Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:05,704
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,374
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:12,745
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,980
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:19,217
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,454
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,267
♪ All the things
that make us ♪
8
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,957
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:30,796
♪ He's a family guy ♪♪
10
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:38,148
Chris, did you get
your homework done?
Yup.
11
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,132
Chris, I know
when you're lying to me.
12
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,341
Just like Santa Claus knows
when you're sleeping.
13
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,642
What was that?
14
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,111
Hey, what the hell?
15
00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:47,412
Uh, hey.
16
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,494
Get out of here!
Okay, okay!
17
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,617
No, Mom. I got it all done.
18
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,152
For my science homework,
19
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:57,755
I had to make
a shoebox diarrhea
of the evolution of man.
20
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,457
You mean diorama?
21
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:01,626
Uh-oh.
22
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,528
Hey, Lois,
I got your pregnancy test.
23
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:04,941
What the hell you need this for?
24
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:07,366
I need it
because I think
I might be pregnant.
25
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:09,935
What? My God,
are you sure it's yours?
26
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,569
Lois pregnant?
27
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:14,317
I didn't think
the fat man still had that
kind of marksmanship.
28
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:17,108
But that's what they said
about Lee Harvey Oswald.
29
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:18,543
Hey, Mr. President!
30
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:21,446
Mr. President, up here!
I voted for you!
31
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:22,515
Wait a minute.
32
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,716
That guy on the grassy knoll's
got a gun.
33
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,229
He's gonna shoot the President.
34
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,320
Holy smokes,
I've got to do something.
35
00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:29,654
All right, Lee.
36
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:32,224
Time to become an American hero.
37
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,144
Okay, one more minute,
and then if there
are two pink lines...
38
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,612
Oh, God, I hope
you're not pregnant.
39
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,968
We can't afford another kid.
40
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,870
We already got Chris,
Stewie, Richie,
41
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,307
Joanie, Greg, Marcia,
Bobby, Jan,
42
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:51,909
Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver,
Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
43
00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:53,189
Peter, those aren't your kids.
44
00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:54,391
That's the Nick at Nite lineup.
45
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:57,416
Blanka, Zangief,
Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
46
00:01:57,484 --> 00:01:58,484
That's Street Fighter.
47
00:01:58,552 --> 00:01:59,592
Red, blue, green.
48
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,052
Those are colors.
49
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,654
God, I can't believe
we weren't more careful.
50
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:06,703
This probably
happened that night
we tried role-playing.
51
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,994
Oh, I need a spanking.
52
00:02:09,063 --> 00:02:11,463
I'm a bad, bad girl.
53
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:15,901
I'm a paladin
with 18 charisma
and 97 hit points.
54
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:19,971
I can use my helm
of disintegration
and do one-D-4 damage
55
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:24,008
as my half-elf mage wields
his plus-5 holy avenger.
56
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,711
Paladins can't use
the helm of disintegration.
57
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:30,215
Oh. Okay,
then I'm a black guy.
58
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:31,994
Oh, thank God.
It's negative.
59
00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:35,019
Ooh.
Dodged a bullet there, right?
Although, I got to tell you,
60
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,821
I was kind of getting
used to the idea
61
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,589
of having a little
brother or sister.
62
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,026
Peter, we can't risk
these things anymore.
63
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,460
You're absolutely right.
64
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,129
Lois, you're getting
your tubes tied.
65
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,875
Why should I get my tubes tied?
66
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,543
You should get a vasectomy.
67
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,267
First of all,
I don't know what that is,
68
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:50,968
and, second of all,
no freaking way.
69
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:52,437
Peter, it's the male equivalent
70
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,906
of a woman
getting her tubes tied,
71
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:56,041
except, it's actually
a lot quicker and safer.
72
00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:57,475
Let these guys explain.
73
00:02:57,544 --> 00:03:03,481
♪ A vasectomy's
a medical procedure ♪
74
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:06,785
♪ One that makes you
half a man ♪
75
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:10,155
♪ You're half a man ♪
76
00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:14,826
♪ Remember when you twisted up
your garden hose? ♪
77
00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:18,863
♪ Well, essentially
that is the plan ♪
78
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:23,368
♪ That is the plan ♪♪
79
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:26,117
Well, I'm starting
to get the picture,
but how's it done?
80
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:31,276
♪ You make a small incision
in the scrotal skin ♪
81
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:33,144
♪ Isolate the vas and ♪
82
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:35,014
♪ Isolate the vas
and then you ♪
83
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:38,750
♪ Roll it in position
with a towel clamp ♪
84
00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:40,597
♪ Then you snip
the fibrous tissue ♪
85
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:41,965
♪ Then you snip
the fibrous tissue ♪
86
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:46,057
♪ Hey, then you'll never
have to wear a condom ♪
87
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:50,362
♪ When you do it
with your wife ♪
88
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,564
♪ Or anyone else
you do it with ♪
89
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:54,532
♪ We promise not to tell ♪
90
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:56,834
♪ Like that new
hot chick at work ♪
91
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,037
♪ You know, the one who always
has high beams ♪
92
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,506
♪ Under her ribbed,
white, cotton t-shirt ♪
93
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,809
♪ But then stares daggers
at you for checking her out ♪
94
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:08,613
♪ And it', like,
why do you wear that
if you don't want attention? ♪
95
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:12,850
♪ But you know you shouldn't
think that way because of the
sexual-harassment meeting ♪
96
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,486
♪ You all had to go to ♪
97
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:17,455
♪ Seriously, how lame
was that? ♪
98
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:20,524
♪ And you couldn't
help but notice that
the female lawyer ♪
99
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,094
♪ Running the seminar
had a huge rack ♪
100
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:25,430
♪ Like, ridiculously huge
for someone ♪
101
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:28,166
♪ Who has to talk about
that kind of stuff ♪
102
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:34,906
♪ Well, I guess
that's the definition
of the word, "Irony" ♪
103
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:37,241
♪ Goodbye
Say goodbye to manhood ♪
104
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:39,111
♪ Goodbye
Say goodbye to babies ♪
105
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,856
♪ Say goodbye
to kids like Meg ♪
106
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,915
♪ Vacuum out your sac ♪♪
107
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:50,355
Lois, I know how to settle
our vasectomy dispute.
108
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:53,892
A no-rules funny car race
from here to Boston.
109
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,872
Last one to Fenway gets snipped.
110
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,228
Peter, what the hell?
111
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,642
Where did these things
come from?
112
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,799
They were Loretta's.
Please take them,
113
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:03,034
they are no longer funny to me.
114
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:04,369
Go!
115
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:21,018
♪♪
116
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:35,800
Almost there.
Eat my dust, Lois.
117
00:05:57,657 --> 00:06:00,492
Well, it looks like
I'm a man with no sperm.
118
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:03,160
But I'll always be a man
with no sperm
119
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:05,697
who once had a wonderful day.
120
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,469
Well, guys,
my vasectomy is tomorrow.
121
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,038
You poor bastard.
122
00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:16,207
After all, sex is pointless
without potency.
123
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:19,310
That's right. You take
the venom out of a cobra
and what do you got?
124
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,580
You got a, a belt.
125
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,325
It's not that big a deal.
126
00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:26,095
A bunch of the guys
on the force have had
vasectomies,
127
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,131
and their lives
haven't changed at all.
128
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,565
Would you ever have one?
129
00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:31,089
Never!
130
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,538
Well, yeah. But what if
me and Lois do end up
wanting another baby?
131
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:36,627
It'll be too late.
132
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,274
You could freeze
some of your sperm
133
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:40,143
at the sperm bank just in case.
134
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,466
I don't know, Cleveland.
135
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:43,815
It didn't work out so great
that time I froze my nuts.
136
00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:48,473
No! No! Bad squirrel.
137
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:51,743
Those are my nuts.
My nuts!
138
00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:54,279
You're just
a hungry little fellow,
aren't you?
139
00:06:54,348 --> 00:06:56,114
But those are my nuts!
140
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:57,949
No. Oh, God, no!
141
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,551
My nuts! My nuts!
142
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,767
Hey, Brian.
You want to play tag?
No.
143
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:05,901
Freeze tag?
No.
144
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,203
TV tag?
No.
145
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,105
If I can get some guys
you want to play Red Rover?
146
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,773
No. Maybe.
You get the guys first.
147
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,464
We'll talk about it.
148
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,900
No! Jungle gym mine!
149
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,202
Hey, where'd you get
the Pete Rose haircut?
150
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:24,843
Anyone else want to feel
my Weebok in their grapes?
151
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,944
Then you'll all do as I say.
152
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,113
Hi.
Well, hello there.
153
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,016
Yes, that's right, cry.
154
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,719
Cry like Sauron when he lost
his contact lens.
155
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,721
Nobody move! Nobody move!
156
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,356
Does... Does anybody see it?
157
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:40,224
It might be stuck
to a tree or a rock.
158
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,492
Anyone?
159
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:43,495
Oh, I am so grounded.
160
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,633
Hi, there. Peter Griffin.
I've got an appointment
161
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:51,702
to, uh, banish a White Russian
from my Kremlin.
162
00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:54,839
Well, we don't have
empty rooms right now,
but if you'll have a seat...
163
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,575
Yeah. I kind of
warmed myself up
164
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,288
in the car
if you catch my drift.
165
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:02,247
I could put you
in the storage freezer.
That'll work.
166
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:05,316
Nurse, I've got a splinter.
167
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,466
Just come out
whenever you're done.
168
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:13,358
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
169
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,727
Oh, God! I...
170
00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,897
I think I feel them moving.
171
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:21,699
Hi. My partner and I
want to have a baby.
172
00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:23,301
We'd like a vial of sperm
173
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:26,670
and an applicator
that looks like
Jodie Foster's knuckles.
174
00:08:26,739 --> 00:08:30,708
Certainly. Let me
just go to the freezer.
175
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:33,555
Mr. Griffin,
y-you were in there
an awfully long time.
176
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:35,847
Are you all right?
Yup, yup. Fine, fine.
177
00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:37,882
And just so you know,
everything in there
178
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,884
is exactly the way
it was when I went in.
179
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:43,254
There is absolutely
zero chance that I spilled
all the jars
180
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,867
and had to refill them
with my own sperm.
181
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:45,923
Zero chance.
182
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,567
It's a boy!
183
00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:00,305
Victory shall be mine!
184
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:12,716
We now returnto Tony Danza andSylvester Stallone in What?
185
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,966
Peter, we have to talk.
186
00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:30,368
We haven't had sex
since your vasectomy.
187
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:32,137
Yeah, I just don't
feel like it, Lois,
188
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:34,272
seeing as how I'm
not a real man anymore.
189
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:36,775
Honey, it was just
a simple operation.
190
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:39,177
It's no reason to
give up on your sex life.
191
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,713
I don't know, Lois.
I'm just not
feeling it anymore.
192
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,982
Besides, it gives me time
to try new things,
193
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,450
like that time I tried
wearing adult diapers.
194
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:47,852
Hey, Lois. Hey, kids.
195
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,521
Oh, boy, that smells delicious.
196
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,389
You know, I'd love to stay
and eat with you,
197
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:54,692
but I got to go meet
Cleveland, Joe, and Quagmire
down at...
198
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,963
the bar.
So just put my dinner
199
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,831
in the fridge
and I'll heat it up later.
200
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:01,966
Love you.
201
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,671
You, go get me an ice cream.
202
00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:07,772
You, clear the slide.
203
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,118
I'm going down in five minutes.
204
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,676
You! Did you get me
my Cheez Whiz, boy?
205
00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:14,045
You're my boyfriend.
206
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,447
Yes, dear. Of course I am.
207
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:17,449
Now, where's Lloyd
with our Fun Dip?
208
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,485
Good God! Running an empire
is harder than
finding diversity
209
00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:22,687
in the Abercrombie & Fitch
catalog.
210
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,471
Ooh! Ooh! There he is.
There he is. Right there.
Ah, found him.
211
00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:31,129
That was a tricky one.
212
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:33,609
No kidding. He looks weird.
213
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,167
What the deuce is
all the commotion?
214
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:37,968
All right.
Out of my way. Move aside.
215
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,772
What the hell is so
bloody fascinating?
216
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,406
You!
217
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,008
Well, well, well.
218
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,511
If it isn't my
half brother Stewie!
219
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:49,814
Bertram! I haven't
seen you since our
microscopic encounter.
220
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,983
How the deuce
did you get out of
Peter's testicles?
221
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:53,729
He donated sperm.
Gross.
222
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,397
Well, I don't mean
to be a discourteous host,
223
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:56,988
but this is my playground.
224
00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:58,355
I rule this territory.
225
00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:00,892
My, my! What an amusingly
misguided view.
226
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:05,163
Very well, then. You leave me
no choice but to declare war!
227
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:09,434
So be it. I'll do to you
what B.C. does to
comedy on a daily basis.
228
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,535
Hey, why is Juan so happy?
229
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:14,038
I think he finally
figured himself out.
230
00:11:14,106 --> 00:11:17,174
Huh, I guess it takes Juan
to know Juan.
231
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:24,081
Hey, boys. You having
a midnight snack?
232
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,594
Hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
233
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,797
I'm just gonna
grab something, too,
and go back to bed
234
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:29,820
alone again.
235
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,056
Night.
236
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,902
You know, Lois
has gotten kind of fat
237
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,637
since you guys
stopped having sex.
238
00:11:35,661 --> 00:11:39,430
It might be
time to, you know,
have some sex.
239
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:42,078
You know, at first
I didn't want to do it
'cause of the vasectomy.
240
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,469
But now it's just...
I mean, look at her.
241
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,437
She's got elbow cleavage.
242
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:49,474
You know, that little wrinkle
that fat people
get on their elbows
243
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,774
that looks like a schwa?
244
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,821
I mean, you wouldn't have
sex with her, would you?
245
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:54,290
Oh, yeah, I would.
Really?
246
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,314
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I would do everything to her.
247
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:57,759
I don't care
what she looks like.
248
00:11:57,783 --> 00:11:59,217
I would wreck that chick.
249
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,718
Well, you are a trouper.
250
00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,434
Sorry. Fat wife
coming through.
251
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,926
Sorry. Sorry.
Excuse me. Fat wife.
252
00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:09,360
Oh, hold on a sec.
253
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:13,732
All right, bring her through.
254
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:14,966
Peter, stop it.
255
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,268
For God's sake,
you're embarrassing me.
256
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,647
Not as embarrassed as I was
257
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:20,972
when I got that job
entertaining prison inmates.
258
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,340
Do it again, Griffin.
259
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,287
Come on. I just did it,
like, five times.
260
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:25,676
Do it!
261
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,079
♪ My milkshake brings
all the boys to the yard ♪
262
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,281
♪ And they're like
It's better than yours ♪
263
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,228
♪ Damn right
it's better than yours ♪
264
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:35,854
♪ I can teach you
But I have to charge ♪♪
265
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,555
Look, honey,
with all due respect,
266
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:39,190
you've gained
some weight recently.
267
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:40,803
It's 5 pounds at the most.
268
00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:42,626
It's not a big deal.
269
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:45,641
It's a slippery slope, Lois.
You start with 5 pounds
and then one day, boom!
270
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:48,833
You wake up and
you're on The Practice
with 16 rings in your ear.
271
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:51,180
You're one to talk.
Look how fat you are.
272
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:52,536
Lois, men aren't fat.
273
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,338
Only fat women are fat.
274
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:57,542
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go warn the chef
that you've arrived.
275
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,712
He wants fat?
I'll show him fat.
276
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,360
The only reason
I'm eating anyway
is because of him.
277
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:06,050
He won't touch me.
278
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,354
Do you think I'm fat?
279
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:10,766
Only if you think
I'm a serial killer.
280
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,470
What?
Nothing.
281
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,458
Attention, all hands.
282
00:13:14,528 --> 00:13:16,372
We're going to launch
a massive air strike
283
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,840
against Bertram and his army.
284
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:19,564
Behold the armada.
285
00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:24,502
It's quite simple, actually.
286
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,381
You press the smiling duck
to take off,
287
00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:28,772
the cow with the bow
tie to fire weapons,
288
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,842
and the clown face
is just a clown face.
Enjoy it.
289
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:34,211
Now, battle stations, everyone!
290
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:38,716
At my signal, unleash hell!
291
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:54,832
What took you so long?
292
00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,801
What took you so ugly?
293
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,527
Well, now what?
294
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,962
You want to
play 20 questions?
Sure.
295
00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:48,463
Uh, is it a man?
Yes.
296
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:49,598
Is he famous?
Yes.
297
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:50,732
Is he under 40?
No.
298
00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:51,867
Over 40?
Yes.
299
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:52,968
On television?
Yes.
300
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,103
On television now?
No.
301
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:55,470
In the past 20 years?
Yes.
302
00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:57,962
Is it Richard Mulligan?
Yes!
303
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,876
Up until now,
we've been fighting
Bertram on his terms.
304
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,334
Whoa, easy.
Easy, girl. Easy, easy, easy.
305
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,869
But I propose an invasion.
306
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:07,049
We've got to
fight him over there
by the swing set
307
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,251
so we don't have to
fight him here
at the sandbox.
308
00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:10,319
Stewie?
309
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:11,375
What's this?
310
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:15,312
A letter of surrender.
We did it.
311
00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:17,147
Whew! It's a good thing,
too, because
312
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:18,916
I really didn't
have an exit strategy.
313
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:20,350
Yay, Stewie!
314
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,319
Oh, thank you, darling. I...
315
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:23,688
What is this? Makeup?
316
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,256
Why are you wearing makeup?
317
00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:27,458
Chicken pox!
318
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:34,699
Damn you, Bertram.
I thought we called
no biological warfare.
319
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,467
You swore on the seesaw.
320
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,807
Stewie, there you are.
321
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:44,775
Oh, my God. Your face.
322
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:47,045
Oh, sweetie.
You got the chicken pox.
323
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,824
Come on, we got to
get you out of here.
324
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:51,560
No. No, damn you,
I've got to finish
what I've started!
325
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,951
No... My God,
you've put on weight.
326
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:56,653
You're like one of those
Memory Foam mattresses.
327
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,589
Look, there's my face.
328
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:05,663
Here you go, sweetie.
329
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:08,466
A couple of more oatmeal baths
and you'll be all better.
330
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,234
Well, no need to clean up
when I'm done.
331
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,414
You'll probably just
slice a couple
of bananas in here
332
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:14,539
and chow down, huh, porky?
333
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,552
So what happened
with that kid
on the playground?
334
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,753
He won this round, Brian.
335
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,343
But I'm going back tomorrow.
336
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,723
And when I've
carried out my plan,
he won't know what hit him,
337
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:23,659
like that baseball team
that Peter coached.
338
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,283
Well, kids, just when I thought
339
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:27,031
we'd never find
an assistant coach,
340
00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:28,564
I ran into this drifter
hanging out
341
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,432
near the elementary
school playground.
342
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:32,000
He's got a clown costume
in his trunk,
343
00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:33,535
so we know he's good with kids,
344
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,726
and pictures of boys
in their underwear, so
345
00:16:35,794 --> 00:16:37,506
he's probably had
some medical training.
346
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,490
Well, I'm gonna take off
while he fits you
347
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,412
for cups in that
windowless supply shed.
348
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:42,700
See you.
349
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,716
This Friday on TNT,
the world premiere
350
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,085
of Morgan Freemanin The Narrator.
351
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:52,354
Ever since I was a little boy,
352
00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:54,912
people have enjoyed
the sound of my voice.
353
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:57,715
And I figured
you either get busy talking
354
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,684
or you get busy dying.
355
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,764
The work is really quite easy.
356
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:04,755
Why, even right now,
I'm just sitting in a chair
357
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,658
sipping some tea
and reading from a script.
358
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:11,662
The wall is coveredwith something thatresembles egg crates,
359
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:15,466
except they'resoft and spongylike a Twinkie.
360
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,101
Like a Twinkie.
361
00:17:17,169 --> 00:17:20,371
Oh, hey, Hogzilla.
You happen to see
my hot wife Lois around?
362
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:21,872
No, I haven't.
363
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:24,519
Maybe she's out
looking for a man
who can satisfy her.
364
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:26,877
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Do me a favor.
365
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,986
When you go to sleep,
aim your butt the other way.
366
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:30,559
Last night, for God's sake,
you farted.
367
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:31,727
I felt like somebody
was sticking me
368
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,618
with a cigarette lighter
from the car.
369
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,987
You're fat.
Shut up and go to sleep!
370
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,356
Lois, you weigh a ton!
Get off me!
371
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,336
I'm trying, I...
Try harder!
372
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:45,462
Peter, if you just
stop for one second...
Lois, that hurts. Quit it.
373
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,868
Peter, are we having sex?
374
00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:54,104
Let's check.
Just lift up that
fold right there.
375
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,272
Uh, yup.
376
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:01,189
Lois, last night was amazing.
377
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:02,580
It was, wasn't it?
378
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,561
Fat sex
is the hottest sex
we've ever had.
379
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,297
There were so many boobs,
I didn't know whose boobs
I was grabbing,
380
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,753
your boobs or my boobs.
381
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,589
I know. It was amazing.
382
00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:15,092
Much better than
that night you pretended
your penis was Danny Aiello.
383
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:19,196
Oh, that is so interesting,
Danny Aiello.
384
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,798
You've got the best
Spike Lee stories.
385
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:24,268
What's that?
You want to meet my wife?
386
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,636
Peter, stop it.
387
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:26,938
Lois, just say hello.
388
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:29,606
You're embarrassing me
in front of Danny Aiello.
389
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:32,543
Now, come here,
my fat concubine.
390
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,611
Hey, I'm not even hungry.
391
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,825
I want you bigger.
I want you fatter.
392
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,248
It will please me.
393
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,865
With Stewart out of the picture,
394
00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:47,391
this whole playground
is under my control.
395
00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:04,575
I sense something.
396
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:07,311
A presence
I've not felt since...
397
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,447
Stewie, you're alive.
398
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:12,116
Yes, Bertram, I'm alive.
399
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:15,197
And I think you'll find
all your guards
quite incapacitated.
400
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:19,156
You have an annoying habit
of turning up
where you're not welcome.
401
00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:21,303
Well, when I'm done with you,
you're going to hate me more
402
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,438
than the other
vowels hate "Y."
403
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:25,730
If you'll turn to Page 34
of your blue books,
404
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,631
you'll see our projections
for next quarter,
405
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,745
which I can tell are...
Okay, okay.
Yeah, all right.
406
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,713
You know what?
I'm in a meeting.
I'll call you back.
407
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:34,571
Well, well, well.
Look who decided to show up.
408
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,186
So, what are we
talking about here?
Well, before you...
409
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:40,289
Oh, I'm sorry.
F, what's up?
410
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,712
No, no. I can talk.
411
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:42,981
En garde!
412
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:41,305
Any last words?
413
00:20:41,373 --> 00:20:45,009
You wouldn't kill me, would you?
414
00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:47,678
Thanks for helping me
dig this hole,
Mr. Montesante.
415
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,413
Hey, no problem, Stewie.
416
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:52,516
This can be a pain in the ass
when you got to do it
all by yourself.
417
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:56,020
You're telling me.
All right. Go ahead
and drop it in.
418
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,889
Oh, boy.
That's gonna be beautiful
when it reaches adulthood.
419
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:00,557
Yeah. I love plants.
420
00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:02,804
So what
happened with that kid
you were telling me about?
421
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,394
He admitted defeat and ran off.
422
00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:05,663
What a mook!
423
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:12,002
Oh, Peter, I love you so much.
424
00:21:12,071 --> 00:21:14,405
Oh, Lois. I have
no idea if we're doing it
425
00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:16,051
or if that's just
the back of your knee,
426
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:18,475
but either way,
it feels so good.
427
00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:21,711
Oh, Peter,
you're on my arm.
It hurts.
428
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,780
Oh! My chest hurts, too.
429
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:25,249
Oh, my God.
430
00:21:25,318 --> 00:21:27,884
Peter, I think
I'm having a heart attack.
431
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,619
Oh, me, too, sweetie.
Me, too.
432
00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:31,989
No, no, Peter, I'm really
having a heart attack.
433
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:33,590
Oh... Oh, my God!
You're serious?
434
00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:34,836
Oh, we should get you
to the hospital.
435
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:36,160
All right, hold-hold on a sec.
436
00:21:36,228 --> 00:21:38,373
I... All right, almost done.
Almost done.
Peter!
437
00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:40,964
Almost done. Almost done.
Almost done. Okay, let's go.
438
00:21:42,868 --> 00:21:45,169
Well, it was a tough job
removing all that fat
439
00:21:45,238 --> 00:21:46,648
to get to your heart,
Mrs. Griffin.
440
00:21:46,672 --> 00:21:48,283
But you came
through it beautifully.
441
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:51,174
Honey, I'm sorry I tried
to make you into something
you're not.
442
00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:53,711
I love you no matter
what size you are.
443
00:21:53,779 --> 00:21:55,279
Although, I got to admit,
444
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:58,249
I'm gonna miss
eating cereal out of
the dimples on your ass.
445
00:21:58,317 --> 00:21:59,683
Well, Mrs. Griffin,
you rest up
446
00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:01,785
for a few days
and you'll be just fine.
447
00:22:01,854 --> 00:22:03,220
Thank you, Doctor.
448
00:22:03,289 --> 00:22:06,502
I realize now that
eating is not the way
to solve my problems.
449
00:22:06,526 --> 00:22:07,824
You hear that, Meg?
450
00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:11,028
For your information, Mom,
I don't eat to
solve my problems.
451
00:22:11,096 --> 00:22:13,663
I cut myself.
Is that better?
452
00:22:13,732 --> 00:22:16,133
Chris, we all love your hat.
453
00:22:16,202 --> 00:22:17,567
Thanks, Mom.
454
00:22:17,636 --> 00:22:20,570
Hey, Doc, what did you do
with my mom's fat?
455
00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:22,973
Oh, it's right here
in this storage closet.
456
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:25,475
Uh...
457
00:22:25,545 --> 00:22:27,545
It's exactly what it looks like.
34986
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof