All language subtitles for Magnum P.I. s02e07 Tropical Madness.eng

(Bell tolling)

(Priest)... the creator and maker
of mankind,

and we are mortal, formed of the earth,
and unto earth shall we return.

For so Thou didst ordain
when Thou createst me, saying:

Dust thou art,
and unto dust shalt thou return.

Amen.

- Bless you, my child.
- Thank you.

Excuse me.

- You must be Jennifer.
- I'm Jenny.

- Do I know you, sir?
- I wish you did, my child.

I'm the man
who should have been your father.

- Excuse me, please.
- Yes?

By any chance are you an official
of this club?

Not exactly, but I dare say
I'm not entirely without influence.

How may I be of service?

That man. Well, he's staring at me.

Exactly which one?

The one who appears to
have gone out in his underwear.

Ah, yes. Rest assured,
I'll attend to it immediately.

Either the small businessman has to expand
or get demolished. I move up or move out.

Did you ever consider buying
a balsawood kit and some rubber bands?

- I'm serious. This ain't funny.
- If I may interrupt this assemblage.

- Why don't you pull up a chair?
- How about a beer?

A complaint has been lodged with me

regarding both unbecoming behaviour
and violations of our dress code.

I'm clean.

The guilty party
defends himself before being accused.

Thomas is usually accused
before there's a complaint.

That came out wrong.

Apart from your aggressively offensive attire,
there's a much more serious matter.

That obviously well-bred young lady

has complained
that you've been leering at her.

What? Where?

(TC) You been giving the radar eye
to that woman?

Man, you got to be crazy.
That chick is instant frostbite.

That girl? I never even noticed her.

Methinks he doth protest too much.

There is a simple, very practical,
easy way to end this all.

I will just go over and apologise for anything
she thought may have happened. OK?

Everybody happy?

Excuse me.
That gentleman over there, Higgins.

He says I somehow offended you
by staring, which I wasn't, really.

But now that I'm here, and I've met you,
I really wish I had been. You're quite lovely.

Thank you for your courtesy
and the compliment.

My name's Thomas Magnum.

Oh.

Listen, um, if you're new here,

I thought that maybe I could give you
a tour of the club,

introduce you to some people.

Well, that's very thoughtful
but I'm quite comfortable already.

Would you excuse me?

Right.

It was swell talking to you.

Well, did you make a date, Casanova?

Are you serious? That was
a major brush-off, if I ever seen one.

It is obviously a very sad case. She has
a deep psychological hatred for men.

Now, I knew that instinctively when I sat
down so I simply apologised and left.

Really? She seemed extremely
well-adjusted and perceptive to me.

All I know is I tried
to make her as welcome as possible.

- (TC laughs)
- And she was so polite, she was rude.

Sit down, have a beer and forget her.

Who's remembering her?
There are too many normal women

to waste time on ones
with psychological problems.

(TC) Somebody busted through that deep
psychological barrier. Check it out.

That's just cos they're both British.
Probably comparing accents.

No, sir. Why don't you just admit it?
Higgins has just one-upped you.

She's not even Thomas's type
and you know it.

- She stopped breathing or something?
- TC !

He never struck out before and you know it.

Rick, come on.

$50 says Magnum gets a date
before Higgins gets her name.

- Put your money where your mouth is !
- That's it. I'm going swimming.

Put your money where your mouth isl

'By the end of my swim, I'd completely
forgotten that beautiful but hostile girl.

'Only a crazy man goes looking for trouble.

'And where women are concerned,
I've always been proud of being sane.'

(Magnum sighs)

Well, hello again. What a coincidence.

- I beg your pardon?
- Running into you again, on the way out.

Oh. Yes.

- How are you enjoying your visit?
- Awfully, thank you.

Bye.

'I could tell I was making progress.

'Which meant she wasn't unfriendly.
Only shy.

'When I write my book on how to be
a top private investigator,

'I'm going to include two rules
on how to tail a car.

'The first is, when you choose
a nondescript car for tailing,

'don't pick one so nondescript it's obvious.

'The guys following her
were so unnoticeable,

'it was like they had a red flag on the hood.

'The second rule is, don't get so
busy tailing, you forget to look behind you.

'These yo-yos had no idea
I was behind them.'

Hi, guys. Your motor's running.
Don't you listen to the police?

They said it's a no-no
to leave your keys in the ignition.

That's itl

That's right, lady. You call the cops.

- I'd make a run for it if I were you.
- (Roars)

'One bad thing I've noticed about yo-yos.

'As a group, they don't have
much of a sense of humour.'

What's happened to the windscreen?

- Did the oil pump explode?
- May I explain later?

Are you aware it's all over the bonnet?

Of course I am.
I was attacked by two yo-yos.

It's not motor oil. It's not viscous enough.
This will destroy the lacquer.

Wait a minute. Do you realise
I'm telling you about being nearly killed

and you're worried about paint?

And the side-view mirror
has been sheared off.

Forget your plan to file an insurance claim
under Robin Masters' policy.

- Would you get out of my way?
- This kind of reckless conduct...

Out of my way before I run you down
and enjoy itl

Magnum.

You're clad only in your undershorts.
I find that just a trifle casual.

What do you think I used
to wipe off the bloody windscreen -

the windshield
so I could drive the ruddy car?

(Horn beeps)

(Higgins) Good afternoon, my dear.

I, erm, believe you've met Miss Chapman.

Yesl

Uh, yes.

The yo-yos that I was after were after her.

- Is this what passes for American humour?
- I'm sorry.

At the service station I thought you were
going for help when you saw them.

- I stopped at two stations, for petrol.
- Yes.

- The first was unattended, the second...
- Yesl

Well, I'm afraid I didn't see you.
I'm sure I'd remember.

These bully boys,
exactly what do they look like?

One of them was a sumo wrestler.

And the other was a midget or a dwarf.

- What?
- A midget or a dwarfl

Really? No bearded ladies, trapeze artists?
Where was the rest of the circus?

How lovely of you to come to tea.
Staff is setting it up.

I know, Higgins, you don't believe me.

Of course I do. If you'll excuse us.

Forget it. Just forget it.

Just forget the whole thing. I'm not in my
underwear. There's no oil on the car.

Just forget it. You think I'm crazy?

I'm gonna go clean up. Clean up the car.
No, I'm not cleaning up the car...

'I had Rick check out the car
that had followed Jennifer. It was stolen.

'Now the only question I had was
who was after Jennifer. And why?

'That wasn't my only question for her

'but given my professional responsibility,
it was the only one I could ask.

'Of course, I was too experienced
to do it directly.'

Hello there.

Great day. You been in the water?

- I'm afraid I don't swim.
- You don't swim? In Hawaii?

You're missing what it's all about.

Really? At home
it's either too cold or too crowded.

Robin Masters keeps swimsuits around the
house for guests. Why not put one on?

- You don't give up, do you?
- What?

- No, look, it's not that.
- It's all right.

Jonathan told me about your unfortunate
compulsion where women are concerned.

Are you gonna listen to me?

I'm sorry, but my afternoon itinerary
is already scheduled.

I'll be real direct. Maybe you don't believe
anything went on at that gas station

but I've got the aches to prove it.
So I want you to tell me something.

Somebody's out to get you. Why?

You know, maybe I could help.

(Sighs)

(? Latin music)

(Magnum) I'm all out of red wine,
so I'm gonna borrow some from...

Higgins, what the devil are you doing?

What I'm doing should be obvious
to any civilised person.

But for your information,
I'm practising the rumba,

a dance that requires balance, coordination,
and a lightness of both foot and spirit.

Out of the blue you just decided to put on
the old patent leathers and rumba?

Be a good chap. Help me slip into this.

- As a matter of fact...
- Take a breath. A small one.

Tonight is the Commodore's Ball
at the yacht club.

As an honorary vice commodore,
I must attend.

And rumba with some
of those blue-haired ladies, I suppose.

As a matter of fact,
I'm escorting Miss Chapman tonight.

Jennifer? You're taking Jennifer?
As a sort of a friend of the family

so you can introduce her to the best people?

Be a good lad and lend a hand
with the jacket.

Miss Chapman has confided that she finds
a man in a dinner jacket rather irresistible.

You mean this is a date? A real date?

It may be rather late
when I get home tonight.

So I'll try not to accelerate as I pass the
guesthouse, unlike some people I know.

- TC put you up to this, didn't he?
- Now, one final point.

There's a half-bottle of Beaujolais in
the kitchen I've been using for cooking.

It should be adequate for your palate.

For security reasons, I changed the lock
on the wine cellar. Good night.

10, 20, 30, 40.

- You sure about this?
- I have definite confirmation.

- Just keep counting.
- The rumba? Who does the rumba today?

Nobody, since José "Eye-turbi"
quit doing movies.

Iturbi, and it just doesn't figure.

- It doesn't make any sense.
- Nobody likes a sore loser.

Have your hands fallen asleep
clutching that bankroll?

- Will you please just keep counting?
- I got some side bets.

- Maybe you can help me win 'em back.
- (Phone)

Maybe it was your moustache
that turned her off.

Try trimming it down.
Or take hand-kissing lessons.

- For you, Casanova.
- (TC, laughing) Casanova?

- Uh... (Clears throat)
- Magnum speaking.

(Englishman) 'You want to know the truth
about Jennifer Chapman? '

- Who is this?
- 'Who she is, where she's from.

'Most of all, why she is seeing Higgins.'

If you've got information, give it to me.

'Meet me at the Valley of the Temples
at 3:00.

'I don't need to tell you to come alone, do I? '

(Magnum) 'I know what you're thinking.
I was thinking it, too.

'When I write
my private investigator manual,

'there'll be a chapter
on The Oldest Tricks in the World.

'This had to be one of them.
An anonymous tip? A mysterious meeting?

'The only trouble with the oldest tricks is,
they usually work.

'When dealing with one of the oldest tricks,

'it helps to think of
a couple of tricks yourself.

'Some tricks work better than others

'but if you're gonna be
a world-class private investigator,

'you gotta know where to forget about plans
and just make it up as you go along.'

(Bell tolls)

(Squeaking and clicking)

(Squeaking and clicking)

(Squeaking and clicking)

'One thing I knew, even guys like this
had a code. You don't shoot your partner.'

Here you go.

(Roars)

(Jennifer) Please go on.
I'd very much like to know.

(Higgins) It was such a long time ago.

Yes, but it's important to me, Jonathan.
Everything about you is important.

I was the youngest lad in our regiment.

In those dark days when Hitler was winning,
everyone was young.

We'd been going at it with Rommel
all over bloody Africa.

One night, on patrol,
some Jerries surprised us.

No more than the flick of the serpent's tail
as it slithered past us,

but when it was over,
I was the only one in my group left alive.

Three days in the desert.

I've always blamed myself.
Somehow I should have saved...

Then what happened?

I was sent to a hospital in Cairo,
before being sent home.

But you couldn't desert the regiment,
could you?

I taught myself to type,
only two fingers because of the bandages,

and got myself assigned as aide-de-camp
to an officer on the rise.

And when you'd won him over,
completely indebted him to you,

you got him to send you back
to your old post.

You must have been the most attentive aide
in North Africa.

It's true. But I would have done anything
to rejoin the lads.

You're so clever, Jonathan.

Well, as I said, it was a long time ago.

It was a lifetime ago.

Thank you for a lovely evening. I can't
remember when I've had such a good time.

It was entirely my pleasure, I assure you.

Good night.

Jonathan.

You may be the most perfect gentleman
I've ever known.

But did anyone ever tell you
that too much perfection is boring?

(English accent) Jennifer. I'm in here.

Well, tell me, how was your evening?

It was lovely. Eliza Doolittle at the ball.

Mm-hm.

Are you hungry?
There's some delicious cold chicken.

- Care for a brandy?
- No. Thanks. I'm fine, really.

Really? That's hardly the most positive
endorsement I've ever heard.

Would you care to tell me about it?

I think I'm just tired.

Now, look, my dear, if you're feeling at all
uncomfortable about our plan, you can quit.

I'll, er, manage something else.

On my own.

- Truly.
- No.

- I'll be all right.
- I don't think so.

You see, I believe that you're such a warm,
generous girl, you're experiencing doubts.

Second thoughts.

You always know
what I'm thinking, don't you?

Possibly because
I adored your mother so much.

And you, my dear, are so very like her.

It's just that Higgins doesn't seem
like an evil man. He has a caring quality.

My dear, the truly evil ones
never seem to be so.

That's why their effect on other people
is so... insidious.

Jennifer, your mother was just as trusting,
just as willing to believe.

And look what happened to her.

To me.

To us.

I trust you about everything. You know I do.

You are dearer to me than anyone else
in the world.

I can't let anything happen to you,

even in my quest for retribution.

So if at any time you have second thoughts

or feel compromised in any way,

you must tell me and I'll stop.

- (CIock chiming)
- Hmm?

Promise?

(Magnum) Higgins.

- Higgins?
- Magnum.

You're waiting up for me?

It's so droll I almost don't object
to the rather callow invasion of my privacy.

Higgins, I want to talk to you about...

Have you been pursuing a case?

You look rather the worse for wear, although
I suppose the divorce business is fraught...

Jennifer Chapman, Higgins.

Jennifer Chapman?

- What do you know about her?
- I beg your pardon?

Who is she? Where is she from?
Why is she interested in you?

Your insolent curiosity
has finally gone too far.

A gentleman's code
does not permit him to ask...

Hooray for the code. Two yo-yos tried to put
me away in a service station yesterday

and today I ran into 'em again.

The sumo wrestler and the midget.
Or a leprechaun?

It was at the Valley of the Temples.

You believe it's related to Miss Chapman?

I went there because I got this phone call
and the voice said meet him at the temple

because he had information about Jennifer.

(Laughs) Dear me.
You almost had me believing it.

But a sumo wrestler and a dwarf
and now this phone call.

You've overplayed your hand just a bit.
Good night.

Try to make it back to your quarters
without being waylaid by Chinese bandits.

OKI Just forget about the fact
that somebody tried to kill me twice.

Forget about the phone call.
Just tell me one thing and then I'll drop this.

And I don't mean this unkindly.

But I want you to think about this logically.
Why is a beautiful, desirable young woman

who can have just about any man
in the Islands... pursuing you?

The answer is obvious, old man.

Logic is irrelevant.

It's simply... tropical madness.

'A private investigator's good reputation
is his most valued asset.

'I'm very particular about the cases I take
and what I do on them.

'For example, I never break the law.

'However, with somebody trying to kill me,
maybe I could just bend it a little.'

'Here I was, once again,
illegally searching a room.

'It was the kind of thing
I never got comfortable with.

'I tried to console myself
that it was for a good cause.

'And I only hoped that I wouldn't have to try
and explain it to the police.'

(Sighs)

(Magnum) All the evidence makes it look
like you're the target. I'm just protecting you.

(Higgins) From what? The most beautifully
sensitive girl a man could hope to meet?

Are you gonna ignore the fact that
when I... What are you doing?

Oh, Jonathan, you were so right.
It's absolutely exhilarating.

- I've been teaching Jennifer to swim.
- The unspoiled young lady from England

finds a tropical paradise with an older,
distinguished gentleman.

- What does he mean?
- I've seen your file on Higgins.

You broke into my house and went through
my private papers? And you encouraged it.

Higgins didn't know anything about it.

Did you also play the cassettes I've dictated
or read a chapter I've typed?

How much of my privacy
have you trampled on?

Sample chapter?

I'm so ashamed of the way I've deceived you
but it seemed like the only way.

That's terrific. She's so professional,
she's already rehearsed an explanation.

Magnum, please.

My uncle was a member
of the British Historical Society.

I took care of him when he was dying.

He was working on a chronicle of
Montgomery's campaign in Africa,

in particular the Prince of Wales' Fusiliers.

- Don't continue.
- You aren't buying this ridiculous...

What is ridiculous about the regiment?

Nothing. What's ridiculous is me trying
to slip in some reality into this discussion.

It was my uncle's dream to finish the book
before he died. He was my only family.

And suddenly, after he was gone,
his dream became mine.

After I read your records at the War Office,

I was positive you were
too self-effacing to ever cooperate,

so I resorted to subterfuge.

Then I met you, got to know you,

and became fond of you.

You don't have to say any more.

Come on. Let me call the police.

I'll phone Scotland Yard.
They'll run a routine check.

Come on, just say something. Please.

You will do us the kindness
of going to the devil.

Come, my dear.

(Sighs)

'I know what you're thinking.
I was in deep trouble and sinking fast.

'Higgins didn't believe me about Jennifer
or the yo-yos trying to do me in.

'I was like the kid who cried "wolf'
once too often.

'Somebody was manipulating me

'so that I spent my energy getting Higgins
to listen to me instead of solving the case.

'That meant only one thing. It was time
for desperate, inventive measures.

'The only problem was I wasn't focused
on what those measures should be.'

(Jennifer) Pulll

- (Gunshot)
- Pulll

(Gunshot)

Pulll

(Gunshot)

Pulll

That's really not very good.

You're gonna have to do a lot of practising
if you plan on using that on Higgins.

Don't you ever tire of being
so incessantly rude?

Absolutely. So why don't we just end this
for both of us? Satisfy our curiosity.

You won't be apprehensive if I just reload?

No. Not at all.
I'm an American, remember?

We're supposed to catch bullets
in our teeth.

Just give me the truth. Higgins doesn't
believe anything I say, thanks to your friend.

- My friend?
- The one who called me.

Promised to tell me
everything about you if I met him.

A lie. Worse, an obvious lie.

What if I call the Historical Society
with your dead uncle's name?

- I bet they never heard of him.
- Another lie.

Like your identity?
Like your love affair with Higgins?

You're a liar. You're a damnable liarl

Magnum !

Your conduct is abominablel

I should use this on you. I should...

The hell with what I should do.

(Sighs)

It wasn't necessary, Higgins.
The kiss wasn't worth it.

My God, I lost my temper.
I haven't done that in 20 years.

And resorting to physical violence,
like some tawdry melodrama.

I think you're actually quite wonderful.

The nearest, dearest thing I've seen
to a hero in a very long time.

Really.

But could you please put your arm
around me, because I just might cry.

How can I make amends for that barbarian?

Please. I don't even want to think about him.

But...

But what?

I want to be with you.
In your home with your personal things.

But how can I, knowing that he's down there
in the guesthouse, leering at us?

We could go away for a while.
Any place you like.

And give him the satisfaction
of knowing he's intimidated us? Never.

There's got to be some other way.

Higgins, I'm packing as fast as I can.

Unless you plan on carrying my bags,
your standing there won't help me.

You promised to be out by noon. I thought it
prudent to check your progress.

I'll be at TC's if my clients want to reach me.

A remote prospect but nonetheless
I'll be delighted to relay the information.

My darling, you look ravishing.
A little champagne?

(Classical music playing quietly)

My darling, you look ravishing.

A little champagne?

My darling, you look ravishing.

(Chuckles) A little champagne?

'I knew I was taking a terrible gamble
sneaking back.

'If I was right, Jennifer and her cohort would
make their move and I'd stop them.

'If I was wrong, well, I'd be losing a lot.

'Higgins was a stubborn, tyrannical snob

'but for some crazy reason,
I knew I'd miss him.'

My darling, you look ravishing.

A little champagne?

Charles Boyer, the torch is passed.

Zeus, Apollo. On guard, lads.

(Music starts)

What the bloody blazes?

My darling...

you look ravishing.

- A little...
- (Doorbell)

Now, stay. Miss Chapman's let herself in
with her own gate key.

Oh, my Godl

Hey, Higgie baby.
Now, that is bad. That is super bad.

- Got a big night planned?
- How did you get in here?

Rang the bell.

I must've rang it too hard. Sparks started
to fly out when I leaned on the gate.

What did you lean on it with?
You short-circuited the alarm.

- No jive?
- Leave now. You are no longer a guest.

You are a common trespasser
who will be dealt with summarily.

I'm going. But it just so happens

that Thomas Magnum borrowed
certain personal belongings of mine.

He was so busy when he hightailed it...

Any items of yours inadvertently left on the
premises will be returned to you forthwith.

Hey. Well, just in case, I made up a list,
which I have here, somewhere.

Oh.

Now, first up, my coffee pot,
which is absolutely almost brand-new.

My clock radio. I don't know why
Thomas Magnum borrowed that.

He never got up early since the Navy.

I can read the list.
It'll be delivered to you in the morning.

I know my stuff, so don't try to palm off
any of that junk you have laying around.

(TC) Wow.

My dearl You look ravishingl
Ha-hal A little champagne?

Do something about your voice. Sounds like
you're coming down with something.

Have a good evening.

- You got him?
- Loud and clear.

I'll bet it's boring.

Jonathan, may I ask a favour?

- Anything.
- I thought this was to be a private evening.

Must they watch?

Oh. (Chuckles)

Zeus, Apollo. Kitchen.

The gate's open. We got company.

I don't mean to engage
in sentimental gush, my dear,

but these last few days since I've met you
have been simply extraordinary.

It's been a magic time for me, too.

(Doorbell)

Excuse me. This will only take a moment.

TC, I distinctly told you...

A sumo wrestler and a dwarf?

Ah, my dear Higgins. Good evening.
So frightfully sorry to intrude.

I know who is playing this practical joke

and you may tell Mr Magnum
we are not amused.

Jennifer, the alarml

Jennifer, behind the desk, the alarml

- Jennifer, what is this?
- Don't worry.

- It isn't physical violence we're here for.
- What?

The humiliation.

Why?

Because of what you did during the war
in Egypt to my mother and him.

You betrayed them when they tried to elope.
Tell himl

Elopement? Egypt?
I'm afraid I haven't the foggiest.

Unfortunately, inexcusably,
I'm afraid he's right.

What?

Yes, it was an extremely elaborate idea,
over a year in the planning.

You, my dear,
were merely the final actor in our drama.

I'm terribly sorry to have deceived you
but the air of innocent conviction

which you brought to our endeavour
was absolutely essential.

Since this may be my last opportunity to
speak, may I inquire quickly what you want?

(Chuckles) Really, need you ask?

Robin Masters,
the struggling young writer in Paris.

Spending his pittance on what
he considered to be works of great art.

And how right he was. What insight.
What audacity. Picasso, Miro, Matisse.

Surely one of the world's greatest
private collections.

Worth conservatively, what... 30 million?

37 is a more accurate...

And so thoughtful of you
to hand it to us on a silver platter.

A most appreciated gesture.

(Laughs)

Mind you, I must say, I don't relish being
in your shoes in a couple of days' time

when they find out
what an ineffectual custodian you were.

- (Clunk)
- Carefull

Hold it right there. Higgins, you all right?

One move and this goes right through it.

Unless you're a far better shot than I think
you are, I suggest we negotiate.

Let's not.

Not absolutely essential.

(Grunting)

(Rick) TCI

Get this guy off mel

(Laughs)

I should resign as head of security,
apologise to Robin Masters,

leave the islands.

Would you postpone that self-pity
for ten minutes?

There's somebody else
you should consider. Jennifer.

- Please. No additional salt in the wound.
- Come on. She's outside.

The police are gonna be here soon
and she's determined to confess.

- Confess?
- Take the blame. Go to jail to protect you.

- She's innocent.
- Innocent?

You heard what he said. She was tricked.

What's more,
she really cares about you. Really.

Oh? Really?

Yes. You gotta move fast.
This is your chance to do the decent thing.

The gallant, honourable gesture.
The gentleman's code, remember?

Save her.

Jennifer.

Jonathan.

I'm so ashamed
I can't even beg your pardon.

But I can forgive you. Easily.
A thousand times.

But now, you must go.
TC will fly you out before the police arrive.

But I can't leave you here to take the blame
alone. I've got to stay with you.

No. Your place is away from here.
In freedom.

If you stay, maybe not tomorrow,
maybe not next year,

but one day, you'd only break my heart.

If you go, you have your whole life ahead
and I'll have this time to treasure.

But I care for you.

And I love you.

So you see, for me...

For me, my darling, you must go.

(Helicopter blades whooshing)

You know, Higgins, that was a bit of all right.

Don't hand me
that wretched understatement.

I was bloody marvellous.

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