All language subtitles for Monarch Of The Glen s01e01.eng

( birds chirping )

( humming )

( bellowing )

Now what or who would you
say that is, Monty?

Good lord.
Big Eric.

Lexie! Golly!
Where are you?

What's new, pussycat?

Lexie, my jacket!

Golly!

Come on, come on.

Don't tell me, you've been
invited on "The Clothes Show"?

Golly!

What's all the commotion?

Morning, darling.

( dog barking )

- Stand aside, boy!
- What?

- Give me that.
- Sir, you should be careful.

Stand aside.

Hector!
What is it?

Big Eric, Golly,
Big Eric!

What's my foolish
husband up to now?

- I tried to tell him, honest.
- Tell him what?

That the throttle
keeps jamming.

Arghhh!

( whining )

( theme music playing )

( telephone ringing )

Man's voice: Hello,
Flying Fish Restaurant.

Come on, Terry.
Get a move on it.

Curtain up
in three hours.

Right-
I've rung around.

11 confirmed,
all bringing partners.

Archie, telephone.

Great, a swarm of critics
all coming here.

That's all right
- what is it? A shoal? A flock?

Terry, what's the collective
noun for food writers?

Why are you so calm?
I'm terrified already.

What could they do
but destroy the enterprise

We've slaved for years
to get going?

Shut up.

Justine,
it will be wonderful.

You'll be serene
and beautiful.

They'll love our little place, the food.

Hello. Mother.

Your father,

Nasty accident, dear,
in the loch.

In the loch?

No, of course,
I'll come.

Yeah, I'll get
the sleeper tonight.

Okay. Bye.

My father's had some
sort of accident.

I'm sorry,
tonight of all nights.

You have to go. I'll
book you a cab to Houston.

I'll manage.

Archie, this is just
a tiny restaurant.

Your family are 10 times
more important.

You be himself?

Yeah, I suppose I am.

How is he today?

Your dad?

Ach, he's in
a terrible state.

What did you do that for,
you stupid woman?

Do stop fussing, Hector.

What will he do when
he gets here, eh?

Damn boy's always been as
much use as a chocolate teapot.

Hector, you know
very well- it's time.

I don't want him here.

And what do you want?

Going fishing again,
are we, Hector?

I couldn't find my
slippers, damn it.

Enjoy!

Hags and harpies!

I'm surrounded
by hags and harp-

Where are my
Marmite soldiers?

I had them court-martialed and shot.

I always have Marmite
soldiers with my boiled egg.

Bairns will be bairns.

I am Hector
Naismith MacDonald,

14th chief
of an ancient line,

Laird of Glenbogle,
Ochintummel and Blawearie

Or to you, girl,
just plain sir.

Ach, away and play
with your lineage.

Mm-mm. Tasty.
Eh, Duncan?

Duncan.
Duncan't.

Hello?

Hello.

Oh, darling.

Mother.

- How is he?
- How was your journey?

- How bad is it?
- We're so glad you're back.

- We need you, you see.
- What did the doctor say?

So, the vultures
are circling.

Father.

Excited by the prospect
of my imminent demise?

Well, I'm sorry
to disappoint you.

You were supposed
to be really ill.

I was temporarily
immersed in water.

A trifle peaty, but I don't
expect to start dissolving.

Just what is
going on here?

Tell me, how's that bar
of yours doing?

Hector, behave.
Pay no attention, dear.

It's not a bar.
It's a restaurant.

It opened last night.

Never thought a son of mine
would turn out a publican.

I blame that awful
Thatcher woman.

- I'm going back right now.
- Darling, I-I-

- Who are you?
- Robbie, my boy.

Robert Fraser.
Great to meet you.

I manage the estate.

Under your father's
guiding hand of course.

And a jolly good job
you make of it.

Come, we've work to do.

Mother!?

Archie: We worked for months
- for years to get the premises,

Get the money,
the staff.

Finally it all
comes together,

We plan this big opening night-
and where am I?

He was so very fragile.

I'm on a sleeper
to Scotland,

Hurrying to my dying
father's bedside.

I thought you might be
able to help. That's all.

Help with what?

Duncan, where are my bags?

They're in the um...

I thought you should
like your old room.

I have to get back.
I'm sorry.

Whatever you say.
You're a good boy.

Woman: Katrina, you'll
never guess. He's returned.

Who, maureen?
The Jedi?

Jesus Christ?
Elvis Presley?

The son and heir,
Archie MacDonald.

After all these years.

I will not have my life defined
by the tedious goings-on

At what you're pleased to call
"the big house. "

Very good-looking
from what I hear.

( clicking )

( phone beeping )

Justine?

Ah, Duncan-

Archie will be wanting
to go back to the station.

- I'll be ready for him.
- Jolly good.

Geordie, it's Molly.

Hi, it's me.

Hello. Yeah.

No, he's fine.

Fontwell Park, 4:30,
horse called...

"Tickle My Fancy. "

What price?

Put 50 on for me.
Good man.

Well, it's not quite
as simple as that.

Hello?

Oh, god. Hello?

Hello?

Hello, Justine?

Justine, hello.
Hello?

Justine...
Justine! (echoing )

( birds chirping )

( twig snapping )

Mom's on the nest.
Dad's off fishing.

Trying anyway.

He's a useless specimen.

It's the same
throughout nature-

Female does the work
making the home,

Looking after the bairns,
putting food on the table-

Very funny.

Whereas the male now,
he just stumbles along,

Unsure of himself, what
he's supposed to be doing...

Making a mess
wherever he goes.

Just like that
fellow there.

Where?

- Get up!
- Are you mad?

Too right, I'm mad.
God, I hate you people.

- Katrina. Katrina!
- Come away out of there!

Golly? Is that you?

Laddie.

It's great to see you.

Thou were away
too long, youngster.

Golly...

This is him, isn't it?

I don't know?
Are you him?

I was, until the wild woman
of the woods

Started to rearrange
my arms and legs.

- Now listen, you...
- Archie, meet Katrina,

A loyal tenant
of the Glenbogle estate.

- I thought you were after the ospreys.
- The what?

Big thing with feathers,
nests in that tree there.

Nearly extinct
thanks to chinless wonders

Who thought they looked
better on the mantelpiece.

Okay, Mrs. Attenborough,
I've seen the documentary.

The nest further up the glen
was robbed last week.

Katrina: That's why we built the hide.

Organized a rota
to watch the nest.

What she means is
the kids built the hide.

She organized the rota.

Well, if the landowner

Won't take his responsibilities
seriously,

The community will.

It's our land really,
anyway.

I'm sorry, run that one
past me again, will you?

Archie:
You have a family, then?

No, I don't.

It's just that Golly
mentioned you had kids.

Oh,

I'm the head teacher
of the village school.

Oh, that old place.

It's very
well equipped.

And the kids are as
bright as buttons.

- I'm sure. I didn't mean-
- good thing, too,

'cause they're the future
of this place, not-

Anyway, are you
staying long?

No, I have to
get back tonight.

Well, well,
would you look at that.

We've all manner of modern
contraptions up here, you know.

Telephones,
spinning jennies, the wheel.

( muted hip-hop music playing )

Mother, father-

I have to go-
the sleeper.

Oh. Very well, darling.

Lovely to see you.

Take care.

Hector:
Off you toddle.

I did enjoy
our little chat.

Turn that wretched
hurdy-gurdy off.

( loud hip-hop music )

You won't catch much
with that object, laddie,

Except maybe a cold.
Archie's waiting.

( pan sizzles, bagpipes groan )

Does this smell
all right to you?

Sorry.

( engine cranks )

No go.

I'll have to strip
the carburetor.

Really?

Hector:
Well, what are we having?

Fatted calf?
I hope not.

Sorry I'm late.

Great.
You're staying.

Love to show
you around.

I've had another quote
on the timber, Hector.

Looks quite promising.

- Good boy.
- See, Archie,

Prices have fallen
through the floor.

Cheap imports
from Scandinavia.

It's hardly worth
growing the things.

- But I had this idea-
- don't waste your breath,

He won't be interested.

A man could starve
in his own dining room here.

Lexie!

( Golly clears throat )

I'd suck a "Fisherman's Friend"
if I had a throat like that.

Trousers.

Aye, one must maintain
standards, mustn't one?

( bagpipes hum )

( bagpipes playing )

Ah.

( sniffs )

Hell's flames.
Not again.

Oh, heck.

Fuse again.

It's kind
of exciting, eh?

Down here in the dark,

Crushed up like a pair
of amorous sardines.

Pass us
the screwdriver.

You always were one for
your tools? Eh, big boy?

Careful, Dunc,
you're squeezing my funbags.

How does she do it?

I've tasted
better shoe leather.

She does her best, dear.

I sometimes think
she does it deliberately.

And what says the expert?

Would you
serve this muck?

Tell me,
this cafe of yours,

Do customers actually
pay you money?

Hector, must you be so rude?

Bad behavior is one of
the few privileges of old age.

Anyone for another
slice of Bambi?

Well, who'd have thought it?
You of all people.

Build something of my own? Yes, that
must be amazing to someone like you.

Maybe not.

Glenbogle has been
my career, dear boy.

If you want to see my life,

As Christopher Wren said-
"Look about you. "

At what? This crumbling ruin
where the phone doesn't work

And the lights don't come on?

And the Lord said
"Let there be light. "

Thank you, Robbie.

Molly: Sorry you
missed your train, dear.

Very irritating.

Yes.

But I'll make sure
I get it tomorrow night.

( Hector singing )

� though the way be long
let your heart be strong... �

� though your heart be weary
we'll travel on �

� till you come
to your loving abode �

� where all the love �

� you've been dreaming of �

� will be there
at the end of the road. �

That's it.

Man:
Yeah, no problem.

Ah, I'll call you back.

Yes.

Archie. Morning.

We've been
reconnected, then?

I thought we'd
been cut off.

Oh, things aren't
quite that bad.

The estate's in trouble?

Look, um...

Why don't you have a wee
peek at this on your laptop?

It sets out
all you need to know

In black and white...

And steadily encroaching red.

Blimey.

Have you seen
the figures?

Fraser's always
banging on about them.

No time for them myself.

Father, it's serious.
The bank are-

My dear boy, the
MacDonalds have been in hock

To those shysters since
the battle of Culloden.

You owe them
a fortune.

They could sling you out
whenever they wanted.

My father once gave me the
most wonderful piece of advice.

- You've spoken to Fraser?
- "Life," he said,

"sometimes bowls
one a bumper-"

Father, for once,
will you please listen to me?

"but the important
thing,

Is always to play
a straight bat. "

This is about the future-
yours and mother's.

You must do something.

I'm very grateful for your
concern, if not your advice,

But as we've done without
either for the last 10 years-

Hector.
Stop this nonsense.

You must tell him.

Tell me what?

Very well.

The estate no longer
belongs to your father.

Molly.

It was made over to you
some time ago, through a trust.

I own the house?

The estate?

Legal technicality. Tax dodge.
The lawyers made me do it.

Molly:
If we hadn't,

You'd have been liable
to crippling death duties...

Well, er, later on.

I'm Laird of Glenbogle?

- You're the only son.
- Not how it should have been.

Come on, I think we're all
in need of a sherry.

I'm not finished yet.
Not by a long chalk.

I'm still head
of the family,

And don't you
forget it.

Fraser: The place has been
hemorrhaging cash for years.

Well, you know what these
Highland estates are like.

They need a sugar daddy.

Always have, always will.

You were saying
the timber brings in nothing.

And your father won't let me
market the sporting side properly,

Or raise rents, or sack
any of the estate workers.

I mean, Golly, for instance.
He's well past his sell-by date.

Golly is family.

Of course.

He's a marvelous chap.

Anyway...

It's all yours now.

Well I won't have it.

But I might be able
to persuade my father

To do the sensible thing.

Which is what?

Give you your head?

I could cut the losses,

But it still wouldn't
pay its way.

So...?

Well, your parents are...

Cash-poor but asset rich.

It's obvious.

Hanging on, it's...

Putting off
the inevitable.

Sell Glenbogle.

There's a couple of chaps
coming to stalk tomorrow who...

Might be interested.

Ah, how is
the new proprietor?

Got everything
sorted out, have you?

Lexie, you're looking
very pert today.

- Down, Hector.
- Isn't pert the most splendid word?

- Father- - Hector: Told
me a good one the other day,

Didn't you, girl?
Man goes to see quack,

Says "doctor, I've a cricket
ball stuck up my what's-it. "

There's something
we need to talk about.

Doctor says, "how's that?"
man says, "don't you start. "

Ha, ha!
"don't you start. "

( Hector laughs, coughs )

I'm only gonna say this once.

I didn't come back here
because I wanted to-

My life is somewhere else.

And I didn't ask you
to give me the estate,

It's the last thing I wanted.
I told you that years ago.

I didn't do it for you.

For the family,
14 generations of it-

Fairy cake, anyone?

- The estate is bankrupt.
- Want to run away again, do you?

There's only one thing to
be done. It must be sold.

Never!

You have to be protected from
yourself. I shall sell it for you.

I sometimes wonder
what I did

To deserve you as a son.

That's easy-

You impregnated
his mother.

Father!

I feel a bit shivery.

I'm going to bed.

Don't be ridiculous.

I don't feel at all well.

Molly:
Come on, Geordie.

I am not going to back
one of his horses.

The man's hopeless. He
couldn't train white mice

To eat cheese.

I'm sorry, darling.

It was all
in a good cause.

This place
is no good for me.

I'm going home now.

Duncan!

Duncan!

The station,

And no funny business
this time.

( engine starts )

Get permission from
the escape committee?

I love that film.

Steve McQueen
on his big German bike-

Brrrmm, brrr.

Station.

You'll be after
the sleeper.

It's Saturday,
mind.

I know, Duncan.

I did a time management
course once,

The first things they taught me
was the days of the week.

Sleeper doesn't run
on a Saturday.

( squealing brakes )

I'll walk back.

I need air.

Hey!

Golly:
Shush, laddie-

You'll disturb the wildlife.

- Come on.
- Golly?

( men talking )

( sniffing )

I smell something.

Something sweet.

Did you bring
your shotgun?

Nice perfume,
lass.

I'd like to shoot
the pigs.

I saw lights coming
from the hide. There.

- Hey, who's that?
- What's going on?

Golly: Save your breath
to cool your broth.

Or for your statements.

Police'll be here
in about an hour.

Will they not
frighten the ospreys?

They would do
if they had the right tree.

Thanks for nothing, clothead.

Archie: I saw the van parked
at the house this morning.

Fraser was talking
to the driver.

You can bet
your bottom dollar

It won't be the only way
he's robbing your da.

Well, it'll never
stand up in court.

Who said anything
about a court?

The Laird has
a quiet word

With the factor
and then he's out.

My father...

He's got other worries.

He's not as fit
as he used to be.

Not as young
as he used to be.

- ( sighs )
- what is it?

I just found out that-

I own the estate.

Get away.

Well, um,

I mean no disrespect
to the old devil

But, um, I'm delighted.

Yeah.

You'll soon get things
squared round.

I can't stay, Golly.

In fact...

None of us'll
be staying.

What's that supposed
to mean?

I think we have
to sell Glenbogle.

Sell?!

Sell?

Sell your home?

Your birthright!

No, it was never that.
Not mine, anyway.

Golly: There have been
MacDonalds here for 400 years.

Your name'll
be blackened forever.

You can't do this.

Katrina: Do you want to
know what will happen?

I'll tell you.

A new owner'll come in,

Jobs'll go,
people's homes with them.

The place'll
be finished.

It doesn't have to be
like that, Katrina.

I'm sorry, Golly.

And you're proposing to just...

...Just walk away from it?

There's two potential buyers
stalking tomorrow.

I hope you'll give them
a good day's sport.

Oh, the rabbits have
been at everything.

Damn their eyes.

Is father up yet?

No, he said he's
not getting out of bed

Until you come
to your senses.

This happens every time
I come home.

I disappoint him and
he makes me feel bad.

It's not easy.

What about the estate?

Oh, poor you.

Here, this might help.

What?

Mother, I thought all your
family money went years ago.

It did. It's mine.

My winnings
on the gee-gees.

I did it all myself,

With a little help
from Geordie, of course.

Geordie?

My turf accountant.

You know, it's the first money
I've earned in my whole life.

Wonderful feeling,
isn't it?

Oh, yes, but-

This is 55,000, the estate
owes the bank 375,000.

Oh, what a pity.

- I thought-
- Oh, mother!

You're the best of all of us,
you know that?

What are you going
to do, hmm?

I'd be perfectly happy

With a little flat
in Cadogan Square,

But your father-
it's been his whole life,

Every fiber
of the old fool.

Who'd catch Big Eric
if he wasn't here?

You know that old jacket
he wears?

He only puts that on
when he's feeling fragile.

Used to belong to Jamie.

I can't see him
leaving here, Archie.

Well, only in a wooden box.

I'm sure you'll
do what's best.

( sighs )

Fraser:
Archie, hello.

Too busy to come
on the stalk?

Probably not
your thing anyway, eh?

( gunshot )

( gunshot )

( gunshot )

I'm sorry.

I'm sure it's the rifle

That's the problem, sir.

Duncan,

Take a look
at Mr. Potts' piece.

( car approaching )

( door slams )

Good morning,
gentlemen.

Welcome to Glenbogle.
Archie MacDonald.

I hope you won't mind
if I join you?

I know you're in very good
hands with old Robbie here,

But, I think
the Laird himself,

Ought to escort such
very important guests.

- You don't mind, do you, Robbie?
- No.

Of course not, Archie.

Golly:
Right then, gentlemen,

Let's go stalking.

Archie: So you and Mr.
Andersson are chums, are you?

Mr. Potts: Met in a
balloon, over the Serengeti.

You know, one
of these luxury safaris.

He's a quiet chap,
but he's canny with it.

Archie: You're in
business together then?

Sort of.

Made his cash
in flat-pack furniture.

I made my pile in pies.

What?

Anything on four legs,
we'd kill it,

Mince it, put puff pastry
round it.

Well, we used to.
Co-op just bought us up.

Oh.

So we're launching this
joint venture, you know.

He's into this shooting lark,
so we thought we'd come up here

And see if we could
get something going.

How exciting.

Right, gentlemen.

We're about to
come up to the beasts,

So keep low

And don't even fart unless
I give you permission.

Okay?

I do hope old Robbie's
given you every assistance?

Oh, Robbie couldn't have
done more, he really couldn't.

Good.

Well, when we get back
we'll have to, er,

Talk figures.

See how your bid

Matches up to the one
we've already received.

Other bid?

Robbie never
mentioned that.

He said we'd got
a clear run.

Quiet!

Right, Mr. Potts.

You first.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Working out
your little game.

I've got it, too.

How much of a finder's fee
were you promised, eh?

You're sacked.

We'll see
about that.

Your father will
never allow it.

He trusts me-
not you.

By heck,
what's that?

That, Mr. Potts,
is Big Eric.

Finest stag
I've ever seen.

Been saving him
these past 10 years

For young Mr. Archie
there, but

What the devil-

You can have him.

You want me
to kill him?

Just wait
till he turns.

And remember
to line up,

And keep your breathing steady.

That's it,
my friend.

( cans rattling )

What's going on?

You're not
welcome here.

Get off our land!

Glenbogle's for the people
who live in it,

Not absentee feudal landlords
to play with pop-guns.

We demand to be heard.

We demand a voice!

That's the last thing
you need, pet.

Well, gentlemen,

That would appear
to be that,

For today.

( brakes screech, tires squeal )

Hector.

Um... I'm afraid I have
to raise a rather...

Painful issue.

Oh, son and heir.

Father, I've just
sacked Fraser here.

- I'm not talking to you.
- He's crooked.

He's been robbing you blind
since the day he got here.

I'm sorry about
all this, Hector.

Hector:
You're sorry, Robbie?

You can't make
that kind of accusation.

I can if it's true.

Archie seems
to have rather a...

Chip on his shoulder-

About me.

I see.

Well, Archie, let me say,

That Robbie here is a friend
as well as an employee.

I trust him completely.

Once upon a time, you might have
fulfilled that function,

But you chose to turn your back
on your responsibilities.

I had to look for help
elsewhere.

Thank you, Hector.

He's behind the theft
of those osprey eggs.

Oh, don't be silly.

He's always waxing lyrical
about the wretched things.

Goodness knows why.

They catch more salmon
than Golly and me put together.

He's also planning to sell
the place behind your back.

What?!

Sweet-talking two
millionaires. Encouraging a bid,

Just one bid mind,
no competition.

And at a knock-down price,
I should think.

- No.
- And getting a sweetener, too.

How much is it?
Two-fifty, half a million?

( chuckling )

He's got no proof,
Hector.

He's barmy.

He hates you.

Who are you gonna believe,
father?

Pack your bags and get out.

Hector-

He's my son.

I don't think my son
would tell me lies.

This place is finished.

And you with it.

I'm sorry, I know you were fond of him.

Yes.

Still- one must look
on the bright side.

And which bright side
would that be?

Well, it just puts a-

Rather different gloss
on things, doesn't it?

How do you mean?

If an honest man
had been in charge,

A good man,
like you for instance,

We'd never have got into this
mess in the first place, would we?

Father, you-

You've-

Oh, god!
Never mind.

You'll be staying then,
I take it?

No! No!

Not you again.

So, have you
sacked him yet, then?

I helped you
with your rotten birds.

You and your family have
a lot of ground to make up

Before you get
my gratitude, pal.

You know, you are a
very irritating person.

- You know that?
- You haven't changed.

You always
used to sulk.

What are you
talking about?

Primary school,
before they sent you away.

The little girl
you used to sit beside

- In the big double desk.
- Eh?

Katrina?

Gingernut!

Never, ever call me
that again, do you hear?

I nearly didn't
recognize you.

You used to have
as broad an accent

As the rest of us,
if I remember right.

It's the main reason they
packed me off to boarding school.

Can't have the son of a Laird
sounding Scottish, can we?

Don't get me
started.

Can I tell you
what I really think?

I think the idea

Of anybody owning all this
is obscene.

How can you buy a view, eh?

But if anybody's
going to own it,

It should be the community
actually making a living here.

Oh, get real, Katrina.

But,
in the meantime,

Rather than some mega-rich idiot
from south of the border,

Better the devil you know.

In this case,
the dashing young Laird.

- That right?
- I don't want it.

I don't want to live
in a freezing castle

With my barmy father,
where the lights go off

All the time and
the phone never works.

I do not want
to be a Laird.

Do you really hate it
that much?

I was eight when I left.

I missed it so much, it was
like having an arm cut off.

What I'd do when I was low,
I'd phone that box,

Stand in a dark corridor
somewhere in Berkshire

And imagine the phone
ringing in all this silence.

All this around it,
the water, the hills.

I can still remember
the number: Glenbogle 2-4-9.

It couldn't go on,

I had to put a stop to that,
especially after Jamie died.

- I have to get away, Katrina.
- Poor little Archie.

Don't you think other folk
have got problems, too?

There's people here,
on your land,

Sweating their guts out
for nothing.

On the breadline,
some of them.

And here you are,
master of all he surveys,

Whingeing on about
how terrible life is.

What gives you
the right to expect

Everything to be
the way you want it?

Why don't you
just go away?

Why don't you?

Back to your swanky restaurant

And your beautiful girlfriend
and your-

Perfect life.

There you are.

Hey!

What are
you doing?

- What do you think you're doing?
- None of your business, son.

You can't
take this.

It's scheduled
for removal,

I've got the docket.

Who are you, anyway?

Me? I'm the-

I'm a member
of the community here.

And that's our phone box,
so you can take your lorry,

Your crane and your bad
attitude and get lost.

- Okay?
- Man: Leave it, Jim.

That's the new Laird
you're talking to.

Justine?

Hello, sweetheart,
it's me.

How did the do go?

Great.

Yeah.

Listen, Justine-

I've got a bit
of a problem here.

( theme music playing )

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