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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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♪♪
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So, I just got off the
phone with the bank,
4
00:00:08,123 --> 00:00:10,824
and apparently, I've
gone past overdraft
5
00:00:10,826 --> 00:00:13,439
into something they're
gonna call "backdraft",
6
00:00:13,441 --> 00:00:15,031
which means I'm on fire.
7
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[CHUCKLES]
8
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I need money fast, or
I'm gonna lose my car.
9
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Until we sell some ads,
10
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there is no money coming in.
11
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And I'm out there busting my ass,
12
00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:25,489
but it is just really
tough to get people
13
00:00:25,491 --> 00:00:27,725
to commit to a magazine
that doesn't exist yet.
14
00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:29,193
So, what are you saying?
15
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:31,395
Y-You're saying this
may not actually happen?
16
00:00:31,397 --> 00:00:32,496
I don't know.
17
00:00:32,498 --> 00:00:35,399
I told you, new businesses are
hard to get off the ground.
18
00:00:35,401 --> 00:00:37,468
Well, I mean, I don't
know what I'm gonna do.
19
00:00:37,470 --> 00:00:39,570
I was barely getting
by when I had a job.
20
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:40,805
I haven't worked in months.
21
00:00:40,807 --> 00:00:42,590
I maxed out all my credit cards,
22
00:00:42,592 --> 00:00:44,141
including the one that
came in Becky's name
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that she doesn't even know about.
24
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,546
I'm gonna have to get another job.
25
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:49,603
What am I gonna do?
26
00:00:49,605 --> 00:00:51,716
Other than writing, I'm
basically unemployable.
27
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,485
Oh, come on. You're gonna be fine.
28
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You have lots of skills.
29
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Don't make me name them.
30
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,492
Hi. Are the machines empty?
31
00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:04,362
Hey, um, it's great to get to see you
32
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:05,857
when you come over to do laundry.
33
00:01:05,859 --> 00:01:07,882
Is there a way I can enjoy your company
34
00:01:07,884 --> 00:01:10,534
that doesn't cost me
water and electricity?
35
00:01:10,536 --> 00:01:12,236
I'm not going to the laundromat.
36
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,871
Last time, I caught some weirdo
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smelling one of my bras.
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I don't care if he works there.
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It's not cool.
40
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,579
Hey, you know,
41
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:23,447
Harris works at Price Warehouse.
42
00:01:23,449 --> 00:01:25,616
Maybe she could help
get you a job there.
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00:01:25,618 --> 00:01:28,519
Oh, God. Has it come to that?
44
00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:30,454
Alright, I guess I could ask her,
45
00:01:30,456 --> 00:01:31,789
but she wouldn't even let me work
46
00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:33,924
in her pretend bakery when she was 7.
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She said I depressed the customers.
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[LAUGHS]
49
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:42,566
Hey. Quick question.
50
00:01:42,568 --> 00:01:45,025
Is Price Warehouse hiring?
51
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Yeah.
52
00:01:46,252 --> 00:01:47,605
Do you know someone
who's looking for a job?
53
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,473
I desperately need a carpool buddy.
54
00:01:49,475 --> 00:01:51,876
Yes, it's me, your mommy.
55
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Oh. Oh.
56
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:57,518
Ah, I just got the newsletter.
57
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All the positions have been filled.
58
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It's crazy timing.
59
00:02:01,587 --> 00:02:04,155
Harris, I wouldn't ask if
I didn't really need this.
60
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:05,589
I'm gonna lose my car.
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00:02:05,591 --> 00:02:08,492
Oof. Eye roll.
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Okay, fine, I'll refer you,
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00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:12,748
but I'm not gonna lie to them.
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00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:15,004
I'll say you're my mother
and I kind of know you.
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00:02:15,006 --> 00:02:16,006
That's it.
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♪♪
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♪♪
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♪♪
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♪♪
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♪♪
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"The Conners" is recorded
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in front of a live studio audience.
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Oh. Hey, Beck.
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00:03:00,546 --> 00:03:03,047
Who's the dude with Jackie?
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She's dating him.
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Okay.
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For once, I'm gonna vet the guy
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00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:10,722
before he leaves her a shattered wreck.
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00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:15,393
Hey, Jack, what's up?
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00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:16,794
Not much. Good to see you, Dan.
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00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:18,562
Your takeout order's on the counter.
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Don't mind if I do.
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00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:21,866
Dan Conner, Jackie's brother-in-law.
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- Ron Dunchak.
- [SIGHS]
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I'm sorry for interrupting,
86
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:27,339
but I love to meet people.
87
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What is it you do, Ron?
88
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I'm retired.
89
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I had parsley farms.
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Made a great living on something
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00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:37,081
people pick out of their food.
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What a coincidence.
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I throw away your product
every time I see it.
94
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:41,852
- [LAUGHS]
- Wow.
95
00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:43,107
[DOOR CLOSES]
96
00:03:43,109 --> 00:03:45,590
I can't help admiring
that wedding ring, Ron.
97
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:47,992
- What a beaut.
- Happily married 30 years.
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- And here she is.
- Hi.
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00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,696
I'm sorry. Becky told
me this was a date.
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It is.
101
00:03:54,066 --> 00:03:57,969
Dan, this is my lovely wife, Janelle.
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Hi, Dan.
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00:04:05,077 --> 00:04:07,612
I'm confused, so I'm gonna go.
104
00:04:08,810 --> 00:04:10,065
Have a nice time
105
00:04:10,067 --> 00:04:12,702
doing whatever each
of you thinks this is.
106
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,053
What the hell is going on?
107
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:17,621
You told me she was dating that guy.
108
00:04:17,623 --> 00:04:18,956
Oh, she is.
109
00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:20,624
And the girl.
110
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The guy and the girl.
111
00:04:23,095 --> 00:04:25,263
You getting this, old-timer?
112
00:04:26,671 --> 00:04:29,519
So, Jackie, we're
all having a great time.
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- Mm-hmm.
- And it just seems like
114
00:04:30,726 --> 00:04:32,816
things would naturally
progress to the next level.
115
00:04:32,818 --> 00:04:34,240
And we were just wondering,
116
00:04:34,242 --> 00:04:36,781
how many times do you
usually go out with someone
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before, you know, you...
you sleep with them?
118
00:04:39,275 --> 00:04:42,600
Oh, goodness, um, pbst, I don't know.
119
00:04:42,602 --> 00:04:45,459
Um, 30, 40 times.
120
00:04:45,461 --> 00:04:48,430
Um, what were you guys thinking?
121
00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:52,456
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
122
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:53,757
So, we're there?
123
00:04:53,759 --> 00:04:55,659
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
124
00:04:55,661 --> 00:04:57,656
How does this work?
125
00:04:57,658 --> 00:05:00,264
Do you go make a sandwich
while we're doing it,
126
00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:02,099
and then when you two are doing it,
127
00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:03,567
do I go make a sandwich?
128
00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:06,070
Or [CHUCKLES] am I the sandwich?
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00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:08,839
[LAUGHTER]
130
00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:10,741
Ohh. Well...
131
00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:13,143
Janelle thought all three
of us should be together.
132
00:05:13,145 --> 00:05:15,479
Yeah, right, 'cause when
I Googled "thrupple",
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00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:18,349
that seemed to be pretty standard.
134
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:20,391
Yeah, I mean, I think
it would make everybody
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00:05:20,393 --> 00:05:21,475
the most comfortable.
136
00:05:21,477 --> 00:05:23,254
I've never been with
a woman, Jackie. Have you?
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00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:26,857
Just myself, but that has not gone well.
138
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:29,326
- ♪♪
- _
139
00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:32,029
Oh, hey, Harris. What do you think?
140
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:33,520
Mother-daughter beauty pageant.
141
00:05:33,522 --> 00:05:34,832
We wear these? Huh?
142
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:35,900
[CHUCKLES]
143
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,701
You got the job. Congratulations.
144
00:05:37,703 --> 00:05:39,703
So, who's going to be training
145
00:05:39,705 --> 00:05:42,273
our newest and oldest team member?
146
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:45,376
Well, I was trying to decide
who was gonna train your mom.
147
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,778
Then, I thought, "Hey,
what's more comfortable
148
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:50,881
than being trained by your own child?"
149
00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:52,816
Yeah. Um, do you have any kids?
150
00:05:52,818 --> 00:05:54,218
No, I don't.
151
00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:56,888
Oh, okay, then this makes more sense.
152
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[SCOFFS] I can't believe
they're making me do this.
153
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,626
Oh, you think this is bad for you?
154
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:04,074
Try taking orders from the person
155
00:06:04,076 --> 00:06:05,113
who took off her diaper
156
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,816
and made me chase her
through the airport.
157
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,566
Oh! What was that?
158
00:06:09,568 --> 00:06:10,901
That's Schneider.
159
00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,418
He's one of our automated associates
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00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:13,470
who sweeps the floor.
161
00:06:13,472 --> 00:06:15,139
Oh.
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00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,241
I think he just hit me on purpose.
163
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:18,742
[SCOFFS] It's a robot, Mom.
164
00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:19,767
You're just so small,
165
00:06:19,769 --> 00:06:22,169
he probably thought you were
something that fell off a shelf.
166
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,749
Okay, let's get to work.
167
00:06:25,751 --> 00:06:27,741
I am now going to show you
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00:06:27,743 --> 00:06:29,744
how we do the Price Warehouse fold.
169
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- Go. Arm.
- [SIGHS]
170
00:06:32,758 --> 00:06:35,526
- Arm.
- Mm-hmm.
171
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:37,428
- Shoulder.
- Mm-hmm.
172
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:39,763
Shoulder. Chop, flip.
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00:06:39,765 --> 00:06:40,831
Your turn.
174
00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:42,867
[SIGHS]
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00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,040
Uh, no.
176
00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:52,509
No.
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00:06:52,511 --> 00:06:54,545
No.
178
00:06:54,547 --> 00:06:55,846
Unh-unh.
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00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:57,114
No.
180
00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:59,706
Good God, woman, does it
have to be exactly that way?
181
00:06:59,708 --> 00:07:00,764
Yes.
182
00:07:00,766 --> 00:07:02,119
Sheila is going to be judging me
183
00:07:02,121 --> 00:07:03,454
on how well I train you.
184
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,255
So make sure everything in this section
185
00:07:05,257 --> 00:07:07,291
is folded properly
while I finish inventory.
186
00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:09,360
Just follow the one I did.
187
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:10,729
[SIGHS]
188
00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:16,466
Okay.
189
00:07:16,468 --> 00:07:19,692
Arm... arm...
190
00:07:19,694 --> 00:07:22,351
shoulder... shoulder...
191
00:07:22,353 --> 00:07:23,941
chop... flip.
192
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,144
Oh, yeah! Who's your mommy?
193
00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:31,771
Um, oh, I'm sorry.
194
00:07:31,773 --> 00:07:34,475
I think maybe your
size is on the bottom.
195
00:07:35,602 --> 00:07:37,258
Uh, it's... it's on the bottom.
196
00:07:37,260 --> 00:07:40,017
The bottom.
197
00:07:40,019 --> 00:07:41,386
The very bottom.
198
00:07:42,404 --> 00:07:43,871
It's on the damn bottom.
199
00:07:45,591 --> 00:07:47,292
No! Go home.
200
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,401
Uh, I am so sorry, ma'am.
201
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:52,336
I'm a sales associate.
How may I help you?
202
00:07:52,338 --> 00:07:53,794
I'm looking for an XL.
203
00:07:53,796 --> 00:07:55,318
Of course.
204
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:58,645
That is just right here on the bottom.
205
00:07:58,647 --> 00:08:00,903
[SCOFFS]
206
00:08:00,905 --> 00:08:02,425
Somebody should have told you. [SIGHS]
207
00:08:04,529 --> 00:08:06,530
You can't tell the customers to go home.
208
00:08:07,765 --> 00:08:09,688
Not even the stupid ones?
209
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,713
You asked for this job,
210
00:08:11,715 --> 00:08:13,371
and what you do reflects on me.
211
00:08:13,373 --> 00:08:15,708
So get it together and fold these.
212
00:08:17,104 --> 00:08:19,627
The first three letters
of "associate" are "ass".
213
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,052
What did you say?
214
00:08:21,054 --> 00:08:22,743
What? Oh, nothing.
215
00:08:22,745 --> 00:08:24,446
[CLEARS THROAT]
216
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:27,971
♪♪
217
00:08:27,973 --> 00:08:29,996
[GROANING]
218
00:08:29,998 --> 00:08:32,331
How was your first day?
219
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:34,782
Uh, I folded sweatshirts
220
00:08:34,784 --> 00:08:37,518
and a robot pushed himself against me.
221
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,052
Did you report it?
222
00:08:39,054 --> 00:08:40,354
'Cause you'll never win.
223
00:08:40,356 --> 00:08:42,657
Robots cover up for other robots.
224
00:08:43,866 --> 00:08:46,967
The real problem is
they made Harris my boss.
225
00:08:46,969 --> 00:08:48,903
[LAUGHS]
226
00:08:48,905 --> 00:08:51,539
Oh, my God, that's hilarious!
227
00:08:51,541 --> 00:08:54,875
They just made me a Price
Warehouse customer for life.
228
00:08:54,877 --> 00:08:55,976
[DOOR CLOSES]
229
00:08:55,978 --> 00:08:57,779
[SIGHING] Hey.
230
00:09:00,738 --> 00:09:03,068
- What the hell happened to your face?
- [CHUCKLES]
231
00:09:03,070 --> 00:09:05,293
What do you mean, what happened?
232
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,451
I shaved.
233
00:09:06,453 --> 00:09:08,387
Without asking me?
234
00:09:09,531 --> 00:09:12,232
I need your permission to
do something with my face?
235
00:09:12,234 --> 00:09:15,001
Uh, well, yeah. I'm the one
that's got to look at it all day.
236
00:09:15,003 --> 00:09:16,402
[LAUGHS]
237
00:09:16,404 --> 00:09:17,837
Well, what's wrong with my face?
238
00:09:17,839 --> 00:09:20,874
There's just too much of it.
239
00:09:20,876 --> 00:09:23,843
So, you're saying I'm fat?
240
00:09:23,845 --> 00:09:25,912
Oh, no, no, no, of course not.
241
00:09:25,914 --> 00:09:28,581
It's just, your face...
you got a fat face.
242
00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:30,850
[BEVERLY ROSE CRYING]
243
00:09:30,852 --> 00:09:33,386
Oh, uh, hey, bring little Bev up.
244
00:09:33,388 --> 00:09:34,754
I'll take care of her for you.
245
00:09:34,756 --> 00:09:37,021
Nah, she's gonna look
at all this pale flesh
246
00:09:37,023 --> 00:09:39,391
and be confused because
there's no nipple on it.
247
00:09:43,632 --> 00:09:46,699
Look, I thought I'd have a
better shot at selling ads
248
00:09:46,701 --> 00:09:48,434
as a clean-cut businessman,
249
00:09:48,436 --> 00:09:50,803
and I was right.
250
00:09:50,805 --> 00:09:54,207
These newly revealed dimples
just got the guy at Garage Depot
251
00:09:54,209 --> 00:09:57,143
interested in running a two-page spread.
252
00:09:57,145 --> 00:10:00,046
- Oh, my God, that is fantastic!
- [CHUCKLES]
253
00:10:00,048 --> 00:10:01,781
Now I can tell Harris I'm quitting
254
00:10:01,783 --> 00:10:03,806
and then make her fold
all my sweatshirts.
255
00:10:03,808 --> 00:10:05,839
Whoa! Hang on.
256
00:10:05,841 --> 00:10:07,230
Now, he won't do anything
257
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:10,052
until he sees a sample
of the new magazine first,
258
00:10:10,054 --> 00:10:12,254
so I need articles,
the layout, everything.
259
00:10:12,256 --> 00:10:13,846
Alright, well, how long do I have?
260
00:10:13,848 --> 00:10:15,128
Well, as soon as possible.
261
00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:16,796
I don't want to lose this guy.
262
00:10:16,798 --> 00:10:18,838
And these dimples
only mesmerize for so long.
263
00:10:21,028 --> 00:10:22,984
Hey, uh, what do you think?
264
00:10:22,986 --> 00:10:25,577
Does this look right
for a fancy restaurant?
265
00:10:25,579 --> 00:10:28,012
Should I change? I should change.
266
00:10:28,014 --> 00:10:30,014
You look fine. Why are you so nervous?
267
00:10:30,016 --> 00:10:33,017
Tonight's the night
with Ron and Janelle.
268
00:10:33,019 --> 00:10:35,754
Uh, I, uh...
269
00:10:35,756 --> 00:10:37,890
I shaved my entire body.
270
00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:42,164
I don't know who's going where,
271
00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:44,029
so I cleared the decks.
272
00:10:45,465 --> 00:10:47,432
Ready for this?
273
00:10:47,434 --> 00:10:49,467
Yeah, I really care about them,
274
00:10:49,469 --> 00:10:52,504
and sex is a natural
expression of closeness
275
00:10:52,506 --> 00:10:55,039
between... three people.
276
00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:58,943
Sorry, I-I couldn't help but overhear.
277
00:10:58,945 --> 00:11:00,879
Can I offer a man's point of
view that might be helpful?
278
00:11:00,881 --> 00:11:01,980
Sure.
279
00:11:01,982 --> 00:11:04,183
Are you out of your damn mind?!
280
00:11:05,485 --> 00:11:06,718
You're a third wheel.
281
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,620
At some point, they're
gonna get tired of you
282
00:11:08,622 --> 00:11:10,188
and you're gonna get your heart broken.
283
00:11:10,190 --> 00:11:12,044
You just don't understand
our relationship.
284
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:15,560
You're way too square
to get any of this.
285
00:11:15,562 --> 00:11:18,897
I'm sorry, but nature
works a certain way.
286
00:11:18,899 --> 00:11:20,532
Tea for? Two.
287
00:11:20,534 --> 00:11:22,333
Bicycle built for? Two.
288
00:11:22,335 --> 00:11:24,969
Noah's ark... two lions, two giraffes.
289
00:11:24,971 --> 00:11:26,971
It's not "Lady and the Tramp"
290
00:11:26,973 --> 00:11:30,041
with another Tramp sucking on
the middle of the spaghetti.
291
00:11:30,043 --> 00:11:33,211
Ew!
292
00:11:33,213 --> 00:11:35,914
Ew!
293
00:11:35,916 --> 00:11:38,516
That's... not helpful, Dan.
294
00:11:38,518 --> 00:11:40,518
I will make up my mind in the moment,
295
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:41,586
and that's that.
296
00:11:41,588 --> 00:11:43,644
I think it's exciting.
297
00:11:43,646 --> 00:11:45,535
But if you change your mind, remember,
298
00:11:45,537 --> 00:11:46,959
"no" means "no"...
299
00:11:46,961 --> 00:11:48,328
and "no".
300
00:11:49,563 --> 00:11:52,096
♪♪
301
00:11:52,098 --> 00:11:54,783
Oh, and I moved the
"Mug Shot of the Week" column
302
00:11:54,785 --> 00:11:56,374
to the front page so that it pops.
303
00:11:56,376 --> 00:11:57,735
Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
304
00:11:57,737 --> 00:12:00,738
Hey, how are you able to do this at work?
305
00:12:00,740 --> 00:12:01,940
What are you doing?
306
00:12:01,942 --> 00:12:03,107
Are you [CHUCKLES]...
307
00:12:03,109 --> 00:12:05,109
Are you hiding in a dressing room?
308
00:12:05,111 --> 00:12:06,211
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
309
00:12:06,213 --> 00:12:07,946
SHEILA: Darlene, are you in there?
310
00:12:07,948 --> 00:12:10,382
Ooh, busted. Later.
311
00:12:14,965 --> 00:12:17,565
Hey, team, what are you guys doing
here? Shouldn't you be working?
312
00:12:19,226 --> 00:12:21,125
You're responsible
for your crew, Harris.
313
00:12:21,127 --> 00:12:22,560
When they fail, you fail.
314
00:12:22,562 --> 00:12:24,028
And when you fail, I fail.
315
00:12:24,030 --> 00:12:25,396
And I am this close
316
00:12:25,398 --> 00:12:27,755
to going to the managers'
conference in Branson.
317
00:12:27,757 --> 00:12:30,059
Two words... The... Judds.
318
00:12:32,973 --> 00:12:35,073
Do you have any idea how
bad this makes me look?
319
00:12:35,075 --> 00:12:36,808
You just got me in huge trouble.
320
00:12:36,810 --> 00:12:38,576
Well, I'm sorry. I had to finish this.
321
00:12:38,578 --> 00:12:39,878
It's really important.
322
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:40,880
So is your job.
323
00:12:41,737 --> 00:12:44,261
Hey, can't you just cover for me?
324
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,886
You know how many times
I got you out of P.E.?
325
00:12:46,888 --> 00:12:49,078
If anybody had their period
that many times in a year,
326
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,123
they'd need a transfusion.
327
00:12:52,323 --> 00:12:53,813
This isn't P.E., Mom.
328
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,070
This is the real world.
329
00:12:55,072 --> 00:12:56,160
Uh, no, it isn't.
330
00:12:56,162 --> 00:12:57,736
This is the third ring of Hell,
331
00:12:57,738 --> 00:12:59,304
where you fold the same sweatshirt
332
00:12:59,306 --> 00:13:01,406
over and over for an eternity.
333
00:13:01,408 --> 00:13:03,575
You know, you're right.
334
00:13:03,577 --> 00:13:05,210
You're way too good for this place.
335
00:13:05,212 --> 00:13:07,179
So I'm gonna save you the
bother of coming in anymore.
336
00:13:07,181 --> 00:13:08,346
You're fired.
337
00:13:08,348 --> 00:13:09,838
What?
338
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,663
You can't fire your mother.
339
00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:13,018
You're not my mother.
340
00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:14,553
You're Darlene from Women's Apparel,
341
00:13:14,555 --> 00:13:16,755
and she sucks.
342
00:13:16,757 --> 00:13:18,557
Don't forget to leave
your vest on the way out.
343
00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:20,846
Oh! Oh, no, not the vest!
344
00:13:20,848 --> 00:13:22,881
Don't make me leave the vest!
345
00:13:22,883 --> 00:13:24,549
What will I wear to meet the queen?!
346
00:13:24,551 --> 00:13:26,552
♪♪
347
00:13:28,925 --> 00:13:30,996
That dinner was amazing.
348
00:13:30,998 --> 00:13:32,297
- [CHUCKLES]
- Right?
349
00:13:32,299 --> 00:13:34,333
Lobster was a little
garlicky, don't you think?
350
00:13:34,335 --> 00:13:36,735
It was, wasn't it? Mints, everyone?
351
00:13:36,737 --> 00:13:37,936
- Oh. Yes.
- Oh. Yeah.
352
00:13:37,938 --> 00:13:39,605
Mm. Ron.
353
00:13:39,607 --> 00:13:40,773
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
354
00:13:40,775 --> 00:13:41,840
Mmm.
355
00:13:41,842 --> 00:13:43,075
Mm-hmm.
356
00:13:43,077 --> 00:13:45,177
[CHUCKLES]
357
00:13:45,179 --> 00:13:46,245
Mm.
358
00:13:46,247 --> 00:13:47,346
How about some champagne?
359
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:49,281
Oh, yes, I'll take a bottle.
360
00:13:49,283 --> 00:13:52,117
[LAUGHS] I'll get it.
361
00:13:52,119 --> 00:13:53,886
- Thanks, honey.
- [CHUCKLES]
362
00:13:53,888 --> 00:13:55,053
[CHUCKLES]
363
00:13:55,055 --> 00:13:57,756
[CHUCKLES] Oh, well, wow.
364
00:13:57,758 --> 00:14:00,257
"The History of Parsley".
365
00:14:00,259 --> 00:14:04,396
Well [CHUCKLES] you
don't see that every day.
366
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,599
[GASPS]
367
00:14:07,601 --> 00:14:10,969
Oh, uh, I guess you
got started without me.
368
00:14:10,971 --> 00:14:13,238
Well, we, uh, started
talking about parsley,
369
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,642
and as you can imagine,
one thing led to another.
370
00:14:16,644 --> 00:14:18,410
Ron, I thought we agreed,
371
00:14:18,412 --> 00:14:19,978
we were all gonna do this together.
372
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:22,599
I was just trying to break the
ice, make Jackie more comfortable.
373
00:14:22,601 --> 00:14:24,000
Oh, no, don't worry about me.
374
00:14:24,002 --> 00:14:26,904
I've got a bottle of
comfortable right here.
375
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:30,422
I'm just saying that I
could have been in the room
376
00:14:30,424 --> 00:14:32,391
when we were making
Jackie more comfortable.
377
00:14:32,393 --> 00:14:34,159
We're all here to have
a good time, Janelle.
378
00:14:34,161 --> 00:14:36,995
- That's great. When does my good time start?
- Janelle.
379
00:14:36,997 --> 00:14:38,498
- Ron.
- Hey, Ron,
380
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,550
uh, if you kiss Janelle,
381
00:14:40,552 --> 00:14:42,460
we can all be even and start fresh.
382
00:14:42,462 --> 00:14:44,514
Maybe Ron's tired of kissing me.
383
00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:46,071
At least, that's what
he told the therapist.
384
00:14:46,073 --> 00:14:47,139
I didn't say "tired of".
385
00:14:47,141 --> 00:14:49,074
I said it felt like work.
386
00:14:49,076 --> 00:14:51,731
Time to clock in, Ron.
387
00:14:51,733 --> 00:14:53,927
Start kissing Janelle.
388
00:14:53,929 --> 00:14:56,052
I don't think Janelle
wants to be kissed.
389
00:14:56,054 --> 00:14:57,783
I think Janelle wants to be mad.
390
00:14:57,785 --> 00:15:00,378
Uh, you know, I was, uh,
391
00:15:00,380 --> 00:15:02,187
formerly Lanford's leading life coach,
392
00:15:02,189 --> 00:15:04,523
and I have found, what
really helps in situations...
393
00:15:04,525 --> 00:15:06,425
You know, this isn't
gonna make you a man.
394
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:07,926
You failed at parsley,
395
00:15:07,928 --> 00:15:10,128
and you failed as a husband.
396
00:15:10,130 --> 00:15:13,298
Everything you touch dies!
397
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:15,465
Well, I've been touching
myself for 20 years,
398
00:15:15,467 --> 00:15:16,501
and I'm not dead.
399
00:15:19,807 --> 00:15:21,807
I love Jackie.
400
00:15:21,809 --> 00:15:24,276
You love what, now?
401
00:15:24,278 --> 00:15:26,768
Come on, Jackie, you
feel it, too, don't you?
402
00:15:26,770 --> 00:15:29,505
Uh, I think this would be a good time
403
00:15:29,507 --> 00:15:32,618
for me to get my swan and skedaddle.
404
00:15:32,620 --> 00:15:33,853
Take me with you, Jackie.
405
00:15:33,855 --> 00:15:35,196
No, not happening, Ron.
406
00:15:35,198 --> 00:15:37,778
I wanted a nice old-fashioned threesome,
407
00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:40,448
and you had to go make it weird!
408
00:15:43,616 --> 00:15:45,739
Oh, I have to vent to somebody.
409
00:15:45,741 --> 00:15:47,366
Your sister is out of her mind.
410
00:15:47,368 --> 00:15:49,134
I only put up with it
411
00:15:49,136 --> 00:15:52,172
because she's a joy to be around.
412
00:15:52,174 --> 00:15:55,666
She completely disrespected
me, so I had to fire her.
413
00:15:55,668 --> 00:15:58,301
She comes in and she starts
immediately screwing off,
414
00:15:58,303 --> 00:15:59,569
and she gets me in trouble.
415
00:15:59,571 --> 00:16:02,420
She doesn't care
that she's ruining my life.
416
00:16:02,422 --> 00:16:05,057
Well, she's horrible.
417
00:16:06,378 --> 00:16:09,146
We thought you knew.
418
00:16:09,148 --> 00:16:11,515
You really think I'm ruining your life?
419
00:16:11,517 --> 00:16:14,151
We got to talk. Give us a minute.
420
00:16:14,153 --> 00:16:15,353
Of course.
421
00:16:24,363 --> 00:16:26,963
Don't try to blame this on me.
422
00:16:26,965 --> 00:16:28,832
You could have given
me a couple more hours
423
00:16:28,834 --> 00:16:30,033
to finish the mockup.
424
00:16:30,035 --> 00:16:31,702
You just don't get that I'm an adult now
425
00:16:31,704 --> 00:16:33,537
and this is actually my career.
426
00:16:33,539 --> 00:16:35,195
[SCOFFS] Okay.
427
00:16:35,197 --> 00:16:37,153
You want me to treat you like an adult?
428
00:16:37,155 --> 00:16:39,383
Here's a truth I would never tell a kid.
429
00:16:40,913 --> 00:16:42,345
I'm desperate.
430
00:16:42,347 --> 00:16:44,848
Please. We're all desperate.
431
00:16:44,850 --> 00:16:47,317
No, you don't get it.
432
00:16:47,319 --> 00:16:50,087
If Mark and I weren't here,
living with your grandpa,
433
00:16:50,089 --> 00:16:51,555
we would be on the street.
434
00:16:51,557 --> 00:16:52,823
What do you mean?
435
00:16:52,825 --> 00:16:55,392
You're starting that
magazine up with Ben, right?
436
00:16:55,394 --> 00:16:56,459
You're gonna be okay.
437
00:16:56,461 --> 00:16:58,662
But that may never happen.
438
00:16:58,664 --> 00:17:02,866
And this is my only shot at
having some kind of future.
439
00:17:02,868 --> 00:17:04,034
Wow.
440
00:17:04,036 --> 00:17:06,603
I-I guess I didn't
realize how bad it was.
441
00:17:06,605 --> 00:17:08,338
I'm sorry, Mom.
442
00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:10,707
Well, I appreciate that,
443
00:17:10,709 --> 00:17:13,744
but you already fired
me, so it's too late.
444
00:17:13,746 --> 00:17:17,714
Oh, I'm not sorry I fired you.
445
00:17:17,716 --> 00:17:20,450
I'm sorry I called you a bitch.
446
00:17:20,452 --> 00:17:22,853
No, you... you didn't call me a bitch.
447
00:17:22,855 --> 00:17:25,021
I did, after you left.
448
00:17:25,023 --> 00:17:28,892
♪♪
449
00:17:28,894 --> 00:17:31,595
Hey, how'd your date go last night?
450
00:17:31,597 --> 00:17:34,900
Did you make God cry
with your triangle of sin?
451
00:17:34,902 --> 00:17:38,092
No, Dan, I did not.
452
00:17:38,094 --> 00:17:39,102
And you were wrong.
453
00:17:39,104 --> 00:17:40,403
They did not break up with me.
454
00:17:40,405 --> 00:17:43,607
They broke up with each other over me.
455
00:17:43,609 --> 00:17:45,876
I'm so sorry, Jackie.
456
00:17:45,878 --> 00:17:47,310
Not as sorry as I am.
457
00:17:47,312 --> 00:17:51,615
I shaved places that were
not meant to have stubble.
458
00:17:51,617 --> 00:17:52,949
Ugh.
459
00:17:52,951 --> 00:17:56,319
Could light a match off my inner thigh.
460
00:17:56,321 --> 00:17:58,221
Guess what.
461
00:17:58,223 --> 00:17:59,389
We're in business.
462
00:17:59,391 --> 00:18:01,458
Just got a call from
the Garage Depot guy.
463
00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:03,960
He loved the mockup and
committed for months!
464
00:18:03,962 --> 00:18:05,095
- Yes!
- [LAUGHS]
465
00:18:05,097 --> 00:18:06,396
This is amazing!
466
00:18:06,398 --> 00:18:07,831
[LAUGHS]
467
00:18:07,833 --> 00:18:09,633
Ye gods! What did you do?!
468
00:18:10,803 --> 00:18:14,471
What happened to my
beautiful hairy woodsman?
469
00:18:14,473 --> 00:18:17,741
You know, I do have feelings in here.
470
00:18:17,743 --> 00:18:19,109
Aww.
471
00:18:19,111 --> 00:18:21,111
Oh, it feels like warm bologna
472
00:18:21,113 --> 00:18:22,512
that's been sitting in the sun.
473
00:18:22,514 --> 00:18:24,347
Feel it.
474
00:18:24,349 --> 00:18:25,682
Okay, just come on,
475
00:18:25,684 --> 00:18:27,150
get it out of your system
476
00:18:27,152 --> 00:18:28,919
so we can all get on with our lives.
477
00:18:28,921 --> 00:18:31,288
Gross. It's like the bottom of a foot.
478
00:18:31,290 --> 00:18:33,582
No, no, it's softer.
479
00:18:33,584 --> 00:18:35,759
It's like the flappy part
of an old woman's arm
480
00:18:35,761 --> 00:18:37,183
when she's waving goodbye.
481
00:18:37,185 --> 00:18:38,328
Okay, enough!
482
00:18:38,330 --> 00:18:40,430
Dan, help me out here.
483
00:18:40,432 --> 00:18:44,601
Every man has the right
to shave his own face.
484
00:18:44,603 --> 00:18:47,332
I, for one, think it looks good.
485
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,825
I got tired of looking
at that alpaca's ass.
486
00:18:49,827 --> 00:18:52,042
[DOOR CLOSES]
487
00:18:52,044 --> 00:18:53,877
Hi.
488
00:18:53,879 --> 00:18:55,512
Hey, what are you doing here?
489
00:18:55,514 --> 00:18:56,813
Aren't you supposed to be at work?
490
00:18:56,815 --> 00:18:59,216
I got fired.
491
00:18:59,218 --> 00:19:00,450
- Aw, no.
- Oh.
492
00:19:00,452 --> 00:19:02,519
No, wait, was it because of me?
493
00:19:02,521 --> 00:19:04,922
No, stupid robot replaced us all.
494
00:19:06,391 --> 00:19:08,191
Turns out he wasn't
just sweeping the floors.
495
00:19:08,193 --> 00:19:11,328
He was also secretly doing inventory.
496
00:19:11,330 --> 00:19:13,697
Are they still gonna
help you go to college?
497
00:19:13,699 --> 00:19:15,365
- No.
- Oh.
498
00:19:15,367 --> 00:19:17,868
Aw, man. Sorry, honey.
499
00:19:17,870 --> 00:19:20,070
Can I stay here tonight?
500
00:19:20,072 --> 00:19:21,471
Yeah, of course.
501
00:19:21,473 --> 00:19:23,840
Hey, you know it's gonna be okay, right?
502
00:19:23,842 --> 00:19:25,642
Hey, cheer up.
503
00:19:25,644 --> 00:19:28,678
Look at Ben's face.
504
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,014
It's funny, right?
505
00:19:31,610 --> 00:19:34,546
Looks like somebody stuck eyes on a ham.
506
00:19:41,226 --> 00:19:43,275
Hey, that couple over there
wants to talk to you.
507
00:19:43,277 --> 00:19:45,177
I'm just helping out, so I
don't want to get involved.
508
00:19:45,179 --> 00:19:47,846
Oh, man, I hope they didn't
order the lamb goulash.
509
00:19:47,848 --> 00:19:49,248
I told Dwight to throw that out.
510
00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:51,116
No, they haven't ordered anything yet.
511
00:19:51,118 --> 00:19:53,185
I don't think they're
looking for the food.
512
00:19:53,187 --> 00:19:55,621
They've both been checking Jackie out.
513
00:19:55,623 --> 00:19:57,823
I think they're looking for a thrupple.
514
00:19:57,825 --> 00:19:59,158
Oh, darn.
515
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,027
When you're in a small town,
I guess everybody talks.
516
00:20:02,029 --> 00:20:04,572
Well, I know I told
everybody who came in.
517
00:20:04,574 --> 00:20:06,163
Come over there with me.
518
00:20:06,165 --> 00:20:07,666
The guy's wearing a giant cross.
519
00:20:07,668 --> 00:20:09,636
Might be a weirdo.
520
00:20:13,063 --> 00:20:15,286
Uh, may I help you?
521
00:20:15,288 --> 00:20:17,678
Oh, I certainly hope so.
522
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,378
But, honestly,
523
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:22,047
we're only looking for one other person.
524
00:20:22,049 --> 00:20:24,483
But we'd take two.
525
00:20:24,485 --> 00:20:26,385
Well, I'm sorry.
526
00:20:26,387 --> 00:20:28,157
I know what you may have heard,
527
00:20:28,159 --> 00:20:31,784
but I'm really not a part
of that lifestyle anymore.
528
00:20:31,786 --> 00:20:34,187
What about the boy?
529
00:20:35,329 --> 00:20:37,129
Well, that's very flattering,
530
00:20:37,131 --> 00:20:38,865
but the boy's not interested, either.
531
00:20:41,369 --> 00:20:43,025
[CHILD LAUGHS]
532
00:20:43,027 --> 00:20:45,927
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
36823
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