All language subtitles for Murdoch Mysteries - S08E09 - The Keystone Constables - [BD][1080p][x265 10-bit][AAC 5.1]_Track05

[Laughing]

[Audience booing ]

HIGGINS:
Enough already!

Let's have Bert Grady!

HIGGINS:
Yeah.

- Boo!
- Oh, come on, Higgins.

- Don't --
- Boo!

[ Booing continues]

- CRABTREE: Higgins!
- HIGGINS: [ Laughs]

- Oh, here we go.
- MAN: People, please!

Let's give a hand to this fine
young juggler, W.C. Fields!

And now the funniest man
in vaudeville...

- Bert Grady!
-...Bert Grady!

[Cheers and applause]

[ Laughter]

- That was saucy.
- Bravo!

Very saucy.
Very saucy.

I sat down next to a guy
at the tavern.

A chatty type-

He told me that his
mother-in-law was an angel.

I said, "Lucky you.
Mine's still alive."

But that's not entirely true.

I do have a soft spot
for my mother-in-law.

It's right behind this theater,
in fact.

[ Laughter]

I missed her at first.

So I reloaded and tried again.

That did it.

Now, you can't blame me.

She told me she always wanted to
go down under.

I just didn't realize
"down under" meant Australia

till it was too late.

Now she's six feet under.

[ Laughter]

Not that she cared for me much
either, though.

She said that she was gonna
dance on my grave.

I said, "I hope you do, 'cause
I plan to be buried at sea."

Thank you all very much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

[Whistles]

Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls.

A round of applause
if you think that -- hmm --

W.C. Fields should win
the audience prize!

- What are you doing?
- I don't even have to ask, do I?

Once again the audience prize
goes to...

Mr. Bert Grady!

-[ Cheers and applause]
- HIGGINS: He deserves it.

- Do, huh?
- Yes, he does.

We should try to meet him
this time.

Actually, I had a thought
about that, Henry.

I noticed last time
that Bert Grady didn't leave

by the front doors
with the rest of the performers.

He must have slipped out
this way to avoid the fanfare.

We should pitch him our jokes.

No.
They're not ready yet, Henry.

What's this?

I told you I don't want to be
pestered after shows.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm sure if you sign
an autograph,

you can be on your way.

Well?
Pen and paper?

Oh, no.
We're not like that.

Uh, we're fans,
just not that kind.

What the hell do you want, then?

- Hello.
-[ Sighs ]

There'd better not be anyone
here to pester me

tomorrow night, Lewis.

We have to say something funny,
George.

It's too late.
Just let him go.

Uh, Mr. Grady?

What now?

CRABTREE:
We just wanted you to know

how much we enjoyed
your monologue.

And we've written some jokes
that we think you might like.

Two constables are walking
the beat, and one of them --

I write my own jokes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's not easy being the star.
Don't take it personally.

Oh, no.
Of course.

Perhaps I can give you a tour
of the theater.

Yes.
That would be terrific, Mr. --

Lewis Hoffat.

I'm the assistant manager
to Mr. Allen

here at the Bradley Theatre.

And I'd love to hear your jokes.

GRADY: What the hell
are you doing here?

[Grunts]

[ Weakly ]
Why?

[Grunts]

[Gunshot]

[ Indistinct conversations]

Good evening, Dr. Grace.

Detective.

The deceased appears to be
someone of some notoriety.

If you like that type of thing.

He died about an hour ago --
approximately 11:00 p.m.

Cause of death appears
obvious enough.

Following a postmortem,

I hope to determine the caliber
of the bullet.

I suspect you'll find
it was a .22.

Mm.

That's consistent
with what I'm seeing.

MURDOCH:
Pockets are empty.

No wallet, timepiece, keys.

DR. GRACE:
A robbery.

That's a rather violent one, no?

- Were there any witnesses?
- Only one.

A Miss Glenys Moore,
manager of the hotel.

She overheard the deceased say

"What the hell
are you doing here?"

just prior to the gunshots,
but she didn't see the incident.

Then he knew his killer.

Perhaps he was relieved of his
valuables to imply a robbery.

So, Henry, what do you do
if you miss your mother-in-law?

Why, George, you reload
and you try again.

So I'm in a tavern
and a man next to me says,

"My mother-in law is an angel,"
and I said to him...

"You're lucky.
Mine is still alive."

[ Both laugh ]

Oi! Shh!

How did that one
about the grave go?

Uh, "She never --
She never liked me either.

She said was gonna dance
on my grave.

- And I said --"
- Henry, we should do our work.

"L said, 'I hope you do,
because I plan to be buried..."'

"Buried at sea"!
[Laughs]

What the hell are you two
cackling like schoolgirls for?

Sir, it was a terrific show last
night at the Bradley Theatre.

You were there?

Shame about Bert Grady.

Uh, how do you mean, sir?

He was gunned down
after the show.

I'm off to the theater
with Murdoch as we speak.

CRABTREE:
I don't believe it.

You know, I have soft spot
for my mother-in-law --

Oh, Higgins, come on, man.

-It's just a joke, George.
- Well, he just died, Henry.

It's too early for jokes.

Too early.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh...

Oh, oh, oh...

Oh.

It's a moment of silence
for Mr. Grady.

[Whoopee cushion blurts]

[ Laughter]

ALLEN:
Good!

This some kind of a joke to you?

Without Grady pulling in
the people,

we might all be out of a job.

Now, I know he was
a son of a bitch

and some of you are glad to see
that he's gone.

But you'd better start to pull
your weight.

One of you sad sacks

might actually win
the audience prize now.

So get back to work.

You too, dummy.

Excuse me.
Sir?

Detective Murdoch,
Inspector Brackenreid

of the Toronto Constabulary.

We'd like a word
about Mr. Grady.

We gave him a minute of silence.
That's all that Grady deserved.

We'll be investigating

with or without
your cooperation, Mr. Allen.

It's to your benefit
that we have it.

Well, what's to investigate
here?

The paper said it was a robbery.

The robbery may have been staged

to hide the killer's
true intentions.

We have reason to believe that
Mr. Grady knew his attacker.

We'll be speaking
with all your employees.

Is there anything you care
to tell us before they do?

Sure.

Everybody hated him.

Make yourselves at home,
gentlemen.

[Clears throat]

Detective William Murdoch,
Toronto Constabulary.

And you are?

Uh, Ed Ward.

And your surname?

I just told you.

You told me
your name was Edward.

That's right.
Ed Ward.

Edward who?

Ed Ward is my name.

Sir, I need your surname.

Okay. You have it.
It's Ward.

Ed Ward.

Ah.

Hey.
Please, sit.

-[ Whoopee cushion blurts]
-[Laughs]

Yeah.
Isn't that great?

That is my flatulence sack, sir.

Kids love this thing.

Mr. Grady performed
as a monologist,

the most challenging
of disciplines in vaudeville.

Was there jealousy
amongst the performers?

Well, I mean, I suppose
we respected his talent,

just not the man himself.

Was he resented for his success?

Well, not by me.

I'm considered the best
prop comedian in all of vaud.

What do you think this is?

A pole.

Not just any pole.

It's my 11-foot pole.

For everything I wouldn't touch
with my 10-foot pole.

Anything else?

Looks like you need
some practice.

Catch.

W.C. Fields, is it?

Yeah.

And I'll be jumping the
first train back to the States

once my contract's up.

Audiences are more forgiving
there.

Mr. Fields,
I believe that Mr. Grady

pelted you with a tomato
onstage last night.

Quite embarrassing,
I would have thought.

Vaudevillians are supposed to
look out for one another,

but not that man.

I don't suppose that compelled
you to seek retribution

after the show.

Retribution?

For what?

Grady may have been a louse,
but he was right.

I was horrible last night.

- Yeah. Oop!
- Ooh.

Not as easy as it looks.

I understand Mr. Grady had been
winning the audience prize.

Yes. Ever since he became
a monologist three months ago.

What did he do prior to that?

He was in a prop-comic two-act
with Ed Ward.

Oh.
They were partners?

Yes. Until he went off
to become a star.

Mr. Ward has been unable
to match Grady's popularity.

I'm glad to see you're putting
George's wedding present

to good use.

And I'm happy to have a wife
who's willing to accompany me

on my investigations.

I'm actually quite excited
about it.

I haven't seen a vaudeville show
in ages.

Oh, Julia, I'd be careful
to temper my expectations.

I didn't find
any of the performers

to be particularly amusing.

You can hardly determine that

from meeting them
in a murder investigation.

What do you do
with an 11-foot pole?

I couldn't be sure.

You use it to touch the objects
you wouldn't otherwise touch

with a 10-foot pole.

You see,
that's the sort of humor

that will be on display
this evening.

Well, I'm looking forward to it
all the same.

Hopefully you'll glean something
for your investigation.

Bert Grady, a monologist,

had been routinely winning
the audience prize.

I wonder if one of
the performers murdered him

to supplant him as the top act.

It's possible.

The combination of professional
jealousy and monetary gain

is reasonable motive.

Shall we, Doctor?

We shall.

As long as you don't attempt
to tell any more jokes.

CRABTREE: My mother-in-law
hates me so much

she said she'd dance
on my grave.

I said, "Good.
I plan to be buried at sea."

[ Laughing ]
That's awful, George.

You do know in that scenario,

she'd end up beside you
for an eternity.

Yes. I suppose you're right.
Good thinking, Edna.

I guess Bert Grady
didn't think of that

when he conceived the joke.

You should let me take you
to a show sometime.

Oh, I don't know, George.

Well, there's all kinds of acts
there.

Something for everybody.

Do you want me to just call
a plumber?

No!
Heavens.

Never pay for what you can do
yourself for free.

There we go.

That's all it was --
a clogged P trap.

I'm most thankful, George.

It was my pleasure.

[ Light laughter]

[ Laughter]

[ Off-key notes play ]

[ Laughter]

[Grunts]

[Audience murmuring]

[Applause]

[Applause]

So the lady says to me,
"You should stop

and smell the roses."

So I says to her,
"You're all wet!"

[ Laughter]

Hey, there, folks.
Settle down.

I got a real treat for you.

Ever seen one of these?

This is my 11-foot pole --

for everything I wouldn't touch
with my 10-foot pole.

[ Laughter]

Well, it's funny
when he says it.

Thank you!
I've been Ed Ward!

ALLEN:
All right, ladies and gentlemen!

It's up to you.

Now, who should win
the audience prize?

Hmm?

Should it be...

W.C. Fields,
the eccentric juggler?

Or should it be...

Toronto's strongest man?

Hmm?

Ohh-hoo-hoo!

Or should it be...Mr. Ed Ward?

[Cheers and applause]

There you are,
ladies and gentlemen.

The audience prize goes to
the one, the only Mr. Ed Ward!

There you go, boy.

It seems Mr. Ward is profiting

from his former partner's
demise.

Indeed.

Jealousy, bad blood,
and now financial gain.

DR. OGDEN:
Motive for murder?

Mr. Ward is becoming
less amusing all the time.

[Hinges squeak]

Congratulations, Mr. Ward.

Did you enjoy the show,
Detective?

My wife certainly did.

Mm-hmm.

Mr. Ward,
you neglected to mention

that you and Mr. Grady
used to be partners.

I fail to see the relevance.

You now have a substantial
amount of money in your pocket

that would have otherwise gone
to Mr. Grady were still with us.

[ Exhales sharply]

You think I'm wrapped up
in this?

Now is your opportunity
to convince me otherwise.

Oh, no.

L...l feel faint.

-[ Whoopee cushion blurts]
- Oh, my.

Mr. Ward, where were you
last night at 11:00?

Last night?
I, uh, I-l...

Please collect yourself

and recall your whereabouts
last night, Mr. Ward.

Uh...the dump.

I was at the dump.

- The refuse dump?
- Yes! Yes.

That's...That's where I get
all my props.

At 11:00 at night?

Please, sir.
You have to believe me.

That's when the fresh load
comes in.

Sir, I've just been to --

Oh, are you making rubber bands
again?

What have you, George?

Uh, sir, I've just been
to the refuse dump.

Uh, while nobody could confirm
that Mr. Ward was there

at the exact time in question,
I have been told

that he frequents the place
late at night.

That's the time, apparently --
when all the fresh loads arrive.

Oh, yes.
Mr. Ward mentioned that.

George, if he is innocent, we
have to consider the possibility

that Mr. Grady's murder

may have nothing to do
with his colleagues.

Sir, what I keep wondering

is what's Mr. Grady,
a man of means,

even doing in that part of town
to begin with?

That's an excellent question.

Mrs. Moore?

Miss.

Miss Moore,
you overheard Mr. Grady saying,

"What the hell
are you doing here?"

just prior to the gunshots.

Yes -- as if he was surprised
to see the man.

Likely even more surprised
when he was shot by him.

How can you be sure
it was Mr. Grady's voice?

Oh, I knew his voice.
He was always here.

Kept a room.

For what purpose?

I believe he wrote his jokes
here.

Always a notebook in hand.

But that's not all
he used it for.

He had female company.

Always the same woman.

Could you describe her for us?

Slender woman.

Handsome except for the scar
on the side of her face.

[Birds chirping]

[ Door opens]

Oh, my.

I should have required
a larger deposit.

Miss Moore, did you notice
anybody suspicious in the hotel

the night of the murder?

In this hotel?

We don't exactly cater to
Toronto's finest.

I believe what
Constable Crabtree is asking

is could someone
have slipped past you

and gained entry
into Mr. Grady's room?

I wouldn't know.

I left the front desk
to see what happened outside.

Well, clearly someone
was looking for something.

This desk has been emptied out.

Do you know what Mr. Grady kept
in here?

I wouldn't know.

Sir, do you think Mr. Grady
was murdered for his jokes?

That's possible.

If that's the case, sir,
it stands to reason

that somebody at the theater
might be responsible.

And that makes me wonder, sir,

if we should have
a couple of constables

stationed there at the theater,

undercover,
posing as performers,

to keep an eye out
for anything suspicious.

Who did you have in mind
exactly?

Well, I hadn't given it
a great deal of thought, sir.

But I suppose --

Jackson and Worsley could do.

Excellent idea.

Uh, well, sir,
nothing against Worsley, but...

Would you like to do it, George?

Perhaps you and Henry?

Sir, that's an excellent idea.

In fact, Henry and I have been
working out a little routine.

Mm.

Just clear it
with Mr. Allen first.

And don't forget why
you're there in the first place.

Sir, absolutely.

Inspector, there's been
a robbery at the Toronto Bank.

[ British accent]
Oh! Bloody hell!

I know, sir.
It's quite unfortunate.

CRABTREE:
What -- What -- What is?

The robbery.

What robbery?

The Toronto Bank!

I just told you
it's been robbed.

- Isn't that why you cursed?
- No, Murdoch!

I cursed 'cause I'm out
of bloody scotch!

Pass.

We've only just started.

Pass.

Uh, Mr. Allen,
if somebody in your employ

is indeed responsible
for Mr. Grady's death,

is it not in your best interest
to have us around

in case something happens?

Fine.
You can be ushers.

Sir, I will point out
that we do not have a two-act

in our lineup presently.

You know what else
we don't have?

A cat orchestra.

That's what people
really want to see.

I will remind you that those are
very difficult to book.

It's a dying art form, it seems.

Damn it, Hoffat. I don't pay you
to tell me what we can't do.

I pay you to get things done.

Yes. Of course.
You're right, sir.

But nonetheless, I believe
that if we brought on a two-act,

it might be beneficial.

You really want me to put
these two coppers on the stage?

E-Even if they flop,
it'll be good for business.

- Remember the Cherry Sisters?
-[ Chuckles ]

That was my mother-in-law's
brilliant idea.

Women just aren't funny.

I'll never put one on the stage
again.

Yeah, but they were so bad

that people came to see
just how bad they were.

Audiences relish it.

Fine.

But I don't want any of my boys
knowing they're real coppers.

And I'm not paying you.

Uh, what if we win
the audience prize?

Henry.

Mr. Allen,
you won't regret this.

I already do.

Now go find a place to rehearse.
You're on tonight.

[Grunts]

CRABTREE:
Let's do it again, Henry.

Be a little more Murdoch-like
if you could this time.

HIGGINS:
Yes, sir.

CRABTREE:
[ British accent] I told you --

I'm out of bloody scotch!

HIGGINS: I would like to
interview the witnesses, sir.

Are you sure that is
top priority, Murdoch?

Perhaps you are right.

I shall start by checking
the bank for fingermarks.

No, not fingermarks.

I'm out of bloody scotch!

You would like for me to buy you
some more scotch first?

George, it's your line.

Higgins.

I think we've just found the key
to our case, me old mucker.

Indeed, sir.

Eleanor Hoffat.

Wife of Lewis Hoffat,
the theater's assistant manager.

Sir, she matches the description
of Mr. Grady's mistress exactly.

DR. GRACE:
A robbery.

That's a rather violent one, no?

DR. GRACE:
Were there any witnesses?

Why were you at the scene
of Mr. Grady's murder?

I wasn't.

I saw you there.

He was already dead
by the time I arrived.

Where were you at 11:00 p.m.,
then?

In a hansom.

On your way to the hotel
to meet Mr. Grady.

You were carrying on relations
with him.

I can bring in the hotel manager
to confirm

that you were indeed
Mr. Grady's mistress.

Yes, I was.

How long had the affair
been going on?

Two months.

Right, then.

You're familiar with the room
that Mr. Grady kept?

Yes.

What was in his desk?

Notebooks.

Notebooks.

For his monologues.

Yes.

Do you know of anyone
who may have wanted to obtain

those notebooks?

No.

Detective, I assure you,

I know nothing
about poor Bert's murder.

In fact, I'd barely seen him
this past week.

Why is that?

Because I didn't want to
carry on with him anymore.

I was going there to end
our relationship.

Why that night?

I couldn't keep the secret
any longer.

Lewis was devastated.

Hurting my husband that way is
the worst thing I've ever done,

and I'll never forgive myself.

When did your husband learn
of the affair?

A week ago.

Thank you for bringing me lunch,
Edna.

Well, thank you for fixing
my sink.

Oh.
ls it leaking again?

No.

You half sound
as though you expected it to.

Well, I may have exaggerated
my plumbing prowess.

That's a lovely sandwich, Edna.

It's nothing remarkable.

It's just ham and cheese.

And butter.

I have something for you.

[Laughs]

A vaudeville ticket?

I have to work, but I hear
there's a new comedic sensation

making his debut this evening.

Well, how can I resist?

Thank you, George.

Well, thank you
for the sandwich.

I won't use butter next time.

You're even fussier
than Simon is.

Well, butter has its place
in many things, Edna.

But a friend of the sandwich
it is not.

[ Chuckles ]

Mr. Grady was a man of
considerable talent and charm.

And Eleanor is quite,
um, impressionable.

Where were you that night?

At work.

After the show.

11:00 p.m.

I'd work after the show.
First in, last out.

Can anyone corroborate this,
Mr. Hoffat?

Well, your constables.

My constables?

Certainly they told you.

I was giving Mr. Crabtree

and Mr. Higgins a tour
of the theater until midnight.

BRACKENREID: Hoffat's alibi
was Crabtree and Higgins?

Now, there's a first.

Something George neglected
to mention.

I'm sorry, sirs.

I'm am perhaps
slightly distracted

with tonight's performance.

At any rate, the killer
was after the contents

of Mr. Grady's desk --
his monologues.

Which would imply someone
with ties to the theater.

Sounds like we'd better get back
to the Bradley tonight.

Oh, and we fully expect you
to report all of your findings

after this evening's
performance, George.

If you're not too distracted,
buggerlugs.

Sirs.

[ Indistinct conversations]

[Grunts]

[Audience murmuring]

[Cheers and applause]

Oh, God.
Edna's here.

Well, you did give her a ticket,
George.

You're sure you know
all your lines, Henry?

Don't worry.
I'll be great.

I might even crack the case
while I'm at it.

Tough crowd tonight, boys.

Let's give a large round
of applause

to the little but mighty
Toronto's strongest man!

[Cheers and applause]

Ah.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

making their Bradley Theatre
debut, here they are --

the Madcap Coppers!

Take it away, boys!

[Applause]

[ Chuckles ]

Sir, I believe George
is meant to be you.

Then Higgins is surely meant
to be you, Murdoch.

[Audience murmuring]

Inspector, there's a been
a robbery at the Toronto Bank.

[Audience murmuring, booing]

I say -- Inspector, there's been
a robbery at the Toronto Bank.

- L-l...
-[ Booing continues]

George, it's your line.

L...W-What?

Just say "bloody hell."

[ Booing continues]

Just say "bloody hell."

He's got to get started
sometime, folks,

and some people
shouldn't get started at all.

Get off the stage.

[Laughs]

Well! Since there's nowhere else
to go but up, let's hear it...

What happened, George?

I don't -- Henry, I think
you stepped on my line.

- It threw me.
- I did no such thing.

I don't know what happened,
Henry. I'm sorry.

You caught a glimpse of
your sweetheart in the audience,

and you froze up.

If she even is my sweetheart
after this.

[ Laughter]

And if you have a deep grudge
against yourself, marry a widow.

You married a widow.

FIELDS:
I did. Ugh.

I told her I'd be her captain
in life.

She said it was too late
to be her captain.

So now I'm stuck
as her second mate.

She's as fully large east and
west as she is north and south.

She was meant for twins
but was never divided.

I didn't kiss the bride

for fear the guests would lose
their appetite.

Sirs, Mr. Fields' monologue bore
a striking resemblance

to Mr. Grady's routine.

Fields was a juggler
as of yesterday.

And tonight he delivers
a monologue

that brings down the house.

There's no way he could've
written that overnight.

It was a great bit of comedy.

It's as if somebody wrote it
for him, sir.

Perhaps he was the one
who stole it from Grady's desk.

He stole the bit.

Mm.

The night that Hoffat
showed you around the theater,

do you recall if Mr. Fields
was still here?

He had already left, sir.

CRABTREE: I'm sure
he was feeling distraught

because his performance flopped.

Afeeling I know
from experience.

MURDOCH
Right.

Have a look
in Mr. Fields' dressing room.

See if there may be
anything there

that could have been stolen
from Mr. Grady's hotel room.

Sirs.

I'll be with you in a moment,
Higgins.

I have a small matter
to attend to.

Oh.

[ Inhales sharply]

That's better.

I trust that it would have been
a flattering portrayal of us.

Of course.

Edna!

Well, well.
George.

I didn't know
you were a comedian.

Not much of one, clearly.

I enjoyed the show.
Thank you for the tickets.

Henry and I were thinking about
the case, you see,

and that's --
that's a distraction.

I think that came at the cost
of our performance.

Yes.
Of course.

Come again tomorrow night.

It will be...less awful.

I promise.

I don't think I can, George.
I'm otherwise engaged.

And I found the whole thing a
bit mean-spirited for my liking.

Good night, George.

Good night.

George!

Look what I found
in Fields' dressing room.

It's Bert Grady's monologues.

Right.

[Man murmuring]

MURDOCH: Mr. Fields.
Might I have a word?

[ Drawling ] Would you excuse
us, my little chickadee?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Normal voice]
What are you breaking up

-the party for, Detective?
- What were you planning to do

once you ran out of Bert Grady's
material to perform?

What are you talking about?

This was Mr. Grady's notebook.

Some of the pages are missing.

Presumably they contain some
yet-to-be-performed monologues.

So what?

It was found
in your dressing room.

What was it doing there?

That was going to
be my next question.

I've never seen it before.

Mr. Fields,
I saw your performance tonight.

It was remarkably like that
of Mr. Grady's.

What are you saying?

I'm saying
that you killed the man

and you stole his material.

I certainly did not.

Where were you at 11:00 the
night Mr. Grady was murdered?

I went straight to my hotel
to drink.

I had a rotten show that night.

Made worse by Mr. Grady
humiliating you onstage.

If you want the truth,
here it is.

I didn't write
tonight's material.

I bought it.

You bought it?

- From whom?
- I don't know.

I received an anonymous letter
under my door

offering to sell me jokes.

I was desperate.

Juggling wasn't working out.

You all right, me old mucker?

I'm -- I-l wouldn't --
I'm -- I'm fine.

So is Fields our man, Murdoch?

I don't believe so, sir.

The hotel confirmed

that he arrived
shortly after the performance

and promptly ordered
a bottle of whiskey

and then a second one
an hour later.

Dedicated chap.

What about Grady's notebook
being in his dressing room?

He claims he's never seen it
there before.

So planted by the killer,
perhaps.

It's entirely possible, sir.

- CRABTREE: Sirs?
- What have you, George?

The monologue
that Bert Grady performed

the night he was killed
is not in his notebook.

I don't know if the torn pages
could account for that.

What could be so valuable
about bloody jokes

that you would kill for them?

George, how much
do you and Henry recall

of Bert Grady's performance?

[ Laughter]

She told me she was gonna dance
on my grave.

I said, "I hope you do.
I plan to be buried at sea."

Why are we standing around
listening to jokes?

This is a bloody
murder investigation.

Bear with me a moment, sir.

What do you do if you miss
your mother-in-law?

You reload and try again.

[ Laughter]

Now, now, now, I do have a
soft spot for my mother-in-law.

It's right behind this theater,
in fact.

[ Laughter]

CRABTREE: I told my wife
her mother was down under.

She thought I meant Australia.
At least she's six feet under.

[ Laughter]

HIGGINS: A man in a tavern said
to me that his mother-in-law --

Stop.

George, Henry, get the shovels.

Yes, sir.

What do you think, George?

I think we've just found
somebody's mother-in-law.

[ Footsteps approaching ]

The deceased is indeed a female
of around 7O years.

Based on the rate
of decomposition,

I would say she died
approximately six months ago.

And the cause of death?

Three bullets to the chest --
.22 caliber.

Suggesting that
this woman's killer

and Mr. Grady's
could be one and the same.

CRABTREE:
Sir.

Dr. Grace.

Constable Crabtree.

Sir, I think I know
who our victim is.

A Mrs. Edith Bradley.

The theater's namesake?

That's right.
And rightful owner.

She's said to have moved
six months ago to Australia.

"Down under," just as Mr. Grady
said in his comedy routine.

DR. GRACE: Six months does
coincide with the time of death.

And whose mother-in-law was she
unfortunate enough to be?

In all my years
in this business,

this is the biggest joke
I've ever heard.

Why would I kill
my star performer?

Grady was a license
to print money.

Mr. Grady knew you killed
your mother-in-law.

His monologue reflected
the details of the murder.

I believe he was planning
to blackmail you.

You're saying
I killed Bert Grady

and my own mother-in-law?

With Mrs. Bradley
out of the way,

you'd be able run the theater
as you see fit,

and all of the proceeds
would go to you.

Well, you're mistaken,
Detective.

Mrs. Bradley moved to Australia
six months ago.

You waited outside of the hotel.

When Mr. Grady arrived,
you shot him.

You took his notebook

and removed
the incriminating monologue.

You then planted that notebook
in Mr. Fields' room.

That's funny, Detective.

Have you ever thought about
going into comedy?

Well, if you liked that,
you're going to love this one.

Constable Crabtree found this
in your office.

The ballistics evidence
is a match for both murders.

You know,
what I still don't understand

is how the hell did Grady know
I killed her?

Two murders solved in one day.

Good work, Murdoch.

Thank you, sir.

But Keith Allen did pose
an interesting question.

Question about what?

How did Mr. Grady know

that Mr. Allen murdered
his mother-in-law?

What's it matter?

You got the confession,
didn't you?

And regardless of all of that,

why blackmail someone
through a comedy routine?

And why was Mr. Grady surprised
to see Mr. Allen

outside of his hotel that night?

There are more questions
than answers.

Let it go, Murdoch.

Hm.

I suppose you're right.

Are you coming to Crabtree
and Higgins' final show tonight?

Oh, yes.
Julia insists.

Well, here's hoping for a repeat
performance from our lads.

I intend to get in on the action
this time.

[Audience murmuring]

[Cheers and applause]

W.C. Fields,
ladies and gentlemen.

Now, our, uh, next performer
will be making her debut

here at the Bradley Theatre.

Please welcome Desperate Dora,

here to regale you with stories
of her busted romances.

[Applause]

Sir, that's Eleanor Hoffat.

I didn't know
she was a comedian.

Pays to be married
to the new manager.

MAN: Go on, Dora!
What are you waiting for?!

-[ Clears throat ]
- WOMAN: Come on, love.

Come on, dear.

They tell me some foreign
countries find it difficult

to recruit men for their armies.

But they've got nothing on me.

I've been trying for years
to recruit just one man

and can't do it.

[ Laughter]

Another monologist from nowhere.

Just like W.C. Fields.

Perhaps she bought her routine
as well.

I'm going to have a word
with her.

[ Laughter]

-I'm strong for conscription.
- Excuse me.

But then what can I expect?
Look at me.

I'm so thin,

I have to drink muddy water
so you can't see through me.

I'm hardly a catch.

[ Laughter]

Last summer,
I thought I had one landed --

a traveling salesman.

He suggested we go bathing.

But the moment he got a flash,
he kept on traveling.

A clinging wet bathing suit
is all right --

if it has something to cling to.

Mr. Hoffat, I need to speak
to your wife immediately.

But she's in the middle
of a routine.

Yes.
And who wrote this monologue?

Well, she did, of course.

Well, then I have to arrest her
for writing the monologue

that incited Mr. Allen
to kill Mr. Grady.

Wait.

It wasn't her.

I wrote it,

just as I had written
for Mr. Grady

in exchange for money.

As well as the one
Mr. Fields performed recently.

Eleanor acted as my courier,

delivering the monologues
to Mr. Grady in his hotel.

That's how the affair began.

It wasn't enough
that I was making him a star.

He wanted my wife, too.

I should never have put her
in that position.

You provoked Mr. Allen
to do your murdering for you.

How did you know his secret?

I arrived early to the theater
one morning

and saw him digging a pit.

When Mrs. Bradley left
for Australia,

I knew he had killed her.

Mr. Hoffat, you realize
I must arrest you now.

On what charges?

Inciting a crime
is also a crime.

The courts will have to decide
on your punishment.

May I finish watching
Eleanor's performance?

This has long been an dream
of ours.

ELEANOR:
Perhaps it's just as well

that I cannot find a husband.

After all, a man will spend
$3 a week on roses

when he's courting a girl.

But once married,

he won't even take home
a nickel's worth of dandelions.

-[ Laughter]
- Thank you.

[Applause]

Keith Allen didn't think
that women could be funny.

[Laughs]

[Applause continues]

Thank you so much.

You would like for me to buy you

some more scotch first,
Inspector?

[ British accent]
No, no, no, Murdoch!

I'll pay for it.

On the other hand,
you'll have to cover me!

I'm afraid you still owe me
from the last bottle, sir.

I think someone's been helping
themselves to my bloody scotch.

I doubt that, sir.

Well, then we'd best check
for fingermarks, Murdoch.

Very well, Inspector.
I'll be at the bank.

Not the bank, Murdoch!
The bottles!

Check the bottles
for fingermarks!

Oh, bloody hell!

[ Laughter, applause]

[ Laughter, applause continue]

Inspector!
I thought they were quite good.

Well, I didn't want to see it
go to waste.

- We did it, George!
- Well done, Henry.

- We're going out on a high note.
-[ Whistles]

A woman's waiting for you
out back.

Waiting for me?

Yeah, you.

[ Drawling ] A woman drove me
to drink, you know.

I should write to thank her.

[ Chuckles ]

Mr. Fields, you should be doing
your own jokes.

Never mind
this juggling business.

I'm not sure about the voice,
though,huh?

I didn't know you were here.

May I have your autograph?

Well, who's the comedian?

They let me watch
from backstage.

- How'd you manage that?
- I said I was your sweetheart.

I am, aren't I?

I'd hope so.

Then you'll take me out?

For the finest dinner
a constable's salary can afford.

Well, Simon is at his aunt's
for the night.

So perhaps you would come over
for tea afterwards?

I'd like that.

I'd like that very much.

Good.

The pipes need fixing again.

- Oh.
-[Laughs]

Jake's on you, George Crabtree.

Oh, Julia?

Come and join me.
The tea is here.

Brilliant.

William.
How thoughtful.

I promise
never to stop courting you.

Oh.

Please.

[Whoopee cushion blurts,
squeaks]

[ Snorts]

[Laughs]

It worked so well!
[Laughs]

[Laughing]