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1
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,400
Oh, my god.
2
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,800
Oh, my god.
3
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,000
This is incredible.
4
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:51,800
Argh!
5
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:58,000
Kiss, mmh, kiss Bunny.
6
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,000
Kiss Bunny.
7
00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:10,800
Kiss, kissy kiss,
kissy kissy kissy kiss!
8
00:02:10,835 --> 00:02:13,417
Oh, Bunny.
9
00:02:13,452 --> 00:02:16,000
Mr. President.
10
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,200
Mr. President!
11
00:02:19,235 --> 00:02:19,965
Yes?
12
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,700
Time for business, OK?
Now look - we saved your butt,
13
00:02:23,735 --> 00:02:26,365
so you are gonna fly us
back to the Lexx
14
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:30,400
so we can finally get far away from
your stupid planet, right Kai?
15
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:31,600
In Air Force One?
16
00:02:31,635 --> 00:02:33,565
In whatever!
17
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,865
I don't think Air Force One
goes into outer space.
18
00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:38,800
We would be able to return to the Lexx
on one of your space shuttles.
19
00:02:38,835 --> 00:02:42,800
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Well, I'll just check.
20
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:47,365
General Frootydude here.
21
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,400
Good evening general,
this is the President.
22
00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:52,765
- Having fun, Xev?
- Not yet.
23
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:56,800
We don't seem to have any space
shuttles available just at the moment.
24
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,665
Oh, great.
25
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:01,600
We've been kind of burning through them.
26
00:03:01,635 --> 00:03:03,600
Well that's your problem, pal!
27
00:03:03,635 --> 00:03:04,665
Now look -
28
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:09,500
we saved your butt, so you owe us.
And you are the President of this planet -
29
00:03:09,535 --> 00:03:11,617
so you make it happen.
30
00:03:11,652 --> 00:03:13,665
- Make it happen?
- Yes!
31
00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:16,200
Stan, why are you in such a hurry to leave?
32
00:03:16,235 --> 00:03:18,165
Do I have to answer that question?
33
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,965
- You just don't know how to enjoy yourself.
- Make it happen...?
34
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:24,600
Well, maybe I would Xev if this was
a good planet, but this is a bad planet,
35
00:03:24,635 --> 00:03:26,900
this is a very very bad planet.
36
00:03:26,935 --> 00:03:28,465
It's not all bad.
37
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:33,000
They say they can arrange a flight
from... um, from... from... er...
38
00:03:33,035 --> 00:03:37,500
from Ellis air force base in California
for the day after tomorrow.
39
00:03:37,535 --> 00:03:40,000
Well, what are we supposed
to do until then?
40
00:03:40,035 --> 00:03:42,000
I wanna party.
41
00:03:42,035 --> 00:03:43,617
Well...
42
00:03:43,652 --> 00:03:45,165
not me!
43
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:49,000
I just wanna go someplace nice and
quiet where nothing's gonna happen -
44
00:03:49,035 --> 00:03:50,800
like the middle of a desert.
45
00:03:50,835 --> 00:03:51,865
- Oh!
- What?
46
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,300
You could go to Las Vegas.
47
00:03:53,335 --> 00:03:54,165
What's Las Vegas?
48
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,700
Well, it's in the middle of the desert,
and you can party there.
49
00:03:57,735 --> 00:04:01,400
It's like non-stop fun, 24 hours
a day, 7 days a week -
50
00:04:01,435 --> 00:04:03,300
well, as long as you have money.
51
00:04:03,335 --> 00:04:05,567
I wanna go to Las Vegas!
52
00:04:05,602 --> 00:04:07,765
No, thank you!
Listen!
53
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,765
You just drop us off
beside your space shuttle,
54
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:15,000
and we will just wait there inside
until it's ready to go, OK?
55
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,865
OK.
56
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:20,900
Stan, this might be our last chance
to have any kind of fun on this planet
57
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,300
before we leave it behind forever.
58
00:04:22,335 --> 00:04:25,365
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
59
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:30,300
Oh - and there's lots of cute
professional girls in Las Vegas.
60
00:04:30,335 --> 00:04:32,665
- And boys?
- Mmhmm, and...
61
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:37,700
they really like guys like you Stanley -
as long as you have lots of money.
62
00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:42,765
Well, we don't have any money.
63
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,400
You can have my ATF credit card.
It has a three million dollar limit.
64
00:04:46,435 --> 00:04:48,800
That's enough for a lot of fun, I'm sure.
65
00:04:48,835 --> 00:04:52,800
May we go?
66
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:11,265
Hey, hey.
67
00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:15,300
Hey, I'm back.
It's me, look.
68
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:20,200
- Hey, did you miss me?
- No.
69
00:05:20,235 --> 00:05:21,265
Why not?
70
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:23,100
'Cause you're never gonna
amount to nothing.
71
00:05:23,135 --> 00:05:25,065
- Ah, just you wait.
- What?
72
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:28,800
Just you wait to see
what I brought back from Egypt.
73
00:05:28,835 --> 00:05:32,465
Aces over eights. Dead man's hand.
Remo, come here.
74
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,700
You know why they call aces over
eight's dead man's hand?
75
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:35,165
No.
76
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,100
Because the next time you do something
stupid you're gonna be a dead man -
77
00:05:38,135 --> 00:05:40,017
even if you is my cousin.
You capice?
78
00:05:40,052 --> 00:05:42,076
- I was just thinking...
- What?
79
00:05:42,111 --> 00:05:44,065
- About the family.
- Oh, yeah?
80
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:46,300
Yeah. I mean,
if a business is gonna survive,
81
00:05:46,335 --> 00:05:48,567
it's gotta adapt with the changing times.
82
00:05:48,602 --> 00:05:52,001
- We gotta diversify.
- Diversify into what?
83
00:05:52,036 --> 00:05:55,365
The antiquities market.
Or... particle physics.
84
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,800
That way we don't have to depend
on all that other stuff.
85
00:05:58,835 --> 00:06:00,765
Let me remind you.
86
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,200
We Tuttis are where we are
because of three things -
87
00:06:03,235 --> 00:06:06,400
gambling, prostitution, extortion
and drugs.
88
00:06:06,435 --> 00:06:09,365
It's what the family was built on -
OK?
89
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:13,400
Not this anti-quatty-quiddy stuff
and particle physics.
90
00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:19,800
Starting today, you're gonna learn
the business from the ground up, OK?
91
00:06:19,835 --> 00:06:22,800
From the bottom, Remo -
you capice?
92
00:06:22,835 --> 00:06:26,300
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Now go away.
93
00:06:26,335 --> 00:06:27,800
More drinks.
94
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:36,900
I'm a Cluster lizard, and
Vegas looks so good. Woo!
95
00:06:36,935 --> 00:06:38,100
Where are you from?
96
00:06:38,135 --> 00:06:40,065
I'm from B3K.
97
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,365
Is that in Canada?
98
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:46,300
It's in the Light Zone.
And we want fun, and lots of it!
99
00:06:46,335 --> 00:06:47,565
What type of fun?
100
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:51,900
We don't want any type of fun, we just
want a quiet place to stay for a night,
101
00:06:51,935 --> 00:06:54,565
you know, maybe a place
to stay with... er...
102
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,765
- you know, girls that like guys like me.
- And boys!
103
00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:01,700
Girls who like guys like me.
Guys with lotsa... lotsa money.
104
00:07:01,735 --> 00:07:03,500
Oh, you gotta be going to King Tutt's.
105
00:07:03,535 --> 00:07:04,565
What is King Tutt's?
106
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,400
- It's like a palace.
- A palace, that sounds great.
107
00:07:07,435 --> 00:07:09,865
A number one, all the way.
You know what?
108
00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:14,600
I got a little in with the owners.
We all like family down here.
109
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,665
I can get you a special rate.
110
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:20,100
Does this special rate include
professional women?
111
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:23,600
We in Las Vegas!
Hey, you just ask for the
112
00:07:23,635 --> 00:07:26,965
special room service, yeah,...
113
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,165
- ... special.
- Yeah, special room...
114
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:32,200
That'll be fifty...
three hundred and fifty dollars.
115
00:07:36,100 --> 00:07:40,100
You guys gonna have a
good time tonight.
116
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:45,100
OK, special room service. OK.
117
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,300
Hi.
118
00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:00,700
Hi.
119
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:04,600
Welcome to the King Tutt,
where the only curse is fun.
120
00:08:04,635 --> 00:08:06,800
You guys here for the Vegas Con?
121
00:08:06,835 --> 00:08:07,665
Huh?
122
00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:09,100
Science fiction convention.
123
00:08:09,135 --> 00:08:10,165
No.
124
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,565
But we still get the special rate, right?
125
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:21,100
Yeah, it's four... teen... hundred dollars.
Fourteen hundred dollars for a room.
126
00:08:21,135 --> 00:08:24,400
Oh, there's also a four hundred
dollar room fee.
127
00:08:24,435 --> 00:08:25,565
So where's all the fun?
128
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,100
There's also a nine hundred
dollar water tax -
129
00:08:28,135 --> 00:08:31,600
this is a desert after all,
you know.
130
00:08:31,635 --> 00:08:34,565
Excuse me - where is all the fun?
131
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:38,600
I think we'll just go to the room, Xev.
132
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:46,900
Thank you. Thank you for staying
at the King Tutt. Thank you.
133
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:53,000
Oo!
See you later.
134
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:03,965
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Where are you going?
135
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,500
- I'm going out to look for some fun.
- No. Nobody is going anywhere.
136
00:09:07,535 --> 00:09:09,900
- What?!
- We are staying right here!
137
00:09:09,935 --> 00:09:11,065
Why is that?
138
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:13,900
Because Xev, on this planet
we're a magnet for trouble.
139
00:09:13,935 --> 00:09:14,765
So?
140
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,500
So, nobody is going in
and nobody is coming out
141
00:09:17,535 --> 00:09:20,200
until President Priest says
the shuttle's ready.
142
00:09:20,235 --> 00:09:22,165
That doesn't sound like fun.
143
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:27,000
Fun? They've got room service, OK?
You can get anything you want.
144
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,165
Now in the meantime
we're staying right here,
145
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:36,000
out of sight until the shuttle is ready.
That's the plan and we're sticking to it.
146
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:19,300
Remo Tutti, who is not at his
booth at the front desk -
147
00:10:19,335 --> 00:10:23,300
report to King's office now!
148
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:44,800
Behold King Ramses slave girls
of the Eighteenth dynasty.
149
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:49,700
Stick your numbers out sweetheart.
Just check the numbers folks.
150
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:54,500
The world famous King Tutt luxury
hotel and casino once again invites you
151
00:10:54,535 --> 00:10:58,500
to select the slave girl of your choice.
152
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,400
All you gotta do is pick up your
phone and demand room service -
153
00:11:02,435 --> 00:11:04,365
Egyptian style.
154
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:09,000
And don't forget the number of the slave
girl who you might want, OK?
155
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:13,600
Just check the number of the girl
who makes your whip crack the best.
156
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:18,600
And as always, remember - it's
first served, first come, ha, ha, ha!
157
00:11:18,635 --> 00:11:23,367
King Tutt has spoken.
Put the number... 21.
158
00:11:23,402 --> 00:11:28,065
I didn't know the Earth had love slaves.
159
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:31,265
I'm not sure they are slaves,
in the conventional sense.
160
00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:35,300
No, no, no, no, no, they're like the slaves
in the Celes pleasure transport sense -
161
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:39,000
which is just fine by Stanley H. Tweedle.
162
00:11:39,035 --> 00:11:40,900
- Hello?
- Wha..., wha... Oh.
163
00:11:40,935 --> 00:11:41,965
Hello?
164
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:49,000
Yeah, I want to order room
service - Egyptian style.
165
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:55,865
Er, er... number 24...
166
00:11:55,900 --> 00:12:03,900
and, er... number... er...
number 88.
167
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:08,100
Yeah. OK. Oh, good. OK.
168
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:10,300
Yup!
169
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:14,265
All you have to do is phone, folks.
170
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:18,300
OK, cut, I'm gonna get a
freaking hernia over here.
171
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,800
Remo -
why ain't you at the front desk?
172
00:12:56,835 --> 00:12:58,900
I know King, I was...
173
00:12:58,935 --> 00:12:59,865
What?
174
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:01,565
- I was...
- What?
175
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,065
I was just looking for something.
176
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:05,865
The only thing you should be
looking for are undercover cops.
177
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:09,800
Now get back out there before I whack
you into the middle of next week.
178
00:13:09,835 --> 00:13:11,800
OK, King.
179
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:16,900
This guy...!
Royal flush. Read 'em and weep.
180
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:27,100
You, Stanley Tweedle,
are an Egyptian love god.
181
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,965
Aw, you guys,
you don't know how to have fun!
182
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:39,200
You don't know how to take a situation,
turn it around, make it work for you.
183
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,300
- What are we supposed to do?
- What do you mean?
184
00:13:41,335 --> 00:13:43,165
Kai and myself?
185
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,750
That's up to you guys.
186
00:13:44,785 --> 00:13:46,265
When those girls get here?
187
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:52,300
Hmm, oh, I don't know, you could,
er... join in.
188
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,600
- I think I prefer to have my own fun.
- Oh,...
189
00:13:58,635 --> 00:14:00,600
suit yourself.
190
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:07,000
And in the other corner, our
reigning champeen and...
191
00:14:07,035 --> 00:14:09,365
Is that a woman, or a man?
192
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,965
- It is a woman.
- The Queen of Sheba!
193
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,100
- She sure has a lot of muscles.
- Right now the Queen of Sheba
194
00:14:14,135 --> 00:14:17,567
is five to two,
so if you wanna make a little cash
195
00:14:17,602 --> 00:14:21,000
just pick up your in-house phone
and place your bets.
196
00:14:21,035 --> 00:14:26,265
Yowsa, yowsa, yowsa!
Get in the cage.
197
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,665
- What are they doing?
- In the damn cage!
198
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:32,700
I believe gamblers are betting
on the outcome of the contest.
199
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,800
What was that for?!
200
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,065
Hi.
201
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:46,200
What's your game, mister?
202
00:15:46,235 --> 00:15:48,265
I was a Divine Assassin.
203
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:51,065
Oo, I bet you like it straight, no talk.
204
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:54,500
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
girls, girls, girls, you got it all wrong.
205
00:15:54,535 --> 00:15:57,600
See, I'm the one
who ordered room service -
206
00:15:57,635 --> 00:15:59,065
Stanley Tweedle.
207
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:02,700
I'm captain of the Lexx, the most
powerful destructive force in the
208
00:16:02,735 --> 00:16:03,565
two universes.
209
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,400
Well that's great captain,
but it's gonna cost you extra.
210
00:16:06,435 --> 00:16:08,167
- Hmm?
- We were told
211
00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:09,801
there was just one of you.
212
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,365
It costs extra for three.
213
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:15,100
Oh, no, no, no, there's
just the one of me, just me.
214
00:16:15,135 --> 00:16:19,100
See, Kai here is dead -
from the neck down.
215
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:22,900
- Oh, I see.
- Yeah. And Xev was just leaving.
216
00:16:22,935 --> 00:16:25,065
Oh, I was?
I thought you said...
217
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:29,100
Aw, Xev, come on - just go
have yourself some fun, OK?
218
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:30,465
Why?
219
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:31,900
Just promise not to leave the hotel.
220
00:16:31,935 --> 00:16:34,067
- Why?
- Xev!
221
00:16:34,102 --> 00:16:36,165
Just promise, OK?
222
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:40,200
- Thanks for your concern. Bye!
- Just - yeah.
223
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,965
- So, you in town for the Vegas Con?
- No.
224
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:59,100
Kai, er... I wonder, would you
mind doing me a favour?
225
00:16:59,135 --> 00:16:59,665
What?
226
00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:03,700
Er... would you mind checking
out the place for a while?
227
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:07,000
Check out, say, the hallways,
see if they're all the same?
228
00:17:07,035 --> 00:17:08,665
Maybe some might be different.
229
00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:12,300
Are you sure you do not want
me here, to protect you?
230
00:17:12,335 --> 00:17:18,117
Oh, no. I think if anybody's
going to need protection,
231
00:17:18,152 --> 00:17:23,900
it's gonna be number 88 and
number 24. Am I right girls?
232
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,965
OK, let's see it.
233
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,700
Oh, you wanna see it right away?
OK.
234
00:17:41,735 --> 00:17:45,465
No, business before pleasure.
235
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:48,300
Like, duh -
what planet are you from?
236
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:50,000
Ostral B, why?
237
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:55,000
Oh, OK, no problem.
238
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,465
How do you like it mister?
239
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:29,500
Oh, I like it any which way at all -
240
00:18:29,535 --> 00:18:31,165
just as long as you...
241
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:37,400
take your time,
and do it fine - fine, fine, fine.
242
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:42,400
Stanley the stunner
makes love like no other.
243
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:25,465
Oo, that's gotta smart.
244
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:31,600
The winner, and still reigning champeen
of the fighters, King Tutt hotel -
245
00:19:31,635 --> 00:19:35,600
the Queen of Sheba!
246
00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:37,400
How's the wing honey?
Put a little ice on it.
247
00:19:37,435 --> 00:19:39,065
Get outta here
and don't gimme any dirty looks.
248
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:42,900
For those of youse who put your
money down on the Queen,
249
00:19:42,935 --> 00:19:46,700
simply drop by the cashier's
desk to pick up your money.
250
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,450
For the others,
who bet the other way, well hey -
251
00:19:50,485 --> 00:19:53,500
there's another bout
coming right up shortly.
252
00:19:53,535 --> 00:19:57,900
Yowsa, yow... yowsa!
253
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:01,465
I wanna try.
I wanna fight - her.
254
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:04,200
- What's your name, sweetheart?
- Xev, Xev of B3K.
255
00:20:04,235 --> 00:20:07,600
B3K? You know the rules?
256
00:20:07,635 --> 00:20:08,165
No.
257
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:11,400
Doesn't matter, there aren't
any rules - no biting!
258
00:20:11,435 --> 00:20:12,565
No biting?
259
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,900
Ah, it's just a guideline.
You ready?
260
00:20:14,935 --> 00:20:15,965
Guess so.
261
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:20,600
And now ladies and gentlemen,
all the way from...
262
00:20:20,635 --> 00:20:24,265
B3K,
which is close to Cucamonga,
263
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:30,000
we have our newest challenger -
the one, the only - Xev!
264
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,400
- King, who's the new talent?
- So lets open the betting...
265
00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:38,100
- How should I know?
- eight to one for the Queen.
266
00:20:38,135 --> 00:20:40,465
Just as long as the odds
keep going north,
267
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:43,600
- and she plays ball, right?
- Yowsa, yowsa, yowsa.
268
00:20:43,635 --> 00:20:47,600
Two pair. Aces high.
The King wins again.
269
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:09,500
Hey, what the hell is this,
a dance?
270
00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:12,100
Come on, do something.
Rattle the cage!
271
00:21:12,135 --> 00:21:13,965
OK, let's fight.
272
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,000
Yeah, novel idea, fight.
273
00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:39,065
Drago.
274
00:21:39,100 --> 00:21:43,100
Look, I'm just a little out of
practice, OK? And you girls -
275
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,100
you're really not making it
happen for me.
276
00:21:45,135 --> 00:21:47,465
- It happens to men your age.
- Yeah.
277
00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:50,600
It's all right tiger. We'll just be on
our way then. Nice meeting you.
278
00:21:50,635 --> 00:21:52,165
No, no, no, don't go!
279
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,665
- Why not?
- Look, just because -
280
00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:57,900
captain Stan is having a little trouble
getting the rocket off the launch pad,
281
00:21:57,935 --> 00:21:59,700
does not mean he's going
to abort the mission.
282
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:00,465
It doesn't?
283
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:03,500
No, it just means that you girls
are going to have to work
284
00:22:03,535 --> 00:22:06,165
a little bit harder.
285
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,000
What did you have in mind, captain?
286
00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:09,465
Well,
287
00:22:09,500 --> 00:22:14,200
I think the old rocket may need
a little special treatment,
288
00:22:14,235 --> 00:22:16,765
I'm sure you girls can deliver.
289
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:20,900
Don't miss the mummy brunch,
in the pharaoh's dining room.
290
00:22:20,935 --> 00:22:23,900
That's the mummy brunch.
291
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:26,665
So...
292
00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:32,200
what are you gonna do for
captain Stan, the stud man?
293
00:22:32,235 --> 00:22:37,700
Well, we want you to lie back
and close your eyes.
294
00:22:37,735 --> 00:22:40,700
Yeah, closing the eyes,
the eyes are closed.
295
00:22:40,735 --> 00:22:42,065
And wait.
296
00:22:42,100 --> 00:22:44,765
Yes, wait for what?
297
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:48,665
Wait... for... the tooth fairy.
298
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:55,400
Oh, yeah, the tooth fairy!
What's a tooth fairy?
299
00:22:55,435 --> 00:22:57,165
- You don't know?
- No.
300
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:01,200
Well, maybe you'll figure it out
by the time the music ends.
301
00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:06,300
Keep your eyes closed - tightly.
302
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,100
No peeking.
303
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,300
Oo, oh, oh, oh,
304
00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:20,465
Have you had enough?
305
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:25,300
Enough? Hey, you got a pin baby,
you don't get more enough than that.
306
00:23:25,335 --> 00:23:27,165
Did I win?
307
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,465
You not only won -
darling, you were great.
308
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:33,600
Lemme ask you a question -
would you like a new outfit?
309
00:23:33,635 --> 00:23:34,565
Sure.
310
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,900
Come on into my office.
I think I got a little number
311
00:23:37,935 --> 00:23:39,665
that's gonna fit you just perfectly.
312
00:23:39,700 --> 00:23:44,000
You got a wonderful future ahead of
you sweetheart. Mine's all used up.
313
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:50,900
Remo!
314
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,500
What - what?
315
00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:02,900
Let me ask you something - can
either of you bubble heads read?
316
00:24:02,935 --> 00:24:05,165
Yeah, we read good, Remo.
317
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,900
Oh, really?
Well why don't you do me a favour
318
00:24:07,935 --> 00:24:11,817
and tell me what it says right there.
319
00:24:11,852 --> 00:24:15,700
It says:
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and
320
00:24:15,735 --> 00:24:16,865
Firearms!
321
00:24:16,900 --> 00:24:20,900
Oh, you're smart.
Now, you ever hear of the ATF?
322
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:23,965
- No.
- No.
323
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,200
The ATF is a government agency.
324
00:24:26,235 --> 00:24:28,267
And that's, er, bad?
325
00:24:28,302 --> 00:24:30,265
Oh yes, that's bad.
326
00:24:30,300 --> 00:24:33,500
It means that your boyfriend
up there in the Ramses suite
327
00:24:33,535 --> 00:24:35,900
is a government agent.
328
00:24:35,935 --> 00:24:36,965
Oh.
329
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:42,500
Oh. So, it's back to working in the
coffee shop for youse girls. Bye bye.
330
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,265
There's an ATF agent
actually in the hotel.
331
00:24:53,300 --> 00:24:55,965
You're telling me that there's an
ATF agent actually in the hotel?
332
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,700
Yeah, I don't know how he got in the
hotel, but he's a Federal agent for sure.
333
00:24:59,735 --> 00:25:00,465
How sure?
334
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:03,365
Well, he's got an ATF credit card.
So...
335
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:07,900
what do you want me to do to this
Federal agent, this Stanley Tweedle?
336
00:25:07,935 --> 00:25:10,400
- I want you to man the reception desk.
- Oh, King.
337
00:25:10,435 --> 00:25:13,000
- Capice?
- Capice.
338
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,465
Frankie, Joey,
339
00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:19,665
I want you to whack this guy.
340
00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:23,700
- I want you to whack him till he's dead.
- Consider it done.
341
00:25:43,300 --> 00:25:47,300
Oh, yeah, come on.
Sink your teeth into my meat and tie.
342
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:54,465
Oh, I like the sound of that,
oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
343
00:25:54,500 --> 00:25:57,800
Can I open my eyes now?
OK, I won't, I won't, I won't!
344
00:25:57,835 --> 00:26:00,800
So what does a tooth fairy do?
345
00:26:03,700 --> 00:26:07,700
Oh, the nipples!
Oh, yes, that's good, that's good.
346
00:26:11,900 --> 00:26:15,900
Do me, do me, do me...
347
00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:07,500
Wait!
348
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:22,000
What the hell are you doing with
the bathrobe? Come on, take it off,
349
00:27:22,035 --> 00:27:24,365
you modest all of a sudden?
350
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,400
Hey, hey, snake head,
rattle your cage.
351
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,065
Shut up!
352
00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:34,100
Ladies and gentlemen,
for your gaming pleasure
353
00:27:34,135 --> 00:27:38,417
the King Tutt hotel
is proud to present
354
00:27:38,452 --> 00:27:42,700
the queen of ancient Egypt...
Cleopatra!
355
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:52,500
And for her challenger -
fresh from a tour of duty
356
00:27:52,535 --> 00:27:57,400
on the bad side of Hades -
the truly terrible Medusa!
357
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:02,965
She reminds me of a singer from
the Fifties, I forget her name -
358
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,950
lovely woman though. OK, folks,
this is a straight-up pick 'em, folks.
359
00:28:06,985 --> 00:28:10,900
You just dial the number on the screen
and make yourself some dough.
360
00:28:11,300 --> 00:28:13,600
Who do you like?
Who do you like?
361
00:28:24,900 --> 00:28:27,400
As soon as this chick takes a dive
we're gonna make a bundle.
362
00:28:27,435 --> 00:28:29,000
Oh, yeah.
363
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,665
- This is fun!
- Yeah, I can tell it's fun.
364
00:28:38,700 --> 00:28:41,400
Take off the wig, will you sweetheart?
Gimme the snakes over here.
365
00:28:41,435 --> 00:28:43,467
You're going to Russia.
366
00:28:43,502 --> 00:28:45,465
I hope you get a fur robe.
367
00:28:45,500 --> 00:28:48,700
Cleopatra's next challenge,
direct from Stalingrad,
368
00:28:48,735 --> 00:28:52,700
the totally fabulous
Catreen the Great!
369
00:28:56,300 --> 00:28:57,465
Hey King,
370
00:28:57,500 --> 00:29:01,150
if Cleo wins again we're gonna
go through the roof with the odds.
371
00:29:01,185 --> 00:29:04,800
All we have to do is convince her
to take a dive and we hit big time.
372
00:29:04,835 --> 00:29:07,000
I love you. Ciao.
373
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:15,900
Hello?
374
00:29:18,300 --> 00:29:20,665
King,
375
00:29:20,700 --> 00:29:22,365
it's Frankie and Joey.
376
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,400
What about Frankie and Joey?
377
00:29:25,435 --> 00:29:28,400
Someone... they got whacked.
378
00:29:29,700 --> 00:29:32,900
- They're dead.
- Was it this Tweedle?
379
00:29:32,935 --> 00:29:35,265
I don't know.
380
00:29:35,300 --> 00:29:37,900
Let me handle it.
Let me whack Tweedle.
381
00:29:37,935 --> 00:29:38,565
No.
382
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,800
Come on, give me a chance. One
chance to make you proud of me.
383
00:29:41,835 --> 00:29:42,865
Forget it, Remo.
384
00:29:42,900 --> 00:29:45,750
Joey was my cousin on my
mother's side once removed.
385
00:29:45,785 --> 00:29:48,600
And Frankie, he was Jimmy's
brother-in-law's nephew.
386
00:29:48,635 --> 00:29:51,400
It's family!
I need this vendetta.
387
00:29:51,435 --> 00:29:52,965
No.
388
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,365
We're gonna hire a professional.
389
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,200
Let me bring honour to the Tutti name.
390
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,665
Remo,
391
00:30:03,700 --> 00:30:05,900
you know this Tweedle character?
392
00:30:07,700 --> 00:30:13,400
You make sure he has a closed
casket funeral. Capice?
393
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:19,800
Capice.
394
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:27,700
Hey, there's still time to get your
bets down. Yowsa, yowsa.
395
00:30:27,735 --> 00:30:30,200
Cleopatra coming at ya.
396
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,265
Who's next?
397
00:30:45,300 --> 00:30:49,300
Hey, King, remember that guy,
what the hell was his name?
398
00:30:49,700 --> 00:30:52,665
Grindypants, what?
Or..., Organ...?
399
00:30:52,700 --> 00:30:55,950
Organgrinder, yeah, that's it,
Organgrinder, remember him?
400
00:30:55,985 --> 00:30:59,165
Yeah, he killed the other guy.
I think he's out of prison now.
401
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:06,100
See if he can make it here tonight,
all right? Cleopatra's going bye bye.
402
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:11,200
Oh, baby, you were beautiful,
beautiful.
403
00:31:24,100 --> 00:31:26,200
- Who is it?
- Er,... flowers, sir.
404
00:31:26,235 --> 00:31:27,965
Compliments of the management.
405
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:32,000
I hate flowers and I hate the
management, so just go away.
406
00:31:34,700 --> 00:31:38,265
- Who is it?!
- Er,... room service.
407
00:31:38,300 --> 00:31:41,500
No way, pal - I already ordered
room service once and it was less
408
00:31:41,535 --> 00:31:43,865
than satisfactory I can tell ya!
409
00:31:43,900 --> 00:31:47,000
Just go away,
I got a good mind to complain.
410
00:31:51,700 --> 00:31:53,200
Hello?
411
00:31:56,100 --> 00:31:57,600
Hello?
412
00:32:02,500 --> 00:32:05,000
Kai, where are you?!
413
00:32:40,900 --> 00:32:43,600
Oh, Grinder, Grinder, come over
here. Good to see you baby,
414
00:32:43,635 --> 00:32:45,165
glad you could make it.
You're looking buff.
415
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:49,200
Put the wig on and take
her out of her misery, OK?
416
00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:55,165
You've seen Cleopatra whack
the Queen of Sheba with ease.
417
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:59,300
Hey, she took out Medusa with
one blow. And Catherine the Great -
418
00:32:59,335 --> 00:33:03,065
what she last, five seconds
with her? The question is now,
419
00:33:03,100 --> 00:33:10,200
can Cleopatra handle the recently
paroled Alexander of Macedonia?
420
00:33:10,235 --> 00:33:13,200
Right now the smart money
is on Cleo, and if you're smart
421
00:33:13,235 --> 00:33:16,600
you'll get your bets in right now.
422
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,265
How much money we got on Cleo?
423
00:33:22,300 --> 00:33:24,465
- Two million, baby.
- Oh, two million,
424
00:33:24,500 --> 00:33:29,000
we're gonna take a sea cruise!
I'll let you oil my back, baby.
425
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,300
Let me talk to Louis - to Louis!
426
00:33:38,700 --> 00:33:43,800
Yeah, capice, capice to you, too.
Of course she's gonna take a dive,
427
00:33:43,835 --> 00:33:47,800
yeah, yeah, yeah, badda bing,
badda boom, don't worry about it.
428
00:34:06,700 --> 00:34:10,700
Cleo? Cleo, could you come
over here for a minute please?
429
00:34:10,900 --> 00:34:11,665
Sure.
430
00:34:11,700 --> 00:34:13,750
I wanna, I wanna talk to you
just for a second, honey.
431
00:34:13,785 --> 00:34:15,765
You know, you're doing great
sweetheart, you really are,
432
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:19,800
we made a bundle on you tonight.
But hey, nothing goes on forever,
433
00:34:19,835 --> 00:34:21,200
you know what I mean?
You get me?
434
00:34:21,235 --> 00:34:22,065
Er... no.
435
00:34:22,100 --> 00:34:24,100
I mean, sometimes
you gotta go down.
436
00:34:24,135 --> 00:34:25,200
What do you mean, go down?
437
00:34:25,235 --> 00:34:26,565
I mean gotta lose.
438
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,265
I don't wanna lose, I like winning!
439
00:34:28,300 --> 00:34:32,100
You know, nobody wants to...
lose, but - you know, you gotta
440
00:34:32,135 --> 00:34:35,300
swallow your pride,
you gotta take a dive, OK?
441
00:34:35,335 --> 00:34:37,600
Do you want me to lose,
on purpose?
442
00:34:37,635 --> 00:34:39,500
In a nutshell, yeah.
443
00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:42,565
- Why?
- Why?
444
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,000
Because freaking King Tutti
said so, that's why.
445
00:34:45,035 --> 00:34:46,165
I don't want to.
446
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:47,700
- Oh, yes you do.
- No, I don't.
447
00:34:47,735 --> 00:34:49,165
- Oh, yes you do.
- No!
448
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,700
Oh, yes you do,
unless you wanna get whacked.
449
00:34:51,735 --> 00:34:53,665
- What do you mean, whacked?
- Whacked?
450
00:34:53,700 --> 00:34:57,300
I take a gun, I put a bullet in it,
and put a hole in your freaking head.
451
00:34:57,335 --> 00:34:59,700
- Now you capice?
- I'll think about it.
452
00:34:59,735 --> 00:35:01,365
Yeah, well, you better think quick,
453
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,400
because nobody thinks good
with a hole in the head.
454
00:35:04,435 --> 00:35:05,200
Grrr.
455
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,065
What the hell is this?
456
00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:40,000
Come on, come on, rattle your
cage! Hey, hey, watch yourself,
457
00:35:40,035 --> 00:35:41,900
come on, come on, come on.
458
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:16,700
Hi, tooth fairy!
459
00:36:39,100 --> 00:36:40,965
Tutti's gonna kill me!
460
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:45,000
I told her take a dive, badda bing,
badda boom, forget about it!
461
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:54,800
Our new champeen - Cleopatra.
462
00:36:58,500 --> 00:37:01,150
What is it with this broad?
463
00:37:01,185 --> 00:37:03,800
I'm sorry. I tried to lose.
464
00:37:29,900 --> 00:37:32,165
Oh, I want this bitch.
465
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:36,200
I want this bitch in the ground.
466
00:37:57,900 --> 00:38:01,900
Hey! Hey, you!
What are you, kitchen staff?
467
00:38:03,100 --> 00:38:05,200
Hey, I want you to do something
for me.
468
00:38:05,235 --> 00:38:07,565
There's this bitch downstairs.
469
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:11,600
I want you to whack her.
I want you to whack her for me.
470
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,000
Oh, you ain't family.
471
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:30,800
No, no, - no, no, no, no.
472
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,900
Oh, Kai!
Boy, am I glad to see you.
473
00:38:36,935 --> 00:38:37,665
Why?
474
00:38:37,700 --> 00:38:39,165
Why? Protection!
475
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:41,500
There's a very tall very ugly
somebody in this hotel
476
00:38:41,535 --> 00:38:42,865
and he is trying to kill everybody.
477
00:38:42,900 --> 00:38:45,600
- A former somebody.
- What do you mean?
478
00:38:45,635 --> 00:38:48,265
I came across an empty
coffin in this hotel.
479
00:38:48,300 --> 00:38:52,300
It belongs to a philosopher-poet
I assassinated 4000 years ago.
480
00:38:52,700 --> 00:38:55,600
Heretics preserved his body and
part of his brain in protective fluid
481
00:38:55,635 --> 00:38:58,400
that allows him for short
periods to act as a sort of
482
00:38:58,435 --> 00:39:00,500
primitive killing machine.
483
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:02,565
Primitive?
Hey, well, that sounds good.
484
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:04,500
That means you can just do
your Divine Assassin brace thing
485
00:39:04,535 --> 00:39:05,400
on him, right?
486
00:39:05,435 --> 00:39:05,965
No.
487
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,165
- No?
- He is unkillable.
488
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:08,800
Unkillable?
What are we gonna do now?
489
00:39:08,835 --> 00:39:11,117
- We can wait.
- For what?
490
00:39:11,152 --> 00:39:13,365
For him to run out of fluid.
491
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:17,400
It is not long-lasting,
and he must constantly replenish it.
492
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:21,065
This inscription is a warning
against opening the coffin.
493
00:39:21,100 --> 00:39:23,650
He must have been buried on
this planet thousands of years ago
494
00:39:23,685 --> 00:39:26,200
for safekeeping by people who
intended to return for him -
495
00:39:26,235 --> 00:39:28,000
but never did.
496
00:39:31,900 --> 00:39:35,365
Quick Kai, that's Xev!
497
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:38,850
Hey, what the hell are ya doing
there, Tiny?
498
00:39:38,885 --> 00:39:42,300
That's not Tiny, Ignaz.
That's not the doorman.
499
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:46,800
This is a security camera,
watch yourself, you're on camera.
500
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,165
That was a close one.
501
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,700
You got something on your teeth,
right there.
502
00:39:54,700 --> 00:39:56,800
Badda bing!
503
00:40:21,300 --> 00:40:23,465
Drago!
504
00:40:23,500 --> 00:40:25,165
I have killed mothers with their babies.
505
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:28,000
I have killed proud young warriors
and revolutionaries.
506
00:40:28,035 --> 00:40:29,765
- The coffin Xev, quick.
- Yes.
507
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:32,065
The fluid that keeps him going
is in it.
508
00:40:32,100 --> 00:40:34,465
I have killed the pedantic,
the pseudo-intellectual
509
00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:38,500
and on one occasion, a very
self-important philosopher-poet.
510
00:40:55,500 --> 00:40:57,500
Running low on fuel, Drago?
511
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:14,400
Do you not see the irony, Drago?
512
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:19,900
Once you were a mindless
philosopher-poet,
513
00:41:19,935 --> 00:41:22,165
now you are a mindless killer.
514
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:26,200
It is an irony
that even you should appreciate.
515
00:41:42,900 --> 00:41:50,600
Crying night, crying night.
The ears of a child. A cockatoo?
516
00:41:50,635 --> 00:41:54,365
The thunder cracks.
517
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,400
Come on Xev, we gotta hide it.
I think he saw us.
518
00:41:56,435 --> 00:42:04,400
Despair! Brutal whispers,
weeping, weeping,
519
00:42:04,700 --> 00:42:08,700
weeping, weeping.
520
00:42:12,900 --> 00:42:16,900
I hope I am doing justice
to your work, Drago.
521
00:42:20,500 --> 00:42:23,200
The bloated sun,
522
00:42:24,700 --> 00:42:29,900
a single grape,
they silently mock our -
523
00:42:29,935 --> 00:42:32,900
Emp-ti-ness.
524
00:42:34,100 --> 00:42:38,100
Ha, ha, his fluid finally ran out.
525
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:43,900
So, are you ready to go
to the space shuttle now?
526
00:42:43,935 --> 00:42:46,365
Oh, yeah, right now.
527
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:50,300
That's too bad in a way. I wanted
to hear the rest of the poem.
528
00:42:50,335 --> 00:42:52,800
Emptiness - er,
a, b, c, d, e, f - femptiness,
529
00:42:52,835 --> 00:42:56,800
- gemptiness.
- Oh, let's just go!
530
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:08,800
Brutal whispers,
weeping, weeping.
531
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:12,150
The bloated sun,
532
00:43:12,185 --> 00:43:14,265
a single grape,
533
00:43:14,300 --> 00:43:18,265
that silently mocks our emptiness.
534
00:43:18,300 --> 00:43:21,600
Hopefully no-one will find
this for a very long time.
535
00:43:21,635 --> 00:43:22,965
What if someone does?
536
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:27,000
It's OK, Xev, it's a Type 13 planet.
It doesn't have much time anyway.
537
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:36,300
Emptiness, pemptiness,
temptiness, exemptiness -
538
00:43:41,500 --> 00:43:45,500
Subtitles based on transcripts
found on The Memory Catacombs
42008
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