> 00:31:58,291
Yes, it is.
Pick those birds up.
518
00:31:58,292 --> 00:32:00,327
Someone's got to
eat them in a minute.
519
00:32:04,999 --> 00:32:07,668
- Justine, we run this restaurant
together- - no we don't!
520
00:32:07,669 --> 00:32:10,604
We used to until you went off to your
Highland fastness to play chieftain.
521
00:32:10,605 --> 00:32:13,874
Now I run it! With a lot of
help and support from Lennie.
522
00:32:13,875 --> 00:32:16,209
What kind of help
and support would that be?
523
00:32:16,210 --> 00:32:18,745
Maybe the same kind as you
get from Lexie. Or Katrina.
524
00:32:18,746 --> 00:32:21,414
Or whichever other Highland lassie
you're tossing the caber with.
525
00:32:21,415 --> 00:32:23,283
Look, Justine,
we are partners.
526
00:32:23,284 --> 00:32:24,918
We used to be, Archie.
527
00:32:24,919 --> 00:32:27,287
But maybe,
as the old song says,
528
00:32:27,288 --> 00:32:29,022
It's time to call
the whole thing off.
529
00:32:31,459 --> 00:32:33,527
- ( door slams )
- evening.
530
00:32:35,396 --> 00:32:37,464
Excuse me, pet.
531
00:32:39,333 --> 00:32:43,269
( slurring )
you know, my dad...
532
00:32:43,270 --> 00:32:45,305
Used to build ships.
533
00:32:47,274 --> 00:32:49,042
I sell ice cream.
534
00:32:50,778 --> 00:32:53,113
Mr. Slurpy...
535
00:32:53,114 --> 00:32:55,015
At your service.
536
00:33:01,455 --> 00:33:04,391
Is this like
dinner theatre?
537
00:33:06,895 --> 00:33:09,596
Marvelous day. Well done,
Duncan. Jolly good show.
538
00:33:09,597 --> 00:33:11,498
Thanks very much,
Hector.
539
00:33:13,501 --> 00:33:15,335
Right.
I must be off.
540
00:33:15,336 --> 00:33:17,203
Compose my
victory speech.
541
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:20,908
Jolly good beaters
you found, too.
542
00:33:20,909 --> 00:33:23,844
I tell you what...
Give them this fiver,
543
00:33:23,845 --> 00:33:26,079
Tell them to have
a drink on me.
544
00:33:27,481 --> 00:33:30,684
That'll be just the one drink
between all of them, will it?
545
00:33:32,820 --> 00:33:36,590
Guys! Guys!
Hey, boys.
546
00:33:49,604 --> 00:33:51,504
Aye?
547
00:33:51,505 --> 00:33:53,907
Yes.
548
00:33:53,908 --> 00:33:56,577
You can say that again.
549
00:33:56,578 --> 00:33:58,478
But don't.
550
00:33:58,479 --> 00:34:00,914
I've got
a terrible headache.
551
00:34:00,915 --> 00:34:03,650
I suppose I could go back
in there and apologize.
552
00:34:03,651 --> 00:34:06,053
- Say it was all my fault.
- Archie, son,
553
00:34:06,054 --> 00:34:10,223
It's around these small
moments whole lives hinge.
554
00:34:10,224 --> 00:34:12,459
What?
555
00:34:12,460 --> 00:34:14,795
I speak from
experience, man.
556
00:34:14,796 --> 00:34:17,130
12 years since I caught
the bus to Blyth...
557
00:34:17,131 --> 00:34:19,933
I was daft enough to sit next
to a lass who smiled at us.
558
00:34:19,934 --> 00:34:22,903
If only I'd had another
half in the "fat ox"
559
00:34:22,904 --> 00:34:24,972
Or the bus had been late, or I'd sat
560
00:34:24,973 --> 00:34:27,440
In the back with my
"Chronicle," like I usually did,
561
00:34:27,441 --> 00:34:32,378
I'd have been spared a
lifetime of quiet misery
562
00:34:32,379 --> 00:34:35,281
With a large woman
563
00:34:35,282 --> 00:34:37,918
With a very short
temper.
564
00:34:37,919 --> 00:34:40,453
I see.
565
00:34:40,454 --> 00:34:43,556
If I was you,
I'd stay where you are,
566
00:34:43,557 --> 00:34:45,892
Have some fun
with that Lexie lass.
567
00:34:45,893 --> 00:34:48,328
I tell you she fancies
the posh pants off you.
568
00:34:49,897 --> 00:34:53,033
Right, that's everything.
Next stop, Euston.
569
00:34:59,340 --> 00:35:01,608
Like a well-oiled
machine, it was.
570
00:35:01,609 --> 00:35:04,244
Well, I'm glad the nice
gentlemen had a good day.
571
00:35:04,245 --> 00:35:07,648
Always been good tippers,
the Norwegians.
572
00:35:07,649 --> 00:35:10,550
I'll trouble you
for my share.
573
00:35:13,587 --> 00:35:16,089
And I'll have my
binoculars back as well.
574
00:35:18,459 --> 00:35:20,927
You be a good lad
in the next 12 months
575
00:35:20,928 --> 00:35:23,329
And I'll let you play with
the train set next year, too.
576
00:35:23,330 --> 00:35:25,598
Sweetie?
577
00:35:31,338 --> 00:35:35,142
Here, take it.
You did well.
578
00:35:35,143 --> 00:35:37,277
Val Doonican would
be proud of you.
579
00:35:37,278 --> 00:35:39,946
"walk tall,
walk straight... "
580
00:35:39,947 --> 00:35:42,348
- "and look the world right in the eye. "
- bingo.
581
00:35:47,021 --> 00:35:49,255
- This is it.
- For both of us?
582
00:35:49,256 --> 00:35:51,324
It was the only one
they had left.
583
00:35:51,325 --> 00:35:53,426
It's okay,
I'll go on top.
584
00:35:53,427 --> 00:35:55,662
Oh, bunk, that is.
585
00:35:55,663 --> 00:35:57,731
Should have left
that tequila alone.
586
00:35:57,732 --> 00:36:00,967
I'm starving, and all that
food we brought down...
587
00:36:00,968 --> 00:36:03,737
Don't worry,
I nicked these and...
588
00:36:03,738 --> 00:36:07,741
The most expensive bottle
of red wine in your cellar.
589
00:36:07,742 --> 00:36:10,777
"and they dined on mince
and slices of quince... "
590
00:36:12,613 --> 00:36:15,448
So, the husband says, "I've
just been talking to the milkman,
591
00:36:15,449 --> 00:36:17,684
And he says he's slept
with every woman
592
00:36:17,685 --> 00:36:20,153
In this street except one. "
and the wife says-
593
00:36:20,154 --> 00:36:23,090
"I bet it's that stuck up
cow from number 17."
594
00:36:23,091 --> 00:36:25,358
I absolutely hate it
when you do that.
595
00:36:29,697 --> 00:36:31,698
Here's to you,
596
00:36:31,699 --> 00:36:35,401
And the start of a
glittering political career.
597
00:36:39,841 --> 00:36:42,408
Thanks, Alan.
598
00:36:42,409 --> 00:36:44,144
For everything.
599
00:36:46,214 --> 00:36:48,348
Isn't democracy
wonderful?
600
00:36:49,784 --> 00:36:52,385
I love being a carnivore, don't you?
601
00:36:52,386 --> 00:36:54,621
It's a bit overdone,
but it's not bad.
602
00:36:57,959 --> 00:37:00,293
Right.
Turn around.
603
00:37:02,797 --> 00:37:05,232
I'm going to retire.
It's been a long day.
604
00:37:07,969 --> 00:37:10,303
- Stop looking.
- I'm not looking.
605
00:37:10,304 --> 00:37:12,538
I am. Oh!
606
00:37:12,539 --> 00:37:15,308
My, Archie MacDonald-
Calvin Kleins.
607
00:37:21,883 --> 00:37:23,950
I have to get back
to Edinburgh.
608
00:37:23,951 --> 00:37:26,853
- Aye.
- What time's the count start?
609
00:37:26,854 --> 00:37:28,855
8:00 in the morning.
610
00:37:28,856 --> 00:37:30,791
- Why don't you...
- Why don't I...
611
00:37:30,792 --> 00:37:32,358
After you.
612
00:37:32,359 --> 00:37:34,661
I was just gonna say,
why don't you stay?
613
00:37:34,662 --> 00:37:37,264
See it through
to the bitter end?
614
00:37:37,265 --> 00:37:40,167
Okay, thanks. But I'd
better get my head down.
615
00:37:40,168 --> 00:37:42,035
I've been up since
the crack of dawn.
616
00:37:42,036 --> 00:37:44,171
I'll get you a duvet.
617
00:37:54,816 --> 00:37:57,517
Okay, I'm listening.
618
00:37:57,518 --> 00:37:59,652
What's there
to say, Archie?
619
00:38:01,289 --> 00:38:04,124
- What's there to say?
- I don't know.
620
00:38:06,894 --> 00:38:09,262
Just feels like
it's gone,
621
00:38:09,263 --> 00:38:11,497
The dream we had.
622
00:38:11,498 --> 00:38:15,802
It feels like someone's taken
a baseball bat to it.
623
00:38:17,138 --> 00:38:19,739
And maybe that someone
is you.
624
00:38:22,243 --> 00:38:25,645
- Hello?
- I hear what you're saying.
625
00:38:25,646 --> 00:38:27,981
Don't say that.
626
00:38:27,982 --> 00:38:30,317
I hate it
when people say that.
627
00:38:30,318 --> 00:38:32,518
They mean, "I hear what
you're saying
628
00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:34,988
But I'm going to do
naff all about it. "
629
00:38:34,989 --> 00:38:36,689
No, I just meant-
630
00:38:36,690 --> 00:38:38,925
( phone disconnects )
631
00:38:52,673 --> 00:38:55,308
Hello? Hello?
632
00:38:57,111 --> 00:38:59,279
I'm sorry, Arch.
633
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,447
I bet you could
do with a cuddle.
634
00:39:01,448 --> 00:39:04,450
- I know I could.
- Lexie, no.
635
00:39:04,451 --> 00:39:06,552
- It's okay.
- This isn't wise.
636
00:39:06,553 --> 00:39:09,555
A cuddle, I said.
We've got our jim-jams on.
637
00:39:09,556 --> 00:39:13,126
Anyway, I'm freezing. It's like
camp three on everest up there.
638
00:39:13,127 --> 00:39:16,529
- Your feet, they're freezing, Lexie!
- Move over!
639
00:39:17,731 --> 00:39:19,499
There...
640
00:39:20,935 --> 00:39:22,769
That's better.
641
00:39:29,310 --> 00:39:32,678
You know, I feel kinda
sorry for Justine.
642
00:39:33,948 --> 00:39:36,283
I know she's got
her faults but...
643
00:39:36,284 --> 00:39:38,952
Everybody's got their
faults, haven't they?
644
00:39:38,953 --> 00:39:41,221
And you've got
your faults.
645
00:39:41,222 --> 00:39:43,924
Even I've got faults.
646
00:39:47,228 --> 00:39:49,796
I just feel
bad for her.
647
00:39:49,797 --> 00:39:52,598
I mean, she's losing
her man, isn't she?
648
00:39:52,599 --> 00:39:55,001
Maybe.
649
00:40:01,842 --> 00:40:03,509
Hey, Arch...
650
00:40:03,510 --> 00:40:06,646
What did one ghost
say to the other?
651
00:40:06,647 --> 00:40:08,514
Dunno.
652
00:40:08,515 --> 00:40:10,250
Do you believe in people?
653
00:40:14,721 --> 00:40:17,924
We just never really had a
chance to talk it through...
654
00:40:19,093 --> 00:40:21,995
See how we feel,
reach common ground.
655
00:40:23,397 --> 00:40:25,465
That's important,
don't you think?
656
00:40:29,837 --> 00:40:33,440
It's okay, I always have
this effect on women in bed.
657
00:40:41,048 --> 00:40:42,882
( ringing )
658
00:40:46,620 --> 00:40:48,621
Hello.
659
00:40:48,622 --> 00:40:50,590
Hello?
660
00:41:02,036 --> 00:41:04,437
I'm sorry, I didn't think, I was asleep.
661
00:41:04,438 --> 00:41:08,208
Whoever it was
rang off anyway.
662
00:41:08,209 --> 00:41:11,311
I wonder who it was.
663
00:41:14,181 --> 00:41:16,149
Something wrong?
664
00:41:16,150 --> 00:41:18,018
Can't sleep.
665
00:41:18,019 --> 00:41:20,420
Too excited.
Too nervous.
666
00:41:20,421 --> 00:41:23,356
You'll walk it.
Just trust your uncle Alan.
667
00:41:25,959 --> 00:41:29,062
You can be very sweet
when you put your mind to it.
668
00:41:29,063 --> 00:41:30,997
Is that supposed to be
a compliment?
669
00:41:30,998 --> 00:41:33,900
It's the only one
you're getting.
670
00:41:33,901 --> 00:41:37,670
So why don't you stop
messing about and kiss me?
671
00:41:54,688 --> 00:41:58,591
What d'you fancy,
hot chocolate or Horlicks?
672
00:41:58,592 --> 00:42:00,293
It doesn't matter.
673
00:42:00,294 --> 00:42:02,262
Just put some bromide
in it, will you?
674
00:42:19,947 --> 00:42:21,948
( moans )
675
00:42:32,059 --> 00:42:33,960
( giggles )
676
00:42:41,168 --> 00:42:44,070
- Lexie!
- Who did you think it was?
677
00:42:44,071 --> 00:42:46,506
- We can't do this.
- You're not enjoying it,
678
00:42:46,507 --> 00:42:49,041
- Is that what you're trying to tell me?
- No, but...
679
00:42:50,511 --> 00:42:52,612
- What are you doing?
- Where are we?
680
00:42:52,613 --> 00:42:54,947
I want to know
where it happened.
681
00:42:54,948 --> 00:42:57,016
Penrith!
682
00:42:57,017 --> 00:42:59,051
You know, that's where
Bonnie Prince Charlie
683
00:42:59,052 --> 00:43:01,053
Fought his last battle
in England.
684
00:43:01,054 --> 00:43:03,623
- You're not getting back in this bed.
- Oh, come on.
685
00:43:03,624 --> 00:43:05,891
No, think how you'll feel
in the morning.
686
00:43:05,892 --> 00:43:08,761
Oh, trust you to go
all manly and decisive
687
00:43:08,762 --> 00:43:10,696
At this stage
in the proceedings.
688
00:43:20,073 --> 00:43:22,609
Hector: But I've got
work to do this morning.
689
00:43:22,610 --> 00:43:25,945
Surely your golf column in the "Horse
and Hound" can wait a few hours, Hector.
690
00:43:25,946 --> 00:43:27,547
But where
are we going?
691
00:43:27,548 --> 00:43:29,582
To the count
for the election.
692
00:43:29,583 --> 00:43:31,684
Katrina and Kilwillie.
693
00:43:31,685 --> 00:43:33,719
Oh, yes, election, yeah.
694
00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:35,988
I forgot to vote
for the blighter, you know.
695
00:43:35,989 --> 00:43:38,224
I've a feeling
about today, Hector.
696
00:43:38,225 --> 00:43:41,093
We're standing
on the threshold of history.
697
00:43:41,094 --> 00:43:43,796
Centuries of oppression
are about to end.
698
00:43:43,797 --> 00:43:46,566
You're not suggesting you voted
for that girl, are you?
699
00:43:46,567 --> 00:43:48,301
Hector, dear,
700
00:43:48,302 --> 00:43:51,437
There are days in life
in which one is the fly,
701
00:43:51,438 --> 00:43:53,573
And rare, magical moments
702
00:43:53,574 --> 00:43:56,842
In which one is
at long last the windscreen.
703
00:43:56,843 --> 00:43:58,944
- Come on.
- What windscreen?
704
00:43:58,945 --> 00:44:01,481
Has Duncan been messing about
with that Land Rover again?
705
00:44:10,724 --> 00:44:13,726
Okay?
706
00:44:13,727 --> 00:44:16,196
I'm never mixing red
wine and tequila again.
707
00:44:18,399 --> 00:44:20,433
Listen,
about last night...
708
00:44:22,536 --> 00:44:24,637
Thanks very much.
709
00:44:24,638 --> 00:44:26,606
- My pleasure.
- No, it wasn't.
710
00:44:28,709 --> 00:44:31,777
Anyway,
you're a gentleman.
711
00:44:31,778 --> 00:44:35,348
Showing your breeding,
Archie MacDonald.
712
00:44:38,352 --> 00:44:41,287
Still, it wasn't
a bad snog, was it?
713
00:44:41,288 --> 00:44:43,690
No, Lexie, it was
a damn fine snog.
714
00:44:49,763 --> 00:44:51,864
Maybe we'll get
another chance-
715
00:44:51,865 --> 00:44:53,700
When I'm not half pished.
716
00:44:55,769 --> 00:44:57,837
Come on, let's go home.
717
00:45:01,575 --> 00:45:03,976
I feel like we're
in that old movie.
718
00:45:03,977 --> 00:45:07,280
What was it?
"Short Encounter. "
719
00:45:19,893 --> 00:45:22,495
Man: Have you any idea when
we might expect a result?
720
00:45:31,104 --> 00:45:33,273
Can you take us to the
community center first, please?
721
00:45:37,844 --> 00:45:40,112
You don't mind,
do you?
722
00:45:40,113 --> 00:45:44,884
Dougal henderson:
214.
723
00:45:49,189 --> 00:45:52,592
Angus Archibald
Kilwillie:
724
00:45:52,593 --> 00:45:56,362
782.
725
00:46:02,536 --> 00:46:05,137
Katrina Finlay...
726
00:46:05,138 --> 00:46:07,640
1000...
727
00:46:07,641 --> 00:46:08,741
( cheering )
728
00:46:12,112 --> 00:46:14,781
...And 23.
729
00:46:14,782 --> 00:46:17,483
What is the world
coming to?
730
00:46:20,287 --> 00:46:23,255
I hereby declare that
Katrina Finlay
731
00:46:23,256 --> 00:46:25,825
Has been duly elected
to serve as a member
732
00:46:25,826 --> 00:46:29,429
Of the Highland Council
for the Glenbogle ward.
733
00:46:35,969 --> 00:46:38,504
Molly:
My dear...
734
00:46:38,505 --> 00:46:40,807
You've done so well.
735
00:46:40,808 --> 00:46:42,842
Well done.
736
00:46:44,578 --> 00:46:47,947
See? I told you I could do it
without the help of the MacDonalds.
737
00:46:47,948 --> 00:46:50,916
- The men anyway.
- What do you mean? I voted for you.
738
00:46:50,917 --> 00:46:55,054
Did you? I didn't know
that. Why didn't you tell me?
739
00:46:55,055 --> 00:46:57,557
Katrina, I'm sure
you'll do a good job.
740
00:46:57,558 --> 00:47:00,493
How did it go with Justine?
741
00:47:05,131 --> 00:47:07,266
Your speech.
742
00:47:28,689 --> 00:47:31,957
First of all, I'd like to thank
the returning officer...
743
00:47:33,727 --> 00:47:36,629
( theme music playing )
744
00:47:36,679 --> 00:47:41,229
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