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(lively symphonic music)
2
00:00:04,167 --> 00:00:05,969
WOMAN: Welcome back to our
coverage of the Joshies
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00:00:06,002 --> 00:00:08,638
live here on the
red carpet. Mike,
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00:00:08,672 --> 00:00:10,208
Mike, can we chat with you for a minute?
5
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:11,441
- Yes.
- How are you?
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00:00:11,475 --> 00:00:13,211
How are you? You look stunning.
7
00:00:13,243 --> 00:00:15,078
The brilliant Mike
Scaggs is with me now,
8
00:00:15,111 --> 00:00:17,748
nominated for the award that
everyone is talking about...
9
00:00:17,781 --> 00:00:19,583
best man at Josh's wedding.
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00:00:19,617 --> 00:00:21,486
What is up?
(both laugh)
11
00:00:21,519 --> 00:00:23,588
- How are you feeling?
- Humbled.
12
00:00:23,620 --> 00:00:25,162
There's some great
dudes in this category.
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00:00:25,168 --> 00:00:27,519
Your friendship with
Josh has been a smash hit.
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00:00:27,525 --> 00:00:29,126
How did you decide to get
involved in the project?
15
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,293
You know, Josh first approached me
16
00:00:30,327 --> 00:00:31,461
about ten years ago.
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00:00:31,495 --> 00:00:33,964
Uh, at the time, I was at a party,
18
00:00:33,998 --> 00:00:35,632
slamming shots of Jager.
19
00:00:35,665 --> 00:00:37,968
He walked up and was like,
"Can I get in on that?"
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00:00:38,001 --> 00:00:39,569
I was like, "Hell yeah, bro."
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00:00:39,602 --> 00:00:41,359
Now, you must be nervous about tonight.
22
00:00:41,365 --> 00:00:44,079
The way I see it, it's all
up to the big man upstairs...
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00:00:44,493 --> 00:00:45,642
Josh.
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00:00:45,675 --> 00:00:48,694
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and
gentlemen, Josh Greenberg.
25
00:00:49,879 --> 00:00:51,882
(orchestral flourish)
26
00:00:53,050 --> 00:00:56,521
Passion, preparedness,
27
00:00:56,838 --> 00:00:58,422
cool to hang with...
28
00:00:58,455 --> 00:01:02,159
these are the qualities of a best man.
29
00:01:02,193 --> 00:01:04,528
And the nominees are...
30
00:01:04,756 --> 00:01:06,858
Doug, "The Extra Beer."
31
00:01:08,131 --> 00:01:09,478
Hey, man, they gave me an extra beer.
32
00:01:09,484 --> 00:01:11,253
- Want it?
- Sure.
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00:01:20,510 --> 00:01:23,214
Tom, "The Lift to the Airport."
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Josh?
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00:01:27,218 --> 00:01:28,686
Oh, we should probably get going.
36
00:01:28,718 --> 00:01:30,320
All right.
37
00:01:32,855 --> 00:01:34,958
(speaking indistinctly)
38
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:37,794
Nikhil, "The Life Saver."
39
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- (dogs barking)
- (yells)
40
00:01:41,382 --> 00:01:43,000
- Oh, my God! Look out!
- (gunshot)
41
00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:45,635
- (distorted) No!
- (dramatic music)
42
00:01:46,203 --> 00:01:47,506
- (groans)
- Oh, my God.
43
00:01:47,512 --> 00:01:49,973
- You saved my life.
- Of course.
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00:01:50,766 --> 00:01:52,476
You're my best friend.
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When did that happen?
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And, finally, Mike Scaggs,
47
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"Ten Years of Friendship."
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(cheerful guitar music)
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BOTH: Oh! Boom!
50
00:02:20,037 --> 00:02:23,039
- (cheering, applause)
- Thank you. Stop. Stop.
51
00:02:23,073 --> 00:02:25,776
And the best man goes to...
52
00:02:25,809 --> 00:02:27,877
Mike Scaggs, "Ten Years of Friendship."
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00:02:27,883 --> 00:02:29,614
Come on! Yes!
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00:02:29,646 --> 00:02:31,181
- ANNOUNCER: This is the first nomination...
- What?!
55
00:02:31,215 --> 00:02:34,384
and first win as best
man for Mike Scaggs.
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00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:35,885
(laughing) We did it, man!
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00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:37,421
- Yeah.
- We did it!
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00:02:37,454 --> 00:02:40,758
Oh, gimme this. Oh.
59
00:02:40,790 --> 00:02:43,526
This is for every guy
who's ever been told
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00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,597
he is weird for hanging out with Josh.
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00:02:46,603 --> 00:02:49,222
To all those dudes, I'm living proof.
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It is all worth it. Dreams do come true.
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00:02:51,321 --> 00:02:52,833
- (string music plays)
- Ah, no, they're playing me off.
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00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,287
Uh, uh, okay. Wait, um... Uh,
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00:02:55,293 --> 00:02:57,951
thank you, Barry Sanderson,
Gina Gordon, Terry Stephens.
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00:02:57,957 --> 00:03:00,147
We did it, Terry! Uh, oh, shit.
67
00:03:00,153 --> 00:03:02,514
Oh, what... Yeah! Uh,
uh, the whales. Right.
68
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,827
Um, every day, four whales are killed,
69
00:03:04,833 --> 00:03:08,191
and that's way too
many, so, uh, you know,
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00:03:08,197 --> 00:03:09,753
donate to that shit.
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00:03:09,787 --> 00:03:12,590
I want to thank Cameron Crowe!
I want to thank Tom Cruise!
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00:03:12,622 --> 00:03:13,922
And I want to thank Josh!
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00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:16,536
He's my best friend in
the whole wide world.
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00:03:16,542 --> 00:03:18,095
We've been through everything, brother.
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00:03:18,127 --> 00:03:19,896
- I love you, brother.
- Okay.
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00:03:19,930 --> 00:03:20,998
Okay.
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- Yes.
- Yeah!
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00:03:29,205 --> 00:03:32,209
(downtempo electronic music)
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Aah!
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(squeaks)
81
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(growls)
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00:03:59,236 --> 00:04:00,837
Dude, I still can't
believe you picked me
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00:04:00,871 --> 00:04:02,173
- to be your best man.
- Of course, buddy.
84
00:04:02,205 --> 00:04:03,506
You know me better than anyone else.
85
00:04:03,539 --> 00:04:06,109
True dat. Ah, I'll get this.
86
00:04:06,143 --> 00:04:07,878
Yes, we will have two burritos,
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00:04:07,910 --> 00:04:09,879
ultra nasty with extra drippings,
88
00:04:09,912 --> 00:04:12,295
butt blaster sauce, extra blasty,
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00:04:12,301 --> 00:04:13,951
and a couple of thick-boy IPAs.
90
00:04:13,984 --> 00:04:17,221
Ah, I'm-I'm trying to cut
down on the butt blasting.
91
00:04:17,253 --> 00:04:19,302
Uh, can I just get, like,
a... maybe a fish taco
92
00:04:19,308 --> 00:04:20,427
- and a bottle of water?
- (cackles)
93
00:04:20,433 --> 00:04:21,991
Yeah, right. Good one, bro.
94
00:04:22,025 --> 00:04:23,894
- Oh, my God.
- Bon apple-tits.
95
00:04:23,926 --> 00:04:25,796
I got food poisoning
last time I was here.
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00:04:25,828 --> 00:04:27,285
Yeah, their meat is old.
97
00:04:27,291 --> 00:04:29,931
Got your bachelor party all mapped out.
98
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,443
6:00 p.m., party starts.
99
00:04:31,501 --> 00:04:33,678
8:00 p.m., blackout drunk.
100
00:04:33,684 --> 00:04:36,555
10:00 p.m., blackout drunk again.
101
00:04:36,561 --> 00:04:39,009
Midnight, party starts.
102
00:04:39,042 --> 00:04:41,010
- What? Yeah.
- Yeah, I mean, that...
103
00:04:41,044 --> 00:04:43,847
- Yeah.
- That-that all sounds, uh...
104
00:04:43,881 --> 00:04:46,165
- overwhelming.
- (laughs) Oh, yeah, big time.
105
00:04:46,171 --> 00:04:47,591
- (laughing)
- Oh, I know.
106
00:04:48,018 --> 00:04:49,087
Eat that shit.
107
00:04:50,854 --> 00:04:52,156
(groans)
108
00:04:52,188 --> 00:04:53,256
You should probably get going soon
109
00:04:53,289 --> 00:04:54,765
to that strip club.
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00:04:54,771 --> 00:04:56,227
Traffic around the
airport's always crazy.
111
00:04:56,260 --> 00:04:58,062
Yeah, you're right. (sighs)
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00:04:58,095 --> 00:04:59,162
What's the matter?
113
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I am just dreading this bachelor party.
114
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:03,932
I'm gonna be stuck there
all night, unable to leave,
115
00:05:03,938 --> 00:05:06,369
and all I feel like doing
is staying in with you
116
00:05:06,402 --> 00:05:08,413
- and watching Shark Tank.
- Oh, come on.
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00:05:08,419 --> 00:05:10,274
There's plenty of time to do that.
118
00:05:10,438 --> 00:05:11,873
Relax, go hang out with Mike.
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How bad could it be?
120
00:05:14,378 --> 00:05:16,414
- (airplane flies overhead)
- ALL: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
121
00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:17,414
- Aah!
- ALL: Chug! Chug! Chug!
122
00:05:17,448 --> 00:05:18,549
Aah! (all cheer)
123
00:05:18,582 --> 00:05:20,010
- Whoo!
- There you go, baby!
124
00:05:20,016 --> 00:05:21,684
- Aah!
- Yeah!
125
00:05:21,717 --> 00:05:22,953
(all yelling) Whoohoo!
126
00:05:22,986 --> 00:05:25,025
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
127
00:05:25,031 --> 00:05:26,300
Feels like it's probably got to be
128
00:05:26,306 --> 00:05:27,722
almost last call, right, boys?
129
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,766
No way, dude. This place is 24 hours.
130
00:05:29,772 --> 00:05:30,955
- It's what?
- Lock the doors
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00:05:30,961 --> 00:05:32,529
- and throw away the keys, baby.
- Oh, no!
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00:05:32,563 --> 00:05:34,698
Yeah! Whoo!
133
00:05:34,731 --> 00:05:38,269
- Can I, uh, make a phone call?
- No problem.
134
00:05:38,301 --> 00:05:39,636
- But, Greenberg...
- Yeah.
135
00:05:39,994 --> 00:05:40,970
Be quick about it.
136
00:05:41,003 --> 00:05:43,974
(foreboding music)
137
00:05:47,977 --> 00:05:50,747
(melancholy string music)
138
00:05:53,917 --> 00:05:55,719
(door slams shut)
139
00:05:58,146 --> 00:06:01,292
- How you doing?
- Uh, hanging in there.
140
00:06:01,549 --> 00:06:03,433
- How's life on the outside?
- It's fine.
141
00:06:03,439 --> 00:06:05,476
Uh, I just, uh, finished an
episode of Shark Tank.
142
00:06:05,482 --> 00:06:07,765
This guy pitched these socks
that you can kinda draw on,
143
00:06:07,797 --> 00:06:09,765
so, like-like, you can,
like, customize the socks
144
00:06:09,771 --> 00:06:10,801
and, like, write things on the socks...
145
00:06:10,833 --> 00:06:12,204
like, if you're on a team... (sobs)
146
00:06:12,210 --> 00:06:13,571
Oh, God...
147
00:06:13,961 --> 00:06:15,441
I'm sorry. Did you want me to wait?
148
00:06:15,447 --> 00:06:18,767
No, no, you... you
need to live your life.
149
00:06:19,829 --> 00:06:21,679
From now on, just pretend I'm dead.
150
00:06:21,712 --> 00:06:22,595
Don't talk like that.
151
00:06:22,601 --> 00:06:24,315
You don't know what it's like in here.
152
00:06:24,347 --> 00:06:25,415
You don't know what it's like.
153
00:06:25,448 --> 00:06:26,616
What's that mark on your face?
154
00:06:26,650 --> 00:06:28,318
Josh, did someone hurt you?
155
00:06:28,476 --> 00:06:30,757
- It's nothing.
- What happened, Josh?
156
00:06:32,679 --> 00:06:34,243
A titty hit me in the face.
157
00:06:34,249 --> 00:06:35,926
(sighs) Oh, Josh.
158
00:06:35,958 --> 00:06:39,124
I don't suppose the, uh,
governor's answered my letters.
159
00:06:39,130 --> 00:06:41,324
- No.
- That do-nothing son of a...
160
00:06:41,330 --> 00:06:44,335
Josh... Hey, hey, hey! Josh! Hey.
161
00:06:44,368 --> 00:06:46,241
- (whispers) Hey, hey, hey...
- (sobbing)
162
00:06:46,247 --> 00:06:48,672
You stay with me. Stay
with me, all right?
163
00:06:49,184 --> 00:06:50,508
Listen to me, okay?
164
00:06:50,795 --> 00:06:54,739
You do whatever you need to do
to get through this, all right?
165
00:06:54,745 --> 00:06:57,249
You do your shots, you
take your lap dances,
166
00:06:57,255 --> 00:06:59,334
and you come home to me, all right?
167
00:06:59,340 --> 00:07:03,244
But, Josh, don't do
anything stupid, okay?
168
00:07:04,269 --> 00:07:07,390
Aah! (laughing)
169
00:07:07,787 --> 00:07:11,103
Greenberg! Uh-oh, there we go.
170
00:07:11,109 --> 00:07:12,196
- Yeah.
- Starting to get
171
00:07:12,229 --> 00:07:13,273
a little bit worried about you, buddy.
172
00:07:13,279 --> 00:07:15,161
- Oh, no, I am-I am here...
- (all laughing)
173
00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:17,316
And-and having, uh, lots of fun.
174
00:07:17,322 --> 00:07:18,827
That's what I like to hear.
175
00:07:18,833 --> 00:07:21,381
Bartender, give us five
of your grossest shots.
176
00:07:21,387 --> 00:07:23,214
We want the shit nobody buys.
177
00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:25,670
- (cackles)
- (all laughing)
178
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,545
Whoo! (cheers)
179
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,122
Mm.
180
00:07:29,128 --> 00:07:33,069
Yeah! Drink up,
shitbirds. Let's do this!
181
00:07:33,075 --> 00:07:35,518
- Where's Josh?
- I think he went that way.
182
00:07:35,812 --> 00:07:37,354
Joshie!
183
00:07:37,632 --> 00:07:38,625
Josh.
184
00:07:39,945 --> 00:07:40,984
Josh!
185
00:07:42,613 --> 00:07:43,760
God damn it, where is he? (grunts)
186
00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:46,830
(bottle clatters into distance)
187
00:07:49,931 --> 00:07:51,835
What the hell?
188
00:08:01,876 --> 00:08:03,580
(whispers) No.
189
00:08:04,028 --> 00:08:06,784
Josh? Josh?
190
00:08:07,270 --> 00:08:10,787
(roars) Josh!
191
00:08:11,171 --> 00:08:13,357
Hey, man, could we go
ahead and cut the cake?
192
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,459
- (whispers) Whatever.
- Cool.
193
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:19,060
I'll start the traditional way
by separating the two halves.
194
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,659
(melancholy piano music)
195
00:08:23,859 --> 00:08:24,860
Perfect.
196
00:08:29,024 --> 00:08:31,522
Okay, great. Excellent.
197
00:08:31,616 --> 00:08:33,978
Tom will be here. Liz will be there.
198
00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:35,404
The bridesmaids are here.
199
00:08:35,522 --> 00:08:38,407
Uh, looks like the only thing
I need now is the best man.
200
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,142
- Yeah.
- Still no best man?
201
00:08:40,176 --> 00:08:43,479
Uh, no, no, he... he
still hasn't made it yet.
202
00:08:43,945 --> 00:08:45,315
Okay, so wait. Why isn't Mike here?
203
00:08:45,348 --> 00:08:47,973
Ah, you know him, he's...
he's a real party animal.
204
00:08:47,979 --> 00:08:49,114
He's probably just hungover.
205
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,588
I thought you guys quit
at, like, 10:30 last night.
206
00:08:51,862 --> 00:08:54,824
I-I... I quit
at 10:30 last night.
207
00:08:54,858 --> 00:08:57,610
It's a possibility they might
have gone a teensy bit longer.
208
00:08:57,616 --> 00:08:59,901
- Josh, you bailed?
- I didn't bail.
209
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,525
- I did not bail.
- Josh. (mouths)
210
00:09:01,531 --> 00:09:03,049
Yeah, okay, they think
I did. Just, I'd like...
211
00:09:03,055 --> 00:09:05,621
it's not a big deal. I left a bit early.
212
00:09:05,627 --> 00:09:07,325
Who cares about some stupid party?
213
00:09:07,331 --> 00:09:08,915
Who wants to see the
bachelorette party pictures?
214
00:09:08,921 --> 00:09:10,106
- Oh, my God, me, me, me, me, me.
- Oh, my God,
215
00:09:10,139 --> 00:09:12,330
that was the craziest
night we've ever had.
216
00:09:12,336 --> 00:09:13,537
But also the most important.
217
00:09:13,543 --> 00:09:15,345
It cemented our friendship forever.
218
00:09:15,378 --> 00:09:17,013
Guys, I feel the exact same way.
219
00:09:17,046 --> 00:09:18,345
I know we made you do a few things
220
00:09:18,351 --> 00:09:20,040
- that made you uncomfortable.
- But you suck it out.
221
00:09:20,046 --> 00:09:22,696
And the significance of
that was not lost on us.
222
00:09:22,702 --> 00:09:23,920
Yeah, I feel like this conversation
223
00:09:23,953 --> 00:09:25,555
could probably happen some other time.
224
00:09:25,588 --> 00:09:27,789
Lucy, we love you. And
because of that night
225
00:09:27,795 --> 00:09:28,962
and, like, how long you stayed...
226
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:31,027
- Oh, for (bleep) sake.
- we always will.
227
00:09:31,060 --> 00:09:33,925
Aw. You guys, I love you too.
228
00:09:33,931 --> 00:09:35,464
- (squeals cheerfully)
- (giggles)
229
00:09:35,498 --> 00:09:36,700
(whimpering)
230
00:09:37,004 --> 00:09:39,178
Okay, I get it. I'm sorry.
231
00:09:39,184 --> 00:09:40,973
I'm sorry I left early.
232
00:09:40,979 --> 00:09:42,539
But it's not a big deal.
233
00:09:42,817 --> 00:09:44,278
Mike doesn't hold grudges.
234
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:46,287
(eerie string music)
235
00:10:06,745 --> 00:10:08,048
Aah!
236
00:10:08,054 --> 00:10:09,790
(dramatic orchestral music)
237
00:10:27,950 --> 00:10:29,786
(ominous musical flourish)
238
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,398
All right, Nana, there you are.
239
00:10:32,404 --> 00:10:34,490
- You're all set.
- Joshie.
240
00:10:34,523 --> 00:10:36,741
Joshie, we may have
a teensy little issue.
241
00:10:36,747 --> 00:10:39,262
- What?
- Mike is finally here.
242
00:10:39,442 --> 00:10:41,445
But while we have a seat for him,
243
00:10:41,451 --> 00:10:42,970
we don't have any for his henchmen.
244
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,019
For his-his henchmen? What?
245
00:10:45,025 --> 00:10:47,637
(cackling)
246
00:10:47,670 --> 00:10:49,306
(sinister music)
247
00:10:49,339 --> 00:10:51,760
Okay, boys, it's showtime!
248
00:10:51,766 --> 00:10:53,910
- Go get him, boss.
- Yeah! Show him.
249
00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:55,151
Who the (bleep) are these guys?
250
00:10:55,157 --> 00:10:56,543
Mike, are you... are you all right?
251
00:10:56,549 --> 00:10:58,113
Never better, Joshie boy.
252
00:10:58,147 --> 00:11:01,278
Sorry to crash your little party.
253
00:11:01,284 --> 00:11:03,148
Well, you didn't crash
it. You were invited.
254
00:11:03,154 --> 00:11:04,983
It's... You're the best man.
This is a wedding rehearsal.
255
00:11:04,989 --> 00:11:06,232
- (cackling)
- What are you...
256
00:11:06,238 --> 00:11:09,359
Ah, champagne. Don't mind if I...
257
00:11:10,223 --> 00:11:10,973
don't!
258
00:11:10,979 --> 00:11:13,192
- That's kinda wasteful.
- (cackles)
259
00:11:13,198 --> 00:11:14,778
(screeching)
260
00:11:14,784 --> 00:11:17,410
- Can you please just calm down?
- Oh, I wish I could,
261
00:11:17,416 --> 00:11:18,585
but... (sniffs)
262
00:11:18,759 --> 00:11:20,056
something's burning.
263
00:11:22,032 --> 00:11:25,256
(chuckles) Toasts.
264
00:11:25,262 --> 00:11:29,359
"A" is for "amour," which
Josh and Lucy truly feel.
265
00:11:29,365 --> 00:11:31,199
"B" is for "belonging."
266
00:11:31,205 --> 00:11:33,363
That's right. As soon as Liz is done,
267
00:11:33,369 --> 00:11:35,985
my toast is gonna blow
this place sky high.
268
00:11:36,018 --> 00:11:38,354
(laughs) Yeah. Clock's ticking, idiot.
269
00:11:38,388 --> 00:11:41,068
- Who are you?
- "E" is for "embark."
270
00:11:41,074 --> 00:11:43,436
- Their new journey has begun.
- I'm pretty sure our email said
271
00:11:43,442 --> 00:11:45,536
we have to keep the speeches
between three and five minutes.
272
00:11:45,542 --> 00:11:48,664
Length is the least of
your worries, Joshie boy.
273
00:11:48,886 --> 00:11:50,716
This card's about your herpes scare.
274
00:11:50,722 --> 00:11:52,366
- Oh, my God.
- This card's about ISIS.
275
00:11:52,372 --> 00:11:53,570
- Why?
- This deck of cards
276
00:11:53,576 --> 00:11:56,209
is what can only be
described as wheelchair humor.
277
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:57,339
(ominous musical flourish)
278
00:11:57,373 --> 00:11:59,531
Mike, you're being an asshole, okay?
279
00:11:59,537 --> 00:12:01,626
You're gonna ruin my rehearsal dinner.
280
00:12:01,632 --> 00:12:04,227
- You ruined my bachelor party!
- I'm sorry I left, okay?
281
00:12:04,233 --> 00:12:05,993
But can you really blame me?
282
00:12:05,999 --> 00:12:08,044
Who the hell wants to get blackout drunk
283
00:12:08,050 --> 00:12:09,934
- at a shitty strip club?
- Well, you do,
284
00:12:09,940 --> 00:12:11,133
or at least you used to.
285
00:12:11,139 --> 00:12:14,024
Yeah, used to! Used to!
286
00:12:14,363 --> 00:12:16,345
I don't like doing that shit anymore.
287
00:12:16,351 --> 00:12:18,027
Yeah, or is it that you
just don't like me anymore?
288
00:12:18,061 --> 00:12:20,072
Why are you so hung up on this?
289
00:12:20,078 --> 00:12:21,131
It was just a party.
290
00:12:21,163 --> 00:12:23,723
No, it wasn't just a party, man.
291
00:12:23,729 --> 00:12:25,316
It was our last chance to hang out,
292
00:12:25,322 --> 00:12:27,202
and you left without
even saying good-bye.
293
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,038
- (sighs)
- And finally "Z."
294
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:32,474
"Z" is for "Zarathustra,"
295
00:12:32,971 --> 00:12:34,610
which I think speaks for itself.
296
00:12:34,997 --> 00:12:36,565
(scattered applause)
297
00:12:36,571 --> 00:12:38,373
Are there any other toasts?
298
00:12:38,379 --> 00:12:39,676
Please...
299
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:43,146
Don't worry.
300
00:12:43,445 --> 00:12:45,275
I'm not gonna ruin
any more of your life.
301
00:12:45,281 --> 00:12:47,958
I... (sighs) Mike...
302
00:12:47,990 --> 00:12:51,994
Mike, can I talk to you
without your neon beatniks?
303
00:12:52,674 --> 00:12:53,517
Mike?
304
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,779
(sighs) Hi. Mike, it's me, uh, again.
305
00:12:59,785 --> 00:13:02,772
I'm-I'm really, really sorry, man.
306
00:13:02,805 --> 00:13:04,235
I mean it. I'm-I'm sorry.
307
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,173
Just please call me back, please.
308
00:13:07,405 --> 00:13:08,773
- (sighs)
- Hey.
309
00:13:08,779 --> 00:13:10,031
- Hi.
- Any luck?
310
00:13:10,037 --> 00:13:12,843
Uh, no, no, I think
he's still pretty upset.
311
00:13:12,849 --> 00:13:14,740
Well, you know what? I'm sure he is,
312
00:13:14,746 --> 00:13:16,948
but just give him some time, okay?
313
00:13:17,059 --> 00:13:18,778
He's gonna forgive you.
You're his best friend.
314
00:13:18,784 --> 00:13:21,220
(dramatic music)
315
00:13:21,727 --> 00:13:23,597
MIKE: After much consideration,
316
00:13:23,926 --> 00:13:26,996
I have decided to retire
as Josh's best friend.
317
00:13:27,025 --> 00:13:28,632
Mike, how can you just walk away?
318
00:13:28,638 --> 00:13:30,767
You're the greatest ever, and
you're still in your prime.
319
00:13:30,773 --> 00:13:32,048
Had a great career, you know,
320
00:13:32,054 --> 00:13:33,623
set a lot of best friend records...
321
00:13:33,795 --> 00:13:35,166
most consecutive hangs,
322
00:13:35,172 --> 00:13:37,768
also grossest bare-ass
fart to Josh's face.
323
00:13:37,995 --> 00:13:39,836
It's one I believe
may never be broken.
324
00:13:39,870 --> 00:13:42,369
Uh, but there's more to life
than being Josh's best friend.
325
00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:44,213
Yeah, I want to spend
time with my family,
326
00:13:44,219 --> 00:13:46,009
explore some business opportunities,
327
00:13:46,202 --> 00:13:48,812
and also pursue my other lifelong dream.
328
00:13:48,846 --> 00:13:51,514
- What dream?
- To play professional baseball.
329
00:13:51,548 --> 00:13:53,017
(all gasping and murmuring)
330
00:13:53,385 --> 00:13:55,115
I am thrilled to announce
that I have just signed
331
00:13:55,121 --> 00:13:57,079
a minor league, non-guaranteed contract
332
00:13:57,085 --> 00:13:58,690
with the Chattanooga Mud Dogs.
333
00:13:58,696 --> 00:14:01,200
With any luck, I will accomplish
just as much in baseball
334
00:14:01,206 --> 00:14:02,696
as I did being Josh's best friend.
335
00:14:02,702 --> 00:14:04,208
- Thank you.
- ALL: Michael!
336
00:14:04,214 --> 00:14:06,183
- Thank you, Mikey.
- JOSH: What?
337
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:07,497
I didn't know Mike played baseball.
338
00:14:07,530 --> 00:14:09,899
I mean, he played
softball at middle school,
339
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,601
and he was terrible.
340
00:14:11,634 --> 00:14:15,004
Okay, um... Uh, Lucy, I know
341
00:14:15,010 --> 00:14:16,178
we still have, like,
wedding stuff to do, but...
342
00:14:16,211 --> 00:14:19,249
Josh, Josh, this is important, okay?
343
00:14:19,282 --> 00:14:22,185
(bright acoustic guitar music)
344
00:14:22,217 --> 00:14:25,053
- Go to Chattanooga.
- (whispers) Yeah.
345
00:14:25,086 --> 00:14:26,822
(both sigh)
346
00:14:26,855 --> 00:14:29,057
I love you!
347
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,842
Okay, hustle up, y'all!
348
00:14:46,875 --> 00:14:48,211
Let's practice.
349
00:14:48,244 --> 00:14:49,961
Practice makes perfect, right?
350
00:14:49,967 --> 00:14:52,135
Ah, love me some drills, right, baby?
351
00:14:52,411 --> 00:14:54,213
(pastoral music)
352
00:14:54,246 --> 00:14:56,415
Doing a no-hitter today, right?
353
00:14:56,448 --> 00:14:58,483
Come on, come on. Hit me! Come on.
354
00:14:58,517 --> 00:15:00,319
Come on. Aah!
355
00:15:00,352 --> 00:15:02,221
(groans)
356
00:15:02,253 --> 00:15:05,090
Mike! Mike! Can you sign this?
357
00:15:05,123 --> 00:15:07,093
Sure, kid, what do you
got? A baseball poster?
358
00:15:07,126 --> 00:15:09,895
Nah, it's from your old
days as Josh's best friend.
359
00:15:09,927 --> 00:15:11,362
That was a good year.
360
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,400
Sorry, kid, I don't do that anymore.
361
00:15:14,433 --> 00:15:17,036
Now, if you'll excuse
me, I need to do batting.
362
00:15:20,271 --> 00:15:23,209
All right, Guerrero, don't hold back!
363
00:15:23,242 --> 00:15:25,077
- (grunts)
- (clapping)
364
00:15:25,109 --> 00:15:27,512
Yeah, nice... nice swing.
365
00:15:27,545 --> 00:15:30,637
- What do you want?
- Just want to apologize, man.
366
00:15:30,643 --> 00:15:33,585
Nothing to be sorry for,
man. It's better this way.
367
00:15:33,618 --> 00:15:36,354
We're both doing exactly
what we were born to do.
368
00:15:36,387 --> 00:15:39,959
You're marrying Lucy,
and I'm playing baseball.
369
00:15:41,059 --> 00:15:42,608
MAN: Oh!
370
00:15:42,614 --> 00:15:44,464
Uh, I've probably done enough batting.
371
00:15:46,297 --> 00:15:50,135
Mike, I-I totally believe you have
372
00:15:50,169 --> 00:15:52,905
exactly what it takes to be a
professional baseball player.
373
00:15:52,938 --> 00:15:55,775
- Obviously.
- But I need you on my team.
374
00:15:55,808 --> 00:15:58,689
Dude, you don't, okay?
You're a full grown-up now.
375
00:15:58,695 --> 00:16:00,646
It's like I don't even know
how to be your friend anymore.
376
00:16:02,314 --> 00:16:05,151
Hey, you remember...
remember freshman year
377
00:16:05,184 --> 00:16:09,054
when you and I would each
pound, like, 12 beers a night?
378
00:16:09,087 --> 00:16:11,122
- Yeah, that was great.
- It-it was.
379
00:16:11,156 --> 00:16:12,320
Uh, and then I was like,
380
00:16:12,326 --> 00:16:14,064
"I don't think I can do this anymore.
381
00:16:14,070 --> 00:16:16,448
I'm literally gonna die
from alcohol poisoning."
382
00:16:16,454 --> 00:16:19,497
It was the end of an era,
but it wasn't the end of us.
383
00:16:19,531 --> 00:16:22,643
Why? Because you
came up with the idea
384
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,437
- of smoking pot every day.
- That's right.
385
00:16:25,469 --> 00:16:27,839
God, it was hard at first. Scary.
386
00:16:27,872 --> 00:16:31,810
But we stuck with it, and
we eventually leveled out.
387
00:16:31,843 --> 00:16:35,414
And-and if we can go through
a huge change like that,
388
00:16:35,446 --> 00:16:37,262
what can't we deal with?
389
00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:40,985
You came all the way to
Chattanooga to tell me that?
390
00:16:41,018 --> 00:16:42,353
- Yup.
- Wait.
391
00:16:42,387 --> 00:16:44,238
Aren't you worried about
missing the wedding?
392
00:16:45,324 --> 00:16:47,226
No wedding without my best man.
393
00:16:51,863 --> 00:16:54,554
Well, Coach, it's been a crazy ride.
394
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,801
It's no secret we didn't
always see eye to eye,
395
00:16:56,834 --> 00:16:59,170
but even though I'm
leaving the clubhouse today
396
00:16:59,203 --> 00:17:01,499
and I won't be there
for the doubleheader
397
00:17:01,505 --> 00:17:03,942
against the Water Bears
and the Sky Grizzlies,
398
00:17:03,976 --> 00:17:07,179
I want you to know I will always
consider Chattanooga my home,
399
00:17:07,211 --> 00:17:11,182
and I will always,
always bleed Mud Dog blue.
400
00:17:11,216 --> 00:17:14,019
So I guess what I'm trying to say is...
401
00:17:14,052 --> 00:17:15,353
You're out.
402
00:17:15,386 --> 00:17:16,888
(indistinct chatter)
403
00:17:16,921 --> 00:17:18,857
BOTH: Hey!
404
00:17:18,891 --> 00:17:20,959
(both laughing) Ah,
they're gonna miss me.
405
00:17:20,993 --> 00:17:22,498
Yeah, for sure. I know I do.
406
00:17:22,504 --> 00:17:24,363
Yeah, hey, I miss you too, buddy.
407
00:17:25,124 --> 00:17:26,934
MAN: Oh! The same spot!
408
00:17:26,940 --> 00:17:28,366
Yeah.
409
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:32,204
(bright acoustic guitar music)
410
00:17:32,237 --> 00:17:33,805
Pound it. (laughs)
411
00:17:33,838 --> 00:17:35,406
Wow, cool, there's a poster of us?
412
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,584
Yeah, man. You want one?
413
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,378
- I'd love one.
- Hey, you know,
414
00:17:39,384 --> 00:17:41,554
I'm making a movie with Bugs Bunny...
415
00:17:43,350 --> 00:17:46,280
Uh, okay, excellent.
So Tom will be there,
416
00:17:46,286 --> 00:17:48,983
Liz will be there, and
then, uh, the best man,
417
00:17:48,989 --> 00:17:52,248
my best man, will
be on that spot right there.
418
00:17:52,254 --> 00:17:54,428
Uh, w-what if I don't hit my spot?
419
00:17:54,462 --> 00:17:56,097
- Does it have to be exact or...
- Nah.
420
00:17:56,129 --> 00:17:57,900
Just kinda know your general area.
421
00:17:57,906 --> 00:17:59,110
Right, right, right, got you.
422
00:17:59,116 --> 00:18:01,338
Uh, and then the music begins,
you'll walk down the aisle
423
00:18:01,344 --> 00:18:02,813
at a slightly slower-than-normal pace.
424
00:18:02,846 --> 00:18:05,313
- Okay, like this?
- Eh, no.
425
00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:06,817
No, no. Slow-slower than normal...
426
00:18:06,849 --> 00:18:09,274
- um, deliberate.
- Ah, shit, bro,
427
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,261
- what if I blow it?
- Mike, you're gonna do great.
428
00:18:11,267 --> 00:18:13,017
- (sighs)
- Here, take my arm...
429
00:18:13,023 --> 00:18:14,458
- Okay.
- We'll do it together.
430
00:18:14,490 --> 00:18:16,527
- (gentle acoustic guitar music)
- BOTH: Hm.
431
00:18:16,559 --> 00:18:18,028
Ooh
432
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:19,511
Hey, I've been meaning to ask you,
433
00:18:19,517 --> 00:18:21,257
when did Nikhil get shot?
434
00:18:21,263 --> 00:18:22,465
Oh, I never told you that story?
435
00:18:22,499 --> 00:18:23,297
- No!
- Okay.
436
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:25,023
So last month in Caracas...
437
00:18:25,239 --> 00:18:30,239
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
438
00:18:30,289 --> 00:18:34,839
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