Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,031 --> 00:00:01,117
2
00:00:01,406 --> 00:00:03,148
- (yawning)
- Morning, sleepyhead.
3
00:00:03,173 --> 00:00:05,519
- Morning, happy pants.
- That's right, I am.
4
00:00:05,544 --> 00:00:07,000
And you said emailing these
5
00:00:07,023 --> 00:00:09,224
customer satisfaction surveys
would be a waste of time.
6
00:00:09,292 --> 00:00:11,226
But see, they are all coming back
7
00:00:11,294 --> 00:00:12,760
and they're coming back positive.
8
00:00:12,829 --> 00:00:15,296
Of course they're satisfied,
they keep buying weed.
9
00:00:15,365 --> 00:00:17,818
No, but the question is
will they buy more weed?
10
00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:19,093
Will they tell their friends about us?
11
00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:20,835
Did they enjoy our Hash
Wednesday promotion?
12
00:00:22,438 --> 00:00:23,804
Morning, Julian!
13
00:00:23,873 --> 00:00:25,238
Okay, see, look at this one.
14
00:00:25,307 --> 00:00:26,774
"You guys should expand
your delivery hours
15
00:00:26,842 --> 00:00:28,208
- to Sunday mornings."
- Mmm.
16
00:00:28,277 --> 00:00:29,342
We can totally do that.
17
00:00:29,412 --> 00:00:31,177
(yawning) No, you can totally do that.
18
00:00:31,246 --> 00:00:33,492
"That eighth of Erykah
Badoobie was turnt."
19
00:00:33,517 --> 00:00:35,926
- Oh, that's so sweet.
- Mmhmm.
20
00:00:36,242 --> 00:00:38,351
- Hi, Mandy.
- Morning, Paige.
21
00:00:38,420 --> 00:00:39,492
Okay...
22
00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:41,264
"Sorry, I decided to switch to
23
00:00:41,289 --> 00:00:43,101
the other girl who sells weed."
24
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,567
- What other girl?
- Me?
25
00:00:44,592 --> 00:00:45,558
Uh, gotta run.
26
00:00:45,627 --> 00:00:47,159
Got that test launch later.
27
00:00:47,228 --> 00:00:50,748
He invented some sort of
rocket that runs on poo.
28
00:00:50,773 --> 00:00:51,764
No.
29
00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:53,800
So, wait, are you still doing that?
30
00:00:53,868 --> 00:00:55,667
Hell yeah, it's the perfect situation.
31
00:00:55,736 --> 00:00:57,001
I get dinner, I get laid,
32
00:00:57,070 --> 00:00:58,670
and then they go home
and they take all their
33
00:00:58,739 --> 00:01:01,306
boring married relationship
bullshit with them.
34
00:01:01,374 --> 00:01:02,335
Plus, they're loaded.
35
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,994
And they seem really into spoiling me.
36
00:01:05,019 --> 00:01:06,287
Like last night, I couldn't decide
37
00:01:06,312 --> 00:01:07,709
what I wanted for dessert, okay?
38
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,334
Julian's like, "Definitely the crepes."
39
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,403
And then Mandy goes, "If she
wants chocolate lava cake,
40
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:12,603
let her have the chocolate lava cake."
41
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,138
And then I got both, I had two desserts.
42
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:15,306
It's like I'm their kid
43
00:01:15,375 --> 00:01:16,574
but I get to have sex with them.
44
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,209
That's not what I meant at all.
45
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:19,510
It's awesome!
46
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,345
I've always wondered
what that would be like.
47
00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:22,639
Sex with two people at once.
48
00:01:22,664 --> 00:01:23,581
Do you want in?
49
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,183
Mandy medaled in Olympic volleyball.
50
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,117
She can throw me around
like a Bichon Frise.
51
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:29,100
- (alert pinging)
- No...
52
00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:32,303
Tanya Westford has invited
you to like her page.
53
00:01:32,328 --> 00:01:33,506
You're still on Facebook,
54
00:01:33,531 --> 00:01:35,483
- because who's still on Facebook?
- I mean, I never check it.
55
00:01:35,508 --> 00:01:37,179
It's just that my Facebook
is linked to my Instagram,
56
00:01:37,203 --> 00:01:38,369
which is linked to my Pinterest,
57
00:01:38,437 --> 00:01:39,536
which is linked to my Twitter,
58
00:01:39,597 --> 00:01:40,632
which is linked to my Snapchat,
59
00:01:40,656 --> 00:01:41,781
which is linked to my Linkedln.
60
00:01:41,797 --> 00:01:43,330
I mean, that's probably
how she found me.
61
00:01:43,399 --> 00:01:45,195
When do you find time to masturbate?
62
00:01:45,211 --> 00:01:46,976
Uch, Tanya.
63
00:01:47,045 --> 00:01:48,844
She's the worst.
64
00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:52,682
"Grass Gurl, medical
marijuana delivery service..."
65
00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:54,817
66
00:01:54,886 --> 00:01:56,453
Tanya, you mother..
67
00:01:56,521 --> 00:01:58,421
Say it baby what's your name?
68
00:01:58,490 --> 00:01:59,822
Are you the one Mary?
69
00:01:59,891 --> 00:02:01,257
Are you Jane?
70
00:02:01,281 --> 00:02:03,281
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
71
00:02:04,179 --> 00:02:05,394
It all started in grade school.
72
00:02:05,463 --> 00:02:07,929
Everything I did like two
seconds later, Tanya did.
73
00:02:07,998 --> 00:02:09,030
I took ice skating lessons,
74
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:10,399
Tanya took ice skating lessons.
75
00:02:10,468 --> 00:02:12,225
I bought a bedazzled
belt from Hot Topic.
76
00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:14,002
Tanya bought a bedazzled
belt from Hot Topic.
77
00:02:14,071 --> 00:02:16,396
I got boobs, Tanya got bigger boobs.
78
00:02:16,421 --> 00:02:18,678
Uch, that's some straight-up
"Single White Female."
79
00:02:18,703 --> 00:02:20,002
It all came to a head
in the seventh grade
80
00:02:20,070 --> 00:02:22,236
when I decided to try out
to be the Bartlett Bee.
81
00:02:22,305 --> 00:02:23,438
It was our school mascot.
82
00:02:23,507 --> 00:02:25,006
You had to wear this amazing costume
83
00:02:25,074 --> 00:02:27,675
with wings and bouncy antennae
and dance at all the games.
84
00:02:27,744 --> 00:02:28,676
And then Tanya shows up at the try-outs
85
00:02:28,745 --> 00:02:29,844
and they give it to her.
86
00:02:29,913 --> 00:02:31,646
Now Tanya's delivering weed.
87
00:02:31,715 --> 00:02:33,915
- I'm gonna have to find a new job.
- What are you talking about?
88
00:02:33,983 --> 00:02:36,785
Everything I have ever
wanted or liked, Tanya takes.
89
00:02:36,853 --> 00:02:38,685
Hey, you're a grown woman.
90
00:02:38,754 --> 00:02:40,387
No one's gonna steal your life.
91
00:02:40,456 --> 00:02:43,023
I tried to take the last of
your almond milk yesterday,
92
00:02:43,091 --> 00:02:45,058
and you nearly broke my wrist.
93
00:02:45,375 --> 00:02:46,827
No one's gonna take what's yours.
94
00:02:48,319 --> 00:02:51,041
- You're right... thanks.
- Yeah.
95
00:02:51,066 --> 00:02:52,265
96
00:02:52,334 --> 00:02:54,600
Com Deus me deito
com Deus me levanto
97
00:02:54,669 --> 00:02:56,669
Comigo Eu calo comigo Eu canto
98
00:02:56,738 --> 00:02:58,838
Eu bato um papo Eu bato um ponto
99
00:02:58,907 --> 00:03:01,507
Eu tomo um drinque
Eu fico Tonto
100
00:03:01,576 --> 00:03:04,043
15 bucks to drink out of
a baby bottle, for real?
101
00:03:04,111 --> 00:03:05,244
It's all non-GMO.
102
00:03:05,313 --> 00:03:06,646
(woman) Paige?
103
00:03:06,714 --> 00:03:08,380
104
00:03:08,450 --> 00:03:10,282
Oh my God.
105
00:03:10,351 --> 00:03:11,616
Paige?
106
00:03:11,685 --> 00:03:13,051
Tanya!
107
00:03:13,119 --> 00:03:14,118
Hi!
108
00:03:14,187 --> 00:03:16,220
Oh my God!
109
00:03:16,289 --> 00:03:18,328
- It is so good to see you.
- It is.
110
00:03:18,353 --> 00:03:20,569
Oh my God, this place is cramazing.
111
00:03:20,594 --> 00:03:22,026
I finally scooped it off your Insta.
112
00:03:22,095 --> 00:03:23,227
How are you?
113
00:03:23,296 --> 00:03:25,163
I just moved to LA.
114
00:03:25,231 --> 00:03:28,999
And... I'm delivering weed.
115
00:03:29,068 --> 00:03:30,334
Dita!
116
00:03:30,402 --> 00:03:31,401
I'm Grass Gurl!
117
00:03:31,471 --> 00:03:32,402
(laughing)
118
00:03:32,472 --> 00:03:33,625
Wow, um...
119
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Did you know that I deliver weed?
120
00:03:35,641 --> 00:03:37,107
Of course.
121
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:40,010
You are such an inspiration.
122
00:03:40,079 --> 00:03:41,612
I mean, look at you.
123
00:03:41,681 --> 00:03:43,914
You look "gorgetastic."
124
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:45,473
Who colors your hair around here?
125
00:03:45,550 --> 00:03:47,383
Um, I... I do it myself.
126
00:03:47,452 --> 00:03:48,785
Of course you do.
127
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,087
You're always so ahead of the curve.
128
00:03:51,155 --> 00:03:52,889
Oh my God, I have to go.
129
00:03:52,958 --> 00:03:54,423
We should hang out.
130
00:03:54,493 --> 00:03:55,424
- Okay.
- Okay.
131
00:03:55,494 --> 00:03:56,425
- Oh, oh...
- Okay!
132
00:03:56,495 --> 00:03:57,694
Okay, I'll text you.
133
00:03:57,762 --> 00:03:58,995
- Okay.
- Okay, I'm gonna text her.
134
00:03:59,063 --> 00:03:59,762
Okay.
135
00:03:59,831 --> 00:04:00,864
(all) Bye!
136
00:04:00,932 --> 00:04:02,564
Bye, Paige! Nice to meet you.
137
00:04:04,067 --> 00:04:05,634
(Jordan) She totally
ripped off our website!
138
00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:07,202
She took our font and everything.
139
00:04:07,270 --> 00:04:08,770
And you know how you
put a little cartoon bee
140
00:04:08,839 --> 00:04:10,372
next to our honey cartridges?
141
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:11,507
She put two bees!
142
00:04:11,575 --> 00:04:12,554
What the (bleep)?!
143
00:04:12,579 --> 00:04:14,275
See, I told you, this is what she does.
144
00:04:14,344 --> 00:04:15,811
She is going to steal
all of our clients.
145
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:16,979
What are we gonna do?
146
00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:19,773
(growling) _
147
00:04:20,282 --> 00:04:22,078
- We're not gonna do anything.
- What do you mean?
148
00:04:22,103 --> 00:04:24,318
Look, is it annoying? Yes.
149
00:04:24,387 --> 00:04:25,720
Is it unoriginal? Yes.
150
00:04:25,788 --> 00:04:27,522
Does she look totally hot in a bikini
151
00:04:27,590 --> 00:04:29,724
with a doob in her cleavage?
152
00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:31,025
No comment.
153
00:04:31,093 --> 00:04:32,593
She may be Bin Laden's ball sack...
154
00:04:32,662 --> 00:04:33,617
(doorbell ringing)
155
00:04:33,642 --> 00:04:35,462
...but it goes against
everything I stand for
156
00:04:35,532 --> 00:04:37,363
to push another woman out of the way.
157
00:04:37,432 --> 00:04:38,312
But...
158
00:04:38,337 --> 00:04:39,515
Hi.
159
00:04:39,935 --> 00:04:40,834
For me?
160
00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:43,977
Women have had to fight too hard
161
00:04:44,046 --> 00:04:45,680
to get a seat at the table.
162
00:04:45,748 --> 00:04:48,849
So as far as I am concerned,
there's room for everybody.
163
00:04:48,918 --> 00:04:51,748
Just like in my bed,
there's room for everybody.
164
00:04:51,773 --> 00:04:52,701
See?
165
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:53,520
(chuckling)
166
00:04:53,588 --> 00:04:55,655
"Jordan, last night was incredible.
167
00:04:55,724 --> 00:04:58,224
I want you all to myself, Julian."
168
00:04:58,293 --> 00:04:59,693
- Ohh...
- That's nice.
169
00:04:59,761 --> 00:05:01,761
"Jordan, you blew my mind last night.
170
00:05:01,830 --> 00:05:04,798
I want you all to myself, Mandy."
171
00:05:04,866 --> 00:05:07,233
Seems like people think
your bed's a little crowded.
172
00:05:07,302 --> 00:05:08,735
173
00:05:13,374 --> 00:05:15,341
(wind chimes tinkling)
174
00:05:15,409 --> 00:05:16,475
Bye.
175
00:05:16,544 --> 00:05:18,009
Oh my God, you're great.
176
00:05:19,513 --> 00:05:20,813
What are you doing here?
177
00:05:20,881 --> 00:05:22,047
Paige.
178
00:05:22,115 --> 00:05:24,550
What are you doing
here? Making a delivery.
179
00:05:24,618 --> 00:05:26,756
Oh, well, this is my delivery.
180
00:05:26,781 --> 00:05:29,019
Too Many Wind Chimes Wayne,
he's my regular customer.
181
00:05:29,088 --> 00:05:30,855
I deliver here every Tuesday.
182
00:05:30,923 --> 00:05:34,191
Oh, well, I don't know,
he ordered from me.
183
00:05:34,727 --> 00:05:36,694
I bet he got us mixed up
because we're both girls
184
00:05:36,763 --> 00:05:38,463
and we both deliver weed.
185
00:05:38,531 --> 00:05:40,598
- (laughing)
- Oh my God.
186
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:42,467
Hey, that hat looks great on you.
187
00:05:42,535 --> 00:05:44,534
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
188
00:05:44,603 --> 00:05:46,570
Oh, you're also wearing her hat.
189
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,805
(giggling)
190
00:05:48,874 --> 00:05:49,773
Bye.
191
00:05:51,042 --> 00:05:52,342
(laughing)
192
00:05:52,411 --> 00:05:53,443
Okay, well, I'll see you later.
193
00:05:53,512 --> 00:05:54,478
Bye, hat twin.
194
00:05:54,546 --> 00:05:55,445
(laughing)
195
00:05:55,514 --> 00:05:56,513
Okay, bye!
196
00:05:56,582 --> 00:05:57,947
(laughing)
197
00:05:58,016 --> 00:05:59,048
198
00:06:00,352 --> 00:06:01,550
This stupid hat.
199
00:06:07,124 --> 00:06:08,223
(bell ringing)
200
00:06:10,727 --> 00:06:11,861
Hey there, Paige.
201
00:06:11,929 --> 00:06:14,764
Oh, feminist mobile librarian,
I'm so glad that you're here.
202
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,265
Oh, your house is on my Thursday route.
203
00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:17,966
Is there something you
just couldn't wait to read?
204
00:06:18,035 --> 00:06:20,201
No, actually, I wanted some advice.
205
00:06:20,270 --> 00:06:21,048
Hit me up.
206
00:06:21,073 --> 00:06:23,237
Well, do you ever find it hard
207
00:06:23,306 --> 00:06:25,273
being supportive of
other women all the time?
208
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:26,574
Absolutely not.
209
00:06:26,643 --> 00:06:28,576
That is our privilege and our duty.
210
00:06:28,645 --> 00:06:30,280
I know, it's just I can't...
211
00:06:30,305 --> 00:06:31,045
Don't say "just."
212
00:06:31,114 --> 00:06:33,648
"Just" is one of the
great women's underminers.
213
00:06:33,717 --> 00:06:35,449
It make you sound
apologetic and defensive.
214
00:06:35,518 --> 00:06:38,184
Here, put a quarter in the "just" jar.
215
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,280
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry?!
216
00:06:40,305 --> 00:06:42,022
Sorry gives away all your power.
217
00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:43,570
Come on!
218
00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:47,358
Susan B. Anthony did not fight
for your right to pull a lever
219
00:06:47,383 --> 00:06:49,765
only to have you sulking on the corner,
220
00:06:49,790 --> 00:06:51,773
using self-defeating
language and crying about
221
00:06:51,798 --> 00:06:53,876
how hard it is to help out your sisters!
222
00:06:55,036 --> 00:06:58,438
Just remember, girls
compete with each other.
223
00:06:58,506 --> 00:06:59,739
Women empower one another.
224
00:06:59,808 --> 00:07:01,373
(bike horn honking)
225
00:07:01,443 --> 00:07:02,675
Mother of...
226
00:07:02,744 --> 00:07:05,110
Hey, this is my route, you (bleep)!
227
00:07:05,179 --> 00:07:05,912
Ugh!
228
00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:07,847
- (bike crashing)
- Oh!
229
00:07:07,916 --> 00:07:09,381
230
00:07:09,450 --> 00:07:11,783
My milkshake brings
all the boys to the yard
231
00:07:11,852 --> 00:07:13,718
And they're like
it's better than yours
232
00:07:13,787 --> 00:07:15,887
Damn right it's
better than yours
233
00:07:15,956 --> 00:07:17,956
I can teach you
but I have to charge
234
00:07:18,024 --> 00:07:20,058
My milkshake brings all
the boys to the yard...
235
00:07:20,126 --> 00:07:21,726
Delivery!
236
00:07:21,795 --> 00:07:23,061
(gate buzzing)
237
00:07:23,129 --> 00:07:24,763
Damn right it's
better than yours
238
00:07:24,832 --> 00:07:26,097
I can teach you but
I have to charge
239
00:07:26,166 --> 00:07:27,331
(gate creaking)
240
00:07:29,201 --> 00:07:30,233
Mother(bleep).
241
00:07:31,971 --> 00:07:33,203
(bubbling)
242
00:07:34,507 --> 00:07:35,673
(sighing)
243
00:07:36,742 --> 00:07:38,175
You look ridiculous.
244
00:07:38,243 --> 00:07:40,310
- You're wearing an ice diaper.
- Touch?.
245
00:07:40,379 --> 00:07:41,378
Here.
246
00:07:41,447 --> 00:07:42,646
- Oh, thanks.
- Mmhmm.
247
00:07:42,715 --> 00:07:43,780
God, what is all of this?
248
00:07:43,849 --> 00:07:45,281
This is Mandy and Julian.
249
00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:47,484
I have never met two
people more competitive.
250
00:07:47,552 --> 00:07:48,651
Do you see these presents?
251
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:50,186
I actually got bored of opening them.
252
00:07:50,254 --> 00:07:51,220
Look at that.
253
00:07:51,289 --> 00:07:52,889
They sent me three TVs.
254
00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:55,257
And this afternoon, they got
into an orgasm competition.
255
00:07:55,326 --> 00:07:57,326
Like who could get
me off the most times.
256
00:07:57,395 --> 00:07:58,628
It's like I won.
257
00:07:58,697 --> 00:08:00,463
Also, I lost.
258
00:08:00,531 --> 00:08:02,063
It's a disaster area down there.
259
00:08:02,132 --> 00:08:04,500
Oy, I feel like FEMA's
gonna have to get involved.
260
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:05,834
Wait a minute.
261
00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:09,456
Flowers, presents, multiple orgasms.
262
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,273
Am I in a relationship?
263
00:08:12,342 --> 00:08:14,643
This just got really
unsexy all of a sudden.
264
00:08:14,712 --> 00:08:16,044
Minus the multiple orgasms.
265
00:08:16,113 --> 00:08:17,145
Ahh...
266
00:08:17,214 --> 00:08:18,546
Oh, P, come on, I hate watching you
267
00:08:18,615 --> 00:08:19,547
do this to yourself.
268
00:08:19,616 --> 00:08:20,515
I can't stop.
269
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:21,749
I mean, I wish I could.
270
00:08:21,818 --> 00:08:24,051
God, she just gets under my skin, dude.
271
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,053
It's like why can't you
have your own things?
272
00:08:26,122 --> 00:08:27,555
You know, why do you need to steal mine?
273
00:08:27,624 --> 00:08:28,589
This isn't you.
274
00:08:28,658 --> 00:08:29,991
Play your own ball, P.
275
00:08:30,059 --> 00:08:31,926
You do you.
276
00:08:32,355 --> 00:08:33,628
I'll do those weirdoes.
277
00:08:33,696 --> 00:08:35,194
You're right.
278
00:08:35,263 --> 00:08:36,262
Thanks.
279
00:08:36,331 --> 00:08:37,564
I'm gonna go take a bath.
280
00:08:37,633 --> 00:08:39,339
I'm getting brunch with
Jen?e in the morning.
281
00:08:39,835 --> 00:08:42,035
Oh, I think I broke my ass.
282
00:08:42,103 --> 00:08:43,202
Okay.
283
00:08:43,271 --> 00:08:44,437
284
00:08:44,506 --> 00:08:46,573
I'm in a "threelationship."
285
00:08:46,642 --> 00:08:47,807
Gross.
286
00:08:50,546 --> 00:08:52,339
(whispering) _
287
00:08:52,364 --> 00:08:54,691
_
288
00:08:54,715 --> 00:08:58,785
_
289
00:08:58,810 --> 00:09:00,550
_
290
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,917
_
291
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,800
_
292
00:09:08,909 --> 00:09:09,933
_
293
00:09:12,105 --> 00:09:14,925
_
294
00:09:14,949 --> 00:09:18,574
_
295
00:09:19,098 --> 00:09:21,098
_
296
00:09:23,925 --> 00:09:26,300
_
297
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:30,785
_
298
00:09:36,011 --> 00:09:38,066
_
299
00:09:39,957 --> 00:09:41,761
_
300
00:09:42,933 --> 00:09:44,597
_
301
00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:47,519
_
302
00:09:48,866 --> 00:09:49,799
Wait, you're the plus one?
303
00:09:49,867 --> 00:09:51,000
(all) Shh!
304
00:09:52,637 --> 00:09:54,870
(whispering continues)
305
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,661
_
306
00:10:00,069 --> 00:10:02,069
_
307
00:10:02,212 --> 00:10:03,578
Can you speak up a
little? I can't hear you.
308
00:10:03,647 --> 00:10:05,413
(all) Shh!
309
00:10:05,482 --> 00:10:06,414
(man) Shh!
310
00:10:07,663 --> 00:10:10,050
_
311
00:10:10,081 --> 00:10:11,503
_
312
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:13,527
_
313
00:10:13,551 --> 00:10:15,144
_
314
00:10:15,168 --> 00:10:18,933
_
315
00:10:18,958 --> 00:10:21,566
_
316
00:10:22,011 --> 00:10:23,031
_
317
00:10:23,032 --> 00:10:24,260
You're (bleep) dating Softs3rve?
318
00:10:24,285 --> 00:10:24,999
(all) Shh!
319
00:10:25,067 --> 00:10:26,767
No, time to leave.
320
00:10:26,836 --> 00:10:29,269
- This isn't Yell, my dear.
- But, I...
321
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,968
I feel like you're gonna want
322
00:10:34,037 --> 00:10:36,937
a shelf that pulls
out for your turntable.
323
00:10:37,005 --> 00:10:38,404
But I don't have a turntable.
324
00:10:38,473 --> 00:10:39,539
Please don't buy me a turntable.
325
00:10:39,607 --> 00:10:40,892
I didn't even want shelves.
326
00:10:40,917 --> 00:10:42,142
Come look at the hot tub, J.
327
00:10:42,211 --> 00:10:44,110
Whoa, did my landlord say
you could build a hot tub?
328
00:10:45,247 --> 00:10:48,291
If my Jordan sees a hot
tub on "House Hunters"
329
00:10:48,316 --> 00:10:49,682
and says, "Look at that hot tub,"
330
00:10:49,751 --> 00:10:50,884
I build her a hot tub.
331
00:10:50,953 --> 00:10:52,518
Besides, (bleep) your landlord.
332
00:10:52,587 --> 00:10:53,753
I can build whatever I want.
333
00:10:53,822 --> 00:10:56,155
I built a rocket that
runs on human feces.
334
00:10:56,224 --> 00:10:57,289
Suck on that, Elon Musk.
335
00:10:57,358 --> 00:10:58,136
Huh!
336
00:10:58,161 --> 00:10:59,658
Men, always waving around
337
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:01,526
their phallic-shaped accomplishments.
338
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:02,627
You don't see me running around
339
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,563
with my six Olympic medals.
340
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,765
Oh, count the bronze, do you?
341
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,868
How many medals did
you win, shit rocket?
342
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:11,202
Guys, you are kind of
stressing me out right now.
343
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,909
- Oh, you're so tense, baby.
- What are you talking about?
344
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:21,779
Bartlett Bee, Wind Chimes
Wayne, my hat, Jen?e, Softs3rve!
345
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,714
Ice skating, Hot Topic belt,
Bartlett Bee, Softs3rve.
346
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:25,083
What's up, Arya Stark?
347
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,851
Hey, whoa, be careful,
that's Kanye East.
348
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,518
That's really strong, do
you wanna talk about it?
349
00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:29,519
- (Paige) No!
- (door slamming)
350
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:31,021
351
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:39,096
I don't care if it's my
duty to support other women.
352
00:11:39,164 --> 00:11:41,464
Tanya never supported me.
353
00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:42,994
She unsupported me,
354
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:46,969
like a bad strapless
bra all stretched out.
355
00:11:47,038 --> 00:11:49,571
She was a strapless,
stretched-out friend.
356
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,407
357
00:11:51,475 --> 00:11:53,042
(Jen?e) Support your own teats.
358
00:11:53,111 --> 00:11:55,945
That girl's a copycat and a super whore.
359
00:11:56,014 --> 00:11:58,647
Stand up for yourself, Paige.
360
00:11:58,716 --> 00:12:01,050
I would never let Tanya
step to me like that.
361
00:12:01,119 --> 00:12:04,019
Jen?e, why are you wearing
the Bartlett Bee costume?
362
00:12:04,087 --> 00:12:05,486
Doesn't it look great on me?
363
00:12:05,555 --> 00:12:08,056
Seriously, Paige, when are
you gonna stop letting Tanya
364
00:12:08,125 --> 00:12:11,059
grab everything she sees like
a drag queen at the Sephora?
365
00:12:11,128 --> 00:12:13,428
It's time to shut that (blank) down.
366
00:12:13,496 --> 00:12:14,595
367
00:12:14,664 --> 00:12:16,464
Oh, oh...
368
00:12:16,533 --> 00:12:19,934
(woman) Remember what the feminist
mobile librarian said, Paige.
369
00:12:21,404 --> 00:12:23,103
Women empower one another.
370
00:12:23,172 --> 00:12:26,506
Yay, Susan B. Anthony,
champion boner killer.
371
00:12:26,575 --> 00:12:28,742
Listen, bee, you're not needed here.
372
00:12:28,811 --> 00:12:30,677
Paige is a woman of peace.
373
00:12:30,746 --> 00:12:32,146
Paige, we can just vision-board
374
00:12:32,214 --> 00:12:33,613
our way to a solution.
375
00:12:33,682 --> 00:12:36,015
No, Paige, you need to go hard.
376
00:12:36,084 --> 00:12:39,319
Like a 13-year-old boy with
unrestricted Internet hard.
377
00:12:39,387 --> 00:12:42,121
Oh, can you do that thing
you were doing to my neck?
378
00:12:42,190 --> 00:12:42,989
Ahh...
379
00:12:43,058 --> 00:12:44,490
Take the high road, Paige.
380
00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:46,792
You're a better person than that.
381
00:12:46,861 --> 00:12:50,696
Doing the right thing
will always feel really...
382
00:12:50,765 --> 00:12:52,031
really good.
383
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,798
Sue B., you slutty, suffragette.
384
00:12:53,867 --> 00:12:56,201
- Stop trying to beaver block me.
- Oh...
385
00:12:56,270 --> 00:12:57,869
It won't end well, Paige.
386
00:12:57,938 --> 00:13:01,639
And you'll just be playing
into the male stereotype
387
00:13:01,708 --> 00:13:04,809
that all women are catty and jealous.
388
00:13:04,878 --> 00:13:06,278
Mm-hmm...
389
00:13:06,347 --> 00:13:09,581
That's how they keep women
trapped in a tiny little box,
390
00:13:09,649 --> 00:13:11,648
- in a tiny, little box.
- Do it...
391
00:13:11,717 --> 00:13:14,118
Little... little box!
392
00:13:14,187 --> 00:13:15,252
(panting)
393
00:13:15,321 --> 00:13:17,288
You know who's been in Tanya's box?
394
00:13:17,357 --> 00:13:18,655
Softs3rve.
395
00:13:20,860 --> 00:13:22,960
That Grass Gurl's ass is grass.
396
00:13:25,531 --> 00:13:27,297
Susan B. Anthony?
397
00:13:27,366 --> 00:13:28,831
398
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:33,936
Hand herpes?
399
00:13:34,006 --> 00:13:36,339
It's like herpes but on your hands.
400
00:13:36,408 --> 00:13:38,375
And Grass Gurl has a rampant case of it.
401
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:40,343
It's on absolutely
everything she's touched,
402
00:13:40,412 --> 00:13:41,878
her weed, it's...
403
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:44,213
I am so sorry that
she's done this to you.
404
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:46,148
You know, I'm just trying
to be a responsible citizen
405
00:13:46,217 --> 00:13:48,683
and alert every one of her customers.
406
00:13:48,752 --> 00:13:50,219
- Jesus.
- I know, it.
407
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,154
On the bright side, all
of Mary + Jane's products
408
00:13:52,223 --> 00:13:54,256
have been screened and
tested free of hand herpes.
409
00:13:54,325 --> 00:13:56,125
So if you would ever
like to switch back to us
410
00:13:56,193 --> 00:13:58,660
being your regular provider,
we would be honored.
411
00:13:58,729 --> 00:14:00,829
Of course, definitely.
412
00:14:00,898 --> 00:14:03,231
Is it... can you give it to children?
413
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,067
Oh my God, what have you been doing?!
414
00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:07,468
Oh no, I-I-I-I'm a crossing guard.
415
00:14:07,537 --> 00:14:09,737
I high-five all the kids
when they come across.
416
00:14:09,805 --> 00:14:11,139
Oh, um...
417
00:14:11,207 --> 00:14:12,140
Oh, no, no.
418
00:14:12,208 --> 00:14:13,908
It is not contagious to children.
419
00:14:13,976 --> 00:14:15,776
Phew, that's a relief.
420
00:14:15,845 --> 00:14:17,445
It's such a stressful job.
421
00:14:17,514 --> 00:14:20,113
All the parents honking
at me all the time.
422
00:14:20,182 --> 00:14:21,948
Can I get a quarter of Chokemon?
423
00:14:22,017 --> 00:14:23,550
You know what, buddy?
424
00:14:23,618 --> 00:14:24,951
You've had a rough day.
425
00:14:25,020 --> 00:14:26,386
Let's make it a half.
426
00:14:27,956 --> 00:14:30,257
I can't believe you broke
up with Julian and Mandy.
427
00:14:30,325 --> 00:14:31,324
And with a text.
428
00:14:31,393 --> 00:14:32,625
No, a group text.
429
00:14:32,694 --> 00:14:33,860
But you're one to throw shade.
430
00:14:33,929 --> 00:14:34,961
I keep getting panicked phone calls
431
00:14:35,030 --> 00:14:36,628
about a hand herpes epidemic?
432
00:14:36,697 --> 00:14:38,630
Hey, I did that for us.
433
00:14:38,699 --> 00:14:40,032
Our traffic is up 20%.
434
00:14:40,101 --> 00:14:41,800
Fine, you have me in these until Friday,
435
00:14:41,869 --> 00:14:43,835
and then I'm done with this charade.
436
00:14:43,904 --> 00:14:45,471
By any means necessary.
437
00:14:45,540 --> 00:14:46,872
I do not agree with the means.
438
00:14:46,941 --> 00:14:49,442
But if you're happy, I'm happy.
439
00:14:49,510 --> 00:14:51,477
440
00:14:51,546 --> 00:14:52,510
I'm happy.
441
00:14:55,515 --> 00:14:57,282
Victory is sweet...
442
00:14:57,350 --> 00:14:58,916
with a really guilty aftertaste.
443
00:15:05,918 --> 00:15:07,350
(sobbing)
444
00:15:09,598 --> 00:15:10,964
Hey.
445
00:15:11,033 --> 00:15:12,465
Hey, Paige.
446
00:15:12,863 --> 00:15:14,030
Don't sit too close.
447
00:15:14,098 --> 00:15:16,499
I don't want you to get hand herpes.
448
00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:17,833
(crying) Oh, God!
449
00:15:17,902 --> 00:15:19,300
Tanya, hand herpes isn't a real thing.
450
00:15:19,369 --> 00:15:20,735
I know, Paige.
451
00:15:20,803 --> 00:15:23,505
I didn't think it could
happen to me either.
452
00:15:23,573 --> 00:15:25,907
No, I made it up.
453
00:15:27,446 --> 00:15:28,913
What?
454
00:15:29,146 --> 00:15:30,211
I'm so sorry.
455
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,946
I don't know, I was trying
to protect my business
456
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:35,782
and a bunch of other things,
and I took it way, way too far.
457
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:37,291
- I'm so sorry.
- (bell ringing)
458
00:15:37,316 --> 00:15:38,519
Two sorrys, 50 cents!
459
00:15:38,587 --> 00:15:39,886
(bell ringing)
460
00:15:40,989 --> 00:15:42,689
Why do you hate me so much?
461
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:45,692
I don't know.
462
00:15:46,004 --> 00:15:47,261
I guess I've just never understood
463
00:15:47,329 --> 00:15:50,531
why you're always trying to
steal my ideas and one-up me.
464
00:15:50,599 --> 00:15:52,565
But I just wanted to be your friend.
465
00:15:52,633 --> 00:15:56,202
I just wanted you to think
I was as cool as you are.
466
00:15:56,271 --> 00:15:58,037
You're my role model.
467
00:15:58,106 --> 00:15:59,238
You are.
468
00:15:59,307 --> 00:16:00,773
Remember, I said all
this at the juice place.
469
00:16:00,841 --> 00:16:02,075
You're an inspiration,
470
00:16:02,143 --> 00:16:03,709
and you're always ahead of the curve.
471
00:16:03,778 --> 00:16:06,546
Yeah, but nobody actually
means that when they say it.
472
00:16:06,614 --> 00:16:07,980
What do you mean?
473
00:16:09,916 --> 00:16:11,816
So you weren't trying to copy me.
474
00:16:11,885 --> 00:16:14,252
You were trying to be like me.
475
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,455
I gave up a bunch of
stuff that I really loved
476
00:16:16,523 --> 00:16:18,756
because I was too intimidated by you.
477
00:16:18,825 --> 00:16:20,692
Because, I mean, look at you.
478
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:21,859
You're so much prettier than me,
479
00:16:21,928 --> 00:16:23,213
and you have a way better body.
480
00:16:23,238 --> 00:16:24,396
Stop, I am so grossed.
481
00:16:24,465 --> 00:16:26,730
I'm like a disgusting
whale made of old frosting.
482
00:16:26,799 --> 00:16:27,898
No, you know what?
483
00:16:27,967 --> 00:16:29,467
Let's not do this anymore.
484
00:16:29,535 --> 00:16:31,569
Let's stop it right now.
485
00:16:31,637 --> 00:16:34,271
Because you're great and I'm great.
486
00:16:34,340 --> 00:16:36,140
We're both cramazing.
487
00:16:36,209 --> 00:16:39,643
We just have to believe
that and be ourselves.
488
00:16:39,712 --> 00:16:41,545
You be you.
489
00:16:41,570 --> 00:16:43,018
Hey, come on, I bet you have plenty
490
00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:44,981
of wonderful ideas that are just yours.
491
00:16:46,751 --> 00:16:49,185
Actually, I do have one.
492
00:16:49,254 --> 00:16:51,558
It's for this car that gets you high.
493
00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:55,325
Well, I mean, not all
ideas are gold right away.
494
00:16:55,393 --> 00:16:57,160
We could do it together.
495
00:16:57,229 --> 00:16:58,961
The car that gets you high.
496
00:16:59,030 --> 00:17:01,763
It's a car that gets you high.
497
00:17:01,832 --> 00:17:05,033
And... I'm gonna let you
run with that one and...
498
00:17:06,337 --> 00:17:09,355
What if the thing that we
do together is be friends?
499
00:17:10,508 --> 00:17:12,174
Yeah, friends.
500
00:17:16,947 --> 00:17:17,878
Where'd you get this?
501
00:17:17,947 --> 00:17:20,014
- Nope.
- Sorry, habit.
502
00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:25,986
(soft pop music playing in the distance)
503
00:17:26,055 --> 00:17:30,724
Tell me how am I supposedto live without you...
504
00:17:30,793 --> 00:17:32,793
Guys, I said it was over.
505
00:17:32,862 --> 00:17:34,727
Just give up already.
506
00:17:34,796 --> 00:17:36,062
Losers quit when they're tired!
507
00:17:36,131 --> 00:17:37,964
Winners quit when they've won!
508
00:17:38,033 --> 00:17:40,088
Yeah, whoever said
winning isn't everything,
509
00:17:40,113 --> 00:17:41,535
never won anything!
510
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:44,471
(man) Shut up, you assholes
think you're at Yell?!
511
00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:45,905
No!
512
00:17:45,974 --> 00:17:47,340
They have great fries!
513
00:17:47,409 --> 00:17:49,676
Would you go to Yell and
pick me up some fries?
514
00:17:49,751 --> 00:17:51,713
- Okay.
- And a frittata!
515
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,379
Egg dishes to go?
516
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:55,181
Are you crazy? Eggs don't travel...
517
00:17:55,249 --> 00:17:56,782
Guys, shut up!
518
00:17:56,850 --> 00:18:00,152
Everybody, shut up
and turn those off now!
519
00:18:00,221 --> 00:18:01,487
Guys...
520
00:18:01,556 --> 00:18:05,257
this cannot go on
anymore, do you understand?
521
00:18:05,326 --> 00:18:07,493
I'm not in love with either of you,
522
00:18:07,562 --> 00:18:10,361
so no one's gonna win.
523
00:18:10,430 --> 00:18:12,564
Competing with other people is just a...
524
00:18:12,632 --> 00:18:14,799
it's a useless waste of time.
525
00:18:14,867 --> 00:18:16,201
But that's how we get off.
526
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:17,202
What?
527
00:18:17,227 --> 00:18:19,339
Yeah, by competing with one another.
528
00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:21,038
It's a massive turn-on.
529
00:18:21,107 --> 00:18:22,607
Who said anything about
being in love with you?
530
00:18:22,676 --> 00:18:24,008
So I was just...
531
00:18:24,077 --> 00:18:25,642
I was just a pawn in your sex game?
532
00:18:25,711 --> 00:18:29,713
You were just using me
to enhance your marriage?
533
00:18:29,781 --> 00:18:33,350
Well... yeah, uh...
534
00:18:33,419 --> 00:18:34,465
Gross.
535
00:18:35,187 --> 00:18:36,951
Yeah, well, I gave you hand herpes!
536
00:18:37,888 --> 00:18:39,020
Mmm!
537
00:18:39,395 --> 00:18:42,073
If you haven't heard of
Hotbox, the latest entry
538
00:18:42,098 --> 00:18:45,867
into the gold rush that is
the legal marijuana industry,
539
00:18:45,935 --> 00:18:47,702
some might say you're high.
540
00:18:47,771 --> 00:18:49,837
Or perhaps not high enough.
541
00:18:49,906 --> 00:18:52,272
Hotbox takes the concept
of rides on demand
542
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:54,449
and adds something a
little extra special.
543
00:18:54,474 --> 00:18:57,354
The ability to partake while you drive.
544
00:18:57,379 --> 00:18:59,245
How it works is you
have to go to a party
545
00:18:59,314 --> 00:19:02,215
or the dentist or jury
duty and you wanna get high.
546
00:19:02,284 --> 00:19:04,584
But you know you shouldn't
'cause you're driving.
547
00:19:04,653 --> 00:19:05,552
Dita!
548
00:19:05,621 --> 00:19:06,986
You call a Hotbox.
549
00:19:07,055 --> 00:19:09,769
They run your weed card
and you get picked up.
550
00:19:09,794 --> 00:19:13,799
And the car has like
vapes and "J" s inside.
551
00:19:13,824 --> 00:19:14,925
Amazing.
552
00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:17,339
And you expect to turn how
much of a profit this year?
553
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:18,864
- Around two million.
- A little more.
554
00:19:18,933 --> 00:19:20,433
A car that gets you high.
555
00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:22,568
- I am a complete dipshit.
- How could you have known?
556
00:19:22,637 --> 00:19:24,102
That sounds stupid even now.
557
00:19:24,171 --> 00:19:26,938
So, Julian and Mandy Post,
a rocket scientist...
558
00:19:27,006 --> 00:19:28,907
a former Olympic athlete,
559
00:19:28,975 --> 00:19:30,675
what makes you see
someone like Tanya here
560
00:19:30,744 --> 00:19:32,877
and invest your money in her idea?
561
00:19:32,946 --> 00:19:35,780
Well, we both just saw something in her.
562
00:19:35,849 --> 00:19:37,081
I saw her first.
563
00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:39,884
No, she saw you on my Facebook page
564
00:19:39,953 --> 00:19:41,585
and then she called you
and asked you for money!
565
00:19:41,654 --> 00:19:42,920
Remarkable.
566
00:19:42,945 --> 00:19:45,155
Tanya, how did you know
you could have something
567
00:19:45,223 --> 00:19:47,090
this exceptional and
get it off the ground?
568
00:19:47,159 --> 00:19:49,050
I just had to believe in Tanya.
569
00:19:49,075 --> 00:19:51,562
My motto is "me be me."
570
00:19:51,630 --> 00:19:53,296
No, it's "you be you."
571
00:19:53,365 --> 00:19:54,832
You be you!
572
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:56,733
That and having
strong role models.
573
00:19:56,802 --> 00:19:58,801
- Oh, oh wait, wait, wait, she's gonna talk about me.
- Oh.
574
00:19:58,870 --> 00:20:00,816
Women like Susan B. Anthony
575
00:20:00,841 --> 00:20:04,340
and one of my oldest
friends, Jen?e.
576
00:20:04,408 --> 00:20:05,941
(Terry) That is very moving.
577
00:20:05,966 --> 00:20:07,743
You know, kudos to you, Tanya.
578
00:20:07,812 --> 00:20:08,945
You catch me on the next one.
579
00:20:09,013 --> 00:20:10,566
Will do, Tony.
580
00:20:10,591 --> 00:20:11,609
It's Terry.
581
00:20:11,634 --> 00:20:12,566
Right!
582
00:20:12,591 --> 00:20:13,657
(laughing)
583
00:20:13,715 --> 00:20:15,947
I mean, it's like she...
584
00:20:16,051 --> 00:20:17,951
- What are you doing?
- Hmm?
585
00:20:18,020 --> 00:20:19,420
Are you calling a Hotbox?
586
00:20:19,488 --> 00:20:21,221
No, I would never... do that.
587
00:20:21,290 --> 00:20:22,889
588
00:20:23,928 --> 00:20:25,651
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
589
00:20:26,394 --> 00:20:27,776
Next on Mary + Jane...
590
00:20:27,801 --> 00:20:30,569
This is not your ordinary,
everyday weed lube.
591
00:20:30,637 --> 00:20:32,737
It gives you a high that is so amazing,
592
00:20:32,806 --> 00:20:35,105
you're able to connect
with your inner self.
593
00:20:35,174 --> 00:20:37,475
(woman) Paige, what did you do to me?
594
00:20:37,543 --> 00:20:39,343
- I can hear my...
- Me too.
595
00:20:39,411 --> 00:20:40,644
I can hear yours.
596
00:20:40,713 --> 00:20:41,979
(woman) I wanna grow my hair out.
597
00:20:42,047 --> 00:20:43,213
(woman) Why aren't we wearing underwear?
598
00:20:43,282 --> 00:20:44,615
It's freezing in here!
599
00:20:44,684 --> 00:20:46,316
We can hear everyone's.
We can hear everyone's.
600
00:20:46,366 --> 00:20:50,916
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