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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,067 --> 00:00:04,035 ( birds chirping ) 2 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,068 Match day temperament- 3 00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:28,270 I've never had it. 4 00:00:28,271 --> 00:00:30,405 I'm not sure I'm ready, Golly. 5 00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:32,775 I was the same my first time in charge. 6 00:00:32,776 --> 00:00:35,343 But you listen up, son. 7 00:00:35,344 --> 00:00:37,846 Walk tall, walk straight, 8 00:00:37,847 --> 00:00:39,915 And look the world right in the eye. 9 00:00:39,916 --> 00:00:42,017 Right, that's good. 10 00:00:42,018 --> 00:00:43,986 Who said that? 11 00:00:43,987 --> 00:00:46,288 One of the giants of celtic culture. 12 00:00:46,289 --> 00:00:48,891 What's his name- Robert the Bruce? 13 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,994 Robbie Burns? 14 00:00:51,995 --> 00:00:54,262 Val Doonican. 15 00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:58,067 Katrina: First of all, I would like to thank the returning officer 16 00:00:58,068 --> 00:01:01,804 And all those who have made this election and count 17 00:01:01,805 --> 00:01:04,006 Such a smooth and efficient one. 18 00:01:04,007 --> 00:01:07,076 My victory today marks a defining moment 19 00:01:07,077 --> 00:01:09,177 In Scottish politics. 20 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,782 Who's Val Doonican? 21 00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:16,151 ( theme music playing ) 22 00:01:50,486 --> 00:01:52,888 ( telephone ringing ) 23 00:01:59,562 --> 00:02:02,965 Hello. Morning. I'm just on my way. 24 00:02:02,966 --> 00:02:05,367 What? 25 00:02:05,368 --> 00:02:07,469 Oh no. 26 00:02:07,470 --> 00:02:09,705 No, if you're sick, you're sick. 27 00:02:09,706 --> 00:02:12,240 Don't worry, I'll think of something. 28 00:02:12,241 --> 00:02:14,543 You take care of yourself. 29 00:02:14,544 --> 00:02:16,244 Bye. 30 00:02:20,884 --> 00:02:23,185 Lexie: I don't quite get the point in this, Arch. 31 00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:25,520 You're supposed to be the expert in the menu department. 32 00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:27,823 First course, fresh Scottish salmon. 33 00:02:27,824 --> 00:02:29,992 Second course, fresh Scottish grouse. 34 00:02:29,993 --> 00:02:33,495 You've been looking forward to seeing your posh tottie. 35 00:02:34,998 --> 00:02:36,498 Oh! There's one! 36 00:02:36,499 --> 00:02:38,633 Lexie, be quiet or I'll send you home. 37 00:02:38,634 --> 00:02:40,435 Sorry, dad. 38 00:02:40,436 --> 00:02:43,371 I won't take you racing out to London either. 39 00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,575 Whoa! 40 00:03:22,511 --> 00:03:25,881 Ah! I love the smell of cordite in the morning. 41 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:29,651 You know, I can remember my first Glorious 12th 42 00:03:29,652 --> 00:03:31,120 Like it was yesterday. 43 00:03:31,121 --> 00:03:34,990 August, 1938. Old house was packed. 44 00:03:34,991 --> 00:03:37,092 Bishops, bandleaders, 45 00:03:37,093 --> 00:03:39,094 King of Bulgaria, prime minister too. 46 00:03:39,095 --> 00:03:42,030 Old Neville Chamberlain came here on his way to suck up to Hitler. 47 00:03:42,031 --> 00:03:43,899 Hector, we need to get going. 48 00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:46,534 The lad's got to leave with the birds in an hour. 49 00:03:46,535 --> 00:03:48,237 Shall I start the beaters off? 50 00:03:48,238 --> 00:03:51,140 No, no, no, Duncan. I'll do that. 51 00:03:52,776 --> 00:03:55,144 Here... 52 00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:58,747 You take these. 53 00:04:14,998 --> 00:04:17,699 Morning. First customer, eh? 54 00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:19,134 Sorry? 55 00:04:19,135 --> 00:04:21,069 You've come to vote. 56 00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:23,505 No need to ask who for. 57 00:04:23,506 --> 00:04:25,640 Might as well. 58 00:04:29,512 --> 00:04:31,814 - A race you say? - Yes. 59 00:04:31,815 --> 00:04:34,349 With dead grouse as the competitors? 60 00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:37,786 Could you possibly direct me towards the point of this exercise? 61 00:04:37,787 --> 00:04:39,554 It's organized by a food magazine- 62 00:04:39,555 --> 00:04:41,690 The first restaurant to serve grouse to a customer 63 00:04:41,691 --> 00:04:43,425 On the first day of the shooting season 64 00:04:43,426 --> 00:04:45,560 Wins �5,000 and a feature in the next edition. 65 00:04:45,561 --> 00:04:47,796 What an extraordinarily stupid idea. 66 00:04:47,797 --> 00:04:49,898 What do you mean- food magazine? 67 00:04:49,899 --> 00:04:52,267 It would be great publicity for the restaurant. 68 00:04:52,268 --> 00:04:54,970 The business I'm supposed to be running with my girlfriend? 69 00:04:54,971 --> 00:04:57,539 Meanwhile, smooth running of the household is disrupted. 70 00:04:57,540 --> 00:05:00,408 I can't wait to get cracking in a proper kitchen for a change. 71 00:05:00,409 --> 00:05:02,277 The last time Lexie went AWOL- 72 00:05:02,278 --> 00:05:05,747 When my Aunt Maggie had the temerity to expire suddenly? 73 00:05:05,748 --> 00:05:07,515 Golly prepared dinner. 74 00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:09,484 He presented me with an omelette 75 00:05:09,485 --> 00:05:12,687 That looked and tasted like a polystyrene tile. 76 00:05:35,578 --> 00:05:38,280 Breakfast. Eat. 77 00:05:38,281 --> 00:05:40,782 - You're a poppet. - I try to please. 78 00:05:40,783 --> 00:05:42,484 And you do. 79 00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:46,454 You worried? 80 00:05:46,455 --> 00:05:50,025 - I just hope everything goes okay with Archie in the- - of course it will. 81 00:05:50,026 --> 00:05:52,394 Two cooks in the kitchen- it'll be a breeze. 82 00:05:54,030 --> 00:05:57,032 I didn't quite mean that. 83 00:05:57,033 --> 00:05:59,034 Listen, Lennie, these last couple of months, 84 00:05:59,035 --> 00:06:02,170 I'd never have got by without you. 85 00:06:02,171 --> 00:06:04,940 I mean it. I'm very grateful. 86 00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:12,214 No worries... But thanks. 87 00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:20,389 Delicious. 88 00:06:27,030 --> 00:06:29,064 Archie, I was just going to call you. 89 00:06:29,065 --> 00:06:31,533 - Listen- - mustn't canvass voters on their way 90 00:06:31,534 --> 00:06:33,501 To exercise their democratic prerogative- 91 00:06:33,502 --> 00:06:35,603 Even if it is just a council election. 92 00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:43,245 Archie MacDonald. 93 00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,084 Thanks. 94 00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:03,265 Archie, I need your help. Maureen's let me down. 95 00:07:03,266 --> 00:07:05,200 She was gonna help me organize the day. 96 00:07:05,201 --> 00:07:07,702 - "Get the vote out" and that. - I can't. Sorry. 97 00:07:07,703 --> 00:07:09,537 You can't? Or you won't? 98 00:07:09,538 --> 00:07:11,974 Katrina, I won't be here. I'm going to London. 99 00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:15,543 Oh- you going to see Justine? 100 00:07:15,544 --> 00:07:18,981 I will be seeing Justine. 101 00:07:18,982 --> 00:07:22,317 Well, have a terrific time. 102 00:07:22,318 --> 00:07:24,152 Thanks. 103 00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:27,189 I'll just have to find somebody else then, won't I? 104 00:07:27,190 --> 00:07:29,324 Look, I've said I'm sorry. 105 00:07:29,325 --> 00:07:31,926 Could you tell me how you voted, please? 106 00:07:31,927 --> 00:07:34,029 Why would I tell you that? 107 00:07:34,030 --> 00:07:36,198 It's standard procedure in elections. 108 00:07:36,199 --> 00:07:38,800 It helps the parties keep check on how they're doing. 109 00:07:38,801 --> 00:07:41,970 No, I'm not gonna tell you how I voted. That's my business. 110 00:07:41,971 --> 00:07:44,039 You didn't vote for me, did you!? 111 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,274 ( helicopter whirring ) 112 00:07:46,275 --> 00:07:48,676 ( silent ) 113 00:07:54,617 --> 00:07:56,584 - Good luck, my boy. - And you. 114 00:07:56,585 --> 00:07:58,620 - Smash the opposition, okay. - Yes! 115 00:08:02,458 --> 00:08:04,292 ( horn honks ) 116 00:08:18,408 --> 00:08:20,475 Arch, isn't this fab? 117 00:08:20,476 --> 00:08:22,544 Yeah, great. 118 00:08:25,081 --> 00:08:26,415 ( silent ) 119 00:08:26,416 --> 00:08:29,317 Ah, may the best man win. 120 00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:48,636 Hector: I wish you all happy hunting 121 00:08:48,637 --> 00:08:52,307 And leave you in the very capable hands of Duncan here. 122 00:08:54,477 --> 00:08:56,611 Thanks Hect- 123 00:08:56,612 --> 00:08:59,013 Mr. MacDonald. 124 00:09:01,150 --> 00:09:04,619 Gentlemen, I earnestly hope... 125 00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:08,723 That you have very good sport here today. 126 00:09:10,059 --> 00:09:12,527 There's loads of birds out there. 127 00:09:12,528 --> 00:09:16,231 "The hills are alive," you might say. 128 00:09:16,232 --> 00:09:18,133 ( dog whimpers ) 129 00:09:19,469 --> 00:09:22,104 Anyway, if you're ready... 130 00:09:22,105 --> 00:09:25,407 We'll mosey on out. 131 00:09:27,076 --> 00:09:29,244 Well done, Duncan. That was jolly good. 132 00:09:29,245 --> 00:09:31,613 Now give them hell. 133 00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:34,282 I earnestly hope. 134 00:09:37,420 --> 00:09:40,855 Kilwillie, I thought you had some fool election today. 135 00:09:40,856 --> 00:09:44,292 Democracy's important, but not that important. 136 00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:47,295 Anyway, the political machine's well-oiled. 137 00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,297 What with? Your filthy lucre? 138 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,500 Nothing so gross! 139 00:09:51,501 --> 00:09:54,402 A few cases of Kilwillie old malt. 140 00:09:54,403 --> 00:09:56,871 Kilwillie. That's corruption. 141 00:09:56,872 --> 00:09:59,474 No, my dear. That's politics. 142 00:09:59,475 --> 00:10:01,943 So, shall we to the butts? 143 00:10:01,944 --> 00:10:04,246 ( helicopter whirring ) 144 00:10:12,721 --> 00:10:15,089 Look, everything's dead wee. 145 00:10:22,231 --> 00:10:25,267 - Confident then? - Publicly, I'm unbeatable. 146 00:10:25,268 --> 00:10:28,036 Privately, I'm gonna get smashed. 147 00:10:28,037 --> 00:10:30,572 Morning, Mrs. McCann. 148 00:10:30,573 --> 00:10:32,907 There's one vote I didn't get. 149 00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:35,510 - If I get beaten here- - you won't. 150 00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:37,479 You've done your canvassing, haven't you? 151 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,649 Then it's all about getting the vote out on the day. Show me your returns. 152 00:10:40,650 --> 00:10:43,418 - Don't you have to get on your way? - No. Why? 153 00:10:43,419 --> 00:10:46,655 I thought you said you were on important party business. 154 00:10:46,656 --> 00:10:50,024 So I am. But I prefer to think it's mostly private. 155 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,260 You mean you came all this way to... 156 00:10:52,261 --> 00:10:54,396 Yes, to help you. 157 00:10:55,464 --> 00:10:57,499 Oh, Alan, thank you. 158 00:10:59,468 --> 00:11:02,637 I like to think of myself as your political mentor, 159 00:11:02,638 --> 00:11:04,906 And of you in a- 160 00:11:04,907 --> 00:11:07,642 Well, rather more intimate role. 161 00:11:09,445 --> 00:11:12,514 Now, let's go and win this election. 162 00:11:12,515 --> 00:11:14,316 Right. 163 00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:21,789 We're making good time. 164 00:11:33,603 --> 00:11:35,537 He's got all the early voters. 165 00:11:35,538 --> 00:11:38,273 How exactly is the intellectual giant in plus fours? 166 00:11:38,274 --> 00:11:40,041 Kilwillie? 167 00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:41,610 He's smarter than he looks. 168 00:11:41,611 --> 00:11:44,212 He's diversified into luxury foods. 169 00:11:44,213 --> 00:11:47,582 Everything from whisky marmalade to venison pate. 170 00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:50,518 - He employs a lot of people. - Who'll all vote for him. 171 00:11:50,519 --> 00:11:52,920 Still, looks from these like you might pick up 172 00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:54,623 Most of the O.A.P. Vote. 173 00:11:54,624 --> 00:11:56,791 - I'm pleased about that. - It's often the way. 174 00:11:56,792 --> 00:11:59,093 Old ladies usually admire female candidates. 175 00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:01,028 Old blokes just fancy them. 176 00:12:01,029 --> 00:12:03,231 As long as they're not complete dogs, of course. 177 00:12:03,232 --> 00:12:04,733 - Alan! - Oh, sorry. 178 00:12:04,734 --> 00:12:07,269 Gratuitous use of politically incorrect term. 179 00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:10,104 So, when are the oldies going to vote? 180 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:13,141 - Most of them said they were going to go tonight. - That's no good. 181 00:12:13,142 --> 00:12:15,410 Tonight they'll be watching "Gardener's World" 182 00:12:15,411 --> 00:12:17,479 Or fretting about the mass murderers 183 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,648 Stalking the mean streets of Glenbogle. 184 00:12:19,649 --> 00:12:21,716 You've got to get them voting during the day. 185 00:12:21,717 --> 00:12:24,085 I can't get them lifts during the day. 186 00:12:24,086 --> 00:12:26,187 People round here are really busy just now. 187 00:12:26,188 --> 00:12:27,889 It's the 12th of August. 188 00:12:27,890 --> 00:12:30,024 Oh, aye. Mass murder of another kind. 189 00:12:30,025 --> 00:12:32,193 So what are we gonna do? 190 00:12:36,231 --> 00:12:37,965 Alan. 191 00:12:40,903 --> 00:12:42,236 No. 192 00:12:46,175 --> 00:12:47,842 Ahoy, lads. 193 00:12:58,954 --> 00:13:00,955 ( helicopter shudders ) 194 00:13:11,467 --> 00:13:13,435 ( alarms beeping ) 195 00:13:13,436 --> 00:13:15,236 Lexie: Archie? 196 00:13:15,237 --> 00:13:17,038 What's wrong? 197 00:13:17,039 --> 00:13:19,507 She's got a bit of a sore throat. 198 00:13:20,976 --> 00:13:23,345 I think I'll take her down for a minute. 199 00:13:23,346 --> 00:13:26,648 Maybe just have a look at her, clean out a pipe or two. 200 00:13:26,649 --> 00:13:29,884 Hector: Well, Kilwillie - god's in his heaven, 201 00:13:29,885 --> 00:13:32,086 Four dozen brace of birds in the basket, 202 00:13:32,087 --> 00:13:33,722 And all's well with the world. 203 00:13:33,723 --> 00:13:35,923 ( cell phone plays "William Tell Overture" ) 204 00:13:35,924 --> 00:13:38,326 For heaven's sake, turn that infernal contraption off. 205 00:13:38,327 --> 00:13:40,695 Sorry, old man. 206 00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:42,964 I've got to stay in radio contact with the nerve center 207 00:13:42,965 --> 00:13:45,132 Of the mighty Kilwillie empire. Hello? 208 00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:47,335 Yeah. 209 00:13:47,336 --> 00:13:48,837 What? 210 00:13:48,838 --> 00:13:51,239 I'm on my way. 211 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,875 - What are you doing now? - Crisis looms. 212 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,711 The barbarians are hammering at the gates. 213 00:13:56,712 --> 00:13:59,313 Couldn't they have had the decency to choose another day? 214 00:13:59,314 --> 00:14:02,049 I need the help of an old pal and class ally. 215 00:14:06,922 --> 00:14:10,258 - ( helicopter whirring ) - stupid map. 216 00:14:12,628 --> 00:14:14,629 ( alarm continues beeping ) 217 00:14:33,382 --> 00:14:36,785 What's he gonna do, ring the A.A.? 218 00:14:36,786 --> 00:14:40,154 You've ruined me strawberry surprise. It's full of dust and grass. 219 00:14:40,155 --> 00:14:42,824 It wouldn't be full of strawberries, would it? 220 00:14:42,825 --> 00:14:46,828 - Are you Scottish? - What d'you want me to do? Dance an eightsome reel? 221 00:14:46,829 --> 00:14:49,096 I can't believe this. Excuse me. 222 00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:51,232 Could you tell us where we are, please? 223 00:14:51,233 --> 00:14:54,402 You're asking me? What's this, then, D - Day for the jocks? 224 00:14:54,403 --> 00:14:56,237 Where's the nearest railway station? 225 00:14:56,238 --> 00:14:58,973 Ah, Carlisle. 40 miles that way. 226 00:14:58,974 --> 00:15:01,876 God's own country, 60 miles that way. 227 00:15:01,877 --> 00:15:05,046 You'd think they'd put a sign up, wouldn't you? "Knackered bridge ahead. " 228 00:15:08,684 --> 00:15:10,652 What are we gonna do, Arch? 229 00:15:10,653 --> 00:15:12,754 We need a car. We'll have to hire one or something. 230 00:15:12,755 --> 00:15:16,791 - Or get a lift. - Some turnip told me that was the short cut to the motorway. 231 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:19,160 Oh, no. 232 00:15:19,161 --> 00:15:21,596 What better way to keep the fish and game cold? 233 00:15:21,597 --> 00:15:24,599 Anyway, you got a better idea? 234 00:15:26,869 --> 00:15:30,071 We just thought you might appreciate a lift, Mrs. McGregor. 235 00:15:30,072 --> 00:15:32,206 Thank you, dear, that's very kind of you. 236 00:15:32,207 --> 00:15:34,342 Oh my goodness me. 237 00:15:34,343 --> 00:15:37,779 Good morning, madam. I'm your driver, Freddie Jorg. 238 00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:39,747 Good morning. 239 00:15:39,748 --> 00:15:42,517 Tell me, have you ever ridden on a Harley Davidson before? 240 00:15:42,518 --> 00:15:46,053 - Oh no. - Mrs. McGregor! 241 00:15:46,054 --> 00:15:48,022 Hello, my dear. 242 00:15:49,892 --> 00:15:52,994 You are looking well, I must say. 243 00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:55,997 And getting bonnier with every passing day, if I may venture. 244 00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,434 We were just popping down to the village in the old charabanc. 245 00:16:00,435 --> 00:16:03,104 Can we convey you in that general direction? 246 00:16:03,105 --> 00:16:05,139 That's very kind of you, 247 00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:08,075 But ever since I saw "Easy Rider," 248 00:16:08,076 --> 00:16:11,278 I've wanted to burn rubber on one of these. 249 00:16:12,581 --> 00:16:14,415 ( motorcycle starts ) 250 00:16:14,416 --> 00:16:17,552 So there's petrol, damaged stock, loss of sales- 251 00:16:17,553 --> 00:16:20,154 Loss of sales? Geordie, you've not made any. 252 00:16:20,155 --> 00:16:22,924 Even if we were in a Ferrari, we still wouldn't make it in time for lunch. 253 00:16:22,925 --> 00:16:25,426 Time, travel expenses. Let's say 300. 254 00:16:25,427 --> 00:16:27,595 No, let's say 150. 255 00:16:29,264 --> 00:16:31,699 Freddie: No, every year the club organizes a tour 256 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:35,236 And we all take a week off work to go and do wheelies in some far-off place. 257 00:16:35,237 --> 00:16:37,605 We're very grateful for your help. 258 00:16:37,606 --> 00:16:40,174 If there's anything we can do to reimburse your expenses 259 00:16:40,175 --> 00:16:42,176 Oh, not at all, wouldn't hear of it. 260 00:16:42,177 --> 00:16:44,679 No, we'll simply finish off the list and then be on our way. 261 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,448 We want to make Loch Ness before teatime. 262 00:16:55,991 --> 00:16:59,427 That would have looked a bit odd on the election expenses return. 263 00:16:59,428 --> 00:17:02,564 "Petrol money for Bank of England Harley Davidson Club. " 264 00:17:03,566 --> 00:17:05,499 Gloves off, I think. 265 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:08,302 - If they will march into Poland. - Quite. 266 00:17:08,303 --> 00:17:11,839 There are some things up with which one shall not put. 267 00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:16,678 They'll all melt. It's such a waste. 268 00:17:16,679 --> 00:17:19,513 - Just great. - Oh, Saturn Rockets! 269 00:17:19,514 --> 00:17:22,249 Oh, I've not had these since I was a wee girl. 270 00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,519 ( ice cream bell playing ) 271 00:17:30,826 --> 00:17:33,260 Justine: That's right, shot this morning in the Highlands. 272 00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,329 Thank you, sir. 273 00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:38,733 - See you this evening. Bye. - How's it looking? 274 00:17:38,734 --> 00:17:42,036 Packed. Word's got round the exiles, I think. 275 00:17:42,037 --> 00:17:44,538 - This, er, Lesley. - Lexie. 276 00:17:44,539 --> 00:17:47,108 She is only gonna do her nauseating national dish, right? 277 00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,143 Because you've never cooked grouse before. 278 00:17:49,144 --> 00:17:50,411 Yes, that's the arrangement. 279 00:17:50,412 --> 00:17:52,279 And you're sure she won't meddle? 280 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,482 'cause I won't have it. You know me, I'm a pussycat, 281 00:17:54,483 --> 00:17:57,184 But if anyone comes into my kitchen and starts messing around... 282 00:17:57,185 --> 00:17:59,286 It's not gonna happen, trust me. 283 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:01,422 Anyway, you'll like her. 284 00:18:01,423 --> 00:18:03,591 She's very nice... In an up front sort of way. 285 00:18:03,592 --> 00:18:05,426 ( telephone ringing ) 286 00:18:08,998 --> 00:18:10,898 Good morning, Flying Fish. 287 00:18:10,899 --> 00:18:13,400 Archie, are you nearly here? 288 00:18:14,603 --> 00:18:16,104 What? 289 00:18:17,205 --> 00:18:19,107 Where? 290 00:18:19,108 --> 00:18:20,908 Archie. 291 00:18:20,909 --> 00:18:23,511 We're all okay, in case you were wondering. 292 00:18:23,512 --> 00:18:26,914 - Yes, Justine, I know that very well. - That his missus, is it? 293 00:18:26,915 --> 00:18:29,250 - She wants to be. - I appreciate that. 294 00:18:29,251 --> 00:18:31,352 Starting as she means to go on? 295 00:18:31,353 --> 00:18:33,554 Why don't you tell her to get stuffed, 296 00:18:33,555 --> 00:18:35,589 Get off the phone, get some housework done. 297 00:18:35,590 --> 00:18:37,424 What did they say? 298 00:18:37,425 --> 00:18:39,293 Nothing, I'll tell you later. 299 00:18:39,294 --> 00:18:41,595 So what will you do about lunch? 300 00:18:41,596 --> 00:18:44,165 What I normally do when you let me down. 301 00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,901 Hope Lennie can pull a rabbit out of the hat. 302 00:18:46,902 --> 00:18:48,970 In this case, almost literally. 303 00:18:52,741 --> 00:18:54,776 Don't say anything. 304 00:18:54,777 --> 00:18:57,779 Just get into that kitchen and do whatever you have to do. 305 00:19:31,246 --> 00:19:33,781 "What did the fireman's wife get for christmas?" 306 00:19:33,782 --> 00:19:36,718 I don't know. What did the fireman's wife get for christmas? 307 00:19:36,719 --> 00:19:38,886 A ladder in her stocking. 308 00:19:40,522 --> 00:19:43,725 - So where are we now? - Watford. 309 00:19:43,726 --> 00:19:47,161 The ruby in the belly button of Hertfordshire. 310 00:19:47,162 --> 00:19:49,230 Oh, I feel a bit sick. 311 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,468 Hector: What are they doing? 312 00:19:54,469 --> 00:19:56,904 Kilwillie: Not much, they're talking, eh? 313 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:59,073 Typical. Let me have a look. 314 00:20:03,746 --> 00:20:06,180 Fascinating reading, are they? 315 00:20:06,181 --> 00:20:09,083 Some folks study the Bible, others pore over mucky books. 316 00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:12,319 Me, I go for canvassing returns. 317 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:16,157 I could never get you this interested in me when we were together. 318 00:20:16,158 --> 00:20:19,393 Maybe I have repented at leisure. 319 00:20:21,864 --> 00:20:23,731 Hector: They're getting out, they're getting out. 320 00:20:23,732 --> 00:20:25,666 Kilwillie: What's he doing? 321 00:20:28,703 --> 00:20:31,538 Getting some mineral water. Typical. 322 00:20:31,539 --> 00:20:32,907 Let me see. 323 00:20:34,409 --> 00:20:36,177 Oh, well done. 324 00:20:36,178 --> 00:20:38,179 It's a bottle of Kilwillie Spring. 325 00:20:40,048 --> 00:20:41,649 ( scoffs ) 326 00:20:44,486 --> 00:20:46,154 Still not here? 327 00:20:46,155 --> 00:20:48,555 ( car horn honks ) 328 00:20:48,556 --> 00:20:50,925 ( music playing ) 329 00:20:54,329 --> 00:20:56,397 Archie: We're here. 330 00:21:00,869 --> 00:21:03,104 Lexie: Hi, Justine. 331 00:21:03,105 --> 00:21:06,073 - This is Mr. Slurpy. He gave us a lift down. - You all right, pet? 332 00:21:06,074 --> 00:21:09,277 Hi, would you like to take that through to the kitchen? 333 00:21:14,249 --> 00:21:15,649 You're Lesley, eh? 334 00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:18,953 Lexie. "X" marks the spot. And you are? 335 00:21:18,954 --> 00:21:22,123 Lennie. Head chef. Come into my kitchen. 336 00:21:26,561 --> 00:21:28,429 Nice place, Archie. 337 00:21:28,430 --> 00:21:30,764 I painted me mom's lav that color. 338 00:21:34,602 --> 00:21:38,072 - You've changed everything. - No, I haven't. 339 00:21:38,073 --> 00:21:39,506 Yes, you have- 340 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,043 The paintings, the color scheme, 341 00:21:42,044 --> 00:21:44,178 The tablecloths. It's completely different. 342 00:21:44,179 --> 00:21:47,315 Don't be ridiculous. The customers like it. 343 00:21:47,316 --> 00:21:50,551 And my aquarium. Where is my aquarium? 344 00:21:50,552 --> 00:21:52,153 - It had to go. - Why? 345 00:21:52,154 --> 00:21:54,989 One of the piranhas bit Terry's hand when he was cleaning out the tank. 346 00:21:54,990 --> 00:21:57,859 - What have you done with them? - The wound went septic. 347 00:21:57,860 --> 00:22:01,062 - Terry had to be off work for a week. - Where are my fish? 348 00:22:01,063 --> 00:22:04,165 - Lennie let them go. - What? Oh, not down the- 349 00:22:04,166 --> 00:22:05,833 - No! - Well, where? 350 00:22:05,834 --> 00:22:08,035 Just by London Bridge. 351 00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:10,171 It was really neat the way they swam off. 352 00:22:10,172 --> 00:22:12,706 I know it wasn't the most ecologically sound thing to do, 353 00:22:12,707 --> 00:22:15,642 - But they were free at last, the open sea. - Lennie- shut up. 354 00:22:15,643 --> 00:22:19,113 We'd better get going if we're going to be ready for this evening's performance. 355 00:22:19,114 --> 00:22:21,382 - I can't believe you've done this. - And I can't believe 356 00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:24,418 - You walk in and start throwing your weight about. - Justine. 357 00:22:24,419 --> 00:22:26,453 We can't sort this out now. 358 00:22:26,454 --> 00:22:28,856 There's too much to do before tonight. 359 00:22:28,857 --> 00:22:30,992 It'll have to wait. 360 00:22:40,969 --> 00:22:43,271 Alan: So that's the wrinklies sorted... 361 00:22:43,272 --> 00:22:46,473 Young moms just about done, working men'll vote tonight. 362 00:22:46,474 --> 00:22:49,243 - What about the unemployed? - What about them? 363 00:22:49,244 --> 00:22:51,979 You'll never get on in politics if you take that attitude, dear. 364 00:22:51,980 --> 00:22:55,716 - You must at least pretend to care. - You mean like you do? 365 00:22:55,717 --> 00:22:57,684 We haven't had many of them voting yet. 366 00:22:57,685 --> 00:23:00,154 - Most of them are working today. - They're unemployed! 367 00:23:00,155 --> 00:23:02,456 Casual work. They're beating up on the hill. 368 00:23:02,457 --> 00:23:04,992 - I beg your pardon? - For the grouse shooting. 369 00:23:04,993 --> 00:23:08,429 Aaah, the bizarre feudal relic. 370 00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:11,732 - Speaking of which... - Don't talk about Molly like that, she's my friend. 371 00:23:11,733 --> 00:23:13,667 - Oh, hang on. - Wha-what? 372 00:23:13,668 --> 00:23:16,237 - Voter at 11:00. - Oh, it's only Molly. 373 00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:19,506 Oh. Hello, Katrina. 374 00:23:24,379 --> 00:23:27,181 Oh, good afternoon, dear. Kilwillie. 375 00:23:29,651 --> 00:23:31,285 Alan. 376 00:23:31,286 --> 00:23:32,920 See you in a moment, everyone. 377 00:23:32,921 --> 00:23:34,721 Right-o. 378 00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:44,465 - Those the grouses, are they? - Grice. 379 00:23:44,466 --> 00:23:47,001 - Eh? - The plural of grouse is grice. 380 00:23:47,002 --> 00:23:49,703 - It's like mouse and mice. - Oh, right. 381 00:23:49,704 --> 00:23:52,539 - ( chuckles ) - stink a bit, don't they? 382 00:23:53,842 --> 00:23:56,844 And these- farm salmon, are they? 383 00:23:56,845 --> 00:23:58,512 They are not! 384 00:23:58,513 --> 00:24:01,182 Wild atlantic salmon, caught this very morning 385 00:24:01,183 --> 00:24:04,085 In the crystal waters of the River Bogle - by your boss. 386 00:24:04,086 --> 00:24:06,653 I don't like it when salmon gets this big. Taste's gone. 387 00:24:06,654 --> 00:24:08,956 Lennie, you're talking 100% fish droppings. 388 00:24:08,957 --> 00:24:12,059 - Archie. - Sorry, "boss," just expressing a professional opinion. 389 00:24:12,060 --> 00:24:14,362 There's a lot of paperwork to get through. 390 00:24:16,198 --> 00:24:19,000 I could chop them into steaks, I suppose. 391 00:24:19,001 --> 00:24:21,502 Okay. I think the flavor's more delicate 392 00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:23,804 If they're cut into fillets, myself. But it's- 393 00:24:23,805 --> 00:24:26,407 Why don't you leave the delicate flavors to me, sweetie, 394 00:24:26,408 --> 00:24:28,909 While you get to grips with the grice, eh? 395 00:24:30,412 --> 00:24:32,380 Shall I chin him now or later? 396 00:24:32,381 --> 00:24:34,482 - Hey, Geordie. - What? 397 00:24:34,483 --> 00:24:38,519 "What did the grape say when the gorilla stood on it?" 398 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,454 I don't know, Lexie. 399 00:24:40,455 --> 00:24:42,856 What did the grape say when the gorilla stood on it? 400 00:24:42,857 --> 00:24:45,159 Nothing. It just gave a little "wine. " 401 00:24:50,965 --> 00:24:53,000 Oh, Molly, dear. 402 00:24:53,001 --> 00:24:54,868 Be with you in a minute. 403 00:24:54,869 --> 00:24:57,304 What are you doing consorting with the enemy? 404 00:24:57,305 --> 00:24:59,907 What are you boys doing here? I thought you were out playing popguns. 405 00:24:59,908 --> 00:25:02,376 A good candidate's got to keep his finger 406 00:25:02,377 --> 00:25:04,245 On the pulse of the electoral process, Molly. 407 00:25:04,246 --> 00:25:06,547 Thank his supporters and so on. 408 00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:08,582 I trust you, er... 409 00:25:08,583 --> 00:25:12,286 - No, of course, mustn't ask. - What? 410 00:25:12,287 --> 00:25:15,923 Well, that I... Well, you know... 411 00:25:15,924 --> 00:25:18,225 Don't be ridiculous, man. Do you honestly think 412 00:25:18,226 --> 00:25:20,261 A wife of mine would vote for a woman? 413 00:25:20,262 --> 00:25:23,264 Don't you worry your little bald head, Kilwillie. 414 00:25:23,265 --> 00:25:25,466 I voted according to my conscience. 415 00:25:25,467 --> 00:25:27,668 Thank you so much, Molly. 416 00:25:27,669 --> 00:25:30,371 Well, see you boys later. 417 00:25:30,372 --> 00:25:33,640 And don't stay cooped up in the motor all day, get some fresh air. 418 00:25:35,310 --> 00:25:37,311 She's a wonderful girl. 419 00:25:37,312 --> 00:25:40,114 - You're a lucky dog, Hector. - Yeah. 420 00:25:41,216 --> 00:25:43,150 Well, I did it. 421 00:25:43,151 --> 00:25:46,954 For the first time in my life, I exercised my democratic rights 422 00:25:46,955 --> 00:25:49,323 According to my own convictions 423 00:25:49,324 --> 00:25:51,392 Rather than my husband's prejudices. 424 00:25:51,393 --> 00:25:53,461 I put a cross against your name. 425 00:25:53,462 --> 00:25:56,697 Really, Molly? Thank you. 426 00:25:56,698 --> 00:25:59,200 See, I told you. 427 00:25:59,201 --> 00:26:01,602 ( exhales ) truly liberating. 428 00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:03,370 And the ladies in my lottery syndicate 429 00:26:03,371 --> 00:26:05,473 Were very taken with your leaflets. 430 00:26:05,474 --> 00:26:08,142 Tell me, are you winning? 431 00:26:08,143 --> 00:26:10,411 I hope so. We were just wondering 432 00:26:10,412 --> 00:26:12,346 What time are the beaters on the hill finishing? 433 00:26:12,347 --> 00:26:14,415 About 6:00, I should think. 434 00:26:14,416 --> 00:26:16,550 Plenty of time to vote, then. 435 00:26:16,551 --> 00:26:18,719 No, no, hold on. Golly always lays on 436 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:21,155 A ceilidh for them and the other estate workers. 437 00:26:21,156 --> 00:26:22,956 Whiskey flows till midnight. 438 00:26:24,726 --> 00:26:27,027 Archie counting: ... 20, 140 and 50. 439 00:26:27,028 --> 00:26:29,296 Thanks, Archie. Top lad. 440 00:26:29,297 --> 00:26:31,398 Thanks for having such a cheerful face. 441 00:26:31,399 --> 00:26:33,167 You're a canny-looking lad yourself. 442 00:26:33,168 --> 00:26:35,202 I'll shake your hand- I'll be off. 443 00:26:35,203 --> 00:26:37,304 - Thanks, son. - Justine: Archie? 444 00:26:39,274 --> 00:26:41,074 Here. Take this. 445 00:26:41,075 --> 00:26:43,410 I was gonna give it to Waltzing Matilda in there 446 00:26:43,411 --> 00:26:45,546 - But I'd rather you had it. - Thanks, pet. 447 00:26:45,547 --> 00:26:48,449 It's ages since I've slurped the old fire water. Thanks very much. 448 00:26:48,450 --> 00:26:51,018 Pop round later on and I'll give you a grouse buttie. 449 00:26:51,019 --> 00:26:53,154 Thanks. 450 00:26:53,155 --> 00:26:56,056 If this is democracy, you can keep it. 451 00:26:56,057 --> 00:26:58,592 I've never been so bored in my life. 452 00:26:58,593 --> 00:27:01,562 Voting is a bit slow, I must say. 453 00:27:01,563 --> 00:27:04,165 That's because people have better things to do, 454 00:27:04,166 --> 00:27:06,233 As have you and me! 455 00:27:06,234 --> 00:27:08,636 This is a terrible waste of the Glorious 12th. 456 00:27:08,637 --> 00:27:11,572 The opposition does seem rather inactive. 457 00:27:11,573 --> 00:27:14,908 Perhaps we could spare just a couple of hours. 458 00:27:14,909 --> 00:27:16,877 Splendid. 459 00:27:24,452 --> 00:27:27,688 Katrina: Wait for it. 460 00:27:27,689 --> 00:27:30,057 Wait for it. 461 00:27:30,058 --> 00:27:31,792 Go. 462 00:28:07,829 --> 00:28:10,797 Man: Katrina, Mrs. MacDonald. What are you doing down here? 463 00:28:10,798 --> 00:28:13,166 - We've come to take your jobs, Gary. - Huh? 464 00:28:13,167 --> 00:28:15,603 - What she means is that- - we need you to go and vote. 465 00:28:15,604 --> 00:28:17,871 But we're working. We're about to- 466 00:28:17,872 --> 00:28:20,341 - We're going to do it for you. - What, you? 467 00:28:20,342 --> 00:28:22,610 Come on, Gary, it's hardly rocket science. 468 00:28:22,611 --> 00:28:24,811 Walking up a hillside, waving a stick 469 00:28:24,812 --> 00:28:27,180 And screaming obscenities at flocks of birds. 470 00:28:27,181 --> 00:28:29,783 Duncan: One, two, three. 471 00:28:29,784 --> 00:28:32,486 Are you there, guys? 472 00:28:40,595 --> 00:28:42,429 This is more like it. 473 00:28:44,566 --> 00:28:46,533 Splendid. 474 00:28:48,503 --> 00:28:50,471 That's it, girls. 475 00:28:50,472 --> 00:28:52,205 Keep a steady pace. 476 00:28:53,642 --> 00:28:55,809 ( women cooing like birds ) 477 00:28:58,846 --> 00:29:00,714 Keep apart. 478 00:29:26,675 --> 00:29:28,442 Canny. 479 00:29:28,443 --> 00:29:31,445 This is the profit and loss account for June. 480 00:29:31,446 --> 00:29:34,181 We made a thumping great deficit? 481 00:29:34,182 --> 00:29:38,151 No. Don't you remember we make the loan repayments every quarter? 482 00:29:38,152 --> 00:29:41,121 Once that figure there is amortized over the other months, 483 00:29:41,122 --> 00:29:43,857 We were in profit- just. 484 00:29:43,858 --> 00:29:46,360 Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot. I'm a bit rusty. 485 00:29:46,361 --> 00:29:48,562 That's good. Great, in fact. 486 00:29:48,563 --> 00:29:50,631 Thank you, o master. 487 00:29:50,632 --> 00:29:54,067 It hasn't been easy, but everyone's pulled together. 488 00:29:54,068 --> 00:29:56,670 Yeah. 489 00:29:56,671 --> 00:29:59,139 Oh, Justine, I miss this place. 490 00:29:59,140 --> 00:30:02,042 Do you? Really? 491 00:30:02,043 --> 00:30:03,811 And you. 492 00:30:03,812 --> 00:30:06,146 Well, get yourself back down here then. 493 00:30:06,147 --> 00:30:08,482 I will. 494 00:30:09,751 --> 00:30:11,151 I will. 495 00:30:17,826 --> 00:30:19,593 It's showtime. 496 00:30:33,708 --> 00:30:35,809 ( diners chatting ) 497 00:30:35,810 --> 00:30:37,778 What can I get you? 498 00:30:39,013 --> 00:30:40,748 Everyone wants the grouse. 499 00:30:40,749 --> 00:30:42,850 How's it going? 500 00:30:42,851 --> 00:30:45,085 The oven's not hot enough and I can't get it higher. 501 00:30:45,086 --> 00:30:47,087 - I told him. - I'm using the others. 502 00:30:47,088 --> 00:30:49,423 - The birds aren't cooking. - This is the simmering oven. 503 00:30:49,424 --> 00:30:51,992 - Lennie, what the hell are you playing at? - Come on, Archie. 504 00:30:51,993 --> 00:30:55,829 - Stop messing about and give Lexie an oven to cook in! - You listen to me, mate... 505 00:30:58,633 --> 00:31:01,702 Come on, there are customers waiting. 506 00:31:22,557 --> 00:31:24,491 Oh! 507 00:31:24,492 --> 00:31:27,694 - Watch out! - You stupid cow. 508 00:31:27,695 --> 00:31:30,464 What did you call me? You puffed up bag of antipodean wind. 509 00:31:30,465 --> 00:31:33,634 - That is it, I've had enough! - And it's high time someone stuck a pin in you. 510 00:31:33,635 --> 00:31:36,136 - Come on, guys. - An accident, these things happen. 511 00:31:36,137 --> 00:31:38,906 No more favors, Justine. She goes or I walk. 512 00:31:38,907 --> 00:31:41,442 I mean it. It's my kitchen! I will not have her in it! 513 00:31:41,443 --> 00:31:44,277 - Oh, for heaven's sake. - That's just because I showed you up 514 00:31:44,278 --> 00:31:48,081 - For the talentless ego merchant that you are. - Who's it to be? Her or me? 515 00:31:48,082 --> 00:31:50,717 Okay. I'm sorry, Lexie. 516 00:31:52,954 --> 00:31:55,989 Justine, this is not your decision. 517 00:31:55,990 --> 00:31:58,291 Yes, it is. Pick those birds up. 518 00:31:58,292 --> 00:32:00,327 Someone's got to eat them in a minute. 519 00:32:04,999 --> 00:32:07,668 - Justine, we run this restaurant together- - no we don't! 520 00:32:07,669 --> 00:32:10,604 We used to until you went off to your Highland fastness to play chieftain. 521 00:32:10,605 --> 00:32:13,874 Now I run it! With a lot of help and support from Lennie. 522 00:32:13,875 --> 00:32:16,209 What kind of help and support would that be? 523 00:32:16,210 --> 00:32:18,745 Maybe the same kind as you get from Lexie. Or Katrina. 524 00:32:18,746 --> 00:32:21,414 Or whichever other Highland lassie you're tossing the caber with. 525 00:32:21,415 --> 00:32:23,283 Look, Justine, we are partners. 526 00:32:23,284 --> 00:32:24,918 We used to be, Archie. 527 00:32:24,919 --> 00:32:27,287 But maybe, as the old song says, 528 00:32:27,288 --> 00:32:29,022 It's time to call the whole thing off. 529 00:32:31,459 --> 00:32:33,527 - ( door slams ) - evening. 530 00:32:35,396 --> 00:32:37,464 Excuse me, pet. 531 00:32:39,333 --> 00:32:43,269 ( slurring ) you know, my dad... 532 00:32:43,270 --> 00:32:45,305 Used to build ships. 533 00:32:47,274 --> 00:32:49,042 I sell ice cream. 534 00:32:50,778 --> 00:32:53,113 Mr. Slurpy... 535 00:32:53,114 --> 00:32:55,015 At your service. 536 00:33:01,455 --> 00:33:04,391 Is this like dinner theatre? 537 00:33:06,895 --> 00:33:09,596 Marvelous day. Well done, Duncan. Jolly good show. 538 00:33:09,597 --> 00:33:11,498 Thanks very much, Hector. 539 00:33:13,501 --> 00:33:15,335 Right. I must be off. 540 00:33:15,336 --> 00:33:17,203 Compose my victory speech. 541 00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:20,908 Jolly good beaters you found, too. 542 00:33:20,909 --> 00:33:23,844 I tell you what... Give them this fiver, 543 00:33:23,845 --> 00:33:26,079 Tell them to have a drink on me. 544 00:33:27,481 --> 00:33:30,684 That'll be just the one drink between all of them, will it? 545 00:33:32,820 --> 00:33:36,590 Guys! Guys! Hey, boys. 546 00:33:49,604 --> 00:33:51,504 Aye? 547 00:33:51,505 --> 00:33:53,907 Yes. 548 00:33:53,908 --> 00:33:56,577 You can say that again. 549 00:33:56,578 --> 00:33:58,478 But don't. 550 00:33:58,479 --> 00:34:00,914 I've got a terrible headache. 551 00:34:00,915 --> 00:34:03,650 I suppose I could go back in there and apologize. 552 00:34:03,651 --> 00:34:06,053 - Say it was all my fault. - Archie, son, 553 00:34:06,054 --> 00:34:10,223 It's around these small moments whole lives hinge. 554 00:34:10,224 --> 00:34:12,459 What? 555 00:34:12,460 --> 00:34:14,795 I speak from experience, man. 556 00:34:14,796 --> 00:34:17,130 12 years since I caught the bus to Blyth... 557 00:34:17,131 --> 00:34:19,933 I was daft enough to sit next to a lass who smiled at us. 558 00:34:19,934 --> 00:34:22,903 If only I'd had another half in the "fat ox" 559 00:34:22,904 --> 00:34:24,972 Or the bus had been late, or I'd sat 560 00:34:24,973 --> 00:34:27,440 In the back with my "Chronicle," like I usually did, 561 00:34:27,441 --> 00:34:32,378 I'd have been spared a lifetime of quiet misery 562 00:34:32,379 --> 00:34:35,281 With a large woman 563 00:34:35,282 --> 00:34:37,918 With a very short temper. 564 00:34:37,919 --> 00:34:40,453 I see. 565 00:34:40,454 --> 00:34:43,556 If I was you, I'd stay where you are, 566 00:34:43,557 --> 00:34:45,892 Have some fun with that Lexie lass. 567 00:34:45,893 --> 00:34:48,328 I tell you she fancies the posh pants off you. 568 00:34:49,897 --> 00:34:53,033 Right, that's everything. Next stop, Euston. 569 00:34:59,340 --> 00:35:01,608 Like a well-oiled machine, it was. 570 00:35:01,609 --> 00:35:04,244 Well, I'm glad the nice gentlemen had a good day. 571 00:35:04,245 --> 00:35:07,648 Always been good tippers, the Norwegians. 572 00:35:07,649 --> 00:35:10,550 I'll trouble you for my share. 573 00:35:13,587 --> 00:35:16,089 And I'll have my binoculars back as well. 574 00:35:18,459 --> 00:35:20,927 You be a good lad in the next 12 months 575 00:35:20,928 --> 00:35:23,329 And I'll let you play with the train set next year, too. 576 00:35:23,330 --> 00:35:25,598 Sweetie? 577 00:35:31,338 --> 00:35:35,142 Here, take it. You did well. 578 00:35:35,143 --> 00:35:37,277 Val Doonican would be proud of you. 579 00:35:37,278 --> 00:35:39,946 "walk tall, walk straight... " 580 00:35:39,947 --> 00:35:42,348 - "and look the world right in the eye. " - bingo. 581 00:35:47,021 --> 00:35:49,255 - This is it. - For both of us? 582 00:35:49,256 --> 00:35:51,324 It was the only one they had left. 583 00:35:51,325 --> 00:35:53,426 It's okay, I'll go on top. 584 00:35:53,427 --> 00:35:55,662 Oh, bunk, that is. 585 00:35:55,663 --> 00:35:57,731 Should have left that tequila alone. 586 00:35:57,732 --> 00:36:00,967 I'm starving, and all that food we brought down... 587 00:36:00,968 --> 00:36:03,737 Don't worry, I nicked these and... 588 00:36:03,738 --> 00:36:07,741 The most expensive bottle of red wine in your cellar. 589 00:36:07,742 --> 00:36:10,777 "and they dined on mince and slices of quince... " 590 00:36:12,613 --> 00:36:15,448 So, the husband says, "I've just been talking to the milkman, 591 00:36:15,449 --> 00:36:17,684 And he says he's slept with every woman 592 00:36:17,685 --> 00:36:20,153 In this street except one. " and the wife says- 593 00:36:20,154 --> 00:36:23,090 "I bet it's that stuck up cow from number 17." 594 00:36:23,091 --> 00:36:25,358 I absolutely hate it when you do that. 595 00:36:29,697 --> 00:36:31,698 Here's to you, 596 00:36:31,699 --> 00:36:35,401 And the start of a glittering political career. 597 00:36:39,841 --> 00:36:42,408 Thanks, Alan. 598 00:36:42,409 --> 00:36:44,144 For everything. 599 00:36:46,214 --> 00:36:48,348 Isn't democracy wonderful? 600 00:36:49,784 --> 00:36:52,385 I love being a carnivore, don't you? 601 00:36:52,386 --> 00:36:54,621 It's a bit overdone, but it's not bad. 602 00:36:57,959 --> 00:37:00,293 Right. Turn around. 603 00:37:02,797 --> 00:37:05,232 I'm going to retire. It's been a long day. 604 00:37:07,969 --> 00:37:10,303 - Stop looking. - I'm not looking. 605 00:37:10,304 --> 00:37:12,538 I am. Oh! 606 00:37:12,539 --> 00:37:15,308 My, Archie MacDonald- Calvin Kleins. 607 00:37:21,883 --> 00:37:23,950 I have to get back to Edinburgh. 608 00:37:23,951 --> 00:37:26,853 - Aye. - What time's the count start? 609 00:37:26,854 --> 00:37:28,855 8:00 in the morning. 610 00:37:28,856 --> 00:37:30,791 - Why don't you... - Why don't I... 611 00:37:30,792 --> 00:37:32,358 After you. 612 00:37:32,359 --> 00:37:34,661 I was just gonna say, why don't you stay? 613 00:37:34,662 --> 00:37:37,264 See it through to the bitter end? 614 00:37:37,265 --> 00:37:40,167 Okay, thanks. But I'd better get my head down. 615 00:37:40,168 --> 00:37:42,035 I've been up since the crack of dawn. 616 00:37:42,036 --> 00:37:44,171 I'll get you a duvet. 617 00:37:54,816 --> 00:37:57,517 Okay, I'm listening. 618 00:37:57,518 --> 00:37:59,652 What's there to say, Archie? 619 00:38:01,289 --> 00:38:04,124 - What's there to say? - I don't know. 620 00:38:06,894 --> 00:38:09,262 Just feels like it's gone, 621 00:38:09,263 --> 00:38:11,497 The dream we had. 622 00:38:11,498 --> 00:38:15,802 It feels like someone's taken a baseball bat to it. 623 00:38:17,138 --> 00:38:19,739 And maybe that someone is you. 624 00:38:22,243 --> 00:38:25,645 - Hello? - I hear what you're saying. 625 00:38:25,646 --> 00:38:27,981 Don't say that. 626 00:38:27,982 --> 00:38:30,317 I hate it when people say that. 627 00:38:30,318 --> 00:38:32,518 They mean, "I hear what you're saying 628 00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:34,988 But I'm going to do naff all about it. " 629 00:38:34,989 --> 00:38:36,689 No, I just meant- 630 00:38:36,690 --> 00:38:38,925 ( phone disconnects ) 631 00:38:52,673 --> 00:38:55,308 Hello? Hello? 632 00:38:57,111 --> 00:38:59,279 I'm sorry, Arch. 633 00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,447 I bet you could do with a cuddle. 634 00:39:01,448 --> 00:39:04,450 - I know I could. - Lexie, no. 635 00:39:04,451 --> 00:39:06,552 - It's okay. - This isn't wise. 636 00:39:06,553 --> 00:39:09,555 A cuddle, I said. We've got our jim-jams on. 637 00:39:09,556 --> 00:39:13,126 Anyway, I'm freezing. It's like camp three on everest up there. 638 00:39:13,127 --> 00:39:16,529 - Your feet, they're freezing, Lexie! - Move over! 639 00:39:17,731 --> 00:39:19,499 There... 640 00:39:20,935 --> 00:39:22,769 That's better. 641 00:39:29,310 --> 00:39:32,678 You know, I feel kinda sorry for Justine. 642 00:39:33,948 --> 00:39:36,283 I know she's got her faults but... 643 00:39:36,284 --> 00:39:38,952 Everybody's got their faults, haven't they? 644 00:39:38,953 --> 00:39:41,221 And you've got your faults. 645 00:39:41,222 --> 00:39:43,924 Even I've got faults. 646 00:39:47,228 --> 00:39:49,796 I just feel bad for her. 647 00:39:49,797 --> 00:39:52,598 I mean, she's losing her man, isn't she? 648 00:39:52,599 --> 00:39:55,001 Maybe. 649 00:40:01,842 --> 00:40:03,509 Hey, Arch... 650 00:40:03,510 --> 00:40:06,646 What did one ghost say to the other? 651 00:40:06,647 --> 00:40:08,514 Dunno. 652 00:40:08,515 --> 00:40:10,250 Do you believe in people? 653 00:40:14,721 --> 00:40:17,924 We just never really had a chance to talk it through... 654 00:40:19,093 --> 00:40:21,995 See how we feel, reach common ground. 655 00:40:23,397 --> 00:40:25,465 That's important, don't you think? 656 00:40:29,837 --> 00:40:33,440 It's okay, I always have this effect on women in bed. 657 00:40:41,048 --> 00:40:42,882 ( ringing ) 658 00:40:46,620 --> 00:40:48,621 Hello. 659 00:40:48,622 --> 00:40:50,590 Hello? 660 00:41:02,036 --> 00:41:04,437 I'm sorry, I didn't think, I was asleep. 661 00:41:04,438 --> 00:41:08,208 Whoever it was rang off anyway. 662 00:41:08,209 --> 00:41:11,311 I wonder who it was. 663 00:41:14,181 --> 00:41:16,149 Something wrong? 664 00:41:16,150 --> 00:41:18,018 Can't sleep. 665 00:41:18,019 --> 00:41:20,420 Too excited. Too nervous. 666 00:41:20,421 --> 00:41:23,356 You'll walk it. Just trust your uncle Alan. 667 00:41:25,959 --> 00:41:29,062 You can be very sweet when you put your mind to it. 668 00:41:29,063 --> 00:41:30,997 Is that supposed to be a compliment? 669 00:41:30,998 --> 00:41:33,900 It's the only one you're getting. 670 00:41:33,901 --> 00:41:37,670 So why don't you stop messing about and kiss me? 671 00:41:54,688 --> 00:41:58,591 What d'you fancy, hot chocolate or Horlicks? 672 00:41:58,592 --> 00:42:00,293 It doesn't matter. 673 00:42:00,294 --> 00:42:02,262 Just put some bromide in it, will you? 674 00:42:19,947 --> 00:42:21,948 ( moans ) 675 00:42:32,059 --> 00:42:33,960 ( giggles ) 676 00:42:41,168 --> 00:42:44,070 - Lexie! - Who did you think it was? 677 00:42:44,071 --> 00:42:46,506 - We can't do this. - You're not enjoying it, 678 00:42:46,507 --> 00:42:49,041 - Is that what you're trying to tell me? - No, but... 679 00:42:50,511 --> 00:42:52,612 - What are you doing? - Where are we? 680 00:42:52,613 --> 00:42:54,947 I want to know where it happened. 681 00:42:54,948 --> 00:42:57,016 Penrith! 682 00:42:57,017 --> 00:42:59,051 You know, that's where Bonnie Prince Charlie 683 00:42:59,052 --> 00:43:01,053 Fought his last battle in England. 684 00:43:01,054 --> 00:43:03,623 - You're not getting back in this bed. - Oh, come on. 685 00:43:03,624 --> 00:43:05,891 No, think how you'll feel in the morning. 686 00:43:05,892 --> 00:43:08,761 Oh, trust you to go all manly and decisive 687 00:43:08,762 --> 00:43:10,696 At this stage in the proceedings. 688 00:43:20,073 --> 00:43:22,609 Hector: But I've got work to do this morning. 689 00:43:22,610 --> 00:43:25,945 Surely your golf column in the "Horse and Hound" can wait a few hours, Hector. 690 00:43:25,946 --> 00:43:27,547 But where are we going? 691 00:43:27,548 --> 00:43:29,582 To the count for the election. 692 00:43:29,583 --> 00:43:31,684 Katrina and Kilwillie. 693 00:43:31,685 --> 00:43:33,719 Oh, yes, election, yeah. 694 00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:35,988 I forgot to vote for the blighter, you know. 695 00:43:35,989 --> 00:43:38,224 I've a feeling about today, Hector. 696 00:43:38,225 --> 00:43:41,093 We're standing on the threshold of history. 697 00:43:41,094 --> 00:43:43,796 Centuries of oppression are about to end. 698 00:43:43,797 --> 00:43:46,566 You're not suggesting you voted for that girl, are you? 699 00:43:46,567 --> 00:43:48,301 Hector, dear, 700 00:43:48,302 --> 00:43:51,437 There are days in life in which one is the fly, 701 00:43:51,438 --> 00:43:53,573 And rare, magical moments 702 00:43:53,574 --> 00:43:56,842 In which one is at long last the windscreen. 703 00:43:56,843 --> 00:43:58,944 - Come on. - What windscreen? 704 00:43:58,945 --> 00:44:01,481 Has Duncan been messing about with that Land Rover again? 705 00:44:10,724 --> 00:44:13,726 Okay? 706 00:44:13,727 --> 00:44:16,196 I'm never mixing red wine and tequila again. 707 00:44:18,399 --> 00:44:20,433 Listen, about last night... 708 00:44:22,536 --> 00:44:24,637 Thanks very much. 709 00:44:24,638 --> 00:44:26,606 - My pleasure. - No, it wasn't. 710 00:44:28,709 --> 00:44:31,777 Anyway, you're a gentleman. 711 00:44:31,778 --> 00:44:35,348 Showing your breeding, Archie MacDonald. 712 00:44:38,352 --> 00:44:41,287 Still, it wasn't a bad snog, was it? 713 00:44:41,288 --> 00:44:43,690 No, Lexie, it was a damn fine snog. 714 00:44:49,763 --> 00:44:51,864 Maybe we'll get another chance- 715 00:44:51,865 --> 00:44:53,700 When I'm not half pished. 716 00:44:55,769 --> 00:44:57,837 Come on, let's go home. 717 00:45:01,575 --> 00:45:03,976 I feel like we're in that old movie. 718 00:45:03,977 --> 00:45:07,280 What was it? "Short Encounter. " 719 00:45:19,893 --> 00:45:22,495 Man: Have you any idea when we might expect a result? 720 00:45:31,104 --> 00:45:33,273 Can you take us to the community center first, please? 721 00:45:37,844 --> 00:45:40,112 You don't mind, do you? 722 00:45:40,113 --> 00:45:44,884 Dougal henderson: 214. 723 00:45:49,189 --> 00:45:52,592 Angus Archibald Kilwillie: 724 00:45:52,593 --> 00:45:56,362 782. 725 00:46:02,536 --> 00:46:05,137 Katrina Finlay... 726 00:46:05,138 --> 00:46:07,640 1000... 727 00:46:07,641 --> 00:46:08,741 ( cheering ) 728 00:46:12,112 --> 00:46:14,781 ...And 23. 729 00:46:14,782 --> 00:46:17,483 What is the world coming to? 730 00:46:20,287 --> 00:46:23,255 I hereby declare that Katrina Finlay 731 00:46:23,256 --> 00:46:25,825 Has been duly elected to serve as a member 732 00:46:25,826 --> 00:46:29,429 Of the Highland Council for the Glenbogle ward. 733 00:46:35,969 --> 00:46:38,504 Molly: My dear... 734 00:46:38,505 --> 00:46:40,807 You've done so well. 735 00:46:40,808 --> 00:46:42,842 Well done. 736 00:46:44,578 --> 00:46:47,947 See? I told you I could do it without the help of the MacDonalds. 737 00:46:47,948 --> 00:46:50,916 - The men anyway. - What do you mean? I voted for you. 738 00:46:50,917 --> 00:46:55,054 Did you? I didn't know that. Why didn't you tell me? 739 00:46:55,055 --> 00:46:57,557 Katrina, I'm sure you'll do a good job. 740 00:46:57,558 --> 00:47:00,493 How did it go with Justine? 741 00:47:05,131 --> 00:47:07,266 Your speech. 742 00:47:28,689 --> 00:47:31,957 First of all, I'd like to thank the returning officer... 743 00:47:33,727 --> 00:47:36,629 ( theme music playing ) 744 00:47:36,679 --> 00:47:41,229 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 56249

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