All language subtitles for Here.Awhile.2019.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

[INAUDIBLE]

[SIGHS]

[CRYING]

♪ I remember

♪ The place where I was born

♪ Where the morning glories
Twine around

♪ My door at early morn

♪ I've forgotten

♪ How long I've been away

♪ But I'd like to wander
Back again

♪ Down the lane to yesterday

♪ I want to wake up

♪ In the morning

♪ Where the morning
Glories grow

♪ Where the sun comes

♪ Peeping in

♪ Where I'm sleeping
And the songbirds say hello

♪ I long to wander

♪ In the wild wood

♪ Where I'm sleeping
and the songbirds say hello

♪ Where the morning
Glories grow

♪ I long to wander

♪ In the wild wood

[SIGHS]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[CAR STOPS]

Hey.

I know I should've called.
[CHUCKLES]

Hey, Michael, I'm really...
I... I'm sorry. I...

-Thirsty?
-Uh, no, I'm okay.

So...

-I just...
-Thought I didn't give a shit?

-I don't know.
-Yeah, you didn't know.

You sure didn't care.
You just took off.

-Okay, I had no choice, okay.
-[SCOFFS] Right.

-You know what,
maybe I should just...
-Again?

Really?

I'm really sorry, Michael.

[SOBBING]

Do you hate me?

-A little.
-[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

-You look, um...
-Like shit.

-Just tired.
-Yeah.

Oh, well, you look really good.
[LAUGHS]

God, you got all grown up
and manly.

And you're a spitting image
of dad.

MICHAEL: You took after Mom,
thank God.

ANNA: [CHUCKLES] Yeah,
I guess I did.

How long has it been?

Way too long.

Yeah.

[SIGHS]

YOUNG MICHAEL: Can I try?

I saved all your stuff.

That was my favorite.

ANNA: Okay. So, wait.
How do you eat then?

MICHAEL: Food carts.

-You don't cook like anything?
-Nope.

-Nothing?
-Nothing.

Wow. [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS] Okay.

ANNA: I'm gonna
help you organize. [SIGHS]

MICHAEL: This I gotta see.

So...

Where'd you go when Dad, um...

Threw your abomination
lesbian sister out?

-[SIGHS] God, what an asshole.
-Yeah.

So after I left,
I went down to San Francisco.

I actually lived on the streets
for almost like two years.

On the streets?
Like you were homeless?

Yeah, I guess.

-Whatever.
-Jesus.

I called homea whole bunch of times. [SCOFFS]

-Really?
-Yeah.

I called and Dad picked up,

and he just hung up
every single time.

-I didn't know.
-[CHUCKLES]

What kind of parent does that?

So anyway, I started
selling my art on the street,

and after a few months,
I actually got into a gallery

and started making some money.

San Francisco, that ain't easy.

Yeah, go figure.

And then,

one day, I met someone

in the gallery.

She was just visiting
from Salt Lake.

But we hooked up.

And I went back with her
to Salt Lake,

and that's when I called you.

I remember.

-It was so good
to hear your voice that day.
-[SIGHS]

I'm so sorry you had to deal
with all shit with Dad
by yourself.

So...

What's her name?

Luisa.

Nice.

And we're happy, you know.
[CHUCKLES]

And we live in a house
that we actually own.

And I don't steal shit anymore.
[LAUGHS]

Ta-da!

[LOUD BANG]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

GARY: Why, Michael? Why?

Just be here.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER CONTINUES]

Yeah, already.
It's supposed to be right here.
It's always here.

Like a puzzle every time.

Does it have to be?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER CONTINUES]

Just...

[ANNA CLEARS THROAT]

Who are you?

Better question. Who are you
and what are you doing
in my brother's kitchen?

Gary. Next door.

Evans.

-Michael's trusted
technical advisor.
-[SIGHS]

Okay. Cool. What are you
looking for?

Sugar.

Sugar?

-Yes.
-Why are you looking for sugar?

[SIGHS]

Michael keeps moving it around.

Oh. Why does he keep
moving it around?

That...

[DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS]

[SCOFFS]

YOUNG ANNA: Michael,

what happened?

Tommy?

-[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
-What?

-Mrs. Johnson?
-Yeah.

My name is Anna Miller
and this is my
little brother Michael,

and your son, Tommy,
has been bullying him.

He beats him up
for no reason at all.

Get your kid
under control, got it? [SIGHS]

He touches you again,
I'm gonna beat the crap
out of that little shit.

[ANNA PANTING]

Come on, come on, come on.
[SIGHS]

-[VOMITING]
-[PHONE VIBRATING]

[COUGHING]

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

[PHONE CONTINUES VIBRATING]

[SIGHS AND SNIFFLES]

Hey.

Yeah, I'm okay.

I am. Sort of.

Yeah, yeah, I just got back.

Same thing as the doc said
in Salt Lake.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm gonna tell him
when he, uh, gets home.

[SNIFFLES]

I miss you.

When are you gonna come?

No, that's great.

Oh, no, no, no. That's fine.We can just talk about it later.

I love you.

Okay, bye.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[DOOR UNLOCKING]

Hey.

You okay?

Um...

Not really. [SNIFFLES]

What's the matter?

Can I talk to you?

[ANNA SIGHS]

What's up?

Um...

Do you... Do you want a drink?

No, thanks.

I'm...

I'm sick.

It's something serious?

I... I have cancer.

It, um...

It started last year.

And then it just spread
all over the place.

My... My liver,

my lungs,
and inside of my belly.

So did you have surgery
or chemo?

It's inoperable.

But yeah, I did. I had a few
rounds of chemo hell.

It just, uh, it got a lot worse.

I'm so sorry, Michael.

I've been a useless big sister.

[SNIFFLES] I know.

What am I supposed to say?

[SIGHS] I mean,

if this wasn't happening,
would you even be here?

ANNA: So...

-Dad?
-He died last year.

63, early Alzheimer's.

Too much booze
and bad genes, I guess.

He almost burned the house down
a couple times.

So I got him into a place,
a memory care.

Couldn't even recognize me
for the last year.

Sounds like you've had
a rough few years yourself.

At times.

-So where is he?
-Oh, yeah, this way.

What a sorry mess he was.

Oh, hey. What is all that?

-Just stuff from house.
-Really?

Oh, wow.

-Can I, uh...
-Sure. Knock yourself out.

Yeah, maybe tomorrow.

Yeah. Let me know if you find
any treasure I might've missed.

[CHUCKLES]

[ANNA VOMITING]

-Anna?
-Yeah.

I'm okay. I'll be out in a bit.

[ANNA CONTINUES VOMITING]

-You're going in the bedroom.
-No, Michael. I'm fine
on the couch.

No, you're not. End of story.

Sips.

[SIGHS] Cola?

It's good for nausea.

-Gary's aunt told me.
-[SIGHS]

Okay, where is it this time?

And where is Michael?

Uh, which question would you
like for me to answer first?

-Why are you being
so complicated?
-[MICHAEL GROANS]

So, Anna, it appears
you've now met Gary
for the second time, I guess.

Yes, Gary-next door-Evans.

-You've met my sister, Anna.-Yes, also, for the second time.

And she obviously
is quite the smarty pants.

Gary, nobody says
smarty pants any more.

-My aunt does.
-Oh, right, your aunt.

Of course,
she's bringing it back.

Hey, Gary, wait up.

So, uh, what do you do?

I work on AI at Face Check.

-AI?
-Artificial Intelligence.

Really? As opposed to, like,
real intelligence.

Facial feature
recognition analysis.

Your face can reveal
some very interesting
information about you.

Really? Like what?

-You want to see a demo?
-I don't think
that's a good idea.

No, come on. Why not?

Okay. Okay.

Okay, don't move.

Okay.

Okay, just hold still.

Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]

-Okay, ready?
-Mm-hmm.

-Right there. Don't move.
-Oh, my God.

-Okay, there's two more coming.
-OK, thank you.

-Okay, there's one more coming.
-Okay.

No moving.

-[LAUGHS]
-Very good.

-You're a lesbian.
-[GASPS]

[LAUGHS] What?

AI Facial Feature algorithms.

Oh, okay, awesome, algorithms.

Oh, there's more.

There's some kind of problem.

Oh, um, so being a lesbian
isn't enough?

No, I mean
another kind of problem.

Not that being a lesbian
is a problem,

because, you know,
sexual orientation is something
you're born with.

Program has glitches.
I should get going.

Okay.

Well, it was really nice
to see you again,
Gary-next door-Evans.

Goodbye Anna smarty pants.

Does he come over often?

Two or three times a day.

I kind of look out for him.

In a way. He's had
the Asperger's, OCD,

agoraphobia,
and some other stuff.

Oh, no shit. Agoraphobia?

Okay, so what's up with like,

that thing?

-[BOTH LAUGHS]
-It's a ritual behavior.

He's afraid if he doesn't
do that before he leaves,

someone would die or something
horrible would happen to them.

Hmm. [CHUCKLES]

And... And the sugar thing?

I worked it out with his aunt,
not to buy him sugar.

That way he comes over,
I make sure he's okay,

he's taking his meds.

You know, like with Dad,
I always made sure
he took his meds,

and, you know.

Wow.

You're...

Hey.

What's up?

I just wish
that I could have been there.

You were there for me early on.

And I remember it all.

Because that's why it hurt,
when you left.

But look,

here you are.

Yeah.

Here we are.

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?

Oh, come on.

Come on, babe. [SIGHS]

Work with me, babe.
Work with me.

[SIGHS]

[ANNA SIGHS]

What's this?

"Death with dignity."

-When were you planning
to share this?
-Let me explain.

Okay.

So,

given my situation
and what's up ahead,

I wanna go on my own terms,
you know.

You understand, right?

No. I don't.

So what does this mean?

Like it says, I have to have
a written request,

signed by me and two witnesses.

And then I have to have
two doctors confirm
that request

on two separate occasions,
15 days apart.

And one of the doctors
knows my clinical situation,

and is the prescriber
of the special medicine.

And then the other doctor
has to agree
based on my situation.

[STUTTERS] You don't even have
a doctor here.

Actually, I do.

I saw her yesterday
and she's sending me
to a specialist in a few days.

-It says that you have to be
a resident of Oregon.
-I got that yesterday.

You can't do this, Anna.

This is really hard for me.

And I need your support.

You want to commit suicide
in my house,
and you need my support?

-Really? Wasn't Mom enough?
-Okay.

-Now, that's not fair.
-No, you don't lay down.
You fight this.

-Are you kidding me?
-You don't get the show up,
make nice,

smooth it all over with me
and then just off yourself.

So, so like what?
You... You're planning
on dying here?

You maybe wanna die in my room,
on my bed. Is that your plan?

I...

Hey, Gary.

Hi.

-Do you need anything else?
-No.

About the other day,
when I revealed your secret.

Secret?

-Being a lesbian.
-[LAUGHS]

That's not actually a secret.

But there's something else.

It's not a program glitch,
like I said before.

Okay.

Are you ill?

Uh...

Yeah.

I knew it.

So, what is it?

I think you have
a pretty serious health issue.

I see.

-And you can tell this
from your algorithms.
-Yes.

You should probably
go see a doctor.

ANNA: Okay.

You may even have something bad.You could even have cancer.

You know, Gary.

I actually do have cancer.

See, I knew it.

Yeah, I have, um...

I have seen the doctors,

and I've had all tests.

So you're getting chemo,
radiation,

-all the cancer stuff?
-I did.

But now it's just too far gone.

A friend had a dog
who had cancer, and he died.

-Hi, Michael.
-Hey.

Anna told me.

What?

She has cancer. Too far gone.
Cancer.

Okay.

-Did you get your sugar?
-Yes, I did. Thank you.

So we'll be seeing you
later then.

I'm pretty sure that means
you want me to leave?

You're getting better at this,
Gary.

Thank you. Good bye, Anna.

Sorry about your cancer.

Thanks, Gary.

I'd do all the thoughts
and prayers thing,
but I'm an atheist.

So, you know,

just good luck.

[DOOR OPENS]

What's this?

Called a friend of mine
last night who works
at the university hospital.

He helped me find these.
Three clinical trials

for inoperable,
metastatic colon cancer.

Now, I don't understand
all the details, but at least
there's a chance.

You know, one of them
could work.

These are from
clinicaltrials.gov, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

These two are phase one trials,

and a phase one trial tests
the safety and dosage
of the new drug,

and bottom line
is you feel like shit
and you still die quickly.

This is a phase three trial.

And phase three trials tests

how the new drug works
compared to standard treatment.

And people who got
the new drug lived about

two and a half months longer,

and they still have
pretty awful side effects.

Well, there's gotta be
something else.

Yeah, there are clinical trials
that aren't actually
documented online.

-Okay, So...
-So,

Luisa and I contacted
all of the major cancer centers
in the country,

and we sent over
my clinical records,

and we actually ended up
talking to some of the docs
at these places.

And that was a small miracle
in itself.

Us little mortals
actually speaking with the Gods
in their world.

So,

do understand now?

This is a chance, right?

-At least you could live longer.-It's not living.

You don't get to decide that.

Crazy shit miracles happen
all the time.

There is no miracle coming.

Okay.

This is my life,

what's left of it.

And I got one move left,
and I am making it.

And I need your support on this.Can you do that?

-It's just can't.
-Fuck.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey there, buddy.

Long time no see.

YOUNG ANNA: You are a princess.

And I'm a frog.

-Now you gotta kiss the frog.
-No, no, no, no.

[YOUNG ANNA WHISPERING]

[ANNA VOMITING]

[TOILET FLUSHING]

[SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

-MICHAEL: It's just not right.
-WOMAN: Says who?

MICHAEL: She won't
even consider
the clinical trial.

WOMAN: I don't blame her.

I wouldn't wanna be a guinea pigin her state either.

Okay, how about this,
after she commits suicide...

Oh, my God.
You can't call it that.

Okay.

After she does
the death with dignity thing
of ending her life in my bed,

how am I supposed to even sleep
in that bed?

Michael, I know that this is
really hard for you...

I don't think I can even
stay in this house.

Well, you know,
you could always, um,

moving with Gary. [LAUGHS]

-Not funny, Shonda.
-Yeah, and you're not making
any sense. So... [CHUCKLES]

-[ANNA SIGHS]
-Hey, you're awake.
How're you feeling?

Okay.

Hi, I'm Shonda.

Michael has told me
a lot of really good things
about you,

and also some really sad things.

-[ANNA CLEARS THROAT]
-Anyways,

I wanted the two of you guys
to meet.

-Okay.
-I gotta get to work.

Okay.

So, I, uh... I guess

Michael told you everything.

-Yeah, pretty much.
-[ANNA CHUCKLES]

I know, I'm late.

Working on a very
special project.

Got a bit complicated.

-All righty, then.
-[PHONE VIBRATES]

Yeah.

Right.

Almost.

Mm. Later.

Bye.

Damn, Gary.

So chatty this morning.

No, I'm not.

-That's what I meant.
-But that's not what you...

Oh, I get it.

I'll take one of those.

I gotta go.

-Yeah.
-Sarcasm.

-[ANNA CHUCKLES]
-Bye, Gary.

-Yeah, bye.
-ANNA: Bye, Gary.

-SHONDA: You have a great day
now.
-Bye Anna smarty pants.

ANNA: I'm gonna miss you,
Gar-bear.

-Ha-ha.-SHONDA: Don't be gone too long.

-ANNA: See you later.
-Bye.

-Don't forget about me,
Gar-bear.
-Bye.

-We love you.
-Bye.

-[ANNA CHUCKLES]
-RHONDA: See you soon.

[BOTH LAUGH]

-[ANNA SIGHS]
-Gary.

He's so sweet in this like,
awkward sort of way.

The sweetest, most awkwardest
way possible.

[BOTH LAUGH]

-SHONDA: Oh, before I forget.
-Mm-hmm.

Lemon haze.

-Nice.
-Yeah.

Helps with the nausea and pain,
and dealing with fabulous stuff
like that.

Yeah, I was actually gonna
pick some up.

-But how much do I?
-Duh-uh.

-Nothing.
-[BOTH CHUCKLE]

And Michael has my number,

so, if you need anything,
just call, okay?

Hmm.

And, hey, I know
that he's struggling with,
you know.

Uh, but I'm gonna keep
working with him.

Thank you.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Oh, man.

[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]

[VOMITING]

[PANTING]

[TOILET FLUSHING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Okay. [BREATHING HEAVILY]

Let's see what you can do.

What's up?

-Just a little...
-Can I get you something?

Oh.

Good, she remembered.

She's really nice.

I'm glad you guys are,
you know... Whatever.

Oh, wow.

ANNA: You were nine months old.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

-She looks happy.
-[ANNA CHUCKLES]

Probably 'cause you didn't poop
your pants during the photo.

"Dear Mom.

"We're so happy you're home
from the hospital."

Do you remember
when we put this

-next to her on the bed
when she got home?
-Yeah.

She just camped out in that bed.

Crying all the time.

Gosh. She must have been
hurting so bad.

I actually remember thinking,
I must've done something
really bad

-to make her feel so awful.
-[CHUCKLES]

Do you remember
that book we made?

With all of the wonderful thingsin the world worth living for.

I think I used up
two boxes of crayons
as the official illustrator.

She was never the same
after that first time.

I guess she got it right
the second time.

I'm just so confused, you know.

I was like, what, ten or eleven.You were...

15.

She was just...

So selfish.

So, do you think
I'm being selfish?

We all have some pain
we have to live with, don't we?

You haven't been
in my shoes, Michael.

And, don't worry.

Luisa and I will find
another place,
so we don't bother you.

Wow.

What's all this stuff?

Oh, uh, just some stuff
that Michael saved
from the house.

[GROANS]

Oh, shit. That hurts.

-That the cancer stuff?
-[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

That's the cancer stuff.

[ANNA GROANS]

[GROANS AND GASPS]

[SIGHS]

Webster Online Dictionary
defines death
as the end of life.

Dignity as a formal reserve
or respect,

and reserve can mean

forbearance from making
a full explanation.

I think the end of your life
deserves respect.

Even if it's an answer
I don't understand.

[CRYING]
You're an angel, Gary.

I don't actually believe
angels exist.

[ANNA CONTINUES CRYING]
Well, I do.

Hmm.

-[DOOR KNOCKING]
-ANNA: Who is it?

Oh.

-[LUISA SIGHS]
-Oh, my God.

-ANNA: Oh, I missed you so much.-I missed you too.

-How are you?
-[MOANS]

-I'm okay.
-Yeah?

I'm better now.

It's so, so good to see you.

Hi, Luisa.

Michael.

Nice to meet you.

You too.

-I'm good. I'm good. Come on in.-Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[ANNA SIGHS]

Anna tells me you work in IT.

I do network security stuff.

Ah.

You know, Michael's actually
a manager.

LUISA: Hmm.

We should be out of here
in a couple of days.

Yeah, we, uh, found a place.

-You... You can stay longer.
-Oh, really?

And just how long
would that be?

Oh, you know what,
thanks, Michael,
but we're gonna be okay.

What's all that?

Oh, that's just some stuff,
uh, from the house

that Michael saved
after our dad died.

Anna's poems.

Our work, teddy bears.

Yep.

You did save Buddy.

Sure did.

Hey. [SIGHS]

I have an idea.

[INAUDIBLE]

-You're doing great.
-Yeah.

Yes.

-[SIGHS]
-Better?

Yes. Getting better.

ANNA: Hey, Gary?

[SIGHS] What's your preference?

Computer Networks Security,
or advanced C++ programming?

Advanced C++ programming.

Hey, do we really need
all that video equipment?

A few small essentials,
that's all.

So we get a couple of shots
with a cell phone.

That would not be appropriate.

You may think your dad
as a waste of protoplasm,

-but...
-Wait.

Did I actually say that?

-Yes,
-Protoplasm?

Well, sort of.

I have never said protoplasm
in my life.

I drew a conclusion.

You often get stuck
in an infinite loop

-of disparaging comments
about him.
-Oh.

Right. You're right.

[SIGHS AND WHISPERS]
Why are we doing this?

I heard that, Michael.

And you know why?

Go on. Say it.

-Do I have to?
-Yes.

[MICHAEL AND ANNA TOGETHER]
Resolution and forgiveness.

Very good.

[CAR ENGINE STARTS]

-How are we doing, buddy?
-GARY: Almost.

Almost.

MICHAEL: We're not shooting
a feature.

[SIGHS] You can't scrimp
on memories.

Yeah, you can't scrimp
on memories.

Do you remember what to say?

Yes.

Okay. Five, four,

[MOUTHING] three, two, one, go.

[ANNA CLEARS THROAT]

We are gathered here
in this beautiful place

to say farewell to our father,
Theodore Samuel Miller.

He tried.

That's it.

MICHAEL: We want to memorialize
his parting in this

great place of nature.

ANNA: Dear lovely death,

that taketh all things
under wing,

never to kill,

only to change
into some other thing.

This suffering flesh,

to make it either more or less.

Yet not again the same.

Dear lovely death,

change is thy other name.

GARY: Cut.

[GARY BLOWS WHISTLE]

We got it.

Gary, that was above
and beyond. Really.

I just never get a chance.

You're so damn good at it.

Hey, guys,

I have another idea.

Uh-oh.

Why don't we all goto the beach tomorrow, you know.

The weather is supposed to be
beautiful, and Gary can take
some more videos.

MICHAEL: It's a great idea.

Gary, does that work for you?

Um, wow.

There's a lot of people

walking and looking
and breathing.

-Mostly breathing.
-Well, the ones walking
and looking,

would most likely
be breathing as well.

[ALL LAUGHING]

I'm pretty sure
you want me to say okay.

Okay.

But I'll bring
the smaller camera,

and maybe we could use
the Lavaliers,

but I don't think
we need the reflectors.

Oh, Gary,

I thought I did a pretty
good job with the reflector.

Mm, in that setting,
we should be okay.

No amazing reflectors
needed, Luisa.

-Sarcasm.
-[ALL LAUGHS]

-LUISA: Wow. What a collection.
-[ANNA LAUGHS]

If only they did some magic.

So did the doc say
anything about chemo,
clinical trials, anything?

Yeah, the same.

[SIGHS] Babe.

[GASPS]

-[PRONOUNCING AWKWARDLY]
Cannabidiol.
-[ANNA LAUGHS]

This is a, uh...
a cannabis derivative,

and it treats the nausea,
anxiety and paranoia.

-Paranoia?
-Yeah.

That's right. Paranoia.
You got a problem
with paranoia, huh?

-Stop. You're freaking me out.
-Oh, I guess it's not working.

And...

Fucoidan. Fuck a... Fuck a Dan?

-[ANNA LAUGHS]
-What the hell?

-No. It's pronounced as...
-What the hell? Who is Dan?

Fucoidan.

And it is
a brown seaweed derivative.

And it is something
that kills cancer cells.

Oh, so that's a good thing,
right?

That's a good thing. We got
little dancing Dans
in there dancing around

-killing cancer cells.
-[ANNA LAUGHS]

Oh, God.

[SIGHS] Oh, I'm gonna
shit myself to death.

-What do you need?
-A new gut.

A new life with you
from the start.

Hmm.

Whoa. [SNIFFS]

Sorry.

Lavender.

-I'm... I'm thinking lavender.
-Liar.

LUISA: How you feeling now?

ANNA: A little better.

You're seeing the doctor again
next week?

Yeah, we're gonna finalize
everything and then,

we're gonna get the medicine.

-[LUISA SIGHS]
-Hey.

I'm okay. Okay.

[SHUDDERING]

YOUNG ANNA:
Will Rachael be there?

[SIGHS] Please stop talking
about that.

[CRYING]

YOUNG ANNA:
What's wrong, buddy?

Well, like I just
don't know if...

if like she wants me
to kiss her or like if we
should hold hands.

[SNIFFLES]

[SIGHS]

YOUNG ANNA:
Michael, don't worry.

It'll all work out.

It'll be a little clumsy
when it first happens,

but, it'll work out.

Just be a gentleman.

And the most important part

about being a gentleman,

is being gentle.

[CRYING]

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

[SIGHS]

GARY: Trees, grass, shrubs,
trouts, mushrooms.

Shrubs, grass, shrubs, shrubs.

-Bunch of shrubs.
-You good, Gar?

Yes, I am. Shrubs, more shrubs.

So it's not the open air
that bothers you?

No, it's just people.

Bodies and eyes, smells.

-But you're breaking
my concentration.
-Oh, sorry.

Shrubs, shrubs.

MICHAEL: Ladies, okay?
Anyone need a pit stop?

ANNA: I'm good.

[WAVES SPLASHING]

[CAR DOOR OPENING]

-It's amazing.
-Yes.

[ANNA CHUCKLES]

Okay. Okay.

I'm gonna put music
in this, Michael.

-Sure. That'd be great.
-Okay.

Really, Gary.
Thanks for doing this.
It means a lot.

It means a lot.

A lot of what? [CHUCKLES]

-You're good, bud.
-I think so.

I feel okay.

[GIRLS CHATTING
AND LAUGHING INDISTINCTLY]

[BIRDS SCREECHING]

♪ You're the rock that I carry

♪ You're beautiful

♪ But you're heavy

♪ I pick you up
From my pocket sometimes

♪ I want you
I kiss you

♪ I pray for the day

♪ When you will suddenly

♪ Start to speak

♪ Make me jump up
From my seat

♪ Then you'll reach
For my hand

♪ And with that
Cause an explosion

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ I'll fuss and spaz

♪ Moving it on

♪ My love for you

♪ My worries

♪ Twirl away with my mind

♪ Then I'll have you
To sing along with

♪ I'll have you
To make sense of this

♪ To make...
Then you'll be

♪ Free in this world
Uh-huh

♪ I will set you free

♪ Oh, I will set you free

♪ Set you free

♪ Set you free

MICHAEL: Wow.

-ANNA: Oh, Gary.
-[ALL CLAPPING]

That was beautiful.

Thanks. Thanks.

♪ Sometimes it seems like
Everything's so click, click,
Clicking

♪ Other times it seems like
It's such a sad time

♪ When you want something
So bad, it's mad
And you can taste it

♪ Sometimes you got to

♪ Feel it

♪ Ooh ah

[ANNA BREATHING HEAVILY]

ANNA: I was, uh, 11 or 12,

and, uh, 6:00 a.m.

And I'm in the kitchen,
and I'm like,
sketching or something.

And I look up,

and I'm all like, "Michael."

Don't tell this story.

[LAUGHING] He is sleep-peeing
into a garbage can.

[ALL LAUGHING]

GARY: Michael.

LUISA: What is that?

GARY: This is a fidget cube.
It helps dissipate anxiety.

I have a condition called
obsessive compulsive disorder.

And I have to do things
in sets of prime numbers.

-Oh.
-Yes, when it's really bad,

I'll flip the light switch
23 times,

or wash my hands 17 times.

-Damn.
-But when my medication
is right,

I can get it down to three.

[CLICKS FIDGET CUBE]

Usually.

But what, what about one?
One's prime, right?

No, I don't like one.

One is no good.

[CLICKS FIDGET CUBE]

ANNA: What do you think happens
when we die?

MICHAEL: I don't know.

You can't even look to religion.They all have
different explanations too.

I'm sure that religions evolved

because they were critical
to humans addressing
the rapidly growing anxiety

we were developing
as part of our psyche
over the millennia.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.
All animals have anxiety

essential to brain function
as alerting mechanisms
for potential danger...

hunger, pain.

So basically, we take drugs

for anxiety to quell our fear
of saber toothed tigers.

Yes, yes.

Or any other number
of horrible things,

like, meeting deadlines,

or a boss
that is an absolute idiot,

or a bad review at work,
or being around people,

all breathing and sweating,
and talking
all at the same time.

That's a whole
shitload of insight I've never
heard for you before.

Well, perhaps these challenging
couple of weeks

have been more therapeutic
for me than

all the chemicals I've been
ingesting at the recommendation
of doctors.

Perhaps I should just
throw them all away,

and be free.

The free concept is great.

But I don't think you should
get off your meds for now.

We can work in stages.

That'd be better, right?

Yes.

That would be smarter.

LUISA: I think we go somewhere,

where our loved ones are waitingfor us to join them.

Pets too?

Definitely pets.

I like that.

But what if you don't like them?

My Uncle Geoffrey was a jerk.

So I die, I walk through
the white light or wherever,

and then I'm around Patches
and Ruff Ruff,

and Uncle Geoffrey for eternity?

[SIGHS]

I honestly don't know
what's gonna happen.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

But I don't think
that this is it.

I wonder...

♪ Everyone

♪ Keeps asking about you

♪ They wanna know

♪ How can I

♪ Live without you, boy?

♪ They want to know

♪ Now since you've left

♪ I still feel the pain

♪ Oh, but in my heart

♪ I always

♪ Remain

♪ Oh

♪ Yours truly love

ANNA: ...high school.
Yeah, my senior.

-Your poems are like
really good.
-LUISA: Right?

-ANNA: Thank you.
-[MICHAEL CLICKS TONGUE]

-Ah!
-MICHAEL: Ah-ha!

-We all have to make a toast.
-ANNA: Hmm.

All right.

-SHONDA: Wow, babe.
-That's good for me.

[LAUGHS]

Here's to life,

and all of its
messy complications.

-Cheers.
-[GLASSES CLINKING]

[ANNA SIGHS] Okay.

Here's to finding
the love of your life

when you least expect it.

And when you think

you didn't deserve it.

[GLASSES CLINKING]

[ANNA EXHALES]

And to my sister.

Who ran away, and builtthe beautiful life she deserved.

So happy you came back.

[GLASSES CLINKING]

I would have come back sooner,
if you had just showered more.

[ALL LAUGHING]

I'll have you know that
his shower situation
has greatly improved.

-Hmm.
-He gets his back washed
every now and then.

None of that talk
around my sister.

-You just smell really good.
[ALL LAUGHING]

-Sugar man is back.
-MICHAEL: Gary to the rescue.

-LUISA: Hey, Gary.
-Gary, just in time
for your toast.

What toast?

Vodka or vodka.

Oh, I... [SIGHS]

-My...
-Vodka it is.

-Okay.
-[ALL LAUGHS]

-Oh, my God.
-Mm-hm.

[SIGHS]

Wow. Very strong.

You don't have to take it
all in one shot.

You just have to make a toast
about something
you really care about.

-[SIGHS]
-ANNA: Yeah. Come on, Gar-bear,
you got this.

Maybe I'll take a little sip
just to help me think.

Oh. Oh!

Oh!

Why do people drink this?

Just think of it
as like antiseptic.

-ANNA: Hmm.
-Kill all the nasty germs
in your mouth.

-I don't think I have
nasty germs.
-Anytime, Gar, anytime.

Okay.

Okay.

I got one.

-Here's to my Acer Predator...
-No, no, no, no, no.

ALL: Cheers!

It can't be about
any inanimate stuff.

It's a very good picture,
and its vivid.

Something that...
Something that involves humans.

-Actual humans...
-[GARY GROANS]

[ALL LAUGHING]

Okay.

Here's to...

family.

-Nice.
-Yes.

-Yes.
-MICHAEL: Yes.

-[GLASSES CLINKING]
-I love that.

ANNA: Oh, cheers, cheers,
cheers! Cheers.

-Ow and wow. Ow and wow.
-[ALL LAUGHING]

Ow and wow.

Oh.

Oh, I'm glad there's no
open flames,

because I'm pretty sure
my face would catch on fire
right now.

Okay, so you gonna,
you gonna pass on this?

Oh, keep that
a million miles away.

[LAUGHING] For now.

Forever, Anna smarty pants.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

♪ Pacific is bigger

♪ Than I ever knew

♪ Until I got in her

♪ And the water, it moved

♪ Yeah, it moved me

♪ Ooh

♪ Yeah, it moved me

♪ Ooh

♪ There's nowhere to go

♪ Where the Earth
Doesn't quake

♪ There is nowhere to go

♪ Where the Earth
Doesn't quake

♪ There is nowhere to go

♪ Where the Earth
Doesn't quake

♪ There is nowhere to go

♪ Where the Earth
Doesn't quake

♪ There is nowhere to go

♪ Where the Earth
Doesn't quake... ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

ANNA: Come in.

How are you doing?

-I've been better.
-You need anything?

A new body.

What's that?

Oh, my God, your poems.

I guess the old man
didn't toss them.

-They're beautiful.
-[CHUCKLES] No, they're not.

It's just a bunch
of stupid teenage staff.

Stop it.

"I don't wanna be
the last bad thought recalled

"Nor some
dredge of circumstance
at which to be appalled

"Let me be a free spirit

"A breeze of life
in your weary mind

"Something that once lost

"You may again be pleased to..."

Oh, God, I don't feel good.

[SIGHS]

LUISA: Here she is.

Your sis.

Anna, the artist.

MICHAEL: Wow.

Anna's showing
in two galleries in Utah,

and still a couple
in San Francisco.

SHONDA: These are amazing.

Thanks.

It's fun while it lasted.

So, Dr. Davis,

this is my brother Michael.

-Hi.
-And his friend Shonda.

-Hi.
-And this is
my girlfriend, Luisa.

It's very good to meet you all.

So do we need
to sign something again?

Uh, no.

Uh, your documentation
is all in order.

I do need to ask you, um...

[INHALES] I need to verify
one more time

whether or not this is
really something you wanna do.

It is.

And you've spoken
to your specialists,

and they have talked to you
about clinical trials?

He did.

And you're not interested?

Interested?

DR. DAVIS: Sometimes we see
surprising results.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Yes.

I have heard that.

Uh, I have also heard
about the side effects.

And I don't wanna die
in a hospital with IVs
and tubes and monitors.

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

I wanna be able to say goodbye
with a clear head
to the people that I love.

And I want them there with me,

when I...

Wherever.

Yeah.

Okay.

[INHALES]

So there are a couple of pills

that you're going to need
to take before you take
the main medicine,

so you don't throw that up.

And you'll need to empty
the contents

of 100 capsules into a glass
and mix it with water or juice.

And you're gonna
wanna drink that down,

fairly quickly, and you're gonnawanna keep that down. Okay?

Um, there, uh,

there's a lot of people
who... who never fill
the prescriptions.

And there's some who do,

and they never...
They never take the medicines.

You need to know that

you can change your mind
at any time.

Okay?

I know.

Okay.

Thank you.

So I just, uh, I wanna say
thank you so much for

coming to my office on time.

[ALL LAUGH]

Uh, so,

Dr. Davis said that
I have to empty

all of these 100 capsules,

and mix it with that.

And I have to just
knock it back really fast,

and then keep it down.

So, no problemo.

Oh.

Gary.

Hey.

It's okay.

Will you stay?

I want you to.

If you want to.

I wouldn't miss it
for the world.

[CHUCKLES] I can't believe
I just said that.

[SIGHS]

That was some
disgusting shit. [CHUCKLES]

LUISA: You wanna go lie down?

Not quite yet.

I, uh...

I wanna say a few things first.

Michael...

I'm so sorry...

that I didn't have
the courage

to reconnect with you
after so long.

But I'm really glad that I did.
[CHUCKLES]

[SNIFFLES] Thank you for being
so loving,

and so forgiving.

Shonda.

Thank you for being
like a sister to me

[CRYING] in the short time
that I've known you.

[SNIFFLES]
And I, I really hope

that you can share
your warm heart
with my little brother

for very a long time.

Gary.

You might be the smartest,

kindest, funniest guy
that I've ever known.

And thank you
for letting me in.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[SNIFFLES]

And Luisa,

the love of my life... [SOBBING]

Oh.

[SNIFFLES] I will always
be with you.

Thank you for saving me.
[SNIFFLES]

And for loving me.

[CRYING HYSTERICALLY]

Oh, God. Okay. Oh.

I just, I wanna... [SNIFFLES]

I just wanna share
a little poem...

from Mary Lee Hall.

[CRYING]

It's called Turn Again To Life.

"If I should die,
and leave you here awhile

[INHALES DEEPLY]

"Be not like others sore undone
who keep

"Long vigils
by the silent dust

"For my sake

"Turn again to life, and smile

"Nerving thy heart
and trembling hand

"To do something to comfort
other hearts than mine

"Complete these dear
unfinished tasks of mine

"And I, perchance, may therein

"Comfort you."

It's time.

Okay, okay, okay.

[INHALES DEEPLY] Okay.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[ANNA SNIFFLES]

[ANNA SIGHS]

You okay?

ANNA: Yeah.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[ANNA GROANS]

[CONTINUES GROANING]

I love you.

MICHAEL: I'm here.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[LABORED]
I love you too.

[CONTINUES BREATHING HEAVILY]

♪ Bluebird

♪ Come and rest your wings
With me

♪ Sing of sights
Unknown to me

♪ Sing your sweet soliloquy

♪ Bluebird

♪ I used to soar
Above the waves

♪ On my back
The sun's warm rays

♪ Night has fallen
On those days

♪ Fly me

♪ Beyond these walls

♪ Fly me

♪ Beyond these walls

♪ Bluebird

♪ These bonds
That tie me down

♪ Won't break

♪ Unless I fall to the ground

♪ Bluebird they have
Grown strong

♪ With time

♪ And I couldn't break them

♪ If I tried

♪ Bluebird

♪ My spirit's broken

♪ Wings are tied

♪ My eyes are raw
From tears I've cried

♪ And I can't find

♪ The strength to fly

♪ Bluebird

♪ These bonds
That tie me down

♪ Won't break

♪ Unless I fall to the ground

♪ Bluebird they have
Grown strong

♪ With time

♪ And I couldn't break them

♪ If I tried

♪ Fly me

♪ Beyond these walls