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1
00:00:00,439 --> 00:00:02,373
[Mooing]
2
00:00:11,292 --> 00:00:14,318
[Airplane Passes Overhead]
3
00:00:16,478 --> 00:00:20,175
- Anybody got anything yet?
- Nada.
4
00:00:20,096 --> 00:00:23,691
[Bleating]
Not even a mouse.
5
00:00:26,562 --> 00:00:28,894
Look who's joined the party, boys.
6
00:00:34,022 --> 00:00:36,217
Come on, baby.
7
00:00:36,199 --> 00:00:39,760
That's it.
There you go.
8
00:00:39,689 --> 00:00:41,623
Good girl.
9
00:00:42,538 --> 00:00:46,838
She made the drop, boys.
Go pick her up, but wait until she's a couple of blocks away.
10
00:00:46,731 --> 00:00:49,256
How long are we gonna wait
for this guy? We won't wait long.
11
00:00:49,229 --> 00:00:53,825
Roxy's not about to let 20 keys of blow
stay in that trunk much past dawn.
12
00:00:53,711 --> 00:00:56,646
[Mooing]
13
00:01:07,252 --> 00:01:09,379
[Mooing Continues]
14
00:01:13,367 --> 00:01:15,392
The hell is goin' on here?
15
00:01:18,394 --> 00:01:20,521
I'll go check it out.
16
00:01:22,748 --> 00:01:25,216
Cowboy Bob's
knocked out cold.
17
00:01:25,181 --> 00:01:28,173
What is this?
I don't know, but it's sure not Roxy.
18
00:01:28,126 --> 00:01:31,061
- [Horn Honking]
- [Mooing]
19
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,339
Oh, no, but that is.
20
00:01:34,209 --> 00:01:39,112
Hello, officers. Lovely night
for a cattle drive, don't you think?
21
00:01:38,979 --> 00:01:42,710
- [Laughing]
- Oh, I do not believe this!
22
00:01:42,628 --> 00:01:45,290
I wanna know who this guy is,
and who let him in here!
23
00:01:45,253 --> 00:01:47,483
Hey, so we're blown.
We been blown before.
24
00:01:47,463 --> 00:01:52,025
- Hey, what's this?
- It's a bomb! Everybody split!
25
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:54,066
Interesting bomb.
26
00:02:54,052 --> 00:02:57,647
One of my lab techs thought it might be
some new form of liquid plastique,
27
00:02:57,574 --> 00:03:01,135
so he ran it through a scanner.
And?
28
00:03:01,063 --> 00:03:03,156
You can see them swimming,
if you'd like. May I?
29
00:03:03,145 --> 00:03:05,579
Uh-huh.
30
00:03:05,545 --> 00:03:08,537
You know, this stuff could cause
quite an explosion
31
00:03:08,491 --> 00:03:11,016
I knew it.
In the cow population.
32
00:03:10,987 --> 00:03:13,717
What is it?
Bull semen.
33
00:03:13,677 --> 00:03:15,975
Bull semen?
Bull semen Bull sperm?
34
00:03:15,950 --> 00:03:17,884
Uh-huh.
[Man] There it is.
35
00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:20,100
There it is. That's my tank. That's my
[Knocking]
36
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,742
Hey, Buckwheat, let me in, man!
Let Let
37
00:03:22,705 --> 00:03:24,673
You're supposed to be
in the hospital.
38
00:03:24,658 --> 00:03:27,388
Will you tell these guys it's all right?
Guys, it's all right.
39
00:03:29,940 --> 00:03:31,931
It's defrosted!
40
00:03:31,925 --> 00:03:36,589
Now, what kind of people would let
frozen bull semen thaw?
41
00:03:36,471 --> 00:03:40,407
- Must be our warm hearts.
- Man, I come in from Texas...
42
00:03:40,312 --> 00:03:45,011
with two tanks of Gargantua's semen
to ship to my partner in Belize.
43
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,587
One gets stolen
and the other gets ruined—
44
00:03:47,548 --> 00:03:50,813
defrosted by the cops!
45
00:03:50,749 --> 00:03:54,776
Gargantua?
Yeah. I named him for his, uh, equipment.
46
00:03:54,687 --> 00:03:57,315
Thousand units a tank
47
00:03:57,281 --> 00:03:59,715
hundred bucks a unit, easy.
48
00:03:59,681 --> 00:04:02,582
A hundred grand for bull sperm?
Yeahl
49
00:04:02,531 --> 00:04:04,897
What am I doin'?
I'm just mindin' my own business,
50
00:04:04,867 --> 00:04:08,200
sleepin' in my truck
by the Agriculture Department export place.
51
00:04:08,133 --> 00:04:11,159
And, uh, lucky us
we were right next door, huh?
52
00:04:11,110 --> 00:04:14,170
[Scoffs]
I get bushwhacked!
53
00:04:14,119 --> 00:04:16,451
Boy, I tell you what.
54
00:04:16,425 --> 00:04:19,792
Texas Rangers never would've let them
little bitty sperms out of the corral.
55
00:04:19,722 --> 00:04:21,656
That's for dang sure!
56
00:04:24,748 --> 00:04:27,376
This is Agent, uh, Timothy Anderson
from Washington,
57
00:04:27,342 --> 00:04:29,310
here to let us know what
happened last night.
58
00:04:29,294 --> 00:04:32,923
- Great, another expert.
- It's imperative that we locate this husbandry material.
59
00:04:32,848 --> 00:04:34,941
"Husbandry material"?
60
00:04:34,929 --> 00:04:38,626
Yeah, we gotta bring in every
unmarried Holstein in Dade County.
61
00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:42,744
Now, the department is extremely
interested in the recovery of the bull...
62
00:04:43,669 --> 00:04:45,603
semen.
63
00:04:45,590 --> 00:04:48,058
Unborn cattle rustlin', Lieutenant?
64
00:04:48,023 --> 00:04:49,786
Government needs a local liaison.
65
00:04:49,784 --> 00:04:52,378
Well, uh,
what are we supposed to do,
66
00:04:52,344 --> 00:04:55,507
question happy cows
with that, uh, sexual afterglow?
67
00:04:55,450 --> 00:04:57,384
[All Snickering, Giggling]
68
00:04:57,371 --> 00:04:59,896
For your information,
most cows don't enjoy it.
69
00:04:59,868 --> 00:05:03,269
That's why they have
such sad eyes. [Laughing]
70
00:05:03,198 --> 00:05:06,827
[Mooing]
71
00:05:06,751 --> 00:05:11,552
Now, milk from one of these animals
is the most complete food in the world.
72
00:05:11,425 --> 00:05:13,757
Four-legged miracles,
these animals.
73
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,290
I was, uh, explaining
to Mr. Cooper this morning
74
00:05:16,259 --> 00:05:18,420
true beasts of beauty.
75
00:05:18,404 --> 00:05:22,033
Uh, you know, one of the first things
you boys gonna have to learn...
76
00:05:21,957 --> 00:05:25,449
is how to pick up on animal disease.
77
00:05:25,384 --> 00:05:27,614
You gotta look for the glaze
in the animal's eye.
78
00:05:27,592 --> 00:05:31,028
That
That can mean, uh, a fever.
79
00:05:30,953 --> 00:05:36,016
You gotta check for warts,
abscesses, ringworm.
80
00:05:35,884 --> 00:05:38,978
You got to be cautious
with pus and fungus.
81
00:05:38,926 --> 00:05:41,986
- You don't wanna contaminate yourself.
- [Exhales]
82
00:05:41,934 --> 00:05:45,392
These, uh, animals
also sometimes have gut infections,
83
00:05:45,328 --> 00:05:47,626
and watch out for loose bowels
diarrhea.
84
00:05:47,601 --> 00:05:51,731
ThatThat could be
a sign of some infestation.
85
00:05:51,635 --> 00:05:55,196
- Sounds great.
- Yeah, wellPacol
86
00:05:55,124 --> 00:05:58,787
Come here and show these two
how to check out a cow for pregnancy.
87
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,292
[Moos]
88
00:06:06,330 --> 00:06:09,231
Gina,
absolutely, positively overnight.
89
00:06:10,395 --> 00:06:12,386
What do you got there
family photo?
90
00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:15,178
It's Gargantua.
It's Calvin's bull.
91
00:06:15,133 --> 00:06:17,226
You wanna see it?
92
00:06:17,214 --> 00:06:19,512
I've seen Calvin's bull.
93
00:06:19,487 --> 00:06:22,422
Hey, man, this is the finest bull
I ever had.
94
00:06:22,368 --> 00:06:24,563
Key to my whole operation.
95
00:06:24,545 --> 00:06:29,107
Well, they only lost one tank.
Why don't you just go on back there...
96
00:06:28,995 --> 00:06:31,463
and get a fresh supply?
97
00:06:31,429 --> 00:06:33,897
He's dead.
98
00:06:33,862 --> 00:06:35,796
Natural causes?
99
00:06:35,783 --> 00:06:39,719
Oh, he was servicin' a heifer,
and he stepped in a hole, broke his leg.
100
00:06:39,624 --> 00:06:42,957
Oh.
I had to sell him for slaughter.
101
00:06:42,889 --> 00:06:46,017
You mean, he was
He died for love.
102
00:06:45,963 --> 00:06:47,897
Oh.
103
00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:52,389
Five dollars for a bullwhip.
104
00:06:52,366 --> 00:06:54,357
Hey, kids,
you gonna buy those whips?
105
00:06:54,351 --> 00:06:57,286
Are you gonna buy those?
Do you have five dollars for tho
106
00:06:57,232 --> 00:06:59,166
Don't finger the
Wait. Get aw
107
00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:02,987
Get away from there with those snow cones!
Don't be comin' around here!
108
00:07:02,899 --> 00:07:04,924
Manny! Polaroid!
109
00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:11,682
Would you please hold this whip
in a possibly suggestive position?
110
00:07:11,606 --> 00:07:13,540
Have a little fun with it, eh?
111
00:07:13,527 --> 00:07:18,726
Uh, reintroduce...
playtime in the bedroom, eh? Yes.
112
00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:22,184
This is Rojas.
113
00:07:22,171 --> 00:07:25,504
So you think that feller knows
somethin' about my stolen tank?
114
00:07:26,877 --> 00:07:30,176
Izzy's got his finger
on the pulse of the underworld.
115
00:07:30,110 --> 00:07:33,807
I have located the Texan
and established surveillance.
116
00:07:33,729 --> 00:07:37,221
Very nice! Is she nice?
I'll take that, Manny. Thank you very much.
117
00:07:37,154 --> 00:07:39,486
Come on down here.
I talk to you a little bit.
118
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,019
I'm doing
a remake of Red River...
119
00:07:41,988 --> 00:07:45,389
with the original
dialogue intact
120
00:07:45,317 --> 00:07:47,581
Look at this guy, will ya?
121
00:07:47,558 --> 00:07:50,686
Who's he supposed to be,
Randolph Scott?
122
00:07:50,632 --> 00:07:53,624
Howard Hawks didn't want to have
the Duke die, but that's how it goes.
123
00:07:53,577 --> 00:07:56,011
It's going to be low budget,
but, uh, if we gave you
124
00:07:55,978 --> 00:07:58,139
[Switek Shouts]
Hey, Buffalo Billl
125
00:08:00,588 --> 00:08:03,887
Give your name and number to Manny here,
and we'll get in touch with you, huh?
126
00:08:03,821 --> 00:08:05,812
Manny, get her name
and her number, eh?
127
00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:12,360
Caballeros, got my work permit
here somewhere, eh?
128
00:08:12,273 --> 00:08:14,537
I got my peddler's license
renewed this year.
129
00:08:14,515 --> 00:08:18,451
I can get you a special rate
on these for the police force.
130
00:08:18,356 --> 00:08:20,381
You got a line
on any bull semen thieves?
131
00:08:20,373 --> 00:08:22,898
You got a line on 50 bucks?
No, I'm only kidding.
132
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,963
- I got your man.
- You do?
133
00:08:24,951 --> 00:08:28,910
Oh, yes. I know some very heavy
cattle breeders who know this guy...
134
00:08:28,825 --> 00:08:32,625
and say that he's getting
into artificial "insubordination"?
135
00:08:32,538 --> 00:08:36,702
I want you to go and tell him
you got an offer from an interested buyer.
136
00:08:36,604 --> 00:08:40,335
Sorry, but I'm gonna be busy
the rest of the afternoon.
137
00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:42,245
Well, then, maybe a certain
parole officer...
138
00:08:42,238 --> 00:08:46,140
would, uh, like to find out where
his girlfriend spends her Friday nights.
139
00:08:46,048 --> 00:08:48,243
Got a quarter?
He's no good for her.
140
00:08:48,225 --> 00:08:50,989
No.
You got a quarter?
141
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,973
- I just tried to give back her self-esteem!
- Yeah, I got a quarter.
142
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:57,382
Okay, all right, all right!
I'll make a phone call for you.
143
00:08:57,317 --> 00:08:59,649
Here's a quarter.
144
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,284
I have my own quarter.
145
00:09:04,105 --> 00:09:06,039
Guy's a nut.
146
00:09:06,026 --> 00:09:09,052
- [Moreno] Listen, Paco,
it's like I tell you on the phone. - You sure he's cool?
147
00:09:09,003 --> 00:09:11,631
He's cool.
He's a stand-up guy, here. Yeah. Uh-huh.
148
00:09:11,596 --> 00:09:14,429
You're gonna walk away
with your down payment.
149
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,168
They have arrived.
150
00:09:23,153 --> 00:09:25,815
Okay.
That's the signal, yes?
151
00:09:25,778 --> 00:09:29,976
Come on, come on, compadre.
152
00:09:38,647 --> 00:09:42,014
Howdy, pardners. You're busted!
153
00:09:41,945 --> 00:09:44,675
- [Anderson On Bullhorn]
In the name of the - [Water Splashing]
154
00:09:44,634 --> 00:09:49,503
In the name of the United States government,
I place you under arrest. Put the tank on the ground. Lay your hands against the truck.
155
00:09:49,372 --> 00:09:51,306
Uh, put your hands in the air!
[Gunfire]
156
00:09:51,293 --> 00:09:53,227
[Trudy]
Who's shootin'?
157
00:09:54,174 --> 00:09:56,142
Shots came from over there.
158
00:10:05,252 --> 00:10:08,415
[Gunfire Continues]
159
00:10:13,895 --> 00:10:17,058
[Police Radio, Indistinct]
160
00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:20,437
Who started shooting?
There was not supposed to be any shooting here!
161
00:10:20,362 --> 00:10:22,353
What are the feds doing here?
162
00:10:22,347 --> 00:10:25,316
Anderson, you can call
the A-team out. It's all over now.
163
00:10:25,260 --> 00:10:27,922
General all clear.
The tank?
164
00:10:27,885 --> 00:10:31,719
Looks like our friend Paco
was cowed by all the noise and split.
165
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,464
What is it with this stuff?
You're not cleared to know that.
166
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,350
"Not cleared"?
167
00:10:36,337 --> 00:10:39,306
Hey, uh, Anderson,
looks like you're an uncle.
168
00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:43,554
Montecristo.
169
00:10:43,541 --> 00:10:46,442
It's that Cuban pig Rojas.
170
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,652
Cuban intelligence?
171
00:10:53,625 --> 00:10:57,254
Now, what could Cuban intelligence
possibly be interested in here, huh?
172
00:10:58,587 --> 00:11:00,612
[Anderson Sighs]
173
00:11:00,604 --> 00:11:03,300
Miniature cows.
[Snickering]
174
00:11:03,261 --> 00:11:05,991
[All Laughing]
175
00:11:05,950 --> 00:11:09,249
[Laughing]
Miniature cows.
176
00:11:09,184 --> 00:11:13,052
This gets better and better.
[Laughing Continues]
177
00:11:14,082 --> 00:11:16,983
Okay, this is a picture of Gargantua.
178
00:11:16,931 --> 00:11:19,365
Oh, this has gotta be
a gag, Anderson.
179
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:22,496
[Guffaws]
I didn't know cows came that small.
180
00:11:22,438 --> 00:11:25,100
- [Giggles, Laughs]
- Yes, they do, Detective.
181
00:11:25,063 --> 00:11:27,054
They do.
And the U.S. Of A. Plans to be...
182
00:11:27,048 --> 00:11:30,176
in the forefront
of bovine miniaturization.
183
00:11:30,121 --> 00:11:32,681
[Laughing Resumes]
184
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:38,411
In India, high-yield rice,
impervious to nuclear fallout.
185
00:11:38,253 --> 00:11:41,586
Bat guano power plants
in Guatemala.
186
00:11:41,519 --> 00:11:44,181
Herring farms in the Dead Sea.
187
00:11:45,552 --> 00:11:49,545
The way to people's hearts and
minds is through their stomachs. [Trudy Chuckles]
188
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:52,950
Mao Tse-tung.
[Chuckles]
189
00:11:52,884 --> 00:11:55,819
Well, it's a sentiment that Cuban intelligence
seems to share, believe me.
190
00:11:55,765 --> 00:12:00,031
Senor Rojas and I have locked
horns from Trinidad Yeah, speakin' of horns,
191
00:11:59,926 --> 00:12:04,295
uh, when you gonna get off the red herring
and onto the bull business, huh?
192
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:08,650
Eyes only.
193
00:12:13,917 --> 00:12:15,851
[Trudy Sighs]
Oh, God.
194
00:12:15,838 --> 00:12:18,739
Up to now, the dairy protein needs
in the Third World have been met,
195
00:12:18,686 --> 00:12:20,620
if at all,
in powdered form.
196
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:22,768
In times of drought,
the results have been tragic.
197
00:12:22,753 --> 00:12:25,483
What you're seeing is the answer.
198
00:12:25,442 --> 00:12:27,603
Little bossies
and their tiny teats?
199
00:12:27,587 --> 00:12:29,612
What do they put out,
evaporated milk?
200
00:12:29,603 --> 00:12:33,699
Try two-thirds the production
of a full-size cow on one-tenth the acreage.
201
00:12:33,605 --> 00:12:35,573
The perfect low-cost animal.
202
00:12:36,519 --> 00:12:40,387
So when did Rojas find out
about Cowboy Calvin's big secret?
203
00:12:40,297 --> 00:12:43,755
Lesson number one, Detective:
In the intelligence community,
204
00:12:43,690 --> 00:12:47,820
there are no secrets,
except the secrets that keep themselves.
205
00:12:49,484 --> 00:12:51,918
[Clears Throat]
206
00:12:51,886 --> 00:12:54,787
Okay.
[Clears Throat] [Clears Throat]
207
00:12:56,016 --> 00:12:57,950
[Calvin]
Goldurn it, Stanley.
208
00:12:57,936 --> 00:13:01,372
I wish them cloak-and-dagger boys'd
butt the hell outta this.
209
00:13:01,297 --> 00:13:03,390
Why, are you afraid all that
international goodwill...
210
00:13:03,378 --> 00:13:05,903
is gonna bankrupt you
at the sperm bank? Goodwill?
211
00:13:05,876 --> 00:13:09,505
Stanley,
there's some serious long green...
212
00:13:09,429 --> 00:13:11,863
to be made off
of them little cows of mine.
213
00:13:12,855 --> 00:13:15,847
- How serious?
- Do you know how many sperms...
214
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,995
can swim around
on the head of a pin?
215
00:13:18,906 --> 00:13:22,137
- I never looked.
- Millions, millions.
216
00:13:22,075 --> 00:13:26,239
So just think of how many
potential cows is in that tank, see.
217
00:13:26,141 --> 00:13:29,736
I mean,
that's at least one cow...
218
00:13:29,662 --> 00:13:33,496
for every family in the entire
teemin' underdeveloped world.
219
00:13:33,408 --> 00:13:35,808
Unreal.
Yeah.
220
00:13:35,777 --> 00:13:37,904
Why, even at a buck a cow, that's
221
00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:41,326
- A lot of moola.
- [Whistles]
222
00:13:41,252 --> 00:13:46,019
[Calvin]
You know, it's not that I don't have every confidence in the local law enforcement.
223
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:48,361
It's just that
224
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:51,194
I wouldn't be gettin' up
on the off side.
225
00:13:53,481 --> 00:13:57,941
Uh, it's just that I thought
and Stan here agrees with me
226
00:13:57,835 --> 00:14:00,497
that you're the man
to head up this posse.
227
00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:04,487
Well, I just started casting
Red River, Part Two, but...
228
00:14:05,422 --> 00:14:08,880
I can always check my calendar.
229
00:14:08,816 --> 00:14:12,377
He's incredibly busy.
Uh-huh.
230
00:14:12,306 --> 00:14:17,835
Well, if you wasn't busy, how would you
go about contacting this, uh, Paco, uh
231
00:14:17,683 --> 00:14:19,674
Hermosa?
Hermosa.
232
00:14:19,669 --> 00:14:22,797
Uh-huh. Well, probably
in the role of a neo-crypto
233
00:14:22,742 --> 00:14:25,267
Uh, wh-whoa, whoa, whoa
bagman.
234
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,298
Whoa.
235
00:14:27,288 --> 00:14:33,193
Seventy-five,
80, 82 three, four, five
236
00:14:33,019 --> 00:14:35,579
Call that 86,500. All right.
237
00:14:35,548 --> 00:14:38,108
Now you tell Mr. Hermosa,
238
00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:43,709
86,500 for the return of my bull futures,
no questions asked.
239
00:14:43,551 --> 00:14:46,452
[Exhales]
We are totally simpático, my friend.
240
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,130
I guarantee that I can get your, uh
241
00:14:49,090 --> 00:14:53,459
[Chuckles]
Vital fluids returned to your personage...
242
00:14:53,348 --> 00:14:55,612
faster than you can say...
243
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,539
"Lash La Rue."
244
00:14:59,526 --> 00:15:02,654
You know, I knew you was a range rider
minute I laid eyes on you.
245
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,160
Hey, didn't I say that about him, Stan?
246
00:15:06,890 --> 00:15:10,053
- I got one question.
- Well, what's that?
247
00:15:09,995 --> 00:15:13,453
"What's in it for me?"Right, Iz?
248
00:15:16,622 --> 00:15:18,749
What's in it for me?
249
00:15:20,111 --> 00:15:22,272
Think 86,500 will get it, Stan?
250
00:15:22,257 --> 00:15:26,057
Ah, more than enough
if Hermosa's as low-rent as Izzy is.
251
00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:28,336
Course, 86,500
252
00:15:28,307 --> 00:15:31,435
Well, that's kind of
What?
253
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:33,610
Well, it's an odd number.
Odd number?
254
00:15:33,590 --> 00:15:36,923
Yeah. Look, you're, uh,
obviously a bright guy,
255
00:15:36,855 --> 00:15:40,222
but, uh, in the big city
I'm just a big hick.
256
00:15:40,153 --> 00:15:43,122
No.
Oh, yes, I am, damn it.
257
00:15:43,065 --> 00:15:47,399
Now, just go on
and speak your piece, man.
258
00:15:47,292 --> 00:15:50,591
Well, we work
with these fast operators all the time,
259
00:15:50,525 --> 00:15:53,961
and one thing you recognize
round numbers.
260
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:57,322
Round numbers?
Yeah. I mean, you never see a guy, uh,
261
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,842
offer a bribe, say,
$72 and change.
262
00:15:59,809 --> 00:16:02,676
It's always a hundred bucks,
10 grand.
263
00:16:02,626 --> 00:16:05,493
Or a hundred thousand.
Oh, but see
264
00:16:05,443 --> 00:16:08,469
Yeah, Stan, I mean,
all I got on me is 90 grand,
265
00:16:08,421 --> 00:16:12,255
'cause, you know, l I didn't expect
to get rolled in some strange city.
266
00:16:12,166 --> 00:16:14,157
I didn't prepare for it, or
267
00:16:14,151 --> 00:16:18,645
Yeah, well I've got some savings
I was gonna put into mutual funds,
268
00:16:18,537 --> 00:16:21,563
but with the market
so crazy and all Yeah.
269
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:25,644
I'd be proud to invest
in the future of a better world.
270
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:28,985
No, no, I couldn't
I couldn't let you do that, see, 'cause, uh
271
00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:34,695
Well, l-I'd have to insist
on one condition.
272
00:16:34,641 --> 00:16:39,635
What's that?
And that's that your contribution entitles you to two per
273
00:16:39,507 --> 00:16:43,944
f-five five-percent ownership
in Teal Enterprises,
274
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:47,423
'cause, see, l-I'd just as soon that
you got somethin' for your money,
275
00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:49,716
instead of just lettin' me
have it, you know.
276
00:16:49,687 --> 00:16:54,215
And-And besides,
if you're gonna be standin' behind me as an investor,
277
00:16:54,105 --> 00:16:57,472
then I'd be honored
if you was my partner too.
278
00:16:57,403 --> 00:16:59,803
It's a deal.
[Chuckles]
279
00:16:59,772 --> 00:17:02,502
[Laughs]
Good deal!
280
00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:06,021
How about Izzy's house, huh?
Boy, that place is a dump. Man, I ain't lyin'.
281
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:11,121
[Moreno]
Entrez-vous, Agent Anderson.
282
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:14,770
Well, you're a tough little puppy
to keep in the crosshairs, Isadore.
283
00:17:14,691 --> 00:17:17,251
I don't let the johnsongrass
grow under my feet.
284
00:17:17,219 --> 00:17:20,746
Everything here
is perfectly legit. Well, good for you.
285
00:17:20,677 --> 00:17:23,612
Guess that means you're ready
to help the right side, huh? [Chuckles]
286
00:17:23,558 --> 00:17:27,585
I salute the flag on your lapel,
Agent Anderson, but, uh
287
00:17:29,897 --> 00:17:33,924
But what?
But, uh, I'm already engaged.
288
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:36,133
Well, I have some friends
in the I.N.S. That, uh,
289
00:17:36,108 --> 00:17:38,599
gave me some information
that may help disengage you.
290
00:17:38,573 --> 00:17:42,509
Seems your immigration status
is a little precarious.
291
00:17:42,415 --> 00:17:45,680
Ingrid and I
had a very special relationship.
292
00:17:45,616 --> 00:17:47,880
She taught me how to use the bullwhip.
293
00:17:47,857 --> 00:17:52,191
It's a tragic coincidence
that we were divorced right after I got my green card.
294
00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:58,044
Well, I've got two outstanding warrants
in Puerto Rico, one in Guantánamo
295
00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:01,278
Where have I heard this before?
Okay. All right, all right. I will help you.
296
00:18:01,207 --> 00:18:05,007
I'll tell you right now,
Hermosa knows how valuable that tank is.
297
00:18:06,361 --> 00:18:08,329
Hermosa?
Sí.
298
00:18:08,314 --> 00:18:11,681
- You mean, Rojas doesn't have that tank?
- No, Paco Hermosa.
299
00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:13,909
And he's not gonna take
a dime less than...
300
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:16,444
[Hesitantly]
200,000,
301
00:18:16,413 --> 00:18:18,574
uh, dollars.
302
00:18:18,559 --> 00:18:21,722
200,000.
Uh, we could raise that.
303
00:18:21,664 --> 00:18:23,598
It'd be wrong, but
304
00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:26,577
No, no, 200,000 that's well within
the purview of my authorization.
305
00:18:26,530 --> 00:18:28,623
[Phone Buzzing]
All right.
306
00:18:28,611 --> 00:18:32,240
It might be more, though.
I can't tell.
307
00:18:33,638 --> 00:18:37,039
Red River Productions.
Sí, this is he.
308
00:18:36,967 --> 00:18:41,597
This is Rojas.
I have just "receive" a fax from Havana.
309
00:18:42,953 --> 00:18:46,912
It seems you still have
many outstanding warrants.
310
00:18:47,852 --> 00:18:50,412
Shall I read them aloud to you?
311
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,314
Oh, no-no-no,
that's okay, uh,
312
00:18:52,301 --> 00:18:54,963
Comrade Rojas.
313
00:18:54,927 --> 00:18:58,920
I see. You are interested
in the amazing bull product.
314
00:18:58,832 --> 00:19:02,859
Well, I don't know.
We are a nation of...
315
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:06,419
- card sharks?
- ?Qué?
316
00:19:06,388 --> 00:19:09,323
Give me the whole thing.
Play along.
317
00:19:09,269 --> 00:19:12,397
Uh, yes, I'll see what I can do,
but it's going to cost you
318
00:19:12,342 --> 00:19:14,276
[Door Opens, Closes]
Something in the neighborhood of...
319
00:19:14,263 --> 00:19:16,595
two hundred and...
320
00:19:16,568 --> 00:19:18,536
fifty... nine...
321
00:19:18,521 --> 00:19:20,989
thousand... dollars.
[Door Opens]
322
00:19:20,955 --> 00:19:24,482
Oh, yes. Yes, well,
there are many pros and cons. [Door Closes]
323
00:19:24,412 --> 00:19:28,314
[Chuckles]
Yes, especially the cons. Uh, un momento.
324
00:19:28,222 --> 00:19:31,191
He wants to make the deal today.
Yes!
325
00:19:31,135 --> 00:19:33,433
Yes, we can do that for you today.
326
00:19:33,408 --> 00:19:35,899
I will meet you alone.
327
00:19:35,873 --> 00:19:38,808
Yes. You have my word.
328
00:19:38,755 --> 00:19:42,486
You and Comrade Rojas...
329
00:19:42,404 --> 00:19:46,465
and one billion unborn cows.
330
00:19:46,374 --> 00:19:48,968
Compact mini-cows?
331
00:19:48,935 --> 00:19:52,701
Limousine-size cows
for our commie creep.
332
00:19:54,089 --> 00:19:57,490
[Speaking Spanish]
[Spanish]
333
00:19:57,418 --> 00:19:59,852
[Spanish]
All right, fine, fine. Okay.
334
00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:03,278
It's a beautiful winged, uh, sloop
you got here, eh?
335
00:20:04,526 --> 00:20:07,984
I can't believe it.
Sixteen boats in an hour?
336
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,388
Fifteen.
He checked one twice.
337
00:20:10,352 --> 00:20:13,344
[Spanish]
338
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:20,751
Rojas?
[Gasps] [Spanish]
339
00:20:20,660 --> 00:20:22,594
[Both Speaking Spanish]
340
00:20:22,581 --> 00:20:24,606
I do not see
any money here. [Spanish]
341
00:20:26,264 --> 00:20:28,562
Don't fool around
[Gunshot]
342
00:20:28,537 --> 00:20:33,941
- [Switek]
What the hell's goin' on? - [Spanish]
343
00:20:33,787 --> 00:20:38,087
[Moreno]
No. This is mine. This is mine.
344
00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:54,331
[Horn Honking]
345
00:20:58,406 --> 00:21:00,806
- What the hell are you doin'?
- Hey!
346
00:21:00,775 --> 00:21:02,936
Nice goin',
Mr. Covert Operation.
347
00:21:02,919 --> 00:21:06,650
Obviously you two have a little to learn
about the chess-like interaction of international intrigue.
348
00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:08,503
Yeah, like what?
349
00:21:08,490 --> 00:21:12,722
Like the fact that our side just won a major
battle in the cold war of animal husbandry.
350
00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:18,149
Mr. Rojas just bought himself a load
of our deluxe oversized cud chewers.
351
00:21:19,535 --> 00:21:21,526
[Scoffs]
You're welcome.
352
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,454
Who is this guy?
353
00:21:23,441 --> 00:21:27,172
Here's gratitude for ya.
[Sighs]
354
00:21:27,090 --> 00:21:29,149
[Moreno]
I told you already.
355
00:21:29,139 --> 00:21:32,404
Anderson tried to pull
a big con on you!
356
00:21:32,340 --> 00:21:34,365
The tank is bogus!
357
00:21:34,358 --> 00:21:36,553
I was just the bagman!
358
00:21:36,534 --> 00:21:39,833
Let me down, please!
[Panting]
359
00:21:40,665 --> 00:21:42,599
Hey!
360
00:21:42,585 --> 00:21:46,419
Why don't you tell me
who you're really working for?
361
00:21:46,331 --> 00:21:50,028
L I can see there's
[Chuckles]
362
00:21:49,948 --> 00:21:55,386
No Eastern Bloc translation for
the kind of free market entrepreneurialism
363
00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:58,860
I'm getting dizzy.
Oh, so you are...
364
00:21:58,784 --> 00:22:02,083
a capitalist pig
who'll do anything for money.
365
00:22:02,017 --> 00:22:05,282
Uh, no it's more of a
a informational processing...
366
00:22:05,219 --> 00:22:10,418
of a very distinctly sought-after talent
in this most inhospitable world.
367
00:22:10,278 --> 00:22:13,873
Where did you go? Aaah!
Surely not as inhospitable...
368
00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:18,429
as La Cabana.
La Cabana? La Cabana, no.
369
00:22:18,313 --> 00:22:20,247
Uh, that'sThat's not me.
You're
370
00:22:20,234 --> 00:22:23,670
You're thinking of somebody else,
I think, and it's not me.
371
00:22:23,595 --> 00:22:27,361
It's really not me. I mean, I've heard
of La Cabana, but I've never spent any time
372
00:22:27,277 --> 00:22:30,678
Ow! Does she work out
with weights or something?
373
00:22:32,688 --> 00:22:35,248
Isadore Francisco Moreno
374
00:22:35,217 --> 00:22:38,152
crimes against the revolución.
375
00:22:38,098 --> 00:22:43,365
Define la revolución.
[Spanish] [Spanish]
376
00:22:43,220 --> 00:22:45,279
[Spanish]
377
00:22:45,269 --> 00:22:48,761
Either way, I go home
with the spoils of capitalism.
378
00:22:48,695 --> 00:22:51,858
You... or the mini-cows.
379
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,065
Maybe I'll take both.
380
00:22:55,001 --> 00:22:56,992
So, who has my tank?
381
00:22:56,986 --> 00:22:59,978
[Spits]
Now
382
00:22:59,932 --> 00:23:02,526
[Shouting]
383
00:23:02,493 --> 00:23:05,428
Actually,
it's some guy named Paco,
384
00:23:05,374 --> 00:23:08,537
actually works
for the U.S.D.A., okay?
385
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,414
Huh?
Oh, so U.S. Agents?
386
00:23:10,401 --> 00:23:14,337
No-no-no-no, he's just
a opportunistic capitalistic,
387
00:23:14,242 --> 00:23:17,643
you know, sibling, actually.
388
00:23:17,572 --> 00:23:20,905
Uh, you know, he's just
He's trying to make
389
00:23:20,837 --> 00:23:23,135
[Cries Out]
M- make an name for hisself.
390
00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:25,203
He's, uh
391
00:23:25,191 --> 00:23:29,423
He's already entertaining an offer
from that overgrown Texas boot stomp,
392
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,880
that sodbuster,
who has made a bid for the tank...
393
00:23:31,850 --> 00:23:37,652
of two hundred
and fifty-nine thousand... dollars.
394
00:23:37,484 --> 00:23:41,853
[Spits, Coughs]
So, you are, of course, to outbid him.
395
00:23:41,743 --> 00:23:45,804
300,000.
396
00:23:45,712 --> 00:23:51,651
This briefcase is bugged
and rigged to detonate...
397
00:23:52,851 --> 00:23:54,819
on my command.
398
00:23:54,804 --> 00:23:57,705
Uh
So as to protect you...
399
00:23:57,653 --> 00:24:03,614
from your socially inbred
tendencies of greed. [Chuckles]
400
00:24:03,448 --> 00:24:08,681
Any deviation from
my instructions, and, uh [Chuckles]
401
00:24:08,538 --> 00:24:14,238
We will be forced to abort you
and your mission.
402
00:24:14,077 --> 00:24:16,045
[Sighs]
403
00:24:27,746 --> 00:24:29,680
[Grunts]
404
00:24:30,756 --> 00:24:34,817
Any chance of this going off by mistake?
[Groans]
405
00:24:35,686 --> 00:24:38,382
[Trudy]
We're gonna need Case 22.
406
00:24:38,343 --> 00:24:40,277
[Gina]
It's on my desk. Ladies.
407
00:24:40,264 --> 00:24:43,825
Oh, hi, Calvin.
Hi.
408
00:24:43,754 --> 00:24:48,214
They told me these was the last two
in the entire state of Florida. [Giggles]
409
00:24:48,108 --> 00:24:50,576
That's nice.
Thank you.
410
00:24:50,540 --> 00:24:53,532
[Gina]
Why, thank you, Calvin. Well, you're welcome.
411
00:24:53,486 --> 00:24:55,647
Kind of hard
to come by 'em, uh,
412
00:24:55,631 --> 00:24:58,566
so far from Texas.
Oh.
413
00:24:58,512 --> 00:25:00,810
[Gina]
That's sweet. [Calvin] Well, it
414
00:25:00,785 --> 00:25:05,188
It seemed like the least I could do
after the time we had last night. [Gina Chuckles]
415
00:25:05,075 --> 00:25:07,873
You check out Romeo
back here?
416
00:25:07,828 --> 00:25:10,456
Ancient pangs of, uh,
jealousy surfacing, partner?
417
00:25:10,421 --> 00:25:14,790
Get out of here.
This guy's puttin' on a road show. [Gina, Calvin Chattering]
418
00:25:14,679 --> 00:25:19,480
Yeah, well I think he's already
closed the sale on Gina. [Gina Laughing]
419
00:25:20,538 --> 00:25:23,974
Eight-to-five
she sees right through him. [Laughing Continues]
420
00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:26,300
You sure
you wanna make that bet?
421
00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:32,386
Maybe you guys
could take some notes here? [Calvin Chattering]
422
00:25:32,319 --> 00:25:36,585
Kind of... nice color on you.
[Both Laugh]
423
00:25:36,481 --> 00:25:39,348
[Gina]
Thanks. How about we just pull his file?
424
00:25:46,053 --> 00:25:48,681
Come on. Come on.
[Rattling]
425
00:25:48,646 --> 00:25:50,409
[Lock Clicks]
[Moreno Grunts]
426
00:25:54,025 --> 00:25:56,152
Come on. Come on.
427
00:25:56,138 --> 00:26:00,632
[Phone Beeping]
[Cries Out, Panting]
428
00:26:00,524 --> 00:26:03,925
Yes? Paco.
[Spanish] Hold on.
429
00:26:11,184 --> 00:26:13,675
[Panting]
430
00:26:13,649 --> 00:26:15,640
[Laughing]
431
00:26:15,634 --> 00:26:17,693
[Laughing On Headphones]
[Speaking Spanish]
432
00:26:17,684 --> 00:26:20,653
What is it?
I don't know. He's breaking up.
433
00:26:21,974 --> 00:26:23,908
Paco. Hey.
434
00:26:23,894 --> 00:26:28,297
Yeah, listen, the Cubans
have come up with a better offer.
435
00:26:28,184 --> 00:26:31,620
Yeah. Yeah, it's about, uh
436
00:26:31,545 --> 00:26:34,946
uh, three, uh
[Coughing]
437
00:26:34,875 --> 00:26:38,868
It's about, uh, two hundred
and seventy-five, uh, thousand.
438
00:26:38,781 --> 00:26:42,148
Yeah.
Izzy just cut a deal for Rojas...
439
00:26:42,078 --> 00:26:44,808
to sell the tank for 275,000.
440
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,982
All these people prosperin'
off of my hard work.
441
00:26:49,889 --> 00:26:54,383
[Static, Indistinct Chattering]
442
00:26:54,276 --> 00:26:58,178
[Moreno's Voice]
Yeah. It's gonna be at the trestle today,
443
00:26:58,085 --> 00:27:00,076
near
near the Albondigas Bridge.
444
00:27:00,070 --> 00:27:03,801
And, listen, bring that bull gizmo.
[Spanish]
445
00:27:41,817 --> 00:27:46,083
Close encounters
of the... weird kind.
446
00:27:54,942 --> 00:27:56,068
[Switch Clicking]
447
00:28:00,065 --> 00:28:01,999
[Coughs]
448
00:28:04,035 --> 00:28:05,798
[Engine Starts]
449
00:28:10,437 --> 00:28:12,371
I can't believe it.
450
00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:15,623
Of all the people in the world
to be entrusted...
451
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,721
with the forefront
of bovine miniaturization.
452
00:28:17,704 --> 00:28:20,036
Psst, Izzy!
453
00:28:21,130 --> 00:28:23,064
Who's there?
454
00:28:23,051 --> 00:28:25,383
It's me, man!
[Exhales]
455
00:28:25,356 --> 00:28:28,120
Who are all these light freaks?
I don't know, man.
456
00:28:28,077 --> 00:28:30,011
You got the money?
Yeah. It's in here.
457
00:28:29,998 --> 00:28:32,057
Be careful of the blinking red light.
That'll be your cue.
458
00:28:32,047 --> 00:28:33,981
You got the stuff?
Yeah. It's right here.
459
00:28:33,967 --> 00:28:36,629
Run!
[Grunting]
460
00:28:45,173 --> 00:28:47,471
Let me see. Let me see.
461
00:28:49,751 --> 00:28:52,743
Come on. That tank's
gotta make it back to the ranch.
462
00:28:52,696 --> 00:28:55,824
You really care for this,
don't you? No. No.
463
00:28:55,769 --> 00:28:59,865
I just hate see a good ol' boy
get the shaft, that's all.
464
00:29:07,775 --> 00:29:10,676
Not so fast,
my capitalist friend.
465
00:29:10,624 --> 00:29:16,358
Hey, what we need here is a SALT-like
détente nuclear disarmament!
466
00:29:16,195 --> 00:29:19,722
No way!
Those miniature cows belong in the free world!
467
00:29:40,589 --> 00:29:44,685
Why does Anderson always show up
at my drops, huh?
468
00:29:44,591 --> 00:29:48,186
I should be Martinized
for trying to prevent W.W. Ill.
469
00:29:48,113 --> 00:29:51,810
Get up, bonehead, before we
Martinize you right into the ground!
470
00:29:51,730 --> 00:29:54,961
Where's the money, Izzy?
471
00:29:54,899 --> 00:29:59,427
[Gasps]
Rojas is going to kill me! He'll think I double-crossed him!
472
00:29:59,318 --> 00:30:02,412
YouYou gotta help me get into
a federal protection program!
473
00:30:02,359 --> 00:30:04,327
Let me shoot him, okay?
474
00:30:04,312 --> 00:30:06,576
Huh? Can I shoot him?
475
00:30:06,553 --> 00:30:08,885
I got a round in here.
Sure, I do.
476
00:30:11,611 --> 00:30:15,274
Bunco Division, Los Angeles.
477
00:30:15,197 --> 00:30:17,563
Bunco Division, Denver.
478
00:30:17,534 --> 00:30:20,628
Land Fraud Division,
State of Louisiana.
479
00:30:20,575 --> 00:30:23,510
Who's that?
Cowboy Cal,
480
00:30:23,456 --> 00:30:26,050
a.k.a. Chuck Teasdale,
481
00:30:26,018 --> 00:30:30,216
Clyde T. Rose, Calvin Tuttle.
482
00:30:30,116 --> 00:30:31,708
[Coffee Cup Shatters]
483
00:30:31,716 --> 00:30:34,150
Calvin?
484
00:30:35,141 --> 00:30:37,541
Yeah. Sorry, Gina.
485
00:30:37,510 --> 00:30:40,502
That miserable 10-gallon rat.
486
00:30:48,812 --> 00:30:50,973
Well, if it's any consolation to you,
487
00:30:50,956 --> 00:30:55,086
he took a couple of investment bankers
for about 100 grand...
488
00:30:54,991 --> 00:30:58,927
in, uh, phony mutual funds
couple of years ago.
489
00:30:58,833 --> 00:31:01,529
Got off on a technicality.
490
00:31:01,489 --> 00:31:04,151
Hundred grand.
491
00:31:04,114 --> 00:31:06,708
Nice round number.
492
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,147
[Knocking]
493
00:31:19,097 --> 00:31:21,224
Who is it?
494
00:31:21,210 --> 00:31:23,303
It's Calvin.
495
00:31:23,291 --> 00:31:26,749
Calvin. Yes.
The key is under the mat.
496
00:31:26,685 --> 00:31:28,880
Hey, man, pay attention.
497
00:31:28,862 --> 00:31:30,796
I'm gonna show you how to get rich.
498
00:31:30,783 --> 00:31:34,082
My immediate sense of distrust
is temporarily overcome...
499
00:31:34,016 --> 00:31:37,281
by the need for finances
to blow town.
500
00:31:37,217 --> 00:31:40,618
May the, uh,
wind always be at your back.
501
00:31:40,546 --> 00:31:44,710
For a hundred years.
[Gasps]
502
00:31:44,613 --> 00:31:47,878
- Lookit here.
[Chuckles] - No!
503
00:31:47,814 --> 00:31:51,545
No. Any more alleged perpetrations
and I lose all semblance of"credibleness."
504
00:31:51,463 --> 00:31:54,864
Well, hey, relax, man.
All them other tanks was fake.
505
00:31:54,793 --> 00:31:56,761
Now this here
is the real enchilada.
506
00:31:56,746 --> 00:32:00,807
I mean, you're lookin' at 400
tiny thunderin' hooves.
507
00:32:00,715 --> 00:32:05,652
Hey, you didn't think I was really gonna
part with the genuine bull sauce.
508
00:32:05,517 --> 00:32:09,510
Did ya?
[Gasps]
509
00:32:09,423 --> 00:32:11,448
Mr. Teal,
510
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:16,173
you are a credit to the free-enterprising
vertebrates of this planet.
511
00:32:16,050 --> 00:32:19,542
[Grunts]
Well, you're damn right I am!
512
00:32:19,476 --> 00:32:23,071
So, as I see it,
we got a perfect opportunity...
513
00:32:22,998 --> 00:32:26,695
to employ your God-given talent.
514
00:32:26,615 --> 00:32:29,516
Eh, the telephone...
515
00:32:29,465 --> 00:32:32,832
is my... instrument.
516
00:32:32,762 --> 00:32:35,731
I was born to play it,
517
00:32:35,675 --> 00:32:40,476
just like Mozart was...
born to play the piano,
518
00:32:43,263 --> 00:32:47,131
BoJackson was born to play baseball.
519
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,031
Well
Mmm.
520
00:32:49,025 --> 00:32:51,289
Mr. Charlie
[Phone Beeping]
521
00:32:51,266 --> 00:32:53,393
Drives a lot of ballplayers
[Spanish] [Chuckles]
522
00:32:53,380 --> 00:32:55,780
[Ringing]
523
00:32:55,748 --> 00:32:58,114
Hello, this is
[Ringing Continues]
524
00:32:58,085 --> 00:33:00,076
This is Anderson.
525
00:33:00,966 --> 00:33:03,867
Ah, yes.
By a strange, circuitous route,
526
00:33:03,816 --> 00:33:06,876
the actual bull semen
has found its way into my possession,
527
00:33:06,825 --> 00:33:09,487
and I wanted to give you first dibs.
528
00:33:09,451 --> 00:33:14,047
We are, uh, opening the bidding
at, say, um, half million.
529
00:33:13,932 --> 00:33:16,492
Moreno, is that you?
530
00:33:16,461 --> 00:33:19,055
Listen, you Cuban cockroach.
If you've got the genuine tank [Phone Beeping]
531
00:33:19,022 --> 00:33:20,956
Fork it over now,
before the entire resources [Ringing]
532
00:33:20,943 --> 00:33:22,877
Uh, could you please hold?
Rojas.
533
00:33:22,864 --> 00:33:24,798
[Spanish]
534
00:33:24,785 --> 00:33:27,583
Trading in mini-cow futures
is open again,
535
00:33:27,538 --> 00:33:30,507
and I'm entertaining a bid
from Agent Anderson...
536
00:33:30,451 --> 00:33:34,148
of the federales
for five and a half points U.S.
537
00:33:34,070 --> 00:33:37,506
[Spanish]
538
00:33:37,431 --> 00:33:42,198
Marielito trash, how dare you negotiate
with the People's Republic de Cuba?
539
00:33:42,072 --> 00:33:45,405
Uh, fish or cut bait.
I got Washington on the other line.
540
00:33:45,338 --> 00:33:48,603
So, how do you open, uh, Andy?
541
00:33:48,539 --> 00:33:51,337
[Anderson]
Why should I believe anything a fruit fly like you has to say?
542
00:33:51,293 --> 00:33:53,557
'Cause he's got the tank,
that's why.
543
00:33:53,534 --> 00:33:56,367
And if you don't start
addin' on zeros real fast,
544
00:33:56,319 --> 00:33:59,948
them baby bulls gonna be
mooing en Espanol.
545
00:33:59,872 --> 00:34:02,238
Okay, okay. I'll go 550.
546
00:34:02,210 --> 00:34:05,873
But I want Moreno's skin hanging
from the wall of the Earl Butz Conference Room when it's over.
547
00:34:05,795 --> 00:34:07,922
Yeah, yeah.
Which reminds me, amigo
548
00:34:07,908 --> 00:34:09,398
Ten percent.
Thirty.
549
00:34:09,412 --> 00:34:10,902
Twenty.
Done.
550
00:34:10,918 --> 00:34:13,386
You're at 550,000.
Please hold.
551
00:34:13,350 --> 00:34:16,478
- Did you get that?
- What I get...
552
00:34:16,424 --> 00:34:20,053
is 300,000 of my Cuban money!
553
00:34:19,977 --> 00:34:25,938
And for every additional dollar,
it will be one pound of your flesh! [Spanish]
554
00:34:25,772 --> 00:34:31,335
I see. Well, I cannot let
personal endangerment conflict with Keynesian "economicals."
555
00:34:31,183 --> 00:34:34,516
Going once. Going twice.
556
00:34:34,448 --> 00:34:36,177
600,000!
557
00:34:36,177 --> 00:34:39,271
Ah, Cuba six.
Gringos five-point-five.
558
00:34:39,218 --> 00:34:41,049
The top of the eighth
Seven.
559
00:34:41,043 --> 00:34:46,071
Conference 'em.
[Anderson] Moreno.
560
00:34:45,941 --> 00:34:50,344
Los Cubanos,
the number on the table is seven repítelo, seven.
561
00:34:50,231 --> 00:34:52,028
- Eight!
- Nine!
562
00:34:52,023 --> 00:34:55,789
[Rojas]
One million U.S. Dollars!
563
00:34:55,706 --> 00:34:58,869
- [Grunts]
- [Inhales]
564
00:34:58,811 --> 00:35:01,143
Senor Anderson,
565
00:35:01,116 --> 00:35:03,880
0-2 count,
bottom of the ninth.
566
00:35:03,837 --> 00:35:06,806
We are waiting.
567
00:35:06,750 --> 00:35:09,275
Listen,
we took a big budget hit this year.
568
00:35:09,248 --> 00:35:11,341
We, uh
[Clears Throat]
569
00:35:11,329 --> 00:35:13,991
- We're not prepared to go that high.
- [Both Grunt]
570
00:35:13,954 --> 00:35:17,856
So, the capitalist running dogs
fade in the stretch.
571
00:35:17,763 --> 00:35:21,290
Selling these bulls
to the Communists is it-it
572
00:35:21,221 --> 00:35:23,212
It's downright non-American.
573
00:35:24,871 --> 00:35:26,839
Aw, listen, federal breath.
574
00:35:26,823 --> 00:35:31,123
If you can sell cola to the ChiComs,
I can sure sell cows to Castro.
575
00:35:31,017 --> 00:35:34,578
- Adiós!
- Hello?
576
00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:36,566
[Dial Tone]
Hello! [Groans]
577
00:35:36,555 --> 00:35:40,184
Hey, congratulations there, Senor Rojas.
578
00:35:40,109 --> 00:35:43,738
You just got yourself a full quart
of half-pint, short-horned studs.
579
00:35:43,663 --> 00:35:46,655
Now, I want that money
delivered in unmarked, unused,
580
00:35:46,608 --> 00:35:50,339
"unconsecutive" 50s and 100s
dropped off to my little buddy,
581
00:35:50,257 --> 00:35:53,590
who's gonna be boatin' along the Miami River
sometime tween noon and 6:00 today.
582
00:35:53,523 --> 00:35:55,616
- You got that?
- [Spanish]
583
00:35:55,604 --> 00:35:57,834
[Rojas]
But don't cross me. [Both Chuckling]
584
00:35:57,813 --> 00:36:00,714
No way, Jose.
[Slams Down Handset]
585
00:36:02,359 --> 00:36:04,554
Muy bien.
Yeah. [Satisfied Chuckle]
586
00:36:51,949 --> 00:36:54,645
Moreno,
give me the damn tank.
587
00:36:54,606 --> 00:36:57,439
No!
Rojas will kill me!
588
00:36:57,391 --> 00:36:59,859
What Rojas doesn't know
won't hurt him. Let's go.
589
00:37:02,898 --> 00:37:04,832
Uh?
590
00:37:05,747 --> 00:37:07,681
Thank you.
591
00:37:09,397 --> 00:37:13,026
- Gimme the other tank!
- Merry Christmas.
592
00:37:13,847 --> 00:37:16,509
Gracias.
593
00:37:39,746 --> 00:37:41,543
[Tires Screeching]
594
00:37:53,096 --> 00:37:55,223
[Laughs]
595
00:37:56,874 --> 00:38:00,139
Not bugged and rigged, is it?
[Laughs]
596
00:38:02,540 --> 00:38:05,941
[Gasps]
[Spanish]
597
00:38:05,870 --> 00:38:08,566
[Grunts]
Yes. Ah, good.
598
00:38:08,527 --> 00:38:10,552
Have a nice flight back to Cuba,
okay?
599
00:38:10,544 --> 00:38:14,207
Just give me a push off there,
all right, and I'll be all right.
600
00:38:26,295 --> 00:38:28,763
[Toilet Flushes]
601
00:38:34,171 --> 00:38:38,369
Like clockwork.
Sí. Clockwork de naranja.
602
00:38:39,325 --> 00:38:42,726
Uh, listen,
I'm a little "paratory" of Rojas,
603
00:38:42,654 --> 00:38:45,987
so if I could just get my 20% out
604
00:38:45,919 --> 00:38:50,322
[Coughs]
Take it with me, and withdraw to sunny climes
605
00:38:50,209 --> 00:38:53,645
- The fast money always fades first.
- Oh, yes.
606
00:38:53,571 --> 00:38:59,510
Well, it's too bad, 'cause I was plannin'on
introducin'you to some permanent wealth.
607
00:38:59,334 --> 00:39:01,666
Permanent wealth, huh?
608
00:39:01,638 --> 00:39:04,198
What do you mean,
the "M" word or the "B" word?
609
00:39:04,167 --> 00:39:09,935
I mean so much money
your children's children couldn't even spend the interest.
610
00:39:09,770 --> 00:39:13,934
- What's that?
- These are signed contracts with the Saudis...
611
00:39:13,836 --> 00:39:16,031
for 20 tanks of bull semen.
612
00:39:16,013 --> 00:39:18,914
Man, do you know how much
them A-rabs crave milk?
613
00:39:18,863 --> 00:39:23,323
I mean, this paper alone's worth
a billion, five.
614
00:39:23,216 --> 00:39:26,379
And, uh, I been gettin' inquiries...
615
00:39:26,322 --> 00:39:29,314
from all over
the entire Islamic world.
616
00:39:29,267 --> 00:39:32,464
Now, I was plannin' on cuttin' you in...
617
00:39:32,405 --> 00:39:36,273
for 10% off the top, but, uh
618
00:39:36,182 --> 00:39:39,049
But, uh But what?
619
00:39:38,999 --> 00:39:43,561
Well, see,
high finance is a game...
620
00:39:43,449 --> 00:39:47,852
for men with a certain kind
of confident view of life,
621
00:39:47,739 --> 00:39:51,641
and-and and you got all you can do
to hang onto your little bitty green card.
622
00:39:51,549 --> 00:39:54,313
Well, hey, you know,
I understand that.
623
00:39:54,270 --> 00:39:57,706
I mean, go on.
Take your 200,000 and scoot.
624
00:39:57,632 --> 00:40:01,728
Course, uh, by the time I deliver
on that paper,
625
00:40:01,633 --> 00:40:05,034
I'm gonna be droppin' 200K on tips.
[Laughs]
626
00:40:04,963 --> 00:40:07,693
[Laughs]
Wait a minute. Wait a minute, now.
627
00:40:07,652 --> 00:40:10,917
If you are really serious
about bringing milk to the desert
628
00:40:10,853 --> 00:40:14,482
- I am.
- I wouldn't mind getting in...
629
00:40:14,407 --> 00:40:18,173
on the ground floor
of some of this honey.
630
00:40:18,089 --> 00:40:20,023
You're sure?
631
00:40:21,770 --> 00:40:24,170
"Start the ball, Tector."
632
00:40:24,139 --> 00:40:29,509
Now that's what I call
takin' the long view, Moreno. [Chuckles]
633
00:40:29,358 --> 00:40:33,727
Now, I want you to hang
onto these, okay?
634
00:40:33,616 --> 00:40:36,414
Now, you put 'em
in a safe place...
635
00:40:36,368 --> 00:40:38,359
and keep 'em there, and, uh
636
00:40:38,354 --> 00:40:43,223
See, I got a 7:00 p.m. Flight
to Dubai I gotta catch.
637
00:40:43,091 --> 00:40:45,821
I'm gonna cable you
from there, okay? Okay.
638
00:40:45,781 --> 00:40:48,841
Yeah, I'll keep these in a safe place.
Let me ride down with you, huh?
639
00:40:48,791 --> 00:40:50,816
That's okay.
I'll be right in front of you, buddy.
640
00:40:50,807 --> 00:40:52,798
You take care now.
Okay, wait a second.
641
00:40:52,792 --> 00:40:56,660
- Hold the elevator for me, will you?
- I'll tell the doorman you're on your way.
642
00:40:58,747 --> 00:41:00,840
Sonny.
643
00:41:00,827 --> 00:41:04,593
Well, yeah. Come on in, man.
Come on in.
644
00:41:04,510 --> 00:41:08,105
You want some champagne?
Hey-Hey, Izzy. Give
645
00:41:08,031 --> 00:41:11,432
Give the man some,
uh, champagne.
646
00:41:16,675 --> 00:41:19,405
[Sighs]
What tipped ya?
647
00:41:23,302 --> 00:41:25,236
This.
648
00:41:25,223 --> 00:41:27,248
Yeah.
You know, I started lookin' at this picture.
649
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:30,208
There were a few things in here
that bothered me.
650
00:41:30,152 --> 00:41:33,212
So I sent it over
to Photo Analysis...
651
00:41:33,162 --> 00:41:35,460
and had them
take a look at it.
652
00:41:35,435 --> 00:41:37,869
It's a
It's a composite.
653
00:41:39,852 --> 00:41:43,481
See, the, uh the shadow
[Sighs]
654
00:41:43,406 --> 00:41:47,342
From his leg here
is from a picture taken at 12:00 noon.
655
00:41:48,848 --> 00:41:54,616
And the shadow on the bull here
is from a picture taken after 5:00.
656
00:41:55,988 --> 00:41:58,218
Very nice.
657
00:41:58,197 --> 00:42:00,961
And Paco Hermosa
[Sighs]
658
00:42:01,879 --> 00:42:05,246
Has been workin' for you from the beginning.
[Calvin] Man, you are good.
659
00:42:06,265 --> 00:42:08,256
I swear, man, you are real good.
660
00:42:08,250 --> 00:42:11,344
Be a cold day in July
before someone put one over on you.
661
00:42:11,290 --> 00:42:13,383
[Chuckles]
662
00:42:13,371 --> 00:42:17,831
Look, l I'm gonna take
a wild stab here at an explanation.
663
00:42:17,726 --> 00:42:20,456
You
You can just tell me how it fits.
664
00:42:20,415 --> 00:42:23,009
Now,
what's in that briefcase there...
665
00:42:22,976 --> 00:42:25,171
belongs to me and Izzy.
666
00:42:25,153 --> 00:42:27,246
- [Spanish]
- Shut up.
667
00:42:27,234 --> 00:42:31,398
'Cause, I mean, we sold
that bull sperm to the Cubans,
668
00:42:31,300 --> 00:42:36,397
and they paid us for it
coin of the realm, fair and square.
669
00:42:36,261 --> 00:42:38,991
AndAnd what's in
that briefcase there, well
670
00:42:38,951 --> 00:42:43,581
It It's ours.
671
00:42:43,465 --> 00:42:48,198
Geopolitics ain't really my thing, cowboy.
672
00:42:48,075 --> 00:42:50,407
However, I am
a little put off about, uh,
673
00:42:50,380 --> 00:42:52,473
the way you tried
to burn my friends.
674
00:42:52,461 --> 00:42:54,861
Well, I am
sorely ashamed of that.
675
00:42:54,830 --> 00:42:57,196
So I suggest you come up with
a real good reason...
676
00:42:57,167 --> 00:43:00,000
why I shouldn't haul
your ashes into stir...
677
00:42:59,953 --> 00:43:02,285
right now.
678
00:43:02,257 --> 00:43:06,694
Uh-Uh, well, okay.
Now, you know that tank of mine
679
00:43:06,580 --> 00:43:09,708
[Chuckles]
That wasn't real stuff.
680
00:43:09,653 --> 00:43:12,884
Well, Sonny,
there never was no real stuff. No.
681
00:43:12,822 --> 00:43:15,052
There's only about 19
of them little suckers.
682
00:43:15,031 --> 00:43:18,523
They're off on some ranch
in Mexico somewhere, and
683
00:43:18,457 --> 00:43:23,793
But, see, Sonny,
I never did break a single law.
684
00:43:23,643 --> 00:43:29,604
Now the Cubans paid for somethin'
that they perceived as valuable.
685
00:43:29,437 --> 00:43:33,203
It was Anderson switched the tanks.
I held up my end.
686
00:43:34,368 --> 00:43:36,393
You got the money.
687
00:43:36,385 --> 00:43:38,717
Ain't no harm been done, 'cept
688
00:43:38,689 --> 00:43:42,489
'cept the, uh, harm
that Rojas gonna do me,
689
00:43:42,403 --> 00:43:45,930
once he finds out that, uh
that he's been hosed.
690
00:43:45,861 --> 00:43:49,262
So, Sonny, I am askin' you,
as a Southerner...
691
00:43:49,191 --> 00:43:51,591
and as a gentleman,
692
00:43:51,559 --> 00:43:55,962
to let my behind go.
693
00:43:55,849 --> 00:43:58,647
[Laughing]
694
00:44:02,124 --> 00:44:05,093
You really think I ought to let you
just stroll out of here?
695
00:44:06,414 --> 00:44:09,713
Uh, well
696
00:44:09,647 --> 00:44:12,047
I'd be obliged.
697
00:44:18,739 --> 00:44:21,799
Uh-uh.
The money stays.
698
00:44:25,910 --> 00:44:27,935
You're not gonna
regret this, Sonny.
699
00:44:27,927 --> 00:44:30,589
This is a true act
of Christian charity. Ciao, y'all.
700
00:44:30,552 --> 00:44:33,521
Tell Stan and Gina
I'm gonna make it right with them...
701
00:44:33,466 --> 00:44:35,900
just as soon
as I get back on my feet. [Door Opens]
702
00:44:35,867 --> 00:44:39,769
Where the hell do you think
you're goin', Hud? [Door Closes]
703
00:44:39,677 --> 00:44:41,702
[Spanish]
704
00:44:41,694 --> 00:44:44,925
[Spanish]
705
00:44:44,863 --> 00:44:47,354
You know what we got
in there, don't you?
706
00:44:47,328 --> 00:44:52,265
Letters of transit
It's time to get out of Casablanca, man.
707
00:44:52,131 --> 00:44:54,395
[Snickers]
708
00:44:54,371 --> 00:44:57,101
This ain't the beginning
of a beautiful friendship, Iz.
709
00:44:57,060 --> 00:45:01,087
When I hit it big it's gonna because I picked
the right six numbers in the lottery,
710
00:45:00,998 --> 00:45:04,092
not because
I formed a joint venture...
711
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,304
with some "Castroid" reject
fleece artist.
712
00:45:08,777 --> 00:45:11,837
I'm beginning to smell wages
on you, partner.
713
00:45:11,787 --> 00:45:14,381
[Sighs]
Yeah, well, this is gonna go to the fallen policeman's fund.
714
00:45:14,348 --> 00:45:17,579
Look, let me just say good-bye
to the boys.
715
00:45:17,517 --> 00:45:19,542
You know, Franklin and Grant
and all the others.
716
00:45:19,534 --> 00:45:21,468
I mean, l
717
00:45:21,455 --> 00:45:26,051
I think I really got to know them well
in the short time that we were together.
718
00:45:25,937 --> 00:45:29,100
- Please.
- [Locks Snapping]
719
00:45:32,308 --> 00:45:34,868
What time does his plane leave?
7:00.
720
00:45:34,837 --> 00:45:38,068
[Australian Accent]
Now, of course in Alice Springs, we don't yet have the pressing need...
721
00:45:38,007 --> 00:45:41,067
for the mini-cows,
'cause we still got a lot of space.
722
00:45:41,015 --> 00:45:44,041
But, you lot, when you take over
in Hong Kong in another few years,
723
00:45:43,994 --> 00:45:46,895
why, uh, I reckon you gotta utilize
all the space you got.
724
00:45:46,842 --> 00:45:49,902
So, let's start the pilot project now,
725
00:45:49,852 --> 00:45:52,514
and then, uhThank you
in another few years,
726
00:45:52,477 --> 00:45:55,742
you'll have a little herd of cows
on every rooftop in Kowloon.
727
00:45:55,678 --> 00:45:59,478
Now, uh, have a look
at that little bugger, eh? He's no bigger than a wallaby.
728
00:45:59,392 --> 00:46:01,326
You know,
we're developing the dwarf clover,
729
00:46:01,313 --> 00:46:04,942
so that you'll be able to feed 'im
right out of your window box.
730
00:46:04,992 --> 00:46:09,542
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